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ENERGIA presents
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00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:31,839
A SAMULI TORSSONEN production
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ATIMO VUORENSOLA film
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00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:42,269
I would like to suggest, Emperor,
that you reconsider your plan.
5
00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:47,349
The scientists are comparing it to
Russian roulette.
6
00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:52,509
What theories we have on phenomena
like the maggot hole -
7
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:58,189
indicate a tendency for continually
increasing disturbances.
8
00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:04,189
So what else is new.
Can we pass through there?
9
00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:09,509
Our ships weren't designed for twist
pressures over one googol fluxoms.
10
00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:15,191
So in other words,
you don't have a clue.
11
00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:21,750
Why's everybody talk back all the
time? Try walking in my shoes!
12
00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:30,510
It's no cakewalk, managin' the whole
world by myself.
13
00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:37,669
Gotta admit, sometimes I think I've
gotten in too deep.
14
00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:43,830
This mess began 8 years ago. My ship
blew up and I was stuck in the past.
15
00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:47,358
My remaining crew and I went native -
16
00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:53,830
'cos otherwise, we'd have changed
the course of history.
17
00:03:54,880 --> 00:04:00,830
The only good thing in the life of
the man in the street was burgers.
18
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:03,834
With extra cheddar.
19
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Hullo.
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00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:58,839
I'm Captain Pirk, by the way.
- Oh.
21
00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:01,436
I'm from the future.
22
00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:09,279
Look, I've got a ray gun.
- Hey, I can see it's a water gun.
23
00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:14,589
What? It's a hand twinkler, stoopid!
- Right.
24
00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:22,830
I got a communicator, too. I'll call
Info. He can prove I'm who I say.
25
00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:26,436
Don't bother...
26
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:38,431
This is a place for people to eat,
not for you to play with yer balls.
27
00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,516
Look where you're going, asshole.
28
00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:44,679
Keep away or I'll shoot!
- Look, a Super Soaker.
29
00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:49,749
It's a hand twinkler, you dumbass!
And I got a bag of whoopass for you!
30
00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:52,435
Ya gonna get your baggy ass whooped.
31
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:57,509
The batteries are shot.
Oh Thursday, no!
32
00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:11,996
Bobby's Grill.
33
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:17,518
Pirk to Dwarf.
- Captain! It's been a while.
34
00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:21,918
Yeah, well, Info's been going on
about messing with the timeline.
35
00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:26,278
Me, I can't wait to get away.
- Same here.
36
00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:32,430
Old Earth much more boring than its
barbarous reputation would suggest.
37
00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:36,515
Just a second, Sir.
38
00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:42,590
That's three hot dogs and a sausage
roll, to eat here? One minute...
39
00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:48,510
Sorry, Sir.These morons won't
let me have a moment's rest.
40
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:55,358
And don't throw up everywhere!
41
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We're closed!
42
00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:07,510
Listen, I'm tired of waiting.
We need to plan our next move.
43
00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:10,678
Meet me and Info at the usual place.
44
00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:12,836
Hot dogs! Hot dogs!
45
00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:19,110
Right. I'll call him just as soon as
I can rid these dimwits!
46
00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:26,269
Lily-livered kids! I'll make
hot dogs of your intestines!
47
00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:42,272
The arrival of the Vulgars shoulda
been a new beginning for humanity.
48
00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:48,192
When they happened along, they ended
up with rock star Jeff Cochbrane.
49
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:54,111
It was a mistake, leaving 'em in the
care of that drunkard idiot.
50
00:07:54,400 --> 00:08:00,350
Soon, the Vulgars could care less
about humanity or new beginnings.
51
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,595
Good thing I had a backup plan.
52
00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:16,920
But I couldn't do it without
Dwarf and Info's help.
53
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:25,598
I hope you have a good reason.
We may be endangering the timeline.
54
00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:30,989
Yes, in fact I do.
Take a look at this!
55
00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:34,596
''Lesbian housewives getting busy?''
56
00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:39,996
At this, I mean.
57
00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:46,754
What an unexpected development.
58
00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:51,156
The entire space program cancelled!
59
00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:53,993
Not like the history we know.
60
00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:59,518
The antimaterial power breakthrough
should have been announced today.
61
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:03,918
That's why we have to do something.
We'll make the P-Fleet happen!
62
00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:07,999
Your proposal is in direct violation
of the First Directive!
63
00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:10,594
If we don't, the timeline's history!
64
00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:17,110
We'll have to have peace, universal
language, tights for uniforms, -
65
00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:20,278
and a defense against the Korg!
66
00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:22,436
As the only Captain, I'm ordering -
67
00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:27,191
that we'll ensure the founding of
the P-Fleet, by any means necessary!
68
00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:31,597
Future technology in the hands of
these people could spell disaster.
69
00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:37,193
That's why the world needs a strong
leader. Someone like... me!
70
00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:40,596
I'm gonna be Emperor.
71
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:44,759
One heavy cruiser should be enough
to conquer this world.
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Everyone would be at our mercy.
- Unfortunately we do not have one.
73
00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:54,997
And we cannot build one without an
antimaterial powerplant.
74
00:09:55,400 --> 00:10:00,349
But I know where we can get one.
Gimme that phone.
75
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Cochbrane.
Oh, it's you... hi.
76
00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:13,279
Listen, where's the ship?
- What, the Vulgar rocket-ship?
77
00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:17,359
We sold it to some Russian scientist
type for top dollar.
78
00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:21,678
What? Who?
-Vladimir something, I forget.
79
00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:26,999
Where's this Vladimir live then?
- Chanistanya Nuclear Plant, I think.
80
00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:32,429
Who the hell gave you permission to
sell the ship, you son of a bitch?
81
00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:34,516
Well thanks the same, you...
82
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:43,750
The junkie bastard sold the ship to
the Russians! Goddammit!
83
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:54,750
Now what do we do?
- We're off to Russia, numbskull.
84
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,036
Atomic Research Facility, Chanistanya
85
00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:02,199
Luckily the missing Vulgar ship was
surprisingly quickly located.
86
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:07,269
It was the only thing on the planet
that could let me build my flagship.
87
00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:34,590
What's ze problem? What?
Bloody Western teknology!
88
00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:41,033
Vladimir! Ze reaktor is overheating!
Ze kooling system is on ze fritz!
89
00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:46,109
Damnation! And ze kontrol system is
lokking up again. Sergey!
90
00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:51,519
Sergey! Where are you, Sergey?
- What?
91
00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:56,760
You used to work at a nuklear plant?
-Yeah, the Chernobyl facility.Why?
92
00:11:56,960 --> 00:12:00,919
Kooling system problems, but that's
what you do best, right?
93
00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:05,431
Go check out the reaktor chamber.
- Gee, thanks.
94
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:13,510
Chernobyl.Why's zat sound familiar?
- Chernobyl...
95
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:16,916
CHERNOBYL!
96
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,834
Fukoooov!
97
00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:50,674
Piece of pie.
98
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:59,432
Make damn sure you never touch the
kooling system again, Sergey!
99
00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:03,189
Yeah!
-Yes, Sir, Captain.
100
00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:08,269
I thought it was the climate control
for my quarters. I was cold!
101
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:27,350
You're now my prisoners! Do exactly
what I say, or it's whoopass time!
102
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:33,349
Is it a revolution?
-Yeah, you could say that.
103
00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:37,758
At last! Ze Soviet Union will
be reborn!
104
00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:43,990
We will be free from ze yoke of
kapitalism! Hooray!
105
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:48,438
What the hell? Aren't they gonna
put up a fight?
