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1
00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:54,646
SMOKING LESS, BUT
ENJOYING IT MORE.
2
00:01:56,016 --> 00:02:00,152
HEY, POP. LAMONT,
YOU BRING CIGARETTES?
3
00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:02,265
- BRING ANY WHAT?
- DID YOU BRING CIGARETTES?
4
00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:04,223
THE SMOKES. DID YOU BRING 'EM?
5
00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,703
DID YOU HEAR YOURSELF JUST NOW?
YEAH. I SAID DID YOU BRING THE CIGARETTES?
6
00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:09,261
NO, I DON'T MEAN THAT. I MEAN
DID YOU HEAR YOURSELF COUGHING.
7
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:12,797
I HEARD YOU A BLOCK AWAY. IT SOUNDED
LIKE THEY WAS TEARING UP THE STREETS.
8
00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:17,847
AND YOU WANT TO KNOW IF I BROUGHT
YOU SOME CIGARETTES. WELL, DID YOU?
9
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:20,783
DID YOU BRING THEM? I TOLD YOU THIS MORNING
WHEN YOU LEFT TO BRING ME CIGARETTES.
10
00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:23,542
YEAH, I KNOW YOU DID, POP.
BUT LISTEN, I GOT A BETTER IDEA.
11
00:02:23,611 --> 00:02:26,378
NOW, ON THE WAY HOME, I PASSED
SOMETHING THEY CALL A BREATHMOBILE.
12
00:02:26,447 --> 00:02:28,380
YOU KNOW WHAT A BREATHMOBILE IS?
13
00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:32,217
YEAH, THAT'S SOMETHING YOU SPRAY IN YOUR
MOUTH SO YOUR FRIENDS DON'T TURN AWAY.
14
00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:39,958
NO, IT'S A MOBILE UNIT FOR TAKING
CHEST X-RAYS AND BREATHING TESTS.
15
00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:42,639
WHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO
WITH ME? EVERYTHING, POP.
16
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:45,564
NOW, YOU GOT TO GIVE THEM UP.
YOU GOT TO GIVE UP CIGARETTES.
17
00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:48,311
FOR WHAT? 'CAUSE THEY'RE
KILLING YOU, THAT'S FOR WHAT.
18
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:50,269
HOW LONG HAVE YOU
BEEN SMOKING ANYWAY?
19
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:54,139
LET'S SEE. I STARTED
AFTER I LEFT SCHOOL.
20
00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:56,308
I-I WAS TEN.
21
00:02:59,313 --> 00:03:02,447
TEN? THAT MEANS YOU'VE BEEN
SMOKING FOR FIFTY-FIVE YEARS.
22
00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:05,050
YOU KNOW HOW MUCH
SMOKING THAT IS?
23
00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:07,719
LET ME SEE IF I CAN
FIGURE THIS THING OUT.
24
00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:10,855
TEN. LET ME SEE.
25
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:14,426
NOW, A CIGARETTE IS
THREE INCHES LONG.
26
00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:18,730
NOW, A PACK OF 20 CIGARETTES
IS 60 INCHES OR 5 FEET.
27
00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:21,667
NOW, HOW MANY DO YOU
SMOKE A DAY? TWO PACKS.
28
00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:26,672
TWO PACKS? POP,
THAT'S 40 CIGARETTES.
29
00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:29,274
LET ME SEE, THAT'S...
30
00:03:29,343 --> 00:03:34,646
THAT'S ABOUT TEN FEET OF
CIGARETTES MULTIPLIED BY ONE YEAR,
31
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:38,750
THAT'S 3,650 FEET
OF CIGARETTE A YEAR.
32
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:43,855
- SO WHAT?
- THREE QUARTERS OF A MILE...
33
00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:47,192
EVERY YEAR FOR 55 YEARS.
34
00:03:51,998 --> 00:03:56,868
POP, SINCE YOU WAS TEN, YOU
SMOKED A CIGARETTE 41 MILES LONG.
35
00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:03,275
THAT'S REAL SUPER
KING-SIZED, AIN'T IT?
36
00:04:05,346 --> 00:04:08,213
FORTY-ONE MILES. YOU KNOW...
37
00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:10,215
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE, POP?
38
00:04:10,284 --> 00:04:14,853
THAT'S LIKE YOU SMOKED A CIGARETTE
FROM... FROM HERE TO DISNEYLAND.
39
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:17,689
HEY, POP, DO YOURSELF
A FAVOR. GIVE 'EM UP.
40
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:21,793
GIVE 'EM UP? I ENJOY SMOKING.
41
00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:24,963
SAY, POP, CIGARETTES WILL
KILL YOU. DON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?
42
00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:28,032
I BELIEVE YOU. KILLED A FRIEND OF
MINE IN DURHAM, NORTH CAROLINA.
43
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:30,034
YOU SEE THAT?
