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♪♪
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♪ UP A LAZY RIVER ♪
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♪ BY THE OLD MILL RUN ♪
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00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:07,433
♪ LAZY, LAZY RIVER ♪
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00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:10,169
♪♪
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00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:14,239
♪ LINGER IN THE SHADE OF A ♪
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♪ KIND OLD TREE ♪
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♪ THROW AWAY YOUR TROUBLES ♪
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KINDA COLD IN HERE.
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"CONTENTS.
FOUR-FIFTHS OF A QUART."
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NOT ANYMORE.
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GIN.
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BRANDY AND GIN.
THAT AIN'T NO SIN.
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♪♪
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00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:24,409
♪♪
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"FRAGILE AND VALUABLE. KEEP OUT.
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"OVER.
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00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:44,896
THIS MEANS YOU, POP."
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♪ UP A LAZY RIVER ♪
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00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:56,275
♪ BY THE OLD MILL RUN ♪
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00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:01,046
♪ LAZY, LAZY RIVER ♪♪
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00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:11,156
GEE WHIZ! THIS IS ALL
LAMONT'S VALUABLE STUFF.
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00:03:11,225 --> 00:03:14,092
PORCELAIN. OH,
HE'S GONNA KILL ME.
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00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,334
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, LAMONT.
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00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:24,336
HONEST. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
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00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:27,639
THAT'S THE KIND OF THING THAT
HAPPEN WHEN YOU GOT ARTHRITIS.
27
00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:32,444
HONEST. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
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00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:34,946
YOU BELIEVE ME, DON'T YOU, SON?
29
00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:38,283
YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME?
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00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:41,386
YOU... YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME?
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00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:44,723
YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME.
NO, YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME.
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00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:49,094
WOULD YOU BELIEVE A
ROBBERY? YEAH, YEAH.
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00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:51,129
HE'LL BELIEVE A ROBBERY.
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00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:54,299
I KNOW HE'LL BELIEVE A ROBBERY.
35
00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:02,674
SOMETHING LIKE
THIS HAPPENED TO ME.
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00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:48,520
HEY, POP, I'M HOME.
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00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:57,663
SAY, POP, YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN IT. I
WAS COMING ACROSS THE STREET, AND I...
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00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:09,474
SAY, POP! POP! WHAT HAPPENED?
39
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,903
WHO IS IT? HELP! POLICE!
40
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:15,747
TAKE IT EASY, POP! IT'S
ME, LAMONT! IT'S ME, POP!
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00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:18,383
LAMONT, IS THAT YOU?
YEAH! WHAT HAPPENED, POP?
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00:05:18,452 --> 00:05:22,086
THE ROOM'S SPINNIN' AROUND.
I'M SO DIZZY. TAKE IT EASY, POP.
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00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:24,467
I DON'T KNOW WHERE
I'M GOIN'. OVER HERE, POP.
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00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:27,158
IS THAT YOU, LAMONT?
YEAH, OVER HERE.
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00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:30,395
COME OVER HERE ON THE
SOFA. STRETCH OUT, POP.
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00:05:30,464 --> 00:05:32,964
JUST TAKE IT EASY.
EVERYTHING IS ALL RIGHT.
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00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:36,535
LISTEN, JUST
RELAX, POP. OH, SON.
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00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:40,138
- YOU WANT A SHOT OF SOMETHING?
- THAT'LL BE NICE.
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00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:45,210
A LITTLE BRANDY WILL BE
JUST THE THING FOR YOU.
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00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:47,212
SAY, THE BRANDY'S GONE.
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00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,381
THEY TOOK EVERYTHING.
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00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:53,985
JUST RELAX, POP.
EVERYTHING IS ALL RIGHT.
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00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:56,688
JUST TAKE IT EASY.
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00:05:56,757 --> 00:06:00,124
HERE. NOW, DRINK THIS, POP,
AND TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED.
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00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:05,397
WE WERE ROBBED. ROBBED.
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00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:08,199
SEE, I WAS IN THE KITCHEN,
FIXIN' YOUR SUPPER.
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00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:10,969
I WAS FIXIN' SOME SPARE
RIBS AND PINTO BEANS.
58
00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:17,809
AND I HEARD THIS NOISE, SO I
CAME OUT, AND THEY JUMPED ME.
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00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,811
I DID THE BEST I COULD, LAMONT.
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00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:24,449
BUT YOU KNOW, IT WAS HARD FOR ME
TO MAKE A FIST WITH THIS ARTHRITIS.
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00:06:24,518 --> 00:06:27,886
AND... AND THEY JUST... THEY
ROBBED US. WE WERE ROBBED.
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00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:31,189
OHH! MY COLLECTION!
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00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:36,361
MY PORCELAIN AND GLASS
COLLECTION! THEY TOOK IT!
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00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:39,431
YEAH, I TRIED TO STOP 'EM. I
SAID, "HEY, DON'T TAKE THAT!
