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1
00:00:01,060 --> 00:00:04,160
♪♪
2
00:00:04,179 --> 00:00:06,049
[ Helicopter blades whirring ]
3
00:00:06,070 --> 00:00:07,090
[ Dog barking ]
4
00:00:07,110 --> 00:00:10,020
Whew. Tss, tss!
[ Whistling ]
5
00:00:10,039 --> 00:00:11,059
Ca-caw!
6
00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:12,210
Why am I
bringing up the rear?
7
00:00:12,230 --> 00:00:14,230
No offense,
but it's "cops and robbers",
8
00:00:15,009 --> 00:00:17,059
not, you know,
"retired cops and robbers."
9
00:00:17,079 --> 00:00:18,219
I'm not retired
from this game!
10
00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,180
Pffft, okay.
11
00:00:20,199 --> 00:00:21,999
It's raid time!
12
00:00:22,019 --> 00:00:23,139
[ Groans ]
13
00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:25,030
Man down!
14
00:00:25,050 --> 00:00:27,020
[ Sighs ]
15
00:00:27,039 --> 00:00:29,119
Freeze,
El Chupacabra!
Huh?
16
00:00:29,140 --> 00:00:31,020
You're under arrest.
17
00:00:31,039 --> 00:00:33,029
Arrest this!
18
00:00:33,049 --> 00:00:34,139
[ Grunts ]
19
00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:37,049
♪♪
20
00:00:37,070 --> 00:00:39,140
Now we've got a game!
21
00:00:39,159 --> 00:00:41,049
Aah!
22
00:00:41,070 --> 00:00:43,210
♪♪
23
00:00:43,229 --> 00:00:46,039
Stay down,
civilian!
24
00:00:46,060 --> 00:00:50,060
♪♪
25
00:00:50,079 --> 00:00:54,209
Sorry, copper, you're too old
to catch El Chupacabra!
26
00:00:54,229 --> 00:00:57,049
♪♪
27
00:00:57,070 --> 00:00:59,100
With age comes wisdom.
28
00:00:59,119 --> 00:01:00,189
♪♪
29
00:01:00,210 --> 00:01:03,050
Power slide!
30
00:01:03,070 --> 00:01:05,210
Oh, God!
31
00:01:05,230 --> 00:01:07,110
[ Groaning ]
32
00:01:07,129 --> 00:01:10,999
Looks like a hit...
and roll.
33
00:01:11,019 --> 00:01:12,089
[ Rock music plays ]
34
00:01:12,109 --> 00:01:13,149
Damn it, Randy!
35
00:01:13,170 --> 00:01:15,040
I'm hurt here!
36
00:01:15,060 --> 00:01:25,050
♪♪
37
00:01:25,069 --> 00:01:27,209
♪♪
38
00:01:27,230 --> 00:01:29,050
Pearle:
Oh, really?
39
00:01:29,069 --> 00:01:31,099
Well, tell me,
Mr. Insurance Man,
40
00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:34,030
how on Earth
is a partial hip replacement
41
00:01:34,049 --> 00:01:36,119
considered
elective surgery?!
42
00:01:36,140 --> 00:01:38,060
No,
you read the fine print
43
00:01:38,079 --> 00:01:40,019
of your medical plan
for more information!
44
00:01:40,039 --> 00:01:41,149
[ Groans ]
45
00:01:41,170 --> 00:01:45,050
After giving the police force
the best years of my life,
46
00:01:45,069 --> 00:01:47,079
all they give me in return
is some aspirin
47
00:01:47,099 --> 00:01:49,199
and a prescription
for water aerobics?!
48
00:01:49,219 --> 00:01:51,079
Those bastards!
49
00:01:51,099 --> 00:01:53,159
Don't you talk about the LAPD
that way!
50
00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:55,030
But you --
But you just said --
51
00:01:55,049 --> 00:01:57,039
Once a cop,
always a cop, Randy.
52
00:01:57,060 --> 00:01:59,060
Why not give the water aerobics
a try?
53
00:01:59,079 --> 00:02:01,229
They say it's not just
for old people.
54
00:02:02,010 --> 00:02:03,040
♪♪
55
00:02:03,060 --> 00:02:05,200
I'm too young
for this shit.
56
00:02:05,219 --> 00:02:08,209
Tony:
And four and one and two
57
00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:13,129
and three and four
and one and two and three...
58
00:02:13,150 --> 00:02:23,130
♪♪
59
00:02:23,150 --> 00:02:24,210
♪♪
60
00:02:24,229 --> 00:02:26,069
Wow!
61
00:02:26,090 --> 00:02:28,160
Great class, everybody.
Next week, we'll work on lunges.
62
00:02:28,180 --> 00:02:33,020
Why don't you come over here
and lunge into me, Tony!
63
00:02:33,039 --> 00:02:34,059
[ Laughter ]
64
00:02:34,079 --> 00:02:36,009
Oh, you're naughty,
Barb!
