Original subtitles

It was a typical Hollywood party, I guess, except for the way it ended.

Yes, I saw it all. I knew them all.

Why they'd come: for easy pickings and bootleg rum.

The power, or just the smell of it.

For money, or just the hell of it.

And everybody was on the make for a piece of someone.

Someone's take.

They were there for kicks, for bucks, or laughter.

But Queenie, what was Queenie after?

Queenie was the mistress of Jolly Grimm. Funny man of the films.

But you recognize him. A big man in movies, Hollywood elite.

Born Carlo Grimaldi on Delaney Street.

Morning.

Morning.

Queenie was a doll whose age stood still.

She used to dance in vaudeville.

Dark eyes.

Lips like glowing coals.

The kind for whom men sell their souls.

Late Saturday morning, broiling hot.

Queenie woke up feeling shot.

Maybe she woke from a dream...

with a cast of the four flushing hustlers who'd loved her last.

Used her.

Abused her in her checkered past.

So, now you know, a fascinating woman as they go.

Jolly was up, ugly and threatening.

Hardly the loveable comedy king.

Years ago, he would have showered and shaved, first thing.

But now, since they said he'd lost his touch...

how he looked in private didn't matter much.

He was depressed.

Obsessed with the thought of the comeback he needed to make.

And the thought of failure.

And what was at stake if he lost.

Which was a lot more than the money it cost.

A Hollywood trade paper spread before him listed the grosses of Chaplin's pics...

and Harold Lloyd's, and Keenan's clicks.

The whole paper seemed to ignore him.

Jolly, love...

Queenie's so tired.

Pour me a cup, will you?

Get it yourself.

Queenie's so tired.

Who the hell do you think you are, the Queen of Sheba or something?

Lay off me, you big palooka.

For Christ's sake, Jolly.

Don't worry about it. It's okay.

Leading me on like a two-bit whore.

You try to rough me up.

You touch me again and I'll brain you, you dirty bastard!

Easy, sweetie.

- Well. - Okay.

The next time you touch me, if I can find a knife...

I'll damn well use it.

Push that idea around.

My sweetie's bats, but I love her.

To hell with you.

Come on, let me pour you a cup of java, huh?

This table all right for you, madame?

Thank you.

Madame's coffee.

Here you are.

That'll be fine.

- Oh, waiter. - Yes, madame?

- What's this? The list for the party? - Yeah.

Which ones are coming?

The ones with the little red hearts next to their names.

Little red hearts.

The ones with the "X's" have previous engagements.

Goldstone's not coming?

Did you talk to him personally?

Well, his personal secretary.

You know that Goldstone is a big mucky-muck at Metro.

For Christ's sake, that's the whole point of this party.

If I can't get a studio to pick up this picture...

we'll be in hock till doomsday. Now call him back.

Don't get yourself in a lather. Murchison's coming.

And what's his name, that Dutchman from Mammoth Pictures?

Kreutzer, and he's German.

Okay, German.

Ja. Well, Fraulein Queenie, you look ravishing this evening.

It's mein pleasure to see you.

Did the projectionist call?

Yeah. He'll be ready to run the film at 9:00 sharp.

Now stop worrying.

Queenie, what do you think?

Grimm's chauffeur, Tex, was an ex-broncobuster.

Gun-toting extra in a dozen dusters, now retired.

And hired as a man on whom Jolly could depend.

Butler and bodyguard.

And, rarity in Hollywood, an all-weather friend.

- Tex. - Come on in.

Here's the list of liquor for the party tonight.

Twenty cases of gin?

Jolly wants you to leave right away for Pasadena.

He says, "Remember, Ginsberg sent you."

Ginsberg, the bootlegger.

Knock, knock.

Ginsberg sent me.

And please watch out for hijackers.

Yeah, well, I can still use a shooting iron.

How is the old boy?

Nervous as a cat.

He's always been like that. Ever since the beginning.

I remember his first premiere.

He was jumpy as a porcupine on his wedding night.

I need a new vacuum.

Where's Queenie?

Using the other phone.

Shut that damn thing off.

Goldstone can't come.

- I talked to him myself. - Why the hell not?

Well, there's another party tonight.

- A real big bash at the Pickfair. - Pickfair.

That Mary Pickford, I always knew she had a mean streak.

Didn't we get an invite from Mary and Doug?

Yeah, I threw it away.

Well, we couldn't go anyway.

And not tonight.

Those bums.

Forget it. Murchison's coming. He said he'd drop by before he goes there.

You're right. What do we need Goldstone for anyway?

This is Murchison's kind of picture.

It's got pathos and drama and adventure and class.

Queenie, get that, will you?

