All language subtitles for Xena - 310 - The Quill is Mightier-eng(3)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,920 [ Hissing ] 2 00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:12,400 Come on! Xena rocks! 3 00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:14,960 Aphrodite blows! 4 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:21,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 5 00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:38,560 Delinquent losers! 6 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:42,880 I've got half a mind to hit you with-- [ Man ] A love bolt? 7 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:48,160 Hardly seems a threat. My, my, 8 00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:51,520 they certainly made a mess here. 9 00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:54,880 [ Sniffles ] Back off, Ar. I'm bummed out enough. 10 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,760 You know what your problem is? Duh. 11 00:00:57,760 --> 00:01:00,160 Your little Xena. [ Huffs ] 12 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:03,480 [ Imitates Buzzer ] Gabrielle, her friend. 13 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:08,280 See, I only made the warrior. She made the legend. 14 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:11,160 Have you read any of her so-called stories? Huh. 15 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:14,520 "A warrior who loves the common person." 16 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:16,440 You'd think she was a goddess. 17 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:19,800 Pretty soon, when people think of "love," 18 00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:22,680 they're gonna think Xena, not Aphrodite. 19 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:25,360 Xena? Don't blame her. 20 00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:28,080 It's Gabrielle and her busy quill. 21 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:30,320 That's your problem. 22 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:40,880 I love starting a new scroll. 23 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:43,240 The feel of it in your hands, the look. 24 00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:47,880 So clean. So perfectly empty. 25 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:52,680 Listen. The way it crinkles the first time you open it. 26 00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:57,480 And that smell. [ Sniffs Deeply ] 27 00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:01,320 It's just a special, untouched scent. 28 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:05,160 Try it. It smells like musty old leather to me. 29 00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:07,840 Well, to the non-creative person perhaps. 30 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:10,880 Let's see. Your last adventure began with-- 31 00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:14,240 Don't you ever get tired of just writing down what I do? 32 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:17,600 Why don't you create new characters, new images? 33 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:20,520 You mean fiction? 34 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:23,600 Well, I thought about trying that... 35 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:25,720 someday. 36 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:29,080 - Do you really think I could? - Give it a shot... quietly. 37 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:35,000 - Good night. - Xena-- 38 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,880 And make someone else the hero for a change. 39 00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:47,880 "Xena had gone fishing. 40 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:53,160 "The lone warrior, Gabrielle, 41 00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:57,000 "awoke with a jerk... 42 00:02:57,000 --> 00:03:00,360 "as five barbarians rode out of the woods. 43 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:04,680 "Twirling her trusty staff, 44 00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:09,480 she delivered her kicks with such fury." 45 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:14,760 This fiction stuff can be really fun. 46 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:27,040 Oh, yeah. A lot of fun. 47 00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:31,520 [ Men Yelling ] [ Gasps ] 48 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:34,120 [ Yelling Continues ] 49 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:35,520 Xena! 50 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:38,400 [ Neighing ] [ Gabrielle ] We've got company! 51 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:46,800 Xena! Wake up! Wake up! 52 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:49,520 - Xena! - [ Snarls ] 53 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,560 - [ Gabrielle Yells ] - [ Groans ] 54 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:03,320 [ Snarling, Grunting ] 55 00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:06,040 Xena! [ Barbarian Growling ] 56 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:09,840 - Okay, you asked for it! - [ Barbarians Groaning ] 57 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:13,880 Round and up and down she goes. Where she stops, nobody knows! 58 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:15,920 [ Grunts ] [ Growls ] 59 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:24,160 - [ Groans ] - [ All Groaning ] 60 00:04:28,280 --> 00:04:31,040 [ Grunting, Groaning ] 61 00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:37,040 [ Kicks Landing ] 62 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:42,120 [ Yelling, Grunting, Groaning Continue ] 63 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:46,120 [ Playful Yells ] 64 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,960 [ Chuckling ] 65 00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:50,720 Schwing! 66 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:57,720 - [ Grunts ] - [ Fierce Yell ] 67 00:04:58,080 --> 00:04:59,640 Huh? [ Groans ] 68 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:02,960 - [ Screaming ] - [ Screaming ] 69 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:05,520 [ Groans ] 70 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:08,160 - Ow. - [ Whistling ] 71 00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:11,360 [ Howls ] She's too much for us! 72 00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:15,160 -[ Barbarian ] Let's get out of here! - [ Barbarians Yelling ] 73 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:17,840 [ Hoofbeats ] 74 00:05:17,840 --> 00:05:20,720 And don't come back! Did you see that? 75 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,640 Back flips! 76 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:24,560 I don't do back flips. 77 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:27,440 You have armor on under there? Where's Xena? 78 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:30,800 Who were those-- What are you-- 79 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:32,720 Wait a minute. 