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1
00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:18,986
* P-R-E-T-E-N-D
T-I-M-E *
2
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:21,489
* P-R-E-T-E-N-D T-I-M-E.
3
00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:27,659
HEY, NICK.
4
00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:31,365
HOW WAS YOUR, UH,
DATE THIS WEEKEND
WITH THE NEW CHICK?
5
00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:33,999
- HAVE YOU EVER
HAD AN S.T.D.?
- YEAH, SURE.
6
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:36,674
YOU MEAN LIKE CRABS
OR A COLD SORE OR SOMETHING?
7
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:38,514
YEAH YEAH, I KNOW.
BUT LIKE SOMETHING--
8
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,669
SOMETHING DIFFERENT, DUDE.
LIKE SOMETHING WEIRD.
9
00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:42,478
( laughs )
LIKE WHAT?
10
00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:44,410
- IS YOUR DICK BLUE
OR SOMETHING?
- YES.
11
00:00:44,445 --> 00:00:45,775
- WHAT?
- BLUE.
12
00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:47,523
AND THERE'S, LIKE,
GLOWING STUFF ON IT
13
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,378
- AND, LIKE, PINK HAIRS.
- WAIT A MINUTE.
14
00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:52,217
- GLOWING CAN'T BE GOOD.
- I KNOW, GARY. LOOK.
15
00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:55,123
- NO, I DON'T WANT--
- JUST...
16
00:00:56,324 --> 00:00:57,534
OH MY GOD.
17
00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:59,788
- IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
- WHAT?
18
00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:02,197
YOUR PENIS,
THE RASH AND THE--
19
00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:04,700
ITS HAIRS ARE WAVING
AT ME AND STUFF.
20
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:06,702
- OH!
- GARY, FOCUS, MAN.
21
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:08,574
COME ON,
THIS IS AWFUL, DUDE.
22
00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:10,872
LOOK AT THE THING
ON THE TIP OF MY PENIS
THAT LOOKS LIKE AN UMBRELLA.
23
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,444
- YEAH.
- WATCH WHEN I TOUCH IT.
24
00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:14,313
IT JUST SUCKS
RIGHT BACK IN.
WATCH.
25
00:01:14,342 --> 00:01:15,482
( squishes )
26
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:17,309
WAH!
27
00:01:17,345 --> 00:01:18,505
I'M FREAKIN' OUT, GARY.
28
00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:19,806
HEY, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS
29
00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:21,277
WHEN YOU BANG
THE STRANGE, MAN.
30
00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:23,215
DID YOU TALK
TO HER ABOUT IT?
31
00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:25,421
NO, I HAVEN'T
EVEN SEEN HER YET.
I JUST GOT TO WORK.
32
00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:27,263
- SHH.
- HEY, GUYS.
33
00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:28,718
HEY, NICK.
34
00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:30,886
HEY, PADMAWAI.
35
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:33,364
GO.
36
00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:35,304
UH, PADMAWAI?
37
00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:36,659
- HI.
- HI.
38
00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,467
- THAT WAS FUN LAST NIGHT.
- YEAH.
39
00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:41,239
WOW, I WAS REALLY BUZZED.
40
00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:43,599
RED WINE TOTALLY
GETS ME WASTED.
41
00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:46,307
HEH, YEAH,
I WAS PRETTY DRUNK.
42
00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:48,310
HEY, UH, HOW ARE
YOU FEELING?
43
00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:50,512
- FINE. WHY?
- NO, I MEAN LIKE--
44
00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:52,314
LIKE, DOWNSTAIRS.
LIKE...
45
00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:53,876
- DOWN THERE?
- YEAH.
46
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:57,424
OH...
OH, I'M SO SORRY.
47
00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,851
IT'S BEEN HAPPENING
EVER SINCE I 69'D
48
00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:02,687
UNDER THE TREE OF SOULS
BACK ON PANDORA.
49
00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:04,493
HEY, PADMAWAI.
50
00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:08,555
NICE, UH, BLUE
AND THE SHADES OF
TURQUOISE IN THERE--
51
00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:11,426
- GARY, GARY, NOT NOW.
- LOVELY...
52
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:14,835
HEY, DID YOU LOCK YOUR HAIR
WITH THE PINK HAIR?
53
00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:17,438
- NO.
- OKAY, GOOD.
DON'T...
54
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:19,741
UNLESS YOU WANT
MY ANCESTORS TO
WHISPER TO YOU.
55
00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:23,313
WHAT? NO, I DON'T WANT
WHISPERS OR SOULS ON MY DICK.
56
00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:24,914
I WANT IT TO GO AWAY.
THAT'S WHAT I WANT.
57
00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:27,515
WELL, GIVE IT A WEEK
AND YOU'LL BE FINE.
58
00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:28,818
YOU'LL KNOW
WHEN IT'S ENDING--
59
00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:30,419
WHEN YOUR PENIS
STARTS SCREAMING.
60
00:02:30,451 --> 00:02:34,291
I'M REALLY SORRY.
GOD.
61
00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:38,790
GREAT, I'M GONNA
HAVE AN UMBRELLA
62
00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:40,326
ON MY PENIS
FOR A WEEK.
