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1
00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:10,040
COMMENTATOR: Agüero!
2
00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:24,560
This is gonna be great.
3
00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:26,200
Almost everyone else is away
4
00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:29,000
with their countries
on international duty. I'm excited.
5
00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:30,640
- Then you're an idiot.
- What, because I'm happy
6
00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:32,880
about getting some one-on-one coaching
with Cesare?
7
00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:34,960
Maybe you can ask him
if he signed you by mistake.
8
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:37,040
I am not going to ask that, thanks, Jack.
9
00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:38,440
Bro, this is my last time.
10
00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:40,000
England be violating.
11
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:43,080
They expect me to wait for them, and
I can't hack another one of these weeks.
12
00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:45,320
- So I'm going with a different country.
- Yeah, which one?
13
00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:47,760
One of 'em. Somewhere in Africa?
14
00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:51,040
Ghana.
15
00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:53,640
I'm hoping to get a call-up soon.
16
00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:55,640
My dad said he's part Gypsy,
so maybe they've got a team.
17
00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:57,960
Seriously, we'll have
the undivided attention
18
00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,960
of one of the greatest coaches
of all time.
19
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:03,040
- What could be bad about that?
- Ah, you'll see.
20
00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:05,920
(TOILET FLUSHES)
21
00:01:05,960 --> 00:01:06,960
Phew!
22
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:15,840
Now, that is what I call doing a shit.
23
00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:19,040
Just us this week, then?
24
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:24,560
So, big week.
25
00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:26,760
Big week for us all.
26
00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:28,120
Big week.
27
00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:29,800
No football.
28
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:31,000
But also yes.
29
00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:33,840
Seven days is-is a week, no?
30
00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:35,240
Yes, is a week.
31
00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:37,240
Hey, Mattie, how you doing, buddy?
32
00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,600
- Er, yeah, great, thanks.
- Good.
33
00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:41,400
Hey, Cesare, good.
I wanted to have a quick word.
34
00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:43,240
Yes, yes, of course, maestro.
35
00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:46,600
Please stop signing
shit Eastern European goalkeepers.
36
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,640
How many overpaid fumbling
former communists do we need?
37
00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:53,600
Yes.
38
00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:55,720
Case in point.
39
00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:57,440
I...speak English.
40
00:01:57,480 --> 00:01:58,920
I studied in the US.
41
00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,240
Good for you. Did you defect?
42
00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:02,880
Croatia is not communist.
43
00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:04,880
Isn't it?
44
00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:06,120
All right.
45
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:09,120
- (SLAVEN SOBS)
- Take it easy. Bye, Mattie.
46
00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:11,800
So, international week.
47
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:14,560
You train today. Chris boss.
48
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:17,080
Me, I go to Lago Maggiore.
49
00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:19,520
Wow. What a view.
50
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:20,880
Ciao.
51
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:24,760
What the fuck?
52
00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:26,680
OK! Cool beans.
53
00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:30,520
Great stuff. Right, well, let's start off
with some shuttle runs in teams, yeah?
54
00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:32,960
- Bit different, bit...
- Right, listen. After training,
55
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:36,840
it's the traditional Petey Brooks
international week barbecue at my place.
56
00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:38,400
You three are invited.
57
00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:40,000
Chris, obviously you aren't.
58
00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:42,160
And the big crying Borat
can't come either.
59
00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:45,000
No problem. I've got quite a lot
to be getting on with, to be honest.
60
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,960
So...anyone say weak-foot rondos?
61
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:49,560
Come round about 12.
62
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:50,760
Oh, and, er, park down the hill.
63
00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:54,400
- You ain't got no parking?
- Course I've got parking, you prick.
64
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:57,240
I just don't want your shitty motors
sitting outside my house.
65
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:01,080
Go on!
66
00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:02,240
(PHONE VIBRATES)
67
00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:11,800
Hey, listen, all men should have a cry.
Not here, not at a football club. But...
68
00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,000
Jacky! Jacky boy!
69
00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:16,200
Here he is, lads. England's future!
70
00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:17,840
Pure talent
71
00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:20,040
- and good looks too, my boy.
- Hello, Dad.
72
00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:24,080
Didn't even know you were back.
How's the business?
73
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:26,520
Yeah, still not exactly legal, but...
74
00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:28,720
I'm speaking to the Mayor,
so it's just a matter of time.
75
00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:30,280
More importantly, how's the hamstring?
76
00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:32,840
- It's all right.
- Yeah? Not feeling it too much?
77
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,720
Back in the squad
for the next match maybe?
78
00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:36,400
Well, I hope so. Have you seen Grandad?
79
00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:38,920
No, not yet. Listen, what about
Carlos Velez? Is he back soon?
80
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:40,640
Er, I think so, yeah.
81
00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:42,200
Good player, Carlos, eh?
82
00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:43,440
Oh!
83
00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:44,960
Moody, though. Yeah, difficult.
84
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,920
Nah. Nah, he's all right.
What's with all the questions?
85
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:50,040
- I'm just catching up, aren't I?
- Er, guys, yeah,
86
00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:53,560
sorry, the...the dressing room's
kind of sacrosanct, you know.
87
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:54,840
Players only.
88
00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:58,280
(CHANTS) Boothie! Boothie!
89
00:03:58,320 --> 00:03:59,720
Ho-ho! Chris Booth!
