All language subtitles for Dobro.pozhalovat.2006.RUS.BDRip.XviD.AC3.-HELLYWOOD.Eng

(TWITTERING)

MAN: Better here?

Or better here?

Better here?
Or better here?

You don't want to be
walking around blind

at Christmas, Mrs. Ryor.
Help me out.

I don't
need glasses.

You need binoculars.
We're settling for glasses.

Better one...

Glasses will
make me look old.

Try these.

look hot.

Evening,
Father Bruce.

Hello,
Dr. Finch.

Hello, Mrs. Patterson.
Hello, Dr. Finch.

Dr. Finch!

Hello, Gustave, Gerta.

I'd love to chat
and so,

but you know how focused
Gerta gets on our runs.

Oh, Gerta!

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

Auf Wiedersehen.

Auf Wiedersehen.
You should maybe
get that looked at.

And start wearing
some padding.

GUSTAVE: Gut, gut, gut.

Yes, well, I'm sure it's
more fun your way, Arturo,

but I need you to
hang the decorations,

not just chuck 'em up there
and hope they stick.

Hey. Steve.

Mayor Young.

What do you think?
Lookin' good.

Thank you.

Is that...
Is that an angel on top?

(CHUCKLES) It's supposed
to be, but we couldn't
find one big enough.

Fortunately my wife has
a porcelain doll collection,

so she lent us
her Marilyn Monroe.

Nice touch.
Looks good.

Yeah. Don't go overboard
with the lights though.
We don't want to seem tacky.

Whatever you say, Steve.
Winterfest is your baby.
Hey, hey.

We got any big surprises
this year?

Come on. Come on. Nobody
keeps a secret better
than me. For instance...

(CLEARS THROAT)
I know for a fact,

Sheriff Dave
is a cross-dresser.

never told a soul.

Until today.

Hi, honey. I'm home.

It's the raw
quail eggs, isn't it?

It's the texture, right?
The grainy, slimy, milky...

Can you taste the curry?

Yeah. Yeah.

Gee, I sure hope
there's more of that.

You are such a bad liar.

I knew it was awful.
It's awful, right?

Yeah.

Who wants pizza?

My life just isn't
working out the way
I thought it would.

Excuse me?

Oh, honey,
you don't mean that.

I'm 10, and
what have I really
accomplished?

A half season
of soccer.

Cleared legendary
mode of Halo.

A lackluster stint
in the Cub Scouts.

Hey. Hey.
Guess what day it is.

Come on. Guess.

Maddy.

I don't know,
and I don't care.

Wrong.

It's December 1.

(GROANS)

KELLY: Oh!

Time to break out
the Christmas calendar.

Yes.
This is a busy time of year,

so we have to
have a game plan.

Okay. December 3,
we hang the wreath.

You just get so intense
about Christmas.

I'm not intense.
I'm just extremely organized.

When you're talking about
Christmas caroling,

you shouldn't have
to use the term
"flanking maneuver."

Look. Look,
I know it's only December 1...
Uh-huh.

...but I have all
the planning to do
for the Winterfest.

You have a cookbook to write.
The kids have school.

It all goes by
so quickly.

Before you know it,
Christmas will be over.

Yeah, but that doesn't
mean that we have to
plan every second.

Look. My dad dragged me
from one air force base
to another.

Christmas was not
a priority for him.

We...
We didn't even have a tree.

Well, I want things
to be different
for my kids.

I want them to have
big family traditions,
year after year,

that they can
count on and...
And look forward to.

You're right.

I'm gonna try to
be more supportive.

Well, you should be.

Madison is a loner.
She has hardly any friends.

Carter's a
10-year-old boy
with a midlife crisis.

Let's face it.
Our kids are
a little weird.

Well, I think
this year they need
Christmas more than ever.

You're right.

I'm sorry. You're right.

Snowmen, eggnog,
caroling, we're gonna
do it all, okay?

Okay.

And I don't
write cookbooks.

What?

You always say that
I write cookbooks,
but I don't.

I just edit
other people's recipes,

and then I compile them
into cookbooks
that nobody buys.

Then write your own
Oh, great.

So all the rejection
would just be more
personal? No, thank you.

Well, I think you should.
Really?

Yeah. I think you could.
Really?

Sure.

(TRUCK APPROACHING)

What is that?

Is it a truck?

don't know.

(TRUCK ENGINE SPUTTERING)

KELLY:
Ooh, it looks like
we have new neighbors.

Who moves in
the middle of the night?
A meth lab?

How bad could it be?

Hmm.

(MUTTERING)

Okay.

Oh! Oh! Ow!

Whoa, big guy.

Take it easy.
Hot, hot. Hot.

You're spazzin' out
on me. You're havin'
a seizure.

Oh. I got Tasered once.
It looked exactly like that.

And I'm man enough
to say I wet myself.

Who are you?

I'm Buddy Hall.
We just moved in
across the street.

You don't happen to
have a cat, do you?
No.

Oh, good. Because I was
moving in last night,

I accidentally dropped
a fridge on one.

Thank God most
of it got away.

Buddy!
Tia!

Come on over and meet...
Hey.

What's your name?
Finch. Steve Finch,

but this isn't
really a very good time.

Come and meet Steve.

Good morning!
Hi.

Oh7weTl, Steve
you have a way
with the ladies.

Thanks.
Oh, um, thank you.

My wife, Kelly.
This is Buddy.

Kelly. Very nice
to meet you.

Nice to meet you.
Honey,

I measured. The ceiling's
too low in the bedroom.

We're gonna have to
get a shorter pole.

(BUDDY GROANS)

Morning.
Hi.

Oh, what'd he do,
try to steal your paper?

No. I was just
being neighborly.

Oh, leave you alone
for five minutes...
(MURMURS)

(GASPS)
Looks like
we got a visitor.

Oh!

Don't put
the little guy away
on my account.

Tia, this is Kelly.
Kelly, this is Tia.

Hi. So nice to meet you.
Hi.

You too.

You have kids, right?
We do.

Why don't you
come on over,

and we should talk
about maybe starting
a carpool or somethin'.

That sounds great.

TIA: Thank you.
Welcome.

Bye.

Hey.

Watch out.
It's hot.
Here.

Ah! Ah!
Hot, hot, hot.

Mmm. It's good.

MADDY: I can't believe
you're making me do this.

KELLY: We're just gonna
stop and say hello.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

(GRUNTS)
Come on in. It's open.

Hello?

Oh. Good. Oh, honey,
could you come over here
and give me a little boost?

Seriously, sweetie.
Oh, sure.

I'm about to
break my neck here.

Just yank it up there.
Yeah. Just...
Yeah. A little bit harder.

More. Up.
Oh.

(YELPS)

There you go.

Whoo! That's one way
to get acquainted, huh?

Oh, uh, these are for you.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, I love blueberry.

Right to the hip.

And who do
we have here?

"his is Madison.

Say hello, Madison.

Hello, Madison.

She's 15.
You know how they get.

TIA: You're kidding me.
Fifteen?

My girls are 15.

Girls,
get your butts down here!
We've got company!

Carter. Carter.

(GASPS)

You're staring.

Oh. Oh.

rSorry about that.
I used to do
a little modeling.)

Mostly for art classes
at the community college.

That's how I met Buddy.

Really. Was he an artist?

Nah. They caught
him peeking in
through the windows.

(CHUCKLES)

That...
That's such a sweet story.

You know,
I just got so tired
of dating boys.

No offense.
Mmm.

Then one day
I met Buddy, and

he just swept me
right off my feet.

Oh.

TIA: Oh, there you are.

