Original subtitles

(ominous music)

(bullets clanking)

- [Narrator] Mi papi always said,

all empires are created of blood and fire.

His empire was our country of Val Verde.

(gentle music)

It was a beautiful and peaceful place

while my father ruled it with a firm hand.

But the Americano government called him

a dictator, and the Yankee cowards started a war

to overthrow my father.

Our soldiers fought like lions,

but there was one man we could not defeat.

Mi papi was exiled, but he had a mighty heart,

and (speaks in foreign language).

He rallied his army, he rebuilt his power,

and he planned to retake Val Verde using the very same man

who overthrew him.

- Your friend, Colonel Mantrixx,

won't like this mission.

Will he give us any trouble?

- He doesn't have to like it.

As long as I've got his daughter,

he's got to bend over and take it.

(phone rings)

- Si.

Colonel Mantrixx was not on the plane.

Kill her.

(dramatic music)

(gun firing)

(yelling)

(bullets clanging)

- Welcome back, John, so glad you could make it.

(explosion booms)

- Felipe we must hide!

(speaks in foreign language)

(gun firing)

- Cheni!

Cheni!

(gun firing) (yelling)

(glass shattering)

- Daddy?

- [Narrator] I saw mi papi die that day.

And I swore I would have my revenge.

(upbeat music)

- Leave anyone alive?

- Just the mariachis.

(speaking in foreign language)

- John, I'd like you to start up your old squad again.

- This was the last time, General.

- What are you gonna do with yourself?

Be a cop?

A construction worker?

You are the last action hero.

John, what do you say?

- No chance.

(playful music)

- They drew first blood.

- That's finger paint, dumbass.

Here's your mail.

- Yippe-kay-AY, Mr. Falcon.

- [Orderly] Mail call.

(ominous music)

- You are one weird motherfucker.

Leave me alone!

- [Orderly] Somebody loves ya.

- I love you, Dad.

Dear Daddy.

- [Cheni] I'm sorry it's been so long since I've written,

but sometimes it's hard to put things into words.

First of all, I wanted to thank you for being

such a great dad.

You taught me about nature,

you taught me how to have good table manners,

Daddy I'll never forget about the fun times

we had together.

You taught me how to be a confident young lady.

You were the total Daddy package.

You were so much fun to grow up with.

- Yes!

- [Cheni] And once those bad men took me,

you did things for me that most dads never could.

- If you want your kid back,

you gotta cooperate, right?

- Wrong.

(gun firing)

- [Cheni] After you rescued me,

I'll never forget that you turned down

the military to stay with me.

And after what happened, I can understand

why you were so protective.

But when I started dating,

you took things way too far.

- Cheni, no!

(gasping)

- Daddy!

After you wiped out my after prom party,

I guess everyone realized that you just cared too much.

- Under the provisions of the Rambo Act,

I am taking this homicidal

former war hero into military custody

for psychiatric rehabilitation.

- No!

Dad!

The General told me they took

you to a really nice place, and in the last few years

you've made great progress.

Well, Daddy, I'm making progress, too.

I'm getting married!

- Married?

- [Cheni] I know this is a little bit of a shock,

but please Daddy try to be happy for me.

Love, Cheni.

- Cheni!

No!

(yelling)

- Time to get these guys doped up and locked up.

- Cheni.

No Cheni.

(ominous music)

Cheni!

Cheni, where are you?

Daddy's coming!

- Daddy?

- No, not daddy.

(gun firing)

(yelling)

- Barrett!

Let the girl go, it's me that you want!

- I don't need the girl, John.

I don't need the girl!

- Come on, Barrett.

Throw away that chickenshit gun.

Put a knife in me!

And look me in the eye and see

what's going on in there when you turn it.

Let's party.

- I don't need the gun, John.

I can beat you.

I don't need no gun!

I'm gonna kill you now!

(screams)

(grunting)

- You're getting old, John.

- Bullshit!

(grunting)

- I'm not gonna shoot you between the eyes, John,

I'm gonna shoot you between the balls!

(grunting)

(grunting)

- Let off some steam, Barrett.

(grunting)

- Looks like you got it in your head

to be a real troublemaker.

But we got a solution for troublemakers.

I don't know why that letter got you so riled up,

but a big enough dose of the juice

will make a guy forget just about anything.

Right?

You'll be a quiet little boy from now on, right?

- Wrong.

(grunting)

(siren blaring)

(grunting)

(groaning)

(grunting)

- What the hell?

Look who's crazy now!

(toilet flushes)

(pensive music)

(beeping)

Married on Sunday?

