All language subtitles for Nick Swardsons Pretend Time s01e01 Powdered Donuts.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:11,777 ( rock music playing ) 2 00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:18,589 * P-R-E-T-E-N-D T-I-M-E * 3 00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:21,059 * P-R-E-T-E-N-D T-I-M-E. * 4 00:00:21,089 --> 00:00:23,359 ( buzzer sounds ) 5 00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:27,331 - Man: COME ON, HE'S OPEN IN THE SLOT! - Woman: SHOOT! 6 00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:29,431 - YES! - AHHH! 7 00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:32,303 NICE! HE HIT HIM RIGHT IN THE PIE HOLE! 8 00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:33,433 TOTALLY! 9 00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:36,438 AH, SUZY? 10 00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:39,440 WE'VE BEEN GOING OUT NOW FOR LIKE TWO YEARS, RIGHT? 11 00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:41,183 YEAH. 12 00:00:41,209 --> 00:00:44,809 I JUST WANT TO SAY I HAVEN'T FELT THIS WAY ABOUT ANYBODY... 13 00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:46,475 EVER. 14 00:00:46,514 --> 00:00:49,924 NICK, THAT IS SO SWEET. 15 00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:54,590 AND I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS A REALLY LONG TIME. 16 00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:58,292 AND THERE'S SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT 17 00:00:58,326 --> 00:01:00,486 I WANT TO ASK YOU. 18 00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:03,328 OH MY GOD. 19 00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:06,234 SERIOUSLY, WILL YOU-- 20 00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:08,037 AHHH! ( bleep ) 21 00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:10,136 OH MY GOD! NICK, ARE YOU OKAY? 22 00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:14,011 AHH! OOH! I THINK SO. 23 00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:17,151 NICK, ARE YOU SURE? I THINK WE SHOULD JUST GO GET THIS CHECKED OUT. 24 00:01:17,145 --> 00:01:21,145 NO, LET'S STAY. I CAME HERE TO DO SOMETHING VERY SPECIAL, ALL RIGHT? 25 00:01:21,149 --> 00:01:22,719 I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU. 26 00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:25,450 BABY, YOU ARE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. 27 00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:27,556 AND I WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE-- 28 00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:31,358 OH NO! MY ( bleep ) EYE! 29 00:01:31,392 --> 00:01:34,662 USHER! CAN WE GET AN USHER? 30 00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:36,525 WHOA! NO, I'M GOOD, MAN. 31 00:01:36,564 --> 00:01:38,874 I SEE A TOWER OR SOMETHING. IT'LL BE A BLACK EYE. 32 00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:40,369 I'M OKAY. 33 00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:42,571 NICK, LOOK AT YOU. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE. 34 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:48,683 NO! NOT UNTIL I FINISH WHAT I CAME HERE TO DO. 35 00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:53,249 SUZY, WILL YOU MARRY ME? 36 00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:55,081 I THINK YOU'RE A GREAT GUY. 37 00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:57,923 AHHH! OWWW! 38 00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:01,191 WHY DO THESE PUCKS KEEP HITTING US? 39 00:02:01,189 --> 00:02:04,559 OWW! 40 00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:07,763 BABY? BABY, YOU OKAY? 41 00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:10,595 I THINK MY ( bleep ) NOSE IS BROKEN. 42 00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:13,201 OKAY, WE'LL TAKE YOU TO THE MEDIC, OKAY? 43 00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:16,244 NO. NO, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW. 44 00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:18,640 ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE GOING TO ACCEPT MY PROPOSAL, RIGHT? 45 00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:21,342 NO! I THINK THAT WE NEED A BREAK. 