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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,792 --> 00:00:09,083 ♪ l would like to leave this city 2 00:00:09,667 --> 00:00:13,417 ♪ This old town don't smell too pretty 3 00:00:14,375 --> 00:00:21,292 ♪ l can feel the warning signs running around my mind 4 00:00:23,208 --> 00:00:25,083 ♪ So, what do you say? 5 00:00:25,750 --> 00:00:29,625 ♪ You can't give me the dreams that are mine anyway 6 00:00:30,500 --> 00:00:33,333 ♪ Half the world away 7 00:00:34,625 --> 00:00:37,500 ♪ Half the world away 8 00:00:38,792 --> 00:00:41,500 ♪ Half the world away 9 00:00:42,458 --> 00:00:46,833 ♪ l've been lost, l've been found, but l don't feel bad 10 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,292 ♪ Darling, happy anniversary 11 00:00:54,292 --> 00:00:56,167 Surprise! 12 00:00:57,208 --> 00:01:02,125 l can't believe it. Thanks so much, everyone, we never expected this. 13 00:01:03,875 --> 00:01:05,583 Shall we practise it one more time? 14 00:01:05,583 --> 00:01:09,292 We've practised it three times already. Turn the lights off, they'll be here soon. 15 00:01:14,042 --> 00:01:16,125 - Ssh! - (Music oM 16 00:01:18,333 --> 00:01:21,125 Hey, where have your mam and dad gone to, Denise? 17 00:01:21,125 --> 00:01:23,083 Oh, well... 18 00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:27,000 Do you know the new Italian that's opened up on Talbot Street - La Dolce Vita? 19 00:01:27,125 --> 00:01:28,167 Yeah. 20 00:01:28,167 --> 00:01:30,625 Well, the Chinese chippie opposite there. 21 00:01:30,625 --> 00:01:33,417 You know the one that's open 24 hours? 22 00:01:33,500 --> 00:01:35,500 Oh, Wok Around The Clock? 23 00:01:36,208 --> 00:01:38,292 l'm missing The One Show for this. 24 00:01:38,292 --> 00:01:41,833 Hey, Joe, what did you get my mam and dad for their anniversary? 25 00:01:41,958 --> 00:01:44,708 Well, as it's their Golden Wedding anniversary, 26 00:01:44,708 --> 00:01:49,000 Mary got a golden-coloured egg cup for the both ofthem from the pound store. 27 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,542 What about you, Cheryl, what did you get them? 28 00:01:51,625 --> 00:01:53,875 Oh, the bottom layer of a box of Milk Tray. 29 00:01:53,875 --> 00:01:55,542 Ah. 30 00:01:55,708 --> 00:01:57,667 What about you, Anthony? 31 00:01:57,667 --> 00:02:01,083 l'm just giving them 500 quid so they can go away on holiday. 32 00:02:01,083 --> 00:02:03,083 500? 33 00:02:03,167 --> 00:02:05,042 We're giving them money, Ant. 34 00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:06,542 Nice one. How much? 35 00:02:06,708 --> 00:02:08,625 - 20 quid. - 20. 36 00:02:08,625 --> 00:02:10,667 Anthony... 37 00:02:12,125 --> 00:02:14,167 ..could we put our money with yours? 38 00:02:14,792 --> 00:02:19,458 Cos l'm just thinking, it would mean more to them, you know, if it came off both of us. 39 00:02:19,458 --> 00:02:21,458 Yeah, yeah, all right. 40 00:02:22,292 --> 00:02:24,333 lt's from us and the kids. 41 00:02:24,375 --> 00:02:28,333 Mainly the kids. You know, from their money boxes. 42 00:02:29,375 --> 00:02:31,375 We're teaching them how to share. 43 00:02:31,458 --> 00:02:33,458 How's work, Ant? 44 00:02:33,458 --> 00:02:35,375 Not bad, cheers, Joe. 45 00:02:35,375 --> 00:02:37,208 l've been in Congleton all week. 46 00:02:37,333 --> 00:02:39,292 - Oh! - Congleton? 47 00:02:39,292 --> 00:02:42,625 - l'd love to go to Congleton. - l'd love to go to Congleton 48 00:02:42,667 --> 00:02:45,833 - l'd like to live in Congleton. - Have you been to Congleton? 49 00:02:45,958 --> 00:02:46,833 No. 50 00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:49,292 - l've been to Congleton. - What's it like? 51 00:02:49,292 --> 00:02:51,500 l don't know. l was meant to be in Crewe. 52 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:56,083 How come you've not brought your girlfriend, Anthony? 53 00:02:56,125 --> 00:02:58,625 Oh, aye, yeah. Where's Sas...kia? 54 00:02:58,750 --> 00:03:00,708 She don't want to come here any more. 55 00:03:00,708 --> 00:03:05,417 Last time she was here, Dad just sat in his vest and Y-fronts. He wouldn't put his pants on. 56 00:03:05,417 --> 00:03:07,958 - Is that when he had a septic testicle? - Yeah. 57 00:03:08,083 --> 00:03:12,667 l wouldn't have minded, but he left it resting on the remote control to breathe. 58 00:03:12,667 --> 00:03:14,750 Does anyone mind if l have a scotch egg? 59 00:03:14,750 --> 00:03:16,042 No. 60 00:03:16,208 --> 00:03:19,083 Hey, Cheryl, you look slimmer behind that curtain. 61 00:03:19,125 --> 00:03:21,042 Thanks, Denise. l'm on a new diet. 62 00:03:21,042 --> 00:03:24,500 - Are you? - Yeah, fruit only detox at the moment. 63 00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:28,667 l've had three bananas for my breakfast, a tin of fruit salad for my dinner 64 00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,917 and for my tea l had two chocolate oranges. 65 00:03:30,958 --> 00:03:33,000 And a cherry bakewell for afters. 66 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:35,958 l don't know where you get the willpower from, Cheryl. 67 00:03:36,167 --> 00:03:37,583 BARBARA: Jim! 68 00:03:37,583 --> 00:03:40,125 They're here. They're here. Sssh! 69 00:03:40,292 --> 00:03:42,333 - Stop shouting. - Anthony. 70 00:03:42,333 --> 00:03:44,000 Sssh! 71 00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:47,333 JOE: The One Show's finished now. - Get down. 72 00:03:47,333 --> 00:03:50,083 - Joe, get back in. - l can see your hands, Denise. 73 00:03:50,083 --> 00:03:52,125 - l can see your head. - Sssh! 74 00:03:52,167 --> 00:03:54,208 Stop bobbing up. 75 00:03:55,417 --> 00:03:58,667 JIM: We didn't get a bloody thing off our Anthony, the tight little git! 76 00:03:58,750 --> 00:04:00,500 And the other two, Denise and Dave, 77 00:04:00,500 --> 00:04:03,542 they're round here every bloody night till our anniversary. 78 00:04:03,542 --> 00:04:06,500 Then there's no sign of the bloody ungrateful gits! 79 00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:08,083 Sssh! 80 00:04:08,083 --> 00:04:11,417 And we never even got a card offthem shithouses next door. 81 00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:13,500 ♪ Darling, happy anniversary 82 00:04:13,500 --> 00:04:15,333 Surprise! 83 00:04:15,333 --> 00:04:16,625 (Laughter) 84 00:04:16,625 --> 00:04:19,083 l had an idea something like this was planned. 85 00:04:19,125 --> 00:04:22,875 That's why l was having a laugh out there pretending to slag you all off, 86 00:04:22,875 --> 00:04:24,917 outside before we came in. 87 00:04:27,417 --> 00:04:28,458 Hello, son. 88 00:04:28,458 --> 00:04:30,500 Hello, Cheryl. Lovely to see you. 89 00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:32,667 Oh, Denise, come on. 90 00:04:32,667 --> 00:04:34,708 Give your old dad a hug. 91 00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:36,375 Happy anniversary, Mam. 92 00:04:36,375 --> 00:04:38,208 JOE: Shall l come out now? 93 00:04:38,333 --> 00:04:41,833 Bloody hell, it's Joe! Just give yourself another hour there. 94 00:04:42,333 --> 00:04:44,917 Come on out and have a drink. How are you, Joe? 95 00:04:46,333 --> 00:04:48,333 Nice to see you, Joe. 96 00:04:48,792 --> 00:04:51,333 Order, please. Order. Thank you. 97 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:57,583 l'd like to make a toast to my mam and dad on their 50th wedding anniversary. 98 00:04:59,792 --> 00:05:02,833 lt was 50 years ago that my dad carried my mam across that threshold. 99 00:05:02,958 --> 00:05:07,458 And he's not lifted a bloody finger in this house ever since, the lazy little git! 100 00:05:08,667 --> 00:05:10,625 Are you having that one, Dave? 101 00:05:10,625 --> 00:05:12,625 Nice one. l'll give you that one. 102 00:05:13,333 --> 00:05:16,000 So could everybody please raise their glasses, 103 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:18,000 on their 50th wedding anniversary, 104 00:05:18,875 --> 00:05:20,958 to my mam and dad, Jim and Barbara? 105 00:05:20,958 --> 00:05:23,208 - Ahhh! - Jim and Barbara. 106 00:05:23,208 --> 00:05:24,708 Jim and Barbara. 107 00:05:24,750 --> 00:05:27,583 l now declare the buffet open. 108 00:05:27,583 --> 00:05:29,458 JIM: Wooh! Lovely! 109 00:05:29,667 --> 00:05:31,083 l did it. 110 00:05:31,083 --> 00:05:33,167 Oh, it's lovely, Denise. 111 00:05:33,167 --> 00:05:35,167 Oh, look at the cake. 112 00:05:35,250 --> 00:05:37,125 - Look at that, Jim. - Mam and Dad. 113 00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:39,042 ln't it clever? 114 00:05:39,042 --> 00:05:41,000 l'm now gonna slice your faces up. 115 00:05:41,125 --> 00:05:43,000 l'll come and help you. 116 00:05:44,333 --> 00:05:46,292 Top-ups, please, Dave. 117 00:05:46,292 --> 00:05:48,333 There you go, James. 118 00:05:48,333 --> 00:05:50,333 So, Anthony, Congleton, eh? 119 00:05:50,417 --> 00:05:51,708 Yeah. 120 00:05:51,833 --> 00:05:53,708 ls that where you do your computing? 121 00:05:53,792 --> 00:05:55,417 Yeah. 122 00:05:56,667 --> 00:06:00,250 ls that where they keep these computers, then, in Congleton? 123 00:06:01,042 --> 00:06:03,125 Well, yeah, some ofthem, Joe. Yeah. 124 00:06:06,833 --> 00:06:08,917 And how big are these computers? 125 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,000 Well, it depends, Joe. 126 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:12,875 That's mine there. 127 00:06:14,167 --> 00:06:15,375 Where? 128 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,375 - There. - What, in that bag? 129 00:06:17,458 --> 00:06:19,458 Yeah. 130 00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:22,167 A computer... 131 00:06:23,167 --> 00:06:24,542 ..in a bag? 132 00:06:25,292 --> 00:06:27,125 Well...yeah, Joe, yeah. 133 00:06:27,125 --> 00:06:28,208 Yeah! 134 00:06:28,208 --> 00:06:30,250 ln a bag? 135 00:06:30,708 --> 00:06:33,333 JIM: Come on, Dave, get the old bottle going. 136 00:06:33,792 --> 00:06:35,792 - All right, Cheryl? - Hi, Ant. 137 00:06:35,875 --> 00:06:38,000 How's the job hunting going? 138 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:39,625 Fine. 139 00:06:39,625 --> 00:06:42,458 l've got a job interview for Thornton's next week. 140 00:06:42,458 --> 00:06:44,417 Head of Truffles. 