No chance.

(grunting)

(dramatic music)

You always show up right after the dirty work.

How did you know where to find me?

- I've been assigned to this place for years.

- But why were you there?

Wait, why was I there?

- That place is a dumping ground, John.

Where the government puts men

who are too dangerous to leave out in the open.

Your last assignment was to stay

there for the rest of your natural life.

I'm sorry, John.

It breaks my heart to see it end like this.

Whole damn thing reminds me of El Salvador.

You remember El Salvador, John?

- Yeah, I remember El Salvador.

I remember it went something like, this.

(grunting)

- We still got the moves, eh, John?

- What's this we bullshit?

Yours is barely unconscience.

(grunting)

- Now you've got to get out of here, John.

Find a nice, quiet place and start a new life for yourself.

- I can't do that, General.

They've got Cheni, I've go to save her!

- Are you feeling okay, John?

That was a long time ago.

- I know that she's grown up.

But they have her again.

The letter she sent me, the picture,

it doesn't make any sense.

I know that she's in danger!

Will you help me?

- I believe you, John, but I'm sorry.

I'm barely active duty anymore.

But I think I still can help you.

Here's some gear to get you started.

And this is the shadiest nightclub in town.

It's called Huntin' Slash.

It's run by a guy named Sullee,

and it's a down and dirty place.

- Sullee?

I knew a Sullee.

Sullee?

Remember when I told you I was going to kill you last?

- That's right, Mantrixx, you did!

- I lied.

(screams)

- If there's any criminal connection

to the people who took your Cheni,

it's not a bad place to start digging.

- I'll check it out, General.

- And in case things get rough.

Welcome back, John.

You and I are the last of a dying breed,

so don't go getting yourself killed ahead of schedule.

(pistol racking)

- No chance.

(dramatic music)

- John, one more thing.

It'll look better if.

- Sure, General.

I'm sorry about this.

(grunting)

(upbeat music)

- Hey, baby?

You know, a pretty little thing like you

shouldn't have to buy her own drinks.

You know, I always dreamed I'd meet a girl like you.

- Funny, I had the same dream.

(chuckling)

- Oh Wait, I forgot.

It was a nightmare.

- Oh, you're breakin' my heart.

Okay, you know what, I can see where I'm not wanted.

Hey, Tony, get this pretty little thing

a special on the house.

Show her there are no, hard feelings.

Cheers.

(dramatic music)

- Sir, the shipment is almost complete.

We just got a call from The Generalissimo.

He wants to know--

- Can't you see I'm busy?

Shouldn't you be stalking somebody?

Hey, I'm tryin' to get laid here.

- Is there a back room to this place?

Can you show me?

- You see?

I'm busy.

Back room?

It'd be my pleasure.

- Thanks.

- Sullee, you bastard.

(beeping)

Locked and loaded.

(ominous music)

(upbeat music)

(ominous music)

- Everything all right here, pal?

We don't get a lot of briefcases in this place.

- I just came in for a quick drink.

My boss is a real pain in the ass,

if you know what I mean.

- What's in the box.

- All right, it's just my work,

it's a real pain in the heart!

(grunting)

- Another satisfied customer.

- [Both] You son of a bitch!

(grunting)

(gun firing)

- Get him!

Security! (gun firing)

(grunting)

- That guy is one tough motherfucker!

(grunting)

- I'm gonna kick your ass!

(grunting)

- Magic Eight Ball says,

don't count on it!

(dramatic music)

(tires squeal)

- Mantrixx is alive!

(tires squealing)

Don't tell me to calm down!

That asshole dropped me off a cliff,

now he's back to finish the job!

- [John] I know where you're going, Sullee.

You're mine now!

- I'm coming to you!

I'm coming to you now!

- Hey, you ever cut butter with a warm knife?

- Si.

It's like slitting a young girl's throat.

(grunting)

(groaning)

- I can't believe you're not butter.

(whistling)

(grunting)

(pensive music)

(dramatic music)

(pensive music)

(guns cocking)

Cheni!

(dramatic music)

- Daddy.

You made it.

- Thank God you're alive!

What the hell are you doing here?

We've got to get out of here!

- You're right, Dad.

We do need to get out of here.

But first, there's someone you need to meet.

- But who?

- What is this?

- Don't worry, Daddy, your friend will explain everything.

- Friend?

What friend?

- Your oldest friend.

Welcome back, John, so glad you could make it.

- Barrett, you bastard, it is you!

But how the hell are you alive?

- Oh you mean my little souvenir?

