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1
00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:06,400
Stuart! I want to share every beautiful moment
together. I think we need to get you to the hospital.
2
00:00:06,435 --> 00:00:09,285
Dad! Stuart. This is Igor. Yep.
3
00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:11,500
Can you ask Kate
if she'll come over?
4
00:00:11,535 --> 00:00:13,680
That's probably a bad idea.
Please!
5
00:00:13,715 --> 00:00:14,845
April's gone into labour.
6
00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:17,240
It's a bit bloke heavy.
She wondered if you could pop over.
7
00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:24,245
I'm not the one with the yellow
Lamborghini.
8
00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:27,240
No, you're the one dyeing your beard
and dating someone 20 years younger.
9
00:00:27,275 --> 00:00:30,240
You're a strong, powerful,
independent woman, just like me.
10
00:00:30,275 --> 00:00:32,480
Yeah, and I'm young and I'm happy.
11
00:00:32,515 --> 00:00:34,240
Uncle Charlie's here.
12
00:00:34,275 --> 00:00:35,285
Surprise!
13
00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:37,300
I think the police might
be after me.
14
00:00:37,335 --> 00:00:39,245
You're going to end up
back in prison.
15
00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:41,085
If I'm going down,
you're going down with me.
16
00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:43,220
What's that supposed to mean?
You're a wedding DJ.
17
00:00:43,255 --> 00:00:45,320
How do you think you got the
mortgage on this place?
18
00:00:45,355 --> 00:00:47,440
I didn't. You did. Did I?
19
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,320
What the fuck are you doing?!
20
00:00:51,355 --> 00:00:52,360
Cut my thumb off.
21
00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,240
On my fucking hand, you moron!
22
00:01:00,772 --> 00:01:02,165
Shit. Charlie.
23
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:05,560
Take me to hospital!
This is no longer beautiful!
24
00:01:05,595 --> 00:01:06,640
With you in a minute.
25
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:12,240
I'd have been
straight on the phone to you guys.
26
00:01:12,275 --> 00:01:13,605
He's there. What?
27
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:16,040
Sorry, all. Nodded off on the bog.
28
00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:22,005
I'm having a baby.
29
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:25,080
This is the best day of my life!
30
00:01:25,115 --> 00:01:26,280
Yep.
31
00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:49,620
Come on!
32
00:01:49,655 --> 00:01:50,847
Stop it!
33
00:01:50,882 --> 00:01:52,040
Shit!
34
00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:56,125
Shit, shit, shit!
35
00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:57,740
Oh, you stupid bastard.
36
00:01:57,775 --> 00:01:59,320
Not you, sweetheart.
37
00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:01,525
Oh, look...
38
00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:03,880
..bad noise all gone away,
hasn't it?
39
00:02:03,915 --> 00:02:05,280
All gone away now.
40
00:02:05,315 --> 00:02:06,645
No, no, no, no.
41
00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:09,280
Shush, little Bertha,
don't say a word
42
00:02:09,315 --> 00:02:10,320
Daddy's...
43
00:02:10,355 --> 00:02:11,525
Bollocks!
44
00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:13,965
Oh, come on!
No, no, no, no. No more tears.
45
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,980
Daddy Bear's got to make everything
right with Mummy Bear, otherwise
46
00:02:17,015 --> 00:02:19,960
Mummy Bear's going to leave the cave
and take Baby Bear with her.
47
00:02:19,995 --> 00:02:21,920
You found the batteries
for the alarm, then.
48
00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:28,120
I've told you, bong in the shed.
Shh...
49
00:02:28,155 --> 00:02:30,045
Where's the cucumber?!
50
00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:31,445
I need to fix my puffy eyes.
51
00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:34,160
April's going to be here in a
minute. You promised me you'd be gone.
52
00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:35,685
This...
53
00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:36,725
..takes time.
54
00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:38,160
She's sick of seeing you naked.
55
00:02:38,195 --> 00:02:39,697
Why do you think she walked out?
56
00:02:39,732 --> 00:02:41,200
Needed to go back to school?
57
00:02:41,235 --> 00:02:42,565
She's 28.
58
00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:44,685
All right. Since you asked,
59
00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:47,320
you're always wanging on about
your dicky bowels,
60
00:02:47,355 --> 00:02:48,565
you're a shite chef,
61
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,320
and you ruined your anniversary.
