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- Morning.
2
00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:14,730
- Morning, all right?
3
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What does that mean?
4
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:06,890
- Um, Evelyn, can I get
a hot squash please?
5
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:08,390
- Why is there a kid coming?
6
00:01:08,420 --> 00:01:09,270
- Well, it's for me.
7
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- So sorry I'm late,
8
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the hotel I'm staying at
doesn't have a decent gym,
9
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so I had to free run
it all the way here.
10
00:01:14,220 --> 00:01:16,060
- Free run, what's that?
11
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- Watch and learn babe.
12
00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:23,180
- Do you have an
update on China?
13
00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:25,230
- Actually, my buddy
at the NSA and I,
14
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did some pretty
breathtaking work on that.
15
00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:30,770
This is first rate intel,
my guy is the best.
16
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- This is just taken
from Wikipedia.
17
00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:34,860
- Right, you have that here?
18
00:01:34,930 --> 00:01:37,250
Oh, can I get a protein shake?
19
00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:39,490
- Yes would you
like lamb or beef?
20
00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:41,130
- That'll be all thanks Evelyn.
21
00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:42,420
- That reminds me,
who do I talk to
22
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about switching hotels?
23
00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:45,340
- Certainly not me,
certainly not now.
24
00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:46,770
- Because I need a place
25
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,330
that serves organic
chicken breast like 24/7.
26
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,660
- Okay so, just
so that you know,
27
00:01:51,730 --> 00:01:54,370
everyone at SIASEC will be
having to redo their APT tests
28
00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:55,690
What really?
29
00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:57,340
- Is that because I
accidentally deleted
30
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the entire department's
personnel files
31
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and all previous
aptitude scores?
32
00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:00,890
- What do you think?
33
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:01,850
- Could it just be a coincidence
34
00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:03,210
- You know this is actually
35
00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:05,220
a perfect opportunity
for me to get
36
00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:06,440
to know where everyone's at.
37
00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:08,380
- As merely liaison
with the NSA,
38
00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:10,740
what makes you think you need
to know where everyone is at?
39
00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:11,940
- Who knows what
I'm going to need to
40
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:14,370
liaise with them about, right?
41
00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:17,210
Plus, we run aptitude
tests at the NSA like,
42
00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:18,700
every few hours
just to make sure
43
00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:20,580
we're all constantly
at the top of our game.
44
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:21,660
- And this will give
us a chance to see
45
00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:22,780
if you're at the top of yours.
46
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- What do you mean? I'm exempt.
47
00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:24,780
- Why would you be exempt?
48
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- Because I'm NSA
49
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:27,820
- I would say that's
even more reason
50
00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:29,150
for you to take the test,
you're one of the team now,
51
00:02:29,170 --> 00:02:30,690
so to speak.
52
00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:32,620
- Maybe you and I should
talk about this privately.
53
00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:33,660
I just don't wanna lower morale
54
00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:35,410
by getting the highest score.
55
00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:37,390
- I'm sure the team
will understand.
56
00:02:37,420 --> 00:02:39,890
I presume you're aware it
involves a polygraph test?
57
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:40,890
- Huh.
58
00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:42,570
- Chris, hypothetical question,
59
00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:44,220
what would happen to someone
who's currently working
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00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:46,210
at GCHQ doing absolutely fine,
61
00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:48,180
might've encountered a few
little hiccups along the way
62
00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:49,420
but then doesn't end up faring
63
00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:50,940
so well in this
next round of tests?
64
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:52,490
- I'd say you'd be fired.
65
00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:54,210
- Oh, I wasn't talking about me.
66
00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:55,820
- There's only so far we can
take positive discrimination,
67
00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:57,210
I'm afraid.
68
00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:58,500
- You know, I've never
really understood that.
69
00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:01,090
- Oh, well it's when
someone who isn't white,
70
00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:02,670
is actually really
good at what they do.
71
00:03:02,700 --> 00:03:03,700
- That's not it.
72
00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:04,780
- No, I get what it means,
73
00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:06,170
I just don't see why we should
74
00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:08,190
be discriminating on any level,
75
00:03:08,220 --> 00:03:09,730
positive or negative,
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00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,410
look ultimately I just
want the best candidates
77
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:13,260
to win the best job.
