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1
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♪♪
2
00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:08,150
Oh, man.
Look at her.
3
00:00:08,169 --> 00:00:10,059
I can't wait
for us to play.
4
00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:12,050
We're gonna have
so much fun together.
5
00:00:12,070 --> 00:00:13,220
[ Baby laughing ]
Blue 42! Hut hut! Hike!
6
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:15,060
Stiff arm! Spin move!
7
00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:16,210
He passes! He scores!
8
00:00:16,230 --> 00:00:19,000
Josh,
support the neck!
9
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:21,059
Oh, I'm gonna getcha!
I'm gonna getcha!
10
00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:23,099
Hey, look at this little baby!
Is she ticklish?
11
00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:24,180
[ Laughing ]
Ha ha!
12
00:00:24,199 --> 00:00:25,219
Pbht!
13
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:27,180
Daddy, Daddy,
picky up!
14
00:00:27,199 --> 00:00:30,229
Prepare for lift off!
[ Laughs ]
15
00:00:31,010 --> 00:00:32,140
Dad!
16
00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:34,139
We saw this really old movie
at school today
17
00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:35,179
called "King Kong"!
18
00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:37,020
It had Jack Black
in it!
19
00:00:37,039 --> 00:00:38,119
Classic!
20
00:00:38,140 --> 00:00:39,220
Let's play "King Kong"!
21
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:41,060
[ Both laughing ]
22
00:00:41,079 --> 00:00:43,059
[ Bones crack ]
[ Grunts ]
23
00:00:43,079 --> 00:00:45,119
[ Distorted laughter ]
24
00:00:45,140 --> 00:00:46,160
Hmm.
25
00:00:46,179 --> 00:00:49,019
[ Laughter continues ]
26
00:00:49,039 --> 00:00:52,099
[ Snapping ]
27
00:00:52,119 --> 00:00:54,039
Uh, Dad?
28
00:00:54,060 --> 00:00:55,180
Aaah!
29
00:00:55,200 --> 00:01:05,180
♪♪
30
00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:08,150
♪♪
31
00:01:08,170 --> 00:01:11,110
Well, Mr. Singleton, no wonder
you threw your back out
32
00:01:11,129 --> 00:01:12,179
lifting your daughter.
33
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:15,110
You have literally
zero core strength.
34
00:01:15,129 --> 00:01:16,149
Oh, my God.
35
00:01:16,170 --> 00:01:19,030
Will I ever be able
to pick her up again?
36
00:01:19,049 --> 00:01:21,059
Only if
you start exercising.
37
00:01:21,079 --> 00:01:22,229
So there's nothing
I can do?
38
00:01:23,010 --> 00:01:25,030
Look, you need
to work on your core
39
00:01:25,049 --> 00:01:26,199
if you want
to get better.
40
00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:28,069
I would like
a second opinion.
41
00:01:28,090 --> 00:01:29,160
Start exercising
42
00:01:29,180 --> 00:01:32,160
or you will never
lift your daughter again.
43
00:01:32,180 --> 00:01:35,000
♪♪
44
00:01:35,020 --> 00:01:37,120
[ Sighs ]
45
00:01:37,140 --> 00:01:40,060
Let's do this. For Candice.
46
00:01:40,079 --> 00:01:42,229
[ Grunting ]
47
00:01:43,009 --> 00:01:45,069
[ Groaning, vomiting ]
48
00:01:45,090 --> 00:01:46,100
[ Coughs ]
49
00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:48,110
Jim: You know
what they say...
50
00:01:48,129 --> 00:01:50,159
if you ain't pukin',
it ain't workin'.
51
00:01:50,180 --> 00:01:51,200
Jim Crunch.
52
00:01:51,219 --> 00:01:53,099
Thank you,
strong sir.
53
00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:55,020
You ever get tired
of playin' with the pups
54
00:01:55,039 --> 00:01:56,179
and want to run
with the big dogs,
55
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,160
I'm right next door.
56
00:01:58,180 --> 00:02:01,050
I want to run
with the big dogs.
57
00:02:01,069 --> 00:02:03,999
What we do here
isn't just exercise, Josh.
58
00:02:04,019 --> 00:02:05,059
It's a church
59
00:02:05,079 --> 00:02:07,189
where we
max out greatness...
60
00:02:07,209 --> 00:02:09,129
annihilate weakness...
61
00:02:09,150 --> 00:02:12,180
and discover unrealized
swole-tential.
62
00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:14,019
[ Grunts ]
63
00:02:14,039 --> 00:02:16,199
Weights are my angels,
and gains are my God.
64
00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:20,099
We're not just blastin' bodies,
we're blastin' lives.
65
00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:21,130
Whoa.
66
00:02:21,150 --> 00:02:23,130
You make it
sound like a cult.
Thanks!
67
00:02:23,150 --> 00:02:25,170
If you do everything I say
and devote yourself
68
00:02:25,189 --> 00:02:27,139
to the swoletown
system of WODs --
69
00:02:27,159 --> 00:02:28,209
"workouts of the day" --
70
00:02:28,229 --> 00:02:31,029
you will get the massive gains
you deserve.
