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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:21,213 Falling in love is beautiful. 2 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:30,556 Nothing in the world makes us feel so good. 3 00:01:30,558 --> 00:01:33,692 Don't! That hurts! Don't! 4 00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:37,529 Oh, poor Kate. Let me make it better. Ow! 5 00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:39,665 You're ugly. You're ugly! 6 00:01:51,711 --> 00:01:55,180 First love is the most powerful because no one's been hurt yet. 7 00:01:55,182 --> 00:01:58,450 My first love was Bobby Norton. 8 00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:01,353 Everything he did had a sort of magic to it. 9 00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:03,522 The way he smiled, the way he talked, 10 00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:06,658 the way he walked like my favorite actor, Billy Jack. 11 00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:09,628 Bobby was a movie star. 12 00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:23,742 Hi. Hi. 13 00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:27,880 You okay? Maybe you shouldn't shove so hard next time. 14 00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:35,621 My heart just got bigger. 15 00:02:40,627 --> 00:02:43,695 When I look at you like this, it looks like you only have one eye. 16 00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:45,864 Thank you. 17 00:02:58,312 --> 00:03:00,312 One of the many differences... 18 00:03:00,314 --> 00:03:02,314 between men and women when it comes to love... 19 00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:05,851 is the need to tell the world every little detail. 20 00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:08,620 If you do choose to spill your guts to someone, 21 00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:10,956 just make sure it isn't Becky Sussman. 22 00:03:20,433 --> 00:03:24,203 Bobby, are you okay? How could you do it? 23 00:03:24,205 --> 00:03:28,340 What did I do? You told everybody. How could you do that? 24 00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:31,710 All my friends are making fun of me, and now it's over. 25 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,712 It's over! 26 00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:37,449 Bobby! 27 00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:40,752 Bobby, I'll tell your friends I was lying! 28 00:03:43,456 --> 00:03:45,624 I'll let you hit me harder. 29 00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:47,693 Bobby? 30 00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:51,396 Love is a mine field. You take a step, 31 00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:54,700 get blown to pieces, put yourself back together again... 32 00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:57,269 and stupidly take another step. 33 00:03:57,271 --> 00:03:59,338 I guess that's human nature. 34 00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:02,941 It hurts so much to be alone that we'd all rather blow up than be single. 35 00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:09,881 ♪ 36 00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:12,784 ♪ Clouds from chimneys rise 37 00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:16,488 ♪ They're something wild and free ♪ 38 00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:19,758 ♪ That river always runs 39 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:24,663 ♪ Away from here and you and me ♪ 40 00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:26,698 ♪ Honey child 41 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:30,636 ♪ Oh, my honey child 42 00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:36,608 ♪ 43 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:39,678 ♪ These stones are in your hands ♪ 44 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,648 ♪ Through the air across the sea ♪ 45 00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:45,550 What's new, Frank? Kate. 46 00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:51,423 It, uh, doesn't make the elevator go any faster, Kate. 47 00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:54,726 Yeah. I know. But it makes me feel more involved. 48 00:04:55,895 --> 00:04:58,463 Are you angry? No! Why? 49 00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,999 Well, I just heard this thing where single women... 50 00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:03,769 tend to be eight times angrier than married women. 51 00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:07,839 Maybe you should write an article about that, since you're not married. 52 00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:10,342 Uh, yeah. I would, but uh-- 53 00:05:10,344 --> 00:05:11,910 I'm in the middle of writing an article... 54 00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:15,013 on married bald guys who can't get hard without Viagra. 55 00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:19,685 ♪ Hold me closer 56 00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:22,854 ♪ Closer still and 57 00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:26,825 ♪ Closer, say I 58 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:31,697 ♪ All the ways I will 59 00:05:31,699 --> 00:05:36,368 ♪ 60 00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:38,870 ♪ Ah, honey child 61 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,815 - You're late. - I know. 62 00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:52,851 Not a good day to be late. Why not? 63 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:55,053 Because the antichrist is really pissed at you. 64 00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:57,723 She said she wants to see you in her office right now. 65 00:05:57,725 --> 00:05:59,725 Oh, God. Why? 66 00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:02,594 Well, I'm not supposed to say. 67 00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:08,767 Do you have any stretch marks? Not yet. 68 00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:11,870 Damn! Have a deadline on my vitamin E piece. 69 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,639 I know that heifer in accounting has them, but she's not talking. 70 00:06:14,641 --> 00:06:16,842 Does anybody have any stretch marks? 71 00:06:19,579 --> 00:06:21,580 Sit down. 72 00:06:25,752 --> 00:06:27,753 Oh, God. 73 00:06:27,755 --> 00:06:30,689 Don't get old, Kate. Old is ugly. 74 00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:32,858 Ugly is death. 75 00:06:35,094 --> 00:06:37,095 - You're fired. - What? 76 00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:39,097 Get me Leo. 77 00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:42,567 Were you planning on turning in the article I assigned after I read that one? 78 00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:44,903 You said I should make the article my own, so I did. 79 00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:49,741 Kate. Kate, this is a step-by-step description of sucking cocks. 80 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:53,111 Right. Actually, I called it a blow-by-blow. Very clever. 81 00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:57,783 "When life sucks, so should you. Oral sex can cure depression--" 82 00:06:57,785 --> 00:06:59,851 What the fuck were you thinking? All right. 83 00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:01,853 So maybe the title is a little harsh. 84 00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:05,123 But I found a great hook, don't you think? When I said make it your own, 85 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:07,759 I meant draw from your own experiences and relationships. 86 00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:12,130 That's what I did. I know ten times more about blow jobs... 87 00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:14,199 than I do about relationships. 88 00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:16,935 I've failed at every relationship I've ever been in. 89 00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:19,938 I don't know what's going on in your personal life, and I really don't give a shit. 90 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:22,808 The point is, our readers still have hope. 91 00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:25,777 This is called Monique magazine. Monique. My name is at stake here. 92 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:28,580 It is not called, Tired, Old, Jaded Dick-sucker Review. 93 00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:31,016 All right. Wh-What if Mary... 94 00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:33,652 writes the piece on perfect relationships, 95 00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:35,654 and do the little thing on stretch marks. 96 00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:37,889 I know tons of people with stretch marks. 97 00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:41,226 Okay. 98 00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:43,829 I'm going to be completely honest with you here. 99 00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:46,097 I can't cope with being fired. 100 00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:50,902 This is the only thing in my entire life I haven't failed at. 101 00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:53,805 I can do the assignment. I know I can. 102 00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:56,875 Can you finish 2,500 happy, perky words by deadline tonight? 103 00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:59,711 - Absolutely. - Then you are temporarily "unfired." 104 00:07:59,713 --> 00:08:01,713 Thank you. Now get the fuck out of my office. 105 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:10,956 Shit! Shit! Shit! 106 00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:14,726 So, were you fired? Not yet. 107 00:08:16,095 --> 00:08:19,931 Hey, somebody made a copy of your blow job article and circulated it. 108 00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:23,869 Pretty good. So, you use your hands, huh? 109 00:08:38,784 --> 00:08:43,655 Happy, perky notes... 110 00:08:43,657 --> 00:08:47,792 on how to find and keep that perfect man. 111 00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:57,869 We all want to be loved. 112 00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:00,772 Sometimes it doesn't even matter who loves us, 113 00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:03,241 as long as they make us feel less alone. 114 00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:06,912 What makes a relationship last forever? 115 00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:10,649 I guess if I knew the answer to that, I wouldn't be living alone with my four cats. 116 00:09:18,025 --> 00:09:21,126 They say you have to kiss a lot of frogs to get to the prince. 117 00:09:21,128 --> 00:09:25,030 Richard Miltner was the most boring frog I ever dated. 118 00:09:25,032 --> 00:09:27,666 But sometimes, you just have to get out of the house. 119 00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:32,070 ...The masculine and the feminine-- 120 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,940 Boy, we lucked out pretty good. 121 00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:37,642 My mother's corns aren't usually this bad, 122 00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:41,646 but lucky for us she wasn't able to walk well enough to come to the show. 123 00:09:41,648 --> 00:09:44,716 It's haunting, don't you think? 124 00:09:44,718 --> 00:09:49,254 What? Uh, the paintings. They're pretty disturbing. 125 00:09:52,024 --> 00:09:54,960 - You think? - If I had a kid, 126 00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:57,629 I definitely wouldn't put one of these up in his bedroom. 127 00:09:58,631 --> 00:10:01,733 Unless I hated him. 128 00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:05,937 My father would have hung stuff like this from my ceilings. 129 00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:09,374 He hated me. You know, my mother hated me too. 130 00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:14,746 She used to tell me I was dying of cancer when I was four. 131 00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:18,183 Yeah. Always sent me into these deep depressions. 