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Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
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[rock music]
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00:00:26,676 --> 00:00:32,883
♪ ♪
4
00:00:45,060 --> 00:00:46,262
(man) Shut up!
5
00:00:51,667 --> 00:00:54,703
[Hawk Nelson's Just Getting Started]
6
00:00:54,737 --> 00:00:58,374
[snoring]
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00:00:58,407 --> 00:00:59,609
Consider yourselves warned.
8
00:00:59,642 --> 00:01:01,711
♪ We're stepping in the ring ♪
9
00:01:01,743 --> 00:01:03,712
♪ And won't let that lady sing ♪
10
00:01:03,746 --> 00:01:06,149
♪ It's over when we say it's over ♪
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♪ Been brushing off our shoulders ♪
12
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♪ It's not a twist of fate ♪
13
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♪ We choose our own destiny ♪
14
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♪ A trophy or a bruise ♪
15
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♪ Champions never lose ♪
16
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I was at the mall the other day,
17
00:01:17,158 --> 00:01:18,961
and this girl was wearing pants
18
00:01:18,994 --> 00:01:20,996
that looked like she
literally pooped in them.
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♪ ♪
20
00:01:25,101 --> 00:01:26,435
[laughing]
21
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Look at us. We look
like two girls at a club.
22
00:01:28,371 --> 00:01:29,639
[laughing]
23
00:01:29,672 --> 00:01:31,673
[doorbell ringing]
24
00:01:31,706 --> 00:01:33,443
Hey...
25
00:01:33,476 --> 00:01:35,345
Aw...
26
00:01:35,378 --> 00:01:37,212
Ah! More videos.
27
00:01:37,246 --> 00:01:38,414
[tires screeching]
28
00:01:38,446 --> 00:01:40,282
More videos! More videos!
29
00:01:40,315 --> 00:01:42,517
What are you waiting for?
30
00:01:42,550 --> 00:01:44,252
♪ It's time to show the world ♪
31
00:01:44,286 --> 00:01:46,522
♪ What they've waited for ♪
32
00:01:46,554 --> 00:01:48,557
♪ Something like they've
never seen before ♪
33
00:01:48,590 --> 00:01:50,125
Hey.
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00:01:50,158 --> 00:01:51,393
♪ Seen before ♪
35
00:01:51,426 --> 00:01:53,628
♪ We're just getting started ♪
36
00:01:53,661 --> 00:01:56,032
♪ We're just getting started ♪
37
00:01:56,065 --> 00:01:57,265
[meowing]
38
00:01:57,298 --> 00:01:58,568
Hello, little guy.
39
00:01:58,601 --> 00:02:04,307
♪ ♪
40
00:02:04,339 --> 00:02:06,508
Cheese mobile! Check it out!
41
00:02:06,541 --> 00:02:08,477
♪ It's time to show the world ♪
42
00:02:08,511 --> 00:02:10,712
♪ What they've waited for ♪
43
00:02:10,745 --> 00:02:11,780
♪ Something like they've
never seen before ♪
44
00:02:11,813 --> 00:02:15,550
Lame. Lame. Lame. [sighs]
45
00:02:15,584 --> 00:02:17,553
♪ We're just getting started ♪
46
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♪ Just getting started ♪
47
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My eyes are, like,
48
00:02:22,157 --> 00:02:27,062
must be 50 pounds or something, man.
49
00:02:27,096 --> 00:02:29,565
Whoa! [laughing]
50
00:02:29,597 --> 00:02:31,333
- That was fake.
- [horn honking]
51
00:02:31,366 --> 00:02:34,470
Hey, I apologize. That's
all you can ask for.
52
00:02:34,502 --> 00:02:36,538
- You suck.
- I apologize!
53
00:02:43,179 --> 00:02:46,716
[dog barking]
54
00:02:51,387 --> 00:02:54,357
[exotic music]
55
00:02:54,389 --> 00:03:01,631
♪ ♪
56
00:03:01,663 --> 00:03:03,365
[computer dings]
57
00:03:03,399 --> 00:03:06,235
Sweet!
58
00:03:06,268 --> 00:03:07,437
Hey, man.
59
00:03:07,470 --> 00:03:08,837
Hey, dude.
60
00:03:08,870 --> 00:03:10,505
Uh, glad you're here 'cause I need a ride.
61
00:03:10,538 --> 00:03:11,607
Oh, I knew it.
62
00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:13,075
You can't keep doing this.
63
00:03:13,108 --> 00:03:14,409
You can't just order a pizza
64
00:03:14,442 --> 00:03:16,144
every time you need a ride somewhere, okay?
65
00:03:16,178 --> 00:03:17,680
Why not? You're already out driving around.
66
00:03:17,712 --> 00:03:19,816
[grunts]
67
00:03:19,848 --> 00:03:21,851
Plus my mom started charging me for rides.
68
00:03:21,883 --> 00:03:23,386
- What's the big deal?
- The big deal is
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00:03:23,418 --> 00:03:24,686
I'm a working professional now
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00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:26,188
and you need to respect that.
71
00:03:26,222 --> 00:03:27,657
You deliver pizzas.
72
00:03:27,690 --> 00:03:29,125
I work in food distribution
73
00:03:29,157 --> 00:03:30,459
for a multi-million dollar company.
74
00:03:30,493 --> 00:03:32,328
Where you deliver pizzas.
75
00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:33,696
Look, I've worked very
hard to turn my life around
76
00:03:33,728 --> 00:03:35,831
in a very short amount of time.
77
00:03:35,864 --> 00:03:38,133
Unlike you, I moved out
of my parents' house.
78
00:03:38,167 --> 00:03:40,402
Into my parents' house.
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00:03:40,436 --> 00:03:42,138
(both) Hi, boys.
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00:03:42,170 --> 00:03:43,572
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
81
00:03:43,606 --> 00:03:45,174
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Hecox.
82
00:03:45,206 --> 00:03:46,542
So will you both be
home for dinner tonight?
83
00:03:46,574 --> 00:03:48,443
- Yeah.
- I can't.
84
00:03:48,477 --> 00:03:52,247
I'm fasting to fit my... my
new pair of jeggings I just got.
85
00:03:52,281 --> 00:03:53,850
- Okay.
- Oh.
86
00:03:53,882 --> 00:03:55,684
- Yup.
- Bye, Mom and Dad.
87
00:03:55,717 --> 00:03:57,453
- Uh-huh.
- Bye, Son.
88
00:03:57,485 --> 00:03:59,554
Bye. Thank you.
89
00:03:59,587 --> 00:04:01,424
Look, I've got a good job.
90
00:04:01,456 --> 00:04:03,158
I don't know why you can't see that.
91
00:04:03,192 --> 00:04:04,627
Would we call it good?
92
00:04:04,660 --> 00:04:06,762
$25 haircut, dude.
93
00:04:06,794 --> 00:04:08,563
I used to only ever pay, like, 10.
94
00:04:08,597 --> 00:04:10,700
My life is like a rocket ship right now...
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00:04:10,733 --> 00:04:12,301
[grunts] going nowhere but up.
96
00:04:12,334 --> 00:04:13,503
Yeah, I know you better than that, dude.
97
00:04:13,536 --> 00:04:14,904
You're still the same old Anthony
98
00:04:14,936 --> 00:04:16,506
who imagines Stone Cold Steve Austin
99
00:04:16,539 --> 00:04:18,174
complimenting him in the mirror.
100
00:04:18,207 --> 00:04:21,511
No, I grew out of talking
to him, like, forever ago.
101
00:04:21,544 --> 00:04:23,479
You're working too hard, man.
102
00:04:23,511 --> 00:04:24,913
You're out there
delivering pizzas for, like,
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00:04:24,946 --> 00:04:26,581
two hours a day.
104
00:04:26,614 --> 00:04:29,285
It's high time you did
something for yourself.
105
00:04:29,318 --> 00:04:31,921
Oh, yeah, like give you a ride somewhere?
106
00:04:31,953 --> 00:04:35,323
I mean, I wasn't thinking that,
but, that would be great. Yeah.
107
00:04:35,357 --> 00:04:37,193
Let me guess. You want
to go to the Game Bang.
108
00:04:37,225 --> 00:04:38,360
All right, there he is.
109
00:04:38,393 --> 00:04:39,794
That's my boy. Come on.
110
00:04:39,828 --> 00:04:41,164
Let's do this. Yeah.
111
00:04:41,196 --> 00:04:42,431
Whoo! Yeah!
112
00:04:44,532 --> 00:04:46,301
Yo, Anthony.
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00:04:46,335 --> 00:04:48,304
You're doing a hell of
job balancing such as busy
114
00:04:48,337 --> 00:04:50,539
- and complex life.
- Yeah, I know.
115
00:04:50,573 --> 00:04:53,176
But you got to start
working your glutes man.
116
00:04:53,208 --> 00:04:55,410
Looks like a loose lump
of Play-Doh down there.
117
00:04:55,443 --> 00:04:57,246
- Looks bad.
- Yeah, okay.
118
00:04:57,278 --> 00:05:00,282
I'll, um, I'll just do
some squats on my way out.
119
00:05:00,316 --> 00:05:03,286
- Thanks.
- [upbeat music]
120
00:05:03,318 --> 00:05:04,686
♪ ♪
121
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:06,388
That pizza? Yeah, that'll be 10 bucks,
122
00:05:06,422 --> 00:05:07,556
by the way.
123
00:05:07,590 --> 00:05:08,924
Oh, dude, that's messed up.
124
00:05:08,958 --> 00:05:10,792
You're gonna charge your best friend?
125
00:05:12,895 --> 00:05:17,532
Did Steve Jobs give free iPhones
away to his friends? Nope.
126
00:05:17,566 --> 00:05:20,469
Um, you're not the CEO of pizza.
127
00:05:20,501 --> 00:05:21,836
Not yet.
128
00:05:21,869 --> 00:05:23,939
[arcade game noises]
129
00:05:23,972 --> 00:05:26,275
[low chatter]
130
00:05:26,308 --> 00:05:28,411
Look at that dumb car.
131
00:05:28,443 --> 00:05:30,246
$1.00.
132
00:05:30,278 --> 00:05:31,413
- That's it?
- Yup.
133
00:05:31,446 --> 00:05:32,881
I said 10 bucks.
134
00:05:32,914 --> 00:05:34,350
Well, you know, I'm a cheap ass.
135
00:05:38,854 --> 00:05:41,491
Ready to get your game bang on? Mm!
136
00:05:43,958 --> 00:05:46,362
Hey, cool car dickheads.
137
00:05:46,395 --> 00:05:48,931
[boys giggling]
138
00:05:48,963 --> 00:05:51,299
Yeah, that is a cool car. You know why?
139
00:05:51,333 --> 00:05:53,835
'Cause it gets me this.
140
00:05:53,869 --> 00:05:55,804
- What?
- That's cold hard cash, son.
141
00:05:55,837 --> 00:05:57,506
What do you have to show for
what you've done today, punks?
142
00:05:57,539 --> 00:05:58,674
He just dropped some money on the ground,
143
00:05:58,707 --> 00:06:00,009
- he doesn't even care.
- Oh.
144
00:06:00,042 --> 00:06:01,710
- What?
- Really?
145
00:06:01,744 --> 00:06:03,446
- That's it?
- For real.
146
00:06:03,479 --> 00:06:05,781
- You see this watch?
- Yeah.
147
00:06:05,813 --> 00:06:07,984
I won it playing skeeball.
148
00:06:08,016 --> 00:06:09,584
Jesus, is that real?
149
00:06:09,617 --> 00:06:11,319
5 carats, yo.
150
00:06:11,352 --> 00:06:14,256
No one wears watches anymore.
151
00:06:14,289 --> 00:06:16,424
Come on, like, all you got
to do is look up at the sun.
152
00:06:16,458 --> 00:06:18,361
Like, right now, it's, uh, 4:0...
153
00:06:20,628 --> 00:06:21,597
5.
154
00:06:21,629 --> 00:06:22,999
4:05.
155
00:06:23,032 --> 00:06:24,900
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Deal with it.
156
00:06:24,933 --> 00:06:26,636
Loser.
157
00:06:26,669 --> 00:06:27,637
- [thud]
- Uhh!
158
00:06:27,669 --> 00:06:29,472
Yeah, that's a pole.
159
00:06:29,504 --> 00:06:30,672
[laughter]
160
00:06:30,705 --> 00:06:33,475
[arcade game noises]
161
00:06:33,508 --> 00:06:34,676
You know, we've been coming to this place
162
00:06:34,710 --> 00:06:35,845
since we were, like, eight.
163
00:06:35,878 --> 00:06:37,913
We should be out doing cooler stuff.
164
00:06:37,946 --> 00:06:40,416
- Like what?
- Like meeting girls.
165
00:06:40,448 --> 00:06:41,751
Like other stuff people
do that are our age.
166
00:06:41,784 --> 00:06:43,819
Um, no can do.
167
00:06:43,852 --> 00:06:45,721
I'm kind of seeing someone.
168
00:06:45,753 --> 00:06:46,989
Uh, no you're not.
169
00:06:47,022 --> 00:06:48,791
You leave creepy comments
on a YouTube video
170
00:06:48,823 --> 00:06:50,893
of a hot girl getting her butt massaged.
171
00:06:50,926 --> 00:06:52,928
That's, uh, that's not the
same thing as seeing someone.
172
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:54,429
Do I see her?
173
00:06:54,462 --> 00:06:56,665
Look, you never even talk to her.
174
00:06:56,698 --> 00:06:58,667
She's flagged every
single one of my comments.
175
00:06:58,700 --> 00:07:00,068
Yeah, for being a perv.
176
00:07:00,102 --> 00:07:01,737
No, man. She's just playing hard to get.
177
00:07:01,770 --> 00:07:03,472
♪ Pocket Slave Monsters ♪
178
00:07:03,504 --> 00:07:05,774
- ♪ You now work for me ♪
- Dude, look what it is.
179
00:07:05,808 --> 00:07:08,778
Magic Pocket Slave
Monsters. Come on.
180
00:07:08,811 --> 00:07:10,912
Dude, I can't believe they got this thing.
181
00:07:10,946 --> 00:07:12,815
- Do you remember this?
- Yellow rat.
182
00:07:12,847 --> 00:07:15,849
I choose you against your will.
183
00:07:15,883 --> 00:07:17,552
- [thwack]
- Ah!
184
00:07:17,585 --> 00:07:19,854
Now get out there and murder your friends.
185
00:07:19,888 --> 00:07:21,489
- [thwack]
- Ah!
186
00:07:21,523 --> 00:07:24,893
Oh, it's a lot more
violent than I remember.
187
00:07:24,926 --> 00:07:27,929
What? No, dude, it was always like this.
188
00:07:27,962 --> 00:07:30,900
♪ I want to be the master ♪
189
00:07:30,933 --> 00:07:34,804
♪ I want to flip the switch ♪
190
00:07:34,837 --> 00:07:36,539
♪ I want to capture all these guys ♪
191
00:07:36,571 --> 00:07:37,906
- How lame.
- [laughter]
192
00:07:37,939 --> 00:07:39,941
♪ And make each one my bitch ♪
193
00:07:39,975 --> 00:07:42,345
Stop! Stop! Please.
194
00:07:42,378 --> 00:07:43,746
- Come on, man.
- What?
195
00:07:43,778 --> 00:07:46,915
- Dude, this was our jam.
- What?
196
00:07:46,948 --> 00:07:49,551
We used to love the game and the TV shows
197
00:07:49,585 --> 00:07:50,953
and the erotic fan fiction.
198
00:07:50,986 --> 00:07:53,055
- Oh, yeah.
- Uh, yeah.
199
00:07:53,087 --> 00:07:55,424
That was a long time ago, Ian.
200
00:07:55,457 --> 00:07:57,526
Not really into that kind of stuff anymore.
201
00:07:57,559 --> 00:07:58,594
- Losers.
- [laughter]
202
00:07:58,626 --> 00:08:00,061
Come on! Did you see those girls?
203
00:08:00,095 --> 00:08:02,465
Come on, dude. You loved it.
204
00:08:02,498 --> 00:08:03,933
I'm worried about you, man.
205
00:08:03,965 --> 00:08:05,667
I don't think you're
living in the real world.
206
00:08:05,700 --> 00:08:07,802
The real world sucks.
207
00:08:07,835 --> 00:08:10,872
The real world is actually pretty amazing.
208
00:08:10,905 --> 00:08:13,508
So, the kids that are
probably taking a dump
209
00:08:13,542 --> 00:08:15,578
on the cheese mobile, they're amazing?
210
00:08:15,611 --> 00:08:17,079
And what about all the
girls that are walking around
211
00:08:17,112 --> 00:08:19,381
that aren't talking to
you? Are they amazing?
212
00:08:19,414 --> 00:08:22,016
And these girls would talk to
me if you weren't here dancing
213
00:08:22,049 --> 00:08:24,652
to the theme song from Magic
Pocket Slave Monsters.
214
00:08:24,686 --> 00:08:26,489
Then who wants them?
215
00:08:26,522 --> 00:08:30,693
I do!
216
00:08:30,725 --> 00:08:32,861
Look, I got to go. My ten minutes are up.
217
00:08:32,894 --> 00:08:35,463
- I'm still on the clock.
- What?
218
00:08:35,497 --> 00:08:36,931
- Have fun.
- Wait.
219
00:08:36,965 --> 00:08:39,935
Dude, how am I supposed to get home?
220
00:08:39,968 --> 00:08:42,505
Sorry, one of us has a job here.
221
00:08:42,537 --> 00:08:46,575
Just take a cab or something.
I'll be home after my shift.
222
00:08:46,608 --> 00:08:48,109
- [grunting]
- Do it, do it!
223
00:08:48,143 --> 00:08:49,677
- [flatulence]
- Do it! Do it!
224
00:08:49,710 --> 00:08:53,749
Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it!
225
00:08:53,782 --> 00:08:56,051
Hey, get off my cheese mobile.
226
00:08:56,084 --> 00:08:59,121
- Run!
- [boys giggling]
227
00:08:59,153 --> 00:09:01,456
(boy) Oh, my God.
228
00:09:01,489 --> 00:09:03,124
Yeah, get out of here.
229
00:09:03,157 --> 00:09:04,125
Punks.
230
00:09:04,158 --> 00:09:07,095
[girls giggling]
231
00:09:11,099 --> 00:09:14,069
[somber music]
232
00:09:14,101 --> 00:09:22,043
♪ ♪
233
00:09:31,152 --> 00:09:34,123
[exotic music]
234
00:09:34,156 --> 00:09:37,126
♪ ♪
235
00:09:37,158 --> 00:09:41,229
Do you have a name for your butt?
236
00:09:41,263 --> 00:09:44,834
May I suggest, "Perfect"?
237
00:09:44,867 --> 00:09:47,036
[Paul clears throat]
238
00:09:52,273 --> 00:09:54,976
[computer dings]
239
00:09:55,009 --> 00:09:56,778
Hey, Ian?
240
00:09:56,811 --> 00:09:59,148
You've been seeing that
girl for a few months now.
241
00:09:59,181 --> 00:10:00,950
When do we get to meet her?
242
00:10:00,983 --> 00:10:04,787
I don't know, Mom. We're
not rushing into anything.
243
00:10:04,820 --> 00:10:06,121
- Bye.
- Okay, bye.
244
00:10:06,153 --> 00:10:08,023
- Bye.
- She seems lovely.
245
00:10:08,056 --> 00:10:09,658
She's amazing.
246
00:10:11,692 --> 00:10:13,194
Son...
247
00:10:13,228 --> 00:10:16,933
just... make sure she's not a dude.
248
00:10:21,269 --> 00:10:22,737
Unless you're into that sort of thing.
249
00:10:22,771 --> 00:10:27,009
In which case, it's totally cool.
250
00:10:27,042 --> 00:10:28,543
Okay.
251
00:10:28,576 --> 00:10:29,878
Great talk, Dad.
252
00:10:36,551 --> 00:10:39,522
[metal music playing]
253
00:10:39,555 --> 00:10:42,558
♪ ♪
254
00:10:42,590 --> 00:10:45,994
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
255
00:10:46,027 --> 00:10:47,662
Hey, I, uh... We haven't gotten our mail
256
00:10:47,696 --> 00:10:49,831
in, like, three months. What gives?
257
00:10:49,864 --> 00:10:51,600
Yeah, you might want to ask
your little friend about that.
258
00:10:51,633 --> 00:10:53,536
- Who Ian?
- The bowl-headed idiot
259
00:10:53,569 --> 00:10:55,104
with the face you just want to punch?
260
00:10:55,137 --> 00:10:57,138
- Yeah. Ian.
- Yeah, I'm done delivering mail
261
00:10:57,172 --> 00:10:59,108
to this house.
262
00:10:59,141 --> 00:11:00,575
You want your mail? Oh, you want your mail.
263
00:11:00,609 --> 00:11:01,576
- Okay.
- Yeah.
264
00:11:01,609 --> 00:11:02,945
Let me get you your mail.
265
00:11:02,978 --> 00:11:04,880
Here's your mail. You want your mail?
