Original subtitles

- Come on.

Guys, the money!

Calm down!

- Leonardo Paci, 29, escaped from home after 8 months of marriage.

- I miss 9 exams to graduation, - then I open a bed and breakfast in Maremma.

- Rocco: My roommate, - 32 years old, "very" late for graduation!

- He has a sister who works as a model and a former gf who cheated him with a vet.

- To pay for university - works as a night guard.

- Pino: stand-up comedian.

- In a dream, John Belushi told him - to finish his psychology studies.

- This is Bruno Dallai, - married to Marta Sperandei ...

... daughter of Berto, merchant of - Follonica close to retire ...

... who will leave the ceramics firm - to Bruno only if he graduates.

- So the newly wed lives a large part - of the week with us.

- To see us so sweaty and breathless - does not seem like it ...

... but the only doubt - of our life is ...

... if the birthday dinners should - be paid by the celebrated person or the guests.

- But let's go by order - and back to a few months ago.

- They see us. - But who sees us?

- There are children. - Who cares!

- There are ducks. - "Trombo" also the ducks.

- He could come my brother. - "Trombo" him as well

- Even him? - Yes, I like the whole family!

- But do you like me more? - Yes, you drive me crazy.

- The alarm. - It seems like it, but it's not there.

- There's an alarm clock. - There is not, come on

- There's an alarm clock! - There's no alarm!

ALARM CLOCK The alarm clock!

Now I bang the alarm as well!

(Southern accent) What do you do with my sister's magazines? - I read them.

- Did you dream about her tonight? - Who?

- Letizia, have you dreamed about her? - No. - Tell the truth!

I haven't dreamed of her. At most, I may have dreamed about the blonde one.

- The sister-in-law character in the story. - Yes, the blonde!

Rocco, you're fixated with your sister. I dream of the blonde one.

- How is Letizia? - Brunette. But you're a pig, you have to stop.

- Who's a pig? - Bruno!

- Bruno, tell him, who do I dream of? - The blonde!

(in a low voice) But you "trombi" the brunette. - I heard you!

- Did you really dream of his sister? - In the gardens, with the ducks.

- Leonardo, I'll make you eat the ducks!

- How can he hear from there? - A night guard has trained ears.

- He is very stressed, it's the third time he tries that chemistry exam. - Fourth!

- Today I'll try again the mathematics one. What is a fraction? - Ouch!

MOBILE RINGS

Ready? Lover!

Should you not be at work at this time?

You are calling from there, and if they hear you?

I'm going to the faculty, I have the exam.

Anyway, I'm almost done. Friday I'll be back.

Yes, so we can see each other.

But no, you're the only one.

Sorry, I must go. Bye.

Hey there! (in English) Are you Spanish?

French?

OK!

The graduates are like the shepherds of the christmas crib ...

... following the comet of culture ...

... come to the knowledge hut.

If graduates are the shepherds, then who are the ox and the donkey?

- Who are they? - They are the professors! How do you not understand the metaphors?

- If I do not understand them, not even the public understands them. - Ignorant!

You are stuck at the time of comedians, joke-tellers and fake laughters!

- Sonia, where was I? - You were at the comet's metathor.

I'll restart from there.

That night came a Sardinian shepherd, a milkman.

The milkman sold the milk of his sheep, which were sardinians like him ...

... to his relatives, who were not Sardinians, but looked like sheep.

Now they should laugh.

Sonia, I understand from your enthusiasm that maybe there is something to fix.

But in the world there are so many things to fix.

Especially in our relationship.

- Good morning Professor. Can I talk to you? - You are welcome.

I am Dallai. I followed your course, very charming.

- Thank you. - I would have the exam today, but my wife has had an infection.

Maybe they were mussels or mushrooms, but this is not the problem.

Lately I have not been able to study a lot and if you could ...

I mean, if you want to be nicer with me ...

- What do you mean? - I want to say that a 18/30 would be fine for me.

- Then I would be very grateful. - Do you want to give me some money? - No!

I would never allow myself to talk about money.

Let's say ... a souvenir ...

... a gift to your lady. Professor?

- A gift? - Yes, a small thing.

- A TINTINNINO to his lady. - A TINTINNINO?

Exactly!

background voices

For when it's scheduled the next exam session?

Silence!

We start the exams.

You! You can come now, what's your name?

- Dallai. - Professor, but I was the first one on the list.

- No, Dallai first. - If the professor says I am the first one...

Do you want to challenge the professor?

- Good morning. - Good morning, Dallai.

Dallai, would you tell me the exact definition ...

... of "TINTINNINO to my lady"?

"TINTINNINO to my lady" is the "figure of shit" I did!

- Congratulations for the exams. - Good morning! - To you and madam!

What does it take? It is life that ...

The calm, but lately I am not calm.

The family! This job! But if I aim ...

Rocco, how can the cowboy shoot without aiming?

Those are movies, in reality it's much more complicated.

- Did you ever shoot with the "iron"? - With what? - With the gun.

- Of course, at the polygon. - And outside the polygon?

No, so far I have not shot out of the shooting range.

- Rocco, I'd like to shoot so much. - Gerardo, please.

Put the "iron" in the holster and do not bullshit!

Let me have a quiet night.