78
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:14,580
- Thank you I agree.
79
00:03:14,650 --> 00:03:16,290
- Why are you nodding?
80
00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:17,870
- Regardless of whether
white black or your thing,
81
00:03:17,890 --> 00:03:19,300
- Hello.
82
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- You know, I'm two
percent native American,
83
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bet you couldn't tell.
84
00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:23,400
- I can always tell.
85
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:27,620
- Well, I mean, we were
all black once weren't we?
86
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Oh, that's not racist, it's
just something mum says.
87
00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:57,390
- Ah, great, is that my chicken?
88
00:03:57,420 --> 00:03:59,150
- Yes, and I didn't
know what you liked
89
00:03:59,170 --> 00:04:00,500
so I just got a mix of thighs
and a couple of big breasts.
90
00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:01,810
- Did you do a background check?
91
00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:03,310
- On the chicken?
- Yeah
92
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:05,290
- It's just a
rotisserie chicken.
93
00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:06,420
- So we don't know
if it's organic?
94
00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:07,490
- Not yet, no.
95
00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:08,560
- Close the door.
96
00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:11,290
Shut the blinds.
97
00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:12,360
Sit down.
98
00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:15,500
So I've been thinking
about these tests tomorrow.
99
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:17,540
- Oh God, me too,
hopefully they'll just
100
00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:18,800
demote me if I get a bad score.
101
00:04:18,850 --> 00:04:20,580
I don't think they'll
actually fire me.
102
00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:22,660
- Is it even possible for
you to get demoted though?
103
00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:24,300
I mean you're the
least paid here, right?
104
00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:25,810
- What makes you say that?
105
00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:27,740
- Listen, maybe we could
help each other out,
106
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what if I was the one
overseeing the tests?
107
00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:32,790
- Wait, you'd help me pass?
108
00:04:32,820 --> 00:04:34,430
- Well I'd have to
take into account
109
00:04:34,450 --> 00:04:36,130
just how bad your score was,
110
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:37,860
I wouldn't want it
to be too obvious.
111
00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:39,170
- No, of course not.
112
00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:40,730
Plus you know, sometimes
it's a good thing
113
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for a certain person
in the group to fail
114
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just so everyone gets to
see what that looks like.
115
00:04:44,460 --> 00:04:46,460
- Yeah, no I can
get that, so what,
116
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do you want me to
fail on purpose?
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'cause I can easily do that.
118
00:04:48,980 --> 00:04:50,580
- No definitely
not, all I mean is
119
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if the titanic had successfully
crossed the Atlantic
120
00:04:53,580 --> 00:04:55,410
to new york, do you really think
121
00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:57,790
that film would've grossed
2.1 billion dollars
122
00:04:57,820 --> 00:04:58,860
at the box office?
123
00:05:00,610 --> 00:05:01,380
- I still don't know what
you mean, are you saying
124
00:05:01,450 --> 00:05:03,410
that it sank on purpose?
125
00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:05,840
- No, all I'm saying is that
you should stick with me,
126
00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:07,380
and everything will be okay.
127
00:05:07,450 --> 00:05:09,610
- Wow, that's true, but
that's what Scar says
128
00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:10,720
in the Lion King isn't it,
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00:05:10,740 --> 00:05:11,340
and then it all goes tits up.
130
00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:14,860
So what, have upstairs
signed off on this then?
131
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:16,650
- Yes, kind of.
132
00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:17,860
Who does Chris report to?
133
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- Rupert - Then no.
134
00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:22,320
- All right, I can
sort you out then.
135
00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:24,890
So, Rupert is on a plane,
but I should still be able
136
00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:26,400
to patch you through.
137
00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:28,540
- You know, I just need
one second to figure out
138
00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:30,180
the best way to actually...
- Hello?
139
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,370
- Hello Rupert.
140
00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:36,130
Hey, it's Jerry Bernstein, NSA.
141
00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:37,200
- Jerry!
142
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:38,410
Hello,
143
00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:40,420
- Chris says you're
settling in well.
144
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,700
- Oh yeah, I'm having a...
- How are you find...
145
00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:45,860
- Sorry, I'm having a...
