Original subtitles

[shutter clicking]

[upbeat rock music]

- This is in no way distracting.

- Just act natural.

- Mom, go away!

- Yeah, like that.

- [groans] I was winning.

If you get back in his face,

I'll give you what's in my pocket.

- Mm, a tube of Earl Grey lip balm?

No, thanks.

- Never try to bribe the woman who washes your pants.

[shutter clicking]

- What's with all the pictures?

- I'm testing out lenses for a profile

on Chicago's own--no biggie--

Chance the Rapper.

You wanna hear my flow?

- No!

- * I got girdles in my hoodies *

* All my homies think it's dank *

* I miss my cocoa butter kisses *

* I miss my cocoa butter-- * - Mom!

You're ruining all music!

- Smile, Brandy.

Think of squirrels.

[glass shatters]

- Oops. Is that expensive?

- Not anymore.

Izzy, you can't play with my camera stuff!

These aren't toys.

It took me months to save up for this lens.

- Sorry.

* I got girdles in my hoodies *

* All my homies think it's dank *

Give myself a timeout.

- I overreacted.

I'll give myself a timeout too.

It's just a really big deal.

It's the first gig I've had in a long time

that doesn't involve a bride

shoving cake into a groom's face.

- Now I want cake.

- Wow.

I've never seen you on a skateboard before.

- I'm a complex woman, Mom.

I happen to love skateboarding.

The shoes are really swaggy. - Hmm.

Spoken like a truly complex woman.

- Sean likes to skateboard.

- This has nothing to do with Sean.

Now I gotta bounce. I'm meeting Sean

to practice some skate thingies.

- Don't you have to finish your dress

for Teen Fashion Week?

- I'm almost done.

- It doesn't look done.

- It's a super casual look. I'll finish.

- Are you pretending to like skateboarding

because Sean does?

- I'm not pretending.

Now I gotta go hit my tricks.

- You know, I was an original skater girl.

I could pull out my old board

and teach you some kickflips and ollies.

- I don't need tips. I'm basically a pro.

Move. You're in my way.

Ah! [grunts]

- Sick move.

- Thanks.

- * Hey! *

[upbeat music]

* Hey! Hey! *

- * Every time I turn around *

- * Hey! Hey! *

* Hey! Hey! *

[knock at door, door opens]

- Hey, girl!

Why do you look like the magician's assistant

who lost the doves? - Mm.

Exactly the look I was going for.

- [chuckles] I came bearing gifts.

Lauren made you some extra sage sticks

since you guys are all into that "woo woo" stuff.

- Aw, your girlfriend's a lawyer

who's got a spiritual side.

- I love watching guys get pissed

when they realize she's with me.

- So how is it, shacking up together?

- Ooh, she introduced me to her people.

- Her parents? - No.

Her shaman and her colorist.

- Oh, so it's serious.

- What's that?

- These are sage sticks.

They get rid of negative energy.

- Do they work on brothers? [Punky laughs]

- [laughs] Maybe.

It worked on Lauren's ex-girlfriend.

But go easy 'cause it stinks.

- Can you put these in my Zen drawer

with my incense and candles?

- Will it fit?

Your Zen drawer is pretty stuffed.

- Ah, you just gotta smash that sucker closed.

- Namaste. - Mm.

If you don't like the smell of sage,

then why don't you just tell Lauren?

- Because I love her the way she is--

beautiful, spiritual,

and smelling like one of those Zen tents at Burning Man.

I don't wanna change her.

- I wish Hannah could hear this.

I feel like she's changing for Sean.

- Hey, girl!

- What are you wearing?

- Oh, Sean gave it to me.

It's shapeless, and the silhouette

does nothing for me.

I love it.

- Honey, can I give you some boy advice?

I mean, Sean is sweet and nice,

but there are two things you don't do for a boy.

One is dump your friends,

and two is to change who you are.

- What makes you think I'm changing?

- I don't know, you've always said that

jerseys are the hot dogs of clothing.

- Fashion evolves. And I've grown.

- Cherie, can you please help me here?

- No, help me, Aunt Cherie.

- I agree with Punky. Do not change for a boy.

- Yeah, see?

- But she is 15,

so she's gonna do dumb things.

- See? Aunt Cherie gets me.

- I get you!

I gave birth to you!

I don't get her.

- She has a crush on a cute boy.

- But how can 15 years

of raising a strong, independent woman

just go out the window?

- Did I mention the cute boy?

- Ugh. I can't with these teen years.

She's driving me crazy.