I do not do this job for a vocation.

The superiors warned me that you are a little crazy.

They could put a sticker on it.

Rocco, see the bottle next to the dumpster?

Do you think I can shoot it from here?

- You do not even take the dumpster. - Do you want to bet? - Please!

Don't do stupid shit...

- Put the gun away, someone can see us. - There's no one.

And I will say I saw a shadow. I had to shoot!

- I bet 20,000 lire that you do not hit it. - Hold this.

Take off the safe, Gerardo.

Aim. 20,000 lire that I hit it !

I got it!

You got the parked Volkswagen ALARM!

- Professor? - Leonardo!

Listen.

You should have not bothered, there was no hurry.

- I looked for him so much. - Thank you.

- How much do I owe you? - I do not want money from her.

- Maria Callas! - I want a portrait. That one, for example.

- Do you like it? - Yes, but this building? - I put it here.

Sooner or later the Japanese will do it and then I'll have the picture already.

- Why did not you ever get married? - I was afraid.

- About what? - Of a knife.

I was in love with a girl engaged to a violent boy.

One day I took her home and he was waiting downstairs.

- She told me: "Talk to him". - With the violent guy?

But instead of talking, he pulled out a knife and I run away.

While running I also peed my pants. What a hero!

Some times, to get a woman, you get stabbed!

- I ran away. - I would have done the same myself. - Indeed you are divorced.

- Professor Antonio Galliano, - class 1947 ...

... my former professor of history and - philosophy at the G. Carducci school.

- Since my father died, - he is my point of reference.

- We talk a lot - and we never get to anything concrete.

- We're fine together. Then why - it must always get to something concrete?

MUSIC FROM THE CAR STEREO

Hello princess! I'm your commander.

I drive the Florence-Livorno highway at moderate speed ...

...because the car is new.

The weather is good and on board the temperature is 20 degrees, perfect!

HONK

How is my beautiful wife?

I have a husband who is studying away from home.

- Unfortunately, the faculty is in Florence. - The bracelet? - I forgot it.

We see each other every 15 days and you do not remember to take my bracelet.

Martha, I had much to do and then there was the exam.

- How did it go? - I got 28, I keep the average high. - Bravo.

Let's go to eat. Next time I bring you the bracelet.

- Hello. - Bruno, finally. - Here's our future doctor!

- How was the exam? - I took 30, I keep the average high.

Granny!

(aloud) How are you, Giulietta? - Do not scream, I have the ear device.

- They fixed it. - Sure. - Sit down, Bruno.

Bruno, I can not find the two invoices of 6 million ...

...from Feltru Company. When you are not here, my daughters get confused.

- Daddy, now do not talk about work. - how is the little sister doing?

- Fine thanks. - What about a nephew?

- He does not want to come, and yet WE TRY! - Franco, stop it.

- It's not a sin, would be a shame not to do it. - It will come.

It will be called Giacomino Limberti ...

... left midfielder of the Sperandei Company!

- Berto, this year we do not do the soccer team? - No.

- What if is a girl? - Then we will put her on the bench. Right, Cecilia?

- You cannot joke. - Sure, you're fucking jokes del cazzo!

- Mom! - Unfortunately I said it already.

That's enough!

- That's enough. - What is it?

From one year we fuck in here and from one year you shut my mouth.

We cannot continue like this, sooner or later someone will notice it.

There's nothing to do.

What do you expect?

I go to your father and I say to him: "Excuse me, I married the wrong daughter"?

Bruno

... I want to leave Franco. - No!

It would be the biggest cazzatà of your life.

She is my sister.

She was your sister years ago, and yet you did not fuss.

Give me your hand.

Hold me, I'm scared!

I am too.

I am scared too.

We try again? Come on, then I have to go.

- You could not leave tomorrow morning? - Tomorrow I have the seminar at 8.00.

When will you come visit me, we're never together.

- When we will have child? - When your father dies and leaves me the company!

Stupid! Do not mess around with these things.

Call me more often, what else do you need the phone for?

It's the Company phone, I will not take advantage of it.

But when dad dies ... Ciao, beautiful!

Long life to your dad!

Pino, take the aspirin like everyone else.

Through the mouth it is not helping, do not be silly!

But you always repeat the sketch of Sardinian milkman.

- Now I'll let you enjoy it. - Yes!

- D-15. - All right, you saw them.

- No, but you always put the aircraft carrier in the corner. - I like it there.

- And I always take it. - Do not worry.

- B-9. - Water. - Of course!

You asked for B-8 and B-10, you wanted to find a scuba-diver there?

- Do not get angry. - You do not know how to play.

Answer the phone

- Go, Rocco. - Yes!

C8.

Sunk!

Since three days I've been thinking about one thing.

In your opinion, when a pond in the winter freezes ...

... Where do the ducks go?

- Let's stop playing? Don't you want to stop? - I was thinking about it for three days.

Rocco!

Rocco, what happened?

Rocco, enough. You have been crying since three hours ago.

I understand that you're sorry, but your grandmother was 92 years old.

You can not understand, Grandma Pia was our "pillar" ...

... and now it's collapsed!

I understand that. When my grandmother died, I have cried so much.

Yet when she was alive, she used to beat me up so much!

