Original subtitles

Maybe the world is blind.

Or just a little unkind.

Don't know.

Seems you can't be sure of anything anymore,

although you may be lonely and then

one day you're smiling again.

Every time I turn around I see the girl who

turns my world around standing there.

Every time I turn around her spirit's

lifting me right off the ground.

What's gonna be?

Guess we'll just wait and see.

-Well, Henry, I flossed, brushed,

and I'm off to say my prayers.

-Good night, honey.

Sweet dreams.

-Good night.

Silly me, I almost forgot.

I've got some papers for you to sign.

-What are they?

- Nothing important, just school stuff.

You won't need your glasses for this.

-Yes, I will attend the PTA meeting.

Yes, Punky can go on the field to the post office.

Well, what have we here?

A report card?

-Son of a gun, how did that get there?

-Mathematics, "B."

Spelling, "B."

Physical education, "A."

-I'm a whiz at dodgeball

-Geography, a "D."

-I'm a whiz at dodgeball.

-Do you know what this D means?

-I'm grounded?

-I'm not going to ground you.

I don't believe in education by deprivation.

-I don't know what that means, but I like the sound of it.

-It means I don't want you to learn just

because you're afraid you're going

to be punished if you don't.

-You are so wize.

-I'd like you to realize how important your schooling is,

and how it's going to help you in later life.

-But I won't need geography in later life.

If I want to see the world, I'll join the Navy.

-You shouldn't be getting a D. You're a very bright girl.

Do you know what this D says about you?

-That I'm not so bright after all?

-No.

It means you are underachieving.

You're not working up to your potential

-I guess I could be working harder than I am.

I'd like you to promise me that from now

on you're going to apply yourself.

-I promise.

I'll apply myself like crazy.

-And when the next report card rolls around,

I expect to see a real improvement in this grade.

-You got it Henry.

I'll be the of the fourth grade.

-What is the capital of New York?

- Gee, -

-Albany.

What is the capital of Montana?

- Don't tell me.

I know this one.

Helena.

Cherie, what is the capital of Wyoming?

- I didn't get to the Ws.

-I'm fed up.

You people call yourselves a study group?

You're all hopeless.

I'm tired of carrying you on my back.

You're nothing but dead wood.

I'm going home to get some rest.

I hate to look hollow-eyed when I'm acing a test.

-Fine, Margaux, go home.

-And another thing--

-Go home!

-Go home! -Peasants.

-Peasants.

-I am not redwood.

-That's drift wood.

-That's dead wood.

Boy we can't even remember the name she calls us,

how are we going to remember the capitals?

-We've go to.

This test counts a 50% of our grade.

-Hand me that pen.

-What are you doing?

-Writing all the answers on my hand.

-But that's cheating.

-Not really.

See Margaux has all the answers in her head.

I'm just putting them somewhere where they're easier to see.

-That is too cheating, and if you were smart

you wouldn't do it.

-If I were smart, I wouldn't have to do it.

-My grandma warned me about cheating.

First you get caught.

Then you can't get into college.

Then you can't get a job.

You have to beg for food.

You wind up in a gutter until a car runs you over,

and you're dead.

-I'd rather be dead than grounded.

You guys want to join me?

-No way.

-Me neither.

-Now I want you to pass these papers back.

Keep them face down on your desk.

You will have 30 minutes to complete this test.

Boys and girls, we've reached a moment of destiny.

You're about to do battle with a geography test.

I believe as an American that you

will act like an American while facing

an American test on America.

Every one of these stars represents a state.

And every one of these states has a capital.

And by George C. Scott, you're going to write them down.

Begin.

-Allen, is that an A or an O?

-Neither-- it's a wart.

-All right time is up.

Put your pencils down.

I'll have these test papers graded

by the time you get back from lunch.

So hand me your papers on the way out the door.

Dismissed.

Wait. Wait.

All right.

-Punky, we did it.

We got away with it.

-Yeah.

So why do I feel like a rotten lump of yuck?

-These tests produced some interesting results.

For instance one scholar thinks that the capital of Indiana

is Sitting Bull.

And someone else thought that the capital of Wyoming

is I Didn't Get Up To The Ws.

But there's some good news.

Two people received perfect scores.

It is now my pleasure to introduce the two students

who received the perfect scores.

They are Allen Anderson and Punky Brewster.

Stand up.

Let's give these two a big hand. Come on.

Why don't you two come on up front and take a bow?

Right.

Is there something that you would like to say to the class?

Punky, Allen, I'm amazed.

You two were doing below-average work in geography,

then all of a sudden you get the highest scores in the class.

You know what that tells me?

-What?

-I wasn't challenging you enough.

Maybe you were bored.

-No. Not bored.

-Not me.

-No sirree.

-Your classmates are going to have

to go over some of this material again.

Since you're so advanced, I'm giving you extra work.

-Extra work?

Um, thanks, Mike, but we don't need extra work.

-Nonsense.

After what you two did on the test, you deserve it.

-Tennessee, population 4,685,000.

Produces soybeans.

State flower-- iris.

-I can't stand it anymore!

I'm sick of these stupid states!

Ohio, Rhode Island-- it's endless.

There must be 50 of them.

-Allen, relax.

You're in a state of shock.

-No, not another state!

-Allen, calm down.

-Punky, all we do is study.

We've got no life.

I'm nine years old.

Is this all there is?

-Allen, we cheated.

We made our bed, and now we have to reap what we sowed.

-I've been thinking.

What if we go to Mike and confess?

-I thought about that too.

Then I thought about what our parents

will do when they find out.

- Yeah.

-No, not that.

