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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,080 --> 00:00:03,080 DAVID: Oh, why do we do it? 2 00:00:03,120 --> 00:00:04,120 MICHAEL: What? 3 00:00:04,160 --> 00:00:05,280 DAVID: Act. 4 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:07,840 (EXAGGERATED SCOTTISH ACCENT) She's a cruel and fickle mistress. 5 00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:10,360 I think, you know, that particular mistress 6 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:13,480 has been rather generous with her favours to you and me. 7 00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:15,880 Yeah, but I'm...striving for pathos. 8 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:17,560 Sorry. Strive away. 9 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:20,600 We should quit. 10 00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:21,640 What? 11 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:22,960 It's a young man's game, innit? 12 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,480 MICHAEL: I'm only 50! 13 00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:25,640 DAVID: We can do other things. 14 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:29,200 MICHAEL: You have zero discernible skills beyond pretending. 15 00:00:29,240 --> 00:00:32,160 Is there something else you were gonna do if you hadn't ended up doing this? 16 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:33,360 I was going to be a footballer. 17 00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:35,920 I was! 18 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:37,720 Yeah. 19 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:40,000 DAVID: Yeah, I could have been a minister of the church. 20 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,080 MICHAEL: Yeah? No... No problem with the cassock? 21 00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:43,520 DAVID: Not having kilted! 22 00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:45,080 MICHAEL: Of course! 23 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:48,600 When one has welcomed the breeze to dust one's lower branches, 24 00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:50,200 there's...there's no going back. 25 00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:53,200 No, well, you need to do something to keep the flies off your haggis. 26 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:54,520 DAVID: Exactly, yeah. 27 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:57,240 MICHAEL: The priest and the footballer. 28 00:00:57,280 --> 00:01:00,480 DAVID: Yeah. You might struggle a bit, at first. 29 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:02,120 MICHAEL: Why? 30 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:04,320 Well, you know, you're not in...you're not, 31 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:06,280 you don't...you're not in the... 32 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:09,120 ...absolute kind of... 33 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:12,520 ...optimum state of physical peak. 34 00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:14,720 Oh! I will have you know, 35 00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:17,960 I'm a fucking paragon of human fitness, mate! 36 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:19,520 - Are you? - What about you? 37 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:22,960 You would need a total spiritual overhaul! 38 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,080 DAVID: I have led a very good life. 39 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:26,520 Or a note from the Pope. 40 00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:27,920 Oh, fuck off. 41 00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:30,240 Absolving you of all your sins. 42 00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:32,040 I did a little sermon during lockdown, actually. 43 00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:34,080 One of the goldfish died. We had a little funeral. 44 00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:35,880 - Aw. - Put it in a matchbox. 45 00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:37,600 Buried it at the bottom of the garden. 46 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:38,920 Aw, that's nice. 47 00:01:38,960 --> 00:01:41,040 - Said a few words. - Yeah? What did you say? 48 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:44,880 Just very wise, spiritual kind of wiseness. 49 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:47,200 Um...said it had gone to a happier place. 50 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:48,760 Well, the end of the garden. 51 00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:51,160 - Yeah. It's very nice down there. - I remember. 52 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:53,880 Did you consider... 53 00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:56,040 ...burying it at sea? 54 00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:57,880 My daughter suggested that, actually. 55 00:01:57,920 --> 00:01:59,800 Yeah, well, she has a very keen mind. 56 00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:01,280 Well, she does, yeah. 57 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:03,320 - What did you say to her? - Not much. 58 00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:07,880 You know, you could say that the gateway to heaven 59 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:10,000 is found through the earth. 60 00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:12,360 Yeah... I think that's a bit misleading, isn't it? 61 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:13,800 Hmm, maybe. 62 00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:16,400 I mean, that's the sort of thing that'll get her in trouble later - 63 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:19,160 trying to bury a carp in the park, get her arrested. 64 00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:24,080 Yeah, well, better stick with acting, then. 65 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:25,640 I suppose so, yeah. 66 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:32,040 It's gonna rain later. 67 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:34,640 It's raining now. 68 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:39,600 - DAVID: I'm embracing this. - MICHAEL: How d'you mean? 69 00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:43,200 My shoot dates have changed again. And location. 70 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:44,600 What, no South Africa? 71 00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:46,800 - No. Italy now. - Still nice. 72 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:50,600 So I'm embracing the fact that I have no control over events 73 00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:55,800 and I'm going to welcome to the role that chaos needs to play in my life. 74 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:57,200 Right. How... How are you doing that? 75 00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,680 Well, I made peace with what's happened with Staged. 