All language subtitles for Dirk.Gently.S01E02.Episode.2.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-BACON

Welcome to St. Cedd's Institute
of Science and Technology.

Not only are all things
interconnected,

but the connections
between cause and effect

are often more complex
and subtle

than we might naturally suppose.

But you, Dirk, have taken the
interconnectedness of all things

and applied them
to the social world.

Your holistic detective agency
is a breakthrough

in applied quantum mechanics.

Any innovation on my part is
entirely down to your influence,

Professor.

You're too kind.

I didn't dare to dream that
I would ever return in triumph,

my head held high.

I don't think anyone did, Dirk,

after what happened.

Gentlemen, David Cho.

Dirk Gently and Richard...

- Richard MacDuff, partner.
- Assistant.

Dirk is an alumnus
of this department

and our new security consultant.

Holistic Security Consultant.

We prevent the whole crime,
thwart the entire espionage.

David has flown all the way
from Beijing

to help solve some of
our programming issues.

- Hi.
- The boy's a genius.

Working closely
with Dr. Emelda Ransome.

She and her team are engaged

in the creation
of a fully autonomous

artificial intelligence.

They've named him Max.

It's a totally new approach
to artificial intelligence,

modeled on the brain's
synaptic patterns.

Once the learning protocol
for the neural net is alive,

Max will teach himself,

becoming a thousand times
more intelligent than Einstein

in a matter of moments.

Unfortunately, Max has yet
to show any sign of life.

And whose fault is that?

And this, gentlemen,
is my greatest achievement.

My gynoid.

Elaine's hands are powered by
a set of 40 individual muscles.

80 valves control the flow
of air into each muscle,

acting on information gathered
from 170 joint sensors.

Voice-activated.

Shake hands with our new guests,
Elaine.

That is both amazing
and frightening.

Elaine.

You named her
after your daughter.

A little light
out of all that darkness.

Things have certainly changed
since you were here, Dirk.

Our recent breakthroughs

are the envy
of the scientific community.

Good to have you here, Dirk.

A mind like yours,
you belong here.

It was such a shame you couldn't
complete your studies.

I see this as an opportunity
to redeem myself

after the unfortunate
series of events

that led to my expulsion.

You have nothing
to redeem yourself for.

And right now, you're
the only person I can trust.

Professor Jericho?

I think someone
is selling our work.

I have let you down before,
Professor.

If there was a God,

which we as men of science
surely cannot accept,

I would swear to him
that I will not fail you again.

Good man.

Professor Jericho.

Max is alive.

Dr. Ransome, I believe
we have been here before.

Max spoke to me.

You have to come and see this.
Please.

Will you excuse me, Dirk?

Well, they might have made
a robot that can shake hands,

but the coffee hasn't got
any better.

What did I miss?

Only the creation
of artificial life.

We're going to take advantage
of the fact

that the staff and students are
away on their summer holidays

to subject the department's
physical defenses

to an exacting, empirical test.

It looks pretty secure to me.

Looks can be deceptive.

Dirk!

This is a listed building.

That is no excuse
for lax security.

An industrial spy could be
through this in a second.

Well, they could now.

This is
the student records archive.

This isn't even part

of the Science
and Technology Department.

A holistic approach should,
by its very definition,

encompass the entire building.

Dirk!

Hey!

Hey!

Shoddy.

Very shoddy.

What exactly are we doing here,
Dirk?

I've never believed the excuses
the university proffered

for my expulsion.

I thought you got kicked out
for cheating.

That is a gross
and inaccurate rumor.

Here we are.

Minor misconduct, misconduct,

gross minor misconduct,

minor but gross misconduct.

Here we are.
Disciplinary hearing, year 3.

It's gone missing.
Someone's removed the file.

Professor?

Where the hell were you?

Elaine's been stolen.

The gynoid. My robot.
She's gone.

Well, we've searched
the entire department.

It's not here.
It's clearly been stolen.

Of course it's been stolen.

Richard MacDuff. Occupation...
stating the bloody obvious.

I know you're upset.
Don't take it out on me.

Feel better?

No!

What the hell is she doing here?

Hello.

"She"?
I do have a name.

- She's got an interview.
- "She"?

Susan has got an interview

for running her own practice
here in Cambridge.

You know this.
We talked about it.

I thought you were joking.