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00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:42,934
"THAT'S MY SON'S PORCELAIN
AND GLASS COLLECTION.
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00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:45,904
IT'S FRAGILE AND VALUABLE."
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00:06:45,972 --> 00:06:48,017
WHAT'D YOU HAVE TO TELL 'EM THAT
FOR? I DIDN'T HAVE TO TELL THEM THAT.
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00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:51,142
YOU HAD A SIGN IN THERE
SAYIN' "FRAGILE AND VALUABLE."
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00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:52,944
ONE OF THE GUYS READ IT.
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00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:57,215
HE SAID, "OH, LET'S TAKE THIS
FRAGILE AND VALUABLE COLLECTION."
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00:06:59,453 --> 00:07:01,586
I TRIED TO STOP 'EM,
BUT THEY TOOK IT.
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00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:04,989
SAY, POP, WASN'T THERE SOMETHING
YOU COULD'VE DONE? I MEAN...
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00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:07,036
COULDN'T YOU HAVE DONE
SOMETHING, POP? WHAT COULD I DO?
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00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:11,162
THERE WAS FOUR OF THEM. FOUR WHITE
MEN WITH STOCKINGS OVER THEIR HEADS.
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00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:15,177
THEY HAD STOCKINGS
OVER THEIR HEADS? YEAH.
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00:07:15,201 --> 00:07:20,171
ARE YOU SURE THEY WERE WHITE,
POP? I KNOW THEY WASN'T BLACK.
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00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:23,442
YOU CAN'T GET NO STOCKING
OVER ONE OF THEM BIG NATURALS.
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00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:37,556
AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED?
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00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:40,403
THEY SLUGGED ME ON THE BACK OF
THE HEAD. LET ME PUT SOMETHING ON IT.
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00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:45,430
NO, NO, NO. DON'T TOUCH IT. IT'S TOO
TENDER. AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED?
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00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:49,400
I DON'T REMEMBER. OH, I REMEMBER
SEEIN' YOUR MOTHER COMIN' TOWARD ME...
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00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:51,570
IN A WHITE DRESS.
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00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:59,377
SHE SAID, "COME ON
AND JOIN ME, HONEY."
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00:07:59,446 --> 00:08:01,991
THAT TOOK A LOT OF GUTS. YOU
KNOW, YOU COULD'VE BEEN KILLED.
85
00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:05,316
YEAH, BUT I COULD'VE
TOOK TWO OF 'EM. BUT SIX?
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00:08:09,122 --> 00:08:11,100
I THOUGHT YOU SAID
THERE WERE FOUR.
87
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:16,227
OH, OH, YEAH. FOUR. THAT'S HOW
MANY IT WAS. FOUR. WE WERE ROBBED.
88
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:21,099
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
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00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:24,369
THE FRYING PAN. THEY
TOOK THE FRYING PAN TOO?
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00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:29,841
I DON'T KNOW, BUT I'M GONNA FIND
OUT. YEAH, LOOK IN THE KITCHEN.
91
00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:31,910
SEE WHAT'S MISSING
OUT OF THE KITCHEN.
92
00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:35,013
I HOPE THEY DIDN'T
TAKE MY PINTO BEANS.
93
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:39,261
I FOUND IT, POP. IT WAS IN
THE KITCHEN ON THE STOVE.
94
00:08:39,285 --> 00:08:42,020
AND THIS IS JUST THE
KIND OF EVIDENCE WE NEED.
95
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:46,825
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- I'M GONNA CALL THE COPS.
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00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:48,960
THE COPS! WHAT DO YOU
WANNA CALL THE COPS FOR?
97
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:51,095
WE DON'T NEED NO COPS
AROUND HERE HANGING AROUND.
98
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:53,643
DON'T DO THAT. POP,
THIS ISN'T JUST A ROBBERY.
99
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:56,902
NOW THIS IS ASSAULT
WITH A DEADLY WEAPON.
100
00:08:56,970 --> 00:09:01,006
HELLO, OPERATOR? LISTEN. GET ME
THE POLICE. QUICK. THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.
101
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:04,809
LISTEN, A FRYING PAN AIN'T NO DEADLY
WEAPON. BESIDES, I FEEL ALL RIGHT NOW.
102
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:07,045
THAT'S ALL RIGHT,
POP... HELLO, POLICE?
103
00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:09,113
LISTEN, I WANT TO
REPORT A ROBBERY.
104
00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:11,449
THAT'S RIGHT. A
ROBBERY AND AN ASSAULT.
105
00:09:11,518 --> 00:09:16,254
NOW, THE NAME IS SANFORD, AND WE'RE
LOCATED AT 9114 SOUTH CENTRAL AVENUE.
106
00:09:16,322 --> 00:09:19,424
YEAH. THAT'S RIGHT.
OKAY, THANK YOU.
107
00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:22,104
THEY'RE GIVING THE MESSAGE TO THE
SQUAD CAR. THEY'LL BE HERE ANY MINUTE.