90
00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:01,360
Almost a club legend.
91
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:03,560
Ha-ha! How are you, mate?
92
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:05,840
Hey, I love the way you train
the young 'uns. Inspiring.
93
00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:07,520
Oh. Well, thank you. Thanks.
94
00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:09,200
Listen, what's the skinny on Cesare?
95
00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:11,400
He's getting sacked, isn't he?
96
00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:13,520
(ITALIAN ACCENT) It's time to come in.
Your number's up, boss.
97
00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:16,280
No, no, he's great, he's great.
Everything at the club's great.
98
00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:17,880
So... Anyway... Nice to meet you.
99
00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:19,120
# He runs when he wants!
100
00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:22,360
# He runs when he wa-a-ants!
101
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:23,960
# Boothie gives no fucks
102
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:25,960
# He runs when he wants! #
103
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,080
Ha, yeah, I remember that chant.
104
00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:29,440
Gor!
105
00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:31,520
I wanted to run, I did. I was...
106
00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:35,720
I was coming back from, er, as it turns
out, a career-ending knee injury.
107
00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:37,160
Er, but...
108
00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:39,000
You can't beat terrace humour.
109
00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:42,720
Excuse me, I'm going to go
110
00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:44,120
- and pack some cones away.
- Oh.
111
00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:46,880
(CHANTS) Boothie! Boothie!
112
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,240
What a prick!
113
00:04:48,280 --> 00:04:50,640
He's been nicking a living
out of this club for years.
114
00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:53,800
What's he think he's doing there,
trying to have me off?
115
00:04:53,840 --> 00:04:56,240
Well, we're not meant to talk
about club business to outsiders.
116
00:04:56,280 --> 00:04:59,320
I'm sorry, but you need to leave right
now. You were meant to wait in reception.
117
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:01,440
Yeah. All right. Calm down, Theresa May.
118
00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:03,600
Didn't realise talking to your children
was a crime.
119
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:06,000
- See you later, Jack, eh?
- Yeah. Um...
120
00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:08,200
Listen, I'm about this afternoon
if you want.
121
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:10,920
Well, I'm meant to be at this barbecue
thing, but I can swerve it off.
122
00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:13,360
Oh, yeah, I've got a bit of business
this afternoon, son.
123
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,520
I'll catch you later, eh?
Look after that hamstring.
124
00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:17,280
Come on.
125
00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:19,840
Oh, Olivia, actually,
you're not meant to be in here either.
126
00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:21,080
Oh, right, yeah.
127
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:23,080
Sorry!
128
00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:26,040
(BENJI HUMS TUNE)
129
00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:31,040
JACK: You having a stroke?
130
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,320
Learning this national anthem.
131
00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:33,800
Hey, the fans are gonna be gassed.
132
00:05:33,840 --> 00:05:35,720
A new player singing every word.
133
00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:37,240
Kevin-Prince Boateng will love it.
134
00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:40,360
I have no idea
why Petey asked us here. He hates us.
135
00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:42,480
- He hates you.
- I know why he's asked us.
136
00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:44,920
- Yeah?
- Yeah. Petey wants to be manager.
137
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,680
He's being nice to us so we back him
for the job when Cesare gets sacked.
138
00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:50,360
Come on. Cesare's a legend.
He's not going anywhere.
139
00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:52,680
- Apart from on holiday. Again.
- Have a look at this.
140
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:55,680
The man is a fraud, bruv!
141
00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:57,280
We are a fucking shambles,
142
00:05:57,320 --> 00:05:58,400
and it's down to him!
143
00:05:58,440 --> 00:05:59,440
He used to be good
144
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:00,920
but now he's pasta his best.
145
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:02,080
He did all right once
146
00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:03,840
but now he's a Shitalian! Yeah?
147
00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:05,320
Give us our club back!
148
00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:07,480
I want him out! He's forgetti bolognese!
149
00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:09,800
Fuck off, you crappuccino!
150
00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:11,560
What an absolute pack of pricks.
151
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:14,160
Who the hell do they think they are,
talking about a legend like that?
152
00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:17,520
If Bootz has turned on Cesare, it's bad.
He's the most loyal one.
153
00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:18,920
- There's more of them?
- Yeah.
154
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:20,560
Big Al. Garlic - his mum's French.
155
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:21,760
Gammon.
156
00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:24,640
Call him that cos he looks like a pig.
And he's a bit racist.
157
00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:27,600
- Does anyone actually watch that shit?
- Half a million hits, that one.
158
00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:29,160
Maybe I should take a look.
159
00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,240
Don't do that.
They think you were signed by mistake.
160
00:06:31,280 --> 00:06:34,160
- OK.
- Boys, I hope you like loud music.
161
00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:35,520
(WHISTLES TUNE)
162
00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:37,720
That's a nice welcome.
163
00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:40,000
I fucking hate international week.
164
00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:44,680
- (STRUMS)
- # Why don't you come on over
165
00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:48,280
# Valerieeee? #
166
00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:57,640
Self-taught.
167
00:06:57,680 --> 00:06:59,080
Nothing calms me down
168
00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:00,720
- like a good strumming session.
- Petey.
169
00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:03,680
Speak of the devil.
Was just talking about fingering you.
170
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:05,200
Ha-ha, shut up. Disgusting.
171
00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:06,920
Babes, these are a few
of the young lads from work.
