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1
00:00:08,350 --> 00:00:11,350
Audiovisual events coordinator.
Yeah. For weddings.
2
00:00:11,384 --> 00:00:12,994
Happy birthday, sweetheart.
3
00:00:13,029 --> 00:00:16,514
Fuck off! I'm trying to win an
election.
4
00:00:16,547 --> 00:00:19,507
What? I thought you'd like it.
I like it. Whatever.
5
00:00:19,541 --> 00:00:21,203
Dad! Stuart!
6
00:00:21,238 --> 00:00:22,866
This is Igor.
7
00:00:22,900 --> 00:00:24,550
Yeah.
8
00:00:24,585 --> 00:00:27,865
Have you ever heard of something
called a Ponzi scheme?
9
00:00:27,899 --> 00:00:30,149
Yeah.
I've done a Ponzi scheme.
10
00:00:30,183 --> 00:00:32,903
You're gonna end up back in prison.
I'll go and put her down.
11
00:00:32,937 --> 00:00:35,422
She thinks I'm no fun.
I made shitty beef. Bollocks!
12
00:00:35,456 --> 00:00:36,986
Charlie's bleeding me dry.
13
00:00:37,021 --> 00:00:39,946
Surprise!
My IBS is out of control,
14
00:00:39,980 --> 00:00:43,100
and now I've eaten a tub of Dad's
drugs. Gordon Bennett!
15
00:00:43,134 --> 00:00:46,019
You're absolutely useless!
Have you been crying?
16
00:00:47,098 --> 00:00:50,178
Ted!
I don't feel very well!
17
00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:11,291
Oh, shit!
18
00:01:18,168 --> 00:01:21,328
Sorry. Traffic. Yeah, I'm doing 80
now in the fast lane,
19
00:01:21,362 --> 00:01:23,167
so I'd better get off the phone.
20
00:01:23,202 --> 00:01:24,687
Yeah, be there in 20, max.
21
00:01:26,446 --> 00:01:29,206
Stu! Why aren't you at work?
I thought you were DJing tonight.
22
00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:30,450
Where is it?
23
00:01:30,484 --> 00:01:32,569
I forgot my iPad.
It's got all my music on.
24
00:01:32,604 --> 00:01:35,924
Oh, Daddy Bear... We wish you didn't
have to go.
25
00:01:35,958 --> 00:01:38,123
Bertha wants you to come to
baby Pilates.
26
00:01:38,157 --> 00:01:40,087
She didn't fancy the swings?
27
00:01:40,121 --> 00:01:43,041
I got a deal on 12 sessions.
Only 300 quid.
28
00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:45,245
They fixed the slide.
29
00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:48,160
Hope that's OK, Daddy Bear?
30
00:01:49,238 --> 00:01:50,283
Yeah, it's absolutely fine.
31
00:01:50,318 --> 00:01:52,278
Have you seen my iPad?
Willie's got it.
32
00:01:52,312 --> 00:01:54,237
Right.
We'll miss you.
33
00:01:57,196 --> 00:01:59,576
You were amazing last night.
34
00:01:59,610 --> 00:02:01,955
Thanks.
Sorry about the noises.
35
00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:03,034
It's fine.
36
00:02:03,069 --> 00:02:04,514
Yeah.
37
00:02:07,153 --> 00:02:08,233
Bye-bye.
38
00:02:09,992 --> 00:02:11,592
Dad!
39
00:02:12,791 --> 00:02:13,796
Dad!
40
00:02:13,831 --> 00:02:15,236
I'm in the middle of
something!
41
00:02:15,270 --> 00:02:18,990
Oh, Christ. We talked about this.
It's a free country!
42
00:02:19,024 --> 00:02:22,086
Have you got my iPad?
Stop lurking. Enter!
43
00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:25,148
Don't you need a minute to...?
Just come in!
44
00:02:29,546 --> 00:02:31,551
What's this?
Huh, eBay.
45
00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:34,505
Why?
Healthy body, healthy balls.
46
00:02:35,984 --> 00:02:39,224
Have you seen my iPad? Oh, that wee
gadget's a revelation.
47
00:02:42,982 --> 00:02:46,262
It's opened the floodgates
to a world of endless filth.
