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1
00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:25,217
What's the matter?
2
00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:27,752
It sounds like feeding
time at the zoo.
3
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:30,622
Huh?
4
00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:33,058
I can't concentrate with
all that slurpin' going on.
5
00:01:33,127 --> 00:01:35,060
Can you hear
yourself when you eat?
6
00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:40,199
No. This is an operation between
my mouth and my stomach,
7
00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:42,434
and my ears ain't got
nothing to do with it.
8
00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:44,803
Slurp, slurp, slurp.
9
00:01:44,871 --> 00:01:46,805
Man, the way you
scrape and soak up food,
10
00:01:46,873 --> 00:01:49,341
you ought to eat with a
squeegee and a sponge.
11
00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:52,456
I've been eating
like this all my life.
12
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:55,247
Now, what's wrong with soppin'?
13
00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:57,483
It's just not done anymore, Pop.
14
00:01:57,551 --> 00:02:00,519
Now you eat a piece of toast,
then you take a sip of coffee.
15
00:02:00,588 --> 00:02:04,756
You eat, then sip. Eat, then
sip. Now, that's how it's done.
16
00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:07,792
It's all going to
the same place.
17
00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:11,597
I'm just cuttin' down
on the number of trips.
18
00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:17,041
Well, just try to be a little
more quiet okay? Okay.
19
00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:20,172
Eat.
20
00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:41,726
Makes just as
much noise this way.
21
00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:44,062
Want me to go back to slurpin'?
22
00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:49,401
Keep making me lose my
place. Where was I? Oh, yeah.
23
00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:52,003
It says here that the stock
market tumbled sharply...
24
00:02:52,072 --> 00:02:54,406
over a wide area yesterday,
25
00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:56,453
but then recouped
part of its lost ground...
26
00:02:56,477 --> 00:03:00,679
in the final half hour of a
somewhat more active session.
27
00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:02,847
- Hmm.
- Hmm.
28
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:08,019
Dow Jones
Industrials was off 4.8.
29
00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:10,989
Transportation was off 1.7.
30
00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:13,692
Utilities was off 1.3.
31
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:16,461
Uh-huh. Everybody
was off yesterday.
32
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:19,931
What was it, a holiday?
33
00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:26,371
You don't understand nothing. Everything
in the financial section has to do with us.
34
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:28,373
All the things that we
deal in are right here.
35
00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:31,476
They all fall under this
one word: commodities.
36
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:34,613
Is that the same as junk?
37
00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:37,683
There's no use talkin' to you.
You just don't want to get ahead.
38
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:40,885
I wanna get ahead, but talking
about big business ain't the way.
39
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:44,223
Okay, then let's hear your way.
40
00:03:44,291 --> 00:03:47,859
Ladies and gentlemen and
stockholders in Sanford and Son,
41
00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:50,395
we are now gonna hear a
report on how we can improve...
42
00:03:50,464 --> 00:03:53,432
the financial situation
of our corporation.
43
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:56,535
And here he is, the founder
and president of our company...
44
00:03:56,604 --> 00:03:59,738
and chairman of the
board, Mr. Fred Sanford.
45
00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:01,740
You got the floor, F.S.
46
00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:06,778
How would you like
one across your lip?
47
00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:08,780
All right, then let's
hear it your way.
48
00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:13,385
All right. See, you have to start
bringing in better stuff to sell.
49
00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:16,087
Look out in the yard, the
stuff you been bringing.
50
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:18,823
Now, there's junk,
and there's junk.
51
00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:22,227
But that stuff is junk junk.
52
00:04:22,296 --> 00:04:24,863
Listen, if you don't like the
quality of the merchandise...
53
00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:27,399
that's been coming in
here, we'll just switch places.
54
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:29,501
Now, I'll stay here
and run the yard,
55
00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:32,349
and you go out there and do the
pickin' up on the truck, all right?
56
00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:35,039
You know I can't do that.
You know my arthritis.
57
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:37,041
I can't do no lifting.
58
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:41,613
Yeah, you can lift pretty good
when it's going in your mouth.