172
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,600
- Hello, boys. I'm Janey.
- MATTIE: Hello.
173
00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:11,720
- Nice to meet you.
- Good afternoon.
174
00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:14,760
I thought I'd invite them over, show 'em
first hand what talent, a massive knob
175
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:17,560
and the mental strength
of a suicide bomber can get you in life.
176
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,520
All right, well, have fun.
Where's the dog?
177
00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:20,600
Winston!
178
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:22,360
Winston, get here!
179
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:25,520
Aw, that's sweet. He's snuck
into one of our training vests.
180
00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:27,080
That's not sweet. I put him in that.
181
00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:29,600
The sports science lot wanted
to monitor my daily routine,
182
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,560
check I'm not slacking
when everyone is away.
183
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:33,480
Winston's putting a few
extra miles on the clock.
184
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,280
Make sure he does at least 5K, babe.
The fat twat.
185
00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:38,880
Don't. You'll hurt his feelings.
186
00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:40,080
Come on, Winston.
187
00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:46,560
Still got a nice arse, hasn't she?
188
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,320
I said...
189
00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:53,840
"...Still got a nice arse...
190
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,400
"...hasn't she?"
191
00:07:58,640 --> 00:07:59,640
Wait a minute.
192
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:04,000
Do you boys think
my missus hasn't got a nice arse?
193
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:09,640
(LAUGHS) I'm winding you up!
194
00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:11,880
She loves blokes staring.
She used to be a stripper.
195
00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:14,040
Interesting. Where did you guys meet?
196
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:15,280
Where do you fucking think?
197
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:17,280
- In a strip club?
- Yes.
198
00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:19,640
Word of advice,
especially to you, Mattie -
199
00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:22,160
get rid of your plain girlfriends
before you get famous.
200
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:23,960
Now, I've got a question for yous.
201
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,960
What do you boys know
about digging out tree stumps?
202
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,600
Is this more advice on women?
203
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,920
No. See that?
204
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:33,680
I had it cut down, cos I don't rate trees,
but the stump's left.
205
00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:36,960
So we need to get that fucker
out of the ground before lunch.
206
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:38,840
I'll get cracking on the B-B-Q.
207
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:41,400
You grab them shovels and get digging.
208
00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:44,640
(BENJI HUMS TUNE)
209
00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:48,880
Bruv, this is long.
210
00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:51,720
You've done fuck-all, mate.
Me and Mattie are breaking our backs here.
211
00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:55,680
My brain's fried. Yeah? Learning this
anthem's like learning a foreign language.
212
00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:56,960
Really? What language is it?
213
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,320
English.
214
00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:00,040
Are you playing for England now? Nice.
215
00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:02,560
Nah. Turns out
English is also the language of Guyana.
216
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:05,880
Guyana? You're going to play for Guyana?
217
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:07,680
Yes, sir! One of the best teams in Africa.
218
00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:10,760
Now a lot better cos of your boy.
The Black Stars.
219
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,080
That's Ghana.
220
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:13,320
However you pronounce it.
221
00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:17,360
Well, you pronounce Ghana Ghan-a,
but you're going to play for Guyana,
222
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:21,040
which you pronounce Guy-an-a,
because it's a South American nation...
223
00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:23,320
...who are...
224
00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:25,000
...185th in the world.
225
00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:26,360
Let me see that.
226
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,440
Maybe it's like po-tay-to, po-tah-to.
227
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:30,760
No, it's more like po-tay-to, lap-top,
228
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:32,960
because they are
two completely different things.
229
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,400
Oh, shit! So that's what he meant.
230
00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:37,400
Benji, we are so excited.
231
00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:38,440
Yeah, you would be.
232
00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:39,640
I mean, you're getting a good player.
233
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,240
Just...sign here.
234
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:43,160
And we'll get a photo, eh?
235
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,000
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
236
00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:46,080
We're delighted, man.
237
00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:47,720
Delighted!
238
00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:50,320
This is a huge day for my country.
239
00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:51,640
My country too.
240
00:09:51,680 --> 00:09:54,080
Look, this is the first time we've had
a professional soccer player commit to us.
241
00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:56,720
Really? What about Michael Essien?
242
00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:58,640
- What about him?
- He played for you.
243
00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:00,520
- He played for Ghana.
- Exactly.
244
00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:02,000
- Yes, exactly.
- Yes.
245
00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:03,400
- Yes.
- What?
246
00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:06,880
Huh... So, what a great day it is
for Guyana! Hey?
247
00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:09,120
(LAUGHS) Hooray for Guyana!
248
00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:10,960
Yeah, great day. Hooray.
249
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:14,080
Now, before the Concacaf qualifiers
against those Suriname cheats,
250
00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:18,040
you're going to need a course
of anti-malaria tablets, all right?
251
00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:19,600
And a rabies shot.
252
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:21,920
Photo?
253
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:23,320
(LAUGHS)
254
00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:27,360
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
255
00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:29,840
Jesus Christ! And it's fucking miles away!
256
00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:31,000
(PHONE VIBRATES)
257
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,280
Oh, no.
Oh, Dad, what have you done that for?
258
00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:35,760
This has gone beyond a joke now, my mate.
259
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:38,120
He's got his sweaty feet up on a sunbed
somewhere
260
00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:39,760
while our season goes down the khazi!