44
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,771
GOT KILLED BY A TOBACCO TRUCK.
45
00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:39,311
TRUCK RAN OVER
HIS NICE CLEAN LUNG.
46
00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:43,515
I WAS SMOKIN' AT HIS
FUNERAL, TRYING TO RELAX.
47
00:04:43,584 --> 00:04:47,653
I WANT YOU TO GET A CHEST X-RAY
AND A CHECKUP. NOW, IT'S FREE.
48
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:50,221
I AIN'T GOING.
49
00:04:50,291 --> 00:04:53,558
I DON'T THINK YOU HEARD
WHAT I SAID, POP. I SAID IT'S FREE.
50
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:58,730
I CAN GO DOWN TO COUNTY HOSPITAL AND
GET SOME BIRTH CONTROL PILLS FREE, BUT...
51
00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:02,934
YOU DON'T SEE ME RUNNIN'
AROUND THERE, DO YOU?
52
00:05:04,772 --> 00:05:06,738
I KNOW WHAT IT IS. WHAT?
53
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,740
YOU SCARED. THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
54
00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:10,742
YOU'RE SCARED. YOU'RE
AFRAID TO GO DOWN THERE.
55
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:14,913
I AIN'T SCARED. WHY ARE YOU SO
ANXIOUS FOR ME TO GET AN X-RAY ANYWAY?
56
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,226
YOU WANT THEM TO FIND SOMETHING
WRONG WITH ME, DON'T YOU?
57
00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:20,519
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
- I SAW IT IN ONE OF THEM
MEDICAL SHOWS.
58
00:05:20,587 --> 00:05:24,267
THE KIDS HAD THEIR OLD MAN PUT IN A MENTAL
INSTITUTION, THEN TOOK OVER THE BUSINESS.
59
00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:28,193
EVEN MARCUS WELBY
COULDN'T GET HIM OUT.
60
00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:31,262
POP, I JUST WANT YOU TO GET
THAT COUGH OF YOURS EXAMINED...
61
00:05:31,332 --> 00:05:33,565
BY GETTING AN
X-RAY AND A CHECKUP.
62
00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:36,401
NOW, WE'RE BOTH GONNA GO DOWN
THERE THE FIRST THING TOMORROW MORNING,
63
00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:39,504
AND I WANT YOU TO PUT ON
SOME CLEAN UNDERWEAR.
64
00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:41,651
I HAVE TO PUT ON SOME CLEAN
UNDERWEAR? THAT'S RIGHT.
65
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:44,576
I WANT YOU TO PUT ON A CLEAN
UNDERSHIRT AND SOME CLEAN SHORTS.
66
00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:47,946
WHY I GOT TO CHANGE MY DRAWERS?
67
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:50,215
THEY AIN'T WHERE MY CHEST IS.
68
00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:56,621
WELL, YOU JUST GOING TO DO IT, AND I'M
NOT GONNA EVEN ARGUE WITH YOU NO MORE.
69
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:58,790
YOU'RE JUST GOIN' DOWN THERE.
70
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:01,360
WELL I'LL DO IT,
BUT I DON'T NEED IT.
71
00:06:01,428 --> 00:06:04,663
BUT I'LL DO IT FOR YOU IF YOU
DO SOMETHING FOR ME. WHAT?
72
00:06:04,732 --> 00:06:07,366
GO DOWN AND GET ME
A PACK OF CIGARETTES.
73
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:24,683
GOOD MORNING. GOOD MORNING.
WE'RE HERE FOR THE TESTS.
74
00:06:24,752 --> 00:06:27,285
ALL RIGHT, FINE. WHY DON'T
YOU HAVE A SEAT RIGHT HERE,
75
00:06:27,354 --> 00:06:29,287
AND WE'LL FILL OUT THIS FORM.
76
00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:34,959
MAY I HAVE YOUR NAME,
PLEASE? UH, FRED SANFORD.
77
00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:39,364
THAT'S S-A-N-F-O-R-D PERIOD.
78
00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:41,466
AGE? SIXTY.
79
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:44,569
POP! HE'S SIXTY-FIVE.
80
00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:48,740
JUST SIXTY-FIVE. YOU
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
81
00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:51,510
SIXTY-FIVE. ADDRESS?
82
00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:54,245
9114 SOUTH CENTRAL.
83
00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:56,314
THAT'S LOS ANGELS, ISN'T IT?
84
00:06:56,383 --> 00:06:58,383
WELL, IT SURE
AIN'T BEVERLY HILLS.
85
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:06,725
HAVE YOU EVER HAD
ANY SERIOUS ILLNESS?
86
00:07:06,794 --> 00:07:09,093
NEVER. I'M IN GREAT SHAPE.
87
00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:11,095
WHAT YOU DOIN' TONIGHT, DARLIN'?