132 00:10:18,185 --> 00:10:21,953 Which was what she wanted, because then I wouldn't ask her to make me lunch. 133 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:25,123 Yeah, she hated when I bugged her for food and stuff. 134 00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:31,329 Hey, uh, would you like a champagne? What? 135 00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:34,065 Uh, a champagne. Would you like one? 136 00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:36,067 Yeah. Absolutely. Okay. 137 00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:52,717 Were you lookin' for me? 138 00:10:52,719 --> 00:10:54,919 No! Okay. 139 00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:58,056 No, I really wasn't looking for anybody. 140 00:10:58,058 --> 00:11:01,326 You mind if I talk to you for a minute? 141 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:03,928 Sure. 142 00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:06,965 In the corner? In the corner? 143 00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:08,967 I don't like the middle of rooms. It's-- 144 00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:11,169 Just come with me to the corner. Nobody's behind you in the corner. 145 00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:13,171 Just-- Come on. 146 00:11:23,449 --> 00:11:25,450 So, who's that guy you're with? What guy? 147 00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:28,720 Oh, uh, Richard? He's a stand-up comedian. 148 00:11:28,722 --> 00:11:32,457 Yeah, he seems funny. Is he your boyfriend? Richard? No. 149 00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:35,026 No, he's 30 years old, and he lives with his mother. 150 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:38,129 So what do you think of the paintings? 151 00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:40,365 I love the style, but I think they're immature. 152 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:42,367 Immature? Mm-hmm. 153 00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:45,704 - What makes you say that? - Look at that one over there. 154 00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:49,007 - Yeah? - What the hell's that supposed to mean? 155 00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:51,776 That? I think that one's supposed to mean that there's a woman... 156 00:11:51,778 --> 00:11:54,446 pulling a severed head out of her ass. 157 00:11:54,448 --> 00:11:57,415 What's the point? What do I learn from it? 158 00:11:57,417 --> 00:12:00,752 Maybe that's it. Maybe there's no point. 159 00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:03,088 You're not supposed to learn anything. 160 00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:05,090 I wonder what the artist looks like. 161 00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:07,325 He must be pretty scary with shit like that coming out of his head. 162 00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:12,130 Maybe he has a highly-developed dark side that you might not be in contact with. 163 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,935 How long did it take you to paint that one? 164 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:24,342 Oh, gosh. There you are. 165 00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:26,344 I've been looking all over for you. 166 00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:30,181 You are a doll! Look at this. Thank you. Uh, Richard, 167 00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:32,851 Adam Levy. 168 00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:36,221 Oh, wow! Wow, you're the artist. 169 00:12:36,223 --> 00:12:40,425 Wow, you're the lucky guy. Oh, yeah, we were just getting around... 170 00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:43,061 to discussing our future children. 171 00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:45,263 Right, but I don't think you're gonna have a future together. 172 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:48,133 I'm sorry. Excuse me? In order to have a future, 173 00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:50,902 I would assume you would see the person again. 174 00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:53,238 You're not going to be seeing her anymore, 'cause she's my girlfriend now. 175 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:55,306 - What? - What? 176 00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:59,844 From the moment we laid eyes on each other, we had this immediate spark. 177 00:12:59,846 --> 00:13:03,081 Isn't that right, uh-- Kate! Kate. 178 00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:05,784 Isn't that right, Kate? No, actually. 179 00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:08,153 Oh, I-- Oh. Is this some kind of joke, or-- 180 00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:11,856 No, no, but this is-- Two guys walk into a bar. 181 00:13:11,858 --> 00:13:16,294 One guy is a 30-year old stand-up comedian who lives with his mother. 182 00:13:18,230 --> 00:13:22,333 Okay. Could we, uh, go now, please? 183 00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,869 Um, uh-- 184 00:13:27,373 --> 00:13:31,309 You know, it is women like you who turn men into weirdos. 185 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,311 Richard-- No, no, don't bother. 186 00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:36,114 Once I've been hurt, there's no turning back. 187 00:13:39,185 --> 00:13:41,986 Wow, that wasn't cool. I made it weird. 188 00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:44,522 It was mean. You shouldn't have done that. I know, I know. 189 00:13:46,458 --> 00:13:48,459 So, where should we eat? 190 00:14:02,441 --> 00:14:06,244 You are without a doubt the tallest woman I've ever met in my life. 191 00:14:07,313 --> 00:14:10,348 Really? Mm-hmm. 192 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:13,518 Could I see your hands? I've been noticing them. 193 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:17,222 You just have these long E.T. fingers. 194 00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:19,624 Like a tree frog. 195 00:14:22,161 --> 00:14:25,496 Oh, my God! Oh, my-- How big? 196 00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:28,533 Size 11. Yeah, size 11. Size 11? 197 00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:32,070 Woman's size 11? Is this some artist thing? Focusing on people's flaws? 198 00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:35,874 I don't see them as flaws. I see them as God's little artistic choices. 199 00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:40,044 So I guess God decided to give you this abnormally large head. 200 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,882 You know what's different about that? 201 00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:47,318 You're being shitty and mean, and I was celebrating your body. 202 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:50,555 Who you are as a person. Yeah, I was. You were celebrating my body. 203 00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:53,591 You know, I like this part of the relationship, normally. 204 00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:58,429 And what part is that? When it's new, you know. You ask all the fun questions. 205 00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:00,565 Mm, right. Me first. 206 00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:04,402 Okay. What's your relationship like with your dad? 207 00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:07,972 Um, my dad's dead. 208 00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:11,109 He was hit by a car in front of me when I was six. 209 00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:13,912 Oh, God, I'm so sorry. I don't-- 210 00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:16,481 Just kidding. We get along great. 211 00:15:17,316 --> 00:15:19,384 Any brothers and sisters? It's my turn. 212 00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:22,120 No, I've taken your turn away. Any brothers or sisters? 213 00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:25,323 I have three older brothers. How many women have you slept with? 214 00:15:26,325 --> 00:15:28,326 Excuse me? Oh, come on. 215 00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:30,395 It's not like you haven't counted them. How many? 216 00:15:30,397 --> 00:15:34,232 - How many men have you slept with? - Not that many. Thirteen. 217 00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:37,335 Thirteen? Mm-hmm. 218 00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:40,271 As, like, 13 different guys? Yeah. 219 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,373 Spread out over the years, that's not so many. 220 00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:47,011 Aren't you gonna answer the question? 221 00:15:48,414 --> 00:15:52,450 Two. Okay? 222 00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,719 Two? That's it? 223 00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:58,356 That's it. Some of us actually believe in having full relationships. 224 00:15:58,358 --> 00:16:00,491 I know that might be hard-- Hey, I believe in relationships. 225 00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:02,493 Mine just happened to be short ones. 226 00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:06,464 I'm sorry, I can't-- You're like a whore. 227 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,469 Excuse me? You are. 228 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:15,039 Thirteen. Jesus Christ. Give me a break. 229 00:16:16,375 --> 00:16:20,044 So, were you popular in high school? What do you think? 230 00:16:20,046 --> 00:16:22,313 I guess that's a "no." 231 00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:26,617 I don't need this shit. I really don't. I happened to have been very popular. 232 00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:29,454 I was an artist. I used to draw all the pretty girls. 233 00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:33,224 I used to make them look better than they did, and they loved me. 234 00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:35,994 No, they didn't sleep with me, but they did, they loved me. 235 00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:38,429 How about you? You were probably real popular, with that attitude. 236 00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:40,732 You must have been like the girls from Carrie. 237 00:16:40,734 --> 00:16:43,634 Nope. No. I had huge buck teeth, 238 00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:47,005 and bony knees, and I slouched 'cause I was trying to hide the fact... 239 00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:49,374 that I hadn't grown any boobs yet. 240 00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:52,510 My hair was all stringy, and everybody called me "Horse Face." 241 00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,512 Horse Face? Yeah, it suits you. 242 00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:57,482 Oh, you think so? No, I like it. Yeah. 243 00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:59,484 You like it. Yeah. What's the longest kiss you've ever had? 244 00:16:59,486 --> 00:17:05,223 The longest kiss? You know what? Don't tell me. It'll make me jealous. 245 00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:08,593 Just make sure this one's longer, okay? 246 00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:18,336 Adam was unlike any guy I'd ever known. 247 00:17:18,338 --> 00:17:20,538 We were instant best friends. 248 00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:24,675 Two people who understood each other without having to say a word. 249 00:17:24,677 --> 00:17:27,512 It wasn't like that at all in my first relationship. 250 00:17:29,581 --> 00:17:34,085 It was a bad idea to give up my virginity to my high school French teacher. 251 00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:41,592 If two people... 252 00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:43,594 who want to be a couple of them, 253 00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:46,531 it is good when they are making love with each other... 