261
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:41,600
INTERVIEWER: So you're telling me
he's left training
262
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:43,280
to Boothie and gone on holiday?
263
00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:44,560
Correct.
264
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,760
Now, you lot all know
that I've got sources inside the club.
265
00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:48,920
Follow me on Twitter.
266
00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:50,320
@InsideDazzer.
267
00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:53,040
So I've got to choose my words
very, very carefully here.
268
00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:54,320
But...
269
00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:55,880
...Cesare...
270
00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:58,680
...you are a cancer on our club.
271
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,680
And I am begging you,
272
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:02,560
get the fuck out of our club,
273
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:05,400
you lazy, senile Italian piece of...!
274
00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:07,680
Oh, you're fucked.
275
00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:10,040
Can I have your squad number
when they sell you?
276
00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:12,160
- (PHONE VIBRATES)
- It's Olivia. Wonder what she wants.
277
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,280
I've no idea.
What do you think it could be about, Jack?
278
00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:17,400
Oh, shit. I've got to get my dad
to take this down. I'd better go.
279
00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:19,080
Yeah, you'd better. See you later.
280
00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:20,960
- Can I go, though?
- Course you can go.
281
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,000
- Do I need to ask Petey's permission?
- No.
282
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:24,520
- Petey won't mind?
- Just go.
283
00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:26,920
- Can't you go instead?
- I don't need to go, do I?
284
00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:29,480
- If you need to leave, just leave.
- Can you ask Petey if I can go?
285
00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:32,280
- Me? No. You ask.
- Yeah, but he might say no and...
286
00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:33,560
Well, I've got to go.
287
00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:35,320
- Then go.
- Yeah, course.
288
00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:37,840
All right, you lot cover for me
with Petey, yeah?
289
00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:44,520
- (THUD)
- Shit.
290
00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:46,200
What are we going to tell Petey?
291
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:47,560
That we lost him?
292
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:58,080
That's just someone else's garden
over there.
293
00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:00,440
(PHONE VIBRATES)
294
00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:01,800
Oh, it's Olivia.
295
00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:04,960
Oh, fuckin' hell. Listen, I know you fancy
her, but please don't answer the phone.
296
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:06,640
What if she wants to talk to me
about something else?
297
00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:09,040
Yeah. She's probably ringing
to ask you to marry her.
298
00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:11,640
- Please.
- (HORN HONKS)
299
00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:24,720
You not finished yet?
300
00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:27,320
We'll get it done quickly now, Petey,
thanks to that thing.
301
00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:29,160
Oh, you can't use this, nah.
302
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,400
The shovel's a bastard to clean
when there's mud on it.
303
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:34,520
Anyway, when you're done,
come downstairs and have a swim.
304
00:12:34,560 --> 00:12:37,160
I've got some cold beers.
The cleaner's made some tacos.
305
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,360
And I'll get the barbecue going.
306
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:42,320
The quicker you're done,
the quicker you can get in that pool.
307
00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:44,120
I didn't bring any trunks.
308
00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:46,440
I've got spare trunks, you wombat!
309
00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:49,080
Think I've got this massive house
and a stripper for a bird
310
00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:50,720
and I don't have spare trunks?
311
00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:52,960
Now, chop chop.
312
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:54,240
Dig dig.
313
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:06,400
Oh...
314
00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:10,800
This is a nightmare. It's hit 2,000 likes.
315
00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:14,000
Bro, just tell Petey you need to bounce
to sort something. He won't mind.
316
00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:16,720
Yeah? Yeah, course.
317
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:18,640
PETEY: Well done, boys.
318
00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:20,560
Now grab a beer and have a swim.
319
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:24,720
Oh, Petey, I-I-I... I...
I might have to...
320
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,200
This-This...
321
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:27,760
This thing's...
322
00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,600
You know, I-I've... I've got to...
323
00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:32,000
- Spit it out, Rain Man.
- Nothin'.
324
00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:33,240
Right, here's your trunks.
325
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,320
They're tailor-made
for my massive wanger,
326
00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:37,720
so should be nice and roomy for you lot.
327
00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:39,080
All I had left.
328
00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:41,480
Should be enough
to cover your tiny dick, though.
329
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,280
Only joking. It's completely average.
330
00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:45,320
Though I have noticed
your balls are small.
331
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:48,000
OK. Well, I'll be fine in my underpants.
332
00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:49,920
What? You're not getting in my pool
in your skiddy kecks.
333
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:53,600
I'd just be more comfortable in my own
underwear than these children's Speedos.
334
00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:56,920
But I'll be less comfortable
with your shit washing round my pool.
335
00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:59,760
Petey, I promise you,
I don't have skids in my pants.
336
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:01,080
Prove it.
337
00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:02,840
- What?
- Prove it.
338
00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:04,560
You're not getting in my pool
in those pants
339
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:06,560
until you prove your kecks
haven't got skids.
340
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,120
Fine. I won't go in the pool.
341
00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:11,960
Oh, you're going in the fucking pool.
No-one disrespects my hospitality.
342
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:14,120
Fine.
343
00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:17,800
Here are my pants.
344
00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:31,880
Yeah. Clean as a whistle.
345
00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:34,560
You're good to go.
346
00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:41,120
I've never felt less relaxed
in my entire life.
347
00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:44,160
Instead of sorting out this Ghana shit,
I'm trapped in a very nice pool.
