Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

- Watch, she's gonna order breakfast for lunch.

- I'll have the French toast.

- I told you.

- You know, two can play that game,

Miss Cobb Salad.

- Oh, I might just surprise you.

I'll have the Cobb salad.

- [laughs] - Ha!

- I love that you can order for each other.

It is adorable.

- It comes from a lifetime of stuffing our faces together.

- [laughs] - Aw.

Look how sweet that couple is.

Lauren, that could be someday. - Aw.

- I can put my own napkin on my own damn lap!

- Then why is there soup your pants?

- I hope that's not us.

[phone chimes]

Ooh, sorry. Work.

- I know you.

Something's on your mind.

You wanted the salmon, didn't you?

- No, I'm gonna ask Lauren to marry me.

- Oh, my gosh.

This is amazing.

I could scream.

- Don't. You got to chill.

- Okay. Okay, super chill.

- I'm excited, but I don't know what I'm doing.

There's no road map. All I know is that I love her,

and I want to be with her forever.

- Love! - Shh, chill!

I got to ask you something,

but I need you to use that inside scream of yours, okay?

Will you be my maid of honor? Or how does best woman sound?

- I don't care what you call it.

I do.

- She's coming back. Keep it together.

- Sorry. That took forever.

- Aw, forever is so romantic.

- What? - [forced laugh]

You need to stick a pretzel roll in your mouth right now.

- Oh, yeah. Mmm.

- You must be hungry. - Super hungry.

- If you want, I can ask our server when the food is coming.

He's over there marrying the ketchups.

- I'm going to eat some more rolls.

- * Hey *

* Hey, hey *

* Every time I turn around *

* Hey, hey, hey, hey *

- Wait, these Civil War soldiers all have

hipster beards like the dudes in Wicker Park.

- General Grant was a total hottie.

- Probably not gonna be on the test, but hard agree.

[both laugh] Also, I bet those guys stunk.

I mean, running around in wool coats,

sleeping in tents, rarely bathing.

- Still better than cologne, though.

Half the boys at school literally bathe in body spray.

- What's up?

- Uh, what do you want, Diego?

- Oh, no. I was just working my beats.

[beatboxes]

- We're trying to study.

Go spit on yourself somewhere else.

- Hey, have you seen my nunchucks?

You know, got to get my reps in, right?

- Why don't you look in your room with your other toys?

- Nunchucks aren't toys.

Yeah, I gave someone a concussion with those once.

- That someone was you.

- I'ma just...

[both laugh] - How embarrassing.

My little brother has a crush on you.

- Well, I think it's sweet.

So...how old is he?

[knock on door]

- I'm so glad you're here.

I have a million ideas about food, invitations, flowers,

obviously photographers.

But first, I want to know what you think.

- I think you didn't sleep last night.

- I didn't! How can I sleep

when my best friend's getting married?

- I slept fine.

- I was up all night making Pinterest boards,

and I have been heavily inspired

by a woman in Tennessee that I don't know.

And if all goes to plan,

you two are gonna get married by Dolly Parton.

- [laughs] Stop.

I appreciate all this,

but I can't plan a wedding until I propose.

And I can't propose until I pick out a ring.

- All right. Let's catch our breath.

- Fine. Let's go get a ring.

- Yes!

- Every engagement ring speaks to people in different ways.

This rose gold ring says romance.

- Mm...I'm looking for a ring that says I love you,

but not what we conform to society's main ideals of love.

I'm looking for a ring that says I want to spend

the rest of my life with you... but no pressure.

A ring that says till death do us part.

But not in a creepy, like, "I'm gonna snap and kill you

kind of way if you ever leave me."

Do you have one of those?

- How about an Asscher cut?

What is going on with you? Are you okay?

- This is all starting to feel real,

and when I say real, I mean scary.

What if she says no?

Once I propose, I can't take it back.

And I don't want to ruin what we have.

- Then don't propose.

- What? How could you say that?

She's the love of my life.

- There's your answer.

- This is crazy.

Growing up, I never thought I could get married

because it was against the law.

And then when they legalized it,

there was nobody that was the one until now.

- Not even hot Robin? - Hot Robin was a hot mess.

- Yeah, she was.

You were lucky to find Lauren.

Remember when she installed your dishwasher?

- Yeah, you know how many years I hand washed?

- And she did the "Dirty Dancing" move

without dropping you?

I mean, you got to lock that down.

Now you just need the ring.