88
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:17,168
I'M SORRY. THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
89
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:19,805
HE'S JUST JOKING. AREN'T YOU?
90
00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:21,807
UH-UH.
91
00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:24,242
STOP IT. ALL RIGHT, MR. SANFORD,
92
00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:27,512
IF YOU'LL JUST TAKE THIS CARD AND GIVE IT
TO THE NURSE THROUGH THERE. THANK YOU.
93
00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:29,748
THANK YOU. I'LL WAIT FOR HIM.
94
00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:35,987
NOW, MAY I HAVE
YOUR NAME, PLEASE?
95
00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:38,835
SANFORD. LAMONT
SANFORD. AND I DON'T SMOKE.
96
00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:42,026
GOOD. AGE? TWENTY-NINE.
97
00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:44,295
THIRTY-ONE. THIRTY.
98
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,800
WELL, WHICH IS IT? TWENTY-NINE,
THIRTY OR THIRTY-ONE?
99
00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:50,847
I'M 30. GOING ON 31.
100
00:07:50,871 --> 00:07:54,539
WILL YOU JUST STAY OUT OF
THIS? YOU STAY OUT OF MINE.
101
00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:57,909
DO YOU LIVE TOGETHER? IF
YOU WANT TO CALL IT THAT.
102
00:08:00,481 --> 00:08:03,348
DO YOU COUGH OR HAVE ANY
WHEEZING NOISES IN YOUR CHEST?
103
00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:05,884
EVER CHANGE JOBS
BECAUSE OF A LUNG PROBLEM?
104
00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:09,621
GOOD. OKAY. WOULD YOU TAKE THIS CARD
AND GIVE IT TO THE NURSE THROUGH THERE.
105
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:12,491
THANK YOU. COME ON. THANK YOU.
106
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:19,375
WHAT TIME ARE YOU GETTING
THROUGH HERE TONIGHT, HONEY?
107
00:08:19,399 --> 00:08:21,332
GET AWAY FROM HER.
108
00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:25,815
WHY'D DID YOU HAVE GO AND TELL
HER MY REAL AGE FOR ANYWAY?
109
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:28,840
I COULD'VE TOOK HER
OUT. SHE'S PRETTY.
110
00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:31,676
NOW SHE'S GOT T.B. WHAT?
111
00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:33,845
TERRIFIC BODY.
112
00:08:35,482 --> 00:08:37,415
YOU'RE A DIRTY OLD
MAN, YOU KNOW THAT?
113
00:08:37,484 --> 00:08:40,385
AND I'M GONNA BE ONE
TILL I'M A DEAD OLD MAN.
114
00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:51,329
AND ANYWAY, SHE'S
CLOSER TO MY AGE.
115
00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:54,766
I COULD HAVE ASKED HER
FOR A DATE. WHO'S NEXT?
116
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:02,106
WHY DON'T YOU ASK HER?
117
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:04,415
LET ME HAVE YOUR CARDS, PLEASE.
118
00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:07,478
RIGHT THIS WAY.
119
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:13,317
NOW TAKE YOUR
JACKETS OFF, PLEASE.
120
00:09:21,327 --> 00:09:23,929
WAIT A MINUTE, HONEY.
WHAT YOU DOING?
121
00:09:23,997 --> 00:09:27,376
WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE! THESE
WILL SHOW UP ON THE X-RAY MACHINE.
122
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:31,703
WELL, TELL ME. DON'T BE
SNATCHING ALL OVER MY STUFF.
123
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:33,750
YOU WANT ME TO TAKE MY
SHIRT AND PANTS OFF TOO?
124
00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:35,752
NO, THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY.
125
00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:38,743
I'LL BE WITH YOU IN A MOMENT.
126
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:42,581
AND YOU MADE ME CHANGE
MY DRAWERS, DUMMY.
127
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,884
WOULD YOU GO ON IN
THERE AND FOLLOW HER.
128
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:48,119
I AIN'T GOING IN THERE.
WOULD YOU GO IN THERE!
129
00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:51,289
I AIN'T GOING IN THERE WITH
THAT OLD, UGLY WHITE WOMAN.
130
00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:59,130
GET IN THERE!
131
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:03,201
OKAY, EVERYTHING'S
READY. WHO'S FIRST?
132
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:08,406
ALL RIGHT. RIGHT THIS WAY.
133
00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:12,110
NOW PUT YOUR SHOULDERS
AGAINST THE WALL.
134
00:10:12,178 --> 00:10:15,346
THAT'S RIGHT. TUCK IT IN.
135
00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:19,918
I'LL TUCK IT IN IF
YOU TUCK YOURS IN.
136
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:29,094
HEY, POP, LOOK AT THIS.
137
00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:32,082
"TUBERCULOSIS AND RESPIRATORY DISEASE
ASSOCIATION OF LOS ANGELES COUNTY."