348
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:45,840
Guyana. And we're not trapped.
349
00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:47,400
You tell Petey we're leaving, then.
350
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:48,960
Obviously, I'm not gonna do that.
351
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,760
Right. Come over here and dry off.
352
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,320
I've got some surprises for you.
353
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:56,200
I hope the surprise is we can go home.
354
00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:58,040
It feels like we're under house arrest.
355
00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:07,120
Right. Surprise number one.
356
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:08,840
I hope you nonces aren't vegans.
357
00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:11,560
I got these steaks
all the way from Colorado.
358
00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:14,680
This bloke I know flies the cows in
and then kills them just down the road.
359
00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:17,960
Wow. This lunch might have
the biggest carbon footprint of all time.
360
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,240
You better believe it.
361
00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:22,560
Wouldn't get a tight prick like
Chris Booth treating you like this, eh?
362
00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:25,480
Tuck in.
363
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:29,280
- How's the salad?
- Salad's great, thank you.
364
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:31,240
Yeah. Maria's a legend in the kitchen.
365
00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:34,040
Not much to look at,
but Lady Jane insists on hiring mingers
366
00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:35,960
since I got caught drilling the nannies.
367
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:37,400
C'est la vie.
368
00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:40,160
Special salt, is it?
369
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,360
No. It's a chlamydia antibiotic.
370
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,720
It's for the wife.
371
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:46,360
This way she gets cured
and I don't get the grief.
372
00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:48,840
What she don't know can't hurt her.
373
00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:50,720
Apart from chlamydia.
374
00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:52,960
Now, who can guess
what the next Petey surprise is?
375
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,120
You want us to dig out
another fucking great stump?
376
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,480
Nope.
377
00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:59,480
You want to discuss Cesare's future?
378
00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:03,800
No. After lunch, I got a mate coming over
who sells watches and washbags.
379
00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:05,240
You're gonna love 'em.
380
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:06,840
I told him you'd buy some.
381
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:09,120
To be fair, that is a surprise.
382
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,360
Hmm. How much is this one?
383
00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:13,640
That's £800.
384
00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:16,800
- For a washbag?
- A designer washbag.
385
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:18,840
How much is that watch there, Tony?
386
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:20,440
That's £40,000.
387
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,960
And it tells the time and nothing else?
388
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,200
It also shows the phases of the moon.
389
00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:25,680
What, in case I'm a werewolf?
390
00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:27,320
It's got a number of uses.
391
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:29,640
- (PHONE VIBRATES)
- Oh, no, can't we just leave?
392
00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:32,640
Yes, of course we can. We're adults.
No-one can keep us here.
393
00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:35,560
We can simply stand up and walk out.
394
00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:37,760
Petey said you weren't to leave
until you bought something.
395
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:41,440
And he always takes a cut,
so...help me out?
396
00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:42,600
OK, fine.
397
00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:44,560
What's the cheapest thing you got here?
398
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:46,440
500-quid soap dish.
399
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:48,160
Fuck that!
400
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:49,200
Fine. I'll buy it.
401
00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,520
- What are you doing?
- 500 quid is cheap to get out of here.
402
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:53,960
- Mattie, tell Petey we're going.
- Why me?
403
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,360
You've got a degree.
404
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:58,560
Yeah, in sports science, not in escaping
team-mates' houses. You tell him.
405
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,200
Petey could be the next manager.
I'm not going to piss him off.
406
00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:02,720
- (PHONE VIBRATES)
- Olivia's back on the phone.
407
00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:05,240
This is mental.
That's it, we're doing it, we're going.
408
00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:06,560
- Good.
- Yeah, good.
409
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:08,280
- I can sort this Ghana stuff out.
- Guyana.
410
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,760
- Going somewhere?
- No.
411
00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:13,920
Yes, you are.
I've got one more treat for you.
412
00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:16,240
(CROWD ROARS ON VIDEO)
413
00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:18,280
PATRICK STEWART VOICE: Another
towering header from Petey Brooks.
414
00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:20,000
- I really need to leave.
- I know that.
415
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:21,880
- You think I don't fucking know that?
- (# Land Of Hope And Glory)
416
00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:24,400
He's been a pro for 16 years.
We could be here for ever.
417
00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:25,960
A leader of men,
418
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,720
and one day England will realise
what they missed
419
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,880
by suspending him for international duty
420
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:34,120
due to a misunderstanding
over racial epithets.
421
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:40,120
But one day Petey Brooks will return
and lead them as a manager to glory!
422
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,280
And then...
423
00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:43,840
...he will be avenged.
424
00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:44,920
(VIDEO OFF)
425
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:48,360
- How was that?
- Amazing.
426
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:49,760
- Good.
- Yeah, impressive.
427
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:53,720
Correct. Old baldy Star Trek charged me
a fortune to do the voice-over.
428
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:54,800
Totally worth it.
429
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,240
Now...
430
00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:58,280
Fuck off out of my house.
431
00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:05,280
All right, boys? Did you have fun?
432
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:07,400
Yes, Janey. It was definitely fun.
433
00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:09,040
Aren't those steaks he makes delicious?
434
00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:11,120
He won't tell me
what the secret ingredient is.
435
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:13,480
I think it's love.
436
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:14,640
Did you get the stump out?
437
00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:17,360
- Nope.
- Oh.
438
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:22,000
I don't care if Cesare gets sacked,
as long as Petey don't get the job.