Turns out, you missed every vital organ, John.

(dramatic music)

Where you going, John?

I'm not through with you yet.

I'll be back, John.

I'll be back!

Ow!

The steam cauterized the wound,

and I'm feeling good as new.

I bet I'm feeling better than you are, old man.

Naughty boy, John,

can't go shooting guns in here.

You might hit your daughter.

Get his weapons.

- Chaining me up isn't like you, Barrett.

Come on, don't you want a rematch?

Finally stick me with that big knife of yours?

- Oh, I'll stick it in you, John.

But first.

- First, Colonel Mantrixx,

we have a little job for you.

(dramatic music)

John, John, John, John.

John Mantrixx.

My name is Generalissimo Felipe Ares.

And you killed mi papi.

- You're Ares' son?

- Yes!

I am his son and I am his successor too.

Mr. Barrett, it's time to begin phase two

of (speaks in foreign language)

See to it.

- My pleasure.

Darling?

- Barrett!

Let my daughter go!

- Oh, she's much happier with me, John.

Toodle-oo!

(chuckling)

- I am really gonna enjoy this.

- No thanks to you,

the people of Val Verde have grown soft.

They have been corrupted by their little democracy!

But I will finish mi papi's plan,

and you will help me.

- Never fear, Herr General.

Our friend the Colonel is quite the feisty one.

But we are in luck.

We have just the thing for that.

(chuckling)

- So, once he's drugged,

can I hit him?

- Ey, quiet, you fool!

Don't be a stupido, okay?

Hey, when he's drugged, can I hit him?

- No!

The Colonel is not a toy!

And I am not here so that you can play games!

Now, Colonel, this will hurt.

- You're damn right.

(explosion booms)

(grunting)

- I need him alive.

I go get the troops, get him!

Go get him!

(dramatic music)

(grunting)

- Never bring a toothpick to a pipe fight.

(guns cocking)

(gun firing)

- Attention!

Attention!

The Colonel John Mantrixx is escaping!

(speaks in foreign language)

(engine roars)

(speaks in foreign language)

(dramatic music)

(gun firing)

(yelling)

(gun firing)

(yelling)

(guns firing)

(explosion booms)

(grunting)

(yelling)

- Watch your back, ho!

(guns firing)

(explosion booms)

(gun firing)

(explosion booms) (yelling)

(gun firing)

(dramatic music)

(yelling)

(explosion booming)

(grunting)

(gun firing)

(gun firing)

(explosion booms)

(gun firing)

(gun firing)

(explosion booms)

(explosion booms)

- We're under attack!

The government's found us!

- That's not the government.

That's-- - Mantrixx!

He's escaped!

- Let's go.

(dramatic music)

(gun firing)

(gun firing)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(yelling)

(grunting)

(yelling)

(yelling)

(speaks in foreign language)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(engines revving)

(grunting)

(gentle music)

- (groans) Barrett?

- When you kicked me out of your unit, John,

I swore I'd have payback.

You know what today is?

Payback, day.

(gun firing) (yelling)

(grunting)

(pensive music)

(gun firing)

(tires squealing)

(grunting)

(dramatic music)

- They're all right.

- "All right?"

You want weapons with no questions asked,

they're the best money can buy.

But there's one question you'd better answer,

when do I get paid?

- Ms. Maelstrom, that's not my department.

You'll have to take it up with.

- El Generalissimo is not happy!

- Well there he is now.

- I have just heard that the Colonel Mantrixx has escaped!

Many soldiers of Val Verde have died, for nothing!

All because of you!

- Hey, fuck you!

The guy showed up out of nowhere at my bar,

what was I suppsed to do, knife fight him?

Look what happens when you do that!

And don't bitch about a few guys,

I've been spreading the doc's magic formula

around all the dives I own.

Thanks to me, you have thousands of recruits.

- Yes, but will they be ready?

- They're almost as good as your regular soldiers,

which is to say they're shit.

But I've trained them which end of a gun to hold.

All they need to do is follow simple orders.

Once Mantrixx assassinates the president,

the whole country will be in chaos.

- My Dad's not an assassin.

- Oh, shit!

- But he will smash your face in.

(grunting)

- It looks like someone neglected to keep up her dosage.

- So sorry it slipped my mind that your magic

mad scientist formula needs booster shots.

- She is strong willed!

The formula is made for average people.

If it were potent enough to tame her permanently,

it would kill the sheep that you're training.

(speaks in foreign language)

There!

Good as new.

Mr. Sullee, please escort her to her quarters.

- Her quarters, not yours.