- How are you...
146
00:05:45,930 --> 00:05:48,730
- It's, I'm thrilled...
- How are you...
147
00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:51,280
No you go, - Pardon?
148
00:05:51,300 --> 00:05:54,210
I said I'm
thrilled, I'm thrilled,
149
00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:55,280
- What?
150
00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:57,370
- I think there's a delay,
151
00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:58,330
can you fix that?
- Ouch.
152
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,370
- Yes I'm on a plane, I'm.
153
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:01,890
No I see that.
154
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,690
Oh now you're frozen, it's
a good look, but your fro...
155
00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:06,170
Ow!
156
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:08,530
Jerry,
Jerry just tell me,
157
00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:10,300
how are you getting
along with Chris?
158
00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:12,380
Do you know she has one
hell of a reputation?
159
00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:15,130
- Does she, for sleeping around?
160
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,370
- No, for being good at her job.
161
00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:19,390
- No, right of course,
162
00:06:19,420 --> 00:06:21,820
I was just wondering if she
had some kind of condition,
163
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:25,490
because I usually vibe
with all types of women.
164
00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,680
- Look, Jerry, we're
about to land in Syria,
165
00:06:27,730 --> 00:06:29,620
Oh you're
back, hello champagne,
166
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:34,170
do you mind if I
conduct those, what is it?
167
00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:36,680
The SIASEC aptitude tests that
are scheduled for tomorrow?
168
00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:40,200
- I didn't quite
catch any of that,
169
00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:42,890
but I'm sure it'll be fine.
170
00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:46,570
- That's great, great,
I was just saying that,
171
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:49,770
since I'll be running the
aptitude tests tomorrow,
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00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:51,810
which you just
verbally agreed to,
173
00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:53,610
I'm just bummed, you know,
174
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:56,850
bummed that I won't be able
to take the test myself,
175
00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:58,540
but I'll be sure to
let Christine know
176
00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:00,060
of this conversation, okay?
177
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:03,850
- I think Tuesday.
178
00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:06,700
- Sounds good, have a
lovely time in Syria.
179
00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:11,580
Yeah, I think we're...
180
00:07:11,650 --> 00:07:12,890
That was dead easy.
181
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:13,770
- Yeah.
182
00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:15,490
Is he an alcoholic?
183
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:16,370
- Yes he is.
184
00:07:17,290 --> 00:07:18,500
Pardon?
185
00:07:20,300 --> 00:07:21,300
Jerry?
186
00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:24,420
I think you're frozen now.
187
00:07:27,090 --> 00:07:28,390
- Chris I don't
know what to say,
188
00:07:28,410 --> 00:07:29,940
Rupert and I were
just spit balling
189
00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:32,810
about ways to freshen
up the test and Bam!
190
00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:35,820
He put me in charge, I hope
you don't think it was my idea.
191
00:07:35,890 --> 00:07:37,780
- If only it he was
reachable to verify that,
192
00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:40,710
and you're exempt I presume?
193
00:07:40,740 --> 00:07:44,390
- Well yeah, I mean, if I'm
gonna be overhauling the way
194
00:07:44,420 --> 00:07:47,550
the tests are run, I don't
want to sway the results.
195
00:07:47,580 --> 00:07:49,770
So, I think I'd like
to start by timing,
196
00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:51,820
how quickly everyone
can get undressed
197
00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:53,740
and then put all their
clothes back on again.
198
00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:55,350
- To test aptitude?
199
00:07:55,380 --> 00:07:59,340
- Yeah, also are you familiar
with the game "Sardines"?
200
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:08,980
- Okay, so what I
would like to do
201
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,570
is a quick polygraph test.
202
00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:11,840
What's that piece of crap?
203
00:08:11,890 --> 00:08:15,290
- It was just a backup,
prefer the older models.
204
00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:16,860
Do you mind if I
touch your head?
205
00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:17,650
- Whereabouts?
206
00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:20,180
- Here and here
- Yes that's fine.
207
00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:24,620
Ow, ow.
208
00:08:24,690 --> 00:08:25,890
- What's the problem?
209
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:27,510
- I can't get these
to stick down,
210
00:08:27,530 --> 00:08:28,850
there's too much hair.
