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1
00:00:05,266 --> 00:00:05,483
.
2
00:00:05,527 --> 00:00:08,225
- Okay.
Have fun tonight, sweetheart.
3
00:00:08,269 --> 00:00:10,358
Don't stay up too late.
Don't do drugs.
4
00:00:10,401 --> 00:00:13,056
And remember,
Slenderman's not real.
5
00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:14,797
When you thought you saw him
in the woods,
6
00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:17,234
that was just Jeff Goldblum
going for a walk.
7
00:00:17,278 --> 00:00:19,454
- I'll text you in the morning.
- Yeah.
8
00:00:19,497 --> 00:00:21,021
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
9
00:00:21,064 --> 00:00:23,066
Is this a co-ed sleepover?
10
00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:24,937
- I told you Sage and Latisse
were coming.
11
00:00:24,981 --> 00:00:26,504
- Since when are those
boy names?
12
00:00:26,548 --> 00:00:29,377
When I was growing up,
Neil was as crazy as it got.
13
00:00:29,420 --> 00:00:31,248
We used to have to spell it
on the phone all the time.
14
00:00:31,292 --> 00:00:32,597
Hey, kid, come here!
- Oh, my God!
15
00:00:32,641 --> 00:00:34,469
Are you gonna be weird
about this?
16
00:00:34,512 --> 00:00:36,340
It's a Model U.N. sleepover.
17
00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:39,256
- It's just--it's your first
co-ed sleepover.
18
00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:41,389
I feel like we should have had
a conversation about it.
19
00:00:41,432 --> 00:00:43,695
- We've had so many
conversations!
20
00:00:43,739 --> 00:00:47,047
- You know, Orly,
you also have eggs.
21
00:00:47,090 --> 00:00:49,179
But boys have magical worms.
22
00:00:49,223 --> 00:00:53,488
Also known as tumescence,
it slowly starts--
23
00:00:53,531 --> 00:00:56,056
See how those dogs are stuck?
24
00:00:56,099 --> 00:00:58,362
I take pride in my talks.
25
00:00:58,406 --> 00:01:00,712
- Sure, okay, I'm just saying
that just because
26
00:01:00,756 --> 00:01:02,540
there's gonna be boys
in the same house,
27
00:01:02,584 --> 00:01:04,629
doesn't mean we're gonna do
anything from that
28
00:01:04,673 --> 00:01:07,241
Israeli coloring book
that you got me.
29
00:01:07,284 --> 00:01:10,505
- Well, these are
your decisions to make.
30
00:01:10,548 --> 00:01:11,854
But when you do make them,
31
00:01:11,897 --> 00:01:14,378
I want it to be
with someone special,
32
00:01:14,422 --> 00:01:16,772
like it was with me
and your mom.
33
00:01:16,815 --> 00:01:20,254
Hearts before parts,
I always say.
34
00:01:20,297 --> 00:01:23,213
Nope, I just made that up,
but I stand by it.
35
00:01:23,257 --> 00:01:24,954
- Hearts, parts.
I got it.
36
00:01:24,997 --> 00:01:27,304
- Hearts, parts.
37
00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:30,307
[light music]
38
00:01:30,351 --> 00:01:31,874
Hey, kid.
- Huh?
39
00:01:31,917 --> 00:01:33,223
- I see you.
40
00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:36,183
[bright music]
41
00:01:36,226 --> 00:01:42,363
♪
42
00:01:44,626 --> 00:01:45,801
- It seems like
we're gonna be here late.
43
00:01:45,844 --> 00:01:46,845
Should we get dinner?
44
00:01:46,889 --> 00:01:48,369
- No, we gotta
keep our momentum.
45
00:01:48,412 --> 00:01:49,979
This budget's due Thursday.
46
00:01:50,022 --> 00:01:54,766
If you're peckish, I've got
a couple of hard-boiled eggs,
47
00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:58,379
and one of those
Tom's savory toothpastes.
48
00:01:58,422 --> 00:02:00,816
- Or, we could duck out
for din-din tonight?
49
00:02:00,859 --> 00:02:02,600
I hear it's dollar
chicken night at Porgy's.
50
00:02:02,644 --> 00:02:04,036
- That's too cheap, Jayden.
- We're not doing that.
51
00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:05,255
- I'm just saying, you know?
52
00:02:05,299 --> 00:02:06,778
Sometimes it's actually faster
to go out.
53
00:02:06,822 --> 00:02:08,302
And the food's hotter.
54
00:02:08,345 --> 00:02:11,392
And I get free dessert wings,
'cause it's my birthday.
55
00:02:11,435 --> 00:02:14,612
- Wait, this is what
you're doing for your birthday?
56
00:02:14,656 --> 00:02:18,529
- Yeah, but it's okay.
You know, I love my job.
57
00:02:18,573 --> 00:02:21,010
I don't need to go out.
I can turn 40 right here.
58
00:02:21,053 --> 00:02:23,230
Now, roll me a birthday egg.
59
00:02:23,273 --> 00:02:25,319
[cheerful music]
60
00:02:25,362 --> 00:02:27,190
♪
61
00:02:27,234 --> 00:02:29,105
- Okay, fine.
Let's go to Porgy's.
62
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:32,064
- Yes, I'm getting a Sprite!
[laughs]
63
00:02:32,108 --> 00:02:33,936
[cell phone chimes]
64
00:02:33,979 --> 00:02:35,024
- You think you're gonna be
65
00:02:35,067 --> 00:02:36,330
needing the car again tonight,
sir?
66
00:02:36,373 --> 00:02:39,202
- Nope--yeah, just a lot
of policy to read up on.
67
00:02:39,246 --> 00:02:40,464
Very dry.
68
00:02:40,508 --> 00:02:42,858
You go out there
and have fun for me, Dan.