59
00:04:43,751 --> 00:04:46,851
Come in. The door's open.
60
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,388
Oh, Kelly. Morning, Fred.
61
00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:51,496
How you feelin',
Kelly? Come on in.
62
00:04:51,558 --> 00:04:54,092
Hiya, Lamont. How
you doing, Mr. Kelly?
63
00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:56,373
How about some toast
and coffee? No, thanks.
64
00:04:56,397 --> 00:04:59,142
Well, you can have a piece
of toast, but you can't soak it.
65
00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:01,144
Lamont don't like
you to soak it...
66
00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:04,903
'cause that slurpin' interferes with
him readin' about the commodities.
67
00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:09,274
W-Well, thanks, Fred. If I was
gonna have it, I'd have to soak it.
68
00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:11,510
I got no uppers.
69
00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:15,414
I thought you
went to the dentist.
70
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:17,460
I thought he was making
you some new teeth.
71
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:20,552
He is, but first he's
gotta make the gums.
72
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:23,955
He's making you gums, Kelly?
73
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:27,959
Well, what I mean to say, he's getting
'em in shape so they're nice and firm.
74
00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:30,762
See how firm they're
gettin'? Oh, yeah, yeah.
75
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,764
Let me see, Kelly.
76
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,045
Yeah, come over
here a little bit.
77
00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:38,002
Yeah, they gettin' firm, Kelly.
78
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:40,472
Hey. Lamont,
come on over here...
79
00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:43,019
so you can get a real
good look at Kelly's gums.
80
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:45,377
I already seen
Kelly's gums, Pop.
81
00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:49,214
They look good, Kelly. Well, thanks,
but that's not what I come to talk about.
82
00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:52,016
Fella come by my place,
wanted to sell me some copper.
83
00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:54,419
But you know I don't
deal too much in metal.
84
00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:58,857
Would you fellas be
interested? He's sellin' copper?
85
00:05:58,925 --> 00:06:01,125
Yeah. Scrap copper, yeah.
86
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:03,695
He's waitin' outside.
Are you interested?
87
00:06:03,764 --> 00:06:07,265
Tell him I'll be right
out there, Kelly. Okay.
88
00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:09,267
Fred? Yeah?
89
00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:11,837
I'll show you the teeth
as soon as I get 'em.
90
00:06:11,905 --> 00:06:13,916
Okay, Kelly, you do that.
91
00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:15,940
Ah, here it is, Pop.
92
00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:17,987
Hey, what you doin'?
Are we buying copper?
93
00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:20,979
That all depends. Now, this is
exactly what I'm talking about, Pop.
94
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:23,415
Now, if we can make a
nice turnover, we in business.
95
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:27,786
Morning. Morning. Mr. Sanford?
96
00:06:27,855 --> 00:06:30,088
No. I'm Mr. Sanford.
This is my son.
97
00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:37,896
Uh, Mr. Kelly thought you fellas might
be interested in buying some scrap copper.
98
00:06:37,964 --> 00:06:39,898
How much you askin' for it?
99
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:43,334
Well, not too much. Fact is, I
like to sell it and have done with it.
100
00:06:43,404 --> 00:06:45,704
I don't have much of
a head for business.
101
00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:47,906
Besides, uh, I
could use the money.
102
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:51,877
- How much do you want?
- Well, I got a couple
of hundred pounds.
103
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:54,646
I was thinkin' of maybe,
uh, ten cents a pound?
104
00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:57,048
How much did you say?
Ten cents. Is that too much?
105
00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:59,095
Oh, no, no, no. It
sounds like a fair price.
106
00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:01,097
Listen, now I wanna go in
and discuss this with my partner.
107
00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:04,066
We're business partners, and we
have to make all our decisions together.
108
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,024
And we'll be right back. Okay.
109
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:08,159
Come on, partner.
110
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:16,868
Did you hear that, Pop? Now, he's
selling that copper for ten cents a pound.
111
00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:18,870
Now, I looked that up
in the paper this morning.
