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1
00:00:01,210 --> 00:00:04,213
[Sleigh Ride playing
on car radio]
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00:00:04,213 --> 00:00:12,221
♪ ♪
3
00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:16,391
(Trudie)
I'M NOT CRAZY.
4
00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:20,020
I'M A LONG WAY FROM CRAZY.
5
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:24,274
DOING ONE CRAZY THING
DOES NOT MAKE A PERSON CRAZY.
6
00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:25,817
THOUGH I HAVE TO ADMIT
THIS ISN'T HOW I EXPECTED
7
00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:28,195
TO BE SPENDING MY CHRISTMAS.
8
00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:30,197
AND I'M SURE IT'S NOT HOW
DAVID MARTIN PLANNED
9
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:31,698
ON SPENDING HIS.
10
00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:35,035
SO...YOU'VE BEEN WALKING
FOR WHAT, ABOUT AN HOUR?
11
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,246
AND YOU'VE GONE EXACTLY
12
00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:39,414
1.8 MILES.
13
00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:41,959
THE NEAREST GAS STATION
IS 20 MILES AWAY.
14
00:00:41,959 --> 00:00:43,126
YOU DO THE MATH.
15
00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:46,838
LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU JUSTCOME BACK TO THE HOUSE?
16
00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:48,924
WE'LL MAKE SOME
HOT CHOCOLATE, OKAY?
17
00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:59,268
♪ OUR CHEEKS
ARE NICE AND ROSY ♪
18
00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:01,019
ARE YOU OKAY?
19
00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:03,897
NOTHING SMART TO SAY?
20
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:05,315
IS YOUR FACE FROZEN?
21
00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:08,193
YOU...
22
00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:10,654
ARE...
23
00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:13,490
THE DEVIL.
24
00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:14,783
♪ IT'S LOVELY WEATHER ♪
25
00:01:14,783 --> 00:01:18,203
♪ FOR A SLEIGH RIDE TOGETHER
WITH YOU ♪
26
00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:25,460
♪ DING A LING‐A‐LING
DING DONG DING ♪ ♪
27
00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:28,463
[alarm beeping]
28
00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:33,176
[silences alarm]
29
00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:37,723
THE DAY STARTED OUT
LIKE EVERY OTHER DAY.
30
00:01:37,723 --> 00:01:42,394
WHICH LATELY IS NOT
NECESSARILY A GOOD THING.
31
00:01:42,394 --> 00:01:45,022
♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪
32
00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:46,815
♪ SEEMS LIKE EVERYWHERE
YOU GO ♪
33
00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:49,192
♪ PEOPLE SEARCHING FOR
AN EXPLANATION ♪
34
00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:51,778
♪ NEED A REASON,
NEED A PLAN ♪
35
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,989
♪ ALWAYS HAVE TO KNOW
THE DESTINATION ♪
36
00:01:53,989 --> 00:01:55,991
♪ ONE THING I KNOW
FOR SURE ♪
37
00:01:55,991 --> 00:01:59,077
♪ GOTTA MAKE THE MOST
OF THE SITUATION ♪
38
00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:00,704
♪ SETTLE DOWN
AND TAKE IT SLOW ♪
39
00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:03,999
♪ 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T CONTROL
WHERE THE FLOW IS GOING ♪
40
00:02:03,999 --> 00:02:06,043
♪ YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE
WHAT THEY SAY ♪
41
00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:08,045
♪ LIFE'S NOT EASY ♪
42
00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:12,633
♪ THE ONLY THING YOU CAN DO
IS CRAZY... ♪
43
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:15,761
[cell phone rings]
44
00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:17,012
♪ AND REACH UP
TO THE SKY ♪
45
00:02:17,012 --> 00:02:19,931
♪ BELIEVE YOU'VE GOT
SOMETHING SPECIAL ♪
46
00:02:19,931 --> 00:02:22,351
♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪
47
00:02:22,351 --> 00:02:24,519
♪ THERE'S NO MOUNTAIN
YOU CAN'T CLIMB ♪
48
00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:25,771
OH, CRAP!
49
00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:27,356
TRUDIE, THAT WORD IS
SO TACKY.
50
00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:28,398
(Trudie)HI, MOM.
51
00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:29,566
HI, HONEY.
52
00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:30,609
WE'RE JUST GETTING
ORGANIZED HERE.
53
00:02:30,609 --> 00:02:31,943
WE HAD TO BRING
EVERYTHING.
54
00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:33,028
YOU NEVER KNOW
WITH A RENTAL.
55
00:02:33,028 --> 00:02:34,863
SO YOU HAVE DIRECTIONSAND EVERYTHING?
56
00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:36,490
I DO.
57
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:38,075
I'M GOING TO BE DOING SEATING
ARRANGEMENTS FOR DINNER.
58
00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:40,077
SO I JUST WANTEDTO MAKE SURE
59
00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:42,162
THAT NICK IS STILL
COMING WITH YOU.
60
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:44,081
OF COURSE HE IS.
61
00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:46,208
COCKTAILS AT 6:00 SHARP.
62
00:02:46,208 --> 00:02:48,710
I KNOW, MOM.
63
00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:50,212
[muted ring]
64
00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:52,339
WE ARE SO EXCITEDTO MEET HIM, HONEY.
65
00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:54,174
IT'S GOING TO BEA VERY SPECIAL CHRISTMAS.
66
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,258
YOU THINK
HE COULD BE THE ONE?
67
00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:57,302
I DON'T KNOW, MOM.
68
00:02:57,302 --> 00:02:59,054
OH.
69
00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:01,515
YEAH, MAYBE HE COULD.
70
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:02,808
LOOK, I DON'T HAVE TIME
TO TALK ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW.
71
00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:04,267
I GOTTA GET READY
FOR THE INTERVIEW.
72
00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:05,852
OH, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
73
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:07,187
WEAR YOUR CHRISTMAS DRESS.
74
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,980
IT'S A GREAT COLOR ON YOU,
75
00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:11,108
AND THE STYLE REALLY
SLIMS YOUR HIPS.
76
00:03:11,108 --> 00:03:13,985
MOM, NO,
I'M ALREADY DRESSED!
77
00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:15,404
AND PLEASE, FOR CHRISTMAS
THIS YEAR,
78
00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:16,988
NO MORE PINK SWEATERS,
PLEASE!
79
00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:18,990
HONEY, PINK IS THE BEST
COLOR ON YOU
80
00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:20,367
WITH YOUR BLUE EYES AND‐‐
81
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,160
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
IF IT FITS ANYMORE.
82
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:23,453
I AM TELLING YOU YOU HAVETO DRESS FOR THE JOB...
83
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:26,248
OKAY...OKAY...OKAY!
84
00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:27,582
HERE, HONEY,TALK TO YOUR DAD.
85
00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:28,792
NO, NO, NO, I DON'T
HAVE TIME TO TALK TO‐‐
86
00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:30,168
(Dad)HEY, HEY!
HI, DAD.
87
00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:32,003
LISTEN, YOU TOLD MR. PORTNOY
88
00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:34,131
THAT I DON'T HAVE ANYSALES EXPERIENCE, RIGHT?
89
00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:35,132
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
YOU SOLD HIM LEMONADE.
90
00:03:35,132 --> 00:03:37,467
I SOLD HIM LEMONADE
WHEN I WAS TEN,
91
00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:38,885
WHEN HE CALLED ME
"LITTLE POOTIE."
92
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:41,596
LISTEN, NEVER TAKE NOFOR AN ANSWER.
93
00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:43,557
AND DO NOT LEAVE THAT ROOM
UNTIL THE JOB IS YOURS, OKAY?
94
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:46,101
OKAY, WELL, WHAT DID YOU
TELL HIM I'VE BEEN DOING?
95
00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:47,144
WELL, I DIDN'T.
96
00:03:47,144 --> 00:03:48,603
I JUST SAID
YOU'RE A LATE BLOOMER,
97
00:03:48,603 --> 00:03:50,522
BUT THAT YOU'RE READY
TO GET YOUR LIFE TOGETHER.
98
00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:52,399
SO YOU MAKE ME PROUD.I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU.
99
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:53,608
LOVE YA, MWAH!
OKAY.
100
00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:54,901
DRIVE SAFE, OKAY?
BYE.
101
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,820
LOVE YOU.
102
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:58,155
I CAN FEEL IT, HONEY.
103
00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:00,240
I THINK THINGS ARE TURNING
AROUND FOR YOU.
104
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,951
OKAY.
BYE, MOM.
105
00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:04,953
OH, HONEY, HONEY, BE SURE TO DO
SOMETHING WITH YOUR HAIR.
106
00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:07,164
OH, MY GOD.
107
00:04:07,164 --> 00:04:09,624
OH, NO!
108
00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:11,001
THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!
109
00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:12,252
[screams]
110
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:15,088
(Trudie)
YEP, THE DAY STARTED OUT
LIKE ANY OTHER.
111
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,299
EXCEPT IT WAS
ALMOST CHRISTMAS.
112
00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:20,135
AND THE CONSTANT PRESSURE
FROM MY PARENTS
113
00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:22,637
TO GET A REAL JOB
AND A SERIOUS BOYFRIEND
114
00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,139
WAS TAKING ITS TOLL.
115
00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:26,057
IT WAS ENOUGH TO DRIVE
ANYONE NUTS.
116
00:04:26,057 --> 00:04:29,728
BUT AREN'T MOST OF US JUST
A HAIR AWAY FROM CRAZY ANYWAY?
117
00:04:29,728 --> 00:04:32,022
I THINK DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN SANITY AND INSANITY
118
00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:34,441
OFTEN COMES DOWN TO TIMING.
119
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:35,984
[tires squeal]
120
00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:37,778
[glass shatters]
121
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:38,862
OH!
122
00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:40,864
YOU BITCH!
123
00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,240
[horn honks]
124
00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:50,373
[elevator pings]
125
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,547
HI, TRUDIE CHANDLER.
I HAVE A‐‐
YOU'RE LATE.
126
00:04:57,547 --> 00:04:59,925
I KNOW, I'M SORRY.
HE CAN'T SEE YOU NOW.
127
00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:01,718
OH, NO, NO, I KNOW
I'M A LITTLE LATE,
128
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,178
BUT YOU DON'T
UNDERSTAND.
129
00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:04,721
YOU SEE, MY PARENTS
AND MR. PORTNOY ARE NEIGHBORS.
130
00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:06,181
SO MY DAD SET
THIS APPOINTMENT,
131
00:05:06,181 --> 00:05:08,141
SO IT'S VERY IMPORTANT
THAT I SEE HIM.
132
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,519
IF IT WAS SO IMPORTANT,
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN ON TIME.
133
00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:12,813
HE'S IN WITH HIS
NEXT INTERVIEW.
134
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:14,397
NO.
135
00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:15,440
NO, HE CAN'T BE.
136
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,734
NO, I CAN'T MISS
THIS INTERVIEW.
137
00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:23,406
DON'T EVEN
THINK ABOUT IT.
138
00:05:28,453 --> 00:05:31,039
MR. PORTNOY, IT'S ME!
LITTLE POOTIE!
139
00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:33,083
FROM THE CORNER!
COME ON!
140
00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:34,334
COME ON, YOU KNOW
I CAN SELL.
141
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,336
I MADE MORE MONEY
142
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,587
THAN ANY OF THOSE OTHER GIRLS
ON THE STREET!
143
00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:39,923
WE HAVE A CODE RED UP HERE.
144
00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:43,635
[grunting]
145
00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:47,055
BUT THINGS ARE FINALLY
TURNING AROUND FOR ME.
146
00:05:57,983 --> 00:05:59,317
OH!
HOW'D IT GO?
147
00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:01,862
I'M PRETTY SURE
I DIDN'T GET IT.
148
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,280
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
149
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,407
I DON'T PAY YOU TO CHITCHAT
WITH YOUR FRIEND, OKAY?
150
00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:06,658
GET TO WORK OR YOU'LL BE
OUT IN THE GUTTER.
151
00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,118
SHUT UP, TAJ.
152
00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:10,287
YOU'RE GONNA FIRE ME
LIKE I'M GONNA SLEEP WITH YOU.
153
00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:12,664
HE WOULD NOT KEEP HIS
GREAT‐GRANDFATHER'S GUN HERE
154
00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:16,585
IF HE KNEW HOW CLOSE I COME
TO KILLING HIM EVERY DAY.
155
00:06:16,585 --> 00:06:19,379
OH, MY GOD.
UGH, I LEFT IT IN TOO LONG.
156
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,840
MY MOM'S ALWAYS COMPLAINING
THAT MY HAIR HANGS IN MY FACE.
157
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:24,593
OH, MY GOD.
158
00:06:24,593 --> 00:06:27,637
IT'S MY CHRISTMAS DRESS.
MY MOM GOT IT FOR ME.
159
00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:30,056
TAJ IS REALLY INTO
CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR.
160
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:31,600
BUT HE'S HINDU.
161
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,143
PSSH.
162
00:06:33,143 --> 00:06:36,187
HOW DO I LOOK?
163
00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:38,398
OH, SWEETIE.
164
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:41,818
OH, LUCY, I COMPLETELY
BLEW THE INTERVIEW.
165
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:42,944
I CAN'T BELIEVE
I HAVE TO GO HOME TODAY.
166
00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:44,404
THERE'S GONNA BE
NOWHERE TO HIDE.
167
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,406
I MEAN, MY MOM WANTED THIS
TO BE A SPECIAL CHRISTMAS,
168
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,825
SO SHE RENTED A CABIN
IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.
169
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:51,077
WE'RE GONNA BE TRAPPED
LIKE THE SHINING.
170
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:53,079
I'M SORRY.
171
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,623
I'D OFFER TO COME
WITH YOU,
172
00:06:54,623 --> 00:06:56,041
BUT STEVE AND I ARE
HAVING OUR FIRST
173
00:06:56,041 --> 00:06:57,542
CHRISTMAS ALONE TOGETHER.
174
00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:58,793
THAT'S OKAY.
175
00:06:58,793 --> 00:06:59,794
I STILL HAVE ONE MORE
CHANCE FOR SURVIVAL.
176
00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:01,004
NICK'S COMING WITH ME.
177
00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:02,464
TABLE TWO WANTS THEIR CHECK.
TABLE TWO.
178
00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:03,673
WHAT?
179
00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,258
THAT'S A LITTLE FAST,
ISN'T IT?
180
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,676
NO, IT'S BEEN
A COUPLE OF MONTHS.
181
00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:08,345
BESIDES, I HAVE NOTHING
TO OFFER THESE PEOPLE.
182
00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:10,096
NO HUSBAND.
NO GRANDCHILDREN.
183
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:11,514
MY DAD ALREADY THINKS
I'M A LESBIAN.
184
00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:13,683
SO YOU'RE USING NICK TO GET
YOUR PARENTS OFF YOUR BACK.
185
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:15,143
YES‐‐NO!
186
00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:16,519
HE'S JUST GREAT
AT FIRST IMPRESSIONS.
187
00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:18,313
MY PARENTS ARE GONNA
LOVE HIM.
188
00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:20,148
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE
AGAINST HIM ANYWAY.
189
00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:22,067
I GUESS ELITIST JACKASSES
AREN'T MY TYPE.
190
00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:23,485
THEY'RE NOT YOURS EITHER.
191
00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:25,070
LOOK, SO HIS FAMILY
OWNS BANKS.
192
00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:26,988
WHAT'S WRONG WITH WEALTHY
AND SUCCESSFUL FOR A CHANGE?
193
00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:28,948
IT'S EASY TO BE WEALTHY
AND SUCCESSFUL
194
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:31,117
IF YOU'RE BORN INTO WEALTH
AND HANDED SUCCESS.
195
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:32,494
WELL, HE'S COMING
TO PICK ME UP AT 2:00,
196
00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:33,828
SO CAN YOU PLEASE
TRY TO CONTROL
197
00:07:33,828 --> 00:07:35,163
THE CHRONIC BITCH‐ITIS,
PLEASE?
198
00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:38,583
CHECK, CHECK, CHECK.
TABLE TWO, CHECK, HURRY UP!
199
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:44,047
I SAID I WANTED
HOT FUDGE, YOU CHOWDERHEAD.
200
00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:45,965
NICE.
201
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:48,176
(Nick)
EXCUSE ME.
202
00:07:52,013 --> 00:07:53,973
WHEN ARE YOU GONNA QUIT
THIS HEINOUS JOB?
203
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:55,308
OH, YOU'RE HERE, YES!
204
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:59,187
OH, MY GOD.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
205
00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:01,064
BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
I WAS TRYING
206
00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:02,273
NOT TO ATTRACT ATTENTION
FROM MY PARENTS.
207
00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:04,609
YEAH, ABOUT THAT.
208
00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:05,652
I THINK I'M GONNA PASS
209
00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:07,195
ON THE WHOLE HOLIDAY
SONG AND DANCE.
210
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:08,196
WHAT IS THAT
SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
211
00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:09,989
WELL, JUST MEETING
YOUR PARENTS
212
00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:11,157
IS A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL,
213
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,075
AND I DON'T THINK
WE'RE THERE YET.
214
00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:14,244
OH, UH‐HUH,
OKAY, OKAY, UH‐HUH.
215
00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:15,829
WELL, DO YOU THINK
THAT MAYBE
216
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:18,039
IN LIKE THE NEXT TEN MINUTES
WE COULD GET TO THAT LEVEL?
217
00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:18,998
BECAUSE MY PARENTS
ARE EXPECTING YOU
218
00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:20,458
TO COME HOME WITH ME.
219
00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:22,335
I DON'T THINK WE'RE EVER
GONNA GET THERE, SWEETHEART.
220
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:25,255
YOU CAN'T BAIL
ON ME NOW, NICK.
221
00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:28,591
I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
COCKTAILS ARE AT 6:00 SHARP!
222
00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:29,801
I NEED YOU.
223
00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:32,470
YEAH, THE NEEDY THING?
NOT A TURN ON.
224
00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:34,389
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
225
00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:35,849
THIS IS‐‐THIS IS
NOT HAPPENING!
226
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,100
WHY DID YOU TELL ME
227
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,309
YOU WERE GONNA COME HOME
WITH ME FOR CHRISTMAS
228
00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:39,644
IF YOU WERE NEVER
GONNA DO IT?
229
00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:42,981
BECAUSE I KNEW THAT THAT'S
WHAT YOU WANTED TO HEAR.
230
00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:47,152
YOU KNOW, AND WE HADN'T
HAD SEX YET, SO...
231
00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:49,529
HEH.
YEAH, SEE YOU LATER.
232
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:52,657
WAIT!
233
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:54,242
IF YOU WALK OUT
THAT DOOR NOW,
234
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:57,454
WE ARE SO OVER.
235
00:08:57,454 --> 00:09:00,623
UH...YEAH.
236
00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:02,125
OKAY.
237
00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:08,882
[bell rings]
238
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,508
OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD, OH, MY GOD.
239
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:11,676
OH, MY GOD.
240
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:13,219
HEY, WHAT'S UP?
I'M WAITING FOR JESSICA.
241
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:15,221
RIGHT OVER THERE.
242
00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:16,806
DUDE, OF COURSE
I'M SURE.
243
00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:18,808
SO WISH ME LUCK, OKAY?
THANK YOU.
244
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,810
BYE.
245
00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:27,067
HEY, HEY, HEY!
WAKE UP!
246
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,068
COME ON, HURRY UP.
CUSTOMER, TABLE TEN!
247
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,402
GO, GO, GO!
248
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:31,071
TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH.
249
00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:36,409
WHAT CAN I GET FOR YOU?
250
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:40,163
UH, I'LL TAKE
A CHEESEBURGER AND FRIES
251
00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:44,084
AND A CAESAR SALAD, PLEASE.
DRESSING ON THE SIDE.
252
00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:48,129
DO YOU NEED
TO WRITE IT DOWN?
253
00:09:50,048 --> 00:09:51,800
[bell rings repeatedly]
254
00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:02,227
[overlapping voices]
255
00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:03,978
MM, THIS IS GOOD,
THIS IS GOOD!
256
00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:05,897
(Dad)
SAID YOU WERE A LATE BLOOMER.
257
00:10:05,897 --> 00:10:07,232
(Trudie)
YOU CAN'T BAIL
ON ME NOW, NICK!
258
00:10:07,232 --> 00:10:11,027
(Katherine)
COCKTAILS ARE AT 6:00.
259
00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:12,862
ACTUALLY IT WAS MY FATHER'S.
260
00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:13,947
(Nick)
'CAUSE I KNEW THAT'S WHAT
YOU WANTED TO HEAR,
261
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,865
AND WE HADN'T HAD SEX YET.
262
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:18,451
I DON'T THINK WE'RE EVER
GONNA GET THERE, SWEETHEART.
263
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:22,247
YOU OKAY?
WHERE'S NICK?
264
00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:23,998
OH, MERRY CHRISTMAS.
265
00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:26,459
[cell phone ringing]
266
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,002
HEY, WHAT IS
THAT RINGING?
267
00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:34,384
WHAT IS THAT?
268
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:35,635
HELLO, MOM.
269
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:37,679
TRUDIE?
I KNEW IT.
270
00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:39,597
YOU HAVEN'T LEFT YET,HAVE YOU?
I'M SORRY, MOM.
271
00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:40,849
I SAID 6:00.
272
00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:42,475
HONEY, WHAT PART OF THAT
273
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:43,476
DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?
274
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,145
YOU KNOW, TRUDIE,
275
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,604
THE ENTIRE WORLD CAN MANAGETO BE ON TIME.
276
00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:48,022
WHY CAN'T YOU DOTHIS ONE THING FOR ME?
277
00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:51,109
ARE YOU TRYING
TO RUIN CHRISTMAS?
278
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:52,068
TRUDIE?
279
00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:54,654
WE'RE LEAVING NOW.
280
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:55,947
NICK'S BRINGINGDINNER CLOTHES, RIGHT?
281
00:10:55,947 --> 00:10:59,033
YEAH, HE'S WEARING
A BLUE BLAZER,
282
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:00,743
DRESS SHIRT, PINK TIE.
283
00:11:00,743 --> 00:11:02,287
DID YOU PLANTHE MATCHING PINK?
284
00:11:02,287 --> 00:11:04,789
NO, WE DIDN'T PLAN IT.