71
00:02:31,050 --> 00:02:33,000
I just want to be able
to lift up my daughter.
72
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,100
When I'm done
with you,
73
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:36,140
you'll be able
to kill your daughter.
74
00:02:36,159 --> 00:02:39,079
First, here's you right now,
string bean.
75
00:02:39,099 --> 00:02:41,059
But next,
you'll get swole.
76
00:02:41,079 --> 00:02:42,099
Then cut.
77
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:44,220
After that,
ripped, yoked, jacked,
78
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:49,180
and finally, shredded,
which is what I am.
79
00:02:49,199 --> 00:02:52,079
[ Grunting ]
80
00:02:53,159 --> 00:02:57,159
Wow.
What's that?
81
00:02:57,180 --> 00:03:00,200
Oh, no one has ever
achieved absolute unit.
82
00:03:00,219 --> 00:03:03,029
You have to complete
the impossible WOD,
83
00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:04,230
which could
literally kill you.
84
00:03:05,009 --> 00:03:08,059
Let's focus on getting you
swole first, okay?
85
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:09,180
Well,
these don't look so --
86
00:03:09,199 --> 00:03:11,169
[ Groans ]
87
00:03:11,189 --> 00:03:13,999
Daddy,
come play with me!
88
00:03:14,020 --> 00:03:15,080
Sorry, Candice.
89
00:03:15,099 --> 00:03:16,219
A few more WODs
and a couple of protein shakes,
90
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,110
and I should be able to lift you
as high as the ceiling.
91
00:03:19,129 --> 00:03:20,219
Yay!
92
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,010
Jim Crunch says that pain is
just weakness leaving the body.
93
00:03:23,030 --> 00:03:24,230
And if you ain't achin',
it ain't workin'.
94
00:03:25,009 --> 00:03:26,199
Know your limits
and defy them daily.
95
00:03:26,219 --> 00:03:28,219
Because you don't stop
when you're tired --
96
00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:30,089
you stop
when you're done.
97
00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:32,090
And if you --
98
00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:36,190
[ Bones crack ]
99
00:03:36,210 --> 00:03:42,010
♪♪
100
00:03:42,030 --> 00:03:43,160
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
101
00:03:43,180 --> 00:03:45,030
[ Watch beeping ]
102
00:03:45,050 --> 00:03:48,030
♪ Come on now ♪
103
00:03:48,050 --> 00:03:49,110
♪♪
104
00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:50,999
♪ Come on now ♪
105
00:03:51,020 --> 00:03:53,210
♪♪
106
00:03:53,229 --> 00:03:55,109
♪ Come on now ♪
107
00:03:55,129 --> 00:04:05,109
♪♪
108
00:04:05,129 --> 00:04:07,149
♪♪
109
00:04:07,169 --> 00:04:10,019
Yeah!
110
00:04:10,039 --> 00:04:13,139
♪♪
111
00:04:13,159 --> 00:04:15,039
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
112
00:04:15,060 --> 00:04:25,040
♪♪
113
00:04:25,060 --> 00:04:27,120
♪♪
114
00:04:27,139 --> 00:04:29,149
Sorry.
115
00:04:31,060 --> 00:04:32,200
Bridgette,
I'm scared.
116
00:04:32,220 --> 00:04:34,090
[ Grunts ]
117
00:04:34,110 --> 00:04:36,170
Yeah, you're married
to a monster.
118
00:04:36,189 --> 00:04:39,089
No, I'm scared
of how hot Josh is.
119
00:04:39,110 --> 00:04:41,160
I always thought I was attracted
to string-bean beta males,
120
00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:43,210
but apparently,
I love big, ham-hock hunks.
121
00:04:43,230 --> 00:04:45,060
Em,
check this out --
122
00:04:45,079 --> 00:04:47,149
I got that "V" thing
like the dudes from "300."
123
00:04:47,170 --> 00:04:50,200
"I. Am. Sparta!"
124
00:04:50,220 --> 00:04:52,210
[ Chuckles ]
125
00:04:52,230 --> 00:04:54,050
Uh...
126
00:04:54,069 --> 00:04:55,999
Daddy, can we go
play "King Kong"?
127
00:04:56,019 --> 00:04:57,229
You bet!
Uhp!
[ Watch beeping ]
128
00:04:58,009 --> 00:04:59,129
Sorry,
I gotta get to Swoletown.
129
00:04:59,149 --> 00:05:01,079
If I miss even one workout
or meal,
130
00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:04,060
I could lose
my massive gains.
131
00:05:06,110 --> 00:05:09,080
Hell, yeah!
Sorry.
132
00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:11,140
But we were playing.
133
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,020
[ Sighs ]
I know, sweetie.
134
00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:16,070
But it's important we
support him now that he's hot.
135
00:05:16,089 --> 00:05:18,059
99.
136
00:05:18,079 --> 00:05:20,049
100!
137
00:05:20,069 --> 00:05:23,009
Congrats, Josh.
You're officially shredded.
138
00:05:23,029 --> 00:05:24,139
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
139
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:26,200
[ Cheers and applause ]
Thanks, guys. But I need more.
