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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,160 --> 00:00:05,360 Maybe I am inert. 2 00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:07,200 Oh, Jesus. 3 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:09,000 - MICHAEL: You're not. - DAVID: Maybe I am. 4 00:00:09,040 --> 00:00:10,080 MICHAEL: Why? 5 00:00:10,120 --> 00:00:14,200 Cos I move through time like a dust mote... 6 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:17,560 ...floating. I'm present... 7 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:19,960 ...but I'm not really there. 8 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:23,120 When did these conversations become so poetic? 9 00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:25,320 I'm just afraid of becoming invisible. 10 00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:27,720 I'm afraid of glass 11 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:29,240 and... 12 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:31,400 - ...electricity. - OK. 13 00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:35,080 So, obviously, light bulbs are a no-no. 14 00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:36,960 - Right. - And dying. 15 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:38,240 Sure. 16 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:42,640 All this quiet is not good for me. 17 00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:43,960 You should see a therapist. 18 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,200 I've got you. 19 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:46,840 I've been struck off. 20 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:47,920 Have you? Why? 21 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:49,000 Gross incompetence. 22 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:50,800 Well, not before time. 23 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:52,040 Why don't you talk to Georgia? 24 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:54,440 Nah. She snapped at me today. 25 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:56,360 - Why? - I...did a thing. 26 00:00:56,400 --> 00:01:00,960 Erm, Georgia calls you my procrastination buddy. 27 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:03,400 - Aw! That's nice. - Yeah. 28 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:05,840 Does Anna have, like, a fun... 29 00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:07,200 ...name for me, or...? 30 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:09,720 "David"? 31 00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:11,960 Oh. 32 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:16,400 Yeah. You know, you have seemed a little bit more... 33 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:20,000 ...ooh, introspective recently. 34 00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:21,960 - Have I? - I mean, don't get me wrong, 35 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,760 you have always thoroughly enjoyed talking about yourself. 36 00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:27,440 - There's a lot to say. - But you've started 37 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:29,560 seeming a bit... 38 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:31,880 What? 39 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:33,920 - ...a little... - Yeah? 40 00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,520 ...boring...? 41 00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:37,320 - Boring?! - Tedious. 42 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:39,440 Oh, now you're just throwing around hurtful comments. 43 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:41,480 - Needy! - Just cos you won't listen... 44 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:42,880 (LAUGHS) 45 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:46,560 I do nothing but listen! 46 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:49,800 That is literally all I do, every minute of every day. 47 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:52,520 My thoughts are interesting. 48 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:53,560 To you. 49 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:55,480 I am a public intellectual. 50 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:57,440 By what standard?! 51 00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:01,600 I was Dictionary Corner on Countdown on two occasions! 52 00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:05,960 Just going through something! 53 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,280 Oh... I have got to go. 54 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:09,360 What, already?! 55 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:10,800 Yeah. Oh, sorry. Time's up. 56 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:12,160 I've only had 40 minutes. 57 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:13,560 Yeah, well, I've got another call. 58 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,160 - With who? - New York. 59 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,160 Oh, wedding stuff. 60 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:18,360 Wedding stuff! 61 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:20,280 I've never been a best man. 62 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:21,800 Oh, Jesus! 63 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:27,360 SIMON: So, I know that we joke about it 64 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,520 and about how much of it was improvised, 65 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:32,440 and I enjoy that as much as everybody else. It's a funny joke. 66 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:33,640 - Would you say 30%? - But... 67 00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:34,720 30? 68 00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:36,320 - At least! - Ten. 69 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:38,120 - At most. - DAVID: Oh... 70 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:40,600 I mean, 25. 71 00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:41,720 This is not a negotiation. 72 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:43,600 And the Hamlet stuff, that was definitely me. 73 00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:45,600 "2-4-6-8 Mootaway." 74 00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:49,080 Yeah. The having the mug in shot, that was all me. 75 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:50,400 Fucking disco. 76 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:52,080 Nsk-nsk-nsk-nsk! 77 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:53,280 Well, that whole bit, wasn't it? 78 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:55,320 That was the whole bit, the whole "being on set" bit. 79 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:57,280 - God, yeah. There was nothing scripted... - We just did that. 80 00:02:57,320 --> 00:02:58,440 ...anywhere near that! 81 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:00,720 That was just us - b'ding, b'dang, b'ding... That was, like... 82 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:02,240 - That bit. - (HIGH-PITCHED) "Please, sir, 83 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,000 "can I have a little morsel?" 