254 00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:49,233 because if you're nice-- compris? What? 255 00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:52,270 Let's make love. 256 00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:57,375 We will, Mr. Bossard, I promise. 257 00:17:57,377 --> 00:17:59,377 I don't think I can tonight, though. 258 00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:01,846 I'm not really ready yet. 259 00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:03,848 You are not ready because you feel you and I... 260 00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:06,717 do not have the quality of life together with each other. 261 00:18:06,719 --> 00:18:09,554 I am sad for this. What? 262 00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:13,424 Let's make love, Cherie, please. I am waiting for so long. 263 00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:17,562 Will it hurt? Do not be scary. 264 00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:19,630 I am there for you needing me. 265 00:18:20,532 --> 00:18:23,468 What? 266 00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:34,212 Mr. Bossard? Eh? 267 00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:37,115 Are you... doing it? Oui. 268 00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:39,117 I can't believe it! 269 00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:41,119 This was supposed to hurt! 270 00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:43,588 Maybe it's because I've ridden horses all my life. 271 00:18:43,590 --> 00:18:47,258 Are you... smaller than most guys? 272 00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:49,494 ♪ 273 00:18:49,496 --> 00:18:52,497 My older man/daddy phase continued on past high school... 274 00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:54,499 and right into college. 275 00:18:54,501 --> 00:18:57,435 I was not a very evolved person by the time I ran into Eric. 276 00:18:57,437 --> 00:19:01,839 ♪ Hey, now I'm really draggin' ♪ 277 00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:07,345 Are you okay? Are you blind? Are you out of your mind? 278 00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:10,248 What is wrong with you? This is a brand-new car! 279 00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:12,450 Oh, my God! You could have fucking killed me! 280 00:19:12,452 --> 00:19:16,187 What are you doing? Hey, hey, hey. Okay. Shh. I said I'm sorry. 281 00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:18,856 This is Armani! A $500 shirt. I didn't see you. 282 00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:20,858 - You didn't see me? - I didn't see you. 283 00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:24,228 Were you painting your fucking toenails? Hey! Listen, fuck face! 284 00:19:24,230 --> 00:19:27,398 I didn't see you, okay? I didn't wake up this morning and go, 285 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:31,335 "Oh, geez, today's the day I want to crash into some fucking uptight yuppie." 286 00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:33,504 - All right? - You know what, lady? Fuck you, okay? 287 00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:35,706 Fuck you. Oh, yeah? Fuck you! 288 00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:38,709 - Hey! - Oh, shit! Fuck! 289 00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:40,945 Fuck, all right? There! You gonna see that? 290 00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:46,517 Okay, break it up. Break it up. 291 00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,953 Shut up! Hands behind your-- 292 00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:51,856 Hands behind your back. Hit him! Hit him! 293 00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:56,894 I think we got off on the wrong foot. 294 00:19:56,896 --> 00:20:00,565 The wrong foot? You just beat the shit out of my car. 295 00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:02,600 I'm sorry about that. 296 00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:05,603 Let's just-- Maybe we can start over again, all right? 297 00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:09,574 You got any plans for dinner tonight? After we make bail. 298 00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:17,281 So, this is where writers hang out, huh? Mm-hmm. 299 00:20:19,685 --> 00:20:21,686 What do you write about? 300 00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:23,821 I'm working on a novel between my journalism classes at U.C.L.A. 301 00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:26,657 Ooh. Novel, huh? Mm-hmm. 302 00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:29,293 - What's it about? - Death. 303 00:20:30,295 --> 00:20:33,231 Hmm. That sounds interesting. 304 00:20:34,366 --> 00:20:36,601 So, what do you do? 305 00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:39,804 I work a lot with Big Red Ass Monkeys. 306 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:43,975 It's a band, you know? 307 00:20:43,977 --> 00:20:46,677 You know the band? 308 00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:49,880 ♪ Big Red Ass Monkeys are here ♪ I direct music videos. 309 00:20:49,882 --> 00:20:52,617 Is that the one where the naked girl swims with a chimp? 310 00:20:53,719 --> 00:20:56,287 Ape. Great ape. Right. 311 00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:59,390 I guess chimps don't have those big, red asses. 312 00:20:59,392 --> 00:21:01,792 I don't know. I never checked. 313 00:21:11,503 --> 00:21:14,272 You think maybe... I could kiss you? 314 00:21:15,607 --> 00:21:18,342 - Maybe later. - Maybe later when? 315 00:21:18,344 --> 00:21:21,646 Maybe later, like in five seconds. 316 00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:25,950 Five, four, three, two-- 317 00:21:25,952 --> 00:21:30,721 ♪ Lookin' over my weak side shoulder ♪ 318 00:21:30,723 --> 00:21:34,659 ♪ Makes me sit all night envision playin' hard to forget ♪ 319 00:21:34,661 --> 00:21:39,063 ♪ Dominatin' the party conversation ♪ 320 00:21:39,065 --> 00:21:43,501 ♪ But never sayin' nothin' that she'll regret ♪ 321 00:21:43,503 --> 00:21:47,638 ♪ No bloomin' Daisy is this woman's kind of crazy ♪ 322 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,074 ♪ No sense of motion 323 00:21:50,076 --> 00:21:52,076 ♪ From bells to beehive 324 00:21:52,078 --> 00:21:54,078 ♪ I love to kiss her 325 00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:57,081 ♪ All highest her 326 00:21:57,083 --> 00:22:00,084 ♪ Till my tongue is tied 327 00:22:00,086 --> 00:22:03,654 ♪ Yes, you're retro-sexy 328 00:22:17,602 --> 00:22:19,904 Ah, I hate when that happens. 329 00:22:22,007 --> 00:22:25,743 A toast. To our three-week anniversary. 330 00:22:31,049 --> 00:22:34,352 You know, I think this is the longest relationship I've ever been in. 331 00:22:34,354 --> 00:22:38,689 Well, not counting Mr. Bossard, which lasted one semester. 332 00:22:38,691 --> 00:22:42,493 - Oh, God, did I ever tell you-- - Can we not talk about your high school French teacher? 333 00:22:42,495 --> 00:22:45,663 - It really disturbs me. - Okay. 334 00:22:45,665 --> 00:22:49,834 - Good. - So, what about your last relationship? 335 00:22:49,836 --> 00:22:52,069 Oh, God. What about it? 336 00:22:52,071 --> 00:22:55,906 How long was it, again? Five miserable years. 337 00:22:55,908 --> 00:23:00,745 - What did you have in common? - Mm, nothing. 338 00:23:00,747 --> 00:23:05,750 - What do we have in common? - We have a lot in common. 339 00:23:05,752 --> 00:23:08,786 Like what? 340 00:23:10,021 --> 00:23:12,390 Like... 341 00:23:12,392 --> 00:23:16,827 how many people do you know who can comfortably have sex in public places? 342 00:23:16,829 --> 00:23:19,096 Every guy I've ever met. 343 00:23:21,032 --> 00:23:23,934 Morning. You know what day today is, don't you? 344 00:23:23,936 --> 00:23:26,737 What? Sunday morning. 345 00:23:26,739 --> 00:23:29,807 My turn. 346 00:23:29,809 --> 00:23:31,809 I thought it was my turn. 347 00:23:31,811 --> 00:23:34,111 Nope. It's my turn. 348 00:23:38,150 --> 00:23:41,519 You know what? This game's idiotic. 349 00:23:41,521 --> 00:23:44,422 It's not spontaneous if it's scheduled. That's not true. 350 00:23:44,424 --> 00:23:47,892 See, scheduled spontaneity is the key to long-term love. 351 00:23:49,762 --> 00:23:52,029 Ahh! 352 00:23:52,031 --> 00:23:54,899 Don't look so happy. 353 00:23:54,901 --> 00:23:57,134 I like Sundays. 354 00:23:59,905 --> 00:24:03,040 Now, careful, careful. 355 00:24:03,042 --> 00:24:05,576 Ohh, yeah. 356 00:24:05,578 --> 00:24:08,512 Ohh, y-- 357 00:24:08,514 --> 00:24:12,616 Uh, I'm not getting that. They can wait. Come on. 358 00:24:14,152 --> 00:24:17,087 You get it or you're not gettin' it. I can't get it. 359 00:24:20,659 --> 00:24:23,928 All right. 360 00:24:23,930 --> 00:24:25,930 I'll be back. 361 00:24:29,935 --> 00:24:32,803 Just don't lose your concentration, okay? 362 00:24:33,939 --> 00:24:35,906 Oh, where are you going, huh? 363 00:24:35,908 --> 00:24:37,908 Oh, now you want some, don't you? 364 00:24:37,910 --> 00:24:41,479 Just hold that thought, okay? Daddy! 365 00:24:43,915 --> 00:24:46,951 - Daddy, guess what? I got a kitty and I named him-- - We're gonna go. 366 00:24:46,953 --> 00:24:49,487 Come on, sweet. Come with mommy. It's not what it looks like. 367 00:24:49,489 --> 00:24:53,757 Mel, will you wait? Mel? 368 00:24:53,759 --> 00:24:56,660 Kate. Kate! I can expla-- Kate! 369 00:24:56,662 --> 00:24:59,697 Will you come back? I'm trying to tell you-- 370 00:24:59,699 --> 00:25:02,833 Will you stop? Will you stop? What are you? 371 00:25:02,835 --> 00:25:04,902 I understand how you feel, okay? No, no. 372 00:25:04,904 --> 00:25:08,506 No, you don't. You have no idea how anyone feels. You're a sociopath. 373 00:25:08,508 --> 00:25:11,809 Look, I'm planning on getting a divorce! Don't ever touch me. 374 00:25:13,011 --> 00:25:15,179 Kate! Daddy! 375 00:25:16,681 --> 00:25:19,950 Even when bad relationships end, 376 00:25:19,952 --> 00:25:23,020 the pain can be severe enough to screw you up for years. 377 00:25:23,022 --> 00:25:25,923 We all pick up a little baggage after every breakup. 378 00:25:25,925 --> 00:25:28,959 The hope is that when the bags start to accumulate, 379 00:25:28,961 --> 00:25:32,029 we're still able to drag them into the next relationship. 380 00:25:32,031 --> 00:25:34,865 Fortunately, when Adam and I moved in together, 381 00:25:34,867 --> 00:25:37,034 my carry-on baggage was fairly light. 382 00:25:39,972 --> 00:25:46,043 I was going to put Paul's Entrails in the bedroom. That's better for the bathroom. 383 00:25:46,045 --> 00:25:49,980 If you want to be obvious. Okay. Whatever you want. 384 00:25:54,953 --> 00:25:57,855 I love you, horse face. I love you, too. 385 00:25:57,857 --> 00:26:01,025 I love you. I mean, I love you more than I've ever loved anybody... 386 00:26:01,027 --> 00:26:03,761 ever... in my life. 387 00:26:06,698 --> 00:26:10,568 Where are you goin'? Kate? 388 00:26:12,938 --> 00:26:15,973 Oh, God. Okay. Say it. 389 00:26:15,975 --> 00:26:17,942 Why do you want me to say it again? Because it was cute, 390 00:26:17,944 --> 00:26:19,944 and I want that cute moment saved forever. 391 00:26:19,946 --> 00:26:22,980 Honey, I-- It's not gonna sound cute. It's gonna sound forced. 392 00:26:22,982 --> 00:26:25,282 And I'm irritated, so could we just-- Just say it. 393 00:26:25,284 --> 00:26:28,686 I love you. 394 00:26:28,688 --> 00:26:31,822 - "Horse face." - I love you, horse face. 395 00:26:31,824 --> 00:26:33,958 I love you too. Now strip. 396 00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:35,960 Strip? Strip. 397 00:26:35,962 --> 00:26:39,730 Put the-- Put the toy away, and we'll-- Go on. 398 00:26:39,732 --> 00:26:41,966 Don't poke the bear in the zoo. Come on. 399 00:26:41,968 --> 00:26:44,068 Don't poke the bear in the zoo. Take it off. Come on! 400 00:26:44,070 --> 00:26:46,103 Don't poke the bear in the zoo. Whip it out. 401 00:26:46,105 --> 00:26:48,272 ♪ Do it now, ha 402 00:26:50,976 --> 00:26:52,710 ♪ Yea, hey 403 00:26:52,712 --> 00:27:00,084 ♪ Hey, once I was a boogie singer ♪ 404 00:27:00,086 --> 00:27:03,287 ♪ Playin' in a rock 'n' roll band ♪ 405 00:27:03,289 --> 00:27:08,292 ♪ I never had no problems, yeah ♪ 406 00:27:08,294 --> 00:27:12,663 ♪ Burnin' down the one-night stands ♪ 407 00:27:12,665 --> 00:27:17,835 ♪ When everything around me, yeah ♪ 408 00:27:17,837 --> 00:27:22,139 ♪ Got to stop from feelin' so low ♪ 409 00:27:22,141 --> 00:27:25,976 ♪ Then I decided quickly Yes, I did ♪ 410 00:27:25,978 --> 00:27:30,247 ♪ To disco down and check out the show ♪ 411 00:27:30,249 --> 00:27:34,284 ♪ Yeah, they were dancin' and singin' and movin' to the groovin' ♪ 412 00:27:36,856 --> 00:27:41,692 When you finally get to share your lonely bed with the one you love, 413 00:27:41,694 --> 00:27:45,095 life just doesn't get any better. 