These are my babies,
Ashley and Emily.

KELLY: Hi, girls
BOTH: Hi.

This is Madison,
and this is Carter.

Hi.

You know,
you girls will probably be
in a lot of the same classes.

Great.
Are there any hot guys?

Uh...

Yeah, but, you know,
they're all enormous tools.

Really?
Will you introduce us?

Kelly, thank you.
Oh!

That has been in
my family for years.

Oh, it's beautiful.

It ought to be.

It's worth more
than this entire house
put together.

(CHUCKLES)

Let me just find
a safe place for it,

and we'll see about
getting these kids to school.

I can drop them
at school if you want
to stay and unpack.

Really?

Sure.
You'd do that for me?

Yeah. No problem.
I'll just...

I'll bring the car around
while they get dressed.

Oh, they are dressed.
Trust me.

This is more clothes
than they've worn
in months.

Can I live here?

Get in the car.

You got
a fake I.D.?

Uh. No. No.

Don't worry.
We can make you one.

Nice girls.

You kidding me?
I pray every day
for the strength

not to run over
the both of them
with a truck.

Have a nice day!

MAN: All right.
Listen up, you guys.
We just got in

a new shipment
of Aspens.

And I want you to
sell three for me
by lunchtime. All right.

What, are you kidding?

Hey. We got
a new salesman.
Buddy Hall over here.

Let's make him
feel welcome.

Come on. Yeah.
How you doin'?

All right.
All right. All right.

Hi.

Welcome aboard.

Sell, sell, sell.
All right.

(SOFTLY) Okay.

(WHISPERING) Oh, this
is gonna be good. Oh!

Buddy!
Oh.

Hey. You, uh...

Gee, you ready
to sell some cars?

Me? I'm a born
car salesman.

But I was
thinking today that

maybe I would just
kind of ease into it.

You know,
get a feeling for the place.

Yeah, well...
Well, you see that
tire-kicker right there?

He's all yours.

Hmm.

don't know. I...

I got a thousand bucks
says you can't sell him.

Let me in
on that action.

You know...
Thousand bucks?

...let's just
make it three.

Three?
TED: Three g's.

All right.
You guys are asking for it.

There's one born
every minute. Come on.

MAN: Ted, this is genius.

You can't let
these new guys
get into a rhythm.

I'm telling you, boys.
From this day forward,

we own that guy.

There we go.
The brush-off.

That's the brush-off.
The brush-off. Okay.

(ALL LAUGHING)

We got ya!

You walked face-first
into that buzz saw.
(IMITATES SAW)

Money on my desk
by the end of the day.
No checks.

That... That's
not possible.

Mr. Murray
owns the dealership.

I just bought
one of my own cars.

And the worst part
is I paid sticker.

Hey, girls.

Hey, Dad.
Hi, Dad.

(KNIFE CHOPPING)

(SIGHS)

And?

(SIGHS)

Sold a car
the first five minutes!

Buddy, no!
Oh, my God!

Told you things
were gonna work out.
Yeah, yes.

Oh, baby.
I'm so proud of you.
great.
It's

Great, great,
great, great, great.

Yeah. Mmm.
It's great. Mmm.

(MURMURS)
Buddy.

Buddy?

Buddy.
Yeah.

Bud.
I know.

Don't you even...
You always do this.

You start out great.
You lose interest.

And the next thing you know,
I'm up to my neck
in cardboard boxes.

No, it's great.
I'm a car salesman.

Hey. That's a good job.

It's a great job.
Great job.

Car salesman.
Yes.

Carpets. Uh, copiers.

Futons.

(MUTTERS)

It's all the same.

I don't know.
I was just hoping that,

you know, one day
I'd do something big.

Something important.

Something monumental.

You are.
You're going to pay off
our monumental debt.

(GRUMBLES)

Buddy, you promised me.

Oh. Well, I will
keep my promise.

"hat was a little...

Everything's
gonna be great.

Oh, yes.
(MURMURING)

Daddy.
Daddy,
come look.

(TOGETHER)
We got something real cool.

Oh, the honeys.

TOGETHER: Hey, Dad.
Mmm.

You're sweet. Mmm!

What do you
got goin' here?

It's My Earth.

My Earth?
You type in an address,

and you can see
every house in the
country from space.

Really?
Mm-hmm.

Emily's already used
it to track the, like,
five hottest guys in school.

Yeah, Dad.
Three of them live
two blocks from here.

Wow. That's more math
than you've done in years.

Did it hurt?
Loser.

Easy. You can see
every house from space?

Yeah.
Let's see.

Where's our house?

Oh, you can't
see our house.

EMILY: But you can
see the neighbors'.

That figures.
We're invisible.

Buddy, trash.

Mmm.

Hmm.

Space, huh?

Of course you can see
the big house.

See it from space.

I'll light it up.

(CHUCKLES)

Not gonna be
invisible anymore.

(LOUD BANGING)

3:00 in the morning.
(BANGS)

Unbelievable.
(BANGS)

(HAMMERING)

Oh, man.

Buddy.

Hey, Steve.
Buddy.

Do you have any idea
what time it is?

What's the matter?
All the clocks in
your house busted?

No, I know
what time it is.

Oh. What, did ya

just need an excuse
to come over here
in your underwear?

No. No.
I was being sarcastic.

Oh. Well,
you gotta know that stuff

like that just goes
right over my head.

Here. Hold these things.

want to strand them out.

No. I will not
hold on to this.

That's why I came over
here. You're making
all kinds of noise.

Do you have any idea
how bright your house is?

Yeah. It's pretty
damn bright.

BUDDY: Look at that. Whoo!

Oh. Is that what's
bothering you? The lights?

Yes. That's right.
Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean it.
I'll turn them off.
Thank you.

Thank you.
Oh.

Steve.

Are we gonna be friends?

Because,
you know, we just moved
into the neighborhood, and

boy, it would be bad
if I ticked off
the only guy I know.

"hat would kill me.

Well, maybe I overreacted
a little bit.

Ah, you know, I can be
a real jerk sometimes.

Maybe we should just
start completely over.

Buddy Hall. And you are?

No. I didn't mean
we should literally.

I was...
I was speaking metaphorically.

Pew!

That's it. I don't...

Sometimes
my stupidity astounds me.

I got an idea.
How about if you and I

come up with
a series of hand signals,

so I'll know when
you're gonna talk weird?

I'll see you tomorrow.

This is gonna be good.
Come on.
It's so late.

Get that satellite
image up that you
had before.

Go on. Here.
Honey, you sit here.
Really?

Yeah. Sit right
there and watch. Yeah.

There's so many buttons.
I'll do it. Move.

Do it. Do it.
Okay. You do it.
Where you going?

Stick around.
I want you to see this.

You still can't see it.

You're gonna miss it.

Sorry, Daddy.
What do you mean
you can't see it?

It's impossible.
I put so many
more lights on.

Oh, honey,
you're gonna get it.
You'll get it.

(GROANS)

I gotta go bigger.

Oh, hi.

Can you order me
more of these?

Sure.

Yeah?
Yeah.

What's that?

(CHUCKLES)
You're gonna love this.

It's a horse-drawn sleigh.

Don't see many of
these around anymore.

No, you don't.

Nice.

I'll take it!

No.
Come on.

Why?
No.

Get away from me with that.
What do you mean?

I'm serious.
I'll call Child Services.

One look at that,
and they will put you away.

Maddy. Maddy. We...

We always wear
matching sweaters
for the family Christmas card.

Come on.
It's all right. Huh? Please?

Hmm? Look, huh?