112
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,640
You know what it's going
for? Thirty-eight cents a pound.
113
00:07:21,708 --> 00:07:25,610
Then why is he selling
it to us for a dime?
114
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:27,979
I don't know. Maybe he
was gonna ask for more.
115
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:29,981
But did you see how I
handled that deal, Pop?
116
00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:33,418
I was cool, man. I
wasn't even interested.
117
00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:35,454
I don't like his looks.
118
00:07:35,522 --> 00:07:38,134
What's the matter with his looks?
What's his looks got to do with this?
119
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:40,826
He got them sneaky blue eyes.
120
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:46,765
Pop, we can make twenty-eight
cents profit on every pound.
121
00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:50,735
Why don't he know that? Just 'cause
he's white don't mean he's dumb.
122
00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:56,586
It's stolen, Lamont.
I don't know, Pop.
123
00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:59,544
Listen, now, the guy is not in the
business and you heard what he said.
124
00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:02,146
He just wants some money.
He just wants to get rid of it.
125
00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:05,249
I tellin' you it's stolen.
That's what it is.
126
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,251
Stolen goods. Pop.
127
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,755
All right, then you ask him where
he got it from. Okay, I'll ask him.
128
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:13,837
Now you just stay out of this and let
me take care of it. I'm the businessman.
129
00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:17,028
You're gonna mess up
the whole deal. Shut up.
130
00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:23,167
Uh, there's something
I want to ask you. It's...
131
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:25,915
Is something the matter? Well,
not exactly. It's just that my partner...
132
00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:29,474
Well, that is, my dad, he'd like to
know where you acquired the copper.
133
00:08:29,543 --> 00:08:32,711
Oh! Well, sure.
Be glad to tell you.
134
00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:41,887
You see, this church that I'm a
member of, they're tearing it down.
135
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:44,567
It's the Church of the Communal
Soul. You ever hear of it?
136
00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:47,403
As a matter of fact, I haven't.
What are you folks, Baptist?
137
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:50,395
No. Greek Orthodox.
138
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,266
Well, what difference
does it make?
139
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:59,137
We're all brothers, aren't we? I
ain't got no brother. I got two sisters.
140
00:09:01,307 --> 00:09:04,609
Well, I know you're
not gonna believe this,
141
00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:07,546
but they're tearing down our
church to make room for a parking lot.
142
00:09:07,614 --> 00:09:10,682
That's progress for
you, isn't it, Mr. Sanford?
143
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:14,953
Plenty of room for automobiles, but what
are the poor worshippers supposed to do?
144
00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:18,156
Learn how to kneel
in the back of their car.
145
00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:24,729
Well, anyway, when they were tearing
down the church, the minister said to me,
146
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:28,099
he said, "Otto, you been coming
here longer than anybody else,
147
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:31,302
so you just take all
the plumbing supplies."
148
00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:33,939
Then it's all legitimate.
Well, yeah. What'd you think?
149
00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:36,007
Oh, uh... What did I tell you?
150
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:39,010
I could've had the
organ too, but I said no.
151
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:41,092
I said, "Let's give the
organ to a home for
152
00:09:41,116 --> 00:09:43,247
senior citizens for
their community singin'."
153
00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:45,650
Hey, that was
sweet of you, Otto.
154
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:48,086
Well, do unto
others, I always say.
155
00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:50,088
Isn't that what you
always say, Mr. Sanford?
156
00:09:50,156 --> 00:09:53,257
No, I say a lot of other things.
You wanna hear some of them?
157
00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:56,962
Listen, just pay
him no attention.
158
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:59,008
I'm gonna go in the house
and discuss this thing with him...
159
00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:01,611
and come out here and get
the whole business deal straight.
160
00:10:01,635 --> 00:10:03,735
Excuse us. Okay.
161
00:10:09,375 --> 00:10:11,258
Now, listen, I don't
want you to go lousing
162
00:10:11,282 --> 00:10:13,144
up this deal. We're
gonna buy that copper.
163
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:15,391
It's stolen goods, I'm
tellin' you. It's stolen.
