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1
00:01:03,522 --> 00:01:04,523
The high point of the weekend
2
00:01:04,724 --> 00:01:07,592
was when my St. Bernard fell
through the attic ceiling
3
00:01:07,794 --> 00:01:09,929
and landed on my kitchen table.
4
00:01:14,767 --> 00:01:18,236
This is one of the top 10 things
that's ever happened to me...
5
00:01:18,437 --> 00:01:20,840
...he said,
as he stared at me with those
6
00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:23,710
cold, blue, sociopathic eyes.
7
00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:26,879
The dog's okay.
He followed me up to the attic...
8
00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:28,580
...the Kid added.
9
00:01:28,781 --> 00:01:33,485
The fact that he was doing
cocaine up there he did not add.
10
00:01:37,990 --> 00:01:38,791
I first met The Kid
11
00:01:38,991 --> 00:01:40,893
when he infiltrated
our small town newspaper
12
00:01:41,094 --> 00:01:42,594
right after my wife died.
13
00:01:42,795 --> 00:01:45,363
I say "infiltrated"
because I believe
14
00:01:45,564 --> 00:01:48,768
it was a deliberate action
designed to meet me.
15
00:01:49,102 --> 00:01:50,402
Not that the women
on the newspaper
16
00:01:50,602 --> 00:01:51,838
aren't worth meeting.
17
00:01:52,038 --> 00:01:53,005
They are.
18
00:01:53,206 --> 00:01:54,874
But they're also old.
19
00:01:55,074 --> 00:01:56,943
In some cases, very old.
20
00:01:57,143 --> 00:02:00,278
So unless The Kid always wanted
to sleep with his mother,
21
00:02:00,479 --> 00:02:02,547
or in this particular case,
his grandmother,
22
00:02:02,749 --> 00:02:03,983
then I was it.
23
00:02:04,183 --> 00:02:05,985
This is what I wanted
to point out to you...
24
00:02:06,219 --> 00:02:07,519
As an only child,
25
00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:09,856
I am used to being around
older people.
26
00:02:10,056 --> 00:02:12,491
I am also used to
entertaining myself.
27
00:02:12,692 --> 00:02:15,527
These older people
are very entertaining.
28
00:02:15,728 --> 00:02:17,362
They would argue about
the relationship between
29
00:02:17,562 --> 00:02:19,397
commas, semicolons and periods
30
00:02:19,598 --> 00:02:20,532
of the last newspaper issue
31
00:02:20,733 --> 00:02:21,834
before starting to work
on the next one.
32
00:02:22,034 --> 00:02:24,436
It should have been a semicolon,
not a period...
33
00:02:24,637 --> 00:02:25,738
That's all there is to it.
34
00:02:25,938 --> 00:02:27,439
It's no wonder
their husbands are dead.
35
00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:28,941
They never had a chance.
36
00:02:29,142 --> 00:02:31,244
Here I am in the middle
of all this,
37
00:02:31,476 --> 00:02:32,879
thinking that my life
is nothing more than
38
00:02:33,079 --> 00:02:35,347
one long, run-on sentence...
39
00:02:35,547 --> 00:02:37,984
- I was an editor...
- Assistant editor.
40
00:02:39,652 --> 00:02:41,586
...when he appears.
41
00:02:43,890 --> 00:02:45,792
I knew your husband
was cheating on you.
42
00:02:46,025 --> 00:02:48,795
Everyone knew my husband
was cheating on me.
43
00:02:48,995 --> 00:02:49,962
Except you.
44
00:02:50,163 --> 00:02:51,664
Including me!
45
00:02:52,064 --> 00:02:54,767
I don't know what I'd do
if my husband cheated on me.
46
00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:56,035
Oh yeah?
47
00:02:56,401 --> 00:02:58,470
Stick around and find out.
48
00:02:58,704 --> 00:02:59,138
Now!
49
00:02:59,739 --> 00:03:02,541
I see we're a little short
on obituaries.
50
00:03:02,742 --> 00:03:04,010
Anyone have any ideas?
51
00:03:04,342 --> 00:03:06,511
I haven't seen
my neighbor in a while.
52
00:03:06,712 --> 00:03:07,814
Can you go over and check?
53
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:12,450
I have seen a car parked outside
late at night that I don't know.
54
00:03:12,652 --> 00:03:13,186
Woah...
55
00:03:13,853 --> 00:03:17,023
Sounds like he's either dead
or has a new girlfriend.
56
00:03:17,223 --> 00:03:18,691
Hah!
57
00:03:18,724 --> 00:03:20,960
I know the guy
you're talking about.
58
00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:23,328
He couldn't afford to move
so he's living
59
00:03:23,528 --> 00:03:26,032
with his girlfriend
on the second floor.
60
00:03:26,232 --> 00:03:28,835
- That's her car.
- That's her car?
61
00:03:29,035 --> 00:03:30,569
Where's the wife living?
62
00:03:30,770 --> 00:03:32,337
On the first floor.
63
00:03:35,875 --> 00:03:37,109
He's alive.
64
00:03:37,310 --> 00:03:37,777
Next!
65
00:03:38,476 --> 00:03:41,379
Ladies, I'm sorry to interrupt
but we have a guest.
66
00:03:41,580 --> 00:03:43,783
Oh, yes, everyone...
67
00:03:43,983 --> 00:03:46,819
This is our new neighbor,
who wants to join the newspaper.
68
00:03:47,019 --> 00:03:48,120
Show of hands?
69
00:03:50,990 --> 00:03:52,892
Congratulations, young man.
70
00:03:53,726 --> 00:03:54,994
You're in.
71
00:04:04,937 --> 00:04:06,973
- Is it always like that?
- Like what?
72
00:04:07,173 --> 00:04:07,940
That intense.
73
00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:11,010
You think old ladies bickering
about semicolons is intense?
74
00:04:11,210 --> 00:04:12,477
You must be from New Jersey.
75
00:04:12,678 --> 00:04:13,511
I am, actually.
76
00:04:13,713 --> 00:04:14,647
And you just moved to New York?
77
00:04:14,847 --> 00:04:17,382
It's not that far really.
It's only a few miles.
78
00:04:17,582 --> 00:04:19,384
It's a different world.
79
00:04:21,087 --> 00:04:23,555
- Oop, sorry.
- That's okay.
80
00:04:24,223 --> 00:04:25,725
I like the way you smoke.
81
00:04:25,925 --> 00:04:27,592
Ah, it's a bad habit.
82
00:04:27,793 --> 00:04:29,394
Not on you though.
It makes you look confident.
83
00:04:29,594 --> 00:04:30,863
I don't need to smoke
to look confident.
84
00:04:31,063 --> 00:04:32,497
I am confident.
85
00:04:33,132 --> 00:04:34,867
- You never smoked?
- Once...
86
00:04:35,067 --> 00:04:36,568
When I was 19.
87
00:04:36,769 --> 00:04:38,137
I failed miserably at it.
88
00:04:38,337 --> 00:04:40,438
Yeah, my wife
doesn't smoke either.
89
00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:41,406
You married?
90
00:04:41,606 --> 00:04:44,176
Yeah, seven years.
We met in high school
91
00:04:44,476 --> 00:04:46,746
- How old are you?
- 31. And you?
92
00:04:46,946 --> 00:04:48,080
Mmm...
93
00:04:48,648 --> 00:04:49,649
Not 31.
94
00:04:52,852 --> 00:04:55,420
Oh look, mushrooms.
95
00:04:59,591 --> 00:05:01,160
Ha-hah...
96
00:05:07,233 --> 00:05:08,433
Ahhh...
97
00:05:09,669 --> 00:05:11,704
Such an unusual species, too.
98
00:05:12,305 --> 00:05:14,539
Yeah, there's all kinds of
strange species around here.
99
00:05:14,740 --> 00:05:16,909
The Mycological Society
will really like this.
100
00:05:17,109 --> 00:05:19,812
It'll help fellow mushroom
hunters identify their finds.
101
00:05:20,012 --> 00:05:21,579
So that's what you do?
102
00:05:21,781 --> 00:05:22,982
Mmm...
103
00:05:23,015 --> 00:05:24,750
Smell my smoke and you help
people find the right mushroom?
104
00:05:24,951 --> 00:05:27,519
I also raise ducks. It can be
very intimidating, you know.
105
00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:29,454
- You're intimidated by ducks?
- Well...
106
00:05:29,655 --> 00:05:30,656
Is your wife intimidated too?
107
00:05:30,856 --> 00:05:31,691
Well, yes!
108
00:05:32,058 --> 00:05:33,125
I'm beginning to see
the attraction.
109
00:05:33,326 --> 00:05:34,293
It's not the ducks exactly.
110
00:05:34,660 --> 00:05:37,495
It's the satisfaction of having
one need in our lives isolated
111
00:05:37,697 --> 00:05:39,065
from the rest of the world
that we find intimidating.
112
00:05:39,265 --> 00:05:40,967
Most people call that
one need "children."
113
00:05:41,167 --> 00:05:43,102
Yes, but could a child
lay 600 eggs in a year?
114
00:05:43,302 --> 00:05:44,536
Maybe if you had one.
115
00:05:44,737 --> 00:05:45,705
I'm too restless
to have children.
116
00:05:45,905 --> 00:05:47,106
- Is your wife restless too?
- No...
117
00:05:47,306 --> 00:05:48,074
But she likes the ducks for now.
118
00:05:48,374 --> 00:05:50,776
- What about later?
- Later she might move on.
119
00:05:50,977 --> 00:05:52,011
- To a baby?
- To a bee.
120
00:05:52,211 --> 00:05:53,112
She also likes beekeeping.
121
00:05:53,446 --> 00:05:55,513
What happens if you decide
you want to stay with the ducks?
122
00:05:55,715 --> 00:05:56,816
Then we're gonna have a problem.
123
00:05:57,016 --> 00:05:57,549
You ever had them before?
124
00:05:57,750 --> 00:05:58,851
- Before the ducks?
- Yeah.
125
00:05:59,051 --> 00:05:59,484
- And the mushrooms?
- Yeah.
126
00:05:59,785 --> 00:06:01,687
- And the cheating?
- Woah!
127
00:06:02,688 --> 00:06:03,555
No.
128
00:06:04,757 --> 00:06:07,159
That's far enough back.
What happened?
129
00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:09,494
I left her for an older woman,
but it didn't work out.
130
00:06:09,695 --> 00:06:10,229
And?
131
00:06:10,963 --> 00:06:12,698
And she took me back. We got
married very soon after that.
132
00:06:12,898 --> 00:06:13,799
She took you back?
133
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:14,800
She's very understanding.
134
00:06:15,301 --> 00:06:17,069
I could disappear for two days
and she'd just send me a text
135
00:06:17,269 --> 00:06:18,503
asking if I was all right.
136
00:06:18,704 --> 00:06:19,705
- Have you ever done that?
- Done what?
137
00:06:19,905 --> 00:06:20,673
Disappear.
138
00:06:20,706 --> 00:06:21,707
Once when I went hunting
for tail.
139
00:06:21,907 --> 00:06:22,675
Thought we already covered that?
140
00:06:22,875 --> 00:06:23,442
- No...
- No?
141
00:06:23,709 --> 00:06:24,910
- Un-huh.
- Were you disappointed?
142
00:06:25,111 --> 00:06:25,911
Yes.
143
00:06:26,445 --> 00:06:28,047
Well, you're honest,
I'll give you that.
144
00:06:28,247 --> 00:06:30,515
An Eagle Scout has to be honest.
145
00:06:30,783 --> 00:06:32,852
- You were an Eagle Scout.
- Weren't you?
146
00:06:33,052 --> 00:06:34,987
I would have been if
I'd earned all my badges.
147
00:06:35,187 --> 00:06:36,822
- You didn't earn them?
- No, I bought them..
148
00:06:37,023 --> 00:06:37,857
That must have upset
your parents.
149
00:06:38,124 --> 00:06:40,960
- They gave me the money.
- I could never do that.
150
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,095
No, of course not, you were
too busy cheating on your wife.
151
00:06:43,295 --> 00:06:44,864
I wasn't cheating on my wife.
152
00:06:45,064 --> 00:06:46,866
You just told me
you went hunting for tail.
153
00:06:47,066 --> 00:06:50,069
Yes, I did. I went
hunting for bear and moose.
154
00:06:51,103 --> 00:06:52,537
Wait...
155
00:06:55,041 --> 00:06:56,042
So...
156
00:06:56,242 --> 00:06:59,078
You pick mushrooms,
you raise ducks,
157
00:06:59,445 --> 00:07:01,647
but you hunt for bear and moose?
158
00:07:01,847 --> 00:07:03,149
My father likes to go.
159
00:07:03,349 --> 00:07:05,084
You or your father?
160
00:07:06,185 --> 00:07:08,287
Do you like it
or do you have to go?
161
00:07:08,487 --> 00:07:09,889
I have to go.
162
00:07:10,089 --> 00:07:12,725
- Then just don't go.
- I have no choice.
163
00:07:12,925 --> 00:07:14,093
Why?
Because your father says so?
164
00:07:14,293 --> 00:07:15,928
No, because my wife says so.
165
00:07:16,128 --> 00:07:17,229
So you go hunting
with your wife?
166
00:07:17,430 --> 00:07:19,331
No, I go shopping with my wife.
167
00:07:19,832 --> 00:07:23,669
That's why I have to go now.
Besides, you're home anyway.
168
00:07:30,009 --> 00:07:31,343
He even knew where I lived.
169
00:07:34,413 --> 00:07:37,183
I thought that was it
but it wasn't it.
170
00:07:41,220 --> 00:07:42,620
Ohh!
171
00:07:48,828 --> 00:07:49,795
Hah!
172
00:07:52,865 --> 00:07:55,734
As a screenwriter,
I just couldn't pass this up.
173
00:07:56,035 --> 00:07:58,137
So that weekend, I decided
to invite him and his wife
174
00:07:58,337 --> 00:07:59,939
up to my beach house.
175
00:08:00,139 --> 00:08:02,708
I wasn't surprised
when he came alone.
176
00:08:03,242 --> 00:08:05,144
But I was surprised
that after that,
177
00:08:05,344 --> 00:08:07,780
every time I went someplace,
he was there.
178
00:08:07,980 --> 00:08:09,148
And no matter
where he turned up,
179
00:08:09,348 --> 00:08:10,916
he would always say
the same thing:
180
00:08:11,117 --> 00:08:13,152
We're on the same wavelength!
181
00:08:15,287 --> 00:08:17,723
A sushi restaurant, there...
182
00:08:17,923 --> 00:08:19,992
We're on the same wavelength.
183
00:08:22,061 --> 00:08:24,130
A local gym, there...
184
00:08:24,697 --> 00:08:26,398
We're on the same wavelength.
185
00:08:26,599 --> 00:08:28,167
I didn't even cry
when my wife died,
186
00:08:28,367 --> 00:08:31,003
but this kid was making me laugh
until I cried.
187
00:08:31,237 --> 00:08:33,305
We're on the same wavelength.
188
00:08:33,739 --> 00:08:35,741
We're on the same wavelength!
189
00:08:35,941 --> 00:08:38,410
And for that, I was grateful
to feel anything,
190
00:08:38,611 --> 00:08:40,779
and I wanted to feel some more.
191
00:08:42,148 --> 00:08:47,419
S-O-C-I-O...
192
00:08:48,053 --> 00:08:49,288
Okay.
193
00:08:51,857 --> 00:08:53,025
P-A...
194
00:08:53,225 --> 00:08:55,895
Well, there's nothing wrong
with your eyes.
