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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:17,759 ENERGIA presents 2 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:31,839 A SAMULI TORSSONEN production 3 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:46,190 ATIMO VUORENSOLA film 4 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:42,269 I would like to suggest, Emperor, that you reconsider your plan. 5 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:47,349 The scientists are comparing it to Russian roulette. 6 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:52,509 What theories we have on phenomena like the maggot hole - 7 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:58,189 indicate a tendency for continually increasing disturbances. 8 00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:04,189 So what else is new. Can we pass through there? 9 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:09,509 Our ships weren't designed for twist pressures over one googol fluxoms. 10 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:15,191 So in other words, you don't have a clue. 11 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:21,750 Why's everybody talk back all the time? Try walking in my shoes! 12 00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:30,510 It's no cakewalk, managin' the whole world by myself. 13 00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:37,669 Gotta admit, sometimes I think I've gotten in too deep. 14 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:43,830 This mess began 8 years ago. My ship blew up and I was stuck in the past. 15 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:47,358 My remaining crew and I went native - 16 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:53,830 'cos otherwise, we'd have changed the course of history. 17 00:03:54,880 --> 00:04:00,830 The only good thing in the life of the man in the street was burgers. 18 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:03,834 With extra cheddar. 19 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,198 Hullo. 20 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:58,839 I'm Captain Pirk, by the way. - Oh. 21 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:01,436 I'm from the future. 22 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:09,279 Look, I've got a ray gun. - Hey, I can see it's a water gun. 23 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:14,589 What? It's a hand twinkler, stoopid! - Right. 24 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:22,830 I got a communicator, too. I'll call Info. He can prove I'm who I say. 25 00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:26,436 Don't bother... 26 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:38,431 This is a place for people to eat, not for you to play with yer balls. 27 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,516 Look where you're going, asshole. 28 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:44,679 Keep away or I'll shoot! - Look, a Super Soaker. 29 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:49,749 It's a hand twinkler, you dumbass! And I got a bag of whoopass for you! 30 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:52,435 Ya gonna get your baggy ass whooped. 31 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:57,509 The batteries are shot. Oh Thursday, no! 32 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:11,996 Bobby's Grill. 33 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:17,518 Pirk to Dwarf. - Captain! It's been a while. 34 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:21,918 Yeah, well, Info's been going on about messing with the timeline. 35 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:26,278 Me, I can't wait to get away. - Same here. 36 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:32,430 Old Earth much more boring than its barbarous reputation would suggest. 37 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:36,515 Just a second, Sir. 38 00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:42,590 That's three hot dogs and a sausage roll, to eat here? One minute... 39 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:48,510 Sorry, Sir.These morons won't let me have a moment's rest. 40 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:55,358 And don't throw up everywhere! 41 00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:00,754 We're closed! 42 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:07,510 Listen, I'm tired of waiting. We need to plan our next move. 43 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:10,678 Meet me and Info at the usual place. 44 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:12,836 Hot dogs! Hot dogs! 45 00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:19,110 Right. I'll call him just as soon as I can rid these dimwits! 46 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:26,269 Lily-livered kids! I'll make hot dogs of your intestines! 47 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:42,272 The arrival of the Vulgars shoulda been a new beginning for humanity. 48 00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:48,192 When they happened along, they ended up with rock star Jeff Cochbrane. 49 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:54,111 It was a mistake, leaving 'em in the care of that drunkard idiot. 50 00:07:54,400 --> 00:08:00,350 Soon, the Vulgars could care less about humanity or new beginnings. 51 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,595 Good thing I had a backup plan. 52 00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:16,920 But I couldn't do it without Dwarf and Info's help. 53 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:25,598 I hope you have a good reason. We may be endangering the timeline. 54 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:30,989 Yes, in fact I do. Take a look at this! 55 00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:34,596 ''Lesbian housewives getting busy?'' 56 00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:39,996 At this, I mean. 57 00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:46,754 What an unexpected development. 58 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:51,156 The entire space program cancelled! 59 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:53,993 Not like the history we know. 60 00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:59,518 The antimaterial power breakthrough should have been announced today. 61 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:03,918 That's why we have to do something. We'll make the P-Fleet happen! 62 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:07,999 Your proposal is in direct violation of the First Directive! 63 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:10,594 If we don't, the timeline's history! 64 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:17,110 We'll have to have peace, universal language, tights for uniforms, - 65 00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:20,278 and a defense against the Korg! 66 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:22,436 As the only Captain, I'm ordering - 67 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:27,191 that we'll ensure the founding of the P-Fleet, by any means necessary! 68 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:31,597 Future technology in the hands of these people could spell disaster. 69 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:37,193 That's why the world needs a strong leader. Someone like... me! 70 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:40,596 I'm gonna be Emperor. 71 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:44,759 One heavy cruiser should be enough to conquer this world. 72 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:49,112 Everyone would be at our mercy. - Unfortunately we do not have one. 73 00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:54,997 And we cannot build one without an antimaterial powerplant. 74 00:09:55,400 --> 00:10:00,349 But I know where we can get one. Gimme that phone. 