108
00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:24,629
WHAT DO YOU WANNA CALL THE
POLICE FOR? WHAT CAN THEY DO?
109
00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:26,676
THEY CAN GET THE
STUFF BACK FOR US, POP.
110
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:30,334
DO YOU REALIZE THE PIECES THAT WAS
IN THIS CABINET WAS WORTH OVER $200?
111
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:33,237
WELL, HOW THEY GONNA
FIND THEM FIVE CROOKS?
112
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:36,274
WELL, THAT'S OK... FIVE?
113
00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:38,621
YOU MEAN FOUR, DON'T YOU?
114
00:09:38,645 --> 00:09:43,615
OH, YEAH, FOUR. FOUR.
THEY ALL SPREAD OUT BY NOW.
115
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:46,863
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, POP. I JUST WANNA GET MY
HANDS ON THOSE GUYS THAT JUMPED YOU, MAN.
116
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:50,288
IMAGINE THAT. FOUR GUYS
JUMPING ON A DEFENSELESS OLD MAN.
117
00:09:50,356 --> 00:09:52,924
YEAH, THAT'S TERRIBLE.
118
00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:55,226
IT'S DISGUSTING. WE WERE ROBBED.
119
00:09:57,564 --> 00:10:01,633
HEY, THERE'S THE COPS. LISTEN, POP,
YOU JUST SIT OVER HERE AND RELAX.
120
00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:04,280
NOW JUST TAKE IT EASY. EVERYTHING
IS GONNA BE ALL RIGHT, OKAY?
121
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:07,072
OKAY, SON. I'M GONNA
LET THE COPS IN.
122
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:09,251
HEY, SMITTY, COME ON IN.
HEY, LAMONT, WHAT'S GOING ON?
123
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:11,721
IT'S MY POP. HEY, FRED,
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
124
00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:13,678
WHO IS IT? WHO IS IT?
125
00:10:13,747 --> 00:10:16,615
IT'S ME, BROTHER. SMITTY.
OH, BROTHER SMITH.
126
00:10:16,683 --> 00:10:19,517
THEY ALMOST GOT ME. YEAH?
WHO DID? WHAT HAPPENED?
127
00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:21,731
WE WERE ROBBED.
TELL HIM, LAMONT.
128
00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:24,089
WE WERE ROBBED.
YEAH, WE WERE ROBBED.
129
00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:26,569
SEE, I WAS IN THE KITCHEN,
FIXIN' SOME SPARE RIBS... HOLD IT.
130
00:10:26,593 --> 00:10:29,593
NOW, HOLD IT! HOLD
IT! AND PINTO BEANS.
131
00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:32,541
IT'LL BE NECESSARY TO GET A DETAILED
REPORT OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES...
132
00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:34,611
THE BURGLARY ITSELF;
133
00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:38,103
THE NATURE OF THE PHYSICAL
ASSAULT PERPETRATED ON THE VICTIM.
134
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:46,511
HE WANTS THE "T" ON WHAT GOT
SNATCHED AND HOW YOU GOT WIPED OUT.
135
00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:55,620
SO THAT'S WHAT HE SAID.
136
00:10:57,090 --> 00:11:00,410
FIRST, WHAT'S YOUR FULL
NAME? SANFORD. FRED SANFORD.
137
00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:04,062
I THOUGHT HE WAS FRED
SANFORD. OH, HE IS. I'M LAMONT.
138
00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:06,643
AND YOU WERE ATTACKED
AND ROBBED. THAT'S RIGHT.
139
00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:08,645
YOU WERE ATTACKED AND ROBBED?
140
00:11:08,669 --> 00:11:10,647
HE WAS ATTACKED AND
ROBBED. AND WHERE WERE YOU?
141
00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:13,351
OUT IN THE TRUCK. YOU
WERE OUT IN THE TRUCK?
142
00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:18,677
I WAS ON THE TRUCK. HE
WAS ATTACKED AND ROBBED.
143
00:11:18,745 --> 00:11:21,245
HOLD IT.
144
00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:23,748
WE'LL COMMENCE AGAIN.
145
00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:27,585
FIRST, WHAT IS YOUR
FULL NAME? FRED SANFORD.
146
00:11:27,654 --> 00:11:31,289
THAT'S S-A-N-F-O-R-D PERIOD.
147
00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:34,303
YOU WERE IN THE HOUSE, AND
YOU WERE ATTACKED AND ROBBED.
148
00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:38,697
HOW MANY MEN WERE
THERE? UH, HOW MANY I SAY?
149
00:11:38,765 --> 00:11:39,765
FOUR.
150
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:43,234
FOUR. FOUR?
151
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:45,369
THAT TOO MANY?
152
00:11:50,177 --> 00:11:53,377
BUT, UH, NO, IF THAT'S
IT. WERE THEY COLORED?
153
00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:59,483
YEAH. WHITE.
154
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,928
ALL FOUR OF THEM?
YEAH, ALL FOUR OF THEM.