62
00:02:50,355 --> 00:02:51,657
Whose side are you on?
63
00:02:51,692 --> 00:02:52,925
Oh, stop your flapping.
64
00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:56,240
Whenever your mother was pissed off,
I'd buy her a Yorkie bar
65
00:02:56,275 --> 00:02:57,760
and have a go at sex.
66
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:05,900
Unbelievable.
67
00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:08,525
Oh, God, she's here! Hurry up!
68
00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:11,160
I can't leave without
doing my spray tan.
69
00:03:15,925 --> 00:03:15,960
OK.
70
00:03:19,275 --> 00:03:20,325
Hey...
71
00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:21,560
..welcome home, Mummy Bear.
72
00:03:21,595 --> 00:03:22,845
Hi.
73
00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:24,380
You look great. Thanks.
74
00:03:24,415 --> 00:03:25,880
You look very pale.
75
00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:30,685
Doesn't she look pretty?
76
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:32,400
Say, "I missed you, Mummy Bear."
77
00:03:32,435 --> 00:03:33,765
Hello, sweetheart.
78
00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:35,240
Did you have a nice time with Daddy?
79
00:03:35,275 --> 00:03:36,920
No, a bit teary, Mummy.
80
00:03:36,955 --> 00:03:38,845
A bit shouty.
81
00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:41,920
Me and Daddy Bear missed you
so much.
82
00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:42,925
Did you manage to...
83
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:44,800
Sorry. Did you manage to relax?
84
00:03:44,835 --> 00:03:45,880
It wasn't a holiday, Stu.
85
00:03:45,915 --> 00:03:47,165
No.
86
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:48,285
How was the spa?
87
00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:50,760
Amazing. The shiatsus were insane.
88
00:03:50,795 --> 00:03:52,880
Great. Did Baby Bear sleep?
89
00:03:52,915 --> 00:03:53,925
Not at night.
90
00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:55,765
Oh, you poor thing.
91
00:03:57,155 --> 00:03:58,440
Can Uncle Bear go now?
92
00:03:58,475 --> 00:03:59,645
Get the bags.
93
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:02,040
You're wearing the dream catcher.
I thought you hated it.
94
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,205
No, I love it.
95
00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:05,160
I haven't taken it off
since you left.
96
00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:07,760
I'll go and put her down.
97
00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:12,285
Thanks for picking up April.
98
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:15,120
So how did she seem?
Did she talk about me?
99
00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:16,960
I dunno, I had the footy on.
100
00:04:16,995 --> 00:04:18,080
Can I have me cash now?
101
00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:24,600
Women, eh? Expensive tastes.
102
00:04:24,635 --> 00:04:26,440
That's why I stay single.
103
00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:27,605
Yeah. That's why.
104
00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:31,080
Are you still all right to look after
Bertha for a couple of hours? Eh?
105
00:04:31,115 --> 00:04:32,285
You said you could babysit.
106
00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:34,840
Are you sure that was me?
Charlie! I've got plans.
107
00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:36,445
What plans?
108
00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:37,800
40 quid. A fiver.
109
00:04:37,835 --> 00:04:38,925
Deal.
110
00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:40,680
That makes you look like a wanker.
111
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,800
Wait! Wait, wait!
112
00:04:46,835 --> 00:04:48,765
Close your eyes.
113
00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:51,600
Stu, you haven't done anything
special, have you?
114
00:04:51,635 --> 00:04:53,280
Close your eyes.
115
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:57,760
Ta-da!
116
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,960
Oh, you've gone to so much trouble.
117
00:05:03,995 --> 00:05:05,685
Yep.
118
00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:07,480
God, is that your IBS?
119
00:05:07,515 --> 00:05:08,677
No, it's lunch.
120
00:05:08,712 --> 00:05:09,805
Take a seat.
121
00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:11,440
I'll pour you a drink.
122
00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:14,800
Thanks. Pleasure.
123
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:24,005
Do you like it?
124
00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:26,720
It's lush. Bloke in the shop said
it goes great with fish.
125
00:05:26,755 --> 00:05:28,000
Oh, we're having fish?
126
00:05:28,035 --> 00:05:29,565
No. Beef.
127
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:31,960
April. Lovely to have you back.