GET IN THE CAR.
285
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,673
EXCUSE ME.
YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO THE BATHROOM.
286
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:14,757
OH, THIS ISN'T
THE RESTROOM?
287
00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:16,801
YOU'RE COMING WITH ME.
288
00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:19,554
NO, I'M GOING
TO THE BATHROOM.
289
00:11:19,554 --> 00:11:21,931
UH, LOOK, I'M NOT SURE
WHAT KIND OF
290
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:23,725
GOVERNMENT‐SPONSORED
WORK PROGRAM
291
00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:25,476
YOU'RE A PART OF, BUT I‐‐
[gun cocks]
292
00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:26,978
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
293
00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:28,813
IT'S A GUN.
ARE YOU SURE?
294
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:30,064
YEAH, IT'S A GUN.
295
00:11:30,064 --> 00:11:31,524
IT WAS USED
TO FIGHT THE BRITISH.
296
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:32,734
MAYBE YOU HEARD
OF A LITTLE THING
297
00:11:32,734 --> 00:11:35,111
CALLED THE INDIAN WAR
OF INDEPENDENCE, 1857.
298
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:36,821
YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?
299
00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:38,239
[grunting]
MOVE IT!
300
00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:40,241
HEY, WATCH IT!
301
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,127
AAH‐‐UNH!
302
00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:55,131
OH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!
303
00:12:00,303 --> 00:12:02,805
WAKE UP.
WAKE UP!
304
00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:07,852
[grunting]
305
00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:10,146
YOU, BLITZEN.
306
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:11,522
EXCUSE YOU?
307
00:12:11,522 --> 00:12:13,483
I'M LOOKING
FOR MY BOYFRIEND.
308
00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:15,485
HANDSOME,
NICE DIMPLES.
309
00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:18,071
HANDSOME, NICE DIMPLES.
DON'T SEE HIM.
310
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:20,657
MAYBE THIS IS HIS WAY
OF DUMPING YOU.
311
00:12:20,657 --> 00:12:22,242
OH!
312
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:29,666
♪ YOU SAY I GOTTALEARN A LESSON TODAY ♪
313
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:31,209
♪ YEAH, HEY, HEY, HEY ♪
314
00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:33,962
♪ YOU SAY I NEEDA GOOD PUNCH IN THE FACE ♪
315
00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:36,172
♪ YEAH, HEY, HEY, HEY ♪
316
00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:37,423
UNH.
317
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,801
HI.
HUH?
318
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:41,219
HI?
319
00:12:41,219 --> 00:12:43,096
HOW'S YOUR HEAD?
320
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:44,681
HOW ABOUT I TAKE
THE BLINDFOLD OFF NOW?
321
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:46,182
HOW'D THAT BE?
322
00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:51,187
HI.
323
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:52,772
HELLO.
324
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:56,985
[straining]
325
00:12:56,985 --> 00:13:00,071
LOOK, I'M NOT SURE
WHAT'S GOING ON
326
00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:01,698
OR WHAT YOU WANT
FROM ME,
327
00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:05,994
BUT THIS PLAN DOESN'T
SEEM VERY WELL THOUGHT OUT.
328
00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:07,161
LET'S FACE IT.
I'M A GUY.
329
00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:09,122
AND SOONER OR LATER,
I WILL OVERPOWER YOU.
330
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,206
YEAH, GOOD POINT.
331
00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:12,959
UNLESS YOU KNOCK
YOURSELF OUT FIRST.
332
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:15,044
OR I SHOOT YOU.
[gun cocks]
333
00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:19,674
YOU SEEM LIKE A NICE GIRL.
334
00:13:19,674 --> 00:13:22,302
PROBABLY NOTHING A LITTLE
LITHIUM COULDN'T FIX.
335
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,512
COME ON, YOU'RE NOT REALLY
336
00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:26,097
GONNA SHOOT ME
WITH THAT THING.
337
00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:27,265
[squeaking]
338
00:13:27,265 --> 00:13:29,475
AAH!
339
00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:32,186
AAH!
OH, MY GOD!
340
00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:34,147
OH, MY GOD!
341
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,068
SORRY.
342
00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:52,957
[soft rock
playing on car radio]
343
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:56,377
♪ ♪
344
00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:57,837
(Trudie)SO THIS IS THE DEAL.
345
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,213
YOU'RE COMING HOME WITH ME
TO SPEND CHRISTMAS
346
00:13:59,213 --> 00:14:01,340
WITH MY FAMILY
AS MY BOYFRIEND NICK,
347
00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:03,092
WHO UNFORTUNATELY
COULDN'T MAKE IT.
348
00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:05,553
I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING
LIKE THAT, LOONEY TUNES.
349
00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:07,346
YOU DON'T EXACTLY
HAVE A CHOICE, DWAYNE.
350
00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:11,642
IT'S DAVID, AND...
351
00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:12,685
OH!
352
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:15,063
YOUR BOYFRIEND DUMPED YOU.
353
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:17,190
NO, I TOLD YOU.
HE COULDN'T MAKE IT.
354
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,941
RIGHT.
355
00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:20,860
YOU'RE ONE OF THOSEHAIRY LADY
356
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:23,196
MAN‐HATER TYPES
WHO'S BEEN REJECTED
357
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,197
TIME AFTER TIME,
358
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:26,157
AND NOWYOU'RE TAKING IT OUT
359
00:14:26,157 --> 00:14:27,366
ON AN INNOCENT BYSTANDER.
360
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:30,078
WHAT?
NO, I'M NOT!
361
00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:44,467
[engine turns off]
362
00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:46,302
GAS, GAS STATION.
363
00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:48,262
GREEN AND WHITE SIGN,
GREEN AND WHITE.
364
00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:51,265
HEY, YOU KNOW
THERE'S NO WAY
365
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:53,059
YOU'RE GONNA PULL
THIS OFF, RIGHT?
366
00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:54,310
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO,
367
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:55,645
HOLD THE GUN ON ME DURING
CHRISTMAS DINNER?
368
00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:57,563
THE SECOND I GET TO YOUR HOUSE
AND TELL YOUR FAMILY
369
00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:59,941
HOW DEMENTED YOU ARE‐‐
HEY!
370
00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:01,484
HEY, THAT'S GETTING
PERSONAL.
371
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:02,735
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
372
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:05,238
NO CELL PHONE?
373
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:08,491
IT'S IN MY COAT.
AT THE DINER.
374
00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:12,203
WHERE I LEFT IT
BEFORE I WAS KIDNAPPED!
375
00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:19,377
[straining]
376
00:15:19,377 --> 00:15:21,337
MAN, WHAT IS THIS STUFF
MADE OF?
377
00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:23,297
[bell rings]
378
00:15:23,297 --> 00:15:24,590
OH, HELLO.
379
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:26,717
HI.
380
00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:29,387
[clerk chuckling]
381
00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:37,186
UH, JUST $10 WORTH
AND THIS.
382
00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:43,109
AH.
383
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:45,361
[cash register beeping]
384
00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:46,737
THERE YOU GO.
385
00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:50,158
I USUALLY PUMP THE GAS
FOR THE PRETTY LADIES.
386
00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:52,660
OH, PLEASE,
THAT'S NOT NECESSARY.
387
00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:54,662
YOU WOULDN'T WANT
TO DENY AN OLD MAN
388
00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:57,081
ONE OF THE FEW PLEASURES
HE HAS LEFT.
389
00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:58,374
OH, NO, REALLY!
390
00:15:58,374 --> 00:15:59,417
YOU DON'T
HAVE TO DO THAT.
391
00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:00,459
I CAN HANDLE IT.
392
00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:01,419
(clerk)WHOA!
393
00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:03,212
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE,
SWEETHEART?
394
00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:05,464
UH, THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND.
395
00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:06,924
I'M SURPRISING HIM
WITH A WEEKEND IN THE WOODS.
396
00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:09,218
YOU KNOW, THE WILD
KIND OF WEEKEND.
397
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:11,345
THE "TIE ME UP,
TIE ME DOWN" KIND.
398
00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:13,055
YOU BETTER COME
WITH ME, YOUNG LADY.
399
00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:15,474
I REALLY
DON'T HAVE TIME.
400
00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:27,445
[pump ringing]
401
00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:34,619
THESE ARE
ON THE HOUSE, HONEY.
402
00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:38,456
OH!
OH, THANKS.
403
00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:40,458
YEAH.
404
00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:41,417
WELL, YOU BETTER
WATCH OUT,
405
00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:42,919
OR I'LL COME BACK
FOR YOU NEXT.
406
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:44,921
[chuckling]
407
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:53,346
OKAY.
408
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,805
SO...THIS KIDNAPPING
409
00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:57,516
JUST GOT A LITTLE BIT
MORE PROFESSIONAL.
410
00:16:57,516 --> 00:16:59,060
(David)YOU'RE KIDDING.
411
00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:00,978
[straining]
412
00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:08,277
AND MORE COMFY TOO,
RIGHT?
413
00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:11,864
AND JUST SLIGHTLY
MORE HUMILIATING.
414
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:13,449
[engine starts]
415
00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:14,909
LUCKY LITTLE BASTARD.
416
00:17:17,328 --> 00:17:20,414
[chuckles]
417
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:27,213
[soft rock
playing on radio]
418
00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:29,465
♪ ♪
419
00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:32,218
LOOK, I'D LIKE
TO APOLOGIZE FOR EARLIER
420
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,971
FOR RAISING MY VOICE
AND FOR...
421
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:38,266
YOU KNOW, SHOOTING
NEAR YOUR...MANHOOD.
422
00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:43,229
BEEF JERKY?
423
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:46,983
THANK YOU.
THAT'S VERY KIND.
424
00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:49,527
OKAY, SO I THINK
WE SHOULD SHARE
425
00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:51,529
A FEW IMPORTANT FACTS
ABOUT EACH OTHER.
426
00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:54,532
LET ME GUESS.
UM...
427
00:17:54,532 --> 00:17:56,284
YOU'RE SOME SORT
OF A VICE PRESIDENT
428
00:17:56,284 --> 00:18:01,289
OF A‐‐A COMPANY
YOUR FATHER OWNS.
429
00:18:01,289 --> 00:18:04,083
OKAY, THAT'S A YES.
430
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,251
UM...
431
00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:07,587
YOUR PARENTSBOUGHT YOUR FIRST HOUSE.
432
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:10,381
YOU SAIL AND GOLF.
433
00:18:10,381 --> 00:18:13,467
I'M GUESSING
A 14 HANDICAP.
434
00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:15,803
AND YOU'RE PROBABLY
SOME SORT OF
435
00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:19,015
A ZETA BETA BETA
SCHMETA.
436
00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:22,393
OKAY, YES, YES, AND YES.
437
00:18:22,393 --> 00:18:24,645
I'M A TEN HANDICAP.
438
00:18:24,645 --> 00:18:25,855
OH, HOW GREAT FOR YOU.
439
00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:28,399
WELL, I THINK
IT'S SAFE TO SAY
440
00:18:28,399 --> 00:18:30,234
I'VE LOST MY JOB
AT TAJ'S DINER DELUXE.
441
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:31,861
I LIVE IN A CRAPPY LOFT
DOWNTOWN.
442
00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:33,362
I DON'T GOLF.
443
00:18:33,362 --> 00:18:35,489
YEAH, THAT PRETTY MUCH
SUMS IT UP.
444
00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:55,259
[engine turns off]
445
00:18:55,259 --> 00:18:57,219
UGH.
446
00:18:57,219 --> 00:19:00,348
OKAY, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
447
00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:09,482
[Nutcracker Suite playing]
448
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:14,737
[front door opens
and closes]
449
00:19:14,737 --> 00:19:17,281
(Katherine)OOH, THERE SHE IS!
450
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:22,119
LOOK WHO'S HERE!
OH, MY BABY, OH!
451
00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:23,287
MOM, DON'T CRY.
452
00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:24,955
LET ME LOOK AT YOU‐‐
OH, MY GOSH!
453
00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:26,374
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
TO YOUR HAIR?
454
00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:28,084
YOU LOOK LIKE
ONE OF THOSE ACTRESSES
455
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,377
IN A PORNOGRAPHIC MOVIE.
456
00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:30,628
I HAVE PORN STAR HAIR?
457
00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:32,338
HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOWWHAT A PORN STAR LOOKS LIKE?
458
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:33,506
TRUDIE!
459
00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:35,091
OH, BUT LET ME LOOK
AT THE DRESS.
460
00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:36,509
OH, IT LOOKS GORGEOUS.
461
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,344
WHAT DO YOU THINK,
RICHARD?
462
00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:40,304
I THINK IT'S TOO TIGHT.
HI, DAD.
463
00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:42,306
SO WHAT THE HELL
HAPPENED TODAY?
464
00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:44,475
I DON'T KNOW.
I WAS LATE‐‐
465
00:19:44,475 --> 00:19:45,518
MR. PORTNOY DID THIS
AS A FAVOR.
466
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,395
YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S A REFLECTION ON ME.
467
00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:49,146
I KNOW, AND I'M SORRY‐‐
I'M SORRY.
468
00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:50,398
COULD WE NOT TALK
ABOUT THIS NOW?
469
00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:52,024
I DON'T WANTTO RUIN CHRISTMAS
470
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:53,317
BY ALL THIS
NEGATIVE TALK.
471
00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:54,360
WHERE'S NICK?
472
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:55,861
OH, HE'S IN THE CAR.
473
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:57,488
BUT I WANTED
TO TELL YOU GUYS.
474
00:19:57,488 --> 00:19:58,447
YOU KNOW WHEN WE GO
TO A RESTAURANT
475
00:19:58,447 --> 00:20:00,700
AND DAD TELLS JOKES
TO THE WAITRESSES
476
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:01,992
AND THEY'RE STUPIDAND EMBARRASSING
477
00:20:01,992 --> 00:20:03,077
BUT HE THINKS IT'S FUNNY?
MM‐HMM.
478
00:20:03,077 --> 00:20:04,370
WELL, UM, SOMETIMES
479
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:07,540
WHEN NICK FEELS AWKWARD
IN A SOCIAL SITUATION
480
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,291
HE DOES THIS WHOLE,
"I DIDN'T WANT TO BE HERE,
481
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:11,252
I'VE BEEN
KIDNAPPED" THING.
482
00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:12,920
KIND OF WEIRD,BUT HE THINKS IT'S FUNNY.
483
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,130
SO JUST LAUGH ALONG
484
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,798
SO IT DOESN'T MAKE HIM
FEEL BAD, OKAY?
485
00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:20,469
OKAY.
486
00:20:20,469 --> 00:20:22,555
WE'RE VERY EXCITEDTO MEET HIM.
487
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,223
OKAY, LOOK, DAD, PLEASE
488
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:25,474
TRY NOT
TO EMBARRASS HIM, OKAY?
489
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:27,727
YEAH, FINE.
490
00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:36,152
OKAY, WE'RE ON.
491
00:20:36,152 --> 00:20:37,903
NO, I'M NOT GOING.
492
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:39,488
WELL, IT'S NICE AND WARM
IN THE HOUSE.
493
00:20:39,488 --> 00:20:41,699
YOU'LL FREEZE TO DEATH
OUT HERE.
494
00:20:41,699 --> 00:20:44,785
FINE, THIS CHARADE'S
ABOUT TO END RIGHT NOW.
495
00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:54,253
[front door slams]
496
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:55,838
AHEM.
497
00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:56,881
WELCOME.
498
00:20:56,881 --> 00:20:58,466
OH, THIS IS SO,
SO SPECIAL.
499
00:20:58,466 --> 00:21:02,344
YOU ARE THE FIRST BOYFRIEND
TRUDIE'S EVER BROUGHT HOME.
500
00:21:02,344 --> 00:21:04,638
YEAH, WE THOUGHT MAYBE
SHE LIKED THE INNIES.
501
00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:06,265
YOU KNOW,NOT THE OUTIES.
502
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:08,976
OH, MY GOD, RICHARD!
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
503
00:21:08,976 --> 00:21:10,811
OKAY.
504
00:21:10,811 --> 00:21:12,480
LISTEN TO MEVERY CAREFULLY.
505
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,398
SHE FORCED ME
TO COME HERE.
506
00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:17,359
THIS WOMAN
HELD ME AT GUNPOINT,
507
00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:19,320
KIDNAPPED ME, AND BROUGHT ME
TO THIS HOUSE
508
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:23,157
AS HER HOSTAGE.
509
00:21:23,157 --> 00:21:26,160
[laughter]
510
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:27,328
I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN.
511
00:21:27,328 --> 00:21:30,456
WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?
DID YOU JUST HEAR ME?
512
00:21:30,456 --> 00:21:32,500
YEAH.
MM‐HMM.
513
00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:34,043
YOUR DAUGHTER IS A CRAZY,
DANGEROUS, CRIMINAL.
514
00:21:34,043 --> 00:21:36,378
YES, SHE IS!
OOH...
515
00:21:36,378 --> 00:21:38,756
WOULD YOU LIKE
SOME EGGNOG?
516
00:21:38,756 --> 00:21:40,966
I HAVE A SECRET INGREDIENT
THAT MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE.
517
00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:42,134
[whispering]
IT'S GROUND CLOVES.
518
00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:45,387
WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU PEOPLE?!
519
00:21:45,387 --> 00:21:46,514
ARE YOU ALL NUTS?
520
00:21:46,514 --> 00:21:48,015
ALL RIGHT, HONEY,
THAT'S ENOUGH.
521
00:21:48,015 --> 00:21:49,975
I WILL BE RIGHT BACK.
YOU HAVE YOURSELF A SEAT, NICK.
522
00:21:49,975 --> 00:21:51,268
MY NAME IS NOT NICK!
523
00:21:51,268 --> 00:21:52,436
YEAH, HE DOES THAT TOO.
524
00:21:52,436 --> 00:21:54,522
AND I WILL NOT HAVE A SEAT!
525
00:21:54,522 --> 00:21:56,607
OKAY, WELL, I'M GONNA GO
HELP MOM WITH THE EGGNOG.
526
00:21:59,527 --> 00:22:02,571
OH.
527
00:22:04,156 --> 00:22:06,492
[laughing]
COME ON.
528
00:22:06,492 --> 00:22:09,245
NICK, HAVE A SEAT.COME ON.
529
00:22:09,245 --> 00:22:10,871
MOM, I WAS WONDERING
530
00:22:10,871 --> 00:22:12,456
IF I COULD BE
KEY MASTER THIS YEAR.
531
00:22:12,456 --> 00:22:13,707
REALLY?
532
00:22:13,707 --> 00:22:15,668
USUALLY YOU HATE
THE IDEA OF KEY MASTER.
533
00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:17,253
YEAH, YOU KNOW,
THE IDEA OF BEING
534
00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:18,379
FORCIBLY TRAPPED
AT THE HOLIDAYS
535
00:22:18,379 --> 00:22:19,672
USED TO BOTHER ME,
BUT NOW I SEE
536
00:22:19,672 --> 00:22:21,674
THE HIGHER
SOCIAL PURPOSE.
537
00:22:21,674 --> 00:22:24,009
AH‐HA, WELL, YOU SURE
YOU CAN HANDLE GRANDMA?
538
00:22:24,009 --> 00:22:25,427
YOU KNOW HOW SHE IS.
539
00:22:25,427 --> 00:22:26,929
AND THAT'S BEFORE
SHE DIPS INTO THE EGGNOG.
540
00:22:26,929 --> 00:22:28,597
SHE'S LIKE 75 YEARS OLD.
541
00:22:28,597 --> 00:22:31,475
YES, BUT SHE'S STILL
FREAKISHLY STRONG.
542
00:22:31,475 --> 00:22:32,560
I THINK I CAN HANDLE IT.
543
00:22:34,478 --> 00:22:36,272
I'M TRUSTING YOU.
544
00:23:12,683 --> 00:23:15,227
HELLO!
545
00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:22,151
HELLO!
IS ANYONE OUT THERE?
546
00:23:24,153 --> 00:23:26,405
[animal howls]
547
00:23:26,405 --> 00:23:29,825
[croaking]
HELP.
548
00:23:29,825 --> 00:23:31,827
[shivering]
549
00:23:40,669 --> 00:23:44,048
LOOK, SIR, I THINK
I CAN CLEAR UP
550
00:23:44,048 --> 00:23:45,466
THIS SITUATION,
AND WE CAN FORGET
551
00:23:45,466 --> 00:23:46,383
THE WHOLE THING
EVER HAPPENED.
552
00:23:46,383 --> 00:23:48,719
I JUST NEED TO USE
THE PHONE.
553
00:23:48,719 --> 00:23:50,387
NO PHONES IN THE HOUSE.
554
00:23:50,387 --> 00:23:52,097
WHAT ABOUT A CELL PHONE?
555
00:23:52,097 --> 00:23:53,891
AH, THE KEY MASTER'S GOT
ALL THE CELL PHONES.
556
00:23:53,891 --> 00:23:57,102
APPARENTLY IT INTERFERES
WITH OUR QUALITY FAMILY TIME.
557
00:23:57,102 --> 00:23:59,813
[chuckles]
YEAH, WHAT ARE
YOU GONNA DO?
558
00:23:59,813 --> 00:24:00,940
[front door opens]
559
00:24:00,940 --> 00:24:02,274
(man)OH, THIS PLACE IS GREAT!
560
00:24:02,274 --> 00:24:04,318
OH, WOW.
561
00:24:04,318 --> 00:24:05,319
GANG'S ALL HERE!
562
00:24:05,319 --> 00:24:06,403
HEY!
HI, DAD!
563
00:24:06,403 --> 00:24:08,322
HOW DID MY KIDSGET SO GOOD LOOKING?
564
00:24:08,322 --> 00:24:09,907
MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL
IN THE WORLD.
565
00:24:09,907 --> 00:24:11,116
(woman)MERRY CHRISTMAS!
566
00:24:11,116 --> 00:24:12,159
I WANT TO HEAR
ALL ABOUT SCHOOL.
567
00:24:12,159 --> 00:24:14,703
HEY, HOW ARE YOU, STUD?
568
00:24:14,703 --> 00:24:17,331
I'M GOOD.
THAT'S MY BOY.
569
00:24:17,331 --> 00:24:19,625
GOSH, YOU LOOK STUNNING.