Please.

Are we ready?

There. You see?
Mom's wearing hers.

Okay.
Mom's old and married.

All right? She doesn't
need the self-esteem.

I still have
something to live for.

It's true.
Madison's right.

She's got her whole life
ahead of her.

That's more than I can say
for some of us.

Come on.
He does this every year.

He starts acting
all depressed so people
feel bad for him

and buy him
bigger presents.

Hey. The new
neighbors have reindeer.

TOGETHER: Reindeer?

Wait. Wait. Wait.

BUDDY: Hey, Steve.
What do you think?

(CHUCKLES)
Oh, my God.

It's so cute.
Where in the world
did you find it?

Eugene Young down
at the hardware store
sold it to him.

Isn't it beautiful?

Beautiful.

Yes. And...
And these horses.

These horses... I...
I especially like the way

you've duct-taped
the antlers to their heads.

Yeah, well,
apparently, reindeer are not
indigenous to the region.

ASHLEY:
That sweater is really cool.

Yeah.
Is it Marc Jacobs?

Oh.

You know, I'm not sure.
I have so many,

it's kind of hard to
keep track these days.

(HORSE WHINNIES)

Well, this has been fun.

So, let's go...
Let's go take
the picture, huh?

Wait. What picture?

Are you talking about
your Christmas picture?
Mm-hmm.

You should take it
here in the sled.

That's a great idea!
Oh, yeah.

No, that's
a horrible idea
because

we always take
our picture in front
of the fireplace.

It's a tradition.

But wouldn't it
be nice to try
something new this year?

I don't think so. No.
Here's a hat.

No.
Take the picture
in the sled.

Oh, no, no.

Put the Santa suit on.
Yes, no.

You're gonna take
the picture in the sled.

That's silly.

That's the way
to do it.

It's adorable.

Carter, get out
of that right now.

Also, we should
keep our voices down
a little bit because

I found these horses on
the outskirts of town,

and between you and me,
they look a little skittish.

You found these horses?
Yeah.

Carter...

...out of that
death trap now!
No, no.

Come on.
All right, Carter.
Let's go.

Give me the reins.
Give me the reins.
Come on, Carter.

Let go of the reins.

(WHINNIES)

Whoa! Whoa!

my God!
Oh,
Let's go.

Honey!
Steve!

(ALL SHOUTING)

Honey!

(WHINNYING)

Run,
Honey!
run, run, run!

Whoa! Stop, horses!
Whoa! Whoa!

Oh, sh... Whoa!

Whoa!

That's not good.

(CAR ALARM BLARES)

Whoa! Whoa!

How do you steer this thing?

Whoa!
(HORN HONKS)

Out of the way!
Out of the way!

Whoa!

Oh, Mrs. Ryor!

Whoa.

Oh, oh. Fifi!
(WHIMPERS)

Whoa. Whoa.

(BOTH WHIMPERING)

Whoa! Whoa!

Ah.

Oh, my!

Whoo. Whoo.

(SCREAMS)

Santa! He's real!

knew it! I knew it!

Ow!

(GROANING)

Ah!

Ooh!

(SCREAMING)

Oh!

Oh, boy!

(GROANING)

(BIRD WARBLES)

BUDDY:
Oh. He's coming to.

I think he's
gonna be all right.

Where am I?

We're in the backseat
of your wife's car
on the way to the hospital.

You warming up?

Yeah.

Where are my clothes?

You wereTfreezing 1
to death. We had to
[get you оut of them.

Where are
your clothes?

I had to get your
body temperature up,
so I stripped us both down

and zipped us into
this sleeping bag.

Trust me. It works.
I've done it
a half a dozen times.

(SCREAMING)

Calm down. Calm down.

(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

The doctor said
he probably saved
your life.

Which is only fair,
since he's the one

who almost got me
killed in the first place.
(HORNS HONKING)

Oh, this used to be such
a nice, quiet neighborhood.

Look at it now.
People driving
by all night.

(HORNS HONKING)

(CHATTERING)

You see that?

You see that?
I think he's
tapping into our power.

Yes. And in the process,
he is stealing
our very souls.

Well, how do you
think he's powering
all those lights of his?

Honey,
I really think you're
wrong about him.

Look at what
he dropped off.

He knew we didn't
get a chance to take

a picture for
our Christmas card,

so look what he made
from a picture he
took at the hospital.

That's you,
with the blue lips.

Yeah.

Yeah.
And a cute little oxygen tube
coming from your nose.

Yeah. I picked up
on that. Thanks.

Come on now.
That is a nice gesture,
don't you think?

Okay.

Okay. Yeah, maybe.
I don't know.
Maybe. I don't know.

I think that we should
take them with us
to get the tree.

No!
Yes.

'Cause I really
like Tia.
(PEOPLE SHOUTING)

She's taken
a real interest
in my cookbooks.

And you just need
to find a way to get
along with Buddy.

Okay. But he's not
touching any of my trees.

Okay, fine.
But they're
coming with us.

Hey, Mom.
Hi, sweetie.

Hey, Dad.
I was thinking.

Maybe you could
take me Christmas
shopping for Mom.

We could go to the mall
and wander around...

Oh! And we can
get hot chocolate!

You know what?

Already taken care of.

You're getting her
a really nice sweater that
I ordered from a catalog.

Oh.

I guess that 1
means we don't have
[to go tojhejnalljogether.

Yeah. Isn't that great?

That place is
an insane asylum
this time of year.

(CROWD CHATTERING)

(CHUCKLES)

(HORN HONKS)

A little more power.

Did you see that?

Yeah.
You did?

(CACKLING)

(CROWD CHATTERING)

(HORN HONKING)

(DOOR CLOSES)

Come on, kids.
Carter, come on.

Oh. You guys have
your own lot. "Private."

Yes. Isn't it great?
Steve's been
working on it for years.

So nice.
We love it.

Oh, this is amazing,
honey. Look.

Wow.
Whoa.

It's a nice
tree, honey.
BUDDY: What have you got here?

Nice? It's perfect.

A 12-foot Silver Noble.

Yes, sir.
This is the way God
intended trees to look.

What do you do?
Chop 'em down
or launch 'em?

(GIRLS GIGGLE)

Laugh all you want,

but I got the next five years
of trees all lined up.

And each one of
them is perfect.

No twisted trunks,
no bald spots.

Well, it's certainly
a dandy tree.
I'll give you that.

Honeys, let's go.

Yeah, Dad.
Let's find a really big one.

Yeah.

But it has to be pretty.

Hey.

The last ones
to the car are losers.

Please.
It's not like it's a race.

Give me the ax, Carter.
No way he beats us.

Honey, you said
he could cut it down.

Well, he can do it next year.
Come on. Give me the ax.

It's all right,
sweetheart.
Come on.

STEVE: What's the record?

MADDY: Wow, Dad.

I think I wrote it
down in my diary,
but I must have forgot.

Ha-ha. Very funny.
But we'll be halfway
home by the time he...

(CHAIN SAW WHIRRING)

Does anyone smell gas?

Well, it's probably me,
but cut me some slack.

I'm swinging
pretty hard.

(ALL GASP)

Oh, my God!
Mom.

KELLY:
Sweetheart, do something.

What?
What happened?

KELLY: You're gonna
ruin the forest.
What's happened?

What's happening?
I don't know.

It's got the fence too.

"he trees.

The little one.
The little one.

Fifteen years.

Fifteen years
I've been growing those trees.

He obviously didn't
mean to do it, honey.
It was an accident.

He did offer to cut
you down a tree, Dad.