84 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:06,280 Again, that was just us. We were just riffing. 85 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,640 I mean, that was the tr.... That was the entire trailer. 86 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:10,880 There was nothing scripted in the trailer. 87 00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:14,600 - None of that was scripted. - Krapy Rub Snif. That was a thinker. 88 00:03:14,640 --> 00:03:16,040 That got people... (CLICKS FINGERS) 89 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:18,840 Yeah... You liked that more than I did. 90 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:19,920 People like it! 91 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:23,200 People...have claimed it. I'm the one who invented it. 92 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:25,200 I didn't just say it in the show. I said... I came up with that 93 00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:27,600 - back in drama... - No, I'd heard that years before. 94 00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,360 # Think I'd better dance now! # 95 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:30,600 - Oh, that was good. - Huh! 96 00:03:30,640 --> 00:03:31,760 You just took that from The Trip. 97 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:34,800 - Exploded the thing. - And when I did Sean Connery, 98 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:36,480 Jason Connery wrote to me. 99 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:39,560 He said, "Nice to see the old man on television again." 100 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:42,760 I mean, I find it difficult to remember anything that was scripted. 101 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:44,680 It's the... I mean, regardless 102 00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:47,240 of the percentage, it's the improv that zings! 103 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:49,600 Cos all the bits that people talk about... 104 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:51,040 Muppet dance. # Mm-mm-mm-mm! # 105 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:52,320 Yeah. We could have done without the Muppet dance. 106 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:55,000 People love that. There are memes of that everywhere. 107 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:58,000 Why did you keep the Muppet dance in but you took Mike Yarwood out? 108 00:03:58,040 --> 00:03:59,960 - # Mm-mm-mm-mm! # - You made some funny choices in the edit. 109 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,760 We haven't really gone through this, have we? 110 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:03,680 Well, Dan was the editor. He... 111 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:05,960 But they're all the bits that come alive, aren't they? 112 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:09,120 So, irrespective of the percentage, rr-rr-ah... 113 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:10,560 - 10%. - ...we contributed 114 00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:12,320 a significant amount. 115 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:13,480 But I wrote it! 116 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:16,680 I wrote it. I sat down at a computer, this one, 117 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:19,280 and I typed the whole thing out. 118 00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:20,320 It took weeks! 119 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:22,040 Yeah. And we improved it... 120 00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:24,520 - (CLICKS FINGERS) ...immediately. - Bang! 121 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:31,920 So, the other Davids and Michaels have been reading the script 122 00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:33,760 and they're requesting changes. 123 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:35,440 - They've got notes... - Oh, OK. 124 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:37,680 ...but I'm not allowed to be a part of those conversations, 125 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:40,040 because people don't think that I had anything to do with it. 126 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:41,520 - Why not? - Because that's what you told them. 127 00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:43,320 You told them I didn't write it. You said that. 128 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:44,640 - When? - All the time. 129 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:48,200 - In all the interviews! - We gave you full credit 130 00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:50,240 - in those interviews. - Full credit? 131 00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:51,440 Credit. 132 00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:52,640 Did you give me any credit? 133 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:54,760 - You were mentioned. - Infrequently. 134 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:57,440 So all the new actors have all seen those interviews? 135 00:04:57,480 --> 00:04:58,440 - Yes. - Great! 136 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:00,120 No, not great! No, bad! 137 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:02,200 I want them to think that I wrote it. 138 00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:03,960 No, it shows they're interested, 139 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:06,600 - they're paying attention. - To the source. 140 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,000 They want to know how this really... They want to... 141 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:10,800 They want to go to the magic, don't they? 142 00:05:10,840 --> 00:05:12,560 - Mm. - So, I know you're reading 143 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:13,800 with the other Davids and Michaels today. 144 00:05:13,840 --> 00:05:14,840 We are. Yeah. 145 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:16,360 I'm reading with the Michaels. 146 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,320 And I am reading with the Davids. 147 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:19,960 Yeah, I'm sorry that will be boring for you, Michael. 148 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:21,680 Well, I'll get through it somehow. 149 00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:23,360 So could I ask a favour? 