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1
00:01:02,863 --> 00:01:06,965
I'M SORRY, DARLENE. LISTEN, I THOUGHT
MY DAD HAD CLEANED THAT STUFF UP.
2
00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:12,871
WELL, THIS IS IT.
3
00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:15,307
HOME, SWEET HOME. YOU LIKE IT?
4
00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:20,245
YEAH. WELL, IT'S,
UH, DIFFERENT. YEAH.
5
00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:25,050
YEAH, YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, THIS IS
PART OF THE BUSINESS ESTABLISHMENT.
6
00:01:25,119 --> 00:01:27,652
YOU SEE, THE LIVING
QUARTERS ARE UPSTAIRS.
7
00:01:27,721 --> 00:01:30,322
YEAH. YOU'LL FIND THAT A LOT OF
PEOPLE ARE DOING THAT NOWADAYS,
8
00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:33,425
COMBINING THEIR PROFESSIONAL
BUSINESS WITH THEIR HOMES.
9
00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:35,660
IT'S VERY SMART, TAX-WISE.
10
00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:40,732
DAD AND I ARE IN THE
COMMODITIES GAME.
11
00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:43,735
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
IN THE JUNK BUSINESS.
12
00:01:46,974 --> 00:01:49,241
WELL, YOU SEE, THAT'S JUST
THE COMMON NAME FOR IT.
13
00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:53,044
NOW, YOU KNOW IN THE TRADE,
WE REFER TO IT AS "COMMODITIES."
14
00:01:53,114 --> 00:01:55,747
OH, I SEE. YEAH.
15
00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:58,027
I'D TAKE YOU UPSTAIRS AND SHOW
YOU THE UPSTAIRS LIVING QUARTERS,
16
00:01:58,051 --> 00:02:01,587
BUT DAD'S UP THERE ASLEEP NOW,
AND WE DON'T WANT TO BOTHER HIM.
17
00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:03,589
SEE, HIS ROOM IS
DONE IN LOUIS THE XIV,
18
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:07,259
AND MINE IS KIND OF
SWEDISH MODERN, YOU KNOW.
19
00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:09,961
OHH! THIS IS MORE LIKE IT.
20
00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:12,964
YEAH. JUST YOU AND ME.
21
00:02:22,909 --> 00:02:27,346
UH, UH, HELLO, LAMONT.
22
00:02:27,414 --> 00:02:29,781
I THOUGHT I HEARD
YOU COME IN. OH, HI, POP.
23
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:32,083
UH, POP, THIS IS
DARLENE EDWARDS.
24
00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:34,598
DARLENE, THIS IS MY DAD,
FRED SANFORD. EVENING.
25
00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:37,989
THAT'S S-A-N-F-O-R-D PERIOD.
26
00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:44,396
SAY, POP, I THOUGHT
YOU WERE ALSEEP.
27
00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:46,809
NOW, YOU KNOW I CAN'T EVER
SLEEP TILL YOU COME HOME.
28
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:49,201
OKAY, WELL, I'M HOME NOW,
SO YOU CAN GO TO SLEEP.
29
00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:52,510
HEY, WHAT'S THAT AROUND YOUR
NECK? YOU GOT A SORE THROAT?
30
00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:59,044
THIS HAPPENS TO BE AN ASCOT.
31
00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:03,248
WELL, IF YOU GARGLE WITH SOME
WARM SALTWATER, YOU'LL GET RID OF IT.
32
00:03:06,953 --> 00:03:09,254
WELL, GOOD NIGHT, POP. YEAH.
33
00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:12,791
WHERE'D Y'ALL GO, TO A MOVIE?
YEAH, WE WENT TO A MOVIE.
34
00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:16,173
I WAS WATCHING A MOVIE
HERE ON TV. A HORROR MOVIE.
35
00:03:16,197 --> 00:03:20,098
A SCIENTIST DUG UP A
MUMMY 3,000 YEARS OLD.
36
00:03:20,167 --> 00:03:23,635
AND HE BROUGHT IT BACK TO
LIFE AND FELL IN LOVE WITH HER.
37
00:03:25,772 --> 00:03:28,772
NOW, ISN'T THAT
DISGUSTING? YEAH, RIGHT.
38
00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:31,769
IT'S ALL RIGHT TO FALL IN LOVE WITH
SOMEBODY OLDER THAN YOU ARE.
39
00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:35,581
BUT 3,000 YEARS? GEEZ!
40
00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:38,083
WELL, GOOD NIGHT,
POP. GOOD NIGHT.
41
00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:40,930
NIGHT, MISS, UH,
MISS, UH... EDWARDS.
42
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,932
EDWARDS. YEAH, EDWARDS.
43
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:48,660
EDWARDS? UH, IS YOUR FATHER
IN THE POULTRY BUSINESS?
44
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,662
NO. NO, HE ISN'T.