106
00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:51,677
Perhaps you should just play along.
107
00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:57,836
Okay: I'm Emperor Pirk, and we'll
build a new ship here in Tachanya -
108
00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:00,428
and with it, a brave new Empire!
109
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:08,508
So that's how it got started.
110
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:13,829
The nearby village had the space and
the manpower to found the P-Fleet.
111
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:21,750
Info got the flagship project to
lead, I had better things to do.
112
00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:29,110
I told 'em to be ready in 6 months,
but they wasted years of my time!
113
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:38,910
I realized I had to be a charismatic
leader, so the flab had to go.
114
00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:47,190
It was hard work, but my
determination paid off.
115
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The ElectroForce ButtDoer!
Order Now, for only 5,999 roubles!
116
00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:58,118
Several months later
117
00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:37,596
Took your sweet time, didn't you?
118
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:45,350
The negotiations with the Russian
President had also gone well.
119
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:50,989
My plan hinged on having a
powerful ally.
120
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:24,750
Ah, what an entrance.
A pleasure to meet you at last!
121
00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:29,599
Sure... I've got our contract here.
122
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,594
I'll just look this over...
123
00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:44,518
Everything seems to be as agreed...
124
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:50,830
I can't be bothered to read it.
I'll just sign it. Igor, a pen!
125
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:57,669
We will make this world a better
place!
126
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:04,510
The alliance with Russia made it
possible to begin war preparations.
127
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:10,590
Soon, we had lots of gear and troops
were being trained on schedule.
128
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:13,676
Come on, come on! No pain, no gain!
129
00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:18,436
You'll never make real soldiers!
130
00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:24,438
The moment of truth finally arrived.
131
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:32,272
With our forces ready to rumble, it
was time to play our trump card: -
132
00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:37,918
the flagship of the P-Fleet,
the CPP Kickstart.
133
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,116
Lookin' good!
134
00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:59,913
Tactical is still missing a chair!
135
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:04,676
Now, we wouldn't want your powerful
thigh muscles to atrophy.
136
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:14,836
Are we all set to go?
137
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:20,512
Yes, Sir.
Power level at 96.3 percent.
138
00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:26,830
Let's go and conquer the world.
Were there any questions?
139
00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:31,838
So you're the famous Emperor Pirk?
140
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,838
This is me, in all my glory.
141
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:43,356
Right...
142
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:50,676
Let's move!
143
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:22,678
I don't think I'm in Moscow anymore.
144
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:26,438
Welcome aboard the CPP Kickstart.
145
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:31,829
Perhaps Mr President would like to
witness the capabilities my ship.
146
00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:33,996
This is an honor!
147
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,834
First we'll pay the Yanks a visit.
148
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:47,835
Full twist, now!
149
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:59,350
What is it this time?
Russian workmanship at its finest!
150
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:06,590
Due to impure antimaterial gas, we
can only achieve Twist Factor Two.
151
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:11,511
Dwarf, target that piece of junk.
We'll see if the weapons work!
152
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:16,749
Nyet! One moment!What are you...?
- Fire twinklers and light balls!
153
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:29,113
It wasn't built by Americans alone!
Billions of roubles went into it!
154
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:34,080
Relax, Gramps.We'll build a newer
and better one.
155
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:41,118
P-Fleet Propaganda Bureau Presents:
156
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:45,438
VICTORYTO VICTORY
157
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:54,190
The beginning of the 3rd Millennium:
poverty, famine, disease.
158
00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:03,350
Leaders spoke of freedom, but sent
children to die in meaningless wars.
159
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:14,110
Mother Russia nurtured a new hero
from the ranks of the oppressed.
160
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:21,350
Side by side, Emperor Pirk and
President Ulyanov led the way.
161
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:32,110
The road was long, but working hard,
we proved that nothing is impossible.
162
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:37,511
We were ready for humanity's
final battle.
163
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:41,679
Our men sallied forth to liberate
our oppressed Northern brethren.
164
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:43,438
TO ARMS, BROTHERS!
165
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:51,510
Together, the brave men of Russia
and the technology of tomorrow -
166
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:57,358
shook the old world to the core.
167
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:05,270
Reactionaries were swept away before
the cunning of Emperor Pirk.
168
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:16,430
Their leaders, faced with certain
defeat, deserted their cities.
169
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:24,430
But Europe could no longer offer
them sanctuary.
170
00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:30,430
Our victorious armies, headed for a
better world, shook our enemies -
171
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:33,438
with the marching of a million feet.
172
00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:46,270
Soon, the stakes were driven to the
heart of the Old Continent.
173
00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:51,429
With Europe liberated, the people of
the world turned their attention -
174
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:56,429
to that old devil,
the United States of America.
175
00:23:56,880 --> 00:24:01,829
They filled the skies with death,
and were undone by it.
176
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:12,909
We taught that monster of old
the true meaning of freedom.
177
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:19,989
The time was right for
a brave new empire: -
178
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:22,036
the P-Fleet was born.
179
00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:39,116
What? What is it?
180
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:45,111
Get your hands off!. I'm your
President! Get off!.
181
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:51,990
You... you snake, you tyrant.
We had an agreement, you traitor!
182
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:58,198
No, no! Don't shoot! Nooo!
183
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:16,109
That's how I became Emperor of
the world.
184
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:25,350
A fleet of warships was built with
the combined resorts of the Earth.
185
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:31,272
Gotta be ready if some slime-faces
from outer space come callin'!
186
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:35,837
Really, I did all I could for
mankind, but did anybody thank me?
187
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:42,190
No, they just whined about famine
and overpopulation and stuff.
188
00:25:57,320 --> 00:26:03,270
What's this racket? Get off my lawn
or I'll light-ball your asses!
189
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:06,358
Down with Pirk! Down with Pirk!
190
00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:13,598
So I thought of a solution:
expand to other planets.
191
00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:18,748
Only our primitive ships couldn't
go very far, and -
192
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:22,839
closer planets weren't habitable.
193
00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:27,915
We did try one or two,
but without too much luck.
194
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:42,678
The CPP Kalinka was a cheap bucket -
195
00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:49,190
tasked to patrol the backwaters for
a few years or until it rusted out.
196
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:55,518
The captain was just the man for
the job.
197
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:12,596
Capt Sergey Fukov of the CPP Kalinka
to unidentified vessel: -
198
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:18,670
I... identify yourselves!
-Third directive of Emperor Pirk: -
199
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:24,750
All non-P-Fleet craft are to be
destroyed on sight.
200
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:36,112
How odd... I scanned the ship right
before the explosion.
201
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:39,198
It had one occupant... human.
202
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:44,597
How did a one-man craft get this
far from Earth?
203
00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:47,678
I dunno. Let's call the Emperor!
204
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:59,199
Now what?
- We saw a ship in Epsilon Ouadrant.
205
00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:03,108
Huh?
- Dunno who it was, we destroyed it!
206
00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:08,359
Are you shooting at our own guys?
See you in court martial! Oww, shit!
207
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:14,273
Who the hell hired YOU, anyway?
-You did! But it wasn't one of ours!
208
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:20,350
Go tell Info, I have soap in my eyes.
I could lose my sight, you know!
209
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:24,268
And who left the soap on the floor?
210
00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:56,108
Now what?!
- We had a meeting at two o'clock.
211
00:28:56,240 --> 00:29:00,119
Didn't it occur to you it might be
two PM, wiseguy?
212
00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:04,119
Your expression was ambiguous, Sir.
- Riight...
213
00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:10,430
It's about Captain Fukov's report.
- What about it?
