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LUCY AND EZEQUIEL INVITE YOU TO CELEBRATE THEIR WEDDING

ON SATURDAY 13 AUGUST 2019

The next time we're here,

I'll be Mrs. Alcantara.

What a lucky guy. And look, his name is the same as mine.

Idiot.

Mr. Alcantara! Today's the big day.

No, the wedding is tomorrow.

Who mentioned a wedding?

Today's the bachelor party.

Cheers to beers and legs behind your ears.

Cheers--

You're dead if you don't keep your promise.

Right now? Here?

Okay, but it'll have to be a quickie.

What? Zequi, no.

- No, what? - You know what I mean.

- No, what? - You promised

you wouldn't drink at the bachelor party.

And I promise I won't.

It'll be so innocent we could have it in a convent.

Zequi's word.

Here's to Zequi,

who swore he'd never go back to jail, but now he's getting married.

Cheers!

- Another? What are you doing? - No, enough.

- What are you doing, asshole? - I already had one.

- You're missing out on my best tequilas. - Yeah, so what?

I swore I'd be presentable tomorrow.

You should do the same.

That's nice.

You gave Lucy your balls as a wedding gift.

I'm maturing.

He's like a fine cheese.

I don't want to set a bad example for the kids.

Look at them. Romo!

- What? - Stop drooling.

She's got more hair on her balls than you.

What?

It's a guy, dumb-ass.

- Got any water? - Water!

Now you're a camel.

Chill, dude. Anyway, what do you think Lucy is doing right now?

Playing charades?

- Girls, it's easy. Come on. - Okay, go on.

What's this?

- Licking something. - Yes!

- A big weenie! - I know. That movie... Deep Throat.

No!

- It's dripping. - Lucy...

are you really mimicking a blow job

-in front of your students? - No.

I'm licking an ice cream.

Well, you're making it real happy.

Wait, we've still got to do... the bride quiz.

- The what? - The bride quiz.

What a lame party. All we're missing is a magician and Barney the Dinosaur.

Oh, that would be perfect, the best party ever.

Best party ever!

Hell, yeah!

That's how angels must dance.

No chance,

dancing like that is a sin.

I bet your girl Laura doesn't move like that.

Who the hell can move like that?

Zequi! Zequi!

Even your boys are drinking, and you on the water.

- Henpecked bastard. - I'm not throwing you another party.

Leave him alone. Zequi isn't like you anymore.

- Thank God. - You just think about sex.

One girl to the next.

- Now he wants to settle down. - Yes.

With his wife, his job,

his routine, and then come the babies...

And you never sleep the same. And the diapers...

Hit me.

This party just got started.

One more game and I kill myself.

- Want one? - Sure.

Aw, I'll miss you next year.

Me too, but you'll be fine. Camila's replacing me.

Camila Merino?

Didn't she want to be a nun?

Let's play a game!

The first to get wasted wins.

Two-zero to me!

- Hey, fatty! Aren't you drinking? - No, I'm fine.

Have you tried the alcohol diet?

It's the only one I haven't tried.

She's replacing Caro?

They couldn't get Lindsay Lohan or what?

That'd be good.

Yes, Officer?

- Um... - Good evening, ma'am.

Look, we've had complaints by the neighbors about the noise.

Okay, but listen, wait...

This party is so boring.

But we're sure you'll soon liven things up.

Right, girls?

Ma'am, calm down, or I'll have to arrest you.

Yes, arrest her! She's been very bad.

It's just I'm very... naughty.

You'll have to show us...

your pistol.

- Pistol! Pistol! - Ma'am.

You just got yourself into deep trouble.

Yes! Hit her with the full weight of the law.

Pistol! Pistol!

Hands up!

Pants down!

Either he's the lamest stripper ever...

or he's a real cop.

Cheers!

Oh, shit!

Well? How do I look?

So beautiful.

My sister's getting married!

No crying, or I'll cry too.

My makeup will run.

Today is the happiest day of my life.

I just hope Zequi is as excited as I am.

What did you say?

We can't hear you!

I'm drowning. It's my wedding, not my funeral.

You can't go to a wedding like this. Especially not your own.

I'm fine.

- You can't even stand. - Well, help me, do something. No one--

What the hell?

Maybe it'll wake you up.

Maybe I'll kick your ass.

- Come on, man. - Help me, I'm a mess.

We've tried everything.

Not everything.

What's that?

This is a... potion I give to my junkies

when they overdo it.

- Here, drink it. - No.

- Drink it. - Go on.

- No. - You've drunk worse. Come on.

- No. - No? Come on.

- Yes.

- I won't drink it. No. - Hold him down.

Drink.

Drink it.

LUCY FERNANDEZ AND EZEQUIEL ALCANTARA'S WEDDING

He's not moving.

Is he alive?

Look at Zequi's happy face.

So happy.

What are you doing?

She looks so pretty.

Lucy, you look amazing!

On this day...

we are filled with happiness.

I hope that this

new stage of your lives...

will always be lived...

with the same joy...

you are filled with today.

Someone give the priest some damn cough syrup.

- How long does this last? - I don't know, but Zequi won't make it.

All those present,

we are gathered here today to unite

this man and this woman

in holy matrimony.