128
00:05:31,995 --> 00:05:33,557
Dad, what do you want?
129
00:05:33,592 --> 00:05:35,085
Ross Kemp On Gangs.
130
00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:37,480
How do you series link?
We're in the middle of something.
131
00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:43,480
It was more than just a tiff,
Willie.
132
00:05:43,515 --> 00:05:44,697
How was your holiday?
133
00:05:44,732 --> 00:05:45,845
It wasn't a holiday.
134
00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:48,600
It was a time for reflection
and rejuvenation.
135
00:05:48,635 --> 00:05:50,325
Aye. A holiday.
136
00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:52,120
Right, it's done now. Can you go?
137
00:05:52,155 --> 00:05:53,285
As you wish.
138
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,600
This anus won't bleach itself.
139
00:05:55,635 --> 00:05:57,685
Oh, Christ!
140
00:05:57,720 --> 00:05:59,165
I have told him.
141
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:02,280
Look, you know that I think that
Willie is bonkers-tastic,
142
00:06:02,315 --> 00:06:04,840
but it's just we do have Bertha to
consider. I know.
143
00:06:04,875 --> 00:06:07,005
And he's always got so many randoms
up there.
144
00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:09,760
I mean, there was an Amazon delivery
man in his room for two days,
145
00:06:09,795 --> 00:06:11,605
and the noises! Mmm.
146
00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:14,120
But, look, this isn't about Willie.
147
00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:25,440
I'm not used to camping.
Glamping.
148
00:06:25,475 --> 00:06:27,005
Go and see my spiritualist.
149
00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:29,240
You can't cure panic attacks
with crystals.
150
00:06:29,275 --> 00:06:30,800
We've been through this.
151
00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:38,320
The one who bought me chips
and stole a pedalo.
152
00:06:38,355 --> 00:06:40,120
I only said I stole it to look sexy.
153
00:06:40,155 --> 00:06:42,217
Exactly. You were impulsive.
154
00:06:42,252 --> 00:06:44,280
And it feels like you've...
155
00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:46,525
..given up on life.
156
00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:48,725
We've got a baby.
I've been awake for three days.
157
00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:51,960
I know plenty of people with babies,
and they still manage to have fun.
158
00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:53,365
Really, it's what nannies are for.
159
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:55,440
Please, not nannies now.
We can't afford it.
160
00:06:55,475 --> 00:06:56,885
It's not about the money.
161
00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,320
It's about finding out who
we really are.
162
00:06:59,355 --> 00:07:01,720
Diving into the unknown.
Seizing the day.
163
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:02,845
I do seize the day.
164
00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:05,000
I grew this cos you
said it'd make me look hip.
165
00:07:05,035 --> 00:07:06,365
And it does.
166
00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:08,680
You look so natty.
167
00:07:08,715 --> 00:07:10,080
But...
168
00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:19,560
I... No. You don't need to.
Charlie's looking after her.
169
00:07:19,595 --> 00:07:20,720
Is he charging you again?
170
00:07:20,755 --> 00:07:21,725
No.
171
00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:23,125
He doesn't even pay rent!
172
00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,360
No wonder we can't afford a nanny.
I know, but I owe him.
173
00:07:25,395 --> 00:07:26,880
He sorted out the mortgage for me.
174
00:07:26,915 --> 00:07:28,365
Doesn't mean it's his house.
175
00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:30,320
I'm just going to give her
some fresh air.
176
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:39,040
I would have asked Kate to look
after her, but... I do like Kate,
177
00:07:39,075 --> 00:07:40,765
but she's your ex-wife.
178
00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:43,180
And she's great
and everything, you know,
179
00:07:43,215 --> 00:07:45,560
so much energy for someone of
her age, but...
180
00:07:45,595 --> 00:07:47,317
..it's just that I'm yin
181
00:07:47,352 --> 00:07:49,005
and she is incredibly yang,
182
00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:51,040
and I just don't think it's
a good idea for Bertha
183
00:07:51,075 --> 00:07:52,880
to be around so much yang.
184
00:07:52,915 --> 00:07:54,120
Do you?
185
00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:57,845
You hungry?
186
00:07:57,880 --> 00:07:59,760
Starving. Charlie ate my breakfast.
187
00:07:59,795 --> 00:08:00,880
Lunch?
