Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,491 --> 00:00:04,015
Sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:04,812 --> 00:00:06,512
Friends. Family.
3
00:00:06,521 --> 00:00:07,788
Ed.
4
00:00:09,316 --> 00:00:10,416
Ante in.
5
00:00:10,417 --> 00:00:11,784
I'm your dad's half-brother.
6
00:00:11,785 --> 00:00:13,920
That makes me family. Dork.
7
00:00:13,921 --> 00:00:15,388
Dork says what?
8
00:00:15,389 --> 00:00:17,690
- I'm not falling for that.
- What?
9
00:00:19,026 --> 00:00:20,026
Damn it.
10
00:00:21,361 --> 00:00:22,695
Hold on.
11
00:00:22,696 --> 00:00:25,431
There's some news
emanatin' from this region.
12
00:00:26,366 --> 00:00:28,301
There are no changes in my regions.
13
00:00:29,369 --> 00:00:30,736
No, wait, wait.
14
00:00:30,737 --> 00:00:33,306
Free Bird is onto something here.
15
00:00:33,307 --> 00:00:35,007
Eyebrows. They're darker.
16
00:00:35,008 --> 00:00:36,008
That's right.
17
00:00:36,009 --> 00:00:37,710
Somebody's got a big date tonight.
18
00:00:37,711 --> 00:00:39,412
Do the drapes match the curtains?
19
00:00:41,548 --> 00:00:44,517
Dude, that's not even a thing.
20
00:00:44,518 --> 00:00:46,586
In the interest of ever
playing a hand of poker,
21
00:00:46,587 --> 00:00:48,654
yes, I am seeing Louise tonight,
22
00:00:48,655 --> 00:00:50,823
and the Men's Health magazine
at my barbershop
23
00:00:50,824 --> 00:00:52,492
told me that getting rid of the gray
24
00:00:52,493 --> 00:00:54,927
takes years off
the top part of your face.
25
00:00:55,863 --> 00:00:57,196
Yeah, that'll work.
26
00:00:57,197 --> 00:00:58,898
As long as you hide
the bottom part with a...
27
00:00:58,899 --> 00:01:00,666
fan, like an old-timey Southern belle.
28
00:01:00,667 --> 00:01:03,169
I do declare,
you will never see my mouth.
29
00:01:05,772 --> 00:01:09,275
I kindly ask that you do not
appropriate my culture.
30
00:01:13,413 --> 00:01:14,814
So, big date, huh?
31
00:01:14,815 --> 00:01:17,216
Is tonight the night
you're gonna butter the biscuit?
32
00:01:18,986 --> 00:01:24,891
Yes. It is very likely that tonight,
Louise and I will butter the biscuit.
33
00:01:24,892 --> 00:01:26,759
And I don't want to hear
any more about it.
34
00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:29,262
- Understood.
- Okay.
35
00:01:29,263 --> 00:01:30,530
So, you nervous?
36
00:01:31,565 --> 00:01:34,233
I am nervous as hell.
37
00:01:34,234 --> 00:01:36,369
I was with the same woman for 45 years,
38
00:01:36,370 --> 00:01:38,471
and I never thought I'd be
unlucky enough to lose her.
39
00:01:38,472 --> 00:01:40,406
And I never thought I'd be lucky enough
40
00:01:40,407 --> 00:01:41,574
to find someone else,
41
00:01:41,575 --> 00:01:43,776
and I-I don't want to blow it.
42
00:01:43,777 --> 00:01:46,445
Well, then you better think twice
about the Groucho eyebrows
43
00:01:46,446 --> 00:01:48,147
and that CPAP mask you wear every night.
44
00:01:48,149 --> 00:01:50,449
What's a CPAP mask?
45
00:01:50,450 --> 00:01:52,785
It's a mask attached by a hose to a pump
46
00:01:52,786 --> 00:01:54,186
that forces air down my throat
47
00:01:54,187 --> 00:01:56,589
so I don't stop breathing
in the middle of the night.
48
00:01:56,590 --> 00:01:58,024
So you look like Tom Cruise in "Top Gun"
49
00:01:58,025 --> 00:02:00,726
if he was an old man
who couldn't breathe on his own.
50
00:02:02,729 --> 00:02:04,997
Who else has a date tonight?
51
00:02:09,636 --> 00:02:11,804
But you guys helped me make a decision.
52
00:02:11,805 --> 00:02:14,140
I'm not bringing the CPAP mask over.
53
00:02:14,141 --> 00:02:16,275
Oh. You're rollin' the dice there, Dan.
54
00:02:16,276 --> 00:02:18,411
Not wearing the mask could kill ya.