- Hello. - Hello, Queenie.

Oh, Katie. What's up? You coming?

Hey. peachy. What?

I'm coming with Dale Sword.

- Oh, yeah? She's bringing Dale Sword. - Who?

Dale Sword. He just starred in his first picture.

What's it called, Katie?

The Sins of Don Juan.

I hear he's terrif.

Where'd you meet him, at the club?

Yes, he sent a note to my dressing room.

- Did he hear you sing? - Of course.

- And he loves you anyway? - Dirty bum, he thinks I'm another Rossetti.

Going to the Pickfair later.

Never mind about the later. Just get here for the screening.

Please.

Okay, angel. See you tonight.

- Okay, bye. Bye.

They're coming.

Queenie, that's swell.

I got a real good feeling about tonight. Like when I first started.

Like there's nothing I can't do. Nothing I can't get if I want it bad enough.

You're gonna cut for an ace on this one, I feel it.

Golly.

Like that?

Maybe it's a little snug.

Mr. Fink, this jacket is not just a little snug.

This jacket is three sizes too small, at least.

Now, I would like to inform you of something:

lam what is known as a fat person.

Not pleasantly plump, not stout, not husky, just fat.

A fat person requires a fat suit.

All my life I've been convincing skinny tailors to make me fat suits...

- and what do I get? - Maybe you get a fat tailor.

That's very funny, but this jacket binds me, it constricts me, it strangles me.

All I have to do is move the button.

Fink, tonight is the world premiere of my latest picture, Brother Jasper.

Now, I intend to make a little speech to introduce that picture.

It is a very carefully planned speech. It includes gestures.

At the end of that speech, lam going to look up at the projectionist...

raise my arms high in the air and say the words "Roll the film."

Fink, do you have any idea what will happen when I do that?

No, you don't?

This will happen when I do that.

Now get out of here and bring me back a size 50 fat suit in two hours.

Do you understand?

The garment.

Queenie, Jolly doesn't need sound.

Forget all those prophets of doom. Not in this picture.

That's going to be sensational.

You really think so?

Yes, I do.

I think everyone's gonna be very surprised.

By most of it, anyway. He ought to make a few cuts.

I've been trying to tell him.

Well, take it easy on him today. He's kind of all jazzed up.

I know.

Tailor, dressmaker, beauty parlor.

What's that mark on your face?

That's a bruise, Queenie.

It kind of brings a bloom to my cheek, don't you think?

I can't stand it when he belts you around like that.

Queenie, why do you take it?

I mean, what do you get out of it?

Is a big house and fancy clothes enough to justify...

Jimmy, what do you see?

A body. A female body.

Couple of boobies, legs, fine fanny.

That's all I was before I met Jolly Grimm.

You know, when I danced in vaudeville, I wasn't too nifty in the talent department...

but I got by, mostly on this good equipment.

But when Jolly found me, gosh, that was different.

He was a big star and all that.

Stepping out with Jolly.

All the waiters bowing and scraping, everybody staring at us.

Me waving to all my friends.

I loved it. I wouldn't say I didn't.

But then, it got to be something more.

What it was, Jimmy, is he was the first guy who ever asked me what I thought.

I remember when I was dancing in vaudeville, two a day...

they had a sign backstage that said:

"Do not talk to the principals."

I couldn't even speak to a star, you know?

So here was this kind of genius...

asking me what I thought...

and not just about clothes or other people...

but really serious things.

Like the Geneva Convention.

Don't you laugh.

Actually, some things I hadn't heard of.

But I looked them up in the papers.

He really was interested in what I had to say...

which is more than you are, Mr. Morrison.

When I talked, he listened. See?

I understand that. Really, I do.

But the way he beats up on you, Queenie.

But he didn't used to be like that.

He was always kind of funny about, you know, the sex stuff.

But that didn't matter.

Especially at first.

He didn't get so violent then.

It was only later...

when the studios didn't want to back his pictures anymore.

And he started boozing real heavy.

Then it got bad.

It's been bad as long as I've known you.

Queenie, don't you think it's time...

to make a change?

Where the hell have you been? We're late. Come on, let's go.

Tex could take me by the beauty parlor after he drops you, okay?

Beauty parlor. With that face?

She must have a thing for the sissy hairdresser. Come on, move it.

That's the end of reel one. What do you think?

- I think it is... - Put on Reel 2, will you?

Just let it roll out. Step on the pedal. No, the other one. That's it.

Let it go.

You need a driver's license to run this thing.

Experience, laddie. Just experience.

- Well, how'd you like it? - I think it's damn good.

The way you juxtaposed Jasper's meeting the little girl...

with the bell-ringing scene. It works wonderfully.