48
00:02:46,295 --> 00:02:47,897
Ever heard of Grindr?
49
00:02:47,932 --> 00:02:49,676
Grindr?
Gay Tinder.
50
00:02:49,710 --> 00:02:51,384
Right. What's Tinder?
51
00:02:51,419 --> 00:02:54,459
Straight Grindr. It's for hook-ups.
I turned on location services
52
00:02:54,493 --> 00:02:57,898
and every randy bugger in the
area comes knocking!
53
00:02:57,932 --> 00:02:59,542
I'll never leave the house again!
54
00:02:59,576 --> 00:03:01,996
I've asked you not to bring
strangers into the house.
55
00:03:02,031 --> 00:03:04,416
It makes April feel uncomfortable.
And me. And Bertha.
56
00:03:04,450 --> 00:03:06,592
I'll be as quiet as a mouse.
57
00:03:06,626 --> 00:03:09,020
A great big randy mouse.
58
00:03:09,054 --> 00:03:11,413
Dad, iPad.
Charlie took it.
59
00:03:11,448 --> 00:03:12,498
Charlie!
60
00:03:18,090 --> 00:03:21,930
Fuck it! Jesus Christ! You're meant to
be a sure thing. Thanks a lot, Stuart!
61
00:03:21,964 --> 00:03:23,574
I've got a fiver on this.
62
00:03:23,609 --> 00:03:27,729
Well, you have. Unless I win. In which case we'll split it
- in my favour.
63
00:03:29,127 --> 00:03:31,607
I told you not to mess with my iPad.
It's got my work playlists on.
64
00:03:31,641 --> 00:03:33,131
I had to send an e-mail.
Use your phone.
65
00:03:33,166 --> 00:03:35,731
I can't. They trace phones.
No-one's after you, Charlie.
66
00:03:35,765 --> 00:03:38,610
That's because I go to great
lengths to conceal my whereabouts.
67
00:03:38,644 --> 00:03:42,084
Stay off social media, always clear your
cookies, never use the same device twice.
68
00:03:42,118 --> 00:03:44,763
I am the Invisible Man.
I do not exist.
69
00:03:44,797 --> 00:03:46,282
Dad's turned on location services.
70
00:03:49,601 --> 00:03:53,201
What people? I was doing some accounts
for a small family of debt collectors.
71
00:03:53,234 --> 00:03:54,959
And I might have invested
some of their money
72
00:03:54,994 --> 00:03:56,759
into my high-yield investment
programme.
73
00:03:56,793 --> 00:03:58,158
You mean Ponzi scheme.
74
00:03:58,193 --> 00:04:00,043
Yeah.
And?
75
00:04:00,077 --> 00:04:02,002
Oh, come on, Stu. Debt
collectors.
76
00:04:02,037 --> 00:04:05,757
Bunch of bald shithouses with thick
necks and fingers like sausages.
77
00:04:05,791 --> 00:04:08,681
If they've traced my e-mail, that
means they know where I am.
78
00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:11,915
And that means I'll be bundled off into
a van and dragged into a shallow grave.
79
00:04:11,949 --> 00:04:13,559
Maybe you should pack up
your things and go.
80
00:04:13,593 --> 00:04:16,353
No shit. Give us some cash.
I need going-away money.
81
00:04:16,387 --> 00:04:17,992
No chance.
I know where your iPad is.
82
00:04:18,027 --> 00:04:19,709
All right, fine.
83
00:04:19,743 --> 00:04:21,356
Madonna's got it.
84
00:04:21,391 --> 00:04:23,951
Oi!
There's 20 quid in the biscuit tin!
85
00:04:23,985 --> 00:04:25,035
I've had that!
86
00:04:25,069 --> 00:04:27,949
Stu! Got a moment to discuss Doyle?
87
00:04:27,984 --> 00:04:30,794
Not really.
Only we're off in a tick.
88
00:04:30,828 --> 00:04:34,188
What is it, Barry? You're supposed
to be looking after her.
89
00:04:34,222 --> 00:04:37,472
Am I? Gordon Bennett! Did April not
tell you?
90
00:04:37,506 --> 00:04:40,626
I've really got to get to work.
