All language subtitles for Blackish.s07e11

Rainbow Johnson is truly a great mom,

and she loves all her children.

But let's just say if she could
only save one from a fire,

I wouldn't want to be Zoey,
Jack, Diane, or Devante.

Junior is clearly her favorite.

They go on road trips
to taste rare cheeses

and have deep discussions
in their two-person book club

that, believe me,
you don't want to join.

They enjoy Sunday morning affirmations

followed by Sunday afternoon pedicures.

You gonna do my toes?

Of course.

So when Junior started dating Olivia,

you'd think there would be some tension.

But Bow welcomed her with open arms

because she loves seeing Junior happy.

Somebody's got a birthday coming up.

What are you two going to do
to celebrate, huh?

Oh, well, you know I like
to keep things low-key.

- W...
- No, you don't.

No, I don't!

I'm going to blow it up!

First thing, first stop,

- we are gonna go to Shakey's...
- Yes.

...and get my name on the sign
out front.

- Yes!
- Mm-hmm.

Fifteen years in a row,

we got to keep this tradition going!

Okay? Listen, Olivia, you
are going to love it.

We add one new tradition

for every year of this young man's life.

So we got a ton of stops this year.

What?! Okay.

Snorkeling in the tide pools,

climbing up to the Hollywood sign...

Okay, wait.

So you guys do this every year?

Yes.

Olivia, do you not have

any special birthday traditions

that you do with your mom?

Well, yeah, sure.

Usually, in the morning

she sends me a happy birthday text.

- A t... A... A text?
- Uh-huh.

And she e-mails me a cash gift card,

which is nice, you know?

- Yes.
- Oh, Junior, we're gonna be late.

- We got to go.
- Oh, okay.

Yes. Get out of here.

- See you later, Dr. Johnson.
- Bye, Mom.

A cash gift card?

Black Jesus!

-- Subs by kinglouisxx --
for www.addic7ed.com

- Dre.
- Hmm?

We have a serious problem.

Okay, babe,
I don't care how loud it gets.

I'm not going to a sleep doctor.

No, it's Olivia.

She has an arm's length
relationship with her mother.

Ruby, can you imagine getting Dre

a Macy's gift card for his birthday?

Of course not.

That's the kind of gift a bank gives you

- when you open an account.
- Mm-hmm.

Yeah, there's something going on there.

Yeah, it's called a normal relationship.

Your mother puts a pint
of ice cream between her thighs

to pre-soften it for you.

Well, if you know a better way
to do it, I'm listening.

I don't know, babe.

You know, that falls
somewhere in between

not a problem
and not your problem, all right?

I don't think you should
get in the middle of it.

Or...

maybe I could help them
grow a little closer.

It's like people
who buy supermarket wine.

You want to tell them you could have

something so much better
for the same price

and it won't come out of a bladder.

You know what I say?

Hmm?

Get in there
and pull the pin on that grenade

and see what happens.

Yeah, she's not your child.

You know what?

If nobody's going to listen to me,

I'm going to get some ice cream.

Oh, let me just get
my sweatpants on, boo!

- Oh, hey, Mama.
- Huh?

- Catch!
- Oh!

You should learn
how to do that for me, babe.

Mm-hmm.

I do enough for you, Dre.

I mean, it was a crazy steep hill,

but it ain't no thang for ya boy.

I fell off a roof once

and I still kept my Jordans crispy.

Wow, you're like a tall Tom Cruise!

Well, I'll call you back in five, okay?

Don't miss me too much.

All right.

Mm.

Sup?

I need you to be my alibi this weekend.

My friends and I are doing

the Black Pretty Woman Challenge.

It's where you hang out in a fancy store

until a snooty White employee
starts hassling you.

Ooh! We're going viral.

I like that you're out there
doing the work.

- Mm-hmm.
- But I can't.

Of course you can!

We've done this tons of times.

You know, I'll write our cover story

on your palm like always.

But in Sharpie in case you
decide to eat a papaya again.

No, I mean I'm busy tomorrow.

Ashley's coming over.

While you've been doing your own thing,

heads were turning my way.

And one of those heads,
mm, is super cute.

Oh. Ah, this is her.

Gotta go.

I think she went to the bathroom,

but we're not really comfortable

talking about that kind of stuff yet.

All right.

Ah, so what you been up to?

- Hey.
- Hey.

Ooh-hoo.

"Happy Birthday from Finn Cutlery."

Hmm.

You know, people made fun of me

for when I signed up for
a thousand birthday clubs,

but look who's getting
free knife sharpening now.

Aww! That's great, sweetie.

Hey, I was wondering.