414 00:27:45,097 --> 00:27:48,966 Oh, God. Ow, baby. That was not me! 415 00:27:48,968 --> 00:27:51,168 Stop. Stop it. Come on. 416 00:27:51,170 --> 00:27:54,271 That was you. That's the first time you ever-- 417 00:27:54,273 --> 00:27:56,774 That was your first fart. Come here, baby. 418 00:27:56,776 --> 00:27:59,043 That was your first fart. You do love me. 419 00:27:59,045 --> 00:28:01,979 Don't blame it on me. 420 00:28:01,981 --> 00:28:04,014 That's so cute. You're embarrassed. 421 00:28:04,016 --> 00:28:07,718 Come here. Come here. No woman has ever farted in front of me before. 422 00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:10,954 ♪ Under the light of the moon 423 00:28:10,956 --> 00:28:13,157 ♪ Mother Earth 424 00:28:13,159 --> 00:28:16,226 ♪ Will fall asleep so soon 425 00:28:16,228 --> 00:28:19,830 ♪ Dream of many a thing 426 00:28:19,832 --> 00:28:23,067 ♪ Before she'll slowly wake up ♪ 427 00:28:23,069 --> 00:28:25,936 ♪ And then 428 00:28:25,938 --> 00:28:30,140 ♪ We're all touring for the morning train ♪ 429 00:28:30,142 --> 00:28:34,311 ♪ 'Cause the alarm clock overslept again ♪ 430 00:28:34,313 --> 00:28:38,482 ♪ And when the day is done the battle's won ♪ 431 00:28:38,484 --> 00:28:40,851 ♪ But she'll never know 432 00:28:40,853 --> 00:28:43,187 ♪ What's goin' on 433 00:28:47,192 --> 00:28:49,893 ♪ Get up, stay down 434 00:28:49,895 --> 00:28:53,297 ♪ Get pushed around 435 00:28:59,939 --> 00:29:03,073 Hi. Hi. 436 00:29:07,378 --> 00:29:10,814 - Hi. - What? 437 00:29:10,816 --> 00:29:13,751 - What? - Why are you smiling at me like that? 438 00:29:13,753 --> 00:29:16,520 Because it's our one-year anniversary. You should be smiling too. 439 00:29:18,758 --> 00:29:22,126 - Well, I guess so. - Come here. 440 00:29:22,128 --> 00:29:24,995 Come on! 441 00:29:24,997 --> 00:29:26,997 No, come here. 442 00:29:26,999 --> 00:29:29,099 Come on. Are you a grouchy little bunny? Yeah. 443 00:29:29,101 --> 00:29:31,502 Yeah. 444 00:29:31,504 --> 00:29:34,304 Well, I'm going to be taking you to someplace very special today. 445 00:29:34,306 --> 00:29:37,441 Where? Well, it's a surprise. 446 00:29:37,443 --> 00:29:40,077 Now, go fill me a tub, and I'll take you. 447 00:29:40,079 --> 00:29:42,913 Now? In the middle of the day? I'm feeling very, very dirty. 448 00:29:42,915 --> 00:29:46,116 I need a tub. Forget it. 449 00:29:46,118 --> 00:29:48,952 It's our annivers-- Could you just fill me a tub? 450 00:29:48,954 --> 00:29:51,321 Come on, you big grouch. Just go. 451 00:29:51,323 --> 00:29:54,458 My God, it's like pulling teeth with you to get anything. 452 00:29:57,295 --> 00:30:00,230 Oh, my God! 453 00:30:03,368 --> 00:30:06,403 Are you insane? What are we going to do with all these kitties? 454 00:30:06,405 --> 00:30:08,372 I don't know. We'll make stew, I figured. 455 00:30:08,374 --> 00:30:11,375 What are they doing in there? 456 00:30:11,377 --> 00:30:13,443 What are they do-- They like you, obviously. 457 00:30:13,445 --> 00:30:15,445 This one's Louie, this one's Murray. 458 00:30:15,447 --> 00:30:19,349 This one's Steve and this one is Mordecai. 459 00:30:19,351 --> 00:30:23,387 I got 'em from the Chinese restaurant. 460 00:30:23,389 --> 00:30:26,590 Hi, Mommy. Hello. 461 00:30:26,592 --> 00:30:29,560 Aren't I cute? Hi! 462 00:30:29,562 --> 00:30:32,162 You're my new mommy now. 463 00:30:32,164 --> 00:30:35,199 Bet the other 13 guys you slept with didn't get you a litter... 464 00:30:35,201 --> 00:30:37,201 of cute little kitties like this, did they? 465 00:30:37,203 --> 00:30:38,368 I'm pregnant. 466 00:30:41,172 --> 00:30:43,173 You're-- Really? 467 00:30:43,175 --> 00:30:46,210 I took the little stick test this morning, and it turned pink. 468 00:30:46,212 --> 00:30:50,180 Pink? Is it-- Isn't it supposed to be like a plus sign? 469 00:30:50,182 --> 00:30:54,251 Believe it or not, Adam, I know how to pee on a stick and read directions. 470 00:30:57,989 --> 00:31:01,291 - I thought we were being safe. - Yeah, I guess not safe enough. 471 00:31:04,162 --> 00:31:06,296 God, we hardly know each other. 472 00:31:06,298 --> 00:31:09,199 Oh, we know each other. 473 00:31:09,201 --> 00:31:12,236 I don't know if I'm ready to be a mother, Adam. I'm too confused. 474 00:31:12,238 --> 00:31:15,305 Too immature. Too messy. 475 00:31:15,307 --> 00:31:19,476 Well, what about abortion? Did you ever think about that... 476 00:31:19,478 --> 00:31:21,411 possibility? 477 00:31:24,349 --> 00:31:27,184 I-- I just-- 478 00:31:27,186 --> 00:31:29,186 I never thought this would happen to me. 479 00:31:29,188 --> 00:31:32,322 - I don't know what to do. - Okay, baby. Here. Come here. 480 00:31:32,324 --> 00:31:34,324 Shh, shh. Don't worry, okay? 481 00:31:34,326 --> 00:31:37,227 A lot of people would think this is the world's greatest anniversary present. 482 00:31:38,529 --> 00:31:41,064 Really? What do you think? 483 00:31:41,066 --> 00:31:44,101 I tell you what I think. I think that our baby would be... 484 00:31:44,103 --> 00:31:48,171 the cutest little thing that ever walked around in poo-poo pants. 485 00:31:48,173 --> 00:31:51,108 You wouldn't be scared? 486 00:31:51,110 --> 00:31:55,245 Of what? Of doing the most natural thing in the world? 487 00:31:55,247 --> 00:32:00,183 Of bringing a gorgeous little brilliant little genius into the world? No. 488 00:32:00,185 --> 00:32:02,219 No, I won't be scared at all. 489 00:32:02,221 --> 00:32:05,289 What if it wasn't a gorgeous genius? What if it was an ugly little troll? 490 00:32:06,391 --> 00:32:08,692 Well, I guess we just have to pray to God... 491 00:32:08,694 --> 00:32:11,395 that the baby takes after me. 492 00:32:14,033 --> 00:32:17,167 We could name it Ned, right? After my grandfather? 493 00:32:17,169 --> 00:32:19,469 What if it's a little girl? "Ned-ina," we'd call it. 494 00:32:19,471 --> 00:32:21,405 Now this one needs to be changed. 495 00:32:21,407 --> 00:32:24,174 I want you to practice and show me what a good mama you're going to be. 496 00:32:26,477 --> 00:32:30,147 God, my stomach is huge. 497 00:32:30,149 --> 00:32:35,252 I look like Buddha. It hasn't changed. You're the same as you've always been. 498 00:32:35,254 --> 00:32:37,955 So I've always had a Buddha gut? 499 00:32:37,957 --> 00:32:39,957 Will you calm down? You've been pregnant a month. 500 00:32:39,959 --> 00:32:42,159 The baby's the size of a sea monkey. 501 00:32:42,161 --> 00:32:44,194 Pretty soon you'll look like you swallowed a Volkswagen. 502 00:32:44,196 --> 00:32:46,430 Yeah, well, you have an abnormally large head. 503 00:32:46,432 --> 00:32:49,266 Come on, horse face. Get over here. 504 00:32:49,268 --> 00:32:51,335 Come on. 505 00:32:53,972 --> 00:32:57,007 Let's see what we got here. 506 00:32:57,009 --> 00:32:59,343 Oh, yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. 507 00:32:59,345 --> 00:33:01,645 Ned says he wants a womb with a view. 508 00:33:01,647 --> 00:33:03,647 Ned's not very funny. 509 00:33:03,649 --> 00:33:06,683 Ned's just a fetus. We should cut Ned a little slack. 510 00:33:09,620 --> 00:33:12,422 And I think you're more beautiful than ever. 511 00:33:29,140 --> 00:33:31,708 ♪ Forget what you don't have 512 00:33:31,710 --> 00:33:35,245 Kate? ♪ Forget that you don't 513 00:33:35,247 --> 00:33:37,347 Kate? 514 00:33:37,349 --> 00:33:40,484 ♪ Just forget it 515 00:33:40,486 --> 00:33:43,186 Kate? 516 00:33:43,188 --> 00:33:46,323 ♪ Forget that you're afraid Kate? 517 00:33:46,325 --> 00:33:49,326 ♪ Forget that you are 518 00:33:49,328 --> 00:33:51,628 Kate? 519 00:33:51,630 --> 00:33:54,498 You okay, baby? ♪ In a panic 520 00:33:57,602 --> 00:34:00,170 You okay? ♪ Forget that you're alone 521 00:34:00,172 --> 00:34:04,207 What's wrong, baby? What's wrong? ♪ Everyone's alone 522 00:34:04,209 --> 00:34:07,044 Uh, uh-- 523 00:34:07,046 --> 00:34:09,279 I'm bleeding. Oh, God. 524 00:34:09,281 --> 00:34:12,482 No, no, something's wrong. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. 525 00:34:12,484 --> 00:34:15,719 Something's wrong. Okay, okay, okay. We're gonna look at it. 526 00:34:15,721 --> 00:34:19,556 We're gonna go. Where's your robe, baby? 527 00:34:19,558 --> 00:34:21,558 Where's your robe? I don't know. 528 00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:23,527 Okay, okay, okay. Okay. 529 00:34:23,529 --> 00:34:26,329 ♪ Don't worry It's all right ♪ 530 00:34:29,500 --> 00:34:33,804 ♪ We're all in the dark lookin' for the light ♪ 531 00:34:33,806 --> 00:34:36,540 ♪ The light 532 00:34:36,542 --> 00:34:40,844 ♪ Don't worry 533 00:34:43,181 --> 00:34:46,583 ♪ Forget that you can love 534 00:34:46,585 --> 00:34:49,519 ♪ Forget that you can 535 00:34:51,322 --> 00:34:54,091 ♪ Just forget it 536 00:34:56,160 --> 00:34:58,862 You think it's possible to love the same person forever? 537 00:34:58,864 --> 00:35:01,164 Sure. Don't you? 538 00:35:01,166 --> 00:35:05,435 I don't know. I haven't seen a relationship that didn't end in one way or another. 539 00:35:05,437 --> 00:35:08,505 What about your parents? They've been together 35 years. 540 00:35:08,507 --> 00:35:10,507 Yeah, they've lived in the same house for that long. 541 00:35:10,509 --> 00:35:13,610 I don't think they've said "I love you" for at least 20 of those years. 542 00:35:13,612 --> 00:35:17,547 Maybe that's human nature. You spend that much time around a person, 543 00:35:17,549 --> 00:35:19,683 saying "I love you" is probably just like saying, 544 00:35:19,685 --> 00:35:22,319 you know, "cheese sandwich." 545 00:35:22,321 --> 00:35:25,355 God, I hope not. 546 00:35:26,357 --> 00:35:29,259 Katie? Hmm? 547 00:35:29,261 --> 00:35:32,362 I cheese sandwich you. 548 00:35:32,364 --> 00:35:34,564 I cheese sandwich you, too. 549 00:35:47,778 --> 00:35:51,515 The longer you're with the same person, the more annoying they'll become. 550 00:35:51,517 --> 00:35:55,652 You'll become annoying too; so if you want everything to be perfect all the time, 551 00:35:55,654 --> 00:35:58,455 don't bother having a relationship. 552 00:35:58,457 --> 00:36:01,525 Did you see that little old lady? Yeah. 553 00:36:01,527 --> 00:36:04,194 Didn't she look sad and lonely? Nah, she was hunched over. 554 00:36:04,196 --> 00:36:06,730 I didn't get a good look. I need some shoes. 555 00:36:06,732 --> 00:36:09,332 Her eyes were so hollow. 556 00:36:09,334 --> 00:36:12,302 She's old. All old people have hollow eyes. Especially old women. 557 00:36:12,304 --> 00:36:14,337 What? Could we go in here? 558 00:36:14,339 --> 00:36:17,574 Wait. What do you mean, "especially old women"? 559 00:36:17,576 --> 00:36:21,478 It's a fact. Women don't age as well as men. How could you say that? 560 00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:23,847 How many 50-year old women do you see with 20-year old guys? 561 00:36:23,849 --> 00:36:27,484 That's a double standard. That's got nothing to do with facts. 562 00:36:27,486 --> 00:36:29,786 Who looks better, Sean Connery or Shelley Winters? 563 00:36:29,788 --> 00:36:32,222 Oh! 564 00:36:32,224 --> 00:36:35,425 It's just nature. Men have thicker skin. That's why women wrinkle more. 565 00:36:35,427 --> 00:36:37,427 Shut up! I know what this is about. 566 00:36:37,429 --> 00:36:39,429 You're a woman. You're afraid of becoming obsolete. 567 00:36:39,431 --> 00:36:41,598 You're getting to an age where men are starting to notice younger girls. 568 00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:44,201 It's freaking you out. 569 00:36:44,203 --> 00:36:46,203 Yeah? Well, you're going bald. 570 00:36:48,639 --> 00:36:51,975 I have the keys! Where are you going? 571 00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:04,588 I got one. What do you have? 572 00:37:04,590 --> 00:37:07,624 Just this one about topless female ninjas. 573 00:37:07,626 --> 00:37:10,927 Oh. Well, let's just get one, okay? 'Cause we'll forget to return them, 574 00:37:10,929 --> 00:37:13,463 and it'll be like $800 for two movies. 575 00:37:13,465 --> 00:37:15,465 And, uh, which one do yowant to get? 576 00:37:15,467 --> 00:37:19,703 Nosferatu. You've seen it 50 times and every time you get depressed. 577 00:37:19,705 --> 00:37:23,306 I like being depressed. It makes me feel deep and introspective. 578 00:37:23,308 --> 00:37:26,810 You wanna just hear what this is about? Maybe you might like it. 579 00:37:26,812 --> 00:37:29,913 "Nasty, naked ninjettes infiltrate the mob and take over Little Italy... 580 00:37:29,915 --> 00:37:33,650 'nunchaking' their way to mafia don Guido Mantucci." 