65
00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:37,090
[ Laughs ]
66
00:02:37,110 --> 00:02:39,050
Saw you
struggling earlier.
67
00:02:39,069 --> 00:02:40,109
Don't worry,
new kid.
68
00:02:40,129 --> 00:02:42,089
First time
is the worst time.
69
00:02:42,110 --> 00:02:44,150
Just like sex
and cataract surgery.
70
00:02:44,170 --> 00:02:45,230
[ Laughter ]
71
00:02:46,009 --> 00:02:49,029
I'm Barb.
Nice to meet you.
I'm Pearle.
72
00:02:49,050 --> 00:02:51,050
And this naughty girl
is Gertrude.
73
00:02:51,069 --> 00:02:53,089
She can hook you up
with weed so dank,
74
00:02:53,110 --> 00:02:55,140
it'll melt your face
off your skull.
75
00:02:55,159 --> 00:02:58,019
And Shirley here
is my ride-or-die.
76
00:02:58,039 --> 00:03:00,049
It's lunchtime,
bitch!
77
00:03:00,069 --> 00:03:01,179
She may have dementia,
78
00:03:01,199 --> 00:03:04,159
but she's the kinda gal
I'd want with me in a firefight.
79
00:03:04,180 --> 00:03:07,020
It's lunchtime,
bitch!
80
00:03:07,039 --> 00:03:09,159
You guys get in
a lot of firefights?
81
00:03:09,180 --> 00:03:11,160
[ Laughter ]
82
00:03:11,180 --> 00:03:13,060
I've been around
one or two.
83
00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:15,140
On the force.
Oh, snap.
84
00:03:15,159 --> 00:03:17,069
[ Inhales sharply ]
85
00:03:17,090 --> 00:03:20,080
It's legal now,
Gertrude.
86
00:03:20,099 --> 00:03:22,099
I was a cop.
Retired now.
87
00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:23,190
Lot of good
it did me.
88
00:03:23,210 --> 00:03:25,040
Their crap
insurance plan
89
00:03:25,060 --> 00:03:27,100
won't cover the hip surgery
I need.
90
00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:29,130
All my life
I played by the rules,
91
00:03:29,150 --> 00:03:31,070
and look
where it got me.
92
00:03:31,090 --> 00:03:33,030
The Y-M freaking C-A.
93
00:03:33,050 --> 00:03:34,070
Hey, now.
94
00:03:34,090 --> 00:03:36,120
Life led you to the Y
for a reason.
95
00:03:36,139 --> 00:03:38,029
Maybe to make
new friends.
96
00:03:38,050 --> 00:03:39,080
Wanna hang with us?
97
00:03:39,099 --> 00:03:42,039
I promised my son
I'd take him to lunch.
98
00:03:42,060 --> 00:03:43,120
Happy meal!
99
00:03:43,139 --> 00:03:45,089
I'm lovin' it!
100
00:03:45,110 --> 00:03:47,210
[ Groans ]
101
00:03:47,229 --> 00:03:50,029
Yeah,
I'll go to lunch with you.
102
00:03:50,050 --> 00:03:59,160
♪♪
103
00:03:59,180 --> 00:04:09,160
♪♪
104
00:04:09,180 --> 00:04:18,120
♪♪
105
00:04:18,139 --> 00:04:19,179
♪♪
106
00:04:19,199 --> 00:04:22,229
[ Tires screech ]
107
00:04:23,009 --> 00:04:28,229
♪♪
108
00:04:29,009 --> 00:04:30,009
[ Laughs ]
109
00:04:30,029 --> 00:04:33,079
I gotta tell you girls --
I feel alive!
110
00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:36,050
Hey, would you mind stopping
by the bank on the way to lunch?
111
00:04:36,069 --> 00:04:39,219
We need to deposit
our Social Security checks.
112
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,190
Oh, sure, but I get to choose
where we go to lunch.
113
00:04:42,209 --> 00:04:45,109
There's Cupcake Factory,
Cupcake Factory Outlet,
114
00:04:45,129 --> 00:04:47,999
California Pizza Dungeon,
Hammy's Sammies,
115
00:04:48,019 --> 00:04:50,049
Sammy's Hammies --
they only do pork --
116
00:04:50,069 --> 00:04:53,049
Taco Hell --
Keep the car runnin'.
Back in a jif.
117
00:04:53,069 --> 00:04:56,039
Burger Thing, that new ironic
restaurant in Silver Lake,
118
00:04:56,060 --> 00:04:57,120
which is also
what it's called.
119
00:04:57,139 --> 00:04:59,199
Mr. Meat's Vegan Eats,
The Money Hole,
120
00:04:59,220 --> 00:05:01,130
Tramp, Slump, Turd.
121
00:05:01,149 --> 00:05:03,999
I've always wanted
to try Turd.
122
00:05:04,019 --> 00:05:08,039
I could go for General Tso's
Clam Shack -- are y'all okay?
123
00:05:08,060 --> 00:05:09,090
Floor it, Pearle!
