Original subtitles

- Ooh...

[singer vocalizing]

[gentle acoustic guitar music]

- [sighs]

Ah!

Ah!

Ooh!

I'll just sleep down here.

- Shh!

- I'm trying to sleep, lady.

- Hey!

[upbeat music]

Hey! Hey!

- Every time I turn around

- Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey!

- [sighs]

I'm making pancakes!

Not making pancakes!

- I just think you'd feel better

if you made your bed in the morning.

- I feel better if you'd stop telling me how to feel better.

- You know I can't do that.

- Did your voice change?

- [voice cracks] No, and my pit hair count

is still only three.

- Uh, Izzy, you're in my chair.

- Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know we had assigned seats.

- We don't, sweetie.

They're all the same, Daniel.

[Daniel sighs]

- My butt says otherwise.

- I didn't know your butt could talk.

- So can yours.

It was really chatty at 3:00 a.m.

- Izzy, can you pass the Choco Wheats?

You ate all the Chocos.

These are nothing but wheats!

It's anarchy!

- Dude, relax. It's just cereal.

You don't have to freak--

where's the bacon?

- Dude, relax.

It's just bacon.

- Both of you dudes, relax.

We're still working out the kinks.

- You guys, please.

If you use all the TP, put out a new one.

- My bad, I'm kind of out of it this morning

'cause somebody...

is a snorer.

- I slept long enough to snore?

- Let me fix your hair. You've got bedhead.

Not as bad as Mom's.

- Technically, I've got floor head.

- I don't hate this. Thanks, Hannah.

- You're my boo. - What?

It took me three years to get to boo status.

She's only been here three weeks!

- You guys okay?

Diego texted me 911.

- Yeah. We're out of bacon.

- Dude!

You send an emergency text, you better be bleeding

or trapped in the trunk of a car.

- You got here really fast.

You must've been at Emoji's house.

- Her name is Emily,

and she would give that nickname a frowny cat.

- Oh, you know what, now that you're here,

can you actually take Izzy to school?

- Or theme park, your call.

- I know it's not your day,

and I know she's not your kid,

but I'm desperate, and you have a car.

I've got three school drop-offs now.

- It's no problem.

I'm off the road for a while,

so I can do the whole "dad thing."

- Good, 'cause you're a dad.

You don't need "air quotes."

- Let's roll, Izzy.

- Have a good day, Iz.

- Punky lets me get doughnuts on my way to school.

- This ain't my first rodeo, kid.

- Okay, family meeting.

Izzy can't sleep in my bed anymore,

so whose room is she gonna--

both: Not it!

- This conversation isn't over!

both: Yeah, it is!

- They are so immature.

[upbeat music]

- Is this a lag bolt, a flange bolt,

or just a screw with a weird neck thingy?

- These instructions should've came with Xanax.

- I want to finish before Izzy gets home.

Poor kid doesn't have a room or her own bed yet.

I want her to have something to make her feel at home.

- I knew placing Izzy with you was the right choice.

She needs a good hugger in her life.

- I see so much of myself in that kid.

But I gotta be honest, it's been a little bumpy.

Not just for Izzy, but for the other kids too.

- Well, you need to remember to take care of you.

There is a reason why they tell you

to put on your oxygen mask first.

- I know she's just one kid, and she's pretty small,

but there's more cooking, more cleaning,

my mom called, there's more homework.

There's-- - Your mama called?

- Yeah.

It was actually a few weeks ago.

Ouch! Use your words.

- Sorry.

I just can't believe you've been sitting on this news.

- Now every time the phone rings, I think it's her.

I always wondered what deep,

philosophical thing I would say.

Turns out it was, "Where the hell have you been

for the last 36 years?"

- You said that? - Yeah.

There was so many questions I wanted to ask.

Were you in a coma, kidnapped, in a cult?

Did you forget where you parked the car?

- The only excuse I'll accept is a alien abduction.

- But I heard her voice and couldn't ask any of them.

I just told her I'd call her back and hung up.

Still haven't called her back.

Am I a bad person? - No.