69
00:02:42,901 --> 00:02:44,207
- Sounds good, sir.
70
00:02:44,251 --> 00:02:46,601
[line trilling]
71
00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:50,082
- Hey there, gorgeous.
You up?
72
00:02:50,126 --> 00:02:52,998
[upbeat rock music playing]
73
00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:55,305
♪
74
00:02:55,349 --> 00:02:56,567
- Okay, we did it, you're 40.
75
00:02:56,611 --> 00:02:58,700
Jayden, maybe you get that
to go?
76
00:02:58,743 --> 00:03:01,703
- [imitates air horn blaring]
What's up, Porgy's?
77
00:03:01,746 --> 00:03:05,359
It's Professor Jax coming
at you with all the facts!
78
00:03:05,402 --> 00:03:06,621
Everybody grab a partner,
79
00:03:06,664 --> 00:03:09,841
because bar trivia
starts right now!
80
00:03:09,885 --> 00:03:11,800
- This place does trivia?
I pick Arpi.
81
00:03:11,843 --> 00:03:13,323
- Good choice, Mr. Tomás.
82
00:03:13,367 --> 00:03:15,238
This brain is like
a "Hoarders" episode.
83
00:03:15,282 --> 00:03:17,458
Once something comes in,
it never goes out.
84
00:03:17,501 --> 00:03:19,242
The capital of Alaska
is Juneau.
85
00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:20,722
Cows have four stomachs.
86
00:03:20,765 --> 00:03:23,115
I was wearing a blue sweater
the day I saw a man drown.
87
00:03:23,159 --> 00:03:24,856
- And I was on
a TLC documentary
88
00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:26,162
about child geniuses.
89
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:27,250
It actually ended up being more
90
00:03:27,294 --> 00:03:28,338
about my dad's hidden
clown life,
91
00:03:28,382 --> 00:03:29,774
but still,
you two are going down.
92
00:03:29,818 --> 00:03:31,298
- Tonight's winning team
93
00:03:31,341 --> 00:03:33,996
gets this one
of my son's soccer trophies.
94
00:03:34,039 --> 00:03:35,258
[imitates air horn blaring]
95
00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:38,827
Which three presidents
died on July 4th?
96
00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:41,090
- Jefferson, Adams,
and Monroe!
97
00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:43,266
- Correct!
- What?
98
00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:44,702
You guys didn't grow up
with that placemat
99
00:03:44,746 --> 00:03:46,182
of the U.S. presidents
and how they died?
100
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:50,142
- Question two: how long did
the Vietnam War last?
101
00:03:50,186 --> 00:03:52,232
- That's a loaded question,
Jax.
102
00:03:52,275 --> 00:03:53,711
Conflicts in the region
predate--
103
00:03:53,755 --> 00:03:56,279
- 19 years!
- Correct!
104
00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:58,238
- Well, that's a narrow view.
105
00:03:58,281 --> 00:04:00,544
- Every boyfriend I've ever had
wanted to be the first guy
106
00:04:00,588 --> 00:04:02,416
to show me "Apocalypse Now."
107
00:04:02,459 --> 00:04:03,417
[laughs]
- Yeah!
108
00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:05,549
- These two robins--
109
00:04:05,593 --> 00:04:07,377
- Kermit's nephew
and Dick Grayson!
110
00:04:07,421 --> 00:04:10,119
- [laughs]
That is correct!
111
00:04:10,162 --> 00:04:12,295
This man's got his learning
on tonight, folks.
112
00:04:12,339 --> 00:04:13,557
- I liked "The Muppets."
113
00:04:13,601 --> 00:04:16,125
- Morning.
- How's tricks, Kwapis?
114
00:04:16,168 --> 00:04:17,561
- Tricks are bad, sir.
115
00:04:17,605 --> 00:04:19,737
There's a picture of you
trending on the Internet.
116
00:04:19,781 --> 00:04:22,349
- What?
Who took that?
117
00:04:22,392 --> 00:04:26,918
Oh, must've been the driver
from the car service I got her.
118
00:04:26,962 --> 00:04:29,356
That used to be
a noble profession, Jayden.
119
00:04:29,399 --> 00:04:31,532
- Obviously, I wanna hear
all the dirty deets.
120
00:04:31,575 --> 00:04:33,795
How French were the kisses?
Did you see her tummy?
121
00:04:33,838 --> 00:04:35,057
- Mmm.
122
00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:37,581
- Oops, somebody saw some tum!
[both laugh]
123
00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:39,322
But Mayor-wise,
this isn't great.
124
00:04:39,366 --> 00:04:42,238
- It's gross!
The whole tableau is gross!
125
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,153
- Look, guys,
126
00:04:44,196 --> 00:04:47,896
Nicole is a very nice
age-appropriate lady.
127
00:04:47,939 --> 00:04:49,332
- She's young enough
to be your daughter.
128
00:04:49,376 --> 00:04:50,594
- I'm rich, and it's L.A.
129
00:04:50,638 --> 00:04:53,031
And besides, we've known
each other for years.
130
00:04:53,075 --> 00:04:54,772
We actually met--
131
00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:56,426
I used to do this thing
where I'd walk
132
00:04:56,470 --> 00:04:58,472
into a Pilates studio
and I'd say,
133
00:04:58,515 --> 00:05:01,257
"Sorry, I thought this was
the Bentley dealership."
134
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,606
- Slick!
135
00:05:02,650 --> 00:05:04,478
- And I meet her in secret
136
00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:07,655
because I don't want Orly
to think that I'm--
137
00:05:07,698 --> 00:05:10,353
I don't know,
betraying her mom's memory.
138
00:05:10,397 --> 00:05:11,485
- Well, you're safe.
139
00:05:11,528 --> 00:05:13,313
I'm sure Orly never looks
at the Internet.