HAVE YOU LOST WEIGHT?
570
00:24:19,625 --> 00:24:21,251
NO. I CUT OUT
DAIRY THOUGH.
571
00:24:21,251 --> 00:24:23,379
YOU LOOK FANTASTIC.
THANKS, MOM.
572
00:24:23,379 --> 00:24:24,588
MOM, YOU LOOK GOOD.
HI!
573
00:24:24,588 --> 00:24:25,756
WOW, MOM, YOU HAVE REALLY
574
00:24:25,756 --> 00:24:27,341
MADE IT LOOK PERFECT
575
00:24:27,341 --> 00:24:28,384
AND CHRISTMASSY.
576
00:24:28,384 --> 00:24:30,260
THANK YOU.
YEAH, SOME DIGS, MA.
577
00:24:30,260 --> 00:24:31,512
WHAT, DID YOU CASH IN
DAD'S 401K?
578
00:24:31,512 --> 00:24:32,805
HEY!
579
00:24:32,805 --> 00:24:34,098
HEY, WHERE'S JAN?
580
00:24:34,098 --> 00:24:35,265
I THOUGHT SHE WAS COMING.
581
00:24:35,265 --> 00:24:37,142
I TOLD YOU SHE HADTO STAY IN TOWN TO WORK.
582
00:24:37,142 --> 00:24:38,352
I'M LUCKY I COULD TAKETHE TIME OFF.
583
00:24:38,352 --> 00:24:39,770
YOU WORK TOO HARD.
584
00:24:39,770 --> 00:24:41,188
WELL, MARKETS DON'T STOP
WHEN I'M NOT THERE, MA.
585
00:24:41,188 --> 00:24:43,399
HEY, NUMB NUTS,
COME HERE!
586
00:24:43,399 --> 00:24:44,817
LOOK AT THIS HAIR!
WHAT IS THAT?
587
00:24:44,817 --> 00:24:47,987
LOOK AT THAT!
JAKE, JAKE,
WE HAVE COMPANY.
588
00:24:47,987 --> 00:24:49,488
I WOULD LIKE YOU TO MEET
TRUDIE'S BOYFRIEND, NICK.
589
00:24:49,488 --> 00:24:50,531
HEY, NICE TO MEET YOU.
590
00:24:50,531 --> 00:24:52,825
I'M NOT HER BOYFRIEND!
591
00:24:52,825 --> 00:24:55,369
I MET HER TODAY WHEN
SHE POKED A MUSKET IN MY RIBS,
592
00:24:55,369 --> 00:24:56,829
TIED ME UP
WITH FURRY HANDCUFFS,
593
00:24:56,829 --> 00:24:58,747
AND DROVE ME TO WHEREVER
I AM RIGHT NOW.
594
00:24:58,747 --> 00:25:01,959
FURRY HANDCUFFS.
NOW I'M EMBARRASSED.
595
00:25:01,959 --> 00:25:05,254
[laughter]
596
00:25:05,254 --> 00:25:07,589
HE'S‐‐IT'S‐‐
OH, IT'S A WHOLE THING.
597
00:25:07,589 --> 00:25:09,133
ALL RIGHT,
COME HERE.
598
00:25:09,133 --> 00:25:10,509
LOOK, JAKE‐‐IS IT JAKE?
YEAH.
599
00:25:10,509 --> 00:25:12,386
YOU LOOK LIKE
A REASONABLE PERSON.
600
00:25:12,386 --> 00:25:14,138
LISTEN TO ME, MAN.
601
00:25:14,138 --> 00:25:15,472
YOU MAY THINKYOUR SISTER IS NORMAL.
602
00:25:15,472 --> 00:25:18,183
BUT SHE'S NOT.
BELIEVE ME.
603
00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:19,810
SHE IS A PSYCHOPATH.
604
00:25:19,810 --> 00:25:21,854
TELL ME ABOUT IT!
605
00:25:21,854 --> 00:25:23,063
HUH?
HA HA!
606
00:25:23,063 --> 00:25:25,274
ALL RIGHT,
I WANT EGGNOG.
607
00:25:25,274 --> 00:25:27,317
COME ON, NICK.
608
00:25:27,317 --> 00:25:28,485
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
COME ON.
609
00:25:36,952 --> 00:25:38,620
OKAY, NICK,
YOU'LL BE IN HERE.
610
00:25:38,620 --> 00:25:40,956
AND, TRUDIE‐‐
MOM, I AM 27 YEARS OLD.
611
00:25:40,956 --> 00:25:42,374
I'M GONNA SLEEP IN THE SAME
ROOM AS MY BOYFRIEND.
612
00:25:42,374 --> 00:25:44,418
END OF STORY.
613
00:25:44,418 --> 00:25:47,671
OH.
OKAY, DEAR.
614
00:25:50,758 --> 00:25:52,509
YEAH, YOU BETTER GET
USED TO THESE BUNK BEDS.
615
00:25:52,509 --> 00:25:54,344
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT
YOU'RE GONNA BE SHARING
616
00:25:54,344 --> 00:25:56,472
WITH YOU NEW JAIL BUDDIES,
MAD DOG AND ROZ.
617
00:25:56,472 --> 00:25:58,807
WHY DON'T YOU TRY
AND RELAX?
618
00:25:58,807 --> 00:26:01,518
OH, MAKE NO MISTAKE,
FREAK SHOW.
619
00:26:01,518 --> 00:26:03,729
I WILL FIND A WAY
OUT OF HERE.
620
00:26:03,729 --> 00:26:04,897
AND WHAT'S GONNAKEEP ME GOING
621
00:26:04,897 --> 00:26:06,523
IS THE LOOK
ON YOUR TWISTED FACE
622
00:26:06,523 --> 00:26:09,068
AS THEY HAUL YOU OFF
TO THE SLAMMER.
623
00:26:09,068 --> 00:26:11,278
YOU KNOW, YOU MIGHT AS WELL
SETTLE DOWN,
624
00:26:11,278 --> 00:26:12,905
BECAUSE THERE'S
NO WAY OUT OF HERE.
625
00:26:12,905 --> 00:26:14,531
SEE, AS THE KEY MASTER,
I HAVE CONTROL
626
00:26:14,531 --> 00:26:16,033
OF ALL THE CAR KEYS
AND CELL PHONES,
627
00:26:16,033 --> 00:26:18,327
WHICH I'VE HIDDEN QUITE WELL,
IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF.
628
00:26:18,327 --> 00:26:21,497
SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL TRY
AND GET A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP
629
00:26:21,497 --> 00:26:22,539
BECAUSE WE HAVE A COUPLE
OF BIG DAYS
630
00:26:22,539 --> 00:26:23,707
AHEAD OF US, SHNOOKUMS.
631
00:26:38,222 --> 00:26:40,224
[snoring]
632
00:26:55,656 --> 00:26:59,618
BE THE KEY MASTER.
BE THE KEY MASTER.
633
00:27:19,471 --> 00:27:21,598
THERE'S GOTTA BE
A NEIGHBOR SOMEWHERE.
634
00:27:27,729 --> 00:27:29,523
♪ COME ON,IT'S LOVELY WEATHER ♪
635
00:27:29,523 --> 00:27:32,943
♪ FOR A SLEIGH RIDETOGETHER WITH YOU ♪
636
00:27:32,943 --> 00:27:35,112
♪ OUTSIDE THE SNOW
IS FALLING ♪
637
00:27:35,112 --> 00:27:36,780
♪ AND FRIENDS
ARE CALLING YOO‐HOO ♪
638
00:27:36,780 --> 00:27:40,158
♪ COME ON,
IT'S LOVELY WEATHER ♪
639
00:27:40,158 --> 00:27:42,160
♪ FOR A SLEIGH RIDE
TOGETHER WITH YOU... ♪
640
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:45,247
SO...YOU'VE BEEN WALKING
FOR WHAT, ABOUT AN HOUR?
641
00:27:49,251 --> 00:27:52,379
LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU JUST
COME BACK TO THE HOUSE?
642
00:27:52,379 --> 00:27:54,590
WE'LL MAKE SOME
HOT CHOCOLATE, OKAY?
643
00:27:56,592 --> 00:27:58,594
♪ OUR CHEEKSARE NICE AND ROSY ♪
644
00:27:58,594 --> 00:28:00,596
♪ AND COMFY AND COZYARE WE ♪
645
00:28:00,596 --> 00:28:03,307
[engine turns off]
646
00:28:03,307 --> 00:28:05,267
NO HOT CHOCOLATE
FOR YOU THEN?
647
00:28:13,650 --> 00:28:16,653
[cell phone vibrating]
648
00:28:26,288 --> 00:28:28,040
HELLO.
649
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:29,458
HEY, IT'S ME.
650
00:28:29,458 --> 00:28:30,459
WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOU YESTERDAY?
651
00:28:30,459 --> 00:28:31,585
YOU LOOKED KIND OF STRANGE.
652
00:28:31,585 --> 00:28:32,586
AND THEN I TURNED AROUND
AND YOU WERE GONE.
653
00:28:32,586 --> 00:28:33,587
ARE YOU OKAY?
654
00:28:33,587 --> 00:28:35,297
YEAH, I'M FINE.
655
00:28:35,297 --> 00:28:38,550
WELL, NOT EXACTLY FINE.
656
00:28:38,550 --> 00:28:40,344
I THINK I HAD A LITTLE BIT
OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.
657
00:28:40,344 --> 00:28:42,304
I DIDN'T KNOW
THEY CAME IN SIZES.
658
00:28:42,304 --> 00:28:44,389
YEAH, AND I‐‐
659
00:28:44,389 --> 00:28:45,557
I DID SOMETHING
KIND OF CRAZY.
660
00:28:56,401 --> 00:28:57,819
HEY, GOOD MORNING.
661
00:28:57,819 --> 00:28:59,279
MORNING.
662
00:28:59,279 --> 00:29:00,405
COME ON, SIT DOWN.
663
00:29:00,405 --> 00:29:01,490
I'LL MAKE YOU
A SPECIAL BREAKFAST.
664
00:29:01,490 --> 00:29:02,991
IT'S NOT THAT BIG
OF A DEAL.
665
00:29:02,991 --> 00:29:05,118
NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL?
666
00:29:05,118 --> 00:29:07,829
YOU HAVE TO LET HIM GO
RIGHT NOW.
667
00:29:07,829 --> 00:29:09,498
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DOAFTER THE HOLIDAYS?
668
00:29:09,498 --> 00:29:11,208
YOU CAN'T KEEP HIM.
HE'S NOT A PUPPY.
669
00:29:11,208 --> 00:29:12,250
I KNOW.
670
00:29:12,250 --> 00:29:13,293
LOOK, I HAVEN'T THOUGHT
THAT FAR AHEAD,
671
00:29:13,293 --> 00:29:14,294
BUT I'LL FIGURE IT OUT.
672
00:29:14,294 --> 00:29:15,545
I HOPE YOU LIKE
EGGS BENEDICT,
673
00:29:15,545 --> 00:29:18,423
AND I HOPEYOU'RE HUNGRY.
674
00:29:18,423 --> 00:29:20,592
A LITTLE FRUIT SALAD.
675
00:29:20,592 --> 00:29:22,552
HERE YOU GO.
676
00:29:22,552 --> 00:29:24,721
THANK YOU.
MM‐HMM.
677
00:29:27,975 --> 00:29:30,268
YOU DIDN'T SLEEP
IN THOSE CLOTHES, DID YOU?
678
00:29:30,268 --> 00:29:32,479
YEAH, I'M TRYING
TO TELL YOU THAT‐‐
679
00:29:32,479 --> 00:29:35,941
OH, YOU KNOW IN ALL THE CHAOS,
WE FORGOT HIS SUITCASE.
680
00:29:35,941 --> 00:29:37,567
THAT'S RIGHT.
681
00:29:37,567 --> 00:29:39,319
I LEFT IT AT THE DINER.
682
00:29:39,319 --> 00:29:41,905
YOU KNOW I SHOULD REALLY
CALL ABOUT THAT, BUNNY.
683
00:29:41,905 --> 00:29:43,490
COULD I BORROW
YOUR PHONE, PLEASE?
684
00:29:43,490 --> 00:29:45,033
SORRY, I DIDN'T BRING
MY PHONE, SWEET PEA.
685
00:29:45,033 --> 00:29:47,327
YES, YOUR DID.
IT'S IN YOUR‐‐
686
00:29:47,327 --> 00:29:50,455
OH!
TRUDIE!
687
00:29:50,455 --> 00:29:51,707
OHH.
688
00:29:51,707 --> 00:29:54,835
YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO PUT THAT AWAY.
689
00:29:54,835 --> 00:29:56,336
RIGHT.
FORGOT.
690
00:29:56,336 --> 00:29:57,796
I'LL GO GET YOU
SOMETHING TO WEAR
691
00:29:57,796 --> 00:29:59,131
WHILE I WASH
YOUR CLOTHES.
692
00:29:59,131 --> 00:30:00,799
RICHARD ALWAYS BRINGSA FEW THINGS
693
00:30:00,799 --> 00:30:02,342
HE THINKS HE'LL BE ABLE
TO FIT INTO
694
00:30:02,342 --> 00:30:05,053
IF HE LOSES TEN POUNDS.
695
00:30:08,140 --> 00:30:10,308
GIVE ME THE PHONE.
COME AND GET IT.
696
00:30:10,308 --> 00:30:12,019
GIVE IT!
NO!
697
00:30:17,774 --> 00:30:19,860
YOU KNOW, I RAN TRACK
IN HIGH SCHOOL.
698
00:30:19,860 --> 00:30:21,361
I PLAYED FOOTBALL,
AND MY NICKNAME WAS FLASH.
699
00:30:21,361 --> 00:30:23,113
OOH, SCARY!
700
00:30:29,119 --> 00:30:32,289
YOU KNOW, I WAS ALSO
REALLY GOOD AT HOME EC.
701
00:30:32,289 --> 00:30:34,958
OH, REALLY?
THAT'S USEFUL.
702
00:30:34,958 --> 00:30:36,334
RIGHT, IT IS.
703
00:30:36,334 --> 00:30:37,419
BECAUSE I WAS REALLY GOOD
AT MAKING ONE DISH.
704
00:30:37,419 --> 00:30:38,503
WHAT'S THAT?
705
00:30:38,503 --> 00:30:41,298
BEEF TENDERLOIN.
706
00:30:41,298 --> 00:30:43,592
EXTRA TENDER.
707
00:30:43,592 --> 00:30:46,344
DON'T DO IT.
DON'T DO IT!
708
00:30:52,225 --> 00:30:53,351
HERE YOU GO, NICK.
709
00:30:55,353 --> 00:30:58,523
THANK YOU.
710
00:31:04,613 --> 00:31:07,616
[breathes deeply]
THIS SUCKS.
711
00:31:07,616 --> 00:31:10,327
SO THE SHEEP DOG SAYS,
"THE SHEEP DOG DON'T TALK."
712
00:31:10,327 --> 00:31:13,538
YOU GET IT?
713
00:31:13,538 --> 00:31:14,790
(Trudie)NO.
714
00:31:14,790 --> 00:31:16,750
[laughter]
715
00:31:16,750 --> 00:31:18,293
OH, YOU DON'T GET IT?
716
00:31:18,293 --> 00:31:19,711
OH, NICE LOOK.
717
00:31:19,711 --> 00:31:22,089
YEAH, REGANOMICS, HUH?
718
00:31:22,089 --> 00:31:23,298
NO!
719
00:31:23,298 --> 00:31:24,716
[silverware clatters]
720
00:31:24,716 --> 00:31:26,218
[exhales]
721
00:31:26,218 --> 00:31:28,887
I FORGOT THE EXTRA VIRGIN
OLIVE OIL.
722
00:31:28,887 --> 00:31:30,097
HOW COULD THAT
HAVE HAPPENED?
723
00:31:38,188 --> 00:31:40,565
I'D BE HAPPY TO GO
TO THE STORE FOR YOU.
724
00:31:40,565 --> 00:31:42,818
NO, MOM.
725
00:31:42,818 --> 00:31:44,986
I SHOULD GO.
IT'D BE RUDE TO SEND A GUEST.
726
00:31:44,986 --> 00:31:46,530
IT IS A LONG DRIVE.
727
00:31:46,530 --> 00:31:49,116
NO, REALLY,
IT'D BE MY PLEASURE.
728
00:31:49,116 --> 00:31:50,784
WELL, NICK,
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
729
00:31:50,784 --> 00:31:52,285
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
RICHARD WILL DRIVE.
730
00:31:52,285 --> 00:31:53,537
YOU GO WITH HIM.
MOM‐‐
731
00:31:53,537 --> 00:31:55,372
TRUDIE, TRUDIE, I'M GONNA
NEED YOUR HELP, HONEY.
732
00:31:55,372 --> 00:31:57,457
AND THIS IS A GOOD OPPORTUNITY
FOR THE MEN TO, YOU KNOW,
733
00:31:57,457 --> 00:31:58,959
HAVE SOME QUALITY TIME
TOGETHER.
734
00:31:58,959 --> 00:32:00,418
MOM!
GERTRUDE MARIE.
735
00:32:03,463 --> 00:32:06,842
WELL, COME ON, NICK.
RICHARD WILL DRIVE.
736
00:32:06,842 --> 00:32:09,761
YOU GO GET THE KEYS.
737
00:32:09,761 --> 00:32:10,929
THANK YOU!
738
00:32:17,561 --> 00:32:21,273
[Richard humming]
739
00:32:23,108 --> 00:32:25,110
THIS SHOULD UNDO
THE DAMAGE.
740
00:32:25,110 --> 00:32:26,862
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU WERE THINKING.
741
00:32:26,862 --> 00:32:29,406
WHO PERMS
THEIR HAIR ANYMORE?
742
00:32:29,406 --> 00:32:33,285
NO OFFENSE, BUT THIS
LOOK SAYS DESPERATE.
743
00:32:33,285 --> 00:32:35,078
GUYS CAN TELL WHEN
YOU'RE TRYING TOO HARD.
744
00:32:35,078 --> 00:32:37,080
SO YOU DATING ANYONE
AT LAW SCHOOL, KATIE?
745
00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:38,665
I'M DATING A FEW GUYS.
746
00:32:38,665 --> 00:32:39,749
KATIE!
747
00:32:39,749 --> 00:32:42,169
I DIDN'T SAY I SLEPT
WITH THEM.
748
00:32:42,169 --> 00:32:44,004
I'M NOT A SLUT.
749
00:32:44,004 --> 00:32:45,797
I KNOW.
750
00:32:45,797 --> 00:32:49,009
I JUST WANT TO KNOW HOW TRUDIE
HOOKED UP WITH NICK.
751
00:32:49,009 --> 00:32:50,927
HE IS SO HOT.
752
00:32:50,927 --> 00:32:53,430
OH, I JUST GAVE HIM
NO CHOICE...
753
00:32:53,430 --> 00:32:54,431
BUT TO LOVE ME.
754
00:32:54,431 --> 00:32:56,433
YEAH, WELL,
HE IS SOMETHING.
755
00:32:56,433 --> 00:32:57,976
HE'S WELL‐SPOKEN.HE'S SUCCESSFUL.
756
00:32:57,976 --> 00:32:58,977
HE'S HANDSOME.
757
00:32:58,977 --> 00:32:59,978
I THINK YOUR FATHER'S
758
00:32:59,978 --> 00:33:01,605
TAKEN A LIKING TO HIM.
759
00:33:01,605 --> 00:33:03,940
I'M SURE THEY'RE BONDING.
760
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:10,322
[engine turns off]
761
00:33:13,450 --> 00:33:15,869
MISTER, YOU HAVE TO HELP ME.
I'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED.
762
00:33:15,869 --> 00:33:17,454
LET ME GUESS.
763
00:33:17,454 --> 00:33:20,290
BY A SEXY LADY
IN A PINK DRESS.
764
00:33:20,290 --> 00:33:22,500
YES, YES, YOU REMEMBER!
765
00:33:22,500 --> 00:33:24,836
AND SHE TIED YOU UP
AND BLINDFOLDED YOU.
766
00:33:24,836 --> 00:33:28,131
YES, YES, THAT'S RIGHT,
THAT'S RIGHT!
767
00:33:28,131 --> 00:33:32,219
AND SHE SPANKS YOU
AND DOES NAUGHTY THINGS.
768
00:33:32,219 --> 00:33:33,845
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
EW, THAT'S DISGUSTING.
769
00:33:33,845 --> 00:33:38,058
EXTRA VIRGIN
OLIVE OIL.
770
00:33:38,058 --> 00:33:39,893
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
771
00:33:39,893 --> 00:33:41,436
CAN YOU REALLY BE
AN EXTRA VIRGIN?
772
00:33:41,436 --> 00:33:43,271
[chuckling]
773
00:33:43,271 --> 00:33:45,774
GOT A LITTLE WOMAN AT HOME
774
00:33:45,774 --> 00:33:49,319
LOVES TO HAVE EVERYTHING
LATHERED UP IN OIL.
775
00:33:49,319 --> 00:33:51,446
NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING.
776
00:33:51,446 --> 00:33:53,240
THAT'S THE BEST THING
ABOUT THE HOLIDAYS.
777
00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:57,661
NO GUILT.
RIGHT, SON?
778
00:33:59,579 --> 00:34:01,122
OH.
779
00:34:05,460 --> 00:34:08,129
[pounding on door]
780
00:34:12,342 --> 00:34:14,427
WHERE IN GOD'S NAME
ARE WE?
781
00:34:14,427 --> 00:34:17,138
I'M FREEZING
MY TA‐TAS OFF.
782
00:34:17,138 --> 00:34:18,974
WELL, MERRY CHRISTMAS
TO YOU TOO, GRANDMA.
783
00:34:18,974 --> 00:34:20,267
OH, DON'T CALL ME THAT!
784
00:34:23,436 --> 00:34:25,814
UNH!
785
00:34:33,488 --> 00:34:35,156
ALL RIGHT, OLD MAN,
I'M NOT LEAVING HERE
786
00:34:35,156 --> 00:34:36,324
UNTIL YOU HELP ME!
787
00:34:36,324 --> 00:34:38,118
I'M COMING BACK THERE
AND I'M GONNA USE THAT PHONE.