75 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:09,190 Cochbrane. Oh, it's you... hi. 76 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:13,279 Listen, where's the ship? - What, the Vulgar rocket-ship? 77 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:17,359 We sold it to some Russian scientist type for top dollar. 78 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:21,678 What? Who? -Vladimir something, I forget. 79 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:26,999 Where's this Vladimir live then? - Chanistanya Nuclear Plant, I think. 80 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:32,429 Who the hell gave you permission to sell the ship, you son of a bitch? 81 00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:34,516 Well thanks the same, you... 82 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:43,750 The junkie bastard sold the ship to the Russians! Goddammit! 83 00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:54,750 Now what do we do? - We're off to Russia, numbskull. 84 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,036 Atomic Research Facility, Chanistanya 85 00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:02,199 Luckily the missing Vulgar ship was surprisingly quickly located. 86 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:07,269 It was the only thing on the planet that could let me build my flagship. 87 00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:34,590 What's ze problem? What? Bloody Western teknology! 88 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:41,033 Vladimir! Ze reaktor is overheating! Ze kooling system is on ze fritz! 89 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:46,109 Damnation! And ze kontrol system is lokking up again. Sergey! 90 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:51,519 Sergey! Where are you, Sergey? - What? 91 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:56,760 You used to work at a nuklear plant? -Yeah, the Chernobyl facility.Why? 92 00:11:56,960 --> 00:12:00,919 Kooling system problems, but that's what you do best, right? 93 00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:05,431 Go check out the reaktor chamber. - Gee, thanks. 94 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:13,510 Chernobyl.Why's zat sound familiar? - Chernobyl... 95 00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:16,916 CHERNOBYL! 96 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,834 Fukoooov! 97 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:50,674 Piece of pie. 98 00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:59,432 Make damn sure you never touch the kooling system again, Sergey! 99 00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:03,189 Yeah! -Yes, Sir, Captain. 100 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:08,269 I thought it was the climate control for my quarters. I was cold! 101 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:27,350 You're now my prisoners! Do exactly what I say, or it's whoopass time! 102 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:33,349 Is it a revolution? -Yeah, you could say that. 103 00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:37,758 At last! Ze Soviet Union will be reborn! 104 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:43,990 We will be free from ze yoke of kapitalism! Hooray! 105 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:48,438 What the hell? Aren't they gonna put up a fight? 106 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:51,677 Perhaps you should just play along. 107 00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:57,836 Okay: I'm Emperor Pirk, and we'll build a new ship here in Tachanya - 108 00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:00,428 and with it, a brave new Empire! 109 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:08,508 So that's how it got started. 110 00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:13,829 The nearby village had the space and the manpower to found the P-Fleet. 111 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:21,750 Info got the flagship project to lead, I had better things to do. 112 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:29,110 I told 'em to be ready in 6 months, but they wasted years of my time! 113 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:38,910 I realized I had to be a charismatic leader, so the flab had to go. 114 00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:47,190 It was hard work, but my determination paid off. 115 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:53,270 The ElectroForce ButtDoer! Order Now, for only 5,999 roubles! 116 00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:58,118 Several months later 117 00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:37,596 Took your sweet time, didn't you? 118 00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:45,350 The negotiations with the Russian President had also gone well. 119 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:50,989 My plan hinged on having a powerful ally. 120 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:24,750 Ah, what an entrance. A pleasure to meet you at last! 121 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:29,599 Sure... I've got our contract here. 122 00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,594 I'll just look this over... 123 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:44,518 Everything seems to be as agreed... 124 00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:50,830 I can't be bothered to read it. I'll just sign it. Igor, a pen! 125 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:57,669 We will make this world a better place! 126 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:04,510 The alliance with Russia made it possible to begin war preparations. 127 00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:10,590 Soon, we had lots of gear and troops were being trained on schedule. 128 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:13,676 Come on, come on! No pain, no gain! 129 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:18,436 You'll never make real soldiers! 130 00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:24,438 The moment of truth finally arrived. 131 00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:32,272 With our forces ready to rumble, it was time to play our trump card: - 132 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:37,918 the flagship of the P-Fleet, the CPP Kickstart. 133 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,116 Lookin' good! 134 00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:59,913 Tactical is still missing a chair! 135 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:04,676 Now, we wouldn't want your powerful thigh muscles to atrophy. 136 00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:14,836 Are we all set to go? 137 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:20,512 Yes, Sir. Power level at 96.3 percent. 138 00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:26,830 Let's go and conquer the world. Were there any questions? 139 00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:31,838 So you're the famous Emperor Pirk? 140 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,838 This is me, in all my glory. 141 00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:43,356 Right... 142 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:50,676 Let's move! 143 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:22,678 I don't think I'm in Moscow anymore. 144 00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:26,438 Welcome aboard the CPP Kickstart. 145 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:31,829 Perhaps Mr President would like to witness the capabilities my ship. 146 00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:33,996 This is an honor! 147 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,834 First we'll pay the Yanks a visit. 148 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:47,835 Full twist, now! 149 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:59,350 What is it this time? Russian workmanship at its finest! 150 00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:06,590 Due to impure antimaterial gas, we can only achieve Twist Factor Two. 151 00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:11,511 Dwarf, target that piece of junk. We'll see if the weapons work! 152 00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:16,749 Nyet! One moment!What are you...? - Fire twinklers and light balls! 