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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:05,000 (BIRDSONG) 2 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:06,840 Michael? 3 00:00:08,160 --> 00:00:09,400 - Michael? - David! 4 00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:12,520 - You all right? - Give me a minute. 5 00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:13,800 What are you doing now? 6 00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:16,520 I worry that I'm in a Hitchcock film. 7 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:17,800 What do you mean? 8 00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:21,080 The birds...are coming back 9 00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:22,840 to Port Talbot. 10 00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:24,000 That's nice. 11 00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:27,560 And a large blue finch is the leader, it seems. 12 00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:28,640 You all right? 13 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:32,640 Just adjusting. You all right? 14 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:38,720 - Cachu hwch! - Cachu hwch! 15 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:40,800 - Cachu hwch! - Cachu hwch! 16 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:41,960 Cachu hwch! 17 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:45,280 (WELSH ACCENT) Total bloomin' disaster. 18 00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:49,240 Look, for those of you just joining us, welcome to my house. 19 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:50,560 Welcome to my kitchen. 20 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:53,000 I've been in prison here for half a year. 21 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,000 I'm done with Zoom, if I'm being honest with you. 22 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:57,840 But I'm here now with two people who've actually made it work, 23 00:00:57,880 --> 00:00:59,360 Michael Sheen and David Tennant. 24 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:01,840 Or should that be David Tennant and Michael Sheen? 25 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:03,080 Ah! 26 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:08,280 This is Romesh Ranganathan's 6 Months In Lockdown, 27 00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:11,400 a celebration of the wonderful things that have basically got us through 28 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:12,760 this challenging period. 29 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:16,640 Michael and David are here to talk to us about their BBC show, Staged. 30 00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:18,520 - Thank you for having us. - Lovely to be here. 31 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:21,040 And still with us, of course, Sir Michael Palin, 32 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:24,720 who waited for Godot in an online reading of the Beckett classic. 33 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:27,800 I meant to ask, Sir Michael, did Godot ever arrive? 34 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:30,960 No, no. We're still waiting. 35 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,680 OK, well, while you wait, David and Michael, 36 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:35,720 massive congratulations on the show. 37 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:37,800 - I have to say that contractually. - Thank you. 38 00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:40,240 - But genuinely, I mean it. Very funny. - Thanks very much. Cheers. 39 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:44,800 First question, I guess, is what's real and what's not? 40 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:46,640 Like, is Simon that much of an idiot? 41 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,320 N-Nooo... 42 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:50,120 Noooo... 43 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:51,600 Michael does shout at birds. 44 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:55,520 Well, I have a bird's nest for hair, so it helps to be courteous. 45 00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:57,080 But it was a television show. 46 00:01:57,120 --> 00:01:59,480 It was a television show. Yes. 47 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,000 So, I mean, does Simon's sister own that house? 48 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:03,120 No. 49 00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:05,040 Because I'm available. 50 00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:07,200 No. She's an actress, I'm afraid. 51 00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:09,200 I am absolutely not available. 52 00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:11,640 Er, so there's no screaming in fields? 53 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:13,000 Only on a Sunday. 54 00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:15,200 No production of Pirandello? 55 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:17,040 - Thank the Lord, no! - Mm. 56 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:19,120 So what, no screenplay, no novel? 57 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:21,080 No carrots, no pineapples. None of it. 58 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:22,200 It did feel real. 59 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:23,760 Well, thank you very much. 60 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:25,800 How much of it was actually improvised? 61 00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:27,200 All of it. 62 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,400 Well, that... That does come up a lot. 63 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:30,960 Was there actually a script, then? 64 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:33,720 There were...ideas. 65 00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:36,440 And then, you know, we would play around with it quite a lot. 66 00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:38,560 Not...not everything made it into the cut, though. 67 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:42,880 No, there are hours of footage somewhere of us not being particularly funny. 68 00:02:42,920 --> 00:02:46,680 So what gold did we lose to the cutting-room floor? 69 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:50,120 Well, there was one moment where, quite memorably, 70 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:54,040 David accused me of being a cut-price Mike Yarwood. 71 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:56,960 Right. Is that funny? 72 00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,600 Well, no. 73 00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:01,040 I don't think I actually know who Mike Yarwood is. 74 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:02,840 Ah! You see? I told you, didn't I? 75 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:04,560 - I told you! - I don't believe you. 76 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:07,360 I don't believe... He's... He's a comedy titan! 