150 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,160 Could you try and find out what their notes are, 151 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,240 what their thoughts are, what their comments are? 152 00:05:27,280 --> 00:05:29,200 - I suppose. - Thank you. 153 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:30,960 And maybe even just... 154 00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:33,600 ...talk me up a bit. 155 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:35,200 - Talk you up? - Mm-hm. 156 00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:37,760 I mean, we're doing this under sufferance. This is... 157 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:39,120 You know, this is a punishment for us. 158 00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:41,320 Yeah, this is our community service. 159 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:42,680 I'm not asking you to lie for me. 160 00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:44,600 Oh! 161 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:47,440 Oh, you're not asking us to lie. So... 162 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:50,960 So what are you asking from us, then, Simon? 163 00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:54,280 Just... 164 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:57,320 ...tell them I wrote it. 165 00:05:59,840 --> 00:06:02,640 - ACTOR: I don't like it. - DAVID: Well, Simon Evans wrote it. 166 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:06,080 - I don't think I want to do it. - Right. 167 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:09,280 - I'll read it, but I have my concerns. - Like what? 168 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:11,200 - Feels cruel. - Cruel? 169 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,640 Unbarmherzig. 170 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,720 What does that mean, exactly? 171 00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:23,680 - Merciless. - Sure. 172 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:25,480 - Remorseless. - Yeah. 173 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:26,960 Pitiless. 174 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,440 Oh, it's supposed to be funny. 175 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:30,720 - It's not. - No? OK. 176 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:31,840 It's acrid. 177 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:37,160 Should we read a bit? 178 00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:38,520 - Sure! - OK. 179 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:41,560 Erm, so, it's the scene where we're looking down 180 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,200 at a series of photographs, 181 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:44,760 I'm going to choose one 182 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:47,120 and I'm calling out the numbers. I'll go from the top of the page. 183 00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:49,840 "What about two, one, four, five?" 184 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:52,000 "Is that make-up?" 185 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:53,640 "I put on a little foundation." 186 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,000 "You look pox-ridden." 187 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:56,240 "I do not!" 188 00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:59,000 "Why do you always do that thing with your mouth?" 189 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:00,840 - "What thing?" - "It's just a straight line 190 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:02,120 "across your face." 191 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:05,520 (LAUGHS) "You look just like a Muppet." 192 00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:07,600 "Well, your smile is a straight line, too." 193 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:08,920 "But I've got a twinkle in my eye." 194 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:11,200 - "I have a twinkle in my eye!" - "Your eyes tire." 195 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:13,440 - "Tire?!" - "Like a low-impact Gorgon." 196 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:15,320 - "Oh, fuck you." - See what I mean? 197 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:18,720 Well, there was...funny moments. 198 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:20,440 Michael is a horrible person! 199 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:21,840 Do you think? 200 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:23,720 I thought you were supposed to be friends. 201 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:28,080 "I mean, I just want to make sure I don't get oversensitive." 202 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:30,120 - "Ah, this is bullshit!" - "You should calm down." 203 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:32,840 "Oh, why? Because when I get emotional, I sound cartoonish?" 204 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:34,000 "Oh, I've heard that, too." 205 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:36,120 "Look, I wrote a scene today where I took a shit 206 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:38,680 "from a high height on your big, stupid, Welsh, hairy head!" 207 00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:40,080 OK. Good. 208 00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:41,960 - Good... - (CLEARS THROAT) 209 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:44,480 I mean, I've got nothing to say. 210 00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:47,600 Have you got any questions, or anything I can help with, or...? 211 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:48,920 The... Your writer. 212 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,400 The writer is Simon Evans. 213 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:53,160 Is he, like, anti-Scottish? 214 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:54,640 I don't think so. 215 00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:57,640 - David is just always whining. - Whining? 216 00:07:57,680 --> 00:07:59,600 Yeah, and, you know, we're not all like that. 217 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:02,280 I don't think it was meant as, like, a cultural comment. 218 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:05,760 He can't be... He can't be like that, though, David, in real life, can he? 219 00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:11,080 It's funny, cos a lot of people have said 220 00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:14,120 they think that Michael might be the more interesting role. 221 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,840 (LAUGHS) No! 222 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:17,280 Not at all! 223 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:20,360 He's two-dimensional and petty. 224 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:21,840 He calls me cartoonish later. 225 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:23,680 Michael's a cartoonish character. 226 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:26,160 He should have a shark tank in his basement, 227 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:27,920 a...castle in a volcano. 