211
00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:29,730
- Well can't you
just take it off?
212
00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:30,800
It's a wig right?
213
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:32,720
- No.
214
00:08:32,790 --> 00:08:34,290
- I'm happy to shave an area,
215
00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,720
- No that won't be necessary,
just hold them in place.
216
00:08:39,610 --> 00:08:40,590
Not you.
217
00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:41,700
- Oh, sorry.
218
00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:46,110
Sorry if my fingers
are a bit smelly.
219
00:08:46,140 --> 00:08:47,690
- Thank you, Quentin.
220
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:49,740
Okay, so Mary were
going to start by doing
221
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:51,910
just a couple of
trial questions.
222
00:08:51,940 --> 00:08:56,420
So, what is your full name?
223
00:08:56,490 --> 00:08:58,850
- Mary Fanny Nidam
224
00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:03,770
- So I've added a slight US
vibe to your standard APT test.
225
00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:06,300
Can you just start bouncing
up and down on that for me?
226
00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:11,790
What's, no you put your
feet on that, on the bar.
227
00:09:11,820 --> 00:09:13,060
Wait where are you going?
228
00:09:15,610 --> 00:09:16,450
- Like that?
229
00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:17,810
- What are you doing?
230
00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:19,900
Okay so now I'm going
to call out ten numbers,
231
00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:21,700
and I want you to
repeat them back to me
232
00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:23,330
but in reverse order.
233
00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:27,700
Three, zero, 34, nine,
81, four, four again, 53,
234
00:09:28,780 --> 00:09:30,820
nine and 528.
235
00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:35,650
- Are you even talking to me?
- Come on man!
236
00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:38,170
Yes or no, would you
ever betray your country
237
00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:40,290
for drug, money, or sex?
238
00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:41,820
- Sex.
239
00:09:41,890 --> 00:09:47,490
528, nine, three,
four again, four - 528,
240
00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:51,540
nine, 53, four, four, 81, nine,
241
00:09:51,610 --> 00:09:53,450
34, zero, three.
242
00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:55,780
- Well, I'll have to make
sure that that's correct.
243
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:56,610
- It is.
244
00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:01,130
four, 320...
245
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:03,170
- Get up we're going again.
246
00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:05,220
Did you vote for Brexit?
247
00:10:05,290 --> 00:10:06,490
- I don't know, who is that?
248
00:10:11,260 --> 00:10:14,450
- Ow, ow, Jesus Christ why
do you keep hitting me?
249
00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:16,540
- I'm just testing
your reflexes.
250
00:10:18,130 --> 00:10:20,290
What was the name
of your first pet?
251
00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:21,610
- Wolf.
252
00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:23,220
- That was the name
of your pet, wolf?
253
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:26,450
- Yeah - What was
your, was it a wolf?
254
00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:29,210
- Yeah - That's really cool.
255
00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:30,900
- How do you think
I'm doing overall?
256
00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:33,230
'cause I weirdly feel
I'm doing quite well.
257
00:10:33,260 --> 00:10:34,570
- Ow!
258
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:35,980
- You know you can
try to hit me too.
259
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,690
- Okay - Ow, what the fuck!
260
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:38,930
- Sorry
261
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,380
- Would you ever
sleep with a coworker?
262
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:41,700
- Oh my God, that's
so embarrassing.
263
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:44,340
Maybe I don't know
like an American?
264
00:10:48,100 --> 00:10:49,380
- Sorry.
265
00:10:49,450 --> 00:10:50,030
- Would you ever
sleep with a co...
266
00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:51,100
- Yes, Mary.
267
00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:53,810
- Oh fuck you!
268
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:55,700
Would you ever sleep
with a coworker?
269
00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:57,300
- I just came to clean the room.
270
00:10:57,370 --> 00:10:59,490
- What are you doing Friday?
271
00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:01,220
Would you ever sleep
with a coworker?
272
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:02,240
- Of course not.
273
00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:07,460
- So that's not what
the machine is saying.
274
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:09,920
Oh my God,
275
00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:12,940
Is the person you
have feelings for...
276
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:15,220
- I don't have
feelings for anyone.