138
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,265
NOW, THESE ARE THE
RESULTS OF OUR TESTS.
139
00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:36,534
UH-HUH. "FRED
SANFORD." THAT'S YOURS.
140
00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:39,237
I DON'T WANT IT.
141
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:42,540
YOU OPEN YOURS FIRST.
142
00:10:42,609 --> 00:10:44,676
YOU REALLY ARE A SILLY OLD MAN.
143
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:56,855
AHA. HERE IT IS. "DEAR SIR,
144
00:10:56,923 --> 00:10:59,658
"WE ARE HAPPY TO INFORM YOU
THAT YOUR RECENT CHEST X-RAY...
145
00:10:59,726 --> 00:11:02,393
IS COMPLETELY CLEAR AND
SHOWS NO ABNORMALITIES."
146
00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:04,395
YOU SEE? NOW OPEN YOURS.
147
00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:07,766
YOU OPEN IT. YOU REALLY
ARE CHICKEN, AREN'T YOU?
148
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:12,270
DON'T EVEN WANNA OPEN YOUR
OWN MAIL HERE. I'LL OPEN IT.
149
00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:15,373
OKAY. "DEAR SIR..." HERE IT IS.
150
00:11:15,441 --> 00:11:19,010
"YOUR RECENT CHEST X-RAY WAS
UNSATISFACTORY, DUE TO A TECHNICAL FAULT.
151
00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:22,080
"AN APPOINTMENT HAS BEEN MADE FOR
YOU AT THE COUNTY GENERAL HOSPITAL...
152
00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:24,382
FOR A FURTHER X-RAY."
153
00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:26,484
I GOT IT.
154
00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:31,656
I GOT IT!
155
00:11:31,725 --> 00:11:34,893
I GOT IT, AND IT'S
ALL YOUR FAULT!
156
00:11:36,262 --> 00:11:38,797
YOU AND THAT DAMN X-RAY!
157
00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:42,701
I DONE CAUGHT IT. I CAUGHT
IT FROM THE X-RAY MACHINE.
158
00:11:42,769 --> 00:11:46,905
OH, POP, YOU CAN'T GET
T.B. FROM AN X-RAY MACHINE.
159
00:11:46,973 --> 00:11:48,907
AND BESIDES, IT
DON'T SAY YOU GOT IT.
160
00:11:48,975 --> 00:11:51,810
THE TEST WAS UNSATISFACTORY,
DUE TO A TECHNICAL FAULT.
161
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:54,456
OH, THAT'S WHAT THEY SAY. THEY JUST
DON'T WANT TO COME OUT AND TELL YOU.
162
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:56,759
THEY JUST WANT TO BREAK
IT TO YOU EASY, BUT I GOT IT.
163
00:11:56,783 --> 00:11:59,250
THAT'S FOR SURE. I'M DYING.
164
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:02,587
- POP!
- I'M DYING! I CAN
FEEL MYSELF GETTING WEAK.
165
00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:07,625
YOU HEAR THAT, ELIZABETH?
I'M COMING TO JOIN YOU, HONEY.
166
00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:11,863
POP, WOULD YOU QUIT
THAT! NOW YOU'RE PANICKING.
167
00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:15,233
OH, LAMONT, YOU'RE
LOOKIN' AT A DEAD MAN.
168
00:12:15,301 --> 00:12:18,369
YOU'RE LOOKIN' AT A DEAD MAN,
AND I'M LOOKIN' AT AN ORPHAN.
169
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,573
NOW, IF YOU HAVE GOT IT,
170
00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:25,777
A COUPLE OF MONTHS IN A
SANITARIUM AND IT'LL FIX YOU RIGHT UP.
171
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:29,013
LAMONT, DON'T LET THEM
TAKE ME AWAY, HEAR?
172
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:32,550
I WANT TO DIE IN MY OWN BED. PROMISE
ME YOU WON'T LET THEM TAKE ME.
173
00:12:32,619 --> 00:12:34,597
I DON'T WANNA GO NOWHERE.
WOULD YOU STOP IT?
174
00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:36,766
I'M NOT GONNA TALK TO YOU NO
MORE 'CAUSE YOU'RE TALKIN' FOOLISH.
175
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:38,801
YOU GOT YOURSELF
ALL DEAD AND BURIED,
176
00:12:38,825 --> 00:12:40,709
AND ALL THE LETTER
SAYS WAS THAT THE TEST
177
00:12:40,733 --> 00:12:42,827
WAS UNSATISFACTORY,
DUE TO A TECHNICAL FAULT.
178
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:44,874
NOW, IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE
WHAT I'M TELLIN' YOU,
179
00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:47,098
TAKE THE LETTER AND
READ IT FOR YOURSELF.
180
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:50,802
I NEED MY GLASSES. WELL,
GO GET YOUR GLASSES.