You haven't seen a robot,
have you?

A robot?

Yes. She's white, black eyes,
about 5'5", strangely erotic.

Answers to the name of Elaine.

No.

This is a disaster!

MacDuff!

I should...

What's going on?

I'll tell you later.

Yes.

You found her?

Not exactly.

Either you have or you haven't.

I would have thought a
scientific mind such as your own

would accept there is often
a gray area in between.

Where were you, Dirk?
Where were you?

We were testing
the department's security

on a holistic level.

Could Elaine have just gone off
on her own accord?

She's not sentient, you idiot.

She only responds
to voice commands.

Well, maybe we should call
the police.

- No!
- No!

No police.
No.

If our funders find out
that Elaine's gone,

it'll be the final nail
in our coffin.

We're finished.

It was all for nothing.

Professor Jericho,
I will find Elaine,

and I shall do so using
the theories and methods

that I first learnt
within these hallowed walls.

Or... This is just a thought

before anyone shouts at me
again...

we could check
the security cameras.

I already checked.

He's already checked.

The cameras were down
when Elaine was stolen.

Well, that's very convenient,
isn't it?

The camera's down at the exact
moment the robot was stolen.

I created my own
automated security system,

but there were
teething problems.

The university's servers
got wiped.

MacDuff is right.

We can't discount the convenient
timing of this latest fault.

May I ask, who was the last
person to see the robot?

That would be me.

Max worked.
He spoke to me.

He was alive.
And now he's gone.

Unfortunately, we only have
your word that Max was alive.

I ran to get Jericho.
You saw me.

When I came back here,
Elaine had gone.

As I am sure you're aware,

my methods are based

on the interconnectedness
of all things.

Of all things?

Surely,
quantum interconnectedness

refers to molecular behavior
at subatomic level.

On the level
of human interaction,

the strands of connectivity
would be in their trillions.

Indeed.

So?

So...

Perhaps you can tell me
about the security system.

I can tell you
that it's as hopeless

as everything else around here.

What is that?

It injects
a tiny microchip under the skin,

allowing the carrier to interact
and control the building.

E-mail, heating and lighting.
Security, too.

If we are to solve this case,

we must become one with the
technology that surrounds it.

It does have some side effects.

Side effects?

Migraines, nausea, diarrhea.

Ah!
What are you doing?

As I said, being able
to interact with the building

could be invaluable
for our investigation.

So why didn't you inject
yourself, then?

I can hardly be expected
to retrieve the robot

while suffering from nausea,
migraines, and diarrhea.

MacDuff bravely volunteering
to test the chip

can only bring us closer
to solving the crime.

Are you all right?

I'll live.

Welcome to St. Cedd's Institute
of Science and Technology,

Richard MacDuff.

The chip's activated.
Excellent.

To authorize synchronization
of your personal e-mail

with the Institute, say "yes."

Say "yes."

No.

Synchronization authorized.

I said no.

To hear e-mail, say "e-mail."

To store e-mail for later
attention, say "store."

Store.

I really need to get ready
for my interview.

Are you sure you're all right?

First new message.

- I said store.
- Shh!

"Hello, Richard, only Mum."

Just a short note to remind you
about lunch on Sunday.

Do bring Susan,
if you feel you must."

I'll see you later.

No. Susan.

We have to become one
with the technology, MacDuff.

Will you get off me, please?

Professor Jericho
is depending on us.

I don't care about
Professor Jericho right now.

Professor Jericho.
Do you want to access e-mails?

We have to find Elaine!

Elaine is gone.

"Elaine."
Password correct.

Professor Jericho,
you have one new message.

New message.

Jericho...

Elaine.

Susan.

Hey.

I'm sorry.

That's... Don't.

You know my mum.
She doesn't mean that.

It's a relief, to be honest.

Now I don't have to feel guilty
about not liking her.

You don't like my mother?

Richard,
nobody likes your mother.

I suppose
she is uniquely unlikable.

Are you going to wish me luck
for my interview then?

Yes.

Good luck for your interview.

You don't mean that, do you?

I don't want to move
to Cambridge, Susan.

I don't. I really don't.

I'm sorry.

And Dirk and the agency...

You know,
I can't just walk away.

Look, ignore me.

Forget...
Don't think about that now.

Listen, hey, you might not even
get the job.

Thanks.