788
00:34:38,118 --> 00:34:39,536
THERE'S NOT GONNA BE
ANY TROUBLE
789
00:34:39,536 --> 00:34:41,788
IN MY STORE,SUPER FREAK.
790
00:34:41,788 --> 00:34:46,459
NOW BACK THAT ASS UP
NICE AND SLOW.
791
00:34:46,459 --> 00:34:49,296
[exhales]
792
00:35:00,432 --> 00:35:02,767
I'M GONNA TURN THE RADIO‐‐
793
00:35:02,767 --> 00:35:06,646
[both screaming
and grunting]
794
00:35:10,275 --> 00:35:12,402
I'M BUSTING OUT OF HERE!
795
00:35:12,402 --> 00:35:15,238
CALM DOWN, SON!
796
00:35:15,238 --> 00:35:16,281
I JUST WANT
TO GO HOME!
797
00:35:16,281 --> 00:35:18,074
OH, I KNOW.
798
00:35:18,074 --> 00:35:20,452
RELATIONSHIPS CAN SEEM
SUFFOCATING AT TIMES,
799
00:35:20,452 --> 00:35:22,078
BUT, YOU KNOW,
IT'LL PASS.
800
00:35:26,333 --> 00:35:30,629
NOW DON'T YOU WORRY.
THIS'LL BE OUR LITTLE SECRET.
801
00:35:37,260 --> 00:35:39,804
THERE IT IS.
802
00:35:39,804 --> 00:35:41,264
(Jake)SWEET.
803
00:35:41,264 --> 00:35:42,807
DON'T TAKE THE PIECESFROM MY SIDE, PLEASE.
804
00:35:42,807 --> 00:35:44,476
THERE'S PIECESMISSING.
805
00:35:44,476 --> 00:35:47,103
HI, HI.
HOW'D IT GO?
806
00:35:47,103 --> 00:35:48,313
(Richard)EVERYTHING'S FINE,HONEY.
807
00:35:48,313 --> 00:35:50,231
YEAH, EVERYTHING'S FINE.
808
00:35:50,231 --> 00:35:51,316
[pants rip]
809
00:35:51,316 --> 00:35:53,109
[David grunts]
810
00:35:53,109 --> 00:35:54,653
[family chuckling]
UH‐OH!
811
00:35:57,280 --> 00:35:59,824
OH, JUST LIKE
PAUL NEWMAN.
812
00:35:59,824 --> 00:36:01,368
NICE, FIRM‐‐
813
00:36:01,368 --> 00:36:02,369
GRANDMA!
814
00:36:02,369 --> 00:36:04,079
DOLORES GRANT.
815
00:36:04,079 --> 00:36:05,914
NICE TO MEET YOU.
816
00:36:05,914 --> 00:36:08,667
HEY, DUDE, I'VE GOT
SOME CLOTHES YOU CAN BORROW.
817
00:36:08,667 --> 00:36:10,043
COME ON.
818
00:36:10,043 --> 00:36:14,422
WHATEVER.
THANKS, MAN.
819
00:36:17,634 --> 00:36:18,843
[laughter]
820
00:36:18,843 --> 00:36:20,804
I DIDN'T LIKE THOSE PANTS
ANYWAY.
821
00:36:22,639 --> 00:36:25,308
HERE, TRY THOSE.
822
00:36:30,397 --> 00:36:32,440
YOU HAVE A PHONE?
823
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:35,402
YEAH.
KEEP IT TO YOURSELF, THOUGH.
824
00:36:35,402 --> 00:36:37,445
YOU KNOW HOW MY MOM IS
ABOUT PHONES AT CHRISTMAS.
825
00:36:37,445 --> 00:36:39,406
HEH.
826
00:36:39,406 --> 00:36:41,908
UH, I NEED TO MAKE A CALL.
827
00:36:41,908 --> 00:36:43,159
COULD I BORROW IT
FOR A MINUTE?
828
00:36:44,452 --> 00:36:45,954
SURE.
829
00:36:45,954 --> 00:36:48,248
THANKS.
830
00:37:03,888 --> 00:37:06,349
[knock]
I'LL BE OUT
IN A MINUTE!
831
00:37:06,349 --> 00:37:08,768
LET'S GO IN THERE,
SUNSHINE.
832
00:37:08,768 --> 00:37:10,603
(Jessica's voice)HI, YOU'VE REACHEDJESSICA'S VOICEMAIL.
833
00:37:10,603 --> 00:37:12,355
DAMN IT!
834
00:37:12,355 --> 00:37:17,277
[telephone ringing]
835
00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:22,824
MARIA.
836
00:37:22,824 --> 00:37:24,743
HELLO.
837
00:37:24,743 --> 00:37:26,327
MRS. BARBER, IT'S DAVID.
838
00:37:26,327 --> 00:37:29,247
HELLO, DARLING.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
839
00:37:29,247 --> 00:37:30,331
(David)I WAS LOOKING FOR JESSICA,
840
00:37:30,331 --> 00:37:32,417
BUT I DON'T HAVE TIMEFOR THAT NOW.
841
00:37:32,417 --> 00:37:33,668
LISTEN, I'VE BEENTAKEN HOSTAGE!
842
00:37:33,668 --> 00:37:37,130
MARIA, I CAN'T
REACH MY DRINK!
843
00:37:37,130 --> 00:37:39,424
MRS. BARBER,
ARE YOU THERE?
844
00:37:39,424 --> 00:37:41,176
LET ME GET JESSICA
FOR YOU, DARLING.
845
00:37:41,176 --> 00:37:42,427
JESSICA!
846
00:37:42,427 --> 00:37:44,179
NO, NO, NO, MRS. BARBER,
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
847
00:37:44,179 --> 00:37:46,055
MARIA.
848
00:37:46,055 --> 00:37:47,932
MARIA‐‐AAH!
849
00:37:47,932 --> 00:37:50,435
OH, NO, MRS. BARBER.
850
00:37:50,435 --> 00:37:51,770
NOT AGAIN.
851
00:37:53,354 --> 00:37:55,273
HEY, WHERE'S NICK?
852
00:37:55,273 --> 00:37:56,357
HE'S ON THE PHONE.
853
00:37:56,357 --> 00:37:57,692
PHONE?
WHAT PHONE?
854
00:37:57,692 --> 00:37:59,360
MY PHONE.
855
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:01,362
OH!
OH, MAN!
856
00:38:04,324 --> 00:38:10,163
[telephone ringing]
857
00:38:10,163 --> 00:38:11,831
HELLO.
858
00:38:11,831 --> 00:38:14,334
JESSICA!
WHO'S THIS?
859
00:38:14,334 --> 00:38:15,794
IT'S DAVID.
860
00:38:15,794 --> 00:38:17,128
I'VE GOT SOMETHING
REALLY IMPORTANT TO TELL YOU.
861
00:38:17,128 --> 00:38:18,838
REALLY?
862
00:38:18,838 --> 00:38:20,381
BECAUSE YOU SAID THATYOU HAD SOMETHING IMPORTANT
863
00:38:20,381 --> 00:38:22,634
TO SAY YESTERDAY,AND THEN YOU STOOD ME UP.
864
00:38:24,385 --> 00:38:26,221
IS MY BOYFRIEND
IN THERE?
865
00:38:26,221 --> 00:38:29,015
DAISY MAE HAS BEEN IN THERE
PRIMPING FOR TEN MINUTES.
866
00:38:29,015 --> 00:38:30,475
OPEN THIS DOOR!
867
00:38:30,475 --> 00:38:32,352
(Jessica)I SKIPPEDMY GAMMA PI DELTA
868
00:38:32,352 --> 00:38:33,394
ALUMNI LUNCHEONTO MEET YOU.
869
00:38:33,394 --> 00:38:34,354
JESSICA, PLEASE LISTEN TO ME.
870
00:38:34,354 --> 00:38:37,148
AND I AM SURE
THAT BETSY PALMER
871
00:38:37,148 --> 00:38:38,483
JUMPED AT THE CHANCE
872
00:38:38,483 --> 00:38:40,151
TO CAMPAIGN FOR MY SPOT
AS SOCIAL CHAIR.
873
00:38:40,151 --> 00:38:42,237
OPEN THIS DOOR!
874
00:38:42,237 --> 00:38:44,864
I WAS ON BROADWAY ONCE.
875
00:38:44,864 --> 00:38:46,825
HEY!
876
00:38:46,825 --> 00:38:49,077
I WAS KIDNAPPED
FROM THE RESTAURANT YESTERDAY
877
00:38:49,077 --> 00:38:50,328
BY A WAITRESS.
878
00:38:50,328 --> 00:38:51,454
SHE'S ABOUT 5'2".
879
00:38:51,454 --> 00:38:53,498
SHE'S GOT CRAZY HAIR
AND CRAZY EYES.
880
00:38:56,543 --> 00:38:58,378
IF THIS IS YOUR WAY
OF GETTING OUT
881
00:38:58,378 --> 00:38:59,379
OF CHRISTMAS EVE
WITH MY PARENTS‐‐
882
00:38:59,379 --> 00:39:00,547
(David)LISTEN TO ME!
883
00:39:00,547 --> 00:39:02,757
I'M COUPLE HOURS
OUTSIDE THE CITY.
884
00:39:02,757 --> 00:39:04,259
NORTH, I THINK.
885
00:39:04,259 --> 00:39:07,637
IT'S A LOG CABIN.
SIX PLUS FOUR, RUSTIC CHARM.
886
00:39:07,637 --> 00:39:09,430
ARE YOU DRUNK?
887
00:39:09,430 --> 00:39:11,099
PLEASE, SWEETHEART,I LOVE YOU.
888
00:39:11,099 --> 00:39:13,852
THE IMPORTANT THING
YESTERDAY?
889
00:39:13,852 --> 00:39:15,186
I WAS GOING TO PROPOSE.
890
00:39:15,186 --> 00:39:18,314
PROPOSE?
891
00:39:18,314 --> 00:39:22,443
GO TO THE POLICE ANDTELL THEM WHAT'S HAPPENED.
892
00:39:22,443 --> 00:39:24,362
JESSICA, ARE YOU THERE?!
893
00:39:24,362 --> 00:39:27,073
OH.
YOU'RE SERIOUS?
894
00:39:27,073 --> 00:39:28,741
YES!
895
00:39:30,285 --> 00:39:32,871
I HAVE TO GO.
896
00:39:43,631 --> 00:39:45,717
DID YOU TALK
TO SOMEONE ON THE PHONE?
897
00:39:45,717 --> 00:39:48,386
NOPE, COULDN'T GET ANY
RECEPTION IN THE BATHROOM.
898
00:39:48,386 --> 00:39:50,680
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
YOU TALKED TO SOMEONE.
899
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:53,683
OKAY, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I DID.
900
00:39:53,683 --> 00:39:56,394
AND IT'S ONLY A MATTER
OF TIME NOW
901
00:39:56,394 --> 00:39:59,355
UNTIL I'M BROKEN OUT
OF THIS ASYLUM.
902
00:39:59,355 --> 00:40:02,025
BUT I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
903
00:40:02,025 --> 00:40:03,359
UNTIL THAT TIME,
904
00:40:03,359 --> 00:40:06,321
I'VE DECIDED
I'M GONNA HELP YOU.
905
00:40:06,321 --> 00:40:08,281
I'M GONNA BE THE BEST
BOYFRIEND EVER,
906
00:40:08,281 --> 00:40:10,283
AND YOUR PARENTS ARE GONNA
FALL IN LOVE WITH ME.
907
00:40:10,283 --> 00:40:13,119
WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?
908
00:40:13,119 --> 00:40:15,580
BECAUSE IT'S GONNA BE
MORE SATISFYING FOR ME
909
00:40:15,580 --> 00:40:18,124
WHEN YOUR FAMILY LEARNS
THE TRUTH ABOUT YOU.
910
00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:23,922
[exhales]
911
00:40:32,972 --> 00:40:34,557
(David)
YOU HAVE TO SWING YOUR HIPS
912
00:40:34,557 --> 00:40:36,059
IN CONJUNCTION
WITH YOUR SHOULDERS.
913
00:40:36,059 --> 00:40:37,143
IF YOU WATCH TIGER,
IT'S ALL CONNECTED.
914
00:40:37,143 --> 00:40:40,146
ONE FLUID MOTION.
THERE YOU GO.
915
00:40:40,146 --> 00:40:41,898
PLAYING THROUGH!
916
00:40:41,898 --> 00:40:44,734
(Richard)OKAY.
917
00:40:44,734 --> 00:40:46,694
SO WHAT IS IT
YOU DO, NICK?
918
00:40:46,694 --> 00:40:49,364
I WORK FOR A REAL ESTATE
DEVELOPMENT COMPANY.
919
00:40:49,364 --> 00:40:51,324
REALLY, WHICH ONE?
BARBER AND PARTNERS.
920
00:40:51,324 --> 00:40:53,993
I KNOW BARBER AND PARTNERS.
THAT'S A GOOD COMPANY.
921
00:40:53,993 --> 00:40:55,954
MY FIRM DID
SOME LEGAL WORK FOR YOU
922
00:40:55,954 --> 00:40:57,330
ON THE PINEHURST CONDOS.
OH, OKAY.
923
00:40:57,330 --> 00:40:58,706
WHAT DO YOU THERE?
924
00:40:58,706 --> 00:41:02,335
I'M A VICE PRESIDENT
OF NEW BUSINESS.
925
00:41:02,335 --> 00:41:03,836
YOU KNOW, THERE WAS A TIME
WE THOUGHT TRUDIE,
926
00:41:03,836 --> 00:41:05,463
WITH ALL HER CAUSES,
MIGHT GO TO LAW SCHOOL
927
00:41:05,463 --> 00:41:06,673
LIKE HER SISTER KATIE.
928
00:41:06,673 --> 00:41:10,468
BEING A DEMOCRAT IS NOT
A CAUSE, DAD.
929
00:41:10,468 --> 00:41:12,303
BUT SHE GOT HER DEGREE
IN LIBERAL ARTS.
930
00:41:12,303 --> 00:41:14,347
FINE ARTS, DAD.
931
00:41:14,347 --> 00:41:15,723
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS.
932
00:41:15,723 --> 00:41:17,433
IT'S AN EXPENSIVEWAY TO SAY,
933
00:41:17,433 --> 00:41:18,518
"DO YOU WANT FRIES
WITH THAT?"
934
00:41:18,518 --> 00:41:22,480
[chuckling]
935
00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:24,983
OH, HOMEMADE ORNAMENTS.
936
00:41:24,983 --> 00:41:27,485
YEAH, TRUDIE MADE THAT
WHEN SHE WAS FIVE.
937
00:41:27,485 --> 00:41:29,278
SHE WAS A LITTLE WITHDRAWN
AS A CHILD.
938
00:41:29,278 --> 00:41:30,488
OKAY, MOM.
939
00:41:30,488 --> 00:41:31,990
YOU KNOW,
HER BROTHER AND SISTER
940
00:41:31,990 --> 00:41:33,574
ARE SO OUTGOINGAND HAD SO MANY FRIENDS.
941
00:41:33,574 --> 00:41:36,327
BUT TRUDIE WAS‐‐I DON'T KNOW‐‐
A LITTLE ANTISOCIAL.
942
00:41:36,327 --> 00:41:38,496
REALLY?
943
00:41:38,496 --> 00:41:39,664
WE EVEN PAID A LITTLE BOYDOWN THE STREET
944
00:41:39,664 --> 00:41:41,541
TO BE HER FRIEND,
BUT HE GAVE US OUR MONEY BACK.
945
00:41:41,541 --> 00:41:44,377
ALL RIGHT!
946
00:41:44,377 --> 00:41:46,838
SO FROM THEN ON IT WAS
TRUDIE AND HER PROJECTS.
947
00:41:46,838 --> 00:41:49,007
AND OF COURSE BOBO BLONKERS.
948
00:41:49,007 --> 00:41:51,759
BOBO BLONKERS?
949
00:41:51,759 --> 00:41:53,428
HER IMAGINARY FRIEND.
950
00:41:53,428 --> 00:41:55,471
THANKS, MOM.
THANKS A LOT.
951
00:41:55,471 --> 00:41:56,472
WHAT?
WHAT WAS THAT?
952
00:41:56,472 --> 00:41:58,808
ARE YOU TALKING
TO BOBO BLONKERS RIGHT NOW?
953
00:41:58,808 --> 00:42:00,059
I HAVE AN IDEA.
954
00:42:00,059 --> 00:42:01,352
WHY DON'T WE LET NICK
955
00:42:01,352 --> 00:42:02,979
PUT THE ANGEL UP
ON THE TREE THIS YEAR?
956
00:42:02,979 --> 00:42:04,272
UM, MOM...
957
00:42:04,272 --> 00:42:07,275
I'VE BEEN DOING IT
SINCE I WAS FOUR YEARS OLD.
958
00:42:07,275 --> 00:42:08,443
REMEMBER WHEN DAD
USED TO HOLD ME UP
959
00:42:08,443 --> 00:42:10,653
TO THE TOP OF THE TREE
AND I WAS SO CUTE UP THERE?
960
00:42:10,653 --> 00:42:12,363
I KNOW, HONEY.
DON'T BE SELFISH.
961
00:42:12,363 --> 00:42:15,408
DAD, IT'S MY THING.
962
00:42:15,408 --> 00:42:17,326
I MEAN, THIS IS MY MOMENT.
963
00:42:17,326 --> 00:42:18,494
YOU KNOW, IT'S TRADITION.
964
00:42:18,494 --> 00:42:19,954
DOES ANYONE CARE ABOUT
THAT ANYMORE?
965
00:42:19,954 --> 00:42:21,998
TRUDIE, WHAT'S WRONG
WITH STARTING A NEW TRADITION?
966
00:42:21,998 --> 00:42:24,292
NICK, UP THE TREE.
967
00:42:24,292 --> 00:42:26,294
OH, THANKS.
ALL RIGHT.
968
00:42:26,294 --> 00:42:28,713
THANK YOU.
969
00:42:28,713 --> 00:42:29,756
YEAH.
970
00:42:29,756 --> 00:42:33,301
HEY, THERE SHE IS.
971
00:42:33,301 --> 00:42:36,304
[all shouting
and laughing]
972
00:42:53,362 --> 00:42:55,406
WOO!
973
00:42:55,406 --> 00:42:57,325
[all cheering]
974
00:43:05,458 --> 00:43:07,376
(David)
WOW, THIS IS REALLY
A GREAT PLACE.
975
00:43:07,376 --> 00:43:09,462
YOU KNOW, THERE'S
AN INCREDIBLE CRAFTSMANSHIP
976
00:43:09,462 --> 00:43:12,507
THAT GOES INTO A CABINLIKE THIS.
977
00:43:12,507 --> 00:43:15,426
I'D SAY THIS IS ADIRONDACK STYLE
WITH A CONTEMPORARY TWIST.
978
00:43:15,426 --> 00:43:17,136
YES, IN THE ADIRONDACKS,
979
00:43:17,136 --> 00:43:19,722
I STARRED
IN A REVIVAL OF MEDEA.
980
00:43:19,722 --> 00:43:21,682
YES, WE KNOW THAT,
MOTHER!
981
00:43:21,682 --> 00:43:22,975
YOU DON'T NEED
TO SHOUT, DEAR.
982
00:43:22,975 --> 00:43:24,977
I'M NOT DEAF.
983
00:43:26,395 --> 00:43:28,272
NICK, WOULD YOU LIKE
ANOTHER PIECE OF PIE?
984
00:43:28,272 --> 00:43:30,483
SURE.
985
00:43:30,483 --> 00:43:33,694
TRUDIE, WOULD YOU GET HIM
ANOTHER PIECE OF PIE, PLEASE?
986
00:43:33,694 --> 00:43:36,239
WELL, HE KNOWS
WHERE THE KITCHEN IS.
987
00:43:36,239 --> 00:43:40,118
ARE YOU TRYING
TO RUIN CHRISTMAS?
988
00:43:42,161 --> 00:43:45,206
OH, THANK YOU,
BUNNYKINS!
989
00:43:45,206 --> 00:43:47,375
[chuckling]
990
00:43:47,375 --> 00:43:50,419
NICK, EVERY CHRISTMAS EVE,
991
00:43:50,419 --> 00:43:52,588
WE READ 'TWAS THE NIGHTBEFORE CHRISTMAS.
992
00:43:52,588 --> 00:43:54,132
AND I WAS WONDERING
IF MAYBE
993
00:43:54,132 --> 00:43:55,758
YOU WOULD LIKE TO DO
THE HONORS.
994
00:43:55,758 --> 00:43:59,137
[family cheers
and applauds]
995
00:43:59,137 --> 00:44:01,264
REALLY?
OH, WOW.
996
00:44:01,264 --> 00:44:04,433
OKAY.
997
00:44:04,433 --> 00:44:07,228
THAT'S IT.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH.
998
00:44:07,228 --> 00:44:08,813
WHOA.
999
00:44:12,525 --> 00:44:15,695
UH, I'M GONNA‐‐YEAH.
1000
00:44:17,405 --> 00:44:19,866
YEAH, SMART.
1001
00:44:23,619 --> 00:44:25,371
WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU?
1002
00:44:25,371 --> 00:44:26,581
WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH ME?
1003
00:44:26,581 --> 00:44:27,665
THEY'RE FAWNING
ALL OVER YOU
1004
00:44:27,665 --> 00:44:29,292
LIKE THE LAST PIECE
OF FILET MIGNON.
1005
00:44:29,292 --> 00:44:30,459
THAT'S WHAT YOU WANTED.
1006
00:44:30,459 --> 00:44:31,627
ISN'T THAT THE WHOLE
POINT OF ALL THIS?
1007
00:44:31,627 --> 00:44:33,504
YEAH, BUT‐‐
BUT WHAT?
1008
00:44:33,504 --> 00:44:36,257
MY FAMILY LIKES YOU
1009
00:44:36,257 --> 00:44:39,218
MORE THAN...THEY LIKE ME.
1010
00:44:43,806 --> 00:44:45,308
WELL, I DIDN'T EVEN WANT
TO READ THE STUPID STORY.
1011
00:44:45,308 --> 00:44:47,226
SO DON'T READ THE STORY.