The woman abandoned you in a grocery store parking lot.

It is okay not to have her number on speed dial.

But you know what, why don't you give me that number?

'Cause I got a few choice words for her.

But first, come here.

- Be careful.

That's where my best friend whacked me.

- [laughs] I'm sorry.

[mellow guitar music]

- [groans] Slow down.

My feet are hurting.

- Why aren't you wearing sneakers?

- Um, because I haven't given up on life.

[sighs]

Why didn't Mom pick us up like she usually does?

- She said something came up.

- It's not like Mom to make us trek

the mean streets of Chicago with no warning.

- Dude, it's three blocks alongside a park.

- Not only that, usually, she puts a note

on my lunch bag and signs it with a heart.

Today, it was just a smudge.

Talk about phoning it in.

- Ah, get used to it.

You're not the baby anymore. You're a middle child now.

- I'm not a middle.

Oh, my gosh! Izzy made me a middle child.

- Oh, don't sweat it.

It's not all bad being a mid kid.

Nobody pays attention to you,

so it's easier to get away with stuff.

- I don't wanna get away with stuff.

- It's awesome!

I haven't brushed my teeth in three whole weeks,

and nobody noticed.

- I brush your teeth while you sleep.

You're welcome.

- This is for me?

- Yep. And these four extra screws.

- I've never had my own dresser before.

Look at all these drawers!

Who am I, a Kardashian?

I'ma go grab my clothes in the microwave

where I've been keeping them.

- Ahem.

- See? Invisible.

- We're home.

We walked the whole way...

with our feet.

- Oh, hey. I didn't hear you come in.

Look what I built!

- Cool dresser.

- It's for Izzy.

- [sighs]

- Always for the baby.

- I had a good day at school today.

I got an A on my math quiz. - Fantastic.

- See? Not invisible.

- I'm gonna go, uh, grab a beer

and go shoot off some bottle rockets.

- Knock yourself out.

- You heard her.

Mama said knock you out.

- No!

[upbeat music]

- Welcome to your guided meditation.

Let's start by bringing awareness to your heart space.

Breathe in for four. - [inhaling]

- Three. Two.

- [slurping]

What the heck are you doing?

- Can't talk, meditating.

- Got it.

What's meditating?

- Tuning out distractions.

- How's that working out for you?

[slurping] - Not so good.

Can you give me 10 minutes?

[inhales]

I'm focusing on my breathing.

- How hard is that?

I've been doing it since I was a baby.

[relaxing Zen music]

- Oh, would you look at that?

Plaid and stripes together?

What is going on with me?

Have I lost my mind?

Look at that, untucked.

Wow!

What's next?

[belches]

Yup, taking a walk on the wild side.

- Are you kidding me? - No!

- This goes in your room! - It goes in your room.

[both grunt] - Mom! Tell Diego to stop!

- Tell Hannah to stop!

- Everybody, stop!

We need to have a talk.

Except Izzy.

You can go watch TV in my room.

- I get it. You're all gonna talk about me.

- No.

Okay, we need to talk about Izzy.

She needs more than just a dresser.

She needs a room.

- I agree, but we already share a room,

and Hannah doesn't,

So Izzy should share with her.

It's just math.

- I can't share a room because I don't want to.

- Well, we need privacy to do boy stuff.

- What kind of boy stuff?

No, I don't want to know.

- I have girl stuff.

How am I ever supposed to make out with a boy?

- Thank you for flagging that.

New rule: boys are not allowed

in your room with the door closed.

- What? Uh--

I'm sorry, I love Izzy,

but she's only seven, and I'm an adult teenager.

She goes to bed when I'm texting my friends

and practicing TikTok dances.

I mean, doing my homework.

- You don't need to make space for Izzy in the apartment.

You need to make space for her in your hearts.

[kids groan]

- Sorry, but my heart belongs to Timothée Chalamet.

- What about Jordan?

- We're not a thing anymore.

- Why?

- 'Cause he was jealous of my relationship

with Timothée Chalamet.

The real problem is this apartment.

