All language subtitles for TRANS4444

Children's perceptions

are clear of society's
fears, hatreds and hurts.

They are new open souls,
innocent and loving.

I think the monster under the bed at night

is born of the parent's
skeletons in the closet,

clawing their way out of their psyches,

growing flesh and fangs,

desperate to reclaim their lost innocence.

Who's house is this?

It's your grandparent's.

You sure you wanna do this?

Yeah, let's get it over with.

Can I play with the little girl?

What little girl?

On the swing.

No.

Come on, I want you to stay close to me.

Camille, Malcolm.

I'm so glad you decided to come.

Hi, Margaret.

Margaret.

Oh, hi.

Hi, Barry.

I haven't seen you since
you were a tiny baby.

And who is this lovely child?

Is this my granddaughter?

She's still a little stranger shy.

I see.

Hi, Shelly.

- It's good to finally
see you again, Millie.

Nobody calls me that anymore.

These are for you.

Thank you.

They're lovely.

Shelly, do me a favor and put these

on the table with the others.

Can I go play now?

Okay, but stay close.

All right?

We saved you a seat

at the church today with the family.

Yeah, I'm sorry we were late.

There was an accident on the turnpike.

Oh.

Can I get you another drink?

Yeah.

It's like my Jim said, why
limit happy to an hour?

When happy comes in a bottle.

"I don't wanna go to bed. "

Why not?

"There's a monster under
the bed and I'm scared. "

It's okay.

I'll stay with you.

Where's Sadie?

Barry, where'd your sister go?

Barry?

I don't know.

Sadie?

- I'll move you
here and you go there.

Sadie.

I've been looking all over for you.

Look what I found.

I told you not to wander.

I'm playing family.

- These were my dolls
when I was a little girl.

Piper doesn't wanna go to bed.

She's afraid of the dark.

How did you know what her name was?

She told me.

Remember when your dad made

that doll house for you girls?

How could I forget?

- You should
take it home with you.

Can we, Mommy?

I don't think that's a good idea.

Shelly doesn't need it.

She's barren.

I didn't know that.

- Well, if you ever called
dear, you would know.

Anyway, if you don't take it with you,

I'm gonna donate it to Goodwill.

I'm trying to downsize.

Please, Mama?

Please?

- Maybe we can come back later
in the week and pick it up.

Thank you, Grandma.

Oh, you lovely child.

You're so sweet.

It's getting late.

We really need to be going now.

I'll see you out.

Okay, let's go to bed, buddy.

Come on.
- But I'm tired.

Come on.

I'll take this.

Don't forget to brush your teeth.

I'll be up in a second

to tuck you in, okay?
- Come away.

Did Barry go down okay?

Yeah, they're both out like lights.

My hero.

Hey, what's up with that creepy doll?

Sadie had a death grip on it.

My mom made it for me when I was little.

Hey, where'd you go?

Just thinking about today.

Thank God we made it through
without too much drama.

You stayed strong.

I'm proud of you.

It's weird, I don't feel sad.

I don't feel anything, really.

It's like I'm dead inside.

Have you talked to Dr. Radcliffe?

She died.

What?

You never told me that.

Oh, I emailed her a couple of weeks

after Dad went into the hospital

and her husband got back
to me and told me the news.

Pancreatic cancer.

Oh, that's awful.

I'm sorry, I have been so busy with work

and everything I forgot to tell you.

- I was thinkin' maybe take
a couple days off from work.

Give yourself some time to grieve.

I can't right now.

I'm sorry.

Just, I know how much she meant to you.

Thank you.

Hi.

During visitation my Mom's all like,

"I love you, I'm sorry. "

It makes me feel dirty.

Why is that?

'Cause she's only saying it

'cause she wants to make her feel better.

Love me, hurt me, fuck
me, it's all the same.

If she was really sorry she'd change.

I hear you, Tina.

I really do.

She may never change.

We have no control over
that but what we can do here

is create a safe place to allow

the feelings around the
trauma to emerge and release,

and over time heal.