228 00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:31,640 I've done enough of both of them. Yeah, trust me. 229 00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:34,920 - Listen to me. - Yeah? 230 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,800 Whatever they say, 231 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:38,640 Michael's a paper doll. 232 00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:42,000 He's a lazy stereotype. 233 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:43,560 David's the real person. 234 00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:46,320 Yes. Yes, actually, David is the real person. 235 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:47,640 With real struggles! 236 00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:50,440 He's trying to connect. 237 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:52,440 Yes, he is trying to connect! 238 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,000 Across distance, 239 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:58,240 strange technology, just trying to speak and be heard. 240 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:00,160 Yeah, Michael just keeps shutting him down. 241 00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:01,960 It's sociopathic. 242 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,840 Yeah. I'd never thought about that before. 243 00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:05,800 "Do you think I sound cartoonish?" 244 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:09,000 Have you ever tried a thing called actioning? 245 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:10,560 No. No, I don't think so. No. 246 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:14,360 You work out what your character's action is 247 00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:17,160 on every line, like what he or she is doing. 248 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:19,000 If it can bring this more alive... 249 00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:21,120 - OK. - ...then let's try. 250 00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:23,960 So, just, let's try the... Have you got the scene that begins 251 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,440 with David putting his hand up? 252 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:27,160 - Do you know that one? - Yeah, yeah. 253 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,280 - I'll be... I'm Jo. So... - OK. 254 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:32,520 - David. - "Michael's being insufferable!" 255 00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:37,400 Right, great. So...what's... er, what's David trying to do there? 256 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:38,400 Whine. 257 00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:44,480 It's...It's sort of better if you think of it in terms of 258 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:48,200 what he's trying to do to the other character. 259 00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:50,760 OK. Oh, right. 260 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,960 So, what's he trying to do to Michael? 261 00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:56,360 To whine at him. 262 00:09:57,440 --> 00:09:59,800 OK. Um... 263 00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:01,720 - Yeah, OK, let's just... - Yeah? Carry on? 264 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:03,720 - Let's... Do you want to do another bit? - Yeah. 265 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:05,560 What have you got? Have you got something else there? 266 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:07,600 "Please, please, please, please!" 267 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:08,960 So, what's he trying to do there? 268 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,960 Desecrate the memory of Robert the fucking Bruce. 269 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,600 (MICHAEL LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) 270 00:10:17,680 --> 00:10:20,240 This scene reads so much better, Lucy. 271 00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:22,200 It's just the old one, really. 272 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,000 Did I know that you could write? 273 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,200 I don't, er, normally. 274 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:28,280 I do a bit of poetry. 275 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:30,160 - Ooh! - Um, 276 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,960 actually, Anna and I get sent quite a lot of poetry. Don't we? 277 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,080 Mm. We do. 278 00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:35,840 - That's nice. - Lovely... 279 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:37,720 Is it for you or for David and Michael? 280 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:39,920 Um, it's a bit of both, 281 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:43,120 but more things rhyme with "Georgia". So... 282 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:45,040 When are we filming? 283 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:47,040 It has to be ready a fortnight today. 284 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,160 I'm available. 285 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:49,720 Me too. 286 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:51,680 - It's just an online thing. - Great. 287 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:55,000 Just, like, some sketches and a celebrity auction. 288 00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:56,640 I have so much time. 289 00:10:57,800 --> 00:10:58,920 So much time. 290 00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:01,240 I snapped at David earlier. 291 00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:02,440 Why? How come? 292 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:03,640 He did a...a thing. 293 00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:05,960 Yeah, Michael's struggling, too. 294 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,640 - In what way? - He's not sleeping very well. 295 00:11:08,680 --> 00:11:10,320 David's grinding his teeth. 296 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:11,600 Michael's getting headaches. 297 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:12,920 Do you have any idea why? 298 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,280 He wants to feel mobile, 299 00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:16,360 he wants to go to New York with me, 300 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:19,880 he wants to hug people, raise a glass, 301 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:21,560 lift Lyra up and show her off. 302 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:22,760 Does he talk to anyone? 303 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:24,880 - A therapist? - Yeah, maybe. 304 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:26,160 Talks to David. 305 00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:28,840 I suppose it's good that they have each other. 