195
00:08:56,095 --> 00:08:56,996
Great.
196
00:08:57,329 --> 00:09:00,366
But I think there might be
something wrong with your mind.
197
00:09:02,268 --> 00:09:03,235
Why?
198
00:09:03,435 --> 00:09:05,905
Because that word
isn't on the chart.
199
00:09:07,873 --> 00:09:09,175
Can you give me a prescription?
200
00:09:09,375 --> 00:09:13,245
I can give you an address.
201
00:09:13,445 --> 00:09:16,248
My brother is a psychiatrist.
202
00:09:16,448 --> 00:09:18,984
Oh no, I don't need him.
I need you.
203
00:09:19,685 --> 00:09:21,921
I can only give you
a pair of frames.
204
00:09:22,121 --> 00:09:23,055
Right...
205
00:09:23,255 --> 00:09:24,857
Do you have anything
intimidating?
206
00:09:25,057 --> 00:09:26,325
Intimidating frames?
207
00:09:26,525 --> 00:09:27,493
Yes.
208
00:09:27,526 --> 00:09:31,230
Something thick and black,
with dark lenses.
209
00:09:31,430 --> 00:09:32,798
Why dark?
210
00:09:32,998 --> 00:09:34,934
Makes it harder to see me.
211
00:09:35,134 --> 00:09:36,468
That's not going to solve
your problem.
212
00:09:36,670 --> 00:09:39,038
No, I know but I'm having dinner
with The Kid tonight and
213
00:09:39,238 --> 00:09:40,973
I think it might just
slow it down.
214
00:09:41,173 --> 00:09:42,741
Are you looking to save money?
215
00:09:43,042 --> 00:09:43,742
Of course.
216
00:09:43,943 --> 00:09:46,378
Then don't see him...
217
00:09:47,980 --> 00:09:50,115
And then you won't need
new glasses.
218
00:09:51,350 --> 00:09:52,785
Thank you.
219
00:09:54,153 --> 00:09:55,955
But I'm a writer...
220
00:09:56,488 --> 00:09:59,959
And I'm still trying
to read between the lines.
221
00:10:15,441 --> 00:10:16,475
Oh!
222
00:10:25,284 --> 00:10:26,986
What is this guy doing?
223
00:10:31,090 --> 00:10:32,791
What's the matter with this guy?
224
00:10:39,098 --> 00:10:41,267
What? What?
What does that mean?
225
00:10:44,270 --> 00:10:45,204
Why don't you...?
226
00:10:45,404 --> 00:10:46,939
Let me pass!
227
00:10:52,278 --> 00:10:54,213
What's the matter with you, huh?
228
00:10:54,413 --> 00:10:55,814
What? Are you psycho?
229
00:10:56,615 --> 00:10:58,550
What does that mean?
230
00:11:03,956 --> 00:11:06,492
Oh, no! C'mon!
231
00:11:23,575 --> 00:11:25,411
- Excuse me...
- Not now.
232
00:11:26,078 --> 00:11:27,513
Library humor.
233
00:11:28,247 --> 00:11:28,981
How can I help?
234
00:11:29,348 --> 00:11:32,384
I'm wondering if you have
any information on...
235
00:11:39,591 --> 00:11:40,559
What?
236
00:11:42,094 --> 00:11:45,030
If you have
any information on...
237
00:11:45,397 --> 00:11:46,965
Sociopaths.
238
00:11:47,166 --> 00:11:49,468
- I still can't hear you.
- Un-huh...
239
00:12:00,379 --> 00:12:01,480
Oh...
240
00:12:01,681 --> 00:12:03,082
My brother-in-law's one.
241
00:12:03,315 --> 00:12:04,483
Follow me.
242
00:12:26,605 --> 00:12:27,873
Here we are.
243
00:12:32,978 --> 00:12:34,480
It's a small section.
244
00:12:34,748 --> 00:12:37,650
Yeah, most of them
live in the city.
245
00:12:38,016 --> 00:12:40,919
There are just
a few stragglers up here.
246
00:12:41,186 --> 00:12:43,422
Now, which shelf?
247
00:12:44,490 --> 00:12:46,225
I don't understand.
248
00:12:46,558 --> 00:12:48,961
There are different types
of sociopaths.
249
00:12:49,161 --> 00:12:51,397
They each get their own shelves.
250
00:12:51,798 --> 00:12:54,166
What type
is your brother-in-law?
251
00:12:55,501 --> 00:12:56,602
Second shelf.
252
00:12:57,403 --> 00:12:59,639
- That's where I'll start.
- Okay.
253
00:13:19,158 --> 00:13:22,060
As he talks, he stares at you
and holds his gaze
254
00:13:22,261 --> 00:13:24,463
a beat longer than he should.
255
00:13:26,498 --> 00:13:27,700
Why the beat?
256
00:13:27,901 --> 00:13:31,403
Is it to make what he's saying
seem more important?
257
00:13:33,605 --> 00:13:35,607
Is it to convince himself
that what he's saying
258
00:13:35,809 --> 00:13:39,044
is more important
than what he actually is saying?
259
00:13:39,813 --> 00:13:43,949
Or is it to convince me
that he is as important as me?
260
00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:50,155
Not that I think I'm important.
261
00:13:51,056 --> 00:13:55,327
But if at least one other person
at the table thinks I am,
262
00:13:56,128 --> 00:14:00,700
it puts me in a better mood and
I order an expensive appetizer.
263
00:14:05,571 --> 00:14:07,439
The carpaccio please.
264
00:14:08,340 --> 00:14:10,175
I was thinking of
ordering the duck but...
265
00:14:10,375 --> 00:14:12,478
- Why do you stare?
- Because...
266
00:14:13,312 --> 00:14:14,213
Why do I what?
267
00:14:14,413 --> 00:14:14,881
Stare.
268
00:14:15,547 --> 00:14:17,416
You look at me a bit longer
than you should. Why?
269
00:14:18,083 --> 00:14:21,286
- That's the way I communicate.
- No, that's the way you stare.
270
00:14:21,487 --> 00:14:23,088
The way you talk is different.
271
00:14:23,288 --> 00:14:23,790
How do I talk?
272
00:14:24,256 --> 00:14:25,524
Like someone
who shouldn't be married.
273
00:14:25,725 --> 00:14:27,059
But I am married.
274
00:14:27,326 --> 00:14:29,495
Yeah, I wanted to talk
to you about that.
275
00:14:29,696 --> 00:14:30,996
You talk more than you listen.
276
00:14:31,196 --> 00:14:33,432
I have to talk,
I'm The Narrator.
277
00:14:33,633 --> 00:14:36,301
Now it's been my experience,
278
00:14:36,636 --> 00:14:38,170
with women, at least,
279
00:14:38,370 --> 00:14:40,707
that if she orders white wine
she's classy.
280
00:14:40,907 --> 00:14:43,041
If she orders red wine,
she has class,
281
00:14:43,242 --> 00:14:44,443
but can get a little wild.
282
00:14:44,644 --> 00:14:47,714
And if she orders rosé,
she's a slut.
283
00:14:47,947 --> 00:14:49,481
I'll have the rosé.
284
00:14:51,450 --> 00:14:52,719
Tap water for me, please.
285
00:14:57,556 --> 00:14:58,624
Does your wife order rosé?
286
00:14:58,825 --> 00:15:00,693
- No, she orders white.
- Hmm.
287
00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:03,630
Who are you smiling at?
288
00:15:03,997 --> 00:15:06,431
This older woman over there
who keeps looking at us.
289
00:15:06,633 --> 00:15:08,166
You like older women, right?
290
00:15:08,367 --> 00:15:08,835
I did.
291
00:15:09,067 --> 00:15:10,637
Ever been to a cougar club?
292
00:15:10,837 --> 00:15:12,271
- A what?
- A cougar club.
293
00:15:12,471 --> 00:15:15,240
A place where younger guys
go to meet older women.
294
00:15:15,507 --> 00:15:16,375
I have.
295
00:15:16,575 --> 00:15:17,777
Oh, what happened?
296
00:15:20,112 --> 00:15:20,579
Not much.
297
00:15:21,313 --> 00:15:23,048
Your last three responses
have been two-word answers,
298
00:15:23,248 --> 00:15:26,184
which tells me that
something very much did happen.
299
00:15:26,686 --> 00:15:27,787
I went in,
300
00:15:27,987 --> 00:15:29,321
I met somebody.
301
00:15:29,521 --> 00:15:31,223
I bought her a drink.
302
00:15:32,524 --> 00:15:33,726
She sat on my lap.
303
00:15:36,228 --> 00:15:36,796
I left.
304
00:15:36,996 --> 00:15:38,564
- Alone?
- I left.
305
00:15:38,765 --> 00:15:40,700
- Back to two words.
- I left alone.
306
00:15:40,900 --> 00:15:42,367
Three words. That's better.
307
00:15:42,568 --> 00:15:44,236
- Was this recent?
- Recent enough.
308
00:15:44,436 --> 00:15:46,471
"Recent enough."
309
00:15:48,540 --> 00:15:49,642
Do you think that's fair
to your wife?
310
00:15:49,842 --> 00:15:50,442
Nothing happened.
311
00:15:50,877 --> 00:15:52,277
But the thought that something
could happen,
312
00:15:52,477 --> 00:15:54,580
- that was enough for you?
- For now.
313
00:15:54,781 --> 00:15:57,215
I'm trying to get you from
now to later a little faster.
314
00:15:57,416 --> 00:15:58,216
Why?
315
00:16:25,277 --> 00:16:27,479
Have you ever read
"The Sociopath Next Door?"
316
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:29,381
I don't live next door.
317
00:16:30,049 --> 00:16:31,718
Nevertheless, have you read it?
318
00:16:33,352 --> 00:16:34,020
No.
319
00:16:34,053 --> 00:16:36,355
Do you know what a sociopath is?
320
00:16:37,556 --> 00:16:38,357
No.
321
00:16:38,390 --> 00:16:40,592
You'd say no
even if you did know.
322
00:16:41,027 --> 00:16:43,830
Lack of conscience
is the biggest trait.
323
00:16:44,529 --> 00:16:46,264
One in 25 people is a sociopath.
324
00:16:46,465 --> 00:16:47,466
What are you saying?
325
00:16:47,667 --> 00:16:48,668
I'm saying
I just did a head count
326
00:16:48,868 --> 00:16:50,870
and it doesn't look good
for you.
327
00:16:52,571 --> 00:16:53,138
I have a conscience.
328
00:16:53,438 --> 00:16:54,741
Did you develop this
before or after
329
00:16:54,941 --> 00:16:56,341
you let my dog
fall through the ceiling?
330
00:16:56,541 --> 00:16:57,142
That wasn't my fault.
331
00:16:57,542 --> 00:16:58,811
What were you doing
up in the attic anyway?
332
00:16:59,012 --> 00:16:59,611
I was doing blow.
333
00:17:00,013 --> 00:17:00,780
Why didn't you just
do it downstairs?
334
00:17:01,346 --> 00:17:03,181
'Cause there's lots of dog hair
downstairs and I'm allergic.
335
00:17:03,382 --> 00:17:05,550
Be allergic to shellfish.
Not to my dog.
336
00:17:05,752 --> 00:17:08,553
- Clams on the half shell?
- Me.
337
00:17:25,337 --> 00:17:26,706
Tell me about your wife.
338
00:17:26,906 --> 00:17:27,807
Not much to tell really.
339
00:17:28,041 --> 00:17:29,942
Oh god, I hate people
who start stories that way.
340
00:17:30,143 --> 00:17:31,911
I'm only 31,
so it's gonna be a short story.
341
00:17:32,111 --> 00:17:33,913
- I prefer novels.
- That's because you're older.
342
00:17:34,113 --> 00:17:34,947
Is that a crack about my age?
343
00:17:35,347 --> 00:17:37,482
The photo on your driver's
license wasn't recent.
344
00:17:37,684 --> 00:17:38,517
And you saw
my driver's license when?
345
00:17:38,851 --> 00:17:39,752
When I was looking for
something to cut the coke with.
346
00:17:40,053 --> 00:17:42,220
- You went into my wallet?
- You left it lying around.
347
00:17:42,421 --> 00:17:43,856
I most certainly did not
leave it lying around,
348
00:17:44,057 --> 00:17:45,758
certainly not
when you're around.
349
00:17:45,958 --> 00:17:47,526
Are you saying
you don't trust me?
350
00:17:47,727 --> 00:17:49,829
You let my dog fall through
the kitchen ceiling!
351
00:17:50,029 --> 00:17:51,798
You didn't apologize
or offer me any money to fix it!
352
00:17:51,998 --> 00:17:52,899
Of course I don't trust you...
353
00:17:53,099 --> 00:17:54,466
Well, it was your fault.
354
00:17:54,667 --> 00:17:55,534
How was it my fault?
I was in the bathroom.
355
00:17:55,835 --> 00:17:57,937
Exactly. It was your fault
you were in the bathroom.
356
00:17:58,137 --> 00:17:59,237
If you'd come up
to the attic with me,
357
00:17:59,438 --> 00:18:00,173
then nothing
would have happened.
358
00:18:00,372 --> 00:18:02,274
I think you wanted
something to happen.
359
00:18:02,474 --> 00:18:04,209
- Between me and the dog?
- Between me and you.
360
00:18:05,111 --> 00:18:06,445
I don't know
what you're talking about.
361
00:18:06,646 --> 00:18:07,780
Really?
I think that you do.
362
00:18:07,980 --> 00:18:08,881
What kind of a person comes over
363
00:18:09,581 --> 00:18:11,516
to somebody's house for the weekend
with just the clothes on his back?
364
00:18:11,718 --> 00:18:12,819
I left from work.
I didn't have time to pack.
365
00:18:13,019 --> 00:18:14,954
Goes up into a hot attic
with a candle
366
00:18:15,154 --> 00:18:17,322
and proceeds to do
12 lines of coke.
367
00:18:17,522 --> 00:18:18,356
The candle was your idea.
368
00:18:18,557 --> 00:18:20,693
And doesn't offer to pay for it.
369
00:18:20,893 --> 00:18:22,762
- The candle?
- The coke!
370
00:18:22,995 --> 00:18:24,362
You counted the lines?
371
00:18:24,563 --> 00:18:26,331
I bought the cocaine!
372
00:18:26,531 --> 00:18:27,867
I count the things I pay for!
373
00:18:28,067 --> 00:18:29,534
Lower your voice.
374
00:18:30,169 --> 00:18:31,738
People are beginning to stare.
375
00:18:32,972 --> 00:18:34,239
Oh, yeah?
376
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:35,708
How do you like it?
377
00:18:36,274 --> 00:18:38,543
I'd like it better
if we were at a strip club.
378
00:18:38,745 --> 00:18:39,377
What are you talking...?
379
00:18:39,679 --> 00:18:42,247
You know what?
Never mind. Why is that?
380
00:18:42,447 --> 00:18:43,683
Because I like staring
a stripper down
381
00:18:43,883 --> 00:18:44,884
when she's on stage.
382
00:18:45,118 --> 00:18:48,620
I can usually intimidate her
into doing anything I want.
383
00:18:48,821 --> 00:18:50,690
Too bad she isn't a duck.
384
00:18:50,890 --> 00:18:52,859
Does your wife know
you go to strip clubs?
385
00:18:53,059 --> 00:18:54,426
I don't tell her everything.
386
00:18:54,627 --> 00:18:55,762
Is that where
you picked up your little habit?
387
00:18:55,962 --> 00:18:57,496
- What habit?