77 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,160 So, Romesh, this is... 78 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:12,120 You've hit the nail on the comedy head there because 79 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:13,840 most of David's contributions 80 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:16,720 were based on these sort of bizarre, obscure references. 81 00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:18,480 Yeah. Well, that's why they're cut. 82 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:21,320 I'm a little too intellectual for primetime. 83 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:22,240 And not funny. 84 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:25,400 Well, at least I didn't resort to lazy Muppet impressions, did I? 85 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:28,560 There was nothing lazy about my Muppet! 86 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:29,880 I was exhausted! 87 00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:33,040 Do you know who Mike Yarwood is, Sir Michael? 88 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,240 Yeah, I actually know Mike Yarwood. 89 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:40,360 Really? I didn't realise he was still, um...working. 90 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:42,880 Yeah. He must be 80 now. He... 91 00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:45,040 ...in the '70s made a Christmas special 92 00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:49,520 that's still the most watched television show in British history. 93 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:52,560 - I did not know that. - Over 20 million people. 94 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:53,760 Wow. 95 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:56,000 How many did...did Staged get? 96 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:57,160 Er, Michael? 97 00:03:58,880 --> 00:03:59,880 Um... 98 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:02,720 Pff, less. 99 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:05,360 - Well, let's have another clip. - Aye. 100 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:06,720 - Great. - Lovely. 101 00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:12,320 And we're off. This one's a couple of minutes. 102 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:13,720 OK. Which one is it? 103 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:15,720 It's, er, cookie jar. 104 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:18,440 Mmm. We've seen them all quite a lot now. 105 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:21,520 Yeah, I'm sure. I mean, I imagine Sir Michael's a step ahead there. 106 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,440 - Yes! - Yeah. 107 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:26,960 Sir Michael, how many dead parrots do you reckon you've seen in your time? 108 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,240 Oh, a few! 109 00:04:28,280 --> 00:04:31,680 What is the collective noun for dead parrots? 110 00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:33,480 A Norwegian blue. 111 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:35,080 A sunken fjord! 112 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:36,200 A macaw. 113 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:39,400 Er, Sir Michael, any ideas, collective noun for dead parrots? 114 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:41,320 A humiliation? 115 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,080 (MICHAEL AND DAVID CHUCKLE) 116 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,120 Have you guys met Sir Michael before? 117 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,600 - No, I don't think so, no. - MICHAEL: Yes. 118 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:50,320 Have we? Er, well, just a few times. 119 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:51,360 Er, when? 120 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:54,080 We were on Jonathan Ross together. 121 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:55,120 Oh, yes. 122 00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:57,000 Huge fan, obviously. Huge fan. 123 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:00,120 Er, have you seen Staged, Sir Michael? 124 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:01,920 Yeah. Yeah, I've watched a couple. 125 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:03,200 Have you? Which ones? 126 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:04,680 The first one. 127 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:06,440 - Did you like it? - Loved it. 128 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,440 - Yeah! Great. - Thank goodness for that. 129 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:11,200 For what it was, you know. 130 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:13,120 (AUDIO CONNECTION BEEPS) 131 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:14,160 And we're back. 132 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:20,080 Er, that was BBC One's lockdown comedy Staged. 133 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:23,640 David and Michael, you said the story is fictional, 134 00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:25,680 - but what about your characters? - Oh... 135 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:28,240 - Total fabrication. - Nothing like us at all! 136 00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:30,040 Not... Not a scintilla. 137 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:31,960 No, I mean, I don't think we're very funny in real life. 138 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:33,320 Well, I don't think you're funny. I'm funny. 139 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:34,640 Sure, obviously. 140 00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:36,960 I just mean we're not... we're not comedians. 141 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:38,360 Ah, you're still young. 142 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:39,680 (ALL LAUGH) 143 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:41,480 And I don't wear that grey hoodie every day. 144 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:44,000 No, and I am much better at taking criticism. 145 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:45,120 I'm not sure that's true. 146 00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:46,160 What?! 147 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:49,200 Er... How do you deal with criticism, Sir Michael? 148 00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:51,080 Oh, I lash out savagely. 149 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:52,720 - Cool. - Right... 