But first, I have to ask

if there is anyone who knows any reason...

why this wedding should not take place.

May they speak now,

or forever hold their peace.

He spewed everything he ever ate, dude.

Lucy, no... Stop... I didn't mean...

Lucy.

Come on, look on the bright side.

What's that?

You wanted an unforgettable wedding. You won't forget it.

Okay, too soon for jokes.

I don't get it. What goes through men's minds?

How should I know?

1 only know one-night stands, and those guys sure don't want commitment.

Maybe I chose the wrong husband.

Hey, don't beat yourself up.

You want anything?

Yes. Do you have something to make me forget men are selfish pigs?

Chocolate ice cream?

With strawberries.

And chocolate chips.

And sprinkles.

I threw my life in the trash.

Maybe not. Maybe Kaliman was right and that life's not for you.

Are you my shrink?

Maybe you were lying to yourself.

And those glasses don't make you a teacher, just like...

this uniform doesn't make me a nurse.

Or maybe Lucy will forget my bonehead move in a few days

and forgive me?

Your video's had 10,000 hits, dude.

Look at the priest's face. I'think he lost his faith.

If you play that video again, it's your ass I'll hit.

Ten thousand views!

- Well, 10,001. - Zequi is famous!

It's disgusting.

Here's another view.

So gross.

FRIDA KAHLO HIGH SCHOOL

Thinking about married life turned his stomach.

What a dickhead to screw up your wedding like that.

He hurled because he had to sleep with the Chilindrina.

No shit, man!

Don't worry. It's funny.

I'm the first to laugh at myself.

- Oh, yeah? - Yes, why not?

Yes, it's just that when you went...

How?

- Yeah, like that. - Check out the video.

- Let's see. - See how you go...

- Your face... - Screw you.

What the hell?

That was worth more than your car.

Oops, it slipped.

Lucy, hi.

You look so great, so radiant, so beautiful.

So strong.

Five minutes, please. Give me five minutes.

Not a second more.

What do you want?

I deserve to be hit as many times as you want, but we have to talk.

1 don't want to hear your dumb excuses.

I have no excuse.

I couldn't be more of a jerk. I screwed up so badly.

Forgive me, please.

No, it's my fault.

It's my fault for believing someone as selfish and irresponsible as you

could be my husband.

Excuse me, Mr. Alcantara,

-I have a class. - Lucy.

Please, don't go.

Stay, please, relax. Calm down, let's talk.

I'll do anything. Beg?

Yes, I'll do anything for you to forgive me.

{ promise to do the dishes every day.

To spoon in bed.

More... I'll pee sitting down so there's no splashing.

Lucy, I'll even

go to all your zumba classes with you.

Lucy, I promise not to fart on the sofa.

I'll do whatever you want, but, please... don't leave me.

Lucy!

Lucy!

Lucy!

Don't listen to that!

Get to class!

Zumba!

There!

That's it, man!

Screw you, Cristobal.

Hey, hey, hey. Hey.

You've seen Cristobal's package move?

Yeah!

Must be like that WhatsApp dude's.

- I'm so jealous. - know.

- He gets it on real good. - Yeah? Come on, tell us.

It's kind of like...

that?

Two feet?

What's he got between his legs, a penis or a nightstick?

No... Not two feet.

I mean... his thingy's like a...

A burrito.

A what?

Aburrito? No shit.

You've never seen one, have you?

Monica, ring the Vatican.

The Virgin's just appeared before us.

You're so dumb.

It's just he's got a ton of experience, and I've got none. It's embarrassing.

Alittle gift. Look, give me your hand.

Although for two feet you're going to need a trash bag.

That's it, man. That's it!

Hey, Laura.

I'd get moving, or he'll put his burrito in another basket, get it?

Yeah.

The new principal's résumé is impressive.

Really?

- She's run the best schools. - So why did she end up here?

I heard she's scarier than Godzilla.

Yeah, and she eats kids for breakfast. They're just rumors.

I heard that too.

- Me too. - It's true.

Silence!

- Good morning. - Good morning.

I'm Miss Regina, the new principal.

Forget everything you've heard about me.

I'm much worse.

This school is an absolute mess.

- It needs a firm hand-- - It's not so much a total mess...

The thing is--

Didn't they teach you that it's rude to interrupt?

I see the example you set for your students.

Sorry.

So... The Department of Education

has sent a complaint about your students' behavior.

Some of them should be behind bars rather than desks.

Some teachers too.

- I said I'm sorry, what else can I do? - Don't sit next--

Excuse me, excuse me. This is a teachers' meeting.

The janitor shouldn't be here.

- I teach 5-B. -5-B?

- Yes. - The lowest average grades.

Now I see why.

As I was saying, it's the worst school in the area.

But that's over.

I'm here to end all that.

- Good luck with that. - And good luck to you too.

Because if things don't change, the school's closing down next year.

What?

- No... - What? I can't lose my job...

Silence.

We don't want the students to find out.

Fortunately, next week we're going to the Riviera Nayarit.

- Oh, great! - Awesome!

We're going to the beach.

We can figure out how to fix the school when we get back.

No.

There's an inter-school competition.

Thanks to my contacts, Frida High has been invited for the first time ever.

Hope they don't regret it.