581 00:37:33,652 --> 00:37:38,488 Wow, that sounds incredible. Why do you have to come from that place? 582 00:37:38,490 --> 00:37:42,559 You think I want to go home and snuggle and read subtitles... 583 00:37:42,561 --> 00:37:44,761 as the guy sucks blood out of somebody's neck. 584 00:37:44,763 --> 00:37:47,430 Can't we ever go to a goddamn video store without getting into an argument? 585 00:37:47,432 --> 00:37:50,934 Not as long as you have such shitty taste in movies. I don't have shitty taste. 586 00:37:50,936 --> 00:37:54,704 How can you not appreciate German expressionism? I love German expressionism. 587 00:37:54,706 --> 00:37:57,607 What I don't like is what you turn into when you watch that damn movie. 588 00:37:57,609 --> 00:37:59,609 You start getting all fixated on death, like, "I'm gonna die," 589 00:37:59,611 --> 00:38:02,345 you're gonna die, the cat's gonna die." Fuck. Fine, fine. 590 00:38:02,347 --> 00:38:05,415 You watch your stupid titty movie, I'll watch my death movie. 591 00:38:05,417 --> 00:38:08,285 You return yours. I'll return mine. Fine. 592 00:38:11,422 --> 00:38:14,424 It's her birthday. One of these should be free. 593 00:38:16,694 --> 00:38:21,431 Romance. The most important part of keeping a good relationship going. 594 00:38:21,433 --> 00:38:26,303 Be sure to treasure each one of those intimate moments you share together in bed. 595 00:38:26,305 --> 00:38:29,806 We haven't had sex in a while. Hmm? 596 00:38:29,808 --> 00:38:32,942 We haven't had sex in, like, three weeks. Mm-hmm. 597 00:38:32,944 --> 00:38:35,712 You not even listening to me. 598 00:38:35,714 --> 00:38:40,684 No, I wasn't. I said we haven't had sex in, like, three weeks. 599 00:38:40,686 --> 00:38:43,620 Well, maybe it's because you clip your toenails in our bed. 600 00:38:45,923 --> 00:38:48,825 What's the real reason? 601 00:38:48,827 --> 00:38:51,728 I don't know. 602 00:38:51,730 --> 00:38:54,764 Do you want to have sex right now? 603 00:38:54,766 --> 00:38:57,067 No. No, do you? 604 00:38:57,069 --> 00:39:00,670 Nah. 605 00:39:00,672 --> 00:39:03,873 Is there something wrong with us? I don't know. 606 00:39:05,076 --> 00:39:07,544 Maybe we should force ourselves. 607 00:39:07,546 --> 00:39:09,546 What, like mutual rape? 608 00:39:09,548 --> 00:39:12,782 Yeah, it might turn us on. Hmm. 609 00:39:23,694 --> 00:39:26,129 I'm tired. Yeah, me too. 610 00:39:33,738 --> 00:39:37,407 Love you. Love you too. 611 00:39:41,046 --> 00:39:43,880 Don't do that. You know how much that bugs me. 612 00:39:49,521 --> 00:39:51,921 I said, don't! 613 00:39:57,095 --> 00:40:00,530 Swear to God, if you do that one more time, I-I'm gonna scream. 614 00:40:12,777 --> 00:40:15,478 I think it's over. 615 00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:17,714 What's over? 616 00:40:17,716 --> 00:40:20,583 Us. I think we're done. 617 00:40:20,585 --> 00:40:22,786 Wh-What are you saying? 618 00:40:22,788 --> 00:40:25,021 I think I need to break up. 619 00:40:28,025 --> 00:40:31,828 What did you just say? I said I think we should break up. 620 00:40:31,830 --> 00:40:35,031 No, no, no, no, no. No. You said you need to break up. 621 00:40:35,033 --> 00:40:40,570 I mean, saying we should break up, that implies that it's somewhat mutual. 622 00:40:40,572 --> 00:40:42,906 If yoneed to break up, that means you're ending it. 623 00:40:42,908 --> 00:40:47,811 Are you ending it? I don't know. Yeah. I guess so. 624 00:40:48,879 --> 00:40:50,880 Have you met someone else? Some art groupie? 625 00:40:50,882 --> 00:40:53,817 No, no! 626 00:40:53,819 --> 00:40:55,952 No, nothing like that. It's just I feel like... 627 00:40:55,954 --> 00:40:57,921 we're just turning into this old married couple. 628 00:40:57,923 --> 00:41:01,825 Oh, God. It's the 13 guy thing, isn't it? 629 00:41:01,827 --> 00:41:03,860 No! Just shut up. No, no, that's what it is! 630 00:41:03,862 --> 00:41:06,763 No, you've been obsessed with my past since our first date. 631 00:41:06,765 --> 00:41:09,666 Now you want to start racking 'em up, don't you? Could you shut up? 632 00:41:09,668 --> 00:41:12,836 It's not the 13 guys, okay? I'm over that. I dealt with that. 633 00:41:12,838 --> 00:41:15,672 It's a non-issue, I promise you. 634 00:41:15,674 --> 00:41:18,074 Well, then, why? Why now? 635 00:41:18,076 --> 00:41:21,478 I don't know. I've never been single. 636 00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:24,614 You know? I've spent my whole life going from one relationship to another, 637 00:41:24,616 --> 00:41:27,183 and, uh, never been alone. 638 00:41:27,185 --> 00:41:29,252 Do you realize what you're saying? 639 00:41:29,254 --> 00:41:32,889 Do you realize what this means? Wh-What does this mean? 640 00:41:33,891 --> 00:41:35,892 It means, this is it. The end. 641 00:41:35,894 --> 00:41:38,895 And once it's over, it's over. 642 00:41:38,897 --> 00:41:40,864 Yeah, I guess so, but-- 643 00:41:40,866 --> 00:41:44,000 But I mean, it's not like we won't still be friends. 644 00:41:44,002 --> 00:41:46,870 You know? Who said anything about being friends? 645 00:41:46,872 --> 00:41:49,539 Come on, we love each other. I don't want to lose you from my life. 646 00:41:49,541 --> 00:41:52,008 I think you should know that when you get to number 13, 647 00:41:52,010 --> 00:41:54,711 I won't be sitting here waiting for you, okay? Will you give that up? 648 00:41:54,713 --> 00:41:57,647 It's not about that, okay? This thing isn't working for either of us. 649 00:41:57,649 --> 00:42:00,583 - You're not happy, are you? - No, I'm not happy. 650 00:42:00,585 --> 00:42:03,286 So neither of us are happy. You know what? You're right. I'm miserable. 651 00:42:03,288 --> 00:42:06,289 I've been in absolute fucking hell for a long time now. Will you stop? 652 00:42:06,291 --> 00:42:09,826 - You're packing my laundry now. - Breaking up would be the best thing in the world for me. 653 00:42:11,862 --> 00:42:14,163 You know what? 654 00:42:14,165 --> 00:42:17,767 I feel good! No. I feel great. 655 00:42:17,769 --> 00:42:22,038 - Come back to bed. - It's like a five million pound weight has been lifted. 656 00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:24,741 Can't this wait? I can breathe. 657 00:42:24,743 --> 00:42:27,777 I-I can think. Like, all of a sudden, life is clear. 658 00:42:27,779 --> 00:42:30,747 It's amazing! I am so happy! 659 00:42:31,882 --> 00:42:34,617 When I look back at the love I had with Adam, 660 00:42:34,619 --> 00:42:37,954 I see a pathetic, potted plant that nobody bothered to water. 661 00:42:37,956 --> 00:42:43,626 It started out green and lush, and eventually became a dried-up little brown stick. 662 00:42:50,902 --> 00:42:53,136 Breaking up is like dying. 663 00:42:53,138 --> 00:42:56,773 Slowly, with nobody around. 664 00:42:56,775 --> 00:42:59,275 That's why it's so important during that dark period... 665 00:42:59,277 --> 00:43:02,245 to keep yourself busy doing the things that don't depress you. 666 00:43:25,603 --> 00:43:28,004 Fuck me! Jesus Chr-- 667 00:43:28,006 --> 00:43:30,273 Kate. I can't believe it! 668 00:43:30,275 --> 00:43:32,976 Our relationship hasn't even started decomposing yet. 669 00:43:32,978 --> 00:43:36,112 Who's this? This is my friend, uh, Kate. 670 00:43:36,114 --> 00:43:39,182 Kate, this is my friend... Peaches. 671 00:43:39,184 --> 00:43:43,219 This must be the friend that you just broke up with. 672 00:43:43,221 --> 00:43:46,322 "This must be the friend that you just started fucking." 673 00:43:46,324 --> 00:43:48,324 Yeah. 674 00:43:52,696 --> 00:43:55,298 Hey, Kate! 675 00:43:56,867 --> 00:44:00,169 Wait, wait, wait. Wait, okay? "Peaches"? Oh, my God. 676 00:44:00,171 --> 00:44:02,672 What the fuck is that thing on your face? 677 00:44:02,674 --> 00:44:05,808 Will you just keep your voice down? What are you doing here? 678 00:44:05,810 --> 00:44:08,177 This is my movie. You came to my favorite movie... 679 00:44:08,179 --> 00:44:10,980 to make out with someone called Peaches-- How dare you? 680 00:44:10,982 --> 00:44:14,150 I want to call you. Can I call you? No! No. No. 681 00:44:14,152 --> 00:44:16,986 I'm gonna get over you. And when I do, I'll call you. 682 00:44:17,988 --> 00:44:19,989 Honey, that could take days! 683 00:44:19,991 --> 00:44:23,192 Okay, let's see here. 684 00:44:23,194 --> 00:44:27,030 No, no. Ooh. That's hideous. 685 00:44:27,032 --> 00:44:29,032 Let's see-- Oh! Here you go. 686 00:44:29,034 --> 00:44:31,034 Kate. How about this? No. 687 00:44:31,036 --> 00:44:33,369 That makes me look like a drug-addicted hooker. 688 00:44:33,371 --> 00:44:36,973 I want to look great. Like a drug-addicted model. 689 00:44:36,975 --> 00:44:40,009 I don't see what the big deal is. It's only Sam's birthday party. 690 00:44:40,011 --> 00:44:42,045 Adam's gonna be there. 691 00:44:42,047 --> 00:44:44,814 Oh, Kate. Aren't you over him yet? Of course I am. 692 00:44:44,816 --> 00:44:46,816 I just want him to die a thousand deaths... 693 00:44:46,818 --> 00:44:49,118 when he sees me with Jerome Davis tonight. 694 00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:52,021 Jerome Davis? Wait a minute. 695 00:44:52,023 --> 00:44:55,925 The perverted basketball player you dated who was obsessed with your ass? 696 00:44:55,927 --> 00:44:57,927 He was? 697 00:44:57,929 --> 00:45:01,130 Kate, you've got a great ass. Now, you a big woman, 698 00:45:01,132 --> 00:45:04,967 but your ass, now, is small and compact to fit your size. 699 00:45:04,969 --> 00:45:09,772 And yet, if we would take your ass and put it on your short little friend over here, 700 00:45:09,774 --> 00:45:11,874 ah, it'd be fucking huge. 701 00:45:11,876 --> 00:45:14,210 That's it, I'm gone. 702 00:45:20,217 --> 00:45:22,785 Oh, God. 703 00:45:32,362 --> 00:45:36,499 ♪ She comes to me 704 00:45:36,501 --> 00:45:38,935 ♪ With her mind 705 00:45:38,937 --> 00:45:42,038 ♪ On her sleeve 706 00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:46,109 ♪ He tries to plead 707 00:45:46,111 --> 00:45:48,811 ♪ With his heart 708 00:45:48,813 --> 00:45:51,781 ♪ That don't beat 709 00:45:51,783 --> 00:45:56,152 ♪ Don't bring me down if you're ready for love ♪ 710 00:45:56,154 --> 00:46:00,423 ♪ Don't you know that we can save this life ♪ 711 00:46:02,059 --> 00:46:05,194 ♪ No one best yet to rock you to sleep ♪ 712 00:46:05,196 --> 00:46:10,399 ♪ I'll meet you there when you sigh my name ♪ 713 00:46:10,401 --> 00:46:14,170 ♪ 714 00:46:14,172 --> 00:46:17,140 ♪ Rock you to sleep 715 00:46:18,475 --> 00:46:20,443 ♪ Rock you to sleep 716 00:46:22,246 --> 00:46:25,314 ♪ Rock you to sleep 717 00:46:29,153 --> 00:46:31,354 Hey! 718 00:46:31,356 --> 00:46:34,190 - I thought it was you. Hey. - Hey! 719 00:46:34,192 --> 00:46:37,393 - Hi. - Great. I didn't expect to see you here. 720 00:46:37,395 --> 00:46:39,929 I didn't even know that Sam invited you. I feel silly. 721 00:46:39,931 --> 00:46:41,931 Uh, no. Mary invited me. 722 00:46:41,933 --> 00:46:44,200 Mary. 'Cause you know Mary, of course. 723 00:46:44,202 --> 00:46:46,469 I don't know what I was thinking. That's great. That's so good-- 724 00:46:46,471 --> 00:46:48,871 It's nice to see ya. Right. 725 00:46:48,873 --> 00:46:52,475 It's good, yeah. Uh, I haven't seen you in a while. I've missed you. 726 00:46:52,477 --> 00:46:55,144 Uh, yeah. It's been a long time, huh? 727 00:46:55,146 --> 00:46:57,513 Yup. Yup, yup. 728 00:46:59,316 --> 00:47:01,517 I'm sorry. Hi, I'm Adam. Oh, uh-- Sorry. 729 00:47:01,519 --> 00:47:03,886 Ad? Jerome. 730 00:47:03,888 --> 00:47:06,556 It's not "Ad," it's Adam. I didn't say, "Whazzup, Jer?" 731 00:47:06,558 --> 00:47:09,425 Hey! Hey. Hey. Why don't I, uh, give you a call tomorrow? 732 00:47:09,427 --> 00:47:12,028 Don't make this a weird thing. Hey. 733 00:47:12,030 --> 00:47:14,096 I'll call you tomorrow, okay? Give me a call tomorrow. 734 00:47:14,098 --> 00:47:16,332 You can tell me all about your new girlfriend. Or page me, 735 00:47:16,334 --> 00:47:18,334 'cause my shit's blowing up now, 'cause I got-- Oh, okay. Okay. 736 00:47:18,336 --> 00:47:20,203 Yeah. Why don't you call me? Okay, I will. 737 00:47:20,205 --> 00:47:23,272 Just call me up. I'm running around a lot-- I'll call you tomorrow. 738 00:47:23,274 --> 00:47:25,341 Star 82 so I know it's you, 'cause I'm screening-- You know. 739 00:47:25,343 --> 00:47:27,343 Okay. I'll get it. 740 00:47:34,852 --> 00:47:38,855 Hey! Hey. 741 00:47:40,859 --> 00:47:42,925 That was really weird last night. I know. 742 00:47:42,927 --> 00:47:44,927 That's not cool. Okay? No. 743 00:47:46,363 --> 00:47:48,531 So you're in love? I think I should be asking you that question. 744 00:47:48,533 --> 00:47:52,268 Why? Because you couldn't keep your tongue out of Lolita's mouth last night. 