Is there a return policy on kids?

[Punky and Cherie laugh]

- Swish.

Sa-wish.

A sa-wish.

- You're like the LeBron James of sucking.

- Guys!

I gotta know.

Is there a return policy on kids?

- What?

- I heard your mom

talking to Cherie about getting rid of me.

- That's just Mom talk.

- I don't think so.

She was really mad when I broke her fancy lens.

Also, I got gum in her hair, but she hasn't noticed yet.

I'm living on borrowed time!

- Mom isn't gonna give you back.

- You don't get it.

It happened to me once already.

And I saw all the kids who got returned to Fenster Hall

from their foster families.

I like it here.

- Don't worry. We were adopted.

She never tried to give us back.

- Mom doesn't get rid of people.

Although she did get rid of Dad.

You need to up your game.

- How?

I'm being as adorable as I can.

- Well, when I get into trouble,

I do double chores.

If I've done something really bad,

I blame it on Diego.

- What? - She expects it from you.

- What do you do?

- Doing stuff is for amateurs.

I just flash these babies.

- Gotcha. How's this?

- More teeth.

Less like a murderer.

- Smile with your eyes.

- I feel that. - Perfect.

* *

- Let's go. Hey, Punky! - Hi, Mom.

- What did I tell you guys

about playing soccer in the house?

Goal!

Go hit the showers.

- Aw, I never have to shower at Dad's.

- That's because your father is a child too.

- Uh, we just have different parenting styles.

I'm more free-range.

- We're raising children, not chickens.

- We also get to stay up late and eat pancakes for dinner.

- Bro, you're killing me.

We sometimes have French toast.

- We need to have a chat.

- Hey, those other soccer moms were flirting with me,

not the other way around.

- Divorced. Don't care.

I'm worried about Hannah. She's not acting like herself.

- Okay. Who's she acting like?

- Sean.

All of the sudden, she's doing none of the things she likes

and everything that he likes.

She's in there right now watching a zombie movie.

She doesn't like scary movies.

Anything with blood and gore makes her wanna throw up.

[flesh squelches] - Oh!

That dude's head came off like a cake pop!

- So cool.

[creature growls, woman screaming]

- Um, I hope this doesn't sound weird,

but I think your mom's staring at me.

- Mm, yeah, that tracks.

- Seems like normal first crush behavior.

- You're listening, but you're not hearing me.

You don't get it 'cause you're a guy.

There's more pressure for girls to change who we are

to make people happy.

- Hey, I get it,

but we all do dumb things for love.

I joined a band to get a girl.

- See?

It can lead to terrible consequences.

- If I remember correctly,

Hannah was one of those consequences.

- Yeah, and you also had a mullet.

- You know what I think?

I think it's hard for you,

seeing Hannah become more independent.

She's starting to pull away,

which means our baby's growing up.

- Hmm.

Did you get that from your chicken parenting book?

- Come on, Sean seems like a good kid.

- Yes, he seems like a good kid,

but we need to get to know him

to make sure he's not a bad influence.

- Well, Henry thought I was a bad influence on you.

- He was right. You were.

- Yeah, I was.

- I'm going in.

- Wait, I thought you were done

butting into her love life.

- No, that doesn't sound like me.

I've got plenty of butting to do.

- Maybe we give Hannah her space

and let her figure things out for herself.

- I can't do that. I'm her mom.

Anybody want some popcorn?

- Sure. - Okay.

- Great. Scooch over.

[eerie music plays on TV]

So tell me about yourself, Sean.

- Uh, well, I was born here in Chicago.

I'm a Scorpio.

- Mom, we're trying to watch a movie.

- I'm surprised you can handle all that brain slurping.

I mean, he's just gobbling it up.

- Excuse me.

- Finally, we get a chance to talk alone.

So how do you feel about a strong, independent woman?

[vacuum whirring]

- [laughs] Hey, that tickles!

- [sighs] Sorry.

Just doing some extra chores.

[vacuum turns off]

- Why don't we take a break?

You want a juice box?

- Make it a double.

- Tough day, huh?

- You seem like a nice guy.

Cute smile. Decent shape for an old man.

- Thanks. [laughs]

- So what exactly did you do to get kicked out of the house?

- Well, I didn't get kicked out.

Two grown-ups came to a mutual decision.

- Right.

- All right.

I was on tour a lot, so I wasn't around much.

I missed Hannah's first words, Daniel's first steps,

Diego's first ringworm.

Actually pretty glad I missed that.

But then it becomes the norm,

and you realize you've become invisible in their lives.

