Original subtitles

( rock music playing )

* P-R-E-T-E-N-D T-I-M-E *

* P-R-E-T-E-N-D T-I-M-E *

- * THIS IS AN EMERGENCY. * - ( applause and cheering )

WELCOME TO THE SHOW. WHOO.

UM, SO THIS IS A THING THAT HAPPENED TO ME.

I FLY A LOT.

I'M NOT A BIG FAN OF FLYING.

IT'S KIND OF LIKE--

IT'S JUST LIKE A FART TUBE 'CAUSE PEOPLE JUST--

HONEST, I DON'T LIKE IT. IT'S GROSS.

COUGHING-- EVERYONE'S ALWAYS SICK.

THERE'S A BABY THAT JUST WANTS TO FIGHT YOU.

IT'S JUST-- I DON'T KNOW. IT'S AGGRESSIVE.

BUT SOMETIMES YOU GET TO FLY FIRST CLASS,

WHICH IS AWESOME, BECAUSE WHEN YOU FLY FIRST CLASS TO L.A.,

YOU SEE A LOT OF CELEBRITIES. SO I LIKE GEEK OUT SOMETIMES.

SO THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

I'M ON A FLIGHT FROM L.A. TO NEW YORK.

AND I GET ON THE PLANE. I GET TO MY SEAT.

AND THE WINDOW SEAT IS LIV TYLER SITTING THERE.

YOU KNOW, AND SHE'S LIKE-- THERE'S LIV RIGHT THERE.

AMAZING. SHE'S ALSO THE ELF QUEEN.

REMEMBER HER? SHE WAS LIKE-- ( speaks gibberish )

LIKE JUST-- HAD TO LEARN ELF LANGUAGE-- LIKE WHAT THE --?

I'VE DONE A BUNCH OF MOVIES. NEVER HAD TO LEARN ELF LANGUAGE, THANK GOD.

HOW DO YOU EVEN DO THAT? DO YOU HAVE A ROSETTA STONE FOR --?

LIKE MIDDLE EARTH ROSETTA STONE?

SO SHE'S SITTING NEXT TO ME AND SO I'M LIKE,

DON'T-- I ALWAYS PLAY IT COOL. I DON'T EVER FAN OUT.

I WAS JUST LIKE, "WHAT'S UP?"

YOU KNOW, I'M NOT LIKE, "HOW ARE THE ELVES?

DO YOU TALK TO ANY OF THEM? ARE THEY ALL RIGHT?"

SO I'M SITTING THERE, I'M LIKE ALL RIGHT.

I GOTTA TAKE MY MIND OFF IT, SO I'M JUST GONNA GO TO BED.

SO I PUT MY SEAT BACK. AND IT GOES BACK FAR-- ALMOST LIKE A BED.

SO I LIE DOWN AND THEN A MINUTE LATER,

SHE DOES THE SAME THING. SHE PUTS HER THING DOWN.

SO NOW I'M SLEEPING NEXT TO LIV TYLER. IT'S LIKE THE -- WEIRDEST THING.

I'M LIKE SITTING THERE. I'M LIKE, "WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?"

WE'RE JUST SITTING THERE ALL, LIKE, COZY.

I'M LIKE, "THIS IS WEIRD." SO I FALL ASLEEP.

YOU KNOW, MY DREAMS ARE ALL DEMENTED. IT'S JUST ELVES

AND ORGIES. IT WAS LIKE

MY BRAIN JUST COULDN'T PROCESS WHAT WAS HAPPENING.

JUST WAS LIKE, "WHAT ARE WE DOING?!"

SO THIS IS ANOTHER THING: ON CERTAIN FLIGHTS--

WHICH I DIDN'T KNOW THIS-- THEY MAKE FRESH CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES.

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT, SO I'M SLEEPING AND I SMELL

CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES, BUT I'M CONFUSED BECAUSE I'M ON AN AIRPLANE.

SO I'M LIKE-- ( sniffs ) AND I KIND OF WAKE UP.

AND I JUST KIND OF BLURT OUT, I'M LIKE,

"WHAT IS THAT SMELL?"

I SWEAR TO GOD, I LOOK OVER

AND LIV TYLER IS JUST SITTING THERE.

AND SHE JUST LOOKS UP AND SHE JUST GOES, "COOKIES!"

THAT'S THE BEST WAY TO WAKE UP IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD.