141 00:06:44,500 --> 00:06:46,667 Head of Truffles? That's good, Cheryl. 142 00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:49,958 lt's the third time l've applied, so... 143 00:06:50,375 --> 00:06:52,458 fingers crossed. 144 00:06:52,458 --> 00:06:54,542 Well, l hope you get it. 145 00:06:54,542 --> 00:06:56,625 Yeah, l think l stand a good chance. 146 00:06:56,667 --> 00:07:00,375 l'm friends with one ofthe girls who works there, Dawn. She's Head of Nougat. 147 00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:02,833 JOE: Computer in a bag! - How do you know her? 148 00:07:02,833 --> 00:07:04,917 l know her from... 149 00:07:04,917 --> 00:07:06,958 from um... 150 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,083 ..from going in there all the time. 151 00:07:10,083 --> 00:07:11,958 Oh. 152 00:07:14,875 --> 00:07:16,667 lt's a black bag, so big, 153 00:07:16,792 --> 00:07:19,333 with a pocket on the front, a handle on the top. 154 00:07:19,458 --> 00:07:21,042 And it's... 155 00:07:21,042 --> 00:07:22,500 That's it there. 156 00:07:22,500 --> 00:07:25,500 - A computer in a bag. - Yeah? 157 00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:27,542 A computer in a bag? 158 00:07:27,542 --> 00:07:28,958 Nah. 159 00:07:28,958 --> 00:07:31,000 A computer in a bag? 160 00:07:31,042 --> 00:07:33,750 There's still a little bit more buffet, Cheryl. 161 00:07:33,750 --> 00:07:35,833 Thanks, Barbara. 162 00:07:35,833 --> 00:07:37,833 l love these puffs. 163 00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:41,875 Joe, l know it's a bit of a delicate subject, 164 00:07:41,875 --> 00:07:44,583 but how's Mary, is she any better? 165 00:07:44,583 --> 00:07:47,417 Nah. She's like a leaky tap, Barbara. 166 00:07:47,417 --> 00:07:48,250 Oh. 167 00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:51,292 She goes through Tena Ladies like l go through tea bags. 168 00:07:51,375 --> 00:07:53,042 Poor Mary! 169 00:07:53,042 --> 00:07:54,917 She had an accident in John Lewis. 170 00:07:54,958 --> 00:07:57,000 They did look after her. 171 00:07:57,000 --> 00:08:00,958 You know, they made her a cup oftea and sat her down for ten minutes... 172 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,042 in one oftheir paddling pools. 173 00:08:03,042 --> 00:08:04,042 Aww! 174 00:08:04,042 --> 00:08:07,667 Well, they pride themselves, don't they, on customer service at John Lewis? 175 00:08:07,750 --> 00:08:10,083 lf you were gonna wet yourself anywhere, 176 00:08:10,083 --> 00:08:12,125 you'd wet yourself in John Lewis. 177 00:08:12,542 --> 00:08:13,417 Absolutely. 178 00:08:13,583 --> 00:08:15,500 (tapping of glass) 179 00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:17,167 Denise! 180 00:08:17,792 --> 00:08:20,417 lf l could just have your attention, please. 181 00:08:21,333 --> 00:08:25,458 lt was just over 50 years ago when Cupid fired the arrow which matched me... 182 00:08:25,458 --> 00:08:28,125 with the loveliest girl in the neighbourhood. 183 00:08:28,125 --> 00:08:29,333 Ahh! 184 00:08:29,333 --> 00:08:32,250 But unfortunately, after a couple ofweeks, she gave me the elbow 185 00:08:32,292 --> 00:08:34,125 and l ended up with her best mate, Barbara. 186 00:08:34,125 --> 00:08:36,167 (Jim laughs) 187 00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:37,667 No, no, no. 188 00:08:37,708 --> 00:08:40,125 Seriously, Barb, here's to... 189 00:08:40,125 --> 00:08:42,042 50 years of happy marriage. 190 00:08:42,042 --> 00:08:43,042 50 years! 191 00:08:43,042 --> 00:08:45,000 ALL: 50 years! 192 00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:47,042 l'd like to make a speech. 193 00:08:47,083 --> 00:08:48,875 BARBARA: Ooh! 194 00:08:48,917 --> 00:08:50,542 Yeah. 195 00:08:52,792 --> 00:08:54,708 Behind every man is a good woman. 196 00:08:54,708 --> 00:08:56,958 And Barbara is a good woman. 197 00:08:56,958 --> 00:08:58,833 Hear hear. 198 00:08:58,917 --> 00:09:02,667 lf every man had a Barbara, then the world would have more Barbaras. 199 00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:04,750 To more Barbaras! 200 00:09:04,750 --> 00:09:07,333 JIM: Aye, yeah. - More Barbaras? 201 00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:08,625 More Barbaras. 202 00:09:08,750 --> 00:09:10,708 To more Barbaras. 203 00:09:10,833 --> 00:09:15,208 And, God willing, l hope we're here to celebrate Jim and Barbara's anniversary 204 00:09:15,208 --> 00:09:17,292 in another 50 years from now. 205 00:09:17,292 --> 00:09:19,375 JIM: (Unconvincingly) Oh, aye, yeah. 206 00:09:19,375 --> 00:09:21,458 Hear hear. 207 00:09:21,458 --> 00:09:24,375 And as new love turns to old and the years fade away, 208 00:09:24,375 --> 00:09:28,292 and we all return to the arms ofthe Good Lord above... 209 00:09:28,417 --> 00:09:29,958 Oh. 210 00:09:29,958 --> 00:09:31,792 Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, 211 00:09:31,792 --> 00:09:34,167 in sure and certain hope ofthe Resurrection. 212 00:09:34,292 --> 00:09:36,083 Bloody hell, Joe! 213 00:09:36,167 --> 00:09:38,250 This is a party, not a bloody wake, son! 214 00:09:38,333 --> 00:09:41,208 Bloody hell! The Resurrection? 215 00:09:41,333 --> 00:09:43,208 Mam, you make a speech. 216 00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:44,667 No! 217 00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:46,500 (Chants) Barbara! Barbara! 218 00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:49,333 Barbara! Barbara! 219 00:09:49,333 --> 00:09:51,167 All right, all right. 220 00:09:51,167 --> 00:09:52,750 All right. 221 00:09:52,750 --> 00:09:54,167 Well... 222 00:09:54,208 --> 00:09:59,958 l can't believe that it's over 50 years since l first met your dad at the town hall dance. 223 00:09:59,958 --> 00:10:00,833 Aww! 224 00:10:00,958 --> 00:10:02,375 Do you remember that, Jim? 225 00:10:02,500 --> 00:10:04,458 As though it was only yesterday. 226 00:10:04,458 --> 00:10:07,167 l was just getting my coat at the end ofthe night. 227 00:10:08,083 --> 00:10:12,083 And he tapped me on the shoulder and asked me for the last waltz. 228 00:10:12,167 --> 00:10:13,750 Aww! 229 00:10:13,833 --> 00:10:18,583 And we started to dance, and it was the most romantic moment of my life. 230 00:10:19,583 --> 00:10:21,667 And then the bouncers dragged him off. 231 00:10:21,750 --> 00:10:25,792 He'd been distracting young girls while his mate robbed their coats. 232 00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:27,875 (Laughter) 233 00:10:27,875 --> 00:10:29,167 Hang on. 234 00:10:29,167 --> 00:10:31,167 Nothing was ever proved. 235 00:10:32,625 --> 00:10:36,333 ♪ l wonder, should l go or should l stay? 236 00:10:36,333 --> 00:10:37,792 Go on, Joe. 237 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:41,958 ♪ The band had only one song left to play 238 00:10:41,958 --> 00:10:44,625 Come on, Barbara, let's roll back the years, kid. 239 00:10:44,625 --> 00:10:48,750 ♪ Then l saw her out the corner of my eye 240 00:10:50,208 --> 00:10:54,083 ♪ A little girl alone and so shy 241 00:10:54,667 --> 00:11:01,000 ALL: # l had the last waltz with you 242 00:11:02,417 --> 00:11:07,417 ♪ Two lonely people together 243 00:11:08,708 --> 00:11:14,667 ♪ l fell in love with you 244 00:11:15,333 --> 00:11:19,958 ♪ The last waltz should last forever 245 00:11:20,750 --> 00:11:25,000 ♪ La, la, la-la, la, la, la 246 00:11:25,750 --> 00:11:28,917 ♪ La, la, la-la, la, la, la 247 00:11:28,917 --> 00:11:30,333 JOE: All together! 248 00:11:30,333 --> 00:11:36,958 ♪ l had the last waltz with you... 249 00:11:37,125 --> 00:11:39,250 Tomorrow it's the same story as today... 250 00:11:39,333 --> 00:11:41,708 JIM: 100, 200... 251 00:11:42,750 --> 00:11:44,333 300... 252 00:11:44,458 --> 00:11:46,333 400... 253 00:11:46,417 --> 00:11:47,833 490... 254 00:11:47,958 --> 00:11:49,500 500... 255 00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:51,500 and that there makes f520, 256 00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:56,875 for a never more deserving father than Mr James Randolph Royle, Esquire. 257 00:11:56,875 --> 00:11:59,333 That money's for both of us, remember, Jim. 258 00:11:59,375 --> 00:12:00,583 Yeah, well... 259 00:12:00,667 --> 00:12:02,667 l'm gonna split it in half. 260 00:12:02,667 --> 00:12:06,000 I You can have that half and l'll have this little half, eh? 261 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,375 (Chuckles) 262 00:12:07,375 --> 00:12:08,833 Ohh! 263 00:12:11,667 --> 00:12:16,208 l tell you what, our Anthony's turned out to be a smashing lad, hasn't he? 264 00:12:16,333 --> 00:12:17,250 Yeah. 265 00:12:17,333 --> 00:12:21,125 Do you know what, Barb? He's generous to a fault. He's just like meself. 266 00:12:21,167 --> 00:12:24,667 Not like the other two bloody tight-arses, Denise and Dave. 267 00:12:25,708 --> 00:12:27,750 f20 for 50 years of marriage? 268 00:12:28,750 --> 00:12:30,708 lt works out at 40p a bloody year. 269 00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:32,792 Don't be so ungrateful, Jim. 270 00:12:32,792 --> 00:12:36,500 What about Cheryl, the bottom layer of a box of bloody chocolates? 271 00:12:36,667 --> 00:12:38,667 And the jewel in the crown, 272 00:12:38,667 --> 00:12:42,125 one golden egg cup off Mary, the Trevi Fountain from next bloody door. 273 00:12:42,208 --> 00:12:43,542 Leave it, Jim. 274 00:12:43,542 --> 00:12:46,000 l mean, one bloody egg cup, Barb! 275 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,792 What happens ifwe both want an egg at the same time? 276 00:12:48,917 --> 00:12:51,917 l'll have to sit and wait while you finish dipping your soldiers 277 00:12:51,917 --> 00:12:54,417 before l can put my egg in the golden egg cup. 278 00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:57,042 You can have first turn on the golden egg cup. 279 00:12:57,042 --> 00:12:59,500 l don't want first turn ofthe golden egg cup. 280 00:12:59,542 --> 00:13:02,417 l want my own golden egg cup for my own egg. 281 00:13:03,167 --> 00:13:05,167 Give over, Jim! 282 00:13:05,167 --> 00:13:09,125 ls it too much to ask that we can both have a boiled egg at the same time 283 00:13:09,125 --> 00:13:11,167 after 50 years of marriage, Barbara? 284 00:13:11,167 --> 00:13:13,208 (Door bell) 285 00:13:13,208 --> 00:13:16,958 Get that, will you? That'll be the great money box bloody robbers. 