745 00:47:52,270 --> 00:47:56,472 Don't tell me about tongues. Michael Jordan was gonna suck the tonsils out of your throat. 746 00:47:56,474 --> 00:47:58,507 Where did you find that guy, anyway? 747 00:47:58,509 --> 00:48:00,977 Let's just not get into one of these things, okay? 748 00:48:00,979 --> 00:48:03,379 You're the one that's bringing it up. I'm ready to be mature. 749 00:48:03,381 --> 00:48:06,082 Me too. I can do it. Absolutely. Okay? 750 00:48:06,084 --> 00:48:08,384 But how could you go out with that freak of nature? 751 00:48:08,386 --> 00:48:10,519 - How could you go out with such a bimbo? - Savannah is not a bimbo. 752 00:48:10,521 --> 00:48:13,890 She happens to play the harp. Oh, uh, excuse me. 753 00:48:13,892 --> 00:48:16,025 A bimbo savant. At least I'm not having... 754 00:48:16,027 --> 00:48:18,227 a fucking hot tub party with Dennis Rodman. 755 00:48:18,229 --> 00:48:21,230 I can't believe you're jealous. I'm not jealous. Don't-- 756 00:48:21,232 --> 00:48:23,332 You are! Stop, okay? I don't like her. 757 00:48:23,334 --> 00:48:26,135 I don't love her. I'm probably not going to see that girl again. 758 00:48:26,137 --> 00:48:29,538 Adam! Adam. Hey. 759 00:48:29,540 --> 00:48:32,375 - Hi! - Hi, I was waiting for you across the street. 760 00:48:32,377 --> 00:48:35,044 Coffee shop. It's uh, noon. Right? We're supposed to be-- 761 00:48:35,046 --> 00:48:37,213 Well, my heart wasn't in it early, so, um, 762 00:48:37,215 --> 00:48:39,215 I bought myself some new underwear. O-Kay. 763 00:48:40,350 --> 00:48:42,952 - I'm Savannah. - Kate. 764 00:48:42,954 --> 00:48:46,222 - I know. Adam told me all about you last night. - Really? 765 00:48:46,224 --> 00:48:50,459 Um, Savannah, why don't you go back to the coffee shop and wait for me? 766 00:48:50,461 --> 00:48:54,130 I'll be there at noon. And get me a mochaccino. Oh. No problem. 767 00:48:54,132 --> 00:48:56,699 No problem. I'll let you two catch up. Nice meeting you, Cynthia. 768 00:48:56,701 --> 00:49:00,436 - It's Kate. - Oh. I meant Kate. 769 00:49:00,438 --> 00:49:03,272 Okay. Okay. Bye-bye. 770 00:49:10,981 --> 00:49:12,982 Mm, okay. Okay. 771 00:49:12,984 --> 00:49:15,584 Bye-bye. Noon. Bye-bye. 772 00:49:17,421 --> 00:49:19,422 That didn't feel good. That felt really bad. 773 00:49:19,424 --> 00:49:22,291 - I know. I'm sorry. - No, no. Don't be. 774 00:49:22,293 --> 00:49:24,460 I mean, it's the kind of thing we have to get used to. 775 00:49:24,462 --> 00:49:26,696 I have to go and throw up now. Don't, uh, Kate. 776 00:49:26,698 --> 00:49:31,434 I miss you so much. All right? Y-You're my best friend. 777 00:49:33,203 --> 00:49:36,205 You're the only one I feel normal around. I know, I know, I know, I know. 778 00:49:36,207 --> 00:49:40,209 Hopefully, over time, we'll still-- This is all gonna work out. 779 00:49:40,211 --> 00:49:42,645 Yes, yes, yes, yes, I promise it will. 780 00:49:42,647 --> 00:49:45,414 We just have to let go of those old, you know, feelings we had. 781 00:49:47,217 --> 00:49:49,218 Right. Okay? 782 00:49:55,459 --> 00:49:59,161 So, this Jerome guy. Did he have, like-- Was he just, like, huge? 783 00:50:01,298 --> 00:50:04,000 I just wanted to know, like as a friend. Is that bad for a friend? 784 00:50:04,002 --> 00:50:06,602 Was it like, "Oh, a nice surprise" big? 785 00:50:06,604 --> 00:50:09,372 Or was it like, "You better just take me home now" big? 786 00:50:11,676 --> 00:50:14,543 Was it like, "I'm in over my head" big? 787 00:50:25,389 --> 00:50:27,723 As you move on in your search for love, 788 00:50:27,725 --> 00:50:30,760 sex is the fastest way to erase the past. 789 00:50:54,084 --> 00:50:58,220 Promise you'll never leave me. I promise. 790 00:51:12,469 --> 00:51:15,671 What are you doing? 791 00:51:15,673 --> 00:51:17,673 What are you doing? 792 00:51:24,448 --> 00:51:28,350 Great. My only sex I've had in months, and it's with you. 793 00:51:40,330 --> 00:51:44,166 Being single again may be difficult, 794 00:51:44,168 --> 00:51:46,202 but it can also be empowering. 795 00:51:46,204 --> 00:51:49,438 After my breakup, I got out of the house as often as I could, 796 00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:52,608 going to places that took my mind off my loneliness. 797 00:51:52,610 --> 00:51:54,610 Excuse me. 798 00:51:54,612 --> 00:51:58,714 I'm looking for sort of a-- a joke gift for a friend of mine's birthday. 799 00:51:58,716 --> 00:52:01,183 What's the kinkiest stuff you have? 800 00:52:01,185 --> 00:52:03,886 Depends. You mean, kinky up-the-butt kind of kinky, 801 00:52:03,888 --> 00:52:05,888 or just white-bread kinky? 802 00:52:05,890 --> 00:52:08,824 Just white-bread kinky, please. 803 00:52:08,826 --> 00:52:11,460 Dildo aisle. Thank you. 804 00:52:28,845 --> 00:52:32,148 Uh, it's a butt plug. 805 00:52:32,150 --> 00:52:35,351 Some guys like to... put it up their butts. 806 00:52:36,553 --> 00:52:38,554 Great, thanks. 807 00:52:45,830 --> 00:52:50,666 So, um, what's a nice girl like you doing at Earl's Pornorama? 808 00:52:50,668 --> 00:52:53,569 I'm here, uh, to buy a joke gift for a friend. 809 00:52:53,571 --> 00:52:57,173 Okay? I'm not here to talk to, uh, guys in trench coats. 810 00:52:57,175 --> 00:52:59,842 Why are you so nervous? 811 00:52:59,844 --> 00:53:01,844 Are you attracted to me? 812 00:53:01,846 --> 00:53:04,780 Oh, God. That is so arrogant. 813 00:53:04,782 --> 00:53:07,316 I-I just happen to be a little uncomfortable, 814 00:53:07,318 --> 00:53:10,653 because I'm picking up plastic dicks with some guy-- 815 00:53:13,256 --> 00:53:15,891 Wait a minute. Don't I know you? 816 00:53:17,661 --> 00:53:20,696 Could be. Oh, God! 817 00:53:20,698 --> 00:53:24,233 Aren't you that guy, uh-- 818 00:53:24,235 --> 00:53:26,669 Aren't you in movies with, like, topless ninja girls? 819 00:53:26,671 --> 00:53:30,839 Yeah. Yeah, I've done a lot since then. That was some of my earlier stuff. 820 00:53:30,841 --> 00:53:34,476 I'm, uh, I'm-- Ooh. 821 00:53:34,478 --> 00:53:36,478 I'm Joey Santino. 822 00:53:36,480 --> 00:53:41,283 I know. My ex-boyfriend forced me to watch all your movies. 823 00:53:41,285 --> 00:53:45,354 Forced you to? Yeah, well, he loves you. 824 00:53:45,356 --> 00:53:47,356 Yeah? Yes. 825 00:53:47,358 --> 00:53:50,859 Well, not after we fall in love, he won't. 826 00:53:50,861 --> 00:53:52,995 Oh, no. I don't date actors. 827 00:54:00,537 --> 00:54:04,273 ♪ All over you All over me ♪ 828 00:54:04,275 --> 00:54:08,010 ♪ The sun, the fields the sky ♪ 829 00:54:08,012 --> 00:54:11,680 ♪ I've often tried to hold the sea ♪ 830 00:54:11,682 --> 00:54:14,583 ♪ The sun, the fields the tide ♪ 831 00:54:14,585 --> 00:54:18,487 ♪ Baby now 832 00:54:18,489 --> 00:54:22,358 ♪ Lay me down 833 00:54:22,360 --> 00:54:25,728 ♪ Baby now, baby now 834 00:54:25,730 --> 00:54:28,330 ♪ Lay me down, lay me down 835 00:54:29,332 --> 00:54:31,700 Joey wasn't very bright, 836 00:54:31,702 --> 00:54:33,636 but I loved his innocence. 837 00:54:33,638 --> 00:54:35,638 I was going through my nonjudgmental phase, 838 00:54:35,640 --> 00:54:38,974 and I didn't want to push people away for saying the occasional stupid thing. 839 00:54:38,976 --> 00:54:43,646 I love you. We've only known each other for 14 hours. 840 00:54:43,648 --> 00:54:45,714 I know. I loved you in the first hour, 841 00:54:45,716 --> 00:54:48,350 but I waited 13 more to tell you. 842 00:54:48,352 --> 00:54:52,655 No, you just think you're in love with me, because we've been having sex nonstop. 843 00:54:54,791 --> 00:54:57,293 How can you be so cynical? 844 00:54:57,295 --> 00:54:59,995 I've never felt this way in my entire life. 845 00:54:59,997 --> 00:55:03,499 You're the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to me. 846 00:55:03,501 --> 00:55:05,834 You see, this is why I don't date actors. 847 00:55:05,836 --> 00:55:07,836 And you don't have to say you love me back. 848 00:55:07,838 --> 00:55:12,508 I just want you to know how I feel. 849 00:55:12,510 --> 00:55:15,711 That's all. Okay. 850 00:55:15,713 --> 00:55:19,682 Unless you want to. I mean, I won't stop you from saying... 851 00:55:19,684 --> 00:55:22,718 that you love me if you want to. 852 00:55:23,787 --> 00:55:25,721 Okay. 853 00:55:36,333 --> 00:55:38,400 I like you a lot, though. 854 00:55:39,402 --> 00:55:42,104 Yeah? 855 00:55:42,106 --> 00:55:45,007 Okay. 856 00:55:51,014 --> 00:55:53,015 - Hello. - Hey, it's me. 857 00:55:53,017 --> 00:55:55,017 Oh, hey, Adam. What's up? 858 00:55:55,019 --> 00:55:57,353 Nothin' much. Haven't seen you in a couple weeks. 859 00:55:57,355 --> 00:55:59,355 Wanna grab some dinner tomorrow night? 860 00:55:59,357 --> 00:56:02,091 Oh, that's so sweet, but I can't. I'm going out. 861 00:56:02,093 --> 00:56:05,394 Oh. What about Friday? Wanna see a movie on Friday? 862 00:56:05,396 --> 00:56:07,563 No, I can't. I'm going to Malibu for the weekend. 863 00:56:07,565 --> 00:56:09,698 Malibu. What's in Malibu? 864 00:56:09,700 --> 00:56:13,936 A big beach. Oh, yes, I saw that in the Thomas Guide once. 865 00:56:13,938 --> 00:56:17,973 Who ya goin' with? Just some guy. You don't know him. 866 00:56:17,975 --> 00:56:21,410 He's got a house out there. Oh, you like him? 867 00:56:21,412 --> 00:56:23,145 What's with all the questions? 868 00:56:23,147 --> 00:56:25,848 No reason. I just wanna know if you like this rich Malibu guy. 869 00:56:25,850 --> 00:56:27,950 Yeah, I like him. 870 00:56:29,586 --> 00:56:31,587 Do you like him a lot? 871 00:56:31,589 --> 00:56:33,589 Yeah, he's nice. 872 00:56:35,892 --> 00:56:38,694 Hello? Do you love him? 873 00:56:38,696 --> 00:56:40,729 I think so, yeah. 874 00:56:40,731 --> 00:56:44,733 I mean, we've been spending almost every day together for the last couple weeks. 875 00:56:44,735 --> 00:56:48,137 That's great. That's great for you. You know what? I gotta run. 876 00:56:48,139 --> 00:56:51,874 'Cause I got a date with-- with an actress, you know. 877 00:56:51,876 --> 00:56:54,576 I'll call you when I get back. We'll have lunch or something. 878 00:56:54,578 --> 00:56:57,179 Sure. Great. 879 00:57:18,034 --> 00:57:20,035 I can't take it. I can't-- What? 880 00:57:20,037 --> 00:57:21,970 I can't-- I cannot-- I can't take it. 881 00:57:21,972 --> 00:57:23,972 I can't-- I can't take it. I can't. Just get in here. 882 00:57:23,974 --> 00:57:27,042 I just-- I thought-- You know, I thought I was over you. 883 00:57:27,044 --> 00:57:29,878 I thought I was done. I thought-- Oh, God, this is horrible! 884 00:57:29,880 --> 00:57:32,181 Horrible. Oh, God. Don't go to Malibu. 885 00:57:32,183 --> 00:57:35,784 Please, don't go to Malibu. Are you out of your mind? This is a joke, right? 886 00:57:35,786 --> 00:57:37,786 This is not a joke. 887 00:57:37,788 --> 00:57:39,788 This is-- This is not. What's wrong with you? 888 00:57:39,790 --> 00:57:41,790 You've been dating women nonstop since we broke up, 889 00:57:41,792 --> 00:57:43,826 and this is the first guy I've even gotten close to. 890 00:57:43,828 --> 00:57:46,628 I know. I was wrong. What can I say? I was wrong. 891 00:57:46,630 --> 00:57:48,630 I was silly. I was stupid. I was wrong. 892 00:57:48,632 --> 00:57:50,632 I didn't know how I felt about you until right now. 893 00:57:50,634 --> 00:57:53,235 - What happened to the date with the actress? - It's canceled. It's over. 894 00:57:53,237 --> 00:57:55,504 God, you shouldn't have because Joey's on his way. 895 00:57:55,506 --> 00:57:57,873 Joey? His name is Joey. 896 00:57:57,875 --> 00:57:59,942 You're-- How could you date a guy named Joey? 897 00:57:59,944 --> 00:58:02,678 Please, don't date him anymore. Let's get back together again. 898 00:58:02,680 --> 00:58:04,813 I love you. Let's have babies. 899 00:58:04,815 --> 00:58:06,982 Would you stop acting like an insane person? 900 00:58:06,984 --> 00:58:08,917 Why don't you go home and relax or something? I love you. 901 00:58:08,919 --> 00:58:14,089 - It's just some weird thing you're going through. - Could you tell me one thing? 902 00:58:14,091 --> 00:58:16,725 - What? - What's his last name? 903 00:58:16,727 --> 00:58:19,995 Just-- What-- Just tell me his last name. 904 00:58:19,997 --> 00:58:21,930 Um, Santino. 905 00:58:21,932 --> 00:58:25,701 Oh, Santino. That's per-- That's like-- Joey? 906 00:58:28,204 --> 00:58:31,540 Not Joey Santino. The actor? 907 00:58:31,542 --> 00:58:34,810 My-- The titty ninja-- You fucking hate him! 908 00:58:34,812 --> 00:58:37,980 Actually, he's really a very good actor. 