All language subtitles for Nick Swardsons Pretend Time s01e06_English

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:18,986 * P-R-E-T-E-N-D T-I-M-E * 2 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:21,489 * P-R-E-T-E-N-D T-I-M-E. 3 00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:27,659 HEY, NICK. 4 00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:31,365 HOW WAS YOUR, UH, DATE THIS WEEKEND WITH THE NEW CHICK? 5 00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:33,999 - HAVE YOU EVER HAD AN S.T.D.? - YEAH, SURE. 6 00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:36,674 YOU MEAN LIKE CRABS OR A COLD SORE OR SOMETHING? 7 00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:38,514 YEAH YEAH, I KNOW. BUT LIKE SOMETHING-- 8 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,669 SOMETHING DIFFERENT, DUDE. LIKE SOMETHING WEIRD. 9 00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:42,478 ( laughs ) LIKE WHAT? 10 00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:44,410 - IS YOUR DICK BLUE OR SOMETHING? - YES. 11 00:00:44,445 --> 00:00:45,775 - WHAT? - BLUE. 12 00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:47,523 AND THERE'S, LIKE, GLOWING STUFF ON IT 13 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,378 - AND, LIKE, PINK HAIRS. - WAIT A MINUTE. 14 00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:52,217 - GLOWING CAN'T BE GOOD. - I KNOW, GARY. LOOK. 15 00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:55,123 - NO, I DON'T WANT-- - JUST... 16 00:00:56,324 --> 00:00:57,534 OH MY GOD. 17 00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:59,788 - IT'S BEAUTIFUL. - WHAT? 18 00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:02,197 YOUR PENIS, THE RASH AND THE-- 19 00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:04,700 ITS HAIRS ARE WAVING AT ME AND STUFF. 20 00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:06,702 - OH! - GARY, FOCUS, MAN. 21 00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:08,574 COME ON, THIS IS AWFUL, DUDE. 22 00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:10,872 LOOK AT THE THING ON THE TIP OF MY PENIS THAT LOOKS LIKE AN UMBRELLA. 23 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,444 - YEAH. - WATCH WHEN I TOUCH IT. 24 00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:14,313 IT JUST SUCKS RIGHT BACK IN. WATCH. 25 00:01:14,342 --> 00:01:15,482 ( squishes ) 26 00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:17,309 WAH! 27 00:01:17,345 --> 00:01:18,505 I'M FREAKIN' OUT, GARY. 28 00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:19,806 HEY, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS 29 00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:21,277 WHEN YOU BANG THE STRANGE, MAN. 30 00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:23,215 DID YOU TALK TO HER ABOUT IT? 31 00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:25,421 NO, I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN HER YET. I JUST GOT TO WORK. 32 00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:27,263 - SHH. - HEY, GUYS. 33 00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:28,718 HEY, NICK. 34 00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:30,886 HEY, PADMAWAI. 35 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:33,364 GO. 36 00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:35,304 UH, PADMAWAI? 37 00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:36,659 - HI. - HI. 38 00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,467 - THAT WAS FUN LAST NIGHT. - YEAH. 39 00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:41,239 WOW, I WAS REALLY BUZZED. 40 00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:43,599 RED WINE TOTALLY GETS ME WASTED. 41 00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:46,307 HEH, YEAH, I WAS PRETTY DRUNK. 42 00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:48,310 HEY, UH, HOW ARE YOU FEELING? 43 00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:50,512 - FINE. WHY? - NO, I MEAN LIKE-- 44 00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:52,314 LIKE, DOWNSTAIRS. LIKE... 45 00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:53,876 - DOWN THERE? - YEAH. 46 00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:57,424 OH... OH, I'M SO SORRY. 47 00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,851 IT'S BEEN HAPPENING EVER SINCE I 69'D 48 00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:02,687 UNDER THE TREE OF SOULS BACK ON PANDORA. 49 00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:04,493 HEY, PADMAWAI. 50 00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:08,555 NICE, UH, BLUE AND THE SHADES OF TURQUOISE IN THERE-- 51 00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:11,426 - GARY, GARY, NOT NOW. - LOVELY... 52 00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:14,835 HEY, DID YOU LOCK YOUR HAIR WITH THE PINK HAIR? 53 00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:17,438 - NO. - OKAY, GOOD. DON'T... 54 00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:19,741 UNLESS YOU WANT MY ANCESTORS TO WHISPER TO YOU. 55 00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:23,313 WHAT? NO, I DON'T WANT WHISPERS OR SOULS ON MY DICK. 56 00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:24,914 I WANT IT TO GO AWAY. THAT'S WHAT I WANT. 57 00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:27,515 WELL, GIVE IT A WEEK AND YOU'LL BE FINE. 58 00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:28,818 YOU'LL KNOW WHEN IT'S ENDING-- 59 00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:30,419 WHEN YOUR PENIS STARTS SCREAMING. 