- Your attic habit.
388
00:18:57,697 --> 00:18:58,296
I'm not an addict.
389
00:18:58,530 --> 00:18:59,932
You said "addict."
I said "attic."
390
00:19:00,133 --> 00:19:01,433
I'd really like to go
upstairs again.
391
00:19:01,634 --> 00:19:02,668
I don't want an addict
in my attic!
392
00:19:02,869 --> 00:19:03,502
I'll stay downstairs.
393
00:19:03,903 --> 00:19:05,337
I wouldn't let you
back in my house without
394
00:19:05,537 --> 00:19:06,806
a security deposit.
395
00:19:07,106 --> 00:19:08,540
Remember the next morning
when I asked you if
396
00:19:08,741 --> 00:19:10,342
you wanted something to eat
or some coffee?
397
00:19:10,542 --> 00:19:11,010
I remember.
398
00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:11,978
Do you remember what you said?
399
00:19:12,477 --> 00:19:14,579
I said "I don't have anything
when I first get up."
400
00:19:14,781 --> 00:19:15,982
That's right.
401
00:19:16,015 --> 00:19:17,917
Then 10 minutes later when
we drove to my neighbor's house
402
00:19:18,117 --> 00:19:20,820
to go clamming and she
offered you coffee, you said...
403
00:19:21,020 --> 00:19:22,487
Oh, yes please.
404
00:19:24,456 --> 00:19:25,457
Don't give me the eyes!
405
00:19:25,658 --> 00:19:26,926
I said,
406
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:30,696
"Not when I first get up."
407
00:19:32,397 --> 00:19:33,733
I didn't say it like that.
408
00:19:33,933 --> 00:19:35,433
That's exactly how you said it.
409
00:19:35,735 --> 00:19:36,636
I didn't mean anything by it.
410
00:19:36,869 --> 00:19:39,639
That's exactly what you say
when you get caught.
411
00:19:39,839 --> 00:19:40,907
Remember the first thing
you said to me
412
00:19:41,107 --> 00:19:42,474
after the dog
fell through the ceiling?
413
00:19:42,675 --> 00:19:43,743
I don't remember.
414
00:19:43,943 --> 00:19:45,678
You said, "This is one of
the top 10 things
415
00:19:45,878 --> 00:19:47,579
"that has ever happened to me."
416
00:19:48,981 --> 00:19:49,682
It was.
417
00:19:50,917 --> 00:19:51,583
Do you want to hear
the other 9?
418
00:19:52,018 --> 00:19:54,854
No, I'm 41 years old
and that's not the point.
419
00:19:55,054 --> 00:19:56,521
What is the point?
420
00:19:56,722 --> 00:19:58,090
The point is
you weren't concerned
421
00:19:58,291 --> 00:20:00,559
about anything but yourself.
422
00:20:04,396 --> 00:20:05,698
That's the way I've always been.
423
00:20:05,965 --> 00:20:07,633
Is your wife as unconcerned?
424
00:20:07,834 --> 00:20:10,502
- She's very concerned.
- She should be.
425
00:20:11,037 --> 00:20:12,839
I don't know how
she puts up with you, kid.
426
00:20:13,039 --> 00:20:14,140
Don't call me kid.
I have a name.
427
00:20:14,372 --> 00:20:18,410
I know you have a name, I just
can't bring myself to say it.
428
00:20:20,780 --> 00:20:21,379
Why not?
429
00:20:21,613 --> 00:20:22,815
It implies
a sense of familiarity
430
00:20:23,015 --> 00:20:23,683
between the two of us
431
00:20:23,983 --> 00:20:24,616
that I'm not at all
comfortable with.
432
00:20:24,851 --> 00:20:27,987
No, you and I
are on a strictly...
433
00:20:28,888 --> 00:20:30,522
pronoun name basis.
434
00:20:30,890 --> 00:20:32,557
Can I call you by your name?
435
00:20:32,758 --> 00:20:34,894
No, I'd be equally
uncomfortable with that.
436
00:20:35,094 --> 00:20:36,428
Okay...
437
00:20:36,729 --> 00:20:37,395
Kid.
438
00:20:37,897 --> 00:20:40,933
See? You can't even come up
with anything original.
439
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:42,802
Okay...
440
00:20:43,336 --> 00:20:45,037
- Friend.
- Friend?
441
00:20:45,238 --> 00:20:46,504
You're a neighbor.
442
00:20:46,706 --> 00:20:47,572
Pal?
443
00:20:47,773 --> 00:20:48,975
Don't tell me what to call you.
444
00:20:49,175 --> 00:20:50,575
Well, somebody
has to make a decision.
445
00:20:50,776 --> 00:20:53,012
- Have we decided?
- Yes, we have.
446
00:20:57,016 --> 00:20:59,517
I'll have the prime rib
and the sociopath here
447
00:20:59,719 --> 00:21:02,520
will have the pasta
from the children's menu.
448
00:21:05,658 --> 00:21:06,859
Very good, sir.
449
00:21:09,494 --> 00:21:11,030
Oh, I like those glasses.
450
00:21:11,230 --> 00:21:12,564
But I can hardly see you though.
451
00:21:12,765 --> 00:21:13,465
That's the point.
452
00:21:13,666 --> 00:21:14,166
I wear contacts.
453
00:21:14,634 --> 00:21:17,103
And that's how I can see
right through you.
454
00:21:20,139 --> 00:21:22,041
You don't have to order for me.
I'm not a child.
455
00:21:22,241 --> 00:21:22,875
Do you remember what you said
456
00:21:23,276 --> 00:21:24,844
the first time
I gave you a ride in my truck?
457
00:21:25,044 --> 00:21:27,146
I said,
"Where are you taking me?"
458
00:21:27,512 --> 00:21:28,381
That's right.
459
00:21:28,781 --> 00:21:30,983
Don't you think you should
have said, "Where are we going?"
460
00:21:31,183 --> 00:21:33,085
- I did.
- No, you didn't.
461
00:21:33,286 --> 00:21:34,887
You said,
"Where are you taking me."
462
00:21:35,087 --> 00:21:36,588
- It's the same thing.
- No, it isn't.
463
00:21:36,789 --> 00:21:37,790
"Where are we going?"
is two friends
464
00:21:37,990 --> 00:21:38,958
going out for a night
on the town.
465
00:21:39,292 --> 00:21:42,995
"Where are you taking me?" is
two friends going home to bed.
466
00:21:43,195 --> 00:21:44,562
What are you saying?
467
00:21:44,764 --> 00:21:46,065
I'm saying that
this is turning into
468
00:21:46,265 --> 00:21:48,533
a gay relationship
without the sex.
469
00:21:49,068 --> 00:21:50,435
Eeehh...
470
00:21:55,041 --> 00:21:57,843
- What was that?
- An allergy.
471
00:22:00,112 --> 00:22:01,948
Are you saying I'm gay?
472
00:22:02,148 --> 00:22:03,783
I'm saying that you
473
00:22:03,983 --> 00:22:05,685
are about as straight
as this corkscrew.
474
00:22:05,885 --> 00:22:07,053
Now what do you want?
475
00:22:07,253 --> 00:22:08,788
What do you want?
476
00:22:14,961 --> 00:22:17,630
Excuse me, fellas.
477
00:22:17,830 --> 00:22:21,167
But have either of you read,
The Sociopath Next Door because
478
00:22:21,367 --> 00:22:22,969
- Shut up!
- Shut up!
479
00:22:26,839 --> 00:22:29,607
- Why are you mirroring me?
- It's you that's mirroring me.
480
00:22:29,809 --> 00:22:31,911
Oh my God, you're even
mirroring my mirrors.
481
00:22:32,111 --> 00:22:33,611
If you would have asked me
first what I wanted,
482
00:22:33,813 --> 00:22:35,114
it would've been easier
for me to say "your wife."
483
00:22:35,314 --> 00:22:36,548
But since you asked me
after I asked you,
484
00:22:36,749 --> 00:22:37,482
it's much more difficult
to answer.
485
00:22:37,783 --> 00:22:40,720
Regardless of who asked
the question first...
486
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:42,888
you just answered it.
487
00:22:50,963 --> 00:22:52,564
You tricked me into answering.
488
00:22:52,765 --> 00:22:53,899
I didn't trick you.
489
00:22:54,100 --> 00:22:57,069
You got me so frustrated
that I blew.
490
00:22:57,269 --> 00:22:58,603
Somebody had to make a decision.
491
00:22:58,804 --> 00:22:59,271
Wow.
492
00:22:59,537 --> 00:23:01,841
Spoken like a true sociopath.
493
00:23:02,375 --> 00:23:03,776
You make me think
that I'm in control
494
00:23:03,976 --> 00:23:05,644
and all the while,
you're actually in control.
495
00:23:05,878 --> 00:23:06,912
I'm sure I don't know
what you mean.
496
00:23:07,179 --> 00:23:09,982
I'm sure that you do and now
you're gonna gaslight me.
497
00:23:10,983 --> 00:23:12,118
"Gaslight?"
498
00:23:12,318 --> 00:23:13,719
Yeah, it's named
after an old movie
499
00:23:13,919 --> 00:23:15,087
where a husband
drives his wife insane
500
00:23:15,287 --> 00:23:17,056
by making her doubt herself.
501
00:23:17,256 --> 00:23:19,058
You make me doubt myself.
502
00:23:19,392 --> 00:23:22,594
- You're mimicking me.
- You're mimicking me.
503
00:23:28,134 --> 00:23:30,202
Maybe we're both sociopaths.
504
00:23:31,270 --> 00:23:32,838
That's impossible.
505
00:23:33,039 --> 00:23:34,173
There's not enough people
in the room
506
00:23:34,373 --> 00:23:36,142
for there to be two of us.
507
00:23:37,176 --> 00:23:38,778
Did you count the bar?
508
00:23:42,314 --> 00:23:43,949
No, I did not.
509
00:23:44,750 --> 00:23:46,719
I did not count the bar.
510
00:23:57,863 --> 00:23:59,765
We need another 25.
511
00:23:59,965 --> 00:24:02,201
- Does the bartender count?
- The bartender counts.
512
00:24:02,401 --> 00:24:04,637
Did you get the guy talking
to himself in the corner?
513
00:24:04,837 --> 00:24:05,905
Yeah, I counted him.
514
00:24:06,105 --> 00:24:07,773
- He could be the one.
- Too obvious.
515
00:24:07,973 --> 00:24:09,875
They usually blend in.
516
00:24:11,210 --> 00:24:12,344
Hold on.
517
00:24:20,386 --> 00:24:21,720
Nah, it's okay.
You can go.
518
00:24:25,191 --> 00:24:26,659
I count 17.
519
00:24:26,859 --> 00:24:28,894
Yeah, I got the same count.
520
00:24:29,095 --> 00:24:30,162
Not enough.
521
00:24:30,796 --> 00:24:32,865
Well, one of us
is off the hook.
522
00:24:33,065 --> 00:24:35,901
Not so fast.
We gotta check the bathrooms.
523
00:24:36,202 --> 00:24:37,970
I'm gonna go look
in the men's room.
524
00:24:38,170 --> 00:24:39,939
Why can't I take the men's room?
525
00:24:40,139 --> 00:24:42,208
Because you're gonna go talk
to that woman over there.
526
00:24:42,408 --> 00:24:44,009
She's gonna go check
the ladies room.
527
00:24:44,210 --> 00:24:45,678
That's why.
528
00:25:04,363 --> 00:25:06,132
Can I buy you a drink?
529
00:25:06,332 --> 00:25:08,701
- What are you, 12?
- I'm 31.
530
00:25:09,301 --> 00:25:11,103
Is that guy
your father over there?
531
00:25:11,303 --> 00:25:12,738
No, he's my friend...
532
00:25:12,938 --> 00:25:14,874
Ah, pal, ah...
533
00:25:15,074 --> 00:25:17,943
Neighbor... God!
I don't know who he is.
534
00:25:18,144 --> 00:25:20,079
Well, this is off
to a good start.
535
00:25:23,015 --> 00:25:24,783
Can I see some ID?
536
00:25:26,051 --> 00:25:28,354
I was just having dinner
over there.
537
00:25:28,554 --> 00:25:31,757
That was over there,
this is over here.
538
00:25:31,957 --> 00:25:33,259
ID?
539
00:25:42,234 --> 00:25:43,802
I'll have a rosé...
540
00:25:44,003 --> 00:25:46,705
I mean, I'll have a white wine.
541
00:25:46,939 --> 00:25:48,040
That's too bad.
542
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,709
- I'm having red.
- I'll have red.
543
00:25:50,910 --> 00:25:52,978
Any particular kind?
544
00:25:53,746 --> 00:25:55,414
I'm having the kind
that bears my name.
545
00:25:55,614 --> 00:25:58,184
I'll have her.
I mean I'll have that.
546
00:25:59,318 --> 00:26:02,988
There were two more in
the men's room. That's 19.
547
00:26:03,522 --> 00:26:04,790
Ma'am.
548
00:26:10,162 --> 00:26:11,697
19?
549
00:26:11,964 --> 00:26:14,900
Ah, yes, my 19th birthday,
it was great.
550
00:26:15,100 --> 00:26:17,303
We were talking
about that before.
551
00:26:17,503 --> 00:26:18,938
Before what?
552
00:26:20,806 --> 00:26:23,142
Before... the before.
553
00:26:23,976 --> 00:26:26,145
Well, that's clear.
554
00:26:26,345 --> 00:26:27,846
- You married?
- Basically, yes.
555
00:26:28,047 --> 00:26:29,181
- You understand?
- No...
556
00:26:29,381 --> 00:26:30,983
But it's consistent.
557
00:26:38,057 --> 00:26:39,758
Can I ask you a question?
558
00:26:39,959 --> 00:26:42,228
Married, three times, one kid.
559
00:26:42,428 --> 00:26:45,965
Wow, that's not
what I was gonna ask.
560
00:26:46,165 --> 00:26:47,900
Impossible.
They what they all ask.
561
00:26:48,100 --> 00:26:49,935
It wouldn't even occur to me
to ask that.
562
00:26:50,135 --> 00:26:52,238
So you're saying
you're different?
563
00:26:52,438 --> 00:26:53,505
No, you're saying I'm different.
564
00:26:53,707 --> 00:26:54,873
So what are you saying?
565
00:26:55,074 --> 00:26:56,041
I'm saying hello.
566
00:26:56,242 --> 00:26:57,076
Hello!
567
00:26:57,977 --> 00:26:58,911
Yep...
568
00:26:59,545 --> 00:27:01,313
- You are different.
- A little.
569
00:27:01,513 --> 00:27:04,083
- How little?
- Largely... little.
570
00:27:05,084 --> 00:27:08,254
Does your "basically married"
wife talk the same way you do?
571
00:27:08,454 --> 00:27:10,055
She doesn't talk that much.
572
00:27:10,256 --> 00:27:12,925
Maybe 'cause she doesn't know
what to say.
573
00:27:13,125 --> 00:27:15,194
I'd say you're very attractive.
574
00:27:15,394 --> 00:27:16,562
I'd say you're not wearing
a wedding ring.
575
00:27:16,762 --> 00:27:20,332
I'd say I'm not wearing a ring
because you're very attractive.
576
00:27:20,532 --> 00:27:21,767
Mmm...
577
00:27:21,967 --> 00:27:23,135
See?
578
00:27:23,335 --> 00:27:24,937
You're not that different.
579
00:27:25,137 --> 00:27:26,438
I guess not...
580
00:27:27,873 --> 00:27:29,508
Except for one little thing.