76 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:01,800 Ah, yes. Well, me too. 77 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:03,920 Well, you didn't really want to go in the first place, so... 78 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:05,960 I like America. 79 00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:11,120 The game is happening, OK? 80 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:15,600 But it's being played far away by unknowable strangers. 81 00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:18,320 Out of sight, out of mind. 82 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:19,440 Has this ever happened to you before? 83 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:21,840 Once. 84 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:23,640 - You got recast? - I did. 85 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:25,200 - Who by? - Don't want to say. 86 00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:26,840 - But you know? - I know. 87 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:28,120 - Well, come on. - No, can't. 88 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:31,680 - Why not? - Because I am doing something about it. 89 00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:32,880 What? 90 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:36,680 Can you keep a secret? 91 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:39,200 Evidently. 92 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:43,840 I am befriending him, 93 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:46,960 slowly and methodically, 94 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:49,800 engineering ways for us to work together, 95 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:52,360 over a number of years, 96 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:55,920 insinuating my way into his life... 97 00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:59,960 ...the better to exact my slow... 98 00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:03,080 ...and decisive... 99 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:04,600 ...revenge. 100 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:36,400 - Hi! - Hello! 101 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:40,000 Nina! Hello! Hi! Oh, God, it's lovely to see you. 102 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:42,200 Yeah, it's lovely to see you too! 103 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,360 Ah, this is exciting! 104 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:44,960 It's really exciting. 105 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,320 More Staged! 106 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,680 - More Staged! - Yay! 107 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:51,360 - Oh! - Oh, my word! How have you been? 108 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:54,000 Yeah, good, I think. Yeah, great. You? 109 00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:55,960 I'm fine. Strange, you know? 110 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,040 I do know. Yeah. 111 00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:59,040 The whole thing has been so weird. 112 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:00,080 Mm-hm. 113 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:03,480 And I think, you know, this bit's even weirder, somehow, 114 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,400 cos everyone's...everyone's trying to get into the swing of things, you know, 115 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:09,320 but... Oh, God, it's happening faster for some than others, isn't it? 116 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:10,760 Yeah, I suppose it is! 117 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:13,000 - Um, I was offered a play. - Oh, great! 118 00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:15,400 Then, yeah, we weren't allowed to do the play. 119 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,120 - Right. - It's difficult. 120 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:18,280 Sure. No, I understand. 121 00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:21,720 Yeah, and I feel like, sometimes, you know, I want to kill someone. 122 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:24,000 But I won't. 123 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:25,200 - No, best not. - No. 124 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:28,120 Cos I should have been an astronaut. 125 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:30,400 - Was that an option? - No. 126 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:34,840 - How are you? - Good. 127 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:35,960 Actually, where are you? 128 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,680 Oh, er, ha-ha! 129 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:40,400 I'm in Los Angeles. 130 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:44,840 - What are you doing there? - Um, getting ready to film. 131 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:46,240 Oh, exciting! What? 132 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:49,240 Staged. 133 00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:51,880 The second series is set in Los Angeles? 134 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:54,840 What have you been told? 135 00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:56,920 Well, um, actually, not much. 136 00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:58,600 - "Doing more Staged." - Uh-huh. 137 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:01,600 "They want you for Jo again." Er, "Can you talk to Simon?" 138 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:03,480 Ah. 139 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:06,320 - So here I am. - Here you are. Er... 140 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:10,320 Right, OK, so there's a couple of things that you should have been told 141 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:11,880 that it seems you haven't been told. 142 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:13,080 And what are they? 143 00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:15,640 Er, well, so, it's not a sequel, 144 00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:17,000 it's a sort of remake... 145 00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:18,080 Oh, OK. 146 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:20,920 ...for the American market. 147 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,160 Hence Los Angeles. Yeah. 148 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:25,800 Hence Los Angeles. And... 149 00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:29,160 And-And-And... And the most crucial thing, 150 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:32,400 and I'm sort of a bit sorry that I've got to be the one to tell you this, 151 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:35,760 but we're going to be doing it without, er, David, 152 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:37,880 or, and, er, Michael. 