Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,683 --> 00:00:03,179
sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:06,580 --> 00:00:07,747
Hey!
3
00:00:08,883 --> 00:00:10,083
Great show.
4
00:00:10,084 --> 00:00:12,652
Dan?
5
00:00:12,653 --> 00:00:14,354
W-What are you doing here?
6
00:00:14,355 --> 00:00:16,022
I've never seen you perform.
7
00:00:16,023 --> 00:00:17,891
And you were only 212 miles away,
8
00:00:17,892 --> 00:00:20,727
so I thought I'd swing by.
9
00:00:20,728 --> 00:00:21,861
These are for you.
10
00:00:23,931 --> 00:00:26,266
Why do they have nacho cheese on them?
11
00:00:27,468 --> 00:00:30,604
A-A-And they smell like beer.
12
00:00:30,605 --> 00:00:34,107
After I saw you
kissing the keyboard player...
13
00:00:34,108 --> 00:00:36,009
I threw them in the trash.
14
00:00:36,010 --> 00:00:37,944
But then I fished them out
'cause, damn it,
15
00:00:37,945 --> 00:00:39,846
I came here to tell you something,
16
00:00:39,847 --> 00:00:43,316
and maybe it's too late,
but I'm gonna tell you anyway.
17
00:00:43,317 --> 00:00:44,718
I'm ready.
18
00:00:47,622 --> 00:00:48,989
Oh.
19
00:00:48,990 --> 00:00:50,123
You're ready.
20
00:00:50,124 --> 00:00:52,525
Yeah, I thought about what you said,
21
00:00:52,526 --> 00:00:55,028
and I want a fullon relationship, too.
22
00:00:55,029 --> 00:00:56,529
So, what,
23
00:00:56,530 --> 00:00:58,798
I'm just supposed to forget
about this last year,
24
00:00:58,799 --> 00:01:00,367
when you've been stringing me along,
25
00:01:00,368 --> 00:01:02,335
and now you're ready?
26
00:01:02,336 --> 00:01:05,171
So I just jump on your bike
and we ride away?
27
00:01:05,172 --> 00:01:09,376
Well, I'm a little saddle sore
from riding for three hours.
28
00:01:09,377 --> 00:01:11,444
Maybe we could hit it fresh tomorrow?
29
00:01:13,714 --> 00:01:15,048
I'm sorry, Dan.
30
00:01:15,049 --> 00:01:16,716
Oh, come on.
31
00:01:16,717 --> 00:01:18,818
Come on, you got to still feel
something for me.
32
00:01:19,987 --> 00:01:21,721
It's too late.
33
00:01:21,722 --> 00:01:22,822
I moved on.
34
00:01:25,459 --> 00:01:27,594
Guess you'll want these back.
35
00:01:29,230 --> 00:01:30,664
No, you can keep 'em.
36
00:01:32,667 --> 00:01:34,134
Please don't make me.
37
00:01:36,170 --> 00:01:37,971
There's a Band-Aid in here.
38
00:02:16,510 --> 00:02:18,378
"The Conners" is recorded
39
00:02:18,379 --> 00:02:20,714
in front of a live studio audience.
40
00:02:20,715 --> 00:02:23,450
Okay, okay, I haven't slept
in a couple days.
41
00:02:23,451 --> 00:02:25,552
Uh, tell me I'm not hallucinating.
42
00:02:25,553 --> 00:02:28,388
That is a man racing a bear
43
00:02:28,389 --> 00:02:31,291
on an obstacle course, right?
44
00:02:31,292 --> 00:02:33,093
Yeah, yeah.
45
00:02:33,094 --> 00:02:35,295
It's a show called "Man vs. Bear."
46
00:02:35,296 --> 00:02:37,664
And they... they do tug of war,
47
00:02:37,665 --> 00:02:41,267
they roll barrels up hills,
climb trees.
48
00:02:41,268 --> 00:02:44,104
Doesn't the bear win most of the time?
49
00:02:44,105 --> 00:02:47,073
Oh, the bear wins every time.
It's a bear.
50
00:02:47,074 --> 00:02:48,742
I don't think the guy's got a chance
51
00:02:48,743 --> 00:02:52,512
unless they introduce Sudoku
or driving a car.
52
00:02:52,513 --> 00:02:54,981
I think circus bears can drive cars.
53
00:02:54,982 --> 00:02:57,951
You can learn anything
if your food supply depends on it.
54
00:02:59,286 --> 00:03:02,219
What are you guys doing?
It's 1:00 in the morning.
55
00:03:02,221 --> 00:03:04,557
Beverly Rose is teething,
and she won't sleep.
56
00:03:04,558 --> 00:03:07,260
And you were snoring,
so I came downstairs.
57
00:03:07,261 --> 00:03:08,595
I don't snore.
58
00:03:08,596 --> 00:03:09,929
Oh.