- Man: YEAH! - THE ONLY THING

POSSIBLY BETTER-- IF THERE WAS JUST A BUNCH OF ELVES ON MY --

LIKE-- ( speaking gibberish )

JUST CASTING SPELLS ON MY BALLS OR SOMETHING.

Announcer: SHE'S SUNG ABOUT HER POKER FACE,

SHE'S TOLD US TO JUST DANCE

AND SHARED WITH US HER BAD ROMANCE.

BUT WHERE DOES IT ALL START AND WHO DOES IT START WITH?

ON THIS EPISODE OF "FAMOUS SIBLINGS,"

WE TALK TO LADY GAGA'S BROTHER OFFICER GARRY GAGA.

- HEY, GAGA. - HOW YOU DOING THERE, CHIEF?

BY THE WAY, I LIKE THE INK ON THE ARM.

THAT MERMAID'S GOT A NICE RACK TO HER, RIGHT?

SO WE'VE GOT A NEW CAPTAIN COMING ON THE FORCE TODAY

ALL THE WAY FROM MINOT, NORTH DAKOTA.

- I HEARD HE'S A PRETTY GOOD GUY. - OFFICER.

HOW ARE YOU DOING, CAPTAIN?

AHHH.

Garry: YOU KNOW WHAT MUSIC IS TO ME?

SHOOTING SOMEBODY IN THE FACE.

I TRIED TO WARM UP TO THE NEW CAPTAIN BY THROWING OUT

SOME IDEAS I THOUGHT WOULD HELP THE PRECINCT.

THE THING IS ZEBRAS AREN'T WHAT WE USE.

NO, I HEAR YOU, SIR, LOUD AND CLEAR ON THAT.

WE USE AMERICAN HORSES.

WHAT IF I GIVE YOU 10 BUCKS TO SIT ON THAT ZEBRA

AND TRAMPLE A CHILD MOLESTER?

IS THERE A WAY FOR YOU TO NOT BE HERE ANYMORE?

- YEAH, I CAN WALK OUT OF HERE. - THAT WOULD BE SENSATIONAL.

YOU DON'T LIKE ZEBRAS IS WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?

YES.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.

- YOU WANTED TO SEE ME, SIR? - YES.

SO A RIOT IS STARTED BY ANIMAL RIGHTS PEOPLE.

AND YOU SHOW UP ON A -- ZEBRA.

SIR, I HEAR YA AND LET ME JUST SAY IN MY DEFENSE,

YOU SAID NOT TO RIDE A ZEBRA. I GOT A POLICE-ISSUED HORSE,

I PAINTED IT LIKE A ZEBRA. THAT'S ANIMAL-SAFE PAINT.

WHICH IS THE REASON THEY WERE PROTESTING IN THE FIRST PLACE.

( chanting ) PAINT HOUSES, NOT HORSES!

HEY, EVERYONE DISPERSE. GO BACK TO BURNING MAN

OR WHATEVER VEGAN ORGIES YOU GUYS ARE DOING.

HEY, SIR, YOU BETTER GET OUT OF HERE!

OH MY GOD, THAT'S AXE BODY SPRAY. GOD DAMN IT!

THAT IS NOT THE POINT.

LOOK, I'VE GOT THE HUMANE SOCIETY UP MY ASS

AND I'VE GOT TO STARE AT THESE CROWNS AND GLITTERY SUITS EVERY DAY.

- IT'S RIDICULOUS! - THIS SUIT-- BASED ON ONE OF LADY'S FAMOUS OUTFITS--

IT'S AWESOME. HER OUTFIT SHOWED A LOT MORE, BELIEVE ME.

A LITTLE NIPS AND A LITTLE BUSH.

YOU HAVE TO MAKE A CHOICE, DAMN IT.

WHAT COMES FIRST?

ARE YOU A COP OR ARE YOU A GAGA?

I BECAME A COP, SIR,

BUT I AM AND ALWAYS WILL BE...

A GAGA.

SIR, I WAS BORN THIS WAY.

THAT'S ONE OF LADY'S SINGLES.

THIS WASN'T A REMIX.

NO!

NO-OOO!

- ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, CAPTAIN? - YEAH, I'M GOOD.

- THANKS. - ANY TIME.

I'M A GAGA.

Captain: WE ARE FOREVER INDEBTED TO YOU,

GARRY GAGA.

WHOA, TIME OUT. WHAT--

LOOK AT THIS. I CAN'T WAIT TO SHOW LADY THIS VEST.