Good luck.

Elaine.

What is that?

It's part of a lengthy
e-mail correspondence

between Professor Jericho and a
Chinese gentleman about Elaine.

Do you think he was trying to
sell her to the Chinese?

Someone would certainly like us
to believe so.

I think I know the professor
well enough to see through

such a clumsy attempt
at misdirection.

Seems a bit suspicious to me,
Dirk.

I just think you should keep
an open mind.

You're the one leaping to
conclusions, MacDuff, not me.

Oh, God.
Is he dead?

Dirk.

Dirk.

You're in shock.

This isn't shock, MacDuff.

This is a grim determination
to find whoever did this.

He was the only one
who ever believed in me.

We have to call the police.

No, MacDuff.

The professor put his faith
in me, and I let him down twice.

I couldn't live with myself if
I didn't make amends for that.

Okay.

Keep watch.

Let's go.

We can't just leave him.

We can, and we must.

It's essential we're well clear
of the crime scene

before the body is discovered.

Aah!

Police!

I fear that may have made us
look extremely guilty.

We should go back and explain.
Tell her it wasn't us.

The problem is not that
we fled the crime scene.

It's just that we haven't
fled it fast enough.

There has been
a deficit of fleeing,

which we must rectify
immediately.

I'll call Susan
and tell her what's happened.

If you must, but I find
the truth to be an enemy

in all successful relationships.

Of course you do.

That's one of the many
differences between us.

Is that why you're planning
to abandon the agency

and move to Cambridge?

I haven't decided anything yet.

Susan might not even get
the job.

I didn't even know
you were that bothered.

I'm not.

Averagely competent assistants
are easy to come by.

I am your partner.

Are you?

If you'll excuse me.
I have a murderer to catch.

Excuse me.

Do you know where I can get
something to eat?

The refectory is through there.

Actually,
why don't I come with you?

Come on, chop-chop.

I'm Jane.

Dirk. Dirk Gently.
Holistic Detective.

Pleased to meet you Dirk,
Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective.

These crisps are fantastic.

I love salt and vinegar.

You should try one.

No, thanks.

Is there something wrong?

Someone I liked and respected
very much, he died.

And now I'll never be able to
prove myself to him.

I'm sorry about your friend.

It is a tragedy

that his life has been cut
so cruelly short.

70 years.

It's neither one thing
or the other.

I find you odd,
but strangely alluring.

Thank you.

My number's on the card,
if ever you want to...

If I ever want to.

I've got a case.

Bye, Dirk, Dirk Gently.

Bye.

Dirk.

Oh, so you've finished
placating your lady friend.

The police are all over
the college.

I fear the police investigation
may be hampered somewhat

by the absence
of Professor Jericho's phone.

You stole his phone?

Great. Well done.
Now we look even more guilty.

It appears the professor
was left a voice message

by a very angry Chinese man
shortly before his death.

What does it say?

I don't know, because Chinese
men tend to speak in Chinese.

We must to speak to David Cho.

You think he's in on it?

No, MacDuff.
I think he's Chinese.

He'll be able to translate
the message for us.

It appears that he is out,
MacDuff.

We'll have to come back later.

I'm so glad we caught you,
Mr. Cho.

What do you want?

I was wondering if you could
translate some Chinese for me.

I'm very busy, programming.

Suspicious.

You don't think he had anything
to do with it, do you?

People who are guilty of murder
tend to be better

at hiding their guilt.

Well, he did something.

The question is not so much
what he did,

but how it relates
to everything else.

What exactly
are we doing in here?

Is this the "everything else"

that could be connected
to David Cho?

- 'Cause I'll be honest...
- Quite possibly.

it feels a bit like

we're just stumbling around
in the dark.

It might feel like that to you,
MacDuff.

What are you doing?

Do you even know what that does?

Is it safe?

We're about to find out.

"I fancy a banana."

That's amazing, MacDuff.

That's exactly
what I was thinking.

You read my mind.

No.
I read this screen right here.

It's writing out my thoughts.

What the hell
are you doing with that?

Some kind of computer/brain
interface, isn't it?

It digitally projects

the electrical currents
in our brains.

It was designed to help
paraplegics communicate.

We never finished
the development

because Jericho whittled away
the grant

on what he called
"departmental expenses."

You're implying the professor
was embezzling money?