214
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:16,030
Considering the possible vectors and
size of the ship they encountered, -
215
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:20,836
the ship must have originated near
the other end of the maggot hole.
216
00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:22,916
Yeah, yeah, get to the point.
217
00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:28,512
There must be an unknown human
civilization that built the ship.
218
00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:33,589
Considering our tough situation...
- ...We can take over their planets!
219
00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:38,920
I would have asked them for aid.
- Well it's not your decision.
220
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:42,118
Prepare the fleet for battle!
221
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:08,518
Capt... Captains of the P-Fleet.You
have been assembled for a reason.
222
00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:17,430
Beyond this maggot hole, there's a
lot of very nice space.
223
00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:20,518
We'll take it, by force, if need be!
224
00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:26,998
You have your order papers.
- I don't have no papers!
225
00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:33,110
Fukov! Interrupt me again, and I'll
have you scrubbing bulkheads again!
226
00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:35,196
You're sitting on top of'em.
227
00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:43,590
All available ships will be used,
so there's no room for failure!
228
00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:47,999
That's why I'm leading the mission
myself.
229
00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:51,675
There goes our last hope for
victory...
230
00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:57,193
We're leaving tomorrow morning,
at six o'clock. Any questions?
231
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:46,278
Meanwhile in a parallel universe...
232
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:21,757
Ambassador Flush, welcome aboard the
Babel 1 3.
233
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:24,355
Yes
234
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:28,278
We weren't expecting you for...
-Yes
235
00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:35,589
May I ask?
-Yes
236
00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:38,516
It's nothing.
237
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:47,190
Jonny! Sorry to interrupt.
I've got some bad news.
238
00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:53,269
This is our Chief of Security,
Mikhail Garybrandy.
239
00:32:57,480 --> 00:33:02,429
Look sharp, this is an important...
- What're you going on about?
240
00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:15,280
Lt Kefir took a Star Flurry for a
drunken joyride last night.
241
00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:21,270
What? Why didn't you stop him?
- I was so dru... dreadfully tired.
242
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:26,278
Where's Kefir now?
243
00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:32,590
In the morning, I sent a patrol out.
This is all they found.
244
00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:40,599
Oh my God.
- What?
245
00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:46,030
Aliens have crystallized Kefir!
246
00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:55,990
Jonny, this is a data crystal.
From Kefir's flight recorder.
247
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:04,268
Crystallized Kefir...
248
00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:12,276
Scream my rank!
249
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:31,430
Where did that ship come from?
- Dunno. But it sure is butt-ugly.
250
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:35,998
Could it mean...
- What?
251
00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:40,119
The prophecies of the Minibar are
coming true.
252
00:34:40,240 --> 00:34:45,189
A great darkness will come,
and we're all going to die.
253
00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:48,675
Jonny, you're scaring me.
254
00:34:49,240 --> 00:34:53,199
''The One to rule them all and in the
darkness bind them'', I've read it.
255
00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:55,356
Now, let's get back to reality, huh?
256
00:34:57,320 --> 00:35:00,278
An itching nose must be scratched.
257
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:05,916
There you have it, Mikhail!
258
00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:12,030
We have to trust the instincts that
served our ancestors so well.
259
00:35:15,080 --> 00:35:17,674
Ivanovitsa, we need reinforcements.
260
00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:22,989
Call in all ships in the vicinity.
-Yes, Sir.
261
00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:28,598
I have a bad feeling about this.
262
00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:49,276
This is where it happened.
263
00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:53,279
Let's get cracking.
Fukov, you go in first.
264
00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:57,439
We do not know if a starship can
survive entering that maggot hole.
265
00:35:57,720 --> 00:35:59,756
That's exactly why Fukov is going
first!
266
00:35:59,880 --> 00:36:01,836
Oh yeah? Well thanks a lot!
267
00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:28,036
Message from the Kalinka: all clear.
268
00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:33,509
Raise deflector plates and arm
weapons. We're going after 'em!
269
00:36:57,320 --> 00:37:03,270
Dammit, it's like sailing thru Jello.
Info, condensate, do something!
270
00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:08,198
Compensating by angling Hindenburg
stabilizers across the ion field.
271
00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:13,269
The Ouarton crystals should reach
the correct frequency right... now.
272
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:17,356
Yeah.Whatever.
273
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:24,589
Sir, unidentified craft detected!
- On the telly.
274
00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:37,352
They disappeared. But there ain't no
planets in all this red Jello.
275
00:37:37,720 --> 00:37:42,191
Apparently, the ships activated some
kind of local twist in space.
276
00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:46,757
We can duplicate the energy burst,
which should open a similar twist...
277
00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:49,519
Stop yammering and just do it.
278
00:37:49,720 --> 00:37:52,678
Helm, take us after them!
279
00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:34,109
That was the last of our
reinforcements. Now, we can...
280
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:39,509
Hopgate opening,
craft coming through.
281
00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:44,589
How many?
- Forty.Type: unknown.
282
00:38:58,320 --> 00:39:04,270
Blast... If I'd only known when I
accepted command of this station...
283
00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:11,512
I'd have done so with all the more
zeal!We're here to keep the peace -
284
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:17,590
and even if it meant killing every
sentient being in the galaxy, we...
285
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:23,272
Captain, this is hardly the time.
-This is a question of principle.
286
00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:29,430
It is my right to make speeches, and
I swear that no-one will deny me it.
287
00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:36,034
Not an enemy fleet, and especially
not some embittered Commander -
288
00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:41,519
who likes to chew out garbage scow
captains docking in handicap spaces!
289
00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:48,358
Is that clear?
290
00:40:08,720 --> 00:40:14,670
Sir, we're being hailed.
- Oh... well, put it on the telly.
291
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:29,990
This is Capt Sherrypie of the Babel 13.
Please identify yourselves.
292
00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:31,434
They look just like people!
293
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:36,039
This is Emperor Pirk, Supreme
Commander of the P-Fleet.
294
00:40:36,160 --> 00:40:41,757
Info, that's a space station, right?
Is the planet habitable?
295
00:40:41,960 --> 00:40:45,919
Not according to the scanners, Sir.
- Shoulda known...
296
00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:50,039
We just came to say hello, since we
happened to be close...
297
00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:53,914
...us and the fleet.
Where are you guys from, anyway?
298
00:40:54,080 --> 00:40:59,438
This station is neutral territory.
We have visitors from Minibar, -
299
00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:05,112
Kentucky, Narc, and of course Earth.
- Huh? We haven't been here before?
300
00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:10,919
Emperor, I assume we have arrived in
a mirror dimension of our own world.
301
00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:15,279
Historical events may be different
here, but some similarities exist.
302
00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:17,436
So do you know where their Earth is?
303
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:22,588
In theory, yes, assuming that our
star-charts have the same stars.
304
00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:24,995
Another Earth...
305
00:41:27,240 --> 00:41:29,356
We'll conquer that!
306
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:34,998
We'll secure this end of the maggot
hole - that tube can't be too hard...
307
00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:40,029
Emperor!The line is still open.
- I knew that.
308
00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:51,349
The day I joined the military,
my father told me: -
309
00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:58,030
''Son, you're none too bright, and
won't be marrying into money either.
310
00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:05,509
But you're human, Earth to Earth and
all that.
311
00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:15,990
So show some spine and come out and
stop being a shame on your old man.
312
00:42:19,560 --> 00:42:22,120
Tell me, can we beat them?
313
00:42:22,240 --> 00:42:26,028
Given that we have deflector plates
and they do not, it is possible...
314
00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:29,278
Yes, or no?
-Yes.