155
00:12:09,996 --> 00:12:13,531
DID YOU NOTICE IF ONE OF
THEM ACTED AS THE C.O.?
156
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,867
YOU KNOW, MAN. THE CHIEF.
157
00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:18,447
OH, YEAH. WHAT'D
THE OTHERS CALL HIM?
158
00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:21,005
CHIEF.
159
00:12:25,378 --> 00:12:27,338
OKAY, WHAT HAPPENED THEN?
160
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:29,580
WELL, SEE, I WAS IN THE KITCHEN,
161
00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:33,384
COOKIN' SOME SPARE RIBS AND
PINTO BEANS... WAIT A MINUTE.
162
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,720
P-I-N-T-O.
163
00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:41,659
I KNOW.
164
00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:44,328
BEANS.
165
00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:46,375
GO AHEAD. GO AHEAD.
166
00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:51,936
AND I HEARD A NOISE. I CAME OUT, AND
THERE WAS FOUR GUYS ROBBIN' THE PLACE.
167
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:56,574
AND? AND? OH, AND, UH...
168
00:12:56,643 --> 00:13:01,312
AND I HAD THE FRYING PAN IN MY
HAND, AND I STARTED SWINGING.
169
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:04,548
THEN WHAT?
170
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:07,919
THEN WHAT WHAT? WHAT DID
YOU DO? WHAT DID THEY DO?
171
00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:10,688
WELL, THEN ONE OF
THEM HOLLERED, "GET HIM!"
172
00:13:10,757 --> 00:13:13,591
AND TWO OF 'EM HELD ME,
AND ONE OF 'EM BEAT ME.
173
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:16,627
WHAT DID THE FOURTH MAN DO? HUH?
174
00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:21,377
TWO MEN HELD YOU AND ONE BEAT YOU.
THAT'S THREE. YOU SAID THERE WERE FOUR.
175
00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:23,441
WHAT DID THE FOURTH MAN DO?
176
00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:27,705
OH, HE WAS THE ONE
THAT HOLLERED, "GET HIM."
177
00:13:29,742 --> 00:13:32,677
YEAH. HE MUST'VE BEEN THE CHIEF.
178
00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:36,147
MR. SANFORD, UH,
179
00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:38,850
DO YOU THINK THE
INJURIES SUSTAINED DURING
180
00:13:38,874 --> 00:13:41,786
THE ALTERCATION MIGHT
REQUIRE HOSPITALIZATION?
181
00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:44,655
DO YOU WANT TO GET
YOUR SKULL CHECKED OUT?
182
00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:48,226
NO, I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE
HOSPITAL. I CAN'T WASTE THREE DAYS.
183
00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:51,207
BUT IT ONLY TAKES A FEW MINUTES.
IT TAKES YOU A FEW MINUTES.
184
00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:53,865
IT TAKES US THREE DAYS
IN THE WAITING ROOM.
185
00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:01,940
VERY WELL. EXACTLY
WHAT WAS TAKEN?
186
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:03,986
WELL, SEE, I WAS DOING ALL
THE FIGHTIN' MOST OF THE TIME.
187
00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:05,944
SEE, I FOUGHT ALL
OF THEM BY MYSELF.
188
00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:08,880
BUT LAMONT CAN TELL YOU WHAT
WAS TAKEN. YOU TELL THEM, LAMONT.
189
00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:12,183
YEAH. THEY TOOK SOME PORCELAIN
PIECES AND SOME FRENCH GLASSWARE.
190
00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:14,185
AND IT WAS WORTH OVER 200 BUCKS.
191
00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:16,921
AND IT WAS FRAGILE AND VALUABLE.
192
00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:23,294
SEE, I WAS IN THE KITCHEN... ALL
RIGHT, MR. SANFORD, EXCUSE ME.
193
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:26,197
WOULD YOU CHECK THIS
FOR ACCURACY, PLEASE?
194
00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:28,244
"FOUR UNIDENTIFIED
CAUCASIAN MALES...
195
00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:30,246
"ENTERED PREMISES OF
SALVAGE BUSINESS STRUCTURE...
196
00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:32,781
"AND COMMITTED ASSAULT ON THE LONE
OCCUPANT, RENDERING HIM UNCONSCIOUS,
197
00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:34,851
"THEN PROCEEDED TO
REMOVE FROM THE PREMISES...
198
00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:37,876
"COLLECTOR ITEMS
VALUED IN EXCESS OF $200,
199
00:14:37,944 --> 00:14:40,256
WITH NO INFORMATION ON ROUTE
OF SUSPECTS UPON DEPARTING."
200
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:44,648
RIGHT? RIGHT. RIGHT.
WE WERE ROBBED.
201
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:47,796
WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MR. SANFORD.
LET'S GO. I WAS IN THE KITCHEN...
202
00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:53,024
OH, MR. SANFORD, I'M GONNA TELL THEM
DOWN AT H.Q. WHAT A BRAVE MAN YOU ARE.