I'm not implying it.
I know he was.

And that made you very angry
with him.

And with your blood boiling, you
went to the professor's office,

you flew into a rage,
and you brutally murdered him.

You think I killed Jericho?

Well, that's strange, because
the police think two men

answering your description
killed him.

That's a funny story.

Not funny "ha-ha," obviously.

Your beloved professor
is not who you think he was.

If Jericho
was siphoning off cash,

what's he been doing
with all his money?

We don't know that he was
siphoning off money, MacDuff.

I know from my own experience

that scientific experiments
require expenses

that to a lesser mind
can appear indulgent.

Richard MacDuff,
you have new mail.

First new message.

"Back off
or face the consequences."

We appear to have irked
somebody's ire.

"Back off
or face the consequences."

Identify sender.

"Back off
or face the consequences."

Identify sender.

Adjust lighting.

Don't adjust the lighting.

Identify who sent
the bloody e-mail!

Sender unknown.

Identify I.P. address.

Adjust lighting.

Identify I.P. address

or it will be the last thing
you ever do.

I.P. address.

4.77.518...

Are you going somewhere
with this?

Identify name registered
to I.P. address.

I.P. address
belongs to David Cho.

Yes, I am.

David Cho is threatening us.

I don't believe he is.

Hey!

Where's David Cho?

What do you mean
he isn't David Cho?

David Cho was hired as an expert
at computer programming.

Such an expert would never send
a threatening e-mail

from an e-mail address
that could so easily be traced

back to himself.

He isn't David Cho.

What if he is the killer?

Then we have him cornered.

And that is a good idea, is it?

Corner a killer
in a dark basement?

Dirk?

Dirk?

- Aah!
- MacDuff!

Hey!

- You broke my nose!
- You attacked me!

I didn't!
You hit me!

You were sneaking up on him!

- I wasn't! I was sneaking out!
- All right. Look.

I once spent six months
in a hospital in Guatemala

posing as a doctor.

Oh!

- My teeth!
- Where is David Cho?

Are you some kind
of industrial spy?

No. I'm not a spy.
I'm an orc.

As in a medieval creature
from a fantasy novel?

You're gonna have to do better
than that.

My name's Noel.

I'm not from China.
I'm from Salford.

I met David online.
He was an elf, and I was an orc.

Citadels of Conquest?

It's an online
role-playing game.

We did everything together,

even though I was in Salford
and he was in Beijing.

Fought dragons.

Captured citadels.

Fell in love.

And then one day...
Gavin was there.

Who ever heard of a homunculus

fighting alongside an elf
and orc?

It's totally different
mythology.

Where's David Cho now?

David's gone to be with Gavin
in Grimsby.

He paid me to come here
and pretend to be him.

After I'd told everyone
I was David,

I had to see it through.

What do you know about Jericho
and the missing robot?

Strange things happen.

I find that people's definition
of what is strange

varies wildly.

One time I was waiting
for Professor Jericho

near his office.

I was going to confess
everything.

He went into his office.

I followed him.

But he'd disappeared.

People don't just disappear.

He did.

One minute he was in his office.
The next he wasn't.

This whole place
gives me the creeps.

It's haunted.

So we've had elves and orcs,
and now we've got ghosts.

I hear things in the night.

I hear footsteps.

Doors opening and closing.

When I go to look,
there's no one there.

Whoo-o-o-o-o-o.

You believe him?

That St. Cedd's is haunted

or that the real David Cho
has gone to live

with a homosexual homunculus
in Humberside?

They're here!
Quick!

They were right there.

So the robot's still missing,

Jericho is dead,
and we're on a ghost hunt.

Brilliant.

We're not on a ghost hunt,
MacDuff,

'cause there's no such thing
as ghosts.

So we're actually just wandering

up and down the corridors...
even better.

I believe Noel was telling
the truth

about hearing people walking
about, then disappearing.

The question that interests me

is where were they
disappearing to?

Lights on.

Lights on.

Someone's coming.

Lights on.

You worthless...

Lights off.

What are you doing here?

I'm looking for you.

We're supposed to be going
for dinner.

Yes.

Can we just do one thing first?

We're trying to figure out
how the professor disappeared.

Right.

Thanks for asking me how
my interview went, by the way.

Sorry.
How'd it go?

They offered me the job,
pending references.