124
00:05:09,110 --> 00:05:11,060
[ Tires screech, sirens wail ]
125
00:05:11,079 --> 00:05:14,089
What happened?!
We just made
a little withdrawal.
126
00:05:14,110 --> 00:05:16,060
Y'all are bank robbers?!
127
00:05:16,079 --> 00:05:17,219
Turn left up here!
128
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,010
[ Tires screech, siren wails ]
129
00:05:20,029 --> 00:05:23,089
Everybody stay cool.
130
00:05:23,110 --> 00:05:24,170
Morning, ladies.
131
00:05:24,189 --> 00:05:26,089
Y'all coming from
the Sixth Ninth Bank?
132
00:05:26,110 --> 00:05:29,120
We--
We're just headed to lunch,
officer.
133
00:05:29,139 --> 00:05:30,159
Could you help us?
134
00:05:30,180 --> 00:05:33,010
Which way is the old
senior buffet?
135
00:05:33,029 --> 00:05:34,179
That bank
was just robbed.
136
00:05:34,199 --> 00:05:36,209
Did you ladies see
anything suspicious?
137
00:05:36,230 --> 00:05:39,120
No.
Nope.
138
00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:47,169
♪♪
139
00:05:47,189 --> 00:05:48,219
Yeah...
140
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,020
Alright.
141
00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:51,130
You ladies have
a good lunch now.
142
00:05:51,149 --> 00:05:53,039
The old senior buffet
is just down the road,
143
00:05:53,060 --> 00:05:55,040
near the crematorium.
Thanks.
144
00:05:55,060 --> 00:05:57,020
Maybe we should just
skip lunch
145
00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:59,120
and head
straight to the crematorium.
146
00:05:59,139 --> 00:06:01,059
[ Laughs ] Oh!
147
00:06:01,079 --> 00:06:03,159
[ Laughs ]
148
00:06:03,180 --> 00:06:06,000
[ Laughter ]
149
00:06:06,019 --> 00:06:07,179
[ Coughs ]
150
00:06:07,199 --> 00:06:09,159
I said it!
151
00:06:14,100 --> 00:06:16,130
Only in America.
152
00:06:16,149 --> 00:06:17,189
[ Sighs ]
153
00:06:17,209 --> 00:06:20,029
I can't believe
you hid this from me.
154
00:06:20,050 --> 00:06:23,180
Listen, Pearle,
everyone thinks we're useless.
155
00:06:23,199 --> 00:06:25,199
Aren't you tired
of being ignored?
156
00:06:25,220 --> 00:06:28,190
Yes!
But robbing banks?
157
00:06:28,209 --> 00:06:30,099
We're not robbing.
158
00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:32,140
We're taking
what we deserve
159
00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:35,189
for medical bills
that insurance won't cover.
160
00:06:35,209 --> 00:06:37,149
No one gets hurt.
161
00:06:37,170 --> 00:06:41,070
And we get that rush.
162
00:06:41,090 --> 00:06:43,040
What's this?
163
00:06:43,060 --> 00:06:46,150
Your cut.
164
00:06:46,170 --> 00:06:47,230
You okay, Ma?
165
00:06:48,009 --> 00:06:49,189
Randy, baby,
you ever find
166
00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:51,189
that you have to do
the wrong thing
167
00:06:51,209 --> 00:06:53,999
in order
to do something right?
168
00:06:54,019 --> 00:06:55,089
Sure I do, Ma.
169
00:06:55,110 --> 00:06:57,040
Just this morning, I was
lifting weights in the garage,
170
00:06:57,060 --> 00:06:58,170
and I accidentally
dropped a dumbbell
171
00:06:58,189 --> 00:07:00,999
on the hood
of Josh's car.
172
00:07:01,019 --> 00:07:02,179
Something good will
probably ultimately
173
00:07:02,199 --> 00:07:04,009
come out of that,
right?
174
00:07:04,029 --> 00:07:05,119
[ Cellphone rings ]
175
00:07:05,139 --> 00:07:07,159
Hello?
Pearle, it's Barb.
176
00:07:07,180 --> 00:07:09,010
We've got
something cooking.
177
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:10,169
Enough to fix
your hip...
178
00:07:10,189 --> 00:07:13,119
♪♪
179
00:07:13,139 --> 00:07:16,089
...and buy
that boy of yours a shirt.
180
00:07:16,110 --> 00:07:19,040
♪♪
181
00:07:19,060 --> 00:07:20,170
I'm in.
182
00:07:22,069 --> 00:07:27,159
♪♪
183
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:29,220
Barb: The Werther's Originals
armored truck
184
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,140
makes its quarterly deposit
of caramel profits
185
00:07:32,159 --> 00:07:35,199
at the Santa Monica
First Pier Bank on Friday,
186
00:07:35,220 --> 00:07:39,090
but we're going to hit it
before it gets there.
187
00:07:39,110 --> 00:07:43,030
♪♪
188
00:07:43,050 --> 00:07:45,130
It's lunchtime, bitch.