203
00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:55,437
A VICTIM YOUR AGE TAKING
ON FOUR ASSAILANTS.
204
00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:57,439
YOU MIGHT EVEN GET A CITATION.
205
00:14:57,463 --> 00:15:01,732
YOU HEAR THAT, POP? YOU'RE A
HERO. GET ANY MONEY FOR THAT?
206
00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:04,546
ARE YOU KIDDING? THAT'S
AN HONOR. YEAH. THAT'S RIGHT.
207
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:06,905
SURE IS. WELL, YOU'LL
BE HEARING FROM US.
208
00:15:06,973 --> 00:15:09,051
TAKE IT SLOW, FRED. SEE YOU LATER,
LAMONT. SEE YOU LATER, SMITTY.
209
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:11,209
SO LONG, OFFICER SWANHAUSER.
210
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:17,159
SAY, POP, YOU FEEL OKAY NOW?
I'M KINDA DIZZY. KINDA DIZZY, SON.
211
00:15:17,183 --> 00:15:21,752
LISTEN, I WANT YOU TO PROMISE ME THAT
YOU'LL NEVER DO NOTHING LIKE THAT AGAIN.
212
00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:24,389
- WHAT?
- RISK YOUR LIFE FOR
A FEW PIECES OF GLASS.
213
00:15:24,457 --> 00:15:27,758
- THAT WAS CRAZY.
- BUT THAT GLASS WAS VALUABLE.
214
00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:32,730
I KNOW, POP, BUT YOU'RE MORE
VALUABLE TO ME THAN GLASS.
215
00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:36,935
THAT'S THE NICEST THING
YOU'VE SAID TO ME IN A LONG TIME,
216
00:15:37,003 --> 00:15:39,971
THAT YOU LIKE ME
BETTER THAN GLASS.
217
00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:45,910
I'LL BET THIS IS GONNA BE SOMETHING
YOU'RE GONNA REMEMBER FOR A LONG TIME.
218
00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:49,180
YEAH. SEE, I WAS IN THE
KITCHEN, FIXIN' YOUR SUPPER,
219
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:52,917
AND I WAS FIXIN' YOU SOME
SPARE RIBS AND SOME PINTO BEANS,
220
00:15:52,986 --> 00:15:54,964
I KNOW, POP. AND I WAS
CHOPPIN' UP THE ONIONS...
221
00:15:54,988 --> 00:15:57,422
WHEN I HEARD THIS
NOISE. I KNOW, POP.
222
00:15:57,490 --> 00:16:01,125
AND I DIDN'T KNOW NOBODY WAS
OUT HERE. POP, WE WERE ROBBED.
223
00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:04,128
YEAH. WE WERE ROBBED.
224
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:15,440
COME ON IN, SWANEE.
225
00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:17,442
HEY, LAMONT! YOU HOME?
226
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:19,721
HEY, POP. I JUST CAME HOME
TO FIX MYSELF SOME LUNCH.
227
00:16:19,745 --> 00:16:21,723
HOW YOU DOIN',
OFFICER SWANHAUSER?
228
00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:24,126
SAY, YOU BEEN DOWN AT THE
POLICE STATION ALL THIS TIME?
229
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:27,918
YEAH, AND THEY GAVE ME A CITATION,
JUST LIKE SWANEE HERE SAID THEY WOULD.
230
00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:29,966
AND HE WAS NICE
ENOUGH TO DRIVE ME HOME.
231
00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:33,691
HEY, SWANEE, READ THIS
THE WAY YOU DID DOWN AT H.Q.
232
00:16:33,759 --> 00:16:35,726
THAT'S HEADQUARTERS.
233
00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:42,166
"CITATION FOR BRAVERY
TO FRED SANFORD...
234
00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:45,470
"FOR HIS COURAGE IN HIS PART
IN FIGHTING CRIME IN OUR CITY,
235
00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:49,440
WITH APPRECIATION FROM THE
LOS ANGELES POLICE DEPARTMENT."
236
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:51,442
YOU CAN BE MIGHTY
PROUD OF YOUR FATHER.
237
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:52,977
I AM PROUD OF HIM.
238
00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:55,091
THAT'S THE KIND OF SPUNK SOME
OF THE KIDS TODAY COULD USE.
239
00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:58,582
LIKE YOUR OLD MAN. HE'S GOT
SPUNK. KIDS TODAY DON'T HAVE SPUNK.
240
00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:00,129
YOU DON'T THINK SO? NO.
241
00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:02,764
ALL THEY WANNA DO IS SIT AROUND
AND LET THEIR HAIR GROW LONG.
242
00:17:02,788 --> 00:17:06,190
THEY'RE SPOILED. KIDS
TODAY DON'T HAVE MANNERS.
243
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:09,219
THEY DON'T HAVE RESPECT. THEY
DON'T HAVE WHAT YOUR FATHER'S GOT.
244
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:12,363
SPUNK? SPUNK! I GOT SPUNK.