153 00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:40,560 Why? 154 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:43,000 Er, so, er, the producers 155 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:45,960 don't think that they are quite big enough names 156 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:49,000 for the American market. Er... 157 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:51,560 - But I am? - Well, you're not the lead. 158 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:53,880 - That's... - True. 159 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:55,720 - That is not quite what I sort of meant. - Right. 160 00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:58,240 I sort of meant you sort of are the lead of the sort of... 161 00:06:58,280 --> 00:07:01,120 Yeah, no. Well, what... I mean, yeah. No, I... Hm. 162 00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:04,280 And what I've done... So what I have done, I've worked really, really hard 163 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:06,920 to try and make sure that all of the original sort of supporting cast 164 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,360 can sort of stick around and be a part of it, but it... 165 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:11,480 It does mean we have to replace those two...those two leads. 166 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:12,640 Oh, with who? 167 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,360 Er... Un...unconfirmed. 168 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:17,200 But you've managed to keep yourself involved? 169 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:19,680 Er, well, yeah, cos I sort of created it last time, 170 00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:22,520 and sort of directed that, er, that sort of version of it, so... 171 00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:23,800 And you're directing this time? 172 00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:25,920 - Er, no. No, I'm not. - Why not? 173 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:29,600 Er, because people don't think I actually did anything...last time. 174 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,200 - So... - I get that. 175 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:36,960 Er... Um, but... Well, except I am doing rewrites. 176 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:41,200 I mean, I thought David and Michael improvised most of it, didn't they? 177 00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:43,600 No, no, no, they didn't, did they? They didn't do that. 178 00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:45,840 They didn't improvise it, did they? I-I wrote it, didn't I? 179 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:48,680 I typed the whole thing. Look, I've got pieces of blue card, 180 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:50,920 and I wrote... I write the thing, and then I put them on the wall, 181 00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:52,520 and then I write, write, write, write, write, 182 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:55,080 and we don't say that they wrote it, or improvised it, cos they didn't, did they? 183 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:57,360 We don't say that, did they? Cos they didn't. 184 00:07:58,600 --> 00:07:59,960 Do David and Michael know? 185 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,360 Er, they've been told, yeah, yeah. 186 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:02,800 Yeah. How did they take it? 187 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:06,200 Well, I haven't actually spoken to them about it. 188 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:08,440 Would they know about me? 189 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:09,760 No. 190 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:10,920 They're gonna be upset. 191 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:14,080 Er, so is there a version where we don't tell them? 192 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:16,720 Until we sort of get the thing off the ground? 193 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:17,760 Why? 194 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:19,080 They're unpredictable. 195 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:21,480 - They are my friends. - Yes, they are your friends. 196 00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:23,200 Wow. 197 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:27,240 OK. 198 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:31,120 So, you know, good news and bad news, then. 199 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:32,560 No, good news, good news, good news. 200 00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:38,800 OK. Yeah, no, yeah. Um... 201 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:41,560 You kind of need to speak to them, don't you... 202 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:43,360 - Yeah, I'll do that. I'll give them a... - ...at some point? 203 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:47,400 Cos, you know, I'll probably get a... Or I... I don't know. So I don't know what... 204 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:49,560 Yeah, you just... You just leave that with me. I will... 205 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:51,880 - Yeah, you talk to them. - Yeah, I'll give them a call. 206 00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:00,040 Ah, shit! 207 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:01,360 Can you move this suitcase? 208 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:02,400 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 209 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:04,840 Cos I don't think the hallway should be used as an obstacle course. 210 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:06,720 No, I've just been feeding the goldfish. 211 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:08,800 - We never got another one. - No, you didn't. 212 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,960 - We had two and now we've got one. - Agreed. 213 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:13,120 - That's how death works. - And maths. 214 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,760 I'm worried that the one that's left behind's getting a wee bit depressed. 215 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:17,400 - Oh, I don't have time for this. - What do you mean? 216 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:19,440 Well, it's just I sense that you were segueing into some tangent 217 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:22,080 about short-term memory, and I just don't... I haven't got time to play. 218 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:23,440 You love my tangents! 219 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:26,040 Yeah, sure. It's just that Lucy's coming. 220 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:27,120 - Today? - Yeah. 221 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:29,360 - What, right now? - Yeah, for a charity thing. 