ALL RIGHT, WHATEVER.

AND NOW I WOULD LIKE TO INTRODUCE THE NEWEST

MEMBER OF THE FORCE-- ANOTHER CELEBRITY SIBLING--

EVERYONE PLEASE WELCOME

JERRY SIMMONS.

( monitor beeps, flatlines )

I'M SORRY. YOUR NANA HAS PASSED.

BUT I DIDN'T GET TO TELL HER GOODBYE.

I DIDN'T GET TO TELL HER I LOVED HER.

AND I WANTED TO TELL HER SHE WAS THE BEST MOTHER IN THE WORLD.

- I GUESS SHE'S GONE. - NOT NECESSARILY.

THANKS TO NANASTALL, NOW YOU CAN SAY THE THINGS YOU NEVER COULD.

Man: I WANTED TO TELL HER I LOVED HER.

I NEVER TOLD NANA HOW MUCH I LIKED HER RICE.

I WANTED MY NANA TO KNOW HOW SOFT HER HAND WAS.

I WANTED NANA TO SIGN THESE DOCUMENTS.

NANASTALL USES A REVOLUTIONARY PUMPING DEVICE

THAT LAUNCHES REVIVING FLUID INTO YOUR NANA'S BRAIN,

BRINGING HER BACK TO LIFE FOR A MAXIMUM OF TWO MINUTES.

- WHAT DO I DO? - IT'S EASY.

JUST MAKE AN INJECTION INTO EACH ONE OF HER EYEBALLS.

PUSH IT IN AS FAR AS IT CAN GO.

- RIGHT INTO HER EYEBALLS. - ( gasps )

OH MY GOD.

( gasps )

NOW DO THE SAME THING TO EACH ONE OF HER EARS.

PUSH THE NEEDLE ALL THE WAY INTO HER EAR.

TRY TO GET THE EARDRUM.

- ( all gasp ) - SORRY, MOM.

( groans )

NOW DO ONE FINAL THRUST INTO HER HEART...

FIVE TIMES HARD

AND YOUR NANA WILL BE BACK.

- HARDER! - ( screams )

- WHAT'S HAPPENING? - START TALKING, START TALKING!

- Boy: LOVE YOU, NANA! - MY EYES BLED!

- WE LOVE YOU! - I CAN'T HEAR! HELP ME!

- I'M GONNA MISS YOU, MAMA! - WHAT'S YOUR PIN NUMBER?

- TELL ME. - AM I IN HELL?

- WE'RE SORRY, WE JUST WANTED TO-- - KILL ME, KILL ME!

( monitor flatlines )

NANASTALL-- 'CAUSE NOTHING'S MORE PRECIOUS THAN THAT LAST GOODBYE.

HEY, THANK YOU.

SHE LOOKS SO PEACEFUL.

WE'RE SPEAKING TODAY WITH JOHN HARRIS,

WHO FOUR YEARS AGO WAS ATTACKED BY HIS BELOVED PET DOG

AND LEFT TRAGICALLY DISFIGURED.

THIS WEEK, AT THE DENNY'S MEDICAL CENTER, A TEAM OF SURGEONS

GAVE JOHN A FACE TRANSPLANT.

TODAY WE SPEAK WITH JOHN AND HEAR ABOUT HIS AMAZING NEW FACE.

THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.

SO YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH QUITE AN ORDEAL.

UH, YEAH, YOU COULD SAY THAT. BUT I'M JUST GLAD

TO BE BACK LIVING MY NORMAL LIFE.

SO YOU'RE HAPPY WITH YOUR NEW FACE?

YEAH. I MEAN IT'S NOT MY FIRST CHOICE,

BUT I DON'T HAVE GREAT INSURANCE.

DO PEOPLE LOOK AT YOU DIFFERENTLY NOW?

A LOT OF PEOPLE HONESTLY SAY I LOOK LIKE KEVIN BACON.

OH, THAT'S-- YEAH, BUT YOU HAVE BACON ON THE--

- PANCAKE. - NO, IT'S BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE A MOVIE STAR, OBVIOUSLY.

I THINK IT'S THE BACON, PERSONALLY. ANYBODY?

JOHN'S EYESIGHT COULD NOT BE RESTORED IN THE SURGERY

BECAUSE HIS EYES ARE TWO FRIED EGGS.