What'd you think of the opening credits?

I gave you screenwriting credit right up there with me, huh?

- But you didn't have to. - Oh, I know...

but I figured produced by, directed by, and starring little old me was enough.

But we agreed that I wasn't going to do this for credit.

I mean, writing a few title cards isn't writing, is it?

I know, but I like to help out young people.

You know, Jim, this kind of credit can be very important to you.

You want this credit, don't you? I mean...

Oh, sure. It's just that...

The second reel has the cannibal scene. This is my favorite.

I put in a new title card. Wait till you see it, it's great.

- Are you ready? - It's all yours.

- I want to talk about the cannibal scene... - Take a look.

What'd you stop for?

That's the end of the cannibal stuff.

Sure-fire, isn't it? How about that new title card?

"You can't boil me. I'm a friar." Great, huh?

It's funny. Sure it is. I admit it.

What's the matter?

Jolly, I got to tell you.

I think it's wrong.

I don't think things like this work anymore.

We can't just suddenly have Brother Jasper...

Wrong?

Don't tell me what's wrong. Ever.

I've been in the comedy business for 20 years.

My instinct tells me what works, what's funny, you don't.

Look, for whatever my opinion's worth...

I think that sequence is corny.

- I think... - What do you know...

- Just hear me out. - Leave it alone.

The entire cannibal sequence ought to go. Really.

- Go? You must be batty... - Let me finish.

Brother Jasper is a very touching story.

It's about a monk who is really questioning his faith.

Sure, it's funny, but in a tender, gentle, new way.

This thing in Africa, it's too wild, it's too slapstick.

And it comes out of left field.

You're gonna lecture me on slapstick?

I was doing comedy when you were pissing your diapers.

What's funny is always funny. From Roman times on down to right now.

Public taste changes. Times are more sophisticated.

Talented people have to lead the public.

And here I think you're going backward.

Back to the same old supposedly sure-fire stuff.

Don't you talk to me about my talent.

If there's one thing I know about, it's what's right for me.

This whole picture is me. Comedy. Drama. Pathos.

I got range, Morrison.

I can do it all, and that's what I want to show people.

That's what I want to show the ass-wiping studios. You'll see tonight.

All right.

I've had my say.

- Let's get on with the rest of the reel. - No, go on, go. I don't need you.

I still think I can help.

No, go on. Beat it. Go write a poem.

All right.

See you tonight.

Jolly, forget about Morrison. Tonight's gonna be tremendous.

I don't know, Tex.

Screaming at Morrison, raising hell with Queenie.

Maybe I'm losing my marbles.

It's just nerves. You could lay off the booze a bit, though.

What do you think?

You're right.

I don't know, I think Queenie's real mad at me, Tex.

Well, she acts okay, but...

She is okay.

I'm scared of losing her.

She doesn't need me anymore, not like she did in the old days.

She's beautiful, she could have anybody she wants.

I think that's what scares me the most.

I've been thinking about that a lot lately.

Thinking of what it would be like if she left me.

You know something?

I'd die without her.

Ain't that a laugh?

I'm gonna ask her to marry me.

As soon as I get Brother Jasper off the ground...

and get a few things straightened out.

Can you imagine me thinking about getting married?

Always scared the hell out of me before...

but I wanna do something for her.

I wanna give her a feeling of security.

I don't know. That's what most girls want, isn't it?

- Did she ask for that? - No.

She's got a lot of pride. You know Queenie.

Do you think she'll have me?

I told you, she's nuts about you.

But first, you got to get this picture into the theaters...

then you can take care of the rest of the things later.

Why don't we try and find a fruit stand before we go home...

pick up some oranges. Queenie's just crazy about oranges.

Good idea.

Come here, I got a big movie star.

Mr. Jolly, I see all your moving pictures.

Boy, you sure make funny moving pictures.

Rosa, you know who this is?

This is Jolly. The funny man from the movies.

Mr. Jolly, how come you no make no more moving picture?

Must be five years?

I just finished one. Tonight's the world premiere.

Must be great if it take you five years to make.

With God's help.

Don't worry, it's just going to be great.

Listen, you make me laugh more than any of those guys.

Even all of the Keystone Police all put together.

Rosa, give Mr. Jolly a nice kiss.

No, that's all right.

No, Rosa, she bring you luck.

She's like a saint.

I've got a little present for you. This is for free.

This is the best. This was picked this morning.

I want you to give it to your missus.

Your Rosa, she's very beautiful.

No, no.

For your daughter.

Saint Cecilia, help me.

Maybe if you suck in.

Jolly, Kreutzer can't come.

Jesus Christ. Tell him to hold on, I want to talk to him.