315
00:42:30,240 --> 00:42:32,356
...Mother Earth needs you today!''
316
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:37,989
Bring us to light ball range and
contact the rest of the fleet.
317
00:42:38,160 --> 00:42:43,109
...so I came out and gave the blood
sample. Now, Earth needs me again...
318
00:42:46,240 --> 00:42:52,190
Open fire at maximum range. Everyone
pick targets and wait for my signal.
319
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:58,590
...and I know every man, woman and
child on this station feels the same.
320
00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:08,990
The only way you can conquer Earth
is over our dead bodies!
321
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:16,430
Know that you shall pay dearly for
every cubic inch of our space.
322
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:24,350
We will fight you with sticks and
stones, or even with our bare hands.
323
00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:32,192
The forces of darkness shall move no
further! And if it took a thousand...
324
00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:35,358
Have some light balls. Fire.
325
00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:38,279
...as a shining beacon in the night!
326
00:44:04,240 --> 00:44:08,438
...in the face of beatniks from
another dimension...
327
00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:13,509
What the hell! Close the blast
doors! Activate the defense grid!
328
00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:17,756
Nice speech, Sir.
329
00:44:37,400 --> 00:44:39,356
Message from the Backgammon:
330
00:44:39,480 --> 00:44:43,917
Amigo class destroyers have reached
optimal firing range.
331
00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:53,110
They're to attack the heavier ships.
That'll show them we mean business.
332
00:44:58,240 --> 00:44:59,992
Fire!
333
00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:23,839
Saucer section penetrated! Serious
damage to all decks!
334
00:45:24,040 --> 00:45:25,996
What's with my deflector plates?!
335
00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:32,110
Fascinating! Our plates never even
registered the penetrating energy.
336
00:45:44,080 --> 00:45:50,030
Skipper, the hull's taen a paikin,
an the whisky barrels teuk a hit.
337
00:45:50,240 --> 00:45:56,190
Dinnae scart yer breeks, tho.
Gien some duct tape and twa oors...
338
00:45:56,320 --> 00:46:00,598
You got two minutes!
Fall back!
339
00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:09,038
All ships, cover me!
340
00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:30,750
Emperor, I just learned that we only
have three light balls left.
341
00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:37,110
I'm filing a formal complaint!
- Quit bitching and use twinklers.
342
00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:14,880
The Backgammon is being overpowered
... and we can't last long, either.
343
00:47:14,880 --> 00:47:19,271
The Backgammon is being overpowered
... and we can't last long, either.
344
00:47:33,720 --> 00:47:36,598
Damn, this doesn't look good.
345
00:47:39,720 --> 00:47:45,670
I'm afraid we only have one recourse.
-You don't mean--
346
00:47:47,800 --> 00:47:50,758
Yes.We have to stall for time.
347
00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:58,030
I'm giving a speech!
Raise the enemy command ship!
348
00:48:04,080 --> 00:48:07,038
Wait... the station is hailing us.
349
00:48:10,800 --> 00:48:16,750
A recording of Sherrypie begging for
mercy would have propaganda value.
350
00:48:17,080 --> 00:48:22,029
Well receive it then if it'll shut
you up.
351
00:48:26,320 --> 00:48:32,270
Babel 1 3 surrenders. Don't shoot,
we have over 250,000 civilians here.
352
00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:35,998
What do I care about your civilians?
353
00:48:36,240 --> 00:48:41,189
And why would I be interested in a
chock-full hunk o'junk of a station?
354
00:48:41,320 --> 00:48:47,270
Why don't you bring your crew over
for some shore leave?
355
00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:52,110
You could also repair your fleet...
- Our ships are fine.
356
00:48:52,240 --> 00:48:56,199
And shore leave can wait until after
we've taken your Earth.
357
00:48:56,400 --> 00:49:01,838
Also, you could personally take
Ivanovitsa's virginity! -WHAT?
358
00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:08,351
Well... lemme consider this. Oh, and
throw all your guns out the airlock.
359
00:49:09,320 --> 00:49:11,276
It's an obvious trap!
360
00:49:11,400 --> 00:49:16,349
It'll be all right! We'll take a
couple sledfuls of security guards.
361
00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:21,998
The crew must have some time off.
And these ships could use repairs.
362
00:49:22,640 --> 00:49:24,596
Figures.
363
00:49:24,720 --> 00:49:26,995
OK, Sherrypie. We accept your terms.
364
00:49:27,160 --> 00:49:33,110
Babel 1 3 is now officially part of
the P-Fleet, renamed...
365
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:36,358
...the ''Praise of Pirk's Greatness. ''
366
00:49:37,640 --> 00:49:42,589
And no tricks, or you're toast!
Pirk out.
367
00:49:45,160 --> 00:49:49,836
Dwarf, order all able security guys
to the sledbay.
368
00:49:50,040 --> 00:49:54,989
You, and Info will stay on the
Kickstart, just in case.
369
00:49:55,560 --> 00:50:00,509
If they try anything funny,
blast the crap outta 'em!
370
00:50:00,560 --> 00:50:02,516
But wait till I've gotten off.
371
00:50:17,040 --> 00:50:19,998
Emperor's blog, dunno what Moondate.
372
00:50:20,080 --> 00:50:26,030
The P-Fleet wiped the floor with
these Babel losers.
373
00:50:26,160 --> 00:50:32,110
We'll secure a base here and
then go on to conquer their Earth.
374
00:50:32,400 --> 00:50:35,358
The crew'll get some rest, and...
375
00:50:36,240 --> 00:50:39,198
...I figure I'll get some, too.
376
00:50:46,720 --> 00:50:49,109
Go get 'em,Tiger!
377
00:51:03,040 --> 00:51:04,996
...Demanding landing clearance.
378
00:51:05,640 --> 00:51:10,589
Clearance granted in Hangar 1.
Welcome to your station!
379
00:51:11,720 --> 00:51:16,669
This is too goddamn easy.
-Tell me about it.
380
00:51:17,160 --> 00:51:20,675
Hey kid, is your insurance in order?
- Why?
381
00:51:20,720 --> 00:51:24,110
I feel it in my bones, we won't be
coming back.
382
00:51:24,240 --> 00:51:27,755
Nah, it can't be that bad.
- Oh yeah?
383
00:51:27,880 --> 00:51:32,590
Last time it was supposed to be a
cakewalk, my two buddies bought it.
384
00:51:32,800 --> 00:51:36,759
And that Japanese guy Kamikaze,
he's never gonna walk again!
385
00:51:36,800 --> 00:51:41,749
And then there was... - Shut up!
You're hurting the crew's moray!
386
00:51:52,960 --> 00:51:54,916
Is everything ready?
387
00:51:57,960 --> 00:52:00,918
What the hell are you smirking at?
388
00:52:04,320 --> 00:52:09,269
Sherrypie is SO going to get it...
Let's move!
389
00:52:55,880 --> 00:52:57,836
Where's Sherrypie?
390
00:52:57,960 --> 00:53:01,919
He couldn't stand defeat. He shot
himself in the head, three times.
391
00:53:02,080 --> 00:53:06,039
If you wish to see the body...
- Well I don't.
392
00:53:06,160 --> 00:53:10,119
But you can show me around the
station. My station.
393
00:53:10,240 --> 00:53:12,754
Where would you like to start, Sir?
394
00:53:12,880 --> 00:53:17,829
How about your bedroom, you know,
Sherrypie promised me something...
395
00:53:18,640 --> 00:53:20,596
Yes, Sir.
396
00:53:22,480 --> 00:53:28,430
This is Emperor Pirk. One-half of
all crews can come aboard on leave.