46 00:02:21,375 --> 00:02:23,535 I JUST WANT TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE. 47 00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:26,347 OWW! 48 00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:28,420 ( sobbing ) 49 00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:30,849 WHY? 50 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:33,954 PLEASE, SOMEBODY HELP ME. 51 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,957 WHY ARE NONE OF YOU HIT? 52 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:39,589 Announcer: Pucker up! It's time for the Kiss Cam! 53 00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:41,927 ( pop song playing ) 54 00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,537 OH. 55 00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:52,239 Hey, you two lovers, how about a lip lock? 56 00:02:58,246 --> 00:03:00,506 ( muttering ) 57 00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,694 ( drum beating ) 58 00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:08,119 * THIS IS AN EMERGENCY... 59 00:03:11,124 --> 00:03:14,334 HEY, EVERYBODY, I'D LIKE TO DEDICATE TONIGHT'S EPISODE 60 00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:16,132 TO MY CAT FITZGERALD. 61 00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:18,773 HE WAS THE FIRST JOKE I EVER WROTE-- 62 00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:21,269 IT WAS ABOUT FITZGERALD FOR MY STANDUP ACT. 63 00:03:21,269 --> 00:03:23,769 AND I WANT TO DEDICATE THIS EPISODE TO HIM. 64 00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:26,614 HE MEANS A LOT TO ME 'CAUSE HE PASSED AWAY RECENTLY. 65 00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:28,740 HE O.D.'d ON HEROIN. 66 00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:33,714 Announcer: WHICH CAR GETS OVER 72mpg 67 00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:35,277 WITHOUT USING GAS? 68 00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:38,386 THE 2010 TOYOTA "PEEUS," 69 00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:41,959 THE CAR THAT RUNS ON YOUR OWN RENEWABLE FUEL. 70 00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:45,159 AND THE PEEUS IS COST EFFICIENT AND ECO-FRIENDLY 71 00:03:45,192 --> 00:03:47,802 AS IT GETS 70mpg ON THE HIGHWAY 72 00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:51,328 - AND 56 IN THE CITY. - ( horn honks ) 73 00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:54,365 AND THE PEEUS IS PERFECT FOR MOM'S TRIP TO THE GROCERY STORE. 74 00:03:54,402 --> 00:03:57,972 SAVING THE ENVIRONMENT NEVER FELT SO GOOD. 75 00:03:58,005 --> 00:04:01,475 I HOPE EVERYONE REMEMBERED NOT TO GO BEFORE WE LEFT THE HOUSE. 76 00:04:01,509 --> 00:04:04,109 AND WITH YOUR FAMILY IN THE CAR, YOU CAN RELAX 77 00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:06,314 KNOWING THAT THE PEEUS GOT THE HIGHEST SAFETY RATINGS 78 00:04:06,314 --> 00:04:08,324 OF ANY URINE-POWERED VEHICLE. 79 00:04:08,316 --> 00:04:11,116 AND IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR THE FIRST ENERGY-EFFICIENT 4x4 80 00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:12,851 BUILT FOR MAXIMUM TOUGHNESS, 81 00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:15,616 LOOK NO FURTHER THAN THE 2010 STEAMER. 82 00:04:15,656 --> 00:04:17,926 THE 2010 TOYOTA PEEUS. 83 00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:26,331 Man's voice: WHEN EDNA QUIST, 84 00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,967 HEIRESS TO THE QUIST EMPIRE, DIED, 85 00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:33,612 SHE LEFT HER ENTIRE ESTATE TO HER CAT, MR. STITCHES. 86 00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:35,881 HER SON EDMOND, 87 00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:38,909 DISTRAUGHT FROM BEING LEFT OUT OF THE WILL, 88 00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:42,776 DECIDED TO TAKE ACTIONS INTO HIS OWN HANDS. 89 00:04:46,554 --> 00:04:48,424 ( snorting ) 90 00:04:48,456 --> 00:04:51,356 ( tires squeal ) 91 00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:53,159 ( meowing ) 92 00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:56,163 POLICE LISTED IT AS AN UNSOLVED HIT AND RUN. 93 00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:57,726 ( machine beeping ) 94 00:04:57,765 --> 00:05:00,025 DOCTORS WERE ABLE TO SAVE MR. STITCHES, 95 00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:02,797 BUT THE ACCIDENT LEFT HIM PARALYZED BELOW THE WAIST. 