80 00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:41,200 "Xena had gone-- The lone warrior, Gabrielle-- 81 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:44,080 "As five barbarians-- 82 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:48,400 "She started twirling her trusty staff, delivering kicks of such fury. 83 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:51,760 Deflected the thrust of a sword with her mighty abs." 84 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:53,680 I wrote this. 85 00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:58,000 Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait. 86 00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:59,920 Are you saying anything you write in there comes true? 87 00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:02,320 Excuse me while I laugh. [ Guffaws ] 88 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:07,120 Yeow! Catch. Ow. Ow. 89 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:09,640 Something's wrong with this stick. [ Staff Whipping ] 90 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:12,480 Ooh. Eee. Uh, uh, uh, uh! 91 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:15,960 [ Gasps, Groans ] 92 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:20,120 - Why'd I do that? - Because I wrote you did. 93 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:23,000 I can write anything, and-- 94 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,920 and it comes true. 95 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:38,240 [ Man Narrating ] In a time of ancient gods-- [ Xena Yells ] 96 00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:42,480 warlords and kings, 97 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:46,480 a land in turmoil cried out for a hero. 98 00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:57,960 She was Xena, 99 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:01,560 a mighty princess forged in the heat of battle. 100 00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:07,920 The power. 101 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:11,120 The passion. 102 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,240 -The danger. - [ Kiaiing ] 103 00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:23,440 Her courage will change the world. 104 00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:32,280 In my hands, this scroll could be a gift to mankind. 105 00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:35,160 Xena will be very proud when she comes back from fishing. 106 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:38,040 Fishing? I wrote her fishing. 107 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:39,960 What did you write to bring me here? 108 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:42,360 Like, uh, you know, Gabrielle... 109 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:44,760 appeared with a guy with the heart of a lion, 110 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:47,160 soul of a warrior, that kind of thing. 111 00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:50,520 Let's see. Uh-- [ Clears Throat ] 112 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:53,880 "Xena has gone fi-" Fishing. 113 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:58,680 "Fishing. Gabrielle awoke with a jerk. 114 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:02,520 Gabrielle awoke with a jerk." 115 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:04,440 That's a funny phrase. 116 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:07,320 [ Mumbles ] I can't find anything. 117 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,720 Must've come here on my own. 118 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:13,080 What do we do now? What do we do? 119 00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:15,000 What won't we do? 120 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:17,400 Stories can be anything we want them to be. 121 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:21,240 Happy endings can truly happen, Joxer. Hmm. 122 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:25,040 Excuse me. Aren't you the Sisters of Gaea? 123 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:28,200 [ Together ] Yes. Is there... 124 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:31,080 something that we can do to, um, help you? 125 00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:33,960 We're collecting goods for our orphans, 126 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:36,840 things we can sell in our shop in town. 127 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:39,720 If you have anything-- Now, that would fetch a pretty dinar. 128 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,440 [ Laughs ] 129 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:48,240 I'm sure it would, but I wouldn't give this up just for anybody. 130 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:50,160 Still, for the, uh, Sisters of Gaea-- 131 00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:53,080 - [ Gasps ] - [ Armor Rattles ] - She means your scabbard. 132 00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:55,920 Oh. Right. Uh, no, no. I couldn't. 133 00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:58,320 My father gave me this. It was the only thing he gave me. 134 00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,240 Had to get the sword myself. 135 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:03,600 I wouldn't part with this for anything. Oh, too bad. 136 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:07,440 Ceremonial weapons and the like are a hot commodity in Kargas. 137 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:10,600 Oh. Well, you know, Sister. 138 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:13,480 I think you're going to get a surprise gift. 139 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:15,880 Right about now. 140 00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:18,280 Here. Oh! 141 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:23,560 This will provide for our orphans for years. 142 00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:26,920 Yes. It's a miracle. Ha. 143 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:29,320 You're welcome. [ Laughs ] 144 00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:37,600 Give me back my kinsman's sword. 145 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:40,000 I just gave it away. Why did I do that? 146 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:43,360 Well, it doesn't really matter now, does it? 147 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:45,280 [ Cries Out ] 148 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:48,400 [ Yelling ] 149 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:52,040 [ Shrill Whistle ] 150 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:56,240 [ Barbarians Groaning ] 151 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:08,520 Did the little blonde girlie scare the big hairy men? 152 00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:13,120 We are barbarians. We fear nothing. 153 00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:16,480 Yeah! We fight with the heart of a lion. 154 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:18,880 And you run with the feet of a chicken. 155 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:23,480 Now, get back on your horsies, and go back after her. 156 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,720 Yes, ma'am. 157 00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:28,640 [ Grunting, Yelling ] 158 00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:32,240 [ Horses Neighing ] [ Yelling Continues ] 159 00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:35,840 [ Sighs ] Barbarians. 160 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:37,760 [ Imitation Barking ] 161 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:41,120 [ Chatter, Laughter ] 162 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:45,920 We don't need your money, Joxer. I've got it covered. 163 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:47,840 How much will that be? 164 00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:50,720 Tha-- That will be... free. 165 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:54,080 All the food is free! And the drinks are on the house! 166 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:57,440 You see there? All the food is free, and the drinks are on the-- 167 00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:59,840 [ Man ] Free mead! A gift from the gods! 168 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:02,240 I think I have to be a bit more careful with the wording. 