140
00:05:26,220 --> 00:05:29,150
I want to become
an absolute unit.
141
00:05:29,170 --> 00:05:31,070
[ All gasp ]
142
00:05:31,089 --> 00:05:32,179
It's too dangerous.
143
00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:35,079
The last guy who attempted
the impossible WOD
144
00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:38,000
died after
his hammies exploded.
145
00:05:38,159 --> 00:05:40,039
[ Scoffs ]
You know what they say --
146
00:05:40,060 --> 00:05:42,090
If you ain't dyin',
it ain't workin'.
147
00:05:42,110 --> 00:05:45,020
Bro, listen.
This is me, Jim Crunch, talking.
148
00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,020
Even if your hammies
survive the 'splozh,
149
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:49,150
we don't know what all that
muscle could do to your mind.
150
00:05:49,170 --> 00:05:51,100
My dude,
I appreciate you.
151
00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:52,160
But would you
tell the sun
152
00:05:52,180 --> 00:05:54,100
not to rise and grind
each morning?
153
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:55,220
Would you tell the moon
154
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:58,130
not to blast its quads
into the night sky?
155
00:05:58,149 --> 00:06:01,099
Oh, I love your energy
right now, brah.
156
00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:03,220
If anyone can become
an absolute unit,
157
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,040
it's you, brah.
158
00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:06,120
I'm gonna start
a gratitude journal
159
00:06:06,139 --> 00:06:07,199
and just write
your name in it, brah.
160
00:06:07,220 --> 00:06:10,010
You're the wind
beneath my traps, brah.
161
00:06:10,029 --> 00:06:12,099
You're the reason
I got so good at kegels, brah!
162
00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:13,220
Words fail me,
bro!
163
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:16,030
Bro!
Bro!
164
00:06:16,050 --> 00:06:18,210
[ Both howling ]
165
00:06:20,220 --> 00:06:22,090
Daddy,
look at my drawing!
166
00:06:22,110 --> 00:06:25,160
Not now, Candice,
I'm making a chicken smoothie.
167
00:06:26,050 --> 00:06:29,140
[ Blender whirring ]
168
00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:31,230
Be firm.
169
00:06:33,009 --> 00:06:34,139
[ Gasps ]
170
00:06:34,159 --> 00:06:39,119
♪♪
171
00:06:39,139 --> 00:06:41,149
God, he's so freakin' hot.
172
00:06:41,170 --> 00:06:43,030
[ Clears throat ]
Josh, we need to talk.
173
00:06:43,050 --> 00:06:45,180
I'm horny -- happy
you've gotten so healthy.
174
00:06:45,199 --> 00:06:49,029
What I'm trying to sex is --
shit, hold on.
175
00:06:51,009 --> 00:06:52,049
[ Sighs ]
176
00:06:52,069 --> 00:06:53,229
Josh?
You're neglecting Candice.
177
00:06:54,009 --> 00:06:55,079
You haven't played with her
all week.
178
00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:57,070
We just made this
chicken smoothie together.
179
00:06:57,090 --> 00:06:59,080
She's fine.
180
00:06:59,100 --> 00:07:00,120
Oh...
181
00:07:00,139 --> 00:07:02,119
Maybe I have been
a little preoccupied.
182
00:07:02,139 --> 00:07:04,029
[ Watch beeping ]
Damn.
183
00:07:04,050 --> 00:07:05,080
I got to get back
to the gym.
184
00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:06,170
I'll play
with Candice tomorrow --
185
00:07:06,189 --> 00:07:07,999
the best "King Kong" ever.
186
00:07:08,019 --> 00:07:10,109
Because once I do
the impossible WOD,
187
00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:13,119
I'll be
an absolute unit.
188
00:07:13,139 --> 00:07:14,159
I don't know
what that is,
189
00:07:14,180 --> 00:07:16,050
but somehow
I know I need it.
190
00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:19,039
Just promise you'll spend time
with Candice, okay?
191
00:07:19,060 --> 00:07:21,040
I promise.
192
00:07:21,060 --> 00:07:24,160
[ Sighs ]
It's like warm marble.
193
00:07:24,180 --> 00:07:26,200
♪♪
194
00:07:26,220 --> 00:07:29,080
Jim:
The impossible WOD.
195
00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:34,000
10 reps of every exercise
at one 100% of your max.
196
00:07:34,019 --> 00:07:36,029
♪♪
197
00:07:36,050 --> 00:07:38,210
You've only got
10 minutes.
198
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,160
Ready?
199
00:07:40,180 --> 00:07:42,200
[ Stopwatch beeps ]
Go!
200
00:07:42,220 --> 00:07:52,090
♪♪
201
00:07:52,110 --> 00:07:53,130
♪♪
202
00:07:53,149 --> 00:07:54,999
He's doing it, Tony.
203
00:07:55,019 --> 00:07:56,209
He's really doing it.
204
00:07:56,230 --> 00:07:59,130
Just one more rep,
Josh!
205
00:07:59,149 --> 00:08:01,179
[ Distorted grunting ]
206
00:08:01,199 --> 00:08:06,089
♪♪
207
00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:09,020
It's happening!