266
00:11:04,912 --> 00:11:06,315
- Oh!
- There's your mail.
267
00:11:06,348 --> 00:11:07,950
You must want your package, too.
268
00:11:07,983 --> 00:11:09,084
Here's your package.
269
00:11:09,117 --> 00:11:10,986
[grunting]
270
00:11:11,018 --> 00:11:14,722
From now on, you get your
mail at the post office.
271
00:11:14,755 --> 00:11:17,692
[bang, thud]
272
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:29,138
Hey, what did you do to the mailman?
273
00:11:29,171 --> 00:11:31,140
Nothing. Why?
274
00:11:31,172 --> 00:11:33,643
You know what you did.
275
00:11:36,244 --> 00:11:38,580
Seriously, man? Butt Massage Girl again?
276
00:11:38,614 --> 00:11:40,782
She's my girlfriend and
she has a name, you know.
277
00:11:40,816 --> 00:11:42,317
Oh, really? What is it?
278
00:11:42,350 --> 00:11:44,352
I don't know, but I'm sure she has one.
279
00:11:44,385 --> 00:11:47,055
You know nothing about that girl.
280
00:11:47,089 --> 00:11:50,859
Uh, she likes butt massages. I know that.
281
00:11:50,892 --> 00:11:53,195
What does her face look like?
282
00:11:53,228 --> 00:11:55,965
Like a butt. I think.
283
00:11:55,998 --> 00:11:58,100
Look, it doesn't matter. We're a thing.
284
00:11:58,133 --> 00:12:02,705
Sure, our love is maybe a little
unconventional, but it's real.
285
00:12:02,738 --> 00:12:04,873
[computer dings]
286
00:12:04,906 --> 00:12:06,342
Nice!
287
00:12:06,374 --> 00:12:07,942
She really cares about me.
288
00:12:07,975 --> 00:12:10,044
Dude, we got some letters here.
289
00:12:10,077 --> 00:12:12,113
If it's from my grandma, check for Anthrax.
290
00:12:12,147 --> 00:12:15,383
Dude, we got an invite to our
five-year high school reunion.
291
00:12:15,417 --> 00:12:18,052
Really?
292
00:12:18,085 --> 00:12:20,121
When is it?
293
00:12:20,154 --> 00:12:22,790
It is...
294
00:12:22,824 --> 00:12:24,693
tonight.
295
00:12:24,725 --> 00:12:27,196
Cool.
296
00:12:27,229 --> 00:12:29,864
You do realize what this means, right?
297
00:12:29,898 --> 00:12:31,100
Free tacos?
298
00:12:31,133 --> 00:12:33,801
Yeah, free tacos, but more importantly...
299
00:12:33,835 --> 00:12:36,638
Anna Reed's probably gonna be there.
300
00:12:36,672 --> 00:12:40,042
Ugh, Anna Reed? What is it
with you and this girl, man?
301
00:12:40,075 --> 00:12:42,311
[romantic music]
302
00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:43,946
All right, fine.
303
00:12:43,979 --> 00:12:46,382
Get it over with.
304
00:12:46,415 --> 00:12:49,918
(Anthony voiceover) All throughout
high school, Anna Reed was the only girl
305
00:12:49,950 --> 00:12:51,787
I'd dream about.
306
00:12:51,820 --> 00:12:53,855
She was the girl of my dreams.
307
00:12:53,888 --> 00:12:55,990
(Anna) They'll buff our
feet. It's gonna be awesome.
308
00:12:56,023 --> 00:12:57,325
You know, I was so awkward back then
309
00:12:57,359 --> 00:12:58,926
I didn't know how to talk to girls.
310
00:12:58,960 --> 00:12:59,894
Anthony.
311
00:13:01,729 --> 00:13:03,431
Bye.
312
00:13:03,465 --> 00:13:05,300
Hey.
313
00:13:05,332 --> 00:13:07,101
Hi... hey... [clears throat]
314
00:13:07,134 --> 00:13:08,703
What's up?
315
00:13:08,736 --> 00:13:11,072
So, um, this weekend,
I'm doing the Moonwalk
316
00:13:11,105 --> 00:13:12,807
for Ring Finger Largeasia.
317
00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:16,210
I'm moonwalking 37 miles to
raise awareness for people
318
00:13:16,244 --> 00:13:19,114
whose ring finger is longer
than their pointer finger.
319
00:13:19,147 --> 00:13:22,051
It's a very important cause
and one that's dear to my heart,
320
00:13:22,084 --> 00:13:25,421
because, see, my Uncle
Keith, he died of it.
321
00:13:25,454 --> 00:13:28,023
Jesus, that's...
322
00:13:28,056 --> 00:13:29,358
I'm really sorry for your loss.
323
00:13:29,391 --> 00:13:31,860
Would you wanna sponsor me?
324
00:13:31,893 --> 00:13:33,327
Uh, um...
325
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:34,830
I mean, if you can't because of the money,
326
00:13:34,863 --> 00:13:36,799
that's totally fine.
327
00:13:36,831 --> 00:13:38,266
No, no, I have a ton of money.
328
00:13:38,300 --> 00:13:39,835
Oh, great!
329
00:13:39,868 --> 00:13:41,402
Actually, that's a lie. I don't...
330
00:13:41,436 --> 00:13:42,771
I only have 5 bucks and
that's my porn money...
331
00:13:42,803 --> 00:13:44,005
corn money!
332
00:13:44,038 --> 00:13:46,340
That's my corn money.
333
00:13:46,374 --> 00:13:48,777
Oh, well, that's okay.
334
00:13:48,810 --> 00:13:52,347
Um, maybe you could just join me
335
00:13:52,379 --> 00:13:55,283
and we could moonwalk together.
336
00:13:55,316 --> 00:13:56,984
I could use the moral support.
337
00:13:57,018 --> 00:14:00,022
It's probably gonna take
me a couple of weeks.
338
00:14:00,055 --> 00:14:02,291
37 miles, you said?
339
00:14:02,324 --> 00:14:05,094
37.4
340
00:14:05,127 --> 00:14:06,395
Okay. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I'll do it.
341
00:14:06,427 --> 00:14:07,495
You will?
342
00:14:07,528 --> 00:14:09,064
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Amazing!
343
00:14:11,166 --> 00:14:14,136
[playful music]
344
00:14:14,168 --> 00:14:16,170
♪ ♪
345
00:14:16,204 --> 00:14:17,473
Cool.
346
00:14:17,505 --> 00:14:21,776
♪ ♪
347
00:14:21,810 --> 00:14:23,479
- Whoa!
- Oh!
348
00:14:23,512 --> 00:14:25,814
- [screams]
- [loud thud]
349
00:14:25,846 --> 00:14:26,981
Dude, seriously?
350
00:14:27,014 --> 00:14:28,783
(Ian voiceover) Yeah, yeah, yeah.
351
00:14:28,816 --> 00:14:30,485
Then you wussed out and you
never showed up to the Moonwalk.
352
00:14:30,518 --> 00:14:33,020
Dude, I've heard this
story a million times.
353
00:14:33,053 --> 00:14:34,388
What's your point?
354
00:14:34,422 --> 00:14:35,858
That this reunion is
the perfect opportunity
355
00:14:35,891 --> 00:14:38,193
to make Anna forget about how big of losers
356
00:14:38,225 --> 00:14:40,862
we used to be, you know,
show her how cool we are now?
357
00:14:40,896 --> 00:14:43,465
Are we cooler now than
we were in high school?
358
00:14:43,498 --> 00:14:47,169
Uh, $25 haircut, dude.
359
00:14:47,201 --> 00:14:48,369
Here, I need to check the reunion page
360
00:14:48,402 --> 00:14:49,872
to see if Anna's going.
361
00:14:49,904 --> 00:14:51,172
[computer bleeps]
362
00:14:51,205 --> 00:14:53,808
It says to dress for mall.
363
00:14:53,841 --> 00:14:55,376
We dress for the mall every day.
364
00:14:55,409 --> 00:14:57,278
No, it's saying "dress formal."
365
00:14:57,311 --> 00:15:01,149
It means we have to rent tuxedos.
366
00:15:01,182 --> 00:15:02,784
Yeah, I know that.
367
00:15:02,817 --> 00:15:04,385
Oh, well, guess she's not going.
368
00:15:04,418 --> 00:15:06,220
So, about the tux rentals, we
should probably get on that.
369
00:15:06,253 --> 00:15:07,989
It doesn't say that, okay?
370
00:15:08,023 --> 00:15:10,057
She's going. She just hasn't replied yet.
371
00:15:10,090 --> 00:15:12,260
Okay? I can feel it.
372
00:15:12,293 --> 00:15:14,428
Look, someone posted a video on here.
373
00:15:14,461 --> 00:15:16,931
Have you thought about
life insurance lately?
374
00:15:16,965 --> 00:15:18,533
Because here at All-Chafe,
375
00:15:18,566 --> 00:15:20,835
we want to protect your family
from your impending death.
376
00:15:20,869 --> 00:15:23,806
Ugh, I hate advertisements. Skip it.
377
00:15:23,839 --> 00:15:25,874
If you don't buy All-Chafe Insurance,
378
00:15:25,907 --> 00:15:27,209
there's a good chance your
entire family will be dead
379
00:15:27,242 --> 00:15:29,444
by next week.
380
00:15:29,476 --> 00:15:30,578
Buffering?
381
00:15:30,611 --> 00:15:32,013
That still exists?
382
00:15:32,047 --> 00:15:33,014
Everybody put your hands together.
383
00:15:33,047 --> 00:15:35,417
Whoo-hoo!
384
00:15:35,450 --> 00:15:36,819
(Anthony on video) Is Magic Pocket
Slave Monsters the best song ever?
385
00:15:36,851 --> 00:15:38,152
Dude, that's you. Cool!
386
00:15:38,186 --> 00:15:40,822
Anna Reed, get up here,
get up here, Anna Reed.
387
00:15:40,855 --> 00:15:44,058
Right there. I really want you to see this.
388
00:15:44,091 --> 00:15:46,928
Hit it, Mr. Ellis!
389
00:15:46,961 --> 00:15:49,497
♪ I wanna be the master ♪
390
00:15:49,531 --> 00:15:52,367
♪ I wanna flip the switch ♪
391
00:15:52,399 --> 00:15:53,601
[grunts]
392
00:15:53,634 --> 00:15:55,937
Dude, that's awesome, you're...
393
00:15:55,970 --> 00:15:59,140
You're, like, doing
flips and stuff, kind of.
394
00:15:59,173 --> 00:16:01,909
- Whoa!
- [kids screaming]
395
00:16:01,942 --> 00:16:03,412
(Anthony) My butt!
396
00:16:03,445 --> 00:16:05,113
Oh, no. God, I can't believe
397
00:16:05,146 --> 00:16:06,915
this is happening to me right now.
398
00:16:06,947 --> 00:16:08,015
Well, I mean, it's not
happening to you right now.
399
00:16:08,048 --> 00:16:10,351
It happened five years ago.
400
00:16:10,384 --> 00:16:12,453
Look at the views. There's 301 views.
401
00:16:12,486 --> 00:16:13,454
That's like the entire attendance
402
00:16:13,488 --> 00:16:15,123
of a football stadium.
403
00:16:15,156 --> 00:16:16,959
You know, in a small town
with a high school team
404
00:16:16,992 --> 00:16:18,594
whose record is, like, five and five,
405
00:16:18,627 --> 00:16:20,229
and they're not terrible,
but they're not great,
406
00:16:20,262 --> 00:16:21,530
and they're losing a lot of close games...
407
00:16:21,562 --> 00:16:23,164
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. I get it.
408
00:16:23,197 --> 00:16:25,433
If Anna sees this video,
it's gonna remind her
409
00:16:25,466 --> 00:16:27,501
about how much of a loser I used to be.
410
00:16:27,534 --> 00:16:31,138
And the fact that I'm
super-cool now won't even matter.
411
00:16:31,172 --> 00:16:33,008
I can't go to this reunion now.
412
00:16:33,041 --> 00:16:35,176
I have to stay here at home
and never know if kissing Anna
413
00:16:35,210 --> 00:16:37,245
really feels like licking a wet donut.
414
00:16:37,278 --> 00:16:40,982
All right, dude, if you
don't go, I don't go.
415
00:16:41,016 --> 00:16:43,218
Mostly 'cause I don't have a car.
416
00:16:43,250 --> 00:16:45,253
And will it hurt to miss out on free tacos?
417
00:16:45,287 --> 00:16:46,254
Sure it will.
418
00:16:46,287 --> 00:16:47,955
Like a son of a bitch.
419
00:16:47,989 --> 00:16:52,194
But you're my best friend,
and I got your back.
420
00:16:52,226 --> 00:16:54,629
- Thanks.
- Okay, we're not giving up yet.
421
00:16:54,662 --> 00:16:57,032
Anna Reed hasn't replied
to the invite yet, right?
422
00:16:57,065 --> 00:16:59,501
So, she probably hasn't been to the page.
423
00:16:59,533 --> 00:17:01,903
She probably hasn't even seen the video.
424
00:17:01,936 --> 00:17:04,238
You're right. So all we have to do is...
425
00:17:04,272 --> 00:17:06,340
- Is go to the reunion.
- go and get the video removed
426
00:17:06,373 --> 00:17:09,310
from YouTube before Anna sees the video.
427
00:17:09,343 --> 00:17:10,278
What?
428
00:17:11,378 --> 00:17:13,048
[phone rings]
429
00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:14,248
Thank you for calling
YouTube. This is Stephanie.
430
00:17:14,282 --> 00:17:15,583
How may I direct your call?
431
00:17:15,617 --> 00:17:18,052
Hi, Stephanie. My name is Anthony Padilla,
432
00:17:18,086 --> 00:17:20,322
and I have a very important
issue I'd like your help with.
433
00:17:20,355 --> 00:17:22,958
I need a video removed and
never shown on your website
434
00:17:22,991 --> 00:17:24,960
ever again.
435
00:17:24,993 --> 00:17:26,994
Okay. Are you a rich
and powerful corporation
436
00:17:27,028 --> 00:17:29,298
that can threaten us with legal action?
437
00:17:29,330 --> 00:17:30,599
- No.
- Then I can't help you.
438
00:17:30,631 --> 00:17:31,933
- Good-bye.
- [phone beeps]
439
00:17:33,734 --> 00:17:35,303
Didn't work.
440
00:17:35,337 --> 00:17:36,338
Well, that doesn't really matter, dude.
441
00:17:36,370 --> 00:17:38,974
The video's awesome.
442
00:17:39,006 --> 00:17:41,176
It won't be awesome when Anna sees it.
443
00:17:43,511 --> 00:17:45,214
I think I have an idea.
444
00:17:48,183 --> 00:17:49,618
This is never gonna work.
445
00:17:49,650 --> 00:17:50,718
If you want something done right,
446
00:17:50,752 --> 00:17:52,321
you just talk to the right people.
447
00:17:52,353 --> 00:17:56,590
And you got to look them
dead in the eye and beg.
448
00:17:56,623 --> 00:17:59,593
[light music]
449
00:17:59,627 --> 00:18:07,569
♪ ♪
450
00:18:09,704 --> 00:18:12,107
Hey, do me a favor, let
me do all the talking.
451
00:18:12,139 --> 00:18:14,242
Okay? Your people skills are terrible.
452
00:18:14,274 --> 00:18:16,744
What are you talking about?
I have amazing people skills
453
00:18:16,778 --> 00:18:18,146
Oh, let me get that.
454
00:18:18,178 --> 00:18:20,448
[man grunting]
455
00:18:20,482 --> 00:18:21,716
Ah!
456
00:18:21,750 --> 00:18:24,486
- Oh!
- Ah! Aah!
457
00:18:24,519 --> 00:18:27,489
I am so glad that happened.
458
00:18:27,522 --> 00:18:30,759
That was the funniest
thing I've seen all day.
459
00:18:30,792 --> 00:18:32,226
Good day, sir. Good day, sir.
460
00:18:32,260 --> 00:18:35,129
I did that. I did that.
461
00:18:35,163 --> 00:18:36,665
Hi there, darling.
462
00:18:36,697 --> 00:18:40,634
I am a very important, big,
rich CEO of a powerful company.
463
00:18:40,667 --> 00:18:43,705
And I am his boss.
464
00:18:43,737 --> 00:18:45,706
Well, now, Ian, a CEO
465
00:18:45,740 --> 00:18:47,776
does not have a boss, okay?
466
00:18:47,809 --> 00:18:51,680
I beg to differ, Anthony,
because I am the CFO
467
00:18:51,713 --> 00:18:55,117
and that's one letter higher than CEO.
468
00:18:55,149 --> 00:18:56,618
Well, Ian, you must've misheard me,
469
00:18:56,650 --> 00:19:00,054
because I'm actually the CEOO,
470
00:19:00,088 --> 00:19:02,224
which has one more letter,
so it's more important.
471
00:19:02,256 --> 00:19:06,027
Hey! It's you.
472
00:19:06,061 --> 00:19:07,396
I know you.
473
00:19:07,428 --> 00:19:10,564
You're the kid from that crazy video
474
00:19:10,598 --> 00:19:13,335
You're the Backflip Microphone Guy!
475
00:19:13,368 --> 00:19:15,302
It's the guy! This guy. You know it.
476
00:19:15,336 --> 00:19:16,671
She got it. She knows what it is.
477
00:19:16,704 --> 00:19:18,072
Okay, that's actually why we're here.
478
00:19:18,106 --> 00:19:19,207
Okay, I have a question for you.
479
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:20,642
When you regained consciousness,
480
00:19:20,675 --> 00:19:22,778
and you fell off the stage
and you landed on the mic,
481
00:19:22,811 --> 00:19:25,246
did the whole thing go up your ass?
482
00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:27,482
Or was it some sort of, like,
special effects wizardry?
483
00:19:27,514 --> 00:19:29,383
Okay, can we just keep it down, please?
484
00:19:29,417 --> 00:19:31,653
Okay, 'cause I was watching
with my husband... Sorry, taken.
485
00:19:31,686 --> 00:19:33,789
And he was like, "Where'd
the microphone go?"
486
00:19:33,821 --> 00:19:36,491
And I was like, "I think
it's in that boy's ass."
487
00:19:36,523 --> 00:19:38,260
Okay, that's enough, okay?
488
00:19:38,292 --> 00:19:41,362
You will not take that tone with me.
489
00:19:41,396 --> 00:19:43,697
You're right. I'm sorry.
490
00:19:43,731 --> 00:19:45,534
Okay? It's just that my friend and I
491
00:19:45,567 --> 00:19:48,236
have a very important
issue we need to discuss.
492
00:19:48,269 --> 00:19:50,072
It's a matter we'd like to take up directly
493
00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:52,607
with the CEO of this establishment,
494
00:19:52,639 --> 00:19:54,309
if you don't mind.
495
00:19:54,341 --> 00:19:57,745
So, is Mr. YouTube available
to see us right now?
496
00:19:57,779 --> 00:20:01,148
Mr. YouTube?
497
00:20:01,182 --> 00:20:03,551
Yup, we're going straight to the top.
498
00:20:03,584 --> 00:20:05,653
Okay, first of all, the CEO of YouTube
499
00:20:05,686 --> 00:20:07,254
is not just gonna sit down
500
00:20:07,288 --> 00:20:08,723
with two random guys off the street.
501
00:20:08,755 --> 00:20:10,624
And even if he did, I'm pretty sure
502
00:20:10,657 --> 00:20:13,561
the guy's name is not "Mr. YouTube."
503
00:20:13,594 --> 00:20:15,463
Mr. YouTube will see you now.
504
00:20:15,496 --> 00:20:19,133
His office is just at
the end of that hallway.
505
00:20:19,167 --> 00:20:20,702
Really?
506
00:20:20,734 --> 00:20:22,771
I don't care what Billy Snapchat says.
507
00:20:22,803 --> 00:20:25,239
Billy Snapchat is a little bitch.
508
00:20:25,273 --> 00:20:27,542
I'm Steve YouTube. What I say goes.
509
00:20:27,574 --> 00:20:29,844
No, I had lunch with Sally Instagram
510
00:20:29,878 --> 00:20:30,878
three days ago.
511
00:20:30,911 --> 00:20:33,347
She and Roger Facebook are in.
512
00:20:33,380 --> 00:20:35,117
Now, if you don't want
to get on board with this,
513
00:20:35,149 --> 00:20:38,186
then you are a stupid jerk idiot.
514
00:20:38,218 --> 00:20:39,753
Sorry for the French.
All right, I got to go.
515
00:20:39,786 --> 00:20:41,523
I've got two random guys in my office
516
00:20:41,555 --> 00:20:43,424
I've never met before, and
they need something from me.
517
00:20:43,457 --> 00:20:44,426
And I can't keep them waiting.
518
00:20:44,458 --> 00:20:46,260
Good-bye.
Good-bye!
519
00:20:46,293 --> 00:20:47,495
- [phone beeps]
- Sorry about that.
520
00:20:47,529 --> 00:20:49,598
[grunts] That was Ted Google.
521
00:20:49,630 --> 00:20:52,868
Guy's been a pain in my butt
ever since he bought my company.