153 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:29,113 It wasn't built by Americans alone! Billions of roubles went into it! 154 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:34,080 Relax, Gramps.We'll build a newer and better one. 155 00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:41,118 P-Fleet Propaganda Bureau Presents: 156 00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:45,438 VICTORYTO VICTORY 157 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:54,190 The beginning of the 3rd Millennium: poverty, famine, disease. 158 00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:03,350 Leaders spoke of freedom, but sent children to die in meaningless wars. 159 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:14,110 Mother Russia nurtured a new hero from the ranks of the oppressed. 160 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:21,350 Side by side, Emperor Pirk and President Ulyanov led the way. 161 00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:32,110 The road was long, but working hard, we proved that nothing is impossible. 162 00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:37,511 We were ready for humanity's final battle. 163 00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:41,679 Our men sallied forth to liberate our oppressed Northern brethren. 164 00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:43,438 TO ARMS, BROTHERS! 165 00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:51,510 Together, the brave men of Russia and the technology of tomorrow - 166 00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:57,358 shook the old world to the core. 167 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:05,270 Reactionaries were swept away before the cunning of Emperor Pirk. 168 00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:16,430 Their leaders, faced with certain defeat, deserted their cities. 169 00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:24,430 But Europe could no longer offer them sanctuary. 170 00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:30,430 Our victorious armies, headed for a better world, shook our enemies - 171 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:33,438 with the marching of a million feet. 172 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:46,270 Soon, the stakes were driven to the heart of the Old Continent. 173 00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:51,429 With Europe liberated, the people of the world turned their attention - 174 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:56,429 to that old devil, the United States of America. 175 00:23:56,880 --> 00:24:01,829 They filled the skies with death, and were undone by it. 176 00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:12,909 We taught that monster of old the true meaning of freedom. 177 00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:19,989 The time was right for a brave new empire: - 178 00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:22,036 the P-Fleet was born. 179 00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:39,116 What? What is it? 180 00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:45,111 Get your hands off!. I'm your President! Get off!. 181 00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:51,990 You... you snake, you tyrant. We had an agreement, you traitor! 182 00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:58,198 No, no! Don't shoot! Nooo! 183 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:16,109 That's how I became Emperor of the world. 184 00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:25,350 A fleet of warships was built with the combined resorts of the Earth. 185 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:31,272 Gotta be ready if some slime-faces from outer space come callin'! 186 00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:35,837 Really, I did all I could for mankind, but did anybody thank me? 187 00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:42,190 No, they just whined about famine and overpopulation and stuff. 188 00:25:57,320 --> 00:26:03,270 What's this racket? Get off my lawn or I'll light-ball your asses! 189 00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:06,358 Down with Pirk! Down with Pirk! 190 00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:13,598 So I thought of a solution: expand to other planets. 191 00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:18,748 Only our primitive ships couldn't go very far, and - 192 00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:22,839 closer planets weren't habitable. 193 00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:27,915 We did try one or two, but without too much luck. 194 00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:42,678 The CPP Kalinka was a cheap bucket - 195 00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:49,190 tasked to patrol the backwaters for a few years or until it rusted out. 196 00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:55,518 The captain was just the man for the job. 197 00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:12,596 Capt Sergey Fukov of the CPP Kalinka to unidentified vessel: - 198 00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:18,670 I... identify yourselves! -Third directive of Emperor Pirk: - 199 00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:24,750 All non-P-Fleet craft are to be destroyed on sight. 200 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:36,112 How odd... I scanned the ship right before the explosion. 201 00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:39,198 It had one occupant... human. 202 00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:44,597 How did a one-man craft get this far from Earth? 203 00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:47,678 I dunno. Let's call the Emperor! 204 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:59,199 Now what? - We saw a ship in Epsilon Ouadrant. 205 00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:03,108 Huh? - Dunno who it was, we destroyed it! 206 00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:08,359 Are you shooting at our own guys? See you in court martial! Oww, shit! 207 00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:14,273 Who the hell hired YOU, anyway? -You did! But it wasn't one of ours! 208 00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:20,350 Go tell Info, I have soap in my eyes. I could lose my sight, you know! 209 00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:24,268 And who left the soap on the floor? 210 00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:56,108 Now what?! - We had a meeting at two o'clock. 211 00:28:56,240 --> 00:29:00,119 Didn't it occur to you it might be two PM, wiseguy? 212 00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:04,119 Your expression was ambiguous, Sir. - Riight... 213 00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:10,430 It's about Captain Fukov's report. - What about it? 214 00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:16,030 Considering the possible vectors and size of the ship they encountered, - 215 00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:20,836 the ship must have originated near the other end of the maggot hole. 216 00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:22,916 Yeah, yeah, get to the point. 217 00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:28,512 There must be an unknown human civilization that built the ship. 218 00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:33,589 Considering our tough situation... - ...We can take over their planets! 219 00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:38,920 I would have asked them for aid. - Well it's not your decision. 220 00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:42,118 Prepare the fleet for battle! 221 00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:08,518 Capt... Captains of the P-Fleet.You have been assembled for a reason. 222 00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:17,430 Beyond this maggot hole, there's a lot of very nice space. 