306 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:30,320 Isn't it? 307 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:35,640 DAVID: The Welsh must have a good phrase for the end of the world. 308 00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:38,040 MICHAEL: "Rage, rage against..." 309 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:39,760 DAVID: You did not paint that this morning. 310 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,800 - MICHAEL: Yes, I did! - DAVID: Well, my pineapple is shit! 311 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:45,800 - MICHAEL: Let's not start... - DAVID: Oh, fuck! Come on! 312 00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:48,640 (SPEECH OVERLAPS AND ECHOES) 313 00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:50,600 - (CACOPHONY STOPS) - DAVID: Michael's being insufferable. 314 00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:54,280 ACTOR: Well, David is a little two-dimensional. 315 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,440 That's... He's fine. 316 00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:57,600 - It's the Michael character, really. - Really, you think? 317 00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:59,480 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what we've found. 318 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:03,000 No, he strikes me as quite...rich, sort of quite textured... 319 00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:06,600 ...really. 320 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:07,880 You know, improvisation's key. 321 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:09,200 Erm... 322 00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:11,480 - It's just listening. - Right, OK. 323 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:13,600 Listening and responding. 324 00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:15,320 But you expect me to be funny. 325 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:16,640 Ideally, yeah. 326 00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:20,520 Do you know what? I'm just... I'm just more comfortable with a script. 327 00:12:20,560 --> 00:12:22,600 Well, it's just that that's the way we made it work before. 328 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,240 Well, sure, but, you know, Simon, er... 329 00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:27,000 ...Simon Evans has sent me a script, so... 330 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:30,760 Yeah. Yeah, but, you know, what is written down 331 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,160 is just like a skeleton that we then build on. 332 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,840 - Right. - Nuance is key. 333 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,680 You said improvisation was key. 334 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:40,520 Different keys. 335 00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:42,520 OK. 336 00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:43,920 Is that a banister? 337 00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:45,680 Yeah. 338 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:47,200 You're sitting at the bottom of the stairs? 339 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:49,520 Yeah, it's just easier cos there's lights down here. 340 00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:51,360 It's just, just... Yeah, it's fine. 341 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:54,440 I've never seen inside your house. I thought it'd be classier. 342 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:56,240 Yeah, no, it's just quite old, David. 343 00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:57,920 Do you...? I mean, I can see that you live in... 344 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:00,840 - Are you in a hotel? - Just...back of the... 345 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:01,960 Are you on set? Are you filming? 346 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,840 No. No... No. No, no, not yet, no. 347 00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:07,320 Where's the banister from? 348 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:08,880 Well, it's from... 349 00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:10,760 I think it's from...Sweden. 350 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:11,680 IKEA? 351 00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:14,440 What is it made of? 352 00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:16,400 It's actually plastic. 353 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:19,640 - Is it? - Erm, I'm ready when you are. 354 00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:22,080 Wouldn't get away with that in Downton, would you? 355 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:24,600 (CHUCKLES) Should we read some? 356 00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:29,120 Erm... OK, er... 357 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:30,640 Just, er... 358 00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:37,960 No, that doesn't...doesn't read. 359 00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:40,960 OK. Er, OK. 360 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,960 And...Ken Jeong. 361 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:46,240 You have my CV, and... 362 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,800 (SNIFFS) Ah, um... 363 00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:50,200 Mm. 364 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:52,600 Mm-mm-mm. 365 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:54,640 I am David. 366 00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:56,280 I am an asshole. 367 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:00,880 Hm. 368 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:02,120 Huh. 369 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:06,880 "Michael's being insufferable." 370 00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:11,880 HUGH: "You look pox-ridden." 371 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:15,800 - Can you try a different flavour? - Yeah, yeah. 372 00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:17,520 Find something kinder. 373 00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:20,320 Yeah, so just like a kinder tone 374 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,200 - in the line. - No, no, no. 375 00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:24,320 Put something in that's kinder. 376 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:28,080 Let's start again. I'll take it from the top. 377 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:31,240 - OK. - "What about two, one, four, five?" 378 00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:32,320 "Is that make-up?" 379 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:33,520 "I put on a little foundation." 380 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:40,880 You look really handsome. 381 00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:42,040 That's great. That's much better. 