581
00:27:29,709 --> 00:27:31,377
Oh yeah, what's that?
582
00:27:31,977 --> 00:27:34,413
I have a thing for bathrooms.
583
00:27:38,284 --> 00:27:39,551
Men's?
584
00:27:42,121 --> 00:27:43,222
No.
585
00:27:47,326 --> 00:27:49,361
Oh God, I was watching you
all through dinner, you know.
586
00:27:49,561 --> 00:27:50,796
I heard.
587
00:27:50,829 --> 00:27:53,465
When you took that bread stick
and shoved it in the guy's face,
588
00:27:53,667 --> 00:27:55,134
my God, it really
did something to me.
589
00:27:55,334 --> 00:27:58,103
- No, I hope you're okay.
- I will be.
590
00:28:01,907 --> 00:28:04,009
God, I love a man in red pants.
591
00:28:04,209 --> 00:28:05,477
- I hope you're privileged.
- I am...
592
00:28:05,679 --> 00:28:06,612
My family has money.
593
00:28:06,979 --> 00:28:09,815
Oh, that's not the kind of
privilege I was talking about.
594
00:28:10,015 --> 00:28:11,483
Were your husbands privileged?
595
00:28:11,685 --> 00:28:13,852
Underprivileged.
That's why we got divorced.
596
00:28:14,053 --> 00:28:15,020
I'm happily married.
597
00:28:15,220 --> 00:28:16,588
Yeah, in a woman's bathroom?
598
00:28:16,790 --> 00:28:19,058
If I told you why I'm here,
you wouldn't believe it.
599
00:28:19,258 --> 00:28:20,225
I believe almost anything.
600
00:28:25,531 --> 00:28:26,332
Excuse me.
601
00:28:26,532 --> 00:28:28,200
- Are you alone?
- Yes!
602
00:28:29,968 --> 00:28:32,304
My boyfriend
left me this morning.
603
00:28:33,572 --> 00:28:35,941
It's a horrible situation.
604
00:28:37,376 --> 00:28:38,610
Horrible.
605
00:28:40,245 --> 00:28:42,848
And it doesn't look good.
606
00:28:46,653 --> 00:28:49,154
No. I meant,
"Are you working alone?"
607
00:28:50,322 --> 00:28:52,091
Oh, yeah...
608
00:28:53,492 --> 00:28:55,361
Another tap water?
609
00:29:01,100 --> 00:29:02,368
Why do they call it Happy Hour?
610
00:29:02,568 --> 00:29:03,636
I don't know.
611
00:29:04,570 --> 00:29:07,206
You think people are
really happy during that hour?
612
00:29:07,406 --> 00:29:09,241
I told you I don't know.
613
00:29:09,642 --> 00:29:11,944
The sign was here
when I bought the place.
614
00:29:12,511 --> 00:29:14,580
An hour is a long time,
615
00:29:14,781 --> 00:29:16,582
especially to be happy.
616
00:29:17,717 --> 00:29:19,485
I'd rather be sad.
617
00:29:19,686 --> 00:29:21,053
Why?
618
00:29:22,621 --> 00:29:24,556
There's no time limit.
619
00:29:29,696 --> 00:29:32,665
I'm trying to find out
if I'm a sociopath.
620
00:29:32,866 --> 00:29:35,100
A sociopath, really?
621
00:29:35,769 --> 00:29:38,270
I doubt it because there's
not enough of us in here.
622
00:29:38,470 --> 00:29:40,038
How do you know
about sociopaths?
623
00:29:40,239 --> 00:29:41,240
Who doesn't know
about sociopaths?
624
00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:43,008
- I didn't.
- Well, you wouldn't...
625
00:29:43,208 --> 00:29:44,042
if you are one.
626
00:29:44,243 --> 00:29:45,678
I've heard that before.
627
00:29:47,079 --> 00:29:48,447
Ahh, all clear.
628
00:29:48,815 --> 00:29:51,550
- Are we good to go?
- We stand at 19.
629
00:29:51,751 --> 00:29:54,520
Okay, we're still on
the nineteen thing.
630
00:29:55,722 --> 00:29:58,056
Happy Birthday...
631
00:30:18,477 --> 00:30:21,180
There was nobody else
in the bathroom.
632
00:30:21,380 --> 00:30:23,582
But five more
were in the kitchen.
633
00:30:23,783 --> 00:30:25,117
One short.
634
00:30:26,018 --> 00:30:27,152
24...
635
00:30:27,352 --> 00:30:28,520
Too bad for you.
636
00:30:35,227 --> 00:30:37,029
25...
637
00:30:38,497 --> 00:30:40,199
Too bad for you.
638
00:30:44,536 --> 00:30:48,607
- You like older vehicles, too?
- I don't like to depreciate.
639
00:30:48,942 --> 00:30:51,143
Who in the world does?
640
00:30:53,145 --> 00:30:54,446
What did you say
you do again?
641
00:30:54,647 --> 00:30:55,648
I didn't.
642
00:30:55,849 --> 00:30:58,050
Oh-oh, back to
the two-word answers.
643
00:30:58,250 --> 00:30:58,952
After what you just
put me through,
644
00:30:59,251 --> 00:31:00,018
you're lucky I'm talking
to you at all.
645
00:31:00,586 --> 00:31:02,755
- After what I put YOU through?
- I'm not the one after my wife.
646
00:31:02,956 --> 00:31:05,023
Don't you have your own wife?
647
00:31:05,424 --> 00:31:07,092
I did. She died.
648
00:31:08,060 --> 00:31:09,228
I'm sorry.
649
00:31:09,461 --> 00:31:11,463
I assume she drank white wine?
650
00:31:11,664 --> 00:31:12,699
All the time.
651
00:31:13,766 --> 00:31:16,034
Too much of the time, actually.
652
00:31:16,435 --> 00:31:18,003
Were you happy?
653
00:31:18,370 --> 00:31:19,772
An old car is like
an old marriage.
654
00:31:19,973 --> 00:31:20,439
After a while,
655
00:31:21,173 --> 00:31:23,342
you don't even realize
it's not working properly.
656
00:31:23,542 --> 00:31:24,543
I see.
657
00:31:24,744 --> 00:31:26,345
How do you see? You're 31.
658
00:31:26,545 --> 00:31:27,346
You're only 41.
659
00:31:27,647 --> 00:31:29,615
- But I've seen more.
- So I've seen less?
660
00:31:29,816 --> 00:31:31,283
A lot less.
Surprisingly less.
661
00:31:31,483 --> 00:31:32,719
- I like surprises.
- Yeah?
662
00:31:32,919 --> 00:31:35,487
When your wife leaves you,
don't be surprised.
663
00:31:36,255 --> 00:31:38,524
This guy behind me
is in for a surprise.
664
00:31:38,725 --> 00:31:41,460
- He's following me too close.
- Careful...
665
00:31:41,661 --> 00:31:44,096
Remember, sociopaths are prone
to sudden outbursts.
666
00:31:44,296 --> 00:31:45,163
Yeah?
667
00:31:46,565 --> 00:31:48,500
Watch this outburst.
668
00:31:59,913 --> 00:32:03,415
Too bad psychiatrists
don't issue gift certificates.
669
00:32:11,925 --> 00:32:12,892
Do you have the money
to tailgate me?
670
00:32:13,091 --> 00:32:15,795
What are you crazy? You could
have caused an accident.
671
00:32:15,995 --> 00:32:17,062
Careful!
672
00:32:17,262 --> 00:32:18,698
He's a sociopath!
673
00:32:18,898 --> 00:32:21,500
I have a sister-in-law
who's one of those.
674
00:32:21,701 --> 00:32:24,369
I really really don't like her.
675
00:32:24,938 --> 00:32:27,239
I don't care about your wife's
sister! I care about my truck!
676
00:32:27,439 --> 00:32:30,576
So let me ask you again, do you
have the money to tailgate me?
677
00:32:30,777 --> 00:32:33,211
None of your business
how much money I have.
678
00:32:33,412 --> 00:32:34,279
That means you don't.
679
00:32:34,479 --> 00:32:35,815
It also means you don't have
the money to pay
680
00:32:36,015 --> 00:32:38,183
- for my chiropractor.
- What chiropractor?
681
00:32:38,383 --> 00:32:40,787
The chiropractor I'd call if
you hit me from this direction
682
00:32:40,987 --> 00:32:43,088
causing my neck to go
in that direction!
683
00:32:43,288 --> 00:32:45,390
- But I didn't hit you!
- But you could have!
684
00:32:45,591 --> 00:32:46,793
Much the same way
you could have had
685
00:32:46,993 --> 00:32:48,393
a happy marriage.
686
00:32:51,864 --> 00:32:54,366
How do you know
my marriage isn't happy?
687
00:32:54,566 --> 00:32:56,468
You're all hunched over
and too close to the wheel.
688
00:32:56,669 --> 00:32:58,337
You're not getting laid.
689
00:33:01,306 --> 00:33:02,675
I drive this way all the time.
690
00:33:02,875 --> 00:33:04,343
So you haven't been getting laid
for a while?
691
00:33:04,543 --> 00:33:05,611
None of your business!
692
00:33:05,878 --> 00:33:08,681
I'm sure your shortsightedness
isn't helping the situation.
693
00:33:08,881 --> 00:33:10,549
How do you know
I'm short-sighted?
694
00:33:10,750 --> 00:33:12,150
Because when you passed
the merge before,
695
00:33:12,351 --> 00:33:13,853
you waited too long
to put your signal on.
696
00:33:14,053 --> 00:33:14,620
If you had the ability
to look ahead,
697
00:33:15,220 --> 00:33:17,155
you would have seen the obstacle
before you got to it,
698
00:33:17,356 --> 00:33:18,323
which would have put you
in the car in front of me
699
00:33:18,523 --> 00:33:19,726
instead of the car behind me,
700
00:33:19,926 --> 00:33:21,894
which is why
we're at this point.
701
00:33:22,461 --> 00:33:24,764
You figured out all this
from the way I drive?
702
00:33:24,964 --> 00:33:26,231
I told you!
703
00:33:26,431 --> 00:33:27,566
He's crazy.
704
00:33:27,934 --> 00:33:30,302
Yeah, well, how do you drive?
705
00:33:30,903 --> 00:33:31,904
Not close.
706
00:33:32,772 --> 00:33:34,339
I don't like automatics.
707
00:33:34,539 --> 00:33:37,442
I wanted to buy a stick,
my wife wouldn't...
708
00:33:40,445 --> 00:33:41,914
So I was right.
709
00:33:42,347 --> 00:33:44,416
It hasn't been going well...
710
00:33:44,616 --> 00:33:45,885
- Lately.
- Lately?
711
00:33:46,218 --> 00:33:49,454
Well, it hasn't been going well
for a while.
712
00:33:51,623 --> 00:33:53,191
I'm sorry to hear that.
713
00:33:53,392 --> 00:33:55,260
It wasn't always like this!
714
00:33:55,460 --> 00:33:57,897
Two years ago, I would have seen
that merge coming.
715
00:33:58,097 --> 00:34:00,399
Don't be so hard on yourself.
It was a heavy merge.
716
00:34:00,599 --> 00:34:03,168
Don't make excuses.
A merge is a merge.
717
00:34:03,368 --> 00:34:04,403
If that's the way
you feel about it.
718
00:34:04,603 --> 00:34:06,538
That is the way
I feel about it!
719
00:34:06,739 --> 00:34:08,875
See, there are a lot
of indecisive guys out there
720
00:34:09,075 --> 00:34:10,877
in indecisive marriages.
721
00:34:11,110 --> 00:34:14,814
That is why they put
the right turn signal on
722
00:34:15,014 --> 00:34:16,281
before making a left,
723
00:34:16,481 --> 00:34:18,885
and the left one on
before making a right.
724
00:34:19,085 --> 00:34:20,853
I can tell you've put
a lot of thought into it.
725
00:34:21,054 --> 00:34:24,256
Maybe I was supposed to end up
behind you tonight
726
00:34:24,456 --> 00:34:26,625
so you could set me straight.
727
00:34:30,630 --> 00:34:32,732
Do you want to hit me?
728
00:34:33,700 --> 00:34:35,367
I'm not a violent person.
729
00:34:35,567 --> 00:34:38,470
Hey, you could hit my truck?
730
00:34:42,474 --> 00:34:44,911
I mean it might make you
feel better.
731
00:34:46,578 --> 00:34:47,412
Hunh?
732
00:34:47,780 --> 00:34:48,881
Careful.
733
00:34:49,082 --> 00:34:50,282
It's a trick.
734
00:34:51,249 --> 00:34:53,920
What do you usually do
to work out your aggression?
735
00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:55,955
I usually go to the library.
736
00:34:56,221 --> 00:34:57,957
Library's closed.
737
00:34:58,725 --> 00:34:59,926
Hit me!
738
00:35:02,461 --> 00:35:04,463
Ooo, start slow.
739
00:35:04,797 --> 00:35:05,530
Is this good?
740
00:35:05,932 --> 00:35:06,966
Don't talk to me.
I'm not supposed to be here.
741
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:09,434
I'm supposed to be there,
unaware you're gonna hit me.
742
00:35:09,635 --> 00:35:10,903
I'd rather you be here.
743
00:35:11,104 --> 00:35:12,805
He can't be. That's why
it's called an accident.
744
00:35:13,005 --> 00:35:15,875
Ignore him. Just go slow
like you're on a first date.
745
00:35:16,075 --> 00:35:17,677
- How's this?
- Good!
746
00:35:17,877 --> 00:35:19,511
Now speed up like
you're on the honeymoon.
747
00:35:19,712 --> 00:35:21,613
Boy, this is getting exciting!
748
00:35:21,814 --> 00:35:23,448
Has your life ever
flashed before your eyes?
749
00:35:23,649 --> 00:35:25,383
Once, and I didn't like
what I saw.
750
00:35:25,584 --> 00:35:26,953
Have you ever had
a near-death experience?
751
00:35:27,153 --> 00:35:28,755
I hope I'm about
to have one now.
752
00:35:28,955 --> 00:35:31,389
By the way, why are
you doing this for me?
753
00:35:31,590 --> 00:35:33,291
Because I like to help people.
754
00:35:33,492 --> 00:35:35,460
And it's also not my truck!
755
00:35:35,661 --> 00:35:40,398
- Ahhhh!
- AHHHHHH!
756
00:36:02,621 --> 00:36:05,457
- Doctor, am I going to die?
- Yes!
757
00:36:06,025 --> 00:36:08,728
It's a horrible situation.
Horrible.
758
00:36:08,995 --> 00:36:11,530
And it doesn't look good.
759
00:36:12,198 --> 00:36:15,001
Well, at least I'll be
with my wife.
760
00:36:15,201 --> 00:36:17,536
We'll be putting you under now.
761
00:36:17,737 --> 00:36:19,337
I'm ready.
762
00:36:24,110 --> 00:36:26,679
You're an anesthesiologist?
763
00:36:26,979 --> 00:36:28,748
That's what you do?
764
00:36:28,948 --> 00:36:32,450
See you on the other side.
765
00:36:54,841 --> 00:36:56,976
This is one of the top 10 things
that's ever happened to me.
766
00:36:57,176 --> 00:36:58,845
Did you say something?
767
00:36:59,145 --> 00:37:00,378
No.
768
00:37:00,713 --> 00:37:03,015
Mmmm, I like Febreze...
769
00:37:04,449 --> 00:37:06,018
You want some Febreze?
770
00:37:07,519 --> 00:37:09,621
- I'm good.