Two minutes of your time.
91
00:04:40,660 --> 00:04:43,745
Pop in the house. Need to talk
you through her routine.
92
00:04:43,779 --> 00:04:45,869
It's vital you're aware of her
whims.
93
00:04:45,903 --> 00:04:48,863
You don't want her squirting
up your curtains.
94
00:04:48,897 --> 00:04:50,187
Oh...
95
00:04:50,222 --> 00:04:53,962
All right, two minutes. But it's
going to have to be really quick.
96
00:04:53,995 --> 00:04:57,700
Little tip for you. She gets a
bit bitey, so have some TCP to hand.
97
00:04:57,734 --> 00:04:59,836
Right.
She's a sweetheart, really.
98
00:04:59,871 --> 00:05:01,939
Right.
Except when she's angry.
99
00:05:01,973 --> 00:05:03,223
OK.
100
00:05:03,258 --> 00:05:06,458
She's been angry quite a lot
recently. Has she?
101
00:05:06,491 --> 00:05:08,741
But I'm sure she'll be fine with
you.
102
00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:11,256
Grab a seat and I'll get the
instructions.
103
00:05:23,251 --> 00:05:24,531
Sandy.
104
00:05:24,566 --> 00:05:25,776
Doyle.
105
00:05:25,810 --> 00:05:29,410
Look at her.
Doesn't she look sad?
106
00:05:30,449 --> 00:05:32,169
Can't really tell.
107
00:05:32,203 --> 00:05:33,887
Poor little baby's...
108
00:05:33,888 --> 00:05:36,488
...got a fungal infection.
109
00:05:39,926 --> 00:05:43,606
Right, first things first. She's not
well, so don't let her out of the house.
110
00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:47,365
She'll stuff herself with grass
and then void her bowels.
111
00:05:47,399 --> 00:05:49,609
She's not been the same since
we lost Bodie.
112
00:05:49,643 --> 00:05:52,563
She sits at the end of the bed
and wails all night.
113
00:05:52,597 --> 00:05:54,287
Right. Is that it?
114
00:05:54,321 --> 00:05:57,126
She likes it when you
squeeze her.
115
00:05:57,161 --> 00:05:59,721
Yes, but not too hard.
She's got a dicky bladder.
116
00:05:59,755 --> 00:06:01,725
Which reminds me. Pills!
117
00:06:01,759 --> 00:06:04,119
Barry, I've really got to go.
Half a tick.
118
00:06:21,353 --> 00:06:24,213
Where are you going?
West Country.
119
00:06:24,247 --> 00:06:27,072
Weekend of rumpy-pumpy
and scrumpy!
120
00:06:27,106 --> 00:06:29,048
He means sex.
121
00:06:29,083 --> 00:06:30,991
And cider.
122
00:06:32,550 --> 00:06:34,115
Blue ones under the tongue.
123
00:06:34,149 --> 00:06:36,989
Red ones right up inside the
anus.
124
00:06:37,023 --> 00:06:38,625
Easy way to remember.
125
00:06:38,660 --> 00:06:40,193
Blue tongue. Red bum.
126
00:06:40,227 --> 00:06:42,367
Got it. Is that all?
It's important
127
00:06:42,401 --> 00:06:44,471
you get it right.
Oh, God, yes.
128
00:06:44,506 --> 00:06:46,706
Don't get it the other way
round. You'll kill her.
129
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:47,945
What is it?
130
00:06:49,224 --> 00:06:51,189
Blue tongue. Red bum.
131
00:06:51,224 --> 00:06:54,704
Teacher's pet.
She's terrific company!
132
00:06:54,738 --> 00:06:56,543
Provided you don't make her angry.
133
00:06:56,577 --> 00:06:57,827
Or ignore her.
134
00:06:57,862 --> 00:06:59,382
Or forget to stroke her tummy.
135
00:06:59,416 --> 00:07:01,301
Just like me.
136
00:07:02,940 --> 00:07:05,940
I should go. I'll drop her off
before we leave.
137
00:07:05,974 --> 00:07:09,619
Barry, she's leaking again!
Get a cloth!
138
00:07:29,332 --> 00:07:30,452
You.
139
00:07:34,490 --> 00:07:35,570
Is that Stuart?