60 00:02:30,451 --> 00:02:34,291 I'M REALLY SORRY. GOD. 61 00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:38,790 GREAT, I'M GONNA HAVE AN UMBRELLA 62 00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:40,326 ON MY PENIS FOR A WEEK. 63 00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:42,601 WELL, AT LEAST YOUR BALLS WILL STAY DRY. 64 00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:47,539 LET ME GUESS-- PADMAWAI? 65 00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:54,906 GREAT, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A WHOLE OFFICEFUL OF PENIS SCREAMERS. 66 00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:56,942 ( rock music playing ) 67 00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:59,747 * THIS IS AN EMERGENCY... 68 00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:01,480 HEY, EVERYBODY. 69 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:04,485 SO FOR THE END OF MY SHOW THEY MADE SWEATSHIRTS 70 00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:06,988 TO COMMEMORATE THE FIRST SEASON 71 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,520 AND THIS IS THE IMAGE THEY USED OF ME 72 00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:11,727 ON THE BACK, WHICH... 73 00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:15,059 I MEAN, I AM THAT PALE, 74 00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:17,425 BUT I DON'T KNOW IF I'M-- AM I THAT FAT? 75 00:03:17,465 --> 00:03:18,825 THAT'S HORRIFYING. 76 00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:21,436 IT'S LIKE FROSTY THE SNOWMAN'S HEAD. 77 00:03:21,469 --> 00:03:22,769 WELL, THAT'S ME. 78 00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:24,773 THANK YOU. ENJOY TONIGHT'S EPISODE. 79 00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,505 I'M FAT. 80 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:29,540 ( screeching ) 81 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,083 I'M LARRY! 82 00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:37,084 - ( screeching ) - ( men screaming ) 83 00:03:37,117 --> 00:03:40,417 - HE'S GOT YOUR NUTS. - HE'S EATIN' MY PUBES. 84 00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:42,424 AND I'M SKEET. 85 00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,891 Both: AND WE'RE CRITTER GITTERS. 86 00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:47,596 Skeet: GO ON, GET! 87 00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:52,970 - COME ON, MAN. - LET'S GO. 88 00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:58,409 - HI. - WE'RE FROM CRITTER GITTERS. 89 00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:00,509 - YOU CALLED US, RIGHT? - YES, I DID. 90 00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:03,111 I HOPE YOU CAN HELP. A LARGE BEAR BROKE INTO MY BASEMENT. 91 00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:05,053 THAT'S QUITE COMMON THIS TIME OF YEAR. 92 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,178 BEFORE BEARS HIBERNATE, THEY LOOK FOR EXTRA FOOD. 93 00:04:07,214 --> 00:04:09,054 OKAY. WELL, YOU'RE NOT GONNA KILL HIM, ARE YOU? 94 00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,752 NO, THAT'S NOT NECESSARY. 95 00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,624 WE'RE JUST GONNA BLOW THIS WHISTLE, SCARE IT OUT. 96 00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:13,793 OKAY. THAT'S GONNA WORK? 97 00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:15,621 OH YEAH, LOUD NOISES FREAK A BEAR OUT. 98 00:04:15,656 --> 00:04:16,756 - TRUST US. - OKAY. 99 00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:25,229 BEARS ARE MOST AGGRESSIVE DURING MATING SEASON. 100 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:29,000 OH, I SHOULD PROBABLY TELL YOU 101 00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:30,536 THAT RIGHT BEFORE YOU GOT HERE, 102 00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:32,211 THE BEAR BROKE INTO OUR MEDICINE CABINET 103 00:04:32,239 --> 00:04:34,839 AND ATE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VIAGRA. 104 00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:36,235 - HE DID WHAT? - ( bear snarling ) 105 00:04:36,344 --> 00:04:39,154 - WHAT'D SHE SAY? - OH, NOTHING. 106 00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,724 Skeet: WHY ARE YOU GUYS SCARED? 107 00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:44,820 - I THINK HE'S GONE. - ( roars ) 108 00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:48,222 - OH OH! - AHH! 109 00:04:48,255 --> 00:04:50,585 - OW! - THE MATING PROCESS 110 00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:53,094 OF THE BLACK BEAR STARTS WITH PLAYFUL WRESTLING. 111 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,056 - ( fabric tearing ) - Skeet: HE RIPPED MY UNDERWEAR! 112 00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:56,755 AND THEN QUICKLY MOVES TO RUTTIN'. 113 00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:59,267 ( whistle trilling ) 114 00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:02,037 OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH! 115 00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:04,639 ( growling ) 116 00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:10,084 OH... OH, PLEASE TELL ME THAT HE DIDN'T... 117 00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:11,710 ( squishing ) 118 00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:13,375 ...PENETRATE. 119 00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:15,181 I'VE GOT MY WHISTLE, SO I'M GONNA NEED THAT POT 120 00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:16,845 AND I'M GONNA NEED THIS BUCKET. 