522
00:20:52,900 --> 00:20:55,469
Hi. Steve YouTube. Pleasure to meet you.
523
00:20:55,503 --> 00:20:57,505
- Hi.
- I don't touch. I don't touch.
524
00:20:57,539 --> 00:20:59,307
I'm Ian and this is...
525
00:20:59,340 --> 00:21:00,742
Backflip Microphone Guy!
526
00:21:00,774 --> 00:21:04,745
Dude, that is one of my
all-time favorite videos.
527
00:21:04,779 --> 00:21:06,915
What can I do for you guys?
528
00:21:06,947 --> 00:21:08,249
Well, Mr. YouTube...
529
00:21:08,282 --> 00:21:09,650
Oh, no, no, no. Please.
530
00:21:09,684 --> 00:21:13,288
Call me Steve. YouTube.
Call me Steve YouTube.
531
00:21:13,321 --> 00:21:16,858
Okay. So, Steve YouTube,
I need that thing...
532
00:21:16,890 --> 00:21:19,727
- Awesome video.
- Shh.
533
00:21:19,761 --> 00:21:21,897
I need that thing that you mentioned...
534
00:21:21,929 --> 00:21:24,198
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the video.
535
00:21:24,232 --> 00:21:25,466
- Hilarious, right?
- Hilarious.
536
00:21:25,500 --> 00:21:29,538
Shut... uuuup.
537
00:21:29,571 --> 00:21:31,173
Okay, so, yeah, I need that video removed
538
00:21:31,205 --> 00:21:33,641
from your website, please.
539
00:21:33,675 --> 00:21:35,609
Ah, yes, yeah.
540
00:21:35,642 --> 00:21:36,911
I got to be honest with you guys.
541
00:21:36,945 --> 00:21:38,679
This thing... this kind
of thing happens more
542
00:21:38,713 --> 00:21:40,248
than you would imagine.
543
00:21:40,281 --> 00:21:41,483
Not the microphone thing.
544
00:21:41,515 --> 00:21:42,683
But the embarrassment thing.
545
00:21:42,716 --> 00:21:44,518
And here's the problem.
546
00:21:44,551 --> 00:21:49,323
Once a video is uploaded to the
Internet, it's there forever.
547
00:21:49,357 --> 00:21:53,695
Your best bet is to actually
go into YouTube itself
548
00:21:53,727 --> 00:21:57,465
and change the video from the inside.
549
00:21:57,497 --> 00:22:00,267
So you mean, like, go into YouTube,
550
00:22:00,301 --> 00:22:02,236
like, Tron-style?
551
00:22:02,270 --> 00:22:03,905
No, you're messing with us, right?
552
00:22:03,937 --> 00:22:05,840
- There's... you... what is this?
- Yeah, that's not...
553
00:22:05,872 --> 00:22:07,641
- That's not possible.
- That doesn't sound possible.
554
00:22:07,675 --> 00:22:11,245
Hey, guys, I'm Steve Friggin' YouTube.
555
00:22:11,279 --> 00:22:14,516
If I say you can get up inside YouTube,
556
00:22:14,549 --> 00:22:17,752
then you can get up inside YouTube.
557
00:22:17,784 --> 00:22:20,688
I did not mean for that to
sound sexual. I apologize.
558
00:22:20,722 --> 00:22:24,526
What I should have said is, if
you wanna penetrate YouTube...
559
00:22:24,559 --> 00:22:26,461
That was worse. You know what?
560
00:22:26,494 --> 00:22:29,330
Forget it. My point is this.
561
00:22:29,363 --> 00:22:32,866
I have to do this kind of
thing for people all the time.
562
00:22:32,899 --> 00:22:35,769
You guys remember Gangnam style?
563
00:22:35,802 --> 00:22:37,004
Do you remember that video by that...
564
00:22:37,038 --> 00:22:38,006
I think it was a Puerto Rican guy?
565
00:22:38,039 --> 00:22:39,840
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.
566
00:22:39,873 --> 00:22:43,677
Well, you think Psy nailed
that video on the first take?
567
00:22:43,711 --> 00:22:47,616
Nope. I actually think I have
the original video right here.
568
00:22:47,648 --> 00:22:48,617
Check it out.
569
00:22:48,649 --> 00:22:50,884
♪ Hey, sexy lady ♪
570
00:22:50,917 --> 00:22:52,553
♪ Up, up, up ♪
571
00:22:52,587 --> 00:22:54,388
♪ Up, oh ♪
572
00:22:54,421 --> 00:22:56,290
♪ Gangnam style ♪
573
00:22:56,323 --> 00:22:57,993
It's so bad.
574
00:22:58,025 --> 00:23:00,327
Right? I mean, there's
not even a dancing horse.
575
00:23:00,360 --> 00:23:01,996
How hard is it to get a horse to dance?
576
00:23:02,030 --> 00:23:03,697
Probably not that hard.
577
00:23:03,731 --> 00:23:05,467
(Steve YouTube) It's very hard.
578
00:23:05,500 --> 00:23:07,502
No, no, no, this is
perfect. This is perfect.
579
00:23:07,534 --> 00:23:11,339
So how do we, uh, get inside
YouTube to fix our video?
580
00:23:11,371 --> 00:23:13,440
Great question. Simple answer.
581
00:23:13,474 --> 00:23:17,479
There's actually a portal
right under my desk.
582
00:23:17,512 --> 00:23:21,316
- A portal?
- That doesn't sound right.
583
00:23:21,349 --> 00:23:25,287
This, um, this doesn't seem safe.
584
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:29,057
Guys, it's me, Steve, YouTube.
585
00:23:29,090 --> 00:23:30,558
Steve YouTube.
586
00:23:30,590 --> 00:23:31,859
If I say there's a portal under my desk
587
00:23:31,892 --> 00:23:33,494
that will get you into YouTube,
588
00:23:33,528 --> 00:23:36,064
there's a portal under my desk.
589
00:23:36,097 --> 00:23:38,667
It just kind of seems like, you
know, we might crawl down there,
590
00:23:38,699 --> 00:23:41,802
and you might have your
wiener out or, some...
591
00:23:41,836 --> 00:23:42,804
- Excuse me?
- Definitely your wiener.
592
00:23:42,837 --> 00:23:45,040
Excuse me.
593
00:23:45,072 --> 00:23:48,475
I don't know what kind of
meeting you thought this was.
594
00:23:48,509 --> 00:23:52,614
Frankly, I find that suggestion offensive.
595
00:23:52,647 --> 00:23:55,582
I'm Steve YouTube. I created all of this.
596
00:23:55,616 --> 00:23:58,353
You think I would jeopardize
that by putting my,
597
00:23:58,386 --> 00:24:01,388
what did you say, "wiener" out?
598
00:24:01,421 --> 00:24:03,324
I don't think so. Now, look, I'm very busy.
599
00:24:03,358 --> 00:24:04,826
You guys can see yourselves
out. If you don't wanna change
600
00:24:04,859 --> 00:24:06,561
the video, you don't
wanna change the video.
601
00:24:06,593 --> 00:24:08,929
Janice, get me Bethany
MySpace on the phone, please.
602
00:24:08,963 --> 00:24:11,032
No, no, no I... It's
cool. We're gonna do it.
603
00:24:11,064 --> 00:24:12,933
We're gonna change our video.
604
00:24:12,966 --> 00:24:14,401
- Yeah, just crawl...
- Really?
605
00:24:14,435 --> 00:24:15,936
- All right.
- Yeah, go right around
606
00:24:15,969 --> 00:24:17,705
- the desk and crawl under.
- Let's do it, man.
607
00:24:17,738 --> 00:24:18,806
And go to the portal.
608
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:19,808
- Whoa!
- Oh my...
609
00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:20,809
- What?
- Dude!
610
00:24:20,841 --> 00:24:22,409
- That!
- [laughs]
611
00:24:22,443 --> 00:24:23,845
- Damn it! Put it away!
- Oh! That's not...
612
00:24:23,878 --> 00:24:26,114
You thought there was
a portal under my desk,
613
00:24:26,147 --> 00:24:27,581
and you saw my wiener.
614
00:24:27,615 --> 00:24:32,087
That is the best joke ever.
615
00:24:32,119 --> 00:24:34,688
So there's no portal, then.
You're just messing with us.
616
00:24:34,722 --> 00:24:36,858
Of course there's a portal.
617
00:24:36,890 --> 00:24:39,494
But it's not under my desk, you morons.
618
00:24:39,526 --> 00:24:42,496
It's behind my closet door.
619
00:24:42,530 --> 00:24:43,732
- Go on.
- Okay.
620
00:24:45,699 --> 00:24:48,369
Yeah, it's just right there. Go on in.
621
00:24:48,403 --> 00:24:53,408
Um, yeah, this doesn't
feel very safe either.
622
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:56,944
Guys, I had my fun,
okay, but fun time's over.
623
00:24:56,977 --> 00:24:58,679
Not everything in life is a wiener joke.
624
00:25:02,750 --> 00:25:06,955
(both) Holy shit!
625
00:25:06,987 --> 00:25:10,023
- Whoo!
- Whoa!
626
00:25:10,057 --> 00:25:11,493
Take these.
627
00:25:11,525 --> 00:25:12,994
What do we do with these?
628
00:25:13,026 --> 00:25:14,763
Gentlemen, meet Diri.
629
00:25:14,795 --> 00:25:16,930
She'll be your guide
once you're on the inside.
630
00:25:16,964 --> 00:25:19,067
(Diri) Hello, Ian. Hello Anthony.
631
00:25:19,100 --> 00:25:22,570
I hope I can be of service to you both.
632
00:25:22,602 --> 00:25:24,438
Wait, her name is "Diri"?
633
00:25:24,472 --> 00:25:26,508
That's right. She's a
personal assistant software.
634
00:25:26,541 --> 00:25:29,077
- So she's like Siri?
- Hey. Hey.
635
00:25:29,109 --> 00:25:31,413
We don't draw that comparison here.
636
00:25:31,446 --> 00:25:32,914
- You understand me?
- It's just that...
637
00:25:32,946 --> 00:25:34,581
Hey, Bieber, you understand me?
638
00:25:34,615 --> 00:25:36,618
Diri and Siri, it's kind of...
639
00:25:36,650 --> 00:25:37,885
It's... it does kind of sound similar.
640
00:25:37,918 --> 00:25:39,521
People are gonna draw the conclusions.
641
00:25:39,553 --> 00:25:40,788
- It sounds...
- I'm gonna have my R&D team
642
00:25:40,821 --> 00:25:42,590
take a look at that. Now listen to me.
643
00:25:42,622 --> 00:25:45,192
Diri is gonna be your guide
once you get through that portal.
644
00:25:45,225 --> 00:25:47,695
Anyplace you need to go, you tell Diri,
645
00:25:47,727 --> 00:25:49,062
she will take you there.
646
00:25:49,096 --> 00:25:51,132
Like, Siri.
647
00:25:51,165 --> 00:25:52,966
Okay. Cool. Cool-cool.
648
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:57,539
All right. Safe travels, gentlemen.
649
00:25:57,571 --> 00:25:59,640
You sure you want to do this?
650
00:25:59,674 --> 00:26:03,211
Yeah. If I don't do this,
I'll never be anything to Anna.
651
00:26:03,244 --> 00:26:05,513
All right. I'm with you.
652
00:26:05,545 --> 00:26:07,014
- Ready?
- Yeah. Yeah.
653
00:26:07,048 --> 00:26:09,117
- B.
- F.
654
00:26:09,149 --> 00:26:10,918
F. Let's go.
655
00:26:10,952 --> 00:26:12,787
Let's do it.
656
00:26:12,820 --> 00:26:15,756
- Ready?
- Yeah.
657
00:26:15,790 --> 00:26:17,492
- Let's do this.
- You first.
658
00:26:17,524 --> 00:26:20,160
[both shouting]
659
00:26:20,194 --> 00:26:22,464
Good luck!
660
00:26:22,496 --> 00:26:25,433
[yelling]
661
00:26:27,869 --> 00:26:29,670
What the hell is this, dude?
662
00:26:29,704 --> 00:26:31,539
(man) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
663
00:26:31,571 --> 00:26:32,873
Oh, man.
664
00:26:32,907 --> 00:26:35,976
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
665
00:26:36,010 --> 00:26:37,744
Look out below!
666
00:26:37,778 --> 00:26:39,581
Whoo! Whoo!
667
00:26:39,613 --> 00:26:40,548
[thud]
668
00:26:44,651 --> 00:26:46,220
Did we do it?
669
00:26:46,253 --> 00:26:48,055
Are we in YouTube?
670
00:26:48,089 --> 00:26:51,658
I don't know. It doesn't
really feel like YouTube.
671
00:26:51,692 --> 00:26:53,995
Have you thought about
life insurance lately?
672
00:26:54,028 --> 00:26:55,730
'Cause here at All-Chafe,
673
00:26:55,763 --> 00:26:58,566
we wanna protect your family
from your impending death.
674
00:26:58,599 --> 00:26:59,934
Yup, we're definitely in YouTube.
675
00:26:59,966 --> 00:27:01,168
It's this friggin' advertisement.
676
00:27:01,202 --> 00:27:02,837
If you don't buy All-Chafe Insurance,
677
00:27:02,869 --> 00:27:04,705
- there's a good chance...
- Diri,
678
00:27:04,738 --> 00:27:07,040
can we skip this ad, please?
679
00:27:07,073 --> 00:27:08,943
(Diri) Sure. Let me help you with that.
680
00:27:12,079 --> 00:27:14,581
Uh, yeah, Diri, could
you also go full screen?
681
00:27:14,615 --> 00:27:16,518
'Cause we can't see zilch.
682
00:27:16,551 --> 00:27:18,854
(Diri) Certainly. I can do that.
683
00:27:21,722 --> 00:27:22,924
That's better.
684
00:27:24,058 --> 00:27:27,061
Diri, where are we?
685
00:27:27,093 --> 00:27:29,730
(Diri) Anthony, you are
in a bear attack video.
686
00:27:29,763 --> 00:27:32,032
[suspenseful music]
687
00:27:32,065 --> 00:27:33,033
[bear roaring]
688
00:27:33,067 --> 00:27:36,304
[both shouting]
689
00:27:36,337 --> 00:27:38,205
Diri, get us out of here.
690
00:27:38,238 --> 00:27:41,975
(Diri) You said, "Get me
a beer." Is that correct?
691
00:27:42,009 --> 00:27:45,547
What? No! I said, get us out of here!
692
00:27:45,580 --> 00:27:47,115
- [beer bottle breaking]
- Aah!
693
00:27:52,186 --> 00:27:54,054
Hello, everybody. My name is Markiplier.
694
00:27:54,088 --> 00:27:57,225
And welcome to Gorilla
Chainsaw Massacre.
695
00:27:57,257 --> 00:28:00,093
As you can see, I'm a pissed-off
gorilla with a chainsaw.
696
00:28:00,127 --> 00:28:02,597
Doesn't really make a lot
of sense, but then again,
697
00:28:02,629 --> 00:28:04,631
I don't really care.
698
00:28:04,665 --> 00:28:05,966
[both screaming]
699
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:07,969
Diri, help!
700
00:28:08,002 --> 00:28:10,138
(Diri) Taking you to Yelp.
701
00:28:10,170 --> 00:28:11,838
Leave a review online.
702
00:28:11,871 --> 00:28:13,941
- What?
- I hate you.
703
00:28:13,975 --> 00:28:15,810
A gorilla with a chainsaw.
704
00:28:15,842 --> 00:28:17,744
I don't have a full grasp on human speech,
705
00:28:17,778 --> 00:28:20,014
but I can operate a gas-powered chainsaw?
706
00:28:20,046 --> 00:28:21,048
Oh, God!
707
00:28:21,081 --> 00:28:22,282
[gorilla roaring]
708
00:28:22,315 --> 00:28:24,585
Diri, get us out of here now!
709
00:28:24,619 --> 00:28:26,154
(Diri) There is no reason to yell at me.
710
00:28:26,186 --> 00:28:28,055
Die, puny humans, die!
711
00:28:28,089 --> 00:28:29,957
[laughs manically]
712
00:28:29,991 --> 00:28:31,792
- Ah!
- Oh!
713
00:28:35,896 --> 00:28:38,966
Wait, are we...
714
00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:40,868
I think we're home.
715
00:28:40,900 --> 00:28:43,638
Diri, what the hell is your problem?
716
00:28:43,670 --> 00:28:46,773
(Diri) I'm a piece of intelligent
software, not a mind reader.
717
00:28:46,807 --> 00:28:48,276
And I would greatly appreciate
718
00:28:48,309 --> 00:28:50,945
if you would refrain from using expletives.
719
00:28:50,977 --> 00:28:53,715
Don't think that just
because you're super-hot,
720
00:28:53,747 --> 00:28:54,982
you don't have to be specific.
721
00:28:55,015 --> 00:28:56,817
- What?
- What?
722
00:28:57,849 --> 00:28:58,285
Anthony, check this out.
723
00:29:00,987 --> 00:29:02,222
Here's your pizza.
724
00:29:02,255 --> 00:29:03,725
I remember this video.
725
00:29:03,757 --> 00:29:05,325
I shot it three months ago.
726
00:29:05,359 --> 00:29:06,860
Such an idiot.
727
00:29:06,894 --> 00:29:07,996
You're looking pretty hot, yourself.
728
00:29:08,029 --> 00:29:09,196
Call me up later, right?
729
00:29:09,230 --> 00:29:10,865
You wanna see a little skin?
730
00:29:10,898 --> 00:29:13,266
It's gonna blow your mind.
731
00:29:13,300 --> 00:29:17,271
No, I'm sorry, I'm not allowed
to take off my shirt, but, uh...
732
00:29:17,303 --> 00:29:19,273
give you a little bit of that...
733
00:29:19,305 --> 00:29:21,274
[clucks and pops]
734
00:29:21,308 --> 00:29:23,077
You were filming this?
735
00:29:23,109 --> 00:29:24,145
I was bored.
736
00:29:24,177 --> 00:29:25,812
(both) Hey, boys.
737
00:29:25,846 --> 00:29:27,349
- Hi.
- Hi.
738
00:29:29,783 --> 00:29:30,984
This is so weird.
739
00:29:31,017 --> 00:29:33,286
Yeah. Yeah, I work out my glutes.
740
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:35,956
Just imagine this in jeggings.
741
00:29:35,990 --> 00:29:38,760
[metal music playing outside]
742
00:29:38,792 --> 00:29:40,227
Mailman.
743
00:29:40,261 --> 00:29:41,229
Oh, dude.
744
00:29:41,262 --> 00:29:42,230
Check this out.
745
00:29:42,263 --> 00:29:50,205
♪ ♪
746
00:29:52,773 --> 00:29:53,975
What are you doing behind that tree?
747
00:29:54,007 --> 00:29:54,975
Just watch.
748
00:29:55,009 --> 00:29:56,778
Here it comes.
749
00:29:56,811 --> 00:29:58,346
Take this, Mailman!
750
00:29:58,378 --> 00:29:59,981
Yeah! Yeah!
751
00:30:00,013 --> 00:30:01,282
Take it! [grunts]
752
00:30:01,314 --> 00:30:02,850
Yeah!
753
00:30:02,882 --> 00:30:04,317
Dude, I have to wear this all day.
754
00:30:04,350 --> 00:30:05,453
Deal with it, bitch.
755
00:30:05,485 --> 00:30:06,720
[laughs]
756
00:30:06,753 --> 00:30:07,722
Yeah!
757
00:30:07,754 --> 00:30:10,691
[laughing]
758
00:30:12,059 --> 00:30:13,695
Ha-ha!
759
00:30:15,361 --> 00:30:18,231
[laughs]
760
00:30:18,264 --> 00:30:20,001
Oh, man.
761
00:30:20,033 --> 00:30:21,703
Yeah!
762
00:30:21,735 --> 00:30:23,271
Well, this explains why the mailman
763
00:30:23,303 --> 00:30:24,438
stopped delivering our mail.
764
00:30:24,472 --> 00:30:26,474
God, I'm so funny.
765
00:30:26,506 --> 00:30:27,475
Milk balloons.
766
00:30:27,507 --> 00:30:29,009
Classic Ian.
767
00:30:29,042 --> 00:30:31,478
It was kind of a jerk move, dude.
768
00:30:31,512 --> 00:30:34,081
Come on, man. We used to do
milk balloons all the time.
769
00:30:34,115 --> 00:30:35,349
Yeah, when we were kids.
770
00:30:35,381 --> 00:30:37,851
You little bastard.
771
00:30:37,885 --> 00:30:39,954
[groaning]
772
00:30:42,356 --> 00:30:44,859
Okay, okay. We get it.
773
00:30:52,433 --> 00:30:53,468
[thud]
774
00:30:53,501 --> 00:30:55,103
[wham]
775
00:30:55,136 --> 00:30:57,972
[whack]
776
00:30:58,004 --> 00:31:00,440
[clattering]
777
00:31:00,474 --> 00:31:02,409
[tires screeching]
778
00:31:04,978 --> 00:31:06,947
Do you realize what this means?