140
00:05:13,356 --> 00:05:15,358
[cell phone buzzes]
141
00:05:15,402 --> 00:05:17,447
- [sighs]
"Wow, Dad.
142
00:05:17,491 --> 00:05:19,493
Nice photo, hypocrite."
143
00:05:19,536 --> 00:05:21,016
- Who's it from?
144
00:05:24,019 --> 00:05:25,499
- I don't feel good about
145
00:05:25,542 --> 00:05:27,805
our trivia performance
last night, Mr. Tomás.
146
00:05:27,849 --> 00:05:30,504
- It was a fluke, a classic
"Slumdog Millionaire."
147
00:05:30,547 --> 00:05:32,157
Jayden only knew who Toscanini
was because of a picture
148
00:05:32,201 --> 00:05:33,681
on the wall at Buca di Beppo.
149
00:05:33,724 --> 00:05:35,596
- Hey guys, I was thinking,
let's split up the budget.
150
00:05:35,639 --> 00:05:36,814
Just do it by seniority.
151
00:05:36,858 --> 00:05:38,381
Everyone takes
a section to proof.
152
00:05:38,425 --> 00:05:39,817
I don't wanna
keep doing late nights.
153
00:05:39,861 --> 00:05:41,993
- Yeah, sure, sounds good.
- Great idea.
154
00:05:42,037 --> 00:05:43,647
- [laughs]
155
00:05:43,691 --> 00:05:46,607
And I know you two don't want
another night like last night.
156
00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:48,652
I bet it's driving you crazy
157
00:05:48,696 --> 00:05:50,437
that me and Jayden beat you.
- Jayden and I.
158
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:51,960
- 'Cause you think
you're smarter than us.
159
00:05:52,003 --> 00:05:53,744
- Only empirically.
- You gotta admit.
160
00:05:53,788 --> 00:05:55,180
You and Kwapis
got pretty lucky.
161
00:05:55,224 --> 00:05:56,617
- Lucky?
[scoffs]
162
00:05:56,660 --> 00:05:58,445
Mikaela Shaw doesn't get lucky.
163
00:05:58,488 --> 00:06:01,709
I got HPV from a pair
of vintage jeans.
164
00:06:01,752 --> 00:06:04,364
You guys think you're so smart?
Let's have a rematch.
165
00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:06,409
Porgy's, tonight.
166
00:06:06,453 --> 00:06:08,368
Or are you dollar chicken?
167
00:06:08,411 --> 00:06:09,978
[dramatic music]
168
00:06:10,021 --> 00:06:11,936
- Bock, bock.
169
00:06:13,938 --> 00:06:15,853
- Wait, was that a yes or a no?
170
00:06:15,897 --> 00:06:18,247
- See you on the ice.
- Porgy's again?
171
00:06:18,290 --> 00:06:19,988
My birthday wish came true!
172
00:06:23,252 --> 00:06:23,426
.
173
00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:25,907
[cell phone buzzing]
174
00:06:25,950 --> 00:06:27,952
[cheerful music]
175
00:06:27,996 --> 00:06:30,390
- Hey, sweetie.
I was just about--
176
00:06:30,433 --> 00:06:33,218
- I know you got my text.
It says "read," Dad.
177
00:06:33,262 --> 00:06:35,482
- Stupid phone!
- I'm just confused.
178
00:06:35,525 --> 00:06:38,006
I mean, yesterday,
you said that my decisions
179
00:06:38,049 --> 00:06:39,224
should always be with some--
180
00:06:39,268 --> 00:06:40,748
- Someone special.
And I meant that.
181
00:06:40,791 --> 00:06:42,837
- Oh, so that was
someone special?
182
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:45,230
The lady that you called
an Uber pool for?
183
00:06:45,274 --> 00:06:47,015
We share an account, Dad.
184
00:06:47,058 --> 00:06:49,060
- I hate these things!
185
00:06:49,104 --> 00:06:51,367
Look, when I said
that stuff to you,
186
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:54,892
I was--
I was thinking about Nicole.
187
00:06:54,936 --> 00:06:57,199
She's very special.
188
00:06:57,242 --> 00:06:59,331
- Oh, my gosh, Dad.
Really?
189
00:06:59,375 --> 00:07:02,813
- Yeah, she's my special lady.
190
00:07:02,857 --> 00:07:04,685
[gags]
191
00:07:04,728 --> 00:07:07,949
- If she's special to you,
then she's special to me.
192
00:07:07,992 --> 00:07:11,082
When can I meet her?
How about tonight?
193
00:07:11,126 --> 00:07:12,344
[laughs]
- Oh--I--yeah.
194
00:07:12,388 --> 00:07:14,521
No, I don't know
if tonight's possible.
195
00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:20,701
Yeah, Nicole is a busy
professional work woman, and--
196
00:07:20,744 --> 00:07:23,268
- Oh, actually, you know,
I can't tonight, either.
197
00:07:23,312 --> 00:07:26,097
Latisse invited me to his
lacrosse team's pool party.
198
00:07:26,141 --> 00:07:27,664
He goes to a magnet school
for kids
199
00:07:27,708 --> 00:07:29,623
who were emancipated
from their parents.
200
00:07:29,666 --> 00:07:32,277
- Actually, tonight's good.
I just remembered.
201
00:07:32,321 --> 00:07:36,543
You should meet Nicole tonight.
202
00:07:36,586 --> 00:07:40,024
Let's meet Nicole, all right?
[laughs]
203
00:07:40,068 --> 00:07:41,896
[laughter]
204
00:07:41,939 --> 00:07:44,551
[light tense music]
205
00:07:44,594 --> 00:07:47,075
♪
206
00:07:47,118 --> 00:07:48,859
- May the most
intelligent team win.
207
00:07:48,903 --> 00:07:51,035
Meritocracy!
208
00:07:51,079 --> 00:07:52,472
- Friendship!
Yay!