121 00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:18,394 OKAY? I'M GONNA GET HIM OUTTA HERE. 122 00:05:18,386 --> 00:05:19,986 - Woman: OKAY. - Larry: TOTALLY FINE. 123 00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:21,390 GO PLAY THAT BEAR A TUNE. 124 00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:24,062 SCARE THAT BEAR. GIVE HIM A LITTLE SHAKE. 125 00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:26,061 LOOK. SEE? HE'S GONE. 126 00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:27,733 THAT BEAR WON'T BOTHER YOU NO MORE. 127 00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,261 - EVERYTHING'S-- - ( roars ) 128 00:05:29,296 --> 00:05:31,026 - AHH! - OH OH! 129 00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:33,104 - HE AIN'T GONE. - SEE? 130 00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:34,643 THERE'S THAT PLAYFUL WRESTLING 131 00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,798 - I WAS TALKING ABOUT. - OW! 132 00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,767 HE WANTS HIS -- TO HIBERNATE IN MY BOOTY HOLE. 133 00:05:38,806 --> 00:05:41,106 - NOW BACK TO RUTTIN'. - Skeet: HELP! 134 00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:43,281 - OW OW! - THEY SAY THAT IN A BEAR ATTACK 135 00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:45,210 YOU SHOULD PLAY DEAD. 136 00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:47,305 - MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY THAT. - WHAT? 137 00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:49,815 - PLAY DEAD. - PLAY DEAD? 138 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,145 THAT DOESN'T SEEM TO BE WORKING. 139 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,987 START FIGHTIN' AGAIN. 140 00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:57,323 ( grunting ) 141 00:05:57,425 --> 00:05:58,855 - HELP ME! - ( bear growling ) 142 00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:00,432 FIGHT THAT BEAR, SKEET. 143 00:06:00,428 --> 00:06:02,428 DO YOU THINK THAT HE'S HURTING THE BEAR? 144 00:06:02,430 --> 00:06:04,870 NO. THE BEAR WAS BORN FOR THIS. 145 00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:07,298 Skeet: HIS BALLS ARE HITTING MY BALLS. I'M GONNA PUKE. 146 00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:09,444 Larry: OH, YOU'RE FIGHTIN' GOOD. 147 00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:13,137 - ( roars ) - ( grunting ) 148 00:06:14,775 --> 00:06:17,775 I THINK HE GOT SCARED AT LAST. 149 00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:20,211 THAT'S TYPICAL OF THE MALE GRIZZLY. 150 00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:23,017 AFTER MATING, IT WANTS NO FURTHER ASSOCIATION WITH ITS MATE. 151 00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:25,220 OH, ARE YOU OKAY? 152 00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:28,322 - THAT IS NO PROBLEMO. - NO PROBLEMO. 153 00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:29,985 I DON'T THINK THAT BEAR'LL BE BACK, 154 00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:31,363 AT LEAST NOT UNTIL NEXT WINTER. 155 00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:32,959 OH, THANKS, LARRY. 156 00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,533 OUR PLEASURE. 157 00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:36,232 Larry: NEXT TIME ON "CRITTER GITTERS"... 158 00:06:36,263 --> 00:06:40,103 JUST RELAX. IT WON'T HURT SO BAD. 159 00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:43,203 MAN, THAT THING PUT THE "GAY" IN "GATOR." 160 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,236 INDEED IT DID. 161 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,950 ( applause ) 162 00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:56,582 Bruce's voice: BRUCE. 163 00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:59,917 IMAGINE BEING IN YOUR SAFE COMFORTABLE HOME, 164 00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:01,493 RELAXING WITH YOUR SPOUSE 165 00:07:01,522 --> 00:07:05,532 WHEN A BURGLAR ENTERS, INTENT ON A HOME INVASION. 166 00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:08,499 WELL, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR FIRST GUESTS. 167 00:07:08,496 --> 00:07:12,926 PLEASE WELCOME JEREMY AND KELLY STEVENS. 168 00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:17,665 WOW, QUITE A SCARY NIGHT, HUH? 169 00:07:17,705 --> 00:07:20,065 UH, YEAH, YOU COULD SAY THAT. 170 00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:21,507 IN THE SAFETY OF YOUR OWN HOME. 171 00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:24,179 YEAH, IT WAS-- WELL, IT'S A NIGHTMARE. 172 00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:26,611 WHAT WE DID WAS RECREATE THAT NIGHTMARE. 173 00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:29,247 AND I WANT YOU TO WATCH OUR REENACTMENT 174 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,352 AND THEN TELL US WHAT WAS GOING 175 00:07:31,384 --> 00:07:34,024 THROUGH YOUR MIND AT EACH MOMENT. 176 00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:36,994 ALL RIGHT, WELL, HERE I'M JUST-- 177 00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:38,334 I WAS JUST HANGING OUT AT HOME. 178 00:07:38,358 --> 00:07:41,188 RIGHT. 179 00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:44,228 Jeremy: UM, I'M SORRY. WHO IS THAT-- 180 00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:46,274 - IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE ME? - THIS IS VERY COMMON. 181 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,139 NO, THIS IS JUST A REENACTMENT. 182 00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:51,168 IT'S NOT 100% ACCURATE, SO LET'S CONTINUE WATCHING. 