223 00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:20,518 We'll take it, by force, if need be! 224 00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:26,998 You have your order papers. - I don't have no papers! 225 00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:33,110 Fukov! Interrupt me again, and I'll have you scrubbing bulkheads again! 226 00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:35,196 You're sitting on top of'em. 227 00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:43,590 All available ships will be used, so there's no room for failure! 228 00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:47,999 That's why I'm leading the mission myself. 229 00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:51,675 There goes our last hope for victory... 230 00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:57,193 We're leaving tomorrow morning, at six o'clock. Any questions? 231 00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:46,278 Meanwhile in a parallel universe... 232 00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:21,757 Ambassador Flush, welcome aboard the Babel 1 3. 233 00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:24,355 Yes 234 00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:28,278 We weren't expecting you for... -Yes 235 00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:35,589 May I ask? -Yes 236 00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:38,516 It's nothing. 237 00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:47,190 Jonny! Sorry to interrupt. I've got some bad news. 238 00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:53,269 This is our Chief of Security, Mikhail Garybrandy. 239 00:32:57,480 --> 00:33:02,429 Look sharp, this is an important... - What're you going on about? 240 00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:15,280 Lt Kefir took a Star Flurry for a drunken joyride last night. 241 00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:21,270 What? Why didn't you stop him? - I was so dru... dreadfully tired. 242 00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:26,278 Where's Kefir now? 243 00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:32,590 In the morning, I sent a patrol out. This is all they found. 244 00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:40,599 Oh my God. - What? 245 00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:46,030 Aliens have crystallized Kefir! 246 00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:55,990 Jonny, this is a data crystal. From Kefir's flight recorder. 247 00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:04,268 Crystallized Kefir... 248 00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:12,276 Scream my rank! 249 00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:31,430 Where did that ship come from? - Dunno. But it sure is butt-ugly. 250 00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:35,998 Could it mean... - What? 251 00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:40,119 The prophecies of the Minibar are coming true. 252 00:34:40,240 --> 00:34:45,189 A great darkness will come, and we're all going to die. 253 00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:48,675 Jonny, you're scaring me. 254 00:34:49,240 --> 00:34:53,199 ''The One to rule them all and in the darkness bind them'', I've read it. 255 00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:55,356 Now, let's get back to reality, huh? 256 00:34:57,320 --> 00:35:00,278 An itching nose must be scratched. 257 00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:05,916 There you have it, Mikhail! 258 00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:12,030 We have to trust the instincts that served our ancestors so well. 259 00:35:15,080 --> 00:35:17,674 Ivanovitsa, we need reinforcements. 260 00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:22,989 Call in all ships in the vicinity. -Yes, Sir. 261 00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:28,598 I have a bad feeling about this. 262 00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:49,276 This is where it happened. 263 00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:53,279 Let's get cracking. Fukov, you go in first. 264 00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:57,439 We do not know if a starship can survive entering that maggot hole. 265 00:35:57,720 --> 00:35:59,756 That's exactly why Fukov is going first! 266 00:35:59,880 --> 00:36:01,836 Oh yeah? Well thanks a lot! 267 00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:28,036 Message from the Kalinka: all clear. 268 00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:33,509 Raise deflector plates and arm weapons. We're going after 'em! 269 00:36:57,320 --> 00:37:03,270 Dammit, it's like sailing thru Jello. Info, condensate, do something! 270 00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:08,198 Compensating by angling Hindenburg stabilizers across the ion field. 271 00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:13,269 The Ouarton crystals should reach the correct frequency right... now. 272 00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:17,356 Yeah.Whatever. 273 00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:24,589 Sir, unidentified craft detected! - On the telly. 274 00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:37,352 They disappeared. But there ain't no planets in all this red Jello. 275 00:37:37,720 --> 00:37:42,191 Apparently, the ships activated some kind of local twist in space. 276 00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:46,757 We can duplicate the energy burst, which should open a similar twist... 277 00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:49,519 Stop yammering and just do it. 278 00:37:49,720 --> 00:37:52,678 Helm, take us after them! 279 00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:34,109 That was the last of our reinforcements. Now, we can... 280 00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:39,509 Hopgate opening, craft coming through. 281 00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:44,589 How many? - Forty.Type: unknown. 282 00:38:58,320 --> 00:39:04,270 Blast... If I'd only known when I accepted command of this station... 283 00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:11,512 I'd have done so with all the more zeal!We're here to keep the peace - 284 00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:17,590 and even if it meant killing every sentient being in the galaxy, we... 285 00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:23,272 Captain, this is hardly the time. -This is a question of principle. 286 00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:29,430 It is my right to make speeches, and I swear that no-one will deny me it. 287 00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:36,034 Not an enemy fleet, and especially not some embittered Commander - 288 00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:41,519 who likes to chew out garbage scow captains docking in handicap spaces! 289 00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:48,358 Is that clear? 290 00:40:08,720 --> 00:40:14,670 Sir, we're being hailed. - Oh... well, put it on the telly. 291 00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:29,990 This is Capt Sherrypie of the Babel 13. Please identify yourselves. 292 00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:31,434 They look just like people! 293 00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:36,039 This is Emperor Pirk, Supreme Commander of the P-Fleet. 294 00:40:36,160 --> 00:40:41,757 Info, that's a space station, right? Is the planet habitable? 295 00:40:41,960 --> 00:40:45,919 Not according to the scanners, Sir. - Shoulda known... 296 00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:50,039 We just came to say hello, since we happened to be close... 297 00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:53,914 ...us and the fleet. Where are you guys from, anyway? 298 00:40:54,080 --> 00:40:59,438 This station is neutral territory. We have visitors from Minibar, - 299 00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:05,112 Kentucky, Narc, and of course Earth. - Huh? We haven't been here before? 300 00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:10,919 Emperor, I assume we have arrived in a mirror dimension of our own world. 