245
00:17:13,799 --> 00:17:16,734
WELL, I GOTTA BE GETTIN' BACK.
246
00:17:16,802 --> 00:17:19,581
THANKS A LOT, SWANEE, FOR DRIVING
ME HOME. I SURE APPRECIATE IT.
247
00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:21,772
GLAD TO DO IT,
SANFORD. LISTEN, UH,
248
00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:24,442
YOU GET THIS FRAMED.
OH, YEAH, I WILL.
249
00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:28,513
ANY LONG-HAIRED KIDS COME
AROUND, JUST SHOW 'EM YOUR CITATION.
250
00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:31,782
RIGHT. I'LL SHOW IT TO 'EM.
251
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:35,853
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO NOW, POP?
252
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:38,656
I THINK I'LL GO DOWN TO THE POOL
HALL AND SHOW ALL THE FELLAS.
253
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:40,702
YOU KNOW, MY CITATION. OKAY.
254
00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:42,846
YOU WANNA GO WITH ME? NO, NO.
255
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:46,255
I GOTTA GO DELIVER SOME
STUFF I SOLD THIS MORNING.
256
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:49,167
WELL, YOU KNOW
WHERE I'LL BE. YEAH.
257
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:51,169
SO LONG, SPUNKY.
258
00:18:41,187 --> 00:18:44,455
"LOS ANGELS POLICE
DEPARTMENT CITATION FOR VALOR."
259
00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:55,233
THAT'S BEAUTIFUL. HEY, LAMONT,
I HAD MY PICTURE FRAME...
260
00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:02,306
LAMONT! LAMONT,
WHAT HAPPENED, SON?
261
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:03,852
LAMONT! HELP! POLICE!
262
00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:07,778
WAIT A MINUTE! NO, IT'S ME!
LAMONT, WAIT. LET ME HELP YOU.
263
00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:09,825
IS THAT YOU, POP?
YEAH, THIS IS ME, SON.
264
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:13,129
I FEEL DIZZY. THE WHOLE
ROOM IS SPINNING AROUND.
265
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:16,340
I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M
GOING, POP. COME OVER HERE.
266
00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:18,767
WHERE ARE YOU? ARE YOU STILL
HERE? I'M RIGHT HERE WITH YOU.
267
00:19:18,791 --> 00:19:21,325
SIT HERE ON THE SOFA. AND
TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED.
268
00:19:21,394 --> 00:19:23,594
OH, WE WERE ROBBED.
269
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,829
- TWICE IN TWO DAYS.
- ROBBED?
270
00:19:25,898 --> 00:19:29,500
YEAH. I THINK IT WAS THE SAME
GUYS THAT WAS HERE YESTERDAY.
271
00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:31,935
YOU SEE, THEY DO THAT SOMETIMES.
272
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:35,739
THEY DON'T FIGURE THAT YOU'LL BE
EXPECTING 'EM BACK FOR A LONG TIME.
273
00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:38,309
AND THEN THEY COME BACK,
AND THEY HIT YOU REAL FAST.
274
00:19:38,378 --> 00:19:40,789
WHAT GUYS? WHAT
ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
275
00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:43,347
THE FOUR WHITE GUYS WITH THE
STOCKINGS OVER THEIR HEADS, RIGHT?
276
00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:44,649
STOCKINGS?
277
00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:47,851
YEAH. THE SAME GUYS
THAT GOT YOU, REMEMBER?
278
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:49,887
OH. OH, THEM GUYS.
279
00:19:49,955 --> 00:19:52,290
YEAH. WELL, THEY CAME BACK, POP.
280
00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:54,403
AND GUESS WHAT THEY
WENT STRAIGHT FOR. WHAT?
281
00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:56,927
- YOUR PIGGY BANK.
- MY PIGGY BANK?
282
00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:58,996
OH!
283
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:04,968
OH! MY PIGGY BANK! I HAD
OVER $200 IN HERE! I KNOW, POP.
284
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,672
I TRIED TO STOP 'EM. I
SAID, "HEY, DON'T TAKE THAT.
285
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:10,208
MY POP'S GOT
OVER $200 IN THERE."
286
00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:13,277
TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS.
287
00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:15,580
AND THEN I GRABBED THE
POT, AND I STARTED SWINGING.
288
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:17,582
JUST LIKE IT HAPPENED
TO YOU, RIGHT?
289
00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:20,350
NO, THAT'S WHAT... THAT
DIDN'T HAPPEN TO ME.
290
00:20:20,374 --> 00:20:21,085
IT DIDN'T?
291
00:20:21,153 --> 00:20:26,357
NO, I MEAN... I DIDN'T HAVE
A POT. I HAD A FRYING PAN.
292
00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:29,627
IT DON'T MAKE NO DIFFERENCE.
YOU HAD A PAN, I HAD A POT.
293
00:20:29,696 --> 00:20:32,930
I TRIED TO FIGHT 'EM OFF, POP.
BUT IT WAS JUST TOO MANY OF 'EM.