188
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:09,160
Oh, God...
189
00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:15,600
You piss off.
190
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:33,160
Oh...
191
00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:54,925
Hummus and baby sausages.
192
00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:56,560
I thought we were having beef.
193
00:08:56,595 --> 00:08:58,240
Beef's a bit...
194
00:08:58,275 --> 00:08:59,360
..black.
195
00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:03,000
So this is lunch?
196
00:09:03,035 --> 00:09:04,805
Yeah.
197
00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:07,360
Out like a light.
198
00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:21,160
I like that.
199
00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:26,380
You not having any?
200
00:09:26,415 --> 00:09:27,920
It just looks a bit...
201
00:09:27,955 --> 00:09:29,617
..yucky.
202
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:31,280
Right.
203
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:33,565
I know.
204
00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:35,260
Why don't we have chips?
205
00:09:35,295 --> 00:09:36,920
Chips? Yeah, fuck it!
206
00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:39,440
Leave it with me.
207
00:09:39,475 --> 00:09:40,920
Back in a minute.
208
00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:48,760
Nothing.
209
00:09:48,795 --> 00:09:49,885
Dad, shed!
210
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:51,325
I'm not an animal!
211
00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:53,580
I'm busy, Stu.
I need you to go to the chippy.
212
00:09:53,615 --> 00:09:55,800
I'm baby-sitting.
Well, I'll listen out for her.
213
00:09:55,835 --> 00:09:57,197
What's in it for the C-man?
214
00:09:57,232 --> 00:09:58,525
Don't call yourself that.
215
00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:00,440
20 quid.
It won't cost that much.
216
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:01,605
That's just my fee.
217
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:02,800
Plus 20 quid for the chips.
218
00:10:02,835 --> 00:10:04,137
Come on, Stu!
219
00:10:04,172 --> 00:10:05,440
All right, fine.
220
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,085
Two cod and chips.
221
00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:10,640
Ooh... That hotel breakfast never
really touched the sides.
222
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:17,360
The PIN number's...
Yeah, I know what it is.
223
00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:20,800
Chips are on the way.
224
00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:29,480
..this...
225
00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:32,760
..is going to fix things.
226
00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:36,920
Maybe we need some proper
time apart.
227
00:10:36,955 --> 00:10:38,725
No.
228
00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:39,845
I really want this to work.
229
00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:41,900
I know things haven't been great,
and I'm sorry...
230
00:10:41,935 --> 00:10:43,885
You ruined my
weekend, woman!
231
00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:46,205
Oh, grow up!
I just want you to be happy.
232
00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:49,320
I was looking forward to a cocktail
and an alfresco soak.
233
00:10:49,355 --> 00:10:50,445
Have a bath!
234
00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:52,000
I want us to be a team.
235
00:10:52,035 --> 00:10:53,125
I need you.
236
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:54,245
It's not the same.
237
00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:56,725
I want to feel the breeze!
238
00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:58,740
I don't want to lose another family.
239
00:10:58,775 --> 00:11:00,687
Then why don't you blow yourself?
240
00:11:00,722 --> 00:11:02,821
It's always about sex with you!
241
00:11:02,856 --> 00:11:04,885
You've got sex on the brain!
242
00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:08,320
I promise I will try and find more
time for us to meditate together.
243
00:11:08,355 --> 00:11:09,480
Kiss my ass!
244
00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:17,880
I wasn't drunk,
I was having a diabetic episode.
245
00:11:17,915 --> 00:11:19,477
Because you were drunk.
246
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,040
I've got a gippy pancreas.
247
00:11:21,075 --> 00:11:23,320
And you're drunk now!
248
00:11:23,355 --> 00:11:24,965
So what?
249
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,480
Can you keep it down, please?
250
00:11:26,515 --> 00:11:27,685
Talk to him!
251
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,885
What's going on?
I'll tell you what's going on,
252
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:33,280
I was planning an afternoon of
bubbles and Campari in the hot tub,
253
00:11:33,315 --> 00:11:35,920
and she threw a great big
spanner in the works.
254
00:11:35,955 --> 00:11:37,857
It's my hot tub too!
255
00:11:37,892 --> 00:11:39,725
I'm bloody leasing it!
256
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:42,565
I shouldn't have to share it
with Ted's lobsters.