277
00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:20,500
- In this room?
278
00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:24,060
- This is a waste of time.
279
00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:29,960
- Wha...
280
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:40,600
- Sardines.
281
00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:49,660
- Hmm, oh Chris.
282
00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:00,570
- Of Course they used anthrax,
283
00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:02,620
to kill off all the
rabbits in the 50's.
284
00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:03,860
- That looks like my dad!
285
00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:06,310
Could that be any ordinary,
286
00:12:06,340 --> 00:12:07,460
if you found out a
family member was...
287
00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:08,980
- A terrorist.
- Terror I know.
288
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:11,460
- So what would you do if
they end up letting you go?
289
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:14,130
- Oh I'm sure I'll be fine,
290
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:15,000
well I've always had this dream
291
00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:16,330
of becoming a trumpet teacher.
292
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:17,650
- Oh, that'd be nice.
293
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:18,930
- You play trumpet?
294
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,490
- Oh no, I'd have
to learn first.
295
00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:24,410
Oh Jerry, Jerry, how did we
all do, are the results in?
296
00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:26,420
- I'm still calculating
everyone's scores,
297
00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:29,330
but Tuva, you should consider
coming to work for the NSA
298
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:30,490
with marks this high.
299
00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:32,060
Mary, looks like you're safe.
300
00:12:35,260 --> 00:12:38,450
- Do you still need
that urine sample?
301
00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:39,520
- Oh God yes.
302
00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:43,240
- Jerry, so do you want one
from Mary and I as well?
303
00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:52,490
- Please don't just sit there,
304
00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:55,170
go and find out
when Rupert's back.
305
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:56,440
- Sure I'll check with Pa.
306
00:12:57,340 --> 00:12:58,970
- Check with who, sorry?
307
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,700
- Pa, is that not her name?
308
00:13:03,730 --> 00:13:05,690
- His PA?
309
00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:07,380
It's pronounced PA.
310
00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:10,610
How can you not know that?
311
00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:12,410
That's what you are!
312
00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:13,530
Go away.
313
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:14,860
- Oh my God.
314
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:20,840
- You smell nice Jerry.
- Mm-hmm.
315
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:25,170
- Yes?
316
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:25,810
- Hey hun.
- Please don't call me that,
317
00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:26,880
- So listen,
318
00:13:28,210 --> 00:13:30,610
about earlier, I
just wondered whether
319
00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:33,180
we should keep your
feelings for me secret.
320
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,580
- If there was anything
to keep secret,
321
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,260
and I assure you there isn't,
322
00:13:38,330 --> 00:13:40,970
the last person I would trust
with that information is you.
323
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,370
- I understand why you
might want to deny it,
324
00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:45,380
but just so you know
you're not the first.
325
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:46,650
- To deny it?
326
00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:48,580
- At the NSA about
80% of the staff
327
00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:50,010
are attracted to me,
328
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,460
and that's just the
people we know about.
329
00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:53,190
- I'm not attracted
to you Jerry.
330
00:13:53,210 --> 00:13:54,940
This isn't the war, British
women don't just drop their
331
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:58,690
bloomers for any GI spiv with
an accent and a Hershey bar.
332
00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:02,180
- Well, that's not what your
biometric data is showing.
333
00:14:03,700 --> 00:14:05,900
I'd hate for this to get
out and embarrass you.
334
00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:08,370
- You and I both know those
machines are unreliable.
335
00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:10,410
- I know of only two real cases
336
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:12,650
where a polygraph has
given false readings,
337
00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:14,800
and in both cases,
they happened in films.
338
00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:16,170
- Well there must be a mistake.
339
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:17,820
- Then why are you
so nervous around me?
340
00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:19,290
Look at you.
341
00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:20,580
- There is no way
I have feeling...
342
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:22,540
- A polygraph doesn't lie.
343
00:14:24,330 --> 00:14:26,450
- Well there's only
one way to prove that.
344
00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:28,890
You take it.
345
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:31,890
I have no problem
taking a polygraph, wait.
346
00:14:37,260 --> 00:14:38,620
- So how did I do man,
do you still aren't able
347
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:39,450
to mark me up?