397
00:53:29,800 --> 00:53:35,750
Oh, and nobody disturb me for the
next fift... hour! Right, let's go.
398
00:53:50,240 --> 00:53:51,355
VICTORY PARTY
399
00:53:51,480 --> 00:53:53,436
Let's get wasted!
400
00:54:51,400 --> 00:54:53,834
Am I your first?
401
00:55:03,160 --> 00:55:09,110
Naah... I've had lots of women,
after all, I am the Emperor...Yeah!
402
00:55:24,080 --> 00:55:28,915
Our scanners should now be correctly
calibrated to this dimension.
403
00:55:29,040 --> 00:55:34,990
Interesting... I'm picking up energy
readings from beyond the hopgate.
404
00:55:35,080 --> 00:55:37,196
I shall make some adjustments...
405
00:55:59,960 --> 00:56:04,909
Wait a minute... what's that?
- Nothing, just a screen saver.
406
00:56:05,040 --> 00:56:07,190
Sir, Sir!
407
00:56:15,640 --> 00:56:19,599
Goddammit, it's a trap!
-Very perceptive of you.
408
00:56:25,040 --> 00:56:28,999
The Excavator has arrived with our
reinforcements.
409
00:56:34,400 --> 00:56:38,359
Evening, commander.
- Festerbester...
410
00:56:38,480 --> 00:56:44,430
We were taking this new flagship for
a spin, and decided to lend a hand.
411
00:56:45,560 --> 00:56:47,516
Where's Captain Giddyup?
412
00:56:47,640 --> 00:56:52,589
He was feeling unwell, and had to
leave the ship under my command.
413
00:56:52,720 --> 00:56:57,669
I never thought I'd say this,
but it's good to see you.
414
00:56:58,800 --> 00:57:02,759
Let's kick those bastards out of
this galaxy!
415
00:57:13,080 --> 00:57:15,275
This is Captain Jonny K. Sherrypie.
416
00:57:15,480 --> 00:57:18,438
The rumors of my death are greatly
exaggerated.
417
00:57:18,560 --> 00:57:20,516
Aww, crap.
418
00:57:21,560 --> 00:57:26,509
Starting immediately, we're retaking
our station from these oppressors.
419
00:57:27,040 --> 00:57:32,990
Men of Babel, to arms!
Defend that which is ours by right!
420
00:57:33,560 --> 00:57:36,996
Brown sector! On the double!
To the Zicala!
421
00:57:37,040 --> 00:57:41,989
All P-Fleet personnel are under
arrest under Earth martial law.
422
00:57:42,240 --> 00:57:45,676
They are not to be allowed to leave
the station.
423
00:57:45,800 --> 00:57:49,190
Our reinforcements will deal with
their fleet.
424
00:57:49,480 --> 00:57:53,917
To all P-Fleet personnel who
surrender without resistance, -
425
00:57:54,040 --> 00:57:58,989
I promise a fair court-martial and
a swift execution.
426
00:58:02,880 --> 00:58:07,829
There is a ship, registration
ZEX-51 4, parked aft of the station -
427
00:58:07,880 --> 00:58:12,829
in a handicap space.
Will the owner move it A.S.A.P.
428
00:58:30,400 --> 00:58:34,359
Activate the defense grid
and open fire!
429
00:58:40,480 --> 00:58:46,430
The dishonorable traitors! I told
them it's a trap! Me kill you! Kill!
430
00:58:53,800 --> 00:58:58,510
Control yourself, apeman.The Emperor
and half our crews are still aboard.
431
00:58:58,640 --> 00:59:03,350
At least we'll destroy their ships.
Kickstart to fleet, aim light balls!
432
00:59:03,480 --> 00:59:05,436
I believe I was placed in command.
433
00:59:06,400 --> 00:59:10,188
Kickstart to fleet:
ignore the previous order.
434
00:59:10,320 --> 00:59:14,108
Aim light balls on attacking enemy
ships and fire on my mark.
435
00:59:14,240 --> 00:59:17,437
Fleet reporting: practically all
light balls expended.
436
00:59:17,560 --> 00:59:21,348
In that case, approach to twinkler
range at full shove power.
437
00:59:21,480 --> 00:59:25,439
Our losses should not
exceed 68.4 per cent.
438
00:59:25,560 --> 00:59:28,120
I guess it's a passable day to die.
439
00:59:50,960 --> 00:59:53,428
Blast it, I'll handle this!
440
00:59:53,960 --> 00:59:58,909
Lt Fubar! Don't go!
- It is my destiny.
441
01:00:12,040 --> 01:00:17,990
Hey, it's war.
People get killed, you know.
442
01:00:30,160 --> 01:00:33,914
Emperor Pirk! Order your men to lay
down their arms.
443
01:00:34,040 --> 01:00:37,749
I guarantee a fair court-martial to
all those who surrender.
444
01:00:37,880 --> 01:00:40,348
The P-Fleet will never surrender!
445
01:00:41,480 --> 01:00:43,835
And, I lost my communicator.
446
01:00:44,240 --> 01:00:49,189
Ivanovitsa, inform the enemy fleet
that we've captured their Emperor.
447
01:00:49,880 --> 01:00:53,919
Cannot comply, Sir.That last hit
disabled our communications systems.
448
01:00:54,040 --> 01:00:55,996
Darn.
449
01:00:56,080 --> 01:01:01,029
So. I'm no use to you anymore.
How about I'll just scoot off?
450
01:01:10,800 --> 01:01:15,749
Weapons range attained!
- Fire at will.
451
01:01:27,160 --> 01:01:33,110
When I joined the military, I swore
to protect Earth against any enemy.
452
01:01:33,880 --> 01:01:39,830
I have faced starving Martian
insurgents and the fleets of Minibar.
453
01:01:41,720 --> 01:01:47,670
All this I have done to protect the
unified Earth, unified mankind...
454
01:01:49,960 --> 01:01:52,349
Enough with the speeches! Bastard!
455
01:01:53,240 --> 01:01:56,437
Very well, if you can't wait to die.
456
01:01:58,480 --> 01:02:04,430
Emperor Pirk, I sentence you to death
for your crimes against humanity.
457
01:02:07,960 --> 01:02:13,910
You will be executed immediately,
by five plasma pellets to the head.
458
01:02:14,040 --> 01:02:17,999
Don't take it like that!
Go ahead with your speech!
459
01:02:18,040 --> 01:02:20,508
Ready... aim...
460
01:02:24,720 --> 01:02:29,669
Zounds! Why weren't those ceiling
struts fastened properly?
461
01:02:52,240 --> 01:02:56,199
Zucker?
You shall be avenged!
462
01:02:56,320 --> 01:03:02,270
All worked up over some security guy
who died...
463
01:03:05,640 --> 01:03:07,596
Run, boys! I'll cover you!
464
01:04:03,240 --> 01:04:05,196
Let's roast them!
465
01:04:25,640 --> 01:04:27,596
My sled...
466
01:04:33,560 --> 01:04:35,994
Going somewhere, Emperor?
467
01:04:40,800 --> 01:04:43,268
Blast these struts!
468
01:04:43,720 --> 01:04:48,191
This station is a piece of crap!
No turbolift, nothing!
469
01:04:51,800 --> 01:04:54,268
You can use the exercise!
470
01:04:54,800 --> 01:05:00,272
Why exercise when you can get one
of these delivered to your home?
471
01:05:07,720 --> 01:05:12,669
Stop hiding, you!
Now what's with this thing?