257
00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:47,320
You'd think a fish salesman would
have somewhere to keep his fish!
258
00:11:47,355 --> 00:11:49,400
Why is Ted keeping
lobsters in your...?
259
00:11:49,435 --> 00:11:50,565
Look, forget it.
260
00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:52,045
Please keep the noise down.
261
00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:53,920
I'm trying to save my
relationship, here.
262
00:11:53,955 --> 00:11:56,000
Let me give you some advice, Stu.
263
00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:02,560
Suck my dick!
264
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:07,565
Snazzy dream catcher. Thanks.
265
00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:09,960
If you have to do any more shouting,
could you do it inside?
266
00:12:09,995 --> 00:12:11,080
Roger that.
267
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,320
Ted's put a load of lobsters...
I don't care.
268
00:12:22,355 --> 00:12:24,800
Look, what can I do to make
things better?
269
00:12:24,835 --> 00:12:26,405
I don't know.
270
00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:28,560
You stopped being fun.
271
00:12:28,595 --> 00:12:30,165
Spontaneous.
272
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:32,460
You were always doing silly stuff.
273
00:12:32,495 --> 00:12:34,720
Like that thing that you used to do.
274
00:12:34,755 --> 00:12:36,600
What thing? That thing.
275
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,800
What are you doing?
276
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:04,605
Stuart, a wee word.
277
00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:06,480
Can it wait? No, it cannot.
278
00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:15,760
What do you want?
Where's my hummus?
279
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,840
Was that my hummus?
Yes. I've eaten it.
280
00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:23,365
Dad, I am trying to
save my relationship.
281
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:26,000
I don't give a shit about hummus.
Just buy some more.
282
00:13:26,035 --> 00:13:27,125
I can't buy some more.
283
00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:29,805
That was my special hummus.
284
00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:31,960
What are you talking about?
What do you think?
285
00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:34,480
Oh, God, no.
286
00:13:34,515 --> 00:13:35,605
Oh, yes.
287
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:38,400
Enough magic mushrooms in there
to kill a hippo.
288
00:13:38,435 --> 00:13:39,720
But I've just eaten it all.
289
00:13:39,755 --> 00:13:41,797
The lot? Yeah.
290
00:13:41,832 --> 00:13:43,805
Oh, that's funny!
291
00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:46,205
Why the fuck did you put
drugs in the hummus?
292
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:49,480
How else would you suggest I
spice up a salsa class?
293
00:13:49,515 --> 00:13:51,045
Oh... Oh, God...
294
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,440
What's going to happen to me?
295
00:13:52,475 --> 00:13:54,037
You'll be fine.
296
00:13:54,072 --> 00:13:55,565
Will I? Aye.
297
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:58,780
You'll feel the insides of your mind
folding in on themselves
298
00:13:58,815 --> 00:14:01,960
until you have the existential
realisation that your very soul
299
00:14:01,995 --> 00:14:03,777
doesn't even exist.
300
00:14:03,812 --> 00:14:05,560
I'd advise nappies.
301
00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:06,885
Oh, God!
302
00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:08,600
What about me and April?
303
00:14:08,635 --> 00:14:09,925
Better work fast.
304
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:12,080
How could you be so irresponsible?!
305
00:14:12,115 --> 00:14:14,165
You owe me 100 quid.
306
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,480
And that thing makes you
look like a tosspot.
307
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:19,440
Oh, shit, shit, shit!
308
00:14:19,475 --> 00:14:21,285
Shit!
309
00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:24,440
Stu, are you all right?
310
00:14:24,475 --> 00:14:25,760
What are you doing?
311
00:14:25,795 --> 00:14:27,165
Nothing.
312
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,840
Do you want...
313
00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:38,645
What's the matter?
314
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:40,080
I don't feel very well.
315
00:14:40,115 --> 00:14:42,400
Oh, God. IBS?
316
00:14:42,435 --> 00:14:43,525
Yep.
317
00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:45,040
Can you give us a minute?
318
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:05,080
Oh, pull yourself together, Stu.
319
00:15:05,115 --> 00:15:06,480
How bad can it be?
320
00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:26,040
What Do You Want
by Adam Faith
321
00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:38,205
You can hear that too, right?
322
00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:40,400
I just don't think you're taking
this seriously.