Finches always have
a Silver Noble tree.
It's a tradition.

And thank God
they had one left.

You get the tree, Son.

BUDDY:
Go right between the cars.
EMILY: Okay.

All right, here we go.
Keep it up. That's a girl.

BUDDY: Oh, boy.

I'm pretty sure
you broke the record
cutting this one down, Dad.

(LAUGHS)

(ROCK CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)

Better there?

Better there?

Better one.
Better two.

Hey! Hi, guys!

Hi, guys!

Hi! Thanks for coming!
Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Oh, honey, the girls
are having so much fun
showing everybody the lights.

I pray to God that's all
they're showing 'em.

You coming out?

Gonna run
a sequencer on the lights.

Buddy.
Synchronize it to the music.

Are you deaf?

These people are
depending on me

to give 'em
something amazing.

That's just what I'm gonna do.

Aah! Aah!
Is it me? Oh, G...

Probably a good idea
to have a fire
extinguisher around.

You think?
Mmm.

STEVE: Ah, no.

More lights? No.

Buddy! Buddy?

Hey, what are you doing?

Hi, Steve.

Getting more lights?

Yeah. Is that your
shop across the street?

This is wrong.
All this has to go back.

Just the man
I needed to see.

What do you think of the tree
for Winterfest?

Actually, Steve,
Well...

I was talking to Buddy here.
After all, he is the expert.

Come on.
Would you have a look?

Watch my stuff, Steve.
Now...

Folks,
everything's free today.

Anything you want.
It's all free.

BUDDY: I love the colored
strands of lights.
The spacing is great.

Thank you.

The ornaments
well dispersed.

Oh, yes.

I see you're using
my bulb of choice,
the C-9.
(CHUCKLING)

Very nice!
That adds a lot of class
to that tree. I love it.

(LAUGHS) Thank you!
Really good.

He likes it!
Hey, Steve.

That...
That is a tree.
Yes, it is.

Huh?
Yeah.

Listen, we need
to get something straight.

Around here
I'm the Christmas guy.

Really?
Yeah. Yeah.

It's kinda my thing.

Uh, Chris has
Memorial Day,

Pete has the Fourth of July,
but I have Christmas.

Oh.

But, hey,
hey, you can
have Halloween.

Yeah. Yeah,
good. Halloween.

Yeah, sure, sure.

Couple of pumpkins in
the yard, a skeleton or two,

It'll be great.
What do you think?
don't think so.

No?

This Winterfest thing...

What is this all about?

Oh, it's our...
Our annual
Christmas carnival.

Wow.

Yeah, we have
a show, games,

ice sculpture, races.

It's a pretty
prestigious position
Mmm!

You have races?
What kind of races?

Speed skating.

We do it right here.
Speed skating?

They put the ice
right on Main Street.

I used to do a little
speed skating myself.

Really? (CHUCKLES)

Well, so did I.

MAN: Excuse me.

Wallace Fiskin.
Oh!

Buddy Hall.
Sir,

meeting you is
one of the great
moments of my life.

Well, thank you, Wallace.
It's a pleasure to meet you.

So, anyway,

how do you feel
about the liberal
use of mistletoe?

Well, I feel that
you should go sparingly
around the threshold,

because that's a cliche.

Please. Please.

My mission is clear.

Wallace, thank you.
Good luck.

Would you take
this inside for me?
Oh, my pleasure.

Steve! Oh, Steve!

I guess
I'm the new Christmas guy.

That's okay.
You can take Toe Jam Day.

Oh.

This isn't over yet.

We're just getting started.
I'm the Christmas guy.

I'm the Christmas guy!

(STEVE VOCALIZING)

Honey,
Tia just gave me
a great idea.

I'm gonna write
my own cookbook.

That's my girl.

Tia gave you the idea?

I've been telling you
to do that for years.

You know what?

It should be a cookbook
for real moms who
cook for real families!

Yes!

(GASPS)
And I have the title for you.

Food-Food with Kelly Finch.

love it!

MADDY: Dad, there's
about 50 singing dorks

waiting for you
in the front yard!

Fifty. Isn't that great?
(CROWD CHATTERING FAINTLY)

You know what?

You are gonna help me
write the cookbook.

(GASPING)

Okay!

I'd be happy to!
Yes? Yea!

(STEVE VOCALIZING)
KELLY: Kids!

Wow! Nice!

Where are your clothes?

Calm down.
I have a jacket.

Well, keep it zipped.

So, where are the twins?

They'll be over
just as soon as
the boys get here.

Boys? Boys? Madison
is not allowed to date.

Honey, don't worry.
It's a one-time thing.
They ship out next week.

They're in the navy?

Bye, Dad!

Wait! Wait!
Wait! Wait!

(ALL CHEERING)

Oh. Thank you for coming,
and thank you for...

For braving the insanity.

I have the songbooks here,
so let's pass them
amongst yourselves.

(GERTA SPEAKING GERMAN)

Oh, yes, do you have
"There's An Acorn
In My Stocking"?

Uh, no, I...

(GERMAN)

Yes, do you have
"The Ignorant Snowman"?

No, I don't think I do.
But we can...

Hey, there's a news crew
over at the Halls.

Yeah, it really is
quite a spectacle.

Anyway, I thought that
we would start with

one of my...
My very favorites,

■The Holly and the Ivy."

Pitch pipe.

Oh. Sorry.

Ah! Hi! (GIGGLES)
Have a good time!
Sing away!

Sorry, honey.
Go ahead.

Thanks for coming!

(SINGING CHRISTMAS CAROL)

(HIP-HOP ON LOUDSPEAKERS)

I love that song!

No, wait! Wait! Come back!

Come back here!
We're not done with rehearsal!

Come back. We're not...
We're going caroling.

It's a... It's a tradition.
Everybody...

Honey! You!

I'm not going anywhere.

Where are the kids?
Um...

Oh, look. They are
going to be making
kissing and so.

Ja. Kissing
and so. Ja.

Hello there.
We're from Channel 8 News,

and we would love
to have an interview.

Where are they going?

Hi. I... I'm just very
happy that everyone
likes the lights.

Oh! (GIGGLES)

REPORTER: Yes, indeed.

Obviously you have
put an awful lot
of work into this.

Oh, yeah.
And I'm nowhere
near being finished.

Oh, are you
kidding me? Jesus!

(ALL GASPING)

(SINGING)
...Christ, the Lord, is born
this Christmas morning

Look at that.

The lights have
obviously brought out

the Christmas
spirit in everyone.

Yeah. Yeah, they
bring out the Christmas
spirit in everybody.

Yeah, I'm really
happy about that.

Oh, my gosh.

And I'm not gonna stop

until I have the biggest
and brightest light display

in the world.

Oh, please.

also...

I really want my
house to be seen

from space!

(ALL CHEERING)

Oh, my God!

Outer space.

Oh, God!

Honey. Wait!

Wait. What are
you gonna do?

You heard him,
didn't you?

This is gonna
stop tonight!

We'll see what Sheriff Dave
has to say about this.

Does anybody know
who these R.V.s
belong to? Anybody?

Why? You wanna
make me an offer?

No. I need to get out.

Okay.

Scoot on through.

don't know.

I swear to God,
men can't drive anymore.

You hold my beer,
I'll do it for you.

Okay, okay, I'll do it.

Just...
Just guide me out.

All right.

Hey, you could
probably use a few more

lights on your house,
don't you think?

(ENGINE STARTS)
Look at that thing!

All right, you ready?

You sure?

That's why I'm here,
buddy. Don't worry.
I'm watchin' ya. I'm watchin'.

