Original subtitles

[ Drumroll ]

¶¶ [ Country blues ]

¶¶ [ Continues ]

¶¶ [ Continues ]

¶¶ [ Ends ]

See your team got beat again last night. Stop.

He has to go. Useless.

[ Sobbing ]

What's wrong with you? Are you all right?

I'm grand.

Got a bit of bad news today, knocked me back a bit.

I was let go. What?

Let go, made redundant.

I'm like you now, Larry, a man of leisure, huh?

It's gas, isn't it? How come?

Ten of us got letters.

Chap from the office says they'll be getting their cakes from england.

The only way they can compete. The prick.

What bastards, what?

Well, we can keep each other company now.

Oh, yeah. Fuckin' sure. [ Chuckles ]

Me father, God rest him, got me in there. That's right.

Never forget comin' home with me first wage packet.

Ran all the way with me hand in me pocket to stop me money from fallin' out.

And a bag of fruit slices.

I was more excited about them than I was about the money.

I knew me sisters would go mad when they saw them.

Marie's young one has epilepsy, did I tell you?

N-no. Is that right?

[ Sobbing ]

It'll be all right. Come on. There's people looking at you.

Well, what am I going to do, Larry?

[ Laughing ]

- You were a poxy Baker anyway. - Now, now, now. There's no bleedin' need for that.

[ Belching ] Come here. Come here.

This lump sum, how much will you be getting?

Don't tell him. Don't know. A few thousand.

- I-I don't know. - We got bleedin' nothing.

[ Chuckling ] He'll crack up without something to do.

Will you shut up, the fuck? There's loads of things for him to do.

- Like what? - Do up his house.

His house is already done up. It's like fuckin' Graceland.

His garden then. There's loads of things for him to do.

Shut up, the lot of youse. A toast. Yeah, a toast.

To unemployment. Unemployment. Oh, Jesus.

¶ Row, row, row the boat ¶

¶ gently down the stream ¶

¶ merrily, merrily merrily, merrily ¶

¶ life is but a dream ¶¶

¶ hey ¶¶

sugar puffs? No, got them.

Shredded wheat. Yuck!

No, something. I've definitely forgotten something.

I can feel it. Stop fighting there.

At least you'll be at work.

Oh, love, there will be more work.

There will.

Stop fighting now, or these go. Now!

About bleedin' time.

You coming for a game? Oh, no.

Come on. Why not? I have to bring the kids swimming.

No, you don't. The water will still be there tomorrow.

And the day after tomorrow.

I hate swimming.

Come on.

Right sleeve, left sleeve.

I don't want to. You'll only beat me again. I'll give you shots.

I don't want shots. Shut up.

Keep your head down.

Club back.

Now then. What?

Hit it. I can't.

Of course you can. Go on.

I can't. You're making me nervous.

Me eyes are closed. Lookit.

Good man. Lovely.

Oh, good Jesus. [ Man ] Hey!

[ Chuckling ]

Hey, you fuckin' clown! Sorry.

No harm done.

Keepin' your fuckin' ball for that.

[ Chuckling ]

Empty. We might be in luck. Come on.

It should be on at night, you know. It's good enough to be.

No one. Jesus!

¶¶ [ TV theme music ]

Here we are, bang on time. Sit down there.

[ Male announcer ] And now, ladies and gentlemen, Teresa lowe.

- Your woman's a fine thing, isn't she? - Hello there,

and welcome to where in the world, swhere two more teams are itching...

how many sugars do you take? One and a bit.

Grand.

¶ And I can't get used to not living next door to Alice ¶

¶ Alice, Alice who the fuck is Alice ¶¶

how are you, Mary? How was work?

Great. Loads of dirt on the carpets. I love that.

I have bimbo inside.

I'm trying to cheer him up, show him the ropes, you know.

"George eliot." Never heard of him.

Her.

Oh. Uh. I'm thinking of taking a few classes meself.

You're too late. You'll have to wait till next year.

Oh, well.

There, that's better, what?

Thanks.

Don't mention it.

I'll leave you alone.

Any hard ones yet? Mind you, the prizes are utter shite.

I never heard of him. You did. Axl.

- I fuckin' didn't. - You fuckin' did.

Swear-box, ma. I was only quoting him.

- Axl? - ¶ Take me back to paradise city ¶

¶ where the grass is green and the girls are pretty, oh ¶

yo, ma. Hey, give us a look at that.

Now, which one is axl?

Oh, geez. No wonder the young ones scream when they see him.

Look at the state of him. [ Chuckles ] He's only jealous.

So what about you? Look at the state of you.

Don't forget who paid for that dinner in front of you, son, all right?

I know who paid for it. The state.

- You prick. - Stop that.

The swear-box, now, go on.

This is lovely.

Uh, the Jacks. Be back in a minute.

[ Gasps ] Stop it.

I was only joking. Stop.

[ Woman on radio ] Write that down, and keep by the phone...

In case we ring, and remember, we double that...

If you answer the phone the right way.

[ Man ] Don't say "hello."

Say, "dublin's better music mix, 98 f.M.,"

and we'll give you two grand...

it's a lot better than nothing, love. After 25 years?

We'll find plenty to do with it anyway. We'll have a nice Christmas.

The last one. Oh, stop it.

We could get two chickens. They taste just as nice.

No way. It's a fuckin' Turkey or nothing.

Lookit. We'll write everything down and see what we can get away with.

Ah, what's the point? Oh, Larry.

[ Sighs ] All right, go on then.

Right.

Presents first.

Nothing for you and me.

Okay? Yeah.

- Diane? - Look, a couple hundred quid from a money lender. I know...

no, Larry.

Diane doesn't mind.

She doesn't need anything.

[ Cooing ] What about Kevin?

Jesus, I fuckin' hate it.

Yeah.

Greenhouse effect, me bollocks.

It was lovely earlier though.

You wouldn't know what to wear, so you wouldn't.

Wish I had a decent fuckin' coat.

Still asleep.

Just as well.

She makes enough noise, doesn't she, bimbo?