323
00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:44,360
Please don't leave me.
Look, Stu,...
324
00:15:44,395 --> 00:15:45,645
I'll change. I promise.
325
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:47,205
Turn that shit off!
326
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,080
Oh, God, they're going to
wake up Bertha. No.
327
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:51,657
I'll check on her.
It's your day. You...
328
00:15:51,692 --> 00:15:54,165
..relax.
I said, turn that shit off!
329
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:57,960
This shit got me
through my second divorce.
330
00:15:57,995 --> 00:16:01,720
Well, right now
you're heading for a third.
331
00:16:01,755 --> 00:16:02,800
What the fuck?
332
00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:06,220
Oh, God!
333
00:16:06,255 --> 00:16:07,725
Dad. Dad!
334
00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:09,160
I'm busy. Is Bertha in there?
335
00:16:09,195 --> 00:16:10,920
No! Oh, Christ!
336
00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:14,120
Where the...?
337
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:22,285
Oh, God, no...
338
00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:25,160
Oh, God...
It's always about what Sandy wants.
339
00:16:25,195 --> 00:16:26,365
What about me?
340
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:29,765
Oh, don't be such
a big fucking baby!
341
00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:32,440
I've had enough of this.
I'm ending it right now.
342
00:16:32,475 --> 00:16:34,360
You don't joke about that
kind of thing.
343
00:16:34,395 --> 00:16:36,197
Oh, I'm deadly serious!
344
00:16:36,232 --> 00:16:37,696
Barry? Open this door.
345
00:16:37,731 --> 00:16:39,125
You're scaring me.
346
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:41,560
Oh... No, no, no, no, no, no...
347
00:16:41,595 --> 00:16:43,080
No, no, no!
348
00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:48,525
You're here.
Charlie said you had gone out.
349
00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:51,200
No. Why have you got Bertha?
He said he was at his wits' end.
350
00:16:51,235 --> 00:16:53,280
For fuck's sake!
He's only had her for ten minutes.
351
00:16:57,920 --> 00:16:59,960
Stuart, what are you doing?
Quick, give her here!
352
00:16:59,995 --> 00:17:01,080
You're welcome.
353
00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:03,285
She's fine.
354
00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:05,360
I just brought her down...to
show you.
355
00:17:05,395 --> 00:17:06,817
Show me what?
356
00:17:06,852 --> 00:17:08,205
She's awake.
357
00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:10,365
Great. Well done.
358
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:13,960
Why does Daddy Bear think it helps,
getting you out of bed?
359
00:17:13,995 --> 00:17:15,885
Silly, stupid Daddy Bear.
360
00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:18,120
Barry? Oh, God, Kate, do something!
361
00:17:18,155 --> 00:17:19,925
He won't answer me!
362
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:21,880
Stuart!
Oh, Christ, now what?
363
00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:25,605
Oh, hi, Kate.
364
00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:27,125
You need to get out here right now.
365
00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:29,360
I think Barry's going to do
something stupid.
366
00:17:29,395 --> 00:17:31,320
Stuart! Back in a minute!
367
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,760
Barry!
368
00:17:35,795 --> 00:17:37,565
Please!
369
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:40,040
He just told me he's going
to end it.
370
00:17:40,075 --> 00:17:41,197
Go and talk to him.
371
00:17:41,232 --> 00:17:42,456
What about April?
372
00:17:42,491 --> 00:17:43,680
We're on a day date.
373
00:17:43,715 --> 00:17:44,805
A what?
374
00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:46,400
Stuart, he's your friend.
375
00:17:46,435 --> 00:17:47,445
Please, Stu.
376
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:50,320
I know he's an asshole,
but he's MY asshole.
377
00:17:50,355 --> 00:17:51,960
Oh...
378
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:56,280
Barry, are you in there?
Of course he's bloody in there.
379
00:17:56,315 --> 00:17:58,560
Barry, maybe don't do anything
silly, eh?
380
00:17:58,595 --> 00:18:00,040
What's going on?
381
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:04,085
Plum.
382
00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:06,800
Got some fireworks in the loft.
Stick a rocket through the window -
383
00:18:06,835 --> 00:18:09,280
that'll smoke him out.
Ted, it's not funny. Get him out.
384
00:18:09,315 --> 00:18:11,000
Out the way, woman.