96 00:05:05,072 --> 00:05:09,382 THE HOSPITAL BILL ATE UP ALL OF HIS $10 MILLION INHERITANCE, 97 00:05:09,377 --> 00:05:14,147 FORCING MR. STITCHES TO BECOME "WHEELCHAIR CAT." 98 00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:15,981 * IS THIS MY LIFE? 99 00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:19,746 * ARE THESE MY WORDS OR IS THERE SOMEONE * 100 00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:21,917 * TALKING THROUGH ME? 101 00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:23,685 * IS THIS MY LIFE? 102 00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:25,464 * ARE THESE MY DREAMS 103 00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:30,233 * OR SCENES FROM SOMEONE ELSE'S MOVIE? * 104 00:05:30,263 --> 00:05:34,133 * SHOULDN'T TAKE FOR GRANTED THAT YOU GET A SECOND CHANCE * 105 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:37,137 * AT ALL. 106 00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:41,843 ( hip hop playing ) 107 00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:43,975 Computerized voice: BOTTLE SERVICE. 108 00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:45,511 RIGHT AWAY, SIR. 109 00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,246 UM, WE REALLY CAN'T AFFORD THAT. 110 00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:50,450 YOU PUT THAT CHECK FROM DOCTORS WITHOUT BORDERS 111 00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:53,524 IN MY ACCOUNT, RIGHT? WE'LL BE FINE. 112 00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:55,824 OH, NO, HERE COMES EDMOND. 113 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:59,526 DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT TOOL. I'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM. 114 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,660 EXCUSE ME. GET OUT OF MY WAY, PLEASE. 115 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,325 YEAH, FASTER. THANKS. 116 00:06:03,431 --> 00:06:06,131 - HELLO, EDMOND. - HEY, MR. STITCHES. 117 00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:07,736 HOW'S REHAB? 118 00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,938 I WENT BECAUSE I GOT RUN OVER. 119 00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:12,140 IT'S DIFFERENT THAN THE REHAB YOU GO TO, 120 00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:13,642 ROBERT DOWNEY SYNDROME. 121 00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:15,914 WHAT-EV. 122 00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:18,713 I SEE YOU'RE ENJOYING MY MONEY. 123 00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:20,676 IT WAS YOUR MOTHER'S MONEY. 124 00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:23,054 AND YOU DON'T SEEM TO BE HURTING. 125 00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:27,523 I'M NOT. I MARRIED KIMBERLY SNAPPLE OF THE BEVERAGE FAMILY. 126 00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:29,815 IT'S PRETTY GREAT. I JUST DRINK A LOT OF FREE SNAPPLE 127 00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:31,657 AND I GET TO NAME MY OWN FLAVOR. 128 00:06:31,692 --> 00:06:33,532 WHERE IS KIMBERLY? 129 00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:36,661 - SWEETIE, SHOULD I JOIN YOU? - NO! 130 00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:41,067 CONGRATS, EDMOND. SHE LOOKS LIKE E.T. WITH H.I.V. 131 00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:45,041 YOU WANT A PIECE OF THIS, YOU STUPID ( bleep ) PUSSY? 132 00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:46,472 SECURITY. 133 00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:48,277 KITTY WANT TO GET HURT? 134 00:06:48,308 --> 00:06:50,838 'CAUSE KITTY GONNA GET HURT! KITTY GONNA GET HURT! 135 00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:53,548 - KITTY GONNA GET HURT! - ( glass breaks ) 136 00:06:53,581 --> 00:06:55,621 LOOK WHAT FELL OUT OF HIS POCKET. 137 00:06:55,649 --> 00:06:57,279 GIVE IT TO ME. 138 00:06:57,317 --> 00:06:59,817 I'LL TAKE IT TO THE BATHROOM AND, UH... 139 00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:02,893 ERR... FLUSH IT DOWN THE TOILET. 140 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:05,233 COME ON, YOU'RE GOING TO SNORT IT. 141 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:08,498 YOU EVEN TYPED IN "UH, ERR" WHILE YOU WERE THINKING OF AN EXCUSE. 142 00:07:08,496 --> 00:07:11,596 GIVE ME THE BAG, WOMAN, OR I WILL CUT YOU. 143 00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:13,502 OKAY. 144 00:07:13,501 --> 00:07:16,901 POWDERED DOUGHNUTS MAKE ME GO NUTS. 145 00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:20,267 FOLLOW THE FLOUR SNOW "O"s. 146 00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:22,937 Announcer: NEXT WEEK ON "WHEELCHAIR CAT"... 147 00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:26,776 I WISH I HAD A ROOFIE AND SOME CATNIP. 148 00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:29,424 HE'S FAKING IT, I TELL YOU! HE'S FAKING IT. 149 00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:31,377 HE'S NOT REALLY PARALYZED. 150 00:07:31,418 --> 00:07:33,788 WHY WOULD I FAKE THIS, RETARDO MONTALBAN? 