I won't have her spoiled before her special day.

- Yeah, don't worry, she's not my type.

Man hands.

No offense.

- Handing out weapons to civilians is stupid enough.

Arming John Mantrixx's daughter?

Brain-dead.

But that's your business.

My business, is business,

and you'll be handing out slingshots

if I don't get paid for my last two shipments.

- Maelstrom, (speaks in foreign language)

take it easy, okay?

When I control Val Verde I will give you

20 million Felipes, hey?

And a very grateful Presidente.

(grunting)

- You will express your gratitude in gold,

just like we agreed.

When John Mantrixx wrecks this little clown show,

I'm not gonna be the one left holding the bag.

- We've got a plan for Mantrixx.

- You had a plan for getting dressed

this morning, too.

Look how that turned out.

- Mantrixx does pose a problem,

but you have a reputation for problem solving, do you not?

A woman of your considerable talents

should be able to deliver Mantrixx to us

for say, an extra 30%?

In acceptable currency, of course.

- I don't know, I've got some boys who know

their business, but Mantrixx is the best.

- Yes, yes, of the best, surely.

But what if I were able to offer

you the services of...

(whispers)

- You know him?

- Yes.

He would be happy to help,

Colonel Mantrixx is not a hero to everybody.

- You son of a bitch!

Where is my sister?

Sandy went missing two weeks ago,

and the last place anybody saw her was Hunting...

That disgusting bar.

I was checking the place out when I saw you

and that pervy guy tear out of there.

I followed you to the compound and then I saw

all hell break loose.

I think Sandy stumbled on something,

and I think you know what that is.

So I'm gonna ask you one more time,

where is my sister?

(grunting)

- I'm not the bad guy.

- Then what were you doing there?

- Terminating assholes.

I'm looking for someone.

My daughter, Cheni.

- She's pretty.

And, she has really shitty taste in men.

How'd she end up with creepy mustache guy?

- His name is Barrett.

When she was little, he and Sullee, the bar pervert,

took her to get me to do a job, but I saved her.

I hadn't seen her in 10 years,

when she sent me this I broke out to find her.

- Wait, you broke out?

Were you, in prison?

- No, just a mental institution.

There's something wrong with Cheni!

These men tried to kill her.

She wouldn't be with them

unless there was something wrong with her mind.

- Does that run in the family?

- Now come on, listen.

When I was in the hangar,

one of them had this.

They said it would make me cooperate.

It must be some kind of mind control!

- There are some chemical compounds

that have been known to make people prone to suggestion.

When I was talking to the police about Sandy,

they said a lot of people have been disappearing.

If they've been drugging people,

We need to get this to my lab.

I should be able to analyze it.

- Are you a doctor?

- What, you were expecting a flight attendant?

I'm Dr. Dawn Bergman, I'm a biochemist.

- John Mantrixx, commando.

- Pleased to meet you, John.

Now let's get going, the sooner we figure out

what this is, the sooner we can save Sandy and Jenny.

- Cheni.

(grunting) (gentle music)

- Dr. Mengel has a question for you.

Do you remember, Afghanistan?

- Da.

I remember Afghanistan.

(jet engine roars)

(upbeat music)

* One, two, three, four

- You look like, John Travolta!

(speaks in foreign language)

(upbeat dance music)

(laughing)

(singing in foreign language)

(group cheers)

(laughing)

(speaking in foreign language)

- Yakov!

- Orders?

- Da.

Moscow wants words with our American friend.

We are to take him by convoy to Jalalabad Airfield.

- Simple.

- Not so simple, we have no escort.

All available armor is tied up by heavy mujahedin activity.

- So convoy is one truck?

- Not to worry, comrade, intelligence says

mujahedin activity will be light.

- Intelligence.

(upbeat music)

- What the fuck?

- Attention!

At ease, soldiers.

Last night, we had a chopper get shot down over Afghanistan.

It was carrying a U.S. Intelligence asset.

- These CIA guys, do they always travel

on the wrong side of the border?

They wouldn't be handing Stinger missiles over

to the rebels, now would they?

- Your unit is going to infiltrate at 1800 hours

and rendezvous with the mujahedin rebels.

- Mujahedin?

We don't need those scum.

- This isn't a game, Barrett.

They know every inch of this terrain

and they fight like hell.

You're gonna need their help

if you're going to pull off this ambush.

Get your team ready, John,

the helo leaves in five minutes.

- Then let's not keep the flyboys waiting.

Let's get to the chopper.

(dramatic music)

- Mount up!

If mujahedin come calling,

we send them to paradise.