140
00:07:36,649 --> 00:07:39,369
Hi, Kate. You look nice.
This is all your fault.
141
00:07:39,404 --> 00:07:42,089
Sorry. You truly are a lingering
disappointment.
142
00:07:42,123 --> 00:07:44,453
Yes, thank you, Mother.
What have I done?
143
00:07:44,487 --> 00:07:46,407
You were supposed to be
at Madonna's gig last night.
144
00:07:46,441 --> 00:07:48,766
Was I? Oh, she doesn't ask you for
much.
145
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:50,451
She didn't ask me. Did she?
146
00:07:50,485 --> 00:07:53,325
She's been crying all morning and
now she won't come out of her room.
147
00:07:58,842 --> 00:08:00,407
He's piled it on.
148
00:08:00,442 --> 00:08:01,807
I binge when I'm tired.
149
00:08:01,842 --> 00:08:04,047
I'm giving a speech
at the Teen Hero awards.
150
00:08:04,081 --> 00:08:07,761
We're supposed to be going as a family,
so you need to sort this out right now.
151
00:08:10,119 --> 00:08:13,159
Olive, Pat?
Stop trying to butter me up
152
00:08:16,277 --> 00:08:17,602
Where's your dad?
153
00:08:17,637 --> 00:08:19,837
He's in the car. You know how he
feels about conflict.
154
00:08:19,871 --> 00:08:21,481
It didn't stop him sinking the
Belgrano.
155
00:08:21,515 --> 00:08:24,875
He was a naval Commodore.
What have you ever done?
156
00:08:24,909 --> 00:08:26,951
I DJed Frankie Dettori's wedding.
157
00:08:26,986 --> 00:08:28,994
We know, Stuart. Everybody knows.
158
00:08:29,028 --> 00:08:30,598
Go on.
159
00:08:30,632 --> 00:08:32,597
He shook my hand.
Stuart.
160
00:08:32,632 --> 00:08:35,192
Fuck off!
Don't talk to me like that!
161
00:08:38,830 --> 00:08:40,350
Have you got my iPad?
162
00:08:40,384 --> 00:08:41,834
This isn't about you.
163
00:08:41,869 --> 00:08:43,434
I'm not going to
the awards!
164
00:08:43,468 --> 00:08:45,353
Can I come in? I'm sorry
about your gig.
165
00:08:45,388 --> 00:08:48,508
Your dad's come to apologise.
Can we come in?
166
00:08:48,542 --> 00:08:50,267
Whatever!
167
00:08:51,826 --> 00:08:56,666
Oh, sweetheart! I know your dad can
be an idiot, but he really is sorry.
168
00:08:56,699 --> 00:09:01,504
I'm sorry, love. I must have
forgotten. I've got a lot on my plate.
169
00:09:01,538 --> 00:09:04,023
You never have any time for me!
170
00:09:13,339 --> 00:09:16,384
Dad... What are you doing?
171
00:09:16,418 --> 00:09:19,618
What's going on? You're going to
ruin everything.
172
00:09:19,652 --> 00:09:21,462
I thought you were upset.
I am now!
173
00:09:21,497 --> 00:09:23,577
I'm sorry. I don't remember anything
about a gig.
174
00:09:23,611 --> 00:09:25,141
Cos I didn't invite you.
175
00:09:25,175 --> 00:09:28,375
I just needed a reason to be upset so
I wouldn't have to go to these awards.
176
00:09:28,409 --> 00:09:31,374
Why did you have to blame me?
Easy target.
177
00:09:31,408 --> 00:09:33,578
Oh, thanks.
I'm not going.
178
00:09:33,613 --> 00:09:35,933
I have to sort this out, or your
mum won't let me go to work.
179
00:09:35,967 --> 00:09:38,269
And if I don't go to work, I won't
be able to pay the mortgage.
180
00:09:38,303 --> 00:09:40,571
And if I don't pay the mortgage,
we'll be out on the street.
181
00:09:40,606 --> 00:09:42,931
And then who's going to pay
for baby Pilates?
182
00:09:42,965 --> 00:09:45,450
All right. Calm down.
I'll go, then.