Not under my supervision.

What's more, this is a chance to prove

-that we're as good as the best. - Yes!

We'll go, we'll win and we'll save our school.

- I like your optimism. - Yes, thanks.

But not your loud squawking.

Right.

It's my fault for thinking someone so selfish and irresponsible

could ever be my husband.

Right! Volleyball team!

So, we've covered

-basketball, volleyball... - Yes.

- But no one has signed up for dance. - Lucy,

1 know you're really good at...

- Zumba! - Very funny.

But I've already got the chess team.

- So lame. - Enough wisecracks.

What we need is some moron who will sign up for dance.

I want to sign 5-B up for Nayarit.

And we're going to win.

I'm not selfish and irresponsible like you said.

Go on, sign him up, for the lying contest.

He'll win that for sure.

5-B. Volleyball.

- You can't sign up. - I can't?

You don't... You don't know what you're doing.

Sure I do.

I'm proving everyone wrong.

1 am not going to be laughed at.

That idiot signed up for dance.

I think that chick wants a piece.

Apiece?

A piece of your meat. If not, I'll give it to her.

You've got to be kidding. His girlfriend is right there.

So? It's not my fault he brought dessert to the buffet.

Did you see them dancing?

What are they rehearsing for? For... Preppies, the musical?

Good one.

Here are the Frida High kids. Hide your wallets and cells.

Yeah, here's your wallet.

Made of authentic dick skin.

We'd better teach them some manners.

Yeah? Bring it on, whenever you want.

Hey, stop. Come on. Easy.

Yeah, listen to the hotel janitor.

I'm their teacher.

That explains it. What do you teach them? Crime?

Welcome to the sixth inter-school competition,

where the most distinguished schools--

Hit

Goddamn it!

Miss Ingrid!

- Sorry! - But...

didn't you jump out the window?

Yes... and I'll do it again.

Valium to the pool area!

Valium to the pool area!

Poor thing. Did you see her?

We just arrived and you're already causing trouble.

Why did we come here?

- To have a good time. - No!

To have a bad time.

We're here to learn how to be responsible

and to prove we keep our promises.

So no going out, no partying, no drinking...

- No. - Yes. And I want you in bed by 9:00 p.m.

And up at 7:00 am. to train, and anyone who fails to do so...

gets a grade deduction.

To your rooms.

To your rooms, now, go!

When did he become a party pooper?

We won't let him screw up the trip.

Hit

Thanks.

This is paradise.

What's your name? So I can put you on my list to Santa.

- Camila! - No?

Acting like that isn't right.

We've put up with just the same for years.

- Now it's their turn. - Well, that's true.

Look, I'd give him an eight.

And what would you give him?

I'd give it to him all night.

Excuse me, I didn't see you.

And it's hard with that big stick.

It's hard to control.

By the way, what's your name?

Mario Postigo.

- Mario? - Mario?

That's impossible.

Don't you remember me?

It's Lucy.

Lucy Fernandez.

What, you know him? Hurry up and introduce me.

Mario and I dated in high school.

But what... I mean, you've really changed.

Remember before you were more...

A lot more. I was wider than I was tall.

You're not like the girl from The Ring anymore.

And what about your nose? It was like a pepper.

- I had a nose job. - Surgery?

Yes. Nice, right?

Maybe it was the same guy who did your... Good idea, by the way.

- You looked the same, front and back. - I developed late.

They were made for each other.

If I'm honest, it was tough. A lot of work,

but I always knew there was a thin guy inside me fighting to get out.

Well, he's come out gorgeous.

Look who's talking. La Chilindrina turned into a swan!

- You must have tons of admirers. - That's right.

Why haven't you checked in?

Who's this dude?

- He's... - Let me enjoy this moment.

This is Mario, Lucy's ex-boyfriend.

And this is Zequi, Lucy's ex-boyfriend.

Now the competition is getting interesting.

Come on! Come on!

Let's go. It's time to party.

Come on!

I said no partying.

We've got a big day tomorrow.

Shower, bed and sleep.

Sorry, Miss Ingrid. 1 didn't know which elevator they'd be in.

Good morning. It's a beautiful, sunny day,

perfect for our competition

and for our young people to show off their skills.

Have a great day, and I wish you all the best of luck.

Except those sons of bitches from Frida High!

You okay?

Holy shit.

Not even the roosters are up at this time.

Don't talk to me about roosters. I was up to my ass in feathers last night.

Guys, cheer up, we're not going to a funeral.

We're playing volleyball,

and I need you to give it your all.

That ball doesn't touch the sand today!

Strong arms!

Are you happy?

Yeah!

Let's see it on your faces!

Yeah, that's right, come on!

All in!

- Come on! - Let's do it!

So, no one told you yet?

Told me what?

Dance.

Which dipshit put us in dance?

Now's not the time to point fingers.

- It was you? - So what are we dancing?

Zumba?

We look like the Fantastic Four, if they were whores.

Hey! It won't be so hard.

You're kidding me.

And we have to compete against those assholes?

Monica.

Who cares who we're up against?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Lots and lots of likes, kids. Applause... to the max!

Come on, team selfie!

Hashtag: "We're the best!"

I'm up against that jerk?

Hey! Who cares who we're up against?