181
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:53,805
I WON'T NEED MY
GLASSES MUCH LONGER.
182
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:55,974
NOW, LAMONT, WHEN
THEY LAY ME AWAY,
183
00:12:56,042 --> 00:12:58,877
DON'T LET THEM
PUT MY GLASSES ON.
184
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:00,905
THAT'S THE WAY THEY
BURIED MY UNCLE HENRY.
185
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:04,182
HE SURE LOOKED RIDICULOUS,
LAYING THERE IN THE BOX...
186
00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:08,086
WITH HIS GLASSES ON
AND HIS EYES CLOSED.
187
00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:11,089
GET OVER THERE AND
GET THOSE GLASSES.
188
00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:12,946
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH YOU. THE TEST WAS
189
00:13:12,970 --> 00:13:14,659
UNSATISFACTORY, DUE
TO A TECHNICAL FAULT.
190
00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:16,687
YOU'RE ALWAYS MAKING A
MOUNTAIN OUT OF A MOLEHILL.
191
00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:20,464
THERE'S NOTHIN' WRONG WITH YOU. I'M
NOT GONNA BOTHER WITH YOU NO MORE.
192
00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:23,734
YOU DONE FORCED IT ON ME.
193
00:13:23,804 --> 00:13:25,436
WHAT DOES IT SAY?
194
00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:31,375
SAYS, "FRED, YOU'VE HAD
IT. AND YOU'RE A DEAD MAN."
195
00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:33,912
POP! IT MIGHT AS WELL SAY THAT.
196
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:35,958
READ THE LETTER. WHEN DOES IT
SAY YOU GOTTA GO TO THE HOSPITAL?
197
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:38,216
- YOU'RE MAKIN' A BIG DEAL.
- IT SAYS, UH...
198
00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:40,885
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT?
199
00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:43,154
THIS AIN'T MINE. THIS IS YOURS.
200
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:46,991
SEE HERE? "LAMONT SANFORD."
201
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:49,828
OH, COME ON. THEY DON'T
MAKE MISTAKES LIKE THAT.
202
00:13:49,896 --> 00:13:53,198
LET ME SEE THIS THING. I'LL
STRAIGHTEN THIS RIGHT OUT.
203
00:13:56,769 --> 00:13:58,803
"LAMONT SANFORD."
204
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:10,248
I GOT IT, POP.
205
00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:13,852
I GOT T.B.
206
00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:24,395
I GOT IT, POP. I GOT
T.B. I GOT CONSUMPTION.
207
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:27,631
OH, YOU AIN'T GOT NOTHIN'.
IT DIDN'T SAY YOU HAVE IT.
208
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:33,037
IT JUST SAYS THAT IT WAS
UNSATISFACTORY, DUE TO TECHNICAL FAULT.
209
00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:38,343
THAT'S JUST WHAT THEY TELL YOU
TO TRY TO BREAK IT TO YOU EASY.
210
00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:41,246
THEY DON'T WANT TO COME OUT
AND TELL YOU THAT YOU'RE DYING.
211
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:44,615
BUT I'M DYING, POP. OH, YOU
AIN'T DYING. YOU'RE A YOUNG FELLA.
212
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:48,353
YEAH, BUT LISTEN.
I-I GOT THIS COUGH.
213
00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:53,258
COUGH OVER THAT WAY.
214
00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:57,395
AND-AND I'VE BEEN TIRED
LATELY AND OUT OF BREATH.
215
00:14:57,463 --> 00:15:00,365
- WELL, YOU GOT GIVE THEM UP.
- I DON'T SMOKE.
216
00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:05,636
I'M NOT TAKING ABOUT CIGARETTES.
I'M TALKIN' ABOUT WOMEN.
217
00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:08,139
THAT'S NOT IT. I
KNOW WHAT IT IS.
218
00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:10,241
YOU DIDN'T TAKE CARE
OF ME WHEN I WAS A KID.
219
00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:13,878
YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME ENOUGH MILK. WHEN I
WAS FIVE YEARS OLD, YOU GAVE ME COFFEE.
220
00:15:13,947 --> 00:15:17,315
WELL, IT HAD MILK IN IT.
221
00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:19,884
IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.
222
00:15:19,953 --> 00:15:23,754
THIS HOUSE WAS ALWAYS
DAMP. EVEN MY BED WAS DAMP.
223
00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:26,157
NOW, YOU CAN'T BLAME THAT ON ME.
224
00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:37,068
SAY, POP, I'M SCARED.
I'M REALLY SCARED.
225
00:15:37,137 --> 00:15:39,103
WELL, DON'T COME NEAR ME!
226
00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:41,384
DON'T COME NEAR ME WITH THAT
STUFF! THAT'S STUFF IS CATCHIN'.