55
00:02:18,412 --> 00:02:20,012
Oh, would you quit it?
56
00:02:20,013 --> 00:02:23,015
He's not gonna die
from not wearing the mask.
57
00:02:23,016 --> 00:02:25,051
He's gonna die from the sex.
58
00:02:52,779 --> 00:03:00,554
The Conners - S02E19 - SEASON FINALE
CPAPs, Hickeys and Biscuits
59
00:03:04,550 --> 00:03:05,858
"The Conners" is recorded
60
00:03:05,859 --> 00:03:07,660
in front of a live studio audience.
61
00:03:10,030 --> 00:03:12,465
Hey. I have been trying to reach you.
62
00:03:12,466 --> 00:03:13,633
Are you okay?
63
00:03:13,634 --> 00:03:15,067
I'm going to jail.
64
00:03:16,370 --> 00:03:17,470
I'm going to jail, right?
65
00:03:17,471 --> 00:03:18,971
Absolutely.
66
00:03:20,207 --> 00:03:23,175
What did you do?
67
00:03:23,176 --> 00:03:24,644
Do I need to come and bail ya out?
68
00:03:24,645 --> 00:03:26,512
No, no. I don't want to
waste the money,
69
00:03:26,513 --> 00:03:27,880
and honestly, I could use the night off.
70
00:03:28,982 --> 00:03:31,851
I refused to sign the ticket
for texting at a stoplight,
71
00:03:31,852 --> 00:03:33,586
and apparently, there are certain things
72
00:03:33,587 --> 00:03:36,322
you can't say to a cop,
like "You work for me"
73
00:03:36,323 --> 00:03:38,357
or "Maybe if you had
a salad once in a while,
74
00:03:38,358 --> 00:03:39,925
you might've made fireman."
75
00:03:41,428 --> 00:03:44,063
Okay. Well, I can spend
the night here with the kids.
76
00:03:44,064 --> 00:03:45,131
Thank you.
77
00:03:45,132 --> 00:03:49,402
Remember, lights out at 11:00,
and make sure all the stove burners
78
00:03:49,403 --> 00:03:50,770
are in the off position
79
00:03:50,771 --> 00:03:52,905
so the gas doesn't kill
everybody in their sleep.
80
00:03:52,906 --> 00:03:55,574
So don't kill the children
or blow up the house.
81
00:03:55,575 --> 00:03:58,611
Got it. Okay, have fun. Make friends.
82
00:03:59,946 --> 00:04:01,681
Is it okay if Harper spends the night,
83
00:04:01,682 --> 00:04:03,215
or do I have to wait to ask Mom
84
00:04:03,216 --> 00:04:05,584
when the police give her
her one phone call?
85
00:04:06,586 --> 00:04:08,554
- Ya heard that, huh?
- Yeah.
86
00:04:08,555 --> 00:04:09,689
We have a lot to do
87
00:04:09,690 --> 00:04:11,123
to finish our Earth Day
science fair project.
88
00:04:11,124 --> 00:04:13,426
- Oh.
- It's a solar hot dog cooker.
89
00:04:14,661 --> 00:04:15,761
It was Mark's idea.
90
00:04:15,762 --> 00:04:18,330
My mom says global warming is a hoax
91
00:04:18,331 --> 00:04:20,633
because it gets cold at night.
92
00:04:22,069 --> 00:04:23,669
She's an idiot.
93
00:04:25,972 --> 00:04:27,773
And I figured since hot dogs
94
00:04:27,774 --> 00:04:29,909
are our family's main source of food...
95
00:04:29,910 --> 00:04:32,178
...and we regularly have
the power turned off,
96
00:04:32,179 --> 00:04:33,779
this would be worth learning.
97
00:04:35,882 --> 00:04:38,984
Okay, well, I-I think I can make
this decision without your mom.
98
00:04:38,985 --> 00:04:41,454
Harper can stay over,
but where's she gonna sleep?
99
00:04:41,455 --> 00:04:42,621
Uh, my room.
100
00:04:42,622 --> 00:04:45,458
She can use Harris' bed
since she's at Odessa's tonight,
101
00:04:45,459 --> 00:04:47,259
and we probably won't even sleep anyway,
102
00:04:47,260 --> 00:04:48,561
we have so much work to do.
103
00:04:48,562 --> 00:04:49,895
Huh. Okay.
104
00:04:49,896 --> 00:04:52,798
Uh, but you need to call your mom
and make sure it's okay with her.
105
00:04:52,799 --> 00:04:55,067
I already did. She said it's fine.
106
00:04:55,068 --> 00:04:56,669
Oh.