- You sure?
771
00:37:09,822 --> 00:37:11,523
I said no.
772
00:37:11,991 --> 00:37:13,993
My wife likes Febreze.
773
00:37:17,096 --> 00:37:19,065
Alright, I'll try it.
774
00:37:19,464 --> 00:37:21,366
That's one of their best ones.
775
00:37:21,566 --> 00:37:24,402
It reminds me of when my wife
and I went on our honeymoon.
776
00:37:24,603 --> 00:37:26,772
You want to know where we went?
777
00:37:31,344 --> 00:37:34,412
- Not especially, no.
- Sicily.
778
00:37:34,714 --> 00:37:37,850
I'm Italian, you know.
Ahh, it was amazing.
779
00:37:38,184 --> 00:37:39,986
So romantic.
Can you imagine?
780
00:37:40,186 --> 00:37:41,553
Linen and Sky.
781
00:37:41,754 --> 00:37:44,123
Hot sun,
beautiful beaches.
782
00:37:44,323 --> 00:37:45,992
Skinny dipping at night...
783
00:37:46,192 --> 00:37:48,694
I don't have
a great imagination.
784
00:37:48,895 --> 00:37:51,563
- Keep it.
- I really don't want to.
785
00:37:52,298 --> 00:37:54,466
Why? I have a lot more scents
where that came from.
786
00:37:54,667 --> 00:37:55,801
I would prefer no scents.
787
00:37:56,002 --> 00:37:57,770
I'd rather have some scents
than no scents.
788
00:37:57,970 --> 00:37:59,705
If you had any sense,
you wouldn't have gotten married.
789
00:37:59,906 --> 00:38:01,140
But I love her.
790
00:38:01,573 --> 00:38:03,075
You left her!
791
00:38:03,508 --> 00:38:04,944
But I came back.
792
00:38:05,410 --> 00:38:08,381
She took you back,
which is nonsense.
793
00:38:08,613 --> 00:38:10,149
- She's very understanding.
- She's too understanding.
794
00:38:10,349 --> 00:38:12,550
I don't understand.
795
00:38:12,752 --> 00:38:15,087
You're a kid who wears red pants
796
00:38:15,288 --> 00:38:17,555
and belongs
to a mushroom society.
797
00:38:17,757 --> 00:38:20,625
- Who would take you seriously?
- Apparently she does.
798
00:38:20,826 --> 00:38:22,460
Does she apparently know
you stole a truck?
799
00:38:22,695 --> 00:38:24,964
I didn't steal a truck.
I borrowed it from a friend.
800
00:38:25,164 --> 00:38:29,135
Who would have you as a friend?
801
00:38:29,335 --> 00:38:30,903
Another mushroom picker?
802
00:38:31,103 --> 00:38:33,505
I was hoping
we could be friends.
803
00:38:33,706 --> 00:38:35,775
Real friends,
not just acquaintances.
804
00:38:36,642 --> 00:38:38,811
I had my heart set
on acquaintances.
805
00:38:39,211 --> 00:38:40,713
The guy that drove the car
was my friend.
806
00:38:40,913 --> 00:38:42,181
The guy who was driving the car
got divorced.
807
00:38:42,381 --> 00:38:44,549
- He was unhappy.
- I'm unhappy.
808
00:38:47,119 --> 00:38:49,621
Your wife would make me
less unhappy.
809
00:38:49,822 --> 00:38:50,990
Would "Meadows and Rain"
make you happy?
810
00:38:51,190 --> 00:38:52,892
Would you please stop talking
about Febreze!
811
00:38:53,092 --> 00:38:54,193
I'm talking about real life.
812
00:38:54,393 --> 00:38:56,461
What's the difference?
813
00:39:04,036 --> 00:39:06,005
Ahhh, hello.
814
00:39:07,073 --> 00:39:08,007
Mmm...
815
00:39:10,176 --> 00:39:12,044
My wife's on her way up.
816
00:39:13,079 --> 00:39:14,612
What?
817
00:39:15,881 --> 00:39:17,183
Ohh...
818
00:39:18,184 --> 00:39:21,619
- I gotta get out of here.
- Why? There's no time.
819
00:39:21,887 --> 00:39:23,856
Because if she starts
feeling romantic,
820
00:39:24,056 --> 00:39:25,557
I'm not gonna be able
to take it.
821
00:39:25,758 --> 00:39:27,159
Turn up the radio.
822
00:39:27,860 --> 00:39:31,998
Hey, switch places with me
so I can be closer to the exit?
823
00:39:32,765 --> 00:39:34,233
We could...
824
00:39:34,834 --> 00:39:37,103
but then you'd have
a lot more scents.
825
00:39:37,303 --> 00:39:38,104
Hmmm...
826
00:39:38,304 --> 00:39:40,773
I hadn't thought of that.
827
00:40:11,871 --> 00:40:14,006
Hiiii...
828
00:40:14,273 --> 00:40:16,776
Oh, thank you.
829
00:40:18,778 --> 00:40:21,814
No, no, don't worry, I'm okay.
830
00:40:22,014 --> 00:40:23,883
It's the last time
I trust the neighbor.
831
00:40:24,083 --> 00:40:27,186
There we were. He wants me
to take a ride in his truck.
832
00:40:27,386 --> 00:40:29,922
No, I don't think he's gay.
833
00:40:30,256 --> 00:40:33,225
He said he was married,
but his wife died.
834
00:40:33,625 --> 00:40:35,928
At least that's what he said.
835
00:40:36,128 --> 00:40:38,596
We were having this
perfectly nice dinner...
836
00:40:38,798 --> 00:40:39,632
Umpff.
837
00:40:39,665 --> 00:40:41,566
I don't think
he should throw it.
838
00:40:42,134 --> 00:40:42,835
Why?
839
00:40:43,035 --> 00:40:43,836
He's angry.
840
00:40:44,136 --> 00:40:46,672
Because if he throws it,
we'll have to see her,
841
00:40:46,872 --> 00:40:49,574
and I think it's important
that we don't see her.
842
00:40:49,775 --> 00:40:50,810
Why?
843
00:40:51,877 --> 00:40:54,013
Because she's not funny.
844
00:40:54,947 --> 00:40:56,348
We could make her funny.
845
00:40:56,549 --> 00:40:58,217
No, I've met her. We can't.
846
00:40:58,451 --> 00:41:00,653
It could be a great scene.
847
00:41:00,853 --> 00:41:02,221
Great scenes
aren't always funny.
848
00:41:02,421 --> 00:41:04,256
I hope this one is.
849
00:41:04,457 --> 00:41:05,758
Do you think it's too abrupt?
850
00:41:05,958 --> 00:41:08,027
No! Audiences want
something different.
851
00:41:08,828 --> 00:41:11,596
Like us? Even though
we're never seen again?
852
00:41:11,797 --> 00:41:15,267
Who wants to see us? We're only
the writer and director.
853
00:41:15,501 --> 00:41:16,769
Do you think he's submissive?
854
00:41:16,969 --> 00:41:17,736
Who?
855
00:41:17,770 --> 00:41:19,038
The Kid in the picture.
856
00:41:19,238 --> 00:41:21,807
I don't think so.
He's more sick.
857
00:41:22,041 --> 00:41:22,741
That's important.
858
00:41:23,175 --> 00:41:25,377
Otherwise, nobody would believe
that he's married.
859
00:41:25,711 --> 00:41:26,312
I'd believe it.
860
00:41:26,745 --> 00:41:28,681
Of course you'd believe it.
You wrote it.
861
00:41:28,881 --> 00:41:30,116
Even if I didn't write it,
I'd believe it.
862
00:41:30,316 --> 00:41:32,284
They've known each other
since high school.
863
00:41:32,485 --> 00:41:34,353
- Did you write that?
- No, that's why I believe it.
864
00:41:34,553 --> 00:41:37,089
When you know somebody
that long
865
00:41:37,289 --> 00:41:39,024
you really know them.
866
00:41:39,225 --> 00:41:40,759
Why does he stay with her?
867
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:42,628
Because she's nonthreatening.
868
00:41:42,828 --> 00:41:44,230
Why does she stay with him?
869
00:41:44,430 --> 00:41:46,699
Because she doesn't know
any better way to be treated.
870
00:41:46,899 --> 00:41:48,234
The Narrator
would treat her better.
871
00:41:48,434 --> 00:41:52,371
The Kid knows that which is
why he knows he can't lose her.
872
00:41:52,805 --> 00:41:54,940
Why? He already lost her once.
873
00:41:55,141 --> 00:41:56,876
But she'll never
come back twice.
874
00:41:57,109 --> 00:42:00,312
My wife came back twice and
I was trying to lose her once.
875
00:42:00,813 --> 00:42:03,716
The Narrator's wife
is not coming back.
876
00:42:04,116 --> 00:42:07,253
Don't you think you should
mention how she died?
877
00:42:07,720 --> 00:42:10,322
Death isn't funny
and it bogs me down.
878
00:42:10,523 --> 00:42:12,858
DON'T BOG ME DOWN!
879
00:42:13,292 --> 00:42:16,128
Alright,
but it would be helpful.
880
00:42:17,863 --> 00:42:19,131
Brain aneurism.
881
00:42:23,035 --> 00:42:25,404
The doorman found her and
she was gone in 24 hours.
882
00:42:25,604 --> 00:42:26,739
Is that helpful?
883
00:42:27,206 --> 00:42:28,440
Considerably.
884
00:42:31,310 --> 00:42:34,680
I want to give The Narrator
another love interest.
885
00:42:35,047 --> 00:42:36,782
Like who?
886
00:42:37,216 --> 00:42:39,084
One of the women
on the newspaper staff?
887
00:42:39,285 --> 00:42:40,786
Which one?
888
00:42:40,986 --> 00:42:42,454
The youngest one.
889
00:42:46,091 --> 00:42:49,762
Do you think if I wore an ascot,
I'd be a better writer?
890
00:42:51,263 --> 00:42:52,431
Yes.
891
00:42:57,770 --> 00:42:58,904
Aaah.
892
00:42:59,538 --> 00:43:01,006
Thank you.
893
00:43:02,341 --> 00:43:05,211
My cleaning lady usually
does that for me.
894
00:43:05,411 --> 00:43:08,113
The last time I saw her, I
threatened to have me deported.
895
00:43:08,314 --> 00:43:09,982
Aren't you okay?
896
00:43:11,984 --> 00:43:13,953
- Where did you get that?
- What?
897
00:43:14,153 --> 00:43:15,120
That.
898
00:43:15,321 --> 00:43:16,855
This? Downstairs.
899
00:43:18,224 --> 00:43:19,725
What is wrong with you?
900
00:43:19,925 --> 00:43:21,093
I'm sorry, I'm just...
901
00:43:21,293 --> 00:43:22,494
I'm under a lot of pressure.
902
00:43:22,696 --> 00:43:25,764
So is this can,
but it's not gonna explode.
903
00:43:26,432 --> 00:43:28,801
Can we just stop talking
about the can.
904
00:43:29,001 --> 00:43:31,070
I think you should
really get married again.
905
00:43:31,270 --> 00:43:32,805
Ohhhh...!
906
00:43:33,839 --> 00:43:37,943
Wouldn't it be easier just
to get another cleaning lady?
907
00:43:39,011 --> 00:43:40,379
I'm not talking about right now.
908
00:43:40,579 --> 00:43:41,280
Good.
909
00:43:41,313 --> 00:43:43,349
I'm talking about the future.
910
00:43:43,549 --> 00:43:44,483
Because right now,
911
00:43:44,850 --> 00:43:49,788
I'm burying myself in my work in
order to avoid my personal life.
912
00:43:51,156 --> 00:43:52,791
What kind of work?
913
00:43:53,693 --> 00:43:58,197
Well, it's a new screenplay
based on a neighbor.
914
00:43:58,864 --> 00:44:02,201
Is it about a woman who's been
married three times?
915
00:44:02,401 --> 00:44:05,271
Because if it is, all I ask
is that you spell my name right.
916
00:44:05,471 --> 00:44:07,873
I would if it was, but it isn't.
917
00:44:08,207 --> 00:44:10,075
Then who is it about?
918
00:44:13,112 --> 00:44:15,114
I'd really rather not say.
919
00:44:15,381 --> 00:44:17,216
Then what's it about?
920
00:44:17,483 --> 00:44:20,119
I'd really rather not
say that, either.
921
00:44:20,720 --> 00:44:23,989
You are so similar
to my middle husband.
922
00:44:24,189 --> 00:44:26,458
- Was he a writer?
- He was a liar.
923
00:44:26,859 --> 00:44:28,227
A good writer can be both.
924
00:44:28,427 --> 00:44:30,029
A good husband can't be.
925
00:44:30,229 --> 00:44:31,964
What did he lie about?
926
00:44:32,164 --> 00:44:33,999
I'd rather not say.
927
00:44:34,233 --> 00:44:35,901
Unless I say so first, right?
928
00:44:36,135 --> 00:44:38,304
He was
a good negotiator as well.
929
00:44:38,504 --> 00:44:42,841
Alight, it's about the new guy
at the newspaper.
930
00:44:43,542 --> 00:44:45,911
Who? The Kid?
931
00:44:46,512 --> 00:44:48,113
How many other guys do we have?
932
00:44:48,314 --> 00:44:49,882
Sadly, not enough.
933
00:44:50,082 --> 00:44:50,983
What?
934
00:44:51,183 --> 00:44:52,451
I'm not enough?
935
00:44:52,686 --> 00:44:53,419
You are.
936
00:44:53,720 --> 00:44:56,555
But I like you too much
to have sex with you,
937
00:44:56,756 --> 00:44:58,824
although we have great banter.
938
00:44:59,024 --> 00:45:00,225
And you were married 3 times?
939
00:45:00,426 --> 00:45:02,027
And I didn't like any of them,
940
00:45:02,227 --> 00:45:03,996
which is why I thought
it would work out.
941
00:45:04,196 --> 00:45:05,297
You were surprised
when it didn't?
942
00:45:05,497 --> 00:45:06,498
Yes.
943
00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:09,201
I guess I just didn't
dislike them enough,
944
00:45:09,401 --> 00:45:12,338
which is strange because
I hated the third one.
945
00:45:12,538 --> 00:45:15,607
I think you could really grow
to dislike this Kid.
946
00:45:15,809 --> 00:45:17,443
I certainly did.
947
00:45:18,377 --> 00:45:21,447
- Then maybe it would work out.
- He's married also.
948
00:45:21,648 --> 00:45:23,515
Ah, then forget it.
949
00:45:23,717 --> 00:45:25,951
I wouldn't do to her
what someone did to me.
950
00:45:26,185 --> 00:45:27,119
Ohh...
951
00:45:27,453 --> 00:45:30,255
- Your husband cheated?
- One of them.
952
00:45:30,589 --> 00:45:32,858
But not with a woman.
953
00:45:37,262 --> 00:45:38,897
Which one?
954
00:45:39,098 --> 00:45:40,999
Which husband or which man?
955
00:45:41,200 --> 00:45:42,234
Either.
956
00:45:42,635 --> 00:45:44,470
There was the first one
with someone from
957
00:45:44,671 --> 00:45:46,338
the Second Avenue Deli.
958
00:45:46,538 --> 00:45:48,440
I don't think The Kid
works at a deli.
959
00:45:48,641 --> 00:45:50,109
He always seems to be around.
960
00:45:50,309 --> 00:45:51,410
What does he do?
961
00:45:51,610 --> 00:45:52,645
I don't know,
962
00:45:52,846 --> 00:45:54,613
but he has money.