286 00:13:16,958 --> 00:13:19,000 (Mutters) Bloody box! 287 00:13:24,042 --> 00:13:26,083 DENISE: Hiya, Mam. 288 00:13:26,083 --> 00:13:28,167 - Hiya, Dave. - Hiya, Barbara. 289 00:13:28,167 --> 00:13:30,042 - Are you all right? - Yeah. 290 00:13:30,125 --> 00:13:32,042 Dad's in a mood, though. 291 00:13:32,542 --> 00:13:34,667 DAVE: Not still about the golden egg cup? 292 00:13:34,792 --> 00:13:36,750 Grr. 293 00:13:39,792 --> 00:13:41,458 - Hiya, Dad. - Hiya, Denise. 294 00:13:41,458 --> 00:13:42,708 Hiya, Jim. 295 00:13:42,750 --> 00:13:44,667 Hiya, Dave. 296 00:13:48,708 --> 00:13:52,000 lt sounds like the plot to a Famous Five adventure. 297 00:13:52,083 --> 00:13:54,083 l read them all as a kid. 298 00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:55,750 Have you had your teas? 299 00:13:55,750 --> 00:13:57,417 Yeah. 300 00:13:59,708 --> 00:14:01,333 What did you have? 301 00:14:01,333 --> 00:14:02,625 Roast chicken. 302 00:14:02,625 --> 00:14:03,875 Roast chicken? 303 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,417 Crisps. 304 00:14:06,125 --> 00:14:08,083 l had smoky bacon, Barbara. 305 00:14:08,208 --> 00:14:09,458 Aww! 306 00:14:09,542 --> 00:14:11,500 l gave the kids tomato flavour. 307 00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:13,583 You know, towards their five a day. 308 00:14:13,583 --> 00:14:15,708 Oh, Denise, aren't you good? 309 00:14:15,708 --> 00:14:18,667 Well, if l left it to them, they'd eat any old rubbish. 310 00:14:18,750 --> 00:14:20,500 Yeah. 311 00:14:22,125 --> 00:14:24,167 - Dave? - Mm? 312 00:14:24,208 --> 00:14:26,917 Would you buy your mam and dad one golden egg cup? 313 00:14:28,333 --> 00:14:31,042 Well...l might do, because... 314 00:14:31,042 --> 00:14:35,625 they could share the soldiers and put the egg in the middle 315 00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:37,708 and just take turns dipping. 316 00:14:37,708 --> 00:14:39,792 Take turns dipping? 317 00:14:39,833 --> 00:14:41,875 You're joking, aren't you? 318 00:14:41,875 --> 00:14:45,542 We've been married 50 bloody years and you want us to take turns dipping? 319 00:14:45,542 --> 00:14:48,667 Have a word with yourself, Dave. Take turns dipping? 320 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,333 Gary Barlow on The One Show, next. 321 00:14:51,375 --> 00:14:53,417 Oh, look, The One Show's coming on. 322 00:14:53,417 --> 00:14:55,542 l love The One Show. 323 00:14:55,542 --> 00:14:57,417 lt's great, The One Show. 324 00:14:57,500 --> 00:15:01,000 The One Show is the No.1 show. 325 00:15:01,792 --> 00:15:03,875 ♪ One, diddly-doo, doo 326 00:15:04,208 --> 00:15:06,125 ♪ One, diddly-doo, doo 327 00:15:06,417 --> 00:15:08,417 ♪ One, diddly-doo, doo 328 00:15:08,417 --> 00:15:10,458 (High-pitched) # One! 329 00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:17,542 How's your mum and dad, Dave? 330 00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:19,625 Oh, smashing, yeah. 331 00:15:19,625 --> 00:15:23,333 l spoke to them earlier. They're staying in tonight, watching... 332 00:15:23,333 --> 00:15:25,417 watching er... 333 00:15:26,458 --> 00:15:28,125 What's it called, now? 334 00:15:28,125 --> 00:15:29,750 The One Show. 335 00:15:29,833 --> 00:15:31,292 Oh. 336 00:15:34,083 --> 00:15:36,708 lt's a pity Twiggy couldn't make it last night. 337 00:15:37,208 --> 00:15:38,875 Oh, yeah. 338 00:15:38,875 --> 00:15:41,000 Yeah, he's like a tortoise in the winter. 339 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,667 Only, he hibernates in Strangeways every year. 340 00:15:44,333 --> 00:15:47,333 Well, he reckons it's the best time to be inside. 341 00:15:47,333 --> 00:15:49,875 He says the money he saves on his heating bills 342 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,833 helps to pay for his summer holidays. 343 00:15:51,917 --> 00:15:53,583 Yeah. 344 00:15:53,625 --> 00:15:55,958 Has she gone back now, his last Thai bride? 345 00:15:55,958 --> 00:15:57,375 Yeah. 346 00:15:57,417 --> 00:15:59,458 She was no good, that one. 347 00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:02,542 Remember when he brought her to visit for Sunday dinner? 348 00:16:02,667 --> 00:16:05,750 l mean, fair play, she made a lovely job ofthe privets. 349 00:16:05,833 --> 00:16:10,208 But she ummed and ahed for bloody hours about taking the wasps' nest out. 350 00:16:10,208 --> 00:16:11,667 She did, yeah. 351 00:16:11,667 --> 00:16:15,625 And she never replaced that jar of Sudocrem that she used on her stings. 352 00:16:15,625 --> 00:16:17,250 No, l know. 353 00:16:17,250 --> 00:16:20,208 And l needed that. l used to rub that into my Jeremy Kyles. 354 00:16:20,208 --> 00:16:23,750 She pulled a face when you asked her to do that, didn't she, Jim? 355 00:16:23,875 --> 00:16:25,833 She was no good, her. 356 00:16:26,583 --> 00:16:29,500 He's got another one on order for when he comes out. 357 00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:31,500 Oh, has he? Well. 358 00:16:31,625 --> 00:16:33,458 Third time lucky, then. 359 00:16:33,458 --> 00:16:37,083 He's always been a fool for love, has our Twiggles. 360 00:16:37,208 --> 00:16:38,083 Yeah. 361 00:16:39,458 --> 00:16:43,042 Hey, Joe was on good form last night, wasn't he? 362 00:16:43,042 --> 00:16:44,875 Oh, yeah. 363 00:16:44,875 --> 00:16:47,333 He fell asleep on the settee, in the end. 364 00:16:47,417 --> 00:16:49,417 - Did he? - Yeah, couldn't wake him. 365 00:16:49,417 --> 00:16:51,292 l had to leave him there. 366 00:16:51,958 --> 00:16:54,417 l think he had a bit of an accident in the night. 367 00:16:54,500 --> 00:16:58,792 When l came down this morning, he was drying the cushions in front ofthe fire. 368 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:02,167 Bloody hell, Barb, you never told me that. 369 00:17:02,958 --> 00:17:05,042 He had the gas fire on? 370 00:17:05,042 --> 00:17:09,333 ls it only bloody Cheryl in that house with any bladder control? 371 00:17:09,333 --> 00:17:11,208 (Laughter) 372 00:17:16,250 --> 00:17:20,333 Hey, have you decided where you're gonna go with your anniversary money? 373 00:17:20,375 --> 00:17:22,833 Tomorrow l'm gonna toodle off down to Curry's, 374 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:26,375 where l shall purchase a Sky HD box. 375 00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:30,167 Dad, that money was for a romantic holiday. 376 00:17:30,542 --> 00:17:33,208 Do you know, l've only had one holiday in my life. 377 00:17:33,833 --> 00:17:36,750 And that was a week for our honeymoon in Ormskirk. 378 00:17:36,750 --> 00:17:38,708 - Do you remember it, Jim? - Yeah. 379 00:17:38,833 --> 00:17:41,958 That's when you got your little Jim stuck in your zip. 380 00:17:41,958 --> 00:17:43,417 (Jim guffaws) 381 00:17:44,875 --> 00:17:46,292 Yeowwh! 382 00:17:46,292 --> 00:17:48,000 Do you remember? 383 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,167 lt had a life of its own in them days, Barb. 384 00:17:50,167 --> 00:17:53,125 He was in casualty for four hours, you know, Denise. 385 00:17:53,250 --> 00:17:54,833 - Was he? - Yeah. 386 00:17:54,833 --> 00:17:58,250 Tell you what, a lovely little nurse mended it for me, Dave. 387 00:17:58,917 --> 00:18:01,708 She said, ''That's gonna need two stitches in it.'' 388 00:18:01,708 --> 00:18:05,250 But you know, by the time she'd finished messing round with it, 389 00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:07,292 it needed five. 390 00:18:09,917 --> 00:18:11,583 Now, you know what l mean, Dave. 391 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,917 l'd love to go abroad. 392 00:18:15,917 --> 00:18:18,000 Yeah. 393 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,875 To Spain or Portugal or the Bermuda Triangle. 394 00:18:20,875 --> 00:18:22,833 Somewhere lovely like that. 395 00:18:22,958 --> 00:18:25,542 Bloody hell, Barb, you're not Michael Palin. 396 00:18:25,542 --> 00:18:27,500 What's wrong with this country? 397 00:18:30,083 --> 00:18:32,833 l've heard a lot about the north-south divide. 398 00:18:32,833 --> 00:18:34,667 l fancy going there. 399 00:18:34,750 --> 00:18:37,542 The north-south divide, Dave? Where's that, then? 400 00:18:37,542 --> 00:18:40,708 l don't know, but apparently you can see it from space. 401 00:18:40,750 --> 00:18:42,792 - Oh! - Can you, balls! 402 00:18:43,458 --> 00:18:45,833 That's Hadrian's Wall, you silly git! 403 00:18:48,375 --> 00:18:50,417 Do you know where l fancy going? 404 00:18:50,417 --> 00:18:51,750 Yves Saint-Laurent. 405 00:18:51,833 --> 00:18:53,792 Oh, Denise, that sounds gorgeous! 406 00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:55,792 Where's that, then? 407 00:18:55,792 --> 00:18:57,875 lt's in France, in the... 408 00:18:57,875 --> 00:18:59,958 in the north, or the other one. 409 00:19:00,625 --> 00:19:02,458 Where all the nice chateaus are. 410 00:19:03,292 --> 00:19:05,333 Chateau, my arse! 411 00:19:07,583 --> 00:19:12,042 Hey, Dave, where was it last year that your mum and dad went and really enjoyed it? 412 00:19:12,042 --> 00:19:14,292 Jodrell Bank. 413 00:19:14,292 --> 00:19:16,250 Did they like it, Dave? 414 00:19:16,250 --> 00:19:18,042 They liked it for the first week, 415 00:19:18,042 --> 00:19:21,000 but they said, after a fortnight, it got a bit samey. 416 00:19:22,792 --> 00:19:24,500 Where are they going this year, Dave? 417 00:19:24,708 --> 00:19:25,667 Wyevale. 418 00:19:25,750 --> 00:19:28,167 - The garden centre? - Yeah. 419 00:19:31,542 --> 00:19:33,333 - We're going abroad. - Bloody hell. 420 00:19:33,333 --> 00:19:35,417 What's wrong with this country, love? 421 00:19:35,417 --> 00:19:38,375 There's people queuing up to get in and you can't wait to get out. 422 00:19:38,375 --> 00:19:41,750 What am l gonna say to the Social ifthey see me in a sombrero 423 00:19:41,833 --> 00:19:43,750 and a donkey under my blinking arm? 424 00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:48,042 Jim, for once in my life, l am putting my foot down. 425 00:19:48,167 --> 00:19:53,042 And we are going to spend our 50th wedding anniversary abroad! 426 00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:55,125 And that is that! 427 00:20:15,125 --> 00:20:17,625 How many miles is it to Prestatyn now, David? 