(soft music)

(speaks in foreign language)

(speaks in foreign language)

- Our brothers have blocked the main pass,

the Soviets must take a dirt road

through the hills.

We will show you.

- Squad!

Fall in and move out!

Follow our new friends.

- John.

- What the hell is it, Barrett?

- When this tour's over, I think we could use some R and R.

I found a great rate on these cruises to a place

called Val Verde.

There's no women on board,

just good ole male bonding.

What do you think?

- You can file this stupid idea

with your other ideas about the leather uniform pants,

the sand volleyball court and the rubber fist.

Now get back in line and shut the hell up!

- Yes sir.

(soft music)

(explosion booms)

- Move out now!

Out!

Open the gate!

(dramatic music)

(gun firing)

- Fan out, engage!

(guns firing)

(guns firing)

(gun firing)

- Filthy Russian dogs.

Oh, Daddy's here to give you a spanking!

(explosion booms) (grunting)

(gun firing)

(guns firing)

(groaning)

Let's see if Yakov can cull the herd.

(gun firing) (groaning)

Mujahedin scum.

(gun firing)

(groaning)

(gun firing)

(grunting)

American?

You are dying here.

- A Russian sniper?

You're lucky I hate Russians, John.

(guns firing)

Good thing I'm here.

- God damn it, Rambo!

(dramatic music)

- There you go, John, saved your ass again.

But you don't respect me.

You respect these savages more than me.

Well, to hell with those savages!

(gun firing)

That's right!

Yeah!

(grunting)

- Come on!

Bloody gun!

Come on!

Come on!

- Barrett!

(dramatic music)

(gun firing)

(explosion booms)

(grunting)

(guns firing)

- Son of a bitch!

- Shit!

(explosion booms)

(grunting)

- Another successful mission, John!

Let's hit the showers!

- What the hell is wrong with you?

- Alright, John, not at the same time.

- No!

Not that!

You're going crazy on the battlefield

and killing everybody!

- John, I, maybe a shot went wild.

- That's all bullshit, all of it!

I think you like killing a little too much, Barrett.

Get out of my unit.

Now!

- John, you can't do this!

All I ever wanted was your unit, John!

All I ever wanted was to be in your unit, John!

(dramatic music)

You better watch yourself, John,

you never know when your past is going to pop up.

(dramatic music)

- Jesus, that was a long flashback.

So, you want another crack at the son of a bitch

who killed your comrades?

(gentle music)

- It's late, but we should have enough time.

(choking)

- Tony?

What he hell did you do that for?

He'll live.

- I work here!

I have a key card!

(dramatic music)

Here, so you don't choke anyone else while I'm working.

Why don't you surf around, oh wait,

I forgot you've been locked up for 10 years.

There's this thing called the internet.

(beeping)

- Okay boys, here's the op.

We're here to pick up an ex-Special Forces hotshot

by the name of Mantrixx.

He's been out of the game a while,

but he's still sharp enough to take down

an entire compound full of troops.

That's why our employers have provided us

with a little backup.

You dogs got any questions?

- So is it true that we're working

with the Crimson Cockroach?

- That name, I do not like.

Now hear me, Mantrixx is mine.

(triumphant music) (beeping)

- Good news, I've analyzed the drug.

It looks like it's derived

from the burundanga plant, I've whipped up a compound

that I think should neutralize its effects

on the brain.

(fuse sizzling)

(sniffing)

- Wait!

I smell trouble.

Hurry up!

Grab your compounds!

- Okay, I just need a few minutes to get the dosages.

- I'm going to be handing out

some compounds of my own.

- What kind of compounds?

- Compound fractures.

(dramatic music)

(heavy breathing)

(gun firing)

(gun firing)

(grunting)

- John Mantrixx.

Do you remember Afghanistan?

- I've been trying to forget it.

- For me, not so easy to forget.

You killed my comrades.

(wistful music)

(laughing)

- That's right, the Spitsnatz.

They're my favorite midnight snack.

Come on, let's party.

(dramatic music)

(grunting)

(siren blaring)

- Oh, shit.

(grunting)

- What's up, doc?

(grunting)

You dirty...

- What the hell is going on?

- Supposed to, capture Mantrixx.

- Where were you going to take him?

- They have a compound off of,

the coastal highway.

- Thanks.

Now, you know Comrade Mullet out there?

- Yes. - Shoot him.

(dramatic music)

(grunting)

- Mantrixx!

Come on, this way!

(coughing)

Of course the car's on the other side!

- Come on, let's get to the Beemah!