Fortunately she is dead.

Rocco, enough. All your relatives will be at the funeral.

- Is your sister there too? - I do not know.

You have to stop crying and behave like a strong man.

My relatives will be more crushed than me.

She will Leave the apartment and other things to the older grandchildren ...

... because the little one for her was the "black sheep" of the family.

I hope she have left me the money she had in her bank account.

I've done a lot for her.

If she left me the house on Via del Querceto, even better.

Grandmother where is she?

Lady, be strong.

The allergy to flowers every year destroys my nose!

Take something for it.

Lady, I do not know what to say. ... In these moments

(under his breath) Is the sister here? - Uh? - Rocco's sister is here?

Fifi, this young man wants to know if Letizia is here.

No, it was just a curiosity. ... I only asked

I'm going to the grandmother.

- Mom. - Rocco.

Look at your grandmother.

She remained natural. It looks like her.

She only misses the word!

Poor old mother, she was so good!

(together) She was so good!

She was so lonely.

(together) She was so lonely!

And then, she loved everyone.

(Together) everybody loved her!

- Rocchino, touch the grandmother. - No.

- Dāi, touch her, she's beautiful. - No, mom.

- Touch it, please! - No. (together) Touch the grandmother.

- Rocco, she loved you so much. - Touch it.

- Touch the grandmother. - No.

- Touch it! - Dāi, Rocco. - No. SHUT UP!

Mamma Mia!

Rocchino, touch the granny, otherwise WE would not go away anymore.

Come Rocchino. Touch the grandmother.

- You must touch her. - It gives me goosebumps.

She Has a skin smooth as a peach. Rocco, touch the peach!

(Together) Touch the peach!

- We could not come by car? - They are customs of the town.

We have been walking for three hours!

Maremma Ladra, I knew it, I go a flat tire!

I told you not to come here, there are broken glasses.

They make parties, they break the bottles. Now the wheel needs to be changed.

- Does he have a flat tire? - Yes, he has !

- All right, after we change the tire. - No, you have to do it right away.

Otherwise the rim will be ruined. Do you understand?

- Who helps me change the tire? - Rocco. - Rocco helps you.

Aunts, sit in the cool!

Rocco, help me.

- I'll help you. What should I do? - Change the tire. - Where is it?

- Where do you want it to be? under the corpse! - Under the corpse?

It is not my fault if they put the spare tire beneath the corpse?

- We have to raise the grandmother. - Raise grandma Pia?

Calzone with mushrooms is ready.

Rocco, we could have had dinner at your mother's, she invited us.

Maybe your sister would have been there later.

There were all those hateful relatives who looked like vultures!

I hate them all, I only loved the poor grandmother.

She made a life of sacrifices and then she died lying on a spare tire.

But What is life? A tire that slowly deflates.

Guys, so much anxiety! My hunger is gone.

- Here we are again in one of those - Galliano calls them "cosmic funnels" ...

... that is, the silences that are created - when anguish ruins the evening.

- Only solution: Turn up the volume.

Guys, I'll pay tonight.

But not the bill, I'll pay in person.

HIGH VOLUME MUSIC Well?

I've done it already, it works.

- Good morning. - Let's hope!

Go

The protein.

Sonia and I do a course of mind-reading in Japanese.

Twice a week, 300,000 lire a month.

- I'm specializing in colors. - What you mean?

It works like this: Empty your mind and think of a color.

Send me your harmonic vibrations through your mind ...

... And I can understand the color that you thought of. Let's try? - Okay.

Clear your mind. Think a color.

Fix the point.

- Red. - Yellow.

- He was close. - Yes, on a traffic light! - They are solar colors.

Phone rings. Solar colors!

He was not focused. I can not make mistakes. 300,000 lire per month!

- Hello?

Letizia? Hello. The line is bad.

No, we do not know each other.

I mean, I know you because I see you on the magazines.

I am Leonardo, Rocco would have talked to you about me. No!

Rocchino, wake up. It's a beautiful day.

The sun is shining, the little birds sing.

- Your sister called. - Which sister?

- How many do you have? - One. - That one, Letizia!

- It 's impossible. - It was her, she has the same voice she has in the soap operas!

- Why did not you pass the phone? - I did not want to wake you up.

- What did she say? - She is in Viareggio to take some photo-shoot ...

... And she would come here tonight for dinner at 20.00 if you can. You can!

No, I work tonight. I must warn her. Does she left her number?

No. How do we do it?

It's strange that she is coming, she had to stay two weeks abroad.

- So? - We have nothing to eat!

Can I have some collaboration? Make some room.

Thank you.

- We begin with the appetizers. - Bruno, wait.

- We have been waiting for two hours. - Letizia is never on time.

- What a nice tie Leonardo has tonight! - Cute.

Why?

- Does it look bad? - No, you're fine, even too much!

BELL RINGING- Here she is! - I'm going.

- Rocchino, he went. - So? - Eh!

Last floor.

Riccardino, help me!

- Letizia. - Leonardo.

- Do we eat here? - No sorry! Come.

- Letizia, ciao! - Hello.

- How are you? - Good. - Look, what a sister!

- You've lost weight. - No, indeed. I got fat.

- You are in great shape. I wonder how many women you have! - But no, no.