227
00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:43,374
BUT I'M YOUR SON. YOUR
OWN FLESH AND BLOOD.
228
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:46,244
I DON'T CARE WHO YOU
ARE. DON'T COUGH ON ME.
229
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:50,448
THEY DON'T NEED THE
BOTH OF US HAVING IT.
230
00:15:50,516 --> 00:15:53,818
I MAY HAVE ENOUGH TROUBLE TRYING
TO RUN THIS PLACE ALONE ANYWAY.
231
00:15:55,721 --> 00:15:57,822
I DON'T KNOW HOW
I'M GONNA DO IT.
232
00:15:57,890 --> 00:16:01,426
WHAT A TERRIBLE THING
TO HAPPEN TO A GUY MY AGE.
233
00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:04,162
YOU? WHAT ABOUT ME?
I'M THE ONE WHO'S SICK.
234
00:16:04,230 --> 00:16:06,397
BUT I'M THE ONE WHO'LL
HAVE TO BE HERE ALL ALONE.
235
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:09,867
AND THERE AIN'T NOTHIN' IN THE
WORLD SADDER THAN AN OLD BLACK MAN...
236
00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:13,904
SITTIN' IN A JUNKYARD
ALONE WITH NO CIGARETTES.
237
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:20,845
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU, POP.
HERE I AM SICK, DYING WITH T.B.,
238
00:16:20,913 --> 00:16:23,014
AND ALL YOU CAN THINK
ABOUT IS YOURSELF.
239
00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:25,216
YOU'RE A COLD,
HEARTLESS OLD MAN.
240
00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:27,785
WHERE YOU GOING?
I'M GOING BACK TO BED.
241
00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:29,787
YOU JUST GOT UP.
242
00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:34,425
YEAH, I KNOW, BUT...
I FEEL KINDA TIRED.
243
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:37,928
I GOT TO GET ALL THE REST I
CAN, POP, NOW THAT I'M SICK.
244
00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:41,466
YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD
IDEA. GET YOU SOME REST.
245
00:16:46,006 --> 00:16:48,706
I'LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING...
246
00:16:49,876 --> 00:16:53,244
IF GOD'S WILLIN'.
247
00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:56,074
YOU'RE ALL RIGHT, SON. AIN'T NOTHING
WRONG WITH YOU. YOU AIN'T GOT IT.
248
00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:58,916
YOU THINK SO, HUH? SURE.
249
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:06,057
BUT IF YOU HAVE GOT IT, YOU
GOT IT FROM THAT DAMN X-RAY.
250
00:17:40,126 --> 00:17:42,793
WOULD YOU TAKE THAT THING OFF.
251
00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:45,263
TAKE OFF THAT STUPID MASK!
252
00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:48,466
WELL, I'M JUST TRYING
TO PROTECT MYSELF.
253
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,203
YOU'RE BEING RIDICULOUS.
254
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:02,346
SAY, WHAT IS THIS? WHAT'S WHAT?
255
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,549
THIS TAPE ON THE
KNIFE AND THE FORK.
256
00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:08,652
OH, I DIDN'T WANT TO GET 'EM MIXED
UP, SO I LABELED ALL YOUR STUFF.
257
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:12,223
ALL THE STUFF YOU USE
HAS GOT A LABEL ON IT.
258
00:18:12,292 --> 00:18:14,303
SEE, I PUT LABELS
ON EVERYTHING, SEE.
259
00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:17,795
"F" IS FOR FRED, AND
YOURS IS MARKED "C".
260
00:18:17,863 --> 00:18:20,431
"C"? YEAH. "CONTAMINATED."
261
00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:25,981
YOU WANT ME TO GO SLEEP IN THE
YARD IN THE BACK OF THE TRUCK?
262
00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:29,173
I DON'T THINK WE HAVE A CORD LONG
ENOUGH FOR THE HEATER SO THAT YOU...
263
00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:31,753
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? WHAT ARE
YOU TRYING TO DO ME? YOU KNOW I'M SICK,
264
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:34,845
AND YOU COME OUT WITH A SURGICAL
MASK AND PUT TAPE ON THE KNIFE AND FORK!
265
00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:37,826
DON'T GET EXCITED. YOU
SAID YOU NEEDED YOUR REST.
266
00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:40,718
NOW STOP GETTING EXCITED
AND SIT DOWN AND RELAX.
267
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:43,721
GEE WHIZ. I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.
268
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:46,857
I'M NOT SUPPOSED
TO TIRE MYSELF OUT.
269
00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:49,594
HEY, POP. HMM?
270
00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:52,830
DO MY CHEEKS LOOK FLUSHED? HUH?
271
00:18:52,898 --> 00:18:54,865
DO MY CHEEKS LOOK FLUSHED?
272
00:18:54,934 --> 00:18:57,034
IT'S HARD TO TELL.