59
00:03:09,930 --> 00:03:12,165
Well, then, somebody was
trimming trees in the bedroom.
60
00:03:12,166 --> 00:03:14,434
Let me take her for a bit.
61
00:03:14,435 --> 00:03:15,468
- Thanks.
- Ooh.
62
00:03:15,469 --> 00:03:17,837
Trust me, Darlene.
You snore.
63
00:03:17,838 --> 00:03:19,172
When we shared a room,
64
00:03:19,173 --> 00:03:22,675
I used to put my old
makeup sponges in your mouth.
65
00:03:22,676 --> 00:03:25,145
That's okay.
I used to use your toothbrush.
66
00:03:25,146 --> 00:03:26,146
So?
67
00:03:26,147 --> 00:03:27,747
To clean the turtle bowl.
68
00:03:31,185 --> 00:03:32,652
Why didn't you wake me up?
69
00:03:32,653 --> 00:03:35,889
I tried. I nudged you.
I shook you. I pinched you.
70
00:03:35,890 --> 00:03:37,223
I even splashed water on you.
71
00:03:37,224 --> 00:03:40,026
Oh, that explains
a very weird dream I was having.
72
00:03:40,027 --> 00:03:42,028
I was wrestling with a sea otter,
73
00:03:42,029 --> 00:03:44,297
and then he threw his martini
in my face.
74
00:03:46,867 --> 00:03:48,902
"Woman vs. Otter"!
75
00:03:48,903 --> 00:03:50,870
That could be a show!
76
00:03:50,871 --> 00:03:52,439
Yes!
77
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:53,974
And I know where to get an otter.
78
00:03:53,975 --> 00:03:56,443
All I need is a distraction
and a big towel.
79
00:04:03,417 --> 00:04:04,617
Okay.
80
00:04:04,618 --> 00:04:07,087
Okay, I-I-I'll put
a couple pillows under my head
81
00:04:07,088 --> 00:04:09,322
so I don't snore. Now come back to bed.
82
00:04:09,323 --> 00:04:12,292
Oh, just a few more minutes,
'cause in the last round,
83
00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:14,494
they each have to give a cat a bath.
84
00:04:15,888 --> 00:04:17,756
This is why
we're not getting pregnant...
85
00:04:17,765 --> 00:04:20,567
'cause your sperm's too stupid
to find my egg.
86
00:04:22,903 --> 00:04:24,938
Ben!
87
00:04:24,939 --> 00:04:26,139
Ben, Ben!
88
00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:28,108
They're about to put the salmon
down in front of them
89
00:04:28,109 --> 00:04:29,542
for the fish-eating contest.
90
00:04:29,543 --> 00:04:31,144
I think the man
really has a chance here...
91
00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:32,712
Bear won.
92
00:04:32,713 --> 00:04:35,081
Yep.
93
00:04:40,388 --> 00:04:42,188
- Last call.
- Nuh-unh!
94
00:04:44,225 --> 00:04:47,293
It's only 2:00 in the morning.
Last call's not till 4:00.
95
00:04:47,294 --> 00:04:48,728
It's last call for you.
96
00:04:50,031 --> 00:04:54,100
Fine. I'll take three beers
and three more shots.
97
00:04:54,101 --> 00:04:57,103
You get one beer and o shot.
98
00:04:57,104 --> 00:04:59,806
And maybe you should call your
wife so she can pick you up.
99
00:04:59,807 --> 00:05:01,641
I'm just staying
at the hotel next door,
100
00:05:01,642 --> 00:05:03,810
and my wife's dead.
101
00:05:03,811 --> 00:05:05,445
You didn't kill her, did you?
102
00:05:06,947 --> 00:05:08,114
No!
103
00:05:08,115 --> 00:05:11,251
I'm sorry. We're right off
the expressway. We got to ask.
104
00:05:13,487 --> 00:05:14,921
Can I get a beer, please?
105
00:05:16,223 --> 00:05:18,024
Hey!
106
00:05:18,025 --> 00:05:21,027
- You're with the band, aren't ya?
- Yeah.
107
00:05:21,028 --> 00:05:22,662
What'd you think of the show?
108
00:05:22,663 --> 00:05:24,431
I love Louise.
109
00:05:25,499 --> 00:05:27,133
She is the lead singer.
110
00:05:27,134 --> 00:05:29,636
Nobody ever loves the keyboard player.
111
00:05:29,637 --> 00:05:33,006
Seems like somebody's
loving the keyboard player.
112
00:05:33,007 --> 00:05:34,574
I saw Louise kissing you.
113
00:05:34,575 --> 00:05:37,143
And I got to be honest with you...
114
00:05:37,144 --> 00:05:38,978
It really bothered me.
115
00:05:38,979 --> 00:05:41,181
Oh, you're one of those guys.
116
00:05:41,182 --> 00:05:42,248
I know.