208
00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:11,180
[ Grunts ]
209
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:17,010
You're the king.
210
00:08:17,029 --> 00:08:19,019
King...Kong?
211
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,130
Candice!
212
00:08:20,149 --> 00:08:23,159
I coming to play!
213
00:08:23,180 --> 00:08:27,070
Hang on, you gotta take
a victory selfie for the wall!
214
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:29,170
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
215
00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:34,140
Worth it, bro.
216
00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:37,199
Check the passport
of your heart.
217
00:08:37,220 --> 00:08:39,030
Anything to declare?
218
00:08:39,049 --> 00:08:41,059
Yes. Inner peace.
219
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:42,140
[ Grunts ]
220
00:08:42,159 --> 00:08:45,119
Play. With. Candice!
221
00:08:45,139 --> 00:08:46,999
Dad?
222
00:08:47,019 --> 00:08:50,139
I know perfect place
play "King Kong."
223
00:08:50,159 --> 00:08:52,099
[ Grunts ]
224
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:54,060
[ Screaming ]
225
00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:56,060
[ Car alarm blaring ]
226
00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:58,010
Going up!
227
00:08:58,029 --> 00:08:59,179
Daddy go higher!
228
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:02,190
[ Sirens wail, tires screech ]
229
00:09:02,210 --> 00:09:04,230
Mom!
It's okay, Candice!
230
00:09:05,009 --> 00:09:06,139
Josh,
you look incredible.
231
00:09:06,159 --> 00:09:09,059
Please put
our daughter down.
232
00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:11,090
Candice ready
to play "King Kong"?
233
00:09:11,110 --> 00:09:13,040
Uh,
this is pretty freaky,
234
00:09:13,059 --> 00:09:15,109
but I'll take
what I can get?
235
00:09:15,129 --> 00:09:16,189
[ Laughs ]
[ Watch beeping ]
236
00:09:16,210 --> 00:09:19,060
Huh?
Workout time.
237
00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:20,160
Me go back gym.
238
00:09:20,179 --> 00:09:22,089
But we didn't play!
239
00:09:22,110 --> 00:09:24,210
Strong Daddy need gains!
240
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:28,030
You care more about
your stupid gains than me.
241
00:09:28,049 --> 00:09:30,049
I wish
you never got strong.
242
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,090
Oh!
243
00:09:31,110 --> 00:09:34,010
What if
me no able pick you up?
244
00:09:34,029 --> 00:09:35,189
You getting so big.
245
00:09:35,210 --> 00:09:38,150
I don't care if you can't
pick me up to play.
246
00:09:38,169 --> 00:09:40,149
Just as long
as we play.
247
00:09:40,169 --> 00:09:42,009
Really?
248
00:09:42,029 --> 00:09:43,099
Of course.
249
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,090
Oh,
forget the gym.
250
00:09:45,110 --> 00:09:47,220
Let's play.
251
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:49,010
Oh!
252
00:09:49,029 --> 00:09:51,159
[ Laughing ]
I love you, Dad!
253
00:09:51,179 --> 00:09:54,119
I love you, t--
254
00:09:56,100 --> 00:09:57,200
Bullseye.
255
00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:00,220
[ Groans ]
256
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,160
[ Siren wailing ]
257
00:10:03,179 --> 00:10:05,089
[ Groans ]
258
00:10:05,110 --> 00:10:06,170
That's my husband.
259
00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:10,000
Hunk, right?
260
00:10:10,019 --> 00:10:11,209
[ Gasps ] Huh?
261
00:10:11,230 --> 00:10:14,200
How long
have I been out?
Three hours.
262
00:10:14,220 --> 00:10:17,160
[ Gasps ] That's five
meals, four smoothies,
and two workouts!
263
00:10:17,179 --> 00:10:20,189
I lost all my gains.
264
00:10:20,210 --> 00:10:22,000
That's okay.
265
00:10:22,019 --> 00:10:25,159
I liked strong Dad,
but I love Dad Dad.
266
00:10:25,179 --> 00:10:29,129
Yeah, no, it's -- it's good
that you're normal again.
267
00:10:29,149 --> 00:10:32,169
Was I feeling passion
I've never felt before?
268
00:10:32,190 --> 00:10:35,030
Yes.
"But..."?
269
00:10:35,049 --> 00:10:36,119
No, that's it.
270
00:10:36,139 --> 00:10:40,229
Well, there is one
final workout I need to do.
271
00:10:41,009 --> 00:10:43,199
♪♪
272
00:10:43,220 --> 00:10:47,050
[ All grunting ]
273
00:10:47,070 --> 00:10:53,210
♪♪
274
00:10:53,230 --> 00:10:57,050
[ All sobbing ]
275
00:10:57,070 --> 00:11:01,080
♪♪
276
00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:03,130
Jim Crunch!
277
00:11:08,139 --> 00:11:11,219
All:
DNA! DNA! DNA! DNA! DNA!
278
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:13,020
DNA! DNA!
279
00:11:13,039 --> 00:11:14,109
What's up?
What are we doing?
280
00:11:14,129 --> 00:11:15,189
We got our results back
281
00:11:15,210 --> 00:11:17,210
from that bulk genetic test
we bought from Costco!