Maybe even eventually forgive.

Some things are just unforgivable.

I know you're hurting Tina,

but it's important that you direct

your anger where it belongs

so you no longer feel the
need to aim it at yourself.

We often self harm in
an attempt to relieve

our feelings of shame and anger.

We?

Our?

Right.

Hey, look, I gotta bounce.

We still have some time in our session.

Yeah, but I got shit to do.

Hey, Tina, you're doing really well.

Right.

I'll see you next week?

Yeah.

I'll see you, Doc.

- You've
reached Malcolm Everett.

Please leave a message.

Hey babe.

Just checking in.

I need to stay late and
catch up on some work

so don't hold dinner for me.

Hello?

Is anyone there?

This isn't real.

I'm telling you, this isn't real.

It's after office hours.

The building's closed.

Hi.

Who's there?

Jesus, Camille.

Get your shit together.

Hey.

Hey, it's late.

What, you fall asleep or something?

No, I got caught up with a case.

Is everything all right?

You sound weird.

- Someone's messing around
inside the building.

- You need me
to come check it out?

Yeah.

No, I mean, I don't know.

It's been a long day.

Maybe it was my imagination.

- I told you,
you're working too hard.

I think you're right.

I should probably take some time off.

Come home.

Okay.

I have a light patient load tomorrow.

I'll take the day off and
I'll drive out to my parents.

- Are you sure
you don't wanna wait

until I can go with you?

- No, I just need to get
some of my old things

before Margaret throws 'em out.

I'll bring Sadie with me and I'll be back

in time to pick up Barry
from baseball practice.

All right.

Okay, love you.

Bye.

Hi, Margaret.

Oh good, you're here.

I made us some lunch.

I'm sorry, we can't stay.

I need to get back in time
to pick Barry up from school.

I see.

Well, Shelly can help you take down

the doll house and I did pack up

some of your books and things.

Okay, great, thanks.

- Teddy, You sit here
while I make the tea.

Oh, hi.

You can come play with us.

Sit next to Teddy.

We're having a tea party.

Want a cup of tea?

Delicious.

Thank you.

Here, Mommy.

Oh.

- Would you like
some cream or sugar?

One lump or two?

Drink your tea, Piper.

You left Piper over here with me, baby.

- Nuh uh, she's having
a tea party with me.

Be careful.

Don't spill it, it's hot.

Camille?

Mom told me to help
you with the dollhouse.

Well, this is the last of it.

Thank you, Margaret.

Thank you, Grandma.

You know, your father was in and out

of consciousness the last few days.

Sweetie, will you do me a favor

and take this out to the car for me?

I will be right there.

Shelly and I took turns at the hospital.

He would come to and would be agitated.

He kept asking for you.

- He never really got over
the death of your mother.

He always claimed that was the reason

for the distance between you two.

- Every time he told that
story he'd always say,

"If only she kept her seat
belt on, she'd still be alive. "

It was an accident, Millie.

Right.

Well, she only took it
off to get in the backseat

with me 'cause I was crying.

He tells the story like it's a blessing

I didn't die too but I know what

he was really saying.
- He did not blame you.

- And then in college I
found the police report.

He was driving under the influence.

The other driver ran a red light.

What could he possibly
have done differently?

You know what?

Listen, I've made my peace with all this.

I was with him when he died, Cam.

He was terribly weak and frail.

- That's what sorosis of
the liver does to you.

I don't know why you have to be so cold.

You were always Daddy's favorite.

You should've come to the
hospital and said goodbye.

I said my goodbyes a long time ago.

I have a big bedroom and lots

of toys and dolls you can play with, too.

And you can meet Barry and my daddy.

- He did not blame you.
- Why do you have

to be so cold?
- Safe in my heart-

- You were
always Daddy's favorite.

- He did not blame you.
- Why do you have

to be so cold?

- He was asking for you.
- You were always

Daddy's favorite.
- He did not blame you.