169 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:05,120 [ Grunts, Slurps ] Free mead! [ Laughter ] 170 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:09,440 Good ale. Ahhh. [ Gulping ] 171 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:12,640 No way, Ares. Not until I know for sure that Xena has left the valley. 172 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:16,720 I'm giving you my word. I've taken care of it. She's gone. 173 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:21,040 [ Chuckles ] My men might believe that. I can barely hold them back. 174 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:24,720 They want to loot that valley now. Xena or no Xena. 175 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:26,960 But I'm not that stupid. 176 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:29,120 And how stupid are you? [ Grunts ] 177 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:31,840 Stupid enough to call the God of War a liar? 178 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:34,040 [ Hoarsely ] May-May-- Maybe. 179 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:37,400 But I'm definitely not stupid enough to go up against Xena. 180 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:39,640 [ Gagging ] 181 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:45,680 [ Coughs ] 182 00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:48,400 Keep your men here. 183 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:53,040 I'll give you a signal. You'll know Xena's gone then. 184 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:54,960 But wh-what's the signal? 185 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:57,720 You'll know when you see it. 186 00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:02,840 [ Man: Drunkenly ] That's when I said to him, 187 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:05,240 [ Grunts ] "I'll drink to that." 188 00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:10,040 Fill her up! Well, time's a-wastin'. 189 00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:13,400 We've got a lot of good to do today, Joxer. Lot of good! 190 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:16,960 - [ Man ] Ah, you're drunk. - [ Man #2 ] Who you callin' drunk? 191 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:18,680 [ Loud Belch ] Come on, Billius! 192 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:23,600 You've had enough. Who are you to tell me I've had enough? 193 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:26,800 You know, there's always one drunk who spoils it for everyone. 194 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:29,200 One drunk? Hey, that's my mead! 195 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,520 [ Groans, Yells ] 196 00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:34,480 [ Grunting, Punches Landing ] 197 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,840 Couldn't get any worse. Well, this wasn't supposed to happen. 198 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:42,000 [ Barbarian ] Where are they? It got worse. 199 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:46,440 You-- 200 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:50,080 You think you can make fools of us? Yeah. 201 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:52,160 [ Snickering ] 202 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:55,960 We are barbarians. 203 00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:00,560 [ Barbarian ] We will... 204 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:04,880 go west. Huh? 205 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:12,200 Yes. We will go west. Yeah-ah-ah. 206 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,560 [ Barbarians Muttering ] 207 00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:16,960 [ Affirming Grunts ] 208 00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:20,320 [ Yelling ] 209 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:26,520 The barbarians are headed for the Sisters of Gaea orphanage! 210 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:28,920 [ Laughing ] [ Fighting Continues ] 211 00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:33,720 Minor setback. "They turned east." 212 00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:36,440 [ Barbarian Leader ] No. We go east! 213 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:38,640 [ Yelling ] 214 00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:40,880 Now they're heading for Akanacia! 215 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:43,280 [ Laughing ] 216 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:47,600 Um. "The barbarians disappeared from the land." 217 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:51,960 [ Barbarians ] Whoa! Whoa! 218 00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:54,680 This way... to the boats! 219 00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:59,000 We'll become pirates, and kill all who sail the seas. 220 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:03,120 [ Delighted Laugh ] 221 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:07,920 Um. "The barbarians went to the caves and fell into a deep sleep." 222 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:11,120 Wait! To the caves. 223 00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:15,920 I'm exhausted. [ Barbarians Yawning ] 224 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:20,040 [ Horses Neighing ] [ Barbarians Yelling ] 225 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,880 So this is all the good you wanted to do, huh? 226 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:25,280 Forget it. I am not writing another word. 227 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:27,200 Yes! 228 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:30,520 No. I don't get it. 229 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:33,400 I mean, my writing has always been really vivid. 230 00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:36,280 I just am missing something. 231 00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:39,160 Well, maybe it's too vivid. 232 00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:42,040 Maybe it needs a little work-- editing or something, you know? 233 00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:44,440 I've got it! I'm not editing my work. 234 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:48,280 Joxer, that's it, that's all I have to do. I just have to be more careful. 235 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:52,600 Do you realize that now that I know the power of the scroll, 236 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,520 I can end hunger, I can end disease. 237 00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:58,840 I can end-- I can end war. 238 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:02,480 [ Grunts ] Okay. 239 00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:06,320 "The will of mortals won out--" Edit. 240 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:09,680 "and war lost all its power." 241 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:11,920 [ Men Yelling ] 242 00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:14,800 My powers! What's happened to my powers? 243 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:17,440 You! What've you done to me? 244 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:20,160 Um, it's-it's not my fault. I-- 245 00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:22,560 I-I can fix this. Um-- 246 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,440 Um. The-The force... 247 00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:28,320 that enchanted the scroll lost its powers. 