222 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:31,680 Like, in the flesh? Like, Zoom doesn't cut it any more? 223 00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:34,200 - Yeah. Normality beckons, babe. - Is that safe? 224 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,760 Yeah, I think so, as long as we stay a certain distance apart 225 00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:38,280 and use our own mugs 226 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,880 and don't stick our hands in the cookie jar at the same time, 227 00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:42,880 and, oh, also, more importantly, 228 00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:45,960 we don't crack our heads open by tripping over your fucking suitcase. 229 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:48,600 - Yeah. I'll move it. - Yeah, that'd be great, thank you. 230 00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:51,560 What would you have done if you weren't doing this? 231 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:55,120 - What is it you think I do? - Come on. 232 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:58,000 What's... What's... What's the... What's the dream? 233 00:09:58,040 --> 00:09:59,320 Um... 234 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:00,400 ...archaeologist. 235 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:01,800 I never knew that. 236 00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:04,080 - Oh, God, I've done it again! - What? 237 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,280 You've sucked me in. You're like a black hole! 238 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:07,680 Don't be mean to me! 239 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:09,760 Oh, look, Michael is your procrastination buddy, 240 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:11,640 and I am your wife, and I've got stuff to do, 241 00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:14,040 and you really need to not be here when that happens. 242 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:15,080 I understand. 243 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:17,840 Can you move the fucking suitcases? 244 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:19,640 - It's not an installation. - OK, good. 245 00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:21,760 OK? I'm just really... I'm sad to unpack. 246 00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:24,720 OK. It's just that you packed for South Africa 247 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:26,840 - and now you're going to Italy. - I am. 248 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:29,880 - You're gonna need different things. - Yeah. I know. 249 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:30,920 OK. 250 00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:35,360 It's just that normality beckons a little less urgently for me. 251 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:38,400 And that will change. 252 00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:41,920 I've just got a lot of stuff to process, and feelings and... 253 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:44,080 Yeah, it's just the rest of us just have to get on with it. 254 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:46,240 I'm just a bit worried that the goldfish that's left behind 255 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:49,040 would do anything to have its little buddy to play around the castle with. 256 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:50,600 OK. 257 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:53,080 I think that the goldfish left behind 258 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:56,080 forgot about the other goldfish within seconds. 259 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:58,720 (MOBILE PHONE VIBRATES) 260 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:00,200 Who is it? 261 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:01,560 It's Nina. 262 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:03,600 - Oh! Hi, Nina! - Hi, Nina. 263 00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:12,600 MICHAEL: He'll be with us in a couple of minutes. 264 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:13,640 OK. Good. 265 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:18,920 You all right? 266 00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:21,120 - It's everyone else. - I understand. 267 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:23,600 Adrian, Nina, Lucy... 268 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:25,040 - Sam? - Yeah. 269 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:26,800 - Dame Judi? - Of course. 270 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:28,800 - And Simon. - And Simon, yeah. 271 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:32,040 So the game is happening 272 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:35,000 but it's not being played miles away by unknowable strangers, 273 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:37,160 it's being played by all our fucking friends! 274 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:38,720 - I know. - And Simon. 275 00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:41,120 - How can he not tell us? - I know. 276 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:43,960 He was a fucking amoeba before he worked with us! 277 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,200 That show would have been nothing without us! 278 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:50,600 If he does the whole "I fucking wrote it" shtick... 279 00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:52,400 - No. - It's principles! 280 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:55,320 - I know. - I have principles. Fairness and honesty. 281 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:58,520 My father was a minister, Church of Scotland minister, right? 282 00:11:58,560 --> 00:12:00,280 I can talk to you about principles. 283 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,080 I thought you were embracing chaos. 284 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:03,560 Everyone else is doing it! 285 00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:05,160 - I know. - I want to do it too! 286 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:11,080 Anna... 287 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,480 ...thinks that we should, um, 288 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:16,360 sort of try and stay calm with him. 289 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:18,480 Why? 290 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:22,080 Because he's on one side of the line 291 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:23,640 and we're...we're on the other. 292 00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:26,000 Michael, we drew the fucking line! 293 00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:27,920 I know. Anna said it better. Anna? 294 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:29,000 ANNA: Yeah? 295 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:31,920 Er, what...what was that Viking saying? 296 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,320 ANNA: What? 297 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:34,560 You know, the Viking phrase. 298 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:35,880 "The Viking phrase"? 