You should've gone

to the hospital and said goodbye.

You were always Daddy's favorite.

You should've come to the
hospital and said goodbye.

I promise I'll take good care of you.

I'll sing you to sleep.

I'll keep you safe at night

so you don't have to be afraid anymore.

Sadie, who are you talking to?

Piper.

Sadie, there's no one there, sweetie.

Piper says grownups can't see her

because they're too far away from God.

Oh shit.

Everything all right here?

You startled me.

- You've been waiting in
this alley for some time.

Yes, I'm sorry, Officer.

I needed to rest here for a moment.

Have you had anything to drink

or any substances this afternoon?

No, Sir.

Look, I'll you what.

I'm not gonna run your license today

because I am off duty and my wife

is at home waiting for me.
- Thank you.

- But look, I do need you to
move along and get home safe.

Of course.

Have a good one.

- I'm gonna go play on
the swing set, Mama.

Okay, baby.

Just stay where I can see you.

Barry, can you help keep
an eye on your sister?

Mm hm.

I don't need mama to push me anymore

'cause I'm a big girl.

I can pump my legs now.

Not too high, Sadie.

Okay, Mama.

Do you want me a turn now?

I'll push you.

Hold on tight.

Ugh, you're so heavy.
- In my heart, innocence.

I sleep in.

You have to pump your legs

like me if you wanna go high.

Sadie!

Sadie?

Who was just out here with you?

It was Piper, Mama.

What happened?

Did you see her?

Who?

Where did she go?

You scared her, Mommy.

She went away.

Where were you?

I told you to stay
outside with your sister.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to scare you guys.

Come on, let's go inside.

Barry.

All right, that's in.

Your dad built this, huh?

Mm hm.

Voila.

It's a beautiful piece of work.

I wish my construction workers paid

this much attention to detail.

Yeah.

All right.

Anything else?

No, thank you.

All right.

I'm gonna go clean up and
come down for dinner shortly.

Thank you, Sadie.

Are we expecting a guest tonight?

It's for Piper.

Sadie has an imaginary friend.

- Isn't she a little old
to have imaginary friends?

I defer to the specialist.

Well, hello Piper.

Pleased to make your acquaintance.

Special occasion?

It was a long day.

I needed something to take the edge off.

Barry, tell me when.

I think that's probably good.

That's good?

And for Sadie.

Here.

Here you go.

And Piper, too.

And Piper, too.

Tell me when Piper.

- She's not allowed to
speak to anyone, Daddy.

No, why not?

It's a secret.

Come away.

- "'Here's a special
friend for you my child,'

the mother whispered.

And from beneath the heavy
blanket she pulled a tiny doll,

which was wearing the same
night clothes as herself.

'Listen to my last words, beloved-'"

All right.

Time for bed.

But the story's not over.

"'Listen to my last words
beloved', said the mother.

'Keep the doll with you at all times.

Feed her when she's hungry,

let her guide you when you feel lost.

Tell her all your secrets.

She'll keep them safe,

locked away in the dungeon of her soul.

And with that, the
mother's breath rushed out

from between her lips and her
eyes fell closed forevermore. "

Where'd you get that book?

It was mine when I was a kid.

It's kinda dark.

Read more.

Nope.

That's enough for tonight.

All right, buddy.

You come with me.

Let's go.

I'll take that.

Good night, ladies.

Come on.

Piper wants a kiss goodnight, too.

You're her mommy now.

Too dark.

Here you go.

Sadie, what is that?

It's Piper's dinner.

Sadie, you can't put food under the bed.

It's gonna attract pests.

But she's still hungry.

I said no.

Night, sweet girl.

You coming up?

Yeah.

I'll be up in a bit.

I have some transcriptions
I need to catch up on.

"When Peter was two,

his mother died giving birth
to his baby sister, Emma.

Shortly after, his nanny
moved into the family home

to care for him and Emma.

Two years later, the nanny's
boyfriend murdered Emma

and accused Peter of the murder.

