All language subtitles for Mr Sloane s01e05 Happy New Year, Mr Sloane 1.eng

I'm just saying,
we won the last World Cup,

we'll definitely win it again
this year. It's just basic maths.

I'm not sure technically it's maths.

The current squad is stronger
than the one we had in '66 and we smashed that!

I say Mexico's got our name on it.

Yeah. I'd put money on us
going all the way.

That says a lot, coming from the man
who bet on the sex of his own child! Yeah, fair point.

Who do you support, Robin?

Uh... I don't.
What are you asking her for?

Where she comes from, they pick up
the ball and run with it.

I mean, no of fence, love,
but the clue's in the name -

foot-ball!

Actually, in America, they call it
soccer, don't they, Robin?

Look at Sloaney,
suddenly the soccer expert!

The only dibbling he did
was when they brought the pies round at halftime!

That's not fair! I was all right.
I wasn't too bad.

No, he'd do fine.
We'd stick him in goal,

lie him on his back,
and nothing would get past him!

Oh, I always liked having Sloaney
in PE. Thank you, Beans.

I always knew there'd be someone
picked for the teams after me!

Even the girls got picked
before Sloaney.

Even the girls?! Wow.

Yeah, the only difference
between him and the girls, Sloaney had bigger knockers!

It's banter, isn't it? It's banter.

Here, Christ, would you look at that?

It's like two boxing gloves
wrapped in a blanket.

I would love a go on that,

if you'll pardon my French.
Was that French?

How would your fiancee
feel about that?

Well, she's welcome to join in.
I don't discriminate.

No-one could ever accuse you
of being discriminating, eh, Reggie? Well, that's true!

Time gentlemen, please!

It looks like we closed the pub.
See you all here on New Year's Eve!

You're coming, too, right, Robin?
We'll have to see about that.

No, bring her, Sloaney.
It usually takes four of us to carry you to your car!

Cheers, Sloaney!

Well, come on, what did you think?

Honestly? Yes, of course!

I think your friends are assholes.

Maybe we should try
slightly less honesty.

They're rude, immature, sexist.

They made no attempt to even
include me in the conversation.

Yes, they did!

Reggie asked if you'd pose
for Playboy for �?1,000.

Exactly! That's their general level
of discourse. They're grown men, they act like boys!

Come on, that is not true!

They are all responsible adults.

Yeah, I see what you mean(!)

Sorry!

? He gets up in the morning

? And he goes to work at nine

? And he comes back home at 5.30

? Gets the same train every time

? And he's oh, so healthy

? In his body and his mind

? He's a well-respected man
About town

? Doing the best things

? So conservatively ?

Are you mad because I don't like
your friends? No! Not at all.

You know, it's not just
how they talk about women. I don't like how they talk about you.

Me? Yeah.

You ever notice how
they're always insulting you under the guise of so-called humour?

It's just the way mates talk,
isn't it?

Always taking the piss
out of each other. Mm-hm.

How long have you known these guys?

All my life, really.

Give them back!

Come on, Sloaney, we can't play
Piggy in the Middle without a piggy.

Stop it, Ross, this isn't funny!

Give me back my trousers!
Not until you say, "I, Jeremy Sloane, am a big, fat fairy."

No, Reggie, I won't say it!

You'd better do what they say.

I saw some girls
playing skipping rope. They're gonna see you in your pants!

Beans, make them give me back
my trousers!

Sorry, Sloaney. Good luck.

Here piggy, piggy, piggy!

Stop it, I hate that noise!
Oink-oink! Oink-oink!

Oink-oink!

I'm a big, fat fairy! Are you happy?

You think you're so funny,
don't ya?

Jeremy?!

Hello, Nancy.

What happened to your trousers?

...yeah, I promise.
Hey, here comes the piggy!

It wasn't funny! I hate all of you!

No, don't say that.
We were just having a laugh.

Yeah, you can't hate us.
We're the only mates you got.

Here, Sloaney,
you can have my ice cream. I don't want your stupid ice cream!

Come on, it'll make you feel better.

That's my boy.

Here, you can have mine, as well.

? I should have known

? Years...

? ..ago ?

Frankly, I'm not sure
a night at the pub with your friends is how I want to ring in the '70s.

Especially since they all seem
to be stuck in the '50s.

Hey, that's not fair!

You've outgrown them, Jeremy.
You're smart, you're funny, you're full of potential,

but you act like
you're stuck in this rut.

Did it ever occur to you
that it's them holding you back? It's "they," not "them"!

You know,
you are talking about my friends.

From what I've seen of your friends,
I can't exactly say I'm crazy about them, either!

I'm not sure why you care, anyway.

It's not like you're my girlfriend,
is it?

You're taking me back to my place,
right?

Yeah. Where else?

? But I'm the one who's forgiving

? Admit that it's me that you need ?

Oh, my God!

Oh! Good morning, Mr Sloane!