Looking good.

You! Did you leave your ass in your other pair of tights?

I'll split your ass in half, dickhead.

Zequis! I didn't know you danced.

Without the "S."

Equis? Never mind, look...

I wish you much light, brother.

I'll enjoy competing against you.

You mean the dance?

Hey, hey.

Over here, everyone. Okay...

Let's see what we can do, right?

All right, this won't be so hard.

We'll kick their asses.

She fell like Juan Gabriel!

Anyone film that?

It's going to be so hard.

They'll kick our asses.

Get back here!

Come back or I'll drag your asses back here!

No, no way!

Romo, I'm... Damn it.

- I'm talking to you! - Hey!

Stick them where the sun don't shine!

What's your problem? Are you crazy?

My problem is you didn't say I'd signed up for dance!

I didn't?

- No. - What a pity.

- Is it going to be a problem? - No.

No, those useless kids will dance even if it's the last thing they do.

Hey, chief...

Want a tip?

A what?

Look, these kids are millennials.

And you and I are like a mirror where they see themselves.

You don't get the issue.

If you want good feedback, remember two things, Equis.

First:

watch your manners.

And second:

change your outfit.

You remember two things.

Sure.

Screw... you.

But he's trying to help.

You're wrong.

He wants to get in your bed.

Well, it's working.

Mario...

shall we go out tonight?

I'd love to.

Checkmate.

Well done! That's great, German.

What's Lucy doing with that ape?

Does she think he's so handsome?

Well, he is.

- That he's got class? - He does have class.

That he's amazing and special?

He is amazing and special.

Whose side are you on?

Who do you want her to be with? That guy or me?

You, of course.

So I can get with him.

Welcome, chiefs.

Why the costume?

Is it carnival or some shit?

- It's my new fitness. - You mean outfit?

I'll say whatever the hell... Sorry.

Chiefs...

The issue...

is that I realized I'm like a mirror for you.

You obviously didn't look in the mirror this morning.

Watch your manners, dipshit.

- Hey! - I mean... Sorry.

What I need is for us to work together to get some... very good fleabag.

What?

Full-- Fullback?

Free-- Freeback?

Frisbee?

Fris...

Feedback! We need to get some feedback.

Have you been drinking again, Mr. Alcantara?

No, but maybe I should.

What I meant, chiefs...

is stop screwing around and dance, yeah?

Attitude!

Hey, chiefs!

Hashtag: "Never give up!"

What?

Get running, damn it!

Come on!

...three, four, one, two...

What are you doing, Peppa Pig?

Not like that. Get over there.

One, two, three, four!

Up, right! Up, left!

Up, left! Up, right!

Again, come on. Super nice!

Where are you going?

Cuquis! Remember, we're vegans now.

Come on!

Dude... even my eyelashes hurt.

And they're fake.

Mr. Alcantara,

you just made something fun into something awful.

I hate dancing.

Then you're even because dancing hates you too.

No, sorry.

Congratulations, you worked really hard today.

I'm giving you lots of likes.

Claps to the max.

Hey, chiefs, let's take a team selfie.

- Come on. - Take a selfie of my balls.

- What did you say? - Take the photo.

- There. - Dude, it's backwards.

There.

Like that? Smiling?

Yeah, it's badass.

Mr. Alcantara.

So, now we've provided good feedback between us.

And you've been an awesome mirror for us,

would you give us permission to go out and have fun... to the max?

Yes.

I like that!

What a difference. See, you can ask for things politely.

So you'll let us?

No way in hell!

To your rooms.

- No? - Screw you.

No! To your rooms.

Now!

Lucy.

Hey.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

- Going out with Ken? - His name is Mario.

Lucy, dating for revenge is a mistake.

I'm seeing him because I like him.

That puffed-up jerk?

Take away the face,

take away the tan,

the six-pack and the good manners, and what's left?

You.

LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE

- And your snot all came out. - No way!

- Yes! - No, never!

- It did! - Really?

I remember it well.

- This looks delicio-- Wait!

First an Instagram pic.

Oh, right.

Hashtag: "Clean eating."

Yes! Ten likes already.

- Wow! - What would we do without social media?

Talk to each other?

This looks delicious.

You know what?

Something else also looks... delicious.

Are you eating the decoration?

- Hey, Romo! - She went to the bathroom!

We dance all day and you want to dance all night? Let's go.

It's already late.

So? Who are you, Cinderella? Are you going to turn into a pumpkin?

Try to have fun. Come on.

Yes. And dial down the stress.

You're acting more like your sister every day.

And look how things ended with Zequi.

Oh, shit.

Son of a bitch.

Now I'm Mario 2.0, and I've got a leitmotif and everything.

- Okay. - If my Instagram has fewer likes today

than it did yesterday, forget it.

The day's been a total waste.

Do you hear that?

- Yes.

This was the song that was playing when we had our first kiss.

- Remember? - Of course.

- Our braces got hooked. - The braces!

Call me naive,

but this is a sign.

- What-- - Excuse me.

Are you following me?

No. Not everything revolves around you.

I've lost the kids.

Kids?

You've lost them?

Who said kids?

I'm following you.

Equis!

Nice shirt. I have the exact same one.

Had, dickhead.