209
00:07:52,515 --> 00:07:54,909
- Tonight's prize
is a big one--
210
00:07:54,952 --> 00:07:56,998
a bassoon!
211
00:07:57,041 --> 00:07:59,348
Brand new, still in the case,
212
00:07:59,391 --> 00:08:01,785
guess how many times
my son played it?
213
00:08:01,829 --> 00:08:05,180
The correct answer is none!
214
00:08:05,223 --> 00:08:07,138
[imitates air horn blaring]
215
00:08:07,182 --> 00:08:10,054
The first question
is in world geography.
216
00:08:10,098 --> 00:08:12,013
This sub-equatorial country
217
00:08:12,056 --> 00:08:14,885
is home to the yellow-tailed
woolly monkey
218
00:08:14,929 --> 00:08:16,931
and one marmalade-loving bear--
219
00:08:16,974 --> 00:08:18,280
- Peru!
'Cause Paddington.
220
00:08:18,323 --> 00:08:21,109
- Correct!
- Yes!
221
00:08:21,152 --> 00:08:22,589
- Mimi Rogers, Nicole Kidman,
Katie Holmes,
222
00:08:22,632 --> 00:08:23,764
and Gorgolzop the Elder.
223
00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:25,200
- That's it!
224
00:08:25,243 --> 00:08:26,810
- The gum disease, gingivitis!
225
00:08:26,854 --> 00:08:28,246
- Correct again!
226
00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:30,379
- Dr. Arnold Henry Kegel!
- Nailed it!
227
00:08:30,422 --> 00:08:32,816
What is the capital of Alaska--
228
00:08:32,860 --> 00:08:34,209
- That'd be Juneau, Jax.
229
00:08:34,252 --> 00:08:36,298
- You didn't let me
finish the question.
230
00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:39,040
What is the capital
of Alaska's main export--
231
00:08:39,083 --> 00:08:43,131
- Natural gas.
- After natural gas?
232
00:08:43,174 --> 00:08:45,612
- Fishes?
- Bingo!
233
00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:47,309
[both laugh]
234
00:08:47,352 --> 00:08:49,790
- You need to relax and listen
to the whole question.
235
00:08:49,833 --> 00:08:53,837
- Oh, a man telling me
to relax and listen,
236
00:08:53,881 --> 00:08:55,143
that's some fresh lemonade.
237
00:08:55,186 --> 00:08:56,579
Also, saying,
"I knew that one,"
238
00:08:56,623 --> 00:08:58,929
after every question
is not helping our score.
239
00:08:58,973 --> 00:09:00,278
- Chocolate babies.
240
00:09:00,322 --> 00:09:01,671
- I knew that one.
- Okay.
241
00:09:01,715 --> 00:09:04,413
This partnership is over.
- Fine, forget it!
242
00:09:04,456 --> 00:09:05,936
I don't even need
another bassoon.
243
00:09:05,980 --> 00:09:07,285
- "King Lear"!
244
00:09:07,329 --> 00:09:08,330
It's what "Empire"
was based off.
245
00:09:08,373 --> 00:09:11,115
- Correct!
And we have a winner!
246
00:09:11,159 --> 00:09:13,291
- Yes!
- [screams]
247
00:09:13,335 --> 00:09:15,772
- Now come on up
and get your bassoon.
248
00:09:15,816 --> 00:09:18,645
- I am so glad
you could make it for dinner.
249
00:09:18,688 --> 00:09:21,212
Thank you, and thank you
for making it so last minute.
250
00:09:21,256 --> 00:09:22,649
- Oh, I'm into it.
251
00:09:22,692 --> 00:09:24,389
I usually just have gummy bears
for dinner
252
00:09:24,433 --> 00:09:25,826
on my way home from work.
253
00:09:25,869 --> 00:09:27,349
- Actually, you know,
254
00:09:27,392 --> 00:09:28,698
I thought that we could
have a quiet night tonight.
255
00:09:28,742 --> 00:09:30,047
- Oh.
256
00:09:30,091 --> 00:09:34,008
- I'm making my specialty--
turkey à la king!
257
00:09:34,051 --> 00:09:36,358
- Ooh!
Yum, yum, yum!
258
00:09:36,401 --> 00:09:38,578
- You must be Daddy's
special friend.
259
00:09:38,621 --> 00:09:39,622
- Oh, hi!
260
00:09:39,666 --> 00:09:42,190
- Nicole, this is
my daughter, Orly.
261
00:09:42,233 --> 00:09:43,365
She's joining us for dinner.
262
00:09:43,408 --> 00:09:45,628
- Oh, what a fun surprise.
263
00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:47,456
- Can I get you
a glass of wine?
264
00:09:47,499 --> 00:09:48,631
- Yeah.
265
00:09:48,675 --> 00:09:52,679
- I am so happy
that my dad found you.
266
00:09:52,722 --> 00:09:55,420
- Thank you, honey.
267
00:09:55,464 --> 00:09:57,858
[soft jazz music playing]
268
00:09:57,901 --> 00:10:00,556
Oh, wow, wow, wow!
269
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,645
I can't believe I'm meeting
your daughter, Neil.
270
00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:05,213
- All right.
Here, taste this.
271
00:10:05,256 --> 00:10:07,084
- Wait, does that
have meat in it?
272
00:10:07,128 --> 00:10:08,695
- It's turkey à la king.
273
00:10:08,738 --> 00:10:10,000
- Oh, well, I'm vegan.
274
00:10:10,044 --> 00:10:12,133
- It has the word turkey in it.
275
00:10:12,176 --> 00:10:15,223
- Dad, how could you not know
Nicole is vegan?
276
00:10:15,266 --> 00:10:17,660
- [laughs softly]
I guess I forgot.
277
00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:20,184
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry, Nicole.