What do you know about Olivia
and her mom's relationship?

- Um... They get along well.
- Mm-hmm?

They call about once a week or so.

Huh.

So they talk... what?...
like a couple hours

about, like, life and dreams

and hopes and all that mom stuff?

- It's, like, weather.
- Weather?

- Traffic.
- Ooh.

How weather will affect traffic.

So, yeah.

Don't you think that's a little weird?

Thank you for saying it.

Oh, it is weird as hell.

I wish they were closer.

Sometimes I feel bad talking about us

because they clearly
don't have what we have.

Maybe you and I can help them

get a little bit of what we have.

- Hmm.
- I was thinking,

what if we have a birthday
brunch at Little Terrace...

Okay.

...and we invite Olivia and her mom?

- Huh?
- Wh...

We can show them that a relationship

can share more than just
low pressure systems.

- I think that is a great idea...
- You do?

- ...for two reasons.
- Okay, tell me.

Okay, one, it'll bring
a little bit more love

- into my girl's life.
- Okay.

And, two, you know they have
those Dutch baby pancakes

that you have to order
like two days ahead.

Mm-hmm. That's why
I picked Little Terrace!

Because I know that
my baby loves a Dutch baby.

Okay, you are the bomb!

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah!

So Junior and Bow
had their birthday brunch

with Olivia and her mom, Maxine.

- And they put on quite a show.
- True.

Now, okay, we go on
this camping trip every year.

- Even though we're really busy...
- Mm-hmm.

...we just think
it's a priority, you know?

It's a priority

for us to disconnect from the world

so that we can connect with each other.

- Mm-hmm.
- You know?

Like the last time we went camping,

we set up our tents
near this beautiful waterfall.

- It was unbelievable.
- It was gorgeous.

- Aah!
- And as night fell,

we built this fire,

- and we just stayed up talking for hours.
- We just talked.

- Yeah, we did.
- That's sweet.

So by getting out of
the sort of daily routine,

you know, you can move past

the mundane conversations
about, like, the weather.

Aah!

And traffic and get to the good stuff,

- you know, the meat of the relationship.
- Mm.

I told you,
they're like two peas in a pod.

- Oh, you can tell.
- I know, right?

We really... We're just always

looking for ways
to keep that flame alive.

- Yes, we are.
- Mm-hmm.

- Huh.
- Ooh, crab legs are out.

- Oh, oh!
- Come on, Liv.

We are gonna have to go hard.

We're going to need all four arms
to bring them back to the table.

- I'm ready to hip-check a bitch.
- Let's go.

- Come on.
- Oh, my!

So, um...

I know that you and Olivia are...

you're probably comfortable

with the way your relationship is,

but I just want you to know

it's not too late for you to have the...

the magic that Junior and I have.

Oh, that sounds so... romantic.

- Oh, that's weird.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.

- Romantic is the wrong word.
- That's the wrong word.

Though I'm not sure what the right
word would be for this.

You and your son are creepy-close.

- What?
- Like when you die,

he's going to turn you into furniture

and keep you around the house.

No, he's not.

- Hey!
- Oh!

King crab legs for my queen.

Oh, sweetheart!

Look at those.

But before you
bite into those... thank you...

you are going to want to take
a bite of this Dutch baby.

It was worth the wait.

Come on, open up the airplane hangar.

- Hangar's closed.
- Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!

- Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!
- Okay, sweetie.

Man, there were so many
great little moments

where we were clearly
blowing Maxine's mind.

Did you see the look on her face

when we were talking about our trip?

Yeah, she definitely made some faces.

You know, hearing us talk about us

made me fall in love with us again.

- Oh!
- What?

Great teaching with you,
professor-doctor.

Don't listen to him.

Brunch was a disaster.

Uh-oh.

What?

You found out too late

that mimosas weren't included?

No.

Olivia's mom, Maxine,

thinks that Junior and I are too close.

Bow, I've been telling you
that for years.

Stop.

And the boy shouldn't be
your emergency contact.

Yes, I know about that.

You're jealous,
and she doesn't even know us.

Maybe she gets the gist.

She probably thinks
you're gonna turn Junior into

the type of guy that lives
with his mother

in an old folks home.

Dre, I need you to power-sand
my one weird toenail.

It's sucking up that polish
like primer on drywall.

I'm sorry. What were you saying?

Please, don't try to turn this on us.

- Okay.
- Olivia's mom called out Bow

for her strange relationship
with Junior.

- Oh-ho-ho-ho! Well, it is strange.
- Mm-hmm.

Says the woman who talks to her son

while he's in the shower.

I know you don't want to hear this,

but you got to cut the cord...