It's too small. We need to get a bigger place.

- In this neighborhood?

You know how lucky we are

that Henry left us this apartment?

- If we got a new place, we could all get our own rooms.

- I call the biggest room since I make the biggest mess.

- No way, I'm the oldest so I get the biggest room.

- Come on! - That makes no sense!

- I would like to have a rational conversation

about this, but obviously, we can't.

Everybody, go to your rooms.

- Please don't fight over me.

I don't want to be any trouble.

I can just sleep in my dresser.

This is totally going to work.

Can somebody push me in?

- Don't you dare.

I'm going to fix this.

- It's actually pretty cozy in here.

I can't wait to have a sleepover.

[melancholy music]

- Kids, can you come out here?

I heard what you said about this place being too small,

so I reached out to my realtor friend,

and she found us an amazing new place to live.

- Oh, my God, yes.

I better be getting my own room.

- I would love my own bathroom.

I'm tired of stepping in mystery puddles.

- It's pee.

- I just want what all kids want:

heated floors and a steam shower.

- Well, let's go see.

- Oh, yes! - Let's go!

- I'm so excited!

- Yeah!

- Get in the car.

- I call third row.

[car beeps]

- I can't wait to see this new place.

- Whoo!

[engine starts] - All right, buckle up.

Here we go!

[brakes screech]

All right, here we are. [gear cranks]

- We--we didn't go anywhere.

- Yeah, where's our new swag pad?

- You're sitting in it.

Our awesome new place is this car.

- So, no steam shower? - Nope.

You kids have no idea how good you have it,

so we'll be sleeping in here tonight.

- Hmm.

You know what I think?

- What?

- [shrieking]

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

- I am not staying in here.

I'm going to miss "The Voice."

You know, if I can't talk about what Gwen Stefani is wearing,

I'll look like an idiot.

- Did you really think

I'd forget to put the child locks on?

- I'm not a child!

- And by the way, escaping is punishable

by revoking your phone privileges.

- You know what? I don't need a phone.

I need freedom. I'm out of here.

- Nope.

- [grunting]

I give up.

Can I have my phone back now?

- Nope.

- We can't sleep in the car.

You know I get carsick.

- If you're gonna blow chunks, aim it that way.

- Nobody is blowing chunks.

- Don't worry, I'm Googling "how to escape a car."

- Nope. Hand over your phones.

Most people don't have a fraction of what we have.

So we're staying here for the night.

Get used to it.

Now, who wants to join me for some karaoke?

[upbeat music plays]

[singing along] - She's a maniac

Maniac on the floor

And she's dancing like

She's never danced before

Come on, sing with me!

- Maniac on the floor

- [sighs] Is it morning yet?

- It's got to be.

- How long have we been in here?

- 12 minutes.

- That's impossible!

You've been singing for hours.

[tapping on window] [all shout]

- What are you doing here?

- I just got a 911 text from Hannah.

- Seriously?

- This is a real emergency.

Mom's making us sleep in the car,

and she's forcing us to listen to oldies.

- They're not oldies. They're from the '80s.

Oh.

- So you guys are all good? - Yes.

kids: No!

- I'm good.

It's really comfy back here.

These seats are leather.

- I'm stepping outside,

and if you're still complaining when I get back,

we are line dancing

to "Material Girl," so help me God.

- Please, no! - [sobs] No.

- What is the deal with all these 911 texts?

- What's your deal?

- Why do you have the kids sleeping in the car?

- I'm trying to teach them a lesson.

- An extremely strange lesson. [laughs]

- Well, they're being extremely spoiled.

They're not even thinking about how hard this is for Izzy.

I want them to know what it's like to struggle.

- You're sure this is the right way?

- No, not at all.

I don't know what I'm doing. It's called parenting.

- What do you think they're saying?

- Dad's saying...

[imitating Travis] "I see your point, Punky,

"but we may need to get you some psychiatric help.

And a singing teacher."

- And Mom's like,

[imitating Punky] "Let's take the kids out

"for some deep dish pizza

and forget this whole thing."