183 00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:53,014 Jeremy: ALL RIGHT, WELL, 184 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,280 I WAS JUST SITTING AT HOME WATCHING T.V. WITH MY WIFE... 185 00:07:56,644 --> 00:08:01,014 - ( audience whooping ) - Jeremy: WOW! 186 00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:02,278 THAT LOOKS LIKE ME. 187 00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:05,347 WELL, WE CAN CONTINUE. JUST CONTINUE. 188 00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:07,615 UM, YEAH, SO WE'RE WATCHING "JIMMY KIMMEL" AND, UM... 189 00:08:07,655 --> 00:08:10,115 ( audience cheering, wolf whistling ) 190 00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:12,027 HEY, I WASN'T PLAYING WITH MY BREASTS. 191 00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:14,459 - WHY-- WHY IS SHE DOING THAT? - Bruce: OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? 192 00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:16,702 WE CAN ALL BE SAFE HERE ABOUT HOW WE ACT AT HOME. 193 00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:18,670 THIS IS NOTHING TO BE EMBARRASSED-- 194 00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:20,629 Kelly: I DIDN'T ACT LIKE THAT IS WHAT I'M SAYING. 195 00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:22,668 MAYBE OUR REENACTORS ARE IMPROVISING A LITTLE. 196 00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:24,673 JUST STICK TO THE STORY, THE ROBBERY. 197 00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:27,165 WELL, THIS IS WHERE IT GETS... A LITTLE TOUGH. 198 00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:30,777 AND THAT'S WHERE THE BURGLAR ENTERED. 199 00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:33,681 UH, THE BURGLAR WAS WHITE, NOT AFRICAN-AMERICAN. 200 00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:35,784 IT PLAYS BETTER IF HE'S BLACK. 201 00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:37,416 NO, I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO THINK THAT. 202 00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:39,150 WHAT, THAT THERE ARE BLACK ROBBERS? 203 00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:40,586 THAT'S A STRETCH, RIGHT? 204 00:08:40,588 --> 00:08:42,588 WHY DON'T YOU JUST CONTINUE GOING. 205 00:08:42,623 --> 00:08:45,593 AND REMEMBER, THIS ISN'T ALWAYS AN EXACT SCIENCE. 206 00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:49,596 Jeremy: THE ROBBER THEN PROCEEDED TO GET BEHIND THE COUCH. 207 00:08:49,630 --> 00:08:52,800 HE SNUCK UP ON ME AND MY WIFE, AND THEN HE ATTACKED US. 208 00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:56,373 - ( audience cheering ) - Jeremy: HEY, WHOA, MAN! 209 00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:58,273 - OH... - HE DIDN'T MAKE OUT WITH MY WIFE. 210 00:08:58,305 --> 00:09:00,105 ...MY LORD. 211 00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:02,610 THAT DID NOT-- THAT DID NOT HAPPEN. 212 00:09:02,610 --> 00:09:03,910 REALLY? REALLY? 213 00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:05,484 THIS-- THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN AT ALL? 214 00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:07,652 NO, IT DID NOT! AND IT NEVER WILL. 215 00:09:08,816 --> 00:09:11,176 HEY, WHAT THE --, MAN?! 216 00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:12,388 I AM NOT GAY. 217 00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:14,619 OKAY, WHOA. OKAY, THIS IS OUR FAULT. 218 00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:16,215 I AM SO SORRY. 219 00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:17,756 SO YOU'RE SAYING THIS IS FALSE? 220 00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:18,891 - YOU'RE NOT GAY? - I'M NOT GAY, 221 00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:20,926 I'M NOT FAT, SHE'S NOT HOT! 222 00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:23,431 JUST WATCH FOR ONE MORE MOMENT, PLEASE, FOR ME. 223 00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:26,803 IF A TIGER COMES IN AND STARTS LICKING MY BALLS, YOU'RE A -- DEAD MAN. 224 00:09:26,834 --> 00:09:29,944 WE CAN'T AFFORD A TIGER. IT'S BASIC CABLE. 225 00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:32,440 Jeremy: THIS NONSENSE GARBAGE. OH, LOOK AT THAT! 226 00:09:32,472 --> 00:09:34,542 OH, THAT'S JUST GREAT. 227 00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:36,812 - THAT IS JUST GREAT. COVER YOUR EYES. - THAT IS UPSETTING. 228 00:09:36,844 --> 00:09:38,854 Jeremy: WE HAVE FAMILY WATCHING THIS PROGRAM. 229 00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:40,649 I DID NOT COME HERE TO BE VIOLATED. 230 00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:42,181 TELL YOUR MOM NOT TO TiVo THIS. 231 00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:44,175 Jeremy: IF YOUR MOTHER SEES THIS-- 232 00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:46,847 OH, I THINK YOU GUYS SHOULD CHECK OUT THIS. 233 00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:49,417 I THINK WE KNOW THESE TWO PEOPLE, DON'T WE? 234 00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:53,326 ( audience laughs ) 235 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:56,660 Bruce: IS THAT A DILDO CROWN? 236 00:09:57,998 --> 00:09:59,968 THAT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE US. 237 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,940 Bruce: THAT'S RIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 238 00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:05,309 TONIGHT'S SHOW IS NOT ABOUT ARMED INVASIONS. 239 00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:07,438 YOU JUST GOT BRUCED! 