- My grandma's ring.

Why didn't I think about it before?

It means so much to me.

- It's perfect.

Betty would approve.

- I wish she was here to watch me get married,

but she'd probably have some pretty strong opinions

about me marrying a woman.

- Not if she saw how happy you are.

- Yeah, she'd come around.

And be the last one on the dance floor.

[both laugh] - So what you want to do now?

- No more wedding stuff today, okay?

- Okay, but I thought maybe we'd go

and try some wedding cakes, but we can save that for later.

- Oh, hell no. We're going now.

[knock on door]

- Hey, Izzy. Is Punky around?

- Let me check my Punky locator.

Punky!

Nope.

- Hmm, I really needed to talk to her.

I'm having some problems with Emily--

no way!

Is this "Maribel y Las Mujeres"?

My tias used to watch this.

- I used to watch this with my mom.

We just called it the hugging and crying show.

Our lives were crazy, but not this crazy.

- Hablas Español?

- No, but I don't need to habla Spanish to know

that Alejandro's about to pop off his shirt in three, two--

- And adiós hugging show.

- What's the deal with Emily?

- I'm not gonna talk about my love life

with a seven-year-old.

- Talking to your ex-wife about it is a super smart choice.

- Yeah, you kind of got me there.

[sighs]

I guess I'm just having trouble understanding Emily.

Like, this is gonna sound crazy,

but I think we're in a fight, and I didn't know it.

- You don't know if you're in a fight or not?

You might be beyond help.

- Look at her texts.

It's all emojis.

I don't know what this means.

- Crying cat, hambone, vomit face.

Uh-oh. - What, is it bad?

- It's not good. - [sighs]

Maybe I should just go talk with her.

- Whoa, I wouldn't do that if I were you.

I've seen enough of this telenovela to know that

if you speak to her about it, you'll end up heartbroken

or mysteriously disappear

only to have your twin brother return to avenge your death.

- You have to stop watching that show.

- Leave it to me. My text game is fire.

You and Emily will be hugging to dramatic music

on a veranda in no time.

- [chuckles]

- You are so beautiful.

Don't worry. It's my first kiss too.

- Are you gonna introduce me to your new girlfriend?

- What are you talking about? I was just, uh,

you know, checking to see if it was ripe.

- Whatever you're doing, you're doing it wrong.

That is not how you kiss.

You're supposed to gently turn your head to the right

and close your eyes.

- That's what I was doing.

- You were pecking at her like a hungry chicken.

- You know it's never gonna happen with Bree.

She's nearly two years older than you.

And she was just dating Austin Bales!

He has a car, and he doesn't even have his permit yet.

- Well, guess what? He doesn't have this.

- Uh, you're eating Diego's girlfriend.

- Mmm, mmm! Oh, mmm!

The strawberry cream, definitely.

- Mmm! - Mmm.

- I'm gonna give you guys some privacy.

- What are we doing?

This is something I'm supposed to be doing with my fiancée

once we get engaged.

- Don't worry about traditions.

Remember, I was the one that proposed to Travis.

- Oh, I remember.

- I didn't even ask for his parents' blessing,

but I did ask for his drummer's.

- You guys were such a great couple.

- Yeah, we really were.

Until we weren't anymore. - [sighs]

- But this isn't about Travis and I.

This is about you and Lauren.

- I think I'ma take her to our favorite restaurant.

And when the time is right, I'ma get down on one knee,

take her by the hand, and ask her to spend

the rest of her life with me.

- Oh, if she doesn't marry you,

I will.

- You two are an adorable couple.

- Oh, we're not together.

- Then why are you eating all that free cake?

- Ooh, that's a good question, Marcus.

Run!

[dramatic telenovela music]

- Seriously?

Can't you tell she's faking this coma?

Where did you get your doctor's license?

[knock on door]

- Oh, hey, Bree. Do we have a study sesh?

- No, I'm actually here to hang out with Diego.

- [laughs]

Wait, are you serious?

- Yeah, I mean, he's kind of cute

and he told me he would teach me how to use nunchucks.

- What's up?

- Hi.

- [huffs] Ah!

Uh, do you want a snack?

- Sounds great.

- Oh, I wouldn't eat the fruit if I were you.

- Wow, your life is just as tragic as Graciella's.

- Who's Graciella?

- The lady in the red dress.

See, her boyfriend was secretly hugging the lady next door.

Actually, she hugs everybody.