(gun firing)

(grunting)

(grunting)

- Come with me if you want to live, soldier!

- C'mon!

(tires squealing)

- This is my old commander.

I thought that you said you were out of the game, General.

- Out of the game doesn't mean out of the loop.

I heard the reports from the units that were sent in

after the firefight at the compound.

Your style is hard to miss.

Good to know I haven't lost my touch.

- When I heard the reports

of the technology and the experiments

they found there, I knew I couldn't leave you

out there on your own.

- What the hell do you mean?

- I mean this man.

His name is Dr. Mengel.

- This is the crazy doctor from the compound.

He's brainwashed Cheni!

- He was responsible for the monster I just hit

with ol' Patton here.

- Responsible for him?

What do you mean?

- During the Cold War, Mengel was in charge

of the Soviet Super Soldier program.

The man you just fought

was the program's prize pupil, Yakov.

He first got on our radar in Afghanistan,

where we thought you had taken him out.

He later emerged again as a mercenary.

They call him the Crimson Cockroach,

because he's damn near impossible to kill.

(grunting)

- That wasn't my fault.

That bitch jabbed me with some of the doctor's formula,

I had no choice.

(gun racking)

- I have the antidote

for their mind control compound.

If you can get us there, we can save Cheni,

and my sister and everyone else.

- You wouldn't happen to know where there is?

- I think we might.

There's an address on this card, off the coast highway.

But would they really tell us how to find them?

Sounds like a trap.

- You know you don't want to go in to spring

a trap empty-handed.

- Don't worry about that, General,

I know a place where we can go shopping.

(dramatic music)

- Sorry man, we're closed.

- It takes two to tango.

- We only accept, cash.

Mantrixx?

Is that you?

- I require weapons.

- Well in that case, let me show you the crown jewels.

What'll it be?

- 12 gauge auto-loader.

The M-16 A2 with M-203 Grenade Launcher.

- You still know your guns, buddy.

- The X-177.

Phased plasma rifle in the 40-watt range.

- Just what you see, pal.

- The Uzi nine millimeter.

- Is this for pleasure, or revenge?

- Both.

- Brain-dead soldiers and brainwashed civilians.

Val Verde's finest.

- Cannon fodder has to come from somewhere.

But we are concerned with much bigger fish.

Can we count on you to handle Colonel Mantrixx

when he arrives?

- You can count on me.

(chuckling)

And what about the serum?

- Ah, the serum, my life's work.

This is all that I could synthesize

with these pathetic resources.

It's more than enough to provide strength, youth

and to make a man more than just a man.

But you must take but a fraction of this dosage!

This serum was made for special men, whereas you,

let's just say that an overdose could lead

to severe consequences.

- I'll take my chances.

You don't know how special a man is

until you've looked deep inside him.

- This is the antidote.

One dose should bring anyone back who's been drugged.

- That covers the rescue mission.

I'll take care of Mengel,

he and I have an old score to settle.

- See you at the party, Kerbey.

- Full points for originality there.

Though I did suggest the cruise line.

- Shh!

Go now!

Finish the wedding so I can fulfill my destiny.

Go!

- Herr General!

I wanted you to have something,

something fitting of your place as ruler

of Val Verde.

- Oh!

(exclaiming)

I will name him Hector.

(speaks in foreign language)

Hector!

Let me tell you a story, eh?

About the time I recaptured Val Verde.

- Yeah man, that guy thinks he's so cool.

- Well he's got those shades,

and his gun is bigger than ours.

- Jesus.

You know, they don't even pay us a lot!

- I can't afford shades!

- I don't even have dental!

- You don't have dental?

- Huh?

You do?

- Hooo, this is awkward.

- Ugh, when was that?

- That was the meeting last Tuesday!

They said everyone, it's mandatory.

Sign up for the--

- Oh hey, car! - Oh, yeah, car.

(dramatic music)

- You here for the wedding?

- Yes, yes.

The wedding!

We are caterers, and, well,

weddings are just what we do!

- Past the main building on the right.

- I'm going to find Sandy.

- And I'm going to get dressed for the party.

- John?

Good luck.

- Good luck to you.

(dramatic music)

(guns cocking)

(grunting)

- Huh?

- What's going on over there?

- Eh, probably nothing.

Catering stuff!

- No, let's go check it out, huh?

(grunting)

(yelling)

- Magic.

(soft knocking)

Come in!

So, why don't you sit down and relax

while I get a couple of things going.

- Oh, shit!

Baby, I'd love to stick around, but they're expecting me

at the most ridiculous wedding ever.