Peter confessed to a police investigator.

He thought he had killed his sister

because he'd once hit her with a toy.

Disassociative identity
disorder is characterized

by switching to alternate identities.

Each identity may have unique mannerisms,

different names and personal histories.

The psyche reverts to
the alternate identity

as a coping mechanism during times

of high stress or physical trauma.

When Joanna was seven, she sexually abused

the three year old girl

who lived next door
Devon.

who was six.

Michael, age five found her mother.

Physical abuse by...

Samantha committed suicide.

Two years.
David Jones, age 15.

Severe neglect. "

- Mom usually lets
me have cereal for breakfast.

Yeah, and then you put a ton

of sugar on it when she's not looking.

Eat them up.

They'll put some hair
on your chest like me.

But I don't like eggs.

Come on.

I gotta get to work, quick, quick, quick.

Daddy's got a big meeting today.

I can take them on my way to the office.

I thought we decided that you

were gonna take some time off?

- Don't infantilize me.
- I'm not.

I'm just making an observation.

You're hung over.

Are you sure you're in
the right head space

to see clients right now?

- You're gonna
be late for your meeting.

Don't shut me out, Camille.

- I can't sit around
all day and do nothing.

I need to stay busy or I'm
gonna go fuckin' crazy.

Whoa!

- Language!
- Time out.

Hey.

I understand you're under a
lot of stress right now, okay?

But I'm on your side, Camille.

Look.

I know losing a parent can
bring up all kinds of ghosts.

I'm fine.

- I'm just worried that
you throwing yourself

into your work is probably
not the best idea right now.

My patients need me!

- They need
you or do you need them?

Both!

Those kids have been through hell.

I can't just turn

my back on them.

Excuse me young man, you know the rules.

No electronics before school.

Shit, I'm gonna be late.

Barry, go get in the car.

I told you I can take them.

Okay, fine.

You know I'm just trying to help, right?

Sadie, it's time for school.

- I have to go now, but
I'll leave her with you.

No.

Too much sugar.

Barry, no.

Okay, come on, let's go.

Thank you.

Let's go.

Excuse me, Ma'am, can you stop please?

Why?

I need to check your purse.

No.

Come on, guys.
- Hold on.

He told me you took a bottle of booze

and put it in your pocket
book so I need to look.

Let me see.

What are you doing?

- Let me see, let me see.
- Let go of my purse!

- Let me see it!
- Stop!

- Let me see!
- Stop!

- Your father
will be here soon, okay?

Hi.

I got here as fast as I could.

Where's Mama?

- Is she gonna have to
stay the night in jail?

It's gonna be okay.

I need you guys to wait here
while Daddy gets Mommy, okay?

Okay.

Hello?

What can I do for you?

I'm here for Camille Everett.

Who are you?

I'm her husband.

I'm gonna need to see some ID.

Is she okay?

Have a seat.

Mama!

Mom.

Hey.

Mr. Everett.

- Mom?
- Thank you.

- You're free to go.
- Hi.

You okay?

Mm hm.

- We'll call a lawyer
in the morning, okay?

- Yeah.
- Let's get you home.

♪ Row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream ♪

♪ Merrily, merrily ♪

Come on, Barry, get into it.

♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ♪

♪ Life is but a dream ♪

♪ Row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream ♪

♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ♪

♪ Life is but a dream ♪

♪ Row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream ♪

The kids are in bed.

Sadie's asking about you.

Maybe you should go tuck her in.

We need to talk about this.

Not tonight.

They're very upset, Cam.

I said I don't wanna talk about it.

- Couldn't you have dropped
them off at school first?

- It's not like I was
planning this, Malcolm.

Then tell me.

I mean, what the fuck were you thinking?

My dad just died.

People process grief differently.

Peppermint schnapps?

Maybe we should get you back

on the meds until we can
find someone you can talk to.

I am not depressed.

That is not what I'm saying.

- I'm doing some kind of
fucked up version of grieving.

And clearly you're not coping well.