439
00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:24,560
Oh, I agree, but what can we do?
440
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:28,560
You can do something. Tell your mate
Mr Chairman what Petey's really like.
441
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:31,920
Firstly, he's not my mate, and secondly,
going behind a team-mate's back,
442
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:34,720
even one as odious as Petey,
feels disloyal.
443
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:36,400
So it's not because
you're scared of Petey?
444
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:38,080
Oh, no, it's mainly the fear, for sure.
445
00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:39,840
God, you've cheered up.
446
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:43,200
Not concerned about flying thousands
of miles to play against farmers any more?
447
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:45,040
No. Gonna be all sweet.
448
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,520
Be fixed by the time I get home.
My mum's fixing it.
449
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,960
Because that's the international
football hierarchy.
450
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:53,680
It goes the FA, UEFA, then FIFA,
then Benji's mom.
451
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:55,760
My mum fixes everything.
452
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:58,760
Maybe we should get her in
to deal with Petey. Or me dad.
453
00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:01,720
Well, no offence,
but I might try someone different.
454
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:06,960
Hi. First off, thank you.
455
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,760
I know you probably had other plans
this evening.
456
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:13,480
Irrelevant, whether I did or not.
Dealing with your problems is my job.
457
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,200
Well, I appreciate it.
458
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:18,960
As I said, it's my job.
Your gratitude is neither here nor there.
459
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:20,080
Cool beans.
460
00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:21,520
- I'm sorry?
- Nah. OK.
461
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,160
Look, I called you
462
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:26,360
because I'm worried Petey Brooks
is angling for the manager's job
463
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:28,680
and he's clearly a psychopath.
464
00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:30,280
So? This is football.
465
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:32,880
When's that ever been a barrier
to success?
466
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:35,720
What, should I tell Mr Crane
and warn him about Petey?
467
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:38,360
Even though doing so
would be super disloyal.
468
00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:39,720
And I don't want to be a snitch.
469
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:41,800
But then, Rosa Parks snitched
on all those people who wouldn't let her
470
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:43,720
sit at the front of the bus,
and changed America.
471
00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:45,040
Yes.
472
00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:47,240
Rosa Parks was famous for her snitching.
473
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:49,600
I just want to do the right thing.
474
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:50,880
Mattie...
475
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:55,120
Sometimes the right thing to do
is also the stupid thing to do.
476
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,120
So I'm sure you'll do the right thing.
477
00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:58,360
Thank you.
478
00:19:58,400 --> 00:19:59,520
Wait a minute...
479
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:02,080
Oh, and you should
move out of this hotel.
480
00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:06,000
Trust me, staying in hotels long term
isn't good for the soul.
481
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:07,240
You've got a soul?
482
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:09,160
I didn't say that.
483
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,000
Good luck with your conscience.
484
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:17,320
- Who's from there again?
- Your grandfather.
485
00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:18,920
Well, he's dead, so he won't care.
486
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:20,760
He's not dead. He lives in Trinidad.
487
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:26,120
Oh, God, they're still there.
488
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:29,000
Why won't they leave?
489
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:34,120
- Oh!
- Benji Achebe! I know you're in there!
490
00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:36,560
The qualifiers against Suriname
are in three weeks
491
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:38,040
and we're not leaving without you!
492
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:40,160
I'm scared.
Mum, I thought you spoke to them.
493
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:43,280
Not yet. I can't spend the whole of my day
wiping your bum-bum, you know.
494
00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:44,440
Mum, please.
495
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:45,840
(SIGHS)
496
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,760
OK, fine.
497
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:49,640
I have an idea.
498
00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:56,000
Benji can't come out to play,
because it's past his bedtime.
499
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:57,320
We wait.
500
00:20:57,360 --> 00:20:59,640
Also, he doesn't want to play for Guyana.
501
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:02,000
He said he did.
He signed the contract, man!
502
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:03,800
Yes, but now he doesn't!
503
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:07,680
Is it because of
the Guyana-Ghana confusion? Hm?
504
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:09,240
Because we've had it a few times.
505
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:11,360
No, of course not!
506
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:17,040
Three points is all that matters.
507
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:18,880
Darren, Darren, let me get you
another drink, mate.
508
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:20,280
Oh, no, come on.
509
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:21,960
Oh, come on, you're a legend.
A legend, in't he, boys?
510
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,080
All right, but listen,
the next round's mine.
511
00:21:24,120 --> 00:21:25,880
Here he is, lads!
512
00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:28,400
# He's one of our own
513
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:31,080
# He's one of our o-w-wn
514
00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:33,000
# He fucking hates Cesare
515
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,440
# He's one of our own! #
516
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:35,920
Boys, boys, boys.
517
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:37,720
Boys, boys, boys, just give us
a minute, yeah? Cheers.
518
00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:38,800
Listen, Dad...
519
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:40,240
# He shits when he wants
520
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:41,920
# He shits all the time
521
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:45,480
- # He... #
- Yeah, just give us a sec, eh, Bootz?
522
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:47,760
Dad, I said I wanted
somewhere quiet to talk.
523
00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:49,280
Oh, it's only the boys, Jack.
524
00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:50,760
I can't help it if they agree
525
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:53,680
that the fruit of my loins
is a bloody legend, can I? Eh?
526
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:55,400
So, come on, legend, what's on your mind?
