Original subtitles

(soft music)

(phone beeps)

- Oh, hi.

I was just wondering whether I'd be able to change

the booking for tomorrow night?

There's going to be five of us dining, not six.

Oh, and can we have a couple of bottles of fizz

on the table when we arrive?

It's my hen do.

I can't promise it will be sober, but it will be classy.

(laughing) Okay, bye.

(knocking)

- Boohoo, look, willie's on the end.

(sassy music)

* If you like Pina coladas and getting caught in the rain *

* If you're not into yoga

- What's that plan, are we meeting others

at the camp site?

- It's a glamp site guys, we're glamping, (laughing).

And yes, we are picking up my pal, Claire, from the airport.

She is such a laugh.

Oh, we're in the woodwind section in swing band together.

Gosh, that kid number sure on her.

- That's it, one school friend?

- No, hardly, my Auntie Dawn's coming.

- Your mum didn't cancel because of us, did she?

- No, absolutely not.

No, she's not really a Hen party coming lady.

- Yeah, not everybody's as laid back as mom

about playing named that sex position.

- Laid back, (laughing)

- Guys, fid you get the GoPro link I sent you for Go Ape?

The aerial runway looks insane in the membrane (laughing)

- Cath, man, I'm going to make sure you have so much fun

in your Hen do, you're going to want to die.

- Oh, that's kind, but I've got this guys.

I am excellent at organized fun, (laughing).

Well, organizing.

- Dickie mix, anyone?

- Oh.

* Yes I like Pina coladas

* And getting caught in the rain *

* I'm not much into health food *

- Oh my god, there she is.

- Wow, god she look posh, don't she?

- Wow,

(girls cheering)

Hi.

- Hello there,

- Guys, you don't mind if I sit up front, do you?

I know, I get my quite car sick

unless it's a limo or like jet ski or something?

(laughing)

No, but seriously, I have to sit in the front.

- Yeah.

(laughing)

- Here, why did they call it a jet ski

and not a boatorcycle?

- Great question.

- Claire, this is my sister, Kat and her mum, Marilyn.

- Hi, guys. sorry, I can't reach.

(smooches)

(laughing)

So who's coming?

Lucy, Minnie and Ellie?

- Sadly, they couldn't come.

I don't actually have a number for Lucy anymore.

- Okay, cool.

I'm just going to set up a WhatsApp group quickly.

- Oh,

Kathy says you've come all the way from Dubai for this hen.

- Yeah, kind of.

I came back to renew my visa and flights were cheaper

if I flew back on Monday, so, here I am.

(upbeat music)

OC, Millie wants to know if the Marcus you're marrying

is the same Marcus who used to sniff his watch strap

in history? - No, no, no.

Okay, it's another Marcus.

My Marcus is a doctor and he wears

a Withings Weather striker, so, (laughing).

- We thought OC was going to be a lesbian

because she didn't kiss anyone til the leavers ball.

And then she got off with the head a maths.

- Okay, right, nice try.

There was nothing sordid about it.

We didn't get off.

It's just one goodbye, slow dance

after a great year of maths.

- Yeah.

Why do you call her OC?

- Oh, back in the day, there were two Catherines

in our class, so we call, OC here, other Cathy.

And we call our friend PC as it Pretty Cathy.

- I thought PC stood for Primary Cathy.

- Sure, it had multiple meetings.

- Huh?

(upbeat music)

So here we are at the campsite.

Ah that looks like Auntie Dawn's car.

There, ease in here.

- Bloody hell, what time do you call this?

(laughing) - I'm so sorry, we're late.

Sorry, I didn't factor in Cat's two extra loo stops.

- Oh dear.

Cat and oh, must be Marilyn.

Yeah, we met briefly at Colin's funeral.

You're our Auntie Dawn?

- Yeah.

- Oh and this is my friend, Claire.

We were at St. Catherine's together.

- Hi, double kiss, pretty exotic.

(laughing)

oh right, right.

Oh, who brought this naughty.

- Actually, do you know what why don't we leave that

in the car, because it's probably not waiting for it

in the tent

- You've got to be kidding.

It's like a bloody Marquis.

Keep thinking I'm backing girl guides,

Oggie, oggie, oggie, oy oy oy!

* On top of old smoky, all covered in cheese *

- Is she always this spastic?

- No, this is her warming up.

- Oh hi.

- Someone's a keenie beanie, (laughing)

Come on, let's unload the car.

- All right.