Is there anyone you can to at
Dr. Radcliffe's office, huh?

Did she not leave a referral for you?

- Starting over with a
new shrink is pointless.

There's nothing new there to discover.

It's like picking scabs off old wounds.

- Then tell me what, what
do you plan to do, huh?

Grief counseling, group therapy, AA?

Something that tells me
that you are on top of this.

I realize that you are looking

for a quick fix to this problem, Malcolm,

but it's just gonna take time.

So if you don't mind, I would love to go

to bed and put this day behind me.

Mama?

Mama?

Mama help me.

Sadie!

It was me!

It was my fault, I let her in the house.

Who?

Mommy!

No, no, no, no, I'll go.

Stay here.

Are you okay?

I had a bad dream.

Well, what was it?

Mama forgot about me.

I wish you were dead.

Help me, help me.

You're hurting me.

Let me go.

Get out here.

Go.

No.

Oh.

I had an accident.

It's okay, sweetie.

You wanna come and sleep
in daddy and mommy's room?

Okay.

Let's get you some new pj's, okay?

Come on.

Hey.

What are you doing with her?

She had a nightmare.

Sadie, there's Mama.

Hi.

- She had a little accident
so I changed her pj's.

Okay.

I'm sorry, Mama.

No.

No big deal.

I'll wash your sheets
in the morning, okay?

Come on, let's go.

Don't worry, Sadie.

I'm not gonna let anything
bad happen to you.

Who wants to go to the park today?

Me!

Why didn't you wake me?

I thought you needed some sleep.

All right, how many are you getting?

10!

10?

And you?

15.

15?

Wow, we're hungry this morning.

All right, let's make some more.

What happened?

Nothing.

Hey.

Hey, it's fine.

It's just a little scratch.

Let me see.

Why did you marry me?

When you fall in love with someone

you fall in love with their pain, too.

There's an AA meeting near my office.

I'm gonna check the schedule online

and stop by after work one day this week.

That's great.

There.

All good.

Thank you, Dr. Everett.

- Mama, I can't
find Piper anywhere.

Do you want me to help her go look?

No, it's okay.

I got it.

Barry, you wanna play catch?

Yeah.

Nice catch.

Ready?

Those are really pretty flowers, Sadie.

- They're for
Piper so she comes back.

You know Piper's not real, right?

Yes, she is.

Sometimes kids create imaginary friends

to help them understand
difficult feelings.

Or if they're feeling lonely,

they make up a friend to play with.

Are you feelin' lonely, Sadie?

That's probably why she
disappeared, sweetie.

'Cause you don't really need her anymore.

But she needs me.

Come on, sweetie.

Let's go find Daddy and Barry.

I got you something.

Thanks.

That was a good throw today.

Almost hit me in the face.

Good thing I was quick.

Sadie, eat your food.

I'm not eating until Piper comes back.

- There won't be anything
else before bedtime.

I don't care.

Excuse me?

Uh oh, you're

in big trouble now.
- Barry, quiet.

Sadie, don't talk to your mama like that.

You can spend the rest

of the evening alone in your bedroom.

Okay, fine.

What was that about?

Sadie?

It's time for school.

Okay, Mama.

Sadie, what did you do?

It was Piper.

Piper's not real.

This isn't real.

Yes she is.

Don't lie to me.

What is this?

What's goin' on?

Sadie, she drew all over the walls.

It wasn't me.

It's okay, Sadie.

I don't have time for this right now.

I have to go to work.

Hey, Cam?

Why are you makin' such a big deal?

It's just crayon.

It washes off.

She's old enough to know better.

Come on, Cam.

Imaginary friends, acting out, bad dreams.

Wetting the bad.

I mean you're a doctor,
you know better than that.

She's fine.

You're overreacting.

Overreacting?

I mean even I know
something's going on with her.

It's just a cry for attention.

Roll the window down.

There's more to it than that.

And this?

Aren't you dealing with this?

Don't let her see that.