382 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:43,880 "Why do you always do that thing with your mouth? 383 00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:45,800 - "What thing?" - "You make it sort of... 384 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:46,840 "...flat. 385 00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:49,560 "It's just a straight line across your face. You... 386 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:50,680 "You look like a Muppet." 387 00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:52,800 Yeah, maybe there... 388 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:57,040 ...just take a moment to wonder why David finds it difficult to smile. 389 00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:00,440 Why he finds it difficult to smile? 390 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:03,480 A thought. Just sprinkle in a little empathy, yeah? 391 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:08,240 I'll pick it up. Pick it up from "Why do you always do that thing with your mouth?" 392 00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:11,040 "Wh...Why do you always do that...? Why do you always do that thing with your mouth?" 393 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:13,800 - "What thing?" - "You make it sort of...flat." 394 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:16,720 Er... Why is that? 395 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:19,320 Cos I'm struggling at the moment. 396 00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:22,000 I... I would have tried to understand. 397 00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:23,760 And I really need a friend. 398 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:25,040 David, I'm your friend. 399 00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:26,360 Well, that's not always clear. 400 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:27,400 I'm sorry. 401 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:28,520 I want to be heard. 402 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:29,800 I hear you. 403 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:31,160 I'm feeling inert. 404 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:32,800 This must be really hard for you. 405 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:35,120 Er, how do you mean? 406 00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:38,520 You know, reading these same scenes over and over again, just... 407 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:43,280 ...seeing a parade of people just playing versions of your best friend. 408 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:45,360 He's not my best friend. 409 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,600 Oh, I'm sorry. I thought... 410 00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:49,000 I have a friend in New York. 411 00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:50,280 OK. 412 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,720 - I have one in Cardiff. - I...I wasn't... 413 00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:55,120 I have two - two! - in Brighton. 414 00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:58,440 Still... 415 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:01,400 ...strange, with all due respect. 416 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:03,440 I mean, if I were you, I'd be acting out. 417 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,840 I'd... Snapping, 418 00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:08,760 you know, just shouting at birds... 419 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:11,880 - No-one does that. - ...screaming about 420 00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:14,760 my deepest fears with this dude. 421 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:16,400 He just doesn't get it. 422 00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:17,720 You know? I watch this, 423 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:20,360 and you're the angel, 424 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,400 and he is just... 425 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:25,760 ...doesn't see your brightness. It's just like, 426 00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:27,400 you know, it's like... 427 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:29,880 (AS DAVID, WITH COCKNEY ACCENT) Michael, you know, I'm jealous of your greatness. 428 00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:31,560 You know, how can I be as great as you? 429 00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:33,760 You know, I don't have your range, innit? 430 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:35,200 I'm just not as great. 431 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:36,880 (AS MICHAEL, WITH COCKNEY ACCENT) Well, don't compare yourself. 432 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:39,120 It's not a competition. You know, this isn't... It's not... 433 00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:41,040 It's not Britain's Got Talent, innit? 434 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:43,280 (AS DAVID) I didn't say it's Britain's Got Talent. It's... 435 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:46,760 I want... You know, I just want what you have. I want you! 436 00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:48,760 I want what you have, you know? 437 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,480 You know, give me what I want, innit? 438 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:52,400 (AS MICHAEL) It's, like... It's not like that. 439 00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:55,880 It's just... You know, acting is energy, it's like a ball of energy. 440 00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:58,120 You're just playing, you're just tossing it back and forth, 441 00:16:58,160 --> 00:16:59,360 back and forth, innit? 442 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:02,000 (AS DAVID) It's not about that. It's about having the biggest ball 443 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:04,080 and the brightest energy! Fuck you! 444 00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:05,360 (AS MICHAEL) Fuck you! 445 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,440 (AS DAVID) Fuck you, innit?! 446 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:09,600 (AS MICHAEL) Fuck you, innit? 447 00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:11,560 I've got to say, it just feels like 448 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:13,360 - we're going against the spirit... - No, come on, come on, this is good. 449 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:14,720 This is much better. Focus in. 450 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:15,920 Don't... Don't... Don't lose it. 451 00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:17,960 - Pick it up. I'll pick it up. - OK. 452 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,200 I'm feeling inert. 453 00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:20,480 You're not feeling inert. 