278
00:10:20,228 --> 00:10:24,058
Is it--is it hot in here?
Let me take your jacket.
279
00:10:24,101 --> 00:10:27,235
- Oh, no!
Mm.
280
00:10:27,278 --> 00:10:30,020
- Ah, okay.
What else can I tell you?
281
00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:33,937
Well, Nicole runs
a Pilates studio.
282
00:10:33,981 --> 00:10:37,419
- Oh--oh, no, it was Pilates,
but we pivoted.
283
00:10:37,462 --> 00:10:40,640
Now we do fairy birthday
parties for adults.
284
00:10:40,683 --> 00:10:42,076
- Ah, okay.
285
00:10:42,119 --> 00:10:43,947
- Is it scary to be in love?
286
00:10:43,991 --> 00:10:45,732
- [chokes]
287
00:10:45,775 --> 00:10:46,776
[coughs]
288
00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:48,082
- Um, I see--
289
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:49,997
I told Orly that
290
00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:54,262
I think that you and I have
a nice connection.
291
00:10:54,305 --> 00:10:56,873
- Yeah, for sure.
For sure!
292
00:10:56,917 --> 00:10:59,615
- So, how long have you guys
known each other?
293
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,312
- Um, six years?
294
00:11:01,356 --> 00:11:03,445
- Mm-hmm.
- Six years?
295
00:11:03,488 --> 00:11:06,535
Wow, I can't believe
I haven't met you before.
296
00:11:06,578 --> 00:11:10,278
- Well,
Nicole lives in Tarzana.
297
00:11:10,321 --> 00:11:12,889
- Yeah, and your dad
lives here.
298
00:11:12,933 --> 00:11:15,152
Wait, do you live here?
299
00:11:15,196 --> 00:11:16,763
I remember your place
being nicer.
300
00:11:16,806 --> 00:11:20,984
- Ah, no, no.
I moved here because, you know,
301
00:11:21,028 --> 00:11:22,594
this is where the mayor lives.
302
00:11:22,638 --> 00:11:25,293
- Right.
You work for the mayor?
303
00:11:25,336 --> 00:11:27,948
- [laughing]
304
00:11:27,991 --> 00:11:30,080
[light music]
305
00:11:30,124 --> 00:11:32,517
- [laughs]
306
00:11:34,519 --> 00:11:34,868
.
307
00:11:34,911 --> 00:11:36,783
- Well, thank you for coming.
308
00:11:36,826 --> 00:11:38,828
I hope Orly didn't
come on too strong.
309
00:11:38,872 --> 00:11:40,874
- Oh, no, she's a doll.
310
00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:44,268
- I made this for you.
- Oh.
311
00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:45,966
Thank you, Orly.
312
00:11:46,009 --> 00:11:47,707
It's gonna go right
on the mini fridge.
313
00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:49,578
- Oh, look at that.
[chuckles]
314
00:11:49,621 --> 00:11:51,972
- Bye.
315
00:11:54,322 --> 00:11:57,281
- You should be
ashamed of yourself!
316
00:11:57,325 --> 00:11:58,630
- I should be ashamed?
317
00:11:58,674 --> 00:12:01,459
You have been slorshing
that lady for six years.
318
00:12:01,503 --> 00:12:04,201
- Well, is that a term,
or are you messing with me
319
00:12:04,245 --> 00:12:06,421
'cause you know
I'm gonna repeat it?
320
00:12:06,464 --> 00:12:09,685
Oh, all right, fine, Orly.
Yeah, you got me.
321
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:12,122
Nicole is parts before hearts.
322
00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:15,038
But now she thinks
this is a real relationship.
323
00:12:15,082 --> 00:12:17,475
I'm gonna have to somehow
find a way to dig myself
324
00:12:17,519 --> 00:12:20,043
out of this
without hurting her feelings.
325
00:12:20,087 --> 00:12:23,786
And she happens to be one of
the neatest ladies that I see.
326
00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:26,789
- Wait, there are other ladies
you see?
327
00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:28,878
Do you do this
every time I'm away?
328
00:12:28,922 --> 00:12:32,099
- No--what?
Hey, you want a new phone?
329
00:12:32,142 --> 00:12:33,187
- When I came back from camp,
330
00:12:33,230 --> 00:12:34,971
and the hot tub
was being cleaned?
331
00:12:35,015 --> 00:12:37,060
When the eighth-grade ski trip
ended early
332
00:12:37,104 --> 00:12:39,497
and I found all those
Diet Coke cans in the sauna?
333
00:12:39,541 --> 00:12:40,716
- Mm...
334
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,109
- When I had
my wisdom teeth removed,
335
00:12:42,152 --> 00:12:44,328
and I had that dream
about Cheryl Tiegs?
336
00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:47,331
- No, that was Cheryl Tiegs.
- Oh, my God!
337
00:12:47,375 --> 00:12:50,944
- All right, yes.
Yes, I sneak around, Orly,
338
00:12:50,987 --> 00:12:53,163
'cause none of these women
are good enough to meet you.
339
00:12:53,207 --> 00:12:55,252
- Well, then be sneakier,
because I don't wanna
340
00:12:55,296 --> 00:12:57,733
have to deal with this
grossness ever again!
341
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,083
- All right.
342
00:13:00,127 --> 00:13:01,824
- [sighs]
343
00:13:01,868 --> 00:13:04,261
I'm gonna ask you
one more question.
344
00:13:04,305 --> 00:13:08,048
You didn't buy me that too-big
Tinkerbell outfit, did you?
345
00:13:10,050 --> 00:13:13,880
You let me sleep in it
all summer!
346
00:13:13,923 --> 00:13:15,229
- Oh, you're mad?
347
00:13:15,272 --> 00:13:17,492
She's the one who got fired
from Disneyland
348
00:13:17,535 --> 00:13:19,059
for losing the costume!