273
00:18:58,704 --> 00:19:01,339
YOU KNOW YOU GOT
YOUR MOTHER'S SKIN.
274
00:19:03,143 --> 00:19:05,354
BUT YOU LOOK ALL RIGHT TO ME.
275
00:19:05,378 --> 00:19:07,823
AIN'T YOU GONNA GET DRESSED
AND GO ON OUT TO WORK?
276
00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:11,382
GO TO WORK? POP, I GOT T.B.
I CAN'T GO TO WORK. I'M SICK.
277
00:19:11,451 --> 00:19:13,829
WELL, I THOUGHT THE FRESH
AIR MIGHT DO YOU SOME GOOD.
278
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:17,388
YOU THOUGHT YOU'D GET ME OUT OF HERE
SO YOU CAN HAVE THIS HOUSE FUMIGATED.
279
00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:20,358
HOW MUCH DO THEY CHARGE?
280
00:19:20,426 --> 00:19:22,426
WELL, I'M NOT GOING TO WORK...
281
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:25,663
'CAUSE I GOTTA GO DOWN TO THE
HOSPITAL TO GET MY NEW X-RAYS.
282
00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:27,831
WANT TO GET THIS
HOUSE FUMIGATED.
283
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:30,168
GO TO WORK AND
I'M SICK WITH T.B.
284
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:36,474
SAY, POP? HMM?
285
00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:41,345
WOULD YOU PUT THIS
IN THE SAFE FOR ME?
286
00:19:41,414 --> 00:19:44,148
WHAT IS IT? IT'S MY WILL.
287
00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:47,418
WHAT'D YOU GO AND
HAVE A WILL MADE FOR?
288
00:19:47,487 --> 00:19:50,299
YOU SAID YOURSELF, THEY COULD
KILL THAT STUFF IN A FEW DAYS NOW.
289
00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:52,256
REAL FAST. YEAH.
290
00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:55,560
BUT YOU NEVER KNOW. YEAH, OKAY.
291
00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:59,530
WELL, I GOT TO BE GOING. I GOT
TO BE AT THE HOSPITAL IN AN HOUR.
292
00:19:59,599 --> 00:20:03,701
I GOT MY SHAVING STUFF
AND MY PAJAMAS IN HERE.
293
00:20:03,769 --> 00:20:07,572
I SUPPOSE THEY'LL TAKE
ME RIGHT TO THE SANITARIUM.
294
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,708
SO LONG, POP.
WELL, SO LONG, SON.
295
00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:14,912
AND I'LL COME TO VISIT
YOU, IF IT AIN'T TOO FAR.
296
00:20:17,283 --> 00:20:20,084
THAT'D BE REAL NICE, POP.
297
00:20:26,158 --> 00:20:28,693
WELL, ADIOS, OLD FELLOW.
298
00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:38,769
SO LONG, POP.
299
00:20:47,813 --> 00:20:50,114
SO LONG, SON.
300
00:20:50,182 --> 00:20:52,116
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, HEAR?
301
00:21:18,844 --> 00:21:21,279
"LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT."
302
00:21:58,484 --> 00:22:03,688
"DEAR POP, BY THE TIME YOU
READ THIS, I MIGHT BE DEAD,
303
00:22:03,756 --> 00:22:07,625
"UNLESS YOU CAN'T WAIT AND
YOU WENT AND OPENED IT ALREADY.
304
00:22:15,535 --> 00:22:17,901
"I LEAVE ALL MY
WORLDLY GOODS TO YOU.
305
00:22:17,970 --> 00:22:19,903
"THIS INCLUDES MY
SAVING ACCOUNT...
306
00:22:19,972 --> 00:22:22,540
"AND THE CENTRAL AVENUE
BANK CHRISTMAS CLUB...
307
00:22:22,608 --> 00:22:25,476
"AND MY HALF OF SANFORD AND SON,
308
00:22:25,545 --> 00:22:29,012
"HEREINAFTER REFERRED
TO AS THE BUSINESS.
309
00:22:29,081 --> 00:22:31,382
I FURTHER LEAVE
YOU, PERSONALLY..."
310
00:22:31,451 --> 00:22:33,917
ONE ACROSS YOUR LIPS.
311
00:22:33,986 --> 00:22:37,187
- LAMONT!
- COULDN'T WAIT, COULD YOU?
312
00:22:37,256 --> 00:22:40,825
JUST FOR THAT, YOU'RE
NOT GETTING NOTHING.
313
00:22:40,893 --> 00:22:43,238
BUT I THOUGHT YOU WAS IN THE
HOSPITAL. YEAH, I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL.
314
00:22:43,262 --> 00:22:45,195
BUT THERE'S NOTHING
WRONG WITH ME. I'M FINE.