150 00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:56,080 David, you got some amazing guest stars for this. 151 00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:57,360 How did you get them? 152 00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:00,120 I think... What with lockdown, I think we had the advantage 153 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,920 that everyone was in the same boat, you know. 154 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,600 Everyone was sat on their sofa at home. 155 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:06,600 What, so you...? What, you just asked them? 156 00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:08,960 Yeah, I think everyone was looking for a diversion. 157 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,400 Yeah, well, you certainly enjoy a good diversion, don't you, David? 158 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:13,720 - Oh, my Go... I love a diversion. - Yeah. 159 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:15,120 I... I live for diversion. 160 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:18,160 I mean, obviously I love being locked in the house with my wife and kids 161 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:20,240 but I...I have to stay active, yeah. 162 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:21,720 And is that the same for you, Michael? 163 00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:25,040 Yes, I love being locked in the house with David's wife and kids. 164 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:26,400 - Yes, he does. - Don't we all? 165 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:27,440 Yeah... 166 00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:28,960 And what's next for you guys? 167 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:31,320 I'm back to proper work, actually. 168 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:34,760 A show that I was working on before lockdown is revving back up, 169 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:36,760 - so I'm off out to South Africa. - Very nice. 170 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,040 We've had a couple of false starts, 171 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:40,880 but I think this is finally it and I am flying tomorrow. 172 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:43,720 Great. And, Michael? I don't do proper work any more. 173 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:47,320 So I'm off to New York to see family and friends. 174 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:48,960 Right. Travel allowing, I imagine. 175 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:51,880 Oh, no, it'll be fine. I believe...it will be fine. 176 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:53,240 Yeah, of course. Of course. 177 00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:56,520 Sir Michael, do you reckon you would have done Staged if they'd asked you? 178 00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:59,000 Oh, no, I couldn't have kept up! 179 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:00,400 (DAVID AND MICHAEL CHUCKLE) 180 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,080 No improvisation in Monty Python? 181 00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:03,880 No, we were quite disciplined. 182 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:06,120 - Right. - You know, we just worked on it, 183 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:08,920 in the writing. Followed the script. You know. 184 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:10,160 Respected the craft. 185 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:13,760 That wasn't the Staged approach. 186 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,360 No! 187 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:17,840 Although, I mean, I do think some quite brave stuff 188 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:19,160 has come out of that more 189 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:21,800 - sort of improvisatory approach. - Do you? 190 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:26,640 Er, Michael, David, we've got another clip, 191 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,640 but first, one more question. 192 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:30,000 Er, I think you know what I'm going to ask. 193 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:32,160 Er, any chance of another series? 194 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:34,360 I mean, it was so 195 00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:36,240 - specific to that moment, wasn't it? - Yeah. 196 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:38,800 It was so about being locked in your house and... 197 00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:40,800 I mean, hopefully we're not going to go into another lockdown. 198 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:42,600 - Well, exactly. - But... 199 00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:45,120 But having said that, if there was a way of doing it... 200 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:46,800 - Yeah. - ...for me, it would definitely be a yes. 201 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:48,440 I mean, it was a joy to do, so, I mean... 202 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:50,040 It was such good fun, yeah. 203 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:53,280 OK. So I'm going to take that as a really waffley yes. 204 00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:55,120 Yeah, I suppose so. 205 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:58,000 It's a great big Welsh waffley yes from me. 206 00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:01,360 Well, on that, here's a clip of some other strange and wonderful things 207 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:02,920 people have made through all of this. 208 00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:09,320 OK, we're out. This one's a little bit longer - it's about three minutes - 209 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:11,200 so I'm just going to nip to the toilet, guys, all right? 210 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,800 - Sure. - Great stuff. See you in a sec. 211 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:20,160 I hope you don't think I was, um, 212 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,680 dismissing the Python approach. 213 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:24,520 Oh, God, no. No, not at all. 214 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:27,880 Good. Cos, I mean, it was so important to me when I was growing up. 215 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:29,040 I'm such a fan. 216 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:32,800 I didn't really like Staged. 217 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:34,920 (TOILET FLUSHES) 218 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,000 OK. 219 00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:37,920 I don't really like improvisation. 220 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,480 All these people sort of rolling the comedy dice 221 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,320 and hoping something sticks. 222 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:44,120 Right. No, I understand. 