963
00:45:54,814 --> 00:45:57,516
- Where's his family from?
- Sicily.
964
00:45:57,817 --> 00:45:59,451
Do you think he's in the mob?
965
00:45:59,652 --> 00:46:01,487
They'd have him serving
espressos in the back room
966
00:46:01,688 --> 00:46:03,122
if he was.
967
00:46:04,623 --> 00:46:06,558
What is his wife like?
968
00:46:10,028 --> 00:46:11,363
Attractive.
969
00:46:13,065 --> 00:46:14,566
- Really?
- Uh-huh.
970
00:46:14,900 --> 00:46:16,435
When did you see her?
971
00:46:16,636 --> 00:46:18,337
I saw her at the...
972
00:46:19,405 --> 00:46:20,038
hospital.
973
00:46:20,506 --> 00:46:22,908
I got a look at her
through the privacy curtain.
974
00:46:23,108 --> 00:46:26,111
Did he ever apologize
for that car accident?
975
00:46:26,311 --> 00:46:29,649
God, he never apologized
for the attic accident.
976
00:46:30,115 --> 00:46:31,917
Which reminds me,
how's your dog?
977
00:46:32,117 --> 00:46:33,118
Hmmm...
978
00:46:33,585 --> 00:46:35,387
He's still recuperating.
979
00:46:35,587 --> 00:46:39,191
He just stares at the ceiling
and shakes his head.
980
00:46:41,661 --> 00:46:44,029
Poor thing.
He'll get over it.
981
00:46:53,005 --> 00:46:54,273
I'm still not over it.
982
00:46:54,473 --> 00:46:57,176
- Then get over it!
- Uhhh...
983
00:46:58,243 --> 00:46:59,411
Are you okay?
984
00:46:59,611 --> 00:47:02,214
Yeah, I think the neck brace
is a little tight.
985
00:47:02,414 --> 00:47:04,082
You need to see that Kid again.
986
00:47:04,283 --> 00:47:06,151
Oh no, I just spent a week
with him at the hospital
987
00:47:06,351 --> 00:47:07,586
I can't take anymore.
988
00:47:07,787 --> 00:47:10,389
But you're a writer and
he's your subject.
989
00:47:10,622 --> 00:47:12,558
If you're going to go up
to the bell, then ring it.
990
00:47:12,759 --> 00:47:14,526
I've rung the bell.
It's hollow!
991
00:47:14,727 --> 00:47:16,195
HOLLOW!
992
00:47:16,395 --> 00:47:17,697
Then keep ringing it.
993
00:47:17,897 --> 00:47:18,964
Why?
994
00:47:19,164 --> 00:47:20,432
There's no one home.
995
00:47:22,100 --> 00:47:24,603
Maybe if you keep ringing it
then maybe someday
996
00:47:24,804 --> 00:47:27,105
someone will come to the door.
997
00:47:31,043 --> 00:47:33,011
I hope it's his wife.
998
00:48:16,789 --> 00:48:18,357
Paula...
999
00:48:18,624 --> 00:48:22,060
You remember our first days.
You remember Italy.
1000
00:48:22,261 --> 00:48:23,328
There've been times when
1001
00:48:23,529 --> 00:48:25,632
I thought
I only dreamed those days.
1002
00:48:25,832 --> 00:48:27,599
Come closer, Paula.
1003
00:48:29,802 --> 00:48:31,236
Closer.
1004
00:48:36,341 --> 00:48:38,076
Look into my eyes.
1005
00:48:38,443 --> 00:48:42,180
If I ever meant anything to you
and I believe I did...
1006
00:48:42,481 --> 00:48:44,449
Then help me Paula.
1007
00:48:57,697 --> 00:49:00,065
Don't tell me you're dealing
with another palimony suit?
1008
00:49:00,265 --> 00:49:03,268
Yes, but worse. This time,
I'm the defendant.
1009
00:49:03,468 --> 00:49:04,136
Again?
1010
00:49:04,469 --> 00:49:06,739
- You should just get a cat.
- I hate cats.
1011
00:49:06,940 --> 00:49:09,074
They close their eyes
when they eat, it's just...
1012
00:49:09,274 --> 00:49:10,009
So?
1013
00:49:10,275 --> 00:49:12,144
So I want them to know
who's feeding them
1014
00:49:12,344 --> 00:49:14,146
and who's paying for everything.
1015
00:49:14,346 --> 00:49:16,783
You wouldn't get sued so much
if you weren't such a tough guy.
1016
00:49:16,983 --> 00:49:20,319
I'm not a tough guy.
I just know how to hurt people
1017
00:49:21,420 --> 00:49:22,055
So what are you having?
1018
00:49:22,321 --> 00:49:23,056
Litigation
if you're not careful.
1019
00:49:23,455 --> 00:49:25,725
As your lawyer, I'm telling you
to drop the case.
1020
00:49:25,925 --> 00:49:27,426
It's not a case. He's a kid.
1021
00:49:27,626 --> 00:49:29,394
He's a basket-case kid.
Just drop him.
1022
00:49:29,595 --> 00:49:30,863
Not that simple.
1023
00:49:31,631 --> 00:49:34,232
He endangered your life,
put you in the hospital.
1024
00:49:34,433 --> 00:49:35,334
It's very simple.
1025
00:49:35,534 --> 00:49:37,804
- I can't do it to him.
- He'd do it to you.
1026
00:49:38,004 --> 00:49:40,238
No, he wouldn't
unless I do it to him first.
1027
00:49:40,439 --> 00:49:42,140
A counter suit.
Even better.
1028
00:49:42,341 --> 00:49:43,676
Better for you not for me.
1029
00:49:44,077 --> 00:49:45,577
What are you talking about?
1030
00:49:45,778 --> 00:49:47,880
I see liability everywhere.
Just look at this menu.
1031
00:49:48,081 --> 00:49:49,882
I don't see specials.
1032
00:49:50,083 --> 00:49:51,684
I see misspellings.
1033
00:49:51,951 --> 00:49:54,353
"Spicy Tina."
What is that? C'mon!
1034
00:49:54,553 --> 00:49:57,724
- They mean tuna roll.
- That's raw, somebody...
1035
00:49:57,924 --> 00:50:00,860
- Turn it off for a second!
- No, I can't, no, I can't.
1036
00:50:01,060 --> 00:50:03,796
I suspect everyone,
especially if they're frameable.
1037
00:50:03,997 --> 00:50:06,131
It doesn't even matter if
they're guilty, not guilty...
1038
00:50:06,331 --> 00:50:08,400
- You suspect The Kid?
- I suspect The Kid...
1039
00:50:08,600 --> 00:50:11,336
his wife and
definitely the ducks.
1040
00:50:11,536 --> 00:50:13,873
If he was my client,
I'd plea bargain.
1041
00:50:14,073 --> 00:50:15,675
Not everything
is a negotiation.
1042
00:50:15,875 --> 00:50:16,541
Oh, yeah?
1043
00:50:16,743 --> 00:50:17,677
Hey, excuse me.
1044
00:50:18,210 --> 00:50:21,346
Yeah, I get $350 an hour,
we're already $150 into it.
1045
00:50:21,546 --> 00:50:23,315
Where's my edamame?
1046
00:50:24,917 --> 00:50:26,151
Oh!
1047
00:50:27,720 --> 00:50:29,656
I'm a Republican too.
1048
00:50:31,658 --> 00:50:33,492
- You see?
- Yeah, I see.
1049
00:50:33,693 --> 00:50:34,694
You're charging me by the hour.
1050
00:50:34,894 --> 00:50:35,895
If you didn't get sued so much,
1051
00:50:36,095 --> 00:50:37,429
you wouldn't have
to charge so much.
1052
00:50:37,630 --> 00:50:38,363
I'll pick up the lunch.
1053
00:50:38,597 --> 00:50:39,899
Which means
I'm picking up the lunch.
1054
00:50:40,099 --> 00:50:41,433
Since there's not going to be
any suit,
1055
00:50:41,634 --> 00:50:42,702
there's not going to be
any settlement.
1056
00:50:42,902 --> 00:50:44,603
What would I settle for?
1057
00:50:45,872 --> 00:50:47,305
His wife.
1058
00:50:50,609 --> 00:50:51,778
I'll think about it.
1059
00:50:51,978 --> 00:50:52,745
Don't think too long.
1060
00:50:52,945 --> 00:50:53,545
I'm not gonna have to.
1061
00:50:54,013 --> 00:50:55,648
I'm seeing The Kid
tomorrow night for dinner.
1062
00:50:55,848 --> 00:50:58,583
- Will she be there?
- I'll settle for that.
1063
00:50:59,085 --> 00:51:01,754
Do you have shrimp cocktail
with the sauce, no rice?
1064
00:51:01,954 --> 00:51:03,422
Red sauce, no rice.
1065
00:51:03,622 --> 00:51:05,290
Spicy, spicy...
1066
00:51:07,359 --> 00:51:10,730
Now the fact is
I couldn't settle for that.
1067
00:51:15,835 --> 00:51:17,904
I had gotten to the point
in my script where
1068
00:51:18,104 --> 00:51:19,772
I started to wonder.
1069
00:51:22,041 --> 00:51:24,811
Was it The Kid's motives
I was questioning?
1070
00:51:27,814 --> 00:51:29,214
- Oh my God!
- Hi!
1071
00:51:29,414 --> 00:51:30,415
Or mine?
1072
00:51:30,615 --> 00:51:32,551
- You're not her.
- Miss me?
1073
00:51:47,900 --> 00:51:49,936
What do you think?
1074
00:51:53,072 --> 00:51:53,940
My grandmother used to say,
1075
00:51:54,207 --> 00:51:57,844
"The cleaner the house,
the more they're hiding."
1076
00:52:02,314 --> 00:52:03,482
Oh...
1077
00:52:04,483 --> 00:52:06,351
I'm so sorry.
1078
00:52:08,755 --> 00:52:10,890
What is this? Popcorn?
1079
00:52:12,324 --> 00:52:14,626
I don't know
what you think I'm hiding.
1080
00:52:15,194 --> 00:52:16,763
Other than your wife?
1081
00:52:16,963 --> 00:52:18,563
She's at the lake house.
I told you.
1082
00:52:18,765 --> 00:52:20,365
No, you didn't. I didn't even
know you had a lake house.
1083
00:52:20,565 --> 00:52:21,067
I don't.
1084
00:52:21,533 --> 00:52:23,401
But if I did,
that's where she'd be.
1085
00:52:23,602 --> 00:52:26,438
As it is,
she's at her photography class.
1086
00:52:28,340 --> 00:52:30,009
- This you?
- Yes.
1087
00:52:30,375 --> 00:52:32,879
- Is that her?
- Who else would it be?
1088
00:52:33,079 --> 00:52:34,579
What do you think?
1089
00:52:34,781 --> 00:52:36,414
I don't know...
1090
00:52:36,615 --> 00:52:39,484
Looks like you're running away
from something.
1091
00:52:41,620 --> 00:52:43,421
Is this hers too?
1092
00:52:43,656 --> 00:52:45,624
- She's good.
- They are good, aren't they?
1093
00:52:45,825 --> 00:52:46,793
Real good.
1094
00:52:48,027 --> 00:52:50,362
Ooh, look at that composition.
1095
00:52:55,500 --> 00:52:57,335
They're not hers.
1096
00:53:02,541 --> 00:53:03,608
What is hers?
1097
00:53:03,843 --> 00:53:06,979
The baked ziti.
Would you like some salad?
1098
00:53:07,312 --> 00:53:10,549
- She can cook, too?
- She can do a lot of things.
1099
00:53:12,652 --> 00:53:13,920
What can you do?
1100
00:53:14,120 --> 00:53:15,353
You asked me that before.
1101
00:53:15,554 --> 00:53:16,856
I'm asking again.
1102
00:53:19,058 --> 00:53:21,027
I'm a mechanical engineer.
1103
00:53:21,227 --> 00:53:21,994
Oh, yeah?
1104
00:53:22,195 --> 00:53:23,696
Can you fix
a clogged drain?
1105
00:53:23,930 --> 00:53:24,931
Ah, yeah.
1106
00:53:26,065 --> 00:53:27,332
Then you're a plumber.
1107
00:53:27,532 --> 00:53:28,600
You're very quick.
1108
00:53:29,001 --> 00:53:30,002
Not really.
1109
00:53:31,871 --> 00:53:33,605
Mmm... Pass the salad.
1110
00:53:37,009 --> 00:53:38,543
You're not good
when I give you compliments.
1111
00:53:38,744 --> 00:53:39,344
Have you ever given me one?
1112
00:53:39,779 --> 00:53:41,379
See what I mean?
I just said you were very quick
1113
00:53:41,580 --> 00:53:42,815
and you replied with a quip.
1114
00:53:43,015 --> 00:53:44,616
What do you want me to say?
1115
00:53:44,817 --> 00:53:46,484
I want you to say,
1116
00:53:46,953 --> 00:53:48,054
"Thank you."
1117
00:53:48,353 --> 00:53:50,022
Don't tell me what to say.
1118
00:53:50,223 --> 00:53:51,590
If you don't say what I want
then I'm going to stop
1119
00:53:51,791 --> 00:53:52,992
giving you compliments.
1120
00:53:53,192 --> 00:53:54,961
I don't want you
to give me compliments.
1121
00:53:55,161 --> 00:53:56,662
I'd rather you criticize
my criticisms.
1122
00:53:56,929 --> 00:53:57,763
That's not as powerful.
1123
00:53:57,964 --> 00:54:00,365
Oh? Is that what this is about?
1124
00:54:00,565 --> 00:54:01,167
Power?
1125
00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:03,069
Are these the mind games
you play on your wife?
1126
00:54:03,269 --> 00:54:04,569
None of your business.
1127
00:54:04,770 --> 00:54:06,038
I think it is my business.
1128
00:54:06,239 --> 00:54:08,908
I think at a party when a
husband only introduces himself
1129
00:54:09,108 --> 00:54:10,643
and the woman he's with
has to say,
1130
00:54:10,843 --> 00:54:13,545
"And I'm his wife,"
that's my business.
1131
00:54:13,746 --> 00:54:15,114
I think when a husband
gets so drunk
1132
00:54:15,314 --> 00:54:16,782
that he jumps in
his neighbor's car
1133
00:54:16,983 --> 00:54:18,117
and asks that neighbor
to drive him home,
1134
00:54:18,317 --> 00:54:19,852
leaving his wife
standing on the street...
1135
00:54:20,052 --> 00:54:21,553
That's my business.
1136
00:54:22,554 --> 00:54:25,691
- Who are you talking about?
- I'm talking about you, Kid.
1137
00:54:26,125 --> 00:54:28,794
The first time I saw you wasn't
at that newspaper meeting.
1138
00:54:28,995 --> 00:54:31,063
It was at a party
back in December.
1139
00:54:31,731 --> 00:54:34,166
- I don't remember meeting you.
- You didn't.
1140
00:54:34,367 --> 00:54:36,769
But I met your wife.
I spoke to her.
1141
00:54:36,969 --> 00:54:37,770
When?
1142
00:54:38,971 --> 00:54:39,972
Right after you got so drunk,
1143
00:54:40,172 --> 00:54:41,406
she had to tell you
to calm down.
1144
00:54:41,606 --> 00:54:42,975
What did you say?
1145
00:54:43,175 --> 00:54:44,911
I told her she could do better.
1146
00:54:45,111 --> 00:54:46,544
- What did she say?
- Nothing.
1147
00:54:46,746 --> 00:54:48,848
She just looked at me with
this vacant stare.