She's a sensitive kid and you,

you haven't even been
acting with yourself lately.

- I'll check her out of
school on my lunch break

and take her to the park for a picnic.

She just needs a little extra
one-on-one time with me.

Yeah, we all do.

- If I don't leave now
I'm gonna hit traffic.

We'll talk about it more tonight
when I get home from group.

All right.

Sadie, come eat your lunch.

I got your favorite,
peanut butter and jelly.

I have to take this.

Hello?

Hi, Tina.

Is everything okay?

Mama?

- If you feel as though your
home environment is unsafe,

your social worker can place you

in a domestic violence shelter

until we can find you a
better living situation.

I know.

I'm so sorry.

I'll see you in a couple of hours.

Hey, Sadie, do you like goats?

You wanna pet him?

He's soft isn't he?

I've got some more in the
van if you wanna see 'em?

Sadie!

Shit.

Where are you?

Hey.

Malcolm, Malcolm, I forgot Sadie.

Someone took her.

What are you talking about?

The kids are with me.

Tina?

It seemed so real.

I, I thought I lost her.

What are you talking about?

Hold on.

I have to take this.

Camille, wait.

Hey, Cam?

Hello?

Tina?

- No,
this is Sheriff Vincent.

Is Tina Daniels a friend of yours?

No, she's my patient.

Is everything okay?

- Well,
I hate to give bad news

over the phone but you were
listed as the emergency contact

and were the last number dialed.

Whiskey on the rocks.

♪ Take me underground ♪

Just in time for happy hour.

♪ Take my hand ♪

Can I buy you a drink?

- Why limit happy to an hour
when happy comes in a bottle?

♪ And we'll never ♪

Got a cigarette?

Got a light?

Can't smoke in here, sweetheart.

Care to join me?

I need you to make me forget.

Oh.

Playin' hard to get?

I don't want this.

Fuckin' tease!

All right, let's tuck you in.

Get some ice cream tomorrow.

Are you okay?

I miss Piper, Daddy.

Can you help me find her?

What does she look like?

- She looks like Mama when
she was a little girl,

but Piper has black hair and white eyes.

Help me.

Stay away from me!

Stay away from my daughter!

Leave us alone!

- Hey, what-
- Leave me alone!

Why aren't you answering my calls?

Are you drunk?

- I lost a patient
today and it's my fault.

So you drank?

Dad, what's wrong with mom?

We can't live like this anymore.

I'm takin' the kids to my parents.

Cam?

Please get some help.

Nobody loves you as much as I do.

Always remember Camille,

no other man will love
you as much as I do.

- It's over but you
have to stay very quiet

or he's going to find you.

- If you tell anyone our
secret, I will kill you.

I'm ready.

You got everything, buddy?

Yeah.

Let's go.

Oh, God.

It's okay, everyone.

You can go back inside your houses.

We have everything under control.

- Open up, Margaret, I
know you're in there!

You knew, didn't you?

Come in before the neighbors hear you.

Come in, sit down.

No, answer me.

All those years you knew what he

was doing and you never
did anything to stop it.

I don't know what you're talkin' about.

Your daddy loved you.

He never would have done
anything to hurt you.

Stop lying.

That's why you drank so much

because you're trying to forget.

- Sometimes it's best
leavin' the past alone.

Jim didn't have an easy life.

His father beat the livin' shit
out of him on a daily basis,

but he still survived it and he built

a good life for himself and his family.

Why didn't you ever protect me?

- Because you were his
special little girl.

Nothing could come between
the two of you, not even me.

You always were a selfish little bitch.

Besides, by the time I
knew what was goin' on,

it was too late and I didn't
like what my options were.

You weren't legally my daughter

and I didn't wanna bring
shame on the family.

Child Protective Services would
have taken you away from us.

I grew up in foster care.

I know what happens to a
pretty little broken girl

like you in the system.

Victims become prey to the predators.

No, you were better off with us.

I am not a broken little girl!

Shut up!

You can't silence the truth, Margaret,

no matter how hard you try.