Anyway, Graciella got jealous like you

and cut the brakes on the hugging lady's car.

- I'm not jealous.

Just because my little brother stole my best friend.

It's fine.

- Que lástima. So sad.

[knock on door]

- Hey, Izzy. I need your help.

I think Emily's mad at me, again.

- What did you do now? - I don't know.

I think it had something to do with my text--

your texts.

Look, why did you send her a dolphin,

and why does he look so mad?

- Okay.

Okay...

Okay, I was wrong. You guys weren't in a fight.

- Well, that's great.

- But you are now.

- What? Why?

- Because you asked a seven-year-old

for relationship advice.

That's on you. - [groans]

No, you're right.

I don't know what's going on with me and Em lately.

We don't really talk.

- You don't talk, or you don't listen?

- Wow, that's a good question, Izzy.

You must really get a lot out of this show.

- I do.

It's got lady fights, evil twins,

people coming back from the dead.

Now the doctor's in a coma?

- Ay que caray. Despierta, Fernando.

Estás joven.

- Your tias watched it, huh?

- This is the best branzino I have ever had.

- And this is the best risotto I've ever had.

Are you ready to switch?

- I thought you'd never ask.

- [chuckles]

- I like this arrangement.

- Me too.

And not just the plate thing.

You know, we've been together for a year now.

And I was thinking--

- Will you marry me?

- Oh, my God, yes! Yes!

[soft violin music]

- Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

- Oh, Trent. It's beautiful.

I can't wait to tell my parents.

But it's probably too late to call them.

- What if you didn't have to?

- Mom? Dad?

You flew them in?

Oh, my God! - Wow.

- Trent went all out, didn't he?

- Yeah.

Were you trying to tell me something earlier?

- Was I?

I don't--I don't remember.

I'm just so happy for them.

[fireworks popping]

- You didn't!

- I did!

- I'm starting to think that Trent is overcompensating

for something.

- Place a pea-size amount.

- Have you ever actually seen a pea?

- Can you not distract me right now?

I'm trying to get ready.

- Going somewhere? - Oh.

Actually, I'm meeting Bree again.

- Oh, great. Tell her I say hi.

And if you're meeting Bree,

you definitely want to put on some cologne.

She loves it.

- Daniel, do have any cologne?

- Ha! Do I have any cologne.

What fragrance profile works for you?

Something woodsy? Floral?

Musky? - Yup!

- Slow down. You only need a little.

- Oh, no. The more the better.

- I'm sorry about your proposal.

- [groans] Stupid Trent stole my thunder.

And the more I think about it, maybe it was a sign.

- Since when do you believe in signs?

- Since I started looking for them.

I heard a breakup song on the way over here.

Seriously, maybe the universe is trying to tell me something.

- Like what? - Like don't ask her.

Don't get married.

- The universe doesn't work like that.

- Did you see any signs before you got married?

- I listened to my heart.

I wanted to marry Travis, so I asked him.

Remember those two rings that we got from the gumball machine

until we could afford real ones?

- Yeah. - I still have mine.

Only one came with a free gumball.

- That did not come from a gumball machine.

- Life is so strange.

It felt so weird taking it off.

Now, it feels weird having it on.

Uh...uh-oh. It's stuck.

- Ooh, girl, maybe that's a sign that you and Travis--

- No! No, it doesn't mean anything.

Honey, how was your day? - Love stinks!

- Not everything's a sign.

[upbeat music]

- Is Diego okay? - He's upset about a girl.

And he said something about his heart being run over

by truck-zilla.

He's not really in "a talking things out with mom" space.

- Can I be in a "talking things out with Punky" space?

I think we need to slow down on this wedding planning.

- When you say we-- - I mean you.

- Oh, I got a little carried away, didn't I?

It's only because when I see you and Lauren together,

you guys are so happy.

- Like you and Travis.

- It's not the same.

Travis and I got married young.

We weren't who we were gonna be yet.

You and Lauren are.

- So I'm just supposed to ignore all the signs?

- You want a sign? - Yes.

- How about the way that your heart races

when she walks into the room?

Or how her smile makes you smile?

Or how your hands just fit together perfectly?

Those are the only signs you need.

- You know, when I told you that stuff,

I didn't expect for you to throw it back in my face.

- I am your best friend.

[knocking]

Hey, Lauren. Come on in.

Cherie and I were just talking about fate.

And now you're both here.

- I'm always here.

- Still. Kind of kismet-y.