385
00:18:11,035 --> 00:18:12,045
I've got this.
386
00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:13,800
Fine. Knock yourself out.
387
00:18:13,835 --> 00:18:14,925
Barry!
388
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,640
I'm sorry about the lobsters.
389
00:18:17,675 --> 00:18:20,360
Is that a necklace?
390
00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:24,965
It's for his night terrors.
391
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:27,440
Absolute bellend. Get out the way.
I'll break the window.
392
00:18:27,475 --> 00:18:28,725
Good idea.
393
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:30,400
You bloody well will not.
394
00:18:30,435 --> 00:18:32,040
Oh, Barry! Thank God!
395
00:18:32,075 --> 00:18:33,565
No. Stay back.
396
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:35,640
Just you, Stuart. Get in.
397
00:18:35,675 --> 00:18:36,680
Oh...
398
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:44,480
Don't end it, Barry. Not like this.
399
00:18:44,515 --> 00:18:45,837
It's already done.
400
00:18:45,872 --> 00:18:47,125
What do you mean?
401
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,320
I've cancelled the finance
agreement on the hot tub.
402
00:18:49,355 --> 00:18:51,097
That'll show her.
403
00:18:51,132 --> 00:18:52,805
Oh, thank Christ!
404
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:55,640
I'll let her sweat for a bit longer.
405
00:18:55,675 --> 00:18:57,685
You and me, eh, Stu?
406
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,920
We'll show 'em who's in charge.
407
00:18:59,955 --> 00:19:02,120
Everything's gone wrong, Barry.
408
00:19:02,155 --> 00:19:03,405
Oh, this is nothing.
409
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:06,080
She lobbed a tagine at me
when we were in Marrakech.
410
00:19:06,115 --> 00:19:07,537
Lamb everywhere.
411
00:19:07,572 --> 00:19:08,925
I mean April.
412
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:11,680
It's a roller-coaster, dude.
Got to ride it.
413
00:19:11,715 --> 00:19:14,365
In the beginning it's all
day trips to the beach
414
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:17,005
and hand jobs under the pier,
but before you know it,
415
00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:20,120
they're shouting about your toenails
and winking at the dentist.
416
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:26,320
But everything I do goes wrong.
417
00:19:26,355 --> 00:19:27,977
What have you done now?
418
00:19:28,012 --> 00:19:29,566
She thinks I'm no fun.
419
00:19:29,601 --> 00:19:31,085
I made shitty beef.
420
00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:32,760
Charlie's bleeding me dry.
421
00:19:32,795 --> 00:19:34,365
My IBS is out of control.
422
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:37,640
She hates my banner, and now I've
eaten a tub of dad's drugs.
423
00:19:37,675 --> 00:19:38,805
Gordon Bennett.
424
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:40,925
This is going to be Kate
all over again.
425
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:43,085
She'll probably find someone
better over the road.
426
00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:46,040
Well, I shouldn't worry about that.
There's only Clive at number eight,
427
00:19:46,075 --> 00:19:48,040
and I'm pretty sure he's
a paedophile.
428
00:19:48,075 --> 00:19:49,405
Oh!
429
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:21,605
Are you asleep?
430
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:25,000
I don't wish to cause undue alarm...
431
00:20:25,035 --> 00:20:26,005
What's wrong?
432
00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:28,160
I don't feel very well.
433
00:20:28,195 --> 00:20:29,245
Why?
434
00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:31,800
Sugar. What?
435
00:20:31,835 --> 00:20:33,937
Need sugar.
436
00:20:33,972 --> 00:20:36,040
Oh, shit.
437
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:41,960
Oh, fuck!
438
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:48,920
Help! There's something wrong!
439
00:20:48,955 --> 00:20:50,437
He's gone all weird!
440
00:20:50,472 --> 00:20:51,885
Keeps saying "sugar".
441
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:53,600
The handle's broken.
I can't get out!
442
00:20:53,635 --> 00:20:55,565
Oh, my God! It's his diabetes.
443
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,720
What do I do?! What do I do?!
He needs a Coke.
444
00:20:57,755 --> 00:20:59,537
Oh, I've got some in the van.
445
00:20:59,572 --> 00:21:01,320
Oh, fuck, shit, shit, shit.