223 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:45,520 We worked hard in our day. 224 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:48,480 (YORKSHIRE ACCENT) Waking up before I went to bed. 225 00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:51,480 Yeah, yeah. That was one of Eric's great lines. 226 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:53,440 DAVID: Er, I think we... 227 00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:57,720 It's not... You know, it's not that we didn't... We worked hard too. 228 00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,160 Oh, I'm sure you did. 229 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:01,360 You squatted down, you pushed very hard 230 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:03,400 and you squeezed something out. 231 00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:05,960 In the gap between podcasts. 232 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,680 Well, I mean, people do like it. 233 00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:10,480 (QUIETLY) Fuck you. 234 00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:14,040 Now this well-practised, self-congratulatory back-and-forth 235 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:18,360 because people want to celebrate your used toilet paper again. 236 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:20,520 I'm... I'm a fan of yours. 237 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,440 It was like a 30-minute Celtic reach-around. 238 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:24,960 - Whoa! - No, David... 239 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,800 The episodes are only 15 minutes. 240 00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:30,040 - All right? - Yep. Fine. 241 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:32,160 Cool. We've got about another minute. 242 00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:35,080 - OK. We'll be ready! - Wicked. All right, see you in a sec. 243 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:37,080 I think you're being a bit unkind, actually. 244 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:38,760 We made Python 50 years ago. 245 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:40,840 Yeah, and it's a bit dated. 246 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,240 - Oh, David! - They still talk about us now. 247 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:44,960 - I know. - But they won't talk about you. 248 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,880 - Why not? - Because you're not funny. 249 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:51,040 Oh, God. Sorry about that, guys. 250 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,360 David, Michael, all PR aside, 251 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:55,320 are you going to do a second series, do you reckon? 252 00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:57,240 - Unlikely. No. - Wouldn't have thought so. 253 00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:58,320 Honestly? Why not? 254 00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:00,400 - Well, we're not funny, are we? - Aw. 255 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:01,400 (AUDIO CONNECTION BEEPS) 256 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,200 That's a shame. 257 00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:04,160 And we're back. 258 00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:11,080 What's going on? 259 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,480 Yeah, I've got a suitcase here. 260 00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:17,520 And a passport. 261 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:23,480 You're joking? 262 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:28,400 You aren't. And they want...? 263 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:31,160 DAVID: This is...interesting. 264 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:33,440 This is interesting. 265 00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:35,680 But OK, let me just get... 266 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:39,160 Just so I understand, it's not... We're not talking about a second series, 267 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:40,680 we're talking about a remake? 268 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:43,000 For American television. 269 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:44,680 American Staged? 270 00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:46,680 MICHAEL: Staged: America! 271 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:50,520 What do you think? 272 00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:51,800 (BREATHES IN) I don't know. 273 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:55,440 I mean, I suppose I have some questions. 274 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:56,800 MICHAEL: Where would they shoot it? 275 00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:59,840 DAVID: It's not an American remake unless we're actually in America, is it? 276 00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:02,120 MICHAEL: Alan loves my American accent. 277 00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:06,200 I can do both Dakotas and both Portlands. 278 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:09,600 DAVID: I mean, I could certainly do with a blast of Californian sunshine 279 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:11,320 right about now. 280 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:15,520 But isn't it a bit...unnecessary? 281 00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:18,200 Why don't they just show the episodes we've already made? 282 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:20,280 Let me think about it. 283 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:21,680 Yeah, let me think about it. 284 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:26,400 - MICHAEL: When do we need to decide? - DAVID: When do they need an answer? 285 00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:28,200 I'm flying to New York tomorrow. 286 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:30,800 Yeah, I'm literally about to leave for the airport. 287 00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:39,000 - I'll need to talk to Michael. - I'll need to talk to David. 288 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:53,560 - I have news. - Yep, me too. 289 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,960 - What's your news? - What's your news? 290 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,640 - You're not pregnant, are you? - What? No! 291 00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:00,880 I mean, it's not an unreasonable question. 292 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:02,520 What's your news? 293 00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:07,280 They want to do an American remake of Staged. 294 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:08,720 - Oh! - Hm. 295 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:10,280 - With you? - Yeah 296 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:12,080 How do you feel about that? 297 00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:13,640 I dunno. 