Look who's here.

They're horrible dancers. They shouldn't be let in here.

Let's show them how to dance.

Show me what you got.

That's my bro! Leave him alone!

What's your problem?

Watch out.

Don't trip.

You're the one who's tripping, slut!

Hey!

Nayeli!

Let go! Romo, stop!

Enough!

Hey, guys! Chiefs! This is not the way to sort out your issues.

Let me give you a tip.

Violence isn't cool.

Because violence...

You crossed the line.

I'm a teacher!

Let me go!

After all the changes I've made in my life,

-do you know what I miss the most? - Me?

That's right.

Do you wonder what life would be like if we'd stayed together?

Lately, yes.

Finally! I found you.

Can't I have dinner in peace?

There's a problem.

Can't you sort it out?

Okay, I have a better idea.

I'll have dinner with Mario and you go get your sister out of jail.

- What? - You heard me.

Excuse me, there's an emergency.

Hi.

Come on!

All the kids are in jail.

How long before we get out of here?

He wants me to be his bitch.

Did you piss yourself?

Tell him to change your diaper and powder your butt.

- Shut it! - Enough!

It's your fault we're here.

Better get used to it. It's going to take a while to get out.

Frida students!

You can go.

- Oh, Lucy! Thank you! - Hey, shorty!

Find me on Grindr. Gorgeous.

Only the kids.

- But I'm their teacher. Lucy! - I don't want to hear your explanations.

They were fighting...

You'll always be a criminal.

It's embarrassing, Miss Fernandez.

I said stand out, but not like that.

- It sounds worse than it was. - The students escaped, got drunk.

They got in a fight. They wound up in jail.

That sounds pretty bad to me.

Put like that...

Who's responsible?

Now's not the time to point fingers.

We're a team.

Fine. I'll put that in your file.

It was Alcantara! It was Alcantara.

Well, then, keep an eye on 5-B and Alcantara.

The Secretary for Education knows what happened.

I've been called in to speak to them.

Don't worry, it won't happen again.

I hope not.

If you're incapable of improving the situation,

at least don't make it worse.

Good-bye.

Good-b--

Today we begin the next round of the competition.

Today is the chess semifinal, 200 meters butterfly,

basketball and volleyball.

Don't forget that today there's a lovely excursion.

So give a big smile, enjoy life and praise the Lord!

Jesus Christ!

They've put glue on this thing!

Where are the Frida kids?

Where are you? There!

Come on! You can do it!

Come on, guys!

- We won! - Congratulations!

German is in the chess final too!

We did it!

That got alcohol?

- Do you know what time it is? - Yes, it's very early.

- But it's happy hour. - Mario!

I haven't seen you all morning.

I was burning calories, since...

last night was very sweet.

I'had a great time too.

- Sorry for running off. - That was really bad.

No, I'm joking.

I'll forgive you if you'll honor me with the first dance tonight.

Sure. Of course I will.

I'd love to!

Look at you, little flirt.

Wiping the slate clean so fast.

Mr. Alcantara!

- Speaking of... - Mr. Alcantara!

- Mr. Alcantara! - What?

This is a smoke-free zone.

Your lips make you look like fish.

The vast territory Mexico occupies today

was home to the Mesoamerican civilization which was...

Why are you lagging behind? Do you all heed a leash or what?

Leave us alone, dude.

We're really sick of you.

Yeah, well, I'm sick of you all too.

So what the hell are we doing here?

We know what will happen.

The same people always win.

And we're always the losers.

Looks like you lost something too.

Okay.

They're teenagers.

They complain about everything.

They're right.

The same people always win.

Well, with competition like that...

Look at him.

And look at you.

It's like you're two different species.

Our country was the home of two great empires:

the Mayans, great astronomers,

and the Aztecs, warriors who fought against the Spanish.

It was thought that the Mayans weren't warriors,

but they fought with such tenacity, it took two centuries to defeat them.

Guys!

I need to talk to you!

- Now what, Zequi? - Come over here a second.

We have to fight.

For the Mayans.

The Mayans aren't in the competition.

The Mayan people, idiot.

They never gave up.

They fought...

until they defeated the stuck-up Spanish.

It was the other way round. They defeated us.

No, that's what they want us to think.

History is written by the winners.

- That's true. - But we can change it.

Because on this spot, once lived a happy people.

Governed by a prince.

The handsome...

Zequilopochtli.

And he lived with his wife...

the beautiful Malinche.

But Malinche wasn't Mayan.

She had her summer house here.

And they had a damn good time. Until the Spanish chief arrived.

The invading bastard Cortés, on La Pinta, La Nifia and La Santa Maria.

Weren't those Columbus' ships?

Damn it, Peppa Pig, were you there?

- No. - So, shut it, please!

- Okay. - So, what did the Spanish want?

They wanted to steal their women...

No, Zequilopochtli!

...and sacrifice their virgins.

Did the Mayans chicken out? No, man!

Instead, they rose up.

- With help from Zapata.

Long live Mexico, you bastards!

Yes, Emiliano Zapata. Got a problem?

No, it's fine.

They pulled together as a team and fought bravely with pride

to defend their honor, their country and their school.

So they turned history upside down and stopped being losers.