301 00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:15,279 Historical events may be different here, but some similarities exist. 302 00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:17,436 So do you know where their Earth is? 303 00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:22,588 In theory, yes, assuming that our star-charts have the same stars. 304 00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:24,995 Another Earth... 305 00:41:27,240 --> 00:41:29,356 We'll conquer that! 306 00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:34,998 We'll secure this end of the maggot hole - that tube can't be too hard... 307 00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:40,029 Emperor!The line is still open. - I knew that. 308 00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:51,349 The day I joined the military, my father told me: - 309 00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:58,030 ''Son, you're none too bright, and won't be marrying into money either. 310 00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:05,509 But you're human, Earth to Earth and all that. 311 00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:15,990 So show some spine and come out and stop being a shame on your old man. 312 00:42:19,560 --> 00:42:22,120 Tell me, can we beat them? 313 00:42:22,240 --> 00:42:26,028 Given that we have deflector plates and they do not, it is possible... 314 00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:29,278 Yes, or no? -Yes. 315 00:42:30,240 --> 00:42:32,356 ...Mother Earth needs you today!'' 316 00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:37,989 Bring us to light ball range and contact the rest of the fleet. 317 00:42:38,160 --> 00:42:43,109 ...so I came out and gave the blood sample. Now, Earth needs me again... 318 00:42:46,240 --> 00:42:52,190 Open fire at maximum range. Everyone pick targets and wait for my signal. 319 00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:58,590 ...and I know every man, woman and child on this station feels the same. 320 00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:08,990 The only way you can conquer Earth is over our dead bodies! 321 00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:16,430 Know that you shall pay dearly for every cubic inch of our space. 322 00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:24,350 We will fight you with sticks and stones, or even with our bare hands. 323 00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:32,192 The forces of darkness shall move no further! And if it took a thousand... 324 00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:35,358 Have some light balls. Fire. 325 00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:38,279 ...as a shining beacon in the night! 326 00:44:04,240 --> 00:44:08,438 ...in the face of beatniks from another dimension... 327 00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:13,509 What the hell! Close the blast doors! Activate the defense grid! 328 00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:17,756 Nice speech, Sir. 329 00:44:37,400 --> 00:44:39,356 Message from the Backgammon: 330 00:44:39,480 --> 00:44:43,917 Amigo class destroyers have reached optimal firing range. 331 00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:53,110 They're to attack the heavier ships. That'll show them we mean business. 332 00:44:58,240 --> 00:44:59,992 Fire! 333 00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:23,839 Saucer section penetrated! Serious damage to all decks! 334 00:45:24,040 --> 00:45:25,996 What's with my deflector plates?! 335 00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:32,110 Fascinating! Our plates never even registered the penetrating energy. 336 00:45:44,080 --> 00:45:50,030 Skipper, the hull's taen a paikin, an the whisky barrels teuk a hit. 337 00:45:50,240 --> 00:45:56,190 Dinnae scart yer breeks, tho. Gien some duct tape and twa oors... 338 00:45:56,320 --> 00:46:00,598 You got two minutes! Fall back! 339 00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:09,038 All ships, cover me! 340 00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:30,750 Emperor, I just learned that we only have three light balls left. 341 00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:37,110 I'm filing a formal complaint! - Quit bitching and use twinklers. 342 00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:14,880 The Backgammon is being overpowered ... and we can't last long, either. 343 00:47:14,880 --> 00:47:19,271 The Backgammon is being overpowered ... and we can't last long, either. 344 00:47:33,720 --> 00:47:36,598 Damn, this doesn't look good. 345 00:47:39,720 --> 00:47:45,670 I'm afraid we only have one recourse. -You don't mean-- 346 00:47:47,800 --> 00:47:50,758 Yes.We have to stall for time. 347 00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:58,030 I'm giving a speech! Raise the enemy command ship! 348 00:48:04,080 --> 00:48:07,038 Wait... the station is hailing us. 349 00:48:10,800 --> 00:48:16,750 A recording of Sherrypie begging for mercy would have propaganda value. 350 00:48:17,080 --> 00:48:22,029 Well receive it then if it'll shut you up. 351 00:48:26,320 --> 00:48:32,270 Babel 1 3 surrenders. Don't shoot, we have over 250,000 civilians here. 352 00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:35,998 What do I care about your civilians? 353 00:48:36,240 --> 00:48:41,189 And why would I be interested in a chock-full hunk o'junk of a station? 354 00:48:41,320 --> 00:48:47,270 Why don't you bring your crew over for some shore leave? 355 00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:52,110 You could also repair your fleet... - Our ships are fine. 356 00:48:52,240 --> 00:48:56,199 And shore leave can wait until after we've taken your Earth. 357 00:48:56,400 --> 00:49:01,838 Also, you could personally take Ivanovitsa's virginity! -WHAT? 358 00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:08,351 Well... lemme consider this. Oh, and throw all your guns out the airlock. 359 00:49:09,320 --> 00:49:11,276 It's an obvious trap! 360 00:49:11,400 --> 00:49:16,349 It'll be all right! We'll take a couple sledfuls of security guards. 361 00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:21,998 The crew must have some time off. And these ships could use repairs. 362 00:49:22,640 --> 00:49:24,596 Figures. 363 00:49:24,720 --> 00:49:26,995 OK, Sherrypie. We accept your terms. 364 00:49:27,160 --> 00:49:33,110 Babel 1 3 is now officially part of the P-Fleet, renamed... 365 00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:36,358 ...the ''Praise of Pirk's Greatness. '' 366 00:49:37,640 --> 00:49:42,589 And no tricks, or you're toast! Pirk out. 367 00:49:45,160 --> 00:49:49,836 Dwarf, order all able security guys to the sledbay. 368 00:49:50,040 --> 00:49:54,989 You, and Info will stay on the Kickstart, just in case. 369 00:49:55,560 --> 00:50:00,509 If they try anything funny, blast the crap outta 'em! 370 00:50:00,560 --> 00:50:02,516 But wait till I've gotten off. 371 00:50:17,040 --> 00:50:19,998 Emperor's blog, dunno what Moondate. 372 00:50:20,080 --> 00:50:26,030 The P-Fleet wiped the floor with these Babel losers. 373 00:50:26,160 --> 00:50:32,110 We'll secure a base here and then go on to conquer their Earth. 374 00:50:32,400 --> 00:50:35,358 The crew'll get some rest, and... 375 00:50:36,240 --> 00:50:39,198 ...I figure I'll get some, too. 376 00:50:46,720 --> 00:50:49,109 Go get 'em,Tiger! 377 00:51:03,040 --> 00:51:04,996 ...Demanding landing clearance. 378 00:51:05,640 --> 00:51:10,589 Clearance granted in Hangar 1. Welcome to your station! 379 00:51:11,720 --> 00:51:16,669 This is too goddamn easy. -Tell me about it. 380 00:51:17,160 --> 00:51:20,675 Hey kid, is your insurance in order? - Why? 381 00:51:20,720 --> 00:51:24,110 I feel it in my bones, we won't be coming back. 382 00:51:24,240 --> 00:51:27,755 Nah, it can't be that bad. - Oh yeah? 383 00:51:27,880 --> 00:51:32,590 Last time it was supposed to be a cakewalk, my two buddies bought it. 384 00:51:32,800 --> 00:51:36,759 And that Japanese guy Kamikaze, he's never gonna walk again! 385 00:51:36,800 --> 00:51:41,749 And then there was... - Shut up! You're hurting the crew's moray! 386 00:51:52,960 --> 00:51:54,916 Is everything ready? 