That's what they're supposed to do at her age.

She's lovely. Isn't she, but?

Wish I could sleep like that.

Yes. Oh, fabulous.

Nice one, what?

[ Chattering continues ]

[ Bimbo ] In you go.

It's a grand smell comin' from the kitchen, what?

[ No audible dialogue ]

- What's that? - [ No audible dialogue ]

Oh, thank fuck for that.

[ Bimbo ] Oh, hey, weslie! [ Man ] Happy Christmas.

Come on.

Ah, there's the man. [ Larry ] How are youse?

Happy Christmas. Happy Christmas.

Get that fuckin' pinny off you, will you?

How are you, vera? Grand, Larry. Happy Christmas, now.

Uh, the girls are in the kitchen. Good for them.

How are you, missus?

Hey, she's lookin' better than she did last year. Vera.

Bimbo, there's a funny whiff off your mommy-in-law.

Stop! I'm serious.

Go over. Bimbo, the smell is fuckin' atrocious.

Oh, my God.

Is she after doing something to herself? Well, it could just be a fart.

But I'd check it out.

I can smell something meself.

Bimbo, this could ruin your Christmas dinner.

[ Vera ] He did this to his brother last night, the exact same thing.

I can't smell anything. Oh, you must have a cold, because I'll tell you,

it's gettin' fuckin' worse.

It isn't, is it?

God, this is desperate.

How are you, vera? How are you, weslie? Happy Christmas.

Never mind Christmas. Your mother...

she has a name, you know. That's not all she has, chicken.

[ Laughing ]

Fuck. Sorry.

[ Laughing ]

[ Larry ] Has to be here. I seen it landing.

Look, say to yourself, "ah, fuck it. I'm giving up." And start walking away.

Then you'll find it.

Any luck? No.

It usually works.

I have a spare one with me. Come on.

[ Larry ] Come on, come on. Be 20, be 20, be 20.

Yes! 20 quid! Yea!

Twenty quid, 20 quid, 20 quid. Lovely. Thank you very much.

Come on, little love. [ Imitates motor revving ]

Yes. Fire away. Yee-hoo!

Come on, we're drinking. Ah, no. It's your money.

Sure. You were standin' beside me. Hey, he'll pay.

[ Chuckles ] And it's dawn run, comin' in on the stand-side.

Sorry. Beep, beep. [ Imitates motor ]

Queuin' in this weather for a bag of food poisoning. Yeah.

You have to hand it to the vietnamese, but. Come on, this will be nice.

[ Imitating motor ]

Yee-hoo!

- I gave her a pack of the scampi fries. - That's not a dinner.

Come on, kerrie. We're going.

Lookit, I'm sorry.

What about a drink before you go? No.

All right. Bye-bye, little love.

Ah, this is grand, what? Oh, yeah. Great.

What time is it anyway? Seven bells.

Jesus, tonight Maggie will've given me dinner to the cat.

Then eat the fuckin' cat.

Sit down, for Jesus' sake.

The vietnamese will feed us later.

So up I goes to the hatch, like. "Name?" "Jerry McCarthy."

He's lookin' at me though, over the specs, like.

"You not Gerry McCarthy," he says. "I am," I says.

"You're not," he says. "I fuckin' am," I says.

Does anyone want a kettle jug? How much?

"I know Gerry McCarthy," says he. "And you're not him. "You fuckin' idiot," I says.

"Do you think there's more than one Gerry McCarthy in the whole of fuckin' Ireland?

"I mean, there's me father, me grandfather, my seven cousins called Gerry McCarthy.

There's 18 of us in the one-area phone book." He's still lookin' at me though.

"Here. Give us me money," I says, "or me and the other Gerry mccarthys...

Will beat the fuckin' head off ya."

Kettle jugs, lads, 15 pound per, 25 pound for two.

No. No.

Fair enough. No problem.

You wouldn't have a chipper van, I suppose, would you, weslie?

- Just a thought. - What about a Mr. whippy?

No.

- You have your heart set on a chipper van? - Yeah.

Not really. Just if you see one. I'll see what I can do.

¶ We sailed on the sloop John b ¶

¶ my grandfather and me ¶ whoo!

¶ Around Nassau town we did roam ¶

[ retching ] ¶ let me come home ¶¶

such a waste of good fuckin' money.

Hey, bimbo, come on.

The fresh air, it'll fix you. There's nothing wrong with me.

Shite. Where have they gone? Who?

The vietnamese.

They have to get out before it gets dark...

Or they get bricked over by the kids.

- Cause they're foreign? - Suppose so. Alley oop.

Here we go. ¶¶ [ Whistling ]

The lads. What are youse up to?

We're waitin' on your wife.

None of your lip. Now, would that be this lip or the other?

My name is Gerry McCarthy.

Do we know that fella's wife?

Fuckin' thing.

What's wrong with ya?

Me fuckin' shoe!

Show me. Here.

You're useless.

If you didn't keep biting your nails.

There.

Oh, bimbo's talking about buying a chipper van.

You're not taking your clothes off?

No!

Good night, John boy.

Good night, Mary Ellen.

Oh, fuck.

[ Man on radio ] An incurable dose of world cup fever.

Classic hits, 98 fm. This is the morning crew with pat and Elaine.

The mystery sound of dublin in five minutes, but first,

write down this £1,000 cash call total.

[ Woman on radio ] This hour it's £1,000 and 75 p.

Write that down and keep it by the phone in case we ring.

And remember, we double that if you answer the phone...

you're not serious. I knew you'd say that.

McDonald's, bimbo!

I'm just writing to them, that's all. They won't want you.

They only want young ones and young fellas that'll take those wages...

And wear the fuckin' uniforms.

Not grown-up men like you... like us.

I'm just writing.

You're used to this.

What?

I'm used to what? Go on.

Doin' nothing.

Do you think I like it? Do you think I'm lazy? Do you?

No. Well, then.

You bollocks, you.

A great fuckin' man.

I can't even go into me own house till they're ready to make room for me.