If the Mayans did all that, can't we do it too?

Yes!

- Can we do it? - Yes!

We're gonna win this competition!

- That's it! - We're gonna win!

- We're going to win! - We're going to win!

Frida Kahlo High!

Frida Kahlo High!

And you...

You're going to get Lucy back.

Long live Mexico, you bastards!

You're the worst history teacher I've ever seen.

But as a motivational speaker, you kick ass.

Handsome.

Hey, come on, Mayans!

One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four.

One, two, three. Faster! More rhythm!

One, two, three, four. One, two... More energy!

One, two, three, four.

Food!

Let's get a drink!

- You're a pig, dude. - It was gross!

Cristobal, would you open the dance with this girl?

Me?

With her?

This is a community dance. The perfect chance to build bridges.

I think she wants to build something else with you.

Relax, handsome, I don't bite.

- For community? - For community.

For the community.

That's it. I'm going to do it already.

I'm giving Cris my flower.

Forget flowers and screw him.

That's what she said.

But I need someone with experience to give me advice.

- Yes. - Yes.

Someone who handles shafts like Tiger Woods.

Honey, I want to teach third grade so I can bring you to homeroom.

Hashtag: "Wow."

Let me see.

If all teachers looked like you, no one would ever drop out.

- Thanks. - Lucy.

I owe you an explanation. Can we talk?

Do you want to hear Equis' explanation?

Or would you rather dance with Mario?

- Hi, excuse me. - Hi.

The restroom?

- Over there. - Thanks.

That's hot!

Miss Ingrid.

Amazing, so beautiful. Look at you.

The heavens must be empty because all the angels are falling to earth.

Didn't you tell me this morning that I looked like a fish?

If you do, it's definitely... an angelfish.

May I have this dance?

I'm warning you, it's been a long time since I moved my hips.

- That sounded awful. - No, it sounded... fantastic.

I'm so sorry. Are you all right?

Don't worry.

I'm a 50 Shades of Grey fan too.

If you keep rubbing the lamp, the genie will appear.

You go forit.

Come, Miss Ingrid.

- Are you okay? - Maybe I'm a bit rusty...

but you can clear the cobwebs with confidence.

The spider's worth it.

Lucy. Give me your hand.

Lucy, it was an accident.

Excuse me, Equis, allow me.

- Let me help you. - Yes.

Lucy, I'm sorry. It was an accident.

Shall we dance?

- Miss Regina from Frida Kahlo High. - Check.

No, there's no record.

- No?

- Thanks. - Thanks.

- Did Miss Regina say why she was coming? - Just that it was very important.

- What does Godzilla want? - Good morning.

Miss Godzilla! Sorry, I mean, Miss Regina. What a surprise.

- We were talking about movies. - Yes.

This mess is straight out of a movie.

Let me introduce you to Ms. Estrada and Mr. Salinas.

- Hello. - Hello.

So, is there a Mrs. Salinas?

Miss Camila, now is not the time for flirting.

- They're from the Department of Education. - Welcome.

What's the reason for your trip? Business? Pleasure? Both?

They're going to assess the school's behavior.

Of course.

After a great deal of begging, they've given us one last chance.

That's good, the kids will have to ditch the booze, parties, and fighting.

There's none of that here.

It was a joke!

Don't you have a sense of humor at the Department of Education?

No.

I want to drown!

In your kisses.

Hi, Miss Camila. What are you drinking?

A sex on the beach.

We found a quiz in Cosmopolitan and want to do it together.

- Can you help? - It's about your first love.

First question. How old were you when you first fell in love?

I was very precocious.

I started to like boys when I was very young, I think about 13.

- You had sex when you were 13? - It asks that?

- Yes!

Yes, but not like that. Okay, next question.

How old were you when you first had sex?

A: 16 to 18.

Bi 19 to 21.

C: 221030.

Isn't there a D?

At 15 with an asshole who promised me the world

and then didn't want anything to do with me.

- Say something. Say something. - Okay, let's try the third question.

What do you remember about the first time?

A - Oh, my first time was so...

was so...

To be honest, I don't remember. I'd drunk half a bottle of tequila.

To calm me down, I was so nervous.

Okay, fourth question.

When doing it for the first time, what's the best way?

A: From the front.

B: From behind. C: A blow job.

Are you sure this is Cosmopolitan? Sounds more like Playboy.

Yes, Cosmopolitan. See.

Always start with option C, but then change to A.

If he's really good, a bit more A.

And maybe...

A, and then C.

And then A and more A.

B,C, A..

And when you find the G-spot...

Okay, miss, that was really helpful. Thanks a lot.

AB,ACA..

Welcome to the final...

Okay, testing, one,

two, three, testing...

What's going on? Why does it sound like that?

Today we have the volleyball and chess finals.

And if I catch the Frida High students,

they'll never see the end of it!

German.

Focus, don't let your guard down.

Punish him whenever you can and remember: you feel no pain.

Feel no pain.

Lucy, relax. It's just chess, he's not fighting Pacquiao.

You bastard!

Do I have to remind the Frida Kahlo students

that this isn't a soccer match?

You bastard!

Check.

Wave.

Check.

Checkmate.

Champions!

Some good news at last.