349
00:13:19,102 --> 00:13:22,236
[shaky bassoon notes]
350
00:13:26,675 --> 00:13:30,244
- That was "Shallow" by Bradley
Cooper and Stefani Germanotta.
351
00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:32,637
I'm still learning,
but I'll pick it up quickly,
352
00:13:32,681 --> 00:13:34,378
'cause I'm kind of a genius.
353
00:13:34,422 --> 00:13:36,380
- Oh, you're about as funny
as a heart attack.
354
00:13:36,424 --> 00:13:38,382
- You're just jealous
'cause I beat you guys,
355
00:13:38,426 --> 00:13:40,167
despite having Jayden
on my team.
356
00:13:40,210 --> 00:13:41,821
- What do you mean, despite?
357
00:13:41,864 --> 00:13:44,258
You think I'm some
kinda idiot that can't--
358
00:13:45,302 --> 00:13:46,738
Intentional!
359
00:13:46,782 --> 00:13:48,653
- Jayden, I'm sorry,
but come on.
360
00:13:48,697 --> 00:13:50,264
You know I'm LeBron,
361
00:13:50,307 --> 00:13:53,006
and you're, like, the Laker
Vanessa Hudgens hooked up with.
362
00:13:53,049 --> 00:13:55,443
- I think you mean Kyle Kuzma.
You see?
363
00:13:55,486 --> 00:13:58,359
You think you were carrying me?
I was carrying you!
364
00:13:58,402 --> 00:14:00,143
I ran the board
on discontinued candies
365
00:14:00,187 --> 00:14:01,797
and "Playboy" in the '90s.
366
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,103
- Ooh, he's got a point.
367
00:14:03,146 --> 00:14:04,887
Maybe Jayden should
get the bassoon.
368
00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:06,236
- Hey, here's a question.
369
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,891
Who's not on my trivia team
anymore--Mikaela!
370
00:14:08,935 --> 00:14:10,023
- You didn't give me a chance
to answer.
371
00:14:10,066 --> 00:14:11,546
- Oh, I knew that one!
372
00:14:11,589 --> 00:14:13,940
- Okay, so maybe we settle this
definitively tonight!
373
00:14:13,983 --> 00:14:15,332
- Well, I'm free.
374
00:14:15,376 --> 00:14:16,812
I finished my section
of the budget.
375
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,379
- Me too.
- I did mine.
376
00:14:18,422 --> 00:14:19,815
Okay, it's on tonight.
377
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:23,819
Our friend Jax is at
Canter's Deli Two in Torrance.
378
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,386
It's every they for themself.
379
00:14:25,429 --> 00:14:28,258
[lively music]
380
00:14:28,302 --> 00:14:30,913
- Wow, wow, wow!
381
00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:33,698
Two days ago, I did not think I
would be visiting your office.
382
00:14:33,742 --> 00:14:36,571
- Please, sit down.
- Okay.
383
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:41,706
- [sighs]
So, Nicole.
384
00:14:41,750 --> 00:14:47,147
Boy, these last couple of days
have been very special.
385
00:14:47,190 --> 00:14:48,931
- Neil, please stop, stop!
386
00:14:48,975 --> 00:14:50,933
I can't see you anymore.
I'm so sorry.
387
00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:54,937
- Wait, uh, you can't see me?
388
00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:56,286
- Yeah, I mean, you're fun,
389
00:14:56,330 --> 00:14:58,419
but I don't think of us
as a serious match.
390
00:14:58,462 --> 00:15:00,682
You're in my phone
as "Short Neil."
391
00:15:00,725 --> 00:15:02,205
- You have a taller Neil?
392
00:15:02,249 --> 00:15:04,033
- I just think we're at
different places in our lives.
393
00:15:04,077 --> 00:15:06,644
Like, you're looking
for a stepmom for your kid,
394
00:15:06,688 --> 00:15:08,951
or a caregiver,
someone to drive at night.
395
00:15:08,995 --> 00:15:10,561
I am not that girl.
396
00:15:10,605 --> 00:15:14,739
I drink at night, and I need
to honor that part of myself.
397
00:15:14,783 --> 00:15:17,307
- [sighs]
Well, okay.
398
00:15:17,351 --> 00:15:21,137
Yeah, I respect your decision.
- Yeah, okay.
399
00:15:21,181 --> 00:15:22,878
- Yeah, but just for
the record, sit down for a sec.
400
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,793
- Oh, okay.
401
00:15:24,836 --> 00:15:27,143
- That's not what
I'm looking for.
402
00:15:27,187 --> 00:15:29,711
You know,
I enjoy a casual good time.
403
00:15:29,754 --> 00:15:30,973
Orly just caught me.
404
00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:33,410
- Look, I get it.
Your wife just died.
405
00:15:33,454 --> 00:15:34,542
- Well, eight years ago.
406
00:15:34,585 --> 00:15:36,805
- Oh, and you're still
just hooking up?
407
00:15:36,848 --> 00:15:39,764
You're, like, 60.
408
00:15:39,808 --> 00:15:42,506
- Yes.
What I'm trying to say is,
409
00:15:42,550 --> 00:15:45,248
I'm not looking for
a serious relationship either,
410
00:15:45,292 --> 00:15:47,859
because my priority is Orly.
411
00:15:47,903 --> 00:15:49,644
- Okay, but you do realize
412
00:15:49,687 --> 00:15:52,038
Orly's gonna go off to college
in, like, two years, right?
413
00:15:52,081 --> 00:15:53,430
- My God.
Don't say that.
414
00:15:53,474 --> 00:15:55,084
- Yeah, and you need
to make space for yourself,
415
00:15:55,128 --> 00:15:56,520
and your emotional needs.
416
00:15:56,564 --> 00:15:59,132
My friend Carly went
through this as a single mom.