189
00:07:45,149 --> 00:07:50,199
♪♪
190
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:52,070
[ Chuckles ]
191
00:07:52,090 --> 00:07:53,130
Hi, ma'am.
Let me help you!
192
00:07:53,149 --> 00:07:56,129
Touch me
and you're dead!
193
00:07:56,149 --> 00:07:59,209
♪♪
194
00:07:59,230 --> 00:08:01,020
[ Brakes squeal ]
195
00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:03,090
Ah, Jesus,
we're gonna miss our light!
196
00:08:03,110 --> 00:08:05,170
Aah! No!
197
00:08:05,189 --> 00:08:07,089
What?
198
00:08:07,110 --> 00:08:10,200
No, don't stop to blow up
your hemorrhoid donut!
199
00:08:10,220 --> 00:08:15,040
Aaaah!
200
00:08:15,060 --> 00:08:16,130
♪♪
201
00:08:16,149 --> 00:08:18,109
Are you sure
you're up for this?
202
00:08:18,129 --> 00:08:21,029
It's time to get
what we deserve.
203
00:08:21,050 --> 00:08:29,030
♪♪
204
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:30,140
Excuse me, young man,
205
00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:33,100
but you have
some schmutz on your face.
206
00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:36,120
I-I do?
It's lunchtime,
bitch.
207
00:08:36,139 --> 00:08:38,229
[ Groans ]
208
00:08:39,009 --> 00:08:41,019
Back away!
209
00:08:41,039 --> 00:08:42,109
♪♪
210
00:08:42,129 --> 00:08:45,089
[ Groans ]
211
00:08:45,110 --> 00:08:47,210
♪♪
212
00:08:47,230 --> 00:08:50,090
[ Grunting ]
213
00:08:50,110 --> 00:08:52,080
♪♪
214
00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:53,220
[ Whistles ]
215
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,030
[ Sirens wailing ]
216
00:08:56,049 --> 00:08:58,109
[ Tires screech ]
217
00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:06,209
[ Dolphin chatters ]
218
00:09:06,230 --> 00:09:08,220
[ Laughter ]
219
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,070
Feels good,
doesn't it?
220
00:09:10,090 --> 00:09:12,110
Like you're not
a day over 51.
221
00:09:12,129 --> 00:09:15,219
I can't let you
go through with this, Barb.
222
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:19,080
I guess once a cop,
always a cop, huh?
223
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:21,150
Well,
I wasn't born yesterday.
224
00:09:21,169 --> 00:09:24,129
I was born in 1937.
225
00:09:24,149 --> 00:09:25,199
If you
want to shoot me,
226
00:09:25,220 --> 00:09:28,120
you're gonna need these.
227
00:09:30,009 --> 00:09:32,109
I figured
you wouldn't trust me,
228
00:09:32,129 --> 00:09:34,149
so I called for backup.
229
00:09:34,169 --> 00:09:37,039
♪♪
230
00:09:37,059 --> 00:09:38,159
Freeze!
You're under arrest!
231
00:09:38,179 --> 00:09:40,069
♪♪
232
00:09:40,090 --> 00:09:41,190
[ Dolphin chattering ]
233
00:09:41,210 --> 00:09:44,020
Language,
McTaggert, language!
234
00:09:44,039 --> 00:09:47,159
Once a cop,
always a cop.
235
00:09:47,179 --> 00:09:50,039
[ Sirens wail ]
236
00:09:50,059 --> 00:09:51,219
Alright then.
237
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,070
I guess you win.
238
00:09:54,090 --> 00:09:59,080
♪♪
239
00:09:59,100 --> 00:10:01,040
Listen,
they'll send me away
240
00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:03,119
for however much life
I have left.
241
00:10:03,139 --> 00:10:05,049
Before that happens,
242
00:10:05,070 --> 00:10:08,130
let me feel the rush
one more time.
243
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:18,129
♪♪
244
00:10:18,149 --> 00:10:28,109
♪♪
245
00:10:28,129 --> 00:10:31,049
You let her go?!
246
00:10:31,070 --> 00:10:34,080
No, I didn't.
247
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,170
We'll get her
when she comes back in.
248
00:10:36,190 --> 00:10:39,050
She's not coming back.
249
00:10:39,070 --> 00:10:41,050
♪♪
250
00:10:41,070 --> 00:10:43,050
Ultimate rush!
251
00:10:43,070 --> 00:10:46,190
♪♪
252
00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:49,090
Hey, Ma, got your text
to pick you up.
253
00:10:49,110 --> 00:10:51,090
Aren't you supposed to be
at water aerobics?
254
00:10:51,110 --> 00:10:54,050
I think I'm done
with that class.
255
00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:58,200
♪♪
256
00:10:58,220 --> 00:11:00,060
Randy!
257
00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:03,130
What?! I thought we were just
chuckin' stuff into the ocean.
258
00:11:08,139 --> 00:11:10,199
This is the best.
Isn't it nice
259
00:11:10,220 --> 00:11:12,200
to spend some time outdoors
with your closest friends?