294
00:20:32,998 --> 00:20:37,801
AND IT WAS HARD FOR ME TO MAKE
A FIST 'CAUSE I CAUGHT A CRAMP.
295
00:20:41,807 --> 00:20:42,789
YOU GOT A CRAMP?
296
00:20:42,813 --> 00:20:45,943
YEAH, I CAUGHT A CRAMP. I
TRIED TO FIGHT 'EM OFF, POP.
297
00:20:46,011 --> 00:20:50,781
I WAS FIGHTIN' THEM, BUT THEY JUST
OVERPOWERED ME. YOU BELIEVE ME, DON'T YOU?
298
00:20:52,518 --> 00:20:56,053
Y-YEAH, I BELIEVE YOU.
299
00:20:56,122 --> 00:21:00,157
YEAH, WELL, I GUESS YOU BETTER GO
ON OVER HERE AND CALL THE POLICE.
300
00:21:00,226 --> 00:21:02,204
HERE WE GO WITH ANOTHER
REPORT. I DON'T THINK I OUGHT TO...
301
00:21:02,228 --> 00:21:05,229
I WONDER IF THEY'LL GIVE ME A
CITATION LIKE THE ONE THEY GAVE YOU.
302
00:21:05,298 --> 00:21:08,132
I DON'T WHAT TO TALK... WELL,
GO ON AND CALL THE POLICE.
303
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,401
I DON'T THINK YOU
SHOULD ASK ME TO...
304
00:21:15,074 --> 00:21:17,675
AND WHEN YOU GET 'EM, TELL
'EM I FOUND MY PORCELAIN...
305
00:21:17,744 --> 00:21:22,146
ALL SMASHED UP AND BROKEN IN
THE REFRIGERATOR IN THE YARD.
306
00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:26,550
BUT... I WONDER
HOW IT GOT THERE.
307
00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:29,487
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. ALL RIGHT!
308
00:21:29,555 --> 00:21:31,722
ALL RIGHT, I TELL
YOU. I ALREADY KNOW.
309
00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:33,769
I TELL YOU WHAT
HAPPENED. I ALREADY KNOW.
310
00:21:33,793 --> 00:21:37,395
YOU BROKE MY PORCELAIN AND THEN
YOU FAKED A ROBBERY, YOU OLD FAKER.
311
00:21:37,463 --> 00:21:39,497
WELL, TWO PEOPLE
CAN PLAY AT THAT GAME.
312
00:21:39,565 --> 00:21:42,043
BUT... BUT IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!
HMM. THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
313
00:21:42,067 --> 00:21:46,837
THE MONEY I GOT OUT YOUR PIGGY
BANK WILL BUY ME A NEW COLLECTION.
314
00:21:46,906 --> 00:21:50,775
THAT'S THE MONEY I WAS
SAVING FOR MY HEART OPERATION.
315
00:21:52,278 --> 00:21:55,613
YOU KNOW, I WAS GONNA GET
ONE OF THEM HEART TRANSPLANTS.
316
00:21:55,682 --> 00:21:58,160
IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO SAVE
THAT MONEY. GIVE ME MY MONEY!
317
00:21:58,184 --> 00:22:00,429
NO. I SAID NO. NO, I WANT
MY MONEY. I SAVED...
318
00:22:00,453 --> 00:22:02,720
I SAID NO, POP. NOW
GET OUT OF HERE.
319
00:22:03,756 --> 00:22:05,823
UH-OH!
320
00:22:08,361 --> 00:22:10,294
NOW YOU WENT AND DID IT!
321
00:22:12,565 --> 00:22:14,832
I MIGHT NEED THAT MONEY TONIGHT.
322
00:22:14,900 --> 00:22:18,836
OHH! I'VE NEVER HAD
PAINS LIKE THIS BEFORE!
323
00:22:18,904 --> 00:22:21,750
OH, THIS IS THE WORST
ONE I EVER HAD, SON.
324
00:22:21,774 --> 00:22:26,076
OH, IT'S THE WORSE ONE.
THIS IS THE BIG ONE. I'M DYING!
325
00:22:26,145 --> 00:22:30,481
YOU HEAR THAT, ELIZABETH? I'M
COMING TO JOIN YOU, HONEY. OHH!
326
00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:35,285
MAYBE THAT'S ELIZABETH.
327
00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:44,027
MR. SANFORD? NO,
THAT'S NOT ELIZABETH.
328
00:22:44,096 --> 00:22:47,197
TOO YOUNG AND TOO WHITE.
329
00:22:49,569 --> 00:22:52,815
NOTHING. I WAS JUST TALKING
TO MYSELF. CAN I HELP YOU?
330
00:22:52,839 --> 00:22:56,240
I'M A REPORTER FROM A NEW
MAGAZINE CALLED PEOPLE TODAY,
331
00:22:56,308 --> 00:22:59,810
AND WE'RE DOING A SERIES
ENTITLED "WHAT MAKES A HERO?"