63
00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:42,601
WELL, AT LEAST YOUR BALLS
WILL STAY DRY.
64
00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:47,539
LET ME GUESS--
PADMAWAI?
65
00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:54,906
GREAT, WE'RE GONNA
HAVE A WHOLE OFFICEFUL
OF PENIS SCREAMERS.
66
00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:56,942
( rock music playing )
67
00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:59,747
* THIS IS AN EMERGENCY...
68
00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:01,480
HEY, EVERYBODY.
69
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:04,485
SO FOR THE END OF MY SHOW
THEY MADE SWEATSHIRTS
70
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:06,988
TO COMMEMORATE
THE FIRST SEASON
71
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,520
AND THIS IS THE IMAGE
THEY USED OF ME
72
00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:11,727
ON THE BACK, WHICH...
73
00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:15,059
I MEAN,
I AM THAT PALE,
74
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:17,425
BUT I DON'T KNOW IF I'M--
AM I THAT FAT?
75
00:03:17,465 --> 00:03:18,825
THAT'S HORRIFYING.
76
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:21,436
IT'S LIKE FROSTY
THE SNOWMAN'S HEAD.
77
00:03:21,469 --> 00:03:22,769
WELL, THAT'S ME.
78
00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:24,773
THANK YOU.
ENJOY TONIGHT'S EPISODE.
79
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,505
I'M FAT.
80
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:29,540
( screeching )
81
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,083
I'M LARRY!
82
00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:37,084
- ( screeching )
- ( men screaming )
83
00:03:37,117 --> 00:03:40,417
- HE'S GOT YOUR NUTS.
- HE'S EATIN' MY PUBES.
84
00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:42,424
AND I'M SKEET.
85
00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,891
Both:
AND WE'RE CRITTER GITTERS.
86
00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:47,596
Skeet:
GO ON, GET!
87
00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:52,970
- COME ON, MAN.
- LET'S GO.
88
00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:58,409
- HI.
- WE'RE FROM
CRITTER GITTERS.
89
00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:00,509
- YOU CALLED US, RIGHT?
- YES, I DID.
90
00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:03,111
I HOPE YOU CAN HELP.
A LARGE BEAR BROKE
INTO MY BASEMENT.
91
00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:05,053
THAT'S QUITE COMMON
THIS TIME OF YEAR.
92
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,178
BEFORE BEARS HIBERNATE,
THEY LOOK FOR EXTRA FOOD.
93
00:04:07,214 --> 00:04:09,054
OKAY. WELL, YOU'RE NOT
GONNA KILL HIM, ARE YOU?
94
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,752
NO, THAT'S NOT NECESSARY.
95
00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,624
WE'RE JUST GONNA BLOW
THIS WHISTLE, SCARE IT OUT.
96
00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:13,793
OKAY.
THAT'S GONNA WORK?
97
00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:15,621
OH YEAH, LOUD NOISES
FREAK A BEAR OUT.
98
00:04:15,656 --> 00:04:16,756
- TRUST US.
- OKAY.
99
00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:25,229
BEARS ARE MOST AGGRESSIVE
DURING MATING SEASON.
100
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:29,000
OH, I SHOULD
PROBABLY TELL YOU
101
00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:30,536
THAT RIGHT BEFORE
YOU GOT HERE,
102
00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:32,211
THE BEAR BROKE INTO
OUR MEDICINE CABINET
103
00:04:32,239 --> 00:04:34,839
AND ATE AN ENTIRE
BOTTLE OF VIAGRA.
104
00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:36,235
- HE DID WHAT?
- ( bear snarling )
105
00:04:36,344 --> 00:04:39,154
- WHAT'D SHE SAY?
- OH, NOTHING.
106
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,724
Skeet:
WHY ARE YOU GUYS SCARED?
107
00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:44,820
- I THINK HE'S GONE.
- ( roars )
108
00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:48,222
- OH OH!
- AHH!
109
00:04:48,255 --> 00:04:50,585
- OW!
- THE MATING PROCESS
110
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:53,094
OF THE BLACK BEAR STARTS
WITH PLAYFUL WRESTLING.
111
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,056
- ( fabric tearing )
- Skeet: HE RIPPED
MY UNDERWEAR!
112
00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:56,755
AND THEN QUICKLY MOVES
TO RUTTIN'.
113
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:59,267
( whistle trilling )
114
00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:02,037
OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH!
115
00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:04,639
( growling )
116
00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:10,084
OH... OH, PLEASE TELL ME
THAT HE DIDN'T...
117
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:11,710
( squishing )
118
00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:13,375
...PENETRATE.
119
00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:15,181
I'VE GOT MY WHISTLE,
SO I'M GONNA NEED THAT POT
120
00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:16,845
AND I'M GONNA NEED
THIS BUCKET.
121
00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:18,394
OKAY? I'M GONNA
GET HIM OUTTA HERE.
122
00:05:18,386 --> 00:05:19,986
- Woman: OKAY.
- Larry: TOTALLY FINE.
123
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:21,390
GO PLAY THAT BEAR
A TUNE.
124
00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:24,062
SCARE THAT BEAR.
GIVE HIM A LITTLE SHAKE.
125
00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:26,061
LOOK. SEE?
HE'S GONE.