117
00:05:42,249 --> 00:05:44,551
It looks like
she's singing directly to you,
118
00:05:44,552 --> 00:05:46,986
but she's just trying
to remember the words.
119
00:05:49,256 --> 00:05:51,224
It's not what you're thinking.
120
00:05:51,225 --> 00:05:53,093
This is us.
121
00:05:53,094 --> 00:05:56,229
We dated a little back in Lanford.
122
00:05:56,230 --> 00:05:59,232
Yeah, I didn't have the guts to commit.
123
00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:02,168
And then I gave her cheese flowers
124
00:06:02,169 --> 00:06:05,071
and really messed things up.
125
00:06:05,072 --> 00:06:06,873
Cheese flowers?
126
00:06:06,874 --> 00:06:10,009
Is that something, like,
that another guy could catch?
127
00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:12,512
No, nothing like that.
128
00:06:12,513 --> 00:06:14,180
Look...
129
00:06:14,181 --> 00:06:16,449
I just want her back.
130
00:06:18,185 --> 00:06:19,486
Do you love her?
131
00:06:20,821 --> 00:06:22,622
I don't know...
132
00:06:22,623 --> 00:06:24,891
drunk guy.
133
00:06:24,892 --> 00:06:26,359
We've been friends for a long time,
134
00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:28,895
and this just happened, and, uh...
135
00:06:28,896 --> 00:06:30,096
it's got nothing to do with you.
136
00:06:30,097 --> 00:06:32,265
Okay! Okay!
137
00:06:32,266 --> 00:06:35,135
I get it. Backing off.
138
00:06:35,136 --> 00:06:37,003
Beep, beep, beep.
139
00:06:38,239 --> 00:06:40,273
Oh, do me a favor, will ya?
140
00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:42,108
The next time you see her,
141
00:06:42,109 --> 00:06:46,112
tell her that
Dan's not afraid to say it.
142
00:06:46,113 --> 00:06:47,514
"I love you."
143
00:06:47,515 --> 00:06:50,617
But her, not you.
144
00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:52,452
I-I love her, not you.
145
00:06:55,222 --> 00:06:59,058
It's you talking, but it's me saying it.
146
00:06:59,059 --> 00:07:00,593
You'll do that for me, right?
147
00:07:00,594 --> 00:07:02,061
No.
148
00:07:03,063 --> 00:07:04,864
Aw, come on!
149
00:07:04,865 --> 00:07:06,733
- What's your name?
- Zach.
150
00:07:06,734 --> 00:07:10,103
Zach, I'd do it for you.
151
00:07:10,104 --> 00:07:11,437
Watch.
152
00:07:11,438 --> 00:07:13,072
Marla.
153
00:07:13,073 --> 00:07:14,807
Zach loves you.
154
00:07:14,808 --> 00:07:19,512
Yeah, after midnight,
everybody loves me.
155
00:07:19,513 --> 00:07:21,581
Good luck to you, buddy.
156
00:07:21,582 --> 00:07:22,949
Oh, thanks!
157
00:07:22,950 --> 00:07:24,751
Oh! Oh!
158
00:07:24,752 --> 00:07:26,753
Oh, I feel like you and I
159
00:07:26,754 --> 00:07:29,589
have made a little connection here.
160
00:07:29,590 --> 00:07:32,926
It may be the beer talking,
but I think I love you, too.
161
00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:40,401
What are all the pills for?
162
00:07:40,402 --> 00:07:43,838
They're vitamins to increase
my odds of getting pregnant.
163
00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:45,973
So, you're actually trying now?
164
00:07:45,974 --> 00:07:48,608
You know, the world has enough kids.
165
00:07:48,610 --> 00:07:50,644
The Earth can barely sustain
what we've got.
166
00:07:50,645 --> 00:07:52,780
What the hell, woman?
167
00:07:52,781 --> 00:07:55,582
Ben and I want to have a baby together,
168
00:07:55,583 --> 00:07:57,251
and it's gonna be a really small one,
169
00:07:57,252 --> 00:08:01,321
so it's not gonna use up
a lot of resources.
170
00:08:01,322 --> 00:08:03,557
And we'll recycle it when we're done.
171
00:08:04,692 --> 00:08:06,260
You're being really selfish.
172
00:08:06,261 --> 00:08:08,262
Lay off, Harris!
173
00:08:08,263 --> 00:08:11,165
I'm just saying.
Adopt one, don't drop one.
174
00:08:13,134 --> 00:08:14,468
Look, I'm 43.
175
00:08:14,469 --> 00:08:16,470
I don't even know
if I can have a baby, okay?
176
00:08:16,471 --> 00:08:17,905
Get off my back.
177
00:08:19,274 --> 00:08:22,109
Your old people sex
is destroying the Earth!
178
00:08:24,112 --> 00:08:27,047
We're not gonna be here
that long, so we don't care!