299 00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:36,960 Oh. 300 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:41,080 The... The thrall alone takes instant vengeance. 301 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:43,680 - What the fuck does that mean? - Yeah, what does that mean? 302 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:46,400 Actions are too often ruled by emotions. 303 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:50,480 That seems a little bit hypocritical coming from the Vikings. 304 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:53,760 Yeah, what she's saying... We-We should remain civil. 305 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:56,600 - Why? - Because he's not a monster. 306 00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:58,160 He's a monster prick! 307 00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:00,760 - Well, he's your only way in for now. - Yeah. 308 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:03,080 Anna thinks that we should offer to help. 309 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:04,320 Fuck that! 310 00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:05,560 Don't burn your bridges. 311 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:06,720 No, we won't, we won't. 312 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:07,920 We won't. 313 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:13,920 It's the only way to get close enough to do some real damage. 314 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,560 What would the Vikings recommend? 315 00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:18,080 Something with an axe. 316 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:29,240 (NOTIFICATION BEEPS) 317 00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:32,600 Er, right, OK, now, remember the Vikings, OK? 318 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:35,840 Just calm... Just calm. Deep breaths. Just be calm. 319 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:37,520 - Just... - Rrrr! 320 00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:40,320 Calm. Shh... Yeah, embrace chaos. 321 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:41,520 - I'm going to be fine. - Great. 322 00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:43,960 I'm going to be really calm and nice. 323 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,560 OK, here we go. Just deep breaths, deep... 324 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:48,880 Oh! So that's where you've been hiding, you cun...! 325 00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:50,600 (LINE DISTORTS AND CRACKLES) 326 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:55,880 I said, that's where you've been hiding, you fucking... 327 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:57,280 - He can't hear you... - ...fucking... 328 00:13:57,320 --> 00:14:00,720 He can't hear you. Thank fuck...he can't hear you. 329 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:02,240 OK, David, please... 330 00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:03,680 Just keep it calm and civil. 331 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:05,440 I'm gonna be... I'm gonna be so well behaved. 332 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:08,640 Just me one shot. Just give me one shot at this, OK? 333 00:14:08,680 --> 00:14:11,160 - Just to try and make it work. - I mean... 334 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:14,800 Even just seeing his punchable little face, I'm finding it very hard. 335 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:16,200 I know, I know, I know. 336 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:17,280 You know he's a twat, 337 00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:18,600 - I know he's a twat... - Ah... 338 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:20,480 ...but let's just pretend for this conversation... 339 00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:22,280 It's all right, take your time, take your time, Simon. 340 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:24,080 - Yeah... - Yeah, no, don't worry, don't worry. 341 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:25,200 We've got all the time in the world! 342 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,120 - Just... - It's so nice to see you, Simon! 343 00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:29,800 Just, please... Let's just give it a try. 344 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:31,400 I'm... I'm on my best behaviour. 345 00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:32,760 - OK. Thank you. - (AUDIO BEEPS) 346 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:34,480 - Hi, sorry! - Hey! 347 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:36,200 - Hey! - Simon! 348 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:37,320 Hey! Sorry about that. 349 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,000 - All the fucking this. - How are you, mate? 350 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:42,280 Yeah, no, good. Sorry. Er, yeah. Michael. Hello. Hi. Er, David. Goodness. 351 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:44,520 - Nnnng! - Long time, no see. 352 00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:45,640 How are you? 353 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:47,000 David's grand. 354 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:51,400 Um... We've been hearing about developments with Staged. 355 00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:52,840 Oh, yeah, have you? 356 00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:55,000 - Yeah, Nina... - Yeah, Nina phoned me. 357 00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:56,280 Yeah. 358 00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:58,200 - Right, OK, right. - My dad was a minister. 359 00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:02,720 David would really to talk to you about his, um... 360 00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:04,440 ...principles at some point. 361 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:05,640 But, well, let's just have 362 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:08,040 - a little catch-up first, shall we? - Yeah, that'd be lovely. 363 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:12,000 Is David OK? 364 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:13,960 David is... 365 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,160 ...OK! 366 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:16,200 How are you? 367 00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:17,760 Yeah, good. I mean, hey, look, I'm in Los Angeles! 368 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:20,640 It's... So, it's happening. 369 00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:22,400 Staged: America? 370 00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:23,960 Yep, looks like it. 371 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,160 That it is exciting. 