- Come. Mom called. - What did he say? - Call her.

- Purple. - Purple! - Really?

See? Purple is also a difficult color.

Brava Letizia.

She has something. I've felt it... something !

Brava. Now I'm going to tell it to Sonia, you are all witnesses.

I tell her that I can guess colors and if she doesn't believe it, I'll leave her!

- Did you really think "purple"? - I swear.

- Purple, which made me sick, now - it seemed the only color in the world.

- In Letizia's smile - there was the "cosmic lightness" ...

... that for Galliano is the micro-force - that only some people do ...

... to be - instantaneously exceptional.

- Thinking about a color? - No, I was thinking that I have nothing purple.

- Can we make a toast to Letizia, Leonarduccio? - Sure.

- I have something to celebrate. - Very well.

- Is it a new contract? - No, much more.

- Did they propose to make a movie? - No, it's something different.

- I do not understand, what is it? - I'm waiting for a child.

- Letizia, mom knows? - Not yet.

What a tragedy! Who is the father?

- While it was over between me and Federico, I met Tony and. .. - Please continue.

- It's not your fucking business! - Rocco, I want to keep the baby. Okay?

Sorry if I tell you, Rocco, but it's right.

- And Tony? - It's over with him too. - It's over, of course!

Okay, it's over also with Tony. Shall I make coffee?

No thanks. I'm leaving, tomorrow I have to get up early.

- Hi, Rocco. Hello guys. - Hello.

Rocco, should I take her to the car? A girl alone at night ...

I'll do it for you. Should I take her?

I'll walk her!

Now he will bang her too, Bingo!

But "vattenne", shitty person!

- What's wrong? - I tell my brother that I'm pregnant and he passes out!

It's true, I do not know who the father is ...

... But he didn't have to treat me like a whore!

If he reacted like that, my mother will for sure die of a heart attack!

It 's crazy. I should be pampered, understood, but nothing like that happens.

I know. When I separated, they called me "ruiner of families".

My mother told me: "Think if there were any children!"

She made me two balls like this! Then I told her: "Enough, there are no children".

- Enough With the blackmail of the children. - It 's true.

If the kids are there, a couple must pretend to get along anyway?!

Lower your voice, children are sleeping!

You see, children are asleep at this time.

Friends and relatives are like fireflies ...

... they are there, then they are not there anymore!

They are there and they are not there!

- I'd love to come see you do the make photo-shoots. - Why?

Because I do not want you to walk away now ...

... and I will never see you again.

You can come, but there will be 200 shots.

- At the beginning you have fun, but then you get bored. - And I will get bored!

We shoot at the dock from 9.00 to 18.00 for the all week.

- Come if you want, but you'll get bored. - I'll get bored.

- Hello. - Hello.

I'll come for sure.

What a night!

Do you understand? She is pregnant and she doesn't know who the father is! What a slut!

Just think that your cousin was caught a week before the wedding ...

... With a house painter. - If she had known that he was a painter ...

Meanwhile, the slut has taken a good "brush"!

Rocco, tonight you are not you.

You came late, your face is pale like a dead man.

- Do you have a problem with a woman? - In a sense. - Forget about it.

- You should expect anything from women, I said that ... - That what?

You, Paperini, Mariotti, Poggiolini, you underestimate me, however ...

- However? - Rocco, I have two women who did not give me peace.

A day with one, the other day with the other.

Like the alternate car plates . But "vattenne"!

But "Vattenne"!

(Southern accent) You think women like you because you are tall?

Also, you're not even tall, you're in the average and envious.

Envious!

- Come on. - Did you have breakfast? - Hello. You came to bore you!

- Can we finish later? - Yes thanks.

- What scene are we shooting this morning? - Scene of jealousy at the port.

My husband cheats on me with the cashier of the cinema ...

... who is also my best friend. - It's a classic!

- Rocco has recovered? - A little.

- What's for breakfast? - There's pastry with rice, baba' cake.

And this, I bought it. It is called "polacchina".

It should be soaked in coffee, but it's good even by itself.

- What's its name? - Polacchina.

- Do you like, Osvaldo? - Who is he? - The name, if the baby will be a male.

- No, I will call him-her Lorenzo or Viola. - And if they're twins?

Come in.

Letizia, there's the usual problem. To save money on transfers ...

... we don't have neither the old-lady and the sailor.

We cut the scene of the old-lady, but where I could find a sailor?

Is he your friend?

I cannot do anything, I'll just waste the film.

- I have all the pictures as a child with my eyes closed. - You're good.

- Can I take off my hat? - No, the costume is from the sponsor.

Just stay here.

Letizia, you have just knew that your husband is cheating you with your friend.

- For revenge you kiss the first boy walking down the street. - That's me!

- All right, but calm down. Let's begin. - What should I do?

Stay cool!

- Action. - Old pig, now I'll show you!

Stop! Brava Letizia. Now the sailor walks behind them.

Ready?

When the action starts, pretend to walk.

Pretend?

Action

I can cheat on you too. I'll go to bed with the first one I find.

- What the fuck are you doing, you imbecile? - Watch out with words!

I told you, gentleman, that I'll just waste the film.

- I do not know how to do these things. - We'll finish in the morning!