So you just stay here and make yourself comfortable,

and when I get back

we'll have a little honeymoon all of our own.

- Sandy?

- Dawn?

What are you doing here?

- I've got to get you out.

- I can't leave, I'm supposed to wait

for that nice man.

- That son of a bitch.

The hell you are.

Let me see your arm.

- Ow!

What are you doing?

Dawn?

What's going on?

- You're okay, I got you.

- Oh my God. - You're okay.

- I was...

There are soldiers everywhere.

How are we going to get out of here?

- Let's just sit tight for a bit,

I have a feeling they're going to be getting

very busy soon.

(dramatic music)

(dramatic music)

- Such a beautiful day, eh?

Such a beautiful day for such a beautiful lovely bride, eh.

It's really so sad your father cannot make it, eh?

- Yeah.

So sad.

(speaks in foreign language)

- That's okay, (speaks in foreign language)

I will be your father today, huh?

Just like tomorrow I will be the father

of all the peoples of Val Verde.

And since your husband, he may not get close

to you tonight, maybe I will be your papi, eh?

- Yes, you can be my papi.

(laughing)

- Ah, yes.

(soft string music)

(dramatic music)

(shutter clicks)

- Dearly beloved, special friends,

heavily armed guests.

We are gathered here to celebrate a unique union.

A union which has stood the test of time.

He first swept her off her feet when she was 15.

(clearing throat)

Yes.

Well, the couple has opted to write their own vows,

which they will recite for us now.

- I Barrett, take you Cheni,

to have and to hold, hostage.

You wrote your name on the dog tags

of my heart.

- I lost a father, but I gained a leather daddy.

Mustaches to ashes, dust to dust.

- If any here can think of any reason

why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony,

let them speak now or forever hold their peace.

(gun firing)

(gasping)

- Oh my God! (screaming)

- Consider this a divorce.

(gun firing)

- Welcome back, John.

Now let's finish this.

(gun firing) (yelling)

(gun firing)

(grunting) (explosion booms)

(gun firing)

(panting)

(groans)

- You son of a bitch!

You kidnapped me.

Twice!

- It's always a pleasure, darling,

but I've got business with your daddy.

(dramatic music)

(gun firing) (yelling)

- Goddamn Mantrix!

I'll go to the islands.

Islands are nice.

I like islands, right

Of course, they're much nicer with company.

Hey ladies!

What do you say we ditch this place,

head down South and get to know each other a little better?

- Wow!

That would have sounded great an hour ago.

But then she gave me a little prick.

- So she won't be needing yours.

And neither will you.

- Oh, come on.

I'm sure we can settle this like reasonable

and sexy adults!

(gun firing) (screaming)

(dramatic music) (guns firing)

- Mantrixx! - Daddy?

- You killed my father with a pitchfork!

Too bad you're not a young man any more!

(gun firing)

- Too bad I'm not a young girl anymore.

(gun firing)

(blower revving) (grunting)

- Daddy?

- Cheni!

- I missed you!

- I'm so sorry I shot at you the other day!

- I'm sorry I killed your boyfriends

and got sent away.

I guess can't solve all your problems with violence.

(grunting)

- I guess it's something to work on.

- It is.

(gun firing) (yelling)

- Nice shot.

- Thank you.

- Who taught you that?

- You did.

- Who's your daddy? - You are.

- But my fiance?

- Right?

- You can use violence.

- Count on it.

(machine whirring)

(steam whistling)

You need to get somewhere safe.

- I need to get even.

(intense music)

(gun firing)

(guns firing)

(grunting)

(yelling)

(grunting)

(pensive music)

(explosion booms)

(gun firing)

(guns firing)

(grunting)

- These chuckleheads did have one thing right.

Daddy's little girl makes a hell of a hostage.

(grunting)

Maybe I'll have Daddy capture

that pisspot little country for me.

Poor little Jenny.

- My name, is Cheni.

And I'm a daddy's girl.

(grunting)

And Daddy taught me how to kick ass!

(grunting)

- That's the stupidest combination I've ever seen.

(grunting)

You dirty little bitch.

Why the hell is that working?

- Because I'm a Mantrixx.

Bitch.

(mysterious music)

- It's the end of the line, doctor!

- Could it be, General Kerbey?

How wonderful!

It's been too long.

- You haven't aged a day.

- Science, is a beautiful thing.

- Hey!

Who is this guy?

- Quiet.

Can't you see adults are talking?

- You've let yourself go, doctor.

You used to work for superpowers.

Now you're slumming with a third world tinhorn.