372 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:30,280 Yeah. Yeah, it really is, and, look, I know I owe you guys 373 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,600 a lot of thanks for that, um... 374 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:35,080 I know we haven't really had a chance to talk about it all, but... 375 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:36,480 Oh, don't be silly. 376 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:37,640 Well, it's been mad. 377 00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:42,280 Yes, I bet. So, what, lots of... lots of new opportunities? 378 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:44,880 I've been run off my feet. There's just so much work to do! 379 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,520 - I couldn't have imagined any of this. - No, well, I mean, 380 00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:52,160 you couldn't have imagined anything at all without us, could you? 381 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:55,440 Er, what, I... 382 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:57,600 What David means, 383 00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:59,280 I-I think, 384 00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:02,640 is that we feel, um, 385 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:04,240 you know, quite a lot of love, 386 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:07,560 er, even ownership, 387 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,720 of the project too. 388 00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:12,440 Of course. 389 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:13,480 You understand? 390 00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:14,840 Yeah, I mean, I did write it. 391 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:19,040 See, now, David is going to get a wee bit ticked off 392 00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:23,640 with that kind of... territorial attitude, Simon. 393 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:29,160 He thinks that we both brought a lot to the project too. 394 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:30,240 Well, no-one could doubt that. 395 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:32,760 - So we thought we were a team. - Oh, me too. 396 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:35,120 So we were a little bit hurt 397 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,400 when we heard that we weren't needed. 398 00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:40,080 Of course. 399 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:44,880 But we got past that, but then, when we heard from Nina... 400 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:48,000 Yeah. My friend, Nina. Nina, who... My friend, Nina, called me up. 401 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:51,800 ...that literally every other member of the cast... 402 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:55,080 - Every other member. - ...was coming back except us... 403 00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:57,800 - Yeah. - Yes. Yes. 404 00:16:57,840 --> 00:16:59,520 ...that upset us. 405 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,760 - Yeah. - Yes. Yeah. 406 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,000 - Yeah? - Yeah, I understand. 407 00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:05,320 I mean, even you... 408 00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,240 ...managed to hold on to your role. 409 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:09,320 Well, I am Simon. 410 00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:12,200 Oh, well, who am I, then? Fucking Spartacus? 411 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:15,000 But, er... But you're... you're not an actor. 412 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:17,480 - No, but I... But I wrote it. - Ah, f...! 413 00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:20,360 David, David, Vikings! Vikings, David! Vikings! 414 00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:21,760 - Vikings? Vikings? - Principles! 415 00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:24,240 - Vikings? - I could have been a minister! 416 00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:28,320 OK, OK. OK, well, let's... Let's just... 417 00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:31,000 Let's just talk about something else for a minute, OK? 418 00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:32,880 Let's just shake it up. Um... 419 00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:36,160 Simon! What, what were you going to be when you were young? 420 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:37,240 A director. 421 00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:38,560 No, I meant... 422 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,000 I meant if, er, that didn't work out. 423 00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:43,480 I wanted to be a magician. 424 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:44,600 (DAVID LAUGHS) 425 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:45,840 Whoa! David! 426 00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:48,520 Ha! David's, um, trying to learn some tricks. 427 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:50,520 - Great! - Were you... Were you any good? 428 00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:53,320 I was, actually. I was... I was... I was very good! 429 00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:55,200 Yeah? What's that card? 430 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:56,360 The seven of diamonds. 431 00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:57,560 Oh, fuck you! 432 00:17:57,600 --> 00:18:01,920 All right, all right. Is there anything we can do 433 00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:05,720 - to help you, Simon? - Excuse me? 434 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:07,640 - Help. - No. 435 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:09,040 No, I don't think so. 436 00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:11,920 No, no, it's not a trick. It's... We... We just want to help. 437 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:15,680 We-We just... We would like to feel useful. 438 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:17,800 David too? 439 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,040 Spartacus. Hi. 440 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:22,080 Just, just... What can we do? What can we do? 441 00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:23,360 Come on. 442 00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:24,640 What can we do? 443 00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:26,600 I wouldn't say this if you hadn't just... 444 00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:30,560 Two of the actors that we're considering for David and... 445 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:34,640 ...and Michael, they've actually reached out to see 446 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,240 if you might make some time to... 447 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:38,840 ...talk to them. 448 00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:41,800 OK. About what? 449 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:44,720 Er, just to offer some thoughts on your... 450 00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:46,920 ...experience making the show. 451 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,320 - Our experiences? - Mm-hm, yeah. 452 00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:50,840 Of making the show with you? 453 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,400 - If you like. - Right. 