387 00:51:57,960 --> 00:52:00,918 What the hell are you smirking at? 388 00:52:04,320 --> 00:52:09,269 Sherrypie is SO going to get it... Let's move! 389 00:52:55,880 --> 00:52:57,836 Where's Sherrypie? 390 00:52:57,960 --> 00:53:01,919 He couldn't stand defeat. He shot himself in the head, three times. 391 00:53:02,080 --> 00:53:06,039 If you wish to see the body... - Well I don't. 392 00:53:06,160 --> 00:53:10,119 But you can show me around the station. My station. 393 00:53:10,240 --> 00:53:12,754 Where would you like to start, Sir? 394 00:53:12,880 --> 00:53:17,829 How about your bedroom, you know, Sherrypie promised me something... 395 00:53:18,640 --> 00:53:20,596 Yes, Sir. 396 00:53:22,480 --> 00:53:28,430 This is Emperor Pirk. One-half of all crews can come aboard on leave. 397 00:53:29,800 --> 00:53:35,750 Oh, and nobody disturb me for the next fift... hour! Right, let's go. 398 00:53:50,240 --> 00:53:51,355 VICTORY PARTY 399 00:53:51,480 --> 00:53:53,436 Let's get wasted! 400 00:54:51,400 --> 00:54:53,834 Am I your first? 401 00:55:03,160 --> 00:55:09,110 Naah... I've had lots of women, after all, I am the Emperor...Yeah! 402 00:55:24,080 --> 00:55:28,915 Our scanners should now be correctly calibrated to this dimension. 403 00:55:29,040 --> 00:55:34,990 Interesting... I'm picking up energy readings from beyond the hopgate. 404 00:55:35,080 --> 00:55:37,196 I shall make some adjustments... 405 00:55:59,960 --> 00:56:04,909 Wait a minute... what's that? - Nothing, just a screen saver. 406 00:56:05,040 --> 00:56:07,190 Sir, Sir! 407 00:56:15,640 --> 00:56:19,599 Goddammit, it's a trap! -Very perceptive of you. 408 00:56:25,040 --> 00:56:28,999 The Excavator has arrived with our reinforcements. 409 00:56:34,400 --> 00:56:38,359 Evening, commander. - Festerbester... 410 00:56:38,480 --> 00:56:44,430 We were taking this new flagship for a spin, and decided to lend a hand. 411 00:56:45,560 --> 00:56:47,516 Where's Captain Giddyup? 412 00:56:47,640 --> 00:56:52,589 He was feeling unwell, and had to leave the ship under my command. 413 00:56:52,720 --> 00:56:57,669 I never thought I'd say this, but it's good to see you. 414 00:56:58,800 --> 00:57:02,759 Let's kick those bastards out of this galaxy! 415 00:57:13,080 --> 00:57:15,275 This is Captain Jonny K. Sherrypie. 416 00:57:15,480 --> 00:57:18,438 The rumors of my death are greatly exaggerated. 417 00:57:18,560 --> 00:57:20,516 Aww, crap. 418 00:57:21,560 --> 00:57:26,509 Starting immediately, we're retaking our station from these oppressors. 419 00:57:27,040 --> 00:57:32,990 Men of Babel, to arms! Defend that which is ours by right! 420 00:57:33,560 --> 00:57:36,996 Brown sector! On the double! To the Zicala! 421 00:57:37,040 --> 00:57:41,989 All P-Fleet personnel are under arrest under Earth martial law. 422 00:57:42,240 --> 00:57:45,676 They are not to be allowed to leave the station. 423 00:57:45,800 --> 00:57:49,190 Our reinforcements will deal with their fleet. 424 00:57:49,480 --> 00:57:53,917 To all P-Fleet personnel who surrender without resistance, - 425 00:57:54,040 --> 00:57:58,989 I promise a fair court-martial and a swift execution. 426 00:58:02,880 --> 00:58:07,829 There is a ship, registration ZEX-51 4, parked aft of the station - 427 00:58:07,880 --> 00:58:12,829 in a handicap space. Will the owner move it A.S.A.P. 428 00:58:30,400 --> 00:58:34,359 Activate the defense grid and open fire! 429 00:58:40,480 --> 00:58:46,430 The dishonorable traitors! I told them it's a trap! Me kill you! Kill! 430 00:58:53,800 --> 00:58:58,510 Control yourself, apeman.The Emperor and half our crews are still aboard. 431 00:58:58,640 --> 00:59:03,350 At least we'll destroy their ships. Kickstart to fleet, aim light balls! 432 00:59:03,480 --> 00:59:05,436 I believe I was placed in command. 433 00:59:06,400 --> 00:59:10,188 Kickstart to fleet: ignore the previous order. 434 00:59:10,320 --> 00:59:14,108 Aim light balls on attacking enemy ships and fire on my mark. 435 00:59:14,240 --> 00:59:17,437 Fleet reporting: practically all light balls expended. 436 00:59:17,560 --> 00:59:21,348 In that case, approach to twinkler range at full shove power. 437 00:59:21,480 --> 00:59:25,439 Our losses should not exceed 68.4 per cent. 438 00:59:25,560 --> 00:59:28,120 I guess it's a passable day to die. 439 00:59:50,960 --> 00:59:53,428 Blast it, I'll handle this! 440 00:59:53,960 --> 00:59:58,909 Lt Fubar! Don't go! - It is my destiny. 441 01:00:12,040 --> 01:00:17,990 Hey, it's war. People get killed, you know. 442 01:00:30,160 --> 01:00:33,914 Emperor Pirk! Order your men to lay down their arms. 443 01:00:34,040 --> 01:00:37,749 I guarantee a fair court-martial to all those who surrender. 444 01:00:37,880 --> 01:00:40,348 The P-Fleet will never surrender! 445 01:00:41,480 --> 01:00:43,835 And, I lost my communicator. 446 01:00:44,240 --> 01:00:49,189 Ivanovitsa, inform the enemy fleet that we've captured their Emperor. 447 01:00:49,880 --> 01:00:53,919 Cannot comply, Sir.That last hit disabled our communications systems. 448 01:00:54,040 --> 01:00:55,996 Darn. 449 01:00:56,080 --> 01:01:01,029 So. I'm no use to you anymore. How about I'll just scoot off? 450 01:01:10,800 --> 01:01:15,749 Weapons range attained! - Fire at will. 451 01:01:27,160 --> 01:01:33,110 When I joined the military, I swore to protect Earth against any enemy. 452 01:01:33,880 --> 01:01:39,830 I have faced starving Martian insurgents and the fleets of Minibar. 453 01:01:41,720 --> 01:01:47,670 All this I have done to protect the unified Earth, unified mankind... 454 01:01:49,960 --> 01:01:52,349 Enough with the speeches! Bastard! 455 01:01:53,240 --> 01:01:56,437 Very well, if you can't wait to die. 456 01:01:58,480 --> 01:02:04,430 Emperor Pirk, I sentence you to death for your crimes against humanity. 457 01:02:07,960 --> 01:02:13,910 You will be executed immediately, by five plasma pellets to the head. 458 01:02:14,040 --> 01:02:17,999 Don't take it like that! Go ahead with your speech! 459 01:02:18,040 --> 01:02:20,508 Ready... aim... 460 01:02:24,720 --> 01:02:29,669 Zounds! Why weren't those ceiling struts fastened properly? 461 01:02:52,240 --> 01:02:56,199 Zucker? You shall be avenged! 462 01:02:56,320 --> 01:03:02,270 All worked up over some security guy who died... 463 01:03:05,640 --> 01:03:07,596 Run, boys! I'll cover you! 464 01:04:03,240 --> 01:04:05,196 Let's roast them! 465 01:04:25,640 --> 01:04:27,596 My sled... 466 01:04:33,560 --> 01:04:35,994 Going somewhere, Emperor? 467 01:04:40,800 --> 01:04:43,268 Blast these struts! 468 01:04:43,720 --> 01:04:48,191 This station is a piece of crap! No turbolift, nothing! 469 01:04:51,800 --> 01:04:54,268 You can use the exercise! 470 01:04:54,800 --> 01:05:00,272 Why exercise when you can get one of these delivered to your home? 471 01:05:07,720 --> 01:05:12,669 Stop hiding, you! Now what's with this thing? 472 01:05:13,720 --> 01:05:16,188 Oh Jefferson!The batteries are out! 473 01:05:19,400 --> 01:05:24,349 Let's settle this like men - one on one. 474 01:05:50,480 --> 01:05:53,438 Stop whining, you wuss! Get up! 475 01:06:01,160 --> 01:06:03,594 This is for Zucker! 476 01:06:11,320 --> 01:06:13,754 So, Emperor.The game's over. 477 01:06:17,880 --> 01:06:20,838 Understand this, Pirk. War is war. 478 01:06:22,320 --> 01:06:26,359 You and me, as soldiers, know this better than anyone. 479 01:06:26,480 --> 01:06:31,429 But when you murdered my friend in cold blood, this became personal. 480 01:06:34,640 --> 01:06:39,589 I'll see to it that you die slowly, and have time to regret everything. 481 01:06:41,400 --> 01:06:45,916 Didn't anyone ever tell you your bootlaces are too long? 482 01:06:48,720 --> 01:06:52,679 My contact lenses! - Found 'em! 483 01:06:52,880 --> 01:06:57,351 Security guards to the hangar! - Coward! 484 01:07:19,800 --> 01:07:23,759 Enemy target destroyed. Moving on to next... 485 01:07:23,880 --> 01:07:25,836 Imperial Distress Call 486 01:07:25,880 --> 01:07:27,836 Pirk to Kickstart! Pirk to... 487 01:07:28,040 --> 01:07:30,190 Sir, we do hear you. 488 01:07:30,400 --> 01:07:36,350 Oh good. I'm in this sled. Come and get me ASAP.Them cowards set me up! 489 01:07:36,720 --> 01:07:40,679 You don't say, Sir. -They were no match for my cunning. 490 01:07:44,320 --> 01:07:46,834 Get over here and rescue me! 491 01:07:47,560 --> 01:07:51,519 Set a course for the Emperor's sled. - I'll just destroy this destroyer. 