- Give me something heavy,

bunk up next to me and be like if you like Marilyn.

- Oh, ta.

I haven't shared it back with anyone since Colin died.

- Oh, poor you, apart from the fact that he cheated

on my sister for three decades and didn't leave a will.

I always thought he was top notch.

- I dream about him all the time.

He always appears in a different forms.

He was a bulldog last night

and Simon Cowell the night before.

He's always come in to tell me some something

but I wake up before he speaks.

- I had a dream once that I was in the queue at HMV.

I often think about that dream.

What should I buy?

What does it mean?

Why weren't there more cashiers?

- Huh?

(hammering)

- Ah, right?

That's the Welly rack done.

Oh God, this is great.

(inhaling)

I can really taste how clean the air is, can't you.

So crisp.

- Crisp, I'll have some crisps.

- Do you know what?

I have a nagging feeling I might have pulled off

the perfect hen do.

(girls cheering)

- To the wildest hens in the forest.

(girls cheering)

- Right, if you'll excuse me,

that recycling station isn't going to fashion itself.

- I'm just fascinated by the logistics.

I mean, was he, did he stay over often?

- Mm,

It was more of an afternoon delight thing.

Usually about 4:30.

I only have to hear the theme tune to A Place in the Sun

and I'm good to go.

- I'm more of a post bath person myself,

ideally after a light supper, a broth or a toasty,

(laughing)

- Right?

There are two separate bags, one for recycling

and one for general waste, round the back of the tent.

- What's the sitch with the phone reception?

- Oh, there isn't any,

but I do have some onsite walkie talkies.

I'm not going to insist on radio etiquette

but if you can say over when you're done,

it just really helps.

- Love it, over, (laughing).

- Um also, I got some name badges, a bit of an icebreaker.

Kat, do you want to be the scribe?

And itinerary.

- Oh.

- There we go.

- Oh there's an I in it.

- Oh, there you go, Claire, with an I from Dubai.

- So in half an hour, we'll go down to the paddock

for the barbecue.

Oh, and remember to bring your cameras guys.

Cause it's going to be a fantastic sunset.

- I'll be staying in a tent.

My condition.

- Do you want us to bring you back

something from the barbecue, Love?

- No you're all right, I ever did it on the dick and mix.

- Okay, I'm going to go to the lav block

and fill up the water bag.

And then we will mosey on down to dinner.

God I love me some camping, (laughing)

- In Dubai, the hotels do this thing

called bottomless brunch,

where you can get like every food you can imagine

- Oh do they do Pop Tarts?

- No, but they do have a waffle making station.

- Do they do wagon wheels?

- No, but there's like fresh watermelons.

- Ah do they do Papa ramis?

- No. - Do they do baby bowls?

- No.

Well, yeah actually, they do do baby bowls.

And all the Prosecco you can physically drink.

All we do is like, eat and booze and sunbathe,

It's amazing.

- It's not as fun as swing band though, eh?

(laughing) - We're you in Swing band?

- You know, I was.

I played the tenor sax.

I did the solo in the Harvard shuffle.

- Oh, hmm.

- I'm just going to get a cucumber.

- Disgusting.

- Oh do you not want any?

- [Claire] No, I don't do that stuff.

- [Cathy] Okay.

- [Claire] No I'm vegan, sort of.

- [Cathy] Oh you should have told me.

(girls cheering)

- That's not enough for your dinner, Claire.

Want a bit of my chicken?

I've got too much chicken, (laughing).

Who else wants a bit of my chicken?

Hmm, Cathy?

- Oh no thanks.

- Cat?

- No. - Want a bit of my chicken?

Who wants chicken, go on, anybody?

Chicken, come on.

No?

No, okay, sure, chicken, hmm?

Okay, more for me.

(girls cheering)

- I can't believe I hit her. Oh my god, shit, I'm so sorry.

Did I hit you?

- Yeah, but I'm fine it's no biggie.

- No here, here, oh my God, I have this as a sauce.

- That's sweet, wicked hoodie, by the way.

- Oh it's my fiances, it's Jack Wells.

- I love Jack Wells.

- We just got to check those in Abu Dhabi.

- Oh are you from UAE?

- Yeah.

- Okay, random question?

Do you know Jenny Capri?

- Shut the front door, she goes out with my mate Carl.

- Oh my God, oh my god that's mad.

(laughing)

Wow, well, I'll leave you to um?

- Hen do, my sisters hen do.

- Oh, wow, a massive congrats.