1148
00:54:49,048 --> 00:54:49,682
That's because she's shy.
1149
00:54:49,882 --> 00:54:51,817
No, that's because she's vacant.
1150
00:54:52,018 --> 00:54:55,121
- What's the difference?
- Being married to you.
1151
00:54:55,688 --> 00:54:57,189
I vaguely remember that party.
1152
00:54:57,390 --> 00:54:58,423
I clearly remember it.
1153
00:54:58,623 --> 00:54:59,457
Why?
1154
00:54:59,759 --> 00:55:03,062
Because you were wearing
those same stupid red pants.
1155
00:55:05,597 --> 00:55:06,866
What's wrong
with these pants anyway?
1156
00:55:07,066 --> 00:55:07,833
Nothing...
1157
00:55:08,034 --> 00:55:08,701
If you were 20 years old and
1158
00:55:09,201 --> 00:55:11,203
mimicking your personality
from Abercrombie & Fitch.
1159
00:55:11,404 --> 00:55:14,173
- I'm not mimicking anybody.
- Then say something original.
1160
00:55:15,775 --> 00:55:16,776
You say it first.
1161
00:55:17,009 --> 00:55:18,576
It'd be much more interesting
if you did.
1162
00:55:19,078 --> 00:55:20,578
Are you saying
I'm not interesting?
1163
00:55:20,780 --> 00:55:21,981
No...
1164
00:55:22,181 --> 00:55:24,951
I'm saying the most interesting
thing about you...
1165
00:55:25,151 --> 00:55:26,085
is me.
1166
00:55:28,821 --> 00:55:30,022
What was that?
1167
00:55:30,222 --> 00:55:31,691
I had an itch.
1168
00:55:32,590 --> 00:55:33,826
An itch?
1169
00:55:34,760 --> 00:55:36,228
I mean, look at this house.
1170
00:55:36,696 --> 00:55:40,598
What could anyone possibly know
about the people that live here?
1171
00:55:40,800 --> 00:55:42,567
That they're neat and clean?
1172
00:55:42,902 --> 00:55:43,836
Is that a bad thing?
1173
00:55:44,036 --> 00:55:44,770
Not really.
1174
00:55:45,137 --> 00:55:47,907
But when I walk into a room,
I act like I own it.
1175
00:55:48,107 --> 00:55:50,542
When you walk into a room,
you act like you're renting it.
1176
00:55:50,743 --> 00:55:51,177
Where's the clutter?
1177
00:55:51,476 --> 00:55:53,179
- The what?
- The clutter.
1178
00:55:53,511 --> 00:55:56,649
The stuff that makes up
a relationship, a real life.
1179
00:55:58,150 --> 00:55:59,251
I have clutter.
1180
00:56:00,086 --> 00:56:01,053
Where is it?
1181
00:56:01,654 --> 00:56:03,022
Upstairs.
1182
00:57:03,749 --> 00:57:04,850
That's it?
1183
00:57:05,251 --> 00:57:06,252
Isn't that clutter?
1184
00:57:06,452 --> 00:57:08,921
That's organized clutter.
1185
00:57:09,121 --> 00:57:11,023
Yeah, it took me hours
to get it to look that way.
1186
00:57:11,223 --> 00:57:12,291
It should have taken you years.
1187
00:57:12,491 --> 00:57:13,659
I don't have that kind of time.
1188
00:57:13,859 --> 00:57:15,627
- Then make it.
- How?
1189
00:57:15,828 --> 00:57:17,630
By getting a bigger cabinet,
1190
00:57:17,830 --> 00:57:20,099
in another house,
in a different town.
1191
00:57:20,299 --> 00:57:21,667
Well, I'm not moving.
1192
00:57:21,867 --> 00:57:23,302
I think you should consider it.
1193
00:57:23,502 --> 00:57:25,905
I think you're
out of your element.
1194
00:57:26,172 --> 00:57:26,872
I like my element.
1195
00:57:27,373 --> 00:57:30,209
Do you even know what
your element is because I don't.
1196
00:57:30,409 --> 00:57:32,311
You have no emotion,
no inflections, no opinions.
1197
00:57:32,511 --> 00:57:34,146
In short, you have no empathy.
1198
00:57:34,346 --> 00:57:36,182
- I don't understand.
- Exactly.
1199
00:57:36,482 --> 00:57:38,684
When was the last time
you cried?
1200
00:57:38,918 --> 00:57:40,319
In about ten minutes.
1201
00:57:40,618 --> 00:57:43,355
There's like a chunk of you
that's missing.
1202
00:57:43,588 --> 00:57:44,957
Maybe it's in the clutter.
1203
00:57:45,157 --> 00:57:47,193
- I bet you don't even vote.
- I don't, do you?
1204
00:57:47,393 --> 00:57:48,961
- I'm not telling you.
- I'm not telling you either.
1205
00:57:49,161 --> 00:57:50,329
- You just did.
- You tricked me.
1206
00:57:50,529 --> 00:57:52,164
You tricked yourself.
1207
00:57:52,531 --> 00:57:53,666
Does your wife vote?
1208
00:57:53,866 --> 00:57:55,334
She hasn't voted
since high school.
1209
00:57:55,534 --> 00:57:58,971
This is not high school.
This is life school,
1210
00:57:59,171 --> 00:58:00,605
and you have to participate.
1211
00:58:00,806 --> 00:58:01,974
What if I don't want
to participate?
1212
00:58:02,174 --> 00:58:03,608
Then you get marked as absent
1213
00:58:03,809 --> 00:58:06,946
and you don't get any presents
at Christmas time.
1214
00:58:08,114 --> 00:58:10,649
- I like presents.
- Oh?
1215
00:58:23,929 --> 00:58:24,897
What's that?
1216
00:58:25,097 --> 00:58:26,765
That is a house-warming present.
1217
00:58:26,966 --> 00:58:29,168
There's more where that
came from if you join us.
1218
00:58:29,368 --> 00:58:30,669
Where do I join up?
1219
00:58:31,103 --> 00:58:32,304
Any place there's an opinion.
1220
00:58:32,505 --> 00:58:34,006
The kitchen table
is a good place to start.
1221
00:58:34,206 --> 00:58:35,975
I don't have a kitchen table.
1222
00:58:36,175 --> 00:58:37,209
That's probably why
you don't vote.
1223
00:58:37,409 --> 00:58:38,377
I have a dining room table.
1224
00:58:38,577 --> 00:58:39,278
Not the same.
1225
00:58:39,311 --> 00:58:40,379
But I can make
a kitchen table.
1226
00:58:40,579 --> 00:58:41,013
Building is good.
1227
00:58:41,413 --> 00:58:43,048
I built everything
in this house.
1228
00:58:43,249 --> 00:58:44,049
Rebuilding is better.
1229
00:58:44,450 --> 00:58:46,986
- What's wrong with this house?
- It's monotonous.
1230
00:58:47,186 --> 00:58:49,121
It's why you speak
in a monotone.
1231
00:58:49,321 --> 00:58:49,822
Oh yeah?
1232
00:58:50,089 --> 00:58:52,825
At least my house isn't messy.
1233
00:59:02,001 --> 00:59:04,837
How do you know
that my house is messy?
1234
00:59:06,071 --> 00:59:08,707
Were you in there
when I wasn't home?
1235
00:59:14,146 --> 00:59:16,115
- Were you?
- You left the back door open.
1236
00:59:16,382 --> 00:59:18,284
The back door is for the dog,
not for you.
1237
00:59:18,484 --> 00:59:19,151
How is the dog?
1238
00:59:19,418 --> 00:59:21,187
He's fine.
Don't change the subject.
1239
00:59:21,387 --> 00:59:22,188
Well...
1240
00:59:23,422 --> 00:59:25,457
- Your desk is nice.
- Thank you.
1241
00:59:27,860 --> 00:59:30,296
Did you see anything interesting
on my nice desk?
1242
00:59:30,496 --> 00:59:33,265
- Your desk light is nice too.
- I know.
1243
00:59:33,699 --> 00:59:36,001
Did you read anything
interesting on my nice desk
1244
00:59:36,202 --> 00:59:37,703
with my nice desk light?
1245
00:59:38,003 --> 00:59:40,239
Not really. Just a script.
1246
00:59:40,606 --> 00:59:42,141
But your handwriting
is very hard to read.
1247
00:59:42,341 --> 00:59:43,876
I'm sorry, I'll work on that.
1248
00:59:44,076 --> 00:59:46,078
And what did you think
of my script?
1249
00:59:46,278 --> 00:59:48,814
I think if you thought that
was an expensive bottle of wine
1250
00:59:49,014 --> 00:59:50,216
that I ordered
at the restaurant,
1251
00:59:50,416 --> 00:59:52,051
then you'd be wrong.
1252
00:59:53,552 --> 00:59:55,487
And that's all
you have to say?
1253
00:59:55,955 --> 00:59:59,959
Other than that? I thought it
was a very well-written scene.
1254
01:00:06,165 --> 01:00:08,000
Am I missing something?
1255
01:00:10,102 --> 01:00:11,971
Everything!
1256
01:00:12,338 --> 01:00:14,306
You know I'm making you
much more interesting
1257
01:00:14,506 --> 01:00:16,275
than you actually are.
1258
01:00:19,311 --> 01:00:22,414
You really should clean up
that house of yours.
1259
01:00:22,615 --> 01:00:24,350
- Oh, no...
- I could do it.
1260
01:00:24,617 --> 01:00:27,219
- No, no, no...
- It wouldn't take any time.
1261
01:00:27,419 --> 01:00:28,187
It's messy.
1262
01:00:28,587 --> 01:00:32,091
It's messy because there's
a real, actual life
1263
01:00:32,291 --> 01:00:34,193
going on in there!
1264
01:00:34,661 --> 01:00:36,395
Plus I have a dog.
1265
01:00:36,595 --> 01:00:37,763
I had ducks.
1266
01:00:37,963 --> 01:00:39,431
You had...?
1267
01:00:39,633 --> 01:00:40,866
I ate them.
1268
01:00:41,533 --> 01:00:42,868
You seem upset.
1269
01:00:44,336 --> 01:00:46,105
I am upset.
1270
01:00:52,945 --> 01:00:54,980
I had the wrong shelf.
1271
01:00:55,247 --> 01:00:56,782
What?
1272
01:00:57,883 --> 01:00:59,151
Nothing.
1273
01:01:00,586 --> 01:01:02,955
How can you live like this?
1274
01:01:03,355 --> 01:01:05,424
Knock those pencils over.
1275
01:01:06,959 --> 01:01:08,294
- I can't.
- Try.
1276
01:01:08,460 --> 01:01:09,094
I cannot.
1277
01:01:09,428 --> 01:01:11,063
I order you to knock
those pencils over!
1278
01:01:11,263 --> 01:01:12,064
You knock them over for me.
1279
01:01:12,331 --> 01:01:14,900
No, you're going to do
something first, first!
1280
01:01:15,100 --> 01:01:16,535
I'll pay you to do it.
1281
01:01:19,405 --> 01:01:21,073
How much do I owe you?
1282
01:01:21,407 --> 01:01:22,841
I insist.
1283
01:01:33,986 --> 01:01:35,421
Now, we're even!
1284
01:01:39,425 --> 01:01:40,859
Your wife paints?
1285
01:01:41,060 --> 01:01:41,593
She did.
1286
01:01:43,663 --> 01:01:45,264
So did mine.
1287
01:01:45,597 --> 01:01:47,366
Was she any good?
1288
01:01:49,234 --> 01:01:50,936
The truth is she turned
to the brush
1289
01:01:51,136 --> 01:01:52,604
instead of the bottle.
1290
01:01:52,871 --> 01:01:55,174
She should have turned
to the bottle.
1291
01:01:55,374 --> 01:01:56,875
But instead all I said was,
1292
01:01:57,076 --> 01:01:58,010
Yes...
1293
01:01:58,210 --> 01:01:59,445
She was very good.
1294
01:01:59,646 --> 01:02:01,180
Mine was, too.
1295
01:02:02,181 --> 01:02:03,349
What a surprise.
1296
01:02:03,549 --> 01:02:04,183
I'm not mirroring you.
1297
01:02:04,550 --> 01:02:06,552
You can't be,
it's a one-way mirror.
1298
01:02:06,753 --> 01:02:08,587
I can see you,
you can't see me.
1299
01:02:08,788 --> 01:02:10,356
Oh yeah? Why is that?
1300
01:02:10,556 --> 01:02:12,324
Because when one side of
the mirror is brightly lit
1301
01:02:12,524 --> 01:02:14,059
and the other side is darkened,
1302
01:02:14,259 --> 01:02:16,462
you can only see
from the darkened side.
1303
01:02:16,663 --> 01:02:18,230
Why do I have to be the one
that's brightly lit?
1304
01:02:18,430 --> 01:02:20,366
Because you're the one
wearing the red pants.
1305
01:02:20,599 --> 01:02:22,601
And I'm the one all in black.
1306
01:02:22,802 --> 01:02:25,070
- You're an imp.
- Thank you.
1307
01:02:25,270 --> 01:02:27,005
I hate imps.
1308
01:02:27,439 --> 01:02:29,608
No one talks to them at parties,
1309
01:02:29,809 --> 01:02:32,611
and somehow they still find me.
How do they always find me?
1310
01:02:32,812 --> 01:02:34,480
It was you who found me.
1311
01:02:34,681 --> 01:02:36,915
You came up to me that day
after the newspaper meeting.
1312
01:02:37,116 --> 01:02:39,351
You came up to me,
I did not come up to you, imp.
1313
01:02:39,551 --> 01:02:40,653
Then why didn't you walk away?
1314
01:02:40,854 --> 01:02:42,588
I really don't know.
1315
01:02:44,590 --> 01:02:47,192
I think morbid curiosity.
1316
01:02:48,160 --> 01:02:52,598
You were so odd, so strange,
that I was intrigued.
1317
01:02:53,232 --> 01:02:54,299
Is that it?
1318
01:02:54,500 --> 01:02:55,635
No, that's just the beginning.
1319
01:02:55,835 --> 01:02:58,270
Then I found myself
being defensive.
1320
01:02:58,470 --> 01:03:00,072
Why are you so sensitive?
1321
01:03:00,272 --> 01:03:02,541
Because of you,
because you're so manipulative.
1322
01:03:02,742 --> 01:03:05,611
You want me to explain
why you think I'm sensitive.
1323
01:03:05,812 --> 01:03:06,679
And I won't.
1324
01:03:06,880 --> 01:03:08,947
- Are you done?
- I will be...
1325
01:03:10,082 --> 01:03:11,885
Once I get over my depression.
1326
01:03:12,117 --> 01:03:13,385
You're depressed?
1327
01:03:13,585 --> 01:03:14,920
Not as much as you.
1328
01:03:15,120 --> 01:03:17,423
I'm always happy.
Like a Bollywood movie.
1329
01:03:17,623 --> 01:03:18,957
That's what's depressing.
1330
01:03:19,158 --> 01:03:20,526
Bollywood movies
aren't depressing.
1331
01:03:20,727 --> 01:03:23,429
You base your emotional life
on Indian musicals.
1332
01:03:23,630 --> 01:03:25,397
- Yes.
- Why?
1333
01:03:25,597 --> 01:03:27,032
Because even after
the sad parts,
1334
01:03:27,232 --> 01:03:29,067
they still sing and dance.
1335
01:03:32,337 --> 01:03:35,507
Reality just isn't good enough
for you, is it?
1336
01:03:35,775 --> 01:03:37,976
Is this the sad part?