151 00:07:33,821 --> 00:07:35,561 HE'S NOT CRIPPLED, MAN. LOOK AT HIM! 152 00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:37,529 - ( meows ) - CHARLATAN! 153 00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:41,025 - * IS THIS MY LIFE... - HE'S NOT FAKING IT! 154 00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:43,231 OH MY GOD! HE HURT THE CAT! 155 00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:45,303 * SOMEONE TALKING THROUGH ME? * 156 00:07:45,332 --> 00:07:49,102 * IS THIS MY LIFE? 157 00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:57,277 Man: LIVE SEX DONKEY SHOW! 158 00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:59,550 LIVE SEX DONKEY SHOW. 159 00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:01,550 LIVE SEX DONKEY SHOW! 160 00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:04,219 BUENOS DíAS, EVERYONE. BEFORE WE START THE SEMINAR, 161 00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:06,621 AS YOU MAY KNOW HERE AT THE DONKEY SHOW OFFICE, 162 00:08:06,654 --> 00:08:09,624 WE'RE TRYING TO BE MORE GREEN. SO, POR FAVOR, 163 00:08:09,657 --> 00:08:12,357 PUT YOUR PAPER IN THE BLUE RECYCLING BIN 164 00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:15,162 AND THE BOTTLES IN THE GREEN ONE. ¿COMPRENDE? 165 00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:18,125 NOW THE REASON WE HAVE GATHERED HERE-- 166 00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:19,565 SORRY I'M LATE. 167 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:22,670 - ( speaks, indistinct ) - Sí, SEÑOR. 168 00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:25,713 ANYWAYS, THE REASON WE ARE HAVING THIS MEETING TODAY 169 00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:28,579 IS BECAUSE THE DIRECTOR OF HUMAN RESOURCES 170 00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:30,936 HAS COME DOWN FROM CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS 171 00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:33,608 TO TALK TO US ABOUT PROPER WORKPLACE ETIQUETTE. 172 00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:38,347 ALL RIGHT? SO BIG WARM BIENVENIDOS FOR MR. PHIL SANDERSON. 173 00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:43,157 ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU, MANUEL. 174 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,860 EVERYBODY, GRACIAS OF COURSE. 175 00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:49,863 UH, LOOK, NOT GONNA SUGARCOAT ANYTHING. 176 00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:52,867 OKAY, WE'VE RECEIVED SEVERAL COMPLAINTS 177 00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:56,470 BACK AT THE HOME OFFICES ABOUT SEXUAL HARASSMENT. 178 00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:59,613 WE TAKE THAT STUFF VERY SERIOUSLY BACK AT CORPORATE. 179 00:08:59,607 --> 00:09:01,937 - AND THAT'S KIND OF WHY I'M HERE. - ( crowd cheering ) 180 00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:04,075 ALL RIGHT? TO KIND OF HELP YOU UNDERSTAND 181 00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:06,611 THE PROPER PROTOCOL AND ETIQUETTE 182 00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:09,747 HERE AT THE OFFICES OF THE LIVE DONKEY SEX SHOW. 183 00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:11,893 NOW FIRST OFF, 184 00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:15,619 THERE WAS A VERY INAPPROPRIATE EMAIL 185 00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:17,523 GOING AROUND THE OFFICE. 186 00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:21,855 AND THE SUBJECT MATTER WAS, "WHAT DOES P.M.S. STAND FOR?" 187 00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,825 THEN WHEN YOU CLICKED ON IT, 188 00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:27,644 IT SAID, "PASS MY SWEATPANTS," 189 00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:30,895 WITH A VERY OFFENSIVE AND DEROGATORY PICTURE 190 00:09:30,938 --> 00:09:34,138 OF A WOMAN GOING THROUGH HER MENSTRUATION. 191 00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:37,014 LOOK, THAT EMAIL IS VERY INAPPROPRIATE 192 00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:39,814 - AND VERY DISRESPECTFUL TO THE WOMEN-- -( donkey squeals ) 193 00:09:39,847 --> 00:09:41,547 --THE WOMEN THAT ARE WORKING HERE. 194 00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:43,519 HUMOR IN THE OFFICE IS GOOD FOR MORALE. 195 00:09:43,550 --> 00:09:45,690 WE CAN'T TELL ANY JOKES? 196 00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:48,119 - UH, NO, OF COURSE YOU CAN-- - ( donkey squeals ) 197 00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:50,215 --AS LONG AS THEY'RE TASTEFUL. 