- "Did you notice how good Daniel's hair looks?"

"No, he's invisible to me."

- Oh, here they come.

- Yay! Dad's gonna rescue us.

- Hannah, my dear, would you please move to the back?

I'm going to be joining you guys.

- What did you do to him?

You're in a band.

You're supposed to be the cool parent.

- [mouths quietly]

[groans]

There's an important lesson to learn here.

Granted it's an unusual way to teach it,

but your mother is unusual.

So, I guess you could say it's unusually usual...

I just confused myself.

[stammers] The point is,

this isn't so bad.

I mean, I spend a lot of nights like this out on tour,

crammed into a van with a bunch of dudes

who haven't showered in days.

You brought snacks right?

- Nope.

- This is going to be a long night.

- Jeez, when I left Fenster Hall,

I never thought I'd be sleeping in a car again.

- You slept in a car?

- Yeah. Lots of times.

Sometimes, the car's the safest place.

Me and my mom called it city camping.

- That's pretty rough.

- I've done my share of city camping.

- You have?

boys: You have?

- Yeah.

After my mom left, I had nowhere to go,

so I would sneak into cars and sleep there.

It was scary and lonely.

That was before I found the empty apartment

and Henry found me.

- I didn't know you slept in cars.

Did you?

- I just wanted a safe place where I felt loved.

That's what I want for Izzy.

- I'm a terrible person.

- You sure are.

But I guess I am too.

- We all are.

- My work here is done.

- Yo. That was some ninja parenting.

- Why did we make such a big deal

about sharing our rooms?

- I know, right?

At least we have rooms.

- I guess I can make out with a boy in the treehouse.

- I'm sorry, what?

- I can't believe I'm saying this, but...

maybe Izzy can share my room.

- Or she could share ours.

- What do you say, Izzy?

- She's out.

Sleeping like a baby.

- Remember when I was your baby?

- You're still my baby.

You're all my babies.

And I see you. I see all of you.

- Uh-oh.

- I know most of my attention's been on Izzy lately,

but it's just because I wanted her to feel welcome.

- It's okay.

I'm getting used to being a middle child.

- You know what else you are?

Izzy's big brother.

- Oh, yeah!

I didn't even think about that.

I'm going to be a way better big bro than you.

- Not that hard.

- A big brother.

Man, that's a lot of responsibility.

But I bet you can handle it.

- And one more thing.

Plaid and stripes-- so not your thing.

And Diego, if I ever catch you with fireworks or beer,

you're so busted.

- You did this.

- Ready to go back upstairs?

- Nah, don't want to wake Izzy.

- Let's open the moonroof.

It's a clear night. We can check out the stars.

[moonroof whirring]

- Hey, Mom, could you put on some music?

And not sing?

- No promises, honey.

[gentle acoustic guitar]

- Oh, here we go

singers: Dancing in the stars

- Oh, here we go

singers: Dancing in the stars

- [sighs] Pillows.

[groans]

- [grunts]

- Mm, blanket.

Do you want to stay out here

or sleep in our room?

- Our room?

- Sorry I didn't offer sooner.

I'm still getting used to this "sister" thing.

I've never had one before.

- Me neither. I kinda like it.

I can't wait to use our makeup and wear our clothes.

- Okay, we're going to need to lay down some ground rules.

- I got it.

This is big brother stuff.

- You're a really good mom.

- I'm just winging it.

The only mom I had for a role model was Henry.

So she called.

- She who? - My mom.

- No, that's--wow.

How are you feeling about it?

Did you get any answers?

- I didn't talk to her.

I'm still deciding if I will.

Right now, I want to focus on this family.

- Well, I'm here for it.

I mean, we may not be together-together,

but I'll always have your back, Punky Brewster.

You do whatever feels right for you.

- Jumping into that pile of kids feels right.

I love this family we built.

- You built.

I just hammered in a few nails.

- [chuckles]

[singer vocalizing]

[gentle acoustic guitar music]

[mellow rock music]

- We're all the same

We belong

All together now

All together now

All together now