179
00:08:28,516 --> 00:08:30,317
Hey, you got to get dressed
for the meeting.
180
00:08:30,318 --> 00:08:32,452
We're gonna be late.
We got to leave like right now.
181
00:08:32,453 --> 00:08:34,988
I am sorry. I went to bed way too late.
182
00:08:34,989 --> 00:08:36,623
Beverly Rose fell asleep in my arms.
183
00:08:36,624 --> 00:08:38,425
I didn't want to move and wake her up.
184
00:08:38,426 --> 00:08:40,360
Well, you could have
given her to Becky.
185
00:08:40,361 --> 00:08:42,696
Oh, I didn't mind.
Becky needed a break.
186
00:08:42,697 --> 00:08:44,331
You go on ahead. I'll meet you there.
187
00:08:44,332 --> 00:08:45,866
But, hey, don't forget
I am coming with you
188
00:08:45,867 --> 00:08:47,367
to your doctor's appointment
afterwards.
189
00:08:47,368 --> 00:08:49,837
You don't need to go to that.
I'll fill you in later.
190
00:08:49,838 --> 00:08:51,438
Just don't be late for the meeting.
191
00:08:51,439 --> 00:08:53,207
We need this guy's advertising dollars.
192
00:08:53,208 --> 00:08:55,209
Well, hey, it...
It is an adult bookstore,
193
00:08:55,210 --> 00:08:57,144
so if you get there before I do,
just talk about
194
00:08:57,145 --> 00:08:58,979
what a shame it is
people don't read anymore.
195
00:09:00,315 --> 00:09:03,150
There's something wrong with
the hot water in the house,
196
00:09:03,151 --> 00:09:04,218
and I need a shower real bad
197
00:09:04,219 --> 00:09:06,386
because Beverly Rose
threw up in my hair,
198
00:09:06,387 --> 00:09:08,055
and I tried running it and running it,
199
00:09:08,056 --> 00:09:09,223
and no hot water came out.
200
00:09:09,224 --> 00:09:11,358
And if I don't get a shower
and some sleep,
201
00:09:11,359 --> 00:09:12,726
I'm gonna eat the baby.
202
00:09:14,028 --> 00:09:16,363
Nobody is eating any babies.
203
00:09:16,364 --> 00:09:17,998
It is probably just the pilot light.
204
00:09:17,999 --> 00:09:19,566
I'll check it.
205
00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:26,039
Yeah. It's the pilot light.
206
00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:27,407
This'll just take a second.
207
00:09:27,408 --> 00:09:31,178
Now, we just turn this,
hold the button down,
208
00:09:31,179 --> 00:09:32,579
and... it's out.
209
00:09:32,580 --> 00:09:33,714
Alright.
210
00:09:33,715 --> 00:09:35,849
So, uh...
211
00:09:35,850 --> 00:09:37,818
it's a little more complicated
than I thought.
212
00:09:37,819 --> 00:09:39,853
Uh, but as soon as I get back
from the meeting with Darlene,
213
00:09:39,854 --> 00:09:43,257
- I'll fix it.
- You said you could fix this!
214
00:09:43,258 --> 00:09:44,992
Were you just talking out of your ass,
215
00:09:44,993 --> 00:09:47,427
like all men do?!
216
00:09:47,428 --> 00:09:49,096
I just want a shower!
217
00:09:49,097 --> 00:09:53,400
I just want my hair to smell
like pretty apples again!
218
00:09:53,401 --> 00:09:54,434
Okay, okay!
219
00:09:54,435 --> 00:09:57,604
Maybe I can try and fix it
right now, okay?
220
00:09:57,605 --> 00:09:59,573
Could just be a clogged burner.
221
00:09:59,574 --> 00:10:02,976
So, I'm just gonna reach in there...
222
00:10:04,612 --> 00:10:06,280
Wow.
223
00:10:06,281 --> 00:10:07,748
Well, that came out way too easy.
224
00:10:15,290 --> 00:10:17,891
Hey, rom-com!
225
00:10:17,892 --> 00:10:20,027
I heard you rode
all the way to Springfield
226
00:10:20,028 --> 00:10:22,296
to tell Louise
you couldn't live without her.
227
00:10:22,297 --> 00:10:23,897
Did you catch her at the airport
228
00:10:23,898 --> 00:10:26,900
before she flew to Paris
to marry the wrong guy?
229
00:10:26,901 --> 00:10:29,303
Why are you screaming?
230
00:10:29,304 --> 00:10:31,238
Oh, a little hung over
231
00:10:31,239 --> 00:10:32,706
from all the celebrating, are we?
232
00:10:32,707 --> 00:10:35,042
Well, I guess some people
can't hold a case of beer
233
00:10:35,043 --> 00:10:36,510
like they used to.
234
00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:40,113
Actually, I got drunk
with Louise's new boyfriend.