45
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:53,632
I USED TO BUY MY CHICKENS
FROM A GUY NAMED EDWARDS.
46
00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:58,169
CLARENCE EDWARDS. YOU REMEMBER
HIM. NO, I DON'T REMEMBER, POP.
47
00:03:58,239 --> 00:04:01,573
YEAH, I HAD TO GET... I HAD TO STOP
GETTING MY CHICKENS FROM HIM.
48
00:04:01,642 --> 00:04:04,243
YEAH, HE SOLD ME A
BAD ONE. OH, REALLY?
49
00:04:04,311 --> 00:04:08,780
YEAH. HE SOLD ME A CHICKEN
THAT DIED BEFORE HE COULD KILL IT.
50
00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:16,555
YOU KNOW, EVERYTHING WAS
WRONG WITH THAT CHICKEN.
51
00:04:16,624 --> 00:04:19,157
KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH
HIM? HE HAD A BAD HEART,
52
00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:22,294
A BAD LIVER, A BAD KIDNEY, WELL,
IT'S GETTIN' KIND OF GETTING LATE, POP.
53
00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:25,564
A BAD GIZZARD... IT'S GETTING LATE,
YOU KNOW. IT'S KIND OF LATE NOW.
54
00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:28,367
YEAH. OKAY, SON.
NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT, POP.
55
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,435
NIGHT, MISS. GOOD NIGHT.
56
00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:34,406
SAY, UH, POP? HUH?
57
00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:36,608
WOULD YOU MIND TURNING
OUT THE LIGHT, PLEASE?
58
00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:38,943
THANK YOU.
59
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:44,849
EXCUSE ME.
60
00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:51,055
EXCUSE ME. I THOUGHT I'D FIX
ME SOMETHING HOT TO DRINK.
61
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:54,137
IT HELP ME SLEEP. YOU
FOLKS WANT ANYTHING?
62
00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:56,194
NO, WE DON'T WANT ANYTHING.
63
00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:59,264
WELL, I'M GONNA
HAVE ME A HOT TEA.
64
00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:01,344
YEAH. YOU FOLKS SURE
YOU DON'T WANT ANY?
65
00:05:01,368 --> 00:05:03,402
POSITIVE, POP. WOULD YOU
JUST GO HAVE YOUR TEA?
66
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:06,137
I HATE TO WASTE
A BAG ON ONE CUP.
67
00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:16,881
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN GET
THREE CUPS OUT OF ONE BAG.
68
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:18,961
YEAH, RIGHT. RIGHT, POP. WELL,
69
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:22,031
I'LL LEAVE THE BAG ON THE SINK
IN CASE YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND.
70
00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:24,989
OKAY. JUST HAVE
YOUR TEA, ALL RIGHT?
71
00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:27,225
OKAY, SON. I'LL
HAVE ME SOME TEA.
72
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:34,533
YOU BETTER NOT START ANYTHING. YOU'LL ONLY
HAVE TO QUIT WHEN HE COMES THROUGH AGAIN.
73
00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:36,535
WELL, I WASN'T GONNA
START NOTHING, BABY,
74
00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:40,004
BUT I DIDN'T WANT MY MOTOR
TURNED OFF COMPLETELY.
75
00:05:42,476 --> 00:05:44,409
YOU KNOW WHAT, DARLENE? WHAT?
76
00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:46,578
YOU REALLY KNOCK ME OUT. I DO?
77
00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:50,682
OH, YEAH. YOU GOT ME RIGHT
IN THE PALM OF YOUR HAND.
78
00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:53,852
I'M YOURS, MIND AND BODY. ♪♪
79
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:57,389
OH, NO. WELL, HE'S JUST SINGING.
80
00:05:57,458 --> 00:06:00,759
I KNOW, BUT HE MAKES ME
NERVOUS, KNOWING HE'S IN THERE.
81
00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:03,495
WOULD YOU JUST FORGET ABOUT HIM?
82
00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:06,030
♪ HONEYSUCKLE ROSE ♪
83
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:10,134
♪ I DON'T BUY SUGAR
YOU JUST A ♪♪
84
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:14,138
I GOT MY TEA.
85
00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:22,514
- GREAT.
- I PUT SOME APPLEJACK IN MINE.
86
00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:29,087
YOU CAN DO THE SAME
THING, BUT IT MAKE YOU SWEAT.
87
00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:33,892
WELL, GOOD NIGHT.
88
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:35,960
GOOD NIGHT, POP. GOOD NIGHT.
89
00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:40,198
NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.
90
00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:43,034
HEY, HOW DID JIMMY DURANTE
USED TO SAY GOOD NIGHT?
91
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:47,372
NIGHT, MRS. CALABASH,
WHEREVER YOU ARE.