- Oh, thank you and when are you get, yeah.

All right, bye.

Oh, (laughing)

- [Bride] She took it so well, she's so nice.

- This chicken, interesting fizz to it.

(girls chattering)

- Cat, take that somewhere.

- Oh, this is great, isn't it?

You can't beat this for a hen do, (laughing)

- [Bride] Okay, okay, next question,

where's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?

Come on, we know the answer.

- [Friend] In a hot spot, (laughing)

- [Bride] Oh that's really good.

- Right, right, let's play a game.

- Oh no, I'm fine, actually.

- Cathy, truth or Dare?

- Truth.

- Okay, let's start easy.

What do you love most about Marcus?

You've got to tell the truth, no lies.

- God, I guess he introduced me to her-resi-paste.

- Is that a sex thing?

- No, it's a North African marinade.

- Anyone else feeling a bit funny?

Uh-oh, menopause alert, (laughing).

No, just joking.

Probably just indigestion, wolfing down my supper.

Delish.

- I'm going to go for a walk.

See if I can get any phone reception.

- Oh, do you wanna borrow my head torch?

- I'll be okay, OC.

I'm not 11, (laughing).

- All right, Auntie Dawn, truth or dare?

- Truth.

- Okay.

Have you ever had a rainbow shower?

- Don't answer that, don't.

Yeah, you don't need to know.

(owl hooting)

(stomach gurgling)

- OH, did you hear that?

Someone's got a rumbly tum.

- Do you reckon it was that fizzy chicken?

- No, no.

Miss piggy here had too many snags off the Barbie.

- Right, I hope Claire's all right.

Do you think I should go look for her?

- [Bachelorettes] Claire, Claire, Claire, Claire.

- I feel a need to say this,

but I think Claire with an I from Dubai is total shit.

- Ah, bloody mosquitoes.

- Apparently mosquitoes are attracted to people

with high sex hormones.

- Oh (laughing) lucky Marcus

I couldn't trouble you for a wee dram of water, could I?

- Are you feeling better, love?

- Oh, much, yeah.

It's just a orange bile now, which is really good.

Pure bile means I've got all of that chicken

out of my system

- Here you go.

- Oh, what a treat.

Thanks.

The thing that's making me really sick here, Cathy,

is that I'm going to have to miss Go Ape.

- Oh, okay.

Well, um, still no sign of Claire.

So I'm guess it's just me and Cat.

- Oi oi.

- No, absolutely not, no.

- Are you serious?

- It's your hen do.

You're supposed to get dressed up.

Look, look it's an ape for Go Ape.

I've got four other costumes in the car for the others.

- Okay, firstly, it's not an ape,

it's got to tail, so it's a monkey.

And secondly, I just, I really,

really don't want anything tacky.

- All right geez, it's just a bit of fun.

- We're having fun.

We don't need to add more fun to it.

It'd be fun overkill, right?

- What are you talking about too much fun?

I spent my childhood not having enough fun.

Come on, Cath, but it's your fricking hen do.

- Fine.

- Brilliant, (laughing), I'm gonna get my camera?

- Oh good.

- Oh right.

Oh right.

Oh bums, batteries died.

Not to worry, I'll take a picture with my eyes.

Make a memory and keep it on my own memory stick.

Brilliant.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm about to shit myself.

(aunt moaning)

- Is your fanny all right?

- Yes, I have a very pronounced mons pubis.

It's actually very normal.

- Right Ladies, if you could just make your way over here.

Oh, stupid bump.

- Is this the first thing?

- No, this is the training course.

Yours is over there.

Sorry, just have to wait a minute for my supervisor.

He's assessing me on my safety talks.

- Pretend I'm not here, yeah?

Go on.

- You are about to take part in a high risk activity.

Following the safety rules and advice

greatly reduces that risk.

Failure to follow the rules could result in serious injury.

- Hey, has anyone ever been seriously injured

during this course?

- I don't actually know the answer to that one, is it?

- No, stick to the safety briefing.

Just follow the instructions, you'll be fine.

- Sorry, It's my first week.

Failure to follow the rules could result in a serious,

Oh yeah, or fatal injury.

Okay, does anyone know what happens

if you get stuck on a rope walk or zip-line?

- Yup, yup, me.

I've read about it on the websites,

you call for assistance and if no one comes

you blow the whistle on your harness.

- Correct, and what should you have clicked

at all times again?

- Yeah, sorry, me again, a carabiner.