235
00:10:40,114 --> 00:10:41,448
Oh!
236
00:10:41,449 --> 00:10:44,251
Dan, let me tell you something
from personal experience...
237
00:10:44,252 --> 00:10:46,320
Thrupples don't work.
238
00:10:46,321 --> 00:10:47,921
No thrupples.
239
00:10:47,922 --> 00:10:49,456
No couples.
240
00:10:49,457 --> 00:10:50,958
No nothing.
241
00:10:50,959 --> 00:10:52,492
She moved on.
242
00:10:52,493 --> 00:10:54,061
Oh, man!
243
00:10:54,062 --> 00:10:55,963
I'm sorry. Dan!
244
00:10:55,964 --> 00:10:57,831
I told her I was ready to commit.
245
00:10:57,832 --> 00:11:00,334
She was tired of waiting.
246
00:11:00,335 --> 00:11:02,769
I'm never gonna meet
anyone like her again.
247
00:11:02,770 --> 00:11:05,505
Okay, look, you got your heart broken.
248
00:11:05,506 --> 00:11:06,640
That sucks.
249
00:11:06,641 --> 00:11:08,675
But if nothing else,
250
00:11:08,676 --> 00:11:11,611
you learned that you're ready to
let somebody in your life now.
251
00:11:11,612 --> 00:11:13,313
Maybe it won't be somebody like her.
252
00:11:13,314 --> 00:11:16,984
Maybe it'll be somebody
a little more, you know, your speed.
253
00:11:16,985 --> 00:11:20,187
Like a lady ranch hand
254
00:11:20,188 --> 00:11:21,555
or...
255
00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:23,390
baggage handler.
256
00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:26,360
I'm not looking for somebody
to help me move a couch.
257
00:11:26,361 --> 00:11:29,863
Okay, I'm just saying now that
you're open to all the possibilities,
258
00:11:29,864 --> 00:11:32,566
you're gonna find somebody.
259
00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:35,369
Jackie, you've been open to all
the possibilities for 40 years.
260
00:11:35,370 --> 00:11:38,572
- How's that working out for you?
- We're not talking about me!
261
00:11:38,573 --> 00:11:40,374
I'm out of my freakin' mind!
262
00:11:40,375 --> 00:11:44,044
I wouldn't know the first thing
about meeting someone.
263
00:11:44,045 --> 00:11:45,812
Hmm. Interesting.
264
00:11:45,813 --> 00:11:48,982
As Lanford's former leading life coach,
265
00:11:48,983 --> 00:11:51,618
I'd say the fact that
you're grabbing a beer...
266
00:11:51,619 --> 00:11:53,420
...when we're talking
about relationships
267
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:55,555
is very significant.
268
00:11:55,556 --> 00:11:56,957
Oh, please!
269
00:11:56,958 --> 00:11:59,526
It's hops and barley.
They're grains.
270
00:11:59,527 --> 00:12:01,194
You put them in a bowl,
you're a health nut.
271
00:12:01,195 --> 00:12:04,765
You put them in a bottle,
you're running away from your feelings.
272
00:12:04,766 --> 00:12:08,168
Look, I know that
it can be intimidating,
273
00:12:08,169 --> 00:12:10,404
but there's a lot of women
waiting to meet somebody like you,
274
00:12:10,405 --> 00:12:12,205
and we're all looking
for the same thing...
275
00:12:12,206 --> 00:12:13,974
Somebody who doesn't play games,
276
00:12:13,975 --> 00:12:16,543
somebody who's emotionally available,
277
00:12:16,544 --> 00:12:19,413
and most especially,
278
00:12:19,414 --> 00:12:22,816
somebody who doesn't wear
a wedding ring.
279
00:12:24,352 --> 00:12:25,519
I don't know if I can do that.
280
00:12:26,954 --> 00:12:28,722
Dan, taking off the ring...
281
00:12:28,723 --> 00:12:33,026
It's not gonna erase
all the wonderful memories
282
00:12:33,027 --> 00:12:35,362
that you had with Roseanne.
283
00:12:36,697 --> 00:12:41,902
Your age and drinking history's
gonna do that.
284
00:12:51,779 --> 00:12:54,133
- Where's Ben?
- I don't know. I'm watching Mark.
285
00:12:54,134 --> 00:12:56,635
- Well, where's Mark?
- I have no idea.
286
00:12:58,305 --> 00:13:00,139
Could be with Ben.
287
00:13:00,140 --> 00:13:03,242
Can you believe
that Ben missed a meeting
288
00:13:03,243 --> 00:13:04,476
that he knew was important
289
00:13:04,477 --> 00:13:06,745
because he had to fix the water heater?
290
00:13:06,746 --> 00:13:08,781
I'm so fed up with him.
291
00:13:08,782 --> 00:13:11,150
He spends more time
with Becky and her damn baby
292
00:13:11,151 --> 00:13:13,385
than he does getting
our stupid magazine set up.