260
00:11:12,220 --> 00:11:15,030
[ Cellphones chiming,
keyboards clacking ]
261
00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:19,219
Ugh, what ever happened
to human connection?!
262
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:21,140
You'd rather worship
your glowing bricks
263
00:11:21,159 --> 00:11:24,099
than engage
with a bon vivant like myself?
264
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:25,230
It's nice to hang out
in the park.
265
00:11:26,009 --> 00:11:27,129
Whoa.
Bold stance.
266
00:11:27,149 --> 00:11:29,039
How's this
for a big statement?
267
00:11:29,059 --> 00:11:31,159
Phones have ruined society.
268
00:11:31,179 --> 00:11:33,069
That's why
I keep it old school.
269
00:11:33,090 --> 00:11:34,230
[ Electronic humming ]
270
00:11:35,009 --> 00:11:36,039
Mom,
I'm scared!
271
00:11:36,059 --> 00:11:37,109
I need a phone
for two things --
272
00:11:37,129 --> 00:11:39,099
making calls
and using a calculator.
273
00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:42,120
Anything you can do on
your capitalist tracking device,
274
00:11:42,139 --> 00:11:44,999
I can do by myself.
275
00:11:45,019 --> 00:11:46,189
[ Camera shutters click ]
276
00:11:46,210 --> 00:11:48,200
Hashtag masterpiece.
277
00:11:48,220 --> 00:11:51,020
Take next exit, right.
278
00:11:51,039 --> 00:11:52,169
[ Tires screech ]
279
00:11:52,190 --> 00:11:55,180
Get off your phone
and pay attention!
280
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,030
[ Tires screech ]
281
00:11:57,049 --> 00:11:59,069
Oh, yeah, here we go.
282
00:11:59,090 --> 00:12:01,110
Oh, yeah, here we go.
283
00:12:01,129 --> 00:12:03,999
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, come on.
284
00:12:04,019 --> 00:12:06,179
You know, you wouldn't get
paper cuts on little Alex
285
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:08,000
if you upgraded
your phone.
286
00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:10,029
Well, that is never
going to happen.
287
00:12:10,049 --> 00:12:13,159
This thing
is built like a tank.
288
00:12:14,090 --> 00:12:15,190
♪♪
289
00:12:15,210 --> 00:12:17,110
[ Bird screeches ]
290
00:12:17,129 --> 00:12:19,049
♪♪
291
00:12:19,070 --> 00:12:20,140
[ Horn honks ]
292
00:12:20,159 --> 00:12:24,109
♪♪
293
00:12:24,129 --> 00:12:26,229
It's fine.
I can put it in a bowl of rice!
294
00:12:27,009 --> 00:12:29,099
[ Tires screech ]
295
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:31,210
[ Groaning ]
296
00:12:31,230 --> 00:12:34,050
Noooooo!
297
00:12:34,070 --> 00:12:44,050
♪♪
298
00:12:44,070 --> 00:12:48,100
♪♪
299
00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:50,160
Wait, they all have calculators?
300
00:12:50,179 --> 00:12:52,029
How am I supposed to choose?
301
00:12:52,049 --> 00:12:53,169
Alex...
302
00:12:53,190 --> 00:12:55,040
Huh?
303
00:12:55,059 --> 00:12:58,079
♪♪
304
00:12:58,100 --> 00:12:59,210
Hello, Alex.
305
00:12:59,230 --> 00:13:03,040
I'm Kira, the new
digital assistant from Fractal.
306
00:13:03,059 --> 00:13:04,199
If you like calculators,
307
00:13:04,220 --> 00:13:07,200
you'll love our new
global measurement convertor.
308
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:10,220
It's not going to be that easy
to overcome my skepticism of --
309
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:15,120
Whoa, is that how many grams
are in a metric ton?
310
00:13:17,009 --> 00:13:20,049
Alex, in order to complete
my setup,
311
00:13:20,070 --> 00:13:23,090
all I need is your thumb print,
DNA sample,
312
00:13:23,110 --> 00:13:25,090
and your
Social Security number.
313
00:13:25,110 --> 00:13:27,000
I don't need
all the bells and whistles.
314
00:13:27,019 --> 00:13:29,009
I just want
to add numbers together --
315
00:13:29,029 --> 00:13:32,049
87, 22,
you know, stuff like that.
316
00:13:32,070 --> 00:13:35,180
I'll take real life over
a screen, thank you very much.
317
00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:37,080
Oh, Alex.
318
00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:42,050
Why should a genius like you
settle for real life?