92
00:06:47,441 --> 00:06:52,778
♪ INKA DINKA DINK A
DINKA DINK A DINKA DOO ♪
93
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:55,380
♪♪
94
00:07:00,454 --> 00:07:02,754
SAY, POP? I KNOW.
95
00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:05,590
PUT THE LIGHT OUT. THANK YOU.
96
00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:10,629
♪ INKA DINKA DINKA
DINKA DINKA DOO ♪♪
97
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:17,035
WELL, I THINK WE'RE
FINALLY IN THE CLEAR NOW.
98
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:20,383
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU OUGHT TO DO,
LAMONT? MOVE OUT. GET A PLACE OF YOUR OWN.
99
00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:23,675
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, DARLENE, BUT
SEE, I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THAT.
100
00:07:23,744 --> 00:07:26,244
MY OLD MAN IS GETTING OLD,
AND HE KIND OF DEPENDS ON ME.
101
00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:29,113
I KNOW, BUT YOU HAVE
NO PRIVACY THIS WAY.
102
00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:33,552
WELL, WE HAVE NOW.
103
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:36,922
WE HAD TO WAIT A LITTLE BIT, BUT
I THINK IT WAS WORTH WAITIN' FOR.
104
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,157
'CAUSE NOW IT'S JUST YOU AND ME.
105
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:44,034
WELL, IF THAT DON'T BEAT ALL!
106
00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:48,333
HERE HE COMES AGAIN.
FREEWAY FREDDY.
107
00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:54,852
HEY, LAMONT, DO YOU WANNA
HEAR SOMETHING FUNNY?
108
00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:58,977
THAT HOT TEA MADE ME HUNGRY.
109
00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:04,048
YOU FOLKS CARE FOR
ANYTHING? NO, THANK YOU, POP.
110
00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:06,785
I'M GONNA HAVE ME SOME EGGS.
111
00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:09,198
WELL, IF YOU CHANGE YOUR
MIND, JUST CALL YOUR ORDER IN...
112
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:12,357
TO OLD FRED, THE
SHORT ORDER COOK.
113
00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:16,260
YEAH. SCRAMBLE TWO
AND A SIDE OF BACON!
114
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:19,297
ORDER OF TOAST!
HEAVY ON THE BUTTER!
115
00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:21,466
COMIN' UP!
116
00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:23,869
♪ EVERY HONEYBEE ♪♪
117
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:26,983
OH, LAMONT, THIS IS
GETTING RIDICULOUS.
118
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:30,642
JUST WAIT A MINUTE, DARLENE. LISTEN, I'LL
GET THIS WHOLE THING SETTLED RIGHT NOW.
119
00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:32,218
NOW JUST COME OVER
HERE AND SIT DOWN, AND
120
00:08:32,242 --> 00:08:33,923
I'LL TAKE CARE OF THE
WHOLE THING, ALL RIGHT?
121
00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:36,781
IT'S JUST TAKES A COUPLE WORDS,
AND I'LL STRAIGHTEN IT OUT. ALL RIGHT.
122
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:39,417
NOW JUST WAIT THERE.
123
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:45,056
WILL YOU SHUT UP!
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
124
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:47,103
I'M JUST FIXING
SOMETHING TO EAT.
125
00:08:57,070 --> 00:09:00,104
JUST TRY TO KEEP IT DOWN,
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
126
00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:02,685
WHY DON'T YOU GO ON BACK
OUT THERE? DON'T COME IN HERE.
127
00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:06,978
DARLENE? DARLENE. DARLENE!
128
00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:18,056
WELL, I HOPE YOU'RE
SATISFIED. SHE LEFT.
129
00:09:18,124 --> 00:09:21,192
SHE DID? WHY DID SHE LEAVE?
WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?
130
00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:26,965
WHAT DID I DO TO HER?
131
00:09:27,034 --> 00:09:29,568
POP, THIS WHOLE THING IS YOUR
FAULT. NOW, YOU KNOW THAT.
132
00:09:29,636 --> 00:09:32,403
WHO ME?
133
00:09:32,472 --> 00:09:34,592
WHAT DID I DO? YOU
KNOW WHAT YOU DID.
134
00:09:34,641 --> 00:09:36,808
EVERY TIME I BRING
SOME CHICK HOME,
135
00:09:36,877 --> 00:09:39,088
YOU FIND SOME
WAY OF LOUSIN' IT UP.
136
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:41,646
NOW, YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT
TRUE. WHEN YOU BRING A GIRL HOME,
137
00:09:41,715 --> 00:09:44,983
I GO UPSTAIRS OR GO IN THE
KITCHEN AND SHUT THE DOOR.
138
00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:48,419
YEAH, WITH YOUR EYEBALL
PRESSED UP AGAINST THE KEYHOLE.
139
00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:53,758
ARE YOU KIDDING? I WOULDN'T WASTE
MY TIME WATCHING AN AMATEUR LIKE YOU.