282
00:11:17,230 --> 00:11:21,010
Nice.
So, whose ancestors killed who?
283
00:11:21,029 --> 00:11:24,099
Well, my people came
from Guadalajara...
284
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,090
Bridgette's came from Kyoto...
285
00:11:26,110 --> 00:11:28,190
and Josh is white.
286
00:11:28,210 --> 00:11:30,030
Can you believe it?
287
00:11:30,049 --> 00:11:32,029
Mine says
there's a 92% chance
288
00:11:32,049 --> 00:11:36,029
I'm descended
from a long line of...creeps?
289
00:11:36,049 --> 00:11:38,019
[ Chuckles ]
290
00:11:38,039 --> 00:11:39,219
Ooh, aha.
291
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,040
[ Chuckling ]
292
00:11:42,059 --> 00:11:43,129
You're out of here!
293
00:11:43,149 --> 00:11:45,069
Well, that doesn't
seem scientific!
294
00:11:45,090 --> 00:11:48,090
Please let me be related
to Bruce Willis.
295
00:11:48,110 --> 00:11:49,180
Well,
this can't be right.
296
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,110
Ma told me
my birth parents died.
297
00:11:51,129 --> 00:11:55,179
But Costco says
they're living in Malibu?!
298
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,040
[ All gasp ]
299
00:11:57,059 --> 00:12:02,149
[ Chuckles ]
Ooh, ahh, ooh!
300
00:12:02,169 --> 00:12:12,149
♪♪
301
00:12:12,169 --> 00:12:16,069
♪♪
302
00:12:16,090 --> 00:12:18,220
You told me
they were dead!
303
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,090
Randy --
And not just
that they were dead --
304
00:12:21,110 --> 00:12:22,170
that they were astronauts
305
00:12:22,190 --> 00:12:25,010
who went on
a top-secret mission to Mars!
306
00:12:25,029 --> 00:12:28,049
Where they and their
trusty chimpanzee, Derek,
307
00:12:28,070 --> 00:12:30,000
were attacked
by Martians
308
00:12:30,019 --> 00:12:33,079
and they heroically died
protecting the spaceship.
309
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:35,040
Is none of that true?!
310
00:12:35,059 --> 00:12:36,129
I'm so sorry.
311
00:12:36,149 --> 00:12:39,039
It's just --
I could never bring myself
312
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:41,209
to tell you the truth
about your parents.
313
00:12:41,230 --> 00:12:43,050
Which is?
314
00:12:43,070 --> 00:12:45,050
[ Sighs ]
315
00:12:45,070 --> 00:12:48,020
Your parents,
Wyatt and Deborah Trickle,
316
00:12:48,039 --> 00:12:49,159
were thieves.
317
00:12:49,179 --> 00:12:51,119
And not just
any thieves.
318
00:12:51,139 --> 00:12:53,139
Gas thieves.
319
00:12:53,159 --> 00:12:55,189
Masters of
the "sip 'n slip."
320
00:12:55,210 --> 00:12:57,130
They slurped gas
out of tanks
321
00:12:57,149 --> 00:13:00,079
from Santa Maria
to Santa Clarita.
322
00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:03,000
Deborah was "the nose..."
[ Sniffs ]
323
00:13:03,019 --> 00:13:07,119
...able to sniff out a full tank
from 30 yards away.
324
00:13:07,139 --> 00:13:10,089
Wyatt was "the cheeks,"
325
00:13:10,110 --> 00:13:14,040
able to suck gas out of a tank
faster than you can say
326
00:13:14,059 --> 00:13:18,139
"Hey, what you doing over there?
That's my car!"
327
00:13:18,159 --> 00:13:21,129
Then, one night,
I came along.
328
00:13:21,149 --> 00:13:23,109
[ Gun cocks ]
Hands up!
329
00:13:23,129 --> 00:13:25,099
[ Gasps ]
330
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:26,140
Little did I know
331
00:13:26,159 --> 00:13:29,089
what they'd be willing to do
to get away.
332
00:13:29,110 --> 00:13:33,210
♪♪
333
00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:35,190
They left you behind
so they could make off
334
00:13:35,210 --> 00:13:38,150
with 15 gallons
of premium unleaded.
335
00:13:38,169 --> 00:13:39,999
Aww.
336
00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:42,129
Eventually,
the law caught up to them.
337
00:13:42,149 --> 00:13:44,009
I brought you
to visit them
338
00:13:44,029 --> 00:13:46,009
to try to keep them
in your life.
339
00:13:46,029 --> 00:13:49,109
Here!
But they weren't interested.
340
00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:51,139
[ Electricity crackles ]
341
00:13:51,159 --> 00:13:54,009
So, that's why
I never told you.
342
00:13:54,029 --> 00:13:56,109
I couldn't stand the idea
of you thinking
343
00:13:56,129 --> 00:13:58,009
someone
wouldn't want you.
344
00:13:58,029 --> 00:13:59,079
Well,
despite what you think,
345
00:13:59,100 --> 00:14:01,140
I'm a big boy
that can handle the truth.