454 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:21,680 Well, maybe I am. 455 00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:24,000 Well, if you're feeling inert, then... 456 00:17:25,360 --> 00:17:26,400 ...why? 457 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:30,720 I move through time like a dust mote, floating, 458 00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:33,680 present but entirely without impact. 459 00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:43,920 LUCY: Er, it's a technical question, really. 460 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:47,600 I typed the new version out on Word, like, a line at a time. 461 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:48,800 Courier New. 462 00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:50,320 And it's quite time-consuming. 463 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:54,240 When you sent us the scripts for Staged, they looked pretty professional. 464 00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:56,640 Did someone do that for you, or... 465 00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:59,840 ...did you use specific software...? 466 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:03,600 I got bitten by a dog. 467 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:06,400 - What? When? - Today. 468 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:08,920 - Are you all right? - Do you know what the dog was called? 469 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:10,560 What? 470 00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:14,080 - Los Angeles. - No?! 471 00:18:14,120 --> 00:18:16,400 - Yah. - Ooh, that is ridiculous! 472 00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:18,440 It is ridiculous. 473 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:19,720 How did you find out? 474 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:22,200 Well, the fucking guy kept saying it. He said, "Down, Los Angeles. 475 00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:25,560 "Let him go, Los Angeles. You don't want him...Los Angeles." 476 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:29,240 - That's taking a metaphor too far, Simon. - It's not a metaphor! 477 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,080 I worry I might develop a phobia. 478 00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:33,480 What, of dogs? 479 00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:37,040 No, of metaphors. Yes, dogs! Of course dogs! 480 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:38,560 No, you won't. 481 00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:41,200 - I might do. - No, absolutely not. 482 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,000 (PHONE RINGS) 483 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:49,560 Hello? 484 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,120 Tom! 485 00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:53,960 Er, yeah, I've got time. 486 00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:59,400 What? Hold on a... 487 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:00,520 Gah! 488 00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:04,000 SIMON: Sorry, they said what?! 489 00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:11,000 Are you both OK? 490 00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:14,960 - I'm fine. - Yeah, me too. 491 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:19,040 OK. Well, Simon's actually a bit upset now. 492 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:20,760 He should fucking get over it. 493 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:24,240 Michael, did you say that he didn't like Scottish people? 494 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:25,480 No. 495 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:27,040 - Did you? - No! 496 00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:31,560 And, David, did you really tell people that his script was, erm... 497 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,160 ..."a skeleton from which to work"? 498 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:37,200 - No! - (LAUGHS) Did you? 499 00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:38,920 - No! - How is it 500 00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,200 that I'm this much younger than you 501 00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:41,800 and I still have to explain that this is not how people talk? 502 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:43,920 Did you just quote the show? 503 00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:48,040 Oh. No! No, I... 504 00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:51,840 ...I say that all... I say that all the... That's a Lucy. 505 00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:56,080 You know, that... I... Simon took that and, you know... 506 00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:58,640 - Right. - His writing. 507 00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:02,120 Michael, you know that some people think you have a shark tank in your basement? 508 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,600 The only thing I have in my basement... 509 00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:06,280 ...are my former co-stars. 510 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:07,960 (LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY) 511 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:11,240 And if anyone's a fucking Lucy round here, it's you. 512 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:29,080 (COMPUTER DINGS) 513 00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:34,680 KEN: I can see that you're grieving. 514 00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:36,400 I'm fine. 515 00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:39,960 You're not fine. 516 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:41,760 Yeah, I'm fine. 517 00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:47,120 You're not...fine. 518 00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:53,640 No. 519 00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:59,160 Michael, you're going through something profound. 520 00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:03,160 Now, we all identify ourselves in our reflections, 521 00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:05,600 how people...see us. 522 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:10,600 And your other person...isn't seeing you. 523 00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:20,400 You are so right. 524 00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:22,720 I miss... 525 00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:27,680 ...people getting too close to me. 526 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,240 Endless buffets. 527 00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:46,720 (WHISPERS) Using that. 528 00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,640 "Michael's being insufferable!" 529 00:21:58,280 --> 00:21:59,880 (EXHALES DEEPLY) 530 00:21:59,930 --> 00:22:04,480 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 38710

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