- Hey, come on, man!

- Why work for superpowers

when you can build one?

Thousands of civilians under my control

are sailing to Val Verde on these all-male cruise ships!

In a moment, Mantrixx and Yakov will be back

under my control.

All the power I need to crush such a pitiful country!

- Hey!

You insulting Val Verde?

- When our conquest is complete,

disposing of this buffoon will be simple.

- Hey, you gonna betray me, man?

- With Val Verde as my own,

I will create an army of super soldiers,

and soon I will have a continent of my own!

- Hey, you know what, man?

You're also going to have your own bullet too, man.

- I wouldn't.

(explosion booms)

(howling)

Now, General, you can persuade Mantrixx to lower his guard.

- I have a better idea.

(gun firing)

- But, but how?

- Antidote.

Science is a beautiful thing.

(ominous music)

(dramatic music)

(grunting)

(groaning)

- Hello, darling.

(sighing)

(cheering)

(grunting)

- And we're back, ladies and gentlemen

to the Arms of Iron Tournament!

Representing the Soviet Union,

Yakov Jakemoff and in the red white and blue corner,

John Mantrixx, decorated war veteran!

From the look in their eyes,

this clearly isn't the first time these two

have met on the battlefield.

- What's the matter, KGB got you pushing

too many pencils?

- I must break you.

- This doesn't look good for Mantrixx,

Yakov has got the upper hand.

He's taking him behind the Iron Curtain

straight to the Siberian Gulag!

It all comes down to this, the final match.

Mano y mano.

Communism versus capitalism!

What's this?

He's changed his grip!

Folks, I haven't seen this since 1987!

This is over the top!

(crowd clapping)

- And Mantrixx wins!

What a hero!

- Okay, USA.

- Yakov, I clearly salute your good sportsmanship

and your willingness to move along the plot.

- Daddy?

- Cheni!

- Daddy?

Dad?

Help.

- Cheni!

Are you okay?

- Dad, this is a trap.

You have to go.

(laughing)

- I thought you didn't need the girl, Barrett?

- The classics never go out of style, John.

- That outfit was never in style.

- How quickly you forget the 80s.

- Listen to me.

We can settle this without killing each other.

- Daddy, at this point I'm about to kill the mother...

- So what do you say, Barrett?

- That sounds like some New Age bullshit to me, John.

I say we go.

(groaning)

Old school.

(laughing)

- What the fuck?

- The doctor said there'd be a price to pay.

Even if I only have a little time left,

it'll be worth it, to see you on your knees.

- So how do you want to finish this?

Queensbury rules?

Bangkok stick battle?

Or a Cincinnati pipe fight?

- I don't need your pipe, John.

- How the?

- Science is a beautiful thing.

- That's some weird science.

- Come on, John.

Come on, John.

Let's party.

(grunting)

Come on, John!

Come on, what's the matter, old man?

That all you got?

- Keep your claws to yourself!

(grunting)

(laughing)

(screaming)

- Oh, like old times.

(laughing)

- Hostages, combat drugs,

body armor, what's the matter with you, Barrett?

You afraid to fight me like a real man?

- Fair's fair, John.

Not everybody got the huge arms,

and the monstrous abs and the rippling delts

and the, the large pack, ooh,

where was I going with that?

Oh, right!

You got the muscles, but I evened it up.

You see, you didn't have the guts to be a killer!

In the unit, you should have been under me

the whole time, John.

- In your wildest wet dreams, Barrett.

- Oh, yeah.

(screaming)

- Oh, John.

Do you know what we call this?

Letting off steam!

(steam blowing) (screaming)

- Daddy!

- Remember when I said I was going to shoot you

between the balls, John?

- I thought you said between the eyes!

(grunting)

- Sorry Barrett, but I'm only laying pipe to you once.

(panting)

(groans)

Now who doesn't have the guts?

- You may have spilled my guts, John, but first,

you broke my heart.

- See you at the party, John.

And by party, I mean, hell.

(steam whistling)

(speaks in foreign language)

(pipe clattering)

(upbeat music)

- Nice work, soldier.

- Thank you, General.

- John, I--

- This better not be where you ask Daddy

to crank up his old unit again.

- She's right.

This really was the last time.

- Nothing official.

But there are several thousand drug-crazed civilians

about to step off their cruise ships

and start raising hell.

What do you say, John, to a Val Verde vacation?

- No chance.

(upbeat music)

(dramatic music)

(fauna chirping)

(branches rustling)

(gun firing)

If it bleeds we can kill it.

(yelling)

(dramatic music)