Original subtitles

Today is the day!

Come here, you sexy little...

Mwah!

Mine.

- Oh. - So, today's the day!

My novel's published in England.

Well done. Have a burnt scone.

Margo, please tell me you know what's happening today.

His novel's being published.

So someone in a bookshop is opening a box and putting copies on a shelf?

- Well, yes, but... - Did you expect people would carry you

shoulder-high through the streets?

Well, no, but traditionally a family would...

Most families...

None of you have read it, have you?

Tell me what happens, I'll imagine all the adjectives.

I've been busy at the market, trying to rebuild our reputation

after poisoning so many people.

Thank you.

Larry, please tell Margo her religious instructor is here.

Margo, nun lessons!

- Spiro, did you read it? - Yes. The first page.

Why did you stop?

- Good book. - Ah. Pavlos, thank you at last.

No, this. The Bible.

Oh, but does it offer an evocative dissection of adolescent sexuality

across two continents, like mine?

It offers everything.

Right.

- Gerry, still looking for otters? - I need a female.

For breeding!

- Hm? - Uh-hm.

- What is your big seller? - Well, it was gingerbread,

but nobody's buying since Larry added genitals.

Any more threats from your landlady?

No, but I know she's out there.

Vasilia will always hate you

as long as you let the Englishman woo you.

Hugh is not wooing me.

He's just glad of some British company. That's all.

~

My new novel. Just published.

~

It's, er, about a young man who struggles to find his place

in British society after...

- ~ - ~

- Rather you than me, matey. - ~

I understand God the Father and God the Son.

- It's the Holy Ghost I get stuck on. - Look!

♪ Laa! Holy Goat!

♪ Ahhhh

Jesus would've laughed.

Margo, I explain already --

God three in one.

Like a rope.

Tell me about life in the monastery.

It sounds so dreamy and quiet.... Shut up!

In fact, we work hard.

Now we make the liqueur from the kumquats.

We add the kumquats to alcohol, add the sugar -- not too much --

drink some, sell the rest.

Karpousia kai peponia! ~

Poli oraia!

- Good morning. - Oh, good morning.

The, er, Eccles cakes are particularly delicious.

I've made it clear to Vasilia that I have no interest in her

and if she threatens you, I will have her arrested.

Thank you. Oh, try the cheese.

We milk the goats ourselves, rather slowly.

Please come for supper. Let me cosset you.

It's really not necessary.

I hear you nearly remarried.

- Sven Lundblad. - Yes.

And so you'll understand why I don't want to rush into another liaison.

Of course. Of course.

In case you hadn't noticed, in Corfu nobody rushes,

but they do let themselves have fun.

Did we learn nothing from the kumquat chutney fiasco?

It's for a liqueur. They make it at the monastery.

- It only takes a week or two before it's ready to sell. - That is a fabulous idea.

Oh. We could work on it together if you wanted.

Terrific. Durrells' Kumquat Liqueur.

- Extraordinarily good. - No, no, wait. Durrells' Kumquat Liqueur --

- your pleasure awaits. - Damn. You are good with words.

It's the monks' recipe, you can't steal it.

We're just showing that spiritual journeys often end up at booze.

- Where's Gerry? - Up a tree?

In a bush? Down a burrow?

I loved your novel. It's bold and delicate and beautifully modern.

Thank you, Theo.

But to be practical, they pay well

for clever rhymes in greetings cards.

Maybe you should write some of those.

You'd never know you were a bachelor.

- That would be sarcasm, would it? - Yes.

I picked that up from my children, that and nits.

- It was a very long time ago. - Ah...

Oh, well, I'll have a sip, but actually, I've given up drinking.

- Extraordinary. Why? - Well, back in Bournemouth I became

- a little too fond of gin. - Oh, well.

Mothers' ruin.

Hm.

You did this last time. Is he in a cupboard or something?

Yes, he is. Otherwise it's too loud.

- How long has he been in there? - Oh, he's fine. It's a big cupboard.

Sven used to play the accordion.

That put rather a strain on our relationship.

~

Well, you're either crackers or very self-confident.

Which would you prefer?

Did you have a good time with your friend?

Oh. He's preposterous.

I suppose he's rather amusing.

Oh, Larry, I've been thinking about your writing.

Finally.

- Are you enjoying it? - Well... - That's probably the wrong word.

Are you stimulated and provoked by it?

No. I was thinking if nobody likes it,

I'm sure Hugh would give you a job at his olive press.

You should be kinder to Larry.

- Oh. What... - He's really sad that nobody cares about his book,

especially you.

I can't even pretend to like it, because I'm a bad liar, but...

.. you're his mother.