164
00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:17,348
I mean it. We'll all get caught,
165
00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:21,319
and me and you and
Blue Eyes will go to jail,
166
00:10:21,387 --> 00:10:24,627
only they'll put Blue
Eyes in the new building.
167
00:10:29,930 --> 00:10:32,797
Would you stop worrying
and give me the 20 bucks?
168
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:37,068
I don't like this deal.
Something about it ain't kosher.
169
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:40,404
Ain't what? Ain't kosher.
170
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:43,708
Who'd you get word
from? From Kelly.
171
00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:45,710
Gimme that $20.
172
00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:48,290
Well, I'm tellin you, I ain't
got nothin' to do with it.
173
00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:50,548
Stay out of it then. I
told you I'd take care of it.
174
00:10:50,617 --> 00:10:54,452
I know about this kind of
business. Just leave me out of it.
175
00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:01,159
Ah-ah. Cash on delivery.
176
00:11:01,227 --> 00:11:03,728
Oh, I can understand that.
That's just good business.
177
00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:06,497
Yeah. I'll go unload
the stuff you just bought.
178
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:10,902
Uh, by the way, do you think you
might be able to use any more copper?
179
00:11:10,971 --> 00:11:13,650
I don't know. I think we might be
able to take some of it off your hands.
180
00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:15,652
Well, I just might be
able to help you. Okay.
181
00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:19,610
I'll tell you what. You meet me down at
Dave's Diner tomorrow morning about 9:00.
182
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,924
I'm pretty sure I can get my
hands on some more copper. Okay.
183
00:11:21,948 --> 00:11:24,016
Do you know where
Dave's is? About ten minutes
184
00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:25,950
down on Adams. It's
a handy place to meet.
185
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:28,286
I'll get the first
load out of my car.
186
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:30,722
No, no. Cash on delivery.
187
00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:32,891
Yeah, you are a
sharp businessman.
188
00:11:34,594 --> 00:11:37,796
We'll be waitin'
for you. I'll be back.
189
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:40,799
Now, listen, Pop. This
is only the beginning.
190
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:43,434
Now, it has nothing
to do with the $40.
191
00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:47,672
Now, it's the fact that we're
doubling our investment.
192
00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:50,108
We're on our way, Pop.
193
00:11:50,177 --> 00:11:52,177
I can see it now.
194
00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:54,179
I can see it too.
195
00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:58,316
People marching with placards
saying, "Free the Sanfords".
196
00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:09,172
Come on, Lamont. Let's get on outta
here. That guy ain't gonna show up.
197
00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:12,296
Oh, he'll be here, Pop.
He's just a little late. A little?
198
00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:14,432
He said 9:00,
and it's after 10:00.
199
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:17,235
Would you just relax
and slurp some coffee?
200
00:12:17,303 --> 00:12:20,571
I never did like this deal. I
was up all night worrying.
201
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,573
Did you hear me
tossin' and turnin'?
202
00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:25,744
No, I missed that part. I
came in on the snoring.
203
00:12:25,812 --> 00:12:27,746
Morning. Hey, good morning.
204
00:12:27,814 --> 00:12:31,327
Sorry I'm late. That's all right. We've
just been here sittin' here talking.
205
00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:34,085
Well, I stopped off to say
good-bye to my minister.
206
00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:36,921
I'm leaving. You know
what I've decided to do?
207
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:39,557
I'm gonna do missionary work.
Probably be going to Africa.
208
00:12:39,626 --> 00:12:41,559
I'll be doing work
among your people.
209
00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:44,229
Not mine. My
people in St. Louis.
210
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:49,868
Hey, I got good news for you.
211
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:52,715
I was able to get ahold of another
couple hundred pounds of that copper.
212
00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:56,007
- Hey, fantastic. At the same price?
- Yeah. Twenty cents a pound.
213
00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:58,409
You mean ten cents a pound.
214
00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:00,411
Is that what I
said? That's right.
215
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:03,948
If that's what I said,
then that's what it is.