298 00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:15,880 Well, you liked it last time. 299 00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:17,280 I did, yeah. 300 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:21,520 But I want to do new things, you know. I want to do South African things. 301 00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:23,640 What's your news? 302 00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:25,800 Flights to South Africa have been cancelled. 303 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:28,000 - Oh, you're kidding! - No. 304 00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:31,000 - Oh, cock-a-doodle-bum-tits. Not again! - Yeah. 305 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:34,240 - What's the plan? - Er, watch this space. 306 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,160 - I fucking hate this space. - I know. 307 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,440 - I just want to work. - I know. 308 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:42,960 - Learnt my lines. - Well, you read your lines. 309 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,720 - I read them really hard. - You read them out loud. 310 00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:49,120 - You tell the kids. - You tell the kids. 311 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,200 - Ha! - Fuck it! 312 00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:57,600 - They will not be happy. - They won't mind. 313 00:12:57,640 --> 00:13:00,880 Because all they would've been doing was schooling 314 00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:03,160 while I was on set and they were hanging around. 315 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:07,320 Yeah. Home-schooling in 30-degree heat, with sandy beaches and palm trees, 316 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:09,600 after months of this. 317 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,880 - They'll understand. - No, they won't. They'll bite. 318 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:13,920 They won't bite. Children don't bite. 319 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,200 - Ours do. - They don't... 320 00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:17,800 ...so much any more. 321 00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:23,520 So, Staged: America. 322 00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:24,960 Do you think I'm funny? 323 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:29,560 I think you do and say funny things. 324 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:33,040 That is wilfully opaque. 325 00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:39,120 I just want to do new things. 326 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:42,520 Have you spoken to Michael? 327 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:45,720 No. 328 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:50,080 All right, so pros and cons. 329 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,920 Yeah? Pros - I really want to work. 330 00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:55,760 Con - Michael Palin doesn't think we're funny. 331 00:13:55,800 --> 00:14:00,000 I mean, I say things which sometimes are funny. 332 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,360 Give me a funny anecdote. 333 00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:02,920 I haven't had a funny anecdote in months. 334 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:06,480 Con - we'd be doing the same old thing. 335 00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:07,560 Can you think of a pro, please? 336 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:09,000 Er... 337 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:10,200 Pfff! 338 00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:12,160 I have a soft spot for America. 339 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:13,360 Do you? 340 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:16,040 I used to be able to name all the states. It was my party trick. 341 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:17,720 Would you do it alphabetically or...? 342 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:19,280 Percentage tree coverage. 343 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:20,360 I could do close-up magic. 344 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:24,480 When I started out, I reached out to Mary and I said, "Get me to America." 345 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:25,680 Do you know how long it took 346 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:27,080 - before I had a job in America? - I do not. 347 00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:28,640 - Nine weeks. - Right. 348 00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:30,160 Do you know how long it took 349 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:33,120 - for the Mayflower to reach America? - I do not. 350 00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:35,040 - Ten weeks. - Very good. Excellent. 351 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:36,880 And your point through this is...? 352 00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:38,840 That I wanted it more than the Pilgrim Fathers. 353 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:40,400 Ah, well, there you go. 354 00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:43,880 So, pro column - I really want to work, you like America. 355 00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:44,920 Yeah. 356 00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:46,040 And in the cons... 357 00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:48,400 Michael Palin doesn't think we're funny. 358 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:50,200 Are we funny? 359 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:52,800 I don't know. 360 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:54,960 - Can we ask another Python? - Which one? 361 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:56,560 Eric Idle? He seems nice. 362 00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:59,080 - Michael Palin seemed nice! - Yeah. 363 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:03,560 I like the landscape of America. 364 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:05,360 Mmm. Me too. 365 00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:07,920 Always really fancied myself in a cowboy film. 366 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:10,280 Oh-ho-ho, yes. 367 00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:12,200 What would your horse be called? 368 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:15,160 Sheen. 369 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:16,960 Aww! 370 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,280 - Oh, hey, Anna! - Oh. Hi, David. 371 00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:22,560 Aren't you supposed to be flying? 372 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:24,440 Oh, not today! 