I hate to ruin the mood, Camila,

but if your team loses, they'll shut down the school.

Now the ball's in your court.

Frida! Frida!

Well done! Good.

That's it!

Last set. We're going to win.

- Are you sure about this? - No, but I've got to do it.

- You could die. - I'd rather die than lose Lucy.

That's so sweet! If you don't get Lucy, my heart is all yours.

Focus, please.

When I give you the signal, speed the boat up.

When I'm up in the air, turn the boat to the right,

so I can unfurl the banner, got it?

- Yes. - Let's go, the match is almost over!

Come on, yes, we can!

Yes, we can! Yes, we can!

Yes, we can!

Did you tie the rope well?

He face-planted. I think we killed him.

I'll chop off your balls!

Well done, everyone!

Come on, guys, let's wave!

Come on, Frida! We can do it!

Watch out for the birds!

You okay?

You bastards, haven't you ever driven a boat before?

- No. - Sons of bitches.

Come on!

Come on!

Frida! Frida!

Don't worry. It's going to be all right.

- Higher! - What?

Higher!

Hey there, handsome!

What are you doing, dude? Don't let go!

You dumb-ass!

CHILINDRINA, I LOVE YOU

You idiots!

I'm all alone!

Come on, guys! One more time!

Frida! Frida!

Come on, everyone!

No!

Come on!

Come on! We can do this! Don't give up!

Frida! Frida!

Come on, Frida!

I'm going to crash!

Out of the way!

You're an idiot, Equis.

You like social networks, don't you? Here's your net... at work.

You think it's funny, Alcantara?

- We were about to win. - You ruined it!

Like you do everything.

- You've put our backs against the wall. - know, and I'm sorry.

Where did you get certified to be a teacher? In jail?

- If I told you... - But don't worry.

We'll fixit.

- Really? - Yes, you're fired.

You can't do that to me. I'm their teacher--

And I'm their principal, and I won't leave the school's future in your hands.

But, Miss...

- Be naughty, but be safe. - You know it.

Hello, handsome.

I've got a present for you.

Shall I unwrap it?

Are you drunk?

You're a bit blurry.

But even so, you look... real fine--

Are you okay?

So good.

- Slow down. - What's my name?

Hey, dude!

What are you doing?

- Show me your burrito. - Slow down.

- Laura, you're wasted. Don't-- - Yes, show me.

- Stop, now. Not like that! - Like this!

Not here, stop it!

Enough, Laura!

Let me go!

- Hey. - Let me go!

Stop!

Let me go!

- Hey! - Let me--

- What are you doing? - This is not what it looks like.

If you touch her again!

- If you touch her again! - No!

This is my fault.

What? - I wanted to do it for the first time.

But you're wasted, sit down. You want to lose your virginity like this?

Laura, your first time should be special.

Something badass.

But now, instead of good memories, all you'll have is a hell of a hangover.

I didn't want to lose Cris.

"1 didn't want." Are you kidding? That's how you'll lose him. Like that.

Trying to be someone you're not.

And you, asshole, I'm warning you. Laura is like a daughter to me.

You hurt her, I'll take your virginity.

Zequi?

Zequi!

Zequi?

- Lucy, you want to get a-- - Not now.

This is not what it looks like.

I know, and we'll talk about it later. Right now, where's Zequi?

He just left.

- Good evening. - Good evening.

Zequi!

And five, six, seven and eight.

And one, two, three and four.

And five, six, seven and eight.

And one, two, three and four.

Echappé, échappé.

And seven and... For Christ's sake!

I've got pencils more flexible than you.

Come on, again.

They made a great decision hiring her.

She can run schools, ballets, pretty much everything.

And I've got excellent hearing.

So stop moving your tongues and start moving your feet.

Come on, again.

From the top. Five, six, seven and eight.

And one, two, three and four.

Echappé, échappé, seven and eight.

Open. And one, two, three and four.

And five, six, seven and eight.

Tombeé, pas de bourrée, glissade, cabriole.

Okay, that's enough. No more dancing any "tomblé,"

or "berry" or "cabaret."

Why don't you learn to pronounce it first and then you can try to do it?

They'll laugh at us because we can't dance like that.

Exactly, Miss, we're like the Mayans.

The ones who fought with the Aztecs and Zapata against the Spanish.

What? What kind of garbage is this?

Right, that's it, enough, listen up.

If we don't win this contest in two days' time,

they are shutting down the school.

- What? - The fate of the school depends on us?

There's no way we're going to win if you just want to convert us into

a crappy copy of the St. James school.

Right! I don't get why you can't accept us for who we are.

Because that's exactly what has put the school

in danger of closing in the first place.

ZEQUI, DON'T GET ALL WORKED UP, I'll WAIT FOR YOU AT THE CLUB

Let's go!

And five, six, seven and eight.

And one, two, three and four.

And five, six, seven and eight.

Zequi, I want to tell you something from the bottom of my heart.

It was the best thing that could have happened to you.

You belong here.

1 don't know what you were doing with that know-it-all teacher.

That squeaky voice...

"Kids!

Recess is over!"

Like someone torturing a parrot.

Zequi, can we talk?

Exactly! That impression is perfect--

I'll see if the girls are done waxing.

- What are you doing here? - You forgot this.