428 00:20:18,333 --> 00:20:22,125 According to the sat nav, it's 95 kilometres. 429 00:20:22,125 --> 00:20:24,625 l never thought l'd see this in my lifetime, 430 00:20:24,625 --> 00:20:26,708 a car being driven by a sat nav. 431 00:20:26,708 --> 00:20:30,875 The sat nav's not driving the car, Barbs. Dave's driving the bloody car. 432 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:35,208 Dave's never drove in kilometres before, have you, Dave? 433 00:20:35,208 --> 00:20:37,250 - No. - What's it like, Dave? 434 00:20:37,250 --> 00:20:41,917 Well, to me, it feels like just the same as driving in miles. 435 00:20:41,917 --> 00:20:44,000 You do it very well, Dave. 436 00:20:44,125 --> 00:20:48,708 Bloody kilometres! It's them bloody Europeans pissing everything about, isn't it? 437 00:20:48,708 --> 00:20:52,417 Bloody kilometres! Now everything's that much further away. 438 00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:54,917 No wonder it takes us longer to get anywhere. 439 00:20:54,917 --> 00:20:56,792 Would you like a Tic Tac, Dave? 440 00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:00,125 No, thanks, Barbara, l'm still full from the breakfast. 441 00:21:01,333 --> 00:21:04,667 SAT MAV_. After 400 metres, keep right. 442 00:21:04,833 --> 00:21:06,750 After 400 metres, keep right. 443 00:21:07,583 --> 00:21:12,417 ln't it clever how she knows exactly where we're going, and we only decided on Friday? 444 00:21:12,417 --> 00:21:14,042 Oh, aye, yeah. 445 00:21:14,042 --> 00:21:16,708 l think it's maybe women's intuition. 446 00:21:19,875 --> 00:21:21,083 (Horn blares) 447 00:21:21,083 --> 00:21:23,708 - Oooh! - Bloody hell, Dave! What happened? 448 00:21:23,792 --> 00:21:25,417 He cut me up, didn't he? 449 00:21:25,458 --> 00:21:27,958 The stupid git! Flash him, Dave, flash him! 450 00:21:28,958 --> 00:21:31,167 Oh, that's bloody told him, that has. 451 00:21:31,208 --> 00:21:33,292 He'll think twice before he does that again. 452 00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:38,000 You waved your bloody wipers at him and squirted water on your bloody windscreen! 453 00:21:38,125 --> 00:21:41,625 lt's Twiggy's car, in't it? They're on a different side in my van. 454 00:21:46,750 --> 00:21:48,667 Hey, look what Twiggy's got in here. 455 00:21:48,708 --> 00:21:50,750 - What? - A disabled badge. 456 00:21:52,792 --> 00:21:56,125 l tell you what. He doesn't give a bloody toss, him, does he? 457 00:21:56,125 --> 00:21:59,500 How bloody low can you stoop? A disabled badge. 458 00:22:01,417 --> 00:22:05,292 Hey, Dave, we'll be able to park anywhere we bloody like in Prestatyn with that. 459 00:22:05,417 --> 00:22:07,500 Oh, yeah! (Chuckles) 460 00:22:07,500 --> 00:22:11,250 The holiday's already started for me, Dave. l'm on the old loopy juice. 461 00:22:11,292 --> 00:22:13,333 Oh, yes. 462 00:22:13,833 --> 00:22:16,833 SAT MAV_. After 200 metres, keep left. 463 00:22:17,500 --> 00:22:20,208 After 200 metres, keep left. 464 00:22:20,208 --> 00:22:24,333 Dave, first thing in the morning, we get up nice and early, 1 1 o'clock, half 1 1 . 465 00:22:24,333 --> 00:22:28,667 Full English breakfast - bacon, egg, sausage, beans, tomato, mushrooms, black pudding... 466 00:22:28,667 --> 00:22:31,333 - You did bring the black pudding, Barb? - Yeah. 467 00:22:31,417 --> 00:22:33,458 Then when Barbs is washing the dishes, 468 00:22:33,458 --> 00:22:37,250 me and you will go and sort out the local social club for a few pints. 469 00:22:37,375 --> 00:22:38,458 Oh-ho! 470 00:22:38,458 --> 00:22:41,833 l will get the first drink in, then you can get the rest in, OK? 471 00:22:41,833 --> 00:22:44,833 Then we'll go back to the caravan for a bit of a light lunch. 472 00:22:44,833 --> 00:22:47,375 Nothing too heavy, a little corned beef hash 473 00:22:47,417 --> 00:22:49,583 and maybe a couple of dumplings, eh, Barb? 474 00:22:49,708 --> 00:22:50,667 Yeah. 475 00:22:50,667 --> 00:22:53,667 Can l have eggy bread for breakfast, please, Barbara? 476 00:22:53,750 --> 00:22:55,250 Eggy bread, Dave? 477 00:22:55,250 --> 00:22:58,167 Bloody hell, it's Barbara's bloody holiday as well. 478 00:22:58,208 --> 00:23:00,458 Of course you can have eggy bread, Dave. 479 00:23:01,750 --> 00:23:03,750 What is it? 480 00:23:03,833 --> 00:23:06,458 Well, it's a slice of bread... 481 00:23:07,125 --> 00:23:11,667 that's been marin-in-nated on both sides in raw egg, 482 00:23:11,667 --> 00:23:13,500 and then fried up in a frying pan. 483 00:23:13,625 --> 00:23:15,625 Oh, that sounds lovely. 484 00:23:15,625 --> 00:23:18,917 Do you know, l think l might have some eggy bread. 485 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,333 Mam, can l have eggy bread as well? 486 00:23:21,458 --> 00:23:22,875 Yeah. 487 00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,375 Go on, then, l'll have eggy bread as well. 488 00:23:25,417 --> 00:23:26,667 Hee-hee! 489 00:23:26,667 --> 00:23:30,375 Do you know, if anyone had told me 50 years ago when l got married, 490 00:23:30,750 --> 00:23:35,833 that one day l'd be going on a holiday with my lovely family and having eggy bread, 491 00:23:35,958 --> 00:23:37,792 l'd never have believed them. 492 00:23:38,625 --> 00:23:40,583 SAT MAV_. Ahead, keep left. 493 00:23:40,667 --> 00:23:42,667 (Mimics voice) Ahead, keep left. 494 00:23:42,750 --> 00:23:45,542 - Hasn't she got a nice voice? BARBARA: Yeah. 495 00:23:45,542 --> 00:23:47,125 How far now, Dave? 496 00:23:47,333 --> 00:23:48,750 91 kilometres. 497 00:23:48,792 --> 00:23:50,750 Bloody hell, l could do with a piss. 498 00:23:50,833 --> 00:23:52,833 Didn't you have one before you set off? 499 00:23:52,917 --> 00:23:55,250 - Yeah. - Well, what do you want one now for? 500 00:23:55,250 --> 00:23:58,167 Bloody hell, Barbara, who are you, the piss police? 501 00:23:59,083 --> 00:24:02,167 SAT MAV_. After 400 metres, keep left. 502 00:24:02,667 --> 00:24:05,208 Hey, Barb, you can get that job as the sat nav voice. 503 00:24:05,208 --> 00:24:09,500 We're that desperate to hear the back of you, you'd get there in halfthe time. 504 00:24:10,333 --> 00:24:11,833 Cheeky! 505 00:24:20,792 --> 00:24:22,833 (All sing along to radio) 506 00:24:28,125 --> 00:24:30,125 ♪ Sun is in the sky, oh, why, oh, why 507 00:24:30,125 --> 00:24:32,167 ♪ Would l wanna be anywhere else? 508 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:34,958 ♪ Sun is in the sky, oh, why, oh, why 509 00:24:34,958 --> 00:24:36,958 ♪ Would l wanna be anywhere else? 510 00:24:47,417 --> 00:24:49,375 ♪ Sun is in the sky, oh, why, oh, why 511 00:24:49,375 --> 00:24:51,458 ♪ Would l wanna be anywhere else? 512 00:24:52,333 --> 00:24:54,333 ♪ Sun is in the sky, oh, why, oh, why 513 00:24:54,375 --> 00:24:56,417 ♪ Would l wanna be anywhere else? 514 00:25:03,292 --> 00:25:06,833 SA_ MmVl_. A_er 1 OO metres, keep right. 515 00:25:06,833 --> 00:25:08,833 - Good company, in't she? - Yeah. 516 00:25:09,708 --> 00:25:13,333 Dave, will you stop flirting with the sat-nav lady? 517 00:25:13,417 --> 00:25:15,125 l'm only being polite. 518 00:25:15,333 --> 00:25:17,625 You're not, Dave. You're flirting with her. 519 00:25:17,750 --> 00:25:20,958 When l ask you to do something, you um and ah about it. 520 00:25:21,042 --> 00:25:23,750 She asks you to do something and you do it straightaway. 521 00:25:23,875 --> 00:25:25,125 Don't be daft! 522 00:25:25,125 --> 00:25:26,792 Turn her off, Dave. 523 00:25:26,833 --> 00:25:29,875 l don't know about turning her off, l think she's turning him on. 524 00:25:29,875 --> 00:25:33,583 Leave him alone. It's the least he can do after all the help she's given us. 525 00:25:33,625 --> 00:25:36,167 She has got a really sexy voice, though, Dave, 526 00:25:36,250 --> 00:25:38,083 l'll give you that, son. 527 00:25:40,292 --> 00:25:42,167 She reminds me of someone, you know. 528 00:25:43,542 --> 00:25:46,167 She reminds me of Beverly Macker. 529 00:25:47,667 --> 00:25:49,083 Jim. 530 00:25:49,208 --> 00:25:51,208 l bet you wouldn't mind her guiding you in, eh? 531 00:25:52,167 --> 00:25:53,292 Again. 532 00:25:53,292 --> 00:25:54,625 (Jim chuckles) 533 00:25:54,625 --> 00:25:57,833 Dad, will you leave Beverly Macker out of it? 534 00:25:57,833 --> 00:25:59,500 We're on our holidays. 535 00:26:01,958 --> 00:26:06,000 How much further? l'm bursting. You'll have to pull up on the hard shoulder. 536 00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:08,000 There is no hard shoulder here. 537 00:26:08,625 --> 00:26:10,792 Are you gonna give the kids a ring, Denise? 538 00:26:10,833 --> 00:26:12,375 No, l'll... 539 00:26:12,500 --> 00:26:14,833 l'll send them a postcard when we get there. 540 00:26:17,333 --> 00:26:19,292 Will you buy one for me, Dave? 541 00:26:19,292 --> 00:26:20,958 Yeah. 542 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:22,958 Will you write it for me, Mam? 543 00:26:22,958 --> 00:26:24,667 Yeah. 544 00:26:24,667 --> 00:26:26,417 Will you post it for me, Dad? 545 00:26:26,417 --> 00:26:27,500 Yeah. 546 00:26:27,500 --> 00:26:29,083 Ah. 547 00:26:29,167 --> 00:26:32,375 They're gonna be really made up, getting a postcard off me. 548 00:26:33,125 --> 00:26:36,042 You never ever stop being a mother, do you? 549 00:26:36,042 --> 00:26:37,917 No, no. 550 00:26:39,333 --> 00:26:41,292 (Water flowing into container) 551 00:26:42,833 --> 00:26:46,500 Oh, Jim, don't be so disgusting! 552 00:26:46,500 --> 00:26:47,750 Dad! 553 00:26:47,833 --> 00:26:50,417 lt's Dave's bloody fault, he wouldn't stop. 554 00:26:50,500 --> 00:26:52,500 Shit, now l've gone and spilt it. 555 00:26:52,500 --> 00:26:55,125 Oh, Jim, not on our holidays! 556 00:26:56,417 --> 00:26:59,917 l tell you what, it's a bloody good job it's a two-litre bottle. 557 00:27:00,958 --> 00:27:03,042 Jim, you are revolting. 558 00:27:19,625 --> 00:27:21,625 DENISE: ''Welcome to Happyside. 559 00:27:21,708 --> 00:27:26,042 Happyside Holiday Park is affectionately known as the Pearl of Prestatyn. 560 00:27:26,042 --> 00:27:28,000 Oooh! 561 00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:32,667 Known for its Welsh hospitality, come and take a sample. 562 00:27:32,750 --> 00:27:34,750 The complex...'' 563 00:27:34,750 --> 00:27:36,208 Complex? 