If no one tells me how to pretend to walk, then I invent the move myself.

You have to stand still, like this!

- Quite right? - Quite right. Action!

Mr. Director ...

... it seems like I'm going to hit the yellow pole like this?

- No, the pole is not seen. - I am saying it for you, if the magazine is bad then ...

Letizia, after you said your part, kiss the sailor.

- Action! - Stop.

- What's now? - Do not get angry, I stepped on a piece of shit.

I'll have a strange facial expression and ruin the magazine.

Get clean.

- I'm ready. - Well, let's start from the kiss.

- Without my line? - Repeat only the last one. Action.

I can cheat on you too, I'll go to bed with the first one passing down street.

Stop! Good, finally. The sailor has finished.

Bravo.

My father-in-law is 65 years old and looks like a kid!

- I got you a nice tie, Berto. - It's troppo flashy for me.too

Hello, Alexandra. Can I speak to her for a moment?

Go to the phone, somebody wants to talk to you.

I got it.

Ready? Hi, Gina.

Did you make the two 6 million invoices disappear?

Sure.

Your father asked me about that.

It seems very strange to me too, Gina. I do not know what to say.

Then you have to make other two fake ones, but with the right number this time.

Otherwise, they will find out.

Love, maybe it's better not to see you tonight.

I'm sorry, Gina. I'll see you again another day then.

However, do not worry. Okay? Bye.

Bruno

Are you a lone wolf? We are waiting you for the toast.

- I toasted myself. - Bruno, you're sad. What is it?

What's wrong? Tonight there are too many clouds.

- How many clouds are there? - Let's count them.

Now I have to tell you something in confidence.

We are now friends. And then, I think men should discuss those kind of things.

Days ago, by chance, I overheard a conversation between our wives.

- So? - Trombala more your wife.

Women are not like us, they need it and often.

Otherwise, while you count the clouds, she will get another lightning bolt!

Do you want to stay electrocuted? Dāi, Bruno, we're waiting for you inside.

Ciao, Ciccio!

That "moron" is right, "pipala" more!

She left four messages on the machine, but what does that mean?

It would be useless to come back with Tony, we are too different. He is a snob.

This summer he took me for a horse ride in the Andes.

At first I had fun, but then a bore!

I care because he always manages to make amends for himself.

Sexually, he and I are the same, and this is essential in a couple.

It's his child, I know. But I didn't tell him.

As a father he would be a disaster.

- Make a move on a woman - it's like solving an equation ...

... you do not have to make a mistake - or the result changes.

- Sometimes then "K factor" takes over ...

... that is the element that makes - a woman unreachable.

- And Letizia - had too many "K factors"!

- She was too sexy, too - smart ...

... but above all "too much" - was the bill for that dinner!

- 253,000 lire! And I, to be cooler, rounded up to 260,000 ...

... leaving 7,000 liras - as a tip ...

... that is the cost of a pizza - and a beer from Vittorino.

For me it is hard to do normal things.

Being beautiful is an advantage, though it is also a difficult!

Because you men are always "horny".

Attention, here is a demonstration.

If a sock falls, what should I do to take it up?

This.

No, it's just a demonstration!

If your sock falls, then people will notice?

- She was right, - that normal gesture was enough ...

...to raise my blood pressure!

- To calm down I had to think -of something sad ...

... that made me lower - my adrenaline rush.

- For example: The high school final exam, - Rocco's dead grandmother ...

... Fiorentina in Serie B.

- But it was useless, because everything - she swept away in a moment ...

... when she asked - that fateful question ...

Would you sleep with me tonight?

No, we know each for too little time.

We would risk ruining everything.

Is it true?

Yes!

I appreciate it,that you are truthful, because...

- Sincere? Letizia, that night I - I would have made love on the waterfront.

- I would have torn you - biting your socks!

- On that marble bench, - if you had let me do it ...

... nine and a half weeks - would not have been enough!

Bravo, go on, so we lose two more shots!

Keep calm, otherwise my hands will sweat and I will miss it.

- Explain to him that it's a matter of sweat. - Sure.

Leonardo, we try to lose because I can not drink anymore.

Bruno, you have to balance the throw.

And then, consider the center of gravity.

Hello, Marilena. Can you give me a quart of milk?

"Center of Gravity", come and see who has entered.

The Neapolitan.

I never remember to buy the milk.

Thank you.

- Go to her and stop her. - No.

- Come on, seize the moment! - What do I tell her? - Improvise.

- Just tell me how I start. - Go!

Go, Rocchino!

- Are you following me? - Yes.

All right, I'm Anna.

I study Arts. You always play at the bar.

- When I enter you get distracted. Do you like me? - Yes

It took a long time to decide.

Keep the milk. I thought: "With all those guys at the bar ..."

"... because nobody asks me to take me home?"

- Is it normal to leave a girl alone at night? - No.

- Do you like milk? - Contains calcium. - It's good.

- Where is Rocco? - A car might have hit him!!

You do not understand his appeal. He looks like an intellectual, girls like it.

- Girls like muscles. - No, girls like brains.

- I got Sonia with intelligence. - Really?

The first date I took her to a intellectual russian movie.

- She liked a lot. Then we never went back there ... Oh! - Bravo.

Well, now tell me why you hit on me. Say it!