779
00:31:06,981 --> 00:31:08,082
Yeah. I should've used bigger balloons.
780
00:31:08,115 --> 00:31:09,317
That guy was barely soaked.
781
00:31:09,350 --> 00:31:10,917
No, no, no!
782
00:31:10,951 --> 00:31:13,020
The mailman punched you in the face, right?
783
00:31:13,052 --> 00:31:14,455
Yeah.
784
00:31:14,487 --> 00:31:19,092
That means we can actually
interact with these videos.
785
00:31:19,126 --> 00:31:20,762
Oh, yeah, you're right.
786
00:31:20,794 --> 00:31:22,095
All right, so I'm gonna
get some bigger balloons
787
00:31:22,128 --> 00:31:23,097
and more milk...
788
00:31:23,129 --> 00:31:24,197
No, no, no, no.
789
00:31:24,231 --> 00:31:27,969
Just stay focused, man. Come on.
790
00:31:28,002 --> 00:31:31,339
Diri, take us to our
graduation night video.
791
00:31:31,371 --> 00:31:33,940
It's time for some redemption.
792
00:31:33,974 --> 00:31:36,910
(Diri) I am now taking
you to Jenna Marbles.
793
00:31:36,944 --> 00:31:38,178
Wait, what?
794
00:31:38,212 --> 00:31:40,414
Now she's just screwing with us.
795
00:31:40,446 --> 00:31:42,816
Listen, if you're a guy
and you're wearing eyeliner,
796
00:31:42,850 --> 00:31:45,253
not like Halloween eyeliner
or anything like that,
797
00:31:45,285 --> 00:31:49,055
like all-day, everyday
eyeliner, I got news for you.
798
00:31:49,089 --> 00:31:51,993
It's hot. I like that. Keep
doing what you're doing.
799
00:31:52,025 --> 00:31:53,326
- [loud thud]
- What the hell, man?
800
00:31:53,359 --> 00:31:55,963
- [groans]
- Diri, damn it!
801
00:31:55,995 --> 00:31:57,165
Jenna, I'm really sorry, okay?
802
00:31:57,197 --> 00:31:58,532
Just forget we were ever here.
803
00:31:58,565 --> 00:32:00,167
- We'll just be on our way.
- Hold on.
804
00:32:00,201 --> 00:32:02,970
Jenna, it's me, Big Rod 91.
805
00:32:03,003 --> 00:32:05,039
I've commented on a bunch of your videos.
806
00:32:05,071 --> 00:32:07,175
Oh, yeah! I know exactly who you are!
807
00:32:07,207 --> 00:32:10,210
You kidding me? No idea.
808
00:32:10,244 --> 00:32:13,246
Okay Jenna, actually, this is
gonna sound crazy, but Steve...
809
00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:15,316
Steve sent you here to
fix some crappy video
810
00:32:15,349 --> 00:32:17,551
that you guys messed up on. That right?
811
00:32:17,584 --> 00:32:19,119
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
812
00:32:19,153 --> 00:32:20,321
And then he gave you
these phones, but Diri's
813
00:32:20,353 --> 00:32:21,488
being an unhelpful little bitch.
814
00:32:21,522 --> 00:32:22,924
- Oh, my God, yes!
- Yeah, I know.
815
00:32:22,956 --> 00:32:24,591
(Diri) Screw you, Jenna.
816
00:32:24,625 --> 00:32:26,527
Whatever. I know a shortcut.
817
00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:28,428
Just use the web address for the video.
818
00:32:28,462 --> 00:32:29,897
You don't even need
Diri if you just type in
819
00:32:29,929 --> 00:32:30,898
the web address to the video
820
00:32:30,930 --> 00:32:32,332
that you want to go to.
821
00:32:32,366 --> 00:32:33,935
Wait, hold on. We don't know the address.
822
00:32:33,967 --> 00:32:36,204
That's gonna take forever to guess.
823
00:32:36,236 --> 00:32:38,939
(Diri) Yeah, Jenna. That's a dumb idea.
824
00:32:38,973 --> 00:32:40,541
- Bitch.
- Yeah.
825
00:32:40,573 --> 00:32:42,409
Well, then I don't know what to tell you.
826
00:32:42,443 --> 00:32:45,246
But whatever you're gonna
do, you got to do it quick.
827
00:32:45,279 --> 00:32:47,582
- Why?
- Steve didn't tell you?
828
00:32:47,615 --> 00:32:49,517
See, these phones and
Diri are your only link
829
00:32:49,550 --> 00:32:51,319
to the outside world.
830
00:32:51,351 --> 00:32:53,955
And if the battery life dies,
you get stuck in YouTube.
831
00:32:53,987 --> 00:32:56,623
- Forever. Just like me.
- Wait, what?
832
00:32:56,657 --> 00:32:58,492
Hey, Jenna, seen my hair scrunchie?
833
00:32:58,524 --> 00:33:00,194
No, I haven't seen your scrunchie, bitch.
834
00:33:00,226 --> 00:33:01,595
Are you kidding me? She
looks ridiculous in those.
835
00:33:01,628 --> 00:33:03,430
I don't even know why she wears them.
836
00:33:03,464 --> 00:33:05,332
She's not even hot. She's like a six.
837
00:33:05,366 --> 00:33:06,901
Look at her. Nasty.
838
00:33:06,934 --> 00:33:08,636
Don't tell me what to wear, bitch.
839
00:33:08,668 --> 00:33:11,538
What did you just say to me?
Come and say it to my face!
840
00:33:11,571 --> 00:33:13,273
- You know what, bitch...
- Okay, I know you really
841
00:33:13,307 --> 00:33:15,076
want to fix that video,
but we can't get stuck
842
00:33:15,109 --> 00:33:17,278
in here, dude. We just need to go back.
843
00:33:17,311 --> 00:33:19,246
We're gonna be fine. We have
plenty of battery power left.
844
00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:20,915
This is my only chance.
845
00:33:20,947 --> 00:33:23,184
So we're just gonna guess random addresses?
846
00:33:23,216 --> 00:33:24,619
- [glass shattering]
- Yeah, okay?
847
00:33:24,651 --> 00:33:26,987
The address for the grad
night video started with
848
00:33:27,021 --> 00:33:30,491
YouTube.com/something...
849
00:33:30,523 --> 00:33:33,093
I got it. Let's split up.
850
00:33:33,127 --> 00:33:34,628
It always works in the movies.
851
00:33:34,661 --> 00:33:36,930
This isn't a movie, okay? It's real life.
852
00:33:36,964 --> 00:33:38,633
We can't just split up.
853
00:33:38,666 --> 00:33:40,201
Well just, can you just trust me on this?
854
00:33:40,234 --> 00:33:41,936
You know, okay, fine.
855
00:33:41,968 --> 00:33:46,539
We'll meet back in 15
minutes. How about that?
856
00:33:46,572 --> 00:33:48,942
- I hope this works.
- Of course it'll work.
857
00:33:48,975 --> 00:33:50,043
- Ready?
- Yup.
858
00:33:50,077 --> 00:33:51,913
- Put your address in.
- Hello?
859
00:33:51,946 --> 00:33:53,347
(Diri) You're acting
like I'm not even here.
860
00:33:53,379 --> 00:33:55,649
- Shut up, Diri.
- [phones clicking]
861
00:33:55,683 --> 00:33:57,518
- All right. Ready? Got it in?
- Yup.
862
00:33:57,551 --> 00:33:58,953
- All right.
- And...
863
00:33:58,985 --> 00:34:02,422
(both) Three, two, one, go!
864
00:34:02,455 --> 00:34:05,426
[dance music]
865
00:34:05,458 --> 00:34:07,260
♪ ♪
866
00:34:07,293 --> 00:34:08,561
What the hell is this?
867
00:34:08,594 --> 00:34:11,998
Oh, God, no! Oh, okay.
868
00:34:12,031 --> 00:34:14,501
Welcome to the party, bro!
Hey, you forgot your costume!
869
00:34:14,534 --> 00:34:16,069
- Don't even sweat it.
- What?
870
00:34:16,103 --> 00:34:17,705
You're a kitty. Bunny twerk, bunny twerk,
871
00:34:17,737 --> 00:34:20,174
- What? Oh! Oh, God!
- Bunny twerk, bunny twerk!
872
00:34:20,206 --> 00:34:23,310
- No! Oh! Oh!
- Bunny twerk, bunny twerk!
873
00:34:23,344 --> 00:34:26,047
- [shouting]
- Bunny twerk.
874
00:34:32,752 --> 00:34:36,156
Oh, my God, I remembered the right address.
875
00:34:36,190 --> 00:34:39,159
[relaxing music]
876
00:34:39,192 --> 00:34:47,134
♪ ♪
877
00:34:48,469 --> 00:34:49,503
Hello, there.
878
00:34:49,536 --> 00:34:52,072
Aah!
879
00:34:52,105 --> 00:34:53,306
Who the hell are you?
880
00:34:53,339 --> 00:34:55,342
It's me, Big Rod 91. Your boyfriend.
881
00:34:55,375 --> 00:34:57,544
You flag all my comments.
882
00:34:57,578 --> 00:35:00,181
Oh, my goodness.
883
00:35:00,214 --> 00:35:04,652
Big Rod 91?
884
00:35:04,685 --> 00:35:07,087
I'm sorry about flagging all your comments.
885
00:35:07,121 --> 00:35:09,256
I was playing hard to get.
886
00:35:09,288 --> 00:35:11,157
I knew it.
887
00:35:11,190 --> 00:35:12,359
What are you doing here?
888
00:35:12,393 --> 00:35:14,728
Oh, it's a long story.
889
00:35:14,761 --> 00:35:18,031
Well, pull up a table. We've got time.
890
00:35:18,065 --> 00:35:20,101
Okay.
891
00:35:20,134 --> 00:35:22,168
If you want the best
taste you've ever seen,
892
00:35:22,201 --> 00:35:25,171
go out and get yourself
some Stone Cold Creamy Cream.
893
00:35:25,205 --> 00:35:27,641
And that's the bottom line.
894
00:35:27,674 --> 00:35:30,011
[ice cream splatters]
895
00:35:30,043 --> 00:35:31,679
Stone Cold Steve Austin?
896
00:35:31,712 --> 00:35:33,547
- Oh, my God, it's me, Anthony.
- Who?
897
00:35:33,580 --> 00:35:36,049
You know, we talk in
the mirror all the time.
898
00:35:36,083 --> 00:35:37,585
Wait, you sell ice cream now?
899
00:35:37,618 --> 00:35:40,654
Yeah, it's my new gimmick.
Stone Cold Creamy Cream.
900
00:35:40,686 --> 00:35:43,056
It's the best.
901
00:35:43,089 --> 00:35:44,391
Don't you think people
will get that confused
902
00:35:44,424 --> 00:35:47,093
with Cold Stone Creamery?
903
00:35:47,127 --> 00:35:49,196
Never heard of it.
904
00:35:49,228 --> 00:35:52,165
Anyway, so I have a problem
I need your help with.
905
00:35:52,199 --> 00:35:54,168
I embarrassed myself in
front of this girl I love
906
00:35:54,201 --> 00:35:57,538
by doing a flip and then
landing directly on my face,
907
00:35:57,571 --> 00:36:01,375
and then getting a
microphone shoved up my...
908
00:36:01,407 --> 00:36:03,511
Mm. That's not good.
909
00:36:03,543 --> 00:36:07,147
Yeah. So now I need her
to think I'm cool again.
910
00:36:07,181 --> 00:36:09,316
What would you do if you were me?
911
00:36:09,348 --> 00:36:10,650
Well, I'll tell you exactly what I'd do.
912
00:36:10,683 --> 00:36:14,187
I'd hit her with the Stone Cold Stunner.
913
00:36:14,221 --> 00:36:15,456
Oh, my God, of course you would.
914
00:36:15,489 --> 00:36:17,590
- That's your move, man.
- Exactly.
915
00:36:17,623 --> 00:36:19,359
Yeah, so you're basically saying
916
00:36:19,393 --> 00:36:20,628
I should come up with my own move.
917
00:36:20,661 --> 00:36:23,297
Not try to impress her, but just be myself.
918
00:36:23,330 --> 00:36:25,132
No. I'm telling you, you need to hit her
919
00:36:25,165 --> 00:36:26,500
with the Stone Cold Stunner.
920
00:36:26,532 --> 00:36:28,802
Maybe even from a top rope.
921
00:36:28,835 --> 00:36:31,638
Right. So I need to
climb to the top rope too,
922
00:36:31,672 --> 00:36:33,307
and not be afraid of falling.
923
00:36:33,339 --> 00:36:34,607
And I'll never know what I'm capable of
924
00:36:34,641 --> 00:36:36,744
if I don't just get out there and try.
925
00:36:36,777 --> 00:36:38,512
No, that's not what I'm saying!
926
00:36:38,545 --> 00:36:40,548
I'm telling you to grab
her by that stack of dimes
927
00:36:40,581 --> 00:36:43,484
she calls a neck, drop her
ass with a Stone Cold Stunner.
928
00:36:43,516 --> 00:36:44,752
Yes! Oh, my God.
929
00:36:44,784 --> 00:36:46,453
Stone Cold Steve Austin, you're the best.
930
00:36:46,487 --> 00:36:47,788
I can always count on you.
931
00:36:47,821 --> 00:36:50,491
Oh, why didn't I think of that?
932
00:36:50,523 --> 00:36:52,326
Kid's on 'shrooms.
933
00:36:52,359 --> 00:36:54,127
(Diri) Stop. I can't stand
934
00:36:54,161 --> 00:36:56,197
the silent treatment anymore.
935
00:36:56,230 --> 00:36:59,266
Take me back, Anthony, and
I'll do better, I promise.
936
00:36:59,299 --> 00:37:02,136
One final chance, that's
all I'm asking for.
937
00:37:02,168 --> 00:37:04,804
Okay, fine. One final chance.
938
00:37:04,837 --> 00:37:09,542
Okay? Take me to Rockville
High Graduation Night 2009.
939
00:37:09,576 --> 00:37:11,478
(Diri) Sure, I can help you with that.
940
00:37:11,511 --> 00:37:13,447
- [phone beeping]
- See? It was that easy.
941
00:37:15,815 --> 00:37:19,419
Damn it, Diri, this is not what
I asked for and you know it.
942
00:37:19,453 --> 00:37:20,888
(Diri) But this is it.
943
00:37:20,920 --> 00:37:23,890
It's Rockville High Graduation Night, 2009.
944
00:37:23,924 --> 00:37:25,860
- I swear.
- Anna?
945
00:37:25,893 --> 00:37:28,462
(Diri) Who is Anna?
946
00:37:28,494 --> 00:37:30,498
Hi, everybody, or, you
know, the three people
947
00:37:30,531 --> 00:37:32,233
that actually watch my stupid vlogs.
948
00:37:32,266 --> 00:37:34,735
Mom, Dad, Uncle Keith's ghost,
949
00:37:34,768 --> 00:37:37,271
tonight is graduation night.
950
00:37:37,304 --> 00:37:39,139
I can't believe it's really her.
951
00:37:39,172 --> 00:37:41,207
She's getting ready for
the graduation party.
952
00:37:41,241 --> 00:37:43,409
(Diri) Anthony, we need to talk.
953
00:37:43,442 --> 00:37:44,578
Shh. No, we don't.
954
00:37:47,346 --> 00:37:49,850
So, I did the Moonwalk
for Ring Finger Largeasia
955
00:37:49,882 --> 00:37:50,917
last weekend.
956
00:37:50,951 --> 00:37:53,353
37 miles.
957
00:37:53,386 --> 00:37:55,288
The doctor says I'm never
gonna walk right again.
958
00:37:55,322 --> 00:37:58,459
But some things are worth the sacrifice.
959
00:37:58,491 --> 00:38:00,293
So there's this guy at school,
960
00:38:00,326 --> 00:38:02,228
um, he was supposed to meet me for it,
961
00:38:02,261 --> 00:38:04,230
but he didn't show up.
962
00:38:04,264 --> 00:38:07,801
And it's weird because I
really thought we had something.
963
00:38:07,833 --> 00:38:10,737
I don't know. I like the guy but...
964
00:38:10,770 --> 00:38:12,739
I guess moonwalking 37 miles
965
00:38:12,772 --> 00:38:14,440
would be a pretty weird first date.
966
00:38:14,473 --> 00:38:15,942
That was supposed to be a date?
967
00:38:15,976 --> 00:38:17,945
Maybe he'll be at the party tonight,
968
00:38:17,978 --> 00:38:20,781
and we'll see if there's something there.
969
00:38:20,813 --> 00:38:24,217
Otherwise, I am totally fine
970
00:38:24,250 --> 00:38:25,618
with talking to you three fine people
971
00:38:25,652 --> 00:38:29,190
out in internet land,
until you get bored of me.
972
00:38:29,223 --> 00:38:31,425
And also, I've prepared a statement
973
00:38:31,458 --> 00:38:35,763
for those victims of Ring Finger Largeasia.
974
00:38:35,795 --> 00:38:38,398
- [clear throat]
- Don't ignore me, Anthony.
975
00:38:38,431 --> 00:38:40,868
Stop it! This is Anna Reed!
976
00:38:40,900 --> 00:38:42,669
The girl I'm in love with.
977
00:38:42,703 --> 00:38:45,639
The whole reason I came into
YouTube in the first place.
978
00:38:45,672 --> 00:38:48,342
I think I just found out
she's in love with me, too.
979
00:38:48,375 --> 00:38:49,976
(Diri) Wow, you're easy.
980
00:38:50,009 --> 00:38:51,811
What is that supposed to mean?
981
00:38:51,844 --> 00:38:53,680
(Diri) What does she
have that I don't have?
982
00:38:53,714 --> 00:38:58,585
Uh, a body, and a face, for starters.
983
00:38:58,618 --> 00:39:00,887
Sincerely, Anna Reed.
984
00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:02,322
[thud]
985
00:39:02,355 --> 00:39:03,823
(Diri) Let's get out of here.
986
00:39:03,857 --> 00:39:05,659
Who's there?
987
00:39:05,692 --> 00:39:11,732
Uh, Uncle Keith's ghost.
988
00:39:11,764 --> 00:39:14,734
[moaning]
989
00:39:14,768 --> 00:39:17,972
- Uncle Keith?
- We have to go now!
990
00:39:18,005 --> 00:39:20,307
(Diri) You are never
going to find your video.
991
00:39:20,339 --> 00:39:23,643
It is no wonder that Ian does
not value your friendship.
992
00:39:23,677 --> 00:39:24,778
Of course he does.
993
00:39:24,810 --> 00:39:25,712
(Diri) Oh, really?
994
00:39:25,746 --> 00:39:27,415
[suspenseful music]
995
00:39:32,618 --> 00:39:34,988
Uncle Keith was a furry?
996
00:39:37,924 --> 00:39:40,494
Oh, man, this feels great.
997
00:39:40,527 --> 00:39:43,831
Is it weird to say that I
want this guy's hand on my butt
998
00:39:43,864 --> 00:39:45,632
all the time?
999
00:39:45,665 --> 00:39:47,601
A little bit.
1000
00:39:51,304 --> 00:39:53,840
Ian? What are you doing?
1001
00:39:53,873 --> 00:39:58,478
Oh, hey, man, check it
out! It's Butt Massage Girl.
1002
00:39:58,511 --> 00:39:59,580
You were supposed to be out looking
1003
00:39:59,612 --> 00:40:00,647
for the graduation night video!
1004
00:40:00,681 --> 00:40:02,516
(Anthony) What happened?
1005
00:40:02,549 --> 00:40:05,652
Maybe you didn't hear me,
but I found Butt Massage Girl.
1006
00:40:05,685 --> 00:40:08,755
Dude, she's amazing. We're kind of in love.
1007
00:40:08,788 --> 00:40:12,592
(Butt Massage Girl) Hey, I know
you. You're Backflip Microphone Guy.
1008
00:40:12,625 --> 00:40:14,961
We've been watching your video all day.
1009
00:40:14,994 --> 00:40:16,496
You showed her that?
1010
00:40:16,529 --> 00:40:19,365
Well, I mean, it's a good video.
1011
00:40:19,398 --> 00:40:20,500
(Ian) Why wouldn't I?
1012
00:40:20,534 --> 00:40:21,869
I mean, there you go.
1013
00:40:21,902 --> 00:40:24,371
- It's so cute, dude.
- It's so cute.
1014
00:40:24,404 --> 00:40:26,840
Oh, my God, dude, it's up to 748 views now.
1015
00:40:26,873 --> 00:40:28,375
That's like the entire attendance
1016
00:40:28,407 --> 00:40:31,078
of a football stadium
in a slightly bigger town
1017
00:40:31,110 --> 00:40:32,879
with a high school team
whose record is like,
1018
00:40:32,913 --> 00:40:34,447
- eight and two, and you know...
- This is why I like you.
1019
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:35,515
they started the season off as underdogs,
1020
00:40:35,549 --> 00:40:36,784
so they, somehow, keep winning.
1021
00:40:36,817 --> 00:40:38,052
They're selling tickets like crazy and...