[ Chattering ]

Oi, youse busy?

What does it look like?

Come on. I wanna show you something.

What? Just come on.

This has potential written all over it. "Po-ten-tial."

Wait till you see.

Hey, come here. Look.

You could buy it with that.

[ Larry chuckling ]

Ahh. The wheels are newish.

There's three more behind there.

That'll save you a few Bob.

Ah, Jesus! All she needs is a wash and a shave under the armpits.

Yeah, which end does it shite out of? It's just dirt.

Maggie will have to see it. I'll get her. Off you go.

Hang on.

You have some fuckin' neck, do you know that? Why is that?

Tryin' to get poor bimbo to throw his money away on this yoke.

I'm not tryin' to get bimbo to throw his money away on nothing. She's a good buy.

Solid. Dirt will wash off no problem.

There's more than dirt wrong with... this is...

this is nothing got to do with you. I'm only expressing me opinion.

Stick your fuckin' opinion. Where's the hatch?

Do you know, you're starting to fuckin' annoy me now.

Jesus. Who'd wanna live like this, huh?

Should be fuckin' ashamed of themselves.

It's not "they." It's just "he."

She fucked off and left him,

kids and all.

That's rough.

Why'd she leave him? I don't know.

He's ugly, but.

What's she like? I don't know.

Fuckin' kids are ugly as well.

Oh, my God. [ Weslie ] Maggie.

Use your imagination. A few minutes with a hose and some water,

a few hours... maybe a few hours with a paint scraper, she'll be perfect.

It's all there, like, all the equipment and that.

It's a bit...

what about the engine?

What engine would that be, Maggie?

Hey, Larry, are you pushing it or riding it?

Fuck off. Larry, the kids.

Fuck them.

[ Chattering, laughing ]

Put your back into it, Larry. Work.

What am I fuckin' doing?

[ Chattering ]

[ Shouting, chattering ]

[ Groans ]

That was gas, wasn't it?

You know, the more I look at it, the more I think we're after getting a bargain.

God love him.

I can't take the bubbles. I was thinking.

We'll have to have it ready in time for the world cup.

There'll be no cookin' done once it's started. Everyone will be watching the telly.

So will I.

Should be smashing.

Do you wanna be me partner, Larry?

What's that? I was talkin' to Maggie about it.

We'd make a great team.

Jesus, thanks very much, bimbo.

I don't know. You'd be doing me a favor.

Oh, I know that. [ Chuckles ]

Well, thanks very much. Fuckin' hell, what a day.

- McDonald's can go and fuck themselves, is that right? - That's right.

[ Laughing ] Hey.

Bimbo's burgers. How does that sound?

I knew it.

[ Both laughing ]

You're something else, you know that?

Hang on a second. Do I have to help you clean it?

Mary. What?

You awake? Only if you're awake.

Go on.

How do they make these?

Jesus.

I don't think they make them. I think they just find them.

[ Chuckling ]

There. Thank you.

You're welcome.

Okay. Turn her off.

Turn it off! [ Maggie ] I heard ya.

What color is it supposed to be anyway?

White. Will you switch it on to the hot tap?

I used up all the hot doing the clothes. Oh, God almighty.

How did it get grease on the outside?

God knows. God, Larry. It's gonna take ages.

Oh, not at all. Well, it's half an inch thick.

Yeah, but we're thicker. Come on, give me that. Cheer up. Turn it on.

We'll be done by dinnertime. Hey, hey-hey.

[ Shouts ]

Scrubbers!

Ignore them.

Scrubbers!

Jesus! All I want to do is make a few chips! You'll kill us.

Good. Will you open the door?

Will you come on? Will you get out? Watch me!

Oh, fuck.

Kerrie's asleep above us.

Sorry.

Sorry. It took me ages to make them chips.

Diane, is a simile when you say something is like something else?

Yeah, I think so. As black as coal.

Right. As white as snow. Thanks.

I have one for youse.

Me chips are burnt as fuck.

I'm sorry.

Do you want a job, Diane?

Ah, I'd love one. Serving?

Well, mucking in as well, but...

- oh, yeah. Thanks very much. - No problem. It'd be nice.

A job.

She'll be great. I know that. I never said different.

Well, then? Staff appointments should be a joint decision...

Between the two of us.

Yeah, sorry.

I'll tell her we don't want her. Not at all. No way.

Just in the future, we make these decisions together. Is that all right?

Oh, yeah. No problem.

She will be good, but. I know that.

Oh, and, uh, sorry, uh... ah, no, no, no.

Now, which one?

The first. Champion burger.

- Yeah. Definitely, yeah. - The best, easily.

Which one did you think, mommy?

Very nice.

Which one, but?

Is it a quiz?

Champion. Goin' once, twice. Champion it is.

What's next?

Spice burgers. Oh, Jesus.

I-I'm goin' for a pint.

It has to be done.

Not-not the best.

It's like the inside of a leper.

Ah, just a squirt gets the dirt.

Let's get a bit of light in here anyway. All right, all right, all right.

Oh, God! Jesus!

Oh, God, me heart. Fuck your heart.

Nearly did a shite in me trousers.

Needs a couple of screws. For fuck's sake.

Look, there's no fuckin' room in here.

You need the seven dwarves for this job. Aha.

Hey.

[ Chuckling ] Now, now, lads.

Geez, they're massive, made for this kind of work.

They're good at school too though, Larry. Glenn's tops in his class.

Aye, you can see that, all right. They're messing in there, bimbo.

No messing now, lads. Take it easy.

Our Kevin's no thick either.

He's doing seven honors in his leaving. Seven.

That's smashing. Hmm.

Brains to burn. Good-looking as well.

Then there's Mary doing her leaving.

The brains pour out of the house every time I open the fuckin' door.

We're lucky men. Who are you telling?

[ Laughing ]

Are you sure she's a painting student?

She is. Yeah. In a college, Maggie says.

She can't draw a straight fuckin' line.

Shh. She'll be grand. She'll be grand. Okay.