248 00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,560 [ Aphrodite Gasps ] [ Ares Groans ] 249 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:36,240 Whoa! Wipeout. [ Gags ] 250 00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:38,880 Hmm. 251 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:43,560 Are you out of your mind? You gave this blonde harpy... 252 00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:47,400 - powers of destiny? - No. I enchanted a scroll. 253 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,800 And don't act so surprised. You wanted me to do it. 254 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:51,720 No, no. See, what I wanted... 255 00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:54,600 was for you to go after her so we could get Xena out of the way. 256 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:57,000 "Exsqueeze" me. It worked, kinda. 257 00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:00,920 Wait a minute. You wanted Xena out of the way so you enchanted my scroll? 258 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:05,240 Ares was being his usual manipulative self. 259 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:08,880 He's got some army somewhere ready to pounce on the valley. 260 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:12,080 He wanted Xena out of the way, so he wanted to get me mad at you. 261 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:14,280 You figured that all out by yourself, did you? 262 00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,680 Hey, don't believe everything you hear about blondes. 263 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:19,400 [ Aphrodite ] Look, sweet pea, just give me back my powers. 264 00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:21,320 Then I'll un-zap the scroll. No, no. 265 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:24,200 Write mine back in first. That army's waiting for me... 266 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,600 to give them a signal that Xena's gone. Mmm. [ Smacks Lips ] 267 00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:28,520 Not helping your cause any, slick. 268 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:31,840 Oh. I promise, if you give me my powers back, 269 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:34,080 I'll call off the attack. [ Chortles ] 270 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:36,480 Pigs can fly? You can. 271 00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:39,360 Wait. If you undo the scroll, Xena's gonna come back, 272 00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:43,200 and then the army won't attack. That makes sense. 273 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:45,600 Uh-- 274 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:48,960 Aphrodite is as she was before. 275 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:52,880 [ Screaming ] [ Grunts ] 276 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:58,160 She is as she was before. It's all in the wording. 277 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:01,040 Okay, what if we fill up the scroll completely? Will that end the curse? 278 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:05,320 Oh. So now it's a curse. Before, it was a gift. 279 00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:09,760 And, no, once you run out of room, that's it. 280 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:11,680 Everything just stays the way it was when you wrote it. 281 00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:15,000 Look, just write, "Everything is as it was before." 282 00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:19,800 Then we'll all go back to our baby cribs, and you'll go back under your rock. 283 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:23,000 [ Aphrodite ] Did you write him here? Not exactly. I-- 284 00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:28,120 Ah, "Gabrielle awoke with a jerk." 285 00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:30,040 [ Laughs ] 286 00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:34,840 I don't get it. What's so funny about waking up? 287 00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:42,440 [ Laughing ] Munk? Thelonius, 288 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:44,160 is that the signal to attack? 289 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:48,800 [ Couple Laughing ] 290 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,080 No. Not the signal. 291 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:56,720 I have to deconstruct the story, starting from the beginning, 292 00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:59,120 which means I have to bring Xena back first. 293 00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:03,440 Oh. "Xena rides in at the head of an army." 294 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:06,320 That's good. We could end up with an army of ants, 295 00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:10,640 [ Groans ] or children or-or Harpies or-- 296 00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:14,960 Whoa, whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa. Why don't we describe her? 297 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:18,800 "Suddenly, there was the arrival of the woman--" 298 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:20,720 Leather. 299 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,600 Mention the leather. "Wearing leather"... 300 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:25,520 "and--" um-- [ Chuckles ]-- 301 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:28,400 "black hair, carrying her chakram." 302 00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:31,760 Wait. Does anybody really know what a chakram is? 303 00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:33,680 And does the scroll know it? 304 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:35,600 "Carrying the whip of Xena." 305 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:43,560 [ Rumbling, Whip Cracking ] [ All Gasp ] 306 00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:46,720 - [ Whip Whirs, Cracks ] -[ Woman ] I'm here. 307 00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:49,120 I don't know why? [ Shy Chuckle ] 308 00:18:49,120 --> 00:18:51,040 But I know I'm here to do something. [ Giggles ] 309 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:54,040 - Minya? - Who's this? 310 00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:57,400 Uh, this is Minya. She's our friend. 311 00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:00,760 She wants to be Xena, and she has Xena's whip. 312 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,120 It never leaves my side. 313 00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:07,120 So, who's the stud, the dork and that bottled-blonde? 314 00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:10,760 This is Ares, Aphrodite... and Joxer. 315 00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:13,480 What? Ares-- 316 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:15,880 God of War! 317 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:22,360 - And Aphrodite, you're the Goddess of Love! - [ Coos ] 318 00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:26,480 And Joxer-- Sorry, bub, never heard of ya. 319 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,320 [ Bird Cawing ] [ Grunts ] 320 00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:32,200 [ Squawks, Squishes ] 321 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,600 Is that-- No, Munk. 322 00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:37,960 That's lunch. Pluck it. 323 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:41,120 [ Liquid Dripping ] [ Men Chattering ] 324 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:44,960 [ Clears Throat ] Mmmm-- 325 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:48,320 You know one thing I like about being mortal. 