1012
00:44:47,226 --> 00:44:48,895
I DON'T CARE
IF YOU READ THE STORY.
1013
00:44:48,895 --> 00:44:50,313
WELL, THEN FINE.
1014
00:44:50,313 --> 00:44:52,732
THEN I'M GONNA READTHE STORY.
1015
00:44:52,732 --> 00:44:53,733
FINE.
1016
00:44:53,733 --> 00:44:56,319
FINE.
1017
00:44:56,319 --> 00:44:59,405
[moaning]
1018
00:44:59,405 --> 00:45:02,408
(Richard)LOVE THIS PIE.
1019
00:45:02,408 --> 00:45:05,870
[moaning]
1020
00:45:05,870 --> 00:45:07,538
IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
1021
00:45:07,538 --> 00:45:09,332
YEAH, IT'S FINE, MOM.
1022
00:45:09,332 --> 00:45:11,459
(David)THANK YOU.
1023
00:45:11,459 --> 00:45:13,377
OKAY, HERE WE GO.
1024
00:45:13,377 --> 00:45:16,088
"TWAS THE NIGHT
BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
1025
00:45:16,088 --> 00:45:18,299
"WHEN ALL THROUGHTHE HOUSE
1026
00:45:18,299 --> 00:45:19,675
"NOT A CREATUREWAS STIRRING,
1027
00:45:19,675 --> 00:45:21,302
"NOT EVEN A MOUSE.
1028
00:45:21,302 --> 00:45:25,097
"THE STOCKINGS WERE HUNGBY THE CHIMNEY WITH CARE
1029
00:45:25,097 --> 00:45:29,727
"IN HOPES THAT ST. NICHOLASSOON WOULD BE THERE.
1030
00:45:29,727 --> 00:45:32,813
"THE CHILDREN WERE NESTLEDALL SNUG IN THEIR BEDS
1031
00:45:32,813 --> 00:45:36,651
WHILE VISIONS OF SUGARPLUMS
DANCED IN THEIR HEADS."
1032
00:45:36,651 --> 00:45:39,570
[sentimental music]
1033
00:45:39,570 --> 00:45:42,490
♪ ♪
1034
00:45:42,490 --> 00:45:44,325
[laughter and applause]
1035
00:45:44,325 --> 00:45:46,535
WELL DONE!
1036
00:45:50,498 --> 00:45:52,541
MOM, WE DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE
OREOS AND MILK
1037
00:45:52,541 --> 00:45:53,793
FOR SANTA THIS YEAR.
1038
00:45:53,793 --> 00:45:56,462
WHAT IF SANTA'S HUNGRY?
1039
00:45:56,462 --> 00:45:57,880
WILL YOU PUT THAT AWAY?
MM‐HMM.
1040
00:45:59,382 --> 00:46:01,759
MOM, COME ON,
WE'RE ALL ADULTS HERE.
1041
00:46:01,759 --> 00:46:03,219
WE DON'T HAVE TO WRITE
LETTERS.
1042
00:46:03,219 --> 00:46:04,804
HOW IS SANTA GOING TO KNOW
WHAT YOU WANT?
1043
00:46:08,307 --> 00:46:10,059
GOOD NIGHT.
1044
00:46:10,059 --> 00:46:12,144
GOOD NIGHT.
1045
00:46:12,144 --> 00:46:14,272
HMM.
1046
00:46:14,272 --> 00:46:17,733
YOU CAN'T EAT THOSE.
1047
00:46:17,733 --> 00:46:18,818
WHAT'S IT GONNA LOOK LIKE
1048
00:46:18,818 --> 00:46:21,487
IF SANTA DOESN'T EAT
HIS COOKIES?
1049
00:46:21,487 --> 00:46:23,864
FIGURES YOU'RE A DUNKER.
1050
00:46:23,864 --> 00:46:25,074
OF COURSE.
1051
00:46:25,074 --> 00:46:26,617
WHAT ARE YOU,
A TWISTER?
1052
00:46:26,617 --> 00:46:29,370
THAT'S SO WRONG
IN SO MANY WAYS.
1053
00:46:29,370 --> 00:46:31,455
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET
THIS OVER WITH.
1054
00:46:34,542 --> 00:46:35,918
OH, THIS SO DUMB.
1055
00:46:35,918 --> 00:46:38,546
I HOPE YOU'RE NOT EXPECTING
MUCH FROM SANTA.
1056
00:46:38,546 --> 00:46:40,339
A FEDERAL OFFENSE
PROBABLY PUTS YOU
1057
00:46:40,339 --> 00:46:43,092
ON THE NAUGHTY LIST
THIS YEAR.
1058
00:46:43,092 --> 00:46:45,344
LAUGH IT UP.
YOU'VE GOTTA DO ONE TOO.
1059
00:46:45,344 --> 00:46:48,347
HMM?
1060
00:46:48,347 --> 00:46:50,141
THIS MAY TAKE A WHILE.
1061
00:46:58,399 --> 00:47:01,610
I'M GONNA ASK FOR A NEW
FULLY LOADED S. U. V.
1062
00:47:01,610 --> 00:47:03,404
HMM, INTERESTING.
1063
00:47:03,404 --> 00:47:06,365
I'M GONNA ASK FOR AN END
TO GLOBAL WARMING.
1064
00:47:06,365 --> 00:47:07,867
WHAT, YOU THINK MY LIST
IS SUPERFICIAL?
1065
00:47:07,867 --> 00:47:09,035
I DON'T KNOW.
LET ME SEE IT.
1066
00:47:09,035 --> 00:47:11,037
NO.
1067
00:47:11,037 --> 00:47:13,039
YOU WANT A PASTA MACHINE?
1068
00:47:13,039 --> 00:47:14,623
I LIKE TO COOK.
1069
00:47:14,623 --> 00:47:17,752
DON'T YOU WANT SOMETHING
MORE, YOU KNOW, MEANINGFUL?
1070
00:47:17,752 --> 00:47:20,212
I HAVE EVERYTHING I WANT.
1071
00:47:20,212 --> 00:47:24,592
GREAT JOB.
BEAUTIFUL GIRLFRIEND.
1072
00:47:28,637 --> 00:47:30,431
LET ME SEE YOURS.
1073
00:47:30,431 --> 00:47:33,976
"TIKI LIGHTS.
CHINESE TEA POT.
1074
00:47:33,976 --> 00:47:38,022
STOP DISAPPOINTING
MY PARENTS."
1075
00:47:39,982 --> 00:47:42,443
COME ON, I'M SURE
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
1076
00:47:42,443 --> 00:47:44,737
BELIEVE ME, IT'S TRUE.
1077
00:47:44,737 --> 00:47:46,489
LOOK, YOUR PARENTS
ARE GOOD PEOPLE.
1078
00:47:46,489 --> 00:47:49,742
AND THEY LOVE YOU.
1079
00:47:49,742 --> 00:47:53,371
I JUST WISH FOR ONCE
THEY'D LOOK AT ME...
1080
00:47:53,371 --> 00:47:54,872
YOU KNOW, THE WAY
THEY LOOK AT YOU.
1081
00:47:54,872 --> 00:47:56,415
THEY DO.
1082
00:47:56,415 --> 00:47:58,042
THEY DON'T.
1083
00:48:01,045 --> 00:48:03,214
THE BEST CHRISTMAS
I EVER HAD, I WAS TEN.
1084
00:48:03,214 --> 00:48:05,174
I WAS TAKING
FIGURE SKATING LESSONS,
1085
00:48:05,174 --> 00:48:06,509
AND I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE
THIS BIG RECITAL
1086
00:48:06,509 --> 00:48:07,551
ON CHRISTMAS EVE.
1087
00:48:07,551 --> 00:48:09,428
THERE WAS
THIS HUGE SNOWSTORM
1088
00:48:09,428 --> 00:48:10,429
AND THEY CANCELLED IT.
1089
00:48:10,429 --> 00:48:13,474
OH, I WAS SO UPSET.
1090
00:48:13,474 --> 00:48:15,559
BUT OUR HOUSE HAD
THIS PATIO IN THE BACK,
1091
00:48:15,559 --> 00:48:16,811
AND MY DAD SHOVELED IT
1092
00:48:16,811 --> 00:48:19,772
AND RAN THE HOSE OVER IT
AND MADE ICE.
1093
00:48:19,772 --> 00:48:22,650
AND MY MOM PUT LIGHTS IN ALL
THE TREES IN THE BACKYARD.
1094
00:48:22,650 --> 00:48:27,029
OH, THE GLOW WAS
SO BEAUTIFUL.
1095
00:48:27,029 --> 00:48:29,907
AND IT WAS SO QUIET.
1096
00:48:29,907 --> 00:48:32,660
AND THAT CHRISTMAS EVE,
I SKATED MY LITTLE ROUTINE
1097
00:48:32,660 --> 00:48:35,246
WITH MY PARENTS WATCHING.
1098
00:48:35,246 --> 00:48:38,958
IT WAS LIKE I WAS THE ONLY
PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
1099
00:48:38,958 --> 00:48:41,627
THEY WERE SO PROUD OF ME.
1100
00:48:41,627 --> 00:48:44,839
BUT SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY
THINGS CHANGED,
1101
00:48:44,839 --> 00:48:49,385
AND I JUST...WISH
THEY STILL FELT THAT WAY
1102
00:48:49,385 --> 00:48:52,930
ABOUT ME, YOU KNOW?
1103
00:48:55,599 --> 00:48:57,643
YOU KNOW,
I THINK PARENTS
1104
00:48:57,643 --> 00:48:59,812
WANT THE BEST
FOR THEIR KIDS.
1105
00:48:59,812 --> 00:49:03,566
BUT SOMETIMES THEY DON'T
KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
1106
00:49:08,154 --> 00:49:10,489
WE SHOULD PROBABLY
HIDE THE EVIDENCE.
1107
00:49:22,501 --> 00:49:25,880
[Christmas rock music
playing]
1108
00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:28,340
[laughter and chattering]
1109
00:49:28,340 --> 00:49:30,801
HELLO!
1110
00:49:30,801 --> 00:49:32,303
HELLO?
1111
00:49:32,303 --> 00:49:34,138
HELLO!
1112
00:49:34,138 --> 00:49:36,849
EXCUSE ME, THERE'S
A CONCERNED CITIZEN HERE
1113
00:49:36,849 --> 00:49:39,602
WHO NEEDS HELP
FROM HER CIVIL SERVANTS.
1114
00:49:39,602 --> 00:49:42,229
YOO‐HOO!
HEY!
1115
00:49:42,229 --> 00:49:44,190
[chattering stops]
1116
00:49:44,190 --> 00:49:46,358
SOMEBODY BETTER
PAY ATTENTION TO ME.
1117
00:49:46,358 --> 00:49:48,736
SHE'S ALL YOURS, PAL.
1118
00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:53,866
LET ME GUESS.
DOMESTIC DISTURBANCE?
1119
00:49:53,866 --> 00:49:58,245
NO, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
1120
00:49:58,245 --> 00:50:01,248
I'M HERE TO REPORT
A KIDNAPPING.
1121
00:50:07,588 --> 00:50:09,924
♪ DASHING THROUGH THE SNOW ♪
1122
00:50:09,924 --> 00:50:12,343
♪ IN A ONE‐HORSE
OPEN SLEIGH ♪
1123
00:50:12,343 --> 00:50:16,388
[family chattering]
1124
00:50:16,388 --> 00:50:18,807
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
1125
00:50:18,807 --> 00:50:21,268
MOTHER, ISN'T IT
A LITTLE EARLY?
1126
00:50:21,268 --> 00:50:23,437
EARLY FOR WHO,
SUGAR BRITCHES?
1127
00:50:23,437 --> 00:50:25,356
I HAVE TO SPEND
ANOTHER ENTIRE DAY
1128
00:50:25,356 --> 00:50:26,899
TRAPPED WITH
YOU YAHOOS.
1129
00:50:26,899 --> 00:50:30,027
MAMA'S GONNA NEED
A LITTLE HELP.
1130
00:50:30,027 --> 00:50:32,112
OKAY.
1131
00:50:32,112 --> 00:50:34,448
EVERYBODY, HERE'S
THE SCHEDULE FOR TODAY.
1132
00:50:34,448 --> 00:50:35,824
JAKE AND KATIE, YOU'LL BEON KITCHEN DUTY WITH ME.
1133
00:50:35,824 --> 00:50:37,576
RICHARD,
YOU'RE CHOPPING FIREWOOD.
1134
00:50:37,576 --> 00:50:40,329
MOTHER‐‐
HMM?
1135
00:50:40,329 --> 00:50:42,248
DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.
1136
00:50:42,248 --> 00:50:45,626
TRUDIE, YOU AND NICK
GO OUTSIDE AND HAVE SOME FUN.
1137
00:50:45,626 --> 00:50:47,294
I'VE LEFT SOME WARM JACKETSAND STUFF BY THE BACK DOOR.
1138
00:50:47,294 --> 00:50:50,548
PRESENTS ARE AT 4:00.
DINNER WILL BE AT 7:00.
1139
00:50:50,548 --> 00:50:52,216
THAT'S IT!
1140
00:50:52,216 --> 00:50:54,718
YOU KNOW, ABOUT LAST NIGHT,
1141
00:50:54,718 --> 00:50:57,471
I DIDN'T MEAN TO GET
PERSONAL, AND, YOU KNOW‐‐
1142
00:51:01,392 --> 00:51:03,018
WHAT?
1143
00:51:03,018 --> 00:51:05,729
OH, MY GOD.
NEVER MIND.
1144
00:51:05,729 --> 00:51:08,399
WHAT?
1145
00:51:08,399 --> 00:51:09,483
THAT'S GREAT.
1146
00:51:09,483 --> 00:51:11,193
YOU'RE JUSTCHECKING OUT MY SISTER.
1147
00:51:11,193 --> 00:51:12,903
I MEAN, WHY WOULDN'T YOU BE?OF COURSE YOU ARE.
1148
00:51:12,903 --> 00:51:14,488
SHE'S GORGEOUS
AND GRACEFUL AND‐‐
1149
00:51:14,488 --> 00:51:16,740
YOUR SISTER ISVERY LIMBER.
1150
00:51:16,740 --> 00:51:18,742
UGH.
1151
00:51:18,742 --> 00:51:20,494
YOU'RE JEALOUS.
1152
00:51:20,494 --> 00:51:22,162
I AM NOT!
ARE TOO.
1153
00:51:22,162 --> 00:51:23,581
AM NOT!
ARE TOO!
1154
00:51:23,581 --> 00:51:24,623
AM NOT!
1155
00:51:26,458 --> 00:51:27,418
DO RICH KIDS
EVEN PLAY HOCKEY?
1156
00:51:27,418 --> 00:51:29,253
I PLAYED MY FAIR SHARE.
1157
00:51:29,253 --> 00:51:30,629
WELL, I'VE BEEN PLAYING
WITH MY BROTHER
1158
00:51:30,629 --> 00:51:31,880
SINCE I COULD WALK,
SO LET'S GO.
1159
00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:35,134
[soft rock music]
1160
00:51:35,134 --> 00:51:36,927
[laughing]
YES!
1161
00:51:36,927 --> 00:51:38,304
OH.
1162
00:51:38,304 --> 00:51:39,638
I'M OKAY, I'M OKAY.
1163
00:51:42,641 --> 00:51:44,476
UNH!
OH!
1164
00:51:44,476 --> 00:51:45,728
YOU SURE YOU WANT
TO DO THIS?
1165
00:51:45,728 --> 00:51:47,479
YEAH, COME ON.
1166
00:51:50,691 --> 00:51:52,318
UNH! UNH!
1167
00:51:56,530 --> 00:51:58,073
(David)SORRY.
1168
00:51:58,073 --> 00:51:59,908
YOU KNOW, I GOTTA
GIVE IT TO YOU.
1169
00:51:59,908 --> 00:52:01,493
YOU'RE PRETTY SCRAPPY.
1170
00:52:01,493 --> 00:52:02,911
UM, I THINK YOU'VE HAD
ENOUGH FOR NOW.
1171
00:52:02,911 --> 00:52:04,496
[chuckling]
1172
00:52:04,496 --> 00:52:07,499
SO WHAT DO YOU DOFOR FUN?
1173
00:52:07,499 --> 00:52:09,251
FOR FUN?
1174
00:52:09,251 --> 00:52:11,295
YOU KNOW, WHAT ARE YOU
INTERESTED IN?
1175
00:52:11,295 --> 00:52:13,047
I PAINT.
REALLY?
1176
00:52:13,047 --> 00:52:14,882
WHAT KIND OF PAINTINGS?
1177
00:52:14,882 --> 00:52:16,675
PORTRAITS MOSTLY.
1178
00:52:16,675 --> 00:52:19,386
YOU KNOW, LIKE
POST‐IMPRESSIONIST STUFF.
1179
00:52:19,386 --> 00:52:21,096
IT'S A FOCUS ON COLOR
OVER LINE‐‐
1180
00:52:21,096 --> 00:52:22,556
I KNOW WHAT
POST‐IMPRESSIONISM IS.
1181
00:52:22,556 --> 00:52:25,476
LIKE CEZANNE, OR MORE
LIKE ALICE NEEL?
1182
00:52:25,476 --> 00:52:28,270
I LOVE ALICE NEEL.
YOU KNOW ALICE NEEL?
1183
00:52:28,270 --> 00:52:31,523
YOU SHOULDN'T JUMP
TO CONCLUSIONS ABOUT PEOPLE.
1184
00:52:31,523 --> 00:52:33,484
SO WHAT DO YOU BESIDES
BUILD COOKIE CUTTER
1185
00:52:33,484 --> 00:52:35,861
CONDOMINIUMS
FOR THE MASSES?
1186
00:52:35,861 --> 00:52:38,781
I DIDN'T START OUT
TO DO THAT.
1187
00:52:38,781 --> 00:52:40,908
I ACTUALLY STUDIED
ARCHITECTURE.
1188
00:52:40,908 --> 00:52:43,535
FOR A WHILE THERE I THOUGHT
I WAS GONNA GO OUT ON MY OWN.
1189
00:52:43,535 --> 00:52:45,120
WHY DIDN'T YOU?
1190
00:52:45,120 --> 00:52:47,039
WELL, IT'S RISKY,
AND THERE'S NO MONEY IN IT
1191
00:52:47,039 --> 00:52:48,957
UNLESS YOU'RE ESTABLISHED.
1192
00:52:48,957 --> 00:52:50,167
WELL, WHAT ABOUT
YOUR PARENTS?
1193
00:52:50,167 --> 00:52:51,627
WOULDN'T THEY HAVE
HELPED YOU GET STARTED?
1194
00:52:51,627 --> 00:52:52,795
YEAH, THEY WOULD'VE
1195
00:52:52,795 --> 00:52:54,338
IF THEY HAD TWO NICKELS
TO RUB TOGETHER.
1196
00:52:54,338 --> 00:52:57,466
THEY WERE BOTH
SCHOOL TEACHERS.
1197
00:52:57,466 --> 00:52:59,385
THEY DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT
WHEN I WAS NINE.
1198
00:52:59,385 --> 00:53:03,013
OH...I'M SO SORRY.
1199
00:53:03,013 --> 00:53:05,391
BUT YOU SAID
YOU GREW UP WELL OFF.
1200
00:53:05,391 --> 00:53:07,226
NO, YOU DID.
1201
00:53:07,226 --> 00:53:08,519
I LIVED WITH MY GRANDFATHER
1202
00:53:08,519 --> 00:53:11,355
IN A ONE‐BEDROOM APARTMENT
UNTIL I WAS 18.
1203
00:53:11,355 --> 00:53:14,733
I WORKED MY WAY THROUGH COLLEGE
MOWING LAWNS FOR THE CITY.
1204
00:53:14,733 --> 00:53:16,568
THAT MUST'VE BEEN TOUGH.
1205
00:53:16,568 --> 00:53:19,446
YOU KNOW, IT ACTUALLY
HELPED ME IN CERTAIN WAYS.
1206
00:53:19,446 --> 00:53:22,032
I LEARNED AT ANY EARLY AGE
THAT WE'RE ALL ON OUR OWN.
1207
00:53:35,254 --> 00:53:37,214
WOULD YOU GO, PLEASE?
1208
00:53:37,214 --> 00:53:38,757
DON'T RUSH ME.
1209
00:53:47,015 --> 00:53:48,642
OH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
1210
00:53:48,642 --> 00:53:50,644
HA!
1211
00:53:53,063 --> 00:53:54,314
HA.
1212
00:53:54,314 --> 00:53:56,442
AW, THAT'S TOO BAD.
1213
00:53:56,442 --> 00:53:58,944
MAKING A MOVE LIKE THAT
MUST BE KILLING YOU.
1214
00:53:58,944 --> 00:54:00,738
HEY!
1215
00:54:00,738 --> 00:54:03,073
WHY DO YOU KEEP
HITTING YOURSELF?
[giggling]
1216
00:54:03,073 --> 00:54:04,408
SERIOUSLY, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?
1217
00:54:04,408 --> 00:54:06,118
TRUDIE, I'M STARTING
TO WORRY ABOUT YOU NOW.
1218
00:54:06,118 --> 00:54:07,453
OH, MY GOSH, YOU HAVE
TO STOP THAT RIGHT NOW.
1219
00:54:07,453 --> 00:54:08,912
STOP!
1220
00:54:08,912 --> 00:54:10,497
GIVE IT BACK.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO THAT.
1221
00:54:10,497 --> 00:54:11,832
BUT YOU DID IT.
IT'S DONE.
1222
00:54:11,832 --> 00:54:13,000
IT WAS A MISTAKE.
1223
00:54:13,000 --> 00:54:14,251
YOU CAN'T TAKE
SOMETHING BACK
1224
00:54:14,251 --> 00:54:17,379
ONCE IT'S
ALREADY DONE.
1225
00:54:17,379 --> 00:54:19,965
EVEN IF YOU REALIZE
RIGHT AWAY
1226
00:54:19,965 --> 00:54:22,593
IT WAS WRONG
AND...YOU'RE SORRY?
1227
00:54:26,263 --> 00:54:29,558
FINE.
1228
00:54:29,558 --> 00:54:31,435
BUT KNOW
THAT YOU'RE A CHEATER.