Suit yourself. It's your fuckin' money.

That's grand now.

Blood's washed off them already.

Look, I told you.

Here we go.

- Jesus! - Mind the water.

Mind the water! I'm trying to mind the fucking water.

Glenn, Wayne, Jessica. Come on down here and earn your keep.

I'm losing me grip. Nearly there. Nearly there.

God, she looks gorgeous.

Jesus, the weight.

Make you think twice about eating them, wouldn't it? No.

Me fingers are stuck.

God love you. There you go.

The man from del monte.

Here, Wayne. Come here. Show me.

[ Blows ]

There. Is that better? Yeah, but no.

Good man.

Ah-ah. I counted.

All right.

Oh, good.

She was fucking color-blind as well.

The burger looks like a fuckin' sausage. Shut up, Larry, will ya?

It's nice and bright.

Is he still complaining? Nah, he's grand.

God. I've got the collywobbles.

Don't worry, love. It'll be great. Wait and see.

[ Imitating John Wayne ] Take 'em to Missouri, men.

- Yee-haw! - Yee-haw!

Yee...

you're gonna be late, Larry. Shite, we're late, bimbo. Hurry up.

[ Engine revving ]

[ Tires screech ]

Ouch, me bleedin' neck. Can't even sue the bastard.

Come on, come on.

[ Bimbo ] COD and a small: 1.65. COD and a large: 1.85.

COD and a small: 1.65.

COD and a large... Jesus!

Why didn't you fuckin' warn me? I forgot you were there.

What? I was concentrating.

Shite. We need a mop.

We need a fuckin' engine. Come on, will ya?

No, Larry. We've gotta get her ready. Business is business.

We better not miss anything. We won't.

We better not. They'll be up 2-nothing by the time we get in there.

Jesus.

[ Male announcer ] ...To make sure that lineker didn't reach the ball.

Come on, lads!

[ Bimbo ] Come on, Ireland!

There can only be a few more. [ Announcer ] Aimed at cascarino.

Won by butcher.

Now here's sheedy.

Sheedy's won it back and sheedy shoots!

[ Cheering ]

[ Announcer ] It was gonna take a moment of inspiration like that to break through.

And Kevin sheedy has right out of nothing captured the equalizer.

- [ Cheering continues ] - Truly stupendous strike...

By the Everton midfielder.

- [ Announcer ] A goal all of his own making. - ¶ Sheedy, sheedy ¶

¶ who put the ball in the English net sheedy, sheedy ¶¶

[ announcer ] And now, with less than 30 seconds of normal time to go,

Ireland have a throw.

- Ray houghton, Tony cascarino. - Oh, for fuck's sake.

Mcloughlin trying to get in. Robson getting it away.

Blow the whistle, you fuckin' bollocks!

McCarthy happy to let it roll out of play.

- English thoughts that... - [ Blows whistle ] - [ Cheering ]

[ Announcer ] And its a great result for Ireland. A point certainly lost by england.

Maggie Thatcher, Winston Churchill, Lawrence of Arabia, Elton John,

you can all go and fuck yourselves!

[ Cheering ]

¶ Once again a nation once again ¶

we better get going. All right. You lead the way. Go on.

¶ A nation once again ¶

¶¶ [ continues, indistinct ]

Diane, come on. Yeah. Coming, dad.

¶¶ [ Continues ]

¶¶ [ Whistling ]

[ Crackling ]

Here we go. Here we go.

Oh, Jesus. Mind yourself.

Here we go. They'll be gummin' for chips tonight.

Fuckin' sure, they will.

Here we go. Here we go. Here we go.

Oh, Jesus! About to singe me fuckin' hair again!

Say your prayers.

Oh.

Will I open it?

[ Cheering continues, distant ]

Oh, shite.

Here, bimbo.

Oh, me fingers.

Jesus Christ, bimbo. Could you not wait till we sold something?

Well, I was a bit hungry.

Here's someone.

[ Larry ] Yes, son. A choc-ice.

- What? - A choc-ice.

Will you fuck off? What's that?

- A big burger. - Right. And what does it say up there.

"Bimbo's...

Burgers." Right. And what else?

"Fresh fish. Today's chips today."

That's right. It doesn't say anything about a choc-ice, does it?

No. Now, it doesn't. Sure, it doesn't. So fuck off!

Ah, dad, he's only a little young fella.

Oh, shite!

Early days. Me bollocks!

Don't mind me.

- [ Chattering ] - Oh, there's people coming. Loads of them.

[ Larry ] Oh, great stuff.

They're coming home from bingo.

Oh, Jesus! Me eyes! Me fuckin' eyes!

- Me eyes! - That's shocking. Here.

- What will I do? - I don't know. Take the orders. Play it by ear.

[ Chattering ]

- How are youse? - [ Chattering ]

Who's first? [ Chattering continues ]

They won't listen to me.

A COD and a large one.

[ Diane ] A COD and a large. Here we go.

Yahoo! In you go, you bollocks.

[ Diane ] A fresh COD and a small.

A spice burger and an ordinary burger.

- Two chips, two chips. - Another COD.

Here, here, here, here. Give us two...

here. Never mind them. You come over here and help me.

Bimbo, you take over over there. Shout them orders out again, bimbo. We get them sorted out.

- What was it you wanted, love? - COD and a large one.

Comin' up.

I hope she fuckin' chokes on them.

[ Bimbo ] A spice burger and a large.

Do you sell sweets? Yes, missus. Mars or Twix just.

Uh, Twix. Twix. Sorry, bimbo.

There you go. Best before April '92. You've loads of time, huh?

[ Cheering ]

You better be quick with that batter.

Why is that?

Oh. Mother of God.

You wanna get out of the way there, missus. You'll be fuckin' trampled on.

[ Cheering continues ]

Oh, good fuck. Pearl fuckin' harbor.

[ Cheering ]

[ All shouting ]

Form a queue!

Get back! Push back there!

- People are getting crushed up here! - Fuck them!

- You're barred! Now, now, what do you want? - Curry chips.