326 00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:51,680 [ Loud Belch, Laughs ] 327 00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:56,000 What a trip. You know, my boyfriend, Hower, 328 00:19:56,000 --> 00:20:00,320 he thinks that the Goddess of Love is just sooo beautiful and perfect. 329 00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:03,680 [ Giggles ] Wait'll he hears you're just as plain as... 330 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:05,600 dirt on a wagon wheel just like me! [ Gasps, Gags ] 331 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:09,680 [ Hooting Laugh ] 332 00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:13,840 I'm supposed to be the great bard with the wonderful stories. 333 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:17,200 I can't even write a happy ending without screwing it up. 334 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:22,480 Yes, you can. I think your stories are-- 335 00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:24,840 are beautiful and, uh, 336 00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:27,720 you know, not everything you write turns into disaster. 337 00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:29,600 What about the Sisters of Gaea? 338 00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:31,960 You know that sword that man gave us? 339 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:36,600 We sold it for a king's ransom to Philiadus. [ Chuckles ] 340 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:38,640 See? You did some good-- the orphans of Gaea. 341 00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,280 You! 342 00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,680 That is my kinsman's sword! 343 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:50,680 [ Inhales Deeply ] And you are a dead man. 344 00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:52,480 Wait! 345 00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:55,440 - What's your name? - I am Scaberus. 346 00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:57,360 Why? 347 00:20:57,360 --> 00:20:59,760 [ Mouthing Words ] 348 00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:03,200 The caves! 349 00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:05,400 I must go to the caves. 350 00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:10,880 Those caves are gonna start gettin' pretty full. 351 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:13,400 - [ Sucking Sounds ] -[ Clears Throat ] 352 00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:16,720 My throat is dry as dust. Where's my drink? 353 00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:22,160 - [ Groans ] - [ Bottle Shatters ] 354 00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:25,000 No. That's not the sign. 355 00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:29,320 You know, I've been trying to bring Xena here. 356 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:31,720 Why don't we just go find her? I mean, there aren't that many... 357 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,120 fishing places around here. 358 00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:36,520 We've got to find a trout stream or a fishing hole or... 359 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:38,920 wherever I sent her. 360 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,720 [ Sighs ] Why won't it stay up? 361 00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:48,040 Basic hair care was not such a drag as a goddess. 362 00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:50,920 I think it looks good on ya. 363 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:53,800 Flattery works. Keep going. 364 00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:55,720 Um, you know what? 365 00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:58,600 I-I have this question for you. 366 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,440 Um, I lo-- 367 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:06,240 There's-There's this guy, and he really... 368 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:08,560 loves this girl, but this girl... 369 00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:11,120 doesn't even know-- Hello? 370 00:22:11,120 --> 00:22:13,960 The love goddess is off the clock. I got my own problems. 371 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:18,600 [ Sighs ] All right. 372 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:22,080 Poetry. And if that doesn't work-- presents. 373 00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:25,240 Yeah? Yeah. Lots and lots of presents. 374 00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:26,200 Huh! Okay? 375 00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:29,560 - Yeah. - Standard answer. Now, give me my space. 376 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:33,400 Yeah. Poetry. 377 00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:36,960 Poetry. 378 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:40,200 Hmm, right here. 379 00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:44,320 Let's see, um-- 380 00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:47,200 [ Muttering ] 381 00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:52,400 ???? [ Wolf Whistle ] 382 00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:54,600 [ Man ] Oh, by the gods! Look! [ Whistling Continues ] 383 00:22:57,440 --> 00:23:00,800 ???? [ '60s Rock ] 384 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:04,480 [ Squealing ] 385 00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:07,200 ???? [ Continues ] 386 00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:11,320 What? 387 00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:36,200 - You wrote on the scroll? - Oh, I-I-- Well, I was just... 388 00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:38,600 trying to write a limerick to cheer you up a little. 389 00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:41,960 "A warrior, Joxer the Mighty, 390 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:44,360 "Asked a boon from the god, Aphrodite. 391 00:23:44,360 --> 00:23:48,200 And what a surprise he saw with love's eyes, three times--" 392 00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:50,880 Had a little trouble there. Anyone know a word that ends in "ighty"? 393 00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:55,520 Ooh! What does "love's eyes" have to do with me? 394 00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:58,400 W-Well-Well-- W-Well the-the-- 395 00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:01,760 I get it. I get it. Of course, 396 00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:04,640 "love's eyes," Aphrodite's eyes. 397 00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:06,840 She was looking at me when you wrote the poem, right? 398 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:11,280 That's it, exactly. Now, let's send those three to the caves! 399 00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:14,560 [ Laughs ] Ooh. The-- 400 00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:18,280 The, uh-- Uh, we can do it in a minute, or now is good. 401 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,640 To the caves! 402 00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:24,600 The cave. [ Whistles ] 403 00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:27,920 [ Laughs ] 404 00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:30,080 [ Snoring ] 405 00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:47,840 [ Snoring ] 406 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:56,480 [ Snoring Continues ] 407 00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:59,920 Aphrodite! [ Sighs ] 408 00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:02,800 Aphrodite said get her a present. 409 00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:07,200 [ Sighs ] How am I gonna get you a present with no-- 410 00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:18,240 [ Sighs ] 411 00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:20,880 This is a family heirloom... 