140
00:09:58,198 --> 00:10:01,299
I CAN SEE MORE SEX
ON THE 6:00 NEWS.
141
00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:09,140
WELL, IF I AM AN AMATEUR, IT'S
'CAUSE I NEVER GET NO PRACTICE.
142
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:11,342
YOU'RE ALWAYS IN THE WAY, POP.
143
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:13,344
ARE YOU KIDDING? I LOST
ANOTHER ONE TONIGHT,
144
00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:17,882
THANKS TO YOU. NOW, DON'T BLAME
ME 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T MAKE IT WITH GIRLS.
145
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,218
MAYBE THEY DON'T LIKE YOU.
146
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:23,755
YEAH, THEY DIG ME, ALL RIGHT, BUT I'LL
NEVER GET NO PLACE HANGIN' AROUND HERE.
147
00:10:23,824 --> 00:10:27,025
DARLENE WAS RIGHT. I GOT
TO GET A PLACE OF MY OWN.
148
00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:29,672
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT? IT'S THE ONLY WAY, POP.
149
00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:32,097
I DON'T HAVE ANY PRIVACY HERE.
AND IT'S RIDICULOUS ANYWAY.
150
00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:36,534
A 30-YEAR-OLD MAN STILL LIVING AT
HOME. I GOT TO GET A PLACE OF MY OWN.
151
00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:39,704
BUT YOU CAN'T LEAVE. WE GOT A
BUSINESS. WHAT ABOUT THE BUSINESS?
152
00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:44,175
- WE STILL GOT THE BUSINESS.
- YEAH, BUT I'LL BE HERE ALONE.
153
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:47,846
OLD FRED, THE
LONESOME COORDINATOR.
154
00:10:47,914 --> 00:10:51,616
I'LL SEE YOU EVERY MORNING WHEN I COME
TO WORK. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
155
00:10:51,685 --> 00:10:53,685
WHAT ABOUT TONIGHT?
156
00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:56,688
WHAT IF I HAVE A HEART ATTACK
AND HAVE TO CALL THE DOCTOR?
157
00:10:56,757 --> 00:11:00,258
YOU KNOW I CAN'T DIAL THE PHONE
ON ACCOUNT OF MY ARTHRITIS.
158
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:06,531
WOULD YOU CUT THAT OUT, POP? NOW,
YOU'RE NOT GONNA HAVE NO HEART ATTACK.
159
00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:09,534
YOU'LL BE NICE AND COZY HERE
WITH YOUR NEWSPAPERS AND YOUR TV.
160
00:11:09,602 --> 00:11:12,470
AND ANYWAY, MY MIND IS MADE UP.
THIS IS SOMETHING THAT I GOT TO DO.
161
00:11:12,539 --> 00:11:15,140
SO I'M GOING. OKAY.
162
00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:18,242
OKAY, I'M AIN'T GONNA
TRY AND STOP YOU. GOOD.
163
00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:21,112
YOU WANT TO GO, GO. I'M GOING.
164
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:24,482
'CAUSE I KNOW YOU GOT YOUR
MIND MADE UP. THAT'S RIGHT.
165
00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:27,752
BUT, BUT LISTEN, SON.
166
00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:30,354
HOW WOULD IT BE
IF I WENT WITH YOU?
167
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:35,426
THEN WHAT'S THE POINT
OF ME LEAVING, POP?
168
00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:37,974
DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT IT'S
YOU I'M TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM?
169
00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:41,733
OH. I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN.
170
00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:44,803
WELL, GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.
171
00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:51,642
UH, ARE YOU STAYING
HERE TONIGHT?
172
00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:54,345
YEAH, I'LL STAY HERE TONIGHT.
I'LL LOOK FOR A PLACE TOMORROW.
173
00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:57,982
THAT'S GOOD, BECAUSE
IN CASE I HAVE AN ATTACK,
174
00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,196
YOU'LL BE HERE SO YOU
CAN DIAL THE PHONE FOR ME,
175
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,565
'CAUSE I CAN'T DIAL
ON ACCOUNT OF MY...
176
00:12:02,589 --> 00:12:04,522
YOUR ARTHRITIS. I KNOW.
177
00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:07,092
YOUR ARTHRITIS. NIGHT.
178
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,360
GOOD NIGHT.
179
00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:14,365
COME IN THIS WORLD ALONE,
AND YOU GO OUT ALONE.
180
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:16,601
THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS.
181
00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:20,471
YOU RAISE YOUR KIDS, AND SOON AS YOU
GET OLD ENOUGH FOR THE KIDS TO HELP YOU,
182
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:22,780
THEN THEY GO AND LEAVE.
183
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:36,788
♪♪
184
00:12:46,032 --> 00:12:47,966
HEY.
185
00:12:48,034 --> 00:12:51,903
LET'S SEE NOW WHO'S GONNA BE THE
LUCKY LADY TO START THE BALL ROLLING.