- No curry chips. - Why not?

'Cause we're not fuckin' Chinese. This is an Irish chipper.

- Next. - Hold on. I'll have a large single and a spice burger.

Large single and a spice, Diane. This is the business.

- Right. You with the head. What do you want? - World peace.

You're barred.

Will you watch that? [ Chuckles ]

Ah, will you look at me shoes?

Buy yourself a new pair. Oh, nice one.

[ Chuckles ] Fair enough, what?

Home so...

Jesus, a new pair.

Ma.

Ma, lookit. I don't know what it is.

There. Lookit. God, it's like a rash or something.

I don't know. Here. Give us a look.

Geez, that's gas. I-I have it too. Look.

I shaved over it, but it's still there though.

Do you know what it is? What?

The fat coming up off the hot plate.

See, you were on the left, and I was on the right.

Geez, poor bimbo must be in tatters. He was in the middle.

[ Laughing ] Ha, ha. Humor.

How did the exam go? Okay.

Okay? Only okay?

Stick out your tongue.

Ah, I knew it. Black spots. You were lying.

You did brilliantly, right? Okay. I did brilliantly.

[ Cheering ]

Yes, sausage. Over there. Over there.

Over there.

We're running out. What?

We're running out.

Last sausages going now.

There you are.

You're not to spend all that on food, do you hear me?

You buy something nice for yourself.

Yes, master.

[ Chuckling ]

[ Announcer ] And it's now Romania's second substitute, Daniel timotte.

Dynamo bucharest, midfield player, to step forward.

The sequence now is, that if he should miss this,

and Ireland's last penalty taker should score,

then the match and the progress are Ireland's.

Timotte against bonner.

Yeah! He's fuckin' good! Yes!

[ Announcer ] The big man from donegal has set it up...

For the victory.

[ Fans ] ¶ one packie bonner ¶

¶ there's only one packie bonner ¶

[ announcer ] This is the moment that he'll treasure...

For the rest of his days, I'm sure. ¶ one packie bonner ¶

¶ there's only one packie bonner ¶

and who will step forward to assume the task? ¶ one packie bonner ¶¶

David O'Leary of arsenal. David O'Leary?

He'll be grand. He takes all arsenal's "penos."

He never took a "peno" in his life.

Oh, Jesus, you're cracked, lads, I'm tellin' you. Shut up. Shut up.

[ Announcer ] In his 52nd international appearance,

David O'Leary is entrusted with the responsibility...

Of taking the penalty that could send Ireland...

Into the quarter finals of the world cup.

This kick can decide it all.

The nation holds its breath.

Highlander crew to the quarter finals of the world cup.

This is the kick that sent Ireland through...

- To the world cup quarter finals. - What a team.

What a fuckin'...

[ sniffles ] I love Ireland.

I love Ireland.

So do I. I love Ireland, Maggie.

[ Laughing ] I know you do, love.

[ Announcer ] After extra time,

and in the high drama of the finale...

he can nail me to the bed any time he wants.

I know what you mean, love.

There was nothin' to it.

I just had to apply to the corporation, and that's what I did.

Great stuff. So we have our own patch down on the beach anytime we want.

Brilliant, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah.

I'm off to the cash-and-carry. See youse later.

See you, love. That woman... she's a revelation.

You never know what's hidden. Sure, you don't.

Oh, you sure don't.

Jesus.

[ Announcer ] Looks for...

Donadoni.

Schillaci...

schillaci has scored again.

That's that, I suppose.

It's not over yet. Come on.

Ah, well.

[ Announcer on TV ] Terrific shot by donadoni...

That packie bonner could only parry.

No defender responded quicker...

Than the quickest responder in the world cup, schillaci.

What are you lookin' at?

[ Engine starts ]

Yeah! Oh, yeah, boy-o.

[ Laughing ] See? I told you.

Ye of little faith.

[ Horn honking ]

[ No audible dialogue ]

Ye, hee, hee, hee, ha!

It's very smooth. Now it's a business, yeah.

[ Chuckling ]

Hey, hey, mind that... well, Jesus! [ Clattering ]

What was it?

Jack Russell. Oh, geez.

Is he dead? Yeah, but it wasn't a thoroughbred. Keep going.

- Gee, the poor thing. - Keep goin', will ya?

We'll send 'em a wreath.

[ Laughing ] I'm not really laughing. I think it's terrible.

Sorry.

[ Tires squeal ]

- What are we doin' up here? - Look at them all...

like well-cooked burgers.

Sunburnt... and hungry.

Oh, Jesus.

Yahoo! Come on, Diane.

[ Chattering ]

Here, it's supposed to be a straight line.

Get into a straight line.

Back to the back. Go on.

That'll teach you about saying things under your breath.

Yo, missus, he didn't say it. I know what I heard. Go on.

[ Larry ] ¶ I was born ¶

¶ under a wanderin' star ¶

¶ I was born ¶

[ with Larry ] ¶ under a wanderin' star ¶

¶ wheels were made for rollin' ¶

¶ meals were made to pack ¶

¶ I never seen a sight that didn't look better lookin' back ¶

¶ I was born ¶

¶ under a wanderin' star ¶¶

[ squalling ]

Oh, Jesus. Not again.

Here. How's the water? Shocking. Filthy dirty, it is.

Here. That's the chips. And a COD.

You wouldn't put your worst enemy swimming in it. Yes, I would.

Jesus. Holy... [ Squalling continues ]

- Here. Back in a minute. - [ Groans ]

[ Pounding ] If an inspector comes...

what inspector? Will ya calm down?

Come on, hurry up. Hurry up, will you?

Make sure nothing drops in the chips.

[ No audible dialogue ]

[ Squalling continues ] There now.

Enjoy your meal. Cheerio.

Diane, take over here, will you? I need oxygen.

Hey. Cheer up, droopy drawers.

Six singles, please.

Uh, no. Seven. May as well.

I don't want them chips. Well, you're gettin' them.

I only own three of them.

They're lovely. They're bastards, every fuckin' one of them.