198 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:53,287 - ( phone beeps ) - HOLD ON. I'M GETTING A TEXT MESSAGE. 199 00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:55,956 OKAY, PACO, I'M GONNA WRITE YOU UP FOR THAT ONE. 200 00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:58,896 HEY, IT WASN'T ME. IT WAS THE DONKEY. 201 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:01,372 - ( men laughing ) - CAN'T TEXT. 202 00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:04,601 GUYS, COME ON. LET'S MOVE ON 203 00:10:04,638 --> 00:10:06,508 TO OFFICE DATING. 204 00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:09,409 - ( crowd cheering ) - THAT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN. 205 00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:12,952 SEÑOR, WHAT IF THE LADY IS FINISHED WITH THE DONKEY 206 00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:15,580 AND SHE'S WALKING BACK TO HER LOCKER? 207 00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,815 IS IT OKAY TO ASK HER OUT ON A DATE THEN? 208 00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:21,191 GOOD QUESTION, HECTOR, AND THE ANSWER IS NO-- NO, IT'S NOT. 209 00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:23,391 I KNOW WHEN YOU SEE A WOMAN OUT THERE 210 00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:25,533 FELLATING A LARGE MAMMAL, AND YOU THINK 211 00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:27,898 IT IS APPROPRIATE TO APPROACH HER AT THE WATER COOLER 212 00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:30,028 AND ASK HER FOR A CERVEZA, 213 00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:32,303 BUT IT'S VERY DISRESPECTFUL. I'M SORRY. 214 00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:34,972 CAN WE ASK THE DONKEY OUT FOR A CERVEZA? 215 00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:37,872 UH, PACO, YOU'RE REALLY PUSHING IT TODAY. 216 00:10:37,905 --> 00:10:39,665 WHAT IF THE DONKEY ASKS US OUT? 217 00:10:39,707 --> 00:10:42,137 FELLAS, THIS IS A SERIOUS MATTER. 218 00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:45,675 CAN I USE THE DONKEY AS A TRANSPORTATION TO GET HOME? 219 00:10:45,713 --> 00:10:49,383 I ACTUALLY SEE NO PROBLEM WITH USING THE DONKEY AS TRANSPORTATION. 220 00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:51,916 EVEN IF I'M NOT WEARING PANTS? 221 00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:53,492 AY! 222 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,260 OKAY, THIS MEETING'S DONE. 223 00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:57,388 ALL RIGHT, LAUGH ALL YOU WANT, YOU GUYS. YUCK IT UP. 224 00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:59,564 OKAY? YOU'RE ALL COMEDIANS. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? 225 00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:02,632 IF SOMEONE SUES US AND THEY SHUT US DOWN, WE'RE ALL OUT OF A JOB. 226 00:11:02,730 --> 00:11:04,730 ALL RIGHT? THAT'S A REALITY. 227 00:11:04,732 --> 00:11:08,072 NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, 228 00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:12,111 I AM FILLING IN FOR THE 2:00 A.M. SHOW. 229 00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:14,739 I LOST MY WALLET. 230 00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:18,245 SO IF ANYBODY WANTS TO COME BY, 231 00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:19,978 SHOW THEIR SUPPORT, 232 00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,783 UH, I COULD USE IT. 233 00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:24,216 YOU KNOW? 234 00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:28,461 ( laughs ) DEAR GOD. 235 00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:30,288 ( crowd cheering ) 236 00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:33,333 COME ON, GUYS. HE'S ( bleep ) THE BIG ONE. 237 00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:39,269 ( Mexican Hat Dance playing ) 238 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,120 ( dings ) 239 00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:04,394 WELL... 240 00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:07,434 MR. JENSON, I GOT YOUR SON'S TEST RESULTS BACK. 241 00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:09,160 OKAY. 242 00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:12,166 HE HAS ACUTE CHROMOSOME SYNDROME. 