564 00:27:36,208 --> 00:27:42,292 ''..boasts a variety of facilities, including a children's sand pit filled with Welsh sand...'' 565 00:27:42,333 --> 00:27:43,667 Welsh sand? 566 00:27:43,667 --> 00:27:45,667 ''..our five-pin bowling alley, 567 00:27:45,750 --> 00:27:48,250 and a partially-stocked shop.'' 568 00:27:48,750 --> 00:27:51,083 A partially-stocked shop! 569 00:27:51,083 --> 00:27:52,667 Five-pin bowling! 570 00:27:52,667 --> 00:27:54,708 ''For the hungry beavers amongst you, 571 00:27:54,708 --> 00:28:01,125 the Hungry Beaver carvery prides itself on having all three meats on at any one time.'' 572 00:28:01,125 --> 00:28:03,042 Oh, all three meats! 573 00:28:03,167 --> 00:28:05,500 l told you. What did you need to go abroad for? 574 00:28:06,458 --> 00:28:10,500 ''Trips out to nearby attractions include the miniature golf course, 575 00:28:10,500 --> 00:28:14,042 the model railway centre and the miniature village.'' 576 00:28:14,083 --> 00:28:16,667 Bloody hell, Denise, is there anything full-sized? 577 00:28:17,833 --> 00:28:21,083 l bet you Ronnie Corbett's got a time-share at Happyside. 578 00:28:24,417 --> 00:28:28,333 ''A wooden ramp is available for all our disabled friends on request. 579 00:28:29,083 --> 00:28:31,625 However, 24 hours' notice is required.'' 580 00:28:31,750 --> 00:28:34,917 They think of everything at Happyside, don't they? 581 00:28:34,917 --> 00:28:37,333 lt's the dog's bollocks by the sound of it. 582 00:28:37,417 --> 00:28:38,333 Yeah. 583 00:28:38,333 --> 00:28:40,417 ''Please note, all the above... 584 00:28:40,417 --> 00:28:41,875 amenities... 585 00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:44,083 are available throughout the season, 586 00:28:44,125 --> 00:28:46,667 up until the end of October, 587 00:28:47,417 --> 00:28:50,125 when the park winds down for the winter months.'' 588 00:28:50,167 --> 00:28:51,792 - What? - What? 589 00:28:51,833 --> 00:28:57,208 ''However, the kiddies' club, hosted by Peter Pirate and his Purple Parrot Percy, 590 00:28:57,333 --> 00:28:59,250 is open throughout the year.'' 591 00:28:59,250 --> 00:29:02,750 Bloody hell, Denise! Is that all we've got to look forward to, 592 00:29:02,833 --> 00:29:04,875 at the Pearl of pissing Prestatyn? 593 00:29:04,875 --> 00:29:10,083 Sitting in a Welsh sandpit with Peter the Pirate and Percy, his Purple Pissing Parrot? Hell! 594 00:29:20,500 --> 00:29:23,292 SAT NAV: Go left up the roundabout. Second exit. 595 00:29:23,292 --> 00:29:25,250 Which one's the second? 596 00:29:25,250 --> 00:29:27,833 That bloody one in front of you, you dopey sod! 597 00:29:27,833 --> 00:29:29,792 - Which one? - The bloody left one! 598 00:29:29,917 --> 00:29:31,667 Which left? 599 00:29:31,667 --> 00:29:34,167 Your left, my left, everyone's bloody left! 600 00:29:35,333 --> 00:29:37,458 Here, to the left! Where the lights are. 601 00:29:37,458 --> 00:29:39,500 ''Happyside Park, turn left.'' 602 00:29:39,500 --> 00:29:42,375 - Look at the bloody thing. SAT MAV_. Take the exit. 603 00:29:42,500 --> 00:29:44,458 - This one? - Yes! 604 00:29:45,292 --> 00:29:47,792 SAT MAV_. You have reached your destination. 605 00:29:52,375 --> 00:29:54,333 (Groans) 606 00:29:59,458 --> 00:30:01,458 To the left a bit, Dave, then up. 607 00:30:03,958 --> 00:30:06,000 That's it. That's it. 608 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:07,917 No, it's bloody gone again. 609 00:30:07,958 --> 00:30:10,167 Dave, stop waving the bloody thing about. 610 00:30:10,167 --> 00:30:12,708 You're not conducting the Philharmonic Orchestra. 611 00:30:14,125 --> 00:30:15,833 That's it! 612 00:30:15,833 --> 00:30:17,250 No-o-o. 613 00:30:17,333 --> 00:30:18,833 Higher, Dave. 614 00:30:18,958 --> 00:30:20,667 Higher, higher. 615 00:30:20,792 --> 00:30:22,208 Even higher. Go on. 616 00:30:22,333 --> 00:30:23,750 Higher, Dave. 617 00:30:23,833 --> 00:30:24,917 (Cheering) 618 00:30:25,958 --> 00:30:27,750 What's that like? 619 00:30:27,875 --> 00:30:29,958 Dave, higher. Higher! 620 00:30:29,958 --> 00:30:31,667 lt's raining out here. 621 00:30:31,667 --> 00:30:33,917 Don't worry about that. That's perfect. 622 00:30:35,083 --> 00:30:35,917 (Groans) 623 00:30:35,917 --> 00:30:38,000 Forget it, Dave, you're bloody useless. 624 00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:41,125 lf you want anything doing here, do it your bloody self. 625 00:30:41,125 --> 00:30:42,833 Barb, get up there, love. 626 00:30:42,958 --> 00:30:46,083 Why don't we just switch it off and make conversation? 627 00:30:49,333 --> 00:30:52,542 Switch the television off and have a bloody conversation? 628 00:30:52,542 --> 00:30:53,708 Yeah. 629 00:30:53,792 --> 00:30:57,333 l haven't travelled 95 kilometres to the Pearl of bloody Prestatyn 630 00:30:57,333 --> 00:31:01,833 to have a conversation l could've had 95 kilometres back the other bloody way. 631 00:31:02,708 --> 00:31:04,083 l'm going for a shite. 632 00:31:04,125 --> 00:31:05,417 Charming. 633 00:31:05,417 --> 00:31:08,542 - l've been baking it since bloody Runcorn. - Eugh, Jim! 634 00:31:08,542 --> 00:31:10,625 Bloody hell, l don't know. 635 00:31:14,125 --> 00:31:16,208 No bloody toilet paper here, Barb. 636 00:31:16,208 --> 00:31:18,042 l'll go and get some. 637 00:31:18,042 --> 00:31:20,083 - Have we got a picture yet? - Dad! 638 00:31:20,958 --> 00:31:22,833 Shut that door! 639 00:31:22,833 --> 00:31:24,667 l can't get my bloody knees in, can l? 640 00:31:24,667 --> 00:31:28,833 l don't know about visiting a bloody miniature village, l think we're living in the bugger. 641 00:31:29,542 --> 00:31:31,542 Have we got a picture yet? 642 00:31:31,542 --> 00:31:32,625 No. 643 00:31:32,625 --> 00:31:34,458 (Chuckles) Bloody hell, here you are. 644 00:31:34,458 --> 00:31:37,167 There's a picture of Cilla Black with Dale Winton. 645 00:31:37,167 --> 00:31:39,083 Hasn't she got any straight mates? 646 00:31:39,250 --> 00:31:42,167 Every time you see her, she's on the arm of some poof! 647 00:31:42,167 --> 00:31:45,500 There's another one here with Paul O'Grady. (Chuckles) 648 00:31:45,500 --> 00:31:48,833 She's like the Pied Piper of poofters, isn't she, Cilla? 649 00:31:50,875 --> 00:31:53,250 - l don't believe it. - What's wrong, Mam? 650 00:31:53,250 --> 00:31:55,333 There's no chip pan. 651 00:31:55,417 --> 00:31:57,500 No chip pan? 652 00:31:57,500 --> 00:32:00,583 - No chip pan? - No chip pan? 653 00:32:00,667 --> 00:32:02,667 There must be one somewhere. 654 00:32:02,667 --> 00:32:04,750 You'd think so, wouldn't you? 655 00:32:04,750 --> 00:32:09,667 Surely they don't expect you to spend a week in the Pearl of Prestatyn without a chip pan? 656 00:32:09,708 --> 00:32:11,750 What are we gonna do? 657 00:32:11,792 --> 00:32:13,000 Well... 658 00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:15,958 l could make us all jacket potatoes. 659 00:32:16,083 --> 00:32:18,083 (Cries of protest) 660 00:32:18,208 --> 00:32:21,958 Jacket potatoes on our holidays in the Pearl of bloody Prestatyn? 661 00:32:21,958 --> 00:32:24,417 You want to have a bloody word with yourself. 662 00:32:24,500 --> 00:32:26,500 (Mutters) Jacket bloody potatoes? 663 00:32:28,208 --> 00:32:30,292 Jacket potatoes? 664 00:32:30,292 --> 00:32:32,375 l can't think of anything worse. 665 00:32:36,333 --> 00:32:37,917 DENISE: Hey. 666 00:32:38,958 --> 00:32:41,458 They've got a picture on their telly next door. 667 00:32:41,667 --> 00:32:43,542 - What? - Oh, yeah. 668 00:32:43,667 --> 00:32:45,625 Come and have a look, Dave. 669 00:32:47,083 --> 00:32:49,042 Ooh, it's The One Show. 670 00:32:50,375 --> 00:32:52,250 ♪ One, diddly-doo, doo 671 00:32:52,708 --> 00:32:54,542 ♪ One, diddly-doo, doo 672 00:32:54,958 --> 00:32:57,000 ♪ One, diddly-doo, doo 673 00:32:57,042 --> 00:32:59,083 ♪ One! 674 00:32:59,083 --> 00:33:01,083 Who's on it? 675 00:33:02,042 --> 00:33:03,917 Erm...l think it's the Hairy Bikers. 676 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:05,792 Oh, no. 677 00:33:05,833 --> 00:33:07,875 No, it's Trinny and Susannah. 678 00:33:09,667 --> 00:33:13,750 'Ey, Jim, they're having chops for their tea next door. 679 00:33:13,875 --> 00:33:15,958 DAVE: And they're having mash with it. 680 00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:17,583 Ooh. 681 00:33:17,625 --> 00:33:19,625 They mustn't have a chip pan, either. 682 00:33:19,625 --> 00:33:21,125 No. 683 00:33:21,792 --> 00:33:25,833 Oh, he's putting tomato sauce on his chop now. 684 00:33:26,792 --> 00:33:30,417 Tomato sauce on his bloody chop? The ignorant bloody pigs! 685 00:33:32,292 --> 00:33:34,375 DAVE: l wish that was my chop. 686 00:33:34,375 --> 00:33:36,417 BARBARA: l wish it was my chop. 687 00:33:36,458 --> 00:33:38,500 DENISE: l wish that was my chop. 688 00:33:39,042 --> 00:33:41,167 Are they having any veg with that, Barb? 689 00:33:41,167 --> 00:33:43,292 - Yeah, peas. - Peas. 690 00:33:43,292 --> 00:33:45,375 l'd be having peas as well, if l was them. 691 00:33:45,542 --> 00:33:47,500 They've seen us! 692 00:33:47,500 --> 00:33:49,542 Get down, Dave. 693 00:33:53,167 --> 00:33:55,125 See what they're doing now, Dave. 694 00:33:58,708 --> 00:34:00,542 What are they doing, Dave? 695 00:34:00,542 --> 00:34:02,250 Staring at me. 696 00:34:02,333 --> 00:34:04,542 They're staring at you? The nosy buggers! 697 00:34:04,667 --> 00:34:06,625 Just show them your arse, Dave. 698 00:34:08,167 --> 00:34:10,125 They've shut the curtains now. 699 00:34:10,875 --> 00:34:13,208 Take no bloody notice ofthe nosy buggers. 700 00:34:13,208 --> 00:34:15,292 Any luck with the old telly, Dave? 701 00:34:15,292 --> 00:34:17,333 No, still no picture. 702 00:34:17,333 --> 00:34:22,083 l've got a right bloody picture here ofthe other snivelling, supercilious little sod, 703 00:34:22,083 --> 00:34:24,250 Piers bloody Morgan. 704 00:34:24,250 --> 00:34:26,333 - l tell you what. - (Rips paper) 705 00:34:26,333 --> 00:34:29,375 l won't be needing any bloody toilet paper now, Barb. 706 00:34:58,833 --> 00:34:59,792 Six! 707 00:34:59,792 --> 00:35:01,792 - Oh. - Six it is. 708 00:35:01,958 --> 00:35:04,000 - Six, Dave. - Yeah. 709 00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:06,042 One, two, three, four, five, six. 710 00:35:06,125 --> 00:35:09,333 Right. Ha-ha! l'm gonna have a guess! 