126
00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:27,733
THAT BEAR WON'T
BOTHER YOU NO MORE.
127
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,261
- EVERYTHING'S--
- ( roars )
128
00:05:29,296 --> 00:05:31,026
- AHH!
- OH OH!
129
00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:33,104
- HE AIN'T GONE.
- SEE?
130
00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:34,643
THERE'S THAT
PLAYFUL WRESTLING
131
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,798
- I WAS TALKING ABOUT.
- OW!
132
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,767
HE WANTS HIS --
TO HIBERNATE IN
MY BOOTY HOLE.
133
00:05:38,806 --> 00:05:41,106
- NOW BACK TO RUTTIN'.
- Skeet: HELP!
134
00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:43,281
- OW OW!
- THEY SAY THAT
IN A BEAR ATTACK
135
00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:45,210
YOU SHOULD PLAY DEAD.
136
00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:47,305
- MAYBE YOU SHOULD
TRY THAT.
- WHAT?
137
00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:49,815
- PLAY DEAD.
- PLAY DEAD?
138
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,145
THAT DOESN'T SEEM
TO BE WORKING.
139
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,987
START FIGHTIN' AGAIN.
140
00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:57,323
( grunting )
141
00:05:57,425 --> 00:05:58,855
- HELP ME!
- ( bear growling )
142
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:00,432
FIGHT THAT BEAR,
SKEET.
143
00:06:00,428 --> 00:06:02,428
DO YOU THINK THAT
HE'S HURTING THE BEAR?
144
00:06:02,430 --> 00:06:04,870
NO. THE BEAR
WAS BORN FOR THIS.
145
00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:07,298
Skeet: HIS BALLS ARE
HITTING MY BALLS.
I'M GONNA PUKE.
146
00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:09,444
Larry:
OH, YOU'RE FIGHTIN' GOOD.
147
00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:13,137
- ( roars )
- ( grunting )
148
00:06:14,775 --> 00:06:17,775
I THINK HE GOT SCARED
AT LAST.
149
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:20,211
THAT'S TYPICAL
OF THE MALE GRIZZLY.
150
00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:23,017
AFTER MATING, IT WANTS
NO FURTHER ASSOCIATION
WITH ITS MATE.
151
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:25,220
OH, ARE YOU OKAY?
152
00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:28,322
- THAT IS NO PROBLEMO.
- NO PROBLEMO.
153
00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:29,985
I DON'T THINK
THAT BEAR'LL BE BACK,
154
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:31,363
AT LEAST NOT
UNTIL NEXT WINTER.
155
00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:32,959
OH, THANKS, LARRY.
156
00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,533
OUR PLEASURE.
157
00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:36,232
Larry:
NEXT TIME ON
"CRITTER GITTERS"...
158
00:06:36,263 --> 00:06:40,103
JUST RELAX.
IT WON'T HURT SO BAD.
159
00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:43,203
MAN, THAT THING
PUT THE "GAY" IN "GATOR."
160
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,236
INDEED IT DID.
161
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,950
( applause )
162
00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:56,582
Bruce's voice:
BRUCE.
163
00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:59,917
IMAGINE BEING IN YOUR
SAFE COMFORTABLE HOME,
164
00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:01,493
RELAXING WITH
YOUR SPOUSE
165
00:07:01,522 --> 00:07:05,532
WHEN A BURGLAR ENTERS,
INTENT ON A HOME INVASION.
166
00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:08,499
WELL, THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR
FIRST GUESTS.
167
00:07:08,496 --> 00:07:12,926
PLEASE WELCOME JEREMY
AND KELLY STEVENS.
168
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:17,665
WOW, QUITE
A SCARY NIGHT, HUH?
169
00:07:17,705 --> 00:07:20,065
UH, YEAH,
YOU COULD SAY THAT.
170
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:21,507
IN THE SAFETY
OF YOUR OWN HOME.
171
00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:24,179
YEAH, IT WAS--
WELL, IT'S A NIGHTMARE.
172
00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:26,611
WHAT WE DID WAS RECREATE
THAT NIGHTMARE.
173
00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:29,247
AND I WANT YOU TO WATCH
OUR REENACTMENT
174
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,352
AND THEN TELL US
WHAT WAS GOING
175
00:07:31,384 --> 00:07:34,024
THROUGH YOUR MIND
AT EACH MOMENT.
176
00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:36,994
ALL RIGHT, WELL,
HERE I'M JUST--
177
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:38,334
I WAS JUST
HANGING OUT AT HOME.
178
00:07:38,358 --> 00:07:41,188
RIGHT.
179
00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:44,228
Jeremy:
UM, I'M SORRY.
WHO IS THAT--
180
00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:46,274
- IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE ME?
- THIS IS VERY COMMON.
181
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,139
NO, THIS IS JUST
A REENACTMENT.
182
00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:51,168
IT'S NOT 100% ACCURATE,
SO LET'S CONTINUE WATCHING.
183
00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:53,014
Jeremy:
ALL RIGHT, WELL,
184
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,280
I WAS JUST SITTING AT HOME
WATCHING T.V. WITH MY WIFE...
185
00:07:56,644 --> 00:08:01,014
- ( audience whooping )
- Jeremy: WOW!