Oh, boy.

...deliver the placenta,
and put it in the ground!

- I think so, too.
- Mm-hmm.

- That's 'cause my baby's always right.
- Mm-hmm!

Uh-huh. I got my rose water going.

Don't be long, boo.

- Okay, Mama.
- All right, now.

You know what?

I definitely don't need
to be listening to you and Ruby

about any of this.

Maxine saw a great relationship,

and to make herself feel better,

she insulted it.

We were at a very fancy brunch, okay,

and she only ate a grapefruit.

Her priorities are whack.

Whack-o-la-vitz!

Whack!

Make yourself at home

while I craft us
a couple of special lemonades.

Wow.

I could definitely see myself

spending a lot of time here.

Some sweetness for my sweetness.

Mm.

You're gonna love this by the pool.

D... Wh... Y... You're Diane Johnson!

You were in the background

- of Dennis Kissi's Instagram post, right?
- Mm.

- What?
- The one where the guy got his arm broken

- while arm wrestling?
- Yeah, that was crazy.

- Yeah!
- You could hear the moment

his baseball career ended.

It was so dope.

Hey, Ash, how many ice cubes
do you want?

Three? Four?

Four might be a little chilly,
but I can give you a hoodie.

Yeah, yeah, 34 sounds great.

Wait, that cracking noise was real?

I thought you added, like,
sound effects or something.

Mm-hmm. It was so real,
I even made it my ringtone.

You know, I have some overhead
footage too if you want to see that.

- Yeah.
- It's right here.

Oh, I filmed it on a drone

I stole from Dennis' stepdad's office.

Yeah, don't tell anyone about that.

Um, can we watch somewhere else?

It's too loud down here.

Oh, if you think this is too loud,

you should hear him drinking milk.

- Come on.
- Wait, where are you going? What?

Um, I'll be right back. I promise.

- Hey, what's your number?
- Oh, we're not there yet.

Okay.

After our little talk,

Bow was fully on board
for camping with Junior.

- Oh! Hey, Mom.
- Yeah?

You want to check out this stuff
I got for Sequoia?

Ooh, let me see.

So, I got you those
cucumber masks that you love.

- Love those.
- Right?

I got us tactical toilet paper
'cause you know.

Gonna need that.

And I found these awesome T-shirts.

- Oh, wow!
- Look at that!

That is a cute...

Here's yours.

...font. Look at that.

- Right?
- Yeah, look at that, sweetheart.

Oh, yeah, I knew you would love them.

Mm-hmm.

Oh.

Sorry, Olivia, but I am busy.

I've got a trip to pack for with my mom.

- I came as soon as I could.
- Thank God!

It took you over a minute!

My weird toenail
is growing out of control.

Can you fetch the grinding wheel?

- Uh-huh.
- It's starting to grow down.

But they're waiting for us
to cut the cake.

You don't need two people
to hold a knife.

I'll be right back.

- We need to cancel the trip.
- Why?

AirBnB said our cabin is a "rare find."

I know, but, honey,
you've got your own life,

and I-I don't want to keep you

from living the best version of it.

I'm gonna be your mom forever.

So I just think...

I think I need to give you
a little more space.

Wow.

Yeah, that is...

That's actually a huge relief.

Oh!

This whole time, I have been trying

to divide my time between you and Olivia

and give you the time
that you both deserve,

but it has been getting
really difficult to juggle.

- That makes sense.
- Yeah.

And, you know, this whole time

that we've been planning for this trip,

I have been thinking to myself,

"Man, I should really be
doing this with my girlfriend."

Ah, feel free to say no,

but would you be okay with

me and Olivia taking this trip
together instead or...?

Yes, absolutely. That's a great idea.

Wow. You are amazing.

You're taking this all so well.

Well, if you know it's the right thing,

then it's easier to do.

Boop!

So, Bow was ready to cut the cord

and allow Junior to take Olivia

on their special mother-son vacation.

Oh, "Best Hiking Trails of 2006"!

- Yeah.
- That's a classic.

Mm-hmm.

You guys are gonna have so much fun.

It looks like I'm gonna need

something better than flip-flops
for this trip.

- Probably.
- Oh, God.

Yeah, you guys are going to have
the best time.

But you got to be safe, huh?

And call me if you need anything.

That reminds me.

I need to switch you back
to my emergency contact

since I will be with Olivia.

I'm sorry, switch me back?

I thought I was your contact.

Oh. Uh, obviously not.

That's... That's Olivia's job now.

- Oh, yes.
- But don't worry, Mom.

You will always be my backup.