- I'm glad I caught the two of you together.

Cherie, I have to tell you something.

- Uh, maybe I should leave you two alone.

- No, don't.

Cherie, you are the most stubborn person

I have ever met.

You eat all my yogurt,

and you have an irrational fear of refrigerators.

- There's a good reason for that.

- But I love those things about you.

You share your food.

You listen to my dreams.

You are the best person I have ever met.

And that is why I have to ask...

Punky something.

- Me?

- You two have something special.

You're like sisters.

Cherie is more traditional than I am,

and I want to respect that.

And since you're basically her family,

I'd like your blessing to--

- Go for it! How's that for a sign?

- You're asking me to marry you?

- I know I always say that marriage is for suckers.

I guess I'm a sucker.

- I'm a sucker too!

Oh, I was gonna ask you at the restaurant,

but Trent Kanye-d me and stole my moment.

- He went big. - You know, I was so worried

about making this proposal perfect,

but now that I'm looking into your eyes,

I realize I don't need fireworks or a violin.

Lauren, all I need is you.

- Then, this is gonna be a little awkward.

[whistles]

[soft violin music]

* *

- If one of you doesn't say, "Will you marry me?"

I'm gonna lose it.

both: Will you marry me?

all: Yes!

- Right. This is about you two.

- Wow.

Fancy-schmancy.

- I don't know why I bother.

- Ugh, it smells like--

Diego's home.

Honey, you maybe want to take a bath for an hour or two?

- No, this cologne's a reminder of my pain.

- Hey, Mom, remember I'm going out to eat with Bree.

- You want to talk about it? - Mm.

- Bree was just using him to make Austin jealous.

- Wait, seriously?

She was using you the whole time?

I didn't know that.

I'm so sorry, Diego.

I'm sorry that I was a jerk

and I'm sorry that she was a jerk.

[knock om door] - Jerk alert!

- This is better than my hugging and crying show.

- Hey, girl. Ready to go?

- Sorry, girl. I can't.

I'm gonna stay home and hang out with my brother.

- I can't believe you're flaking on me.

- I can't believe you used Diego to make Austin jealous.

- Well, I can't believe that you can't believe that.

- You're lucky I'm not the kind of person

who slams the door on their friends.

- Allow me. Vaya con Dios.

- Oh, no, you don't.

[nasally] Okay, bring it in.

[knock on door]

- Coming.

- Hey. I came to get Diego's shoe.

How did he come home with only one shoe?

- I'm doing my best.

Everything okay?

- Yes. And no.

Look, try not to read anything into this, okay?

- Into what?

Oh.

- I need to un-propose.

- I thought the divorce took care of that.

- Just help me get it off.

I need your freakishly strong hands.

- They are pretty spectacular.

You want to tell me what happened?

- Cherie's getting married.

- To you?

- No, goober. To Lauren.

It's been a whirlwind.

There's been a lot of wedding talk and ring talk.

I might be eating too much sodium.

- Cherie and Lauren are the perfect couple.

Not that I'm an expert on relationships.

Emily and I broke up.

- No. - [sighs]

- I'm sorry.

- Yeah, age difference, communication.

I've got a list somewhere.

I'm still not very good at relationships.

- Yeah, you and me both.

- No, I'm serious.

I know I wasn't the best husband or father,

especially when I was on the road.

It's hard to be there when you're never there.

- Those were some difficult times.

- But I'm trying to make up for it now.

- Yeah, you really are.

In some ways, we're better together now.

But we did have fun, didn't we?

- Do you remember our honeymoon?

We drove that airstream all the way down to Baja.

Then, it broke down in--

both: Ensenada.

- That--that was probably a mistake.

- Probably.

- Definitely a mistake.

- Definitely.

Would you like to try again? - Yes.

If we don't stop this, we might do something we regret.

- Yeah. That's one way to look at it.

- Yeah, I mean, we're not thinking clearly.

You just broke up with Emily,

and I'm all emotional over Cherie's engagement.

I'm just beginning to see what my life looks like without you,

and I owe it to myself to keep moving forward

toward that door.

- I hear you, and I get it.

But if you ever feel like making another mistake,

my lips are available.

- Noted.

And thanks for helping with the ring.

- Thanks for all the kissing.

[ambient music]

* *

- * Oh, here we go *

* Dancing in the stars *

* *

[upbeat music]

* *

- * We're all the same *

* We belong *

* All together now *

* All together now *

* All together now *