A little bit to your right.
No, no, your other right!
Yeah! Come on!

I can't see
the other side at all.

That's okay. I'm your eyes.

I'm your eyes.

Straight back.
Doesn't look like
enough room to me.

Oh! Oh, boy!
(CRIES OUT)

Oh, that's ugly.

Okay. Okay.
It's all right!

At this point, it's like
pulling off a Band-Aid.

You gotta just gun it!
You know?

Okay. You ready?

One, two...

Gun it!

WOMAN: Oh, no!

Ayayayayay!

(HORN HONKING)
Get out of the way,
please. Excuse me.

This is an active roadway.
Please. Oh, come on!

(POP CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)

Sheriff Dave,
you have to do something
about my neighbor's house.

Oh, yeah, yeah,
the Hall place.

I take my kids by there
every night after dinner.
(LAUGHS)

It just keeps
gettin' bigger and bigger.

Yes, well, that's...
That's why I want
you to arrest him.

Arrest him?
On what charge?

Light trespass.

Light trespass?
Uh-huh.

Yes. Light trespass.

"When bright,
uncontrolled light

"shines in neighboring
property or windows

"as to cause
a public nuisance."

Well, I'm...
I'm public, and I've been

nuisanced.

I can't arrest
a man for decor...
What are you looking at?

What, this?
No! No.

I... I don't mind
if you wear a br...

I... Looks like
a nice one.

It's a brace.
My wife made it for me.

I dislocated my shoulder.
It keeps it from
popping back out.

Sure.

What'd you think?

(LAUGHS)

Did you think I
was wearing a bra?

No, no. That would...
That would be crazy.
(CHUCKLES)

Now, as far as
the lights are concerned,

I'm saying
it's Christmas...
Mm-hmm.

...and you've got
a lot on your mind,

what with
the Winterfest coming up.

But if you want to
file a complaint,
I'll fill out the paperwork.

I do.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
I want to file a complaint.

Now,

where is that form?

Yes. Here we are.

Dr. Finch?

Yo.

Sleigh man.

What happened?
I woke up, and you were gone.

What are you
doing out here?

(GASPS)

Honey!

You've really been doing
a lot of work.

Yeah.

It looks amazing.

(SIGHS)

I guess the light thing
is pretty stupid, isn't it?

Oh, honey.

Yeah, it is.

Oh, come on.
It's the stupidest
thing I've ever heard.

You want our lights
to be seen from space.

Certifiable.

I'll take 'em
all down tomorrow.

You touch one bulb
on that house

and you've seen the last
of my special holiday offers,

I think you know
what I mean.

You just said
they look stupid.

Yeah! It's crazy!

But all good ideas
are crazy.

These are lights.

Oh, come on.

I think we both know
it means more to
you than just lights.

Who knows?

Might turn out to be

something monumental.

I can always count
on you, can't I?

Sure.

Mmm.

Oh, cow!
We'll have
buttermilk pancakes tomorrow.

What is he up to now?

He's bringing in animals
for a live manger scene.

Unbelievable.

STEVE: Is that a camel?

BUDDY: Look at that.

DELIVERYMAN: Yep.

Can't wait to
run my kids by.

Well, if you wanna
make sure they see it,

you'd better
bring 'em tonight.

Let's light this candle.

What are you doing?

Oh. I...
What are you doing
up anyway?

It's late.
You should go to bed.
Zip up your coat.

You're gonna cut
his power, aren't you?

Need a lookout?

SpongeBob,
this is SquarePants.

The tiger is in the cage.

Roger that, SquarePants.

I'm going in.
Roger.

(EMILY GIGGLING)
Ow! Stop! Ashley! Ouch!

Hey, you! Whoa!

This is the best
Christmas ever.

Emily, stop!

Tiger has left
the enclosure!

(CARTER GARBLED ON RADIO)

What? What?
What channel are
you on? Hello?

(SHOUTS)
He's coming! Hide!

(GRUNTS)

(BLEATS)

Oh, good Lord!

(BELLOWS)

That's disgusting.

(GRUMBLING)

No. No. Get away from me.

(BELLOWING)

Well, go, before
he comes back!

Pardon me.

Yeah, I oughta...

(BELLOWING)

Jackpot.

Mission accomplished.

Yeah! Yeah!

(DOOR CLOSES)

Hi, hon.
Couldn't sleep?

What the hell are you
doing over there?

Oh, my God. You smell.
Were you with the camel?

I did it. I did it.
The lights are off.
Isn't it great?

A little help, please!

Sorry, Mom.

It was his idea.

Get him down right now!

All right, but tonight,
when you're getting
your best sleep in weeks,

remember, I did it.

The lights are off.
The lights are finally...

(COUNTRY MUSIC BLASTING)

Now we're talkin'.

(GENERATOR CHUGGING)

You see that?

That was a close one.
The lights went out.

Yeah. We came right over
to see if there was

anything we could...
We could do to help, Buddy.

What's that noise?

Oh, that?

That's the Generac 3000,
liquid-cooled generator.

Comes in handy in
a pinch like this,
don't you think?

Very handy.

Well, everything
seems to be in
order here, honey.

I think we should
go to bed.

Good night, Buddy.

E... Excuse me.
Is that your son

dangling from
that telephone pole?

Hi, Mr. Hall.

We're having him tested.

Oh. Yeah.

Well, good night.

Good night.
Thank you very much.

Go get him right now!

Coming, Carter.

Finch.

Where's my paper?

Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

Kelly!

He's messing with
the wrong hombre.

I'm making the call.

The neighborhood association
is not gonna stand
by while this g...

What is it?

How did this get here?

Really?
Buddy.

Hey, Dad, what's that car
doing in our driveway?

It's beautiful.

CARTER: This is awesome.
I call shotgun!

If you don't like the color,
we could change it out.

Buddy. Buddy,
the tree? A car?

I... I... It's
an amazingly generous gesture,

but we can't
possibly accept it.

Oh, yeah, it's too
much. Then again,
we don't wanna be rude.

Steve.

Well, I drive a car
with no doors.

We live in Massachusetts.
I could die.

The car is yours.
I'm not gonna take
"no" for an answer.

After all I put you
through, that's all
there is to it.

The keys are inside.
Enjoy it.

Thank you so much.

This is great.

Enjoy.
Thank you.

(ENGINE STARTS)

I'll get the electrician
to come by

this morning and
fix the fuse box.

Yes, I think you better.

I will.

Guys, what happened?

Vandals.

They took a chain saw
to it last night.

Stole the whole thing,
decorations and all.

Gee.

Nah.

He couldn't have.

It can't be the same tree.

Dr. Finch,
this came for you
from the car dealer.

Oh. Probably
the documentation...

They say you have
to pay for the car
by lunchtime,

or you're
going to be arrested.

Arrested? Arrested?
But that car w...

Bob, you wanted to see me?

Yeah, hey, Buddy!
Come on in here,
grab a seat.

,Let me just send
that important thing
off there. Hey.___^

Look, I know you
think I'm young

and maybe
a little inexperienced.

But the truth is,
you don't get to where I am

without knowing
a thing or two about
the art of selling cars.

(CHUCKLES)

Actually, Bob, you got
to where you are

because your dad
owns the business.

Look, yeah...
You know what?

We're getting off-task here.
It's not important.

What's important
here is this month's

sales figures.
They just came in.

Bob, what are we doing here?
I should be out
there selling cars.

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold up there, goose.

Come on back inside here.

Look, you're a great salesman.
Everybody knows that.

Thank you, thank you.
All right?

But the problem is,
your numbers are
way down, Buddy.