346
00:14:01,159 --> 00:14:04,079
In fact,
I already e-mailed my parents,
347
00:14:04,100 --> 00:14:05,180
and I'm
meeting them today.
348
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:07,180
Randy, you need
to be careful.
349
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:10,140
Ma!
I can take care of myself!
350
00:14:10,159 --> 00:14:11,219
Ow! No!
351
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,090
Do not
kiss it better!
352
00:14:13,110 --> 00:14:14,220
I'm a grown man!
353
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,220
I'll kiss it better!
354
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:18,130
[ Smooches ] Better.
355
00:14:20,039 --> 00:14:22,049
Hey!
How was the toy store?
356
00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:25,000
A bust. Candice thought
everything was for babies.
357
00:14:25,019 --> 00:14:27,209
Luckily, Home Depot
was having a sale next door.
358
00:14:27,230 --> 00:14:31,170
[ Whirring, laughter ]
359
00:14:31,190 --> 00:14:33,140
You bought her
a leaf blower?!
360
00:14:33,159 --> 00:14:35,079
You're the one who always says
she should be playing
361
00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:37,160
with non-gendered toys!
362
00:14:39,110 --> 00:14:41,070
Ohh.
363
00:14:41,090 --> 00:14:43,160
Ohh.
364
00:14:47,169 --> 00:14:49,109
Look at
that red-ass Mullet.
365
00:14:49,129 --> 00:14:50,229
You must be a Trickle.
366
00:14:51,009 --> 00:14:52,219
C'mon 'n give us
some sugar!
367
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:54,140
[ Laughs ]
A Trickle.
368
00:14:54,159 --> 00:14:55,999
Aww.
369
00:14:56,019 --> 00:14:58,049
I don't know
what to say.
370
00:14:58,070 --> 00:14:59,150
Hell,
neither do we.
371
00:14:59,169 --> 00:15:02,229
But let's head inside
and talk over some fine dinin'.
372
00:15:03,009 --> 00:15:06,189
♪♪
373
00:15:06,210 --> 00:15:07,230
What?! McRibs?!
374
00:15:08,009 --> 00:15:10,129
That's G-God's
favorite sandwich!
375
00:15:10,149 --> 00:15:11,169
Hell, yes!
376
00:15:11,190 --> 00:15:12,230
When you're with
the Trickles,
377
00:15:13,009 --> 00:15:15,219
McRibs are on the menu
year round!
378
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,040
Take that,
Ronald McDonald,
379
00:15:17,059 --> 00:15:19,129
you withholdin' sack
of dog shit.
380
00:15:19,149 --> 00:15:21,169
[ Slurping, groaning ]
381
00:15:21,190 --> 00:15:24,080
I can't believe
how incredible this is.
382
00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:28,150
My mo-- um -- Pearle told me
you were bad people.
383
00:15:28,169 --> 00:15:30,139
You obviously can't be.
384
00:15:30,159 --> 00:15:31,199
'Cause you guys are rich.
385
00:15:31,220 --> 00:15:33,130
Well,
we were bad people.
386
00:15:33,149 --> 00:15:35,199
Out of our minds
on gas fumes.
387
00:15:35,220 --> 00:15:38,080
Always lookin' for
the next big slurp.
388
00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:40,140
When we got out of prison,
we straightened up.
389
00:15:40,159 --> 00:15:42,219
No more
suckin' gas from cars.
390
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,060
What do you do now?
391
00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:47,080
We're frackers!
We suck gas from the land.
392
00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:51,000
I use "the nose"
to sniff out natural gas.
393
00:15:51,019 --> 00:15:52,079
[ Sniffs ]
394
00:15:52,100 --> 00:15:55,210
And I use "the cheeks"
[Slurping]
395
00:15:55,230 --> 00:15:59,050
to lay back
and sip hillbilly Mai Tais.
396
00:15:59,070 --> 00:16:00,220
Mountain Dew and rum.
397
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,210
This tastes like
I banged my head on a pole.
398
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:05,050
I love it.
399
00:16:05,070 --> 00:16:06,170
[ Slurping ]
400
00:16:06,190 --> 00:16:08,100
Hot damn,
look at that!
401
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:10,040
You got the cheeks,
too!
402
00:16:10,059 --> 00:16:11,089
I guess I do!
403
00:16:11,110 --> 00:16:14,090
Randy, we are so sorry
for not reachin' out.
404
00:16:14,110 --> 00:16:17,080
We just -- Ah, we thought
it was best you move on.
405
00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:20,010
We didn't deserve
to be your parents.
406
00:16:20,029 --> 00:16:22,089
I don't care what you did
in the past.
407
00:16:22,110 --> 00:16:24,130
The important thing is
you're here now,
408
00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:27,059
and you aren't tossing me
at anyone as a means of escape.
409
00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:29,220
Hell,
I'll drink to that!
410
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,210
[ Tires screech ]
411
00:16:32,230 --> 00:16:34,190
[ Groans ]
412
00:16:34,210 --> 00:16:37,050
Thanks for the ride,
Mom and Dad.
413
00:16:37,070 --> 00:16:38,110
Today was perfect.
414
00:16:38,129 --> 00:16:40,019
It was our pleasure.