348
00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:40,720
- I don't know, ill try
349
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:42,190
but your score was
really on the fence.
350
00:14:42,210 --> 00:14:44,170
- Oh God, but which side?
351
00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:46,610
- Okay listen so I
kind of painted myself
352
00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:49,510
into a corner here, I
might need to cue you
353
00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:50,820
at certain times in the testing,
354
00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:52,540
just to pick...
- What do you mean?
355
00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:53,740
- Well, it doesn't matter.
356
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:54,550
- What do you mean cue you?
357
00:14:54,580 --> 00:14:57,190
- Shh - What's
Joseph doing here?
358
00:14:57,220 --> 00:14:59,650
- Yeah I'd like an impartial
adjudicator on this,
359
00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:03,330
someone who lacks the mental
capacity to skew the results.
360
00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:05,560
- Fair enough, should
be fun, you're ready?
361
00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:11,650
- Are you all right?
362
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:14,660
- Yeah, oh I have
a little twitch
363
00:15:14,730 --> 00:15:15,900
that comes out once in a while,
364
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:16,920
it's nothing.
365
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:20,260
- Chris do you want me to
run through a few trial
366
00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:21,540
questions first just to make
sure the equipment's working?
367
00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:22,890
Yes.
368
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,330
- Are you all right?
369
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:25,400
- Yeah.
370
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:29,330
- So answering yes or no,
what is your favorite film?
371
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:30,520
- "The Greatest Showman"
372
00:15:31,900 --> 00:15:34,370
- Have you ever taken
any illegal substances?
373
00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:35,440
- No
374
00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:38,870
There was one time, at the NSA
375
00:15:38,900 --> 00:15:41,250
when I had to sniff
a work surface,
376
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:43,220
but it turned out the
entire work surface
377
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:44,320
was covered in crack.
378
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:46,740
- Yeah that seems
to be working fine.
379
00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:47,920
- Great, should we begin?
380
00:15:49,450 --> 00:15:50,530
- Hold on just let me.
381
00:15:57,920 --> 00:15:58,770
- Yes.
382
00:15:58,800 --> 00:15:59,860
- Yes.
- Yes.
383
00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:02,870
- Two months ago, -
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
384
00:16:02,940 --> 00:16:05,490
listen, I really
think it's only fair
385
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:07,870
if all the questions
come from Joseph.
386
00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:09,750
- Okay, how many
legs have you got?
387
00:16:09,770 --> 00:16:11,740
- No you don't have to
create the questions,
388
00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:13,290
they just have to come from you.
389
00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:14,500
To, to.
390
00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:16,560
- Yeah.
391
00:16:18,260 --> 00:16:19,450
What does that say?
392
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:20,660
- "Redacted"
393
00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:25,180
- Okay, two months
ago GCHQ intercepted a
394
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:27,780
- Redacted.
- Redacted, Jesus.
395
00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:29,220
- Sorry, file from
the oval office,
396
00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:30,500
implying a coverup
within the NSA,
397
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:32,640
yes or no, were you
aware of such a coverup?
398
00:16:44,730 --> 00:16:45,730
- No.
399
00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:51,790
- It says lie.
400
00:16:51,820 --> 00:16:53,290
- What the fuck?
401
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:55,890
I mean move on
that didn't count,
402
00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:57,570
ask another question.
403
00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:58,450
- What's a tampon?
404
00:16:58,520 --> 00:16:59,920
- Not you, one of her...
405
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:03,530
- Sorry, "Despite
requesting upgraded access
406
00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:05,860
to your internal file at
the NSA, it still comes up
407
00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:07,210
as classified why?"
408
00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:09,170
- Oh thank, I don't know.
409
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:11,540
- "However when speaking
with several senior figures
410
00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:13,690
at the NSA It seems
your move over to GCHQ
411
00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,300
was more to do with damage
control, why might that be?"
412
00:17:20,170 --> 00:17:20,860
- Can we take a break?
413
00:17:20,930 --> 00:17:22,500
- Yeah.
- No.
414
00:17:22,570 --> 00:17:25,660
- I think I might
sneeze, actually,
415
00:17:25,730 --> 00:17:27,270
and I don't want it
to affect the test.