You can't sell cars
if you're never here.

Mmm.

Bob,

it's the lights,

the Christmas lights.

See, all my life I've
been looking for that...
That one thing,

that one important thing.

And I've always quit

everything I started.

I can't quit this, Bob.

I gotta finish this.

Right.

Well,
if finishing those lights

means more time
away from work,

then I can
pretty much guarantee

you're not gonna have
a job to come back to
when you're done.

(WOMAN OVER P.A.)
Buddy, you have a customer
in the showroom.

Duty calls.

Hey, Steve!

What is this?
Hey, what is this?
What's inside here?

Hmm.

Well, I don't have
my X-ray goggles with me,

but I'm guessing
that's the bill
to the new car you bought.

I didn't buy a car.
You gave me a car.

And I know about the tree.

Tr... The tree?
What tree?

I don't know
about any tree.

And unless they have
film on it, you don't
know about any tree.

They don't have
film on it, do they?

You chopped down

the town Christmas tree...
No, no, no, no, no.

...and stuck it
in my living room.

And you made me believe
that that car was a present.

Steve.

If you would've
looked at the bill,
you would have noticed

that I shaved my commission
by almost a third,

which, in most circles,
is quite a substantial gift.

Well, your gift
is parked outside.

Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve.
You cannot

walk away from
your obligations.

You signed the contract.

I didn't sign anything.

No, that's true.
You didn't sign anything.

I had to forge
your signature.

Otherwise, they wouldn't
have let me drive
the car outta here.

Веер!

Okay, that's it.
That's it.

We're gonna
settle this like men.

Ooh.

I'm gonna contact
my attorney.

Oh, you're gonna
contact your attorney.

Is that the way you
settle things like men?

What's the matter?
Your mommy out of town?

Okay, you wanna go?

Let's go outside
right now. Come on.

Let's do it.
I'm gonna kick your ass!

Whoa, whoa!
Take it easy, Jackie Chan.

Relax.
We're not barbarians.

What do you want to do?

Well, there's
the little Winterfest
coming up.

And in the Winterfest,

there is
an ice-skating race.

Yeah.

Yeah. Great idea.
Great idea.

You win, I buy
the car. I win,
you take down the lights.

Deal.

Tree sap.

(SMACKING)

It's a beautiful car.
It's fully loaded.

You spared no expense.

BUDDY: Keep your eye
on the frozen ball.

I'm gonna knock
the little hairs
off that little Russian guy.

I think you
should do it, Carter.
Do it.

Little wooden man goin' down!

Ha-ha! Zingo!

(LAUGHS) Touchdown.

All right, come on, Son.
Let's show 'em how it's done.

Hello, Steve.

Hello.

Okay, give him
five dollars, Son.

My dad's gonna win.

Ah! Southpaw.

Watch and learn.

Look at the two of them.

Why are they working so
hard at hating each other?

I don't know.
Why can't they
just be quiet

and do it with a big
smile on their face
like normal neighbors?

Yeah.

That mean man
knocked down
the old ladyl j

He just winged her!

That's gonna swell up.

It's not too late
to back out, Finch.

What are they doing now?

Oh, this is just
getting embarrassing.

(BOTH GASP)

On your mark, get set...

Hey! Wait!

Whoa!

They're acting like
a bunch of 12-year-olds.

I mean, let's...
Let's just... I can't...

(PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC)

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

Buddy! Buddy!

You. Come on.
Come with me. Come on.

Oh!
STEVE: Come on.

You two have
tweaked my last nerve.

She's right.
This is crazy.

I don't care if
it takes all day.

You're gonna stand
here and work it out.

There's nothing
to work out.

You see?

I told you you can't
talk to a guy like this.
It's a waste of time...

Ow!

Ow! Ow!

Why'd you hit me?

I don't know.
She started it.

Don't be such
babies. Now this
is important to us.

And it better be
important to you too.

Talk it out.

(MOCKING) "Talk it out."

I don't know
what we're supposed to say.

There is nothing
in the universe
that we could agree on.

Well, you got that right.

Okay,
everybody, let's give a nice,
warm Winterfest welcome to

the Santa Babies!

(CHEERING)

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

Now, that is something
we can agree on.

I mean,
that's got it
goin' on.

Look at that.
(LAUGHS) Right?

Yes.
You're a guy, right?

Yeah, I'm a guy.

Yeah. Come on.

Hey! Hey!
Is it gettin' hot out here,
or is it just you girls?

(VOCALIZING)
Oh, nice dip.

Wow!

Whoo! Ow! (CHUCKLING)

STEVE: Yeah! That's what
I'm talkin' about!

Hey, baby!
Who's your daddy?

Who's your daddy?

Who's your daddy?

Oh, God.
I'm your daddy.

I'm your daddy!
I'm your daddy! Ah!

My eyes! My eyes!

BUDDY:
My eyes! My eyes!

We're going to hell.

You think
I don't know that?

For one second I let
myself think you were

a normal guy,
and this is what happens.

You blame me forthis?
"Who's your daddy?
Who's your daddy?"

(WALLACE ON P.A.)
The annual Winterfest
speed skating races

will begin in five minutes.

In the world of sport,

it has no equal.

Modern-day gladiators

throwing caution to the wind,

risking their very lives

for a chance at immortality.

Okay, so they're not
risking their lives.

But they are
skating pretty fast,
and it's really cool.

It's Winterfest's
ninth annual
speed skating race!

Okay,
is that everybody?

Well, looks like
somebody got cold feet.

Let's start the race.
STEVE: Wait!

Wait. Wait.

Oh-ho.

Very nice.
Very nice suit.

Looks like you're
smuggling a couple of
chicken nuggets up there.

It's a skin suit.
I raced in college.

Go, Dad!

Thank you, Carter.

Dad! Dad! He's our man!
If he can't do it,
nobody can! Dad!

On your mark.

Honeys!
Get set!

Go!

Oh!
Oh!

Finch is down!

Finch is down!

Foul!

And he looks bad. Wait.

He's back up.
He's on his feet,
and he's skating fast,

but he's got a lot
of ice to catch up.

Hey... Oh!
And into the first turn,

it's Buddy Hall,
Gustave and Gerta.

Finch really
appears to be struggling
as he rounds turn two

and heads for
the straightaway.

Wait. Mayor Eugene Young
has yet to leave
the starting line.

You're going the wrong way!

Gustave and
Gerta make their move
on Buddy in turn number three.

And they've taken the lead!

Buddy Hall seems to be
running out of gas.

The crowd urges him on,
but it may not be his day.

"Wrong Way" Finch slips past
Gustave and Gerta

and is really pouring it on.

Finch has got to make
his move now or else.

Once again, he jumps the bale,
almost taking out
Buddy in the process!

And miraculously, Steve Finch
has taken the lead
going into the final turn!

(SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

Steve Finch has a huge lead!

Hi-yah! Hyah!

Nothing can stop him now!

Yeah!

Finch is sent sprawling!

Oh! The carnage!
And it's Buddy Hall by a nose!

Buddy Hall wins the race!
Buddy Hall is
our new champion!

CROWD: Buddy! Buddy! Buddy!

BUDDY: Thank you. Thank you.

I will be back
with the payment booklet

for your new car, Flash.

Yeah, fine. Fine.
But the last time

I looked at
the satellite pictures,

you still couldn't
see your house.

Not a flicker.
Not a blip!

How's that feel?
Huh? Huh?

How's it feel to be invisible?

Huh?

What?

Okay, let's go over it.
The L.E.D. lights,

the grid,
the wires, the shipping,
the handling, everything.