909 00:58:37,982 --> 00:58:40,048 I mean, clearly you haven't seen any of his later work. 910 00:58:40,050 --> 00:58:42,618 What the fuck are you talking about? His later work. 911 00:58:42,620 --> 00:58:45,220 Motherfucker! You haven't seen-- Oh, my God! 912 00:58:45,222 --> 00:58:48,190 You're kidding me. How could you-- He's-- 913 00:58:48,192 --> 00:58:50,192 You-- How do you-- Adam, you have to go. 914 00:58:50,194 --> 00:58:52,194 You weren't supposed to fall in love. 915 00:58:52,196 --> 00:58:55,998 Oh, quit being such a hypocrite. A hyp-- I'm not a-- 916 00:58:56,000 --> 00:58:58,734 I'm a guy. I fuck. I don't fall in love. 917 00:58:58,736 --> 00:59:01,904 Well, maybe you don't. Oh, you think Mr. Italian, 918 00:59:01,906 --> 00:59:04,973 uh, fuckin', uh, yeah, he loves you? 919 00:59:04,975 --> 00:59:07,009 I don't think so. Whatever. 920 00:59:07,011 --> 00:59:09,778 You know what? I'm fuckin' outta here. 921 00:59:09,780 --> 00:59:11,780 Fuckin' horseshit. 922 00:59:11,782 --> 00:59:13,782 Don't fucking call! 923 00:59:49,986 --> 00:59:53,655 Are you Miss Kate Wells? Yeah. 924 00:59:53,657 --> 00:59:55,924 I have a message for you from Adam Levy. 925 00:59:55,926 --> 00:59:59,595 ♪ Even though we're only pals ♪ 926 00:59:59,597 --> 01:00:01,897 ♪ Only pals Only pals ♪ 927 01:00:01,899 --> 01:00:06,868 ♪ I don't like the other gals You're my baby ♪ 928 01:00:06,870 --> 01:00:08,971 ♪ Don't go out with that dumb guy ♪ 929 01:00:08,973 --> 01:00:12,107 ♪ That dumb guy That dumb guy ♪ 930 01:00:12,109 --> 01:00:17,079 ♪ If you do I'll start to cry You're my baby ♪ 931 01:00:18,648 --> 01:00:20,649 Yeah! 932 01:00:20,651 --> 01:00:23,952 Now, Mr. Levy would like you to have... 933 01:00:23,954 --> 01:00:27,856 an autographed picture of himself. 934 01:00:27,858 --> 01:00:31,627 And this. Hold on. It gets better. 935 01:00:31,629 --> 01:00:34,963 Cheese sandwich. Thank you. 936 01:00:51,782 --> 01:00:53,782 Hello. Did the little guy sing? 937 01:00:53,784 --> 01:00:57,019 - What do you think? - You got my picture up? 938 01:00:57,021 --> 01:00:59,955 Adam. Next to the boys? 939 01:00:59,957 --> 01:01:03,325 Yes, I got the sandwich, and I got your picture. 940 01:01:03,327 --> 01:01:05,994 Can you just stop torturing me? Come over. 941 01:01:05,996 --> 01:01:10,065 Get rid of him. We'll sport, we'll spoon, we'll do it all. 942 01:01:10,067 --> 01:01:12,067 We'll lay around like walruses all day. 943 01:01:12,069 --> 01:01:14,036 - Adam? - What are you wearing? 944 01:01:14,038 --> 01:01:17,039 Oh! 945 01:01:22,712 --> 01:01:25,113 God, it's beautiful here. 946 01:01:32,055 --> 01:01:34,189 Are you talkin' to me? 947 01:01:37,794 --> 01:01:39,795 Are you talkin' to me? 948 01:01:41,097 --> 01:01:43,198 There's nobody else here. Are you talkin' to me? 949 01:01:45,068 --> 01:01:48,804 Who the fuck do you think you're talkin' to? 950 01:01:48,806 --> 01:01:51,073 Huh? De Niro! 951 01:01:51,075 --> 01:01:53,108 Right. De Niro. He's the best. 952 01:01:53,110 --> 01:01:57,412 I swear I love him. He's... De Niro. 953 01:01:57,414 --> 01:02:00,282 Yeah, I'm-- He's a good actor. 954 01:02:00,284 --> 01:02:04,186 Goo-- Good? 955 01:02:04,188 --> 01:02:06,888 Are you-- Good? 956 01:02:06,890 --> 01:02:09,057 I mean, we're talkin' about Robert De Niro here. 957 01:02:09,059 --> 01:02:12,360 "Good." I mean, come on. 958 01:02:12,362 --> 01:02:14,362 He's a-- He's a-- 959 01:02:14,364 --> 01:02:16,364 Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, they're good. 960 01:02:16,366 --> 01:02:20,435 Asparagus is good. De Niro-- 961 01:02:20,437 --> 01:02:23,071 I mean, like, Cape Fear. 962 01:02:25,942 --> 01:02:27,943 Oh, counselor. 963 01:02:27,945 --> 01:02:31,947 Come out, come out, wherever you are. 964 01:02:31,949 --> 01:02:36,218 See, I ain't no white trash piece of shit. I'm better than you all. 965 01:02:36,220 --> 01:02:40,055 See, I can outlearn you. I can outread you. 966 01:02:40,057 --> 01:02:45,026 I can outthink you, and I can out-philosophize you, 967 01:02:45,028 --> 01:02:48,497 and I'm gonna outlast you. 968 01:02:48,499 --> 01:02:50,532 Huh? That's good. Right? 969 01:02:50,534 --> 01:02:56,204 And-- And Raging Bull, which-- which is the greatest performance of all time. 970 01:02:56,206 --> 01:02:58,907 Don't get me down, Ryan. 971 01:02:58,909 --> 01:03:01,510 Don't get me down. Hey. 972 01:03:01,512 --> 01:03:05,280 You all right? Huh? I know the Heimlich. 973 01:03:07,283 --> 01:03:11,219 Why you tryin' to ruin my relationship? Your nose is so cute. 974 01:03:11,221 --> 01:03:13,221 You never tried to get me back before. 975 01:03:13,223 --> 01:03:15,223 What ego trip are you on? Can I kiss it? 976 01:03:15,225 --> 01:03:17,225 What? Your nose. 977 01:03:17,227 --> 01:03:20,262 Adam, stop screwing up my life! I'm involved with somebody else! 978 01:03:20,264 --> 01:03:23,965 Marry me? Please. Are you listening to me? 979 01:03:23,967 --> 01:03:25,967 Yeah, I'm lis-- I get it. Don't worry. 980 01:03:25,969 --> 01:03:28,203 I broke up with you because I was inexperienced. 981 01:03:28,205 --> 01:03:31,173 You were the third relationship I was in. 982 01:03:31,175 --> 01:03:33,375 How was I supposed to know that that was going to be the one? Adam. 983 01:03:33,377 --> 01:03:36,545 I was number fourteen for you. You were number three for me. 984 01:03:36,547 --> 01:03:39,281 You can't-- Marry me. I'm sorry. 985 01:03:39,283 --> 01:03:42,284 I screwed up, all right? I can't live with this kind of mistake in my life. 986 01:03:42,286 --> 01:03:44,219 Don't you see? This is really bad timing. 987 01:03:44,221 --> 01:03:47,022 You can't just wait until I'm heavily involved with somebody else... 988 01:03:47,024 --> 01:03:50,125 to all of a sudden propose marriage or profess your love to me. 989 01:03:50,127 --> 01:03:52,394 I'll change. How does that sound? We're gonna make up a contract. 990 01:03:52,396 --> 01:03:54,396 Everything you don't like about me, I'm gonna change. 991 01:03:54,398 --> 01:03:56,865 We're gonna make-- Death penalty. 992 01:03:56,867 --> 01:03:58,867 You're against it. I'm for it. I'm against it now. 993 01:03:58,869 --> 01:04:01,069 We're gonna sing "Kumbaya." We're gonna do candlelight vigils at the prison. 994 01:04:01,071 --> 01:04:04,306 I don't want you to change. You're right. I'm not gonna change. 995 01:04:04,308 --> 01:04:07,175 I'm enough, and I learned that from you. You know what we're gonna do? 996 01:04:07,177 --> 01:04:09,611 We're gonna fly. We're gonna take trips. I'm gonna go to therapy. 997 01:04:09,613 --> 01:04:12,480 Get over my fear of airplanes and go anyplace you wanna go. 998 01:04:12,482 --> 01:04:15,984 Adam, stop it. Stop it right now. 999 01:04:17,320 --> 01:04:19,888 All right. Well, let me just ask you, then. 1000 01:04:19,890 --> 01:04:23,158 Just straight out. All kidding aside. 1001 01:04:23,160 --> 01:04:27,262 Katie... will you marry me? 1002 01:04:29,465 --> 01:04:31,466 No. 1003 01:04:32,969 --> 01:04:36,171 Well, um, well, 1004 01:04:36,173 --> 01:04:38,173 I won't torture you anymore, then. 1005 01:04:38,175 --> 01:04:40,208 I, uh, you know, you're happy. 1006 01:04:40,210 --> 01:04:42,210 I'm happy you're happy. 1007 01:04:42,212 --> 01:04:45,247 I made you miserable, and I'm sorry. No. 1008 01:04:46,249 --> 01:04:48,383 No, but I just want you to know something. 1009 01:04:48,385 --> 01:04:53,188 - What? - I-I can't be friends. 1010 01:04:53,190 --> 01:04:55,624 I'm just-- I'm too weak. 1011 01:04:55,626 --> 01:04:58,526 Adam. I mean, I can't even be around you. 1012 01:04:58,528 --> 01:05:02,631 You're sitting here like this incredibly juicy ham sandwich... 1013 01:05:02,633 --> 01:05:05,200 that I just wanna stuff in my mouth and I can't... 1014 01:05:05,202 --> 01:05:07,369 because, like, my lips are sewn shut. 1015 01:05:07,371 --> 01:05:11,273 - That's a pretty analogy. - You know what I mean. 1016 01:05:20,383 --> 01:05:22,584 Have a nice life. 1017 01:05:22,586 --> 01:05:26,288 Don't say that. You know we'll see each other again. 1018 01:05:26,290 --> 01:05:29,357 Yeah, right. 1019 01:05:41,938 --> 01:05:44,406 Is infatuation love? 1020 01:05:44,408 --> 01:05:46,608 No, but it feels like it is. 1021 01:05:46,610 --> 01:05:48,610 All those chemicals pumping through your brain... 1022 01:05:48,612 --> 01:05:51,046 can turn every word he says into poetry. 1023 01:05:51,048 --> 01:05:53,648 Did I ever tell you what I used to do to my little brother with dog shit? 1024 01:05:53,650 --> 01:05:57,018 Uh-uh. Whenever he did something I didn't like, 1025 01:05:57,020 --> 01:05:59,321 I'd put dog shit under his pillow. 1026 01:05:59,323 --> 01:06:01,323 And I'd say, "Hey, Jimmy. Let's play hide-and-seek. 1027 01:06:01,325 --> 01:06:04,125 Go put your head under the pillow and count to 20." Mm. 1028 01:06:04,127 --> 01:06:07,963 Half the time, he'd get to ten before he realized what happened. 1029 01:06:07,965 --> 01:06:11,366 Wow. Sounds pretty stupid. 1030 01:06:11,368 --> 01:06:14,369 Jimmy? No. No. He's the smartest one of us kids. 1031 01:06:14,371 --> 01:06:16,371 He's a lawyer now. 1032 01:06:16,373 --> 01:06:18,373 Mm. 1033 01:06:22,445 --> 01:06:26,114 Now do you remember me? 1034 01:06:26,116 --> 01:06:28,283 Hmm? 1035 01:06:28,285 --> 01:06:30,318 Relationships that are based entirely on sex... 1036 01:06:30,320 --> 01:06:32,687 end the minute the sex gets boring. 1037 01:06:32,689 --> 01:06:35,390 So, if you want it to last beyond boring sex, 1038 01:06:35,392 --> 01:06:38,126 you'd better try to connect on a deeper level. 1039 01:06:38,128 --> 01:06:40,628 I brought us some cheese sandwiches. 1040 01:06:40,630 --> 01:06:42,630 Thanks. 1041 01:06:46,335 --> 01:06:50,038 Do you think people can stay passionate about each other forever? 1042 01:06:51,440 --> 01:06:54,209 Yeah. I mean, as long as they work on the relationship. 1043 01:06:54,211 --> 01:06:56,311 You know, don't get fat. 1044 01:06:57,313 --> 01:06:59,314 Yeah, I wonder. 1045 01:06:59,316 --> 01:07:02,150 I'm not sure it's natural. I'd like to think it's possible, though. 1046 01:07:02,152 --> 01:07:06,087 I mean, I think that over time, we all tend to take each other for granted. 1047 01:07:06,089 --> 01:07:08,757 And after years of staying together, 1048 01:07:08,759 --> 01:07:12,327 saying "I love you" is like saying "cheese sandwich," you know? 1049 01:07:12,329 --> 01:07:15,363 Did you know that Robert De Niro is lactose intolerant? 1050 01:07:20,636 --> 01:07:24,372 After the infatuation, 1051 01:07:24,374 --> 01:07:26,741 chemicals in my brain stopped multiplying. 1052 01:07:26,743 --> 01:07:30,278 I began to get over my nonjudgmental phase. 1053 01:07:32,282 --> 01:07:34,349 Joey and I were gonna have a real conversation... 1054 01:07:34,351 --> 01:07:37,786 if it was the last thing we did. 1055 01:07:37,788 --> 01:07:40,422 I'm gonna die. Yeah. 1056 01:07:41,457 --> 01:07:45,160 Are you listening to me? What? 1057 01:07:45,162 --> 01:07:48,096 I'm gonna die. When? 1058 01:07:48,098 --> 01:07:51,433 Someday. 1059 01:07:51,435 --> 01:07:53,735 Yeah, well, we're all gonna die, okay? 1060 01:07:53,737 --> 01:07:56,271 Watch the movie. 1061 01:07:56,273 --> 01:07:58,273 Doesn't that bother you? 1062 01:07:58,275 --> 01:08:00,542 I don't think about stuff like that. 1063 01:08:00,544 --> 01:08:02,544 Well, why not? Shh! 1064 01:08:02,546 --> 01:08:05,547 Kate, look. We're in the middle of a movie. 1065 01:08:05,549 --> 01:08:07,649 Yeah, well, that's when I think about death the most. 1066 01:08:07,651 --> 01:08:10,151 I look at all these people staring straight into the darkness. 1067 01:08:10,153 --> 01:08:12,487 It freaks me out. Don't you get that? 1068 01:08:12,489 --> 01:08:15,757 No. Okay? I don't get that. I mean, why should I get that? 1069 01:08:15,759 --> 01:08:19,561 I don't even want-- I don't wanna get that. That's the problem. 1070 01:08:19,563 --> 01:08:22,297 When two people are together, they're supposed to get each other. 1071 01:08:22,299 --> 01:08:24,632 You don't get me. I don't get you. 1072 01:08:24,634 --> 01:08:28,236 What? What the fuck are you talking about? 1073 01:08:28,238 --> 01:08:31,706 You know what my problem is? I'm a floater. 1074 01:08:31,708 --> 01:08:34,476 I float through life like a corpse on a river, 1075 01:08:34,478 --> 01:08:36,478 bumping into rocks and logs. 1076 01:08:36,480 --> 01:08:38,480 I don't choose my path. Hey, shut up! 1077 01:08:38,482 --> 01:08:40,548 I just bump into stuff. Like you. 1078 01:08:40,550 --> 01:08:43,151 I bump into you in a porno store. Boom, I have sex with you. 1079 01:08:43,153 --> 01:08:45,687 Boom! I'm in a relationship with you! Boom, I don't think, just boom! 1080 01:08:45,689 --> 01:08:49,324 Shut the fuck up! No, no, no, no. So that's what I am to you? 1081 01:08:49,326 --> 01:08:52,293 I'm just some goddamned log you just bumped into at a porno store? 1082 01:08:52,295 --> 01:08:54,562 Shh! You're wearing sunglasses in a movie theater. 