417
00:15:59,175 --> 00:16:00,481
She wouldn't date for years,
418
00:16:00,524 --> 00:16:02,004
and then when Baller
went off to college,
419
00:16:02,048 --> 00:16:04,006
she was like,
"Now what, I'm 31."
420
00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:05,573
- Well, maybe
I should call Carly.
421
00:16:05,616 --> 00:16:07,009
- You do not wanna do that.
422
00:16:07,053 --> 00:16:08,402
Carly is married
to an MMA fighter now.
423
00:16:08,445 --> 00:16:09,533
He will kill you.
424
00:16:09,577 --> 00:16:12,319
But you might wanna
ask yourself,
425
00:16:12,362 --> 00:16:16,105
"Why am I so closed off to
the possibility of real love?"
426
00:16:16,149 --> 00:16:18,020
I mean, not with me,
because I'm too hot
427
00:16:18,064 --> 00:16:19,413
to be your wife
when your eyes go.
428
00:16:19,456 --> 00:16:23,112
It would be a waste.
But, you know, in general.
429
00:16:23,156 --> 00:16:28,030
- I guess maybe I use Orly
as an excuse.
430
00:16:28,074 --> 00:16:30,554
Because this is easy.
- [chuckles]
431
00:16:30,598 --> 00:16:33,383
- But dating at 72, ah!
432
00:16:33,427 --> 00:16:37,344
- Oh, my God, sweetie.
I'm proud of you!
433
00:16:37,387 --> 00:16:40,042
Also, personal record for me.
434
00:16:40,086 --> 00:16:43,219
- It's just maybe my ship
has sailed.
435
00:16:43,263 --> 00:16:45,830
- What, are you kidding?
You're a catch.
436
00:16:45,874 --> 00:16:48,746
You're sweet, you're rich.
You work for the mayor.
437
00:16:48,790 --> 00:16:50,052
- I am the mayor.
438
00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:53,577
- [laughs incredulously]
Okay.
439
00:16:53,621 --> 00:16:55,753
I'm just saying you might be
able to find someone
440
00:16:55,797 --> 00:16:58,060
really great,
if you open your heart to it.
441
00:16:58,104 --> 00:17:00,019
- Thank you, Nicole.
442
00:17:00,062 --> 00:17:02,238
And I--you know what,
I hope you--
443
00:17:02,282 --> 00:17:04,284
you find the right person too.
444
00:17:04,327 --> 00:17:06,329
- Oh, I don't do monogamy.
Big Capricorn energy.
445
00:17:06,373 --> 00:17:08,070
Also, my dad had
a secret family.
446
00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:09,941
Whatever, it's boring.
I gotta go.
447
00:17:09,985 --> 00:17:12,553
Bye.
- Bye.
448
00:17:18,776 --> 00:17:18,950
.
449
00:17:18,994 --> 00:17:21,910
[light music playing]
450
00:17:21,953 --> 00:17:24,869
♪
451
00:17:24,913 --> 00:17:27,176
- Here all alone?
[chuckles]
452
00:17:27,220 --> 00:17:28,656
Sad.
453
00:17:30,484 --> 00:17:33,313
- Welcome, welcome, quiz heads.
How's everybody doing tonight?
454
00:17:33,356 --> 00:17:34,444
- Get to the heat
of the meet, Jax.
455
00:17:34,488 --> 00:17:35,750
- Yeah, we're not here
for "Host Chat."
456
00:17:35,793 --> 00:17:37,230
- Sorry, Jax, they're idiots.
457
00:17:37,273 --> 00:17:38,840
- Yeah, that's Mikaela.
458
00:17:38,883 --> 00:17:42,061
I think she's on all the apps,
but nothing.
459
00:17:42,104 --> 00:17:44,759
- What did he say?
- Doctor Elephant is a she.
460
00:17:44,802 --> 00:17:46,326
- What is wrong
with you people?
461
00:17:46,369 --> 00:17:48,545
Two nights ago, you were
all sitting there together
462
00:17:48,589 --> 00:17:50,678
sharing a dollar chicken
like friends.
463
00:17:50,721 --> 00:17:52,549
- We're not friends,
we're coworkers.
464
00:17:52,593 --> 00:17:53,811
- And we did not share
that chicken.
465
00:17:53,855 --> 00:17:55,683
- It's true.
I ate the whole chicken.
466
00:17:55,726 --> 00:17:57,641
- Oh, now you're
at separate tables?
467
00:17:57,685 --> 00:18:00,383
I mean, what is more important,
468
00:18:00,427 --> 00:18:02,081
your work family,
469
00:18:02,124 --> 00:18:05,823
or this brand new
glow-in-the dark samurai sword
470
00:18:05,867 --> 00:18:08,130
that my son says
he's "too old" for,
471
00:18:08,174 --> 00:18:12,352
and if I were
"around more, I'd know that"?
472
00:18:12,395 --> 00:18:16,269
Anyway,
that's the prize tonight.
473
00:18:16,312 --> 00:18:18,227
First question!
474
00:18:18,271 --> 00:18:20,621
Believe it or not,
the city of Los Angeles
475
00:18:20,664 --> 00:18:23,754
spends $7.3 million every year
just on this,
476
00:18:23,798 --> 00:18:25,800
also known as "shoefitti"?
477
00:18:25,843 --> 00:18:27,758
- Cutting down sneakers
from electrical wires!
478
00:18:27,802 --> 00:18:29,369
- Correct!
- Yes!
479
00:18:29,412 --> 00:18:31,327
Street maintenance was in
my section of the budget proof.
480
00:18:31,371 --> 00:18:34,243
- What--no, shoefitti removal
was in my part.
481
00:18:34,287 --> 00:18:35,940
I proofed pages 1 through 120.
482
00:18:35,984 --> 00:18:37,768
We split it up by seniority,
483
00:18:37,812 --> 00:18:40,119
and Chief of Staff
is the highest.