186
00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:02,278
THAT LOOKS LIKE ME.
187
00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:05,347
WELL, WE CAN CONTINUE.
JUST CONTINUE.
188
00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:07,615
UM, YEAH, SO WE'RE WATCHING
"JIMMY KIMMEL" AND, UM...
189
00:08:07,655 --> 00:08:10,115
( audience cheering,
wolf whistling )
190
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:12,027
HEY, I WASN'T PLAYING
WITH MY BREASTS.
191
00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:14,459
- WHY-- WHY IS SHE DOING THAT?
- Bruce: OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
192
00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:16,702
WE CAN ALL BE SAFE HERE
ABOUT HOW WE ACT AT HOME.
193
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:18,670
THIS IS NOTHING
TO BE EMBARRASSED--
194
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:20,629
Kelly:
I DIDN'T ACT LIKE THAT
IS WHAT I'M SAYING.
195
00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:22,668
MAYBE OUR REENACTORS
ARE IMPROVISING A LITTLE.
196
00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:24,673
JUST STICK TO THE STORY,
THE ROBBERY.
197
00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:27,165
WELL, THIS IS WHERE
IT GETS... A LITTLE TOUGH.
198
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:30,777
AND THAT'S WHERE
THE BURGLAR ENTERED.
199
00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:33,681
UH, THE BURGLAR WAS WHITE,
NOT AFRICAN-AMERICAN.
200
00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:35,784
IT PLAYS BETTER
IF HE'S BLACK.
201
00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:37,416
NO, I DON'T WANT PEOPLE
TO THINK THAT.
202
00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:39,150
WHAT, THAT THERE ARE
BLACK ROBBERS?
203
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:40,586
THAT'S A STRETCH, RIGHT?
204
00:08:40,588 --> 00:08:42,588
WHY DON'T YOU JUST
CONTINUE GOING.
205
00:08:42,623 --> 00:08:45,593
AND REMEMBER, THIS ISN'T
ALWAYS AN EXACT SCIENCE.
206
00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:49,596
Jeremy:
THE ROBBER THEN PROCEEDED
TO GET BEHIND THE COUCH.
207
00:08:49,630 --> 00:08:52,800
HE SNUCK UP ON ME AND MY WIFE,
AND THEN HE ATTACKED US.
208
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:56,373
- ( audience cheering )
- Jeremy: HEY, WHOA, MAN!
209
00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:58,273
- OH...
- HE DIDN'T MAKE OUT
WITH MY WIFE.
210
00:08:58,305 --> 00:09:00,105
...MY LORD.
211
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:02,610
THAT DID NOT--
THAT DID NOT HAPPEN.
212
00:09:02,610 --> 00:09:03,910
REALLY? REALLY?
213
00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:05,484
THIS-- THIS DIDN'T
HAPPEN AT ALL?
214
00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:07,652
NO, IT DID NOT!
AND IT NEVER WILL.
215
00:09:08,816 --> 00:09:11,176
HEY, WHAT THE --, MAN?!
216
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:12,388
I AM NOT GAY.
217
00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:14,619
OKAY, WHOA.
OKAY, THIS IS OUR FAULT.
218
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:16,215
I AM SO SORRY.
219
00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:17,756
SO YOU'RE SAYING
THIS IS FALSE?
220
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:18,891
- YOU'RE NOT GAY?
- I'M NOT GAY,
221
00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:20,926
I'M NOT FAT,
SHE'S NOT HOT!
222
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:23,431
JUST WATCH
FOR ONE MORE MOMENT,
PLEASE, FOR ME.
223
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:26,803
IF A TIGER COMES IN
AND STARTS LICKING MY BALLS,
YOU'RE A -- DEAD MAN.
224
00:09:26,834 --> 00:09:29,944
WE CAN'T AFFORD A TIGER.
IT'S BASIC CABLE.
225
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:32,440
Jeremy:
THIS NONSENSE GARBAGE.
OH, LOOK AT THAT!
226
00:09:32,472 --> 00:09:34,542
OH, THAT'S JUST GREAT.
227
00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:36,812
- THAT IS JUST GREAT.
COVER YOUR EYES.
- THAT IS UPSETTING.
228
00:09:36,844 --> 00:09:38,854
Jeremy:
WE HAVE FAMILY
WATCHING THIS PROGRAM.
229
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:40,649
I DID NOT COME HERE
TO BE VIOLATED.
230
00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:42,181
TELL YOUR MOM
NOT TO TiVo THIS.
231
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:44,175
Jeremy:
IF YOUR MOTHER SEES THIS--
232
00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:46,847
OH, I THINK YOU GUYS
SHOULD CHECK OUT THIS.
233
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:49,417
I THINK WE KNOW
THESE TWO PEOPLE,
DON'T WE?
234
00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:53,326
( audience laughs )
235
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:56,660
Bruce:
IS THAT A DILDO CROWN?
236
00:09:57,998 --> 00:09:59,968
THAT DOESN'T
LOOK LIKE US.
237
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,940
Bruce:
THAT'S RIGHT,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
238
00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:05,309
TONIGHT'S SHOW IS NOT
ABOUT ARMED INVASIONS.
239
00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:07,438
YOU JUST GOT BRUCED!