1229
00:54:35,564 --> 00:54:37,107
SUCH A CHEATER.
1230
00:54:41,320 --> 00:54:43,280
I'M GONNA GO GET
SOME MILK FOR THESE.
1231
00:54:44,531 --> 00:54:48,202
IT'S COVERED IN STONES‐‐
1232
00:54:48,202 --> 00:54:50,245
OH, OH!
1233
00:54:52,080 --> 00:54:55,167
OH, WELL, WE'RE NOT INTO
PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION.
1234
00:54:55,167 --> 00:54:56,251
RIGHT.
1235
00:54:56,251 --> 00:54:57,753
COME ON, DON'T BE
SUCH A PRUDE.
1236
00:54:57,753 --> 00:54:59,046
YEAH, SORRY.
YOU HAVE NO CHOICE.
1237
00:54:59,046 --> 00:55:00,631
IT'S MISTLETOE.
1238
00:55:07,346 --> 00:55:09,640
[humming Wedding March]
1239
00:55:09,640 --> 00:55:11,517
MOM!
1240
00:55:11,517 --> 00:55:14,478
I'LL GET THE MILK.
1241
00:55:14,478 --> 00:55:18,273
OH, THIS IS IT.
THE SCENE OF THE CRIME.
1242
00:55:18,273 --> 00:55:21,568
AREN'T YOU GONNA
DRAW YOUR GUNS?
1243
00:55:21,568 --> 00:55:23,654
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
1244
00:55:23,654 --> 00:55:25,239
WELCOME TO TAJ'S
DINER DELUXE.
1245
00:55:25,239 --> 00:55:28,700
WE HAVE A DELICIOUS
HO‐HO HOT DOG SPECIAL TODAY.
1246
00:55:28,700 --> 00:55:30,369
WE'RE NOT HERE TO EAT.
1247
00:55:30,369 --> 00:55:31,995
WE'RE HEREBECAUSE MY BOYFRIEND
1248
00:55:31,995 --> 00:55:35,082
WAS KIDNAPPED BY ONE
OF YOUR WAITRESSES YESTERDAY.
1249
00:55:35,082 --> 00:55:37,376
YEAH, FEMALE, 5'2",
1250
00:55:37,376 --> 00:55:39,419
CRAZY HAIR, CRAZY EYES.
1251
00:55:39,419 --> 00:55:42,005
YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO FITSTHAT DESCRIPTION?
1252
00:55:42,005 --> 00:55:43,340
APPARENTLY HE WAS TAKEN
AT GUNPOINT.
1253
00:55:43,340 --> 00:55:45,968
DO YOU KNOW WHERE
SHE MAY HAVE GOTTEN A GUN?
1254
00:55:45,968 --> 00:55:48,303
OH, UH, NO, NO.
1255
00:55:48,303 --> 00:55:50,180
NO, I DON'T KNOW‐‐
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING.
1256
00:55:57,187 --> 00:56:00,107
MOM, ISN'T IT TIME
FOR PRESENTS?
1257
00:56:00,107 --> 00:56:01,149
OH, IS IT?
1258
00:56:01,149 --> 00:56:02,818
IT'S 4:00 P. M.
HMM.
1259
00:56:02,818 --> 00:56:04,236
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
1260
00:56:04,236 --> 00:56:05,946
OH, I'M FOLDING
YOUR FATHER'S JOCKEY SHORTS.
1261
00:56:05,946 --> 00:56:08,699
SOMETIMES I HAVE DREAMS
1262
00:56:08,699 --> 00:56:11,493
THAT HUNDREDS OF PAIRS
OF UNDERWEAR ENVELOPE ME.
1263
00:56:11,493 --> 00:56:14,496
DO YOU EVER HAVEDREAMS LIKE THAT?
1264
00:56:14,496 --> 00:56:16,665
NO.
MOM, ARE YOU OKAY?
1265
00:56:18,750 --> 00:56:20,377
DO YOU KNOW THAT
YOUR FATHER'S THE ONLY MAN
1266
00:56:20,377 --> 00:56:22,796
I HAVE EVER SLEPT WITH?
1267
00:56:22,796 --> 00:56:25,299
HAVE YOU SLEPT
WITH MORE THAN ONE MAN?
1268
00:56:25,299 --> 00:56:27,843
[exhales]
NO.
1269
00:56:27,843 --> 00:56:29,261
OF COURSE YOU HAVE.
1270
00:56:29,261 --> 00:56:30,470
IT'S THE WAY
OF THE MODERN WORLD.
1271
00:56:30,470 --> 00:56:33,098
YOU BOINK A WHOLE LOT
OF DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
1272
00:56:33,098 --> 00:56:37,477
YOU DON'T JUST PICK ONE
AND HOPE FOR THE BEST.
1273
00:56:37,477 --> 00:56:40,522
WELL, I'M PRETTY SURE
IT'S TIME FOR PRESENTS.
1274
00:56:40,522 --> 00:56:41,523
COME ON.
1275
00:56:44,318 --> 00:56:46,278
OH, HONEY, YOU'RE RIGHT.
1276
00:56:46,278 --> 00:56:48,989
YES, OKAY,
LET'S GO, GO, GO.
1277
00:56:48,989 --> 00:56:51,992
[clock ticking]
1278
00:57:15,474 --> 00:57:18,810
NICK, TIME FOR PRESENTS!
1279
00:57:18,810 --> 00:57:22,272
GRANDMA.
JAKE.
1280
00:57:22,272 --> 00:57:23,815
THANK YOU.
1281
00:57:23,815 --> 00:57:26,360
HAVE YOU NOTICED ANYTHING
STRANGE ABOUT MOM?
1282
00:57:26,360 --> 00:57:28,320
LIKE MORE THAN USUAL?
1283
00:57:28,320 --> 00:57:29,821
YEAH, I JUST HAD A WEIRD
CONVERSATION WITH HER,
1284
00:57:29,821 --> 00:57:33,367
AND I THINK SHE MIGHT NOT
BE SO HAPPY WITH DAD.
1285
00:57:33,367 --> 00:57:35,661
WHAT?
THAT'S CRAZY.
1286
00:57:35,661 --> 00:57:36,787
SHE USED THE WORD "BOINK."
1287
00:57:36,787 --> 00:57:38,622
EW.
YEAH.
1288
00:57:38,622 --> 00:57:44,294
NICK, FOR YOU.
TRUDIE, FOR YOU.
1289
00:57:44,294 --> 00:57:46,296
CAN I?
1290
00:57:46,296 --> 00:57:48,256
MM‐HMM.
NICK'S GONNA‐‐
1291
00:57:48,256 --> 00:57:50,092
(Richard)IT'S A BACK SCRUBBER!
1292
00:57:50,092 --> 00:57:52,260
(Katherine)EXFOLIATION ISTHE KEY TO GOOD SKIN.
1293
00:57:52,260 --> 00:57:53,929
YEAH, COOL.
1294
00:57:53,929 --> 00:57:55,180
(Trudie)WOW, GOOD JOB, MOM.
1295
00:57:55,180 --> 00:57:57,099
THANK YOU.
1296
00:58:02,771 --> 00:58:04,606
IT JUST LIGHTS UP YOUR FACE.
1297
00:58:04,606 --> 00:58:05,774
PINK.
1298
00:58:05,774 --> 00:58:07,984
SMILE!
[Christmas rock music]
1299
00:58:07,984 --> 00:58:08,985
OH, BEAUTIFUL.
1300
00:58:08,985 --> 00:58:11,405
ALL RIGHT.
1301
00:58:11,405 --> 00:58:12,322
(Richard)GOTTA LOOK THE PART, SON.
1302
00:58:12,322 --> 00:58:13,990
GREED IS GOOD.
1303
00:58:13,990 --> 00:58:15,701
WOW.
1304
00:58:15,701 --> 00:58:17,452
(Katherine)YOUR DAD FOUND THAT.
1305
00:58:17,452 --> 00:58:19,496
IT LISTS EVERY LAW FIRMIN AMERICA.
1306
00:58:19,496 --> 00:58:20,664
OKAY.
1307
00:58:20,664 --> 00:58:22,416
(Katherine)WELL, YOU'RE ALWAYS SAYING
1308
00:58:22,416 --> 00:58:23,500
YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGHUNDERWEAR.
1309
00:58:23,500 --> 00:58:26,420
OH, MY GOSH.
THIS IS REALLY HEAVY.
1310
00:58:26,420 --> 00:58:29,840
OH, GREATFOR TIGHTENING SCREWS.
1311
00:58:33,427 --> 00:58:34,636
EWW...
1312
00:58:34,636 --> 00:58:37,055
(Katie)I PICKED THAT OUT.
1313
00:58:37,055 --> 00:58:40,350
OH, TRUDIE, ONE MORE GIFT.
IT'S FOR YOU.
1314
00:58:52,446 --> 00:58:54,531
WELL, WE JUST THOUGHT THAT‐‐
1315
00:58:54,531 --> 00:58:56,783
YEAH.
1316
00:58:56,783 --> 00:58:58,034
(Richard)HEY, LOOK, TRUDIE,
1317
00:58:58,034 --> 00:58:59,453
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
HAPPENED THE OTHER DAY
1318
00:58:59,453 --> 00:59:01,496
WITH MR. PORTNOY, BUT...
1319
00:59:01,496 --> 00:59:04,082
[exhales]
I THINK IT'S TIME TO GET
YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE CLOUDS.
1320
00:59:04,082 --> 00:59:05,876
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
1321
00:59:05,876 --> 00:59:07,711
YOU NEED TO GROW UPAND GET FOCUSED
1322
00:59:07,711 --> 00:59:10,088
ON A LEGITIMATE CAREER.
1323
00:59:10,088 --> 00:59:11,465
YOU'RE UNSETTLED.YOU'RE UNFOCUSED.
1324
00:59:11,465 --> 00:59:13,175
YOU NEED TO FIND SOMETHING
TO DO REALLY WELL.
1325
00:59:13,175 --> 00:59:16,094
BUT I HAVE, I DO.
IT'S PAINTING.
1326
00:59:16,094 --> 00:59:17,304
I MEAN, IT'S THE ONLY THING
I CARE ABOUT.
1327
00:59:17,304 --> 00:59:19,264
IT'S THE ONLY THING
THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE ME.
1328
00:59:19,264 --> 00:59:21,767
THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO
WITH WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT
1329
00:59:21,767 --> 00:59:23,268
RIGHT NOW.
1330
00:59:23,268 --> 00:59:25,145
YOU CAN PAINT,
OR DRAW, OR COLOR
1331
00:59:25,145 --> 00:59:26,354
IN YOUR SPARE TIME.
1332
00:59:26,354 --> 00:59:27,981
I AM TALKING ABOUT
YOUR LIFE HERE.
1333
00:59:27,981 --> 00:59:29,608
SO AM I!
1334
00:59:29,608 --> 00:59:31,526
DON'T YOU WANT TO DO
SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE?
1335
00:59:31,526 --> 00:59:33,153
YES, BUT‐‐
1336
00:59:33,153 --> 00:59:34,738
HONEY, WE JUST‐‐WE WERE
JUST TRYING TO HELP.
1337
00:59:42,329 --> 00:59:45,165
UM, MR. CHANDLER,
1338
00:59:45,165 --> 00:59:47,876
IF YOU DON'T MIND MESAYING, SIR,
1339
00:59:47,876 --> 00:59:50,462
I'VE SEEN TRUDIE'S PAINTING.
1340
00:59:50,462 --> 00:59:51,755
AND, WELL,
1341
00:59:51,755 --> 00:59:55,383
THEY'RE RAW
AND EXPRESSIVE.
1342
00:59:55,383 --> 00:59:59,679
COMPLEX AND, WELL,
A LITTLE STRANGE.
1343
00:59:59,679 --> 01:00:03,475
BUT...REALLY BEAUTIFUL.
1344
01:00:07,896 --> 01:00:10,190
AND...
1345
01:00:10,190 --> 01:00:11,817
I HAVE ONE MORE
GIFT FOR HER.
1346
01:00:18,532 --> 01:00:20,408
GERTRUDE CHANDLER...
1347
01:00:20,408 --> 01:00:21,409
OH!
1348
01:00:21,409 --> 01:00:22,869
OH!
1349
01:00:22,869 --> 01:00:24,204
WILL YOU MARRY ME?
1350
01:00:29,960 --> 01:00:36,466
YES.
1351
01:00:36,466 --> 01:00:38,260
OH, MY!
1352
01:00:38,260 --> 01:00:40,720
OH, MY!
1353
01:00:40,720 --> 01:00:43,014
OH, MY GOSH!
1354
01:00:43,014 --> 01:00:45,350
THIS IS
THE BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT
1355
01:00:45,350 --> 01:00:47,853
YOU COULD EVER GIVE ME!
1356
01:00:47,853 --> 01:00:50,480
I'M SO EXCITED!
1357
01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:52,315
OH, I CAN'T WAIT TO START
PLANNING THE WEDDING!
1358
01:00:52,315 --> 01:00:54,109
SON.
1359
01:00:54,109 --> 01:00:56,278
CONGRATULATIONS.
1360
01:00:56,278 --> 01:00:58,947
OKAY, UM, NEXT ON THE AGENDAIS DINNER IN THREE HOURS.
1361
01:00:58,947 --> 01:01:01,283
SO, UM...
[laughter]
1362
01:01:01,283 --> 01:01:02,492
I'M SORRY.
1363
01:01:02,492 --> 01:01:03,994
EVERYBODY JUST GET CHANGED
AND DO WHATEVER.
1364
01:01:03,994 --> 01:01:08,123
AND WE'LL MEET BACK
IN THE DINNING ROOM AT 7:00.
1365
01:01:08,123 --> 01:01:10,876
THAT'S IT!
1366
01:01:17,883 --> 01:01:21,928
I DON'T‐‐
THAT WAS...SOMETHING.
1367
01:01:21,928 --> 01:01:23,430
WELL, YOU KNOW,
I FIGURED
1368
01:01:23,430 --> 01:01:25,307
WE MAY AS WELL GIVE THEM
ALL THE BELLS AND WHISTLES.
1369
01:01:25,307 --> 01:01:27,350
AT LEAST FOR A COUPLE
MORE HOURS, RIGHT?
1370
01:01:27,350 --> 01:01:28,518
THANK YOU.
1371
01:01:31,938 --> 01:01:33,815
I ASSUME YOU MADE UP
THE PART ABOUT THE PAINTINGS.
1372
01:01:33,815 --> 01:01:35,692
I SAW YOUR ALBUM.
1373
01:01:35,692 --> 01:01:37,652
IT WAS STICKING OUT
OF YOUR PURSE.
1374
01:01:37,652 --> 01:01:40,363
OH, YOU WERE LOOKING
IN MY BAG?
1375
01:01:40,363 --> 01:01:42,115
WELL, THE KEYS
AREN'T THERE.
1376
01:01:42,115 --> 01:01:45,994
NO, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
RELAX.
1377
01:01:45,994 --> 01:01:48,204
SO DO YOU JUST CARRY
AN ENGAGEMENT RING
1378
01:01:48,204 --> 01:01:49,331
IN YOUR POCKET
ALL THE TIME?
1379
01:01:49,331 --> 01:01:50,707
YEAH.
1380
01:01:50,707 --> 01:01:54,419
RIGHT.
1381
01:01:54,419 --> 01:01:57,756
WELL, LOOK, I JUST
WANT TO SAY I'M SORRY
1382
01:01:57,756 --> 01:02:00,467
ABOUT EVERYTHING.
1383
01:02:00,467 --> 01:02:03,303
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
1384
01:02:03,303 --> 01:02:06,431
IT HASN'T BEEN THAT BAD.
1385
01:02:06,431 --> 01:02:08,224
WELL, IF YOU CAN JUST
HANG IN THERE
1386
01:02:08,224 --> 01:02:09,309
THROUGH CHRISTMAS DINNER,
I PROMISE I'LL TAKE YOU
1387
01:02:09,309 --> 01:02:12,312
WHEREVER YOU WANT
TO GO TOMORROW.
1388
01:02:12,312 --> 01:02:13,939
HEH!
1389
01:02:19,945 --> 01:02:22,447
HEY, MOM, CAN I HELP YOU
WITH ANYTHING?
1390
01:02:22,447 --> 01:02:23,615
OH, YEAH.
1391
01:02:23,615 --> 01:02:25,033
YOU CAN BUNDLE UP
AND TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE.
1392
01:02:25,033 --> 01:02:26,618
THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
HONEY.
1393
01:02:32,332 --> 01:02:33,792
HEY.
1394
01:02:33,792 --> 01:02:35,710
WHAT ARE YOU DOINGOUT HERE?
1395
01:02:35,710 --> 01:02:37,629
I'M JUST ENJOYING
A LITTLE DOWN TIME.
1396
01:02:37,629 --> 01:02:40,590
HMM, WELL...
1397
01:02:40,590 --> 01:02:42,092
[cans and glass rattle]
1398
01:02:42,092 --> 01:02:44,386
THAT SOUNDS GOOD
TO ME.
1399
01:02:44,386 --> 01:02:47,389
HEY.
WANT ONE?
1400
01:02:47,389 --> 01:02:51,393
YEAH.
1401
01:02:51,393 --> 01:02:54,062
SO YOU'RE ENGAGED.
1402
01:02:54,062 --> 01:02:56,606
MAN.
1403
01:02:56,606 --> 01:02:57,691
I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU,
TRUD.
1404
01:02:57,691 --> 01:02:58,733
THANK YOU.
1405
01:03:02,320 --> 01:03:03,738
YOU KNOW‐‐
1406
01:03:03,738 --> 01:03:04,864
I REALLY HOPE THAT HAPPENS
FOR ME SOMEDAY.
1407
01:03:04,864 --> 01:03:06,825
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
IT HAS HAPPENED FOR YOU.
1408
01:03:06,825 --> 01:03:07,951
JEN'S GREAT.
1409
01:03:07,951 --> 01:03:09,828
YEAH, ABOUT THAT.
1410
01:03:09,828 --> 01:03:11,454
UM...
1411
01:03:11,454 --> 01:03:14,416
JEN AND I BROKE UP
LIKE SIX MONTHS AGO.
1412
01:03:14,416 --> 01:03:15,500
SHUT UP.
1413
01:03:15,500 --> 01:03:18,461
AND I'VE STARTED SEEING
SOMEONE ELSE.
1414
01:03:18,461 --> 01:03:19,546
SHUT UP!
1415
01:03:21,256 --> 01:03:23,633
AND HIS NAME IS RYAN.
1416
01:03:23,633 --> 01:03:27,053
OH, MY GOSH.
1417
01:03:27,053 --> 01:03:30,807
WELL, YOU KNOW...
1418
01:03:30,807 --> 01:03:32,642
I THINK MAYBE I KNEW.
1419
01:03:32,642 --> 01:03:34,644
YEAH, I KNEW.
1420
01:03:34,644 --> 01:03:36,771
WHAT?
YOU DIDN'T KNOW.
1421
01:03:36,771 --> 01:03:38,314
COME ON,
I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW.
1422
01:03:38,314 --> 01:03:40,942
I MEAN, I GUESS
I KIND OF KNEW, BUT‐‐
1423
01:03:40,942 --> 01:03:42,485
WELL, DOES ANYONE ELSE KNOW?
1424
01:03:42,485 --> 01:03:45,196
[exhales]
1425
01:03:45,196 --> 01:03:47,032
I THOUGHT I'D TELL
EVERYONE AT DINNER.
1426
01:03:47,032 --> 01:03:50,660
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?
1427
01:03:50,660 --> 01:03:52,328
[laughter]
1428
01:04:08,803 --> 01:04:10,972
DOLORES!
1429
01:04:18,104 --> 01:04:20,231
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
1430
01:04:20,231 --> 01:04:22,400
I'M GOING TO BACK
TO THE CITY
1431
01:04:22,400 --> 01:04:25,028
TO GET A DECENT STEAK
AND A COGNAC.
1432
01:04:25,028 --> 01:04:26,488
YOU CAN'T DRIVE.
GIVE ME THE KEYS.
1433
01:04:26,488 --> 01:04:29,532
YOU WANT TO COME ALONG
FOR THE RIDE, ROSEBUD?
1434
01:04:29,532 --> 01:04:33,453
COME ON, LET'S BLOW THIS
RINKY DINK LOG CABIN.
1435
01:04:33,453 --> 01:04:36,081
[engine starts]
DOLORES!
1436
01:04:36,081 --> 01:04:38,249
[screaming]
1437
01:04:42,170 --> 01:04:44,631
[loud crash]
1438
01:04:46,758 --> 01:04:48,635
OH, MY GOD.
1439
01:04:48,635 --> 01:04:51,346
GRAMS?
1440
01:04:51,346 --> 01:04:54,891
OH, MY GOSH.
ARE YOU OKAY, GRANDMA?
1441
01:04:54,891 --> 01:04:57,977
DON'T TOUCH ME
AND DON'T CALL ME THAT.
1442
01:04:57,977 --> 01:04:59,437
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
1443
01:04:59,437 --> 01:05:01,231
YEAH.
1444
01:05:01,231 --> 01:05:03,817
WHAT HAPPENED TO "I'M NOT
TRYING TO ESCAPE ANYMORE?"
1445
01:05:03,817 --> 01:05:06,986
I WAS JUST TRYING TO MAKE SURE
SHE DIDN'T HURT HERSELF.
1446
01:05:06,986 --> 01:05:09,155
WELL, I'M GLAD YOU'RE OKAY.
1447
01:05:11,533 --> 01:05:13,952
[rock music
playing in background]
1448
01:05:13,952 --> 01:05:16,496
I SWEAR TO GOD,
MARY HAD BETTER BE GIVING BIRTH
1449
01:05:16,496 --> 01:05:18,581
TO BABY JESUS
OUTSIDE THE‐‐
1450
01:05:18,581 --> 01:05:21,376
OH, JUST AS GOOD.
POLICE OFFICERS‐‐
1451
01:05:21,376 --> 01:05:23,294
(Steve)COME ON, MRS. CLAUS.
1452
01:05:23,294 --> 01:05:24,963
IT'S TIME FOR STEVIE‐WEVIE
TO OPEN ANOTHER PRESENT.