412 00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:26,560 [ Sighs ] passed from father to son. 413 00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:32,120 - Will ya trade for it? - Yeah, I'll trade. 414 00:25:32,120 --> 00:25:35,360 But you'll have to be quick. It's late. I'm tired and-- 415 00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:39,840 I'm always open for business. 416 00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:47,640 [ Rooster Crowing ] 417 00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:55,680 What is-- 418 00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:57,760 You like it? 419 00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:04,000 Uh, it's-- it's beautiful. 420 00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:07,120 But Wh-Why? 'Cause I wanted to get you something. 421 00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:10,680 You know, just to, uh, 422 00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:14,400 say sorry for the three naked yous and everything. 423 00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:19,360 [ Chuckles ] I, uh, 424 00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:23,920 I had to trade my father's scabbard for it. 425 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:27,680 What? I had to trade my father's scabbard for it. 426 00:26:29,360 --> 00:26:33,120 Joxer, you said that you would never, ever part with that scabbard. 427 00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:36,080 Well, you know, Gabrielle, some things in life are worth more than what they seem. 428 00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:38,600 The scroll, Joxer. Yeah? 429 00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:42,080 I hid the scroll in the scabbard. You did? 430 00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:45,440 - Where is it, now! - [ Ares, Minya Gasping ] 431 00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:47,640 Ow! I traded a peddler for it! We can get it back! 432 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:50,040 [ Nose Cracking ] What's the odds he's gonna figure it out? 433 00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:53,840 You'd better hurry. It's raining dinars in town! 434 00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:55,680 Oh, that's funny. [ Shrieks ] 435 00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:59,800 Ha. I've got it. Mm-hmm, I've got it. 436 00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:04,120 I know exactly what to write, but, first, we have to get the scroll. 437 00:27:04,120 --> 00:27:06,040 And just what will you write? 438 00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:08,920 Well, Ares, that's my business. 439 00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:11,320 Now, Aphrodite, Minya. I want you to go to town. 440 00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:13,240 I want you to find out where the peddler went. 441 00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:17,080 Ares and I are going to go where it's raining dinars and look for him there. 442 00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:19,960 What about me? 443 00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:21,880 Well, Joxer-- Oh. 444 00:27:22,360 --> 00:27:24,280 You get to go to the caves-- Say, Gab-- 445 00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:26,200 And you get to wait. [ Sighs ] 446 00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:28,120 Come on! 447 00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:31,480 Do wh-- 448 00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:33,400 Ooh, the caves. 449 00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:35,760 [ Creaking, Rattling ] 450 00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:42,200 [ Grunting ] 451 00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:51,160 [ Sighs ] [ Chattering ] 452 00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:55,960 Hi there, big boy. 453 00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:01,240 [ Sniffs ] Call me when you've had a bath, toots. 454 00:28:04,120 --> 00:28:07,960 Okay. The tavern keeper said the peddler headed out of town. 455 00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:10,360 What wrong? 456 00:28:10,360 --> 00:28:12,760 [ Huffs ] I'm gonna end up like you! 457 00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:14,680 [ Weeps ] 458 00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:17,080 Oh. [ Sniffs ] 459 00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:25,520 These ruts are deep as if he's carrying a load of dinars. 460 00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:28,880 Where'd you learn to read trails like that? 461 00:28:29,360 --> 00:28:31,280 Xena, of course. 462 00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:34,160 You know, you hang around her long enough, you're bound to pick up something. 463 00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:36,560 You just have to focus. Oh, yeah. 464 00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:38,960 I taught her that. When she came to me, 465 00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:41,360 she was just another lost warlord, hungry to kill. 466 00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:45,200 I gave her a purpose. Well, she has a different purpose now. 467 00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:48,560 I know. She's so darned good at it. 468 00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:51,920 You know, what she did when I had her on trial for her life, 469 00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:55,760 it-- it was amazing. How about what she pulled off with the Furies? 470 00:28:55,760 --> 00:29:00,080 Oh, it was brilliant. Yeah. And she does it all with that-- that steely gaze, you know? 471 00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:02,480 Oh, yeah. I've seen that one a few times. [ Both Chuckle ] 472 00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:08,240 Uh, looks like he's heading for the caves. Yeah. 473 00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:14,960 We were starting to warm up to each other there, weren't we? 474 00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:17,840 Yeah. We were. 475 00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:20,720 I didn't like it. Right back at ya. 476 00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:22,160 Okay. 477 00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:24,800 [ Snoring ] 478 00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:35,840 Uhhh ahh. 479 00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:37,760 Oh. [ Snoring ] 480 00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:44,320 [ Grunts ] Ohh! 481 00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,040 [ Ares ] Joxer! Shhh! 482 00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:50,320 - I'm tryin' to disarm 'em. - I don't know how, but you're going to screw it up. 483 00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:52,960 Now, just back away! I'm not gonna screw it up... 484 00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:56,320 as long as they don't wake up before I find the ped-- 485 00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:00,080 That's the guy! 486 00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,200 [ Barbarians Stirring ] Oops. 487 00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:04,880 [ Scaberus ] Who's got it! 488 00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:08,880 Oh, the scroll! 