Gerry's not in his room. I don't think he slept there.

Gerry!

Gerry!

Gerry?

Roger? Where could he be?

I don't know, he's hardly here these days.

- He's been away all night. He's only 11. - He's 12, isn't he?

Yeah. Do keep up.

Gerry!

Gerry?

Gerry!

We'll have to search for him. Where do stupid bloody otters live?

- In the sea? - Roger.

Oh. Gerry, where have you been?

- It was a nice night, Roger and I thought we'd just stay out. - Oh.

Come here.

Come on.

I found a female otter.

Come and see.

- Look, Gerry, you need some order in your life. At your age... - 12.

.. you can't just run wild.

And you, Larry,

please talk to me.

Let me make amends. What can I do?

I don't know, be a different person?

I'm sure I could help you with your writing career.

- And how are you going to do that? - Well, I have an idea.

You haven't, have you?

No, but I'm very resourceful, so I will have.

So it's been pointed out recently

that I may have been a bit insensitive to your needs.

Pointed out by Leslie, of all people.

So you can imagine how that makes me feel.

I apologise.

That's fine. Don't do it again.

No, stay.

In my defence, as a mother I have to be ring master

- and lion tamer and... - Knife thrower?

Beautiful trapeze artist?

Thank you, Leslie. I was going to say tight-rope walker.

And I got the balance wrong

between allowing each of you to be yourselves and supervising you.

Can I say I don't think the lion should be made to do tricks?

Say nothing. You need teaching. You still don't even know

- what 7 x 8 is. - (54.) - 54.

It's 56.

Ah, Lugaretzia, you are Gerry's policeman.

- Make sure he doesn't leave the house. - At last -- power.

Please understand, I'm just trying to generate enough income

to keep us in this house and to stay sane by,

well, by enjoying my life, too.

Oh, and, er, let's all read Larry's book.

- Oh... - And really enjoy it.

Here.

Not you. Too rude.

Hm?

I don't always want to speak to you, because you give the impression

- I'm very much not as clever as you. - Well, you're not. Thank God.

Because I don't want clever from you, I want... support...

- and attachment. - And food?

Yes, and food.

And praise, and freedom, and security.

That's what being a parent is, isn't it?

A promise to make everything all right. That's the deal.

If you're as clever as you think you are, you'd understand

a deal requires the effort and commitment of both parties.

Hm? Yours, perhaps?

Ignore me, I'm being an idiot.

I'm just disappointed.

I know you are. You spent a lot of time and love on that book.

That's why I feel a fraud. Much ado from me about nothing.

This book is the first step

on a dazzling career,

and the real reason that I find it difficult to read is...

Well, you're my son, so the sex makes me feel queasy.

- Oh, that's ridiculous. - How would you feel if I wrote intimate love scenes?

- Absolutely fine. - Be honest.

- A little icky. - Hm.

But happily,

I have had that marvellous idea about your writing career.

Mrs Durrell. How lovely. Come in.

Excuse the jars of local pond life.

Oh, well, er, I won't keep you.

Um, just two things.

- Theo, would you please be Gerry's tutor? - No. - Oh.

Well, why not? He loves you.

I'd rather be his friend. I mentioned hygiene -- he growled.

Oh, I'm sorry. I think he literally wants to turn into an animal.

No, he's right. I'm not his parent.

I'm letting them all down.

I've been thinking about Larry.

Yes, he seemed downcast. I've experienced this myself.

- Fireworks only go off in the author's head. - Exactly.

So I've decided... Could we arrange an event, or something,

- where we have readings from it? - Of course.

Greece is the cradle of literature. I'll organise it.

Why would anyone want to watch a bloke read out a book?

To hear it, meet the fascinating author, ask questions.

Hello. What sort of typewriter do you use?

Leslie, why don't you go home and pick some beans?

- No, I'm busy labelling our liqueur. - All right, darling.

Ah. Our genial landlady. What can I do for you?

He wants you now, but it'll not last.

- You're talking about Hugh? - I understand men.

Ah, well, do put it in a book so all us girls can share your knowledge.

I'm more pretty, and young.

And now you're making me cross.

You know, I wasn't sure about Hugh,

but now I think I might give him a go.

Luga, has Georgios the postman been?

- Been where? - Here.

Why you want letters? They bring bad news.

I was hoping for congratulations on my book via a cheery telegram

or a laudatory haiku from fellow writers. Deluded.

Leslie. The best.

- Larry, 11am business meeting. - Oh, yes.

Item number one -- sales campaign.

I think we need to go round bars and shops, drumming up our orders.

- No, I think you should do that. - Oh, um, well, it's just

- I'm making the actual liqueur. - And you're doing a fabulous job.