183
00:09:45,484 --> 00:09:46,574
Really?
184
00:09:46,609 --> 00:09:48,089
On one condition.
What?
185
00:09:52,047 --> 00:09:53,412
250.
186
00:09:53,446 --> 00:09:55,006
Oh, piss off! I'll get the
cheapest one.
187
00:09:55,041 --> 00:09:56,763
That is the cheapest one.
188
00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:58,485
Sorry, love. It's too much.
189
00:09:58,520 --> 00:09:59,525
OK.
190
00:10:00,644 --> 00:10:02,344
Oh! All right.
191
00:10:02,379 --> 00:10:04,009
Thanks, Dad.
192
00:10:04,043 --> 00:10:06,562
Where's my iPad?
Gave it to Grandpa Ron.
193
00:10:06,562 --> 00:10:08,562
He wanted to watch something.
194
00:10:08,597 --> 00:10:09,959
Hello!
195
00:10:09,993 --> 00:10:11,286
Yeah.
196
00:10:11,321 --> 00:10:14,401
Almost there. Overshot.
Doing 90 as we speak.
197
00:10:16,439 --> 00:10:18,004
There you go.
198
00:10:18,039 --> 00:10:20,244
Wow.
Bloody miracle.
199
00:10:20,278 --> 00:10:23,398
So, you're coming, then?
Yeah. Can't wait.
200
00:10:23,432 --> 00:10:26,722
OK. Well... Thank you, Stuart.
201
00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:29,916
You're welcome. What have
you bribed her with this time?
202
00:10:29,950 --> 00:10:33,360
Mum... Nothing. I've just got
that fatherly knack.
203
00:10:33,394 --> 00:10:35,834
She talked, I listened, and we
came to a mutual understanding.
204
00:10:35,868 --> 00:10:38,073
He's buying me a ticket to
Glastonbury.
205
00:10:38,107 --> 00:10:39,312
Thar she blows.
206
00:10:43,511 --> 00:10:44,996
He said I could go!
207
00:10:45,030 --> 00:10:46,470
You know how your mum
feels about raves.
208
00:10:46,505 --> 00:10:48,467
It's a music festival, moron.
209
00:10:48,501 --> 00:10:50,605
You're not going.
I hate you!
210
00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:52,674
You've ruined my fucking life!
211
00:10:52,708 --> 00:10:54,828
Madonna, you get back here right
now!
212
00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:56,432
You're coming to these awards!
213
00:10:56,467 --> 00:10:59,787
Who cares if some kid pulled
his nan off a bonfire?!
214
00:10:59,821 --> 00:11:01,746
Some of those kids haven't
got legs!
215
00:11:02,677 --> 00:11:03,470
Well...
216
00:11:03,505 --> 00:11:07,245
We've told her time and time again
she's not going to Glastonbury
217
00:11:07,278 --> 00:11:10,983
until she's 18! Do you know
what happens at festivals, Stuart?
218
00:11:11,017 --> 00:11:12,867
No.
She'll drink too much,
219
00:11:12,902 --> 00:11:17,422
she'll probably take drugs, and no doubt
end up sleeping with a guitarist from...
220
00:11:17,455 --> 00:11:18,905
...I don't know, Shed Seven.
221
00:11:18,940 --> 00:11:21,265
How do you think
that's going to make me look?
222
00:11:21,299 --> 00:11:25,419
Like you've gone back to the '90s.
All right, then. The Shamen.
223
00:11:25,453 --> 00:11:27,223
'90s.
224
00:11:27,257 --> 00:11:28,982
This is an important day for me.
225
00:11:29,017 --> 00:11:31,462
New MP does her bit for
heroic kids.
226
00:11:31,496 --> 00:11:34,616
I wanted to be seen with my
daughter. It's good for the image.
227
00:11:34,650 --> 00:11:37,095
Thanks, Stuart. Thanks a bunch!
228
00:11:38,294 --> 00:11:40,974
Wanker.
Nice one, Pat.
229
00:11:41,008 --> 00:11:43,618
You as well.
Righto.
230
00:11:43,652 --> 00:11:47,372
Come on, Kate, pull yourself
together. I'll get us another drink.
231
00:11:47,406 --> 00:11:48,496
You'll be sick.