186
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:59,110
DARLENE. SHE'S THE ONE
RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS WHOLE THING.
187
00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:02,346
WELL, IT'S AN ENTIRELY
DIFFERENT BALL GAME NOW.
188
00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:09,654
HELLO, DARLENE? HEY,
BABY, WHAT'S HAPPENING?
189
00:13:09,722 --> 00:13:11,656
THIS IS LAMONT.
190
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:14,425
HELLO?
191
00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:16,961
HELLO! DARLENE!
192
00:13:18,265 --> 00:13:22,834
IF AT FIRST... AH, JOAN!
193
00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:25,736
I'M GONNA CALL JOAN
'CAUSE I'M ALL ALONE.
194
00:13:28,074 --> 00:13:30,008
JOAN.
195
00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:38,183
HELLO, JOAN?
196
00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:40,685
BET YOU'LL NEVER
GUESS WHO THIS IS.
197
00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:43,054
NOPE.
198
00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:45,824
NOPE.
199
00:13:45,892 --> 00:13:49,994
NO. IT'S LAMONT.
200
00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:53,331
LAMONT SANFORD.
201
00:13:53,399 --> 00:13:55,533
YEAH, I KNEW YOU'D REMEMBER.
202
00:13:55,601 --> 00:13:57,097
SAY, LISTEN, JOAN, I
WAS JUST WONDERING IF
203
00:13:57,121 --> 00:13:58,714
MAYBE YOU AND ME COULD
GET TOGETHER TONIGHT.
204
00:13:58,738 --> 00:14:03,474
YOU KNOW, I GOT MY OWN PLACE
AND EVERYTHING NOW, AND I...
205
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:06,845
WELL, CAN'T YOU GIVE YOURSELF
A FACIAL SOME OTHER TIME?
206
00:14:06,913 --> 00:14:09,714
WELL, HOW LONG DO YOU HAVE
TO LEAVE THAT STUFF ON THERE?
207
00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:12,884
NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. JUST
FORGET ABOUT IT. IT'S OKAY.
208
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:15,586
MIGHT AS WELL WAIT
TILL HER SKIN CLEARS UP.
209
00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:22,727
JOYCE. CALL JOYCE AND REJOICE!
210
00:14:22,795 --> 00:14:26,865
I'M GONNA CALL JOYCE 'CAUSE I
KNOW JOYCE AIN'T GOT NOTHING TO DO.
211
00:14:31,238 --> 00:14:33,905
UH, HELLO. CAN I SPEAK
TO JOYCE, PLEASE?
212
00:14:33,974 --> 00:14:37,075
WHO IS THIS?
213
00:14:37,143 --> 00:14:39,878
OH, NO, I DIDN'T KNOW
SHE WAS MARRIED.
214
00:14:39,946 --> 00:14:41,880
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. NO MESSAGES.
215
00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:44,048
NEVER MIND WHO'S CALLING.
216
00:14:50,957 --> 00:14:54,859
WELL, HERE IT IS. I
HOPE YOU LIKE IT.
217
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,930
YEAH. IT SURE SMELLS GOOD.
218
00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:02,239
I SURE APPRECIATE YOU
COMING AROUND TO HELP ME.
219
00:15:02,903 --> 00:15:04,969
MAN, WHAT A RUMP ROAST.
220
00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:08,572
THANK YOU.
221
00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:13,611
YOU KNOW, I HAVEN'T SEE YOU SINCE
JOE HAD THE ACCIDENT AT THE FOUNDRY.
222
00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:16,781
LET'S SEE NOW. HOW
LONG HAS THAT BEEN?
223
00:15:16,849 --> 00:15:20,351
HOW LONG YOU BEEN A
WIDOW? IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME.
224
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,620
NEARLY SIX MONTHS.
225
00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:32,596
YOU MUST BE KIND OF LONELY.
226
00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:34,710
HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT
GETTING MARRIED AGAIN?
227
00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:39,470
YEAH, I THOUGHT OF IT,
BUT I'M KIND OF PARTICULAR.
228
00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:41,572
HAVE YOU EVER
THOUGHT OF REMARRYING?
229
00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:46,244
YEAH, I THOUGHT ABOUT IT,
BUT I'M KIND OF PARTICULAR TOO.
230
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:49,780
YOU ARE? YEAH.
231
00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:52,089
I GUESS WE'RE JUST
TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE.
232
00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:55,586
THAT'S NICE. HEY, LISTEN.
233
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:58,089
YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN
COMING AROUND BEFORE.
234
00:15:58,158 --> 00:16:00,758
WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW HOW
YOUR SON WOULD FEEL ABOUT IT.
235
00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:04,295
I DIDN'T WANT HIM TO THINK I WAS
TRYING TO TAKE THE PLACE OF HIS MOTHER.