Thank you. So what are YOU going to do?

Planning.

- Er, planning what? - Planning... a strategy.

- Strategy in terms of? - Well, exactly.

Where do you start? That's what I'll be planning.

Maybe you should pick more kumquats?

Yeah, erm...

- Hello, Theo. - What do I have to do to get a drink around here?

Oh. Pay ten drachma.

- I'll put you down for one crate. Theo. - No, I barely drink.

Like the English, I cherish my inhibitions.

You have spelled 'liqueur' with just too many Es.

Larry, your mother and I agree your novel deserves more attention.

Oh, er, yes, I've read lots of your book now and it's...

well, really quite something.

Thank you, Les.

Who's your favourite character?

The man.

So your mother and I have arranged a public event next Monday

where you can read your novel.

Theo, that's so exciting.

- I'll start preparing some passages. - You could try and get some orders

while you're out and about.

Florence, we're having a reading of my book and you're my first invitee.

Are we dim, or is this really difficult to read?

Would I miss the literary event of the year?

In fact, the only literary event, unless you count most people's tax returns?

Poetic, isn't it? Poetry always spoils everything.

... that was sprawled across the ocean.

My son Lawrence is having a reading of his novel.

I'll be reading in English, but the language is musical, symphonic,

- so you'll, erm... - These are heavenly.

- Try one. - 'Briskly she sucked in her underlip and screwed up her eyes.'

- Mmm. - Hello. This is my new book. Pied Piper Of Lovers. It's brilliant.

- I'll be reading at 5pm on... - Can you help with this liqueur?

No, I'm busy preparing.

'The flesh, the peeled flesh.'

Oh, God, I hope it goes well.

Larry's pretty resilient, isn't he?

No. No, it's all an act.

It was my idea. I need it to work or he'll hate me.

- Is it tasty yet? - No, it's not quite ready.

Ah...

- Harsh but promising. - Mm.

What about me?

- Sip it. - Yeah, sip it.

You didn't sip it.

You know I'm on the lookout for prejudice against women?

- Nice. - Spiro, come and look at my otters.

- I'm playing them the guitar. - Why?

Because Mummy said Hugh played her music.

But I don't think it's working.

Perhaps they prefer the bouzouki?

Ah. Spiro. How delightful.

- Mrs Durrells. - Can you help? I've been trying for a week

- to find Gerry a tutor. - I don't need one. 7 x 8 is 56.

- And what is 9 x 6? - (54.)

I'm not falling for that again.

Gerry, knowledge is like a firefly --

beautiful in itself and bringer of light into the darkness.

Spiro, would you be Gerry's tutor?

He looks up to you and you obviously know your maths.

- Oh, is that right? - I'd be very happy.

- I believe in discipline. - That won't work, then.

- Excellent. - Combined with intervals for joking. - Good. - Perfect.

- When can you start? - Now.

See? Not such a bad mother after all.

Spell Mediterranean.

- M-E... - Mm-hm. - D-D...

No! Wrong. Terrible!

My teacher would've locked me in the cupboard!

This is going to take a long time.

The difference between us superior Greeks and the Turks...

- We did this yesterday. - And we will do it again tomorrow.

The difference --

Turkey is named after a big ugly bird

who tastes boring.

- May I feed my pelicans? - No. Concentrate.

You don't look at otters or stroke pelicans.

You learn as I did at school

and as Mrs Durrell's requested.

Oh, my God. Gerry, you're crying.

No, no.

Is it because your otters are not making love?

- Excuse my language. - No, it's your teaching.

- Oh. - You're reminding me a little of my school masters back in England.

I wasn't happy.

Oh.

I am sorry.

Half an hour to go. Relax, Larry.

What if nobody turns up?

We Greeks love literature and you've all invited friends.

Go outside and drag people in.

Darling, go and talk to him. He's tired of me.

- Who's he? - He's our audience.

Greetings.

Either I have come on the wrong day or the room needs to be smaller,

- as in Alice In Wonderland. - Yes.

Yes, it's a bit of a wash-out, isn't it? We'll laugh about it someday.

Maybe not for a while, though.

Do buy some of the kumquat liqueur, it's got a very distinctive tang.

Darling. Darling, I'm sure they love your book in Britain.

After all, we never went to a Greek book-reading in Bournemouth, did we?

Oh...

Um, thank you...

He's a very good author. Sit down here.

- He says he'll stay if there's free food. - Shhh.

Thank you for coming, both of you.

In view of the sparseness of the turnout,

let's just call it all off.

In case I never have another book published,

perhaps I could just say thanks for reminding me

that art and writing is like lying down in the road

and asking people to stop and look at you,

and today,

I got run over.