415
00:16:40,039 --> 00:16:42,149
[ Gasps, sniffs ]
416
00:16:42,169 --> 00:16:44,069
Do you smell gas?
417
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:46,000
[ Laughing ]
418
00:16:46,019 --> 00:16:49,079
Candice!
Stop giving that kid sick air!
419
00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:50,190
Ah.
Never mind.
420
00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:53,070
Pearle!
Get on over here!
421
00:16:53,090 --> 00:16:54,220
[ Grunts ]
422
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:58,080
We can't thank you enough
for doing such a terrific job
423
00:16:58,100 --> 00:16:59,150
raising our boy.
424
00:16:59,169 --> 00:17:02,199
Looks like we threw our baby
at the right cop.
425
00:17:02,220 --> 00:17:05,020
Just stepping up
where others wouldn't.
426
00:17:05,039 --> 00:17:07,019
What're you two
up to these days?
427
00:17:07,039 --> 00:17:09,139
Still doing
the ole sip 'n slip?
428
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:10,210
Ma! Geeze!
429
00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:13,040
They don't
steal gas anymore!
430
00:17:13,059 --> 00:17:14,079
They frack it.
431
00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:16,019
It's more like
burping the Earth.
432
00:17:16,039 --> 00:17:18,079
What would you know
about burping anything?
433
00:17:18,099 --> 00:17:20,179
Ma!
Stop getting hung up on the fact
434
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:23,190
that these guys abandoned me
multiple times as a child
435
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:25,020
and be nice!
436
00:17:25,039 --> 00:17:26,119
No,
we understand, son.
437
00:17:26,140 --> 00:17:28,070
We don't deserve
her trust.
438
00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:30,059
But we'd sure like
to earn it.
439
00:17:30,079 --> 00:17:31,229
We want
to stay in Randy's life,
440
00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:33,189
meet all his friends.
441
00:17:33,210 --> 00:17:36,080
Why don't we throw a big party,
right here?
442
00:17:36,099 --> 00:17:37,219
A neighborhood carnival!
443
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,050
We'd do it
at our place,
444
00:17:39,069 --> 00:17:41,069
but we're re-glazing
our butthole washers.
445
00:17:41,089 --> 00:17:43,149
In Europe,
they're called "bidettes."
446
00:17:43,170 --> 00:17:46,190
That'd be amazing!
Alright then.
447
00:17:46,210 --> 00:17:56,050
♪♪
448
00:17:56,069 --> 00:17:58,069
[ Whirring ]
449
00:17:58,089 --> 00:18:01,149
[ Laughing ]
450
00:18:01,170 --> 00:18:02,230
Oh, geeze!
451
00:18:03,009 --> 00:18:06,019
I have to say, Randy,
this is pretty fun.
452
00:18:06,039 --> 00:18:08,189
I'm sorry I misjudged
the Trickles.
453
00:18:08,210 --> 00:18:09,230
That's okay.
454
00:18:10,009 --> 00:18:12,039
I just wish I'd known
about them sooner.
455
00:18:12,059 --> 00:18:13,219
Well,
I hope you realize
456
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,130
I did what I did
out of love.
457
00:18:16,150 --> 00:18:19,010
Uh, yeah.
I guess so.
458
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,040
[ Sniffs ] Huh?
459
00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:24,079
[ Sniffing ]
460
00:18:24,099 --> 00:18:31,219
♪♪
461
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,160
Huh. [ Grunts ]
462
00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:35,200
Fracking?!
463
00:18:35,220 --> 00:18:37,050
No, son.
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
464
00:18:37,069 --> 00:18:38,219
We set this whole thing up
so we could do
465
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,160
a little bit
of secret frackin'.
466
00:18:41,180 --> 00:18:42,210
[ Chuckles ]
467
00:18:42,230 --> 00:18:45,060
I knew I smelled gas!
468
00:18:45,079 --> 00:18:46,199
Well, Goddamn.
469
00:18:46,220 --> 00:18:49,100
You got the cheeks
and the nose.
470
00:18:49,119 --> 00:18:51,089
You're fracking
under my house?
471
00:18:51,109 --> 00:18:54,029
Soon as we pulled up
the other day, I smelled it.
472
00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:56,099
Ah, the motherlode,
right here.
473
00:18:56,119 --> 00:18:57,209
We had to have it.
474
00:18:57,230 --> 00:19:02,020
Them swings're suckin' out
natural gas as we speak.
475
00:19:02,039 --> 00:19:06,019
[ Children shouting ]
476
00:19:06,039 --> 00:19:07,169
I'm sorry
we didn't tell ya, bud.
477
00:19:07,190 --> 00:19:10,020
It's just the city
can get real prickly
478
00:19:10,039 --> 00:19:12,089
about fracking
under people's houses.
479
00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:14,179
And we'll cut you in
on the proceeds.
480
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:16,180
Ah,
you're a Trickle now!
481
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:19,210
Huh.
Are you sure this is safe?
482
00:19:19,230 --> 00:19:21,040
Of course!
483
00:19:21,059 --> 00:19:23,059
Nothin' bad ever happened
from fracking.