489 00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:11,760 Can't-- Can't find it. Can't find it. 490 00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:13,520 Gab! 491 00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:15,640 - Kill them! - Get him. 492 00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:19,600 Kill them! Get him! 493 00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:23,440 [ Barbarians Groaning ] Kill 'em? 494 00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:26,760 - [ Minya Grunts ] - [ Groans ] - [ Grunts ] 495 00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:28,160 Kill them! Come on! 496 00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:33,120 Let's go! [ Growling ] 497 00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:36,280 - [ High-pitched Cry ] - Yeah! 498 00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:38,680 [ Grunting, Babbling ] 499 00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:49,360 [ Scaberus Grunts ] [ Gabrielle ] Not the scroll! 500 00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:53,560 [ Grunts ] Back off! 501 00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:56,360 Oh, my kinsman's sword! 502 00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:58,720 [ Yelping ] Ooh! Help! Help! Help! 503 00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:02,840 [ Screaming ] Ooh! Nooo! Ooh. Ahh. 504 00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:07,120 [ Laughs ] 505 00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:08,080 [ Gasps ] 506 00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:10,960 ???? [ '60s Rock ] [ Squeals ] 507 00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:26,920 ???? [ Continues ] 508 00:31:26,920 --> 00:31:28,600 [ Gasps ] Ahh! 509 00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:31,440 Nice lookin', huh? Yeah! [ Laughing ] 510 00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:34,120 - [ Screams ] - [ Straining ] 511 00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:36,640 Oof! 512 00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:39,680 [ Groaning ] 513 00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:41,360 [ Screaming ] 514 00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:46,400 [ Barbarians Grunting, Groaning ] 515 00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:52,680 Time to end this once and for all! 516 00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:02,960 You there! 517 00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:05,440 Stay back! [ Barbarian Growls ] 518 00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:10,240 Gabrielle. Over here. 519 00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:13,800 [ Gabrielle Grunts ] Got ya! 520 00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:16,040 - That's the way out of the caves! - [ Sheepish Chuckle] 521 00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:17,960 Move! 522 00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:30,840 [ Yelling ] My sword! 523 00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:33,040 [ Yelling Continues ] 524 00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:39,760 Come on! They're getting away! Me? 525 00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:42,640 [ Chuckles ] I'm mortal. I might be killed. 526 00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:44,560 Gods. [ Grunts ] 527 00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:46,960 Aieee-ya! 528 00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:49,680 You hair-balls get back here! [ Whip Cracking ] 529 00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:52,360 [ Aphrodite Gasping, Panting ] 530 00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:56,520 What did you write in that scroll? 531 00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:59,880 Instead of bringing Xena to the scroll, I sent the scroll to Xena. 532 00:32:59,880 --> 00:33:02,280 I just hope I phrased it right. 533 00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:07,120 [ Naked Girls Chattering ] 534 00:33:08,080 --> 00:33:10,800 [ Barbarians Bellowing ] 535 00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:14,640 [ Gasping ] [ Minya Shrieking ] 536 00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:18,280 [ Chuckles ] If that's not a sign from Ares, I don't what is. 537 00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:20,680 [ Shouting ] Attack! 538 00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:24,040 [ Men Yelling ] 539 00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:31,960 Ares, we have got to catch up with your warrior friends, so we can call off this attack. 540 00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:35,800 Well, I can't stop them as a mortal, but when I get my powers back, I promise, 541 00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:40,600 I'm gonna punish Thelonius and his army in some painful and horrible way. 542 00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:42,520 You know, innocent people are going to die. 543 00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:44,920 Oh, yes. Innocent people. 544 00:33:44,920 --> 00:33:47,320 Look, with or without you, we're going to fight Thelonius! 545 00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:50,480 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. Who exactly is "we"? 546 00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:53,680 Wait. [ Sniffs ] 547 00:33:53,680 --> 00:33:57,520 - You guys smell somethin'? - Lay off of me, turkey! 548 00:33:57,520 --> 00:33:59,440 No. [ Sniffs ] 549 00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:02,640 - Oh, it's fish! - [ Deflating Sigh ] Ohh! 550 00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:06,000 I'm new to this mortal hygiene thing! 551 00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:09,320 Xena? 552 00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:13,000 Uh, you looking for this? Huh? 553 00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:16,640 I, uh-- I took it off a peddler, who was being chased by barbarians, 554 00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:21,720 who was being chased by... three naked Gabrielles and Minya. 555 00:34:21,720 --> 00:34:24,880 She's still chasing them by the way. Oh, yeah. I read the scroll. 556 00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:26,760 [ Chuckles ] Kind of messed it up, didn't I? 557 00:34:27,240 --> 00:34:29,920 Pretty much. Did you write that limerick? 558 00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:32,800 [ Joxer ] I did! Figures. 559 00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:36,640 I tried to get you back. I tried, "Xena goes to her number one friend--" 560 00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:40,480 You sent me to visit a girl I hadn't seen since I was five-- myfirstfriend. 561 00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:43,360 What about "Xena rejoins the woman who brought her to a new life"? 562 00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:47,000 Mom says thanks for the fish. 563 00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:49,400 I did start back once, but then I was overtaken... 564 00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:51,320 by this irresistible urge to return to fishing. 565 00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:54,200 I figured that's where you wrote, "Xena returns from her journey." 566 00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:56,600 And then I knew that something was up. 567 00:34:57,080 --> 00:34:59,960 I had visited just about everyone who ever meant anything to me. 568 00:34:59,960 --> 00:35:02,320 - [ Groans ] - Except you. 569 00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:07,240 - That's when I headed back. - [ Chuckles ] 570 00:35:07,240 --> 00:35:11,880 Look. I hate to be the one to break up, like, a major love-fest, but look at me! 571 00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:14,240 I'm not built to be mortal! 572 00:35:14,240 --> 00:35:16,960 [ Whining ] We have to put things back the way they were! 573 00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:20,280 Yeah. And stop Thelonius from destroying the valley. 574 00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:23,920 - Whatever. - Aphrodite, what was the charm that you used for the scroll? 