Where's Florence?

And Hugh?

Why don't people care?

They don't have to enjoy it.

Hm?

Ochi, ochi.

Larry!

I've been to the post office. It was strange you had no mail.

It seems the postman was too scared of Gerry's animals to visit.

'Bravo on your nov. Everyone talking about your new way with language.

I'm very drunk, by the way.'

'Reviews top notch. Wish you were here.

Well, not here as I find myself in prison.'

Bloody hell. 'You clever bugger.'

- I told you it was good! - I knew it was good.

I was worried it was too good for people to understand.

Now I can work on my new novel, which will be better than the last.

- More animals? - Villains with horrible plans? - No. - Am I in it? - No. - Me? - No.

Well, erm, drinks to celebrate?

Hugh? Hugh!

- Oh. - Hello.

So you couldn't bother to turn up to my son's book reading? Why?

Sorry, I didn't realise it was so important.

Well, it would've been decent of you. No-one came.

Is it too late to change my excuse

to there was an accident at my olive press?

Many dead, olives everywhere?

I... I know it's selfish, but...

I like it best when it's just the two of us.

Well, I come in a bundle with my family.

Their needs are my needs.

To be honest, I thought Sven would be there. I was being thoughtful.

Well, how were you to know?

It was important to Larry, so it's important to me.

Larry's shell is thinner than you think.

- Yia mas! - To Larry! - To me!

Luga, we're toasting my book.

Toast it. Good idea.

No, toasting as in drinking to it

and to you and to Corfu. Go on.

- I think I'm disappointing Pavlos, my monk. - No.

You may not be a good nun yet, but he knows you're a good person.

I think we're all good people, don't you?

Even bad people are good people.

This alcohol is making me so wise.

Gerry! Come and see!

Hey!

- Gerry? - Hello, Spiro.

Look. I brought you a present, to say sorry for being a bully

and loud.

Ta-da!

Spiro, thank you!

- Magpies! - Yes, magenpies.

- Magpies. - Magenpies. Like I say.

Mag-pies.

Mag-en-pies.

Watch out they don't steal anything.

Awful thieves, magenpies.

- Kumquat liqueur, Spiro? - No, thank you, my family are waiting for me.

- OK, just a small one. - Yia mas! - Yia mas!

♪ ~

Listen, I know we're different...

But difference is not the same as divergence.

- Not at all. - Not at all. But we get on.

Mother!

Drinking heavily is such fun.

- Oh. - Spiro got me some magpies.

Ah. They've escaped.

I've never been good at friends. Don't know what it is.

- Maybe it's my, you know... - Face?

- Shorts? - Could be. Could be.

Ha-ha!

- You're not ticklish? - You'll regret this in the morning.

I go home now.

♪ ~

Oh!

They like my novel!

Where were you for my big moment?

- You're never there. - No, darling, because I was...

Larry, I think the magenpies got into your room.

No! That's my new novel! It's better than the first one! Give it back!

Right now!

Give it back!

- Stop the magenpies. - Mrs Durrells?

This prayer book is for your beautiful and spiritual daughter.

Oh.

Margo! Margo!

Theo!

I've never tried this before, but I'm going to walk on water.

Argh!

~

I am too grown up to say I told you so.

Ah, Theo. Can I get you an early-morning snifter?

No!

You think you're so funny, don't you?

I'm only catching up with you. You all thought you were hilarious.

And darling Margo,

I suggested to Pavlos you might not be quite ready to take the veil.

Thank you.

I think I like boys too much to be a top-notch nun.

Yes, I think you made that clear by inviting him for a naked swim.

Morning, Theo.

On a brighter note, I've mended the magenpies' cage.

I will never forgive you. Those birds ransacked my room!

Half of my manuscript's in the Ionian Sea.

Then you should've kept it in a bird-proof receptacle.

No. I hate this house and its stupid restrictions and thieving wildlife.

Is it any wonder I'm finding it so hard to write?

- You'll blame anyone but yourself. - What other serious writers

- live with their parents? - Jane Austen. - One of my favourites.

- Exquisite prose. - The book reading went wrong.

I shouldn't have my mother trying to arrange my life.

- It's the hangover, he's not of sound mind. - Oh, I am.

I'm getting a place of my own.

Well, go on, then.

Leave.

~

It must be good, because I don't understand a word of it.

I can't believe Larry's really going.

I know, to live above a bar.

- Hello, Margo. Louisa. - Hello.

Ooh. Those crumpets looks nice.

Listen to me, I could be back in Harrogate.

You could've had some for free at Larry's book launch.

- Sorry I couldn't make it. - No.