1453
01:05:24,963 --> 01:05:28,925
CUT IT OUT, STEVE!
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
1454
01:05:28,925 --> 01:05:32,345
THE OWNER SAID THAT
YOU WERE HER BEST FRIEND.
1455
01:05:32,345 --> 01:05:34,264
I DON'T KNOW
WHERE THEY WENT.
1456
01:05:34,264 --> 01:05:35,473
SHE JUST TOOK OFF.
1457
01:05:35,473 --> 01:05:37,433
YOU KNOW, WHEN WE CATCH HER,
1458
01:05:37,433 --> 01:05:38,476
YOU'LL BE PUT AWAY TOO
1459
01:05:38,476 --> 01:05:41,437
FOR ACCESSORYTO KIDNAPPING,
1460
01:05:41,437 --> 01:05:42,939
OBSTRUCTING JUSTICE.
1461
01:05:42,939 --> 01:05:46,276
IT'S‐‐
IT'S NOT HER FAULT.
1462
01:05:46,276 --> 01:05:47,569
IT'S MEN.
1463
01:05:51,489 --> 01:05:53,950
THEY DRIVE WOMEN CRAZY.
1464
01:06:07,422 --> 01:06:10,675
OH, I'M SORRY.
IT'S OKAY.
1465
01:06:10,675 --> 01:06:13,303
I, UM, JUST...
1466
01:06:13,303 --> 01:06:16,431
NEEDED THE, UH, THE...
1467
01:06:16,431 --> 01:06:18,892
TOOTHPASTE.
1468
01:06:20,310 --> 01:06:21,811
UH...
1469
01:06:24,397 --> 01:06:25,565
HERE YOU GO.
1470
01:06:25,565 --> 01:06:27,650
DO YOU‐‐DO YOU NEED
TO TAKE A SHOWER?
1471
01:06:27,650 --> 01:06:30,570
NO, I'LL WAIT TILL
YOU'RE DRY.
1472
01:06:30,570 --> 01:06:33,323
DRESSED.
DONE.
1473
01:06:35,074 --> 01:06:37,869
WHEW!
OKAY.
1474
01:06:39,704 --> 01:06:42,790
WELL, I SHOULD
PROBABLY GO NOW.
1475
01:06:44,834 --> 01:06:46,502
PROBABLY.
1476
01:06:55,011 --> 01:06:56,346
[exhales]
1477
01:06:59,265 --> 01:07:01,476
[exhales]
1478
01:07:14,197 --> 01:07:16,032
[knock on door]
1479
01:07:19,661 --> 01:07:22,330
I DIDN'T, UH, MEAN
TO SCARE YOU OFF BACK THERE.
1480
01:07:22,330 --> 01:07:24,499
YOU DIDN'T SCARE ME OFF.
1481
01:07:24,499 --> 01:07:27,168
YOU LOOK GREAT.
1482
01:07:29,587 --> 01:07:30,880
SO DO YOU.
1483
01:07:30,880 --> 01:07:33,549
COME ON, I WANT
TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
1484
01:07:37,595 --> 01:07:39,597
I'M NOT GIVING YOU
A REMATCH RIGHT NOW.
1485
01:07:39,597 --> 01:07:42,642
HOLD ON
JUST ONE SECOND.
1486
01:07:42,642 --> 01:07:43,851
HUH?
1487
01:07:45,645 --> 01:07:47,355
OKAY, PUT THESE ON, PLEASE.
1488
01:07:47,355 --> 01:07:48,731
IT'S ALMOST DINNERTIME,
1489
01:07:48,731 --> 01:07:49,857
AND I'M IN A DRESS,
YOU MORON.
1490
01:07:49,857 --> 01:07:51,859
PLEASE SHUT UP.
SHUT UP?
1491
01:07:51,859 --> 01:07:53,695
JUST PUT THESE ON.
1492
01:07:53,695 --> 01:07:55,113
FINE.
1493
01:08:05,623 --> 01:08:07,709
WHOA.
1494
01:08:17,844 --> 01:08:20,138
OH, MY GOSH.
1495
01:08:20,138 --> 01:08:23,266
OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU DID ALL THIS.
1496
01:08:26,019 --> 01:08:29,564
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
THANK YOU.
1497
01:08:29,564 --> 01:08:32,525
YOU'RE WELCOME.
1498
01:08:32,525 --> 01:08:34,652
BUT YOU OWE ME
SOMETHING IN RETURN.
1499
01:08:34,652 --> 01:08:35,820
WHAT?
1500
01:08:35,820 --> 01:08:37,447
A SHOW.
1501
01:08:37,447 --> 01:08:39,407
NO WAY.
COME ON.
1502
01:08:39,407 --> 01:08:41,409
I WANT TO SEE
THIS INFAMOUS ROUTINE.
1503
01:08:41,409 --> 01:08:43,494
REALLY?
1504
01:08:43,494 --> 01:08:45,163
OKAY, BUT IF YOU LAUGH...
1505
01:08:47,749 --> 01:08:50,335
[heartfelt music]
1506
01:08:50,335 --> 01:08:58,343
♪ ♪
1507
01:09:28,247 --> 01:09:30,833
[O Tannenbaum
playing in background]
1508
01:09:30,833 --> 01:09:32,293
THANK YOU.
1509
01:09:32,293 --> 01:09:34,587
[family chattering]
1510
01:09:34,587 --> 01:09:37,465
WARM BREAD.
1511
01:09:37,465 --> 01:09:38,758
YOUR TIE'S CROOKED.
1512
01:09:38,758 --> 01:09:39,759
YOU TIED IT.
1513
01:09:39,759 --> 01:09:41,302
IT'S STILL CROOKED.
1514
01:09:44,347 --> 01:09:46,349
OH!
1515
01:09:50,853 --> 01:09:52,522
MOM?
HMM?
1516
01:09:52,522 --> 01:09:54,065
AREN'T YOU GONNA MAKE
YOUR ANNUAL TOAST?
1517
01:09:56,526 --> 01:09:58,486
OH, I'M HUNGRY.
LET'S JUST EAT.
1518
01:10:02,448 --> 01:10:04,200
UM, EXCUSE ME.
1519
01:10:04,200 --> 01:10:06,369
I, UH,
I HAVE SOMETHING
1520
01:10:06,369 --> 01:10:08,079
I'D LIKE TO SHARE
WITH EVERYONE.
1521
01:10:08,079 --> 01:10:10,581
ACTUALLY...
1522
01:10:10,581 --> 01:10:13,000
I HAVE SOMETHING
I'D LIKE TO SAY FIRST.
1523
01:10:13,000 --> 01:10:14,836
IT'S ABOUT SCHOOL.
1524
01:10:14,836 --> 01:10:16,087
OH.
1525
01:10:16,087 --> 01:10:18,214
I'M NOT GOING
TO LAW SCHOOL.
1526
01:10:20,383 --> 01:10:21,384
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
1527
01:10:21,384 --> 01:10:24,679
IT'S JUST NOT FOR ME.
1528
01:10:24,679 --> 01:10:26,431
I DROPPED OUT
LAST SEMESTER.
1529
01:10:26,431 --> 01:10:27,765
LAST SEMESTER?
1530
01:10:27,765 --> 01:10:30,309
WELL, WHAT HAVEYOU BEEN DOING
1531
01:10:30,309 --> 01:10:32,270
WITH ALL THE TUITION
THAT I'VE BEEN SENDING?
1532
01:10:32,270 --> 01:10:34,480
I USED IT
AS A DOWN PAYMENT.
1533
01:10:34,480 --> 01:10:36,858
DOWN PAYMENT.
ON WHAT?
1534
01:10:36,858 --> 01:10:39,485
ON A PILATES STUDIO
IN CALIFORNIA.
1535
01:10:39,485 --> 01:10:41,028
PILATES?
1536
01:10:41,028 --> 01:10:43,030
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
1537
01:10:43,030 --> 01:10:44,323
SOMEBODY TRANSLATE THAT.
1538
01:10:44,323 --> 01:10:48,411
DAD, IT'S GREAT.
1539
01:10:48,411 --> 01:10:50,329
IT'S A TYPE OF EXERCISE
MIXING BALLET TECHNIQUES
1540
01:10:50,329 --> 01:10:51,873
WITH YOGA, USED TO STRETCHAND LENGTHEN THE MUSCLES.
1541
01:10:51,873 --> 01:10:55,251
MOVING TO THE LAND
OF FRUITS AND NUTS.
1542
01:10:55,251 --> 01:10:56,461
GONNA LAY AROUND ALL DAY
AND STRETCH.
1543
01:10:56,461 --> 01:10:58,963
[Katherine laughing]
1544
01:10:58,963 --> 01:11:02,425
I THINK IT'S VERY CREATIVE.
1545
01:11:02,425 --> 01:11:03,593
KUDOS, KATIE.
1546
01:11:03,593 --> 01:11:05,386
THANKS, MOM.
1547
01:11:05,386 --> 01:11:07,388
WHAT‐‐WHAT AREYOU TALKING ABOUT?
1548
01:11:07,388 --> 01:11:09,682
OUR DAUGHTER'S JUST MADE
A FOOL OUT OF US.
1549
01:11:09,682 --> 01:11:12,685
YEAH, YOU DID PUT ONE OVER
ON US, DIDN'T YOU?
1550
01:11:12,685 --> 01:11:14,437
[Richard laughing
nervously]
1551
01:11:14,437 --> 01:11:16,314
NO, YOU'RE NOT DROPPING
OUT OF SCHOOL.
1552
01:11:16,314 --> 01:11:17,899
NO, THAT'S NOT
WHAT'S HAPPENING.
1553
01:11:17,899 --> 01:11:19,150
I'M GONNA TELL YOUWHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
1554
01:11:19,150 --> 01:11:20,359
YOU'RE GONNA GETTHE MONEY BACK.
1555
01:11:20,359 --> 01:11:22,904
AND YOU'RE GONNA RE‐ENROLL.
1556
01:11:22,904 --> 01:11:25,364
OH, LIGHTEN UP, DICK.
1557
01:11:34,791 --> 01:11:36,250
UM, AHEM.
1558
01:11:36,250 --> 01:11:40,671
EVERYONE, I, UH, I WANT
TO SAY SOMETHING TOO.
1559
01:11:42,131 --> 01:11:44,050
I'M GAY.
1560
01:11:44,050 --> 01:11:45,551
[spitting]
1561
01:11:45,551 --> 01:11:47,303
[laughter]
1562
01:11:47,303 --> 01:11:48,721
OH, HONEY, I KNOW!
1563
01:12:02,819 --> 01:12:05,446
FOR GOD'S SAKE, KATHERINE,
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
1564
01:12:05,446 --> 01:12:07,448
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?
1565
01:12:07,448 --> 01:12:08,741
HUH?
LET ME THINK.
1566
01:12:08,741 --> 01:12:11,953
UM, I HATE THE WAY YOU MOAN
WHEN YOU CHEW YOUR FOOD.
1567
01:12:11,953 --> 01:12:13,579
WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?
1568
01:12:13,579 --> 01:12:16,332
[imitating Richard moaning]
1569
01:12:16,332 --> 01:12:17,375
IT'S DISGUSTING!
1570
01:12:17,375 --> 01:12:18,417
IT MAKES ME WANT
TO THROW UP.
1571
01:12:18,417 --> 01:12:20,795
AND ALSO I HATE
THAT WE NEVER
1572
01:12:20,795 --> 01:12:23,297
TALK ABOUT
ANYTHING IMPORTANT!
1573
01:12:23,297 --> 01:12:27,176
MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE WE ALL
LIVE IN YOUR WORLD, KATHERINE.
1574
01:12:27,176 --> 01:12:29,345
A WORLD WHERE NOBODY CAN SAYANYTHING HONEST
1575
01:12:29,345 --> 01:12:32,390
BECAUSE IT MIGHT BE
UPSETTING!
1576
01:12:32,390 --> 01:12:35,393
YOU ARE THE PUPPET MASTER
AND I AM YOUR LITTLE CLOWN!
1577
01:12:35,393 --> 01:12:36,602
BOO!
1578
01:12:36,602 --> 01:12:39,063
STOP IT!
GOD, YOU TWO!
1579
01:12:39,063 --> 01:12:40,565
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?
1580
01:12:40,565 --> 01:12:42,275
YOU THINK I'M CONTROLLING?
1581
01:12:42,275 --> 01:12:44,694
YOU ARE THE ASS WHO ISFORCING YOUR CHILDREN
1582
01:12:44,694 --> 01:12:46,529
TO BECOME MINI VERSIONS
OF YOURSELF!
1583
01:12:46,529 --> 01:12:47,488
THIS ISN'T MY WORLD.
1584
01:12:47,488 --> 01:12:49,031
BECAUSE IF THIS WAS MY WORLD,
1585
01:12:49,031 --> 01:12:50,658
I WOULDN'T HAVE TO PICTURE
CLINT EASTWOOD
1586
01:12:50,658 --> 01:12:53,494
JUST TO GET THROUGH
OUR ANNUAL BIRTHDAY SEX!
1587
01:12:53,494 --> 01:12:55,288
OH!
1588
01:13:09,927 --> 01:13:11,804
AREN'T YOU GLAD
YOU'RE GAY?
1589
01:13:13,389 --> 01:13:15,474
EVERYBODY FREEZE!
1590
01:13:15,474 --> 01:13:17,393
[family shouting]
1591
01:13:17,393 --> 01:13:19,312
FREEZE!
CALM DOWN, EVERYBODY.
1592
01:13:19,312 --> 01:13:20,897
JUST RELAX.
1593
01:13:20,897 --> 01:13:22,315
WAIT.
WHAT IS GOING ON?
1594
01:13:22,315 --> 01:13:24,567
REASON TO BELIEVE THAT WOMAN
IS GUILTY OF KIDNAPPING.
1595
01:13:24,567 --> 01:13:25,943
THAT CAN'T BE.
THAT'S ABSURD.
1596
01:13:25,943 --> 01:13:28,154
KIDNAPPING?WHO?
1597
01:13:28,154 --> 01:13:29,488
DAVID MARTIN.
1598
01:13:29,488 --> 01:13:34,201
WHO'S DAVID MARTIN?
1599
01:13:34,201 --> 01:13:37,663
NO, THAT'S
HER BOYFRIEND, NICK.
1600
01:13:37,663 --> 01:13:41,375
NO, MOM.
IT'S NOT.
1601
01:13:44,378 --> 01:13:46,797
I'M NOT HER BOYFRIEND.
1602
01:13:49,425 --> 01:13:51,385
(Jake)THIS IS GETTING WEIRD.
1603
01:13:51,385 --> 01:13:54,597
I DON'T KNOW
WHO BROUGHT HOME THE BACON,
1604
01:13:54,597 --> 01:13:56,265
BUT I'M GONNA
FRY IT UP IN A PAN!
1605
01:13:56,265 --> 01:13:58,809
MOTHER, NO!
1606
01:13:58,809 --> 01:14:00,061
SOMEBODY HAS TO PROTECT
THIS FAMILY,
1607
01:14:00,061 --> 01:14:01,604
AND IT LOOKS AS THOUGH
IT'S GOT TO BE ME!
1608
01:14:01,604 --> 01:14:02,980
MA'AM, PUT THE GUN DOWN.
1609
01:14:02,980 --> 01:14:04,523
SHE HAVING A CIVIL WAR
FLASHBACK?
1610
01:14:04,523 --> 01:14:06,359
SHE'S JUST HAD A LITTLE
TOO MUCH EGGNOG.
1611
01:14:06,359 --> 01:14:08,319
UM, SHE'S AN ACTRESS.
1612
01:14:08,319 --> 01:14:10,404
AND THE GUN IS PROBABLY
JUST A PROP.
1613
01:14:10,404 --> 01:14:13,115
YOU TAKE THE BIG ONE.
1614
01:14:13,115 --> 01:14:14,784
DOLORES.
1615
01:14:16,744 --> 01:14:19,413
OH.
1616
01:14:19,413 --> 01:14:21,332
OH...
1617
01:14:23,292 --> 01:14:27,296
I‐I WAS ON BROADWAY ONCE.
1618
01:14:29,256 --> 01:14:32,426
I KNOW.
[sobbing]
1619
01:14:36,555 --> 01:14:39,558
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
1620
01:14:48,025 --> 01:14:51,028
[blues‐rock music
playing]
1621
01:14:51,028 --> 01:14:54,532
♪ ♪
1622
01:14:54,532 --> 01:14:57,868
♪ YOU WERE THE PRESENT ♪
1623
01:14:57,868 --> 01:15:02,289
♪ UNDER MY TREE... ♪
1624
01:15:02,289 --> 01:15:04,250
MOM‐‐
1625
01:15:04,250 --> 01:15:06,711
KIDNAPPING?
1626
01:15:06,711 --> 01:15:08,254
KIDNAPPING?!
1627
01:15:08,254 --> 01:15:09,338
MOM, LOOK AT ME.
1628
01:15:09,338 --> 01:15:12,299
WHERE DID I GO WRONG?
1629
01:15:12,299 --> 01:15:13,718
WAS I NOT GOOD MOTHER?
1630
01:15:13,718 --> 01:15:15,011
YEAH, OF COURSE YOU WERE.
1631
01:15:15,011 --> 01:15:16,095
THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
1632
01:15:16,095 --> 01:15:18,264
NO, WE WON'T TALK
ABOUT IT.
1633
01:15:18,264 --> 01:15:19,640
DAD‐‐
1634
01:15:19,640 --> 01:15:22,059
NOT NOW, TRUDIE.
1635
01:15:25,438 --> 01:15:28,274
POOR SCHMUCK DIDN'T
PRESS CHARGES.
1636
01:15:28,274 --> 01:15:31,277
[door buzzer]
1637
01:15:31,277 --> 01:15:32,528
YOU'RE FREE TO GO.
1638
01:15:32,528 --> 01:15:33,946
(Dolores)THANK GOD.
1639
01:15:40,286 --> 01:15:41,704
(Katie)
BYE.
1640
01:15:47,460 --> 01:15:50,755
UH, NOT YOU, GRAMBO.
1641
01:15:50,755 --> 01:15:53,591
WHY, OFFICER!
1642
01:15:53,591 --> 01:15:56,260
WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?
1643
01:15:56,260 --> 01:15:58,888
(female officer)ONE CHANGE PURSE.
1644
01:15:58,888 --> 01:16:00,723
ONE CAN OPENER/KEYCHAIN.
1645
01:16:00,723 --> 01:16:03,267
COMES IN HANDIER
THAN YOU THINK.
1646
01:16:03,267 --> 01:16:07,688
ONE‐‐HOLY CRAP!
LOOK AT THAT ROCK.
1647
01:16:07,688 --> 01:16:10,149
GIRL, YOU HOLD ON
TO THAT MAN.
1648
01:16:13,444 --> 01:16:15,821
YEAH.
1649
01:16:15,821 --> 01:16:19,617
♪ ONE DAY I'LL WALK IN ♪
1650
01:16:19,617 --> 01:16:23,329
♪ HAND IN HAND ♪
1651
01:16:23,329 --> 01:16:27,458
♪ IN THE SUN AND ♪
1652
01:16:27,458 --> 01:16:33,547
♪ YOU AND I ARE TALKING ♪
1653
01:16:33,547 --> 01:16:36,342
♪ REALIZE ♪
1654
01:16:36,342 --> 01:16:42,890
♪ WE'VE BEGUN... ♪
1655
01:16:42,890 --> 01:16:44,308
HI.
1656
01:16:44,308 --> 01:16:45,768
HEY.
1657
01:16:45,768 --> 01:16:50,397
JUST WANTED TO SAY THANKS
FOR NOT PRESSING CHARGES.
1658
01:16:50,397 --> 01:16:54,151
I CAN'T SAY I EVER IMAGINED
SAYING THAT IN A SENTENCE.
1659
01:16:54,151 --> 01:16:57,196
HEH.
IS‐‐IS EVERYONE OKAY?
1660
01:16:57,196 --> 01:16:58,489
YEAH, THEY'RE FINE.
1661
01:16:58,489 --> 01:17:01,450
THEY'RE NOT TOO HAPPY
WITH ME RIGHT NOW.
1662
01:17:01,450 --> 01:17:04,829
I REALLY DID IT THIS TIME.
1663
01:17:04,829 --> 01:17:06,497
I WANTED TO GIVE THIS
BACK TO YOU.
1664
01:17:06,497 --> 01:17:09,166
THANKS.
1665
01:17:09,166 --> 01:17:11,418
LISTEN...
1666
01:17:11,418 --> 01:17:15,256
THIS WHOLE SITUATION
IS SORT OF CONFUSING.
1667
01:17:15,256 --> 01:17:16,298
BUT I WANTED TO SAY‐‐
1668
01:17:16,298 --> 01:17:18,425
DAVID, LET'S GET
OUT OF HERE, HONEY.
1669
01:17:18,425 --> 01:17:20,928
UH, GIVE ME
ONE MINUTE, OKAY?
1670
01:17:20,928 --> 01:17:22,930
WHO'S THIS?
1671
01:17:22,930 --> 01:17:26,142
IS THIS HER?
1672
01:17:26,142 --> 01:17:27,309
YOU HAVE SOME NERVE.
1673
01:17:27,309 --> 01:17:29,103
LOOK, I WANTED TO APOLOGIZE
1674
01:17:29,103 --> 01:17:30,688
AGAIN TO BOTH OF YOU‐‐
SAVE IT.
1675
01:17:30,688 --> 01:17:32,106
YOU AND YOUR BAND
OF HOOLIGANS
1676
01:17:32,106 --> 01:17:34,233
WOULD STILL BE IN JAIL
IF IT WERE UP TO ME.
1677
01:17:34,233 --> 01:17:36,569
LET'S GO.
1678
01:17:39,947 --> 01:17:41,448
I, UH‐‐
1679
01:17:41,448 --> 01:17:42,700
DAVID.
1680
01:17:47,413 --> 01:17:48,831
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
1681
01:17:48,831 --> 01:17:51,709
YEAH, YOU TOO.