- It's really hot, right? - Yes, it's a really hot day.

- Take off your shirt. - Yes.

- What's this? - It is the Madonna di Montenero.

My whole family is devote to her.

-Can you remove it? - Yes.

Nice wallcarpet. It 's very nice here.

Wait up. Here it is.

Come here.

You are beautiful.

You are beautiful.

I see you when you look at me in the bar.

- Pork! - I'm not a pig.

- Would you do anything for me? - Anything.

- Would you do a robbery? - Yes, a 200 million robbery.

- What if a friend of mine would be here? - I would even rob her.

- No, I mean, would you make love with both of us? - Yes, call her.

Come on, call her!

And what if my boyfriend would be looking at us, will it turn you on?

Yes, a cheated on boyfriend that looks at us!

- What if he wants to participate? - Ah!

Yes, we make him participate. We give him 33% /!

And what if he wanted to do everything with everyone?

Yes, I do everything with everyone!

- Luciano. - My name is Rocco.

- Luciano, come on. - No, my name is Rocco. And I'll come in a while

Yes, immobilize me. I like it. Luciano, come on.

- Beautiful Neapoletana! - Luciano, come!

- Block me, I like being immobilized. - Yes!

- No, so you make me shiver. - Kiss Me.

- But who is this? - It's Luciano, my boyfriend.

- What do you care, dāi! - Oh, this guy touched me.

- You said I could come. - I said it in a moment of excitement.

- Rocco, do not spoil it now. Come here. - Stop, I'm not doing this!

- Had you replied to the announcement? - No, I met him at the bar.

But which advertisement?

It seemed too easy. The pink room, the tapestry ...

Stop!

She was so easy ... I was an asshole.

Trivial?

Trivial?

I am not trivial, I am normal.

I only like women, women alone.

- You can not know if you do not try. - I already know that I do not like it!

- How provincial you are! - How whore you are!

- The Madonna of Montenero. - If you change your mind, we are here.

Luciano, go back to the closet and lock it this time!

- Good morning Professor. - Good morning.

- Professor, do you know Geronimo Fusco? -He is tall and has a beard?

- He has a beard, but the picture is half-length. - He was a carpenter.

He died, crushed by the trailer of a truck, not even under the truck!

His wife, Antonina Fusco, died of a heart attack on New Year's Eve.

To joke around they started "fireworks" from the garden of his house ...

... And she had a heart attack.

"Guglielmo Marconi". Professor, is it him?

Yes, Guglielmo Marconi.

- But Marconi Marconi? - Yes, the inventor of Tl-Tl-Tl-TI ...

- I did not know he was buried here. - Ignorant!

Marconi was not dead in '51, he died in 1937.

Crazy parents! A child with that surname can not be called Guglielmo.

You're right.

- It's appetizing. - Who? - The sister of your friend, the photomodel.

- Letizia. - I can see that you like her, you're in love.

- It's not true. - Yes, yes, you have "the spermatozoic eye"!

- Professor! - If you do not want to, we will not talk about it.

- Do you want to marry her? - I? With my precedents? No!

She's one of those ... DRIN-DRIN, mobile phone, bouquets ...

She's always around Italy: Milan, Rome, Palermo, Bari

Then there's the baby, I know how these things will end up.

Sure, she's beautiful. And even my type.

But she goes to Milan, Rome, Palermo, Bari. Bari very often.

- Leonardo, what are you doing? - I thought it was lower.

- Did you start smoking again? - Do you want one? - I do not smoke.

- I need to pee. - Do you do it here?

I need to.

- I can't get it hard anymore. - Sorry?

My dick, it doesn't get hard anymore.

- It will be a period. - A period?

Unfortunately, the mind and the body are no longer coordinated.

I think too much, I should think less.

- Hurry up with this apple! - What an anguish, you look like a caged bear!

I have an appointment at 11.00 for the audition.

- With only two minutes, I can not do the part of the Sardinian milkman. - Well!

Sonia, go away!

No, I'm kidding. Please stay.

- I do the piece of Sardinian milkman. - Piccioncini, what should I do?

Pretend to be his agent and talk to the director.

It will seem all the more professional.

- And if they will take him? - I'll make 12 episodes on RAI2, you know?

I understand that it will be a crappy moment!

- Guys, I look like a door to door seller. - You are perfect.

- You wait here. - Why? - I can not go in with the girlfriend.

- Dāi, I come too. - Sonia!

Support him.

Ignorant!

This is the magical world of the TV entertainment.

Go, Pino.

- The comedians auditioning - Go, Pino!

- Come on. - Give me your best wishes.

- Best wishes. - No, the wishes are not made before auditions! I go.

My friend is a good comedian, he make people laugh.

- Hello.

- You're a manager, are not you? - Do you ask me because I have a tie?

No, you're all dressed alike.

Do you only deal with famous people or even with newcomers?

Many are famous people, but lately I take everything.

- I could be yours? - Yes, what do you do? - Ballerina sado-masochistic on cubes.

What does it mean?

We are two girls, one enjoys and the other whips.

- Do you earn well? - Approximately 25,000 lire per lace.

The more they hit, the more you earn!

- Will you take me? - I have a small car, I have no room for the cubes.