315
00:22:45,264 --> 00:22:47,509
YOU MEAN YOUR X-RAY TURNED
OUT ALL RIGHT? THAT'S RIGHT.
316
00:22:47,533 --> 00:22:49,109
AND IT WOULD'VE BEEN
ALL RIGHT THE FIRST
317
00:22:49,133 --> 00:22:50,893
TIME IF I REMEMBERED
TO TAKE THIS THING OFF.
318
00:22:50,936 --> 00:22:53,415
WHAT IS THAT? THE ST.
CHRISTOPHER MEDAL YOU GAVE ME.
319
00:22:53,439 --> 00:22:55,873
I'VE BEEN WEARING IT SO
LONG, I FORGOT I HAD IT ON.
320
00:22:55,941 --> 00:22:57,986
WELL, YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S THE MAIN THING. YEAH.
321
00:22:58,010 --> 00:23:00,644
WELCOME HOME, SON. SOME WELCOME.
322
00:23:00,713 --> 00:23:02,680
I COME HOME AND FIND
YOU READIN' MY WILL.
323
00:23:02,749 --> 00:23:05,109
POP, YOU WASN'T SUPPOSED TO
READ THIS TILL AFTER I WAS DEAD.
324
00:23:05,150 --> 00:23:07,618
I KNEW YOU WASN'T GONNA DIE.
325
00:23:07,687 --> 00:23:09,665
THE MINUTE YOU LEFT, I
WAS STARTIN' TO MISS YOU.
326
00:23:09,689 --> 00:23:11,667
BUT I'M GLAD YOU'RE HOME.
327
00:23:11,691 --> 00:23:13,702
YOU WANT ME TO FIX
YOU SOME LUNCH, SON?
328
00:23:13,726 --> 00:23:18,195
NO. I'M BUSHED. I DIDN'T GET NO SLEEP LAST
NIGHT, WORRYING ABOUT THEM DUMB X-RAYS.
329
00:23:18,264 --> 00:23:20,197
I'M GOING BACK TO BED.
330
00:23:21,367 --> 00:23:24,902
UH, LAMONT. WHAT?
331
00:23:24,970 --> 00:23:27,872
YOU CAN'T GO BACK TO BED. WHY?
332
00:23:33,713 --> 00:23:36,714
UH, I BURNED YOUR PAJAMAS.
333
00:23:39,151 --> 00:23:41,318
THAT'S ALL RIGHT. I GOT
ANOTHER PAIR IN THE BAG.
334
00:23:41,387 --> 00:23:44,867
AND I BURNED YOUR
SHEETS AND PILLOWCASES.
335
00:23:46,459 --> 00:23:48,626
YOU BURNED MY SHEETS
AND PILLOWCASES?
336
00:23:48,694 --> 00:23:50,795
WHY'D DIDN'T YOU
JUST BURN THE ROOM?
337
00:23:50,863 --> 00:23:55,699
I DIDN'T BURN YOUR ROOM,
BUT I BURNED YOUR BED.
338
00:23:55,768 --> 00:23:58,302
YOU BURNED MY BED?
339
00:23:58,370 --> 00:24:00,304
YEAH, I BURNED YOUR BED. WHY?
340
00:24:00,372 --> 00:24:03,692
BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOUR
BED MIGHT BE CONTAMINATED.
341
00:24:05,445 --> 00:24:07,678
OPEN THIS DOOR, YOU OLD BUZZARD!
342
00:24:07,747 --> 00:24:09,680
OPEN THIS... I'LL
GET YOU FOR THIS!
343
00:24:09,749 --> 00:24:11,682
I'M GONNA GET YOU FOR THIS!
344
00:24:15,721 --> 00:24:17,688
COME ON IN, SON.
345
00:24:17,757 --> 00:24:20,758
WATCH THAT STATUE THERE.
COST ME A LOT OF MONEY.
346
00:24:20,827 --> 00:24:23,160
COME ON IN. YEAH,
PUT IT RIGHT OVER HERE.
347
00:24:23,228 --> 00:24:25,373
LEAN IT AGAINST THE CHAIR HERE.
348
00:24:25,397 --> 00:24:30,634
THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT. PULL IT RIGHT ON
OVER THERE. DON'T TRIP THE RUG UP.
349
00:24:30,703 --> 00:24:36,139
BOY, I'M TIRED. WHY
DON'T WE REST A MINUTE?
350
00:24:41,113 --> 00:24:45,950
"THIS TAG IS NOT TO BE
REMOVED UNDER PENALTY OF LAW."
351
00:24:47,419 --> 00:24:50,621
THEY GET YOU ANYWHERE
YOU GO NOW, DON'T THEY?
352
00:24:50,690 --> 00:24:54,358
WELL, POWER TO THE PEOPLE.
353
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:19,517
SANFORD AND SON IS RECORDED ON
TAPE BEFORE A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.
29001
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