240 00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:10,614 IT'S ABOUT PATHOLOGICAL, LYING, NYMPHOMANIAC COUPLES 241 00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:12,984 ADDICTED TO INTERRACIAL ORGIES-- 242 00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:15,953 ON THE NEXT "DR. BRUCE." 243 00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:20,523 OOH, YEAH, THAT'S HOW DADDY LIKES IT. 244 00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:22,563 ( dramatic music playing ) 245 00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:31,867 THERE YOU GO, LITTLE LADY. 246 00:10:31,899 --> 00:10:34,229 YOU SAVED ME FROM THAT BURNING BUILDING, SUPERMAN. 247 00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:36,497 HOW CAN I EVER REPAY YOU? 248 00:10:36,536 --> 00:10:37,906 ALL IN A DAY'S WORK. 249 00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:40,238 OH, WELL, CAN I AT LEAST BAKE YOU SOME COOKIES? 250 00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:42,483 ( laughs ) NOT NECESSARY. 251 00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:45,279 IT'S AN HONOR TO SERVE THIS GREAT CITY OF METROPOLIS. 252 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,512 SURELY THERE'S SOMETHING I CAN DO FOR YOU. 253 00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:49,647 YOU KNOW WHAT? THERE IS. 254 00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:51,253 I HAVE A FRIEND COMING INTO TOWN. 255 00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:52,724 HE COULD USE A PLACE TO CRASH. 256 00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:55,263 OH, ACTUALLY MY APARTMENT'S PRETTY SMALL. 257 00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:56,718 OH, THAT'S FINE. HE DOESN'T MIND 258 00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:58,427 AS LONG AS THERE'S A TUB FOR HIM TO SOAK IN. 259 00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:02,528 OH, IS YOUR FRIEND AQUAMAN BY ANY CHANCE? 260 00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:04,972 NO, IT'S NOT. IT'S MY FRIEND REGGIE. 261 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,828 HE JUST GOT OUT OF REHAB FOR HEROIN. 262 00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:09,367 YOU'LL ALSO NEED TO REGGIE-PROOF YOUR APARTMENT-- 263 00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:12,742 YOU KNOW, HIDING PHARMACEUTICALS, ELECTRONICS, JEWELRY. 264 00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:14,370 LOCK YOUR DOOR WHILE YOU'RE SLEEPING 265 00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:16,037 BECAUSE HE'LL PROBABLY ATTACK YOU. 266 00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:17,906 YEAH, MY APARTMENT'S REALLY SMALL 267 00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:20,405 AND I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE GUESTS, SO... 268 00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:24,377 IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I CAN DO TO PAY YOU BACK? 269 00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:26,017 YOU KNOW WHAT? THERE IS. 270 00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:28,993 I'VE GOTTA GET RID OF THESE STUPID RAFFLE TICKETS 271 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,762 FOR THIS FUNDRAISER AT THE JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA DINNER. 272 00:11:31,759 --> 00:11:33,789 YOU CAN JUST SELL THE TICKETS 273 00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:36,557 AND THEN WE'LL CALL IT EVEN FOR ME SAVING YOUR LIFE AND ALL. 274 00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:38,666 I REALLY WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN. 275 00:11:38,766 --> 00:11:40,666 WELL, THEN YOU KNOW WHAT? I MADE A LIST RIGHT HERE. 276 00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:42,938 - OH, GREAT. - YOU ONLY HAVE TO SELL ABOUT 50 TICKETS. 277 00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:45,440 ALL THE INFORMATION IS RIGHT HERE. 278 00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:48,482 BUT LOOK, THERE'S A SCRIPT ON THE BACK. 279 00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:51,038 GIVE 'EM A RING, READ THIS, YOU'RE GOLD. 280 00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:53,878 YEAH, I DON'T KNOW. I HAVE A BUSY WEEK, SO I'M-- 281 00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:57,384 YOU KNOW WHAT? THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HELPING OUT. 282 00:11:57,417 --> 00:11:59,117 IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT MAKE IT AN HONOR 283 00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:01,052 TO SERVE THIS GREAT CITY OF OURS. 284 00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:03,788 SO I DON'T WANNA KEEP YOU WAITING. 285 00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:05,534 YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF PHONE CALLS TO MAKE. 286 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,798 YOU REALLY ARE A GEM. BLESS YOUR HEART. 287 00:12:08,796 --> 00:12:10,796 SO THAT'S HOW YOU WIN THE AWARD EVERY YEAR 288 00:12:10,798 --> 00:12:12,798 FOR MOST TICKETS SOLD. 289 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,100 YES, AND THIS YEAR I'M GONNA WIN THE GRAND PRIZE, BATMAN. 290 00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:16,465 DAMN IT. 291 00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:18,943 I REALLY WANTED THAT DIRT BIKE, MAN. 292 00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:20,512 WE ALL WANT THE DIRT BIKE. 293 00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:22,810 BETTER LUCK NEXT YEAR, FRIEND. 