Come on, Olivia, let's go grab you

some hiking boots
out of Diane's bug-out bag.

She's got a bug-out bag?

Yeah. It's probably booby-trapped.

I'll go grab some tongs.

I'm his backup?

Oh, Rainbow,
I hate seeing you like this.

Would you mind leaving the room?

I just cut the cord with Junior.

Really, now? I'm impressed.

That was a mighty thick cord.

Now that I've done it, I don't like it.

Being number two sucks.

I bet.

'Cause now you're number two

with your son and your husband.

- Seriously?
- All right, all right.

I remember the first time
Dre got good news

- and he called you instead of me.
- Mm.

Now, it was the right thing
for him to do,

but that didn't make it hurt any less.

That's exactly it.

I want Junior to have
healthy adult relationships,

and this is a step in that direction.

But I just... it feels...
it feels like...

It feels like I got dumped.

- But still, it's better this way.
- Mm.

You know, when Dre was at Howard,

he wanted to come home
and spend the summers with me.

But I pushed him to stay there

and get the full experience.

I did.

I knew if he spent the summers with me,

he would never learn
to spread his wings.

But he's your favorite person
in the whole wide world

to spend time with.

And you tell me that

every time we are alone together.

I didn't say it was easy.

Mm.

But sometimes the best thing
we can do as mothers

is let them know
they can walk on their own.

The only problem is

you never know
if they're going to walk back.

Oh, that's so scary.

But the good news

is we never completely cut a cord.

It's really more like
a rubber band, baby.

In time, he'll snap back to you.

Okay, so what you're saying

is that if I give him healthy space...

Mm-hmm.

...then he'll come back

and we can go to the sequoias?

Hell, I'm telling you,
you can push him away,

and when he snaps back,

he'll take you on an
all-expenses-paid trip to Paris

that his wife will never know about!

Did Dre take you to Paris?

Enjoying my Ashley?

Oh, please don't tell me

you're going through
a "that's mine" stage too.

Devante's had my hairbrush
for like a month.

You knew I liked Ashley

and you had to come swooping in

with your arm breaking videos.

Who's going to say no to that?

Jack, I didn't do it on purpose.

Well, you didn't help me, either.

Why couldn't you just let me have this?

Text Ashley Arm-Break.

"Ashley, we're not friends anymore.

Don't make it weird."

Period.

Hmm.

There. All fixed.

Great, now you've upset both of us.

How is that helping?

Have a little patience, boy.

Dang.

Uh, hey, Ashley, w...

W-What's wrong?

She just texted me and said she
didn't want to be my friend anymore.

Diane did what?!

Oh, no, she's gone too far this time.

- I'm gonna talk to her.
- No, I don't care.

No, I'm gonna talk to her!

- Hurry!
- Thanks, sis.

- Like, she's my best friend.
- Oh, I ain't afraid of her.

Well, I'd better go grab Olivia

and get us on the road.

I will see you guys in a couple days.

Aww.

You know what, son?

I will tell you
the same thing I would tell you

if you were going on a trip
with your mother.

Here's $40.

Treat her right.

Yes, sir.

You guys are going to have a blast.

I'm so happy for you.

- Thanks.
- Oh.

Can you do me a teeny-weeny favor?

- Anything.
- Okay.

Please say "hi"
to General Sherman, the tree.

He's my favorite sequoia.

Please, I know
what your favorite tree is.

Aww!

Isn't there a forest you need to be in?

Uh, actually, I talked to Olivia

and suggested that we go
to San Francisco instead.

Oh! How come?

Well, I just felt it'd be
a little bit more romantic.

And, besides, the sequoias
are kind of "our" place.

- Oh, that's right.
- Boop.

Aww, Junior, you're the best!

Well done, Rainbow.

- Oh.
- Though you almost ruined it

with that "favorite tree" nonsense.

Good Lord, woman,
do you have to be so weird?

You know, that's what I say, Mama.

- Huh.
- You know what?

How about I draw you a bubble bath

and we can talk about
how weird they are?

- Ah, all right.
- Mm-hmm.

Would you like "Lavender Lullaby"

or "Sensual Sandalwood"?

Unbelievable.

Oh, I'm tired.

Yeah, me too.

- Oh, I have a question.
- Mm-hmm?

Did you take your mom to Paris?

- What?
- She said this thing

about how a son
could take his mom to Paris

without his wife having any idea.

It was, like, strangely specific.

Okay. Come on, Bow.

Just the other day my mom said

my beard makes me look like
Fidel Castro.

You know, you can't listen to her.
She's crazy.

- No argument there.
- Yeah.

Good night, sweetie.

Good night, babe.