492 01:07:51,640 --> 01:07:55,599 Commander, it's an Imperial Distress Call. We're moving out. 493 01:07:55,720 --> 01:07:58,188 I have him in my sights. One second! 494 01:07:58,400 --> 01:08:02,916 The P-Fleet is not the Planet of the Apes. We obey a superior officer. 495 01:08:03,040 --> 01:08:05,508 I've had it with you, binary brains! 496 01:08:32,640 --> 01:08:37,111 Whatever you may think, the VCR remote stop button doesn't harm me. 497 01:08:37,160 --> 01:08:41,676 Now, perhaps we can go and help out the Emperor. 498 01:08:56,480 --> 01:09:02,430 Hayday to fleet. Are your crews back from R&R yet? 499 01:09:03,080 --> 01:09:09,030 Curses! Outflank the enemy. I want the heavy destroyers taken out now! 500 01:09:31,120 --> 01:09:33,554 Oh Thursday! 501 01:09:40,280 --> 01:09:44,239 Yeehaw! - All clear, Sir! 502 01:10:17,040 --> 01:10:20,999 What kept you guys? They almost got me! 503 01:10:21,120 --> 01:10:25,398 We came as soon as we could, limited by the performance of Cmdr Dwarf. 504 01:10:25,600 --> 01:10:28,068 Wars aren't won by avoiding battles. 505 01:10:28,320 --> 01:10:33,269 Enough with your sorry Plingon proverbs. Status report! 506 01:10:33,920 --> 01:10:37,879 We have lost 23 ships, and have 14 operational ships left. 507 01:10:38,040 --> 01:10:41,999 Enemy reinforcements are putting up a stiff fight. 508 01:10:42,160 --> 01:10:46,119 Additionally, our twinkle beams are powerless against their flagship. 509 01:10:46,200 --> 01:10:50,113 What the hell... are we armed with twinklers or flashlights? 510 01:10:50,480 --> 01:10:55,838 Light balls seem to work better, but the Kickstart only has nine left. 511 01:10:56,200 --> 01:10:58,634 I know: let's fire 'em all at once. 512 01:10:58,960 --> 01:11:02,919 And Dwarf, this is an important shot so I'm taking over. 513 01:11:03,040 --> 01:11:05,508 Sir, I really wouldn't recommend it. 514 01:11:05,880 --> 01:11:10,351 Maybe the range is too much for you, but for me it's a piece of pie. 515 01:11:10,600 --> 01:11:15,071 Computer, manual override of weapon systems. 516 01:11:16,560 --> 01:11:19,028 This is child's play. 517 01:11:50,960 --> 01:11:52,916 Goddammit. 518 01:11:56,520 --> 01:11:58,476 Dork. 519 01:12:01,400 --> 01:12:03,834 I had it in my sights, didn't I?! 520 01:12:06,720 --> 01:12:10,395 Sir, have you ever heard of leading the target? 521 01:12:10,520 --> 01:12:14,877 Lead? Can't these damn computers calculate it for me? 522 01:12:15,080 --> 01:12:19,551 When the target's in the crosshairs, the shots should hit! 523 01:12:21,960 --> 01:12:23,916 Child's play, indeed! 524 01:12:24,080 --> 01:12:28,949 You couldn't have hit it yourself. You rotten...Take a shower, stinker! 525 01:12:29,120 --> 01:12:32,556 Plingon warriors do not take showers! 526 01:12:36,200 --> 01:12:40,637 Sir, a hit from that attack would have caused serious damage. 527 01:12:40,760 --> 01:12:44,719 The enemy command ship may be a grave threat. 528 01:12:45,880 --> 01:12:49,839 The best defense is a good offense. Do something about them! 529 01:12:49,920 --> 01:12:53,879 ...Target and lock on the Kickstart... Ready the main gun... 530 01:13:01,320 --> 01:13:05,552 Heavy structural damage to starboard! - Shut up and keep firing! 531 01:13:05,640 --> 01:13:10,077 Their main gun is locking on us. - Well take evasionic action then. 532 01:13:10,240 --> 01:13:12,196 Evasionic action Pirk-7. 533 01:13:26,960 --> 01:13:29,394 Jefferson's jellies! Retreat, fast! 534 01:13:37,600 --> 01:13:40,558 Power will be back in 40 seconds. 535 01:13:41,120 --> 01:13:46,592 I'd like to know what whoever designed this weapon was thinking. 536 01:13:53,880 --> 01:13:58,829 I estimate that the enemy flagship can fire again in 1 7.3 seconds. 537 01:14:03,880 --> 01:14:09,352 Hey, let's hide behind the station. They won't dare shoot at us there. 538 01:14:29,080 --> 01:14:34,029 Finally. And where is our friend the Kickstart? 539 01:14:34,560 --> 01:14:38,712 Unknown, Sir.The blackout caused the targeting computer to reboot, - 540 01:14:38,800 --> 01:14:44,750 so we lost lock-on. But I'll track them down again in no time. 541 01:14:48,655 --> 01:14:54,605 Captain's blog:The Kalinka suffered heavy damage to halludeck circuits, - 542 01:14:54,935 --> 01:15:00,885 and we retreated for repairs. Most of the crew were on the halludeck - 543 01:15:01,095 --> 01:15:06,852 having a vodka party, and now the door seems to be stuck. 544 01:15:07,095 --> 01:15:13,045 Lt. Makarov, how are the repairs? - It'll be open in 10 minutes, Sir. 545 01:15:14,215 --> 01:15:19,164 No hurry. Looks like the battle will go on for some time. 546 01:15:31,055 --> 01:15:33,011 This is cold. 547 01:15:34,695 --> 01:15:39,644 Ouch! Holy shit. Hey, guys. 548 01:15:40,895 --> 01:15:44,854 According to our scanners, the Kalinka still has 20 light balls. 549 01:15:44,975 --> 01:15:48,934 That Russkie coward been holding back again? 550 01:15:49,015 --> 01:15:52,974 If we ask Capt Fukov to deliver his light balls to us, we can close in... 551 01:15:54,535 --> 01:15:59,484 And blast them to pieces! Only I might do the targeting this time. 552 01:15:59,815 --> 01:16:02,773 Like hell you will!This is my show. 553 01:16:03,375 --> 01:16:07,812 Esteemed Emperor, it seems you tore off your joy stick on that last try. 554 01:16:08,495 --> 01:16:14,445 OK.You shoot, but you'd better hit. Open a channel to Fukov! 555 01:16:22,215 --> 01:16:24,171 Hi there. 556 01:16:24,295 --> 01:16:29,767 What've you done? Not one hit, but your ship is in pieces. 557 01:16:31,895 --> 01:16:34,853 We had some technical problems. 558 01:16:36,215 --> 01:16:42,165 Get the Kalinka over here, load all your light balls on a sled, and... 559 01:16:46,695 --> 01:16:52,645 ...bring them to the Kickstart. - Come again? You're breaking up. 560 01:16:54,775 --> 01:17:00,247 Send the whole case. And pack them well or they'll warm up in transit. 561 01:17:08,815 --> 01:17:10,771 Hokay... 562 01:17:23,735 --> 01:17:28,684 The enemy is pressing on our fleet. Should we withdraw to regroup? 563 01:17:29,975 --> 01:17:35,732 No. Have you located the Kickstart yet? 564 01:17:38,655 --> 01:17:42,614 Yes, Sir. It's sitting next to the Babel-13. But our ships... 565 01:17:42,735 --> 01:17:47,172 ...are able to look after themselves. We shall destroy the Kickstart. 566 01:17:47,295 --> 01:17:52,733 I sense these spineless worms only fight for fear of their Emperor. 567 01:17:53,095 --> 01:17:58,044 The loss of their flagship will crush their spirit and secure our victory. 568 01:18:10,855 --> 01:18:13,813 The light ball loader is calling. 569 01:18:13,975 --> 01:18:17,684 Sir, the shipment from the Kalinka just arrived from the sled bay. 570 01:18:17,775 --> 01:18:21,484 High time, too. - What am I supposed to do with it? 571 01:18:21,575 --> 01:18:25,363 What do you think, pea brain? Stuff 'em in the light ball tubes! 572 01:18:25,495 --> 01:18:29,170 ''This is the light ball loader, what do I do with light balls? 573 01:18:29,295 --> 01:18:31,729 Hide 'em under my bed?'' 574 01:18:32,695 --> 01:18:36,370 That's the last time I ever recruit my crew from Russia. 575 01:18:36,455 --> 01:18:38,923 Ready to execute the plan, Sir. 576 01:18:39,135 --> 01:18:41,603 Get us into a firing position. 577 01:18:52,335 --> 01:18:58,285 Sir, the Kickstart left the side of the Babel 13 and is heading at us. 578 01:19:04,575 --> 01:19:09,205 This is Emperor Pirk! Any last words before we blast you to bits? 579 01:19:09,335 --> 01:19:11,803 Ah, the Emperor.We meet at last. 580 01:19:12,335 --> 01:19:16,886 I regret to say your pitiful attempt only makes me feel sorry for you. 581 01:19:17,015 --> 01:19:19,575 We'll see who's sorry after 20 light balls! 582 01:19:24,015 --> 01:19:26,449 Prepare the twist drive. 583 01:19:30,295 --> 01:19:36,245 They are making this too easy... but never look a gift horse in the mouth. 584 01:19:36,775 --> 01:19:41,212 Captain, if you would, please. - ... Prepare the main gun... 585 01:19:43,975 --> 01:19:46,933 Twist drive... Now! 586 01:19:54,815 --> 01:19:57,283 Pirk's cunning strikes again. 587 01:19:59,935 --> 01:20:04,372 Lightballs locked onto their bridge. - Say Onara, suckers. Fire! 588 01:20:12,295 --> 01:20:14,251 The Corps is Momma and Granny. 589 01:20:19,335 --> 01:20:21,291 Direct hits on bridge! 590 01:20:21,415 --> 01:20:25,886 ...With light balls loaded with 1 2-oz. beer bottles. 591 01:20:27,975 --> 01:20:31,934 Fukooooov! - What? 592 01:20:35,175 --> 01:20:41,125 What... was... your big idea... with these light balls? 