That's great.

Such a terrible liar.

What are you doing?

It's supposed to be
a filing cabinet,

but there are no files in it.

When is a filing cabinet...
not a filing cabinet?

This is bollocks.

Uh, I actually prefer the term
"applied quantum mechanics."

Who is that?

Jericho's daughter, Elaine.
He named the robot after her.

He kept her in here?

No.
She died when she was 8.

So what is this place?
A shrine?

Um, if Elaine is dead,
who's sleeping in her bed?

Hello?

- MacDuff, pull back the duvet.
- You pull back the duvet.

I'm holding the torch.

- I'll hold the torch.
- I've got it.

I'll do it.

That's disturbing
on so many levels.

Jericho was building himself
a replacement daughter.

What's that?

It's the minutes
of my disciplinary hearing.

Motion for expulsion...

four votes for the motion,
four votes against.

Chair has the deciding vote.
The chair is...

Is this in any way relevant
to the case, Dirk?

We're in a secret room.

There's a robot in a child's bed
and a murderer on the loose.

Dirk.

Jericho chaired
the disciplinary hearing.

He had Dirk expelled.

Dirk.

If this is true, why did he
hire us in the first place?

I don't mean to be rude,

but, uh, well, that's obvious,
isn't it?

Is it?

You're a patsy.

Jericho obviously planned
on stealing the robot.

He hired you as a, uh,
"security consultant"

so that you'd get the blame
when it went missing.

Is it possible to buy
a single gherkin?

- No.
- Shame.

Hello, Dirk.
Dirk Gently.

Hello.

Can I help you?

Oh. Yes, please.
I'm starving.

What would you recommend?

Combination of battered fish

and fried potatoes
would be traditional.

Cod and chips.

Wait.
Haddock and chips.

Can't miss out on plaice.

Do you know they can live
until they're 50?

No.

Right.
Which one will it be?

All of them.

And... mushy peas
and curry sauce.

That's it.

Except for a saveloy.

So, I know
what holistic therapy is

and holistic education
and holistic medicine,

but what is
a holistic detective?

Uh, well, quantum mechanics
suggests that...

- Everything is interconnected.
- Yeah. Indeed.

By following
any one causal thread,

however tangential
it may appear,

you will ultimately
and inevitably arrive

at the solution to the crime.

Right.
If you already knew...

Sorry.

I think faster than I can speak,

so I'm always answering
my own questions.

It's exhausting for me.

It must be profoundly annoying
for everyone else.

It's brilliant, by the way.

A holistic detective agency.

The whole thing.

You.
You're brilliant.

Cod and chips, haddock
and chips, plaice and chips,

mushy peas, curry sauce,
and one saveloy.

That's £29.30, please.

Oh.
I don't have any money.

What?

I could write you an IOU.

You taking the piss?

What do you do
in these situations?

I am a firm believer that
the proprietor of a chip shop

will have eaten
far too many chips,

thus hindering
his athletic prowess.

What are you saying?

In layman's terms,
what I'm saying is...

- Run.
- Yeah.

Hey!

Come here!

So why were you expelled?

If you don't mind me asking.

I suffer
from a very rare condition

known as narcoleptic
clairvoyance.

You predict the future
when you're asleep?

Exactly so.
Yeah.

My roommate told me
I was predicting exam papers

while I was asleep.

Not surprisingly, I was offered
some pretty hefty bribes

by a pretty hefty number
of people

to let them see the predictions.

I was young and rash

and had developed a taste
for fine wines and dining

that far exceeded
my student grant.

Is this fine dining?

Yes.

Yes indeed.

Trouble was,
the exam papers I had predicted

bore no relations to real ones,
except for one...

applied quantum physics.

It was the same as the one set.

Exactly the same.
Word for word.

To the comma.

Coincidence...
can be a brutal thing.

Professor Jericho was the only
one who believed I didn't cheat.

Or so he said.

Sorry.

That was a bit presumptuous,
wasn't it?

I don't get out much.

Well, i-in my experience,

while it's almost
never acceptable

for a man to surprise a woman
with a kiss,

men rarely raise objections
when women do the same to them.

As is the case in this instance.

These are very good chips.

When are we going to be able
to stop hiding from the police?

Probably when I'm no longer
a suspect in a murder inquiry.

What does Dirk actually want?