1337
01:03:38,177 --> 01:03:40,312
This is the sad part.
1338
01:03:40,713 --> 01:03:42,414
I thought so.
1339
01:03:45,284 --> 01:03:47,453
Do you think your wife is happy?
1340
01:03:48,788 --> 01:03:50,522
I've never thought about it.
1341
01:03:53,025 --> 01:03:54,393
Think about it.
1342
01:04:04,336 --> 01:04:05,270
Yes.
1343
01:04:08,407 --> 01:04:10,375
I think she's tired.
1344
01:04:10,910 --> 01:04:12,679
And I think
you're out of control.
1345
01:04:12,879 --> 01:04:14,613
And you're in control?
1346
01:04:16,315 --> 01:04:18,116
At least I don't have
to wrap my personality
1347
01:04:18,317 --> 01:04:20,152
around someone else's
in order to have one.
1348
01:04:20,352 --> 01:04:22,387
- Is that a compliment?
- That is an observation.
1349
01:04:22,588 --> 01:04:24,122
You have other observations?
I'd love to hear them.
1350
01:04:24,323 --> 01:04:25,491
- No, you wouldn't.
- Why?
1351
01:04:25,692 --> 01:04:27,526
Because you're loveless.
1352
01:04:28,293 --> 01:04:31,396
You have no passion for anyone
or anything.
1353
01:04:31,664 --> 01:04:34,299
And I don't know why.
I don't even think you know why.
1354
01:04:34,500 --> 01:04:36,368
Or maybe you do
and this is all just an act,
1355
01:04:36,568 --> 01:04:37,236
but I doubt it.
1356
01:04:37,704 --> 01:04:40,707
What I do know is that no one
can give it to you.
1357
01:04:40,907 --> 01:04:44,142
You have to go and get it
all on your own.
1358
01:04:51,550 --> 01:04:52,417
You're blocking the door?
1359
01:04:52,685 --> 01:04:55,521
No, I'm just leaning
against it rather harshly.
1360
01:04:55,822 --> 01:04:59,124
- Why do you say I'm loveless?
- Because I am!
1361
01:04:59,759 --> 01:05:02,194
And if someone as loveless
as you can find a girl
1362
01:05:02,394 --> 01:05:04,329
who loves him like that,
1363
01:05:04,831 --> 01:05:06,331
then that is the girl for me.
1364
01:05:06,532 --> 01:05:07,599
Is that why you're leaving?
Because of her?
1365
01:05:07,800 --> 01:05:09,301
No, I'm leaving because of you.
1366
01:05:09,501 --> 01:05:11,603
Because you're more loveless
than I am,
1367
01:05:11,804 --> 01:05:14,807
which means you'll need her
far more than I ever will.
1368
01:05:15,040 --> 01:05:16,308
But I thought we were friends?
1369
01:05:16,508 --> 01:05:17,644
We are not and never were.
1370
01:05:17,844 --> 01:05:19,779
- I thought after all this time.
- What time?
1371
01:05:19,979 --> 01:05:21,146
I've only known you
for 6 months.
1372
01:05:21,346 --> 01:05:22,281
But mushrooms grow fast.
1373
01:05:22,481 --> 01:05:24,383
I am not a mushroom!
1374
01:05:26,585 --> 01:05:29,154
People take longer to cultivate.
1375
01:05:29,756 --> 01:05:31,156
How much time do you need?
1376
01:05:31,356 --> 01:05:33,125
I don't know.
We're out of time.
1377
01:05:33,325 --> 01:05:34,293
But I'm still working at it.
1378
01:05:34,493 --> 01:05:35,193
You can't be
1379
01:05:35,762 --> 01:05:38,230
because I'd have to be working
on it first, and I'm not.
1380
01:05:38,430 --> 01:05:39,531
Then I want to work
on something else.
1381
01:05:39,732 --> 01:05:41,133
Like what?
1382
01:05:41,868 --> 01:05:43,268
My backhand.
1383
01:05:43,803 --> 01:05:45,504
You play tennis, don't you?
1384
01:05:45,772 --> 01:05:48,173
Yes, my wife taught me how.
Why're you changing the subject?
1385
01:05:48,373 --> 01:05:51,343
Because I'm losing the argument
and mine taught me, too!
1386
01:05:59,518 --> 01:06:02,789
Your wife has a lot of free time
between her painting,
1387
01:06:02,989 --> 01:06:05,123
photography, and the lake house
she doesn't have.
1388
01:06:05,324 --> 01:06:08,327
- Yeah, she works for me.
- Oh, she holds tools, too?
1389
01:06:08,527 --> 01:06:09,829
She's my accountant.
1390
01:06:10,029 --> 01:06:11,831
- You pay her to be your wife?
- I pay her to account.
1391
01:06:12,031 --> 01:06:13,265
- To who?
- To me.
1392
01:06:13,465 --> 01:06:15,267
I don't have to account to you.
1393
01:06:15,467 --> 01:06:15,902
And I'm leaving.
1394
01:06:16,669 --> 01:06:18,236
You have to account for
yourself. And you're playing.
1395
01:06:18,437 --> 01:06:19,404
- Right now?
- Yes, now.
1396
01:06:19,605 --> 01:06:20,305
It's nighttime.
1397
01:06:20,505 --> 01:06:21,708
And it's on
the other side of town.
1398
01:06:21,908 --> 01:06:24,711
I know.
And it's time I crossed over.
1399
01:06:35,688 --> 01:06:37,623
That was you on the Vespa.
1400
01:06:40,258 --> 01:06:41,493
Get on!
1401
01:06:41,961 --> 01:06:44,463
Are you kidding me?
I'm not getting on that thing.
1402
01:06:44,664 --> 01:06:45,364
Big bikes scare me.
1403
01:06:45,798 --> 01:06:48,333
You wanted me to do
something first, first, so I am.
1404
01:06:48,533 --> 01:06:49,736
So get on.
1405
01:06:57,542 --> 01:06:59,478
I don't have to
hold on to you, do I?
1406
01:07:08,955 --> 01:07:11,189
I can see why you steal cars!
1407
01:07:11,858 --> 01:07:14,426
You can borrow it
anytime you want!
1408
01:07:14,927 --> 01:07:16,528
Did you ever crash?
1409
01:07:16,729 --> 01:07:17,664
What?
1410
01:07:17,897 --> 01:07:18,798
CRASH!
1411
01:07:18,998 --> 01:07:21,266
Once. I hit a tree.
1412
01:07:21,734 --> 01:07:23,335
What happened?
1413
01:07:23,703 --> 01:07:25,872
I woke up after a few hours.
1414
01:07:26,171 --> 01:07:28,206
You went to the hospital?
1415
01:07:28,607 --> 01:07:30,475
No, I went home.
1416
01:07:30,843 --> 01:07:33,178
That explains a lot.
1417
01:07:33,746 --> 01:07:35,948
Watch the road!
1418
01:07:57,436 --> 01:07:59,972
- Am I using your wife's racket?
- No.
1419
01:08:00,740 --> 01:08:03,275
You're using mine.
I'm using hers.
1420
01:08:03,475 --> 01:08:05,477
That explains
why you're winning.
1421
01:08:11,516 --> 01:08:13,318
- Fault!
- Yours.
1422
01:08:13,518 --> 01:08:14,754
- I know it's my fault.
- Good...
1423
01:08:14,954 --> 01:08:16,989
I'm glad
you finally admitted it.
1424
01:08:21,593 --> 01:08:22,161
Double fault!
1425
01:08:22,627 --> 01:08:23,896
I'm glad you're finally
admitting it, too.
1426
01:08:24,097 --> 01:08:24,931
- That was out.
- That was in.
1427
01:08:25,131 --> 01:08:25,698
I'm telling you that was out.
1428
01:08:26,065 --> 01:08:26,933
You're telling me
about boundaries?
1429
01:08:27,432 --> 01:08:29,601
You take other people's cars!
You take other people's coke!
1430
01:08:29,802 --> 01:08:30,535
You go into my attic,
1431
01:08:31,170 --> 01:08:32,839
you go into my wallet, you go
into my house when I'm not home!
1432
01:08:33,039 --> 01:08:35,273
You don't know anything
about boundaries!
1433
01:08:38,044 --> 01:08:39,277
Okay.
1434
01:08:39,478 --> 01:08:40,579
Okay, what?
1435
01:08:40,880 --> 01:08:42,380
Okay, it was in.
1436
01:08:42,815 --> 01:08:43,816
Good...
1437
01:08:44,616 --> 01:08:45,752
I'll serve.
1438
01:08:50,990 --> 01:08:53,358
I really enjoyed the clams on
the half shell the other night.
1439
01:08:53,558 --> 01:08:55,327
They helped me
shoot straight in bed.
1440
01:08:55,527 --> 01:08:57,362
I find that subtly upsetting.
1441
01:08:57,797 --> 01:09:01,333
- My wife also enjoyed them.
- I find that very upsetting.
1442
01:09:03,368 --> 01:09:04,904
Why are you saying this to me?
1443
01:09:05,104 --> 01:09:07,006
- That was in.
- Yeah, I know it was in.
1444
01:09:07,206 --> 01:09:08,975
Good. My serve.
1445
01:09:13,345 --> 01:09:14,680
Do you shoot straight in bed?
1446
01:09:14,881 --> 01:09:16,749
None of your business
how I shoot.
1447
01:09:16,949 --> 01:09:18,785
If you ordered the clams
instead of the carpaccio,
1448
01:09:18,985 --> 01:09:20,285
you would see the difference.
1449
01:09:20,485 --> 01:09:23,288
I don't need an appetizer
to be stimulated.
1450
01:09:23,488 --> 01:09:24,891
We all need stimulation.
1451
01:09:25,091 --> 01:09:26,959
You're too submissive
to be stimulating.
1452
01:09:27,160 --> 01:09:28,593
- Girls love that.
- Women don't.
1453
01:09:28,795 --> 01:09:29,461
Yours?
1454
01:09:29,662 --> 01:09:31,030
No, you don't talk
about my wife.
1455
01:09:31,230 --> 01:09:32,932
Why? You talk about mine.
1456
01:09:33,365 --> 01:09:35,635
I saw you peering at her
through the privacy curtain.
1457
01:09:35,835 --> 01:09:36,636
I wasn't prying.
1458
01:09:36,936 --> 01:09:38,871
I said you were peering.
You said you were prying.
1459
01:09:39,071 --> 01:09:39,906
I didn't mean anything by it.
1460
01:09:40,206 --> 01:09:42,642
That's what you always say
when you get caught.
1461
01:09:42,842 --> 01:09:43,976
I don't remember what I said.
1462
01:09:44,177 --> 01:09:45,678
I remember everything you said.
1463
01:09:45,878 --> 01:09:46,979
That's the problem.
1464
01:09:54,419 --> 01:09:56,088
I lost track of the score.
1465
01:09:56,354 --> 01:09:58,390
I'd say I'm winning.
1466
01:09:58,825 --> 01:09:59,759
Your serve.
1467
01:10:15,507 --> 01:10:16,742
You ready?
1468
01:10:48,674 --> 01:10:49,842
Ready.
1469
01:10:51,711 --> 01:10:53,511
- Fifteen-Love.
- Less.
1470
01:10:54,280 --> 01:10:57,582
What did you just say?
I didn't, I didn't say anything.
1471
01:11:02,520 --> 01:11:04,056
Okay. Here we go again.
1472
01:11:05,958 --> 01:11:06,959
- Fifteen-Love.
- Less.
1473
01:11:07,159 --> 01:11:08,828
I heard you that time.
1474
01:11:11,030 --> 01:11:13,699
How does one become
loveless anyway?
1475
01:11:16,468 --> 01:11:18,137
One's wife has to die.
1476
01:11:18,570 --> 01:11:21,573
- Mine didn't.
- Yeah, well, mine did!
1477
01:11:22,074 --> 01:11:23,142
Okay?
1478
01:11:23,743 --> 01:11:25,011
Mine did!
1479
01:11:40,126 --> 01:11:43,461
Wouldn't that make you
less loveless than me?
1480
01:11:43,996 --> 01:11:45,530
And not more?
1481
01:11:45,731 --> 01:11:47,099
No, more...
1482
01:11:50,903 --> 01:11:53,471
Because your wife
is still alive.
1483
01:11:54,840 --> 01:11:57,944
And if she was dead,
then we would be even.
1484
01:12:00,179 --> 01:12:01,647
Don't even think about it.
1485
01:12:01,847 --> 01:12:03,883
I'm not thinking about that.
1486
01:12:04,817 --> 01:12:06,152
What are you thinking about?
1487
01:12:06,352 --> 01:12:09,689
That a plumber can spot a
clogged drain when he sees one.
1488
01:12:10,723 --> 01:12:12,524
You're calling me
a clogged drain?
1489
01:12:13,960 --> 01:12:16,696
You were talking about
yourself before, weren't you?
1490
01:12:20,866 --> 01:12:22,735
Don't stare at me.
Were you or weren't you?
1491
01:12:23,703 --> 01:12:24,804
Yeah, I guess I was.
1492
01:12:26,973 --> 01:12:27,773
I knew it.
1493
01:12:28,441 --> 01:12:31,110
- I can't believe it.
- Believe what?
1494
01:12:32,610 --> 01:12:35,114
You actually said
something original.
1495
01:12:35,448 --> 01:12:38,017
Something that wasn't mirrored,
or mimicked or mimed.
1496
01:12:38,217 --> 01:12:41,087
It actually came
from deep down inside of you.
1497
01:12:42,788 --> 01:12:46,624
How did you ever come up
with such an astute observation?
1498
01:12:47,226 --> 01:12:48,928
It was work-related.
1499
01:12:50,796 --> 01:12:52,031
I believe you.
1500
01:12:52,564 --> 01:12:54,166
Is that an observation?
1501
01:12:54,499 --> 01:12:55,868
It's a compliment.
1502
01:12:56,068 --> 01:12:57,703
Oh, my first one!
1503
01:12:59,138 --> 01:13:00,538
Will there be others?
1504
01:13:01,007 --> 01:13:02,574
We'll see.
1505
01:13:03,608 --> 01:13:04,744
Thank you, Tony.
1506
01:13:06,345 --> 01:13:08,881
Is it okay if I call you Tony?
1507
01:13:09,749 --> 01:13:10,515
Yeah.
1508
01:13:10,950 --> 01:13:13,019
You see, I called you Tony
before you called me Peter,
1509
01:13:13,219 --> 01:13:15,087
so it's not really
a one-way mirror, is it?
1510
01:13:19,225 --> 01:13:20,826
Maybe not, Peter.
1511
01:13:21,794 --> 01:13:22,762
Maybe not.
1512
01:13:26,365 --> 01:13:29,168
Then maybe you should be the one
wearing the red pants, not me.
1513
01:13:29,435 --> 01:13:32,004
I don't know about that but...
1514
01:13:35,241 --> 01:13:38,610
All black certainly is
depressing after a while.
1515
01:13:42,715 --> 01:13:44,750
You gonna hold on to me
this time?
1516
01:13:44,950 --> 01:13:46,652
I'll let you know.
1517
01:13:47,520 --> 01:13:51,323
You know, my wife has
an identical twin sister.
1518
01:13:51,657 --> 01:13:53,292
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
1519
01:13:53,492 --> 01:13:56,095
So I've been to her house
and she has a lot of it.
1520
01:13:56,295 --> 01:13:57,329
A lot of what?
1521
01:13:58,230 --> 01:13:59,999
A lot of clutter.
101983