711 00:35:09,333 --> 00:35:11,333 (Scottish accent) There's been a murder. 712 00:35:11,333 --> 00:35:13,375 JIM: Fire away, Miss Marple. 713 00:35:13,417 --> 00:35:17,542 l think...it's Mr Plums... 714 00:35:17,542 --> 00:35:20,750 lt's not ''Mr Plums,'' Barb. It's Professor Plum. 715 00:35:21,458 --> 00:35:24,583 Mr Plums was the strip-o-gram we had down at the Feathers. 716 00:35:24,583 --> 00:35:26,292 Oh, yeah, he was. 717 00:35:26,458 --> 00:35:28,708 He studied all his bloody life to be a professor 718 00:35:28,708 --> 00:35:31,417 and you've now got him down as a bloody strip-o-gram. 719 00:35:31,417 --> 00:35:33,667 All right. 720 00:35:34,708 --> 00:35:37,042 Professor Plums... 721 00:35:37,750 --> 00:35:40,958 ..in the library with the rope. 722 00:35:41,750 --> 00:35:44,708 Well, you're wrong - because l've got the library. 723 00:35:44,708 --> 00:35:46,667 Ah-ha-ha! 724 00:35:46,750 --> 00:35:48,833 There's been a murder! 725 00:35:48,917 --> 00:35:52,375 Now...lnspector Royle... 726 00:35:53,208 --> 00:35:55,333 ..is about to have a guess. 727 00:35:55,333 --> 00:35:57,958 There's been a murder! 728 00:35:59,042 --> 00:36:02,500 l've thoroughly exhausted my line of enquiry... 729 00:36:03,375 --> 00:36:07,708 ..and l'm pleased to announce that the murderer is none other than... 730 00:36:07,708 --> 00:36:09,792 (Mimics dramatic fanfare) 731 00:36:12,250 --> 00:36:17,250 ..Colonel Mustard, in the billiard room with the jolly old lead piping. 732 00:36:17,250 --> 00:36:21,750 - Ha-ha! - l've won! Cos look, l've got Colonel Mustard! 733 00:36:21,833 --> 00:36:23,292 There's been a murder! 734 00:36:23,375 --> 00:36:26,167 Fancy me having the murderer all this time. 735 00:36:26,167 --> 00:36:28,750 You haven't bloody won. The murderer's got to be in there. 736 00:36:28,875 --> 00:36:30,167 There's been a murder! 737 00:36:30,250 --> 00:36:34,542 Dave, you know, if you say, ''There's been a murder!'' one more time, 738 00:36:34,542 --> 00:36:36,417 l'll bloody murder you! 739 00:36:36,417 --> 00:36:39,417 Well, give me Colonel Mustard, l'll put him in there, 740 00:36:39,458 --> 00:36:41,375 and then l'll have my guess? 741 00:36:41,375 --> 00:36:42,417 What...? 742 00:36:42,500 --> 00:36:45,125 l knew you lot didn't know how to play the bloody game! 743 00:36:45,125 --> 00:36:47,750 - Oh, balls to it! - Oh, Dad! 744 00:36:47,792 --> 00:36:50,167 There's been a murder! 745 00:36:51,125 --> 00:36:52,792 - Dad! - Jim! 746 00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:01,875 (Cheering) 747 00:37:06,958 --> 00:37:09,417 (Chuckles) 748 00:37:13,583 --> 00:37:15,667 Whoa! 749 00:37:15,667 --> 00:37:17,708 ''Farts.'' 750 00:37:19,542 --> 00:37:21,583 (Laughter) 751 00:37:25,333 --> 00:37:27,042 l knew it was you. 752 00:37:27,083 --> 00:37:29,708 l knew it was you all along. Did you? 753 00:37:30,542 --> 00:37:32,583 l never did. l'm a loser. 754 00:37:32,583 --> 00:37:35,917 OK, that's the end of the General Knowledge round 755 00:37:35,917 --> 00:37:38,167 for Dave's Big Quiz. 756 00:37:38,167 --> 00:37:41,542 - Everybody enjoying it? - (All cheer) 757 00:37:41,542 --> 00:37:45,417 - Anyone want to know the scores? ALL: Yes. 758 00:37:45,417 --> 00:37:52,000 Jim, you're...two, four, six, eight, ten, 1 2, 1 4 points. 759 00:37:52,083 --> 00:37:53,125 Hey, hey! 760 00:37:53,125 --> 00:37:57,958 Barbara, you're one, two... Two points. 761 00:37:57,958 --> 00:38:02,708 Denise, you're one... One point. 762 00:38:02,708 --> 00:38:04,333 (Disappointed groans) 763 00:38:04,333 --> 00:38:08,958 - Anyway, on to the Showbiz section. - Oh, l'll be brilliant at this. 764 00:38:08,958 --> 00:38:15,250 OK. Which gastric-banded TV presenter is married to TV chef Phil Vickery? 765 00:38:15,333 --> 00:38:18,250 BOTH: Fern Britton. - Correct. 766 00:38:18,250 --> 00:38:20,792 As fast as he makes anything, she bloody eats it! 767 00:38:21,375 --> 00:38:24,667 One point each for Denise and Barbara. 768 00:38:24,667 --> 00:38:27,375 Which showbiz personality 769 00:38:27,375 --> 00:38:29,667 is most famous for bending... 770 00:38:29,708 --> 00:38:31,542 Dale Winton. 771 00:38:31,542 --> 00:38:34,083 ..spoons...and forks? 772 00:38:34,208 --> 00:38:36,958 Erm... Uri Geller! 773 00:38:36,958 --> 00:38:39,875 Correct. Well done, Denise. 774 00:38:39,875 --> 00:38:42,750 Which famous celebrity quiz show host 775 00:38:42,750 --> 00:38:45,917 has a self-satisfied wink at the end of every show? 776 00:38:45,917 --> 00:38:47,542 - Noel Edmonds. - No. 777 00:38:47,583 --> 00:38:49,333 - Ann Robinson. - Correct. 778 00:38:49,333 --> 00:38:50,000 Yes! 779 00:38:50,167 --> 00:38:51,917 Oh, ''wink''. 780 00:38:51,917 --> 00:38:54,000 (Both laugh) 781 00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:59,125 Who famously said, ''l want to be alone''? 782 00:38:59,125 --> 00:39:01,167 ''l want to be alone...'' 783 00:39:01,208 --> 00:39:03,167 (Muttering) 784 00:39:03,167 --> 00:39:05,500 l'll have to hurry you. 785 00:39:05,500 --> 00:39:08,708 - Is it Terry Waite? - Was it balls, Terry Waite! 786 00:39:08,792 --> 00:39:10,792 He didn't want to be alone, did he? 787 00:39:10,917 --> 00:39:13,875 He was held captive, that poor sod, for bloody five years. 788 00:39:13,875 --> 00:39:16,833 - And tied to a bloody radiator. - (Enlightened sighs) 789 00:39:16,958 --> 00:39:19,208 Well, at least he was warm. 790 00:39:19,333 --> 00:39:22,125 - Oh, yeah. - Nobody knew it, then. 791 00:39:22,208 --> 00:39:25,208 The answer is Greeta Jarbo. 792 00:39:25,208 --> 00:39:27,667 JIM: ''Greeta Jarbo''? 793 00:39:27,667 --> 00:39:30,875 You know what you are, Dave? Onejormlessjet. 794 00:39:30,875 --> 00:39:32,958 (Others laugh) 795 00:39:33,917 --> 00:39:36,125 No points. 796 00:39:37,708 --> 00:39:42,292 Who won a BAFTA for his sensitive portrayal 797 00:39:42,292 --> 00:39:44,958 ofthe poof Quentin Crisp? 798 00:39:45,042 --> 00:39:47,375 - Was it Louis Walsh? - No. 799 00:39:47,458 --> 00:39:49,542 Oh, was it Gok Wan? 800 00:39:49,542 --> 00:39:51,417 - No. JIM: l don't knowwho it was. 801 00:39:51,458 --> 00:39:55,333 But whoever it was, he'll be out there somewhere on Cilla Black's arm. 802 00:39:56,167 --> 00:39:57,917 - Don't know it? - Who was it, Dave? 803 00:39:57,917 --> 00:39:59,333 Quentin Crisps. 804 00:39:59,417 --> 00:40:03,083 No, Dave, who played the part ofthe sensitive poof? 805 00:40:03,167 --> 00:40:07,417 - John Hurt. - Ooh, l'll bet it did! Ooh! Ooh! 806 00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:16,125 Who starred alongside Tim Robbins in the film The Shawshank Redemption? 807 00:40:16,125 --> 00:40:17,917 JIM: l know this! l've got this one! 808 00:40:18,583 --> 00:40:20,292 Denzel Washington. 809 00:40:20,333 --> 00:40:22,417 - No, no, no. - No? 810 00:40:22,500 --> 00:40:24,458 Ooh, what's his... What's his name? 811 00:40:26,458 --> 00:40:27,958 Black fella with grey hair. 812 00:40:28,083 --> 00:40:31,042 - Ooh, ooh! Trevor McDonald. - ''Trevor McDonald''? 813 00:40:31,042 --> 00:40:35,292 What the bloody hell would Trevor McDonald be doing in a Hollywood blockbuster? 814 00:40:36,375 --> 00:40:39,792 - Go on. l give up, Dave. Who was it? - l don't know. 815 00:40:39,833 --> 00:40:44,125 l was hoping one of you lot would say it and l'd know it straightaway then. 816 00:40:44,167 --> 00:40:45,833 l just thought it was a good question. 817 00:40:46,625 --> 00:40:48,667 Well, thank you very much, Jeremy Paxman! 818 00:40:48,667 --> 00:40:51,792 A quizmaster who doesn't know the answer to the bloody questions? 819 00:40:51,792 --> 00:40:54,833 I l'd be best off sat in the car talking to the sat-nav lady. 820 00:40:54,917 --> 00:41:00,542 She makes more bloody sense than you lot, cos you're dumb, dumber and bloody dumbest. 821 00:41:00,542 --> 00:41:05,417 Dad, Dave spent ages on that quiz for our holidays in the Pearl of Prestatyn. 822 00:41:05,417 --> 00:41:08,500 What bloody holiday? Stuck in a tin hut, playing kids' games. 823 00:41:08,583 --> 00:41:10,042 No chip pan. No television. 824 00:41:10,042 --> 00:41:13,375 l'd rather be tied to the bloody radiator like Terry bloody Waite. 825 00:41:13,375 --> 00:41:17,083 Leave Terry Waite and his radiator out ofthis, Jim. 826 00:41:17,083 --> 00:41:19,667 They've got nothing to do with this holiday. 827 00:41:19,667 --> 00:41:24,667 Why can't we just enjoy the Pearl of Prestatyn like everybody else? 828 00:41:24,667 --> 00:41:27,583 Everybody else? There's only us here - and the pigs next door, 829 00:41:27,708 --> 00:41:30,833 Peter the Pirate and Percy the Purple Pissing Parrot that's here. 830 00:41:30,917 --> 00:41:33,000 Dad, will you just chillax? 831 00:41:33,125 --> 00:41:37,042 Chillax? Chillax? Chillax, my arse. Anyway, Denise, what are you doing here? 832 00:41:37,042 --> 00:41:39,167 lt's not even your bloody wedding anniversary. 833 00:41:39,167 --> 00:41:41,167 Oh, Dad, my mam asked us to come. 834 00:41:41,250 --> 00:41:45,167 - Dave's driven us here, Jim. - Oh, it was great him driving us here! 835 00:41:45,167 --> 00:41:47,458 The long way round in bloody kilometres. 836 00:41:47,625 --> 00:41:50,958 All we could hear was his conversation with the bloody sat-nav girl - 837 00:41:50,958 --> 00:41:53,000 who he was trying to cop offwith. 838 00:41:53,042 --> 00:41:54,833 - What? BARBARA: That's enough. 839 00:41:54,833 --> 00:41:59,458 Do you know what? l wish we'd never organised that fantastic surprise party for you. 840 00:41:59,458 --> 00:42:03,417 Ha-ha! Fantastic bloody surprise party with the two people next door 841 00:42:03,417 --> 00:42:04,875 who l see every bloody day? 842 00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:09,042 lt would have been more of a surprise ifwe'd gone home and they hadn't been there. 843 00:42:09,083 --> 00:42:12,542 Jim, don't be so ungrateful about people who care about us. 844 00:42:12,708 --> 00:42:15,625 They cared that bloody much, they got us one golden egg cup. 845 00:42:15,625 --> 00:42:18,667 One egg cup between two bloody people. 846 00:42:18,667 --> 00:42:21,333 - l don't think they'd thought it through. - Thank you! 847 00:42:21,333 --> 00:42:23,542 You wouldn't buy an octopus one shoe, would you? 848 00:42:23,667 --> 00:42:26,167 This is nothing to do with an octopus and one shoe, 849 00:42:26,167 --> 00:42:28,667 and it isn't about the golden egg cup either. 