240
00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:10,614
IT'S ABOUT PATHOLOGICAL,
LYING, NYMPHOMANIAC COUPLES
241
00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:12,984
ADDICTED TO
INTERRACIAL ORGIES--
242
00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:15,953
ON THE NEXT
"DR. BRUCE."
243
00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:20,523
OOH, YEAH, THAT'S HOW
DADDY LIKES IT.
244
00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:22,563
( dramatic music playing )
245
00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:31,867
THERE YOU GO,
LITTLE LADY.
246
00:10:31,899 --> 00:10:34,229
YOU SAVED ME FROM THAT
BURNING BUILDING, SUPERMAN.
247
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:36,497
HOW CAN I EVER
REPAY YOU?
248
00:10:36,536 --> 00:10:37,906
ALL IN A DAY'S WORK.
249
00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:40,238
OH, WELL, CAN I AT LEAST
BAKE YOU SOME COOKIES?
250
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:42,483
( laughs )
NOT NECESSARY.
251
00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:45,279
IT'S AN HONOR TO SERVE
THIS GREAT CITY OF METROPOLIS.
252
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,512
SURELY THERE'S SOMETHING
I CAN DO FOR YOU.
253
00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:49,647
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THERE IS.
254
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:51,253
I HAVE A FRIEND
COMING INTO TOWN.
255
00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:52,724
HE COULD USE
A PLACE TO CRASH.
256
00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:55,263
OH, ACTUALLY
MY APARTMENT'S
PRETTY SMALL.
257
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:56,718
OH, THAT'S FINE.
HE DOESN'T MIND
258
00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:58,427
AS LONG AS THERE'S A TUB
FOR HIM TO SOAK IN.
259
00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:02,528
OH, IS YOUR FRIEND
AQUAMAN BY ANY CHANCE?
260
00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:04,972
NO, IT'S NOT.
IT'S MY FRIEND REGGIE.
261
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,828
HE JUST GOT OUT OF REHAB
FOR HEROIN.
262
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:09,367
YOU'LL ALSO NEED
TO REGGIE-PROOF
YOUR APARTMENT--
263
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:12,742
YOU KNOW,
HIDING PHARMACEUTICALS,
ELECTRONICS, JEWELRY.
264
00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:14,370
LOCK YOUR DOOR
WHILE YOU'RE SLEEPING
265
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:16,037
BECAUSE HE'LL PROBABLY
ATTACK YOU.
266
00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:17,906
YEAH, MY APARTMENT'S
REALLY SMALL
267
00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:20,405
AND I'M NOT SUPPOSED
TO HAVE GUESTS, SO...
268
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:24,377
IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE
I CAN DO TO PAY YOU BACK?
269
00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:26,017
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THERE IS.
270
00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:28,993
I'VE GOTTA GET RID
OF THESE STUPID
RAFFLE TICKETS
271
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,762
FOR THIS FUNDRAISER
AT THE JUSTICE LEAGUE
OF AMERICA DINNER.
272
00:11:31,759 --> 00:11:33,789
YOU CAN JUST
SELL THE TICKETS
273
00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:36,557
AND THEN WE'LL CALL IT EVEN
FOR ME SAVING YOUR
LIFE AND ALL.
274
00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:38,666
I REALLY WOULDN'T EVEN
KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN.
275
00:11:38,766 --> 00:11:40,666
WELL, THEN YOU KNOW WHAT?
I MADE A LIST RIGHT HERE.
276
00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:42,938
- OH, GREAT.
- YOU ONLY HAVE TO SELL
ABOUT 50 TICKETS.
277
00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:45,440
ALL THE INFORMATION
IS RIGHT HERE.
278
00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:48,482
BUT LOOK,
THERE'S A SCRIPT
ON THE BACK.
279
00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:51,038
GIVE 'EM A RING,
READ THIS, YOU'RE GOLD.
280
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:53,878
YEAH, I DON'T KNOW.
I HAVE A BUSY WEEK,
SO I'M--
281
00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:57,384
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR HELPING OUT.
282
00:11:57,417 --> 00:11:59,117
IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU
THAT MAKE IT AN HONOR
283
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:01,052
TO SERVE THIS
GREAT CITY OF OURS.
284
00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:03,788
SO I DON'T WANNA
KEEP YOU WAITING.
285
00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:05,534
YOU'VE GOT A LOT
OF PHONE CALLS TO MAKE.
286
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,798
YOU REALLY ARE A GEM.
BLESS YOUR HEART.
287
00:12:08,796 --> 00:12:10,796
SO THAT'S HOW YOU WIN
THE AWARD EVERY YEAR
288
00:12:10,798 --> 00:12:12,798
FOR MOST TICKETS SOLD.
289
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,100
YES, AND THIS YEAR I'M GONNA
WIN THE GRAND PRIZE, BATMAN.
290
00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:16,465
DAMN IT.
291
00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:18,943
I REALLY WANTED
THAT DIRT BIKE, MAN.
292
00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:20,512
WE ALL WANT
THE DIRT BIKE.
293
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:22,810
BETTER LUCK
NEXT YEAR, FRIEND.
294
00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:33,424
YEAH, MAN.
I MEAN, SHE WAS HOT.