You didn't come all this way just to give me this?

No, I also came to tell you that Mario and I are getting married.

What?

I'm kidding, Zequi!

Alittle bit.

No, I came to say I was wrong.

I tried to change you.

1 don't blame you, with the shit I did, I would have tried to change me too.

I screwed up with the kids again.

Yes. But they need you.

Zequi, you've got to come back.

The contest is tomorrow, we have to win.

They don't need me to win.

They need a miracle.

First, forget those shit ugly dances.

You're going to dance like the scumbags you are.

Is that supposed to motivate us?

From now on, you do what I say.

Look only at me.

My eyes are up here, idiot.

She said look at her, not which part.

Too much meat for your plate, little guy!

Jenny, you think you can teach us to dance in just one night?

Honey...

1 do my best work at night.

Wow.

It's so classy.

Welcome...

Welcome!

Today is a big day for young Mexicans.

No, Donald Trump hasn't resigned.

Today is the competition's grand finale.

We can't hear you, use the mic!

No way! I'm not letting the Frida High kids prank me again.

Let the dancing begin!

Shame there isn't a prize for being the dumbest.

You'd win for sure.

Here, don't forget the stuffing.

Hey, hey, hey.

Ignore them.

- They want to wind you up. - It's working.

We won't let them!

We're Mayans, remember?

We're here to change history.

You kids have fought for things your entire lives.

Your entire lives.

No school wants you.

They don't want you here either.

What's more, this goddamn world...

doesn't want you.

But you know what?

I want you.

And I love you a shitload.

Because I know you...

each one of you.

And I love you because I know who you really are.

Team hug.

Sir,

why aren't you like that with us?

It's true. You only hug us when you're taking selfies.

And then you use filters.

You want affection?

I want that trophy.

And I won't let those losers get it.

So stop whining and get out there and win, okay?

Yes, sir.

Hey, do you think that's the best way to teach your students?

Of course.

I'm teaching them the world's divided into two groups, winners and losers.

Hey, stay on that side!

No one remembers second place, Lucy.

If winning means becoming someone like you,

I'll stick with the losers.

And you've chosen them well.

Deep down you never changed.

1 don't know what I ever saw in someone as shallow as you.

Well, I never met someone who turns on the stove, but never plans on cooking.

What?

- What did you say? - I said she's a cock--

Monica! Are you okay?

- What happened? - I don't know, it hurts!

Very good!

That was Polanco High School.

Now it's time for the reigning champions.

Give a warm round of applause for the students from St. James!

Shit, it looks like you put implants in your ankle.

You can still move it, right?

Get a doctor, asshole.

She didn't hit me that hard.

For Monica! Right.

She can't dance like this.

We can't go on without her. She's our best dancer.

But if there aren't 12 of us, we'll be disqualified.

Let me give it a try.

Slowly.

There must be some other way.

No.

She can't dance. It has to be someone from Frida.

Yeah!

Yeah! Well done, guys!

Bravo, guys!

What a fantastic choreography!

A big round of applause for the reigning champions.

There's just one act left. Things couldn't be more exciting.

The competition is at stake.

Please welcome Frida Kahlo High.

Don't expect too much.

Don't worry, they'll surprise you.

A good surprise, I hope.

Frida Kahlo!

Looks like they're either shy or deaf.

Frida Kahlo, on stage!

If you don't come out, you'll be disqualified.

Come on!

I thought this was a classical choreography?

So did .

- Come on! - Come on, Romo!

Come on, Frida!

Come on, Lucy!

If you're here, who is...

He had to be with them.

After all, he's the reason the kids got here in the first place.

Such a great choreography, very avant-garde.

Did you really expect anything less from someone with my reputation?

You look so good in that costume!

Frida! Frida!

WELCOME TO LUCY AND ZEQUI'S WEDDING

Who'd have thought?

We thought they'd be the ones to destroy the school, but instead,

they are the ones that saved it.

Come on, Lucy!

Lucy, you pretty thing!

Come on, Lucy!

Go for it! Be happy!

We're gathered here...

Again?

...to join Lucy and Ezequiel in holy matrimony.

- This feels like déja vu. - Yeah.

I don't know which wedding I've enjoyed more.

I like this one more.

The other one was like those jerks from St. James.

Yeah.

This one is more Frida.

...for better and for worse.

To love and to cherish her as long as you both shall live...

Be careful what you promise!

Yes.

I do.

Zequi! Zequi! Zequi!

Zequi! Zequi! Zequi!

Lucy.

Do you take...

- Are you crying? - Yes.

Why?

I might look like a tough guy, but weddings are just so moving.

...to love and to cherish him as long as you both shall live...

So sensitive.

1 bet you love to cuddle after intercourse.

Yes.

I do.

Come on, Lucy!

If anyone knows of any reason this couple may not be lawfully wed,

speak now or forever hold your peace.

Again?

What you need is an exorcism.

- You're okay? - Yes.

- We're better than ever. - You are. I'm so hervous.

1 didn't mean you.

We're... better than ever.

We're going to be parents?

Before you change your minds, I declare you husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride. Go on, kiss her!

Kiss her!

They couldn't have a normal wedding like everyone else.

I'm not sure the world is ready for another Alcantara.