850 00:42:28,708 --> 00:42:31,583 lt's about you not wanting to come away. 851 00:42:31,583 --> 00:42:35,000 - It is about the golden egg cup. - It's not about the golden egg cup. 852 00:42:35,083 --> 00:42:38,542 - It is about the golden egg cup. - Dad, shut up about the golden egg cup. 853 00:42:38,542 --> 00:42:42,208 - It's not about the golden egg cup. - It is about the golden egg cup. 854 00:42:42,208 --> 00:42:45,333 - It's not about the golden egg cup. - It is about the golden egg cup. 855 00:42:45,333 --> 00:42:48,667 - It's not about the golden egg cup. - Can l say something? 856 00:42:48,750 --> 00:42:50,542 Yes, and thank you, Dave. 857 00:42:50,542 --> 00:42:55,708 l keep hearing, ''the golden egg cup'', ''the golden egg cup'', ''the golden egg cup''. 858 00:42:55,708 --> 00:42:59,875 So l think it must be about the golden egg cup. 859 00:43:00,708 --> 00:43:03,958 Dave, what are you sticking your nose in the golden egg cup for? 860 00:43:04,083 --> 00:43:07,083 Who told you to stick your bloody nose in the golden egg cup? 861 00:43:07,125 --> 00:43:10,750 Denise can stick her nose in the golden egg cup any time she likes. 862 00:43:10,875 --> 00:43:13,667 Anyway, Dave, why do you always have to side with my dad? 863 00:43:13,667 --> 00:43:16,542 Because he's the only one that's talking any blood sense. 864 00:43:16,625 --> 00:43:18,500 - That's why. - Thank you, Jim. 865 00:43:18,625 --> 00:43:20,167 lt's a pleasure, David. 866 00:43:20,167 --> 00:43:23,833 lfthis happened to us, Dave, would you complain about the golden egg cup? 867 00:43:23,833 --> 00:43:27,083 Well, l don't like boiled eggs. l like eggy bread. 868 00:43:27,083 --> 00:43:30,000 Dave, what are you bringing eggy bread up for? 869 00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:32,042 He can bring eggy bread up if he wants to. 870 00:43:32,208 --> 00:43:34,750 There's no law says he can't bring eggy bread up. 871 00:43:34,750 --> 00:43:38,458 See what you started with this golden egg cup thing again. 872 00:43:38,458 --> 00:43:41,500 - l told you it was about the golden egg cup! - It's not about it! 873 00:43:41,500 --> 00:43:45,750 - It is about the golden egg cup. - It's not about the golden egg cup. 874 00:43:45,750 --> 00:43:47,750 Well, is it about eggy bread? 875 00:43:48,625 --> 00:43:51,542 - Eggy bread? - What are you bringing eggy bread up for? 876 00:43:51,542 --> 00:43:56,042 l asked earlier and you said it wasn't about the golden egg cup. 877 00:43:56,042 --> 00:43:59,750 You mustn't have listened! It's about the golden egg cup. 878 00:43:59,792 --> 00:44:02,917 He's never had eggy bread in his life and now he wants eggy bread. 879 00:44:02,958 --> 00:44:06,917 We've come on our holidays and he's gone all Continental. 880 00:44:07,083 --> 00:44:09,000 l thought it was about eggy bread. 881 00:44:09,000 --> 00:44:11,042 lt's about the golden egg cup! 882 00:44:11,042 --> 00:44:15,000 - Now he wants eggy bread. Eggy bread! - (All shouting) 883 00:44:15,125 --> 00:44:17,875 lt's not about eggy bread! It's about the golden egg cup. 884 00:44:17,875 --> 00:44:19,958 (They shout each other down) 885 00:44:31,500 --> 00:44:33,458 JIM: l know l get wound up. 886 00:44:34,250 --> 00:44:36,958 And maybe l shouldn't fly offthe handle like l do. 887 00:44:37,792 --> 00:44:40,250 But l don't mean any harm by it. 888 00:44:40,958 --> 00:44:43,292 l mean, you know that, don't you? 889 00:44:43,375 --> 00:44:45,125 Yeah. 890 00:44:45,125 --> 00:44:46,708 l know that, Jim. 891 00:44:46,833 --> 00:44:49,000 Ah, thanks, Dave. 892 00:44:49,083 --> 00:44:50,625 Thanks, Jim. 893 00:44:50,625 --> 00:44:54,208 Well, if you understand that, Dave, why doesn't Barbara? 894 00:44:54,333 --> 00:44:58,292 - l don't know. Denise is the same. - (Women talking in background) 895 00:44:59,083 --> 00:45:02,833 l mean, l don't fancy that sat-nav woman. 896 00:45:02,833 --> 00:45:06,042 She sounds like a lovely girl, don't get me wrong. 897 00:45:06,042 --> 00:45:08,250 And she's been very helpful. 898 00:45:08,250 --> 00:45:12,000 But that's as far as it goes between me and her. 899 00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:13,417 l know that, Dave. 900 00:45:13,417 --> 00:45:18,875 You're not the type to have a casual fling with the satellite navigation bloody system. 901 00:45:18,875 --> 00:45:20,958 lt's just not you. 902 00:45:21,042 --> 00:45:23,833 Thanks, Jim. l appreciate that. 903 00:45:25,333 --> 00:45:27,875 - Do you know what we should be, Dave? - What? 904 00:45:27,958 --> 00:45:29,958 More assertive. 905 00:45:30,083 --> 00:45:32,542 - Yeah, right. More assertive. - Shh. 906 00:45:32,542 --> 00:45:35,458 - Keep your bloody voice down, Dave. - Sorry, Jim. 907 00:45:36,583 --> 00:45:38,500 You see... 908 00:45:38,667 --> 00:45:40,667 You know the other night... 909 00:45:40,667 --> 00:45:42,750 after the anniversary do... 910 00:45:42,750 --> 00:45:43,792 Mm. 911 00:45:43,833 --> 00:45:46,333 ..l asked Barbara, nice and politely, 912 00:45:46,417 --> 00:45:51,083 if little Jim...could have a dance in Barbara's ballroom, 913 00:45:51,083 --> 00:45:53,292 and she turned me down flat. 914 00:45:54,125 --> 00:45:58,167 Fair enough, the previous years little Jim had had too much to drink 915 00:45:58,250 --> 00:46:00,125 and he couldn't stand up and... 916 00:46:00,875 --> 00:46:03,542 ..he hardly got his head through the bloody door. 917 00:46:03,542 --> 00:46:05,125 That was it. 918 00:46:05,958 --> 00:46:09,083 l didn't know Barbara had a ballroom. 919 00:46:09,083 --> 00:46:11,083 Bloody hell, Dave. 920 00:46:12,792 --> 00:46:16,375 Hey, Dave, get us a couple oftinnies, eh? 921 00:46:17,167 --> 00:46:19,500 And a pork pie out ofthe fridge. 922 00:46:20,708 --> 00:46:22,083 Hoo-hoo-hoo! 923 00:46:22,125 --> 00:46:25,458 We're not gonna let them buggers spoil our holiday, are we, lad? 924 00:46:25,708 --> 00:46:27,500 - Go on. - No way. 925 00:46:27,500 --> 00:46:32,542 He was quite romantic, you know, your dad, when we were younger. 926 00:46:32,542 --> 00:46:34,625 - My dad? - Yeah. 927 00:46:34,625 --> 00:46:37,958 First proper date we had, we went for a meal. 928 00:46:37,958 --> 00:46:40,208 - Oh. - Yeah, it was the Burnley Inn. 929 00:46:41,000 --> 00:46:44,750 l can remember it now because we had gammon and pineapple. 930 00:46:44,750 --> 00:46:46,625 - Oh. - Yeah. 931 00:46:46,625 --> 00:46:48,917 And he insisted on paying. 932 00:46:49,792 --> 00:46:51,750 With his voucher. 933 00:46:52,958 --> 00:46:55,417 And then he walked me home, back to my mam's house. 934 00:46:55,417 --> 00:47:01,417 And when we got there, he looked into my eyes and without saying a single word, he kissed me. 935 00:47:02,167 --> 00:47:03,167 Oh. 936 00:47:03,208 --> 00:47:07,083 And, do you know, it was the sweetest kiss l've ever had. 937 00:47:07,083 --> 00:47:09,500 - Was it, Mam? - Yeah. 938 00:47:10,417 --> 00:47:13,375 He still had a bit of pineapple stuck in his beard. 939 00:47:13,500 --> 00:47:14,833 Oh. 940 00:47:16,125 --> 00:47:17,792 (Both laugh) 941 00:47:18,625 --> 00:47:20,708 (Laughter in background) 942 00:47:24,625 --> 00:47:26,667 (Whispers) Hey, hey, hey. 943 00:47:26,750 --> 00:47:28,958 Get the Maltesers out of Barbara's bag. 944 00:47:33,667 --> 00:47:35,208 (Clattering) 945 00:47:35,250 --> 00:47:36,500 Shh. 946 00:47:36,500 --> 00:47:38,292 What was that noise? 947 00:47:38,292 --> 00:47:39,917 Oh, it's only you, is it, Dave? 948 00:47:39,917 --> 00:47:42,500 Can you get me a glass ofwater as well, son? 949 00:47:42,708 --> 00:47:44,000 Yeah. 950 00:47:47,750 --> 00:47:50,083 - Do you want halfsies? - Ooh, yes. 951 00:47:54,500 --> 00:47:56,375 Cheers, Jim. 952 00:47:58,875 --> 00:48:00,292 Oh. 953 00:48:03,458 --> 00:48:04,833 - Jim... - Yeah? 954 00:48:04,875 --> 00:48:07,333 l need to warn you about something. 955 00:48:08,167 --> 00:48:10,000 Yeah? 956 00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:12,125 lt's a bit delicate. 957 00:48:13,167 --> 00:48:15,042 What is it, son? 958 00:48:15,167 --> 00:48:19,750 Well, in the morning, l usually wake up with a... 959 00:48:20,625 --> 00:48:23,583 (Laughs) So do l! 960 00:48:23,667 --> 00:48:28,167 lt'll be like Billy Smart's circus down here in the morning, with me and you like that. 961 00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:32,167 - These are lovely, these pies, aren't they? - Mm. 962 00:48:34,167 --> 00:48:37,042 lt's mainly pastry and jelly, in't it, Jim? 963 00:48:37,167 --> 00:48:40,917 Yeah, it's mainly pastry and jelly, Dave. 964 00:48:43,667 --> 00:48:45,667 (Belches) 965 00:48:47,375 --> 00:48:50,208 - Do you know what l'm thinking of doing, Mam? - What? 966 00:48:50,208 --> 00:48:53,292 l'm thinking of adopting two or three brown babies. 967 00:48:53,292 --> 00:48:56,083 You know, like Madonna or Angelina. 968 00:48:56,083 --> 00:48:59,667 Are you sure, Denise? You've already got two. 969 00:48:59,667 --> 00:49:01,958 l've always been very maternal. 970 00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:05,458 Yeah. Well, any idea what you'd like? 971 00:49:06,333 --> 00:49:08,792 l was thinking maybe two caramel-coloured ones, 972 00:49:08,792 --> 00:49:10,750 you know, to go with my sofa. 973 00:49:10,750 --> 00:49:12,875 Mm, yeah. 974 00:49:13,667 --> 00:49:19,000 Cos you can't be expected to change your furniture, can you, every time you adopt a baby? 975 00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:22,667 What does your mam and dad think ofthe golden egg cup situation, Dave? 976 00:49:23,292 --> 00:49:28,958 Well, they could understand why you got annoyed, under the circumcises. 977 00:49:29,083 --> 00:49:30,750 Yeah, bloody right. 978 00:49:32,625 --> 00:49:34,667 (Dave sniffs) Oh! 979 00:49:34,667 --> 00:49:38,125 - Is that you? - (Chuckles) Yeah, yeah. 980 00:49:39,042 --> 00:49:42,167 Get your nostrils round that, Dave, it's a bloody cracker. 981 00:49:43,875 --> 00:49:45,125 (Dave farts) 982 00:49:45,125 --> 00:49:46,958 (Jim chuckles) 983 00:49:46,958 --> 00:49:48,667 Ooh, one-all. 984 00:49:48,667 --> 00:49:50,833 Oh, bloody hell, Dave. 985 00:49:52,125 --> 00:49:56,417 Wait till they hear about this down the Feathers, Jim. 986 00:49:56,500 --> 00:50:00,625 You keep your bloody gob shut about this down at the Feathers, you soft sod. 987 00:50:02,542 --> 00:50:04,167 Do you know what, Dave? 988 00:50:04,792 --> 00:50:08,167 We could spend all night farting now ifwe wanted to. 989 00:50:08,333 --> 00:50:10,208 Ooh, yeah. 990 00:50:10,333 --> 00:50:14,750 And do you know, in a minute, l'm gonna scratch my balls. 