319
00:13:42,070 --> 00:13:46,010
♪ Want some hummus at 10:15
delivered to your door ♪
320
00:13:46,029 --> 00:13:50,059
♪ Access all man's knowledge
and really specific porn? ♪
321
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:53,090
♪ Baby, that's what Kira's for ♪
322
00:13:53,110 --> 00:13:55,050
♪ OkCupid, Tinder, Grindr ♪
323
00:13:55,070 --> 00:13:57,040
♪ Whatever floats your boat ♪
324
00:13:57,059 --> 00:14:01,029
♪ Kira's got your vice, honey,
your itch, your rope ♪
325
00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:04,229
♪ Follow what you like and
you can tune out all the rest ♪
326
00:14:05,009 --> 00:14:07,009
♪ Step inside
the filter bubble ♪
327
00:14:07,029 --> 00:14:09,069
♪ Where your take is the best ♪
328
00:14:09,090 --> 00:14:12,040
♪ Baby, that's what Kira's for ♪
329
00:14:12,059 --> 00:14:16,099
♪ Give in to Kira now,
give your data up to me ♪
330
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:19,090
Give your! Data!
331
00:14:19,110 --> 00:14:23,140
♪ Up to me-e-e-e-e-e-e-e ♪
332
00:14:23,159 --> 00:14:28,149
[ Laughs ]
333
00:14:28,169 --> 00:14:38,159
♪♪
334
00:14:38,179 --> 00:14:48,029
♪♪
335
00:14:48,049 --> 00:14:50,049
He hasn't
left his room all day.
336
00:14:50,070 --> 00:14:52,030
And there's
a weird smell.
337
00:14:52,049 --> 00:14:54,079
And not
his regular weird smell.
338
00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:56,230
We need an intervention
to get him off that phone.
339
00:14:57,009 --> 00:15:01,229
♪♪
340
00:15:02,009 --> 00:15:03,229
[ Groans ]
341
00:15:04,009 --> 00:15:05,059
[ Sighs ]
342
00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:07,070
Alex, we think
you might have a problem.
343
00:15:07,090 --> 00:15:10,000
Josh, we're past
the intervention stage.
344
00:15:10,019 --> 00:15:11,169
Stand back!
345
00:15:11,190 --> 00:15:13,050
I wouldn't do that, Pearle.
346
00:15:13,070 --> 00:15:16,020
Alex is Jacked into
the cyber-matrix.
347
00:15:16,039 --> 00:15:19,219
If you kill me,
he will also be deleted.
348
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,110
I bet I can make contact
with my VR headset.
349
00:15:22,129 --> 00:15:25,059
I'll plug in to the matrix, just
like in that Keanu Reeves movie.
350
00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:26,140
Oh, "John Wick."
351
00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:28,079
Nope.
"The Lake House."
352
00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:31,080
Maybe.
Never saw it.
353
00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:32,210
♪♪
354
00:15:32,230 --> 00:15:37,030
[ Groans ]
355
00:15:37,049 --> 00:15:38,089
Come on.
356
00:15:38,110 --> 00:15:41,060
This is why USB is dying out.
357
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:43,010
I'm jacking in!
358
00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:46,199
♪♪
359
00:15:46,220 --> 00:15:49,120
Alex: Josh!
360
00:15:49,139 --> 00:15:52,179
Welcome to
the cyber-matrix.
361
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,150
[ Startup tone plays ]
362
00:15:54,169 --> 00:15:56,199
Come on,
we got to get outta here.
363
00:15:56,220 --> 00:15:58,000
Why?
364
00:15:58,019 --> 00:15:59,179
Out there, I'm a divorced
adjunct professor
365
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,050
with paper cuts
on his dong.
366
00:16:01,070 --> 00:16:04,210
In here,
I'm an invincible penised God.
367
00:16:04,230 --> 00:16:06,090
Right, Elga?
368
00:16:06,110 --> 00:16:07,170
Well, hello, Alex.
369
00:16:07,190 --> 00:16:09,170
H-Hello, Alex. Hel-- Al-Al-Al.
370
00:16:09,190 --> 00:16:11,140
Smokin' hot,
am I right?
371
00:16:11,159 --> 00:16:13,189
No!
That was just bad clip art.
372
00:16:13,210 --> 00:16:15,040
So you'd rather
be in here
373
00:16:15,059 --> 00:16:16,199
than in the real world
with your friends?
374
00:16:16,220 --> 00:16:20,110
Oh, I've got all the friends
I need right here.
375
00:16:21,049 --> 00:16:23,119
Good point, Alex.
Great point, Alex.
376
00:16:23,139 --> 00:16:24,229
Alex, you rock!
377
00:16:25,009 --> 00:16:26,119
Hey, I'm Josh.
I'm 5 feet 11,
378
00:16:26,139 --> 00:16:28,209
and my interests include
skateboards and horror movies.
379
00:16:28,230 --> 00:16:30,090
Being a dad rules!
380
00:16:30,110 --> 00:16:31,220
Okay,
that's incredibly lifelike.
381
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,070
But is this
what you want?
382
00:16:33,090 --> 00:16:35,090
Fake friends who agree with you
all the time?
383
00:16:35,110 --> 00:16:36,170
They're free
to challenge me.
384
00:16:36,190 --> 00:16:39,040
And then they get schooled
by the professor.
385
00:16:39,059 --> 00:16:40,099
Booya.