472
01:05:13,720 --> 01:05:16,188
Oh Jefferson!The batteries are out!
473
01:05:19,400 --> 01:05:24,349
Let's settle this like men
- one on one.
474
01:05:50,480 --> 01:05:53,438
Stop whining, you wuss! Get up!
475
01:06:01,160 --> 01:06:03,594
This is for Zucker!
476
01:06:11,320 --> 01:06:13,754
So, Emperor.The game's over.
477
01:06:17,880 --> 01:06:20,838
Understand this, Pirk. War is war.
478
01:06:22,320 --> 01:06:26,359
You and me, as soldiers, know this
better than anyone.
479
01:06:26,480 --> 01:06:31,429
But when you murdered my friend in
cold blood, this became personal.
480
01:06:34,640 --> 01:06:39,589
I'll see to it that you die slowly,
and have time to regret everything.
481
01:06:41,400 --> 01:06:45,916
Didn't anyone ever tell you
your bootlaces are too long?
482
01:06:48,720 --> 01:06:52,679
My contact lenses!
- Found 'em!
483
01:06:52,880 --> 01:06:57,351
Security guards to the hangar!
- Coward!
484
01:07:19,800 --> 01:07:23,759
Enemy target destroyed.
Moving on to next...
485
01:07:23,880 --> 01:07:25,836
Imperial Distress Call
486
01:07:25,880 --> 01:07:27,836
Pirk to Kickstart! Pirk to...
487
01:07:28,040 --> 01:07:30,190
Sir, we do hear you.
488
01:07:30,400 --> 01:07:36,350
Oh good. I'm in this sled. Come and
get me ASAP.Them cowards set me up!
489
01:07:36,720 --> 01:07:40,679
You don't say, Sir.
-They were no match for my cunning.
490
01:07:44,320 --> 01:07:46,834
Get over here and rescue me!
491
01:07:47,560 --> 01:07:51,519
Set a course for the Emperor's sled.
- I'll just destroy this destroyer.
492
01:07:51,640 --> 01:07:55,599
Commander, it's an Imperial Distress
Call. We're moving out.
493
01:07:55,720 --> 01:07:58,188
I have him in my sights. One second!
494
01:07:58,400 --> 01:08:02,916
The P-Fleet is not the Planet of the
Apes. We obey a superior officer.
495
01:08:03,040 --> 01:08:05,508
I've had it with you, binary brains!
496
01:08:32,640 --> 01:08:37,111
Whatever you may think, the VCR
remote stop button doesn't harm me.
497
01:08:37,160 --> 01:08:41,676
Now, perhaps we can go and help out
the Emperor.
498
01:08:56,480 --> 01:09:02,430
Hayday to fleet. Are your crews back
from R&R yet?
499
01:09:03,080 --> 01:09:09,030
Curses! Outflank the enemy. I want
the heavy destroyers taken out now!
500
01:09:31,120 --> 01:09:33,554
Oh Thursday!
501
01:09:40,280 --> 01:09:44,239
Yeehaw!
- All clear, Sir!
502
01:10:17,040 --> 01:10:20,999
What kept you guys?
They almost got me!
503
01:10:21,120 --> 01:10:25,398
We came as soon as we could, limited
by the performance of Cmdr Dwarf.
504
01:10:25,600 --> 01:10:28,068
Wars aren't won by avoiding battles.
505
01:10:28,320 --> 01:10:33,269
Enough with your sorry Plingon
proverbs. Status report!
506
01:10:33,920 --> 01:10:37,879
We have lost 23 ships, and have 14
operational ships left.
507
01:10:38,040 --> 01:10:41,999
Enemy reinforcements are putting up
a stiff fight.
508
01:10:42,160 --> 01:10:46,119
Additionally, our twinkle beams are
powerless against their flagship.
509
01:10:46,200 --> 01:10:50,113
What the hell... are we armed with
twinklers or flashlights?
510
01:10:50,480 --> 01:10:55,838
Light balls seem to work better, but
the Kickstart only has nine left.
511
01:10:56,200 --> 01:10:58,634
I know: let's fire 'em all at once.
512
01:10:58,960 --> 01:11:02,919
And Dwarf, this is an important shot
so I'm taking over.
513
01:11:03,040 --> 01:11:05,508
Sir, I really wouldn't recommend it.
514
01:11:05,880 --> 01:11:10,351
Maybe the range is too much for you,
but for me it's a piece of pie.
515
01:11:10,600 --> 01:11:15,071
Computer, manual override of weapon
systems.
516
01:11:16,560 --> 01:11:19,028
This is child's play.
517
01:11:50,960 --> 01:11:52,916
Goddammit.
518
01:11:56,520 --> 01:11:58,476
Dork.
519
01:12:01,400 --> 01:12:03,834
I had it in my sights, didn't I?!
520
01:12:06,720 --> 01:12:10,395
Sir, have you ever heard of leading
the target?
521
01:12:10,520 --> 01:12:14,877
Lead? Can't these damn computers
calculate it for me?
522
01:12:15,080 --> 01:12:19,551
When the target's in the crosshairs,
the shots should hit!
523
01:12:21,960 --> 01:12:23,916
Child's play, indeed!
524
01:12:24,080 --> 01:12:28,949
You couldn't have hit it yourself.
You rotten...Take a shower, stinker!
525
01:12:29,120 --> 01:12:32,556
Plingon warriors do not take
showers!
526
01:12:36,200 --> 01:12:40,637
Sir, a hit from that attack would
have caused serious damage.
527
01:12:40,760 --> 01:12:44,719
The enemy command ship may be
a grave threat.
528
01:12:45,880 --> 01:12:49,839
The best defense is a good offense.
Do something about them!
529
01:12:49,920 --> 01:12:53,879
...Target and lock on the Kickstart...
Ready the main gun...
530
01:13:01,320 --> 01:13:05,552
Heavy structural damage to starboard!
- Shut up and keep firing!
531
01:13:05,640 --> 01:13:10,077
Their main gun is locking on us.
- Well take evasionic action then.
532
01:13:10,240 --> 01:13:12,196
Evasionic action Pirk-7.
533
01:13:26,960 --> 01:13:29,394
Jefferson's jellies! Retreat, fast!
534
01:13:37,600 --> 01:13:40,558
Power will be back in 40 seconds.
535
01:13:41,120 --> 01:13:46,592
I'd like to know what whoever
designed this weapon was thinking.
536
01:13:53,880 --> 01:13:58,829
I estimate that the enemy flagship
can fire again in 1 7.3 seconds.
537
01:14:03,880 --> 01:14:09,352
Hey, let's hide behind the station.
They won't dare shoot at us there.
538
01:14:29,080 --> 01:14:34,029
Finally. And where is our friend the
Kickstart?
539
01:14:34,560 --> 01:14:38,712
Unknown, Sir.The blackout caused
the targeting computer to reboot, -
540
01:14:38,800 --> 01:14:44,750
so we lost lock-on. But I'll track
them down again in no time.
541
01:14:48,655 --> 01:14:54,605
Captain's blog:The Kalinka suffered
heavy damage to halludeck circuits, -
542
01:14:54,935 --> 01:15:00,885
and we retreated for repairs. Most
of the crew were on the halludeck -
543
01:15:01,095 --> 01:15:06,852
having a vodka party, and now the
door seems to be stuck.
544
01:15:07,095 --> 01:15:13,045
Lt. Makarov, how are the repairs?
- It'll be open in 10 minutes, Sir.
545
01:15:14,215 --> 01:15:19,164
No hurry. Looks like the battle will
go on for some time.
546
01:15:31,055 --> 01:15:33,011
This is cold.