The whole ball of wax.
How much? Out the door.

How much?

What? I... Are you serious?

What is that, in yen?

Wait...
Is that with the discount?

Can you get it here overnight?

Buddy! Buddy Hall!

Hi, honey.

This is a bad dream, right?

I'm gonna wake up,
and this won't be happening.

No, no. I'm just...

I'm just gonna
take a couple of
these branches off,

I'm not talking
about the trees!
so that we got...

I'm talking about this.

What's that?

You know
exactly what this is.

This is the stand to my vase.

You pawned it, didn't you?
You pawned my
grandmother's vase.

Well, how am I supposed
to afford a camel

on a car salesman's salary?

And then I went for a loan,
and if you don't have a job...

You lost your job?

Ooh.

That was a pretty awkward way
for you to find that out.

But don't worry
about it. I can sell
anything to anybody.

Not me. Not anymore.

Oh, honey,
honey, honey, things...
Things are gonna get better.

When?
I'm tired of
waiting, Buddy,

waiting for you
to find the right job,
the right town.

Waiting for you to
find that one true thing
that makes you happy.

think this is it!

You see,
that's just
the thing, Buddy.

I just thought you might
wake up one day,

and see that it
just might be me,

that it just might be
your family.

You know what? I'm done.

Honey.
Oh, come on. Don't...

Please. Baby... No!
"hese cords are...

These cords
are everywhere!

Oh, no. Honey...

WOMAN: Buddy Hall's Christmas
wish is to make his
house bright enough

to be visible not just
from miles around,

but from space.

Oh. Um. Right.

When we heard
about Mr. Hall's,

well, quest, if you will,
we decided

to downlink images
from his general area
as often as possible.

So I can show you,
if you'd like to take a look.

Right. Nothing yet.

Wow. Thank you for that.

This may be one Christmas wish
even Santa can't grant.

Hi, everybody.
Thanks for coming.

I'm really happy
that you came tonight.

I hope you enjoy these lights,
'cause I did 'em all for you.

(CROWD MURMURS)

And for my family.

And for my wonderful neighbors
across the street. Thank you.

(CHOIR HUMMING)

(LOWING)

(BLEATING)

(RECORD NEEDLE SCRATCHES)

(CHOIR SINGING
CHRISTMAS MUSIC)

(CLASSICAL CHRISTMAS
MUSIC PLAYING)

(HIP-HOP CHRISTMAS
MUSIC PLAYING)

(RECORD NEEDLE SCRATCHES)

(ROCK CHRISTMAS
MUSIC PLAYING)

(RECORD NEEDLE SCRATCHES)

(BLUES CHRISTMAS
MUSIC PLAYING)

(RECORD NEEDLE SCRATCHES)

(HARD ROCK CHRISTMAS
MUSIC PLAYING)

Tia!

Па! Come back!

(MUSIC ENDS)

(ALL CHEERING)

If you missed anything,

this show
is gonna be repeated

every night on a loop

until 4:00 A.M.

(POP CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)

(SHOUTS)

I can't take it anymore.

Well, me neither,
but you gotta take
some of the blame.

You hear that?

Yeah.

You hear that?
It's getting louder.

If he wants to play rough,
I can play rough.

Steve!

Where are you going?
Steve...

I hear if
someone's in the market
for something with a little

pop, you're the guy.

Maybe. Could be the guy.

Depends on
what you're looking for.

Don't let the reindeer
pajamas fool you, pal.

I'm not playing around.
I'm looking to do
some serious damage.

Yeah? Cool.
Then you've come
to the right place.

'Cause I got enough firepower
back here for two wars.

I got Reapers,
Crackle Dragons,

Wagon Wheels,
Throbbing Copperheads.

Great. I'll take 'em all.

What's this for, man?

I'm gonna shoot them
at my neighbor's house

and hopefully give
him a heart attack.

Cool. In that case,
you need this.

The Atomic Warlord.
Wow.

MAN: Yeah.

(PATRIOTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Good night, Steve.

Good night, Buddy.

(GRUNTS)

Not a creature was stirring,

not even a mouse.

You want lights, Buddy?
You want lights?
I'll show you lights.

STEVE: Whoo!

Oh, yeah! Yeah!
How do you like that?

Yeah,
sleep through that, Buddy.

Huh? Huh?

Whoo!

Yeah!
How's that feel, huh?

Hey, you think they can
see that from space, Buddy?

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Whoo!

How does it feel to have
your whole world
exploding around you?

Oh, no. Oh.

Oh, gosh.

Steve? Where are you?
What's happening? Honey?

(GROANS)

Ooh.

Oh, God. I really wish
that hadn't happened.

Honey?

Whoo.

(GASPS)

Kelly! Kelly!

You sure you've been
watering that thing?
It went up awfully fast.

Are you kidding me?

Fire extinguisher.

Oh...

Yeah, yeah.
Faulty Christmas lights.
An under-watered tree.

What can I say?
We're a cautionary tale.

So the fact that you
apparently purchased

an illegal-grade
military firework

and set it off
in your own home

had nothing
to do with it, huh?

That could have been
a contributing factor.

What about this?

I've never seen that
before in my life.

You're getting to be
a knot in my panties,
mister. A real knot.

All right, let's go!

Hey, kids. What are you...

Where you going? Huh?

Hey, Madison.
Father.

What's going on? Kelly.
Kelly, what are you doing?

I'm trying to salvage
at least part of this
Christmas for the kids.

What? What? Wait.
No. You're leaving?

You're leav...
Oh, come on.
It's not that bad.

It's not that bad.
Most of the smoke damage

was confined
to the family room.

And on the bright side,
hey, you always
hated that wallpaper.

Now that high-pressure hoses
have completely
ripped it off the walls...

We're gonna go
stay in the motel
with Tia and the twins.

Oh, come on, Kelly.
Don't do that.

Don't let that...
That jerk ruin
our Christmas.

The only jerk ruining
Christmas around here is you.

Me?
Yeah.

Me? I'm trying
to save Christmas.

Really? What is your favorite
Christmas memory?

Well...
Well, you know what it is.

I was seven years old.
My dad and I moved to Alabama,

and on Christmas morning
we woke up and sat
on the kitchen floor,

ate french fries
and drank chocolate milk.

Yeah.
Exactly. It wasn't planned.
It wasn't organized.

Nobody had to enter it
into their BlackBerry.
It just happened.

But our family's so busy,
we have to plan things out.

No. You...
You are the busy one.

You said this year our
kids needed Christmas
more than ever. No.

What they need
more than ever is you.

Carter wanted to go
Christmas shopping with you.

And he wanted to cut down
that tree with you.

And Madison... Well,

Madison's a teenage girl,
so she just pretty
much ignored you.

But if you'd been
paying attention,

you would have seen that
she just wants you to know

that she's not
a little girl anymore.

Ye ah Г Ye ah "we 11,
that's a message
I got pretty clear.

You just don't get it.

Christmas traditions
are born in those little

chocolate milk and
french fry moments.

And you can't control it.

We don't fit in
the tiny little boxes
on your Christmas calendar.

Oh, don't.

(ENGINE STARTS)

What'll I eat?

Wait! Kelly, don't! Wait!

(HORN HONKS)

Whoa.

Steve.

What happened to your house?
Did you have a fire?

Wait. Wait.
Are you trying to tell me

you weren't even
home last night?

No. No, Tia and the girls
went and stayed in a motel.

I spent all night
throwing little pebbles
at their window to try

to get them
to talk to me.

You missed the whole...

Oh, that's nothing.
What is this?