446
00:21:01,355 --> 00:21:02,365
Please don't die.
447
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:08,760
Oi! Take it!
448
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:14,600
Hurry up! Hurry up!
449
00:21:14,635 --> 00:21:17,045
Come on!
450
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:19,640
Sips! Sips, not gulps -
you'll drown him!
451
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:23,080
Please could you stop
shouting at me?
452
00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:24,245
I've taken drugs.
453
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:25,700
This isn't Glastonbury!
454
00:21:25,735 --> 00:21:27,085
My mouth's gone all dry.
455
00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:29,360
Oh, pull yourself together.
What have you taken?
456
00:21:29,395 --> 00:21:30,997
Mushrooms. Oh, you tit.
457
00:21:31,032 --> 00:21:32,600
You're absolutely useless.
458
00:21:32,635 --> 00:21:33,920
Have you been crying?
459
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:39,165
Oh, God, Ted!
460
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:41,600
I don't feel very well!
Christ!
461
00:21:41,635 --> 00:21:43,337
What's happening?
462
00:21:43,372 --> 00:21:45,005
Barry? Are you OK?
463
00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:46,940
Better than Stuart,
by the looks of him.
464
00:21:46,975 --> 00:21:48,840
Can someone please get me
out of here?
465
00:21:48,875 --> 00:21:51,160
I can taste hummus!
Spit it out.
466
00:21:51,195 --> 00:21:52,245
Where's Stuart?
467
00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:53,800
He's locked himself in the van.
468
00:21:53,835 --> 00:21:55,960
Stu? Oh, no... It stinks.
469
00:21:55,995 --> 00:21:57,497
Stu, darling...
470
00:21:57,532 --> 00:21:58,965
..I'm here.
471
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:00,565
I'm so sorry, April.
472
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:03,220
Don't be - I think it's amazing!
473
00:22:03,255 --> 00:22:05,840
What? Willie told me everything.
474
00:22:05,875 --> 00:22:07,720
You took drugs just for me!
475
00:22:07,755 --> 00:22:09,005
Er...
476
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:11,005
This is the Stuart that
I was talking about,
477
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:14,840
the kind of Stuart that takes
shrooms and locks himself in a van.
478
00:22:14,875 --> 00:22:16,617
It's so nutty!
479
00:22:16,652 --> 00:22:18,360
I love it!
480
00:22:18,395 --> 00:22:19,525
Yup.
481
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:21,325
Let's go to a moonlight
party in Lima,
482
00:22:21,360 --> 00:22:24,440
take MDMA on the beach
and watch the sun come up.
483
00:22:24,475 --> 00:22:25,525
Yep.
484
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:27,480
This is exactly the date I want.
485
00:22:27,515 --> 00:22:29,400
Chips in a van with a guy on drugs.
486
00:22:29,435 --> 00:22:31,805
It's so mental!
487
00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:34,000
You are fucking dead, mate!
488
00:22:34,035 --> 00:22:35,125
Oh, Stu,
489
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:38,360
you're about to go absolutely
bonkers.
490
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:41,240
Have we got any big nappies?
491
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:46,920
You were amazing last night.
492
00:22:46,955 --> 00:22:47,965
Thanks.
493
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,085
Sorry about the noises.
494
00:22:49,120 --> 00:22:50,965
Healthy body, healthy balls.
495
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:53,160
I've asked you not to bring
strangers into the house.
496
00:22:53,195 --> 00:22:54,640
It makes April feel uncomfortable.
497
00:22:54,675 --> 00:22:56,717
I'll be as quiet as a mouse.
498
00:22:56,752 --> 00:22:58,760
A great big randy mouse.
499
00:22:58,795 --> 00:23:00,125
Hi, Stu.
500
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:02,725
It's vital you're aware
of her whims.
501
00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:04,880
You don't want her squirting
up your curtains.
502
00:23:04,915 --> 00:23:06,405
Blue ones under the tongue,
503
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:08,765
red ones right up inside the anus.
504
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:11,040
I am the invisible man.
I do not exist.
505
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:14,880
Well, what is it, dickhead?
506
00:23:14,915 --> 00:23:16,480
He's dead. Fuck off.
507
00:23:16,445 --> 00:23:16,515
Hey!
508
00:23:16,565 --> 00:23:21,115
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