484
00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:25,049
[ Screaming ]
485
00:19:25,069 --> 00:19:26,129
[ Rumbling ]
486
00:19:26,150 --> 00:19:28,220
[ Clattering ]
487
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:32,140
[ Screaming ]
488
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:34,060
That's probably
a coincidence.
489
00:19:35,210 --> 00:19:39,030
[ Screaming ]
490
00:19:39,049 --> 00:19:40,999
That sinkhole
ain't playin'!
491
00:19:41,019 --> 00:19:43,039
Let's bail!
C'mon, Randy!
492
00:19:43,059 --> 00:19:45,029
It's time for the ole
sip 'n slip!
493
00:19:45,049 --> 00:19:47,059
No!
You're gonna destroy my home!
494
00:19:47,079 --> 00:19:48,179
What do you
expect us to do,
495
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,150
dump the gas
back into the ground,
496
00:19:50,170 --> 00:19:51,190
fill up the sinkhole,
497
00:19:51,210 --> 00:19:54,030
and go back to bein'
all buddy buddy?
498
00:19:54,049 --> 00:19:55,099
Yeah, I guess!
499
00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:57,099
Sorry, Randy, but we ain't
exactly the type
500
00:19:57,119 --> 00:19:59,009
that puts gas
into stuff.
501
00:19:59,029 --> 00:20:01,149
Now are you
a Trickle or not?
502
00:20:01,170 --> 00:20:06,090
[ Groaning ]
503
00:20:06,109 --> 00:20:07,149
Adios, son!
504
00:20:07,170 --> 00:20:10,150
Until next time!
505
00:20:10,170 --> 00:20:13,060
♪♪
506
00:20:13,079 --> 00:20:14,219
[ Panting ]
507
00:20:15,180 --> 00:20:18,070
[ Grunts ]
508
00:20:18,089 --> 00:20:21,189
♪♪
509
00:20:21,210 --> 00:20:23,070
[ Grunts ]
510
00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:26,189
♪♪
511
00:20:26,210 --> 00:20:28,020
[ All gasp ]
512
00:20:28,039 --> 00:20:33,009
Aaaah!
513
00:20:33,029 --> 00:20:36,129
[ Whirring ]
514
00:20:36,150 --> 00:20:37,210
[ All gasp ]
515
00:20:37,230 --> 00:20:39,050
[ Grunts ]
516
00:20:39,069 --> 00:20:41,069
[ Grunting ]
517
00:20:41,089 --> 00:20:43,019
[ Gasps ]
518
00:20:43,039 --> 00:20:44,229
Dad!
Don't do this!
519
00:20:45,009 --> 00:20:46,039
Sorry, son.
520
00:20:46,059 --> 00:20:48,079
I love ya...
but I love gas more.
521
00:20:48,099 --> 00:20:49,159
[ Grunts ]
522
00:20:49,180 --> 00:20:51,150
[ Screams ]
523
00:20:51,170 --> 00:20:54,030
Ma?!
524
00:20:54,049 --> 00:20:56,199
I'll always be there
to catch you, baby.
525
00:20:56,220 --> 00:20:58,040
What are we gonna do?
526
00:20:58,059 --> 00:21:00,079
Uh-huh.
527
00:21:00,099 --> 00:21:02,199
[ Tires screech ]
[ Sniffs ]
528
00:21:02,220 --> 00:21:06,040
♪♪
529
00:21:06,059 --> 00:21:07,219
My God.
530
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,170
[ Slurping ]
531
00:21:09,190 --> 00:21:12,030
He's the greatest Trickle
that ever lived.
532
00:21:12,049 --> 00:21:19,149
♪♪
533
00:21:19,170 --> 00:21:21,040
[ Tires screech ]
534
00:21:21,059 --> 00:21:22,139
[ Sirens wail ]
535
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:23,200
[ Guns cock ]
536
00:21:23,220 --> 00:21:26,160
That boy sucks
just like his daddy.
537
00:21:26,180 --> 00:21:28,040
[ Whirring ]
538
00:21:28,059 --> 00:21:31,069
I can't hold it much longer!
539
00:21:31,089 --> 00:21:40,229
♪♪
540
00:21:41,009 --> 00:21:45,139
♪♪
541
00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:48,110
[ All cheering ]
542
00:21:48,130 --> 00:21:49,190
Yay!
543
00:21:49,210 --> 00:21:52,060
Ma, you've given me the best
life I could've asked for.
544
00:21:52,079 --> 00:21:55,009
I may've inherited
the Trickle nose and cheeks,
545
00:21:55,029 --> 00:21:56,139
but I got your heart.
546
00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:58,090
Oh, baby.
547
00:21:58,109 --> 00:22:00,089
[ Chuckles ]
548
00:22:00,109 --> 00:22:02,209
Get rid of it!
[ Grunts ]
549
00:22:02,230 --> 00:22:06,130
Candice: Has anyone seen
my leaf blower?
550
00:22:06,150 --> 00:22:16,140
♪♪
551
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:26,140
♪♪
552
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:36,140
♪♪
553
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:46,140
♪♪
554
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:55,170
♪♪
36117
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