332
00:22:59,879 --> 00:23:02,480
WELL, YOU'VE BEEN SELECTED
FOR DOING A LIFE STORY.
333
00:23:02,548 --> 00:23:04,882
OH, REALLY? DOES
THAT PAY ANYTHING?
334
00:23:04,950 --> 00:23:08,352
THEY USUALLY PAY $150.
335
00:23:12,792 --> 00:23:15,793
UH, YOU THINK THEY
MIGHT PAY $200?
336
00:23:15,862 --> 00:23:18,262
OH, I'M SURE THEY WILL.
WELL, COME RIGHT IN THEN.
337
00:23:18,330 --> 00:23:20,431
COME RIGHT IN HERE.
338
00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:23,868
LAMONT, THIS LADY'S FROM A
MAGAZINE. I ALREADY HEARD, POP.
339
00:23:23,936 --> 00:23:25,914
YEAH. SHE'S GONNA DO...
SIT RIGHT HERE, DEAR.
340
00:23:25,938 --> 00:23:29,573
WARM ENOUGH FOR YOU?
COMFORTABLE? YOU SAY I CAN GET 200...
341
00:23:31,711 --> 00:23:34,845
UH, LAMONT, WHY DON'T
YOU TAKE YOUR 200...
342
00:23:34,914 --> 00:23:37,481
AND GO SEE IF YOU CAN GET
YOU SOME NEW PORCELAIN?
343
00:23:37,550 --> 00:23:41,184
I'M GONNA SIT HERE WITH THE
LADY AND DO MY STORY FOR THIS 200.
344
00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:43,554
WE WON'T NEED YOU HERE AT ALL.
345
00:23:43,623 --> 00:23:48,459
UH, GO RIGHT AHEAD, DEAR. NOW,
WHERE WERE YOU BORN, MR. SANFORD?
346
00:23:48,528 --> 00:23:52,329
ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI.
THAT'S M-O PERIOD.
347
00:23:54,734 --> 00:23:57,768
YEAH, YOU SEE, MY
GRANDFATHER WAS THE FIRST ONE,
348
00:23:57,837 --> 00:24:00,137
YOU KNOW, THAT HAD
THAT BRAVERY AND SPUNK.
349
00:24:00,205 --> 00:24:02,139
HE HAD IT. HE WAS BRAVE.
350
00:24:02,207 --> 00:24:07,711
IN FACT, HE WAS IN THAT BIG BATTLE
BETWEEN THE GRAYS AND THE BLUES.
351
00:24:07,780 --> 00:24:10,781
THE HOMESTEAD GRAYS
AND THE ST. LOUIS BLUES.
352
00:24:13,118 --> 00:24:15,553
THAT WAS JUST A LITTLE
SOMETHING I THREW IN THERE.
353
00:24:15,621 --> 00:24:18,049
BUT YOU KNOW, HE WAS
A CAPTAIN IN THE CIVIL
354
00:24:18,073 --> 00:24:20,524
WAR IN THE CAVALRY.
CAPTAIN OF THE CAVALRY.
355
00:24:20,593 --> 00:24:22,526
AND ONE TIME, THEY
WERE SURROUNDED.
356
00:24:22,595 --> 00:24:24,895
215,000.215.
357
00:24:24,964 --> 00:24:27,798
AND THE GENERAL SAID,
"WE'RE SURROUNDED.
358
00:24:27,867 --> 00:24:29,827
WHAT SHOULD WE DO?
SHOULD WE TURN BACK?"
359
00:24:29,869 --> 00:24:34,939
AND MY GRANDFATHER STOOD UP IN HIS
STIRRUPS AND SAID, "NO! RIDE ON, RIDE ON!"
360
00:24:38,043 --> 00:24:41,579
THAT'S THE WAY THAT EXPRESSION
GOT STARTED: "RIDE ON."
361
00:24:43,182 --> 00:24:45,483
AND THEN, SEE, MY GRANDFATHER,
362
00:24:45,551 --> 00:24:48,018
HE WAS IN THE CIVIL WAR,
AND HE WAS WITH CUSTER TOO.
363
00:24:48,087 --> 00:24:50,220
HE WAS WITH CUSTER FOR A WHILE.
364
00:24:59,298 --> 00:25:01,343
IT WAS JUST PLAIN CLUMSINESS. THAT'S
HOW YOU BROKE MY OLD COLLECTION.
365
00:25:01,367 --> 00:25:03,300
BUT YOU BETTER NOT
BREAK MY NEW COLLECTION.
366
00:25:03,369 --> 00:25:06,269
NOW, THIS IS THE WAY YOU DID IT.
THIS IS THE DUMB WAY YOU DID IT.
367
00:25:15,648 --> 00:25:19,049
YEAH. THAT'S THE
DUMB WAY IT HAPPENED.
368
00:25:29,962 --> 00:25:34,264
SANFORD AND SON IS RECORDED ON
TAPE BEFORE A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.
30561
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