107
00:04:59,372 --> 00:05:01,507
Uh, hey.
108
00:05:04,745 --> 00:05:06,579
You're still gay, right?
109
00:05:08,815 --> 00:05:11,250
Yep. All day, every day.
110
00:05:12,686 --> 00:05:15,821
Good for you. You stay the course.
111
00:05:51,725 --> 00:05:53,726
W-Where are you going?
112
00:05:53,727 --> 00:05:55,861
You're... You're not
going home, are you?
113
00:05:55,862 --> 00:05:57,830
Look, I-I really was gonna go home.
114
00:05:57,831 --> 00:05:59,365
Uh...
115
00:05:59,366 --> 00:06:01,467
If the kids are up and I'm not there,
116
00:06:01,468 --> 00:06:03,035
they're gonna ask a million questions.
117
00:06:03,036 --> 00:06:04,470
Hey.
118
00:06:04,471 --> 00:06:06,839
You're the one who wanted
a committed relationship.
119
00:06:06,840 --> 00:06:09,141
Not running away is a part of that,
120
00:06:09,142 --> 00:06:11,911
so come on, get back in bed.
121
00:06:13,847 --> 00:06:16,849
I wanted a relationship before I
knew how bossy you were gonna be.
122
00:06:16,850 --> 00:06:18,851
Oh.
123
00:06:53,587 --> 00:06:55,754
What are you doing?
124
00:06:55,755 --> 00:06:58,023
Hunting wabbits. Be vewy quiet.
125
00:06:58,024 --> 00:07:00,259
Oh.
126
00:07:00,260 --> 00:07:03,863
I think sex scrambled your brain.
127
00:07:03,864 --> 00:07:05,631
You're acting really weird.
128
00:07:06,766 --> 00:07:08,767
We can talk in the morning.
129
00:07:08,768 --> 00:07:10,536
I hope so.
130
00:07:14,108 --> 00:07:17,342
Hey!
131
00:07:17,343 --> 00:07:19,378
Welcome back to society.
132
00:07:19,446 --> 00:07:21,948
Things have changed
since they put you away.
133
00:07:21,949 --> 00:07:23,483
This is a phone.
134
00:07:23,484 --> 00:07:26,853
You can send words through
the air to other phones.
135
00:07:28,455 --> 00:07:31,524
Yeah, and when you went in,
there was only one "NCIS,"
136
00:07:31,525 --> 00:07:34,594
and now there's one in
every city in the land.
137
00:07:36,597 --> 00:07:38,631
Uh, Harris, can you leave for a moment?
138
00:07:38,632 --> 00:07:39,966
Ben and I need to talk.
139
00:07:39,967 --> 00:07:41,801
Oh. Oh, I'm not Harris.
140
00:07:41,802 --> 00:07:43,770
I'm Harris' daughter.
141
00:07:43,771 --> 00:07:46,372
Are you Nana Darlene?
142
00:07:48,342 --> 00:07:51,010
Hilarious. Get out.
I need to talk to Ben.
143
00:07:51,011 --> 00:07:53,379
I do not like
what prison has done to you.
144
00:07:55,616 --> 00:07:58,184
Okay, I still don't understand.
145
00:07:58,185 --> 00:08:01,287
Why would you let Harper
sleep in Mark's room?
146
00:08:01,288 --> 00:08:02,855
Do you know how embarrassing it was
147
00:08:02,856 --> 00:08:04,557
to get a message from her mother
148
00:08:04,558 --> 00:08:06,292
saying her daughter
came home with a hickey?
149
00:08:06,293 --> 00:08:07,694
Hey.
150
00:08:07,695 --> 00:08:09,796
I asked Mark right
before he went upstairs,
151
00:08:09,797 --> 00:08:12,865
"Are you still gay?" And he said yes.
152
00:08:14,535 --> 00:08:16,603
It doesn't matter if he's gay.
153
00:08:16,604 --> 00:08:18,671
Kids at that age are experimenting.
154
00:08:18,672 --> 00:08:20,173
Well, hey, in my defense,
155
00:08:20,174 --> 00:08:22,976
I took away their caffeinated soda.
156
00:08:22,977 --> 00:08:25,645
Well, apparently,
Mark was still thirsty,
157
00:08:25,646 --> 00:08:27,714
because he was trying
to get liquid from her neck.
158
00:08:29,449 --> 00:08:30,817
It's just a hickey!
159
00:08:30,818 --> 00:08:32,218
Oh, how do you know?
160
00:08:32,219 --> 00:08:34,954
We have no idea what they did
until we talk to Mark.