293
00:13:13,386 --> 00:13:15,120
I know we've gone over this,
294
00:13:15,121 --> 00:13:17,122
and I think this is one of those times
295
00:13:17,123 --> 00:13:18,991
where I'm just supposed to listen.
296
00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:21,827
Do you know where Ben is?
297
00:13:21,828 --> 00:13:22,928
In the basement.
298
00:13:22,929 --> 00:13:24,296
With Becky?
299
00:13:24,297 --> 00:13:26,699
Yeah. She blew up her life,
so that's where she lives now.
300
00:13:33,239 --> 00:13:34,373
Hey, you're home.
301
00:13:34,374 --> 00:13:35,774
You got my texts, right?
302
00:13:35,775 --> 00:13:37,343
Yeah, I got 'em.
303
00:13:37,344 --> 00:13:39,478
Well, I was waiting for you
to text me back.
304
00:13:39,479 --> 00:13:42,281
Well, I was a little busy
trying to woo a porn merchant.
305
00:13:42,282 --> 00:13:44,350
Can I talk to you for a sec?
In private?
306
00:13:44,351 --> 00:13:45,751
Sure.
307
00:13:45,752 --> 00:13:46,952
Hey, I'm sorry I missed the meet...
308
00:13:46,953 --> 00:13:48,721
Not yet.
I'll get to you in a minute.
309
00:13:51,291 --> 00:13:53,325
Don't be mad at Ben.
310
00:13:53,326 --> 00:13:55,260
I was falling apart
and had throwup in my hair,
311
00:13:55,261 --> 00:13:56,962
and he really came to my rescue.
312
00:13:56,963 --> 00:13:59,031
Oh, yeah, I'll bet he did.
313
00:13:59,032 --> 00:14:00,466
What is that supposed to mean?
314
00:14:00,467 --> 00:14:03,335
It means you're watching TV with Ben
in the middle of the night,
315
00:14:03,336 --> 00:14:05,204
then suddenly,
Ben can't make it to a meeting
316
00:14:05,205 --> 00:14:07,206
because you have to take a shower.
317
00:14:07,207 --> 00:14:09,308
And then I come downstairs,
and you're brushing your hair
318
00:14:09,309 --> 00:14:11,310
like a mermaid in front of him.
319
00:14:13,179 --> 00:14:14,413
What are you talking about?
320
00:14:14,414 --> 00:14:16,281
You don't have a guy in your life,
321
00:14:16,282 --> 00:14:17,783
so you're trying to steal mine.
322
00:14:19,719 --> 00:14:21,754
You are out of your damn mind.
323
00:14:21,755 --> 00:14:23,022
Ben helped me out a little bit
324
00:14:23,023 --> 00:14:24,656
because I was having trouble
with the baby
325
00:14:24,657 --> 00:14:26,225
and I needed to shower.
326
00:14:26,226 --> 00:14:28,193
- That's it!
- Is it?
327
00:14:28,194 --> 00:14:30,095
Because Emilio's stuck in Mexico,
328
00:14:30,096 --> 00:14:33,098
and you don't have anybody
to "fix your hot water heater."
329
00:14:34,100 --> 00:14:37,302
Did you give Ben a little peek
before you went in the shower?
330
00:14:38,538 --> 00:14:39,972
It's a good thing I got some sleep,
331
00:14:39,973 --> 00:14:41,440
because if I hadn't,
332
00:14:41,441 --> 00:14:43,242
I'd knock your tiny ass
across the room.
333
00:14:43,243 --> 00:14:45,377
Whoa. What is going on?
334
00:14:45,378 --> 00:14:47,446
You want a baby? Becky's got a baby.
335
00:14:47,447 --> 00:14:49,114
You'll make a beautiful family.
336
00:14:49,115 --> 00:14:50,549
You two can populate the world
337
00:14:50,550 --> 00:14:53,252
with a bunch of Aryan-looking
giant Viking children.
338
00:14:55,688 --> 00:14:59,258
Everybody's a giant to you,
you nasty little munchkin!
339
00:14:59,259 --> 00:15:01,360
Oh, I hope there's still hot water,
340
00:15:01,361 --> 00:15:03,228
"because I've got puke in my hair,
341
00:15:03,229 --> 00:15:05,998
and if I don't take
a hot shower, I'll die!"
342
00:15:17,210 --> 00:15:19,445
Please let me in.
343
00:15:19,446 --> 00:15:22,247
- No.
- Talk to me!
344
00:15:22,248 --> 00:15:25,984
I want to understand why you think
I want giant babies with Becky.
345
00:15:25,985 --> 00:15:27,886
I...
346
00:15:27,887 --> 00:15:32,291
I want tiny, psychotic babies with you.
347
00:15:38,898 --> 00:15:40,999
Tell me what's going on, Darlene.