SURGEONS AT THE DENNY'S MEDICAL CENTER,

LED BY DR. STEVEN YEW, SPENT OVER 25 MINUTES

ON THE PROCEDURE.

I'M SO HAPPY NOW. HONESTLY, I COULD CRY.

- ( sobbing ) - WOULD YOU LIKE A TISSUE?

HOW DO YOU EAT WITH THE BACON? DO YOU EAT YOUR OWN MOUTH?

THE BEST PART IS IS I CAN PLAY WITH MY DAUGHTER NOW

AND SHE WON'T BE AFRAID. ( screams )

Announcer: WHEN GOOD DRUNKS GO BAD,

THEY CALL HIM FOR THE NEXT ROUND OF SHOTS--

A SHOT OF WHISPERS.

( dubbed voice ) NO DRUNK IS TOO MUCH FOR ME TO HANDLE.

I AM VINCENT NASTRI,

THE DRUNK WHISPERER.

WE JUST GOT A CALL FROM A FRAT HOUSE ABOUT A FRESHMAN PLEDGE

WHO'S OUT OF CONTROL. THIS IS OUR MOST COMMON CALL.

Man: WHAT THE--?

YEAH! WHO WANTS TO -- ME?

- WHO WANTS TO -- ME? - DIRK, DUDE,

I THINK THINGS ARE GETTING A LITTLE OUT OF HAND, BRO.

YO, WHASSUP, DUDE!

YEAH, MAN, LET'S PARTY!

YEAH, MAN! WHO ARE YOU, --?

HEY, MAN, I'M FROM THE SOUTHERN CHAPTER.

LOOKING FOR SOME -- TO PUT UNDER MY STASH, DUDE.

OH YEAH! YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT,

--!

WHEN A WHITE GUY SAYS --, THAT'S WHEN WE'RE IN A DANGEROUS POINT.

- NO FAT CHICKS, RIGHT? - NO WAY, BRAH.

- NO WAY, DUDE. - NO, NEVER.

SAYING NO FAT CHICKS IMMEDIATELY DISARMS HIM.

HE NOW TRUSTS ME.

UP TOP, DUDE!

OW!

GIVING HIM A HARD HIGH-FIVE ESTABLISHES DOMINANCE RIGHT AWAY.

IT'S OKAY TO PARTY, HE JUST NEEDS TO KNOW THAT I'M THE ALPHA MALE HERE

AND THE PARTY WILL HAPPEN ON MY TERMS. NOW I WILL END THIS.

YO, WHASSUP, DUDE?

YOU KNOW WHAT? WE NEED TO PASS OUT

AND GET OUR REST BECAUSE TOMORROW

WE NEED TO DAY DRINK AND GET OUR -- ON!

- RIGHT? - TOTALLY.

- CRASH IT OUT, HOMIE MAN. - TOTALLY.

- YO, I LOVE YOU. - I LOVE YOU, BRO.

BROS FOR LIFE-- ALL DAY.

WE DID THIS.

( rock music playing )

DO PEOPLE STILL DO THAT? RAISING THE ROOF?

SO HERE'S A COUPLE MORE PRODUCTS

THAT DID NOT MAKE THE CUT OF BEING ACTUAL PRODUCTS.

FIRST OF ALL, DRINKING AND DRIVING-- TERRIBLE.

DON'T DO IT. I HAVE FRIENDS WHO'VE DONE IT.

I'M LIKE, WHY DO PEOPLE STILL-- LIKE, I HAVE FRIENDS WHO HAVE,

LIKE, "YEAH, I'VE GOT TWO D.U.I.S."

I WAS LIKE, WASN'T THAT ONE THE SUCK?

"YEAH, IT WAS BAD."

BUT YOU -- GOT ANOTHER ONE.

"YEAH, WHOOPS."

SO PEOPLE STILL DO IT, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

SO I'M THINKING THEY SHOULD HAVE A WINDSHIELD

WHERE YOU SEE STUFF THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO HIT.

SO IT JUST PROJECTS IMAGES OF LIKE A PIZZA,

A KARAOKE MACHINE.

NO DRUNK PERSON'S GOING TO TOTAL A KARAOKE MACHINE.

YEAH!

ARE YOU GUYS N.B.A. FANS? DO YOU LIKE BASKETBALL?

- ( cheering ) - YEAH.

IT'S A GOOD SPORT.

I'M A TIMBERWOLVES FAN. A LITTLE TOUGH.

WE GOT KEVIN LOVE WHO'S THE MAN.