575 00:35:23,920 --> 00:35:26,640 Exactwording. Umm. 576 00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:31,440 "Lies will make the world go 'round till truer words are written down." 577 00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:35,280 So, if you make something up, the scroll has the power to make it happen. 578 00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:38,240 And when truer words are written, the power ends. Well, that's it! 579 00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:42,160 - [ Groans ] - All we have to do is write the truth. 580 00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:44,800 Okay. But how will we get rid of this warlord Thelonius? 581 00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:48,160 I'll take care of him, but you have to write down everything that I do-- 582 00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:52,480 no embellishing, no poetic license, just exactly what you see, all right? 583 00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:54,240 But how are we gonna know if it worked? 584 00:35:54,240 --> 00:35:56,120 When you get your powers back, we'll know. 585 00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:07,080 What's wrong? 586 00:36:07,080 --> 00:36:10,920 I, uh-- I'm not really good at... writing action. 587 00:36:11,400 --> 00:36:12,680 What? 588 00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:14,840 You follow Xena around-- [ Flies Buzzing ] 589 00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:16,760 [ Sniffing ] 590 00:36:17,240 --> 00:36:20,600 You-- You follow Xena around all day. Uh-- 591 00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:23,960 You write stories about her. How do you do this without writing action? 592 00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:26,800 You see, I use metaphors. 593 00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:30,640 I write, "Xena burst on the scene in a blaze of glory." 594 00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:33,520 You do that and we'll be pickin' her up in a million pieces. 595 00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:40,080 [ Thelonius ] Attack! Attack! Attack! Let's go, go, go, go! 596 00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:42,960 Move it! Kill, kill, kill, kill! Follow me! 597 00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:45,800 -Attack! Attack! Attack! - [ Men Groaning ] 598 00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:48,640 Get up! Get up! Get up! [ Grunts ] 599 00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:51,800 - [ Grunts, Groans ] - [ Screaming ] 600 00:36:57,520 --> 00:37:00,400 [ Grunting, Groaning Continue ] 601 00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:03,120 Xena leads with a pike, then a trout. 602 00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:05,960 - [ Grunts ] - Bam! Bam! Two quick bass. 603 00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:09,440 [ Yelling ] 604 00:37:12,280 --> 00:37:15,920 - Yahhh! - [ Groans ] - Oh, he's taken it on the chin! 605 00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:20,160 [ Kiaiing ] [ Whirring ] 606 00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:22,480 [ Groaning ] 607 00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:25,760 [ Cackles ] 608 00:37:25,760 --> 00:37:27,560 [ Yells ] 609 00:37:27,960 --> 00:37:29,880 That octopus came out of nowhere. 610 00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:32,280 [ Chuckles ] She must have thrown that just for the "halibut." 611 00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:36,120 [ Laughs ] Write, "Xena hit the warrior with a squid." 612 00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:39,960 It was an octopus. I think I know a squid when I see one. 613 00:37:42,800 --> 00:37:45,040 - [ Yells ] -[ Soldier ] Nooo! 614 00:37:45,040 --> 00:37:46,720 [ Whimpering ] 615 00:37:46,720 --> 00:37:48,400 [ Squishing ] 616 00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:50,800 [ Gasps ] 617 00:37:56,080 --> 00:37:58,320 - [ Yells ] - [ Whirring ] 618 00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:01,360 - [ Both Groaning ] - [ Squishes ] - [ Grunts ] 619 00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:04,720 [ Screaming ] 620 00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:09,760 [ Groaning ] 621 00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:15,200 [ Grunts ] [ Yelling ] 622 00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:20,280 "Xena whacked the warrior with her sword." "Whacked"? 623 00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:22,640 - Is that a word? - "Hit." Say "hit." 624 00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:25,520 I don't think it's very literary. Okay. "Hit." 625 00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:31,520 - [ Fierce Yell ] - "Xena fought with the warrior leader." 626 00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:34,880 "Fought with the--" Hey, what do you mean "awoke with a jerk"? 627 00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:37,600 - Just keep to the script. - I'm ready for action. 628 00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:40,480 Where's Xena? [ Punches Landing, Swords Clashing ] 629 00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:47,320 Minya, where are the barbarians? They stopped fighting... 630 00:38:47,320 --> 00:38:49,720 and ran back to Barbaria. 631 00:38:49,720 --> 00:38:53,080 My hormones are peaking. I'm ready for action. 632 00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:55,960 I'm gonna crack some heads! Yeah. 633 00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:58,360 [ Sounds Of Battle Continue ] [ Squishing ] 634 00:39:20,400 --> 00:39:22,600 [ Squeals ] 635 00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:24,520 I'm back! 636 00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:26,440 Later. 637 00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:28,800 Mmm. Uhh. 638 00:39:28,800 --> 00:39:31,680 Ugh. Oh-- Sorry. Ugh. Ughhh! 639 00:39:36,240 --> 00:39:39,200 [ Kiaiing ] 640 00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:41,840 [ Fish Basket Whizzing ] 641 00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:43,080 Wa-- 642 00:39:45,320 --> 00:39:47,720 [ Whimpering ] 643 00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:52,280 - [ Rattling ] - [ Screams ] 644 00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:55,160 Run, maggot! [ Laughs ] 645 00:39:56,600 --> 00:39:59,000 Ooh, I still got it. 646 00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:08,120 What's that? Huh? 647 00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:11,440 [ Smack ] [ Guffaws ] 648 00:40:11,440 --> 00:40:13,360 "What's that?" [ Laughing ] 649 00:40:16,720 --> 00:40:20,360 You know, I expected more from the God of War. 650 00:40:20,360 --> 00:40:23,240 I mean, without his powers, he's just another man. 651 00:40:23,240 --> 00:40:27,080 Just another big old, leather-clad, 652 00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:29,480 well-muscled, gorgeous, 653 00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:33,920 hunk-a bad boy... man. 654 00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:36,520 How are those hormones, Minya? Raging. 655 00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:39,400 I, uh-- I might go see... Hower. 656 00:40:40,840 --> 00:40:42,760 Weird. Mmm. 657 00:40:43,240 --> 00:40:46,120 I guess everything's fine now. I guess so. 658 00:40:46,120 --> 00:40:49,480 Hey, look. You still got some extra space at the bottom of the scroll. 659 00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:51,880 Guess that means there's something else to write. 660 00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:54,760 Try, "The End." 661 00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:58,120 Okay. I just-- I personally think that sounds a bit-- 662 00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:05,920 Closed-Captioned By Captions, Inc. Los Angeles 663 00:41:06,305 --> 00:41:12,158 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from OpenSubtitles.org 50502

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