295
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:34,923
I MEAN, I COULDN'T
BELIEVE IT.
296
00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:37,385
- JUST...
- AH, THE SINGLE LIFE.
297
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:40,464
YEAH, I SAW "CLOUDY
WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS"
FOR LIKE THE 10th TIME.
298
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:42,833
NOT TOO MUCH
OF A RAGER.
299
00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:46,230
YOU SEE, I GAVE SALLY
A CHANCE TO MEET MY BALLS.
300
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,966
( laughing )
301
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:50,871
HERE COMES GLEN.
302
00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:53,444
- MORNING, GLEN.
- GOOD MORNING, GUYS.
303
00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:55,843
DOING A LITTLE
MONDAY MORNING RECAP?
304
00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:58,446
- YEAH.
- YOU KNOW IT.
305
00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:01,048
HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND,
MR. MICHAELS?
306
00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:04,051
THANK YOU FOR ASKING.
IT WAS NOT BAD, NOT BAD.
307
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:05,394
- OH, YEAH?
- YEAH.
308
00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:08,488
FRIDAY STARTED REALLY FUN.
309
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:10,391
NICE.
WHAT DID YOU DO?
310
00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:14,063
I WENT TO THAT
NEW ITALIAN SPOT
DOWN BY THE WHARF.
311
00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:16,864
- NICE. I HEARD
THAT'S GOOD.
- IT IS.
312
00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:19,074
IT WAS-- I HAD
THE MUSHROOM RAVIOLI
313
00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:22,169
AND IT WAS LIKE
EATING MAGIC.
314
00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:25,312
- ANY OTHER HIGHLIGHTS
FROM THE WEEKEND?
- YEAH.
315
00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:28,878
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
SATURDAY NIGHT
316
00:13:28,876 --> 00:13:30,436
I WENT OUT
TO MY FRONT LAWN
317
00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:32,877
AND I PULLED DOWN
MY PANTS
318
00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:36,483
AND I STUFFED MY OWN WIENER
INTO MY OWN BOTTOM
319
00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:39,586
AND TINKLED INSIDE MYSELF.
320
00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:56,371
YEAH.
321
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:02,283
ARE YOU OKAY, GLEN?
322
00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:05,949
YEAH. NO.
323
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:10,680
YEAH. NO.
324
00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:14,152
I'M FINE.
YES YES.
325
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:17,517
SO ANYWAY, TRY THAT
NEW ITALIAN SPOT.
326
00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:20,027
IT'S A DELIGHT.
327
00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:25,125
I'M GONNA TRY THAT
THIS SATURDAY.
328
00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:27,195
I GOT A WHOLE NEW RESPECT
FOR GLEN.
329
00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:29,104
* GO!
330
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:33,505
ANYBODY NEED A LIGHT?
331
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,710
CHECK OUT MY NEW
ZIPPO APP.
332
00:14:35,742 --> 00:14:39,382
DAMN, SON.
THAT'S APPY GILMORE.
333
00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:42,382
GAY ROBOT,
THAT IS AWESOME.
334
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:44,445
HEY, I GOT A NEW APP.
335
00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:47,024
- IT'S CALLED
OFFENDER LOCATOR.
- WHAT'S THAT?
336
00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:49,664
EVERY DOT HERE REPRESENTS
A CONVICTED SEX OFFENDER
337
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:51,589
AND THEIR CURRENT ADDRESS.
338
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:54,264
LOOK, THERE'S A CHILD MOLESTER
LIVING RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER
339
00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:55,464
AT 550 MAIN STREET.
340
00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:57,455
THAT'S TERRIBLE.
341
00:14:57,497 --> 00:15:00,627
( "Row Row Row Your Boat"
playing )
342
00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:04,067
HMM, 550 MAIN STREET.
343
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:09,239
( music echoes )
344
00:15:21,388 --> 00:15:23,158
( alarm beeping )
345
00:15:29,096 --> 00:15:31,056
I'M JUST SO TIRED
FROM HOPSCOTCH.
346
00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:33,428
- I NEED TO SHOWER.
- OH, REALLY?
347
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:36,336
AND THE FLAVOR HAS GONE
FROM THIS LOLLIPOP.
348
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:38,409
DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING ELSE
FOR ME TO SUCK ON?
349
00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:44,811
- ( alarm beeping )
- COME ON, COME ON.
350
00:15:44,844 --> 00:15:46,384
YOU CAN'T TOUCH KIDS.
351
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:49,683
WHAT THE --?
352
00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:52,816
( screaming )
353
00:15:52,852 --> 00:15:56,092
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
TO MY HUSBAND?
354
00:15:56,123 --> 00:15:57,763
HE'S A CHILD MOLESTER.
355
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,490
NO, HE'S NOT.
356
00:15:59,526 --> 00:16:02,026
THAT CREEP MOVED OUT
OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD
TWO MONTHS AGO.
357
00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:05,926
AWKWARD.
358
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:14,939
Announcer:
"F-STOP," THE PROGRAM
THAT EXPLORES
359
00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:16,942
THE WORLD OF MODERN
PHOTOJOURNALISM,
360
00:16:17,044 --> 00:16:19,414
WITH YOUR HOST
PHIL SHANE.