161
00:08:34,955 --> 00:08:37,256
Well, maybe we should
wait to talk to Mark, then,
162
00:08:37,257 --> 00:08:39,091
before you jump all over my ass.
163
00:08:39,092 --> 00:08:40,760
- Oh, fine.
- Fine.
164
00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:48,034
How long 'til Mark
gets home from school?
165
00:08:48,035 --> 00:08:49,836
About five hours.
166
00:08:52,206 --> 00:08:55,308
That is... a long time.
167
00:08:57,945 --> 00:08:59,779
Sorry I'm late.
168
00:08:59,780 --> 00:09:01,280
Beverly Rose wouldn't let me go
169
00:09:01,281 --> 00:09:03,282
when I went to drop her off
at the tías'.
170
00:09:03,283 --> 00:09:04,951
I'm not used to being this adored.
171
00:09:04,952 --> 00:09:07,086
It's exhausting!
172
00:09:07,087 --> 00:09:08,621
Yeah, you went through a phase
173
00:09:08,622 --> 00:09:10,323
where I couldn't put you down.
174
00:09:10,324 --> 00:09:12,258
I'd just rub a little
whiskey on your gums.
175
00:09:12,259 --> 00:09:14,026
After some dancing
around in your diaper,
176
00:09:14,027 --> 00:09:16,128
you'd keel right over.
177
00:09:16,129 --> 00:09:19,498
Hey, that's another piece
of my alcoholic puzzle.
178
00:09:20,734 --> 00:09:23,436
Man, the tías are still
on me to marry Emilio
179
00:09:23,437 --> 00:09:25,037
to help him get back into the country.
180
00:09:25,038 --> 00:09:27,139
Tell me you're not
actually considering this.
181
00:09:27,140 --> 00:09:28,908
I don't know.
182
00:09:28,909 --> 00:09:31,444
He's Beverly Rose's dad,
and he deserves to see her.
183
00:09:31,445 --> 00:09:33,079
The only problem is,
184
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:34,947
to make it look like a real marriage,
185
00:09:34,948 --> 00:09:37,884
I'd have to live with him
for a least a couple years.
186
00:09:37,885 --> 00:09:40,620
That's gonna make it awkward
to bring home dates.
187
00:09:40,621 --> 00:09:41,988
She's right.
188
00:09:41,989 --> 00:09:45,024
Most guys don't even like it
when you have a cat.
189
00:09:45,025 --> 00:09:46,926
What are you doing?
190
00:09:46,927 --> 00:09:49,762
You'd be committing a federal crime
for a guy you don't even love.
191
00:09:49,763 --> 00:09:51,964
I don't love him.
192
00:09:51,965 --> 00:09:53,165
But the tías said
193
00:09:53,166 --> 00:09:56,402
lots of people grow to love
the person after they marry.
194
00:09:56,403 --> 00:09:58,838
Well, they don't really
have a dog in this fight,
195
00:09:58,839 --> 00:10:01,274
so I guess they're being
totally objective.
196
00:10:01,275 --> 00:10:02,842
Heeey.
197
00:10:02,843 --> 00:10:05,478
You grew to love Adam Sandler.
198
00:10:05,479 --> 00:10:07,847
When everybody said
after "Billy Madison"
199
00:10:07,848 --> 00:10:10,216
that he was a waste of time,
you hung in there.
200
00:10:11,385 --> 00:10:13,286
And then "Happy Gilmore"
turned you around,
201
00:10:13,287 --> 00:10:15,855
and then "The Waterboy."
202
00:10:15,856 --> 00:10:18,457
Now you got to watch that
every time it comes on.
203
00:10:18,458 --> 00:10:20,359
Okay, okay, okay.
204
00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:23,029
Let's just say Emilio does turn out
205
00:10:23,030 --> 00:10:25,965
to be as great as Mr. Adam Sandler.
206
00:10:25,966 --> 00:10:30,002
When you say live with him,
where exactly would that be?
207
00:10:30,003 --> 00:10:32,371
I'm asking for my friend...
208
00:10:32,372 --> 00:10:33,806
My friend Dan Conner.
209
00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:38,511
- Please?
- Mm.
210
00:10:38,512 --> 00:10:41,547
What is going on with you, huh?
211
00:10:41,548 --> 00:10:44,050
I mean, the coffee isn't even that good.
212
00:10:44,051 --> 00:10:45,985
I ran out of filters this morning.
213
00:10:45,986 --> 00:10:47,887
I had to use an old T-shirt.
214
00:10:47,888 --> 00:10:49,956
Oh. No? Okay.
215
00:10:51,491 --> 00:10:53,025
I was up all night.