348
00:15:42,135 --> 00:15:43,735
I get why you're attracted to her.
349
00:15:43,736 --> 00:15:45,137
What?!
350
00:15:45,138 --> 00:15:47,573
Yeah, you... you love the baby.
351
00:15:47,574 --> 00:15:49,808
You love Becky's
middleaged, fertile womb,
352
00:15:49,809 --> 00:15:51,877
and you want to have a family.
353
00:15:51,878 --> 00:15:53,912
Yeah, I want to have a family.
354
00:15:53,913 --> 00:15:55,114
With you.
355
00:15:55,115 --> 00:15:56,482
Well, maybe I can't.
356
00:15:57,584 --> 00:16:01,253
Look, we haven't even been
trying that long!
357
00:16:01,254 --> 00:16:03,021
Okay? You just got to be positive.
358
00:16:03,022 --> 00:16:06,258
Oh, fine. I'll just change
my entire personality.
359
00:16:08,628 --> 00:16:09,962
Oh, look at that.
360
00:16:09,963 --> 00:16:12,764
The sun'll come out tomorrow,
and, bam, I'm pregnant!
361
00:16:16,536 --> 00:16:18,537
Did something happen at the doctor?
362
00:16:19,606 --> 00:16:22,474
I had an infection a while ago,
and apparently,
363
00:16:22,475 --> 00:16:25,410
it left a bunch of scarring
in one of my fallopian tubes.
364
00:16:25,411 --> 00:16:26,812
Okay.
365
00:16:26,813 --> 00:16:28,447
So, what does that mean?
366
00:16:28,448 --> 00:16:31,116
The doctor said that getting pregnant
367
00:16:31,117 --> 00:16:32,918
is gonna be a long shot.
368
00:16:32,919 --> 00:16:36,155
She said maybe with in vitro,
but we can't afford that.
369
00:16:36,156 --> 00:16:38,457
And even if we could find a way
to get all that money,
370
00:16:38,458 --> 00:16:40,392
she said there's no guarantees.
371
00:16:40,393 --> 00:16:44,363
Well, hey, even if we don't have a baby,
372
00:16:44,364 --> 00:16:45,797
we're gonna be fine.
373
00:16:45,798 --> 00:16:47,366
Yeah, for a while.
374
00:16:47,367 --> 00:16:48,700
And then in a year or two,
375
00:16:48,701 --> 00:16:50,235
you're still gonna want a family.
376
00:16:50,236 --> 00:16:51,870
You're gonna find somebody
who can have a baby,
377
00:16:51,871 --> 00:16:53,205
and you're gonna leave me.
378
00:16:53,206 --> 00:16:55,874
I am gonna prove you wrong
379
00:16:55,875 --> 00:16:58,377
by being with you
for the rest of your life.
380
00:16:58,378 --> 00:17:03,048
And so, when you're old
and on your death bed,
381
00:17:03,049 --> 00:17:06,785
I'm gonna gently hold your face
and I'm gonna say,
382
00:17:06,786 --> 00:17:09,154
"Betcha feel like an idiot now."
383
00:17:13,593 --> 00:17:15,394
It's not just that, though.
384
00:17:15,395 --> 00:17:18,430
There's something else,
and I'm pretty sure it's your fault.
385
00:17:19,966 --> 00:17:21,400
I know.
386
00:17:22,669 --> 00:17:23,835
Why?
387
00:17:26,372 --> 00:17:29,408
Because I wasn't even sure
that I wanted a baby,
388
00:17:29,409 --> 00:17:32,911
and then you started this,
and now I want one.
389
00:17:32,912 --> 00:17:34,646
Okay? I really want one.
390
00:17:34,647 --> 00:17:36,815
Oh, come here.
391
00:17:41,254 --> 00:17:44,256
Look, the doctor said
it's still possible, right?
392
00:17:45,191 --> 00:17:47,726
Okay, so...
393
00:17:47,727 --> 00:17:50,696
we're just gonna have to have
a lot more sex.
394
00:17:51,898 --> 00:17:54,733
And, uh, you know, then afterwards,
395
00:17:54,734 --> 00:17:57,102
we'll have to hang you
upside down from the ceiling,
396
00:17:57,103 --> 00:17:59,671
like a bat, to increase our chances.
397
00:18:01,541 --> 00:18:04,509
You just want the change
that'll fall out of my pockets.
398
00:18:05,745 --> 00:18:08,614
Well, I assumed you'd be naked
at that point, but whatever.
399
00:18:11,651 --> 00:18:13,151
Mm.
400
00:18:13,152 --> 00:18:16,488
I feel bad. I unloaded all
my emotional baggage on Becky.
401
00:18:16,489 --> 00:18:19,491
How do you think
I feel as her new husband?
402
00:18:26,666 --> 00:18:28,700
I can take that bear.