Good morning, Mrs Wyndham.

It's nice to see Mrs Sloane's
back home.

Is her mother recovered?

How's that?

Mrs Sloane - she's back, yes?

Sorry, I couldn't hear you over the
sound of a cuckoo clock going off.

No, no, no, she's not back. No?

I'm sure I saw her pull up yesterday
in a motorcar

and walk up to the house.

No, no, Mrs Wyndham,

you did not see Mrs Sloane,
because...

...Mrs Sloane left me more than
a year ago to find herself,

whatever that means.

I keep telling myself
that someday she'll be back, but the truth, Mrs Wyndham,

is she will never be back, except
perhaps to finalise our divorce.

Shut up, Nigel! I am talking!

The person you saw at my house
yesterday was probably Robin,

a young lady I've been seeing.
Although, now,

I think that's probably over,
as well.

As for Mrs Sloane's mother,

that battle-axe has never been
sick a day in her life. I imagine she will outlive us all.

I have been lying about her mother
because it is far less embarrassing than the truth,

which is Mrs Sloane has left me.
Do you understand that, Mrs Wyndham?

Why, dear,

I've always known Mrs Sloane
left you!

Come again? I heard
the whole dreadful conversation through the wall.

I see. Then, why have you let me
continue this bloody charade?

I presumed it was very painful
for you,

and when you said
she was visiting her sick mother

I just played along.
I didn't want to hurt your feelings.

And besides,

I love charades!

I see. Well...

...good day to you.

Oh, Mr Sloane...
What are you doing New Year's Eve?

New Year's Eve? Yes.

You needn't be alone.

My sister's dropping in

and we're going to watch the
Hogmanay programme with Andy Stewart.

You're welcome to join us.

She's bringing over
a lovely bottle of sherry.

I will be spending New Year's Eve
in the pub with my friends, Mrs Wyndham,

and if Robin doesn't care
to join us,

she can bloody well stay at home

and play tiddlywinks,
for all I care!

'' But thank you.

Good boy, Nigel.

Second quarter ledger
on the Sexton account.

I will need the mid-year P&L
on my desk by Friday.

No problem. Hey, look,

there's a free concert in Hyde Park
this weekend.

Pink Floyd, Tyrannosaurus Rex,
Jethro Tull.

Why don't we all get together
this weekend and go?

This weekend? Yeah.

No! It...

It seems like a lot of bother.

You know what? All we ever do
is sit around complaining

how we've got to get out of this
crap town where nothing happens!

Meanwhile, London is on our doorstep

and we treat it like
it's another fucking planet!

Firstly, you lot talk about
leaving Watford, all right? I am perfectly happy here.

Secondly, I don't know any of those
pop bands that you just mentioned.

And thirdly, Janet will never
let me go, all right?

She's on about how
I never take her anywhere,

so I can hardly run off
to attend some blooming weekend orgy in Hyde Park with my mates, can I?

I'm gonna call the lads.

I'll get on those Sexton P&L
right away.

What about an orgy?

Ross wants me to attend
some debauchery in Hyde Park

with bloody Pink Jethro
and the Floyd somethings.

When you could be at home playing
Gilbert and Sullivan records?

How ridiculous!

Can I just see you in my office,
please, Jeremy?

Yeah. Yeah, certainly.

Excuse me.

It took a while to pin down,
as there wasn't one single error,

but it seems there's been numerous
shavings of nominal amounts -

two pounds here,
three pounds there -

though, when added together,
it adds up to �?580.

At first, I thought perhaps

Ross had transcribed your figures
incorrectly.

When I went back to the originals,

they matched perfectly.

I just...

I just don't understand it.

Well, I was hoping and assuming

that it was simply
a persistent clerical error,

but it seems that your accounts
come up exactly �?580 short.

Now, that strikes me
as more than just a coincidence.

Indeed.

Is there anything
you want to tell me, Jeremy, that could explain all this?

I'm sorry, sir,

I can't account for it.

Then, believe me when I say
this breaks my heart.

I had such big plans for you,
Jeremy.

I'm going to treat this
as if my own son

has made an unfortunate
lapse in judgment.

I'm going to make up the �?580
out of my own pocket

and I will not tell anyone
why you've had to leave the company.

On that, you have my word.

You'll have to repay the full amount
but you can take as long as you need.

Obviously, I won't be writing you
a letter of recommendation

and you may not use me
as a reference.

I won't lie for you
to potential employers.

I think it's pretty safe to say

that your days as an accountant
are effectively over.

'I hope that whatever circumstances
have brought you to this unfortunate place

'get sorted out quickly,
both for your sake

'and for the sake of your wife,
Janet.'

Beans can't come out this weekend
because it's his mum's birthday,

and Reggie's out on Saturday night
with some new bird he's...

Sloaney, are you all right, mate?

What's happened?

I feel quite unwell. I'm going home.

Has something happened
in Saunders' office?