Is it okay if I clean you up a bit?

Is it safe to talk now?

That's what we do here.

I help little girls and boys

when bad things happen to them.

Like when they feel scared and alone?

Yeah, mm hm.

It can be really confusing for little kids

when the people who are supposed to love

and take care of them hurt them instead.

They come and talk to me and I help

them make sense of things
so they feel better.

Daddy needed me to help him.

Can you tell me more, Piper?

He felt sad about Mommy dying.

He would come into my room at night

so we could be sad together.

He told me I was his special girl.

You're helping me remember, Piper.

I remember I did feel special
because he chose to come

to my room at night instead of Shelly's.

I also remember being terrified of him.

The sound of his footsteps,

his feet pounding on the ground,

the creaking wood, the clicking
and popping of his bones

as he lumbered down the hall.

I could tell by his stride if he

was going to keep walking
stop or stop at my room.

Hide.

And when I say the shadow,

his feet beneath the crack of my door,

I'd hold my breath,

hoping in the sound of
silence I could disappear.

He told me he loved me more
than anything in the world.

And I thought it was love until I became

a woman and realized the way
he played with me was wrong.

And the shame filled the space
where my innocence was lost.

As I grew into a woman,

I finally came to understand the power

that I had over him and I used

that power and I started to reject him.

He needed me.

He was afraid of me.

Excuse me, please.

I want some drinks for my friends.

Can I have a kiss?

No.

Bitch.

He needed me.

He was afraid of me.

He threatened to kill me
if I ever told anyone,

but he never came in my room again.

I must've buried the memory of you,

I buried you deep in my
psyche to protect myself.

That's what the world went black.

What I thought was the monster beneath

the bed was actually me.

I'm the one that put you there.

Camille?

Malcolm.

I heard you talking to Piper.

Can you see her?

No,

but I see you.

I see how incredibly strong you had to be

to have kept this secret
for all these years.

I've been disassociated

from that part of myself for so long,

and now that he's gone, it's
resurfaced seeking integration

but I just can't get there
because I can't face the shame.

No, it's not your fault.

I already lost my mother.

I was terrified of losing him too

and I thought my survival
meant making him love me again.

You were just a little girl trying cope

with a horrible situation
the best you could.

- And what's at that
little girl's core is love.

How can I love my father
when I hate him so much?

Just like your patients, right?

Through forgiveness.

I can't forgive this.

On some level it feels like,

like I seduced my father to get love.

No, no, look at me.

Look at me.

This isn't in anyway your fault.

Forgiveness starts with
forgiving yourself, Camille.

She needs you.

- I am so sorry I left you
in the dark for so long.

It's okay.

You've been so brave.

Thank you.

I love you.

I love you, too.

- There are many
ways this story could end, Dad.

I could hold onto my anger as
a boundary against the truth,

pretend it didn't happen,

hate you for the rest of my life and live

with the shame and darkness it brings.

But instead, I choose love.

I choose forgiveness
for the sake of healing

this cycle of violence for
myself, for my daughter.

I choose to step out of victim
hood and reclaim my power.

It stops with me.

Is he gone?

Yes, baby.

Is it safe now?

You will always be safe in my heart.

♪ If I pulled some strings
would you answer me ♪

♪ Take me underground ♪

♪ Where I'll take my hands ♪

♪ Off of both my eyes ♪

♪ So I can hold your face ♪

♪ And we'll never speak ♪

♪ Of our own place ♪

♪ I am alone ♪

♪ Too much, too much at hand ♪

♪ The water's too cold ♪

♪ I can't get in ♪

♪ I push it ahead ♪

♪ Deep in the sand ♪

♪ Doesn't it lay ♪

♪ A day ♪

♪ If I pull some strings
would you answer me ♪

♪ Take me underground
where I'll take my hands ♪

♪ Off of both my eyes ♪

♪ So I can hold your face ♪

♪ And we'll never speak of our own place ♪

♪ I am alone ♪