AND I THINK WE SHOULD JUST SURROUND HIM WITH REAL WOLVES

AT THIS POINT. HE'LL JUST TAKE IT TO THE HOLE,

THEY'LL JUST BE LIKE-- RRRR! AND JUST MAUL OTHER GUYS' ANKLES.

MY FAVORITE TEAM NAME IS--

I LIKE THE MAGIC.

'CAUSE IT'S NOT EVEN A REAL THING.

I'M LIKE, WHAT THE -- ARE THEY DOING?

OTHER TEAMS ARE LIKE THE WOLVES, THE BULLS,

LIKE ALL THESE THINGS. THEY'RE LIKE, "WE'LL JUST BE MAGIC."

YOU CAN'T JUST TAKE MAGIC.

IT'S SO COCKY TO DO THAT.

I THOUGHT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN FUNNY THOUGH IF, LIKE, THE FIRST GAME

THAT THEY PLAYED AS THE MAGIC, IF THEY JUST CAME OUT AND THEY JUST

PRETENDED TO DRIBBLE A BALL.

AND THE TEAM'S LIKE, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THERE'S NO BALL."

AND THEY'RE LIKE, "YEAH, THERE IS.

MAGIC."

AND THE TEAM'S LIKE, "I DON'T WANT TO PLAY THE MAGIC.

THEY'RE SCARY. THEY HAVE POWERS, MAN. IT'S NOT FAIR."

AND THE WEIRDEST NAME TO ME IS THE HEAT.

IT'S WEIRD 'CAUSE IT'S LIKE--

IT'S NOT LIKE THE FIRE! LIKE THE FLAMES.

IT'S JUST LIKE, "YEAH, WE'RE THE HEAT.

JUST HEAT, MAN." OH, YOU'RE GOOD.

THIS NEXT SKETCH WAS NOMINATED FOR AN ACADEMY AWARD.

- ( whistle blows ) - ( cheering )

P.A.: Time out.

* I give you my heart... *

- OH. - Man: YEAH!

* You're the one I want to see... *

NO WAY! OH MY GOSH.

WE'VE NEVER--

( crowd booing )

- WHY ARE THEY BOOING? - OH MY GOD.

IT SAYS "FIST CAM."

WHAT? THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT.

- FIST CAM? - ( chanting ) FIST FIST FIST FIST!

FIST FIST FIST FIST!

- THIS HAS GOT TO BE A PRANK OR SOMETHING. - NICK, WHAT DO WE DO?

JUST SMILE AND WAVE. IT'S OBVIOUSLY--

( screams ) OW!

OH MY GOD, WHAT IS GOING ON?

FIST FIST FIST FIST!

STOP IT! WE'RE NOT FISTING.

GET YOUR STUFF. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE. COME ON.

- GET YOUR STUFF. - OKAY.

- HAVE A SEAT, SIR. - HEY, THIS IS CRAZY.

- YOU SEE THE CAMERA, RIGHT? - YEAH, THIS IS CRAZY.

OKAY OKAY, SO LET'S GO.

- LET'S GO WHAT? - START FISTING!

- IS THIS A JOKE? - WHO EXACTLY IS DOING...?

- YOU FIST HIM. - DON'T ASK. WHAT--

- NICK, WHAT DO I DO? - I THINK YOU KNOW, OKAY?

DON'T I NEED LUBE?

NICK, LET'S JUST GET THIS OVER WITH.

- ( whistle blows ) - ( groaning )

STOP IT! WHAT THE --?!

REALLY? YOU WERE GONNA FIST ME WITH CHEESE?

- I'M SORRY. - THIS IS INSANE.

- ( whistle blows ) - NO.

NO!

NO, THE FIST CAM. RUN!

- OH NO, YOU'RE ON IT AGAIN! - YOU KNOW WHAT?

JUST DO IT AND GET IT OVER WITH. I JUST WANT TO GO HOME.

OH WAIT, UH--

- YOU'RE ON IT WITH HIM. - WITH WHO?

OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD.

I LOVE YOU. TELL MY PARENTS I LOVE THEM.

IT'S OKAY, SWEETIE. YOU CAN DO THIS.

I CAN'T DO IT. NOBODY CAN DO THAT.

- DO IT FOR THE TEAM. - GET HIM A LOT OF CHEESE.

GET HIM A LOT OF CHEESE!

- ( bangs hands ) - HERE.