1083 01:08:54,564 --> 01:08:58,433 They're subscription. It's prescription, you idiot! 1084 01:08:58,435 --> 01:09:01,903 Shut up! Okay, Mrs. Thesaurus. 1085 01:09:01,905 --> 01:09:04,239 All right, I'm an idiot. You know, that's it. 1086 01:09:04,241 --> 01:09:07,342 It's ov-- You know, hasta la vista, baby. 1087 01:09:07,344 --> 01:09:10,778 Here's a man who would not take it anymore. 1088 01:09:10,780 --> 01:09:14,649 You're all gonna die. Think about it. You're all gonna die. 1089 01:09:14,651 --> 01:09:18,586 And nobody will ever remember you because they'll all be dead too! 1090 01:09:18,588 --> 01:09:21,656 Excuse me! 1091 01:09:23,894 --> 01:09:25,894 Hi, this is Adam. 1092 01:09:25,896 --> 01:09:28,596 I'm not home, so leave a message after the beep. 1093 01:09:28,598 --> 01:09:32,667 Hi, um, it's me. 1094 01:09:32,669 --> 01:09:34,936 Adam, are you there? 1095 01:09:37,606 --> 01:09:41,576 Hello, Kate? Hi. 1096 01:09:41,578 --> 01:09:44,679 I-I didn't want to call anybody else. 1097 01:09:44,681 --> 01:09:47,649 Oh, God. Are you okay? No. 1098 01:09:47,651 --> 01:09:50,318 What's wrong, baby? We broke up. 1099 01:09:50,320 --> 01:09:53,188 Oh, God. I broke up with Joey. 1100 01:09:53,190 --> 01:09:56,291 Oh, that's horrible. 1101 01:09:57,426 --> 01:09:59,427 I'm such a failure. You're not a failure. 1102 01:09:59,429 --> 01:10:01,663 I am. I'm a relationship leper. 1103 01:10:03,299 --> 01:10:06,668 Not true. You have more relationship potential than anybody that I know. 1104 01:10:06,670 --> 01:10:10,405 Fuck potential. Anyone can have potential. Are you kidding? 1105 01:10:10,407 --> 01:10:12,907 Katie, your only problem is that you've had bad timing. 1106 01:10:12,909 --> 01:10:14,909 Two people could be perfect for each other... 1107 01:10:14,911 --> 01:10:17,745 and if the timing's wrong, it's never gonna work out for them. 1108 01:10:17,747 --> 01:10:21,216 Bad timing's the reason that most normal people end up single. 1109 01:10:21,218 --> 01:10:23,585 Normal people? 1110 01:10:23,587 --> 01:10:25,920 Yeah, weirdos and creeps are single because they're weird and creepy. 1111 01:10:25,922 --> 01:10:28,623 But people like us, you know, we're single... 1112 01:10:28,625 --> 01:10:31,392 because we're victims of bad timing. 1113 01:10:31,394 --> 01:10:33,328 When did you have things figured out? 1114 01:10:33,330 --> 01:10:37,599 Since you fell in love and I've had to lay in bed awake every night... 1115 01:10:37,601 --> 01:10:41,603 and wonder if I'd ever find anybody who I feel as normal with as I do with you. 1116 01:10:47,810 --> 01:10:51,813 No. Bad timing, Adam. 1117 01:10:59,488 --> 01:11:02,624 If the timing's ever right, you just let me know, okay? 1118 01:11:02,626 --> 01:11:04,626 Okay. 1119 01:11:06,595 --> 01:11:08,596 How about now? You think you're-- 1120 01:11:08,598 --> 01:11:10,999 Okay, that's cool. Take as much time as you want. 1121 01:11:22,745 --> 01:11:25,947 Love is ecstasy and agony, 1122 01:11:25,949 --> 01:11:29,350 freedom and imprisonment, 1123 01:11:29,352 --> 01:11:32,487 belonging and loneliness. 1124 01:11:32,489 --> 01:11:35,723 It's what keeps us together when life tears us apart. 1125 01:11:38,560 --> 01:11:42,697 So, when you find that perfect man, 1126 01:11:42,699 --> 01:11:44,699 hold on tight, 1127 01:11:44,701 --> 01:11:47,535 and then call me so I can run over there... 1128 01:11:47,537 --> 01:11:49,537 and see what he looks like and laugh... 1129 01:11:49,539 --> 01:11:53,308 because he doesn't exist, you sad, perky, little optimistic suckers. 1130 01:11:57,880 --> 01:12:01,449 I quit. I couldn't do the assignment. 1131 01:12:01,451 --> 01:12:03,584 I felt like a fraud since my first day here. 1132 01:12:03,586 --> 01:12:05,653 Everything I've written has been crap. 1133 01:12:05,655 --> 01:12:08,589 And I'm-- I'm a total sellout. I can't do it anymore, 1134 01:12:08,591 --> 01:12:10,591 and I'm-- I'm-- you know, honestly, 1135 01:12:10,593 --> 01:12:12,960 I'm sorry if I've caused you any problems, all right? 1136 01:12:12,962 --> 01:12:16,597 Wait a minute. She's way too fat. 1137 01:12:16,599 --> 01:12:18,733 Everything you've written here has been bullshit? 1138 01:12:18,735 --> 01:12:21,703 Yep. Nothing has had... 1139 01:12:21,705 --> 01:12:25,740 - even a single grain of truth in your eyes? - Nothing. 1140 01:12:25,742 --> 01:12:29,744 Your research on blow jobs being able to cure depression was completely made up. 1141 01:12:29,746 --> 01:12:32,814 No, actually, that one was true, 1142 01:12:32,816 --> 01:12:35,350 but it only works for the suckee. 1143 01:12:35,352 --> 01:12:38,119 The sucker always stays depressed. 1144 01:12:38,121 --> 01:12:40,788 I told you that. 1145 01:13:00,142 --> 01:13:02,543 Hi. Hi. 1146 01:13:02,545 --> 01:13:06,414 I'm, uh-- no, actually, could I ask you a few questions? 1147 01:13:06,416 --> 01:13:11,018 Is that okay? Um, sure. Yeah, go ahead. 1148 01:13:11,020 --> 01:13:14,122 Are you married? No. 1149 01:13:14,124 --> 01:13:17,825 Do you have any children you haven't told anyone about? No. 1150 01:13:17,827 --> 01:13:19,827 Do you feel the need to sow your wild oats... 1151 01:13:19,829 --> 01:13:22,096 and have sex with a lot of different women? No. 1152 01:13:22,098 --> 01:13:24,499 Are you a liar? Yes. 1153 01:13:24,501 --> 01:13:26,901 Oh. Just kidding. 1154 01:13:26,903 --> 01:13:29,604 Good. You got a sense of humor. 1155 01:13:29,606 --> 01:13:31,606 That was my next question. 1156 01:13:31,608 --> 01:13:33,608 Uh, can you listen? 1157 01:13:33,610 --> 01:13:36,043 I'm sorry. What? 1158 01:13:36,045 --> 01:13:39,147 You see-- you see how I-- I get it. 1159 01:13:39,149 --> 01:13:41,149 Just one more. I promise. 1160 01:13:41,151 --> 01:13:44,118 Uh, do you have a problem with complicated women? 1161 01:13:44,120 --> 01:13:47,088 Nope. Great. Let's go. 1162 01:13:47,090 --> 01:13:50,858 Um, may I-- may I ask you one question? 1163 01:13:50,860 --> 01:13:54,195 Oh, of course. I'm sorry. Ask anything you want. 1164 01:13:54,197 --> 01:13:57,899 Have you allowed Jesus Christ into your heart? 1165 01:13:57,901 --> 01:14:01,636 Oh, God! If I could have one moment of your time. 1166 01:14:01,638 --> 01:14:05,573 No, get out. May I? May I? 1167 01:14:05,575 --> 01:14:08,176 Okay, but if the next knock is the devil-- Go! 1168 01:14:08,178 --> 01:14:10,778 Yes. Hi. Oh. Listen. Hi. 1169 01:14:10,780 --> 01:14:13,614 Have you allowed-- Hey, go! Now! 1170 01:14:13,616 --> 01:14:15,883 Here. Thank you. 1171 01:14:15,885 --> 01:14:17,885 Hi. Are you Kate Wells? 1172 01:14:17,887 --> 01:14:21,889 Yeah. And you're, um, Rob, right? That's right. 1173 01:14:55,824 --> 01:14:57,825 Thank you. Thanks a lot. 1174 01:14:57,827 --> 01:14:59,827 Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. It's a pleasure. 1175 01:14:59,829 --> 01:15:01,963 Thank you. 1176 01:15:01,965 --> 01:15:03,965 Hi. Hi. Thanks for coming down. 1177 01:15:03,967 --> 01:15:05,967 Yeah, thanks a lot. Thank you. 1178 01:15:12,875 --> 01:15:14,876 You're good. 1179 01:15:14,878 --> 01:15:16,878 Thank you. Thank you. 1180 01:15:16,880 --> 01:15:20,081 And nasty. Right. 1181 01:15:20,083 --> 01:15:22,583 I like my men good and nasty. 1182 01:15:23,952 --> 01:15:25,953 Thank you. 1183 01:15:27,022 --> 01:15:29,023 You got a girlfriend? 1184 01:15:29,025 --> 01:15:31,792 Yeah. Yeah, I do. 1185 01:15:31,794 --> 01:15:34,295 She's on a date now, however. 1186 01:15:38,066 --> 01:15:40,067 Yep. 1187 01:16:04,560 --> 01:16:06,561 So, where's your blind date? 1188 01:16:06,563 --> 01:16:10,031 I told him I was sick. Oh, yeah. You're sick all right. 1189 01:16:10,033 --> 01:16:12,033 Yeah, for wanting you back. 1190 01:16:12,035 --> 01:16:16,103 ♪ Go down easy, baby 1191 01:16:19,975 --> 01:16:23,811 ♪ Go down slow 1192 01:16:28,216 --> 01:16:32,286 ♪ Take all the time you need ♪ 1193 01:16:36,191 --> 01:16:41,662 ♪ Got no place else to go Wow. 1194 01:16:41,664 --> 01:16:46,067 That was incredible. I am very proud of myself. 1195 01:16:48,071 --> 01:16:50,071 I did good, right? Did I do good? 1196 01:16:50,073 --> 01:16:52,039 Yeah, you did all right. It was different. Mm-hmm. 1197 01:16:52,041 --> 01:16:55,209 I surprised you with a couple of those things. I know it. 1198 01:16:55,211 --> 01:17:00,081 You seemed scared. Where'd you learn that? It's horrible, you know. 1199 01:17:00,083 --> 01:17:02,083 We should break up more often. Mm. 1200 01:17:02,085 --> 01:17:05,052 We should. 1201 01:17:05,054 --> 01:17:07,788 I love you. Me too. 1202 01:17:09,091 --> 01:17:13,127 Get out. 1203 01:17:14,396 --> 01:17:16,397 So with Joey, what is that now, 16? 1204 01:17:16,399 --> 01:17:20,001 Oh, shut up. Fifteen? No, seriously. 1205 01:17:20,003 --> 01:17:22,403 Fifteen. I was fourteen. 1206 01:17:22,405 --> 01:17:24,939 What about Peaches? Tell me about Peaches. Oh, God. 1207 01:17:24,941 --> 01:17:27,041 I don't wanna know about Peaches. No, you do. 1208 01:17:27,043 --> 01:17:29,343 Where do you think I learned that thing I did? 1209 01:17:29,345 --> 01:17:34,782 ♪ People love you like a diamond in their hands ♪ 1210 01:17:34,784 --> 01:17:40,054 ♪ They don't know that diamond like I do ♪ 1211 01:17:40,056 --> 01:17:43,724 ♪ They put you up in the bluebird sky ♪ 1212 01:17:43,726 --> 01:17:48,996 ♪ Until they lose sight of you ♪ 1213 01:17:48,998 --> 01:17:53,134 ♪ People love you like a diamond ♪ 1214 01:17:53,136 --> 01:17:55,369 ♪ In their hands 1215 01:18:00,042 --> 01:18:03,844 ♪ I always wanted to chase you down ♪ 1216 01:18:03,846 --> 01:18:09,383 ♪ And like many I fell in love with you ♪ 1217 01:18:09,385 --> 01:18:14,055 ♪ And when you gave your heart back to me ♪ 1218 01:18:14,057 --> 01:18:18,893 ♪ I didn't know what to do ♪ 1219 01:18:18,895 --> 01:18:21,796 ♪ I always wanted 1220 01:18:21,798 --> 01:18:25,299 ♪ To chase you down 1221 01:18:29,037 --> 01:18:31,372 ♪ Carry me 1222 01:18:31,374 --> 01:18:34,108 ♪ Carry me 1223 01:18:34,110 --> 01:18:39,113 ♪ Back to your heart tonight ♪ 1224 01:18:39,115 --> 01:18:42,116 ♪ Carry me 1225 01:18:42,118 --> 01:18:44,118 ♪ Carry me 1226 01:18:44,120 --> 01:18:49,123 ♪ Through the moonlit cold midnight ♪ 1227 01:18:56,498 --> 01:19:00,201 ♪ If it only was that easy 1228 01:19:07,509 --> 01:19:11,145 ♪ If it only was that easy 1229 01:19:15,484 --> 01:19:18,986 ♪ If you will never know 1230 01:19:18,988 --> 01:19:23,524 ♪ Be strong and make sure ♪ 1231 01:19:23,526 --> 01:19:27,895 ♪ You love someone 1232 01:19:27,897 --> 01:19:32,900 ♪ Simple words in the way he called ♪ 1233 01:19:32,902 --> 01:19:35,102 ♪ This mornin' 1234 01:19:35,104 --> 01:19:39,173 ♪ 1235 01:19:39,175 --> 01:19:45,079 ♪ Don't look too much Don't live too late ♪ 1236 01:19:45,081 --> 01:19:49,316 ♪ Just make sure that you love the life ♪ 1237 01:19:49,318 --> 01:19:52,219 ♪ You make 1238 01:19:52,221 --> 01:19:56,290 ♪ If it only was that easy 1239 01:19:56,292 --> 01:20:01,395 ♪ I would surely try it out 1240 01:20:03,231 --> 01:20:07,268 ♪ If it only was that easy 1241 01:20:07,270 --> 01:20:13,274 ♪ Who would ever worry about his life ♪ 1242 01:20:13,276 --> 01:20:22,583 ♪ 1243 01:20:22,585 --> 01:20:25,452 ♪ We couldn't choose 1244 01:20:25,454 --> 01:20:28,322 ♪ Who to be 1245 01:20:28,324 --> 01:20:35,196 ♪ When there's a difference between you and me ♪ 1246 01:20:35,198 --> 01:20:38,299 ♪ Some are too much 1247 01:20:38,301 --> 01:20:40,935 ♪ Sometimes too late 1248 01:20:40,937 --> 01:20:43,470 ♪ I'm just happy I have 1249 01:20:43,472 --> 01:20:48,175 ♪ A life to live 1250 01:20:48,177 --> 01:20:52,146 ♪ If it only was that easy 1251 01:20:52,148 --> 01:20:56,917 ♪ I would surely try it out 1252 01:20:56,919 --> 01:20:59,320 ♪ 1253 01:20:59,322 --> 01:21:03,224 ♪ If it only was that easy 1254 01:21:03,226 --> 01:21:08,529 ♪ Who would ever worry about his life ♪ 1255 01:21:10,232 --> 01:21:14,201 ♪ If it only was that easy 1256 01:21:14,203 --> 01:21:16,203 ♪ I would surely 1257 01:21:16,205 --> 01:21:20,241 ♪ Try it out 1258 01:21:20,243 --> 01:21:31,018 ♪ 1259 01:21:31,020 --> 01:21:34,054 ♪ Don't look too much 1260 01:21:34,056 --> 01:21:36,490 ♪ Don't look too little 1261 01:21:36,492 --> 01:21:39,360 ♪ Just make sure that you love ♪ 1262 01:21:39,362 --> 01:21:44,098 ♪ The life you live 1263 01:21:44,100 --> 01:21:47,968 ♪ If it only was that easy 1264 01:21:47,970 --> 01:21:52,106 ♪ I would surely try it out 1265 01:21:52,108 --> 01:21:55,142 ♪ 1266 01:21:55,144 --> 01:21:59,079 ♪ If it only was that easy 1267 01:21:59,081 --> 01:22:02,383 ♪ Who would ever worry 1268 01:22:02,385 --> 01:22:06,287 ♪ About his life 1269 01:22:06,289 --> 01:22:10,257 ♪ If it only was that easy 1270 01:22:10,259 --> 01:22:13,994 ♪ I would surely try it out 102865