547
01:15:34,695 --> 01:15:39,644
Ouch! Holy shit. Hey, guys.
548
01:15:40,895 --> 01:15:44,854
According to our scanners, the
Kalinka still has 20 light balls.
549
01:15:44,975 --> 01:15:48,934
That Russkie coward been holding
back again?
550
01:15:49,015 --> 01:15:52,974
If we ask Capt Fukov to deliver his
light balls to us, we can close in...
551
01:15:54,535 --> 01:15:59,484
And blast them to pieces! Only I
might do the targeting this time.
552
01:15:59,815 --> 01:16:02,773
Like hell you will!This is my show.
553
01:16:03,375 --> 01:16:07,812
Esteemed Emperor, it seems you tore
off your joy stick on that last try.
554
01:16:08,495 --> 01:16:14,445
OK.You shoot, but you'd better hit.
Open a channel to Fukov!
555
01:16:22,215 --> 01:16:24,171
Hi there.
556
01:16:24,295 --> 01:16:29,767
What've you done? Not one hit,
but your ship is in pieces.
557
01:16:31,895 --> 01:16:34,853
We had some technical problems.
558
01:16:36,215 --> 01:16:42,165
Get the Kalinka over here, load all
your light balls on a sled, and...
559
01:16:46,695 --> 01:16:52,645
...bring them to the Kickstart.
- Come again? You're breaking up.
560
01:16:54,775 --> 01:17:00,247
Send the whole case. And pack them
well or they'll warm up in transit.
561
01:17:08,815 --> 01:17:10,771
Hokay...
562
01:17:23,735 --> 01:17:28,684
The enemy is pressing on our fleet.
Should we withdraw to regroup?
563
01:17:29,975 --> 01:17:35,732
No.
Have you located the Kickstart yet?
564
01:17:38,655 --> 01:17:42,614
Yes, Sir. It's sitting next to the
Babel-13. But our ships...
565
01:17:42,735 --> 01:17:47,172
...are able to look after themselves.
We shall destroy the Kickstart.
566
01:17:47,295 --> 01:17:52,733
I sense these spineless worms only
fight for fear of their Emperor.
567
01:17:53,095 --> 01:17:58,044
The loss of their flagship will crush
their spirit and secure our victory.
568
01:18:10,855 --> 01:18:13,813
The light ball loader is calling.
569
01:18:13,975 --> 01:18:17,684
Sir, the shipment from the Kalinka
just arrived from the sled bay.
570
01:18:17,775 --> 01:18:21,484
High time, too.
- What am I supposed to do with it?
571
01:18:21,575 --> 01:18:25,363
What do you think, pea brain? Stuff
'em in the light ball tubes!
572
01:18:25,495 --> 01:18:29,170
''This is the light ball loader, what
do I do with light balls?
573
01:18:29,295 --> 01:18:31,729
Hide 'em under my bed?''
574
01:18:32,695 --> 01:18:36,370
That's the last time I ever
recruit my crew from Russia.
575
01:18:36,455 --> 01:18:38,923
Ready to execute the plan, Sir.
576
01:18:39,135 --> 01:18:41,603
Get us into a firing position.
577
01:18:52,335 --> 01:18:58,285
Sir, the Kickstart left the side of
the Babel 13 and is heading at us.
578
01:19:04,575 --> 01:19:09,205
This is Emperor Pirk! Any last words
before we blast you to bits?
579
01:19:09,335 --> 01:19:11,803
Ah, the Emperor.We meet at last.
580
01:19:12,335 --> 01:19:16,886
I regret to say your pitiful attempt
only makes me feel sorry for you.
581
01:19:17,015 --> 01:19:19,575
We'll see who's sorry
after 20 light balls!
582
01:19:24,015 --> 01:19:26,449
Prepare the twist drive.
583
01:19:30,295 --> 01:19:36,245
They are making this too easy... but
never look a gift horse in the mouth.
584
01:19:36,775 --> 01:19:41,212
Captain, if you would, please.
- ... Prepare the main gun...
585
01:19:43,975 --> 01:19:46,933
Twist drive... Now!
586
01:19:54,815 --> 01:19:57,283
Pirk's cunning strikes again.
587
01:19:59,935 --> 01:20:04,372
Lightballs locked onto their bridge.
- Say Onara, suckers. Fire!
588
01:20:12,295 --> 01:20:14,251
The Corps is Momma and Granny.
589
01:20:19,335 --> 01:20:21,291
Direct hits on bridge!
590
01:20:21,415 --> 01:20:25,886
...With light balls loaded with
1 2-oz. beer bottles.
591
01:20:27,975 --> 01:20:31,934
Fukooooov!
- What?
592
01:20:35,175 --> 01:20:41,125
What... was... your big idea...
with these light balls?
593
01:20:45,455 --> 01:20:47,923
Light balls? What light balls?
594
01:20:48,935 --> 01:20:54,885
I told you to send over your light
balls you braindead Commie mutant!
595
01:20:56,575 --> 01:20:59,533
No, you asked for ''light beer''.
596
01:21:02,135 --> 01:21:05,093
Enemy ship returning fire.
- Get outta the way!
597
01:21:05,215 --> 01:21:07,171
Too late.
598
01:21:13,055 --> 01:21:16,684
Massive damage taken!
- One twist drive destroyed!
599
01:21:16,775 --> 01:21:20,211
Lost connections for twinkle banks
600
01:21:20,335 --> 01:21:23,611
Computer helpdesk went bankrupt!
- Halludeck going offline!
601
01:21:23,695 --> 01:21:25,651
Coffee-o-Matic damaged beyond repair!
602
01:21:43,535 --> 01:21:46,891
Ne'er mind that, she's gaun tae blow!
603
01:21:47,055 --> 01:21:51,810
The twist core just breuk an thare's
antimaterial gas awgates.
604
01:21:52,015 --> 01:21:56,964
Well fix it! Return fire!
- Weapon systems are inoperable.
605
01:21:57,135 --> 01:22:02,084
Furthermore, our twist core will
split in 3.6 minutes.
606
01:22:06,375 --> 01:22:11,927
At least we'll take the bastard with
us! Set collision course!
607
01:22:17,055 --> 01:22:22,527
How pathetic. Our next shot will
take them out. Captain!
608
01:22:22,695 --> 01:22:25,163
...Ready the main gun...
609
01:22:29,815 --> 01:22:35,765
Sir, somehow the beer seems to have
corroded all control circuits.
610
01:22:36,375 --> 01:22:38,525
The main gun is out of action.
611
01:22:38,695 --> 01:22:44,645
Fine then.We'll do it the hard way.
Secondary guns, fire!
612
01:22:54,455 --> 01:22:57,413
Gimme all you got!You can't hurt me!
613
01:22:58,415 --> 01:23:02,567
You are a good sport, but as you can
see, you are finished.
614
01:23:02,695 --> 01:23:08,645
Well I have the last laugh. And it's
on you and your silly leather gloves.
615
01:23:09,455 --> 01:23:15,405
Arrogant insect. Full speed ahead!
We have the mass advantage!
616
01:23:36,895 --> 01:23:40,331
Okay, Fukov. Disengage the sucking
beam, and break to the right.
617
01:23:40,415 --> 01:23:42,371
Sure, Sir!
618
01:23:51,815 --> 01:23:56,764
Emperor, there's a slight problem...
-You stupid moron!
619
01:23:57,255 --> 01:24:01,214
26 seconds to impact.
- Fukooov!
620
01:24:03,455 --> 01:24:09,405
You're gonna get us all killed!