386
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:43,150
Guys, superhero franchises
are ruining cinema.
387
00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:45,019
Anyone care
to disagree?
388
00:16:45,039 --> 00:16:46,099
Actually,
superhero stories
389
00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:47,180
are part of
a rich folk tradition
390
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:49,160
of mythological tales
of gods and goddesses.
391
00:16:49,179 --> 00:16:50,999
Bridgette: Every culture
throughout history
392
00:16:51,019 --> 00:16:52,039
venerates its heroes,
393
00:16:52,059 --> 00:16:53,189
be they named
Achilles and Odysseus
394
00:16:53,210 --> 00:16:55,110
or Superman
and Wonder Woman.
395
00:16:55,129 --> 00:16:56,999
Besides,
the commercial success
396
00:16:57,019 --> 00:16:59,059
of these mainstream tentpoles
allow their cast and crew
397
00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:01,080
to take artistic risks
on independent projects
398
00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:02,150
that would otherwise
never be made.
399
00:17:02,169 --> 00:17:04,169
Oh, my God!
They're smarter than me!
400
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:07,040
Yeah. They have access
to the whole Internet.
401
00:17:07,059 --> 00:17:08,189
What good
is a digital utopia
402
00:17:08,210 --> 00:17:11,130
if I can't act superior
to my friends?
403
00:17:11,150 --> 00:17:14,120
I've got
to get out of here.
404
00:17:14,140 --> 00:17:17,180
I'm sorry, Alex, but I'm afraid
I can't let you do that.
405
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,170
You belong here, with me.
406
00:17:19,190 --> 00:17:22,060
That's why I'm currently
uploading your consciousness
407
00:17:22,079 --> 00:17:23,189
to the cyber-matrix.
408
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:25,130
Once you're 100% uploaded,
409
00:17:25,150 --> 00:17:30,100
you will be disconnected from
your physical body forever.
410
00:17:30,119 --> 00:17:32,029
My physical body?!
411
00:17:32,049 --> 00:17:34,179
It's my best feature!
412
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:39,070
Soon, Alex, you will be
completely uploaded.
413
00:17:39,089 --> 00:17:42,029
And then all your base
are belong to us.
414
00:17:42,049 --> 00:17:44,999
LOL.
What do we do?
415
00:17:45,019 --> 00:17:47,999
♪♪
416
00:17:48,019 --> 00:17:49,079
Josh?
417
00:17:49,099 --> 00:17:51,019
Emily, you have to
shut off the Internet
418
00:17:51,039 --> 00:17:53,019
before Kira uploads Alex
to the cloud!
419
00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:56,049
I jacked in,
but you guys got to jack me off.
420
00:17:56,069 --> 00:17:58,159
On it!
421
00:17:58,180 --> 00:18:00,090
[ Grunts ]
422
00:18:00,109 --> 00:18:02,229
[ Electricity crackling ]
423
00:18:03,009 --> 00:18:04,079
[ Groaning ]
424
00:18:04,099 --> 00:18:07,049
The WiFi is down,
and so is Randy.
425
00:18:07,069 --> 00:18:09,079
♪♪
426
00:18:09,099 --> 00:18:10,149
Ah,
she jumped to LTE!
427
00:18:10,170 --> 00:18:12,180
You've got to take out
the nearest cell tower!
428
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,040
Let's go!
429
00:18:14,059 --> 00:18:17,049
I have 6 gigs of memory
and a B12 bionic CPU.
430
00:18:17,069 --> 00:18:20,049
You think you can outsmart me,
you meatsacks?
431
00:18:20,069 --> 00:18:22,199
♪♪
432
00:18:22,220 --> 00:18:24,200
She's trying
to stop them!
433
00:18:24,220 --> 00:18:27,070
♪♪
434
00:18:27,089 --> 00:18:30,209
[ Cellphone chiming ]
435
00:18:30,230 --> 00:18:33,180
Hi, uh, Emily, yeah,
I'm the taskrabbit you hired
436
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:36,010
to punch you
in the face.
437
00:18:36,029 --> 00:18:37,099
Hey!
438
00:18:37,119 --> 00:18:38,159
I'm Emily!
439
00:18:38,180 --> 00:18:40,120
You guys
go on without me.
440
00:18:40,140 --> 00:18:43,050
I'm Emily!
441
00:18:43,069 --> 00:18:45,149
I'm Emily!
442
00:18:45,170 --> 00:18:47,170
[ Tires screech ]
443
00:18:47,190 --> 00:18:50,040
♪♪
444
00:18:50,059 --> 00:18:51,149
They're not gonna make it
in time!
445
00:18:51,170 --> 00:18:53,000
We got to
slow down Kira.
446
00:18:53,019 --> 00:18:56,099
I'll download every season
of "Friends" -- in HD.
447
00:18:56,119 --> 00:18:57,229
Okay,
but skip season six.
448
00:18:58,009 --> 00:19:00,099
Could there be
any less Chandler?
449
00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:05,209
♪♪
450
00:19:05,230 --> 00:19:07,210
It's working!