454 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:54,880 We would... 455 00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:58,040 ...be very... 456 00:18:58,080 --> 00:18:59,400 ...happy to. 457 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:03,000 Really? 458 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:06,440 I mean, we're all on the same side. 459 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,920 Well, then I'll...I'll set it up. 460 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:10,320 - Great. - I really appreciate it. 461 00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:11,840 No, no, thank you. 462 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:13,960 That's what we...what we needed, 463 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,360 just to, you know... A little... Little bit of collaboration. 464 00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:20,120 Hey, maybe you could...give a couple of notes on the roles too. 465 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,120 - Fuck you! - I mean, I will... 466 00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:24,280 I will put an axe into your face, 467 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:27,760 and I will nail your skull onto the mast of my Viking longship 468 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,720 before I give any actor another bunch of notes 469 00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:32,760 about how to play David Tennant, 470 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:34,960 you fucking patronising mollusc! 471 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,360 (MICHAEL GRUNTS) 472 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:40,200 I think we should just let our agents talk from here, shouldn't we? 473 00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:41,600 Don't you fucking...! 474 00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:47,480 I didn't even know he had an agent! 475 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,160 Seven of fucking diamonds! 476 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:51,320 Unbelievable. 477 00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:53,680 (MICHAEL GROANS) 478 00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:02,080 MICHAEL: I called Simon back and apologised. 479 00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:03,200 OK, well done. 480 00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:06,600 Told him we'd speak to those other actors tomorrow. 481 00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:08,320 Oh, Jesus. OK. 482 00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:12,400 MICHAEL: Why do you think we have never made each other this angry? 483 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:16,040 DAVID: Well, because we have a scintilla of respect for each other. 484 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:17,600 - Yes. - Yeah. 485 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,320 Cos we started out as colleagues, and then we became friends... 486 00:20:20,360 --> 00:20:22,080 And then great friends. 487 00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:23,560 DAVID: Would you say I'm your best friend? 488 00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:24,720 MICHAEL: No. 489 00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:26,840 - No? - No, I don't mean it like that. 490 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:28,520 No, no, no, no. Fine. I just... 491 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,840 You know, I thought you might take a bit longer to think about it, but... 492 00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:32,320 Well, am I yours? 493 00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:33,880 - No. - Well, there we are. 494 00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:35,960 - No, you might have been. - If what? 495 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,640 If you'd said I was yours. 496 00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:39,200 I've got an older friend. 497 00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:41,120 - I'm old. - No, I-I mean, I've... 498 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:43,000 I've got a friend who I've known for longer. 499 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,320 He lives in New York. 500 00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:45,600 OK. 501 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:48,360 Yeah, I had a friend once. 502 00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:51,160 Who? 503 00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:52,440 Rather not say. 504 00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:55,000 And you're not friends any more? 505 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:56,120 No. 506 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:01,440 So, when you go out to New York, you're going to see him, are you? 507 00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,440 Well, that's why I'm going. He's getting married. 508 00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:05,160 Oh, well, that's lovely for him. 509 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:06,520 Well, I'm... I'm the best man. 510 00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:09,080 It was supposed to happen earlier this year, but... 511 00:21:09,120 --> 00:21:10,600 But it all... Yeah. 512 00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:13,880 So, you know, it'll be nice to be there. 513 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:15,640 DAVID: Well, it'll be nice to be anywhere. 514 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:16,720 MICHAEL: Yeah. 515 00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:21,440 Anna hasn't been to Sweden in ages. 516 00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:23,680 She's really missing her family. 517 00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:26,040 Well, I'm sure she is, yeah. 518 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:29,920 Hey! 519 00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:34,000 Um... 520 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:35,920 Four of diamonds. 521 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:38,720 Oh! 522 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:39,760 We should quit. 523 00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:42,320 Magic is harder than it looks. 524 00:21:42,360 --> 00:21:44,080 Oh, God, I hate magic. 525 00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:45,520 Oh, maybe we could ask Simon for help. 526 00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:47,520 Ah-hmm! 527 00:21:47,570 --> 00:21:52,120 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 39338

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