This'll be the last. With a bit of luck it'll be deaf and dumb.

Right. Queue up for your "chipses."

- Me first. - Your mammy first.

She's always first.

[ No audible dialogue ] Hey!

Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Come on out here, all of you!

What's your problem? I'll tell you what.

This is a queue. What's your problem?

It's your problem. The fish?

"The fish." Yeah, it's fresh.

- It was grand and hard comin' out of the freezer. - I bit into it.

That's what you're supposed to do.

You think you're supposed to ride it?

It's not fish.

Oh, fuck. What is it?

It's white. It's a nappy.

Aw, fuck off, would you? He's right, Larry. Fouled it up.

Oh, God, that's shockin'. She must have put it in the batter.

Shut up! Is it a used one?

No. Ah! Well, that's all right then, huh?

It looks like a bit of fish folded up. That's gas.

Your money back and a can of coke. How's that sound?

Were the chips all right? What's your name?

A tenner. That's me final offer. I have the evidence.

Shove the fuckin' evidence. Here, get out, you, and start the van.

Go on. Which of youse is bimbo's?

Ah, me arse. It must be terrible being bald in weather like this.

I'm remembering all of this.

Old man, cheerio now, baldy conscience. Keep in touch.

[ Shouts ]

[ Baby squalling ]

Oh, he'll get the registration. No, it's in bimbo's shed.

He might be followin' us.

Good point.

Hey! Hey! Here.

You'll kill him! What?

Hey! Here's some more evidence for you. Look.

Huh? Here. [ Cackling ]

- None of this would ever have happened... - Aw, shut up.

You've been great pals for years.

You should try and make sure that it stays that way.

Don't worry, love. The two of you.

Don't worry. It's just...

he's not used to sharing...

and working with someone else.

He hasn't worked in years.

You're a very patient man, love. No.

He's gas sometimes.

It's grand. Good.

He doesn't really like me. Sure, he doesn't.

He does. No.

He doesn't.

Ah. Doesn't matter.

The summer's nearly over, remember.

We have to think ahead.

Right. The horse show.

Waste of time.

The horsey crowd don't eat chips.

They only eat caviar and that sort of shite.

And pheasant. Exactly.

You'd be all day trying to get the batter to stay on a pheasant.

Okay. There's some concerts comin' up.

Give us a look.

"Megadeth." You ever hear of them, Larry?

Yeah. You'd love them. They're heavy metal.

- Do heavy "metallers" eat chips, Larry? - Probably.

Megadeth.

¶¶ [ Sings fanfare ]

Hey, don't mind me.

See youse.

[ Knocking ]

Do youse mind if I get the results on the ceefax?

[ Door opens ]

¶ United ¶ [ Chuckles ]

Here. I might have a job for you, if you want it.

It looks like Diane's gonna be busy in the evenings for a while.

She's in there... don't say anything dirty, please.

I'm a vegetarian.

- What? Since when? - Tuesday.

Ah, now here. Here. Leave him be.

They're his own opinions. Okay, okay.

Good luck to you.

Do vegetarians eat fish? Some do.

Do you?

Yeah. Oh, that's grand.

You can do the fish, and me and bimbo'll look after the rest. How's that?

Okay so. Sound.

What about burgers? There's fuck-all meat in them.

No. Good man. Good man.

Stick to your principles.

That's the second time you've done that.

Who else is there? There's plenty.

Maggie's brother.

Well, why didn't you say? I didn't know.

It's nothin'. Have your money ready.

You didn't know what?

I didn't know the situation was vacant.

It's not fair. [ Chuckling ] "Fair"?

Fair?

[ Man ] ¶ for goodness sake ¶ all right, now.

- ¶ I got the hippy hippy shakes ¶ - Whoo!

- ¶ Yeah, I got the shakes ¶ - Ha, ha. Oh, what the heck.

¶ I got the hippy hippy shakes ¶

¶ ooh! I can't sit still ¶

get away. ¶ with the hippy, hippy shakes ¶

¶ yeah, I get my fill now ¶

¶ with the hippy, hippy shakes ¶

¶ yeah, it's in the bag ¶ stop.

¶ Ooh! The hippy, hippy shake ¶ da, lookit! Geez.

- ¶ Well, now you shake it to the left ¶ - [ Laughing ]

Did you see radar caprani lookin' at me? Don't mind her.

She's only jealous. What?

Maybe you're right. [ Laughs ]

¶ Yeah, come on and shake ¶ [ Squeals, laughs ]

[ Mary laughing ] Did you see daddy outside in the garden? Jesus!

- Get out! - ¶ Hippy, hippy shake ¶

[ continues on radio ] ¶ I can't sit still ¶

¶ with the hippy, hippy shake ¶ [ No audible dialogue ]

¶ Yeah, I get my fill now ¶

¶ with the hippy, hippy shake ¶

¶ yeah, it's in the bag ¶

¶ ooh! The hippy, hippy shake ¶

God almighty!

Sorry.

Here. Show us your money. Your hands are sweaty.

So's your bollocks. [ Laughter ]

Ha, ha, ha.

[ Boy ] A sausage and chips.

- Sausage and chips. - Sausage!

[ Hot oil sputtering ]

Where are you goin' now?

I'm sorry.

That was bad, right?

Sorry.

I'll get back in.

Sorry.

Where the bloody hell were you?

Sorry.

Two pounds, ten. I've only got two pounds.

Here.

Two pounds.

[ Giggles ] Did you see what he done?

Give us a large smoked there, please. A large smoked.

Smoked COD... Kevin, that's your department.

Geez. The heat in here will kill you. It's bad, all right.

Desperate.

You know, this place should be called bimbo's and Larry's burgers.

No.

It wouldn't sound right. Ah. You're right.

Too long. Yeah.

[ Clamoring ]

Here, stop that now, lads. Come on. [ Boy ] "Stop that now lads."

[ Larry ] Who said that? [ Boy ] He did.

Stop! That's me fuckin' guitar hand! That's your wankin' hand.