232
00:11:48,530 --> 00:11:51,330
I think you'd better get the hell
out of my casa, chum.
233
00:11:53,489 --> 00:11:54,649
Right.
234
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:22,360
Hi, Ron.
235
00:12:26,119 --> 00:12:26,154
Need my iPad.
236
00:12:28,318 --> 00:12:31,318
Hm. Hunt For Red October.
237
00:12:31,352 --> 00:12:32,917
Classic.
238
00:12:39,394 --> 00:12:41,194
It's all kicking off at Kate's.
239
00:12:44,633 --> 00:12:47,033
I'm like you, Ron.
Best to keep your head down.
240
00:12:50,671 --> 00:12:52,191
All right, Ron?
241
00:13:09,825 --> 00:13:12,025
Fuck. Oh, fuck.
242
00:13:14,024 --> 00:13:16,224
Ron, don't be dead, Ron.
243
00:13:24,980 --> 00:13:27,260
Oh, bloody hell, you are dead!
244
00:13:30,538 --> 00:13:32,178
Oh, Kate...
245
00:13:39,816 --> 00:13:41,616
What are we going to do, Ron?
246
00:13:43,414 --> 00:13:45,094
Haven't really got time for this.
247
00:13:45,129 --> 00:13:46,374
No offence.
248
00:14:17,884 --> 00:14:19,644
There are two of you.
249
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:23,922
Yeah.
250
00:14:26,321 --> 00:14:28,041
I don't mind.
251
00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:31,560
OK.
252
00:14:37,038 --> 00:14:38,878
Should I start?
253
00:14:41,356 --> 00:14:42,816
Start what?
254
00:14:45,515 --> 00:14:47,195
Whatever you like.
255
00:14:52,513 --> 00:14:53,793
What do you want?
256
00:14:56,272 --> 00:14:57,792
What do you want?
257
00:15:00,430 --> 00:15:01,950
I want to get to work.
258
00:15:05,429 --> 00:15:06,909
I'm ready when you are.
259
00:15:14,666 --> 00:15:16,666
Ron's dead.
260
00:15:21,983 --> 00:15:23,063
I'm game.
261
00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:29,307
Here she is, Stu.
262
00:15:29,341 --> 00:15:32,741
Now, she's had her blue. She'll need
the red in about ten minutes.
263
00:15:32,775 --> 00:15:33,785
All right, Ron!
264
00:15:33,820 --> 00:15:36,780
I've left a bag with all her
gubbins in the kitchen.
265
00:15:36,814 --> 00:15:38,544
Key's in the usual place.
266
00:15:38,578 --> 00:15:40,498
Any problems, give us a tinkle.
267
00:15:51,374 --> 00:15:54,894
I don't mean to be rude,
but...who the hell are you?
268
00:15:55,893 --> 00:15:57,053
Bareback78.
269
00:15:58,332 --> 00:15:59,777
Right.
270
00:15:59,812 --> 00:16:01,732
You're...Highland Fling?
271
00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:05,011
Oh, no.
272
00:16:05,045 --> 00:16:06,815
God!
273
00:16:06,849 --> 00:16:08,609
You want me dad.
274
00:16:09,968 --> 00:16:12,448
Oh. This is embarrassing.
275
00:16:13,487 --> 00:16:15,407
He's at number 2.
276
00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:16,607
OK.
277
00:16:18,126 --> 00:16:19,726
Is he really...?
278
00:16:20,805 --> 00:16:22,205
Never mind.
279
00:16:26,818 --> 00:16:28,283
Oh, God.
280
00:17:08,870 --> 00:17:11,230
You've got a bloody nerve.
281
00:17:11,264 --> 00:17:13,588
Hi, Pat. Can I come in?
282
00:17:13,588 --> 00:17:16,753
Why have you got a cat?
283
00:17:16,787 --> 00:17:19,547
I really need to speak to Ted.
He's on the toilet.
284
00:17:20,746 --> 00:17:22,106
Do you mind if I come in?
285
00:17:24,225 --> 00:17:26,265
She's still not coming.
286
00:17:27,664 --> 00:17:30,224
We're going to be so late.