416
00:17:27,300 --> 00:17:29,450
- Fine, I'll wait.
417
00:17:44,700 --> 00:17:45,610
- I might be a minute.
418
00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:50,680
- What Evelyn?
419
00:17:51,730 --> 00:17:53,490
Why are you and Esther.
420
00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:55,300
- Put this on your thumb.
- What's that about?
421
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:56,740
- Take it, put it on
your fucking thumb.
422
00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:58,000
- No I don't wanna be a part...
423
00:17:58,040 --> 00:17:59,390
- Hey do you want me to
say you passed the test?
424
00:17:59,410 --> 00:18:00,250
- Did I not pass?
425
00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:01,530
- Are you kidding?
426
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,540
Take this, put it on
your fucking thumb.
427
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:04,580
This
is ridiculous.
428
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:07,250
- I agree - Let's
just get on with this.
429
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,020
Answering yes or no, were
you disgraced at the NSA
430
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:10,940
and forced to take
the position here?
431
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,370
- No sorry I.
432
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:14,440
- No
433
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:18,610
- Have you always
had two heartbeats?
434
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,810
- Yes, I had a twin
but I absorbed him.
435
00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:23,670
- Oh for God's sake, Joseph
leave the room please.
436
00:18:23,700 --> 00:18:25,610
- That's hardly fair.
437
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:29,170
- Joseph, go, now.
438
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:30,840
- What do you want me to do?
439
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:33,410
Don't give it to
me, don't hand it to, don't...
440
00:18:36,820 --> 00:18:38,430
what is this?
441
00:18:38,460 --> 00:18:39,930
- Just get out!
442
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,890
- Get out sir!
443
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:42,960
- I'm sorry.
444
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:51,740
- Let's, try that again.
445
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:15,340
Answering yes or no,
446
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:18,240
were you dis...
447
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:21,690
Were you disgraced at the N...
448
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,250
Were you disgraced at the NSA
449
00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:25,400
and forced to take
the position here?
450
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,340
- No Mother fu...
451
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:37,570
- Okay so, this is obviously
not an ideal situation,
452
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:38,640
for either of us.
453
00:19:39,730 --> 00:19:40,730
- Mm-mh.
454
00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:44,650
On the other hand, this
equipment is notorious
455
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:45,720
for acting up.
456
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:47,760
Isn't it?
457
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:50,770
- Mm-hmm.
458
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:52,820
- Maybe I should ask
Rupert to take another look
459
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:54,880
at this when we're
not so stretched?
460
00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:09,660
- I think that,
461
00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:12,460
is a great idea.
462
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:28,300
Just between us,
463
00:20:29,300 --> 00:20:30,900
I was right huh?
464
00:20:30,970 --> 00:20:33,410
You do have feelings for me.
465
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:34,680
- I guess we'll never know.
466
00:20:36,970 --> 00:20:38,580
- I promise you I
wasn't ear wigging,
467
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:39,780
but just to be clear
are we writing off
468
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:40,910
the whole set of tests?
469
00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:42,890
- Yes it would seem so.
470
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:45,340
You're off the hook, for now.
471
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:48,940
Hallelujah,
472
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:51,280
for now.
473
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:56,850
- So in love with me.
474
00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:57,730
- Really?
475
00:20:57,800 --> 00:20:58,570
- It's sad.
476
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:05,810
- Oh, Muna.
477
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:07,380
- Hi.
- Hi.
478
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,020
- Just came around
to empty the bin.
479
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:10,930
- Oh no, no let me.
480
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:13,740
- Its okay I'll...
- No let me, okay.
481
00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:17,730
Sorry.
482
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:18,800
- Sorry.
483
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:27,730
♪ There's a bad pie
just around the corner ♪
484
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:31,370
♪ There's a dark cloud
patching through the skies ♪
485
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:33,730
♪ It's as clear as crystal ♪
486
00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:35,370
♪ From Brislington to Bristol ♪
487
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:37,340
♪ That we can't save democracy ♪
488
00:21:37,410 --> 00:21:39,330
♪ And we don't much care ♪
489
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:43,530
♪ We better all run the
merits or beyond that flag ♪
490
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:48,300
♪ But wait till we
drop down dead ♪
34810
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