Henry finds out that I've cheated,

he'll get real quiet, and this real sad look on his face,

and look me straight in the eye, and say, Punky

I'm very disappointed in you.

-That's awful.

-Yeah, give me a spanking any old day.

-So we've got to keep studying, right?

-Right.

Tennessee, population 4,685,000.

Produces soybeans.

State flower-- Iris.

- Come on Henry.

These coupon books are only $5, and all the money we make

goes to the nursing home for new equipment.

-What kind of coupons are they?

-Everything under the sun.

Look here.

You get $2 off for your next leg waxing.

-Usually I do my own leg waxing.

- Come on, Henry.

It's for a good cause.

Lighten up, you old coot.

-I must say I admire your sales technique.

I'll take two.

-Hallelujah!

Usually it takes a crowbar to pry that wallet loose.

Why are you in such a good mood?

-Well, you know, Betty ever since I took custody of Punky,

I've been worried about whether or not

I could be a good father to her.

-You've done just fine, Henry.

-I wasn't so sure, until a few weeks ago when Punky brought

home a D on her report card, and, if I do say so myself,

I handled it beautifully.

-Did you yell at her.

-No.

-Did you do threaten her? -Of course not.

-Then what did you do?

-I inspired her.

- You spanked her.

-No, I encouraged her to live up to her potential.

-And it worked?

-Like a charm.

-Punky started cracking the books.

She got an A on her test, and now

she's into advanced studies.

-Well, I'll be.

When Cherie gets a bad grade, I just take the way her desserts

until those grades get better.

-Rather old-fashioned, don't you think?

-Old-fashioned.

Well, maybe next time I'll try your potential baloney.

-Well, that's finishes the eights, which

brings us to my favorite, Mr. Nine.

You see, Mr. Nine is fine.

But when Mr. Nine stands alone, how much is he, Punky?

-He's nine, just like me.

-All right so 9 times 1 equals 9.

9 times 2--

-Eighteen.

-Right.

9 times 2 equals 18.

OK, Allen, tell me.

What's three 9s?

- 39?

-Nice try, but no cigar.

See class, I'll let you in on a little secret.

See, Mr. Nine is like Robin Hood.

Only instead of robbing from the rich and giving to the poor,

he robs from the right and gives to the left.

So you rob 1 from 8, you get 7.

Give 1 to 1 you get 2.

9 times 3?

-27.

-All right.

Rob from the right and give to the left.

Say it with me.

-Rob from the right and give to the left.

-9 times 4?

-36.

-Rob from the right and give to that left.

9 times 5?

-45.

-Rob from the right and give to the left.

9 times 6?

-54.

Class dismissed, so head for the door.

Wait a minute.

I want you to pick up your report cards on the way out.

And remember, I want your parents to sign these.

And Holly, your little brother's signature is not acceptable.

It's not even legible.

Here you go.

All right.

Here you go. -Thanks, Mike.

-You're welcome.

- Look.

I got straight As.

Did anyone else?

-What difference does it make if anyone else did?

-It cheapens it.

-There you go.

All right, there you go.

There you go, Cherie.

-Yay!

I get dessert. -All right.

All right.

Still serving?

- Um-- Mike.

-Is there a problem?

-Well, um, we sort of noticed that, um,

you sort of gave us a C in geography.

-Yeah, I guess a sort of did.

-We sort of don't understand.

We got As on the first test.

-And we both got As on the final exam.

Doesn't an A and an A add up to an A?

-Let me check my book.

Now, you both say that you got As

on your first geography test, right?

-Right.

-And do you feel that you earned that grade.

-Um, why do you ask that?

-It's just that when you were taking the test,

I couldn't help that notice Allen was reading his chest.

And you, Punky, spent a great deal

of time examining Allen's elbow.

-He-- he has a wart.

-Yeah, see? -Guys.

-You knew all along that we cheated?

-That's right.

-Well then, why didn't you flunk us?

-Because if I had, all you would have gotten out of it was an F.

-What do we get out of it this way?

-Guys, what can you tell me about Utah?

-Utah, the beehive state.

State song, "Utah, We Love You."

State bird, the seagull.

State tree, the spruce goose.

-Blue spruce.

-State population, 1,619,00.

Most of them named Osmond.

-Now you see, that's what you got out of it-- knowledge.

Now, about your grades on your report card.

You both got As on your final exam-- a grade you earned.

Now I changed your first test grade

to an F-- a grade you earned, which averages out to a C--

a grade you're going to have to live with.

-Sounds fair.

-Thanks for not telling our parents, Mike.

-I decided it wasn't necessary.

-Good decision.

-It's my guess your parents we're expecting

an A in geography just as much as you were.

And they're going to want to know why you ended up with only

a C. And I guess you're just going to have to tell them.

-Good guess. -Good grief.

-You cheated on your test. -Yes.

-You cheated on your test. -Yes.

-You cheated on your test!

-Yes.

-Punky, I'm very disappointed in you.

-Do you have anything to say for yourself?

-I'm disappointed in me too.

I've been feeling real bad ever since I did it.

-Well, maybe this experience will be worthwhile,

if the next time you're tempted to cheat you

remember how you feel right now.

-I promise I'll never ever cheat again.

-Good.

Then the subject is closed.

Hop into bed.

Now, you tell me something.

Did you really learn all this stuff?

-You bet. Go ahead.

Ask me anything.

-OK.

What's the Iowa state song?

-"The Iowa Corn Song." -It is?

- We're from I-O-way!

I-O-way!

-You really do know it.

Goodnight dear.

- State of all the land, joy in every hand--

-Wonderful

-We're from I-O-way!

I-O-way!

-Goodnight, dear.

-That's where the tall corn grows.

That's where the tall corn grows.

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