- Shall I move the button? - To hell with the button, I'll suck in.

Hold the phone just a minute, Jolly's coming.

What's the matter?

Can't make it tonight. I gotta go to Pickfair.

Forget about Pickfair.

Can't disappoint them.

You've got to see Brother Jasper, it's gonna make you rich.

- But this is business, too. It's in my honor. - But, Kreutzer...

They sent hasenpfeffer from New York.

I've got two hot numbers coming to you tonight.

Is one of them possibly a redhead?

Yeah, they both have red hair.

- They'll play Mozart on your stomach. - After the hasenpfeffer I'll be right over.

All right, hurry up. So long.

- What redheads? - Do I know?

He's so horny he'd wang it to Wilma if he had the chance.

At least he's coming. Hey, angel, you look aces.

Get out of here, Romeo. I gotta put on my diamonds.

All right, gorgeous.

The folks are beginning to come in.

A little vino to bring us luck.

All right, a toast. I'd like to propose a toast.

To a "jolly" good fellow.

I'm not drinking, but I'll clink to that.

Christ, what a crew.

Take a look at Madeline True.

People flocked to the films she made.

Loving the cutie pie parts she played.

She was every man's sweetheart.

Every woman's guide.

Venus and Adonis, which she never tried to hide.

Men dreamed of a real-life wife like this adorable thespian.

Poor fools, they.

The typical pair of minor movie producers stood engrossed...

bewailing high production cost.

Each of them had suffered most.

In 20 minutes, each had lost the sum of $60 million.

With gestures after which they sighed...

and drank, panting, tragic-eyed.

Mopping at sadly wilted collars.

Then Jackie, perfect of form and face.

In his veins flowed the blood of more than one race.

He left a subtle trail of scent floating behind him as he went.

An Apache dancer with a special act.

New York or Paris, his house was packed.

He brought marijuana for all to puff.

And later, he'd bring out the stronger stuff.

Cocaine, morphine, Turkish hash.

Everything for a proper bash.

Poor Bertha...

now Jackie's ex-partner in dance.

He tossed her around on his last tour of France...

till she fractured a leg. Now she walks with a limp.

But she still works for Jack.

She's his whore...

he's her pimp.

Eddy Mangione here with Grace...

a muscular stuntman, a brutish face.

Good natured if sober, and gentle enough.

But look out if you crossed him, he could get rough.

Behold the Brothers D'Armano, otherwise Oscar and Phil.

They sang, they played the piano, they lisped.

Their voices were shrill.

They reeked of powder, rouge, pomade. Piano wasn't all they played.

They gave new meaning to the concept of...

the old-fashioned virtue of brotherly love.

The little Dutch boy

taught a lesson that! like

If you want to save your country

stick your finger in a dyke

As I watched their welcoming exhibition, did I feel something, a premonition?

Poor beast with fair beauty by his side...

fragile hope threatened by fatal pride.

Or was the tremor I felt inside...

just awe for the radiant apparition of Queenie?

Exquisite...

wending her way, descending...

greeting her courtiers along the stair.

She was something you could kneel before in prayer.

- Hello. - You're looking lovelier every day.

Sam, Mark, well, moving in on my girl, I see.

Jolly, a good host has to share.

So when are you showing the picture?

Soon as your competition gets here. You want someone to fight with, don't you?

- Murchison's here. - Excuse us.

We'll see you later.

Excuse us.

Hello, Tex.

- A.J., how are you? - Good to see you, Jolly.

Long time no see.

- How are you, Mrs. Murchison? - Fine.

I believe you both know the very beautiful Queenie.

- How do you do, Mrs. Grimm? - How do you do?

I'm so mad for this house.

It's so Hispanic, I guess.

I always used to wonder who lived in this house.

You know, every year I run a little house tour.

A sort of ramble through the homes of great stars.

And I wonder, would you let us put you on our list?

Mrs. Murchison, I'd be delighted.

Splendido.

A.J., how about a bit of the bubbly? Or maybe a shot of vodka?

How long does your picture run?

Eighty-two minutes, maybe less.

That long? Well, we'd better get started then.

We're due someplace in an hour, in fact. Can't stretch it out too long.

Tex, let's get everybody into the projection room. Let's get started.

Kreutzer ain't here.

The hell with him. So he comes late.

- What about Sword? - What about him?

And Kate. They're not here yet. Couldn't we wait?

Is Dale Sword gonna buy Brother Jasper? All right, everybody, movie time!

Where is that dirty bum? She swore she'd be here.

You say you call it Brother Jasper?

Yes. It's based on the life of Father Junipero Serra.

Father who?

The great Franciscan missionary. They call him the Apostle of California.