They don't even miss you anymore

because you're gone so much.

- Got it. Don't be a selfish jerk.

- [laughs]

Pretty much, yeah.

But you know, you don't have to sweat it.

You're awfully popular around here.

Everything okay? - Yeah.

Just trying to figure out how to fit in around here.

- [scoffs]

Me too, Iz.

Me too.

But we're gonna be okay.

- That's just the juice box talking.

[mellow music]

* *

- Don't you think you're going overboard?

- Yeah, there's a fine line

between making yourself look good and us look bad.

- You said to do more chores.

- I was just trying to get you

to clean Diego's side of the room.

- She is Windexing her pillow.

Forget it. She's too far gone.

- Laundry patrol.

- Hello, pretty lady. Let me do that.

- Don't worry, I've got it. You relax.

- But doing laundry is how I relax.

Those are my two favorite things--

chores, and a big, friendly smile.

- Hmm.

- Also, just so you know, I'm not going on tour.

- Uh, okay, but I know you've had to grow up fast.

I just don't want you to grow up too fast.

I already miss Hannah.

- You got rid of her?

- She's not my little girl anymore.

- I got her this music box when she was about your age.

She used to listen to it every night

before she went to sleep.

- Now she plays Billie Eilish.

Where does the time go?

[music box playing lullaby]

- Maybe Travis is right.

Maybe I'm worrying for nothing.

* *

[sniffing]

So she does still use the music box.

[upbeat music]

* *

- Okay, I'm not mad, but we need to talk about this.

- Yeah. We do.

What were you doing snooping around in my stuff?

- Okay, now I'm mad.

First of all, I wasn't snooping,

and even if I was, I bought your stuff,

so really, it's our stuff.

- Mom, you're overreacting.

Can't we just talk about this like rational adults?

- No, because you're not an adult,

and I'm not rational right now.

- Look, I've never smoked. It's not even mine.

- Then whose is it?

- I'm not gonna tell you that.

- Ah. I have a pretty good idea.

- It's not what you think.

- I think it's exactly what I think.

- You would think that.

- I could do this all day, sister,

so you might as well just tell me.

- Just ground me now.

- Don't tell me how to punish you.

You're grounded! - Good!

both: Ugh!

- So how long are we thinking? Two weeks?

- Look, I know you're upset,

but is it really that big a deal?

I mean, I did pot when I was a teenager.

I'm okay.

- There's a lot to unpack there.

But shouldn't we try for more than okay?

Things are different now.

- Yeah, it's legal.

- Not for her. She's a teenager.

- Well...

I do know one way we could get rid of it.

- The sad thing is, I don't know

if you're joking or serious.

- Then I'm gonna go with "joking."

- This is going in the Zen drawer

until we figure this out.

[drawer contents rattling]

[grunts]

Stupid Zen drawer.

- Honestly, I don't think

you're getting the most out of the Zen drawer.

- See, this is why we're not together anymore.

You never take anything seriously.

- Hey, I'm here now,

and I'm seriously ready to parent my butt off.

- Okay, so what do we do?

- Uh, well,

I think we should talk to Hannah

and try to convince her that

whoever put her in this position

isn't a true friend.

- That's ridic--

actually, that's a pretty good idea.

- Thank you very much.

- But Hannah's not talking.

She's strong.

But we can break Sean.

- So what, you want to interrogate him?

- No, we just ask him polite questions,

and if he refuses to answer,

we break out the pliers.

- [laughs]

* *

[knock at door] - That's Sean.

- How do you know?

- He has that suspicious knock.

And Hannah said he was coming over to study.

Okay, put on your parent face.

More disappointed.

Yes. That's it.

Oh, hello, Sean.

- Uh, hi.

- We need to have a word with you about something.

It's a little awkward.

- Is this about Mrs. Brewster's crush on me?

- No, but tell me about that.

- I don't have a crush on you!

- Well, you're kinda always staring at me.

You're smiling at me.

And there was that one time

you touched my hand in the popcorn bowl.

- Oh, my God.

- Let's put Punky's crush on you aside.

- There is no crush.

- We wanna talk to you about drugs.

- Well, that seems inappropriate too.

- What we're saying is,

we found a joint in Hannah's room.

You wanna tell us about it?

- We know it's yours.

- Why would you think it's mine?

Is this because I have a tie-dye shirt?

Because I made that at camp.

- Hannah has totally changed

since you started coming around.

Horror films, skateboarding, the Bulls?

None of that is like her.

And now she's your drug mule.