Two out of two, do I get a prize or?

- Does she?

- No.

- Okay, let's Go Ape.

- Woo.

- So we ended up doing two days

at this amazing BnB, which actually took dogs.

I say that because a couple of days before

I randomly said to Helen, you have checked,

they allowed dogs, and she hadn't.

So I phoned the owners, and they actually had

a chocolate lab of their own so They were fine about that.

Oh god.

(Aunt retching)

She's 10, which is actually old for a cocker.

But she's got so much energy, You'd think she was a puppy.

It does mean

you have to stop off more often than

to let her have a pee and a poo.

- God, this is fun,

isn't this fun?

- Yeah yeah, so much fun

I think I'm going to head for the floor, if that's okay.

- What? - I'm going to get down.

- I can't really hear you.

I'm just going to plow on.

And I want to do another loop before we get down.

(Cat moaning)

- Which meant that Helen was able to lift Mitz

into the bath without getting too much fox turd

on her jumper, great visit.

Much to recommend.

So yeah, that's what I wrote on their TripAdvisor review.

- Just going to nip outside for a minute.

- Ah, good for you, Marilyn.

Make the most of the glorious setting.

I think it was for the best.

I was holding everyone up.

- Sure, whatever.

- And you know from down here I can cheer you on,

you know, go Cat, go Cat.

- Yeah, I just need to concentrate.

The hoops are actually the hardest part of the course.

- You're not (mumbling) for (mumbling) are ya?

- No, no, I'm just psyching myself up

for the big one.

- Oh yeah, sure.

Go on, carry on.

- Three, two, one.

- You know when we get back I've got some really fun games.

I've made a list.

Penis pong, Porno-opoly, and pin the penis on the donkey.

- Oh oh, Oh my God, help me.

- Oh my God, are you okay, Cathy?

- No, my leg is stuck, I can't move.

- Do you want me to call your man, Jay?

- Please, don't leave me.

- Blow your whistle.

- Yes, I was at the safety briefing,

I was literally about to do that.

- Oh, hey, do you want a banana?

- Chill out you dickhead, she's a monkey

(whistle blowing)

(soft music)

- 4:40?

Colin?

Oh.

* You're looking kind of lonely girl *

* Would you like someone new to talk to *

* Oh yeah, all right

* I'm feeling kind of lonely too *

* If you don't mind, I'm gonna sit down here *

- There's no way we're going

to make our dinner reservation, now.

It's a 45 minute walk and it's just started spitting.

- I bet there will be a chippy in the village

we drove through.

- That wasn't the plan, Cat,

- So, this is your bachelorette party.

Your last stab it freedom, balls to plans.

Let's just see where the night takes us.

Let's be free range hens.

- If you'd stuck to the itinerary

and not insisted I wear this stupid monkey costume,

I wouldn't have got stuck why are you laughing?

- Because hit's funny, it's hilarious, Cath.

I can't wait to get back to the tent

and tell the others.

- Tell them what, what you ruined my hen do?

That I was hanging from a wire for an hour

like Boris, bloody, Johnson because you insisted,

I wear this stupid costume.

- Hang on, hang on, no, I didn't ruin,

I didn't ruin anything.

That was out of my control, shit happens,

accidents happen, but you know what?

You got great story out of it.

- Why can't you just submit that things are crap?

- Because it's not all crap, like there's always a positive.

I dunno, like here's one.

So dad had an affair not great, but because of it,

you got a sister, you got me.

So you know what? Chin up.

- I just wanted to have a classy, edifying Hen party.

- Are you Cathleen Walcott?

- Yes. - Yeah.

- Oh, sorry, sorry.

Sorry, this is Cathy.

- I have reason to believe there's a forest fire

heading your way.

So prepared to get very, very hot.

(upbeat music)

- Oh god.

* Freaky baby

* Let me lick you up and down

* Til you say stop

* Let me play with your body baby *

* Make you real hot

* Let me do all the things you want me to do *

- Oh my god, Cathy look.

(cheers)

* 'cause tonight baby

* I want to get freaky with you *

* Let me lick you up and down

- [Cat] Oh yeah, oh * Til you say stop

oh yeah.

* Make you feel hot

- Oh, yeah.

* Let me do all the things you want me to do *

- Whoa, cheers mate.

- Ladies, have a good night, yeah.

- [Cat] Nice one bruv.

* I want to get freaky with you *

- Oh hello, nice weather for ducks, (laughing).

So, how was going Go Ape?