But he was hilarious. Well, I mean, he wasn't hilarious.

But my conception is.

Ta-da!

Meet my latest pash, Mr. Dale Sword.

The sharpest blade in the Hollywood Hills.

Dale, here comes Queenie.

And this is Mr. Tex.

How are you?

Hello, Queenie. I'm tight.

Hello, Katie.

Hello, Jiminy-criminy.

This is Dale Sword. Ain't he gorgeous?

How do you do?

She saw his features, sharp and clean.

He looked sporting, he looked keen.

He made her think of squash racquets, polo and yachting and dinner jackets.

He had that air of poise without pose...

that only a well-bred person shows.

Queenie, everybody's waiting. Come on.

Jolly, this is Dale Sword.

- How do you do? - Nice to meet you.

Come on, it's screening time.

What are you drinking?

Bourbon and water.

Dale, it's good to see you.

Good to see you, A.J. How are you?

Very good.

Especially after having seen the East Coast grosses of Don Juan

You set a new house record at the Orpheum.

- Did you know that? - Really?

Dale Sword and Murchison...

Prince and Tsar.

The king of the hill, and the rising star.

Like goes to like.

Kind goes to kind.

Winners find winners.

And losers find...

just other losers left behind.

Cast was assembled.

All the actors: beggars and beauties and benefactors..

millionaires and zeroes...

lovers, clowns, and heroes...

met on set.

They rushed to their places in the grand salon.

The curtain was rising, the show was on..

starring loners and owners of Babylon, phonies and cronies and hangers-on...

the whole free-loading pantheon.

The wheel was spinning, the course was charted.

Comedy was beginning...

the tragedy had started.

My friends.

When I first thought about how to introduce Brother Jasper...

I thought to myself, "Jolly, be humble."

That's the ticket this time.

Then I thought about it some more.

Me be humble?

Why, that's like Calvin Coolidge dancing the black bottom.

If you saw it, you wouldn't believe it.

Me saying, all coy like:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I do sincerely hope you like my latest picture..."

when what I really want to tell you is how proud I feel.

Proud for me, because I wrote it...

directed it, and naturally I star in it.

Plus putting up all the money for it.

And proud for my gang.

Ben, Jimmy, a real comer.

Nick, who ought to get some sort of prize for his sets...

and Eddie, and Frank, and Tex over there.

We've been living and loving Brother Jasper for a long time.

I'm not gonna say we haven't had our fights...

but that's natural in the picture business, as you all know.

And now it's time to turn him over to you...

his very first audience, to love, I hope...

or better yet, to fight over.

He belongs to you now.

I'm a little sorry to see him go out into the world, all on his own.

But there is one consolation:

I couldn't be giving him to nicer people.

Projectionist, roll the film.

Hey, waiter.

Hold it.

Excuse me, sir. Is this Mr. Grimm's house?

That's right.

Well, do you know where I can find Mr. Grimm?

You're looking at him.

Oh, Mr. Grimm.

I'm so excited to meet you. Gee, you look thinner.

I mean, on the screen you look gigantic.

Well, I mean... I didn't mean...

Who are you?

Oh, gosh, I'm sorry.

My sister said I should come. You know, Grace. Grace Jones?

She came with Eddy Mangione.

- What's your name? - Nadine.

Nadine Jones.

Welcome, Nadine.

How'd you get here?

I hitchhiked. Thumbed all the way from Burbank.

You see, I'm a dancer.

Acrobatics, ballet. Like that.

I'm good, too, Mr. Grimm.

I thought maybe you'd let me entertain all these movie people.

No, not tonight. It's not a good time.

Oh, no. Really.

You must be starved.

Why don't you go inside and get some chow? Ask for Wilma.

She has some sarsaparilla in the icebox. It's right through there.

Gee, thanks, Mr. Grimm. But maybe later, right?

We'll see. Run along.

Go ahead.

Okay.

Thanks.

Where have you been? You missed the whole picture almost.

Grimm, my apologies. This traffic was brutal.

How are things at Mammoth Studios? Still raking in the bucks?

Yes, hand over foot, as they say.

You still have time to see the last scene, where Brother Jasper prays for a miracle.

So where's the redheads?

Later.

I play the part of Father Junipero Serra...

the Apostle of California.

He meets this little crippled girl.

Little crippled girl?

Yeah, and his faith begins to waver.

He goes to Africa, he's the Pope's emissary.

Now, the last scene takes place in the chapel.

I've never played a scene quite like this one.

- Well, A.J.? - Good job, Jolly.

- Well, I liked it. - I'm glad.

And the ending, when the little girl walks, so moving.

Would you mind one tiny suggestion?