527
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:57,760
You've got to take that video down.
528
00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:00,400
It's already done. Yeah, I thought
you were getting a bit vexed,
529
00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:02,080
by all those texts you were sending me.
530
00:22:02,120 --> 00:22:03,760
Oh...
531
00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:05,080
Thanks, Dad.
532
00:22:05,120 --> 00:22:07,400
Yeah. Look, I know it's going to be tricky
managing the line
533
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:10,560
between your career and mine,
but we'll work it out.
534
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:12,200
Because we're mates, right?
535
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:14,560
And mates are more important
than anything. OK?
536
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:16,640
Yeah. Thanks, Dad.
537
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:18,040
Yeah, don't mention it.
538
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,840
You don't mind if I still do some
filming for fan telly, though, eh?
539
00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:22,800
Nah, nah. Whatever makes you happy.
540
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:23,840
Yeah.
541
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,960
Oh, maybe don't do any more videos where
you call the manager a cancer on the club.
542
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,040
Anything you want, mate.
543
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:32,080
So, was it Cesare himself who ordered you
to take the video down
544
00:22:32,120 --> 00:22:33,480
or was it his lapdog Chris Booth?
545
00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:34,600
Oh...
546
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:38,440
You're not...recording this,
are you, Dad?
547
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:40,120
Oh, I'll just turn that off.
548
00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:41,280
There you are.
549
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:43,760
Tell you what, why don't we shoot
one video they can't complain about, eh?
550
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:46,640
Boys! Let's have a singsong. Come on.
551
00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:49,640
# He's one of our own
552
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:52,280
# He's one of our o-w-wn
553
00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:53,520
# Jacky Turner
554
00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:55,720
# He's one of our own
555
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:57,360
- # I'm one of their own
- (CHEERING)
556
00:22:57,400 --> 00:22:59,560
# I'm one of their own
557
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:03,560
# Jacky Turner is one of our own! #
558
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:05,160
# Hey, hey! Say we want Cesare out
559
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:06,600
# Say we want Cesare out
560
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:08,280
# Say we want Cesare out
561
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:09,920
# Say we want Cesare out
562
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:11,480
# Say we want Cesare out
563
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:13,680
- # Say we want Cesare out! #
- (YELLING)
564
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:15,040
103.
565
00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:17,240
Oh, no, wait. 104,000 likes.
566
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,080
Jack, what were you thinking?
567
00:23:19,120 --> 00:23:20,520
I didn't want to let him down
in front of his posse.
568
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:22,840
Because a posse
must always be respected.
569
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:24,840
Thank you so much, Olivia.
570
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:26,520
I'll tell my mum to expect you.
571
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:28,920
Jack! Just the man I've been looking for.
572
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:30,760
Did you get my messages?
573
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:32,000
Yeah, no. What it was...
574
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:33,720
I couldn't... My phone...
575
00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:34,840
...died.
576
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:36,440
Course it did. With me, please.
577
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:38,800
Morning, Olivia. Thanks for the advice.
578
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:40,560
I don't remember giving any.
579
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:41,880
It's all about the soul.
580
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:43,680
If you like.
581
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:47,480
Well, that's Jack fucked.
582
00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:49,800
Told you international week was shit.
583
00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:52,760
JACK: "...and obviously I'd like
to sincerely apologise to Mr Cesare,
584
00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:55,920
"and to anyone else
for any offence caused.
585
00:23:55,960 --> 00:24:00,080
"My father does not speak for me
or have any knowledge of..."
586
00:24:00,120 --> 00:24:01,520
Oh, nah.
587
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:02,560
Just say it, Jack.
588
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:04,080
- Nah.
- Jack...
589
00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:06,840
...your father is endangering your career.
Do you understand that?
590
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:09,400
You have to distance yourself from him
591
00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:11,960
and say that he has no inside knowledge.
592
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,280
I can't. I can't, Olivia.
I can't say that.
593
00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:17,440
But it's the truth. You haven't told him
anything. Come on, Jack.
594
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:19,440
It's all he's got, Olivia.
595
00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:23,720
It's all he's got. So you can fine me,
loan me out, whatever,
596
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:25,320
but I can't do it to him.
597
00:24:25,360 --> 00:24:26,960
I'm sorry.
598
00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,280
And that's really all there is to it.
599
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:38,200
OK, I see.
600
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:40,280
Well, this is very helpful.
601
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:42,160
But I want to get it absolutely straight.
602
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,720
If it goes between the white stick things
603
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:48,640
but doesn't hit the string bag,
it still counts as a point?
604
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:51,080
- A goal.
- A goal. God dammit!
605
00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:53,640
Right.
Well, what did you want to see me about?
606
00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:57,320
I'm sure you're aware of all the
speculation surrounding Cesare's position.
607
00:24:57,360 --> 00:24:59,400
Let's say I am.
608
00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:01,640
Petey Brooks wants Cesare's job.
609
00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:03,720
Mattie, this is exactly
what I've been looking for.
610
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:04,840
A snitch in the dressing room.
611
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:07,720
Oh, I'm not a snitch.
I'm just worried about the club.
612
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:09,760
Noted. Please continue snitching.
613
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:11,280
- I'm not a snitch.
- It's OK.
614
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:13,480
It's not like I'm wearing a wire
at the moment.
615
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:14,920
Let's call you an insider.