216
00:10:53,026 --> 00:10:54,627
I stayed at Louise's,
and I didn't want her
217
00:10:54,628 --> 00:10:56,028
to see me in my CPAP,
218
00:10:56,029 --> 00:10:58,864
so I had to stay awake or die.
219
00:10:58,865 --> 00:11:00,566
Look, she's already heard you
220
00:11:00,567 --> 00:11:02,068
trying to get out of a chair,
221
00:11:02,069 --> 00:11:03,736
and she still wants to be with you.
222
00:11:03,737 --> 00:11:05,571
Trust her a little bit.
223
00:11:05,572 --> 00:11:07,907
She likes you because
you're funny and you're solid
224
00:11:07,908 --> 00:11:10,910
and you have the... the... the wisdom
that comes with experience.
225
00:11:10,911 --> 00:11:12,611
Why don't you try using some of that?
226
00:11:12,612 --> 00:11:14,347
Look, I just think when she rolls over
227
00:11:14,348 --> 00:11:15,881
and sees me in that rig,
228
00:11:15,882 --> 00:11:18,217
it's gonna be like
waking up next to her dad.
229
00:11:18,218 --> 00:11:19,518
Eh.
230
00:11:19,519 --> 00:11:21,287
Some women like that, Dan.
231
00:11:25,525 --> 00:11:27,026
Oh, love the turtleneck.
232
00:11:27,027 --> 00:11:28,894
How's that sculpting class
you're teaching
233
00:11:28,895 --> 00:11:30,997
at the community college going?
234
00:11:32,399 --> 00:11:34,700
I was looking at myself
in the mirror last night,
235
00:11:34,701 --> 00:11:38,004
and I was put off
by my unusually long neck.
236
00:11:41,274 --> 00:11:42,975
Fine.
237
00:11:42,976 --> 00:11:45,111
Oh, God!
238
00:11:45,112 --> 00:11:46,879
You got one, too?!
239
00:11:48,048 --> 00:11:50,483
We had a deal. You were gay!
240
00:11:52,085 --> 00:11:54,120
It's not what you think.
241
00:11:54,121 --> 00:11:57,690
Harper has a new boyfriend
and wanted to practice kissing.
242
00:11:57,691 --> 00:12:00,393
The next thing I knew,
she went all "Twilight" on my neck,
243
00:12:00,394 --> 00:12:02,695
even though she knows I'm Team Jacob.
244
00:12:05,599 --> 00:12:08,234
And then she asked me to give her one.
245
00:12:08,235 --> 00:12:10,002
Well, did anything else happen?
246
00:12:10,003 --> 00:12:11,137
No!
247
00:12:11,138 --> 00:12:12,972
Okay. Go upstairs.
248
00:12:12,973 --> 00:12:15,574
Oh, and when your Aunt Becky gets home,
249
00:12:15,575 --> 00:12:17,209
have her teach you
how to cover that thing up.
250
00:12:17,210 --> 00:12:20,079
By the time she was 15,
she was more hickey than Becky.
251
00:12:23,717 --> 00:12:24,917
See?
252
00:12:24,918 --> 00:12:28,120
It's just a practice hickey.
253
00:12:28,121 --> 00:12:30,089
No harm, no foul.
254
00:12:31,058 --> 00:12:34,160
Hmm? I think I deserve an apology.
255
00:12:34,161 --> 00:12:36,796
I don't owe you an apology at all.
256
00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:38,931
Something much worse could've happened.
257
00:12:38,932 --> 00:12:42,034
But it didn't, so why
are you still pissed off?
258
00:12:42,035 --> 00:12:43,436
You know what? I would just prefer
259
00:12:43,437 --> 00:12:46,272
if you'd run any parenting
decisions by me from now on.
260
00:12:46,273 --> 00:12:49,008
I can usually be reached
when I'm not behind bars.
261
00:12:51,078 --> 00:12:53,813
Uh, you know, we've been
together for a while now,
262
00:12:53,814 --> 00:12:56,449
and at some point,
you are gonna have to trust me
263
00:12:56,450 --> 00:12:59,018
to make some decisions about the kids.
264
00:12:59,019 --> 00:13:02,488
Ben, the kids love and respect you,
265
00:13:02,489 --> 00:13:05,357
which proves that you know
nothing about parenting.
266
00:13:07,027 --> 00:13:09,862
Have you ever even told the kids
that they should listen to me?
267
00:13:09,863 --> 00:13:12,164
Well, I never thought about it,
because you're not their dad.
268
00:13:12,165 --> 00:13:14,700
Yeah, I know that, okay?
269
00:13:14,701 --> 00:13:17,103
Thank you for defining what I am not.