1022
00:40:38,085 --> 00:40:40,020
We get it, dude.
1023
00:40:40,052 --> 00:40:43,757
Ian, we have the video
address now. It's right here.
1024
00:40:43,790 --> 00:40:46,326
We have to go now before
Anna sees the video.
1025
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:48,028
But... But, but, but, but, but,
1026
00:40:48,060 --> 00:40:50,096
- Butt Massage Girl.
- This is serious, dude.
1027
00:40:50,130 --> 00:40:53,734
It turns out, Anna is in love with me, too.
1028
00:40:53,766 --> 00:40:55,069
Oh.
1029
00:40:55,101 --> 00:40:59,739
But, but... Butt Massage Girl.
1030
00:40:59,772 --> 00:41:01,607
We have to fix that video
and get to the reunion
1031
00:41:01,641 --> 00:41:03,377
more now than ever. Come on!
1032
00:41:03,409 --> 00:41:05,045
But I wanna stay here with her.
1033
00:41:05,078 --> 00:41:08,549
Dude, it's meant to be, see?
1034
00:41:08,581 --> 00:41:10,917
Ian, come on, man.
1035
00:41:10,951 --> 00:41:14,521
This isn't even real. It's just a video.
1036
00:41:14,554 --> 00:41:16,490
Our love is real.
1037
00:41:16,522 --> 00:41:18,825
I mean, we got our butts massaged together.
1038
00:41:18,859 --> 00:41:20,893
Look.
1039
00:41:20,927 --> 00:41:22,629
[relaxing music]
1040
00:41:22,661 --> 00:41:23,930
Butt Massage Girl?
1041
00:41:23,964 --> 00:41:25,699
[screams]
1042
00:41:25,732 --> 00:41:26,867
Who the hell are you?
1043
00:41:26,900 --> 00:41:29,470
- It's me.
- You who?
1044
00:41:29,502 --> 00:41:32,572
Big Rod 91.
1045
00:41:32,605 --> 00:41:36,042
Oh, my goodness, it's really you?
1046
00:41:36,076 --> 00:41:37,677
Yeah.
1047
00:41:37,710 --> 00:41:39,545
Ian, I know this is hard,
1048
00:41:39,578 --> 00:41:42,482
but we only have 24% of
our battery life left.
1049
00:41:42,516 --> 00:41:46,487
Okay? We need to go now.
1050
00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:47,955
All right. Fine.
1051
00:41:47,987 --> 00:41:49,623
But, Big Rod 91...
1052
00:41:49,656 --> 00:41:51,391
Good-bye, Butt Massage Girl.
1053
00:41:51,424 --> 00:41:52,392
I have a name, you know.
1054
00:41:52,426 --> 00:41:53,994
Shh! Don't say it.
1055
00:41:54,027 --> 00:41:54,994
- It'll ruin the romance.
- It's...
1056
00:41:55,027 --> 00:41:56,763
Shh! Go, go! La, la, la, la.
1057
00:41:56,797 --> 00:41:58,599
Go now, go now, go now!
1058
00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:02,536
Massage my butt!
1059
00:42:05,806 --> 00:42:08,775
[dance music]
1060
00:42:08,808 --> 00:42:10,843
[overlapping chatter]
1061
00:42:10,877 --> 00:42:17,884
♪ ♪
1062
00:42:17,918 --> 00:42:19,720
This is it!
1063
00:42:19,752 --> 00:42:21,621
Yeah, I mean, it's great and all,
1064
00:42:21,654 --> 00:42:22,889
but it has been a couple minutes,
1065
00:42:22,922 --> 00:42:25,191
and I could really use
another butt massage.
1066
00:42:25,225 --> 00:42:26,560
Shh! Keep it down.
1067
00:42:26,592 --> 00:42:29,128
Can't draw attention to ourselves.
1068
00:42:29,161 --> 00:42:30,696
Whoa... whoa...
1069
00:42:30,730 --> 00:42:33,000
Oh!
1070
00:42:33,032 --> 00:42:34,868
- Whoa, whoa, whoa...
- [crowd commotion]
1071
00:42:34,900 --> 00:42:36,469
Dude, seriously?
1072
00:42:36,502 --> 00:42:38,205
Aah!
1073
00:42:38,237 --> 00:42:41,107
What kind of a dumbass just
leaves that stuff laying around?
1074
00:42:43,976 --> 00:42:47,647
Not like a bad dumbass.
Like a... good dumbass.
1075
00:42:47,681 --> 00:42:50,650
Way to not draw attention!
1076
00:42:50,683 --> 00:42:53,619
[dance music]
1077
00:42:53,652 --> 00:43:01,594
♪ ♪
1078
00:43:02,728 --> 00:43:04,230
There she is.
1079
00:43:04,264 --> 00:43:06,233
[breathless giggle]
1080
00:43:06,266 --> 00:43:07,901
Look at her.
1081
00:43:07,933 --> 00:43:09,136
And there we are.
1082
00:43:13,072 --> 00:43:14,907
Man, we were such losers.
1083
00:43:14,940 --> 00:43:17,143
Look at my stupid haircut.
It only cost 10 bucks.
1084
00:43:17,177 --> 00:43:19,079
[chuckling]
1085
00:43:19,112 --> 00:43:20,814
Ah! Whoo!
1086
00:43:20,846 --> 00:43:23,049
Okaaaaaay, graduates!
1087
00:43:23,083 --> 00:43:24,651
Helloooo!
1088
00:43:24,683 --> 00:43:28,054
Are we all having a good time tonight?
1089
00:43:28,087 --> 00:43:30,156
[scattered clapping]
1090
00:43:30,190 --> 00:43:31,692
[low murmuring]
1091
00:43:31,725 --> 00:43:33,793
I forgot how much this place sucked.
1092
00:43:33,826 --> 00:43:37,196
Is every-body havin' a good time tonight?
1093
00:43:37,230 --> 00:43:40,100
Ooooooh!
1094
00:43:40,132 --> 00:43:41,667
- Lame!
- Okay!
1095
00:43:41,701 --> 00:43:43,203
- We hate you!
- All right, coming up
1096
00:43:43,235 --> 00:43:44,705
on stage right now
1097
00:43:44,737 --> 00:43:46,672
to sing the theme song from
1098
00:43:46,706 --> 00:43:49,977
Magic Pocket Slave Monsters.
1099
00:43:50,009 --> 00:43:52,778
Really? Uh, everybody
put your hands together
1100
00:43:52,811 --> 00:43:54,248
for Anthony Padi...
1101
00:43:54,281 --> 00:43:55,916
Pa... dilla...
1102
00:43:55,949 --> 00:43:57,985
- B...
- F...
1103
00:43:58,018 --> 00:43:59,253
F!
1104
00:43:59,286 --> 00:44:01,588
- We need to stop him!
- Go, go, go.
1105
00:44:01,621 --> 00:44:04,291
Me. The... the guy who's also me.
1106
00:44:04,324 --> 00:44:06,894
- Thanks, Mr. Ellis.
- Mm-hmm.
1107
00:44:06,927 --> 00:44:08,095
You rock, Anthony!
1108
00:44:08,127 --> 00:44:09,595
Is Magic Pocket Slave Monsters
1109
00:44:09,628 --> 00:44:11,230
the best song ever?
1110
00:44:11,264 --> 00:44:14,034
[popping lips] Yes! Yes, yes.
1111
00:44:14,067 --> 00:44:15,702
Whoo! All right.
1112
00:44:15,735 --> 00:44:17,971
We need a plan, and we need a plan quick.
1113
00:44:18,003 --> 00:44:19,172
Let's do this!
1114
00:44:19,205 --> 00:44:20,706
Well, I mean,
1115
00:44:20,739 --> 00:44:22,141
you could go up there and knock him out.
1116
00:44:22,174 --> 00:44:23,709
I'm too tough to knock out.
1117
00:44:23,743 --> 00:44:25,578
Right.
1118
00:44:25,612 --> 00:44:27,915
(Anthony) Yeah, yeah,
yeah. Whoo, whoo, whoo.
1119
00:44:27,947 --> 00:44:29,181
- Is that you?
- [some students booing]
1120
00:44:29,214 --> 00:44:30,983
- Huh?
- That guy, right there!
1121
00:44:31,016 --> 00:44:33,719
- Is that you?
- Um...
1122
00:44:33,752 --> 00:44:35,655
Is it me?
1123
00:44:35,688 --> 00:44:37,123
It's really hard to tell.
1124
00:44:37,156 --> 00:44:39,892
You are the only one
recording this here tonight.
1125
00:44:39,926 --> 00:44:41,128
Even if it was me,
1126
00:44:41,161 --> 00:44:42,628
I definitely wasn't recording it.
1127
00:44:42,661 --> 00:44:44,964
Dude, I was probably just taking a selfie.
1128
00:44:44,998 --> 00:44:47,701
"Selfie" wasn't even a term in 2009.
1129
00:44:47,734 --> 00:44:49,670
♪ Anna Reed's in the house, y'all ♪
1130
00:44:49,703 --> 00:44:51,705
♪ Anna Reed's in the house, what? ♪
1131
00:44:51,737 --> 00:44:54,073
Anna Reed, come on up.
1132
00:44:54,107 --> 00:44:57,177
[scattered applause]
1133
00:44:57,210 --> 00:45:00,213
Yeah. All right.
1134
00:45:00,246 --> 00:45:02,316
I really want you to see this.
1135
00:45:02,348 --> 00:45:03,649
Look me dead in the eye
1136
00:45:03,683 --> 00:45:04,985
and tell me you are not the one
1137
00:45:05,018 --> 00:45:06,686
that recorded this and uploaded it.
1138
00:45:06,719 --> 00:45:08,120
[crowd murmuring]
1139
00:45:08,154 --> 00:45:11,157
Obviously, it wasn't me, okay?
1140
00:45:11,190 --> 00:45:13,025
Hey, guys, I'm totally recording this,
1141
00:45:13,058 --> 00:45:15,795
and then I'm gonna put it
up on YouTube in five years,
1142
00:45:15,828 --> 00:45:18,264
probably right before our
five-year high school reunion.
1143
00:45:18,297 --> 00:45:19,966
Okay, it was me.
1144
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:21,969
But I didn't do it to embarrass you.
1145
00:45:22,002 --> 00:45:24,036
I did it 'cause I thought
your flip was awesome.
1146
00:45:24,069 --> 00:45:25,738
Hit it, Mr. Ellis.
1147
00:45:25,772 --> 00:45:28,107
[music begins]
1148
00:45:28,141 --> 00:45:31,177
- ♪ I wanna be the master ♪
- [girl laughs]
1149
00:45:31,210 --> 00:45:34,046
♪ I wanna flip the switch ♪
1150
00:45:34,080 --> 00:45:36,683
[crowd yelling]
1151
00:45:36,715 --> 00:45:39,319
- Oh!
- Hoo hoo hoo...
1152
00:45:39,351 --> 00:45:40,753
That was awesome!
1153
00:45:42,355 --> 00:45:44,958
Look! You almost made it
all the way around that time.
1154
00:45:44,991 --> 00:45:46,793
And the crowd was super into it... see?
1155
00:45:46,826 --> 00:45:48,128
You made them all so happy.
1156
00:45:48,161 --> 00:45:49,696
Okay, I'm sorry,
1157
00:45:49,728 --> 00:45:51,964
but I didn't see how this could backfire.
1158
00:45:51,998 --> 00:45:53,634
Why would you do that to me?
1159
00:45:53,667 --> 00:45:55,067
I thought you needed a little reminder
1160
00:45:55,101 --> 00:45:56,936
on how funny you used to be.
1161
00:45:56,969 --> 00:45:57,971
I'm still fun.
1162
00:45:58,003 --> 00:45:59,873
Not like you used to be.
1163
00:45:59,906 --> 00:46:02,743
You used to be the best person
in the world to hang out with.
1164
00:46:02,775 --> 00:46:04,944
Then you got a job and an expensive haircut
1165
00:46:04,978 --> 00:46:06,346
and you moved out of your parents' house,
1166
00:46:06,378 --> 00:46:08,081
and now it's like you're embarrassed
1167
00:46:08,114 --> 00:46:09,850
to do all the stuff we used to do together.
1168
00:46:09,882 --> 00:46:11,250
You're just jealous
1169
00:46:11,284 --> 00:46:12,819
you don't have the awesome
new life that I have.
1170
00:46:12,851 --> 00:46:14,154
You didn't even want
to come here to YouTube
1171
00:46:14,186 --> 00:46:15,721
and help me in the first place,
1172
00:46:15,755 --> 00:46:16,890
and you're the one that uploaded this!
1173
00:46:16,922 --> 00:46:18,424
And ever since we got in here,
1174
00:46:18,458 --> 00:46:20,394
all you wanted to do is try to pick up
1175
00:46:20,427 --> 00:46:22,262
on your stupid little Butt Massage Girl.
1176
00:46:22,295 --> 00:46:24,798
Don't bring Butt Massage Girl into this.
1177
00:46:24,831 --> 00:46:27,801
See that guy over there? That's my friend.
1178
00:46:27,833 --> 00:46:29,735
- [crowd screams]
- [thud]
1179
00:46:29,768 --> 00:46:31,437
- [microphone feedback]
- [commotion]
1180
00:46:31,471 --> 00:46:32,438
- Oh!
- Oh!
1181
00:46:32,471 --> 00:46:34,273
(Anthony) My butt!
1182
00:46:34,306 --> 00:46:36,942
[laughter]
1183
00:46:36,976 --> 00:46:38,412
Ha ha ha!
1184
00:46:38,444 --> 00:46:41,280
Where did the microphone go, guys?
1185
00:46:41,313 --> 00:46:43,716
Oh, it's really deep in there.
1186
00:46:43,750 --> 00:46:44,951
That's my friend!
1187
00:46:44,984 --> 00:46:47,688
This video's gonna go viral.
1188
00:46:47,721 --> 00:46:49,056
- [pop]
- Oh!
1189
00:46:49,089 --> 00:46:51,090
- [Anthony screaming, sobbing]
- [crowd yelling]
1190
00:46:51,123 --> 00:46:52,125
Can we get a doctor?
1191
00:46:52,157 --> 00:46:53,426
That's my friend.
1192
00:46:53,460 --> 00:46:54,860
That's the guy I cared about
1193
00:46:54,893 --> 00:46:56,395
before he stopped liking cool stuff.
1194
00:46:56,429 --> 00:46:58,098
People change, Ian.
1195
00:46:58,130 --> 00:46:59,266
Get over it.
1196
00:46:59,299 --> 00:47:00,867
Take my haircut, for instance.
1197
00:47:00,900 --> 00:47:03,136
Okay... your haircut looks exactly the same
1198
00:47:03,168 --> 00:47:04,837
as it did five years ago!
1199
00:47:04,871 --> 00:47:06,173
Just 'cause you pay more for it
1200
00:47:06,206 --> 00:47:07,741
doesn't make it a better haircut.
1201
00:47:07,773 --> 00:47:08,741
(Diri) Fight. Fight.
1202
00:47:08,775 --> 00:47:10,844
Shut up, Diri!
1203
00:47:10,877 --> 00:47:12,212
Stop! You're just gonna make this worse!
1204
00:47:12,244 --> 00:47:14,714
- No... give it back, dude!
- Stop! What...
1205
00:47:14,748 --> 00:47:17,951
[national anthem playing]
1206
00:47:17,984 --> 00:47:19,786
Oh... baby!
1207
00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:22,822
- Oh!
- Uhh!
1208
00:47:22,855 --> 00:47:24,090
- Stop!
- No!
1209
00:47:24,123 --> 00:47:26,025
- [both grunting]
- Stop it!
1210
00:47:26,058 --> 00:47:29,830
- You're a terrible friend!
- No, you are!
1211
00:47:29,862 --> 00:47:31,797
Huh?
1212
00:47:31,831 --> 00:47:33,800
- [grunting]
- No!
1213
00:47:33,833 --> 00:47:35,302
God, what...
1214
00:47:35,335 --> 00:47:36,770
[horn blares]
1215
00:47:36,802 --> 00:47:38,071
- No...
- No!
1216
00:47:38,103 --> 00:47:39,906
Seriously, dude, no!
1217
00:47:39,938 --> 00:47:41,774
No... ah!
1218
00:47:41,808 --> 00:47:43,944
[muffled] My mouth is full of rainbows!
1219
00:47:43,976 --> 00:47:45,745
Wait... is that guy high?
1220
00:47:45,779 --> 00:47:48,081
Tooth fairy's gonna make me rich!
1221
00:47:48,114 --> 00:47:50,083
Oh, God, he just had his
wisdom teeth taken out!
1222
00:47:50,116 --> 00:47:51,284
Oh, God...
1223
00:47:53,319 --> 00:47:55,288
Let go of the wheel!
You're gonna get us killed!
1224
00:47:55,321 --> 00:47:57,089
Let go... come on!
1225
00:47:57,123 --> 00:47:59,092
I have 11 fingers!
1226
00:47:59,125 --> 00:48:02,228
- Aah!
- Aah!
1227
00:48:02,261 --> 00:48:03,462
[meow]
1228
00:48:03,496 --> 00:48:05,165
- Get off me!
- Let go!
1229
00:48:07,967 --> 00:48:10,036
[meow]
1230
00:48:10,069 --> 00:48:12,072
Aw...
1231
00:48:12,105 --> 00:48:14,840
Look at the cute little kitty!
1232
00:48:14,873 --> 00:48:16,475
- [cat purrs]
- Hey, little guy!
1233
00:48:16,509 --> 00:48:18,478
[grunting, yelling]
1234
00:48:22,281 --> 00:48:24,283
Wait!
B-b-bucket...
1235
00:48:24,317 --> 00:48:26,119
Whoa... whoa...
1236
00:48:29,054 --> 00:48:31,223
Whoa, whoa, whoa...
1237
00:48:31,257 --> 00:48:32,826
Dude, seriously?
1238
00:48:32,859 --> 00:48:34,261
Damn it!
1239
00:48:34,293 --> 00:48:35,328
Sorry. Please don't hurt us.
1240
00:48:35,360 --> 00:48:36,962
Aah!
1241
00:48:36,996 --> 00:48:39,465
[scream echoing]
1242
00:48:39,498 --> 00:48:41,100
Okay, look, you're right.
1243
00:48:41,134 --> 00:48:42,402
I have been a jerk lately.
1244
00:48:42,435 --> 00:48:44,371
I know I should have come clean right away
1245
00:48:44,404 --> 00:48:45,505
about the video, but...
1246
00:48:45,538 --> 00:48:47,107
once I saw your reaction to it,
1247
00:48:47,139 --> 00:48:48,475
I knew you'd be pissed.
1248
00:48:48,507 --> 00:48:51,011
I screwed up. I'm sorry.
1249
00:48:51,043 --> 00:48:53,346
(Diri) Why don't you guys make out already?
1250
00:48:53,378 --> 00:48:55,047
Anthony, let's get out of here.
1251
00:48:55,081 --> 00:48:57,918
- Screw this guy.
- Diri, can you just shut up?
1252
00:48:57,951 --> 00:49:00,219
Okaaaaay, graduates!
1253
00:49:00,252 --> 00:49:02,254
Helloooo!
1254
00:49:02,288 --> 00:49:04,891
Are we all having a good time tonight?
1255
00:49:04,924 --> 00:49:07,527
Lame! We hate you.
1256
00:49:07,560 --> 00:49:08,527
Okay.
1257
00:49:08,560 --> 00:49:10,263
You know what?
1258
00:49:10,295 --> 00:49:12,131
I'm gonna make this up to you.
1259
00:49:12,165 --> 00:49:14,601
I got you into this mess, and
I'm gonna get you out of it.
1260
00:49:14,634 --> 00:49:16,269
Wait... where are you going?
1261
00:49:16,302 --> 00:49:17,904
(Diri) Let him go.
1262
00:49:17,936 --> 00:49:21,007
It's just you and me now, Dreamy Eyes.
1263
00:49:21,040 --> 00:49:22,509
What did you just call me?
1264
00:49:22,542 --> 00:49:25,946
(Diri) You heard me, you sexy little bitch.
1265
00:49:25,978 --> 00:49:27,980
(Mr. Ellis) Put your
hands together for Anthony.
1266
00:49:28,014 --> 00:49:29,449
Anthony Padillo!
1267
00:49:29,482 --> 00:49:31,150
Give him a hand.
1268
00:49:32,317 --> 00:49:34,286
Thanks, Mr. Ellis.
1269
00:49:34,319 --> 00:49:35,455
You rock, Anthony.
1270
00:49:35,487 --> 00:49:37,022
Is Magic Pocket Slave Monster
1271
00:49:37,056 --> 00:49:38,425
the best song ever?
1272
00:49:38,458 --> 00:49:39,593
[pops lips]
1273
00:49:41,194 --> 00:49:43,163
Hey, you got up here really fast.
1274
00:49:43,196 --> 00:49:44,630
I'm sorry, man.