991 00:50:14,750 --> 00:50:17,583 Because that's the sort of mood l'm in now. 992 00:50:17,667 --> 00:50:20,750 - Freedom. - Freedom. Freedom. 993 00:50:26,625 --> 00:50:29,542 l can't help thinking about Terry Waite. 994 00:50:29,708 --> 00:50:31,792 Ah, yeah, the poor old sod. 995 00:50:32,500 --> 00:50:35,750 All them years farting next to the radiator 996 00:50:35,750 --> 00:50:37,833 and no-one there to smell them. 997 00:50:38,042 --> 00:50:39,917 Yeah. 998 00:50:39,917 --> 00:50:43,208 We don't know how lucky we are, do we, Jim? 999 00:50:43,208 --> 00:50:45,708 What l was thinking was... 1000 00:50:45,708 --> 00:50:49,625 the extra child support l could put towards a new HD telly 1001 00:50:49,708 --> 00:50:51,458 and that would benefit all of us. 1002 00:50:51,458 --> 00:50:52,792 Oh. 1003 00:50:53,500 --> 00:50:56,000 Do you know, l bet they've never seen a telly. 1004 00:50:56,000 --> 00:51:00,417 lmagine their little faces when they see The One Show for the first time. 1005 00:51:00,417 --> 00:51:02,042 Oh. 1006 00:51:03,167 --> 00:51:06,833 Denise, it's a lovely contribution to society. 1007 00:51:06,833 --> 00:51:07,833 Mm. 1008 00:51:08,667 --> 00:51:10,625 (They sing The One Show theme) 1009 00:51:19,667 --> 00:51:23,208 l bet Dave's dead upset in there, now that it's all calmed down. 1010 00:51:23,208 --> 00:51:26,208 - Yeah. Your dad will be the same. - Mm. 1011 00:51:28,583 --> 00:51:31,958 Oh, well done! Well done! 1012 00:51:35,292 --> 00:51:37,333 (Dave sighs) 1013 00:51:37,958 --> 00:51:40,167 l'll tell you what, Dave. 1014 00:51:40,167 --> 00:51:43,542 l'm not gonna spend another night at Happyside Park, lad. 1015 00:51:43,625 --> 00:51:47,042 No television. No bloody chip pan. 1016 00:51:47,125 --> 00:51:48,167 Mm. 1017 00:51:48,167 --> 00:51:51,833 Soon as Barbara's done the fry-up in the morning, l'm gonna tell her. 1018 00:51:51,833 --> 00:51:53,708 We're going home. Well... 1019 00:51:54,542 --> 00:51:57,750 - There's no fun to be had down there, is there? - Nah. 1020 00:51:58,542 --> 00:52:00,750 Hey, have you tried this one, Dave? 1021 00:52:02,500 --> 00:52:05,375 (Laughs) 1022 00:52:17,792 --> 00:52:19,000 Oh. 1023 00:52:19,042 --> 00:52:21,083 (Jim snores) 1024 00:52:27,125 --> 00:52:29,083 Jim... 1025 00:52:30,042 --> 00:52:32,375 Dave... 1026 00:52:32,375 --> 00:52:33,792 Dad... 1027 00:52:34,625 --> 00:52:36,458 Dave... 1028 00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:40,583 - Morning, Jim. - Morning, Barb. 1029 00:52:40,583 --> 00:52:43,542 - Morning, Dave. - Morning, Barbara. 1030 00:52:43,542 --> 00:52:47,292 - Morning, Dad. - Morning, Denise. 1031 00:52:47,292 --> 00:52:51,000 - Morning, Dave. - Morning, Denise. 1032 00:52:51,833 --> 00:52:54,542 - Morning, Barbara. - Morning, Dave. 1033 00:52:55,333 --> 00:52:58,333 - Morning, Jim. - Morning, Dave. 1034 00:52:59,083 --> 00:53:03,000 Jim...Denise and l were talking last night... 1035 00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:07,667 and we were thinking that maybe we should go home today. 1036 00:53:07,667 --> 00:53:10,000 You know, cos the telly's broke. 1037 00:53:10,000 --> 00:53:12,208 And the chip pan situation. 1038 00:53:13,667 --> 00:53:15,958 - Go home? - Yeah. 1039 00:53:16,958 --> 00:53:18,375 Leave the Pearl of Prestatyn? 1040 00:53:18,583 --> 00:53:20,167 Yeah. 1041 00:53:20,250 --> 00:53:22,500 You sure that's what you want to do, love? 1042 00:53:22,542 --> 00:53:24,625 Yeah. 1043 00:53:24,750 --> 00:53:27,500 Oh, well, if you're sure that's what you want to do. 1044 00:53:27,500 --> 00:53:31,708 But...we were gonna give it a few more days, weren't we, Dave? 1045 00:53:31,708 --> 00:53:35,333 Oh, well, we don't mind staying another day if you want. 1046 00:53:35,417 --> 00:53:38,500 No, you're obviously determined to go, Barb. 1047 00:53:38,500 --> 00:53:40,625 And l bloody respect that. 1048 00:53:40,792 --> 00:53:42,958 Oh, thank you, Jim. 1049 00:53:43,083 --> 00:53:44,500 Thanks, Barb. 1050 00:53:44,500 --> 00:53:47,292 - Thank you, Dave. - Thanks, Barbara. 1051 00:53:47,292 --> 00:53:50,333 - Thanks, Dad. - Thanks, Denise. 1052 00:53:50,417 --> 00:53:53,875 - Thanks, Dave. - Thanks, Denise. 1053 00:53:54,750 --> 00:53:57,667 - Thanks, Jim. - Thanks, Dave. 1054 00:53:58,667 --> 00:54:01,792 Hey, back to home sweet home, eh? 1055 00:54:01,792 --> 00:54:04,583 Back to where we belong. 1056 00:54:05,292 --> 00:54:07,792 Me with the jolly old telly 1057 00:54:07,792 --> 00:54:09,875 and you with the chip pan, eh, Barb? 1058 00:54:09,875 --> 00:54:11,292 Yeah. 1059 00:54:14,042 --> 00:54:15,458 Ooh. 1060 00:54:16,292 --> 00:54:18,792 A full English breakfast, l think, eh, Barb? 1061 00:54:18,792 --> 00:54:21,875 - For that long journey home. - Yeah. 1062 00:54:21,875 --> 00:54:23,375 Oh, aye, yeah. 1063 00:54:23,375 --> 00:54:26,167 And a nice little bit of eggy bread for David. 1064 00:54:26,292 --> 00:54:28,625 - Yeah. - Thanks, Barb. 1065 00:54:28,625 --> 00:54:30,625 Thanks, Jim. 1066 00:54:30,625 --> 00:54:32,458 Thanks, Barbara. 1067 00:54:32,500 --> 00:54:34,417 Thanks, Dave. 1068 00:54:34,417 --> 00:54:36,000 Thanks, Dad. 1069 00:54:36,667 --> 00:54:38,833 ♪ LILY ALLEN: LDN 1070 00:54:38,833 --> 00:54:40,833 (They sing along) 1071 00:54:49,083 --> 00:54:52,625 BARBARA: Ooh, it's really growing on me, this song. Who is it? 1072 00:54:52,625 --> 00:54:55,125 DENISE: Erm, it's Lily Allen. - Oh. 1073 00:54:55,125 --> 00:54:57,458 DAVE: Her Dad's the Sheriff of Nottingham, Barbara. 1074 00:54:57,625 --> 00:54:59,417 Oh, is he? 1075 00:54:59,417 --> 00:55:02,000 Well, she's had a good start, hasn't she? 1076 00:55:02,083 --> 00:55:04,417 - No wonder she's done well. DENISE: Yeah. 1077 00:55:16,083 --> 00:55:18,792 Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yee-hee-hee-ha! 1078 00:55:18,833 --> 00:55:20,625 l've missed you! 1079 00:55:20,667 --> 00:55:22,292 Come here. 1080 00:55:22,292 --> 00:55:24,250 Mwah. (Chuckles) 1081 00:55:26,000 --> 00:55:28,542 ♪ Back home again! 1082 00:55:28,542 --> 00:55:30,667 ♪ Oh, back home again! 1083 00:55:31,333 --> 00:55:32,875 (TV on) 1084 00:55:33,750 --> 00:55:37,417 Well, that's me done with bloody holidays for another 50 years, Barb. 1085 00:55:37,417 --> 00:55:38,167 Yeah. 1086 00:55:38,167 --> 00:55:42,167 Hey, it's good to go away but you can't beat coming home. 1087 00:55:42,167 --> 00:55:43,042 Yeah. 1088 00:55:43,208 --> 00:55:47,083 l couldn't live in a caravan. l'm too house proud. 1089 00:55:48,042 --> 00:55:50,292 (Sighs) Oh. 1090 00:55:51,958 --> 00:55:54,917 - So you're back, then? - Oh, hello, Joe. 1091 00:55:54,917 --> 00:55:58,250 l thought you was going for a week. How come you're back so soon? 1092 00:55:58,375 --> 00:56:00,042 No chip pan, Joe. 1093 00:56:00,042 --> 00:56:02,500 - What? There was no chip pan? - No. 1094 00:56:02,500 --> 00:56:04,500 - But that's terrible. - Mm. 1095 00:56:04,583 --> 00:56:07,958 You read about holidays from hell but you don't expect it to happen to you. 1096 00:56:07,958 --> 00:56:09,375 No. 1097 00:56:09,375 --> 00:56:11,042 No chip pan. Jeez. 1098 00:56:11,042 --> 00:56:14,417 Oh, Joe. How's Mary? Is she any better? 1099 00:56:14,417 --> 00:56:17,500 Nah. Like having a little puppy. 1100 00:56:17,500 --> 00:56:19,125 BARBARA: Ah. 1101 00:56:19,125 --> 00:56:23,875 - She's not so bad as long as she's not laughing. - Good job she's married to you, then, Joe. 1102 00:56:23,958 --> 00:56:24,833 Jim. 1103 00:56:25,542 --> 00:56:28,458 l've had to stop her watching You've Been Framed on Saturday now. 1104 00:56:29,458 --> 00:56:32,000 lt's like switching the sprinklers on at Kew Gardens. 1105 00:56:32,042 --> 00:56:34,083 (Wheezing laugh) 1106 00:56:34,083 --> 00:56:35,708 BARBARA: Jim. 1107 00:56:35,708 --> 00:56:38,875 l'm glad you're back. Mary's been worried sick since you left. 1108 00:56:38,875 --> 00:56:40,875 Oh, has she, Joe? What about? 1109 00:56:40,958 --> 00:56:44,042 Well, she got you two egg cups for your anniversary, 1110 00:56:44,042 --> 00:56:46,958 and in all the excitement she only wrapped one ofthem up. 1111 00:56:48,208 --> 00:56:50,083 - Here's the other one. - Oh, poor Mary. 1112 00:56:50,292 --> 00:56:54,458 She needn't have worked herself up into a state over a little golden egg cup. 1113 00:56:54,500 --> 00:56:56,333 We haven't given it a second thought. 1114 00:56:56,333 --> 00:56:59,208 Well, l was gonna bring it down to Prestatyn, 1115 00:56:59,208 --> 00:57:03,500 but Dave told me about it, it's all in kilometres, and that put me right off. 1116 00:57:03,542 --> 00:57:06,833 l've never driven in kilometres and l'm not gonna start at my age. 1117 00:57:06,833 --> 00:57:08,125 No. 1118 00:57:08,125 --> 00:57:10,167 Anyway, this is just a flying visit. 1119 00:57:10,167 --> 00:57:14,500 l'm gonna get off now cos l've left The One Show on pause. See you. 1120 00:57:14,542 --> 00:57:16,625 BARBARA: Bye, Joe. 1121 00:57:17,833 --> 00:57:21,000 Good old Mary. l knew she wouldn't let us down. 1122 00:57:21,000 --> 00:57:23,875 Go on, Barb, get the pan on, eh? 1123 00:57:23,917 --> 00:57:27,000 We'll have a couple of boiled eggs for our tea, eh, kiddo? 1124 00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:30,000 ln our own little golden egg cups. 1125 00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:31,667 Yeah-hey! 1126 00:57:32,792 --> 00:57:34,875 (Smashing) 1127 00:57:35,667 --> 00:57:36,958 Jim... 1128 00:57:36,958 --> 00:57:40,000 you don't fancy eggy bread instead, do you? 1129 00:57:40,083 --> 00:57:42,000 Bloody hell, Barbara! 1130 00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:44,167 ♪ So what do you say? 1131 00:57:44,417 --> 00:57:48,792 ♪ You can't give me the dreams that are mine anyway 1132 00:57:49,375 --> 00:57:52,167 ♪ Halfthe world away 1133 00:57:53,500 --> 00:57:56,583 ♪ Halfthe world away 1134 00:57:57,542 --> 00:58:00,667 ♪ Halfthe world away 1135 00:58:01,083 --> 00:58:03,125 ♪ l've been lost, l've been found 1136 00:58:03,167 --> 00:58:05,333 ♪ But l don't feel bad85625