Out! Come on. Gone too far. Get up.

Look at me fuckin' threads. Thirty poxy pounds' worth.

This is ridiculous, Larry. You think so?

It's supposed to be a bloody business. Hey, come on.

Enough is enough now. Stop... [ Groans ]

Jesus Christ.

Door... the fuckin' door. Get out of the way.

Oh, Jesus.

Jesus.

Fred Astaire.

Bastards. It must be drugs.

They're fuckin' zombies. [ Glass shatters ]

Suppose you're gonna blame me in this as well.

Sorry.

It's just that... it'll get to you.

- Do you know what we need, bimbo? - What?

A night on the batter. It'll do us good.

- What do you say? - Right, then.

Okay. Good man.

Just the two of us. We'll have a ball.

- Okay. - Grand!

¶ I'm in the mood for dancin' ¶

[ chuckles ] ¶ romancin' ¶

¶ feel like takin' a chance... ¶¶ look at that one, Larry.

Here. Stop lookin'.

It's your night off, right? [ Chuckles ]

[ Man chattering on TV ]

The first of many. Lovely.

The fourth of many.

Here. Back me up, right?

[ No audible dialogue ] How are youse, girls?

Hey, pal.

"Lezzers."

Your women. Them.

How can you tell? They're with each other.

You can just tell.

Ah. This is the life, huh?

[ Larry ] There it is. Lookit.

Here. What color socks are you wearing?

Uh, blue. Blue, it looks like. Thank God for that.

They won't let you in if you're wearing white socks. Why not?

I don't know. Wankers and "bolloxers" wear white socks.

Wouldn't you think they'd cop on and wear a different color?

That's why they're wankers, I suppose.

I'll do the talkin', all right?

How are you, lads? We're after comin' from a conference.

Go on in, sir. Go on.

Thanks very much.

Now shut up, for fuck's sake.

Good bouncers can smell fear. They're like dogs.

[ Bouncer ] Good to see you again.

¶¶ [ Dance beat ]

Sorry, girls. Uh, two pints when you're ready.

Wine bar only. What? Are you serious?

[ Bimbo ] What's wrong? [ Woman ] Try the wine.

- The house red's very nice. - Is that right?

Are youse drinkin' it yourselves? We are, yeah.

Aren't we, Anne Marie? Yeah.

Oh, that's grand. We'll try a drop of that, what?

Here, pal. A bottle of house red wine.

I'm Larry, by the way, and this is bim... Brendan.

Hello, Brendan. My name's dawn.

This is Anne Marie. Hi.

Just park it there, son.

Don't fancy yours too much, huh?

He wants to know do you want to taste it first?

Oh, fuckin' sure I do. I... oh.

Pardon the French, dawn. [ Chuckles ]

Oh, yeah. A-one, a-one.

Pour away. How much is that?

It's £27, please.

That's grand. [ Clears throat ] Here you go.

Uh, keep the change. Thanks very much.

No problem.

For fuck's sake.

[ Dawn ] Cheers, Larry. Oh, yes, indeed.

Cheers, dawn.

- Cheers, Brendan. - Oh, thanks very much.

Twenty-seven fuckin' pounds.

Here. What do you think of mine, boy? Huh?

Hey. Don't look.

I can tell you're a tough boss to work for, Larry. What? No.

No, not really. I'm reasonable enough.

I don't take shite from anyone, but once that's established, you know...

[ woman ] ¶ because you're mine ¶

¶¶ [ indistinct ]

¶ Let's set you free ¶

¶ give me the beat ¶¶

here, chum. Another bottle of the house red wine.

Oh! There youse are.

How are things at your end, huh? Your complexions are very good,

considering you work in a chipper van.

You fuckin' idiot.

Uh, we're building up a fleet of them.

Oh! There's the red wine. Look. Yeah, my twist.

Ninety-seven quid, isn't that it? [ Bartender ] That's it.

That's a funny thing to do for a living, really, isn't it?

No, not really.

¶¶ [ Slow dance ]

Now, now.

Sorry.

His nickname's bimbo.

Stop that.

Aw, go on. [ Groans ]

No.

Fuck you.

Where the fuck is he?

Come out.

Come on. I know you're in there.

[ Toilet flushes ]

What's wrong with you? Come out!

[ Groans ]

You all right?

Well, it's not thanks to you if I am.

[ Groans ]

You messed it up for me with your woman. How did I?

It's not my fault if she didn't like you.

I was away on a hack till you opened your mouth.

What did I say? You told them about the fuckin' van.

What's wrong with that?

Is it not good enough for you?

It pays your wages.

If you don't want to work in it, you can leave anytime you want.

I'm sick of you and your bullying.

Oh, you got off with your woman and I... [ Groans ]

Sorry.

[ Exhales ]

That's the stupidest row we've every had.

Thick. Fuckin' ridiculous.

We'll go home, will we?

Yeah.

Here.

What about Anne Marie?

[ Chuckles ]

I don't want...

let's go home.

[ Mary ] I got an "a."

What?

Me exams... I got an "a."

Your results?

Kevin is after gettin' seven honors.

Brilliant.

Is he, um... is he downstairs, is he?

He's down there makin' coffee, like as if nothin' happened.

Ah, that's Kevin, what?

As cool as a...

oh, Jesus. I'm delighted.

Uh, I'll get up now and congratulate him.

In a minute.

God, I'm useless.

A wage.

Yeah.

From now on, every week.

It was too messy the other way, so...

okay? Okay.

Where'd you get the envelopes?

Eason's. He's a good man.

All by yourself?

[ Children playing outside ]

[ Glass breaks ]

Maybe I'm just being mean. No.

You're dead right.

[ Boy shouts ]

How many did I put in? That would be the fourth.

God.

Just shows you where me head is.

You really think I'm doing the right thing?

Yes, I do.

She's probably sewin' a fuckin' uniform for me.

Orange, you know?

And a fuckin' hat.

Oh, the bitch. I hate her.

I should tell him to stick his wages up his ass.