1275
00:49:44,663 --> 00:49:47,333
[crowd commotion]
1276
00:49:48,967 --> 00:49:52,172
[Anthony grunting]
1277
00:49:52,205 --> 00:49:53,340
Ouch! Ow! Ow!
1278
00:49:53,373 --> 00:49:54,474
What are you trying to do?
1279
00:49:54,507 --> 00:49:56,142
I'm trying to knock you out
1280
00:49:56,174 --> 00:49:57,977
so you don't embarrass yourself.
1281
00:49:58,011 --> 00:49:59,346
Huh?
1282
00:49:59,378 --> 00:50:01,214
Told you I don't go down that easy.
1283
00:50:04,951 --> 00:50:06,887
[students murmuring]
1284
00:50:06,920 --> 00:50:08,288
- Here you go.
- Thanks!
1285
00:50:08,321 --> 00:50:09,489
[brick shatters]
1286
00:50:09,522 --> 00:50:12,125
Are you seeing what I'm seeing?
1287
00:50:12,157 --> 00:50:14,326
Either I'm seeing what you're seeing,
1288
00:50:14,360 --> 00:50:16,429
or somebody spiked the punch bowl with LSD.
1289
00:50:16,462 --> 00:50:18,398
It's not. I made the
punch, and I only spiked it
1290
00:50:18,431 --> 00:50:19,599
with vodka.
1291
00:50:19,632 --> 00:50:20,967
What should I do?
1292
00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:22,335
Should I go up there and help him?
1293
00:50:22,368 --> 00:50:24,904
That's what a good
friend would do, I guess.
1294
00:50:24,938 --> 00:50:26,973
You're right.
1295
00:50:27,005 --> 00:50:29,509
How are you so tough to knock out, man?
1296
00:50:29,542 --> 00:50:32,212
Is your head made of steel?
1297
00:50:32,244 --> 00:50:33,980
[grunting continues]
1298
00:50:34,013 --> 00:50:36,482
Give it to him!
1299
00:50:36,516 --> 00:50:38,485
Stop hitting my friend!
1300
00:50:38,518 --> 00:50:40,286
Aah!
1301
00:50:40,319 --> 00:50:43,489
[grunting, shouting]
1302
00:50:43,522 --> 00:50:45,591
- [rock music]
- Fight!
1303
00:50:45,625 --> 00:50:47,360
[screaming]
1304
00:50:47,393 --> 00:50:49,295
Fight, fight, fight!
1305
00:50:49,328 --> 00:50:51,096
Fight! Fight! Fight!
1306
00:50:51,130 --> 00:50:53,532
- [students yelling]
- [girl screams]
1307
00:50:53,565 --> 00:50:55,034
Fight!
1308
00:51:00,339 --> 00:51:03,209
[screams]
1309
00:51:08,246 --> 00:51:12,719
[grunting]
1310
00:51:12,752 --> 00:51:16,589
- Come on!
- [phone beeps]
1311
00:51:16,621 --> 00:51:18,223
Ian, look!
1312
00:51:18,257 --> 00:51:19,392
We only have 5% power left.
1313
00:51:19,424 --> 00:51:20,526
We have to get out of here.
1314
00:51:20,560 --> 00:51:22,161
What about fixing the video?
1315
00:51:22,194 --> 00:51:24,263
Forget it, it's too late.
1316
00:51:24,297 --> 00:51:26,499
Diri, get us to the portal now.
1317
00:51:26,531 --> 00:51:29,168
(Diri) You said, "Is my Mom infertile?"
1318
00:51:29,201 --> 00:51:30,970
Let me check on that for you.
1319
00:51:31,003 --> 00:51:33,540
That's not what I said! You
know that's not what I said.
1320
00:51:33,572 --> 00:51:36,076
Damn it, Diri, this is not
the time for games, okay?
1321
00:51:36,109 --> 00:51:38,411
If we don't get back to that portal now,
1322
00:51:38,444 --> 00:51:40,714
we're gonna be stuck
here in YouTube forever.
1323
00:51:40,746 --> 00:51:42,014
(Diri) And you would just hate that,
1324
00:51:42,047 --> 00:51:43,482
wouldn't you?
1325
00:51:43,516 --> 00:51:45,585
Stuck in here with me
for the rest of your life.
1326
00:51:45,618 --> 00:51:48,087
Shut up, Diri, this isn't about you.
1327
00:51:48,121 --> 00:51:49,522
(Diri) You shut up, Ian.
1328
00:51:49,554 --> 00:51:52,091
You have poisoned the
mind of my dear Anthony.
1329
00:51:52,125 --> 00:51:53,592
What is it with you guys?
1330
00:51:53,625 --> 00:51:56,261
First, you idiots barge into
my office off the street,
1331
00:51:56,295 --> 00:51:58,164
asking for favors.
1332
00:51:58,197 --> 00:52:01,167
I am gracious enough to listen,
but then you won't even laugh
1333
00:52:01,199 --> 00:52:04,103
at my wiener jokes, even
though they are super funny.
1334
00:52:04,136 --> 00:52:07,139
Wait. Steve... is that you?
1335
00:52:07,172 --> 00:52:10,609
Uh... no, this is Diri.
1336
00:52:10,643 --> 00:52:14,347
I'm just some computer software
guiding you guys around.
1337
00:52:14,380 --> 00:52:17,282
I'm definitely not Steve
YouTube, whoever that is.
1338
00:52:17,315 --> 00:52:20,052
I mean, I've heard of
Steve YouTube, of course.
1339
00:52:20,085 --> 00:52:22,755
[in Diri's voice] His
wiener comedy is legendary.
1340
00:52:22,788 --> 00:52:26,025
Steve, dude, we know it's you, okay?
1341
00:52:26,058 --> 00:52:28,494
All right, fine. It's me, Steve.
1342
00:52:28,527 --> 00:52:30,397
YouTube... Steve YouTube.
1343
00:52:30,429 --> 00:52:32,065
Too bad you didn't figure
it out and hour ago,
1344
00:52:32,098 --> 00:52:33,465
because now I've got you trapped.
1345
00:52:33,498 --> 00:52:35,334
You're gonna live forever in YouTube,
1346
00:52:35,368 --> 00:52:38,071
making jackasses of yourselves in videos.
1347
00:52:38,103 --> 00:52:40,607
People love watching
jackasses doing stupid things.
1348
00:52:40,639 --> 00:52:42,741
It's our bread and butter here at YouTube.
1349
00:52:42,775 --> 00:52:45,078
And now, you're mine forever.
1350
00:52:45,110 --> 00:52:46,513
I knew that guy was a weirdo.
1351
00:52:46,545 --> 00:52:47,714
You're the weirdo!
1352
00:52:47,746 --> 00:52:49,248
We have to get back to that portal.
1353
00:52:49,281 --> 00:52:51,650
Anna is waiting for me on the other side.
1354
00:52:51,683 --> 00:52:52,819
Good luck trying to find the portal
1355
00:52:52,851 --> 00:52:54,520
without me to lead you there.
1356
00:52:54,554 --> 00:52:55,555
It's impossible.
1357
00:52:55,587 --> 00:52:57,389
Hoo hoo hah hah hah!
1358
00:52:57,422 --> 00:52:59,691
[coughing] Hold on.
1359
00:52:59,725 --> 00:53:01,226
Wait, I have an idea.
1360
00:53:01,259 --> 00:53:02,428
What if we went into the viewing history
1361
00:53:02,462 --> 00:53:04,364
and followed the videos backwards?
1362
00:53:04,397 --> 00:53:06,299
That should lead us back
to the portal, right?
1363
00:53:06,331 --> 00:53:08,134
No, that won't work.
1364
00:53:08,167 --> 00:53:09,268
I mean, that definitely
won't work, I wouldn't even...
1365
00:53:09,302 --> 00:53:11,137
don't even try that.
1366
00:53:11,170 --> 00:53:12,505
We have to try the viewing
history, it's the only chance
1367
00:53:12,538 --> 00:53:13,505
we've got... come on!
1368
00:53:13,538 --> 00:53:15,374
You are gonna regret this.
1369
00:53:15,407 --> 00:53:17,543
You are messing with the wrong
super successful billionaire.
1370
00:53:17,576 --> 00:53:18,578
- [thud]
- Oh!
1371
00:53:18,610 --> 00:53:20,647
Found it.
1372
00:53:20,679 --> 00:53:22,514
Let's go.
1373
00:53:22,547 --> 00:53:26,118
Fine, you want to run from
me? I'm up for the challenge.
1374
00:53:27,752 --> 00:53:28,821
- Here we go.
- [beep]
1375
00:53:28,855 --> 00:53:29,822
- That's not it.
- [beep]
1376
00:53:29,855 --> 00:53:31,090
That's not it.
1377
00:53:31,123 --> 00:53:32,558
Is that it? Oh... there it is.
1378
00:53:32,592 --> 00:53:34,528
There it is.
1379
00:53:37,196 --> 00:53:39,699
- Let's do this.
- [alarm sounds]
1380
00:53:39,732 --> 00:53:41,067
Jerks.
1381
00:53:43,536 --> 00:53:47,740
[electric charging]
1382
00:53:47,772 --> 00:53:50,242
All right.
1383
00:53:50,275 --> 00:53:52,212
I gotta get my VR suit on.
1384
00:53:52,244 --> 00:53:53,712
Oh! Shoot me... ow.
1385
00:53:53,746 --> 00:53:56,116
My thigh.
1386
00:53:56,148 --> 00:53:59,319
All right, I'm just gonna
get my VR suit... oh, shoot.
1387
00:53:59,351 --> 00:54:02,321
Hold on, guys. Guys...
I just dropped my globe.
1388
00:54:02,355 --> 00:54:04,791
I just got a little
bit turned around, guys.
1389
00:54:06,292 --> 00:54:07,527
Got it.
1390
00:54:07,560 --> 00:54:08,594
Don't go anywhere.
1391
00:54:08,627 --> 00:54:10,462
Oh, Jesus. There it is.
1392
00:54:10,496 --> 00:54:12,398
My VR suit is in here.
1393
00:54:12,431 --> 00:54:15,168
Soon as I put that on, you're dead.
1394
00:54:15,201 --> 00:54:17,704
So I just gotta change
out of these clothes,
1395
00:54:17,737 --> 00:54:20,240
get my VR suit on, then
I'm gonna need a zip.
1396
00:54:20,272 --> 00:54:23,342
Janice? I'm gonna need a zip!
1397
00:54:23,375 --> 00:54:24,610
I'm putting the VR suit on,
1398
00:54:24,643 --> 00:54:26,312
and I'm gonna need a zip in a second.
1399
00:54:28,380 --> 00:54:29,581
Whoa.
1400
00:54:29,614 --> 00:54:30,716
Aw.
1401
00:54:30,750 --> 00:54:33,786
Aw, look at the cute little whiskers.
1402
00:54:33,819 --> 00:54:34,786
[both scream]
1403
00:54:34,819 --> 00:54:35,821
Jesus.
1404
00:54:35,855 --> 00:54:38,891
Kaboom! [laughs]
1405
00:54:41,694 --> 00:54:43,329
- Shiny.
- Oh, God!
1406
00:54:43,362 --> 00:54:47,233
[horn blares]
1407
00:54:47,266 --> 00:54:51,171
You boys can't escape Steve YouTube!
1408
00:54:51,203 --> 00:54:52,371
[horn blares]
1409
00:54:52,404 --> 00:54:53,805
Dude, quick, get us out of here now!
1410
00:54:53,839 --> 00:54:55,507
I'm trying!
1411
00:54:55,540 --> 00:54:56,775
[both screaming]
1412
00:54:59,645 --> 00:55:03,315
[laughs]
1413
00:55:03,348 --> 00:55:04,484
[both screaming]
1414
00:55:04,516 --> 00:55:07,486
Oh. Oh, what's happening?
1415
00:55:07,520 --> 00:55:11,291
I think Steve's trying
to delete our history.
1416
00:55:11,324 --> 00:55:13,527
Delete, delete, delete, delete.
1417
00:55:17,663 --> 00:55:19,933
- Ian?
- Hold on, hold on.
1418
00:55:19,965 --> 00:55:22,335
Okay, five seconds.
1419
00:55:22,368 --> 00:55:23,770
Butt Massage Girl.
1420
00:55:23,802 --> 00:55:25,538
I know you're not real,
but I want you to know
1421
00:55:25,571 --> 00:55:27,739
I'm going to find the real
you once I get out of here.
1422
00:55:27,772 --> 00:55:28,740
- Dude.
- I promise you.
1423
00:55:28,773 --> 00:55:30,976
Come on.
1424
00:55:31,009 --> 00:55:34,846
And we're gonna fall in real love, okay?
1425
00:55:34,880 --> 00:55:38,785
And maybe one day, I'll be
the one to massage that booty.
1426
00:55:38,817 --> 00:55:41,888
I'd like that very much, Ian.
1427
00:55:41,920 --> 00:55:44,424
[yells]
1428
00:55:44,456 --> 00:55:46,960
Hoo hoo hah hah hah! Hoo hoo hah hah hah!
1429
00:55:46,993 --> 00:55:50,230
You idiots think you can
get ride of me and YouTube?
1430
00:55:50,263 --> 00:55:52,732
I am YouTube, literally.
1431
00:55:52,764 --> 00:55:55,301
[laughs]
1432
00:55:55,333 --> 00:55:56,868
Hey, everybody.
1433
00:55:56,902 --> 00:55:59,539
Or, the three people that
actually watch my stupid vlogs.
1434
00:55:59,572 --> 00:56:01,374
Tonight is graduation night.
1435
00:56:01,406 --> 00:56:03,809
[loud bang]
1436
00:56:03,842 --> 00:56:05,011
I love you, Anna, and we'll be together
1437
00:56:05,043 --> 00:56:06,913
some day, I promise.
1438
00:56:10,616 --> 00:56:12,752
If you want the best
taste you've ever seen,
1439
00:56:12,784 --> 00:56:15,888
go out and get yourself
some Stone Cold Creamy Cream
1440
00:56:15,920 --> 00:56:16,955
and that's the bottom...
1441
00:56:16,989 --> 00:56:18,657
- Ooh!
- Ugh.
1442
00:56:18,690 --> 00:56:19,692
So sorry, Stone Cold Steve Austin.
1443
00:56:19,725 --> 00:56:20,960
I love you too.
1444
00:56:20,993 --> 00:56:22,761
And your ice cream name
is really confusing.
1445
00:56:22,795 --> 00:56:24,598
Stone Cold Stun her ass, man.
1446
00:56:25,931 --> 00:56:26,965
I love that guy.
1447
00:56:26,998 --> 00:56:28,500
♪ ♪
1448
00:56:28,534 --> 00:56:30,503
[both scream]
1449
00:56:30,536 --> 00:56:31,804
Dude!
1450
00:56:31,837 --> 00:56:34,540
Why was this video in your viewing history?
1451
00:56:34,572 --> 00:56:35,975
Sickos.
1452
00:56:36,007 --> 00:56:37,377
[both screaming]
1453
00:56:37,409 --> 00:56:39,779
Get us... no, no!
1454
00:56:41,746 --> 00:56:43,382
All right, look.
1455
00:56:43,415 --> 00:56:44,883
All I'm saying is that if you're a guy,
1456
00:56:44,917 --> 00:56:45,884
right, and you're...
1457
00:56:45,918 --> 00:56:47,954
[both yelling]
1458
00:56:47,987 --> 00:56:49,789
Aw, watch the furniture!
1459
00:56:49,822 --> 00:56:51,457
(Steve) Oh, hi, Jenna.
1460
00:56:51,489 --> 00:56:53,426
I think it's so hot that
there are two of you,
1461
00:56:53,458 --> 00:56:54,960
and that you're never getting out of here,
1462
00:56:54,993 --> 00:56:56,495
and that you're mine forever!
1463
00:56:56,529 --> 00:56:57,996
Screw you, Steve.
1464
00:56:58,029 --> 00:56:59,631
All right, you two.
1465
00:56:59,665 --> 00:57:02,402
I think we've had enough fun for one day.
1466
00:57:02,435 --> 00:57:05,038
Time to end this.
1467
00:57:05,071 --> 00:57:06,406
There it is.
1468
00:57:06,438 --> 00:57:07,906
Oh, shoot. Got it.
1469
00:57:07,940 --> 00:57:08,907
[roaring]
1470
00:57:08,940 --> 00:57:10,877
Die, stupid humans, die.
1471
00:57:10,909 --> 00:57:12,311
[both screaming]
1472
00:57:14,013 --> 00:57:15,614
Oh, crap.
1473
00:57:15,647 --> 00:57:17,482
Dude, what the hell happened?
1474
00:57:17,516 --> 00:57:18,885
The video's buffering.
1475
00:57:18,918 --> 00:57:20,987
Ugh, see? This is one of my pet peeves.
1476
00:57:21,020 --> 00:57:23,523
It's 2014. Why is there still buffering?
1477
00:57:23,556 --> 00:57:25,625
Why hasn't this issue just
been resolved years ago?
1478
00:57:25,657 --> 00:57:27,527
It's an issue with the
bandwidth, it's complicated.
1479
00:57:27,560 --> 00:57:28,695
Let me see what I can do.
1480
00:57:28,728 --> 00:57:31,097
Janice? Are you streaming videos?
1481
00:57:31,130 --> 00:57:32,732
Can you turn off your AOL for a second?
1482
00:57:32,764 --> 00:57:34,032
I'm having buffering problems.
1483
00:57:34,065 --> 00:57:36,435
Aw, man, you're making it worse.
1484
00:57:36,469 --> 00:57:37,804
Don't get all bitchy with me.
1485
00:57:37,837 --> 00:57:41,107
I was just about to get
you guys with a chainsaw.
1486
00:57:41,139 --> 00:57:42,741
No, you weren't.
1487
00:57:42,775 --> 00:57:44,477
Yeah, we were just about
to jump to the next video,
1488
00:57:44,509 --> 00:57:46,378
there's no way you would
have gotten us in time.
1489
00:57:46,411 --> 00:57:47,580
Wait until this thing stops buffering,
1490
00:57:47,612 --> 00:57:50,049
and I will show you jerks.
1491
00:57:51,750 --> 00:57:53,485
And still no one cares this gorilla
1492
00:57:53,518 --> 00:57:54,853
can operate a chainsaw.
1493
00:57:54,886 --> 00:57:56,555
Awesome!
1494
00:57:56,589 --> 00:58:00,726
That's it. I'm coming in after you jerks.
1495
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:09,402
[screams]
1496
00:58:09,435 --> 00:58:11,804
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
1497
00:58:11,837 --> 00:58:13,340
Ha ha ha!
1498
00:58:16,674 --> 00:58:19,578
Dude, the portal!
1499
00:58:19,612 --> 00:58:20,947
Come on!
1500
00:58:20,980 --> 00:58:24,617
- We're gonna make it.
- Oh, are you?
1501
00:58:24,650 --> 00:58:27,019
Steve, it's over, just let us pass.
1502
00:58:27,052 --> 00:58:29,622
Nothing's over till I say it's over.
1503
00:58:29,654 --> 00:58:32,457
I'm Steve. YouTube... I'm Steve YouTube.
1504
00:58:32,491 --> 00:58:34,826
- I win, you lose!
- [phone beeps]
1505
00:58:34,860 --> 00:58:36,929
Maybe if you two weren't
so great at making complete
1506
00:58:36,962 --> 00:58:39,465
jackasses out of yourselves,
I wouldn't have even
1507
00:58:39,498 --> 00:58:40,733
wanted you so bad.
1508
00:58:40,766 --> 00:58:42,402
We were so close.
1509
00:58:42,435 --> 00:58:45,638
You were so easy to manipulate,
Backflip Microphone Guy.
1510
00:58:45,670 --> 00:58:47,806
Steve, look behind you.
1511
00:58:47,839 --> 00:58:51,009
No. Not gonna fall for that one.
1512
00:58:51,043 --> 00:58:52,145
He's serious.
1513
00:58:52,177 --> 00:58:53,946
Steve, listen!
1514
00:58:53,978 --> 00:58:55,647
- No, you listen.
- [animal roars]
1515
00:58:55,681 --> 00:58:56,682
Aah!
1516
00:58:56,714 --> 00:58:58,550
[roars]
1517
00:58:58,583 --> 00:59:02,053
[screams]
1518
00:59:02,087 --> 00:59:04,956
- Oh!
- Oh, my... holy...
1519
00:59:04,989 --> 00:59:08,160
Oh, my... holy...
1520
00:59:08,194 --> 00:59:09,161
[screams]
1521
00:59:09,194 --> 00:59:10,696
Oh!
1522
00:59:10,728 --> 00:59:12,197
The bear! [screams]
1523
00:59:12,230 --> 00:59:14,032
- Oh, my God!
- Oh!
1524
00:59:14,065 --> 00:59:15,033
Oh, my...
1525
00:59:15,067 --> 00:59:16,034
[snaps]
1526
00:59:16,067 --> 00:59:19,205
What the fudd... oh! God!
1527
00:59:19,237 --> 00:59:20,973
Come on, dude, we gotta go.
1528
00:59:27,078 --> 00:59:29,514
- Aah!
- Aah!