270
00:13:17,104 --> 00:13:18,504
How about defining what I am?
271
00:13:18,505 --> 00:13:20,840
And why stop with the kids?
What am I to you?
272
00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:22,208
W-What are you talking about?
273
00:13:22,209 --> 00:13:23,676
I mean, we're trying to have a baby,
274
00:13:23,677 --> 00:13:25,444
but you don't want to get married,
275
00:13:25,445 --> 00:13:28,614
we don't even live together.
I don't know what this is.
276
00:13:28,615 --> 00:13:30,683
Wait, hang on. Hang on.
277
00:13:32,052 --> 00:13:34,086
Calm down.
278
00:13:34,087 --> 00:13:36,088
Is this something
sex would take care of?
279
00:13:39,159 --> 00:13:40,960
No!
280
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:50,621
You've been washing that dish
281
00:13:50,622 --> 00:13:51,922
for about three minutes.
282
00:13:51,923 --> 00:13:54,191
The Holiday Inn logo's
starting to come off.
283
00:13:55,994 --> 00:13:57,195
What's going on?
284
00:13:57,196 --> 00:13:58,362
Um...
285
00:13:58,363 --> 00:14:00,031
Can I ask you something?
286
00:14:00,032 --> 00:14:01,399
Yeah, sure.
287
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:04,869
You raised your kids alone.
You know how hard it is.
288
00:14:04,870 --> 00:14:07,004
Is it nuts for me to marry Emilio
289
00:14:07,005 --> 00:14:09,106
so he can come here
and help me with the baby?
290
00:14:09,107 --> 00:14:11,609
Oh, Ben has been on my ass lately
291
00:14:11,610 --> 00:14:13,744
to be more involved with my kids.
292
00:14:13,745 --> 00:14:15,246
He loves your baby. Put him to work.
293
00:14:15,247 --> 00:14:17,248
Maybe he'll stop driving me crazy.
294
00:14:18,217 --> 00:14:19,550
Me!
295
00:14:19,551 --> 00:14:22,153
We're fixing me, you narcissist!
296
00:14:23,055 --> 00:14:25,389
If I marry him, I have
to live with him for two years
297
00:14:25,390 --> 00:14:26,657
and give up any chance
298
00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:28,926
of meeting someone I might really love.
299
00:14:28,927 --> 00:14:30,895
Oh. I wouldn't do that.
300
00:14:30,896 --> 00:14:33,030
Don't miss your chance
to meet the right person.
301
00:14:33,031 --> 00:14:34,966
It could happen at any time.
I mean, look.
302
00:14:34,967 --> 00:14:37,435
I didn't think I could
fall in love again, and I did.
303
00:14:37,436 --> 00:14:39,470
I just got all the stuff I left here
304
00:14:39,471 --> 00:14:42,557
from the cardboard box you said
was "better than a drawer."
305
00:14:43,475 --> 00:14:44,909
I'm outta here.
306
00:14:46,678 --> 00:14:49,780
What's your secret?
How do I get what you have?
307
00:14:51,783 --> 00:14:53,384
I don't get it.
308
00:14:53,385 --> 00:14:55,052
Why are you pushing him away?
309
00:15:03,195 --> 00:15:06,130
Ben, don't go.
310
00:15:06,131 --> 00:15:08,065
I need a break.
311
00:15:08,066 --> 00:15:09,300
I'm just... I'm tired
312
00:15:09,301 --> 00:15:11,969
of being in this weird, amorphous,
313
00:15:11,970 --> 00:15:14,705
undefined, mid-life relationship.
314
00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:18,042
I think you just defined it
really beautifully.
315
00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:19,877
Look, if we're not moving forward,
316
00:15:19,878 --> 00:15:22,013
then we're just wasting our time.
317
00:15:22,014 --> 00:15:23,547
So give me one good reason
318
00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:24,915
why you don't want to live with me.
319
00:15:24,916 --> 00:15:26,484
No.
320
00:15:26,485 --> 00:15:28,719
I don't not want to live with you.
321
00:15:29,888 --> 00:15:31,088
What?
322
00:15:33,358 --> 00:15:35,893
Look, this is just really hard for me.
323
00:15:35,894 --> 00:15:38,296
I do want to live with you.
324
00:15:38,297 --> 00:15:40,898
I guess I'm scared.
325
00:15:40,899 --> 00:15:42,833
You know, the last time
my life fell apart,
326
00:15:42,834 --> 00:15:43,934
I came back here.
327
00:15:43,935 --> 00:15:45,169
And now I feel safe,
328
00:15:45,170 --> 00:15:47,004
and you want me to go
back out there again.