236
00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:08,032
SEE, NOW THERE'S THE DIFFERENCE.
HE CAN NEVER HAVE ANOTHER MOTHER.
237
00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:11,635
BUT I GOT TO HAVE ANOTHER MAMA.
238
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:26,128
AND NOW THAT LAMONT'S GONE
AND MOVED AND GOT HIS OWN PLACE,
239
00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:28,431
YOU CAN COME AROUND
ANYTIME YOU WANT TO.
240
00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:31,889
YOU REALLY WANT ME
TO? I SURE DO, ERNESTINE.
241
00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:34,825
HEY, LET'S DRINK A LITTLE
TOAST TO THAT. ALL RIGHT.
242
00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:37,261
I SAW THIS IN A MOVIE
ONCE. HOLD IT NOW.
243
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:41,632
HERE WE GO, LIKE THIS.
C'EST SI BON, ERNESTINE.
244
00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:11,462
HELLO.
245
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,631
HEY, PEG. WH-WHERE ARE YOU?
246
00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:20,304
WELL, THIS IS A FINE TIME
TO TELL ME YOU CAN'T COME!
247
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,418
WELL, LISTEN, I'VE GOT DINNER
COOKING AND EVERYTHING.
248
00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:25,609
I GOT THE WHOLE
PLACED FIXED UP HERE.
249
00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:28,413
WELL, WHAT HAPPENED?
250
00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:32,150
OH, NO, LISTEN, I'M REALLY SORRY
TO HEAR THAT. NO, I'M REALLY AM.
251
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,419
BUT CAN'T YOU COME ANYWAY?
252
00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:38,889
NO, I'M NOT BEING SELFISH.
LISTEN, I UNDERSTAND.
253
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:41,670
WHAT I DON'T KNOW IS WHY YOU
HAVE TO GO TO THE CHAPEL TONIGHT.
254
00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:44,028
THE BODY WILL STILL
BE THERE TOMORROW.
255
00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:48,533
YOUR UNCLE'S NOT GOING ANYPLACE.
256
00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:52,570
NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
NO, I UNDERSTAND.
257
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:55,139
SOME OTHER TIME. BYE.
258
00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:00,811
I'M COMING!
259
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,581
WILL YOU OPEN THE
DOOR? HOLD ON, WILL YA?
260
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:10,020
WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG TO...
261
00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:12,190
YOU'RE NOT EVEN DRESSED.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
262
00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:14,792
I GOT TO BED LATE LAST NIGHT.
263
00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:22,967
WHAT'S THIS? WELL, IT
WAS TOO LATE TO CLEAN UP.
264
00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:27,138
SHE WANTED TO, BUT I
TOLD HER FORGET ABOUT IT.
265
00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:29,307
MAN, WHAT A RUMP ROAST.
266
00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:35,646
WHO'S SHE?
267
00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:38,983
SHE? THAT'S THE SHE
THAT WAS HERE LAST NIGHT.
268
00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:40,985
JOE CRAWFORD'S WIDOW.
269
00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:44,188
YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED
OF YOURSELF. ASHAMED?
270
00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:47,592
WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT? WHAT'S
WRONG WITH HAVING A LITTLE COMPANY?
271
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:50,495
HOW YOU DOING WITH
YOUR PRIVACY? OH, OH!
272
00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:55,666
EVERYTHING'S FINE, POP.
YOU KNOW. YEAH. YEAH?
273
00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:58,180
THAT'S THE BEST THING YOU EVER DID,
GOING AND GETTING YOUR OWN PLACE.
274
00:18:58,204 --> 00:19:00,138
SMARTEST MOVE I EVER MADE. YEAH.
275
00:19:00,206 --> 00:19:03,608
I THOUGHT I WAS TOO OLD
FOR THIS KIND OF CARRYING ON.
276
00:19:07,213 --> 00:19:10,047
SAY, YOU KNOW WHAT
ERNESTINE CALLS ME?
277
00:19:10,116 --> 00:19:12,950
READY FREDDY.
278
00:19:18,924 --> 00:19:20,858
WHO'S ERNESTINE?
279
00:19:20,926 --> 00:19:23,361
I TOLD YOU SHE WAS
HERE LAST NIGHT.
280
00:19:23,429 --> 00:19:27,865
WHEW! MAN, WHAT A RUMP ROAST.
281
00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:36,174
WELL, I GOTTA GO TO WORK,
POP. I'LL SEE YOU LATER ON TODAY.
282
00:19:36,242 --> 00:19:39,021
NOW, LISTEN, IF YOU WANNA COME
BY AND HAVE DINNER WITH US TONIGHT,
283
00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:42,580
YOU'RE WELCOME. NO, I GOT
BIG PLANS FOR TONIGHT, POP.
284
00:19:42,649 --> 00:19:44,893
GOT THEM CHICKS LINED
UP, AIN'T YOU? OH, YEAH.