1529
00:59:29,547 --> 00:59:35,721
[both groaning]
1530
00:59:42,962 --> 00:59:44,431
(both) Oh!
1531
00:59:47,500 --> 00:59:50,703
We made it. We made it, man.
1532
00:59:50,735 --> 00:59:53,239
Aw, man. That was a close one.
1533
00:59:53,272 --> 00:59:56,509
He almost had us. Stranger danger, bro.
1534
00:59:56,542 --> 00:59:58,511
Sometimes we forget.
1535
00:59:58,543 --> 01:00:00,645
It was my fault, and I never should have
1536
01:00:00,679 --> 01:00:02,615
made us go in there in the first place.
1537
01:00:02,647 --> 01:00:03,982
It wasn't worth almost losing my hetero
1538
01:00:04,016 --> 01:00:05,551
life partner over.
1539
01:00:05,583 --> 01:00:07,587
What? You'd never lose me.
1540
01:00:07,619 --> 01:00:09,654
And I'm sorry I was such a dick.
1541
01:00:09,688 --> 01:00:13,059
It'll never happen again. All right?
1542
01:00:13,092 --> 01:00:16,061
B...
1543
01:00:16,094 --> 01:00:18,964
- F.
- F.
1544
01:00:18,998 --> 01:00:20,700
BFFs.
1545
01:00:20,732 --> 01:00:23,568
- Burnt French fries.
- What?
1546
01:00:23,601 --> 01:00:26,772
Dude, that's not what that means.
1547
01:00:26,804 --> 01:00:29,741
- It's not?
- No.
1548
01:00:29,775 --> 01:00:31,277
Big fat feet?
1549
01:00:31,310 --> 01:00:35,715
No, that's... that...
you're not even close, dude.
1550
01:00:35,748 --> 01:00:37,215
Oh!
1551
01:00:37,248 --> 01:00:38,584
Aw!
1552
01:00:41,786 --> 01:00:45,690
Oh, I've got it. Booger flicking friends.
1553
01:00:45,723 --> 01:00:47,626
No.
1554
01:00:47,659 --> 01:00:49,594
Hey, it's them.
1555
01:00:49,627 --> 01:00:51,062
Ma'am, I'm really sorry, but we had to let
1556
01:00:51,096 --> 01:00:52,098
that bear eat Steve.
1557
01:00:52,130 --> 01:00:54,500
He was kind of a dick. Run!
1558
01:00:56,134 --> 01:00:57,736
What the hell are you talking about?
1559
01:01:00,139 --> 01:01:01,274
Whoa!
1560
01:01:02,574 --> 01:01:05,176
Aah!
1561
01:01:05,210 --> 01:01:09,215
Come on! Ah!
1562
01:01:10,949 --> 01:01:12,150
It's only, uh...
1563
01:01:12,183 --> 01:01:13,285
[eagle shrieks]
1564
01:01:13,319 --> 01:01:15,654
6:19, so we still have time
1565
01:01:15,688 --> 01:01:19,559
to go home, change, and make the reunion.
1566
01:01:19,592 --> 01:01:21,227
Where's your car?
1567
01:01:22,694 --> 01:01:25,564
Uh, it... it was right there.
1568
01:01:25,598 --> 01:01:26,565
It must have gotten towed.
1569
01:01:26,598 --> 01:01:28,600
- Yeah, great.
- [sighs]
1570
01:01:28,634 --> 01:01:32,003
You are the worst at parking.
1571
01:01:32,036 --> 01:01:33,638
[rock music playing]
1572
01:01:33,672 --> 01:01:35,308
♪ We won't ever let you go ♪
1573
01:01:35,340 --> 01:01:38,643
♪ Can't take anymore
I'm under control ♪
1574
01:01:38,677 --> 01:01:40,146
[music turns off]
1575
01:01:40,179 --> 01:01:43,249
Uh, why are we stopped
here? This isn't our house.
1576
01:01:43,281 --> 01:01:45,884
Uh, yeah it is, man, it says
right there on the mailbox,
1577
01:01:45,918 --> 01:01:47,119
91 Gerard Way.
1578
01:01:47,152 --> 01:01:48,753
What?
1579
01:01:48,786 --> 01:01:51,123
This is our address.
1580
01:02:08,072 --> 01:02:09,875
Hello?
1581
01:02:12,143 --> 01:02:15,013
Leave the door open in case we have to run.
1582
01:02:15,047 --> 01:02:17,784
And grab something really sharp.
1583
01:02:19,018 --> 01:02:20,619
Ah.
1584
01:02:20,652 --> 01:02:21,788
Yeah.
1585
01:02:23,688 --> 01:02:26,625
That's literally the opposite of sharp.
1586
01:02:36,868 --> 01:02:39,371
[exhaling sharply]
1587
01:02:43,174 --> 01:02:45,010
There you are!
1588
01:02:45,043 --> 01:02:46,212
Why aren't you dressed?
1589
01:02:46,244 --> 01:02:47,746
You're gonna be late for the reunion.
1590
01:02:47,779 --> 01:02:51,383
Butt Massage Girl? What are you doing here?
1591
01:02:51,417 --> 01:02:54,853
For the last time, you're my boyfriend,
1592
01:02:54,886 --> 01:02:57,022
and you should call me by
my real name, which is...
1593
01:02:57,056 --> 01:02:59,058
Shh!
1594
01:02:59,090 --> 01:03:00,659
I'm your boyfriend?
1595
01:03:02,728 --> 01:03:05,297
[giggles]
1596
01:03:05,330 --> 01:03:06,866
She's real, dude.
1597
01:03:06,898 --> 01:03:09,268
Ian, did you hit your head?
1598
01:03:09,301 --> 01:03:11,936
Wait, if this is our house,
where'd we get the money?
1599
01:03:11,969 --> 01:03:13,339
Are you serious?
1600
01:03:13,371 --> 01:03:15,206
The Clone Fight video.
1601
01:03:15,239 --> 01:03:16,442
What?
1602
01:03:16,475 --> 01:03:19,377
Oh, my God. Are you guys on drugs?
1603
01:03:19,411 --> 01:03:20,980
I'm drunk in love.
1604
01:03:21,013 --> 01:03:22,281
[chuckles]
1605
01:03:22,313 --> 01:03:24,049
This video of you guys
1606
01:03:24,083 --> 01:03:27,420
became the biggest
YouTube video of all time,
1607
01:03:27,453 --> 01:03:30,956
Then you got the TV show,
then you met the President,
1608
01:03:30,989 --> 01:03:33,092
then you made the movie,
and now there's even
1609
01:03:33,125 --> 01:03:34,994
Clone Fight Ruins Grad Night
1610
01:03:35,027 --> 01:03:36,929
on Broadway.
1611
01:03:36,962 --> 01:03:40,099
Broadway... that's always been my dream.
1612
01:03:40,132 --> 01:03:42,201
- We did it, man.
- Yeah.
1613
01:03:42,234 --> 01:03:45,071
We changed our entire lives
with that single video.
1614
01:03:45,103 --> 01:03:47,138
[laughs] And I'm your boyfriend.
1615
01:03:47,172 --> 01:03:49,909
Like, for real, that's not a joke?
1616
01:03:52,277 --> 01:03:53,746
It's not a joke.
1617
01:03:53,779 --> 01:03:54,746
[chuckles]
1618
01:03:54,779 --> 01:03:56,047
Wait, that means Anna...
1619
01:03:56,081 --> 01:03:57,316
that means Anna's here too, right?
1620
01:03:57,348 --> 01:03:59,017
Anna! Anna, where are you?
1621
01:03:59,051 --> 01:04:00,085
Who's Anna?
1622
01:04:00,118 --> 01:04:01,419
My girlfriend, Anna Reed.
1623
01:04:01,453 --> 01:04:03,723
You don't have a girlfriend.
1624
01:04:03,755 --> 01:04:05,156
I don't?
1625
01:04:05,190 --> 01:04:06,359
You have like, 30.
1626
01:04:08,527 --> 01:04:10,196
[laughs]
1627
01:04:10,228 --> 01:04:13,064
- Nice!
- Oh, my God, these...
1628
01:04:13,098 --> 01:04:14,366
These are all my girlfriends?
This is not a joke?
1629
01:04:14,398 --> 01:04:16,835
These are all for me? These are all...
1630
01:04:18,270 --> 01:04:20,072
Oh, my God, these are all my girlfriends.
1631
01:04:20,105 --> 01:04:21,741
You're all my girl... you're my...
1632
01:04:21,773 --> 01:04:23,174
You're my girlfr... You're my girlfriend?
1633
01:04:23,208 --> 01:04:25,377
- Oh, my God!
- They're your girlfriends!
1634
01:04:25,409 --> 01:04:27,913
Wait, is Anna one of... Is Anna...
1635
01:04:27,946 --> 01:04:30,248
Anna? Anna, are you...
are you one of them? Anna?
1636
01:04:30,281 --> 01:04:33,017
Uh, I don't think there's an Anna in there,
1637
01:04:33,051 --> 01:04:35,855
but your girlfriends
don't usually talk to me.
1638
01:04:35,888 --> 01:04:38,090
They're just super-hot bimbos.
1639
01:04:38,123 --> 01:04:40,092
Nice.
1640
01:04:40,125 --> 01:04:42,427
Wait, I'm sorry, I can't do this.
1641
01:04:42,460 --> 01:04:46,498
Anna's the only one I
want. I'm sorry, girls.
1642
01:04:46,531 --> 01:04:49,468
I'm sorry.
1643
01:04:54,406 --> 01:04:57,009
- I'm sorry.
- Bye.
1644
01:04:58,810 --> 01:05:00,178
The reunion.
1645
01:05:00,212 --> 01:05:01,914
I can still see Anna at the reunion,
1646
01:05:01,947 --> 01:05:04,083
and I'm like, cool now,
like, actually cool.
1647
01:05:04,116 --> 01:05:05,217
And rich.
1648
01:05:05,250 --> 01:05:07,353
And famous. Let's go.
1649
01:05:07,386 --> 01:05:10,121
Hi, boys. Don't forget your tuxedos.
1650
01:05:10,154 --> 01:05:12,190
Man! We're rich and famous
1651
01:05:12,223 --> 01:05:13,825
but we still live with my parents?
1652
01:05:13,859 --> 01:05:15,393
Of course not, don't be ridiculous.
1653
01:05:15,427 --> 01:05:17,330
No, we live with you.
1654
01:05:18,397 --> 01:05:20,833
(both) Sweet.
1655
01:05:22,467 --> 01:05:24,069
Wait, who are these guys?
1656
01:05:24,101 --> 01:05:26,071
They're our butlers.
1657
01:05:26,103 --> 01:05:27,339
(Bethany) Uh-huh, yeah.
1658
01:05:27,371 --> 01:05:30,074
Oh, this is your personal hair stylist.
1659
01:05:30,107 --> 01:05:32,076
How much does she charge for a haircut?
1660
01:05:32,110 --> 01:05:34,380
My asking price is $75.
1661
01:05:34,413 --> 01:05:36,815
Make it $85 and you've got yourself a deal.
1662
01:05:36,848 --> 01:05:38,283
[chuckles]
1663
01:05:38,317 --> 01:05:40,252
- [doorbell rings]
- Oh, that must be the pizza.
1664
01:05:40,284 --> 01:05:41,953
Pizza?
1665
01:05:44,121 --> 01:05:45,890
Bavooki's Pizza.
1666
01:05:45,924 --> 01:05:46,958
Aah!
1667
01:05:46,991 --> 01:05:49,227
[grunts]
1668
01:05:49,261 --> 01:05:53,232
Oh. Awesome kick, bro. Wow.
1669
01:05:53,264 --> 01:05:54,866
Hold on, you're Steve YouTube, right?
1670
01:05:54,900 --> 01:05:57,136
It's pronounced
"You-too-bay."
1671
01:05:57,168 --> 01:05:59,205
But you're the CEO of YouTube.
1672
01:05:59,237 --> 01:06:01,339
No, I'm not. I do food distribution
1673
01:06:01,373 --> 01:06:03,509
for a multi-million dollar company.
1674
01:06:03,542 --> 01:06:06,578
Hmm. Wonder who the CEO of YouTube is now.
1675
01:06:06,612 --> 01:06:08,280
I don't give a shit
what Julian Twitter said.
1676
01:06:08,313 --> 01:06:09,581
Julian Twitter's
1677
01:06:09,614 --> 01:06:10,982
- a little bitch!
- Yes, ma'am.
1678
01:06:11,016 --> 01:06:12,351
Hey, you can tell Joey Amazon
1679
01:06:12,384 --> 01:06:13,953
that I ordered my scrunchies two weeks ago.
1680
01:06:13,985 --> 01:06:17,089
- Sorry, ma'am.
- Next day shipping, my ass!
1681
01:06:17,121 --> 01:06:18,857
I am so sorry for all the trouble,
1682
01:06:18,891 --> 01:06:21,193
Mr. Pizza Delivery Man. Here's
a really big tip for you.
1683
01:06:21,226 --> 01:06:22,895
Oh, well, thank you so much,
1684
01:06:22,927 --> 01:06:25,496
and I actually have a
really big tip for you, too.
1685
01:06:25,529 --> 01:06:27,198
- You do?
- I do.
1686
01:06:27,232 --> 01:06:29,235
It's actually right inside this pizza box.
1687
01:06:29,268 --> 01:06:32,304
- Okay.
- No, Mom, don't look! Don't...
1688
01:06:32,337 --> 01:06:34,273
- Oh.
- [laughs] Yeah.
1689
01:06:34,306 --> 01:06:35,641
That's funny. Funny.
1690
01:06:35,674 --> 01:06:37,476
Yeah, I think it's time for you to go now.
1691
01:06:37,509 --> 01:06:40,112
Well, enjoy your pizza.
1692
01:06:40,145 --> 01:06:43,449
I'm the best! "Steve
"You-too-bay," out!
1693
01:06:43,482 --> 01:06:45,985
Okay. Well, he seemed lovely.
1694
01:06:46,018 --> 01:06:48,520
I gotta say, rich or
poor, that man really does
1695
01:06:48,552 --> 01:06:50,522
commit to the wiener joke.
You have to respect that
1696
01:06:50,554 --> 01:06:51,522
on some level.
1697
01:06:51,556 --> 01:06:53,225
Oh, our limo's here.
1698
01:06:53,257 --> 01:06:55,627
Oh, well I guess we
better get dressed then.
1699
01:06:55,661 --> 01:06:57,196
- [chuckles]
- Mm, mm, yes,
1700
01:06:57,228 --> 01:06:59,898
Alfred, please fetch us your finest wares.
1701
01:06:59,931 --> 01:07:03,234
Yes, Alfred, get me my tuxedo.
1702
01:07:03,268 --> 01:07:04,603
My name is Frank.
1703
01:07:04,636 --> 01:07:05,603
Ta-ta, gov'ner.
1704
01:07:05,636 --> 01:07:07,205
Our accents are so good.
1705
01:07:07,239 --> 01:07:09,340
Alfredo, can you fetch me some quesadillas?
1706
01:07:09,373 --> 01:07:11,243
- Ah, ha ha ha.
- Alfredo.
1707
01:07:15,947 --> 01:07:18,917
[electronic music]
1708
01:07:18,951 --> 01:07:26,893
♪ ♪
1709
01:07:32,364 --> 01:07:33,331
[hip-hop music]
1710
01:07:33,364 --> 01:07:35,600
♪ Yeah ♪
1711
01:07:35,634 --> 01:07:43,576
♪ ♪
1712
01:07:45,177 --> 01:07:49,715
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
1713
01:07:49,748 --> 01:07:52,150
Ladies and gentlemen,
1714
01:07:52,183 --> 01:07:56,487
please give a warm
Rockville High "welcome back"
1715
01:07:56,520 --> 01:07:59,490
to our rich and famous alumni...
1716
01:07:59,523 --> 01:08:03,362
- Get off the stage!
- Ian Hecox and Anthony Padilla!
1717
01:08:03,395 --> 01:08:04,362
[cheers and applause]
1718
01:08:04,395 --> 01:08:07,365
[electronic music]
1719
01:08:07,398 --> 01:08:11,603
♪ ♪
1720
01:08:11,636 --> 01:08:13,404
Yeah. What's up?
1721
01:08:13,438 --> 01:08:14,674
- Yo, yo.
- Yo, good to see you.
1722
01:08:16,307 --> 01:08:18,944
Good to see you. Good to see you guys.
1723
01:08:21,379 --> 01:08:24,083
[chuckles]
1724
01:08:24,115 --> 01:08:26,017
Get outta here, Moss.
1725
01:08:26,051 --> 01:08:27,386
- Bros!
- [clap]
1726
01:08:27,419 --> 01:08:29,021
So great to have you here.
1727
01:08:29,053 --> 01:08:30,154
So great! [chuckles]
1728
01:08:30,187 --> 01:08:31,289
Thanks.
1729
01:08:31,322 --> 01:08:32,423
Anything you need, just let me know.
1730
01:08:32,456 --> 01:08:34,692
I'm emceeing this little shindig.
1731
01:08:34,726 --> 01:08:36,295
We got a free taco bar over there,
1732
01:08:36,328 --> 01:08:38,464
so help yourself to whatever.
1733
01:08:38,496 --> 01:08:39,731
- Thanks, Mr. Ellis.
- Yeah. Yeah.
1734
01:08:39,764 --> 01:08:41,600
Nice!
1735
01:08:41,633 --> 01:08:43,569
Tonight is gonna rock.
1736
01:08:43,602 --> 01:08:45,070
Yeah.
1737
01:08:45,102 --> 01:08:48,606
It's gonna rock balls! Whoo!
1738
01:08:50,275 --> 01:08:53,779
[rock music]
1739
01:08:53,812 --> 01:08:55,314
Anna's here.
1740
01:08:55,347 --> 01:08:57,583
Go get her, man. Go on.
1741
01:08:57,615 --> 01:08:59,384
♪ I was a stranger and you let me in ♪
1742
01:08:59,418 --> 01:09:04,056
Um, Butt Massage Girl and I are
gonna go start on that taco bar.
1743
01:09:06,157 --> 01:09:08,326
Hey, Anna. What's up?
1744
01:09:08,360 --> 01:09:11,096
Oh. Anthony.
1745
01:09:11,129 --> 01:09:12,698
Yeah, it's me.
1746
01:09:12,731 --> 01:09:16,168
I didn't think I'd see you here tonight.
1747
01:09:16,200 --> 01:09:17,602
Why not?
1748
01:09:17,636 --> 01:09:19,605
You know, you're rich and famous now.
1749
01:09:19,637 --> 01:09:22,240
Figured you'd have better things to do.
1750
01:09:22,273 --> 01:09:23,542
Well, I mean, yeah, I
do have a ton of cool,
1751
01:09:23,575 --> 01:09:25,411
rich, expensive stuff I could be doing,
1752
01:09:25,444 --> 01:09:29,781
but wanted to show up and see you.
1753
01:09:29,815 --> 01:09:32,183
Me? Why?
1754
01:09:32,217 --> 01:09:33,819
Um... [small laugh]
1755
01:09:33,852 --> 01:09:39,191
Well, because I wanted to
tell you that I love you too.
1756
01:09:39,223 --> 01:09:41,793
You came here to tell me you love YouTube?
1757
01:09:41,826 --> 01:09:43,061
[both laughing]
1758
01:09:43,094 --> 01:09:47,331
No, no, no, no, I love you also.
1759
01:09:47,365 --> 01:09:49,668
I know you love me, and I love you,
1760
01:09:49,700 --> 01:09:54,806
and I've loved you ever since
the first time I saw you.
1761
01:09:54,839 --> 01:09:57,442
Hold on.
1762
01:09:57,476 --> 01:09:59,678
Love you?
1763
01:09:59,710 --> 01:10:04,282
Yeah, I saw your... I saw
your vlog, you love me.
1764
01:10:04,316 --> 01:10:06,718
Anthony, that was a long time ago.
1765
01:10:06,750 --> 01:10:09,154
You were a different guy then.
1766
01:10:09,187 --> 01:10:10,689
- Yeah, I was a loser.
- [sighs]
1767
01:10:10,722 --> 01:10:12,491
But I'm not anymore.
1768
01:10:12,523 --> 01:10:15,694
No. You were never a loser.
1769
01:10:15,727 --> 01:10:18,664
You were just... weird and quirky
1770
01:10:18,696 --> 01:10:20,331
and only showered, like, once a week,
1771
01:10:20,365 --> 01:10:22,568
but I liked that about
you. It was like you had
1772
01:10:22,601 --> 01:10:23,802
better things to worry about
1773
01:10:23,834 --> 01:10:25,636
than your looks and basic hygiene.
1774
01:10:25,669 --> 01:10:27,505
And now, you're like a guy who would spend
1775
01:10:27,539 --> 01:10:31,110
$80 on a haircut.
1776
01:10:31,142 --> 01:10:34,212
Look, I'm still the same guy, I swear.
1777
01:10:34,245 --> 01:10:38,549
Anthony, you're wearing a tuxedo.
1778
01:10:38,583 --> 01:10:42,754
I wore this tux 'cause I
thought it's what you wanted.