329
00:15:47,005 --> 00:15:49,040
What, don't you feel safe with me?
330
00:15:49,041 --> 00:15:50,074
Yeah.
331
00:15:50,075 --> 00:15:52,276
But I'm screwed up,
332
00:15:52,277 --> 00:15:55,112
you know, and...
333
00:15:55,113 --> 00:15:58,015
It's just... I feel like
if it doesn't work out,
334
00:15:58,016 --> 00:16:00,484
it might be because of me.
335
00:16:00,485 --> 00:16:02,720
You know, I can't fail again.
336
00:16:02,721 --> 00:16:04,121
Wait.
337
00:16:04,122 --> 00:16:07,024
I know you're screwed up,
and I still want to live with ya.
338
00:16:07,025 --> 00:16:09,060
That makes me more screwed up than you.
339
00:16:09,061 --> 00:16:10,995
So...
340
00:16:10,996 --> 00:16:13,531
If it fails, it'll be my fault.
341
00:16:13,532 --> 00:16:15,800
This shouldn't make me
feel better, but it does.
342
00:16:16,802 --> 00:16:18,703
That's because you're screwed up!
343
00:16:20,539 --> 00:16:22,039
Okay.
344
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:23,607
That's it. I'm taking the leap.
345
00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,276
We should live together.
346
00:16:25,277 --> 00:16:28,012
I don't know.
347
00:16:30,949 --> 00:16:34,285
This is all just... so sudden.
348
00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:37,421
It's gonna take me a while to pack.
349
00:16:37,422 --> 00:16:40,291
Oh, look! I'm all ready to go.
350
00:16:44,763 --> 00:16:45,796
Hi.
351
00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:48,032
Hey.
352
00:16:48,033 --> 00:16:49,567
Wow.
353
00:16:49,568 --> 00:16:51,736
I didn't take you as a toys kind of guy.
354
00:16:54,673 --> 00:16:57,575
Uh, I've done some crazy things,
355
00:16:57,576 --> 00:17:01,545
but, uh, I don't need that much
horsepower to make me happy.
356
00:17:03,048 --> 00:17:05,983
It's a CPAP machine. I have sleep apnea.
357
00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:08,586
That's why I was
trying to leave last night.
358
00:17:08,587 --> 00:17:10,121
Oh, I know what you're thinking.
359
00:17:10,122 --> 00:17:12,123
You can easily make one of these
360
00:17:12,124 --> 00:17:13,457
with a magazine and a fan,
361
00:17:13,458 --> 00:17:14,825
but you really can't.
362
00:17:16,595 --> 00:17:19,163
Why didn't you just
bring it over last night?
363
00:17:19,164 --> 00:17:21,699
Because I didn't want you looking at me
364
00:17:21,700 --> 00:17:26,170
like I was somebody waiting
to get their organs harvested.
365
00:17:26,171 --> 00:17:29,473
Dan, you're being ridiculous.
366
00:17:29,474 --> 00:17:31,942
No, I'm not.
367
00:17:31,943 --> 00:17:33,577
You're perfect.
368
00:17:33,578 --> 00:17:36,013
And I got all kinds of
stuff wrong with me.
369
00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:37,815
Well, I'm a little upset
370
00:17:37,816 --> 00:17:39,083
that you didn't trust me enough
371
00:17:39,084 --> 00:17:42,119
to tell me about
your sleep machine sooner.
372
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:44,021
If you're gonna keep things from me,
373
00:17:44,022 --> 00:17:47,024
then we're building our
new relationship on lies.
374
00:17:47,025 --> 00:17:48,325
I got to tell ya,
375
00:17:48,326 --> 00:17:50,895
I feel like you're catfishing me.
376
00:17:52,631 --> 00:17:54,632
Just because I'm perfect...
377
00:17:56,101 --> 00:17:57,835
...doesn't mean
that you should be insecure
378
00:17:57,836 --> 00:17:59,870
about your stuff.
379
00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:01,705
I know you're trying to prove a point,
380
00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:04,108
but I got to tell ya, you're still hot.
381
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:07,445
I'm not near done.
382
00:18:10,148 --> 00:18:12,983
Still sexy now, sailor?
383
00:18:16,087 --> 00:18:17,888
Still hot in my book.
384
00:18:20,225 --> 00:18:23,861
Look, we should not be
ashamed of getting older.
385
00:18:23,862 --> 00:18:26,163
We've earned the right to fall apart.
386
00:18:26,164 --> 00:18:29,233
And the nice thing is,
we can do it together.
387
00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:31,702
Yeah, funny thing is...