1682
01:18:00,176 --> 01:18:04,430
♪ I AM NOT CRAZY ♪
1683
01:18:04,430 --> 01:18:06,974
♪ AND I ♪
1684
01:18:06,974 --> 01:18:10,936
♪ I KNOW
WHAT WE HAVE KNOWN... ♪
1685
01:18:15,232 --> 01:18:18,903
SURE YOU DON'T WANT
YOUR OLD JOB BACK?
1686
01:18:18,903 --> 01:18:20,988
YOU WANT LUNCH?
1687
01:18:20,988 --> 01:18:22,031
SURE.
1688
01:18:22,031 --> 01:18:25,034
HERE.
1689
01:18:25,034 --> 01:18:26,243
WHAT ABOUT TAJ?
1690
01:18:26,243 --> 01:18:27,453
OH, PLEASE.
1691
01:18:27,453 --> 01:18:29,580
YOU KNOW, HE'S A SOFTY
UNDER ALL THAT BLUSTER.
1692
01:18:29,580 --> 01:18:31,540
BESIDES, WE'VE REACHED
A NEW STAGE
1693
01:18:31,540 --> 01:18:32,541
IN OUR RELATIONSHIP.
1694
01:18:32,541 --> 01:18:34,001
OH, WHAT'S THAT?
PARTNERS.
1695
01:18:34,001 --> 01:18:35,252
THAT'S GREAT!
1696
01:18:35,252 --> 01:18:37,588
THANK YOU, YEAH.
1697
01:18:37,588 --> 01:18:40,257
SO HOW'S THE REAL JOB
SEARCH GOING?
1698
01:18:40,257 --> 01:18:41,759
NOT SO GREAT.
1699
01:18:41,759 --> 01:18:43,552
APPARENTLY I HAVE
NO REAL SKILLS.
1700
01:18:43,552 --> 01:18:45,012
MM‐HMM.
1701
01:18:45,012 --> 01:18:47,473
I DON'T KNOW.
MY PARENTS ARE RIGHT.
1702
01:18:47,473 --> 01:18:49,642
I HAVE TO BE REALISTIC.
1703
01:18:49,642 --> 01:18:51,143
I CAN'T JUST WISH
FOR SOMETHING
1704
01:18:51,143 --> 01:18:52,394
THAT'S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.
1705
01:18:52,394 --> 01:18:55,356
THERE IS NO PERFECT JOB,
PERFECT FAMILY...
1706
01:18:55,356 --> 01:18:56,482
PERFECT GUY.
1707
01:18:56,482 --> 01:18:58,025
SO YOU HAVEN'T
HEARD FROM HIM THEN?
1708
01:18:58,025 --> 01:18:59,526
NO.
1709
01:18:59,526 --> 01:19:01,111
SEE, THIS IS WHAT
I'M TALKING ABOUT.
1710
01:19:01,111 --> 01:19:02,529
I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY
THOUGHT I HAD FEELINGS
1711
01:19:02,529 --> 01:19:04,406
FOR SOME GUY I KIDNAPPED.
1712
01:19:04,406 --> 01:19:06,492
I MEAN, WHAT DID I THINK
WAS GONNA HAPPEN?
1713
01:19:12,748 --> 01:19:14,250
[gasps]
1714
01:19:28,347 --> 01:19:29,890
I LIKE
THE NUPTIAL SCRIPT.
1715
01:19:29,890 --> 01:19:32,351
ALL RIGHT, DONE.
1716
01:19:32,351 --> 01:19:35,354
WHERE IS MARIA
WITH THE NEXT DRESS?
1717
01:19:35,354 --> 01:19:37,982
MARIA, WE HAVE
THREE MORE DRESSES TO GO!
1718
01:19:37,982 --> 01:19:39,566
WHERE ARE YOU?
1719
01:19:51,745 --> 01:19:53,372
DO YOU LIKETHAT FONT?
1720
01:19:54,456 --> 01:19:56,959
DAVID!
1721
01:19:56,959 --> 01:19:58,460
THE FONT.
1722
01:19:58,460 --> 01:20:00,754
UH, AHEM.
1723
01:20:00,754 --> 01:20:02,172
I'M SORRY.
1724
01:20:02,172 --> 01:20:04,341
I‐I NEED SOME AIR.
1725
01:20:04,341 --> 01:20:06,176
OH.
1726
01:20:16,353 --> 01:20:18,314
HEY.
1727
01:20:18,314 --> 01:20:20,149
HEY.
1728
01:20:20,149 --> 01:20:22,359
IT CAN BE A BIT
OVERWHELMING IN THERE.
1729
01:20:22,359 --> 01:20:23,485
YOU DON'T SAY.
1730
01:20:23,485 --> 01:20:24,903
(Jessica)
YOU ALL RIGHT?
1731
01:20:24,903 --> 01:20:27,573
YEAH.
YEAH, I'M FINE.
1732
01:20:27,573 --> 01:20:29,783
WELL, WE NEED YOU INSIDE.
1733
01:20:29,783 --> 01:20:31,368
OKAY.
1734
01:20:35,456 --> 01:20:38,459
UH, JESS, UM...
1735
01:20:38,459 --> 01:20:40,044
DO YOU, UH...
1736
01:20:40,044 --> 01:20:42,254
EVER HAVE
ANY DOUBTS ABOUT US?
1737
01:20:42,254 --> 01:20:44,340
WHAT?
1738
01:20:44,340 --> 01:20:46,884
WELL, IT'S JUST THAT
1739
01:20:46,884 --> 01:20:49,345
YOU COULD BE
WITH ANY NUMBER OF GUYS.
1740
01:20:49,345 --> 01:20:51,388
WHY ME?
1741
01:20:51,388 --> 01:20:54,391
BECAUSE WE MAKE SENSE.
1742
01:20:54,391 --> 01:20:57,394
AND WE'RE GONNA LEAD A LIFE
THAT MOST PEOPLE DREAM OF.
1743
01:20:57,394 --> 01:20:58,729
ALL RIGHT, YOU AND I
1744
01:20:58,729 --> 01:21:00,522
ARE GONNA HAVE
A FAIRY TALE WEDDING
1745
01:21:00,522 --> 01:21:02,941
AND A FAIRY TALE LIFE.
1746
01:21:07,863 --> 01:21:10,074
(Mrs. Barber)MARIA!
1747
01:21:10,074 --> 01:21:12,659
I HATE MY LIFE.
1748
01:21:36,850 --> 01:21:40,479
[cell phone rings]
1749
01:21:40,479 --> 01:21:41,772
HELLO.
1750
01:21:41,772 --> 01:21:43,399
TRUD, HEY, IT'S ME.
1751
01:21:43,399 --> 01:21:44,650
HEY.
1752
01:21:44,650 --> 01:21:45,734
HOW'S IT GOING?
1753
01:21:45,734 --> 01:21:46,735
OH, I'VE BEEN BETTER.
1754
01:21:46,735 --> 01:21:48,862
DID YOU TALK
TO MOM AND DAD YET?
1755
01:21:48,862 --> 01:21:51,448
NO, I'VE BEEN
AVOIDING THEM.
1756
01:21:51,448 --> 01:21:53,409
TRUD, YOU SHOULD CALL THEM.
1757
01:21:53,409 --> 01:21:55,577
OH, MY GOD, JAKE.
1758
01:21:55,577 --> 01:21:57,704
I'M JUST SAYING,
YOU KNOW,
1759
01:21:57,704 --> 01:21:59,289
BE THE BIGGER PERSON‐‐
1760
01:21:59,289 --> 01:22:00,541
NO, NO, NO.
1761
01:22:00,541 --> 01:22:02,376
I'VE BEEN ACCEPTED INTO A SHOW
AT GALLERY 717.
1762
01:22:02,376 --> 01:22:03,419
WOW, THAT'S GREAT.
1763
01:22:03,419 --> 01:22:04,878
IT'S A NEW ARTIST EXHIBIT.
1764
01:22:04,878 --> 01:22:05,921
THEY WANT A PIECE FROM ME.
1765
01:22:05,921 --> 01:22:08,132
TRUD, THAT'S FANTASTIC.
1766
01:22:08,132 --> 01:22:09,591
WHEN IS IT?
1767
01:22:09,591 --> 01:22:11,468
A WEEK FROM SATURDAY.
WILL YOU COME WITH ME, PLEASE?
1768
01:22:11,468 --> 01:22:13,095
YES, OF COURSE I WILL.
1769
01:22:13,095 --> 01:22:15,431
ARE YOU GONNA TELLMOM AND DAD?
1770
01:22:15,431 --> 01:22:17,641
NO, NO, I DON'T WANT
TO FIGHT WITH THEM.
1771
01:22:17,641 --> 01:22:19,977
I JUST WANT THIS TO BE
MY NIGHT, YOU KNOW?
1772
01:22:36,952 --> 01:22:38,328
[exhales]
1773
01:22:44,251 --> 01:22:46,253
(Jake)
TRUD?
1774
01:22:46,253 --> 01:22:48,130
I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE HERE.
1775
01:22:48,130 --> 01:22:49,673
I WOULDN'T MISS IT
FOR THE WORLD.
1776
01:22:49,673 --> 01:22:51,675
SO, UM, THIS IS RYAN.
1777
01:22:51,675 --> 01:22:53,343
HI.
1778
01:22:53,343 --> 01:22:55,304
JAKE, YOU DIDN'T DO
HER JUSTICE.
1779
01:22:55,304 --> 01:22:57,222
IT'S SO NICE
TO FINALLY MEET YOU.
1780
01:22:57,222 --> 01:22:58,682
SO LISTEN,
I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS.
1781
01:22:58,682 --> 01:23:00,350
I DON'T KNOW WHAT PEOPLE
ARE SAYING ABOUT THE PIECE,
1782
01:23:00,350 --> 01:23:01,477
SO GO OVER
AND EAVESDROP FOR ME.
1783
01:23:01,477 --> 01:23:03,562
OKAY, OKAY.
1784
01:23:03,562 --> 01:23:06,398
BUT LISTEN, UM...
THERE IS ONE OTHER THING.
1785
01:23:06,398 --> 01:23:07,441
WHAT?
1786
01:23:07,441 --> 01:23:08,734
NOW DON'T FREAK OUT,
1787
01:23:08,734 --> 01:23:11,862
BUT I, UH, I BROUGHT
A FEW MORE PEOPLE WITH ME.
1788
01:23:17,326 --> 01:23:21,997
I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T
WANT THEM HERE.
1789
01:23:21,997 --> 01:23:24,458
I DON'T HAVE TIME
TO DO THIS TONIGHT, OKAY?
1790
01:23:24,458 --> 01:23:25,375
I WON'T DO THIS.
1791
01:23:25,375 --> 01:23:26,752
JUST FOR ONE NIGHT
1792
01:23:26,752 --> 01:23:28,253
I DON'T WANT TO FEEL
LIKE THE BLACK SHEEP,
1793
01:23:28,253 --> 01:23:29,421
THE WEIRD ONE,
THE WRONG ONE, OKAY?
1794
01:23:29,421 --> 01:23:32,132
OKAY.
WE HEAR YOU.
1795
01:23:32,132 --> 01:23:33,342
WHAT?
1796
01:23:33,342 --> 01:23:35,260
YOUR FATHER AND I
HAVE FOUND
1797
01:23:35,260 --> 01:23:37,429
THAT KEEPING OPEN LINES
OF HONEST COMMUNICATION
1798
01:23:37,429 --> 01:23:39,389
IS THE ONLY WAY TO RESTORE
A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.
1799
01:23:39,389 --> 01:23:41,225
WHAT?
1800
01:23:41,225 --> 01:23:42,518
THEY'VE BEEN IN THERAPY.
1801
01:23:44,728 --> 01:23:46,688
IT REALLY IS WORKING.
1802
01:23:46,688 --> 01:23:50,359
SO...WHAT ELSE, HONEY?
JUST LET IT OUT.
1803
01:23:50,359 --> 01:23:52,069
I'M TIRED OF TRYING
1804
01:23:52,069 --> 01:23:54,363
TO LIVE UP TO YOUR IDEALS,
YOU KNOW?
1805
01:23:54,363 --> 01:23:56,114
AND I WON'T LIVE MY LIFE
TO PLEASE YOU.
1806
01:23:56,114 --> 01:23:58,075
I MEAN, SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE
YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO I AM.
1807
01:23:58,075 --> 01:23:59,201
MM‐HMM.
1808
01:23:59,201 --> 01:24:00,702
I'M A SLOB.
1809
01:24:00,702 --> 01:24:02,746
I MEAN, SOMETIMES IF I LEAVE
A DISH IN THE SINK TOO LONG
1810
01:24:02,746 --> 01:24:03,997
I JUST THROW IT AWAY
1811
01:24:03,997 --> 01:24:05,040
INSTEAD OF WASHING IT.
1812
01:24:05,040 --> 01:24:06,250
AND, MOM, I HATE PINK.
I HATE IT.
1813
01:24:06,250 --> 01:24:07,543
AND I DON'T WANT A JOB
1814
01:24:07,543 --> 01:24:08,919
IN COMPUTER SALES, DAD.
1815
01:24:08,919 --> 01:24:10,837
YOU KNOW, I'M AN ARTIST.
THAT'S WHO I AM.
1816
01:24:10,837 --> 01:24:12,631
AND I LOVE YOU GUYS,
1817
01:24:12,631 --> 01:24:14,383
BUT IF YOU MAKE ME CHOOSE
BETWEEN ME AND YOU,
1818
01:24:14,383 --> 01:24:15,634
I CHOOSE ME.
1819
01:24:15,634 --> 01:24:18,720
OKAY!
1820
01:24:18,720 --> 01:24:20,931
OKAY?
1821
01:24:20,931 --> 01:24:23,725
YES, OKAY.
1822
01:24:23,725 --> 01:24:25,477
WE HEAR YOU.
1823
01:24:25,477 --> 01:24:26,645
OKAY.
1824
01:24:28,730 --> 01:24:32,109
YOU KNOW, WE WORRY
ABOUT YOU, KIDDO.
1825
01:24:32,109 --> 01:24:33,110
WE DON'T WANT YOU
TO GET HURT.
1826
01:24:33,110 --> 01:24:34,403
WE WANT YOU
TO BE SAFE.
1827
01:24:34,403 --> 01:24:35,529
I MEAN, IF I COULD,
I'D HAVE YOU LIVE
1828
01:24:35,529 --> 01:24:36,863
INSIDE OF
A PLASTIC BUBBLE.
1829
01:24:36,863 --> 01:24:38,365
BUT I WAS TOLD THAT'SA LITTLE TOO IMPRACTICAL.
1830
01:24:38,365 --> 01:24:40,075
AND WE NEVER MEANT
TO MAKE YOU FEEL
1831
01:24:40,075 --> 01:24:43,537
WEIRD OR WRONG.
1832
01:24:43,537 --> 01:24:44,830
WE LOVE YOU.
1833
01:24:46,748 --> 01:24:50,377
AND WHATEVER YOU WANT,
THAT'S WHAT WE WANT FOR YOU.
1834
01:24:57,342 --> 01:24:58,510
THANKS, DAD.
1835
01:24:58,510 --> 01:25:00,470
OH, COME HERE.
1836
01:25:02,598 --> 01:25:03,765
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
1837
01:25:03,765 --> 01:25:04,808
I LOVE YOU TOO, MOM.
1838
01:25:07,728 --> 01:25:09,479
LITTLE SIS.
1839
01:25:16,361 --> 01:25:18,780
I LOVE YOUR PAINTINGS.
I LOVE‐‐
1840
01:25:18,780 --> 01:25:21,658
THE COMPOSITIONS
ARE AMAZING.
1841
01:25:21,658 --> 01:25:25,579
[patrons chattering]
1842
01:25:25,579 --> 01:25:28,040
I'LL BE BACK,
I'LL BE BACK.
1843
01:25:28,040 --> 01:25:29,249
IT'S GREAT
TO MEET YOU.
1844
01:25:33,045 --> 01:25:35,380
YOU OKAY, SWEETHEART?
1845
01:25:35,380 --> 01:25:37,007
SOMEONE BOUGHT IT.
1846
01:25:37,007 --> 01:25:41,428
I KNOW.
IT'S WONDERFUL.
1847
01:25:41,428 --> 01:25:42,929
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
1848
01:25:42,929 --> 01:25:45,974
JUST FEELS DIFFERENT
THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD.
1849
01:25:45,974 --> 01:25:47,476
OH, HOW?
1850
01:25:47,476 --> 01:25:49,519
I DON'T KNOW,
IT'S JUST‐‐
1851
01:25:49,519 --> 01:25:51,313
NICK?
1852
01:25:51,313 --> 01:25:54,399
NO, NOT NICK.
WELL, MAYBE.
1853
01:25:54,399 --> 01:25:55,859
WELL, NO, I MEAN,
IT'S NOT NICK, IT'S DAVID.
1854
01:25:55,859 --> 01:25:58,570
IT'S STUPID IS WHAT IT IS.
1855
01:25:58,570 --> 01:25:59,988
IT IS NOT STUPID.
1856
01:26:04,201 --> 01:26:06,244
IF THERE'S
ONE THING I KNOW,
1857
01:26:06,244 --> 01:26:08,455
IT'S THE CORROSIVE
NATURE OF SILENCE
1858
01:26:08,455 --> 01:26:09,873
LEADS TO REGRET.
1859
01:26:09,873 --> 01:26:12,167
AND IT'LL EAT AWAY
AT YOU BIT BY BIT.
1860
01:26:12,167 --> 01:26:14,461
LOOK AT YOUR DAD AND ME.
IT'S NEVER TOO LATE.
1861
01:26:14,461 --> 01:26:18,882
ACTUALLY, IT IS.
1862
01:26:18,882 --> 01:26:20,842
HE GOT MARRIED TODAY.
1863
01:26:23,845 --> 01:26:25,263
CHEERS.
1864
01:26:44,616 --> 01:26:46,535
HEY, HEY!
1865
01:26:46,535 --> 01:26:47,619
[struggling]
1866
01:26:47,619 --> 01:26:49,830
JUST SO YOU KNOW,
I HAVE A BLACK BELT,
1867
01:26:49,830 --> 01:26:52,374
AND MY HANDS ARE CONSIDERED
LETHAL WEAPONS.
1868
01:26:52,374 --> 01:26:53,458
(David)
OOH, SCARY.
1869
01:26:53,458 --> 01:26:56,169
(Trudie)
DAVID?
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
1870
01:26:56,169 --> 01:26:58,380
PAYBACK.
IT'S A BITCH.
1871
01:26:58,380 --> 01:27:01,383
AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE
ON YOUR HONEYMOON OR SOMETHING?
1872
01:27:01,383 --> 01:27:03,885
OKAY, HOW ABOUT I TAKE
THAT BLINDFOLD OFF NOW?
1873
01:27:03,885 --> 01:27:06,471
HUH?
HOW'D THAT BE?
1874
01:27:08,390 --> 01:27:11,393
WOW.
WHERE ARE WE?
1875
01:27:13,812 --> 01:27:17,482
TRUDIE, YOU ARE...
1876
01:27:17,482 --> 01:27:20,068
UNORGANIZED, AND PUSHY,
1877
01:27:20,068 --> 01:27:22,070
AND CRAZY.
1878
01:27:22,070 --> 01:27:23,613
I KNOW, AND I'M WORKING
ON THOSE THINGS.
1879
01:27:23,613 --> 01:27:24,740
AND IF YOU'LL JUST
LISTEN TO ME‐‐
1880
01:27:24,740 --> 01:27:26,616
AND YOU TALK TOO MUCH.
OKAY.
1881
01:27:29,494 --> 01:27:32,914
I LOST A LOT
BECAUSE OF YOU.
1882
01:27:32,914 --> 01:27:34,249
BUT I'VE REALIZED
1883
01:27:34,249 --> 01:27:35,500
THAT I DON'T WANT
ANY OF THOSE THINGS.
1884
01:27:35,500 --> 01:27:38,587
WAIT.
YOU DON'T?
1885
01:27:41,298 --> 01:27:44,342
EVERYTHING I WANT...
IS RIGHT HERE.
1886
01:27:46,428 --> 01:27:50,599
MARTIN ART
AND ARCHITECTURE.
1887
01:27:50,599 --> 01:27:53,643
A GALLERY AND A STUDIO.
1888
01:27:53,643 --> 01:27:57,355
WOW.
IT'S AMAZING.
1889
01:27:57,355 --> 01:28:00,275
AND I'VE JUSTACQUIRED MY FIRST PIECE.
1890
01:28:07,991 --> 01:28:09,534
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
1891
01:28:09,534 --> 01:28:11,661
THAT'S A FIRST.
1892
01:28:16,666 --> 01:28:19,085
I'VE SPENT MY ENTIRE LIFE
STRIVING FOR THINGS
1893
01:28:19,085 --> 01:28:20,504
THAT I DIDN'T EVEN WANT,
1894
01:28:20,504 --> 01:28:22,506
BECAUSE I THOUGHT THAT'S
WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO.
1895
01:28:22,506 --> 01:28:25,550
I THOUGHT I HAD
SOMETHING TO PROVE.
1896
01:28:25,550 --> 01:28:29,387
BUT I DON'T HAVE TO PROVE
ANYTHING TO ANYONE ANYMORE.
1897
01:28:29,387 --> 01:28:32,307
YOU DON'T?
1898
01:28:32,307 --> 01:28:35,560
WELL...
1899
01:28:35,560 --> 01:28:37,437
MAYBE ONE MORE THING.
1900
01:28:54,579 --> 01:28:57,582
CAN YOU TAKE THESE
OFF ME NOW?
1901
01:29:07,801 --> 01:29:10,178
(Trudie)
THERE MAY BE NO SUCH THING
AS A PERFECT JOB,
1902
01:29:10,178 --> 01:29:12,722
A PERFECT FAMILY,
OR A PERFECT LIFE.
1903
01:29:12,722 --> 01:29:15,475
BUT THERE IS SUCH A THING
AS A PERFECT MOMENT.
1904
01:29:15,475 --> 01:29:17,727
SO I TAKE BACK
WHAT I SAID.
1905
01:29:17,727 --> 01:29:21,439
DOING ONE CRAZY THING
PROBABLY DOES MAKE YOU CRAZY,
1906
01:29:21,439 --> 01:29:24,109
BUT IT CAN ALSO
MAKE YOU HAPPY.
123813
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