I can honestly say, I feel physically

and spiritually lighter, but peckish now.

Apart from that, hunky Dory, (laughing).

- Well, We've completely missed our reservation for supper

and there's no way I'm driving around

trying to find a shop in this weather.

- Right, that's,

yeah right.

- Hang on.

Where's me mom?

Mom!

- Marilyn, woo hoo.

- Mom! - Marilyn!

Marilyn!

- [Cat] Mom!

- Oh don't worry, darling, we'll find your mum.

- No, this is bullshit.

I've lost me mum in the jungle.

Cathy says that I've ruined her hen do.

I just wanted it to be a laugh. And now she's dead shit.

- Oh, don't worry about Cathy,

that's what sisters are like.

Me and Tess used to fight like cats.

We did some awful things.

Put nettles in my sleeping bag.

And another time, she paid a cousin

to hit me in the tit with a skittle.

But I still love her to death,

- But it's complicated.

You know, this family like, innit?

I'm just used to being an only child.

Mom!

- Marilyn, yoohoo, Marilyn, Oh God.

A moth went in my mouth,

a moth went in my mouth (gagging).

I've swallowed it.

Yup.

I've swallowed a moth.

Oh well, I needed a snack, eh?

- Right listen, I'm going to go back to the tent

and have a look.

- Marilyn.

- [Cath] Marilyn?

Marilyn.

Please be okay.

- I honestly feel like I've known you my whole life.

I bet we're at so many of the same affairs

and we didn't even realize, (laughing).

- Right, you Claire with an I, from Dubai,

Have you seen me, mom?

- No, isn't she in your tent?

- No, our tent and she's gone missing, right?

So first this is what's going to happen.

You're going to get out into the rain

and you're got to come help find me mom.

Then you've got to get back here to the tent

and you got to drink bella-nini's until Cathy passes out

or I swear to God, I will drag you to the woods

and I'll feed you to the badgers.

- Okay, You can't just come in here

and speak to my friend,

- Claire. - Claire.

- Shut up, you la-de-da dipshits.

(girls gasping) - You, with that box of wine.

(sighing)

- Marilyn?

Marilyn!

Marilyn.

- [Marilyn] Oh, (coughing)

- Marilyn.

(chuckling nervously)

- I saw your dad.

I mean, it wasn't Colin.

It was a deer, but it was Colin.

Just like in my dreams but he ran away before we could talk.

You look beautiful, Cathy, you look majestic.

- Guys, I found Marilyn.

We're heading back to the tent, over.

Come on Marilyn, let's go.

- Oh, least that saves me having to have a shower.

And tell me if this is TMI, but I am soaked through

to the knickers.

- Me too.

And not in a good way, (laughing).

Claire, have you got any warm gear in your suitcase

We could borrow?

- I live in Dubai.

- Alright, hang on, I'll sort it.

Who's up for some more penis pasta?

(women laughing)

(clinking glass)

- Is this thing on, jokes.

I just wanted to say, thank you so much to Cat

for rustling up the penis pasta and sex pesto

and going above and beyond as my maid of honor.

- A toast to Cathy and Marcus,

may they have a long and love filled marriage

and to sisters.

- [All] To sisters.

- To sisters.

- Cheers.

(glasses clinking)

- Actually, is there any more of this?

This has gotta be the best penis I've ever eaten.

(ladies laughing)

- Thanks for coming, Auntie Dawn.

- Thanks for coming, Auntie Dawn.

- See you at the wedding I suppose.

- Exciting, farewell.

- [Ladies] Bye.

- Oh my God, babe, it's just been amazing.

Come here, it was so good to meet you guys, group hug.

Group hug, you're the best, kiss, mwah.

(honking horn)

- Claire, we're going.

Claire!

You know what?

Right.

- Let them take her back to Dubai.

- Okay everybody in, take it in a minute.

(girls chattering)

- [Cath] Bon voyage.

- [Cat] I'm going to miss it.

- Are you, I don't think I am.

- I had a wicked time.

- I can't wait to have a shower.

- I am looking forward to my own bed.

Yeah, and a nice cup of tea.

(car thudding)

- Oh my God.

Oh, I think I just hit a deer.

(playful music)

- [Marilyn] Colin?

* Somewhere, someone special just for me *

* Somewhere, someone special must be *

* Somewhere, someone special just for me *

* Somewhere, someone

* Somewhere someone special must be *

* Somebody made for me

* Somebody made for you

* Somebody made for me