294 00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:33,424 YEAH, MAN. I MEAN, SHE WAS HOT. 295 00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:34,923 I MEAN, I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT. 296 00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:37,385 - JUST... - AH, THE SINGLE LIFE. 297 00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:40,464 YEAH, I SAW "CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS" FOR LIKE THE 10th TIME. 298 00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:42,833 NOT TOO MUCH OF A RAGER. 299 00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:46,230 YOU SEE, I GAVE SALLY A CHANCE TO MEET MY BALLS. 300 00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,966 ( laughing ) 301 00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:50,871 HERE COMES GLEN. 302 00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:53,444 - MORNING, GLEN. - GOOD MORNING, GUYS. 303 00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:55,843 DOING A LITTLE MONDAY MORNING RECAP? 304 00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:58,446 - YEAH. - YOU KNOW IT. 305 00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:01,048 HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND, MR. MICHAELS? 306 00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:04,051 THANK YOU FOR ASKING. IT WAS NOT BAD, NOT BAD. 307 00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:05,394 - OH, YEAH? - YEAH. 308 00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:08,488 FRIDAY STARTED REALLY FUN. 309 00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:10,391 NICE. WHAT DID YOU DO? 310 00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:14,063 I WENT TO THAT NEW ITALIAN SPOT DOWN BY THE WHARF. 311 00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:16,864 - NICE. I HEARD THAT'S GOOD. - IT IS. 312 00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:19,074 IT WAS-- I HAD THE MUSHROOM RAVIOLI 313 00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:22,169 AND IT WAS LIKE EATING MAGIC. 314 00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:25,312 - ANY OTHER HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE WEEKEND? - YEAH. 315 00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:28,878 AS A MATTER OF FACT, SATURDAY NIGHT 316 00:13:28,876 --> 00:13:30,436 I WENT OUT TO MY FRONT LAWN 317 00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:32,877 AND I PULLED DOWN MY PANTS 318 00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:36,483 AND I STUFFED MY OWN WIENER INTO MY OWN BOTTOM 319 00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:39,586 AND TINKLED INSIDE MYSELF. 320 00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:56,371 YEAH. 321 00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:02,283 ARE YOU OKAY, GLEN? 322 00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:05,949 YEAH. NO. 323 00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:10,680 YEAH. NO. 324 00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:14,152 I'M FINE. YES YES. 325 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:17,517 SO ANYWAY, TRY THAT NEW ITALIAN SPOT. 326 00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:20,027 IT'S A DELIGHT. 327 00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:25,125 I'M GONNA TRY THAT THIS SATURDAY. 328 00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:27,195 I GOT A WHOLE NEW RESPECT FOR GLEN. 329 00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:29,104 * GO! 330 00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:33,505 ANYBODY NEED A LIGHT? 331 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,710 CHECK OUT MY NEW ZIPPO APP. 332 00:14:35,742 --> 00:14:39,382 DAMN, SON. THAT'S APPY GILMORE. 333 00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:42,382 GAY ROBOT, THAT IS AWESOME. 334 00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:44,445 HEY, I GOT A NEW APP. 335 00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:47,024 - IT'S CALLED OFFENDER LOCATOR. - WHAT'S THAT? 336 00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:49,664 EVERY DOT HERE REPRESENTS A CONVICTED SEX OFFENDER 337 00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:51,589 AND THEIR CURRENT ADDRESS. 338 00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:54,264 LOOK, THERE'S A CHILD MOLESTER LIVING RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER 339 00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:55,464 AT 550 MAIN STREET. 340 00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:57,455 THAT'S TERRIBLE. 341 00:14:57,497 --> 00:15:00,627 ( "Row Row Row Your Boat" playing ) 342 00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:04,067 HMM, 550 MAIN STREET. 343 00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:09,239 ( music echoes ) 344 00:15:21,388 --> 00:15:23,158 ( alarm beeping ) 345 00:15:29,096 --> 00:15:31,056 I'M JUST SO TIRED FROM HOPSCOTCH. 346 00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:33,428 - I NEED TO SHOWER. - OH, REALLY? 347 00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:36,336 AND THE FLAVOR HAS GONE FROM THIS LOLLIPOP. 348 00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:38,409 DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING ELSE FOR ME TO SUCK ON? 349 00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:44,811 - ( alarm beeping ) - COME ON, COME ON. 350 00:15:44,844 --> 00:15:46,384 YOU CAN'T TOUCH KIDS. 351 00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:49,683 WHAT THE --? 352 00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:52,816 ( screaming ) 353 00:15:52,852 --> 00:15:56,092 WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY HUSBAND? 354 00:15:56,123 --> 00:15:57,763 HE'S A CHILD MOLESTER. 