No, of course not.

Change the little girl to a little boy.

Do you remember Jackie Coogan in The Kid with that big hat pulled over his eyes?

Francine, I'm quite sure Grimm here cast the picture the way he saw fit.

Actually, there's still a lot of editing to be done.

I know there's a little more work to do.

- I plan to have... - Jolly, what a performance.

Dale, we're heading for Doug and Mary's.

Why don't you send your car on ahead and you and the young lady ride with us?

Thank you, A.J., but I think I'll stick around for a little while.

See you later.

That profile. Hasta luego, everybody.

Silent picture is a problem, Grimm. We're going with sound now.

The public wants it.

What position do you think the studio will take?

We've really got to dash, Jolly. Call me next week.

Kreutzer wants the picture, but Mammoth doesn't have your setup.

Sounds good to me. If I were you, I'd take it.

You and Mrs. Grimm must call on us sometime.

And don't forget, we want you on our house tour.

They don't build them like this anymore.

I'll call you on Monday, A.J.

I'll be tied up all day...

but call me later on in the week, huh?

Bastards.

Don't fret about Murchison.

The screening went real great.

Some of those people were a little swackoed, but they loved it.

Don't crap me, Queenie.

Jolly, listen, I think it's a swell picture.

- I think it's the best you've ever... - You think?

Who gives a flying fart what you think?

Murchison's the guy with the moolah.

- Wait a minute. Kreutzer's still here. - She's gonna give me advice.

She's gonna start telling me about the picture business.

I'm not interested in what you think.

You're supposed to look good. That's all.

Now keep that big, fat trap of yours shut. Do you understand?

It's been grand meeting you, Miss True.

Madeline, please.

Madeline. Well, I'll catch you later maybe.

I've got to drum up some business, if you gather my meaning.

I'll be here if you need a shoulder.

Thanks.

Nice to meet you.

Queenie, I haven't seen you all night. Where have you been hiding?

How about doing a little number for us, Queenie?

Jackie, I ain't danced in ages. You know that.

Come on, Queenie.

How about Singapore Sally? Me and Oskie know it.

- Go on, Queenie. - Jackie, make her do it.

Great.

I'm a little rusty. But Singapore Sally it is.

I think I can get it away from Murchison.

That is, if you can close a deal without letting your Teutonic personality...

Where was the sound? No sound. What, are you in the dark ages?

You want sound, you've got sound.

They got a process, it's called dubbing.

You add the voices and the sound effects later.

Here. Listen.

Storm at sea.

Grimm. First, the redheads.

You promised me redheads. Play Mozart.

Yeah. All right, you wait here, I'll get them.

Can I show him now?

No, angel puss. He looks kind of busy.

More.

Queenie, that was marvelous. Really wonderful.

I'm glad you liked it.

I'm no Vernon Castle, but would you like to dance with me?

Well, sure, sweetie.

You wouldn't mind if I dance just once with our hostess...

- before we left, would you? - Of course not, darling.

Not in there. Too much hubbub. Let's go out to the garden.

All right.

I haven't done that in ages.

For God's sake, you're asking for trouble, don't you know that?

Hush, Queenie knows what she's doing.

She's got my name in her little book for this dance, old man.

You can have the next one.

I just want to talk to her.

My God, look at the glint in his eye.

En garde, monsieur.

Where's Queenie? You seen Queenie?

She was doing Singapore Sally on top of the bar.

Laughing her head off. After that, I don't know.

Where's Queenie?

I don't know, hostessing around. I was hoping you'd know.

Come on, I'll help you look for her, I'm missing something, too.

The deal isn't important. I'd rather go with the right studio.

Kreutzer, you have the class approach.

Grimm, who wants monks?

Today the people want action. Violence.

Lots of shooting. Gangsters.

You want gangsters. You got gangsters.

Wait a minute, it's coming to me.

I see a whole new scene. Wait a minute.

Morrison. This is my co-writer. He's a college graduate.

Got a lot of swell ideas. He's a little plot crazy, but he's a genius.

A genius. What do you say, genius? We put Brother Jasper in a bank.

He goes to a bank to make a deposit.

- In 1785? - What's the difference?

So we make a few allowances.

What's the difference? So he goes to this bank.

And he's got the week's collections, see.

And he gets a receipt from the teller.

Handwritten on a piece of old parchment.

What's the difference?

So, all of a sudden he sees...

these two mean bastards, see...

and they're wearing two big black sombreros...

and one of them's holding a gun over the crowd.

The other one has cleaned out the safe.

And the other guy starts taking the valuables from the patrons.

Take the valuables, go ahead.

- Come on, patrons. - Give me your wallet.