You should join a union. No.

Frighten the shite out of him. [ Chuckling ]

Leo, what union are you in?

The Irish national union of vintners, grocers and allied trade assistants.

There you are.

¶¶ [ Rock ] [ Chattering ]

Larry.

Larry!

I'm on me break.

I'm entitled to 10 minutes' break...

For every two hours that I work.

Yeah. Every two hours.

The both of us. Stop messin', will ya?

I'm not messin'. I'm entitled to me break.

There you go. Kevin as well.

You leave me out of this.

Jesus. We've done nothin' all night, except till a few minutes ago.

Not the point. Not the point at all.

- My union rep told me... - Union?

I was available for work.

I've five minutes left, then I'll sweat for you...

- sir. - [ Man ] Burger and chips.

I don't do burgers.

[ Man ] Who's gonna get me fuckin' burger?

[ Bimbo ] Right. What was it you wanted?

[ Man ] Put sausage on everything.

Any onion rings?

Burger and chips.

God, your feet!

Sorry.

How was it tonight, love?

Grand.

Grand.

How are ya? Des o'Callaghan.

I'm an environmental health officer with the eastern health board.

Then you're not in the union? Uh, no.

I'm going to have to inspect your premises.

Have you got a warrant? Uh, I don't actually need one.

I'm entitled to inspect these premises under the food hygiene act.

Uh-huh.

Can I see your hands, please?

Aw, now, here.

Do we pass? I'm afraid not.

I'm finished.

I'm gonna have to close you down, lads. Now, hang on a minute.

Just hear me out, please. Thanks.

Which one of you is the proprietor?

I am. I am.

All right, Mr. Reeves... mm-hmm.

I have to tell you that your van...

Poses a grave and serious danger to public health.

I'm closing you down now.

Hey, what about our fuckin' jobs? Shut up, will ya?

The floors are filthy.

The walls are filthy.

The foodstuffs aren't properly covered or stored,

and you are... Personally unclean...

especially your colleague. I'm sorry.

Your fingernails are what my mother would call a disgrace.

There are enough breaches of the food-hygiene regulations in here...

To land you a hefty fine, and even a custodial sentence. What, jail, do you mean?

Aw, pull the other one. Just shut up.

It's not that bad. Yes, it is.

A week, Mr. Reeves... I'm giving you a week.

However, Mr. Reeves, I must warn you,

if you fail to carry out even one of the demands on this list,

I'm going to have to close you down.

Cheerio.

[ Larry ] Nice fella, what?

I hope you're happy now.

I had nothing to do with this.

Yeah. I didn't.

I never saw or heard of him before today.

This is crazy. It has nothing to do with me.

So you said. Are you listening to me? Are you?

Let me up. I will. Just listen to me.

Now, your man coming here today had nothing to do with me, right?

I didn't rat on you.

Do you believe me?

Yeah. Yeah, I believe you.

Right.

We-we can get the van fixed. Don't worry.

If it hadn't been for your man, it would have been something else.

What's that supposed to mean? You were gonna get me anyway.

What do you mean? One way or another, with your union or...

shut up! Make me.

You told someone about me and that woman in the nightclub.

No, I didn't. You told weslie.

I didn't.

[ Sobs ] Does Maggie know?

Am I that bad?

Yeah.

I pay you well. Don't I? Don't I, Larry?

Yes. Yes, you do. Yeah. Well, then?

It's just, when we started... when we got the van...

when I bought the van, do you mean?

Forget it. When I... when me and Maggie bought the van.

[ Bimbo ] Come on back.

Fuck off. Come on!

Fuck off!

[ Both grunting, groaning ]

[ Both groan ]

[ Both panting ] Lord.

Sorry.

Let's go for a pint.

[ Chattering ]

The eastern health board. Fuck off.

Aw, Larry. "Aw, Larry," nothin'.

I won't be goin' back. Yeah.

I'll pay you your redundancy money though, Larry.

Thanks very much. I'll buy a fuckin' chipper van with it.

What happened, Larry?

I don't know. Two pints.

Come on, Larry. Come on.

The best worker in the wo... [ Laughs ]

The fuckin' world.

Fifty-fifty. You know? What do you say?

Fifty-fifty. What are you fuckin' talkin' about?

Fifty-fifty.

A half for me and... the way it was.

Forget it. Go on.

Partners. Forget it. Fuck that.

No way.

Larry, you're my best friend.

Bollocks.

- I'm going to kill it. - What?

I'm going to kill the poxy van.

Hey, come back here, you.

Bimbo, come back. It's my round.

Here, stop. Come back in, bimbo.

Jesus. Come in.

It'll wait till tomorrow. No, Larry.

Oh, fuck.

[ Tires screeching ]

- Here! Wake up. - No problem.

- [ Horn honking ] - Jesus!

[ Screaming ] Geez!

- That was Wally. - Fuck the jelly.

That was Wally there. The dirty bollocks. Did you see him?

Did you fuckin' see him? Who?

Wa... mind the fuckin' roundabout.

Are you ready, Larry?

Who'd get into a car with that shite bag?

Here goes.

[ Engine revving high ]

- You'll regret it. - No, I won't.

Not me.

[ Larry ] Don't do it.

I don't want you to do it, bimbo.

Mission accomplished.

Whoa! Oh, Jesus!

[ Groaning ]

Where are you, you fuckin' idiot, you?

Oh, Jesus. The pain, the pain!

[ Groans ] The pain. [ Whimpering ]

Aw, come on, bimbo. It's done.

I did it! I did it, Larry.

Come on before we die.

Easy-peasy. Easy-peasy, my bollocks.

Fuck.

[ Groans ]

Geez.

A day at the seaside. Christ.

[ Groans ]

Come on.

Shoes and socks, bimbo. Come on.

You'll catch your death.

We'll be able to come back for it when the tide's out.

I'm sorry, bimbo.

[ Larry ] We'll be able to get it back.

We can come back with shovels.

No.

What's wrong?

Give us a hug, Mary, will ya?

I need a hug.