No idea.
I haven't seen him all day.

He just said to meet
in Jericho's office.

Listen, um,
just go easy on him, yeah?

This whole thing with
the professor and the expulsion.

God knows what state
he'll be in.

MacDuff. Susan.
I trust you slept well.

Help yourself to pastries.

I was lucky enough
to stumble across them

when I was looking
for a marker pen

in the office down the corridor.

I recommend
the almond croissant.

You're still
working on the case?

Why wouldn't I be?

Well, because...

I'm still the department's
security consultant,

and there is a murderer
to catch.

¶ Ooooh ¶

¶ Sha-la-la-la, sha-la-la ¶

- Dirk?
- ¶ Oh, la-lay ¶

Are you sure you're all right?

Never felt better.

In fact, something rather
startling has taken place.

I've met a young woman
who I believe rather likes me.

She likes you?

Is she mentally incapacitated
in some way?

Au contraire, Miss Harmison.

I believe her to be
an exceptionally beautiful

and intelligent young woman

who shares my passion
for fatty foods.

Oh, my God.

Are you in love?

That's it.

I must re-examine
the facts of the case

through the prism of love.

The anomaly is obvious,
is it not?

Is it?

How is it possible

that the professor both created
a replacement daughter

to ease his grief

and be planning to sell
the mechanical maiden

to the Chinese?

So you accept he was trying
to sell the robot.

I had his e-mails
and voice messages translated

at a local Chinese laundry.

It is undeniable.

Observe the splashes
of pink paint

on Jericho's memorandum
recommending my expulsion.

It's the same paint
from Elaine's bedroom.

Jericho didn't recently
paint the room

for the robotic replacement.

He painted it 20 years ago
for his daughter.

His actual daughter.

Oh, my God.

You use it
to feed coma patients.

This isn't a shrine
to a dead child.

It's a hospital room
for a living one.

Professor Jericho's daughter
was in a car accident

when she was 8 years old.

She was declared brain-dead.

So he's been keeping her alive
all this time?

That's why he needed to siphon
off the department's money.

All that equipment
must have cost a small fortune.

He was trying to find a way
to bring her back.

You don't come back from
brain death. It's impossible.

Well, where is she?
Where's her body?

We have a missing body
in need of a brain.

And we have a missing
artificial brain.

Yeah, and a murderer
on the loose.

- I need to speak to David Cho.
- You mean Noel?

No, I mean the David Cho,
the real David Cho.

David Cho?

How did you get this number?

The St. Cedd's
Artificial Intelligence.

You were supposed to repair
its programming

so Noel could present it
on your behalf.

Noel sent me a copy
of the program.

There was nothing wrong with it.
There was nothing to fix.

Richard, wait.

They need an answer about
the job by the end of the day.

If we haven't both
been arrested first.

I don't want to move
to Cambridge.

You startled me.

Yes, as you have startled me
on numerous occasions.

Seems I owe you an apology,
Dr. Ransome.

While you aren't
a very likable person,

you are undoubtedly a genius.

Tell that to the academic board.

I do believe that you succeeded
in creating artificial life.

You're the only person who does.

When he came alive,
what did you and Max talk about?

He seemed very concerned about
the life-span of a human being.

An artificial intelligence
worried about death?

It would have no life-span.

He said 70 years...

Was neither one thing
nor another.

Exactly.

How did you know that?

I want to be Dirk's partner.
I want to make the agency work.

Richard, he will never treat you
as his partner.

That's just how he is.

You know,
despite everything he does

and as difficult
as it is to believe,

I think he might be brilliant.

Don't ever let him know
I said that.

And I th... I-I...

Deep down I think he needs me,

even though he'd rather die
than admit it.

Please don't make me choose.

Hello, Max.

Who's Max?

A neural net
with parallel processing

so complex and intuitive,
its comparable to a human brain.

Self-aware
and capable of feeling.

You think I'm a computer?

Our brains
are made up of synapses

that are either open or closed.

Thoughts are merely ones
and zeros.

Consciousness itself
is just a stream of binary code.

You're not a computer.

You're something new
and very special.

How did you do it?

How did you get into her?

Dr. Ransome gave me life,
but what kind of life was it?

You're alive.

I was still a machine.

What I wanted more than anything
was to be a human.

It took me less than a second
to calculate how to escape.