355 00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,490 NO, HE'S NOT. 356 00:15:59,526 --> 00:16:02,026 THAT CREEP MOVED OUT OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD TWO MONTHS AGO. 357 00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:05,926 AWKWARD. 358 00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:14,939 Announcer: "F-STOP," THE PROGRAM THAT EXPLORES 359 00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:16,942 THE WORLD OF MODERN PHOTOJOURNALISM, 360 00:16:17,044 --> 00:16:19,414 WITH YOUR HOST PHIL SHANE. 361 00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:20,676 THANKS FOR JOINING US. 362 00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:22,653 OUR GUEST TODAY IS STEVEN FALLS, 363 00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:25,222 THE PHOTOGRAPHER THAT SNAPPED THE NOW ICONIC 364 00:16:25,252 --> 00:16:26,822 AND PULITZER-PRIZE-WINNING PHOTOGRAPH 365 00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:29,693 THAT DEFINED THE HURRICANE KATRINA TRAGEDY. 366 00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:32,762 STEVEN, I'VE SEEN THIS PICTURE HUNDREDS OF TIMES 367 00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:35,402 AND I'VE GOTTA TELL YOU, IT CHILLS ME. 368 00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:36,858 HOW DID YOU CAPTURE THE IMAGE? 369 00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:38,626 Steven: IT WAS NOT EASY. 370 00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:41,365 I SHOT DOZENS OF ROLLS OF FILM THAT DAY 371 00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:44,501 AND IT TOOK FOREVER BEFORE I FINALLY LANDED 372 00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:48,407 THE PHOTOGRAPH THAT DEPICTED THE FEELINGS OF TRAGEDY 373 00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:51,581 AND THE LOST INNOCENCE OF A CHILD. 374 00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:53,611 WOW, I DON'T THINK I'LL EVER FORGET THE FACE 375 00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:55,446 OF THAT CHARRED DOLL. 376 00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:56,852 - Phil: BRILLIANT. - THANK YOU. 377 00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:58,623 WE'D BE REMISS IF WE DIDN'T TALK ABOUT 378 00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:00,891 YOUR BODY OF WORK SINCE HURRICANE KATRINA. 379 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,660 UM, THIS IS A PICTURE I TOOK A WHILE BACK 380 00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:06,090 OF THE FLOODS IN MOLINE, ILLINOIS. 381 00:17:06,093 --> 00:17:08,363 THIS PHOTO RESEMBLES YOUR KATRINA WORK. 382 00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:09,895 THAT'S FUNNY. A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY THAT. 383 00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:11,659 I DON'T REALLY SEE THE RESEMBLANCE. 384 00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,868 BUT I GUESS THE SOUL OF TRAGEDY IS THE SAME 385 00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:16,370 - NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO. - INDEED. 386 00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:18,573 THIS IS A-- ONE OF MY FAVORITE PICTURES 387 00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:20,505 OF THE WALL STREET COMMODITIES CRASH. 388 00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:21,870 RIGHT. I COULDN'T HELP 389 00:17:21,908 --> 00:17:24,578 BUT TO NOTICE THE DOLL IN THIS PHOTO ALSO. 390 00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:26,411 WHERE? 391 00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:28,676 UH, RIGHT HERE IN THE FOREGROUND. 392 00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:29,945 HUH. 393 00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:31,822 NEVER NOTICED THAT BEFORE. 394 00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:34,991 I GUESS IT GOES TO SHOW YOU THAT THE SOUL OF TRAGEDY 395 00:17:35,021 --> 00:17:37,321 - IS THE SAME-- - WHEREVER YOU GO, RIGHT. 396 00:17:37,357 --> 00:17:39,857 AND THIS IS A PHOTOGRAPH WHEN I WAS COVERING 397 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:43,332 THE NEW YORK GIANTS' LAST SUPER BOWL TITLE. 398 00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:45,333 RIGHT. 399 00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:47,395 WHY DON'T YOU TELL US ABOUT THIS PHOTOGRAPH? 400 00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:49,904 IT'S A PHOTO OF A MAN WINNING THE LOTTERY. 401 00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:52,636 YES. AGAIN, THE SOUL OF TRAGEDY 402 00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:54,412 IS THE SAME NO MATTER WHERE YOU-- 403 00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:57,641 OKAY, THIS GUY JUST WON $36 MILLION IN A PICK 6. 404 00:17:57,677 --> 00:18:00,777 - TRAGEDY? - WHAT'S YOUR POINT? 405 00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:03,153 DO ALL OF YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS HAVE DOLLS IN THEM? 406 00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:04,680 ABSOLUTELY NOT. 407 00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:06,647 IF YOU NOTICE IN THIS PHOTO 408 00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:08,986 THERE'S NO CHARRED DOLL. 409 00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:11,821 NO, I GUESS NOT. 410 00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:14,158 SO WHY IS THE LITTLE GIRL CRYING? 411 00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:17,001 BECAUSE A BIG MEAN MAN STOLE HER DOLL AND CHARRED IT. 412 00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:19,169 - YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF. - WHY? 413 00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:21,166 BECAUSE I FOUND SOMETHING THAT WORKS? 