616
00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:17,840
Look, even being an insider -
it's just not for me.
617
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:20,000
But there's one issue
I can't keep silent on.
618
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:21,680
And that's Petey Brooks.
619
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:23,360
Mr Dependable. A club legend.
620
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:26,280
No. Wrong.
Petey Brooks is a monster.
621
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,520
He respects no-one at this club,
least of all you.
622
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:30,520
Seriously?
623
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:32,040
He's psychotically self-centred.
624
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:35,280
Everything he does
is entirely motivated by bad faith.
625
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:38,640
Scary. You think you know
someone like Petey Brown...
626
00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:40,280
- Petey Brooks.
- Who?
627
00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:42,240
- His name's Petey Brooks.
- Is it?
628
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:45,720
Well, there you go. You think you know
someone, then they have another name.
629
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:47,120
Shocking.
630
00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:49,000
Thank you, Mattie.
This is excellent snitching.
631
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:52,200
Also excellent timing. Petey's waiting
to see me as soon as we're done.
632
00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:54,880
Of course he is. I know what he's up to.
633
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:59,080
I would advise that whatever he says,
you should do the opposite.
634
00:25:59,120 --> 00:26:01,280
The exact opposite.
635
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:03,200
Thank you, El Snitchio.
636
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,920
Yeah. Yeah, OK.
637
00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:09,560
We hear the rumours. We're not stupid.
And results haven't been good for a while.
638
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:11,040
But I'll tell you this.
639
00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:12,920
Cesare is a legend.
640
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:14,920
And it takes one to know one.
641
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:18,160
I know he hasn't won much for years,
but he's still a winner.
642
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:19,600
He built this club.
643
00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:23,880
And he's earned the right to choose
how and when he leaves here.
644
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:27,400
So your opinion is that
I shouldn't sack Cesare?
645
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:29,040
Absolutely not.
646
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:31,040
Don't sack Cesare.
647
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:32,920
Thank you, Petey.
648
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:35,440
Thank you, sir.
649
00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:38,320
Danielle.
650
00:26:38,360 --> 00:26:42,160
Could you call in Signor Cesare, please?
Thank you.
651
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:44,320
Hey, guys.
652
00:26:44,360 --> 00:26:45,880
Thanks for waiting for me.
653
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:49,120
Now, I'm sure you've heard rumours
about Cesare while you've been away.
654
00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:51,400
And it's... It's unsettling, right?
655
00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:53,480
So, I'm here to put that uncertainty
to bed,
656
00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:56,680
because if there's one thing
I know about this club,
657
00:26:56,720 --> 00:26:59,160
it's that when the chips are down
658
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,120
we stick together.
659
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:02,240
Probably.
660
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:04,000
Hey, Petey, why don't you tell them
what you came
661
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:05,080
and told me about the boss earlier?
662
00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:09,120
That Cesare is a stone-cold Eyetie legend
and we should all get behind him.
663
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:11,560
Oh, no, no. No, no, no.
664
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:15,280
Hear me out, Mattie. Just let me
finish. And it's what Petey said,
665
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:19,240
combined with a little advice
from my snitch in the dressing room,
666
00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:22,760
which has convinced me
that I've made a great decision.
667
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:25,160
Sorry to go against your advice, Petey,
668
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:27,720
but I've sacked Cesare
as of four minutes ago.
669
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:29,480
- JACK: What?
- (PLAYERS EXCLAIM)
670
00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:32,240
As Petey said to me,
Cesare deserves respect,
671
00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:34,760
so I've decided to leak a story
that he's senile now
672
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:36,760
and couldn't even remember
to wear his pants to training.
673
00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:38,680
OK? Have a great day.
674
00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:41,400
And we'll probably announce
a caretaker manager soon.
675
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:43,080
As Cesare said to me...
676
00:27:43,120 --> 00:27:44,720
(ITALIAN ACCENT) ..."Arrivederci.
677
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:47,840
"Now I have nothing."
678
00:27:49,360 --> 00:27:51,920
Did you get Cesare sacked?
679
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:53,280
Yeah. Yeah, I did.
680
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:54,480
You weapon.
681
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:56,360
What are you doing, man?
682
00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:58,320
Why did you say that stuff
to the chairman?
683
00:27:58,360 --> 00:28:00,200
You wanted rid of Cesare! I know you did.
684
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:03,800
You're mistaken. And even if I did,
I wouldn't be the one to undermine him.
685
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:07,000
That stuff gets out,
fans turn on you for disloyalty.
686
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:10,360
You shoot at the king,
you better hit him in the face.
687
00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:12,440
I think it's, "If you aim at..."
688
00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:15,440
A smart person will let nature take
its course and then pick up the pieces.
689
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:17,320
Nature. It's not nature, is it?
690
00:28:17,360 --> 00:28:19,200
- Isn't it?
- No.
691
00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:21,280
You've got a lot to learn, mate.
692
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:23,480
A-L-O-T.
693
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:25,000
Alot.
694
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:30,160
And how long have they been there for?
695
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:32,320
It's been five days now.
696
00:28:32,360 --> 00:28:35,120
...the line first.
That's why it's important.
697
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:38,360
You have to get them to move.
698
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:40,520
The neighbours think they are homeless.
699
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:46,080
Borat!
700
00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:50,120
Do you want a little drink?
Petey won't mind.
53330
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