243 00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:14,939 WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 244 00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,838 THIS IS NEVER EASY. 245 00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:19,240 HE HAS THREE MONTHS TO LIVE. 246 00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:26,450 I'M VERY SORRY. 247 00:12:31,051 --> 00:12:33,421 TYLER? 248 00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:41,425 LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOT TO MAKE YOU A BUCKET LIST-- 249 00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:43,961 - HUH, BUDDY? - Doctor: THAT'S IT. 250 00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:46,267 - A BUCKET LIST. - YES, A BUCKET LIST. 251 00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:47,669 DADDY. 252 00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:50,040 A LIST OF THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE. 253 00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:51,910 ( doctor laughs ) 254 00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:54,309 OH GOD, RON, I'M SO SORRY. 255 00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:55,841 I KNOW. 256 00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:57,953 AND THERE'S NO CURE FOR CHROMOSOME SYNDROME? 257 00:12:57,978 --> 00:12:59,978 NO. 258 00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:03,483 WELL, IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN DO... 259 00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:06,116 ACTUALLY THERE IS. 260 00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:08,963 TYLER MADE A-- A BUCKET LIST. 261 00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:10,859 HE DID? 262 00:13:10,858 --> 00:13:14,658 THAT'S SWEET. WHAT'S ON HIS LIST? 263 00:13:14,694 --> 00:13:17,164 HE WANTS ME TO ( bleep ) YOUR WIFE. 264 00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:19,967 WHAT? 265 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,640 HE WANTS ME TO ( bleep ) YOUR WIFE. 266 00:13:22,669 --> 00:13:24,399 NO, MAN. 267 00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:29,307 WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU? NO. 268 00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:30,582 HEY, MAN. 269 00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:36,177 HONEY? 270 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:48,261 * LET'S GO 271 00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:50,755 * ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER * 272 00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:54,897 * I DON'T REALLY WANT TO BE OBLIVIOUS * 273 00:13:54,902 --> 00:13:58,242 * OBLIVIOUS 274 00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:02,911 * WHERE ARE ALL THE CLOUDS WITH THE SILVER LINING? * 275 00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:05,750 * HAVE THEY BLOWN AWAY? 276 00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:10,578 * OH, WHERE ARE ALL THE CLOUDS WITH THE SILVER LINING? * 277 00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:13,917 * HAVE THEY BLOWN AWAY? 278 00:14:13,921 --> 00:14:16,721 * OBLIVIOUS 279 00:14:16,756 --> 00:14:19,786 * OBLIVIOUS 280 00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:22,526 * HEY NOW, MY SISTERS AND MY BROTHERS * 281 00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:27,072 * DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE OBLIVIOUS? * 282 00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:30,670 * OBLIVIOUS 283 00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:34,773 * WHERE ARE ALL THE CLOUDS WITH THE SILVER LINING? * 284 00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:38,107 * HAVE THEY BLOWN AWAY? 285 00:14:38,145 --> 00:14:43,145 * OH, WHERE ARE ALL THE CLOUDS WITH THE SILVER LINING? * 286 00:14:43,183 --> 00:14:46,493 - * HAVE THEY BLOWN AWAY? - ( man screaming ) 287 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:55,410 HEY, ROBOT, I THOUGHT YOU SAID TOM BRADY 288 00:14:55,435 --> 00:14:57,375 WAS GONNA GET SACKED IN THE THIRD QUARTER. 289 00:14:57,371 --> 00:15:01,601 NO, I SAID I WANT A TOM BRADY SACK IN MY TURD CUTTER. 290 00:15:01,641 --> 00:15:03,171 Whoa! 291 00:15:03,209 --> 00:15:05,779 Yeah, those are two completely different things. 292 00:15:05,812 --> 00:15:08,082 Hey, Dildo, you want to win your money back at darts? 293 00:15:08,114 --> 00:15:11,484 HUH. GAY PANIC HUMOR. SEEN IT BEFORE. NOT MY SPEED. 294 00:15:11,518 --> 00:15:12,818 ( beeping ) 295 00:15:12,852 --> 00:15:14,652 UH-OH, GOTTA GET TO THE BAR. 296 00:15:14,688 --> 00:15:16,458 I.D.s, PLEASE. 297 00:15:16,490 --> 00:15:18,500 BABY BIRD SHOTS, $2. 