If I will buy a bigger car, we can discuss it

- Who's that? - Crazy.

- She is a sado-maso dancer on the cube. - A "cube" I would give to her!

- Leonardo, come. - How did it go? - They got me.

- Already done? - I'm too strong, I knew it.

Now you pretend to be my manager and talk to the man about the money.

- Here we go. - But have you already done it? - Yes, you just have to talk about the fee.

- Come. He is the boy of the audition. - Hi, I'm Paci.

- This guy made me have fun. - Good boy!

- Very good, congratulations. - Good.

- Anyway, it's better if ... - Did you change your mind?

No, but while we discuss it is better for the artist...

- Ah! Pino, waiting outside. We need to talk about money. - It won't take much.

- Sit down. I had a lot of fun. - Thank you.

But these guys need to be a bit calibrated.

- Are you the manager? - Yes. - He must be more measured.

He's good, though it should be a bit more ...

And a little less ...

And then he would be perfect, because he's good.

- I mean, a little more ... How? - He understood, because he has experience.

We offer these young men the same amount they earned ...

... The last time they worked. How much did he get? - Three million.

- What's your name? - Paci.

Paci, how much has he earned the last time you worked with him?

Two million.

- What is your first name? - Leonardo.

It's a beautiful name.

Leonardo, how much has he earned the last time?

- A million. - Ah, so I understood correctly!

Mark, one million.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye.

Paci, please, a little bit more ...

And a little less ...

And then ... One million.

- How did it go? - They got me. - For all the episodes? - Yes.

And after five episodes I'll be performing all around Italy!

- What figure did you set? - They give you...

- One. - One what? - One million per episode.

- A million? - I asked little? - No, I would have asked for 800,000 lire.

- Go, Leonardo! - I told you that you needed a manager.

We're going to drink, I'll pay. Want an amaro?

I sell the Soldier and the Infant for 3,000 lire.

- Are you crazy? They never win. - I do not want them.

- I'll buy them. - Great deal, boy!

Good morning. Sit down there, make yourself comfortable.

A liquor.

A liquor.

"Arabic", I have it.

"Poetry". Pino, you have it.

- That's not your professor? - Where is he? - There.

Cheers!

- Those wanted to "fuck" Rocco. - Pino! - They do orgies.

It's weird he got along with them. You always said that he is so serious, a philosopher ...

... very religious. - In fact it seems strange to me too.

Cheers!

Leonardo, come.

- That's Leonardo. - I'm going for a moment.

- Cheers! I wanted to introduce you ... - I know them for their fame.

What do you mean?

We were at their place, we had fun.

See that with the dark hair?

All of a sudden he come out of the closet.

Professor, what did they do?

New horizons, walls collapsed, taboos ...

Go, go home!

A liquor.

It's a matter of feelings, moments, scents, you know?

Sex ...

... is alchemy.

- Professor, you drank too much. - Yes and you are old.

- Professor, we'd better go. - I have to go, bye.

- It's better if I go with you. - No, I'll be right there with you on your scooter.

Instead they do the long ride.

Liquor. Bye.

The long ride!

- Is he gone? - In your opinion, What is the long ride?

(TV) is a wonderful scooter ...

... anatomical seat, hydraulic shock absorbers.

It's available in all these colors and is guaranteed for three years.

Service communication, be careful.

My toothpaste costs 18,500 lire. And is American, very rare.

If you want to use it, squeeze it from the bottom, not from the center.

- Buy 5, do not break my balls. - That is disgusting, dickhead!

Bravo, you took them from your father-in-law wallet?

You shit, you know where I will put the toothpaste?

- Calm down. - Rocco breaked my balls for a long time.

I do not slap you just because life has already done it!

- And I do not because I do not touch shit! - Enough!

- If the university has this effect, let's leave it now. - You are right.

Nobody pushed you to come back, you could still be the perfect husband.

Bruno, if we take example from you, then nobody will get married anymore.

- What do you say? "We know you're fucking your sister-in-law.

- Asshole! - Do not you ever do it again.

- Leave my family alone. - What family?

He's right, Bruno. What family? You are only waiting for your father-in-law to die.

- These are my fucking business. - All right, but now it's enough.

We crossed the line. Just relax.

- I know a Zen technique. - But fuck you! - Eat, Pino.

Guys, we have been living together for two years. We gavethree exams in four.

Is it right? Three exams in four.

Pino, you have not done your bed in four months. You really suck!

Because he's an artist, lives in the world of the arts.

- I wash the dishes myself! - You make servant speeches, you're boring!

Sorry, Bruno, if my speeches bore you!

But you have to do it, because here the only one who works hard is me.

When we came to live here, the agreements were different.

We had to have the common money, go shopping taking turns, clean the toilet.

I'm the only one who cleans here. I do not like to live in this shit!

Look at this man.

When he pees, he makes a lake. Then, to go to the bathroom, you need the beach fins!

Little-boy, I've said it many times, if you can not do it while standing up, then sit down!

Now I sit down like the "fiche"!

The only thing we managed to do was to furnish this kitchen.

What a masterpiece, like being in Disneyland!

It looks like Disneyland!

Guys, we want to spend our life regretting the Nutella?