403
00:18:36,576 --> 00:18:38,510
If you're drunk, this isn't your house!
404
00:18:41,047 --> 00:18:42,481
What the hell is wrong with you?!
405
00:18:42,482 --> 00:18:44,750
You see me kissing a guy,
406
00:18:44,751 --> 00:18:47,486
and that's who you use
to tell me you love me?
407
00:18:47,487 --> 00:18:51,923
I can see why you like him.
He's real easy to talk to.
408
00:18:51,924 --> 00:18:54,426
This is so high school.
409
00:18:54,427 --> 00:18:56,428
You might as well pass me a note saying
410
00:18:56,429 --> 00:18:58,730
"Do you like Dan? Check yes or no."
411
00:18:58,731 --> 00:19:00,832
Well, the last time
I did anything like this,
412
00:19:00,833 --> 00:19:02,000
I was in high school!
413
00:19:02,001 --> 00:19:03,602
Well, you're a man now.
414
00:19:03,603 --> 00:19:06,305
And I just drove 212 miles.
415
00:19:06,306 --> 00:19:07,706
Tell me to my face!
416
00:19:08,641 --> 00:19:10,075
I love you.
417
00:19:11,077 --> 00:19:13,745
Well, it's no good
if I tell you to say it.
418
00:19:14,881 --> 00:19:16,381
I don't know how to do this.
419
00:19:16,382 --> 00:19:17,849
I'm no good at any of this stuff.
420
00:19:17,850 --> 00:19:20,085
I'm no good at expressing myself.
421
00:19:22,021 --> 00:19:24,556
This was so much easier with Zach.
422
00:19:26,459 --> 00:19:27,859
What happened to your ring?
423
00:19:30,530 --> 00:19:32,197
I took it off.
424
00:19:34,167 --> 00:19:36,368
That must have been hard.
425
00:19:37,537 --> 00:19:39,204
It was time.
426
00:19:44,977 --> 00:19:46,678
Well...
427
00:19:46,679 --> 00:19:49,181
you know, um...
428
00:19:49,182 --> 00:19:51,483
with that ring off,
429
00:19:51,484 --> 00:19:54,653
lots of women
are gonna be coming after ya.
430
00:19:54,654 --> 00:19:56,555
Including you?
431
00:19:56,556 --> 00:19:58,490
Well...
432
00:19:58,491 --> 00:19:59,558
maybe.
433
00:20:00,993 --> 00:20:03,495
You had your chance.
434
00:20:03,496 --> 00:20:06,665
I would like to see
what else is out there.
435
00:20:08,034 --> 00:20:10,635
Have you been to
a high school reunion lately?
436
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:24,298
I'm going to the refrigerator
to get some juice.
437
00:20:24,299 --> 00:20:26,767
Doesn't mean I'm trying
to have sex with Ben.
438
00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:29,670
I know.
439
00:20:29,671 --> 00:20:32,273
I went a little crazy
and said some terrible things.
440
00:20:32,274 --> 00:20:34,475
That is why I made you waffles.
441
00:20:34,476 --> 00:20:35,843
Ohh!
442
00:20:35,844 --> 00:20:37,811
But you really hurt my feelings.
443
00:20:37,812 --> 00:20:40,648
Can I at least get
some whipped cream on this?
444
00:20:40,649 --> 00:20:42,783
I didn't try to kill you.
I just called you a whore.
445
00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:44,451
You can get up and get it yourself.
446
00:20:48,990 --> 00:20:52,926
Hey, your doctor told you
you couldn't have a baby,
447
00:20:52,927 --> 00:20:54,295
and he was wrong.
448
00:20:54,296 --> 00:20:55,996
I mean, they make mistakes
all the time, right?
449
00:20:55,997 --> 00:20:57,464
Of course!
450
00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:58,732
All the time!
451
00:20:58,733 --> 00:21:01,702
Besides, having another baby
is gonna ruin your life,
452
00:21:01,703 --> 00:21:03,737
so it's definitely gonna happen.
453
00:21:04,706 --> 00:21:06,307
You know what worked for me?
454
00:21:06,308 --> 00:21:08,676
Drunk sex in a walk-in freezer.
455
00:21:08,677 --> 00:21:10,377
You guys might want to try that.
456
00:21:10,378 --> 00:21:13,047
And if that doesn't work,
it's probably Ben,
457
00:21:13,048 --> 00:21:15,549
so go to Mexico
and have sex with Emilio.
458
00:21:16,584 --> 00:21:17,584
Well, you heard her.
459
00:21:17,585 --> 00:21:19,353
If we're serious about the baby,
460
00:21:19,354 --> 00:21:20,954
you have to go have sex with Emilio.
461
00:21:20,955 --> 00:21:22,556
Hey, he's smokin' hot.
462
00:21:22,557 --> 00:21:24,125
I'm packing my bags right now.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net
33326
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.