388
00:18:31,703 --> 00:18:33,070
until I look at myself in the mirror,
389
00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:34,438
I don't feel old.
390
00:18:34,439 --> 00:18:36,474
Hmm. Me neither.
391
00:18:36,475 --> 00:18:39,376
And you... you have the eyebrows
392
00:18:39,377 --> 00:18:41,979
of a 30-year-old man.
393
00:18:43,648 --> 00:18:46,584
I toned it down, but you still noticed.
394
00:18:46,585 --> 00:18:49,019
I'm told it makes my eyes pop.
395
00:18:50,055 --> 00:18:52,356
Aww. They do.
396
00:18:58,129 --> 00:19:00,064
It's about time you got here.
397
00:19:00,065 --> 00:19:01,866
We got to go to work.
398
00:19:01,867 --> 00:19:05,636
Well, well, well.
399
00:19:05,637 --> 00:19:08,105
Look who's rollin' in
first thing in the morning
400
00:19:08,106 --> 00:19:11,041
wearing the same clothes
he was wearing yesterday.
401
00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:15,646
And the same clothes
I was wearing the day before.
402
00:19:16,748 --> 00:19:20,251
We know what the walk of shame
looks like, Dad.
403
00:19:20,252 --> 00:19:22,052
You got your panties balled up
404
00:19:22,053 --> 00:19:24,321
in your purse here, don't you?
405
00:19:25,257 --> 00:19:27,224
I bet you got your bra on inside out.
406
00:19:28,260 --> 00:19:29,860
I just wanted to be part of it.
407
00:19:32,464 --> 00:19:35,332
Uh, you're gonna tell me
about last night, right?
408
00:19:39,771 --> 00:19:41,071
What's wrong?
409
00:19:41,072 --> 00:19:43,307
It's from the bank.
410
00:19:43,308 --> 00:19:45,142
They're foreclosing on the house.
411
00:19:47,646 --> 00:19:49,780
Y... You're joking, right?
412
00:19:49,781 --> 00:19:52,850
You know how slow business has been.
413
00:19:52,851 --> 00:19:54,285
I have medical bills,
414
00:19:54,286 --> 00:19:56,153
I need a new transmission for the truck,
415
00:19:56,154 --> 00:19:58,389
so I had to take out a second mortgage.
416
00:19:58,390 --> 00:20:00,824
I-I just can't keep up.
417
00:20:02,294 --> 00:20:03,327
Damn.
418
00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:04,795
I'm sorry, man.
419
00:20:04,796 --> 00:20:06,330
If they think
they're gonna take my house,
420
00:20:06,331 --> 00:20:08,332
they got another think coming.
421
00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:10,434
What are you gonna do?
422
00:20:10,435 --> 00:20:11,802
I don't know.
423
00:20:11,803 --> 00:20:13,337
But I should start
by getting me a rifle.
424
00:20:13,338 --> 00:20:15,306
We got the rev'nooers a-comin'.
425
00:20:21,462 --> 00:20:23,630
Hey there, Count Suckula.
426
00:20:24,632 --> 00:20:27,267
Uh, okay, so, your mom
and I have been talking
427
00:20:27,268 --> 00:20:29,469
about my role with you kids,
428
00:20:29,470 --> 00:20:32,238
and, uh, since you're almost a teenager,
429
00:20:32,239 --> 00:20:36,409
she asked me to talk to you about, um...
430
00:20:36,410 --> 00:20:38,812
well, the intimate things that, uh...
431
00:20:38,813 --> 00:20:42,882
happen between two people
who love each other.
432
00:20:44,985 --> 00:20:47,854
So here goes.
433
00:20:47,855 --> 00:20:50,557
You've been to the zoo, right?
434
00:20:51,692 --> 00:20:55,662
Sometimes, uh,
when you look in the cage...
435
00:20:58,432 --> 00:20:59,499
You can stop.
436
00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:02,368
My mom and I already had this talk.
437
00:21:02,369 --> 00:21:05,138
She just wanted me to see
how uncomfortable I could make you.
438
00:21:05,139 --> 00:21:06,406
Mm-hmm.
439
00:21:08,175 --> 00:21:10,677
You did a good job.
440
00:21:11,912 --> 00:21:13,847
You really had me sweating there.
441
00:21:13,848 --> 00:21:15,048
Thanks.
442
00:21:15,049 --> 00:21:17,316
So, how are you gonna get back at her?
443
00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:18,685
Oh, no, no.
444
00:21:18,686 --> 00:21:22,121
That's not the way things work
in a mature relationship.
445
00:21:23,557 --> 00:21:26,959
And I'll let you know
when I think of something good.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net
32193
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.