Give him what he asks for, he's a mean bastard.

Go on, give it to him. That does it. Give it to him.

Now Brother Jasper can't let this happen.

Because he's responsible for the church's funds.

So he sneaks away. Nobody notices him because he's a man of the cloth.

Who's gonna pay? Give me that thing.

He sneaks up behind a bandit.

He's scared, but he goes through with it.

All right. Reach for the ceiling.

- Brother Jasper falls to the floor. - I got him.

You missed, you bastard.

He falls to the floor. He dies.

It'll be better when we get a real actor, you'll see.

The gun keeps firing. See, it's the kick.

It's the kick of the gun. Bullets are flying, leaping. Everyone's dancing.

Leap, jump, dance. Go on.

What the hell is going on here?

Dance, you son of a rattlesnake.

I won't.

Why the hell not?

Because I happen to know...

you're out of tobacco.

Of course I'll use a real gun, not a pipe.

What do you say, Kreutzer?

Later, Grimm, later.

Mildred here is going to practice the Kreutzer Sonata.

We'll talk later.

Voila.

To you.

Please don't.

I'm sorry.

You must think that I'm a typical Hollywood masher.

- Would you like me to leave? - No.

I think you're really very nice.

- Let's not go down yet. Let's sit over here. - All right.

- Cigarette? - No, thanks.

- Come on, Dale, it's time to go. - Why?

Aren't you having a good time?

No.

We gotta go over to Pickfair.

Doug and Mary, remember? They're expecting us.

I forgot about that.

Queenie, I really should go.

Come with us.

I'm kind of the hostess, Dale.

Then I won't go either.

Katie, do you mind going alone?

I don't wanna go alone.

Lay off that stuff.

- What stuff? - Cut it, Queenie.

Stop making a scene.

- I'm warning you. - About what?

- You know what I mean. Lay off that guy. - Why?

- Because I'm telling you. - Yeah? And who the hell are you anyway?

Haven't you had a trifle too much to drink, old sport?

You dirty son of a...

- Easy does it. - Slow down, partner.

You don't wanna mess up his pretty face.

What do you think you are, pretty boy?

Bigger than me? Because you made one lousy picture?

Twenty-seven pictures, that's what I made.

That's a career.

Not a cheap, two-bit imitation of Valentino.

You son of a bitch.

Come on, let's get out of here.

I don't need your help. I don't need anybody's help. Never did.

Let go of me.

Who do you think got me where I am?

My mother? My father?

They dumped me when I was 6 years old.

The nuns?

They taught me to feel guilty just about being alive.

And who do you think taught me to act?

My teachers?

Never had one.

Directors? I directed them.

So who built my career?

Agents?

Bloodsuckers for 10%.

Studios? A bunch of horses' asses.

Nothing but dollar signs in their penny brains.

So who made Jolly Grimm?

I'll tell you who.

Little ol', big ol' me.

That's who.

Me!

And I'll do it again.

Not because of any help from you, you freeloaders...

but in spite of you!

I'm gonna come back...

shining and big and bright and hot.

Hotter than ever. And I don't need help from anybody.

Not from you, Morrison.

Not from you, Tex. Not even from you, Queenie.

Oh, my God, Queenie.

Come on.

I was going to be a movie star.

I had this one photo...

in a costume with clusters of lemons on the skirt...

and a hat with a lot of tulle and lace-up shoes.

That was something.

I must have sent that photo to every producer and director in this town.

And I sat by the phone and waited...

for days.

Nothing ever happened.

I was just one more girl standing on the road, hitching a ride.

And then?

Then I got sick.

Actually, I was starving.

You can't believe that, can you?

No, I can't believe there wasn't always somebody looking after you.

I looked after myself.

One day there was a casting call on Jolly's picture...

and I was one of the girls they picked that day.

Except I was so weak, I fainted.

There was no place to even lay me down.

So they put me in this stable, on a pile of straw.

There I lay in the dark.

When I came to, it was real quiet.

Everybody had gone...

and suddenly the door flew open and there was Tex.

He just about jumped a mile when he saw me.

I was a mess.

I'd been crying and lost one of my shoes somewhere or something.

He was real nice.

Brought me home, cooked me ham and eggs.

Jolly was out at some big premiere.

He came in with a lot of fancy types, all in tuxedos...

laughing and rubbing his hands together like he'd just done something really big.

He was on top of the world then.

Anyway, Tex told him about me.

He said, "We'll keep the little lady at home."

Can you imagine? "We'll fatten her up."

He was something.

So sweet.

Sweet and good to me.

Was always there smiling.

He saved my life.

It all seems ages ago.

I've been through hell, I guess.

I know I should be asking myself what I'm heading for.