That's nothing.
That's just, like...
Huh?

The kids probably
left it out here
last night.

It's just a wire
that goes...

I knew it.
You've been stealing
my power.

Borrowing.
Look, it's an extension
cord. It goes both ways.

I was gonna
shoot it right back
to you after the holidays.

Okay, fine.
Fine. You win.

You win.
The skating,
the lights, the trees...

You've been two
steps ahead of me
the whole time.

But you know what?

You're still a screwup.
And that doesn't
change because you...

You put
some lights on the roof.

Hey, pal,

you're gonna be
spending Christmas alone

just like
the rest of us screwups.

How do you like that?

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(GIRL SOBBING)

Tootie!

Tootie, where are you?

Look. We're luckier
than lots of families,
because we're really going.

Wait till you
see the fine home
we're going to have,

and the loads and
loads of friends
we'll make, wonderful friends.

What's amazing, Tootie,
is that we're all
going to be together,

just like we've always been.

That's what really counts.

We could be happy anywhere
as long as we're together.

(SOBBING CONTINUES)

(CLATTERING)

(SIGHS)

Um...

I see you're taking down
all the lights.

Oh, you noticed.

What are you,
some kind of genius?

Apparently not.

I can't do it,
Buddy. I...

I can't spend Christmas
without them.

fell me about it.

This is awful.
It's killing me.

I mean, you know Tia.

She's so stubborn.

She won't even talk to me.

I tried everything.

Maybe not
everything.

(GAVEL BANGING)

MAN: Your Honor!

Girls, come over here.
Help us decorate the tree.

Mom,

you're hanging booze
from the minibar

on a branch you got out
of the bumper of a car.

Pardon me for not being
in the Christmas spirit.

We're trying to make
the best of it, honey.
Yeah.

You girls put those books down
and get your butts over here.

Are you reading?

Emily Dickinson.
Madison gave it to us.
It's really good.

Yeah, and it's
not giving me a
headache or anything.

Maybe I should
go to law school
or something.

(SIGHS)

Hey, Mom, look!

Carter, get back here.

I'll get him.
Carter, get back here,
you little fart.

Mom, you won't believe this.
You guys have to come.

Carter!

It's like a path!
Let's see where it goes!

TIA: Oh, my...

KELLY: It's just unbelievable.
What do you think, sweetie?

CARTER: Mom, look at this one!
It's real cool!

KELLY: I can't believe
it keeps going!

Wow!

This is amazing.

Take a picture!

can't believe it.

KELLY: Amazing.

Carter!

Mom,
all these lights...

Were Dad's lights.

STEVE: I begged you
to let me do the yams.

BUDDY: I could tell
right away you had no
feeling for starches.

Your three-bean
salad is very bad.

What did you expect
me to do,

the three-bean salad
and the fiesta corn?

We thought maybe
you'd be hungry.

Tia, look.
You thought some lights

and a TV dinner would
make up for all
the crap that I have...

Is that what I think it is?

We didn't have
time to do a turkey.

So we made a few things
from your new cookbook.

I got you this little
pre-Christmas gift.

I missed you
so much. Oh.

Oh, gosh.
How did you afford it?
How did you ever afford it?

Well, let's just say
we're not gonna use

our credit cards for
the rest of our lives.

You've been busy.

Kelly, I'm so sorry.
It's just everything got so...

You go along thinking
you're doing all
the right things

for all the right
reasons, and then,

one day you blow up
your house.

And it occurs to
you that somewhere
along the way,

things got out of hand.

It just seemed
like your whole life
had gotten so loud,

that the only thing you were
gonna hear was an empty house.

You're right.

You were right.
And you were right to leave.

You were. I understand.

You all were.
You were all right to leave.
And I'm so glad you're back.

So I can date now?

Sailors during wartime? No.

But you are growing up,
so, I guess I have
to get used to that.

Mr. Hall, you took down
all your lights.

Yeah. I thought
it would be better.

Gee, I bet it would
have worked.

Yeah, it might have.
I bet they could have

seen our house from space.

We'll never know.

(HORN HONKING)

Then again, maybe you will.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

BUDDY: Whoa.

TIA: Oh, my.

Look. I...
I'm sorry. Urn...

You all have to go home.

There are no lights tonight.

Nope, but there will be!

Buddy, what's happening?

don't know.

I told them Buddy
was a little short on lights

and maybe they'd like to come
and help out.

How many people
did you call?

You have no idea
how bad the eyesight
is in this town.

MTV is sending someone
down to do a story
on Buddy's lights.

They don't know
he took 'em down.

Which is why we better
put 'em back up.

Well,
you just gonna stand there,

or are you gonna
help me do this thing?

Let's go.

WOMAN: Hi, girls!

Ooh, it's beautiful.

Thank you so much.

And keep those
truck lights on too.
Those are good too.

Hey, thanks for coming.
That's really nice of you.

Beautiful.
Good to see you.

BUDDY: Steve, you're
doing an excellent job.
You got a future in this.

Happy holidays, everyone.
SuChin Рак coming to you live

from Cloverdale, Massachusetts

where apparently
the whole town

has come out to
see if Buddy Hall,

a local car salesman,
can achieve the impossible.

He's put up a Christmas light
display in his front yard

that can hopefully
be seen from space.

Now, the folks at My Earth
have been monitoring
this situation live.

Guys, thanks so much
for spending your
holiday plans with us.

Oh, no.
That's no trouble at all.
Actually, it's funny.

Basil's mum stopped by
with a tin of biscuits,

so we're just having a laugh.

Oh. Good... Good times.
Good times.

They're gonna do it!
They're gonna
turn on the lights!

All right. It looks like
the moment has
finally arrived.

Come on.
Let's do this as a family.

Come on.
Put your hand
on it. Ready?

SUCHIN: All right,
Everybody ready?
Buddy.
Yeah.

On the count of three.
One,

two, three!

(ALL GASPING)

(CROWD GROANING)

Oh.

People worked so hard.
They're gonna be
so disappointed.

Honey, I'm gonna go
get some candles.

(GROANS)

Okay. All right.
Okay. I need light.

(BEEPS)

(GERMAN)

WOMAN: Wanna borrow my phone?

Oh. (CHUCKLES)

О Holy Night!

(CROWD JOINS IN)
The stars are brightly shining

It is the night of
the dear Savior's birth

Hey, Dad?
Hmm?

Wouldn't it be great if we
could do this every Christmas?

What do you think?

Yeah.

Yeah, we could
use some new
traditions around here.

Buddy, I really
like this town.

Do you think
maybe you could ask
for your job back

and we could stay here?

Yeah, I like it too.

You do?

I'll get my job back.

I'll get my job back.

(SINGING CONTINUES)

BUDDY: Hey, Steve.

I know everything
got really crazy, but

I just wanted you to know
that when we first met,
I wasn't lying.

I really did want
to be your friend.

I know you did.
I should have let you.

It's Christmas.
Anything can happen.

Can we start over?

Nice to meet you.
I'm Steve Finch. You are?

Buddy Hall.

Merry Christmas, Buddy.
You too, Steve.

Yeah.
Yeah.

The night when
Christ was born

О night

TIA: О Holy

Night

О night

divine!

(SOUL CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)

He bloody well did it.

SUCHIN: Wait...
Wait, everyone.
I'm getting confirmation.

Yes. Yes.

The house is clearly
visible from space!

(ALL CHEERING)

Oh, my God!

Yea!

I'm so proud of you!

You can see it from space!

(BLUES CHRISTMAS
MUSIC PLAYING)

(MAN SINGING)

(MUSIC ENDS)