373 00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:26,040 Oh, no. 374 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:27,120 You ready for New York? 375 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,720 Yeah, just packing. But... 376 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:33,440 ...can you talk to Michael about his legs? 377 00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:35,920 I would love to. 378 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:37,280 He says they're too chunky. 379 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:38,320 Chunky! 380 00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:41,040 Hm, so he refuses to pack shorts. 381 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:42,880 I see. Right. Right. 382 00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:44,040 Do you wear shorts? 383 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:45,560 Almost exclusively. 384 00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:50,800 Do you think I'm funny? 385 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:54,040 - Funny? - Amusing. Comedic. 386 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:57,160 - What, in shorts? - No! In...just... 387 00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:00,280 ...real life! Am I a funny person? 388 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:01,400 You make me laugh. 389 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:04,360 Yeah. 390 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:06,920 - Michael, come on. - No. 391 00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:08,000 - Wear shorts. - No. 392 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:11,240 - Why not? - They make my crotch... 393 00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:15,240 ...too free. 394 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:20,920 Oh, fuck it, shall we just go to America? 395 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:23,280 Yeah? 396 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:25,200 Yeah. I mean, I do and say funny things, 397 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:27,200 you have comedically chunky legs - that's enough. 398 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:28,320 We are funny. 399 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:29,440 Oh, we're fucking hilarious. 400 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:30,760 Back to work! 401 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:33,080 Staged: America! 402 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:34,960 Staged: America! 403 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,240 (TEXAN ACCENT) Come on, Sheen! Krwk! 404 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:37,760 Er, no. Hey, no... 405 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:41,040 I'm going to ride you all the way to America, boy! 406 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:43,280 You are not riding me anywhere, matey! 407 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:45,440 Saddle up, Sheeny! 408 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:48,720 I have put the last saddle on my back for you, mate. 409 00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:51,560 (PRESENTERS' VOICES) "David Tennant as David Tennant." 410 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:55,200 "Michael Sheen as Michael Sheen." 411 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:56,360 Do you think they'll do that thing - 412 00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:58,240 in American sitcoms, when you come on, you get a round of applause? 413 00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:00,640 Yeah, I always applaud you whenever you come on, anyway. 414 00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:02,600 - Thank you, yeah. - I do it in my living room. 415 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:05,920 I love it. We made a thing. Let's go to America and do it again. 416 00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:09,320 Yeah. And do you know what? One day, we will bump into Michael Palin 417 00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:11,400 at some glitzy fancy dress party, 418 00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:16,000 and he will say, "I utterly misjudged you, you clown gods." 419 00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:18,000 Yes! Down on your knees, Palin! 420 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:19,760 - Bask in our comedy! - Yeah. 421 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:21,600 Suck on our comedy, Palin! 422 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,960 Suck my python, Monty! 423 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,480 We'll be invaluable again! 424 00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:29,000 Because you know what? You and I are masters of our destinies. 425 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:31,280 - Kings of the hills! - Tops of the morning! 426 00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:33,000 - Docks of the bay! - Yes! 427 00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:34,320 They're going to fucking love us! 428 00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:36,160 AMERICAN VOICE: They don't want you. 429 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:38,440 What? 430 00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:40,520 Either of you. 431 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:41,600 Right. 432 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:43,280 Now, they love the show, 433 00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:45,720 but they're going to recast for the American market. 434 00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:49,600 That is, er, bad news. 435 00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:50,680 Oh, I know. 436 00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:52,000 When did you know this? 437 00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:53,400 Well, the email just arrived. 438 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:54,440 Well... 439 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:57,200 S-so who is doing it, then? 440 00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:59,400 - Well, it's only rumours. - Who? 441 00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:00,800 Colin Firth and Hugh Grant. 442 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:06,040 Colin Firth and Hugh Grant?! 443 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:08,000 - That's just what I'm hearing. - They're not American! 444 00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:10,680 - Doesn't matter. - They're more British than we are! 445 00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:12,600 Yes, but they're known in America. 446 00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:14,040 I'm known in America! 447 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:15,080 They're known better. 448 00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:16,240 (SIGHS) 449 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:18,760 Can we do something about that? 450 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,000 - Like what? - I don't... (SIGHS) 451 00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:23,800 What... What else does the email say? 452 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:27,440 It says they have a lot of respect for you both, 453 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:31,080 and they want leads with more US recognition, 454 00:18:31,120 --> 00:18:33,840 and a pair who are more believable as friends. 