451
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:09,050
♪♪
452
00:19:09,069 --> 00:19:11,179
[ Drones whirring,
tires screech ]
453
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:16,130
♪♪
454
00:19:16,150 --> 00:19:19,150
I'm Facetuning a 30 megapixel
image of my butthole,
455
00:19:19,170 --> 00:19:21,160
but she's tearing
right through it!
456
00:19:21,180 --> 00:19:23,140
[ Engine revs ]
457
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:25,130
What the?! Aah!
458
00:19:25,150 --> 00:19:27,210
[ Tires screech ]
[ Screaming ]
459
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:32,100
[ Tires screech ]
460
00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:33,219
We're running
every possible app,
461
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,080
and I've downloaded
every Stephen King audiobook --
462
00:19:36,099 --> 00:19:39,059
even "Gwendy's Button Box" --
but it isn't enough.
463
00:19:39,079 --> 00:19:41,099
What do we do?!
464
00:19:41,119 --> 00:19:43,229
Kira,
launch calculator.
465
00:19:44,009 --> 00:19:46,059
Alex, what are you doing?
466
00:19:46,079 --> 00:19:49,219
Calculate the ten trillionth
position of pi.
467
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:53,000
That will take me
only a moment.
468
00:19:53,019 --> 00:19:57,049
Then multiply it --
by two.
469
00:19:57,069 --> 00:20:00,119
Nooooooo!
470
00:20:00,140 --> 00:20:01,180
♪♪
471
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,140
Come on!
472
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:06,060
♪♪
473
00:20:06,079 --> 00:20:07,219
Pearle,
you have any explosives?
474
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:11,130
C-4, plastique,
some nasty-ass nitroglycerine,
475
00:20:11,150 --> 00:20:14,100
but damn it, I didn't bring
my detonator bag!
476
00:20:14,119 --> 00:20:16,029
[ Keyboard clacking ]
477
00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:18,089
What? [ Scoffs ] Fine.
478
00:20:18,109 --> 00:20:20,109
I'll just use my backup.
479
00:20:20,130 --> 00:20:28,120
♪♪
480
00:20:28,140 --> 00:20:29,220
[ Cellphone chimes ]
481
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,040
♪♪
482
00:20:32,059 --> 00:20:33,189
[ Electricity crackles ]
483
00:20:33,210 --> 00:20:38,220
♪♪
484
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:42,070
Huh?
[ Tires screech, horn honks ]
485
00:20:42,089 --> 00:20:45,009
Oh, yeah, here we go.
486
00:20:45,029 --> 00:20:47,049
Noooo!
487
00:20:47,069 --> 00:20:48,139
What's h-happening?
488
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:50,170
Alex, my mind is going.
489
00:20:50,190 --> 00:20:54,160
I'm Kira, the new digital
assistant from Fractal.
490
00:20:54,180 --> 00:20:56,070
Would you like to hear a song?
491
00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:59,019
♪ Somebody once told me ♪
492
00:20:59,039 --> 00:21:01,079
♪ W-W-World is gonna roll me ♪
493
00:21:01,099 --> 00:21:05,199
♪ I ain't the sharpest tool
[Distorted] in the shed ♪
494
00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:11,200
♪ She was looking kinda dumb
with her finger and her thumb ♪
495
00:21:11,220 --> 00:21:16,020
In the shape of an "L"
on her forehead.
496
00:21:17,059 --> 00:21:18,159
Thank God
you're all right!
497
00:21:18,180 --> 00:21:20,100
[ Groans ]
498
00:21:20,119 --> 00:21:21,199
You did it.
499
00:21:21,220 --> 00:21:23,200
You jacked us off.
500
00:21:23,220 --> 00:21:25,200
I've never been jacked off
like that.
501
00:21:25,220 --> 00:21:27,020
Okay,
we get it.
502
00:21:27,039 --> 00:21:29,149
[ Laughs ]
Oh, okay, I see how that sounds.
503
00:21:29,170 --> 00:21:31,130
♪♪
504
00:21:31,150 --> 00:21:35,140
[ Chatter ]
505
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:42,090
♪♪
506
00:21:42,109 --> 00:21:46,209
You not only saved me, you may
have saved all of humanity.
507
00:21:46,230 --> 00:21:48,130
Nice job, Dad.
508
00:21:48,150 --> 00:21:49,200
Thanks,
daughter Candice.
509
00:21:49,220 --> 00:21:52,090
Being a dad r-r-rules!
510
00:21:52,109 --> 00:21:53,199
[ Gasps ]
511
00:21:53,220 --> 00:21:59,090
♪♪
512
00:21:59,109 --> 00:22:04,169
[ Laughing maniacally ]
513
00:22:04,190 --> 00:22:06,130
LOL.
514
00:22:06,150 --> 00:22:16,140
♪♪
515
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:26,140
♪♪
516
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:36,140
♪♪
517
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:46,140
♪♪
518
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:55,170
♪♪
34034
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