361
00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:20,676
THANKS FOR JOINING US.
362
00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:22,653
OUR GUEST TODAY
IS STEVEN FALLS,
363
00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:25,222
THE PHOTOGRAPHER
THAT SNAPPED THE NOW ICONIC
364
00:16:25,252 --> 00:16:26,822
AND PULITZER-PRIZE-WINNING
PHOTOGRAPH
365
00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:29,693
THAT DEFINED
THE HURRICANE KATRINA TRAGEDY.
366
00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:32,762
STEVEN,
I'VE SEEN THIS PICTURE
HUNDREDS OF TIMES
367
00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:35,402
AND I'VE GOTTA TELL YOU,
IT CHILLS ME.
368
00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:36,858
HOW DID YOU CAPTURE
THE IMAGE?
369
00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:38,626
Steven:
IT WAS NOT EASY.
370
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:41,365
I SHOT DOZENS OF ROLLS
OF FILM THAT DAY
371
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:44,501
AND IT TOOK FOREVER
BEFORE I FINALLY LANDED
372
00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:48,407
THE PHOTOGRAPH THAT DEPICTED
THE FEELINGS OF TRAGEDY
373
00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:51,581
AND THE LOST INNOCENCE
OF A CHILD.
374
00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:53,611
WOW, I DON'T THINK
I'LL EVER FORGET THE FACE
375
00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:55,446
OF THAT CHARRED DOLL.
376
00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:56,852
- Phil: BRILLIANT.
- THANK YOU.
377
00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:58,623
WE'D BE REMISS
IF WE DIDN'T TALK ABOUT
378
00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:00,891
YOUR BODY OF WORK
SINCE HURRICANE KATRINA.
379
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,660
UM, THIS IS A PICTURE
I TOOK A WHILE BACK
380
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:06,090
OF THE FLOODS
IN MOLINE, ILLINOIS.
381
00:17:06,093 --> 00:17:08,363
THIS PHOTO RESEMBLES
YOUR KATRINA WORK.
382
00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:09,895
THAT'S FUNNY.
A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY THAT.
383
00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:11,659
I DON'T REALLY SEE
THE RESEMBLANCE.
384
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,868
BUT I GUESS
THE SOUL OF TRAGEDY
IS THE SAME
385
00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:16,370
- NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO.
- INDEED.
386
00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:18,573
THIS IS A--
ONE OF MY FAVORITE PICTURES
387
00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:20,505
OF THE WALL STREET
COMMODITIES CRASH.
388
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:21,870
RIGHT.
I COULDN'T HELP
389
00:17:21,908 --> 00:17:24,578
BUT TO NOTICE THE DOLL
IN THIS PHOTO ALSO.
390
00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:26,411
WHERE?
391
00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:28,676
UH, RIGHT HERE
IN THE FOREGROUND.
392
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:29,945
HUH.
393
00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:31,822
NEVER NOTICED THAT
BEFORE.
394
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:34,991
I GUESS IT GOES
TO SHOW YOU THAT
THE SOUL OF TRAGEDY
395
00:17:35,021 --> 00:17:37,321
- IS THE SAME--
- WHEREVER YOU GO, RIGHT.
396
00:17:37,357 --> 00:17:39,857
AND THIS IS A PHOTOGRAPH
WHEN I WAS COVERING
397
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:43,332
THE NEW YORK GIANTS'
LAST SUPER BOWL TITLE.
398
00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:45,333
RIGHT.
399
00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:47,395
WHY DON'T YOU TELL US
ABOUT THIS PHOTOGRAPH?
400
00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:49,904
IT'S A PHOTO OF A MAN
WINNING THE LOTTERY.
401
00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:52,636
YES. AGAIN,
THE SOUL OF TRAGEDY
402
00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:54,412
IS THE SAME
NO MATTER WHERE YOU--
403
00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:57,641
OKAY, THIS GUY JUST WON
$36 MILLION IN A PICK 6.
404
00:17:57,677 --> 00:18:00,777
- TRAGEDY?
- WHAT'S YOUR POINT?
405
00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:03,153
DO ALL OF YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS
HAVE DOLLS IN THEM?
406
00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:04,680
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
407
00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:06,647
IF YOU NOTICE
IN THIS PHOTO
408
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:08,986
THERE'S NO
CHARRED DOLL.
409
00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:11,821
NO, I GUESS NOT.
410
00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:14,158
SO WHY IS
THE LITTLE GIRL CRYING?
411
00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:17,001
BECAUSE A BIG MEAN MAN
STOLE HER DOLL AND CHARRED IT.
412
00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:19,169
- YOU OUGHT TO BE
ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.
- WHY?
413
00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:21,166
BECAUSE I FOUND
SOMETHING THAT WORKS?
414
00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:22,868
YEAH, I ADMIT IT, OKAY?
415
00:18:22,902 --> 00:18:25,742
THEY'RE MY BREAD
AND BUTTER, ALL RIGHT?
416
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:28,182
HERE IT IS.
HERE'S THE BREAD
AND THE BUTTER.
417
00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:29,605
SAY HELLO TO CHARRY.
418
00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:31,812
CHARRY, THANKS FOR
THE LAMBORGHINI
419
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:33,454
AND THE DIAMOND HAT.