484
00:18:40,162 --> 00:18:42,773
- Yeah, but I'm the
Chair of the Budget Committee,
485
00:18:42,817 --> 00:18:44,166
so I'm kinda, like, your king.
486
00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:47,082
- Are you two serious?
I proofed section one.
487
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,693
I've been at city hall longer
than all of you combined.
488
00:18:49,737 --> 00:18:52,043
- I thought I could go first
because it's my birthday!
489
00:18:52,087 --> 00:18:54,133
- Crap on a cracker.
- We didn't finish the budget!
490
00:18:54,176 --> 00:18:55,830
- We've got 400 pages
left to go!
491
00:18:55,873 --> 00:18:58,180
- It's due tomorrow!
492
00:18:58,224 --> 00:18:59,790
[energetic music]
493
00:18:59,834 --> 00:19:02,141
- [imitates air horn blaring]
Question two!
494
00:19:02,184 --> 00:19:05,187
Are my son and I
ever gonna be okay?
495
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:06,710
- He loves you.
496
00:19:06,754 --> 00:19:08,799
Just stop taking your feelings
about his mom out on him.
497
00:19:08,843 --> 00:19:11,324
Also, make a consistent
schedule and stick to it!
498
00:19:11,367 --> 00:19:13,500
[camera shutter clicking]
499
00:19:13,543 --> 00:19:15,937
- Oh, wait, wait.
Wait a second.
500
00:19:15,980 --> 00:19:17,243
Okay.
501
00:19:17,286 --> 00:19:19,854
- Oh, my God.
Why are you hugging Mom's urn?
502
00:19:19,897 --> 00:19:21,682
- So women know
I'm not divorced.
503
00:19:21,725 --> 00:19:23,379
- This just looks like
you murdered Mom,
504
00:19:23,423 --> 00:19:25,990
and are kind of bragging
that you got away with it.
505
00:19:26,034 --> 00:19:27,905
- Good note.
506
00:19:27,949 --> 00:19:31,126
Okay, so, should I show
a lot of teeth when I smile?
507
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:33,694
I'm kinda proud
of my gum health.
508
00:19:33,737 --> 00:19:36,175
- Dad, just be normal.
509
00:19:37,741 --> 00:19:40,048
- [laughs]
I don't know.
510
00:19:40,091 --> 00:19:41,223
- There he is!
511
00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:43,573
Okay, now where do we wanna
put this?
512
00:19:43,617 --> 00:19:45,096
You're the mayor,
so you need some privacy.
513
00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:47,055
- Well, I already signed up
for Postmates.
514
00:19:47,098 --> 00:19:51,581
- Dad, that's a food thing.
For restaurants.
515
00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:53,540
- So when I checked Cuban,
Asian,
516
00:19:53,583 --> 00:19:55,455
and New American,
that was all food?
517
00:19:55,498 --> 00:19:56,978
- Ew, what?
518
00:19:57,021 --> 00:19:59,894
Okay, let's try Graya.
It's like old people's Raya.
519
00:19:59,937 --> 00:20:02,244
Let's pick an appropriate
age range.
520
00:20:02,288 --> 00:20:03,680
55 to--
521
00:20:03,724 --> 00:20:05,334
- 35?
- 75.
522
00:20:05,378 --> 00:20:06,857
- [laughs]
God.
523
00:20:06,901 --> 00:20:10,687
All right, yes, yes.
Go ahead and hit send.
524
00:20:10,731 --> 00:20:13,647
- Save, but good job.
525
00:20:13,690 --> 00:20:16,084
I'm really proud of you.
526
00:20:16,127 --> 00:20:19,174
[doorbell rings]
It's probably Postmates.
527
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:21,263
We're gonna be eating
a lot of healthy Armenian
528
00:20:21,307 --> 00:20:22,830
the next couple of days.
529
00:20:22,873 --> 00:20:25,354
Ooh, that's a nice one.
530
00:20:25,398 --> 00:20:27,661
Hey, ho.
531
00:20:27,704 --> 00:20:29,271
- Here's your budget.
532
00:20:29,315 --> 00:20:30,925
Checked, re-checked,
533
00:20:30,968 --> 00:20:33,275
and then we got a little crazy
and checked it again.
534
00:20:33,319 --> 00:20:35,495
- But the important thing is,
we did it together,
535
00:20:35,538 --> 00:20:37,366
and we're all the smartest.
536
00:20:37,410 --> 00:20:40,021
And at midnight, we did
Bloody Mary in the mirror!
537
00:20:40,064 --> 00:20:42,806
- Only Jayden did that, sir,
and he soiled himself.
538
00:20:42,850 --> 00:20:45,592
- I got these
out of a lost and found.
539
00:20:45,635 --> 00:20:48,769
- Hey, Tommy.
Ooh!
540
00:20:48,812 --> 00:20:50,901
Do you usually
straighten your hair?
541
00:20:50,945 --> 00:20:53,252
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
542
00:20:53,295 --> 00:20:57,125
She poofed!
This is why I left London.
543
00:20:57,168 --> 00:20:59,127
[whimpers]
544
00:20:59,170 --> 00:21:01,825
- Anyway, great job, you guys.
Thank you very much.
545
00:21:01,869 --> 00:21:05,655
One tiny note.
546
00:21:05,699 --> 00:21:08,702
Cover page says "City Bulget."
547
00:21:08,745 --> 00:21:10,486
Tommy!
548
00:21:10,530 --> 00:21:12,923
- All right, back to work.
549
00:21:12,967 --> 00:21:15,839
Jayden, do your thing.
550
00:21:17,711 --> 00:21:19,365
- [sighs]
551
00:21:19,408 --> 00:21:23,238
[bassoon scales]
552
00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:25,284
- Good night, everybody!
- Good night!
38099
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