285
00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:47,017
LINED UP AND WAITIN'.
JUST ONE BIG PARADE.
286
00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:50,454
YEAH. READY FREDDY
AND PROMPT LAMONT.
287
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:03,000
WELL, FINALLY.
288
00:20:03,069 --> 00:20:06,237
WHY, HEY, I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU HAD YOUR OWN PLACE.
289
00:20:06,306 --> 00:20:09,173
I TRIED TO TELL YOU, BABY,
WHEN I CALLED YOU. YOU LIKE IT?
290
00:20:09,242 --> 00:20:13,211
I LOVE IT. IT'S...
IT'S REALLY YOU.
291
00:20:13,279 --> 00:20:15,680
I THINK SO TOO. DID
YOU DO IT ALL YOURSELF?
292
00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:18,460
WELL, MOST OF IT. JUST A FEW
THINGS I PICKED UP HERE AND THERE.
293
00:20:18,484 --> 00:20:21,752
YOU KNOW, AT HUGHES
MARKET AND AT THE AKRON.
294
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:26,591
WELL, YOU HAVE VERY GOOD TASTE.
295
00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:28,992
YEAH, I THINK SO.
296
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:32,196
SIT DOWN, MY DEAR. ALL RIGHT.
297
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:39,203
I'LL JUST PUT ON A
LITTLE MOOD MUSIC.
298
00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:41,305
OH, THAT'LL BE NICE.
299
00:20:43,175 --> 00:20:45,743
♪♪
300
00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:49,780
A LITTLE CHICO HAMILTON.
301
00:21:03,396 --> 00:21:05,996
WHO'S THAT?
302
00:21:06,065 --> 00:21:10,635
OH, JUST FORGET ABOUT IT. IT'S
PROBABLY SOMEBODY AT THE WRONG DOOR.
303
00:21:11,904 --> 00:21:14,204
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.
304
00:21:14,274 --> 00:21:17,341
I DO NOT ALLOW VISITORS OF
THE OPPOSITE SEX AFTER 11 P.M.
305
00:21:17,410 --> 00:21:19,388
WHAT KIND OF PLACE YOU
THINK I'M RUNNING HERE?
306
00:21:19,412 --> 00:21:22,212
JUST A MINUTE... THAT
MEANS YOU, MISS! OUT!
307
00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:24,993
YOU JUST CAN'T COME BUSTING IN
HERE, TELLING PEOPLE WHAT TO DO.
308
00:21:25,017 --> 00:21:28,352
OH, YES, I CAN! DID YOU READ
THE RULES OF THE HOUSE?
309
00:21:28,421 --> 00:21:30,449
WELL, THE RULES OF THE
HOUSE CLEARLY STATE
310
00:21:30,473 --> 00:21:32,623
THAT THERE WILL BE NO
VISITORS AFTER 11 P.M.
311
00:21:32,692 --> 00:21:35,559
NO VISITORS OF THE OPPOSITE
SEX. WELL, I PAID YOU THE RENT!
312
00:21:35,628 --> 00:21:37,628
NOT ANYMORE, LOVER BOY.
313
00:21:37,697 --> 00:21:40,242
WELL, JUST A MINUTE, SISTER. YOU CAN'T
COME IN HERE, SPITTIN' ON MY CANDLE.
314
00:21:40,266 --> 00:21:43,233
PACK YOUR THINGS AND GET OUT!
315
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:48,972
I GUESS I TOLD HER.
316
00:21:51,243 --> 00:21:53,177
SAY, DARLENE...
317
00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:59,183
DARLENE! DARLENE!
318
00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:12,062
WHO IS THAT? THAT YOU, LAMONT?
319
00:22:12,131 --> 00:22:15,833
OH. HIYA, SON. HEY, POP.
320
00:22:15,901 --> 00:22:18,803
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WAS
COMING HOME. WHERE YOU BEEN?
321
00:22:18,871 --> 00:22:20,871
I'VE BEEN OUT ON A DATE.
322
00:22:26,278 --> 00:22:29,246
I'M SO TIRED.
323
00:22:30,650 --> 00:22:32,628
SAY, YOU MOVIN' BACK HOME?
324
00:22:32,652 --> 00:22:35,619
NO, I JUST CAME BY TO SEE
HOW YOU WAS DOIN', YOU KNOW.
325
00:22:35,688 --> 00:22:38,589
OH. I SURE WISH YOU
MOVED BACK HOME, SON.
326
00:22:38,658 --> 00:22:40,825
I NEED SOME PROTECTION.
327
00:22:46,666 --> 00:22:49,800
YOU KNOW, THESE
WOMEN DRIVE ME CRAZY.
328
00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:54,304
IT'S ONE BIG PARADE. NIGHT
AND DAY, DAY AND NIGHT.