287
00:17:33,622 --> 00:17:35,322
I'm so sorry, Kate.
288
00:17:35,357 --> 00:17:37,022
Why have you got Doyle?
289
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,586
She stinks!
290
00:17:38,621 --> 00:17:40,226
I've got her for the weekend.
291
00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:43,300
Stuart, I know you mean well, but
you've really buggered up my day.
292
00:17:44,419 --> 00:17:46,039
I know.
I wouldn't, Pat.
293
00:17:46,073 --> 00:17:47,623
Use the one upstairs.
294
00:17:47,658 --> 00:17:49,438
Right, ready when you are.
295
00:17:49,472 --> 00:17:51,217
Oh, Christ, what is it now?
296
00:17:56,615 --> 00:17:57,695
It's a bit...
297
00:17:58,694 --> 00:18:00,534
...delicate.
Go on, then.
298
00:18:02,653 --> 00:18:04,293
What's the matter?
299
00:18:07,971 --> 00:18:09,091
It's sort of...
300
00:18:10,251 --> 00:18:11,831
..man's problems.
301
00:18:11,865 --> 00:18:13,375
God, can't this wait?
302
00:18:13,410 --> 00:18:15,010
Can we just have a quick chat?
303
00:18:16,569 --> 00:18:18,289
Hurry up!
304
00:18:22,967 --> 00:18:25,367
He's dead.
Who is?
305
00:18:25,401 --> 00:18:27,731
Ron.
Fuck off!
306
00:18:27,765 --> 00:18:29,605
You need to come outside.
307
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:31,285
Jesus!
308
00:18:32,604 --> 00:18:33,929
Back in a sec!
309
00:18:33,963 --> 00:18:37,443
Well, hurry up. And tell
Dad we're ready to go!
310
00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:48,639
I didn't want anyone
finding him like this.
311
00:18:48,674 --> 00:18:50,796
Oh, but you're happy for me
to deal with it?
312
00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:52,918
Knowing you,
he's probably not even dead.
313
00:18:53,917 --> 00:18:55,277
Oh, God, he is dead.
314
00:18:56,916 --> 00:19:00,276
I told you. I really need to get to
work. You're going to have to tell Kate.
315
00:19:00,310 --> 00:19:01,720
You tell her. You found him.
316
00:19:01,755 --> 00:19:03,955
I really need this job.
And, anyway, she's your wife.
317
00:19:03,989 --> 00:19:07,514
She was your wife first.
Oh, please, Ted.
318
00:19:07,548 --> 00:19:10,233
All right, I'll tell her.
Thanks.
319
00:19:11,603 --> 00:19:12,836
Sorry, Ron.
320
00:19:12,871 --> 00:19:15,951
On one condition. We're never going to
hear the end of this Glastonbury bollocks,
321
00:19:15,985 --> 00:19:18,367
so you're going to have to
take Madonna. I hate festivals.
322
00:19:18,401 --> 00:19:20,749
And it's 250 quid a ticket!
There it is. Take it or leave it.
323
00:19:20,784 --> 00:19:23,389
Is this because I threw up in
your face?
324
00:19:23,423 --> 00:19:24,713
It went straight in my mouth.
325
00:19:24,747 --> 00:19:27,667
I can't afford it.
Boo-hoo. Clock's ticking.
326
00:19:29,306 --> 00:19:30,471
All right.
327
00:19:30,506 --> 00:19:33,466
Stuart! Stu, I really need your
help. All right, Ted?
328
00:19:33,500 --> 00:19:35,385
I haven't got time!
This is really important.
329
00:19:35,419 --> 00:19:36,869
Hold them for a second.
Get off!
330
00:19:36,904 --> 00:19:38,944
Come on, come on, come on.
I've got to get to work!
331
00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:41,160
Just act normal, just act normal.
332
00:19:41,194 --> 00:19:43,342
What's going on?
Just act normal.
333
00:19:43,376 --> 00:19:45,141
Wait till you get inside.
334
00:19:46,261 --> 00:19:47,746
Look.
335
00:19:47,780 --> 00:19:49,300
What have you done?
336
00:19:49,335 --> 00:19:50,425
They found me.
337
00:19:50,459 --> 00:19:52,664
That's Bareback78!