Now enough with snacks. From tomorrow the recreation, Dl-Dl-Dl-DI ...

... it's over.

Shoes, transceiver ...

... cowboy badge, hat and belt!

I'll give back everything.

What did you want to tell me that was so important?

I did not sleep for three nights and I do not know how to tell you, though ...

You and I, we could never be together.

I know how these things work: You're a beautiful girl, I'm just funny.

The fourth time we meet, we get together. And then?

You are always around for the pictures and me at home with Tony's baby.

He'll want to see him on Sundays...

... and I will be sad because I'll like him.

We can not do this, Letizia. Let's stay friends.

But even not. After all, it was beautiful even if it nothing has happened.

Maybe the best loves are those on which you expect so much ...

... and then, instead, nothing happens. CELLULAR RINGS

- The telephone. - Sorry. Hello?

Hello, Rocco. Yes, but ... Okay, I'll pass him!

- It's Rocco. - Rocco?

When?

Where?

- All right, I'm coming. - What happened? - I have to go.

If is a boy, Lorenzo is a nice name. Ciao.

Letizia, the break is over. Let's start.

Let's start!

Can you see this little dot?

The bullet has stopped here, two millimeters from the main vein.

It 's a miracle that he is not dead. Surgery would be too risky.

However, now it seems out of danger.

He will spend the last years of his life with a bullet near the heart.

- If the bullet moves? - It's almost impossible.

As soon as he woke up, he asked about you. Are you related?

- No, we're friends. Can I see him? - Yes, but not for long.

He must rest, he had a bad shock.

- It's this one. - Thank you.

Professor?

Leonardo.

Professor, what happened?

Just a shot

The doctor said they can not operate.

Okay,

I didn't succeeded in doing that either.

Luckily, otherwise I remained alone like a fool!

Now I also have a bullet stuck in my chest.

Now you are really a myth!

Yes, like Gino Paoli.

True, like Gino Paoli.

(TV) After the international guests and the national ones ...

... It's time for the young contendants. Every week we go through Italy ...

... looking for new singers, comedians, actors.

Good evening. There should be a friend of mine, can I ...

(Tv) We present a Tuscan comedian.

Will he be a new "damned" Tuscan? Ladies and gentlemen, Pino Noferini!

Come, Pino. Hello. Then...

He is a dear friend of mine.

(TV) Where are you from? - From Florence. - You're excited.

But as soon as you hear our audience, everything will be easy.

Pino Noferini!

Hi, I ...

Sorry, my name is Pino.

I would like to present you what I wrote.

I mean, we wrote. It's about a shepherd, you know...

It's about a sardinian milkman, a shepherd milkman.

(TV) he is a Sardinian shepherd milkman ... who has so many sheeps.

I can't remember, PORCA MADONNA ...

Did he swear?

Did he swear?

- The beauty of the live show!

- That despair blasphemy - echoed in the homes of the Italians.

- We hit the rock bottom.

- And when you touch the bottom, - either you drown or you come back to the surface.

- But to re-emerge from the abyss ...

... we first had to free ourselves - from our heavy weights.

I have to talk to you.

This is a very important thing.

If I don't tell you, I will feel like shit.

This is my family, but I didn't behave well with you.

- I'm going ... - Wait, it's about you too.

You too?

I want to tell you the truth. It seems right, right?

Berto, I ...

I wanted to tell you that ...

I wanted to tell you ...

(Together) I wanted to tell you? - I'm leaving the university and will return to Follonica.

What a coward!

Boys, one thing at a time. Now this, then maybe the rest.

Rocco, you look different today. Did you cut your hair?

No, I was pissed with the glasses and so I got contact lenses.

- I look bad? - No, very well. Actually, you're better.

- But you had to do it first. - I had to do a lot of things first.

- From tomorrow I'll show you. - To whom? - In general.

I'll renovate the house in Via del Querceto, Grandma left it to me.

You'll go to the city, I'll be in Follonica, they will be scattered around and we not see each other anymore.

- They will bey scattered? It's only two of them. - The village, Follonica ...

- After all, there are cars. - Do you know what we're doing?

As soon as I renovate the house in Via del Querceto, we'll meet again.

(with Tuscan accent) A little fica!. - 320,000 lire! How much is it per person?

- 80,000 lire. - 80,000 per person?

- With all that the artist has been drinking! - I drink during birthdays.

He is right. The party is mine and I pay.

- No, we offer. Divide by three. - Really who pays is the celebrated.

- I make a check. - Bounced! - I know the rule.

If we buy him a present, then he pays. If not we will pay.

- So we pay for it. - The real rule is: Go fuck yourselves!

I think another thing.

This bill ...

... is too expensive!

- Do not be a bischero. Give me the bill. - No.

- We do not do bullshit here. - Shall we?

It's a very simple thing, but nice.

You'll count to three, then wave the napkin and we start.

The last to arrive at the bottom of the road will pay the bill.

- It seems to me a "bischerata"! - But we like to play.

Ready? One, two, three, go!

Waiter...

The nice thing is that I also gave them the start!

Fuck you!

- It's not important to tell you - how our story ends.

- Anyway, that was a day - fundamental to my life.

- Professor Galliano was right ...

... the unforgettable days of a man's life are five or six.

- The rest is just filling!

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