298 00:15:18,525 --> 00:15:20,495 NEXT UP? 299 00:15:22,529 --> 00:15:25,169 ( "Flower Duet" playing ) 300 00:15:28,568 --> 00:15:30,238 IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT? 301 00:15:30,269 --> 00:15:33,009 UH, UMM, UH... 302 00:15:33,039 --> 00:15:36,049 IT'S FUNNY YOU SAY THAT, 'CAUSE I DON'T THINK THIS I.D. IS LEGIT. 303 00:15:36,075 --> 00:15:39,445 IT SAYS HERE ON YOUR LICENSE THAT YOUR EYES ARE BLUE. 304 00:15:39,479 --> 00:15:41,419 BUT THEY'RE NOT BLUE. 305 00:15:41,415 --> 00:15:42,985 WHAT ARE THEY? 306 00:15:43,016 --> 00:15:46,286 THEY'RE CARIBBEAN SEA 307 00:15:46,319 --> 00:15:48,989 WITH A FULL MOON SHINING DOWN 308 00:15:49,022 --> 00:15:52,422 UNDER A SMURF'S DELICATE BALLS. 309 00:15:52,459 --> 00:15:55,229 SO BLUE. GREAT. THANKS. 310 00:15:55,261 --> 00:15:58,631 WAIT A SECOND. IT SAYS HERE THAT YOUR HAIR IS BROWN, 311 00:15:58,665 --> 00:16:01,065 BUT AGAIN, CLEARLY NOT BROWN. 312 00:16:01,100 --> 00:16:03,270 WHAT IS IT THEN? 313 00:16:03,302 --> 00:16:05,672 WHAT IS IT? IT'S AN AUTUMN MORNING 314 00:16:05,705 --> 00:16:08,075 AT DENZEL WASHINGTON'S HOUSE. 315 00:16:08,107 --> 00:16:12,347 HE'S WALKED OUT OF THE SHOWER AND INTO A CARAMEL FIRE HOSE. 316 00:16:12,446 --> 00:16:14,846 YEP, BROWN. I JUST WANT A BEER, BRO. 317 00:16:14,881 --> 00:16:17,241 HEY, WAIT, I'M LOOKING-- ONE MORE THING-- AT YOUR SIGNATURE. 318 00:16:17,283 --> 00:16:19,283 IT LOOKS FAKE. WOULD YOU MIND SIGNING MY BREAST? 319 00:16:19,318 --> 00:16:21,358 - NO. - IS THAT YOUR CURRENT ADDRESS? 320 00:16:21,455 --> 00:16:24,325 NO, ACTUALLY, I DON'T LIVE THERE. 321 00:16:24,357 --> 00:16:27,327 UM, THAT ADDRESS IS NOW A ROBOT VAGINA FACTORY. 322 00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:28,870 WHAT? 323 00:16:28,895 --> 00:16:31,665 JESUS CHRIST. GROSS. 324 00:16:31,698 --> 00:16:34,268 IT SAYS HERE YOU'RE AN ORGAN DONOR. 325 00:16:34,300 --> 00:16:38,110 YES, BUT I'M NOT DONATING MY BALLS ON YOUR CHIN 326 00:16:38,137 --> 00:16:40,507 OR MY ROD IN YOUR OVEN OR MY... 327 00:16:40,540 --> 00:16:41,750 BRAIN? 328 00:16:41,775 --> 00:16:44,915 I WAS THINKING YOUR BRAIN. 329 00:16:44,944 --> 00:16:48,314 I CAN TELL THAT YOU'RE VERY WISE AND YOU HAVE A LOT TO SAY. 330 00:16:48,347 --> 00:16:51,587 UNDERNEATH YOUR INSECURITY IS A SOUL 331 00:16:51,618 --> 00:16:55,488 DEEPER THAN THE GRAND CANYON MADE OUT OF DREAMS AND WHISPERS. 332 00:16:55,489 --> 00:16:58,799 WOW. THAT WAS REALLY SWEET OF YOU. 333 00:16:58,825 --> 00:17:02,765 BUT YOU COULD ALSO DONATE YOUR ASS CHEEK AS A PILLOW. 334 00:17:02,796 --> 00:17:05,796 - OKAY, I MIGHT DO THAT. - WHAT? ARE YOU ( bleep ) SERIOUS? 335 00:17:05,832 --> 00:17:08,262 I'M JUST ( bleep ) WITH YOU. STOP IT. 336 00:17:08,301 --> 00:17:12,301 OH, PHEW. I'M JUST SAYING THAT I HAVE A BED THAT WOULD FIT YOUR ASS. 337 00:17:12,338 --> 00:17:15,608 THAT'S FINE. PLEASE CALL ME. 338 00:17:15,642 --> 00:17:18,272 OH, HEY, GIRL, YOU CAN GO. 339 00:17:18,311 --> 00:17:20,311 DRINK AND DRIVE IF YOU WANT. 340 00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:24,955 Announcer: SHE SANG ABOUT HER POKER FACE. 341 00:17:24,984 --> 00:17:27,014 SHE'S TOLD US TO JUST DANCE 342 00:17:27,053 --> 00:17:29,623 AND SHARED WITH US HER BAD ROMANCE. 343 00:17:29,656 --> 00:17:32,526 BUT WHERE DOES IT ALL START AND WHO DOES IT START WITH? 344 00:17:32,526 --> 00:17:34,626 ON THIS EPISODE OF "FAMOUS SIBLINGS," 345 00:17:34,661 --> 00:17:38,191 WE TALK TO LADY GAGA'S BROTHER, OFFICER GARRY GAGA. 346 00:17:38,231 --> 00:17:40,061 - AHH. - HEY, GAGA. 347 00:17:40,099 --> 00:17:42,139 HOW YOU DOIN', RICHIE? 348 00:17:42,168 --> 00:17:46,078 I'M GARRY GAGA, OLDER BROTHER OF POP SINGER, POP STAR LADY GAGA. 349 00:17:46,105 --> 00:17:50,545 UH, YOU KNOW, WE HAD A PRETTY NORMAL CHILDHOOD GROWIN' UP IN JERSEY. 350 00:17:50,577 --> 00:17:53,617 YOU KNOW, MY LIFE'S PRETTY MUCH THE POLAR OPPOSITE OF LADY GAGA'S. 351 00:17:53,647 --> 00:17:55,547 SHE'S THE QUEEN OF POP 352 00:17:55,549 --> 00:17:57,559 AND I'M-- I'M A MEAN OLD COP. 353 00:17:57,551 --> 00:17:58,911 HOW YOU DOIN' TODAY, MA'AM? 354 00:17:58,952 --> 00:18:02,152 I GOT YOU GOING 42 IN A SCHOOL ZONE. 355 00:18:02,188 --> 00:18:05,158 STOP SELLING THE ECSTASY, RICKY! 356 00:18:05,191 --> 00:18:08,561 ANYWAY, THIS IS THE HAT I GOT ON TODAY. 357 00:18:08,595 --> 00:18:11,165 YOU KNOW, WHAT CAN I SAY? HEY, I'M A GAGA. 358 00:18:11,197 --> 00:18:13,667 THE GUYS ON THE FORCE ARE USED TO IT. THEY RESPECT IT. 359 00:18:13,700 --> 00:18:15,810 THEY KNOW I'M A GAGA AND THAT IT'S PART OF ME. 360 00:18:15,835 --> 00:18:17,705 HEY, COME HERE! MOTHER-- ( bleep ) 361 00:18:17,737 --> 00:18:19,677 GOD DAMN IT! 362 00:18:19,706 --> 00:18:21,236 ( bleep ) 363 00:18:21,274 --> 00:18:22,944 STAY DOWN! 364 00:18:26,345 --> 00:18:29,345 YOU BROKE MY ( bleep ) SWAN! 365 00:18:29,382 --> 00:18:31,112 THIS IS MY FAVORITE HAT! 366 00:18:31,150 --> 00:18:32,720 ( bleep ) 367 00:18:32,752 --> 00:18:35,282 I NEED BACKUP OVER HERE OFF MAIN STREET. 