- It's not mine. I have severe asthma.

I couldn't smoke if I wanted to,

which I don't.

- Dude, you know they have edibles.

- Parent face!

- But don't ever do them.

- Hannah really smokes pot?

And she's been pretending to like what I like?

I thought we had a real connection.

- Sean? What are you doing?

- Your mom and dad wanted to talk to me.

- I've got a great idea.

Let's stop that right now.

Come on. We're out of here.

- That didn't go so well, did it?

You don't think he's gonna tell her

what we spoke about, do you?

- Yes, yes, I do.

- He said he needed space.

He said he didn't know who I was anymore.

You know, I don't-- I don't get it.

I did everything he wanted.

I skateboarded. I watched zombie movies.

I even wore that stupid polyester Bulls jersey.

It was polyester.

Just doesn't make any sense.

- [sighs]

Love makes no sense.

Well, better hit the road.

- Sit.

- This may be a teeny,

tiny bit our fault.

- What do you mean?

- We may have asked Sean

about the joint we found in your bedroom,

and maybe accused him of giving it to you.

- Oh, my God!

- We learned a lot about him.

Do you know that he has severe asthma?

- [scoffs] He thinks I'm a pothead?

- No, uh, just a recreational user?

- You broke up me and my boyfriend!

- Okay, we had to do something, all right?

Now, someone was giving you drugs,

and we had to find out who the bad influence is.

- It's you, Dad. - What?

- It's your joint.

It fell out of your guitar case,

and I didn't want Mom to freak out at you,

so I hid it.

- Oh, man.

[sighs]

I'm the bad influence.

Why didn't you just come to me about it?

- I was going to,

but the mom police found it first.

Look, I know Dad's lifestyle has been one of your issues.

And lately, you guys have been getting along so well together.

- You wanted me to think he had changed.

- Wait, wait. I have changed.

I haven't smoked in ages.

It must have been in that case since forever.

[sighs] Look, I'm so sorry, kiddo.

I know I haven't always been the best role model,

but I'm going to get better.

Starting with flushing that joint down the toilet.

- Oh, honey.

Now I know why you've been trying to change for Sean.

Because you saw Dad and I grow apart.

- You said, "Don't change for Sean,"

but you wanted Dad to change.

That's why you broke up.

- Partly.

But you can't make somebody change.

And you can't pretend to be someone you're not.

For your dad and me,

maybe he didn't change enough and I changed too much.

I just didn't want you to make the same mistakes.

- I do hate skateboarding. - [laughs]

- Inanimate objects keep running into me.

- I should go fix things with Sean.

- No!

You and Dad have done enough damage.

I'll handle this.

- Probably for the best.

- And FYI,

you guys are the reason I have no interest in drugs.

One of us has to be a responsible adult.

- You are so ungrounded!

- I already ungrounded myself.

- I did the laundry.

Good news is,

these clothes fit me.

Bad news is,

they're your clothes.

- Well, I'll just wear it as a scarf.

- I give up.

I tried chores.

I told you you were pretty

even when you had crust in your eyes.

And my face hurts from smiling.

So you can drive me back to Fenster Hall and return me.

- Why would I do that?

- 'Cause I broke your fancy lens.

Let's face it. I'm not the perfect kid.

- You're not going anywhere.

We all make mistakes.

I just made a biggie.

- Really?

- Honey, if you didn't make mistakes,

this wouldn't be the right family for you.

But just so you know, if you get into trouble,

I'm gonna treat you like all my kids.

- Awesome.

But I'm gonna pay you back.

How about I give you 50% of my allowance

for the rest of my life?

- Mm.

You can keep your money. I'll settle for a hug.

[chuckles]

- Boy, did you make a bad deal.

- [laughs]

- Hey, the join-- uh, funny cigarette

is not in the Zen drawer.

I can't find it anywhere.

- Uh... [sniffs]

Trav, do you smell that?

- Smells like Willie Nelson's tour bus.

- Daniel's burning one of your sage sticks

to clear bad energy from our room.

- And your foot stink.

- That's not a sage stick!

Everyone open the windows and nobody breathe!

* *

[toilet flushes]

[mellow music]

- Whoa! This is, like, fashion!

- Thank you.

I made it for Teen Fashion Week.

- I love how creative you are.

- I love how you love things about me.

Let's watch a movie together.

- "The Purge." - "Pitch Perfect 3."

* *

[mellow rock music]

* *

- * We're all the same *

* We belong *

* *

* All together now *

* All together now *

* All together now *