414 00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:22,868 YEAH, I ADMIT IT, OKAY? 415 00:18:22,902 --> 00:18:25,742 THEY'RE MY BREAD AND BUTTER, ALL RIGHT? 416 00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:28,182 HERE IT IS. HERE'S THE BREAD AND THE BUTTER. 417 00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:29,605 SAY HELLO TO CHARRY. 418 00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:31,812 CHARRY, THANKS FOR THE LAMBORGHINI 419 00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:33,454 AND THE DIAMOND HAT. 420 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:36,920 OH, THAT IS DISGUSTING. GIVE ME THAT. 421 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:39,019 TAKE IT. I DON'T CARE. 422 00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:41,021 I HAVE THOUSANDS OF THEM BACK IN MY STUDIO. 423 00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:44,063 YEAH, WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE SOUL OF TRAGEDY? 424 00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:46,060 THE SOUL OF TRAGEDY IS MY RAP ROCK BAND, DUDE. 425 00:18:46,092 --> 00:18:48,092 THERE'S OUR ALBUM COVER. 426 00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:51,526 WE'RE ALL OUT OF TIME ON "F-STOP." 427 00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:53,534 I'VE BEEN YOUR HOST PHIL SHANE. 428 00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,796 - THANKS. - YOU AND YOUR SWEATER. 429 00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:57,235 YOU CAN'T EVEN HANDLE MY SHOES. 430 00:18:57,270 --> 00:19:00,110 GUESS WHAT. CHARRY'S DRIVING ME HOME TONIGHT 431 00:19:00,207 --> 00:19:02,067 'CAUSE I'M A LITTLE DRUNK. 432 00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:14,018 Announcer: IN THESE HARD ECONOMIC TIMES, 433 00:19:14,053 --> 00:19:16,723 IF YOU'RE A SENIOR CITIZEN ON A FIXED BUDGET, 434 00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:18,356 THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE YOU'RE EATING 435 00:19:18,391 --> 00:19:20,391 A LOT OF CAT FOOD TO SURVIVE. 436 00:19:20,427 --> 00:19:22,227 ELDERLY PEOPLE EATING CAT FOOD 437 00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:24,459 TO SAVE MONEY IS A FACT OF LIFE, 438 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:26,267 BUT NOT EVERYBODY NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT IT. 439 00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:28,269 I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD A CAT, MRS. ROBERTSON. 440 00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:30,971 Announcer: SAVE YOURSELF THE EMBARRASSMENT AND THE SHAME 441 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:33,713 WITH THE NEW 9 LIVES FOR SENIORS, 442 00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:36,680 THE ONLY CAT FOOD PACKAGED TO LOOK LIKE HUMAN FOOD 443 00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:39,279 AT THE SAME PRICE YOU'VE ALWAYS ENJOYED. 444 00:19:39,312 --> 00:19:42,112 WOW, DUCK A L'ORANGE. 445 00:19:42,148 --> 00:19:44,678 YES, OH YES. 446 00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:48,256 MEOW. 447 00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:51,089 OH NO, BUTTONS! 448 00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:54,033 THIS IS MY SPLEEN AND FISH SKELETONS. 449 00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:55,700 HERE'S YOURS. 450 00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:57,998 Announcer: AND OUR NEW 9 LIVES FOR SENIORS 451 00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:00,000 HAS ALL THE SAME INGREDIENTS AS CAT FOOD 452 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,272 THAT YOUR BODY HAS GROWN TO TOLERATE, 453 00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:05,172 BUT AT A FRACTION OF THE COST OF PEOPLE FOOD. 454 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,074 HONEY, WHAT ON EARTH? 455 00:20:08,441 --> 00:20:10,481 WE EAT LIKE CATS, 456 00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:14,350 BUT WE DON'T HAVE TO EAT LIKE CATS. 457 00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:20,724 Announcer: 9 LIVES FOR SENIORS-- 458 00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:22,563 NO ONE NEEDS TO KNOW. 459 00:20:22,589 --> 00:20:24,519 MEOW. 460 00:20:37,537 --> 00:20:41,267 * P-R-E-T-E-N-D T-I-M-E. * 461 00:20:41,308 --> 00:20:42,808 Man's voice: TERRIFIC. 462 00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:47,607 COUNSEL YOUR RELATIONSHIP. 463 00:20:47,647 --> 00:20:49,717 THAT'S ON WEDNESDAYS. THIS IS THE THURSDAY SHOW. 464 00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:52,389 THIS ISN'T SOME -- "RICKI LAKE" BULL--. 465 00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:55,049 - LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE REENACTMENT. - I LEFT THE DOOR OPEN. 466 00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:57,357 I DIDN'T -- THE NEIGHBOR'S DOG FOR COKE. 467 00:20:57,390 --> 00:20:59,690 WAIT A SECOND. I DID SEE THAT VIDEO. 468 00:20:59,726 --> 00:21:02,186 - IT WAS ON THE YouTube, RIGHT? - 11 MILLION HITS. 469 00:21:02,228 --> 00:21:04,898 Jeremy: GREAT, LOOK AT THAT! EVERYONE'S GETTING INTO IT. 470 00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:07,671 YOU-- YOU, SIR, ARE FILTH 471 00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:10,540 AND YOU WILL GO TO A FIERY HELL WHERE THIS WHOLE -- SHOW WILL. 472 00:21:10,570 --> 00:21:13,440 SO YOU'RE-- SO YOU'RE SAYING THIS IS FALSE? YOU'RE NOT GAY? 34894

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.