Waitaminit! What's this?
621
01:24:11,415 --> 01:24:15,374
It's... it's the spare stick!
- Spare stick?
622
01:24:15,495 --> 01:24:18,453
2.1 seconds to impact!
623
01:24:45,135 --> 01:24:48,093
See you in Reykjavik!
624
01:24:52,495 --> 01:24:54,451
Oh, crap.
625
01:25:40,335 --> 01:25:42,291
The situation looks bad, Sir.
626
01:25:42,495 --> 01:25:46,454
The fleet is decimated and the enemy
is setting up to attack the station.
627
01:25:46,575 --> 01:25:50,534
Erm, I take it that the defense grid
has been activated?
628
01:25:50,655 --> 01:25:54,614
It would be, if there was anything
left of it.
629
01:25:56,495 --> 01:25:59,453
Hi guys, how's it hangin'?
630
01:26:01,815 --> 01:26:05,774
Are you drunk?
- No.
631
01:26:08,495 --> 01:26:14,445
I'm absolutely wasted!
- So you fell off the wagon again.
632
01:26:16,215 --> 01:26:22,165
They don't call me Garybrandy for
nothin'.
633
01:26:25,215 --> 01:26:31,165
But hey, who cares.
We'll soon all be dead, anyway.
634
01:26:32,575 --> 01:26:35,009
There must be something we can do.
635
01:26:35,575 --> 01:26:41,525
Sure.
We can take them bastards with us.
636
01:26:45,055 --> 01:26:49,526
The fusion reactor's warming up
nicely.
637
01:26:49,735 --> 01:26:51,691
What?
638
01:26:53,055 --> 01:26:56,013
I disconnected the cooling system.
639
01:26:58,295 --> 01:27:01,253
The fireworks should start in about
640
01:27:01,415 --> 01:27:06,364
This is mutiny! Reconnect the system
immediately!
641
01:27:06,895 --> 01:27:11,366
Wait! Mike may be right.What other
options do we have?
642
01:27:11,735 --> 01:27:16,092
We will fight till the last!
- We have nothing left to fight with!
643
01:27:16,215 --> 01:27:22,165
No!We have men, PPB's, our fists!
When they come to take the station..
644
01:27:22,975 --> 01:27:27,924
My guess is that after the last time,
Pirk won't try to TAKE the station.
645
01:27:29,655 --> 01:27:35,605
So all we gotta do is keep 'em close
for a little while longer.
646
01:27:39,415 --> 01:27:44,364
Jonny, you need to relax a bit.
Wanna drink?
647
01:27:53,735 --> 01:27:56,693
Effin' traitors.You are SO toast.
648
01:27:58,655 --> 01:28:04,093
Babel 1 3 surrenders unconditionally.
- Dwarf, warm up the twinkle banks.
649
01:28:04,975 --> 01:28:10,925
But don't you think it'd be better
to shoot from a closer range?
650
01:28:11,135 --> 01:28:16,084
Beams traveling across all that
space would waste a lot of energy.
651
01:28:16,335 --> 01:28:21,773
Good idea!Tell the fleet to move to
point blank range and lock on.
652
01:28:22,335 --> 01:28:26,613
It seems the station's power plant
is approaching critical mass.
653
01:28:26,735 --> 01:28:30,284
What? They're trying to
pull a fast one again!
654
01:28:30,495 --> 01:28:32,884
Who would've thought.
655
01:28:32,975 --> 01:28:35,409
Gimme full twist!
656
01:28:38,655 --> 01:28:40,611
It's not working!
657
01:28:40,775 --> 01:28:46,725
Sir, we're losing antimaterial gas,
and can only use half shove power.
658
01:28:47,575 --> 01:28:51,534
It'll have to do.
All power to shove engines!
659
01:28:56,575 --> 01:29:02,525
Oh, and inform the rest of the fleet.
- Sure, Sir.
660
01:29:05,855 --> 01:29:07,811
Hello, Carlo's Sex Line.
661
01:29:08,415 --> 01:29:15,366
We need to hurry, things are so hot.
- Sounds exciting, what do I do?
662
01:29:16,575 --> 01:29:20,250
The Emperor says to pull out before
it pops!
663
01:29:20,415 --> 01:29:24,374
Fukov, what's taking so long?
Did you inform the fleet or what?
664
01:29:24,495 --> 01:29:28,454
Yeah, Captain Carlo answered.
- Who's Carlo?
665
01:29:28,615 --> 01:29:32,893
Critical mass in 38 seconds.
- Into the jello hole, and fast!
666
01:29:37,455 --> 01:29:40,413
Our fearless leader is running away.
667
01:29:40,615 --> 01:29:45,086
Message to the fleet:
All ships, follow the Emperor.
668
01:29:49,735 --> 01:29:52,203
The enemy fleet is withdrawing!
669
01:29:54,095 --> 01:30:00,045
We made it! Garybrandy, shut down
the reactor immediately!
670
01:30:00,175 --> 01:30:01,608
I'm almost there!
671
01:30:25,095 --> 01:30:30,044
EMERGENCY REACTOR SHUTDOWN
672
01:30:47,055 --> 01:30:49,523
Oh peanuts!
673
01:31:09,775 --> 01:31:14,974
Where the hell is the rest of my
fleet? Fukov, didn't you reach them?
674
01:31:22,575 --> 01:31:24,531
Hurry up!
675
01:32:05,855 --> 01:32:11,805
Alright. Great job.
-You can't win every time, Sir.
676
01:32:12,055 --> 01:32:18,005
And who asked you? Info, where the
hell are we, anyway?
677
01:32:18,375 --> 01:32:23,324
One moment. I'm recalibrating our
scanners for our dimension.
678
01:32:35,335 --> 01:32:37,565
What the hell?
679
01:32:37,695 --> 01:32:41,449
This end of the maggot hole must
have shifted in time-space.
680
01:32:41,615 --> 01:32:43,571
Avoid that planet!
681
01:32:44,575 --> 01:32:47,043
Insufficient energy for shove power.
682
01:32:50,895 --> 01:32:53,329
Beam us onto the planet!
683
01:32:53,455 --> 01:32:57,414
There's only enough energy to
transfer three people.
684
01:32:57,615 --> 01:33:00,573
Info, Dwarf, get ready to beam down!
685
01:33:11,375 --> 01:33:14,333
Not to worry! It'll be all right.
686
01:34:26,055 --> 01:34:32,005
OK, Info. How about letting us know
where the hell we are?
687
01:34:32,295 --> 01:34:34,525
Hawaii, on Earth.
688
01:34:34,695 --> 01:34:38,654
So where are all the surfers and
hula hula dancers, smart guy?
689
01:34:38,815 --> 01:34:42,774
Some 1 1,000 years in the future.
- What?
690
01:34:42,855 --> 01:34:46,814
I assume the maggot hole put us on
Earth, during the Ice Age.
691
01:34:47,015 --> 01:34:49,973
The Ice Age? Now what're we gonna do?
692
01:34:53,695 --> 01:34:57,654
How about shooting ourselves before
the twinklers freeze?
693
01:34:59,455 --> 01:35:04,404
In a low-power mode, I believe I can
make it until the 21st century, -
694
01:35:04,655 --> 01:35:09,604
and prevent the fateful invasion
campaign from taking place.
695
01:35:11,415 --> 01:35:16,364
So that none of this ever happened?
Then I'll be saved!
696
01:35:16,975 --> 01:35:18,931
Hm. In a way.Yes.
697
01:36:13,015 --> 01:36:16,769
English Translation by Antti Hukkanen
61473
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