593 01:20:45,455 --> 01:20:47,923 Light balls? What light balls? 594 01:20:48,935 --> 01:20:54,885 I told you to send over your light balls you braindead Commie mutant! 595 01:20:56,575 --> 01:20:59,533 No, you asked for ''light beer''. 596 01:21:02,135 --> 01:21:05,093 Enemy ship returning fire. - Get outta the way! 597 01:21:05,215 --> 01:21:07,171 Too late. 598 01:21:13,055 --> 01:21:16,684 Massive damage taken! - One twist drive destroyed! 599 01:21:16,775 --> 01:21:20,211 Lost connections for twinkle banks 600 01:21:20,335 --> 01:21:23,611 Computer helpdesk went bankrupt! - Halludeck going offline! 601 01:21:23,695 --> 01:21:25,651 Coffee-o-Matic damaged beyond repair! 602 01:21:43,535 --> 01:21:46,891 Ne'er mind that, she's gaun tae blow! 603 01:21:47,055 --> 01:21:51,810 The twist core just breuk an thare's antimaterial gas awgates. 604 01:21:52,015 --> 01:21:56,964 Well fix it! Return fire! - Weapon systems are inoperable. 605 01:21:57,135 --> 01:22:02,084 Furthermore, our twist core will split in 3.6 minutes. 606 01:22:06,375 --> 01:22:11,927 At least we'll take the bastard with us! Set collision course! 607 01:22:17,055 --> 01:22:22,527 How pathetic. Our next shot will take them out. Captain! 608 01:22:22,695 --> 01:22:25,163 ...Ready the main gun... 609 01:22:29,815 --> 01:22:35,765 Sir, somehow the beer seems to have corroded all control circuits. 610 01:22:36,375 --> 01:22:38,525 The main gun is out of action. 611 01:22:38,695 --> 01:22:44,645 Fine then.We'll do it the hard way. Secondary guns, fire! 612 01:22:54,455 --> 01:22:57,413 Gimme all you got!You can't hurt me! 613 01:22:58,415 --> 01:23:02,567 You are a good sport, but as you can see, you are finished. 614 01:23:02,695 --> 01:23:08,645 Well I have the last laugh. And it's on you and your silly leather gloves. 615 01:23:09,455 --> 01:23:15,405 Arrogant insect. Full speed ahead! We have the mass advantage! 616 01:23:36,895 --> 01:23:40,331 Okay, Fukov. Disengage the sucking beam, and break to the right. 617 01:23:40,415 --> 01:23:42,371 Sure, Sir! 618 01:23:51,815 --> 01:23:56,764 Emperor, there's a slight problem... -You stupid moron! 619 01:23:57,255 --> 01:24:01,214 26 seconds to impact. - Fukooov! 620 01:24:03,455 --> 01:24:09,405 You're gonna get us all killed! Waitaminit! What's this? 621 01:24:11,415 --> 01:24:15,374 It's... it's the spare stick! - Spare stick? 622 01:24:15,495 --> 01:24:18,453 2.1 seconds to impact! 623 01:24:45,135 --> 01:24:48,093 See you in Reykjavik! 624 01:24:52,495 --> 01:24:54,451 Oh, crap. 625 01:25:40,335 --> 01:25:42,291 The situation looks bad, Sir. 626 01:25:42,495 --> 01:25:46,454 The fleet is decimated and the enemy is setting up to attack the station. 627 01:25:46,575 --> 01:25:50,534 Erm, I take it that the defense grid has been activated? 628 01:25:50,655 --> 01:25:54,614 It would be, if there was anything left of it. 629 01:25:56,495 --> 01:25:59,453 Hi guys, how's it hangin'? 630 01:26:01,815 --> 01:26:05,774 Are you drunk? - No. 631 01:26:08,495 --> 01:26:14,445 I'm absolutely wasted! - So you fell off the wagon again. 632 01:26:16,215 --> 01:26:22,165 They don't call me Garybrandy for nothin'. 633 01:26:25,215 --> 01:26:31,165 But hey, who cares. We'll soon all be dead, anyway. 634 01:26:32,575 --> 01:26:35,009 There must be something we can do. 635 01:26:35,575 --> 01:26:41,525 Sure. We can take them bastards with us. 636 01:26:45,055 --> 01:26:49,526 The fusion reactor's warming up nicely. 637 01:26:49,735 --> 01:26:51,691 What? 638 01:26:53,055 --> 01:26:56,013 I disconnected the cooling system. 639 01:26:58,295 --> 01:27:01,253 The fireworks should start in about 640 01:27:01,415 --> 01:27:06,364 This is mutiny! Reconnect the system immediately! 641 01:27:06,895 --> 01:27:11,366 Wait! Mike may be right.What other options do we have? 642 01:27:11,735 --> 01:27:16,092 We will fight till the last! - We have nothing left to fight with! 643 01:27:16,215 --> 01:27:22,165 No!We have men, PPB's, our fists! When they come to take the station.. 644 01:27:22,975 --> 01:27:27,924 My guess is that after the last time, Pirk won't try to TAKE the station. 645 01:27:29,655 --> 01:27:35,605 So all we gotta do is keep 'em close for a little while longer. 646 01:27:39,415 --> 01:27:44,364 Jonny, you need to relax a bit. Wanna drink? 647 01:27:53,735 --> 01:27:56,693 Effin' traitors.You are SO toast. 648 01:27:58,655 --> 01:28:04,093 Babel 1 3 surrenders unconditionally. - Dwarf, warm up the twinkle banks. 649 01:28:04,975 --> 01:28:10,925 But don't you think it'd be better to shoot from a closer range? 650 01:28:11,135 --> 01:28:16,084 Beams traveling across all that space would waste a lot of energy. 651 01:28:16,335 --> 01:28:21,773 Good idea!Tell the fleet to move to point blank range and lock on. 652 01:28:22,335 --> 01:28:26,613 It seems the station's power plant is approaching critical mass. 653 01:28:26,735 --> 01:28:30,284 What? They're trying to pull a fast one again! 654 01:28:30,495 --> 01:28:32,884 Who would've thought. 655 01:28:32,975 --> 01:28:35,409 Gimme full twist! 656 01:28:38,655 --> 01:28:40,611 It's not working! 657 01:28:40,775 --> 01:28:46,725 Sir, we're losing antimaterial gas, and can only use half shove power. 658 01:28:47,575 --> 01:28:51,534 It'll have to do. All power to shove engines! 659 01:28:56,575 --> 01:29:02,525 Oh, and inform the rest of the fleet. - Sure, Sir. 660 01:29:05,855 --> 01:29:07,811 Hello, Carlo's Sex Line. 661 01:29:08,415 --> 01:29:15,366 We need to hurry, things are so hot. - Sounds exciting, what do I do? 662 01:29:16,575 --> 01:29:20,250 The Emperor says to pull out before it pops! 663 01:29:20,415 --> 01:29:24,374 Fukov, what's taking so long? Did you inform the fleet or what? 664 01:29:24,495 --> 01:29:28,454 Yeah, Captain Carlo answered. - Who's Carlo? 665 01:29:28,615 --> 01:29:32,893 Critical mass in 38 seconds. - Into the jello hole, and fast! 666 01:29:37,455 --> 01:29:40,413 Our fearless leader is running away. 667 01:29:40,615 --> 01:29:45,086 Message to the fleet: All ships, follow the Emperor. 668 01:29:49,735 --> 01:29:52,203 The enemy fleet is withdrawing! 669 01:29:54,095 --> 01:30:00,045 We made it! Garybrandy, shut down the reactor immediately! 670 01:30:00,175 --> 01:30:01,608 I'm almost there! 671 01:30:25,095 --> 01:30:30,044 EMERGENCY REACTOR SHUTDOWN 672 01:30:47,055 --> 01:30:49,523 Oh peanuts! 673 01:31:09,775 --> 01:31:14,974 Where the hell is the rest of my fleet? Fukov, didn't you reach them? 674 01:31:22,575 --> 01:31:24,531 Hurry up! 675 01:32:05,855 --> 01:32:11,805 Alright. Great job. -You can't win every time, Sir. 676 01:32:12,055 --> 01:32:18,005 And who asked you? Info, where the hell are we, anyway? 677 01:32:18,375 --> 01:32:23,324 One moment. I'm recalibrating our scanners for our dimension. 678 01:32:35,335 --> 01:32:37,565 What the hell? 679 01:32:37,695 --> 01:32:41,449 This end of the maggot hole must have shifted in time-space. 680 01:32:41,615 --> 01:32:43,571 Avoid that planet! 681 01:32:44,575 --> 01:32:47,043 Insufficient energy for shove power. 682 01:32:50,895 --> 01:32:53,329 Beam us onto the planet! 683 01:32:53,455 --> 01:32:57,414 There's only enough energy to transfer three people. 684 01:32:57,615 --> 01:33:00,573 Info, Dwarf, get ready to beam down! 685 01:33:11,375 --> 01:33:14,333 Not to worry! It'll be all right. 686 01:34:26,055 --> 01:34:32,005 OK, Info. How about letting us know where the hell we are? 687 01:34:32,295 --> 01:34:34,525 Hawaii, on Earth. 688 01:34:34,695 --> 01:34:38,654 So where are all the surfers and hula hula dancers, smart guy? 689 01:34:38,815 --> 01:34:42,774 Some 1 1,000 years in the future. - What? 690 01:34:42,855 --> 01:34:46,814 I assume the maggot hole put us on Earth, during the Ice Age. 691 01:34:47,015 --> 01:34:49,973 The Ice Age? Now what're we gonna do? 692 01:34:53,695 --> 01:34:57,654 How about shooting ourselves before the twinklers freeze? 693 01:34:59,455 --> 01:35:04,404 In a low-power mode, I believe I can make it until the 21st century, - 694 01:35:04,655 --> 01:35:09,604 and prevent the fateful invasion campaign from taking place. 695 01:35:11,415 --> 01:35:16,364 So that none of this ever happened? Then I'll be saved! 696 01:35:16,975 --> 01:35:18,931 Hm. In a way.Yes. 697 01:36:13,015 --> 01:36:16,769 English Translation by Antti Hukkanen 61473

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