Who?
338
00:19:52,699 --> 00:19:55,179
Dad's Grindr date. That's what they
want you to believe.
339
00:19:55,213 --> 00:19:57,658
Dad! I need to use your car.
Gotta get him out of here.
340
00:19:57,692 --> 00:20:00,074
He's not dead, is he?
No. I just knocked him out.
341
00:20:00,108 --> 00:20:02,456
Well, technically,
the radio knocked him out.
342
00:20:02,490 --> 00:20:04,535
It's knackered. That'll need
replacing.
343
00:20:04,570 --> 00:20:05,740
There he is!
344
00:20:05,774 --> 00:20:07,299
Do you know this man?
345
00:20:07,334 --> 00:20:10,094
I was hoping to. Oh, sorry, Dad.
I thought he was someone else.
346
00:20:10,128 --> 00:20:12,733
No bother. There's another
one coming in half an hour.
347
00:20:14,452 --> 00:20:16,272
I'll fetch him a brandy.
348
00:20:16,306 --> 00:20:18,056
I thought you were going.
349
00:20:18,091 --> 00:20:20,456
I was packing!
That one's mine.
350
00:20:20,490 --> 00:20:22,570
I didn't have room for the
PlayStation. Also mine.
351
00:20:22,604 --> 00:20:25,169
Stuart! Stuart!
352
00:20:26,608 --> 00:20:28,448
Come on, bellend.
Haven't got all day.
353
00:20:28,482 --> 00:20:30,452
Hey! Oi!
354
00:20:30,487 --> 00:20:32,647
Nigel Mansell! This is a
residential area!
355
00:20:32,681 --> 00:20:35,326
Agh! Help, help!
Go, go, go!
356
00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:43,008
They took Doyle.
357
00:20:43,043 --> 00:20:45,168
Don't worry. They'll be fine.
358
00:20:45,202 --> 00:20:48,602
As soon as they realise he
isn't me, they'll let them go.
359
00:20:48,636 --> 00:20:50,441
They don't murder the innocent.
360
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:53,245
See you.
361
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:56,040
I'll let you know when I'm settled.
You can send me some cash!
362
00:21:20,511 --> 00:21:22,111
Sorry. I'm not going to make it.
363
00:21:23,790 --> 00:21:24,950
Have you got an iPad?
364
00:21:26,069 --> 00:21:27,589
Well, just plug that in.
365
00:22:02,298 --> 00:22:03,463
All right, Mum.
366
00:22:03,498 --> 00:22:05,343
Your father hated crying!
367
00:22:05,377 --> 00:22:08,737
Passengers are not permitted to access
the car deck whilst the vessel is at sea.
368
00:22:08,771 --> 00:22:12,176
I've got IBS. I'm starting to
get...really hot farts.
369
00:22:12,210 --> 00:22:13,460
All right, Stu?
370
00:22:13,494 --> 00:22:15,859
What the fuck are you doing here?
371
00:22:15,894 --> 00:22:17,819
There's more than one
Charlie in the boot.
372
00:22:17,853 --> 00:22:20,453
There's no need to search it!
There's no need to search it.
373
00:22:20,487 --> 00:22:22,132
I really need your help.
374
00:22:22,167 --> 00:22:23,697
You fucking idiot.
375
00:22:23,731 --> 00:22:25,256
This is Botty, my pal from uni.
376
00:22:25,291 --> 00:22:27,216
You know it, Todge!
Yeah, I knows it.
377
00:22:27,250 --> 00:22:29,450
She's with me now.
I thought you were her dad.
378
00:22:29,484 --> 00:22:31,249
There's pictures of your penis
in my car?
379
00:22:31,284 --> 00:22:33,866
And, I'm afraid, anus.
380
00:22:33,900 --> 00:22:36,448
They're ever so sordid.
381
00:22:38,488 --> 00:22:41,608
My name should be trouble
382
00:22:41,643 --> 00:22:44,693
My name should be woe
383
00:22:44,728 --> 00:22:56,128
For trouble and heartache
is all that I know
384
00:22:56,163 --> 00:23:07,528
Yeah, lonely lonely blue boy
is my name.
385
00:23:07,578 --> 00:23:12,128
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