I-I just...

I am going home.

I'll see you later.

If there's anything I can do, mate,

just let me know!

You look like you just lost
your best friend.

Worse, I think.

Oh.

What, bad news from the doctor? No.

Loved one ill? No, no.

Well, then, it doesn't much matter.

No. No, this matters.

What, lost your job?

Yeah.

Accounting, is it?

Yeah. How did you know that?

Well, just look at you, mate!

I mean...
..what else would you be now?

So, erm,

what happened?
Well, it seems I made an error.

We all make mistakes. No, not me.

Not when it comes to numbers.
That's the one thing I do right.

Don't you worry about it.

Take me - I used to work in banking.

I walked away from it 15 years ago,

and look at me!

Right.

No, you're missing the point, mate.
You see, I'm happy.

You're happy, or exceedingly drunk?

Being drunk makes me happy!

Well, that works out fine, then!

Your wife will help you through this.

I just...
I don't know what to say to her.

Well, is she a good woman?

Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I suppose she is, yes.

Well, then, buck up, mate!

She'll be there for you.

That's why you married her.

Are you married?

How do you think I got this way?!

What's going on?

Why are you at home?

Why have you got your suitcases?
Where are you going?

I've left you a note
explaining everything.

A note?!

I know you're going to find this
difficult, Jeremy,

and it hasn't been easy for me,
either, but I'm leaving.

Leaving?

As in, popping out
to get a pint of milk or...

...or as in leaving me?

You, Jeremy, I'm leaving you.

What are you talking about?

After eight years of marriage,
without a bloody word?

I've said so many words.

They just seem to fall on deaf ears.

I thought the taxi outside
meant they were...

...finally taking Mrs Wyndham
to the loony bin!

I don't understand. This...

This doesn't add up.
That's right, Jeremy.

Life isn't a ledger where everything
adds up in a nice, neat column.

Not everything can be solved like a
maths problem or a crossword puzzle.

Not all couples have a baby on
a timetable, or check their diaries before making love.

Where will you go?

I'll be at my mother's until
I can sort out what happens next.

Please understand,
I've given this a lot of thought.

My life has got to be about
more than just shopping and cleaning and doing the wash,

and getting your supper on the table
every night at exactly six o'clock

and then staying at home
while you run off to the pub,

or watching you fall asleep
in front of the telly.

I'm not saying
this has to be permanent,

but I need to take a little time off
so I can...

So you can what?

Find myself.

What does that mean? It just means
that if I don't do this now,

I'm simply going to die
of loneliness.

Sorry, Jeremy. I have to go.

Janet, forgive me!

I didn't know you were this unhappy.
I can change.

I've put tonight's supper
in the fridge

and I've been shopping,

so you'll have enough food
for the next few days.

Please look after yourself, Jeremy.

I haven't forgotten what we once had
and maybe I'll be back.

When you've found yourself? Yes.

Goodbye, Jeremy.

Is there another man, Janet?

No, Jeremy, this has nothing to do
with monotony.

Monotony?

I said monogamy, didn't I?
No, I don't think so.

Oh, well, I can assure you
our marriage remains monotonous.

You just did it again. What?

You said that our marriage
remains monotonous.

No, I didn't. Did I?

Goodbye, Jeremy.

I lost my job today.

What?

Nothing. I-It doesn't matter.

Thanks for filling in
at the last minute, Mr Sloane.

My last helper took a job
at the sewage works.

Can't blame him
for wanting to better himself,

but he gave me no notice.

Now, do you remember
the Mr Piggy wave I showed you?

Yeah.

Excellent, Mr Sloane!

I think you were born to do this.

Good luck. Thanks.

Hey, Mr Pig.
What you got there? Sausages?

What did they do, chop up your mum?

What's that, brown sauce?

Nah, it looks like pig poo!

I'd like one, please.

No, one of those!

I don't want these.

Hey, pig man.
Look, I've got your willy!

Here piggy, piggy, piggy, piggy.

Hey, Mr Pig!

Oink, oink. Oink.

Hey, piggy, we're gonna teach you
a lesson. Oink!

Oink! Oink!

Love to stay and chat, Mr Pig,
but you've run out of food,

so we'll come back some other time.

Enjoy your pig poo.

Oi!

That's my son!

Get out here, you bloody todger!

Hello, Mr Sloane!

Agh!

Perfect! Bloody perfect.

"With 1970 only hours away",

"London's New Year's revellers
have already begun to gather"

"in Trafalgar Square,
Leicester Square, Piccadilly Circus and other public gathering places..."

"..in order to ring in
not only the New Year..."

Jesus Christ, Mrs Wyndham, now what?
"Numbers are expected to exceed last year's..."

Hello, Jeremy.

Janet.

? So tired

? Tired of waiting

? Tired of waiting for you

? I was a lonely soul

? I had nobody till I met you

? But you keep me a-waiting

? All of the time

? What can I do? ?

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