420
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:36,920
OH, THAT IS DISGUSTING.
GIVE ME THAT.
421
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:39,019
TAKE IT.
I DON'T CARE.
422
00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:41,021
I HAVE THOUSANDS OF THEM
BACK IN MY STUDIO.
423
00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:44,063
YEAH, WELL, WHAT ABOUT
THE SOUL OF TRAGEDY?
424
00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:46,060
THE SOUL OF TRAGEDY
IS MY RAP ROCK BAND, DUDE.
425
00:18:46,092 --> 00:18:48,092
THERE'S OUR ALBUM COVER.
426
00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:51,526
WE'RE ALL OUT OF TIME
ON "F-STOP."
427
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:53,534
I'VE BEEN YOUR HOST
PHIL SHANE.
428
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,796
- THANKS.
- YOU AND YOUR SWEATER.
429
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:57,235
YOU CAN'T EVEN
HANDLE MY SHOES.
430
00:18:57,270 --> 00:19:00,110
GUESS WHAT.
CHARRY'S DRIVING ME
HOME TONIGHT
431
00:19:00,207 --> 00:19:02,067
'CAUSE I'M A LITTLE DRUNK.
432
00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:14,018
Announcer:
IN THESE HARD ECONOMIC TIMES,
433
00:19:14,053 --> 00:19:16,723
IF YOU'RE A SENIOR CITIZEN
ON A FIXED BUDGET,
434
00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:18,356
THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE
YOU'RE EATING
435
00:19:18,391 --> 00:19:20,391
A LOT OF CAT FOOD
TO SURVIVE.
436
00:19:20,427 --> 00:19:22,227
ELDERLY PEOPLE
EATING CAT FOOD
437
00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:24,459
TO SAVE MONEY
IS A FACT OF LIFE,
438
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:26,267
BUT NOT EVERYBODY
NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT IT.
439
00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:28,269
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD
A CAT, MRS. ROBERTSON.
440
00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:30,971
Announcer:
SAVE YOURSELF
THE EMBARRASSMENT AND THE SHAME
441
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:33,713
WITH THE NEW 9 LIVES
FOR SENIORS,
442
00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:36,680
THE ONLY CAT FOOD PACKAGED
TO LOOK LIKE HUMAN FOOD
443
00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:39,279
AT THE SAME PRICE
YOU'VE ALWAYS ENJOYED.
444
00:19:39,312 --> 00:19:42,112
WOW, DUCK A L'ORANGE.
445
00:19:42,148 --> 00:19:44,678
YES, OH YES.
446
00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:48,256
MEOW.
447
00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:51,089
OH NO, BUTTONS!
448
00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:54,033
THIS IS MY SPLEEN
AND FISH SKELETONS.
449
00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:55,700
HERE'S YOURS.
450
00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:57,998
Announcer:
AND OUR NEW 9 LIVES
FOR SENIORS
451
00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:00,000
HAS ALL THE SAME
INGREDIENTS AS CAT FOOD
452
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,272
THAT YOUR BODY
HAS GROWN TO TOLERATE,
453
00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:05,172
BUT AT A FRACTION OF THE COST
OF PEOPLE FOOD.
454
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,074
HONEY, WHAT ON EARTH?
455
00:20:08,441 --> 00:20:10,481
WE EAT LIKE CATS,
456
00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:14,350
BUT WE DON'T HAVE
TO EAT LIKE CATS.
457
00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:20,724
Announcer:
9 LIVES FOR SENIORS--
458
00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:22,563
NO ONE NEEDS TO KNOW.
459
00:20:22,589 --> 00:20:24,519
MEOW.
460
00:20:37,537 --> 00:20:41,267
* P-R-E-T-E-N-D
T-I-M-E. *
461
00:20:41,308 --> 00:20:42,808
Man's voice:
TERRIFIC.
462
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:47,607
COUNSEL YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
463
00:20:47,647 --> 00:20:49,717
THAT'S ON WEDNESDAYS.
THIS IS THE THURSDAY SHOW.
464
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:52,389
THIS ISN'T SOME --
"RICKI LAKE" BULL--.
465
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:55,049
- LET'S TAKE A LOOK
AT THE REENACTMENT.
- I LEFT THE DOOR OPEN.
466
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:57,357
I DIDN'T --
THE NEIGHBOR'S DOG
FOR COKE.
467
00:20:57,390 --> 00:20:59,690
WAIT A SECOND.
I DID SEE THAT VIDEO.
468
00:20:59,726 --> 00:21:02,186
- IT WAS ON
THE YouTube, RIGHT?
- 11 MILLION HITS.
469
00:21:02,228 --> 00:21:04,898
Jeremy: GREAT, LOOK AT THAT!
EVERYONE'S GETTING INTO IT.
470
00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:07,671
YOU-- YOU, SIR,
ARE FILTH
471
00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:10,540
AND YOU WILL GO TO A FIERY HELL
WHERE THIS WHOLE -- SHOW WILL.
472
00:21:10,570 --> 00:21:13,440
SO YOU'RE-- SO YOU'RE
SAYING THIS IS FALSE?
YOU'RE NOT GAY?
34894
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