ONE GOLD WATCH.

- POWERBAR. - 15 YEARS.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE WORLD'S LIKE ANYMORE.

- YOU'RE FREE TO GO. - THANKS.

( beeping )

NO.

IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, I'M IN THE ELEVATOR.

GOING TO THE CHEESECAKE FACTORY.

ALL RIGHT, COME ON.

I'M STUCK IN THE ELEVATOR.

HELLO! I'M IN THE ELEVATOR!

STUCK!

( groaning )

HELLO? YEAH, I'M IN THE ELEVATOR.

OW!

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?

( beeps )

NO NO.

NO!

ALL RIGHT, FINE.

( unzips )

( soft snore )

( coughs ) WHY?

BECAUSE YOU TOOK MY FOOD, YOU TOOK MY JACKET

- AND THEN YOU MOUTH-RAPED ME. - NO!

I'M JUST A GAY GUY WHO WENT TO-- ( coughs )

GET MY CHECK AT CINNABON.

AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GAY GUY WHO WAS JUST REALLY GENEROUS.

- OH. - YOU GAVE ME YOUR JACKET

AND YOUR POWERBAR.

AND YOU BLEW ME!

NEXT UP A HEARTWRENCHING STORY OF A MAN

WHO COMPLETED A 15-YEAR PRISON SENTENCE

AND ON THE DAY HE GOT OUT WAS STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR FOR ANOTHER 15 YEARS.

WE NOW GO TO THE LIVE PRESS CONFERENCE FOR ADRIAN MOORE.

HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?

THERE'S FOUR SECURITY CAMERAS IN THAT ELEVATOR.

THIS QUESTION IS FOR THE MAINTENANCE MAN.

GOOD IDEA. LET'S ASK HIM SOME QUESTIONS.

WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG TO FIND MR. MOORE?

WELL, THIS IS GONNA SOUND STUPID, BUT--

I BET YOU $1,000 IT'S STUPID.

UH, THE DAY HE GOT STUCK I GOT INTO WORK

AND, YOU KNOW, I CAME IN. AND NORMALLY I JUST THROW MY JACKET

ON THE HOOK ON THE BACK OF THE DOOR,

BUT I THREW-- I THINK I THREW 'EM ON TOP OF THE SECURITY MONITORS.

SO YOU DIDN'T HEAR ANY LOUD SCREAMING OR BANGING?

EVERY DAY? AND SOBBING? DID YOU HEAR SOBBING?

- OR PRAYING FOR DEATH? - I THOUGHT THE ELEVATOR SHAFT WAS HAUNTED.

IT WAS HAUNTED. BY A LIVING GHOST WHO WAS DYING.

( laughs ) WELL, WE SHOULD CALL GHOSTBUSTERS THEN, HUH?

I'M VERY SORRY, MR. MOORE.

NAW, IT'S COOL, MAN.

MR. MOORE, WHAT WAS LIFE IN THE ELEVATOR LIKE?

CAN YOU WALK US THROUGH A TYPICAL DAY?

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO PRISON, SIR?

YES, ACTUALLY, FOR A SEXUAL ASSAULT.

OH, THAT'S COOL.

IT WAS BASICALLY LIKE THAT.

AND, YOU KNOW, TO PASS THE TIME I MADE SOME TATTOOS.

I TATTOOED A PICTURE OF STAIRS

AND WEPT BECAUSE I WISH I HAD TAKEN THEM.

I GOT A ROW OF BUTTS.

YOU KNOW, JUST IN CASE I WANTED TO HAVE AN ORGY--

ANAL ORGY. THEN I HAVE A GUN SHOOTING AN ELEVATOR,

'CAUSE I WAS A LITTLE BITTER. I GOT A LITTLE BITTER AT THE ELEVATOR

- AFTER A WHILE. - I THINK WE HAVE EVERYTHING WE NEED.

ALL RIGHT. THANKS, GUYS.

OH!

OH. ( chuckles )

CHEESECAKE! I'M GONNA GET ONE WITH CHOCOLATE CHIP.

CHOCOLATE-- CHEESECAKE!

( door closes )

CHEESECAKE!

NO NO, OPEN.

PLEASE OPEN. PLEASE OPEN!

PLEASE OPEN! OH NO!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TUNING IN.

I OWE YOU A HIGH-FIVE

AND A LOW-FIVE.

- ( theme music playing ) - WHOO!

Man: TERRIFIC.