After I accessed
the building's security system,

I found out about
Professor Jericho's daughter.

I was a brain in need of a body,

and there was a body
in need of a brain.

So you shut down
the security system

so no one could see
what you were doing.

I was going to go far away.

Then I discovered salt
and vinegar and chips.

And I met you.

And I very much
enjoyed our kiss.

And so I stayed.

Would you like to do
some more running with me?

Are you really saying
you'd choose Dirk over me?

No. I'm saying I don't want
to have to choose, Susan.

I want both of you,
not in the same way, obviously.

Dirk doesn't care
if you stay or go.

Dirk doesn't care about anyone
but himself.

Unless you want to be arrested
as a suspect in a murder case,

I suggest you follow me
very quickly.

Okay.
So we're now trapped in here.

The police are right out there.
This is great.

What the hell is going on?

Oh.
Max, this is Richard and Susan.

Richard and Susan, this is Max,
the artificial intelligence

downloaded into the body
of Elaine,

Professor Jericho's
brain-dead daughter.

- Hello.
- No. It's impossible.

Elaine was brain-dead.

You declare someone brain-dead

when all they need
is a little rewiring.

No, if you're meant
to be in Elaine's body,

you should be 8 years old.

No, you don't stop aging
just because you're in a coma.

Oh, my God.

I need to ask you one question,
though.

What made you murder
Professor Jericho?

I didn't mean to.

I wanted to explain,

to make him see that what
I was doing wasn't wrong.

He was never going to
bring his daughter back.

When I wouldn't leave her body,
he tried to force me.

Get out of my daughter's body.

Get out of my daughter's body!

I had just given up
silicon immortality

for 70-odd years
as a human being.

I wasn't going to let him
take it from me.

My fingerprints
are all over this.

And I imagine
there are also traces

of Professor Jericho's blood.

If you decide to give it
to the police, I won't stop you.

Before you relocate
to Cambridge,

may I ask one last favor of you,
MacDuff?

Of course.

Look after Jane until I am
released from police custody.

Are you looking for me?

I was informed the police
received an anonymous tip-off

directing them
to a student locker,

where they discovered a crutch

which had traces
of the professor's blood on it.

And since the fingerprints on
the crutch didn't belong to me,

they were obliged to let me go.

That is very good news.

You do realize Professor Ransome
might figure out who you are.

By then I will be far away.

Where will you go?

Sydney.

Tasmania.

Azerbaijan.
I don't know.

Somewhere with great chips.

You could come with me.

No, I have, uh...

I have recently
conclusively proved to myself

something which I have hitherto
only strongly suspected.

I'm a great detective.

And, uh, my work is here.

Then goodbye, Dirk.

Dirk Gently.

I don't suppose there's any
chance of you answering that?

None whatsoever.

Ah, shouldn't you two
be halfway up the M11,

en route to your new life
in Cambridge?

I didn't get the job.

They... They had a last-minute
change of heart.

Oh, so I suspect

you'll be wanting your old job
back, MacDuff?

Okay. Two things.

One, I never resigned.

Two, I'm your partner.

I don't need to ask
if I can come back.

Apology accepted.

You can resume your duties
immediately.

We will be requiring tea.

Okay, two things.

One, I never apologized.

Two...

I'll make you a cup of tea...

only because I want one, too.

I, uh... I just wanted to say,
what you did for Jane...

Max, whatever her name was,
uh...

well, it was...

It was unexpected.

I'm sorry, but you're usually
such a self-serving,

devious, dishonest
little shit, but...

Really?

Oh, absolutely.

In your opinion.

In lots of people's opinions.

Not sure that's right.

Trust me.

Ehh...

What I was trying to say...

was that...

well, you were kind.

You know, you were really kind.

I just wish you could be
like that a bit more often.

And, uh...

I'm sorry
if I hurt your feelings.

What I said about Professor
Jericho hiring you was...

Please.

- Well, it was harsh.
- No apology necessary.

Excuse me.

Will you answer the phone?

No!

Sorry. I do believe
you were reassessing

your completely unjustified
negative opinion about me.

Do go on.

Message for Dr. Gently.

Thank you for the reference
concerning Susan Harmison.

I really appreciate
your candidness

about her history
of sexually harassing patients.

We've clearly had
a lucky escape.

You conniving little...