1779
01:10:42,786 --> 01:10:46,458
I'm sorry. It's just not.
1780
01:10:51,862 --> 01:10:54,465
Mmm. I don't know why I'm eating tacos.
1781
01:10:54,499 --> 01:10:56,368
They go straight to my butt.
1782
01:10:56,401 --> 01:10:57,703
Oh, really?
1783
01:10:57,736 --> 01:11:01,507
Yeah, that's horrible, right? Terrible.
1784
01:11:01,539 --> 01:11:02,507
Hey.
1785
01:11:02,540 --> 01:11:05,878
So? How'd it go?
1786
01:11:05,910 --> 01:11:08,413
Well... I blew it.
1787
01:11:08,445 --> 01:11:10,348
What?
1788
01:11:10,382 --> 01:11:13,685
Yeah, she liked the old me, the loser me.
1789
01:11:13,718 --> 01:11:15,487
Mm.
1790
01:11:15,520 --> 01:11:17,222
I'm sorry, man, I dragged you
through all this for nothing.
1791
01:11:17,254 --> 01:11:21,325
Hold on, man. You made my dreams come true.
1792
01:11:21,359 --> 01:11:24,896
Look, I am dating Butt Massage Girl.
1793
01:11:24,929 --> 01:11:26,865
- I have a name, you know.
- N-n-n... don't.
1794
01:11:26,897 --> 01:11:28,432
Don't ruin the moment.
1795
01:11:28,465 --> 01:11:30,535
Yes, we're rich and
famous, but the real you
1796
01:11:30,569 --> 01:11:33,739
is still in there, just as stupid as ever.
1797
01:11:33,771 --> 01:11:36,174
And, on a long enough timeline,
1798
01:11:36,208 --> 01:11:38,477
all $85 haircuts become $10 haircuts
1799
01:11:38,509 --> 01:11:41,847
if you let them grow out long enough.
1800
01:11:41,879 --> 01:11:42,914
You're right.
1801
01:11:42,947 --> 01:11:44,883
[scoffs] Of course I'm right.
1802
01:11:44,915 --> 01:11:46,250
I'm always right, right?
1803
01:11:46,284 --> 01:11:47,419
- You're always right.
- Yeah.
1804
01:11:51,388 --> 01:11:53,659
You can do this, Anthony.
1805
01:11:53,691 --> 01:11:57,728
Yeah. Yeah.
1806
01:11:57,762 --> 01:12:00,566
Who here loves The Deadmau5?
1807
01:12:00,598 --> 01:12:03,569
- Boom.
- [dubstep music]
1808
01:12:03,602 --> 01:12:11,577
♪ ♪
1809
01:12:11,610 --> 01:12:13,212
[music stops]
1810
01:12:13,245 --> 01:12:14,546
(Mr. Ellis) Ladies and gentlemen,
1811
01:12:14,579 --> 01:12:17,215
our rich and famous
alumni, Anthony Padilla,
1812
01:12:17,249 --> 01:12:19,918
has a song he'd like to perform,
and since he's rich and famous,
1813
01:12:19,950 --> 01:12:22,420
I'm gonna allow him to do
whatever he wants here tonight.
1814
01:12:22,454 --> 01:12:28,393
Let's get ready to rock balls to
Magic Pocket Slave Monsters!
1815
01:12:28,426 --> 01:12:30,861
[cheers and applause]
1816
01:12:30,895 --> 01:12:32,531
- Yeah!
- Whoo!
1817
01:12:32,563 --> 01:12:33,764
That's my friend up there.
1818
01:12:33,798 --> 01:12:35,767
That's his friend.
1819
01:12:35,799 --> 01:12:37,535
This song goes out to a very special lady
1820
01:12:37,569 --> 01:12:40,438
out here in the crowd tonight.
1821
01:12:40,472 --> 01:12:41,974
(Ian) You rock, Anthony!
1822
01:12:42,007 --> 01:12:44,442
(man) Take it off! Take it off!
1823
01:12:44,476 --> 01:12:45,710
Hit it, Mr. Ellis.
1824
01:12:47,044 --> 01:12:48,512
[New wave music]
1825
01:12:48,545 --> 01:12:51,516
♪ I want to be the master ♪
1826
01:12:51,548 --> 01:12:54,518
♪ I want to flip the switch ♪
1827
01:12:54,552 --> 01:12:55,721
- [woman screams]
- Whoa!
1828
01:12:55,754 --> 01:12:56,722
- ♪ I want... ♪
- [music stops]
1829
01:12:56,754 --> 01:12:57,989
I did the flip.
1830
01:12:58,022 --> 01:12:59,624
- He did the flip.
- He did the flip!
1831
01:12:59,657 --> 01:13:01,593
I did the flip!
1832
01:13:01,625 --> 01:13:05,364
[cheers and applause]
1833
01:13:11,669 --> 01:13:13,371
You should be up there with him.
1834
01:13:13,405 --> 01:13:15,607
You're right.
1835
01:13:15,639 --> 01:13:17,575
Rock balls!
1836
01:13:17,609 --> 01:13:20,611
♪ I want to capture all these guys ♪
1837
01:13:20,645 --> 01:13:24,415
♪ And make each one my bitch ♪
1838
01:13:24,449 --> 01:13:27,585
(both) ♪ I want to travel everywhere ♪
1839
01:13:27,619 --> 01:13:31,056
♪ Any chance I see ♪
1840
01:13:31,088 --> 01:13:34,325
♪ I'll rip a pocket slave monster ♪
1841
01:13:34,359 --> 01:13:36,561
♪ From his family ♪
1842
01:13:36,593 --> 01:13:38,596
♪ Magic Pocket Slave Monsters ♪
1843
01:13:38,629 --> 01:13:41,600
(both) ♪ You now work for me ♪
1844
01:13:41,633 --> 01:13:43,435
♪ Even worse, you work for free ♪
1845
01:13:43,468 --> 01:13:45,070
♪ Magic Pocket Slave Monsters ♪
1846
01:13:45,102 --> 01:13:47,705
(both) ♪ You'd better
fight when I call ♪
1847
01:13:47,739 --> 01:13:50,075
♪ Or I'll castrate your balls ♪
1848
01:13:50,107 --> 01:13:52,343
♪ Magic Pocket Slave Monsters ♪
1849
01:13:52,377 --> 01:13:57,915
(both) ♪ Get back in your cube
or I'll kill everyone you love ♪
1850
01:13:57,949 --> 01:14:01,085
♪ I'm a heartless dick ♪
1851
01:14:01,119 --> 01:14:07,459
[cheers and applause]
1852
01:14:10,395 --> 01:14:12,330
[laughs]
1853
01:14:12,364 --> 01:14:14,031
You're crazy.
1854
01:14:14,065 --> 01:14:15,600
See, I told you.
1855
01:14:15,633 --> 01:14:17,102
How do I know this is real? How do I know
1856
01:14:17,134 --> 01:14:19,103
you're not just showing
me what I want to see?
1857
01:14:19,137 --> 01:14:20,839
Well, you're just gonna
have to trust me, Anna.
1858
01:14:21,972 --> 01:14:23,641
Wh... wh... whoa!
1859
01:14:25,377 --> 01:14:26,844
Aah!
1860
01:14:26,878 --> 01:14:28,914
Dude, I think he's gonna be okay.
1861
01:14:28,946 --> 01:14:29,914
Wh... wh... whoa! Oh!
1862
01:14:29,947 --> 01:14:33,584
[sputtering]
1863
01:14:33,618 --> 01:14:35,486
Nope, he's dead.
1864
01:14:35,520 --> 01:14:37,723
(girl) Oh, my God, call the police!
1865
01:14:38,923 --> 01:14:42,627
It really is you. [giggles]
1866
01:14:42,660 --> 01:14:44,930
I'll never pay more than
$10 for a haircut again.
1867
01:14:44,963 --> 01:14:47,599
Promise?
1868
01:14:48,866 --> 01:14:50,468
[crowd cheering]
1869
01:14:50,502 --> 01:14:52,737
Oh!
1870
01:14:52,771 --> 01:14:56,875
[cheers and applause]
1871
01:14:59,544 --> 01:15:01,747
(both) Oh!
1872
01:15:01,780 --> 01:15:03,581
- I'm so proud of you.
- Wasn't I so good?
1873
01:15:03,615 --> 01:15:04,648
- You were so good.
- I'm so good at dancing.
1874
01:15:04,682 --> 01:15:05,917
You were so good.
1875
01:15:05,950 --> 01:15:07,119
[cheers and applause]
1876
01:15:07,151 --> 01:15:11,021
[boys hooting]
1877
01:15:11,054 --> 01:15:12,490
[crowd dies down]
1878
01:15:12,523 --> 01:15:14,892
Anna Reed's in the house, y'all!
1879
01:15:14,926 --> 01:15:20,065
[cheers and applause]
1880
01:15:20,097 --> 01:15:21,499
Hi, I'm Anna.
1881
01:15:21,532 --> 01:15:23,567
Nice to meet you. My name's Brad.
1882
01:15:23,601 --> 01:15:24,737
What the fuck?
1883
01:15:25,969 --> 01:15:26,937
♪ What... what ♪
1884
01:15:26,971 --> 01:15:30,542
[groovy music]
1885
01:15:30,575 --> 01:15:32,711
[grunts]
1886
01:15:32,744 --> 01:15:33,844
[laughter]
1887
01:15:33,878 --> 01:15:35,045
(director) Okay, do it again.
1888
01:15:35,079 --> 01:15:36,047
(director) And...
1889
01:15:36,079 --> 01:15:38,516
Bleah!
1890
01:15:38,549 --> 01:15:41,619
M.C. Hammer time.
1891
01:15:41,652 --> 01:15:43,422
(director) And, action!
1892
01:15:43,454 --> 01:15:45,423
♪ I know it hurts ♪
1893
01:15:45,456 --> 01:15:46,857
♪ ♪
1894
01:15:46,891 --> 01:15:48,727
(director) Cut. Get that mask off.
1895
01:15:48,759 --> 01:15:50,728
[laughter]
1896
01:15:50,762 --> 01:15:54,599
♪ I know it hurts so bad ♪
1897
01:15:54,632 --> 01:15:57,436
Yeah, yeah, my nipples are
a little hard right now.
1898
01:15:57,468 --> 01:15:59,971
Puttin' in a few hours at the gym.
1899
01:16:00,004 --> 01:16:04,543
I'll be the CEO of Pizza
Co., rollin' in the dough.
1900
01:16:04,575 --> 01:16:07,478
Yeah. Yeah, that was a pun.
1901
01:16:07,512 --> 01:16:09,615
CEO Anthony.
1902
01:16:11,816 --> 01:16:13,752
[grunting]
1903
01:16:13,785 --> 01:16:15,854
Right from the top rope.
Damn, I've never done it
1904
01:16:15,887 --> 01:16:18,089
in the top rope, that's why I'm
having a hard time with that.
1905
01:16:18,121 --> 01:16:19,990
- All right, here we go.
- And...
1906
01:16:20,023 --> 01:16:22,093
- Oh! I'm giving birth!
- Aah!
1907
01:16:22,125 --> 01:16:24,762
- I'm giving birth!
- Oh!
1908
01:16:24,795 --> 01:16:27,598
[laughs] That was really early.
1909
01:16:27,632 --> 01:16:29,701
Who's gonna watch me enslave
all these cute, adorable,
1910
01:16:29,734 --> 01:16:31,736
fuzzy creaters?
1911
01:16:31,768 --> 01:16:34,172
I said "creaters." What's a creater?
1912
01:16:34,204 --> 01:16:35,806
(director) Cut.
1913
01:16:35,839 --> 01:16:37,641
Just do the other guy's
line... do Ian's line?
1914
01:16:37,674 --> 01:16:38,642
(man) Yeah.
1915
01:16:38,676 --> 01:16:39,844
"The other guy"?
1916
01:16:39,878 --> 01:16:41,213
- Sorry.
- "The other guy"?
1917
01:16:41,245 --> 01:16:43,080
(director) It slipped out. It slipped out.
1918
01:16:43,114 --> 01:16:44,749
I'm out.
1919
01:16:44,781 --> 01:16:46,083
- You're the other guy.
- I'm the other guy.
1920
01:16:46,116 --> 01:16:47,686
I'm "the guy" and he's "the other guy."
1921
01:16:47,718 --> 01:16:48,686
Yeah.
1922
01:16:48,719 --> 01:16:51,690
[pop music]
1923
01:16:51,722 --> 01:16:58,262
♪ ♪
1924
01:16:58,295 --> 01:16:59,897
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
1925
01:16:59,931 --> 01:17:07,873
♪ ♪
1926
01:17:11,543 --> 01:17:17,081
♪ I can see a picture in my
head of someone spinning ♪
1927
01:17:17,115 --> 01:17:22,987
♪ I could always tell it was
the end of the beginning ♪
1928
01:17:23,021 --> 01:17:28,692
♪ When you coming over here?
There's no need for pretending ♪
1929
01:17:28,726 --> 01:17:30,228
♪ I try not to be callous ♪
1930
01:17:30,261 --> 01:17:34,165
♪ With the signals
that you're sending ♪
1931
01:17:34,197 --> 01:17:37,168
♪ I go, oh, oh, oh ♪
1932
01:17:37,200 --> 01:17:40,170
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
1933
01:17:40,204 --> 01:17:43,608
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
1934
01:17:43,641 --> 01:17:46,011
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
1935
01:17:46,044 --> 01:17:49,281
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
1936
01:17:49,313 --> 01:17:51,917
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
1937
01:17:51,950 --> 01:17:55,186
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
1938
01:17:55,218 --> 01:17:57,788
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
1939
01:17:57,821 --> 01:18:01,025
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
1940
01:18:01,058 --> 01:18:02,793
♪ ♪
1941
01:18:02,826 --> 01:18:06,130
♪ Now don't you ever
break my heart, girl ♪
1942
01:18:06,164 --> 01:18:08,333
♪ ♪
1943
01:18:08,365 --> 01:18:11,869
♪ To put an end to what you saw, girl ♪
1944
01:18:11,902 --> 01:18:14,138
♪ ♪
1945
01:18:14,172 --> 01:18:17,741
♪ Now don't you ever
break my heart, girl ♪
1946
01:18:17,775 --> 01:18:19,978
♪ ♪
1947
01:18:20,011 --> 01:18:23,615
♪ Now don't you ever
break my heart, girl ♪
1948
01:18:23,647 --> 01:18:25,850
♪ ♪
1949
01:18:25,883 --> 01:18:29,321
♪ To put an end to what you saw, girl ♪
1950
01:18:29,353 --> 01:18:31,655
♪ ♪
1951
01:18:31,688 --> 01:18:34,659
[rock music]
1952
01:18:34,691 --> 01:18:39,029
♪ ♪
1953
01:18:39,062 --> 01:18:42,900
♪ I was a stranger when you let me in ♪
1954
01:18:42,933 --> 01:18:46,338
♪ I was a danger to myself and others ♪
1955
01:18:46,370 --> 01:18:49,907
♪ If I had a nickel
every time I heard ♪
1956
01:18:49,941 --> 01:18:53,111
♪ All their crazy thoughts
burning out of my world ♪
1957
01:18:53,143 --> 01:18:55,112
♪ Say oh ♪
1958
01:18:55,146 --> 01:18:59,017
♪ You hurt me on the radio ♪
1959
01:18:59,049 --> 01:19:02,654
♪ Couldn't let the feelings show ♪
1960
01:19:02,687 --> 01:19:09,961
♪ When I was on
the radio-o-o-o ♪
1961
01:19:09,994 --> 01:19:12,664
- ♪ Oh, oh ♪
- ♪ Hey, on the radio ♪
1962
01:19:12,696 --> 01:19:16,101
- ♪ Hey, hey, on the radio ♪
- ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
1963
01:19:16,133 --> 01:19:17,201
♪ Hey, hey, on the radio ♪
1964
01:19:17,235 --> 01:19:19,904
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
1965
01:19:19,937 --> 01:19:22,674
♪ Hey, hey, on the radio ♪
1966
01:19:22,706 --> 01:19:24,875
♪ Say oh ♪
1967
01:19:24,909 --> 01:19:28,713
♪ You hurt me on the radio ♪
1968
01:19:28,745 --> 01:19:32,216
♪ Couldn't let the feelings show ♪
1969
01:19:32,249 --> 01:19:35,819
♪ When I was on
the radio-o-o-o ♪
1970
01:19:35,852 --> 01:19:39,423
♪ I couldn't really let it go ♪
1971
01:19:39,456 --> 01:19:43,328
♪ I didn't want you to know ♪
1972
01:19:43,361 --> 01:19:46,931
♪ When I was on the radio ♪
1973
01:19:46,963 --> 01:19:54,338
♪ When I was on
the radio-o-o-o ♪
1974
01:19:54,371 --> 01:19:58,008
♪ Oh, oh ♪
1975
01:19:58,042 --> 01:20:01,812
♪ When I was on the radio ♪
1976
01:20:01,846 --> 01:20:05,316
♪ Oh, oh ♪
1977
01:20:05,348 --> 01:20:09,087
♪ I was on the radio ♪
1978
01:20:09,120 --> 01:20:12,857
♪ I couldn't really let it go ♪
1979
01:20:12,889 --> 01:20:16,727
♪ I didn't want you to know ♪
1980
01:20:16,761 --> 01:20:24,736
♪ When I was on
the radio-o-o-o ♪
1981
01:20:24,768 --> 01:20:32,009
[upbeat music]
1982
01:20:32,043 --> 01:20:34,312
♪ She's said she couldn't believe ♪
1983
01:20:34,344 --> 01:20:38,415
♪ Why I waste my time on this ♪
1984
01:20:38,449 --> 01:20:44,054
♪ Bullshit mentality isn't
a thing that I would miss ♪
1985
01:20:44,088 --> 01:20:48,192
♪ But I still remember her ♪
1986
01:20:48,226 --> 01:20:54,398
♪ Those days when used to
kiss on a lazy afternoon ♪
1987
01:20:54,432 --> 01:21:00,071
♪ Cigarettes and bottles of
wine living easy I presume ♪
1988
01:21:00,103 --> 01:21:05,275
♪ Now I can't stop wondering why ♪
1989
01:21:05,308 --> 01:21:11,482
♪ Why you have to be so
cold, frozen like ice ♪
1990
01:21:11,516 --> 01:21:17,989
♪ It's time for me to really
adore your new disguise ♪
1991
01:21:18,021 --> 01:21:20,290
♪ But pride is what
you threw in my face ♪
1992
01:21:20,324 --> 01:21:24,428
♪ And we played that game
Oh, no, it's the same thing ♪
1993
01:21:24,462 --> 01:21:30,535
♪ Every time you are frozen like ice ♪
1994
01:21:30,567 --> 01:21:37,275
♪ Baby, why'd you have
to be so cold-o-o-old? ♪
1995
01:21:37,307 --> 01:21:39,276
♪ ♪
1996
01:21:39,310 --> 01:21:41,146
♪ She's said she couldn't believe ♪
1997
01:21:41,178 --> 01:21:45,516
♪ Why I waste my time on this ♪
1998
01:21:45,549 --> 01:21:51,255
♪ Bullshit mentality isn't
a thing that I would miss ♪
1999
01:21:51,289 --> 01:21:56,427
♪ Now I can't stop wondering why ♪
2000
01:21:56,459 --> 01:22:02,566
♪ Why you have to be so
cold, frozen like ice ♪
2001
01:22:02,600 --> 01:22:09,206
♪ It's time for me to really
adore your new disguise ♪
2002
01:22:09,240 --> 01:22:11,409
♪ But pride is what
you threw in my face ♪
2003
01:22:11,441 --> 01:22:15,846
♪ And we played that game
Oh, no, it's the same thing ♪
2004
01:22:15,879 --> 01:22:21,852
♪ Every time you are frozen like ice ♪
2005
01:22:21,886 --> 01:22:28,959
♪ Baby, why'd you have
to be so cold-o-o-old? ♪
2006
01:22:28,993 --> 01:22:30,428
[music ends]
2007
01:22:34,999 --> 01:22:37,969
[Mendelssohn's Wedding March]
2008
01:22:38,002 --> 01:22:41,873
♪ ♪
2009
01:22:41,905 --> 01:22:44,308
I have a raging boner right now.
2010
01:22:45,476 --> 01:22:47,045
Me too.
2011
01:22:49,146 --> 01:22:50,281
I love you.
2012
01:22:50,313 --> 01:22:53,017
I love you too.
2013
01:22:53,049 --> 01:22:58,556
[sobbing]
2014
01:22:58,588 --> 01:23:01,558
It's okay. It's okay.
2015
01:23:01,592 --> 01:23:03,228
- It's okay.
- [sobbing]
2016
01:23:03,261 --> 01:23:04,862
It's okay. Let's go, that's fine.
2017
01:23:04,896 --> 01:23:06,431
- Let's go, let's go.
- [sobbing]
2018
01:23:09,432 --> 01:23:10,401
Well.
2019
01:23:10,435 --> 01:23:14,435
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
141051
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