Well, that's Corfu for you, isn't it? So much to do.

Cinemas, theatres, other book launches.

You can be quite fierce, can't you?

Oh, I don't know.

Oh, it's probably guilt.

I... I didn't support Larry so...

now I'm taking it out on others.

Remember to set the float at the correct height

and do not tighten the nuts too hard.

This is how you fix a carburettor.

Enough car maintenance. Now philosophy.

My philosophy

is that ladies

are goddesses.

Except Turkish ladies.

American ladies are too noisy but they can't help it.

Spiro, thank you for your help, but you can stop now.

- I'm less strict now, huh? - Let's just say

it's not quite the education I had in mind.

Mum!

Mum!

What is it, Gerry?

- What... - Shhh! - What are we watching, Gerry?

They're finally going to mate.

No idea what put them in the mood.

Otters? Women? Who knows?

Men are always in the mood.

Right, well, you know where I am. Above Costa's bar.

- I'll be on my way. - You don't have to go.

We could start a new business -- shoe-shining.

We could buy some brushes and find a pitch in town.

- Not really. - No, no, of course not. Erm...

- I'm going to finish your book if it kills me. - Thank you.

- Praise indeed. - Larry, we've had our disagreements, but...

- can I use your room as an overspill area for my animals? - No.

- Thank you. - I said no.

Please stay.

Listen to Mrs Durrells, Larry.

Stop it, I've got to do this.

You are a good mother. If anything, I'm too happy here.

The best writers I know are living life in the raw.

One's in jail. I've never even been in a fight,

- so how can I write about that? - Well, you could make it up.

- Jane Austen was never in a fight. - I heard she always got into scuffles.

I'm halfway through your book.

I'd rather you weren't quite so smutty.

It's dazzling.

I'm very proud of you.

It's going to be like being a widow all over again.

I'll wait for you to say something and you won't be there.

So this is just as good as your stuff

and I can give you it at a very reasonable price,

as my business partner and I are...

We're moving out of alcohol sales.

Elate, paidia.

- Sas efcharisto. Poli efgeniko ek merous sas. - Yeah.

No, no, no, I thought you could pay me for it.

There you are.

I know drink isn't the answer, but you look like you need one.

What's the matter?

My son Larry...

left home.

He's still your child and he's going to find out

that he needs you more than ever.

Climb aboard.

I'm not going to your house.

Too many gypsy fiddlers lurking in corners.

No, I can do better than that.

♪ Now I can give you anything but love

♪ Oh, baby...

- How do you like your steak? - Cooked by anyone other than me.

Ah, yes, the burdens of parenthood.

Oh, you have no idea.

And if I have any more of these, neither will I.

Well, consciousness is overrated.

I would help but it's my night off.

Ah...

Thank you for this.

I've arranged for a shooting star to cross the sky about...

now.

It'll be along in a minute.

I'm too grown up to say I told you so.

Can I get you an early-morning snifter?

Oh, shut up.

Though I think you might need this.

Oh!

So I have examined the patient, a female otter.

I can't say it was easy and I haven't a clue if she's pregnant.

I think she is. She's been slobbing around a lot, seems very moody.

I suspect they've been mating every time our back is turned.

That's what I'd do if I was stuck in a cage with a bloke.

- Good day, everyone! - Oh.

- Good morning. - So, mon petit, you must be my victim.

Mr Kralefsky has agreed to be your new tutor.

I have brought you some reading matter

to romp through before...

we meet.

Oh. Isn't it exciting?

Hm.

Oh.

Oh, Florence.

Oh, you don't look well.

- I was going to say the same to you. - Hung over. She drink too much.

- I want to explain why I wasn't at Larry's book reading. - It's OK.

I was at home being sick.

I'm having a baby, all being well.

Oh, Florence.

I've been sick for weeks but didn't want to say till I was sure.

- Of course. - My daughter also pregnant. - Lugaretzia, congratulations.

That is why now she's like a witch.

Oh, excuse me.

- Has Florence been drinking? - No. - She's having a baby.

The joys of motherhood.

Some species of shark have a gestation period of 3½ years,

- so you're getting off lightly. - Hm.

- So you're not the only one with things on her mind. - No.

Why is it so quiet?

Because Larry isn't living here any more.

~

Hello.

Buy me a drink.

- We'll give you a fabulous birthday. - What could this be? - A fossil.

- How old do you all think I am? - 50? - That sounds about right.

- Don't tell Mother, Vasilia came to see me. - I like your mother.

- I want to understand her a bit better. - I'm living for the moment.

Theo's lent me a camera to take portraits.

I am young and I am fun and I will not let you forget it!