455 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,480 Sorry?! We are actually friends! 456 00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:37,760 Yes, but nobody's buying it. 457 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:39,200 Can we do something about that? 458 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:40,240 Like what? 459 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:42,760 We could...we could make a TV commercial. 460 00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:46,680 - About what? - About us, doing friend things. 461 00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:51,800 Um, eating pizza together, laughing in a car park... 462 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,480 Child, that'll just scare people, come on. 463 00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:57,520 And they also want people with more comedic experience. 464 00:18:57,560 --> 00:18:58,840 - I'm funny. - I know. 465 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:01,040 I mean, Colin Firth is not funny. 466 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:02,560 I'm fu... Knock, knock. 467 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,520 You're still on as executive producer. 468 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,200 - Knock, knock! - With Simon. 469 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,160 Simon? 470 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,080 Yes, he's still involved! 471 00:19:12,120 --> 00:19:15,640 - Doing what?! - Rewrites! 472 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:17,920 Is he in America? 473 00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:19,720 - I assume so. - (SIGHS) 474 00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:22,120 Listen, I didn't think you were in a rush to get back to work. 475 00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:26,120 I'm not! It's just David got me all excited about this. 476 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,320 I thought you were David. 477 00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:32,120 No, I'm Michael. 478 00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:36,280 Kalisa. 479 00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:37,320 Mary? 480 00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:39,120 You need to get me David on the phone. 481 00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:41,040 - That is David. - No, that's... No. 482 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:42,200 That's the other one. 483 00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:43,640 On it now. 484 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:45,400 - OK. - What's the other one's phone? 485 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:46,840 I'll do it my... I'll do it myself! 486 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,040 - Gotta go. Bye! - (COMPUTER CHIMES) 487 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:55,400 Hugh Grant. 488 00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:57,000 DAVID: OK, choose a card. 489 00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:59,520 MICHAEL: People don't think we're believable as friends! 490 00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:00,720 DAVID: I know. I heard. 491 00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:03,440 The Palin thing hurt, but that is a gut punch. 492 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:04,880 Why... Why is that? 493 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:07,960 I suppose they've only ever heard us speak other people's lines, haven't they? 494 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,480 Anna keeps telling me I'm dropping into character. 495 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:14,040 Yes! Georgia says exactly the same to me about me! 496 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:15,840 - Right, yeah. - I keep having to say to her, 497 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:17,360 "No, you cannae..." 498 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:18,840 - That doesn't... - That doesn't... 499 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:20,520 - You can't say that because that's... - That's who I am! 500 00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:21,600 - I am that person. - That's me! 501 00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:23,440 - Exactly! Yeah! - I can't be anything else! 502 00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:25,520 You can't say I'm dropping into character when I'm the character! 503 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,080 Say something now. Say something that's authentically you. 504 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,680 MICHAEL: My flights to New York are cancelled. 505 00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:40,920 DAVID: Oh, the world starts, the world stops. It's arbitrary, isn't it? 506 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:45,920 "As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods." 507 00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,480 - Can we not? - Quite right. 508 00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:49,400 - OK. - Yeah, got it? 509 00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,600 OK, hold it up. I don't want to see it, 510 00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:54,120 but hold it up, back facing to me. 511 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,560 We're going to be like this for a while yet, aren't we? 512 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:06,160 - How do you mean? - Staring at a screen. 513 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:09,240 - Hoping for a miracle. - Oh, yeah. 514 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:10,520 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 515 00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:14,760 Maybe we could start a magic act. 516 00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:16,000 (LAUGHS) 517 00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:18,600 (PRESENTER'S VOICE) "The amazing Michael Sheen 518 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:21,400 "and the Scottish David Tennant." 519 00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:23,840 - Three of diamonds. - No. 520 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:25,280 Fuck. 521 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:28,840 Four of diamonds. 522 00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:30,800 That was close - it was the two of diamonds. 523 00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:32,760 - Oh, you see? I was so close! - I mean... 524 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:35,720 Close enough for jazz. Not close enough for magic. 525 00:21:35,770 --> 00:21:40,320 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 39020

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