368 00:18:35,321 --> 00:18:37,851 THIS GUY BROKE MY SWAN. 369 00:18:37,891 --> 00:18:40,591 YOU GOTTA GET OVER HERE, MAN. I'M GONNA ( bleep ) KILL THIS GUY. 370 00:18:40,627 --> 00:18:42,697 Garry: I WORK WITH A GOOD GROUP OF GUYS. 371 00:18:44,030 --> 00:18:45,640 YEAH, FOR SURE. 372 00:18:45,665 --> 00:18:48,205 - I NEED HELP WITH MY CROWN. - OH, YEAH, FOR SURE. 373 00:18:48,234 --> 00:18:50,604 YOU KNOW, I DO ALL MY OWN HAIR AND MAKEUP. 374 00:18:50,604 --> 00:18:52,204 AND I MADE THIS. 375 00:18:52,238 --> 00:18:54,608 THIS IS AN ORIGINAL GARRY RIGHT HERE ON MY HEAD. 376 00:18:54,641 --> 00:18:56,841 HOW ABOUT THAT? I SENT A PICTURE OF IT TO LADY. 377 00:18:56,876 --> 00:18:59,046 SHE WAS LIKE, "OH, GARRY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 378 00:18:59,078 --> 00:19:02,788 YOU MAKE ME LOOK BAD." BUT NO, SERIOUSLY. 379 00:19:02,816 --> 00:19:05,716 DID HE HIT YOU? 380 00:19:05,752 --> 00:19:08,352 IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME, IS IT? 381 00:19:08,387 --> 00:19:10,987 LOOK AT ME. HEY. 382 00:19:11,024 --> 00:19:13,394 WE'LL GET THIS SCUMBAG, OKAY? 383 00:19:13,426 --> 00:19:16,026 YOU'RE GONNA BE ALL RIGHT. 384 00:19:16,062 --> 00:19:18,392 ALL RIGHT. WATCH THE HAT. 385 00:19:18,431 --> 00:19:21,191 GARRY GAGA OVER HERE IN JERSEY FIGHTING CRIME. 386 00:19:21,234 --> 00:19:23,864 IF YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF A PARKING TICKET, LET ME KNOW. 387 00:19:23,903 --> 00:19:27,333 OR IF YOU NEED A CLUB REMIX OF "PAPARAZZI," 388 00:19:27,373 --> 00:19:29,343 LET ME KNOW ABOUT THAT TOO. 389 00:19:29,375 --> 00:19:31,845 BUT NO, SERIOUSLY, GO SEE LADY ON TOUR. 390 00:19:31,878 --> 00:19:34,278 SHE'S A FRICKIN' TORNADO UP THERE. I DON'T KNOW HOW SHE DOES IT. 391 00:19:34,313 --> 00:19:36,883 I CAN NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT. IT'S INSANE. 392 00:19:36,916 --> 00:19:39,656 HERE'S MY MICROPHONE RIGHT HERE. HERE'S MY POKER FACE. 393 00:19:39,653 --> 00:19:41,753 YOU WANT TO DANCE TO THAT? I DON'T THINK YOU DO. 394 00:19:41,788 --> 00:19:44,428 * LET'S GO 395 00:19:44,457 --> 00:19:47,357 * PUT ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER * 396 00:19:47,393 --> 00:19:51,863 * I DON'T REALLY WANT TO BE OBLIVIOUS * 397 00:19:51,898 --> 00:19:55,338 * OBLIVIOUS 398 00:19:55,368 --> 00:19:59,308 * WHERE ARE ALL THE CLOUDS WITH THE SILVER LINING? * 399 00:19:59,338 --> 00:20:02,778 * HAVE THEY BLOWN AWAY? 400 00:20:02,809 --> 00:20:07,789 * OH, WHERE ARE ALL THE CLOUDS WITH THE SILVER LINING? * 401 00:20:07,814 --> 00:20:10,744 * HAVE THEY BLOWN AWAY? 402 00:20:10,784 --> 00:20:12,954 * OBLIVIOUS 403 00:20:12,986 --> 00:20:16,726 * OBLIVIOUS 404 00:20:16,756 --> 00:20:19,826 * HEY NOW, MY SISTERS AND MY BROTHERS * 405 00:20:19,859 --> 00:20:24,029 * DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE OBLIVIOUS? * 406 00:20:24,063 --> 00:20:27,193 * OBLIVIOUS 407 00:20:27,233 --> 00:20:31,703 * WHERE ARE ALL THE CLOUDS WITH THE SILVER LINING? * 408 00:20:31,738 --> 00:20:34,638 * HAVE THEY BLOWN AWAY? 409 00:20:42,181 --> 00:20:44,381 HEY, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? 410 00:20:44,417 --> 00:20:47,187 COULD YOU PLEASE HELP ME? I RAN OUT OF GAS. 411 00:20:47,220 --> 00:20:49,030 OH, YEAH YEAH YEAH. OF COURSE. 412 00:20:49,055 --> 00:20:50,325 THANKS. 413 00:20:53,259 --> 00:20:56,299 IT'S GOOD TIMING. I'VE HAD, LIKE, 12 BEERS TODAY. 414 00:20:56,329 --> 00:20:58,369 AHH. 415 00:21:00,399 --> 00:21:03,069 - ALL RIGHT, DRIVE SAFE. - OKAY. YOU TOO. 416 00:21:05,004 --> 00:21:07,904 * P-R-E-T-E-N-D T-I-M-E. * 417 00:21:11,010 --> 00:21:15,950 WE JUST GOT A CHECK FOR $100,000 FOR DOCTORS WITHOUT BORDERS. 418 00:21:15,982 --> 00:21:19,882 GOOD WORK, SHELLY. JUST PUT THAT CHECK IN MY PERSONAL ACCOUNT. 419 00:21:19,919 --> 00:21:22,029 OH, BUT I DON'T THINK THAT... 420 00:21:22,055 --> 00:21:25,755 IT'S JUST TO COVER SOME CHECKS UNTIL I GET PAID ON FRIDAY. 421 00:21:25,759 --> 00:21:27,769 BUT THAT MONEY IS TO HELP CHARITY. 422 00:21:27,761 --> 00:21:29,891 DON'T BE A PAIN. MAKE IT RAIN. 423 00:21:29,929 --> 00:21:32,769 OKAY. DON'T FORGET TONIGHT IS THE GRAND OPENING 424 00:21:32,766 --> 00:21:35,636 - OF THE NEW CLUB RAZZMATAZZ. - DO WE HAVE TO GO? 425 00:21:35,668 --> 00:21:38,008 WELL, YOU ALREADY R.S.V.P.'d, WHEELCHAIR CAT. 426 00:21:38,037 --> 00:21:40,377 I WILL CURB YOUR TEETH OUT! 427 00:21:40,427 --> 00:21:44,977 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 31464

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