What all this is leading to.

Maybe it's all leading to me.

Queenie.

Sorry, gentlemen.

Grace says it's really rare.

I mean, my talent.

Looks like a can of worms.

She says I should be in the movies.

No.

It's Grace.

Who?

My sister.

Jesus.

Don't cry.

I'll tell you what.

We'll go to the kitchen and I'll give you a piece of angel food cake.

Is that all right, angel?

Come on.

You gotta be philosophical about these things.

Whatever happens, happens.

I understand why my best friend would throw herself at Dale.

I mean, everybody knows what kind of life she has with Jolly.

It's no secret.

Kate, we gotta find them.

I understand.

You've been stuck on her for years, it's plain as day.

But look, sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose.

Like tonight. Okay, we both lost.

But that doesn't mean that a couple of losers aren't entitled to a little fun.

Okay, loser, you win.

Good?

Sure suits you.

Angel food for an angel face.

You sure do remind me of Queenie.

First time I met her, she was an extra on the set.

She was starving.

Filling her face with the breakfast doughnuts...

like she hadn't eaten in a week.

Which she hadn't, poor kid.

I still remember her, grabbing those doughnuts.

Next thing I knew, she was sitting right where you are...

shoveling in Tex's ham and eggs.

She used to hitchhike all over the place, just like you.

Did you put her in your pictures, Mr. Grimm?

I took care of her, Nadine...

real good care.

Grace says I should be nice to you...

says maybe you'll put me in your pictures.

You sure do remind me of Queenie.

Listen, if you want...

you can kiss me, or stuff like that.

You get away from that kid. Get up.

No!

Please, knock it off.

You're hurting him!

Lying around with my kid?

What are you laughing at, you tart? I'll break your goddamn face.

You wanna fight?

You wanna fight, you bastards, huh?

- Come on! - Shut up, you.

I'll break your goddamn face.

He's gonna kill Jolly.

Let go of me!

Are you all right?

Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Thank you.

It just hurts a minute.

That's what you want, some stud, go on, go get your rocks off.

- What are you... - That's all that's on your brain anyway.

I'll get you good, you son of a bitch.

Happy Sunday morning to you.

Why is she doing this to me?

I don't understand.

Had to happen. She's young, and you ain't.

I don't understand.

There was lots of guys before you. There'll be lots of guys after you.

- That's just how it goes. - No!

Dale probably ain't the first.

Don't say that.

Come on, be a realist.

You guys think you got some kind of patent on fooling around?

A woman's got needs, too, you know.

Don't say that. I don't want you to say that.

Come on. Dale's probably number 679.

Last week, the milkman, this week, Dale, next week, the bootlegger.

Shut up.

- Listen, sweetie... - Shut up!

I wanna marry her.

Now, I was just kidding. I was just trying to make light of it.

You know.

What's that on your face?

Jolly, what are you hollering?

Brother Jasper don't holler.

That's right. I'm out of my character.

You like my character, huh? My Brother Jasper?

He's all right. For a gentile.

Me and Sam are going to Pickfair.

- You wanna come? - No, it's too late. You crazy?

Never too late. They serve breakfast.

Where the hell you two guys been?

I've been looking all over for you.

We gotta talk a deal. Remember?

Yeah. We'll talk a deal. At Pickfair.

Listen, I got this swell new idea for a scene.

Where's Dale Sword? Didn't he bring you?

Come on, let's get him. We'll all go.

Mr. Dale Sword is very busy.

Where's Dale Sword?

Where are you?

Just forget about Dale.

You see, Brother Jasper walks into a bank.

There's a holdup.

Yeah, he must be holed up somewhere.

It's great. It's gonna be hilarious.

It's what you call a comedy highpoint.

You know, like Chaplin eating his shoe...

or Harold Lloyd hanging on the clock.

Something great like that.

Of course, it takes a great actor.

- Let me show you. - Jolly, this ain't the time.

Come on down, Dale.

Katie is waiting.

That son of a bitch ought to come down and watch a great actor do a great scene.

Come on down, Dale Sword, and watch a real actor in action.

Come on down or we're coming up.

Wait a minute. Let me show this. I just want to show this.

That gun is loaded, Jolly.

A demonstration.

- It's loaded. Be careful. - Now, wait a minute.

Brother Jasper turns the tables on these thugs...

Come on, Dale.

Right on time. He knows the scene.

Jolly, give me the gun. Give it to me.

Come on, now.

Let go, Christ. The gun keeps firing.

It's the kick.

Jolly, put that gun down. What are you trying to do?

Give me the gun!

My God.

Oh, no.

Don't go up there.

No.

Let me go.

Let me through.