329
00:22:54,374 --> 00:22:56,474
THAT'S THE WAY IT'S BEEN, HUH?
330
00:22:56,542 --> 00:22:59,343
YEAH, YOU KNOW HOW IT IS WHEN
YOU GOT YOUR OWN PLACE. YEAH.
331
00:23:00,946 --> 00:23:03,781
THAT'S THE WAY IT
IS, ALL RIGHT. YEAH.
332
00:23:03,850 --> 00:23:06,584
WHEW! THEY JUST
WON'T LEAVE YOU ALONE.
333
00:23:06,652 --> 00:23:08,630
JUST AFTER YOU ALL
THE TIME. ALL THE TIME.
334
00:23:08,654 --> 00:23:11,355
ALL THE TIME, POP.
THAT'S RIGHT. YEAH.
335
00:23:11,424 --> 00:23:13,758
I'M TOO OLD FOR THIS
KIND OF CARRYING ON.
336
00:23:13,826 --> 00:23:15,804
WHY DON'T YOU MOVE
BACK HOME, SON?
337
00:23:15,828 --> 00:23:18,362
WHAT ABOUT MY PRIVACY, POP?
338
00:23:18,431 --> 00:23:21,377
WELL, IF YOU WANT TO BRING A
GIRL HERE, I WON'T BOTHER YOU.
339
00:23:21,401 --> 00:23:23,333
I PROMISE. OKAY?
340
00:23:23,403 --> 00:23:26,570
WELL, AS LONG AS
YOU PUT IT THAT WAY,
341
00:23:26,639 --> 00:23:28,617
I'LL COME BACK. GREAT.
342
00:23:28,641 --> 00:23:32,242
GOOD, THEN LET'S CELEBRATE.
WE'LL HAVE A LITTLE NIGHTCAP.
343
00:23:32,311 --> 00:23:37,047
I GOT SOME IMPORTED WINE
THAT ETHEL LEFT LAST NIGHT.
344
00:23:37,116 --> 00:23:40,785
ETHEL? WHO'S ETHEL? THAT'S
BERNARD PATTERSON'S WIDOW.
345
00:23:43,122 --> 00:23:45,890
SAY, YOU OUGHT TO BE
ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.
346
00:23:45,958 --> 00:23:48,069
WELL, YOU WON'T HAVE TO
WORRY ABOUT THAT NO MORE, SON,
347
00:23:48,093 --> 00:23:51,462
BECAUSE AFTER LAST NIGHT,
348
00:23:51,531 --> 00:23:53,931
READY FREDDY AIN'T TOO STEADY.
349
00:24:04,043 --> 00:24:06,877
YEAH, YEAH.
350
00:24:08,213 --> 00:24:10,180
YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE
ABOUT YOU, DARLENE?
351
00:24:10,249 --> 00:24:14,117
HMM? YOU'RE WILLING
TO FORGIVE AND FORGET.
352
00:24:15,421 --> 00:24:17,633
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO
WORRY ABOUT A THING, MY DEAR.
353
00:24:17,657 --> 00:24:19,768
THIS IS AN ENTIRELY
NEW SITUATION...
354
00:24:19,792 --> 00:24:22,137
THAT WE'RE ABOUT TO
EMBARK UPON. OH, IT IS?
355
00:24:22,161 --> 00:24:24,121
YES. WHERE'S YOUR FATHER?
356
00:24:24,163 --> 00:24:26,997
FORGET HIM. HE'S
UPSTAIRS SLEEPING.
357
00:24:27,066 --> 00:24:29,066
OH, THAT'S NICE. YES.
358
00:24:30,970 --> 00:24:33,403
SWEETHEART, YOU KNOW WHAT?
359
00:24:33,473 --> 00:24:37,441
WHAT? I'M HUNGRY.
360
00:24:37,510 --> 00:24:40,878
UH, WELL, LISTEN, THERE'S SOME
COLD CHICKEN IN THE REFRIGERATOR.
361
00:24:40,947 --> 00:24:43,024
WOULD YOU LIKE TO
HAVE THAT? ANYTHING.
362
00:24:43,048 --> 00:24:45,983
AND WE COULD HAVE,
UH, SOME COLD CHABLIS.
363
00:24:46,051 --> 00:24:49,219
IT'S A VERY INTERESTING DRY WHITE WINE
THAT GOES WELL WITH JUST ABOUT ANYTHING,
364
00:24:49,288 --> 00:24:52,823
AND THEN I'LL COME
BACK OUT HERE AND JUST...
365
00:24:52,892 --> 00:24:55,593
DON'T GO AWAY. BE
RIGHT BACK. I WON'T.
366
00:24:55,661 --> 00:24:57,861
OW!
367
00:25:16,883 --> 00:25:21,084
SANFORD AND SON IS RECORDED ON
TAPE BEFORE A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.
29614
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