216
00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:07,852
I'd rather cut off a leg than go
back on my word. Right, Mr. Sanford?
217
00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:10,255
Right, Stumpy.
218
00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:15,126
Well, you owe me another $20.
219
00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:17,874
We can settle right here, then
we'll load the stuff into your truck.
220
00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:19,876
It's out in the trunk
of my car. Great.
221
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:23,301
Let me just buy your coffee
for you fellas. Hey, thanks a lot.
222
00:13:23,369 --> 00:13:26,382
You see that? I told you he was a
nice guy. Now give me the 20 bucks.
223
00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:28,572
Lamont, you sure you
want this extra copper?
224
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:33,178
We already made the deal. It's too late
to back out. Would you give me the 20?
225
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,382
Here you are. Bless you.
226
00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:40,797
May I say it's been a pleasure
doing business with you gentlemen.
227
00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:42,799
Both of you. Well, let's
go load that stuff up.
228
00:13:42,823 --> 00:13:44,789
Right.
229
00:13:46,893 --> 00:13:48,827
Two, four, six.
230
00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:56,600
Two, four, six, eight,
nine. What are you doing?
231
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:59,537
I'm measurin' six
feet by nine feet...
232
00:13:59,605 --> 00:14:03,308
'cause that the size the jail
cells are in the old building.
233
00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:19,657
What are you doin'? I'm covering
up this copper so nobody can see it.
234
00:14:19,726 --> 00:14:22,560
It's stolen goods.
235
00:14:22,628 --> 00:14:24,841
Would you stop that? Now, the
man told you where he got it from.
236
00:14:24,865 --> 00:14:27,198
Now, listen to me. We
bought some copper...
237
00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:30,201
and we're not responsible
for where it came from.
238
00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:33,282
And besides, who's gonna come
around here looking for stolen copper?
239
00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:36,306
And that's all I'm going
to say on this subject, Pop.
240
00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:44,426
I think you'll have a few
more words to say now.
241
00:14:44,450 --> 00:14:49,053
What are you talkin' about? Police
car just pulled up there by the curb.
242
00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:51,789
So that doesn't mean anything.
They're just sittin' in the car.
243
00:14:51,858 --> 00:14:54,725
And see? They're
just gettin' out,
244
00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:56,794
they're looking around,
245
00:14:56,863 --> 00:14:58,963
and they're coming in here!
246
00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:03,101
Oh! My heart!
247
00:15:03,169 --> 00:15:06,037
They got us. They got us.
248
00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:08,273
They got us with stolen goods!
249
00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:10,408
Oh, they got us!
250
00:15:10,476 --> 00:15:14,245
I'm going to lose the place of
business, and I'm going to jail.
251
00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:17,148
I'm going to die there
of a broken heart.
252
00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:19,517
Do you hear that, Elizabeth?
253
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:22,820
I'm comin' to join you, honey,
254
00:15:22,889 --> 00:15:26,090
with numbers on my back.
255
00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:29,039
Now just cool it, Pop. Now we gotta
be cool. We can't lose our heads now.
256
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:31,963
We just act like we
playing checkers. Now relax.
257
00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:35,133
It's your move.
258
00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:37,335
Come on in! The door's open!
259
00:15:37,404 --> 00:15:41,272
Hi, Lamont, Fred.
Hey, what a surprise.
260
00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:43,719
We're just sitting down here,
playing some checkers. Yeah.
261
00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:47,245
How you feel, Smitty? I'd like
you to meet my new driving partner.
262
00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:50,514
This is Officer Swanhauser.
We do the rounds together.
263
00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:53,918
Hey, how you doing, Officer
Swanhauser? How you feel, Swanee?
264
00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:58,534
The reason Officer Smith
and myself are paying this call...
265
00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:01,137
is for the purpose of
issuing a warning. A warrant?
266
00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:04,996
A warning. It has come to the
attention of the department...
267
00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:08,599
that an as yet unidentified
suspect is operating in this area...
268
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:12,003
and attempting to sell copper that
has previously been burglarized,
269
00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:17,075
and that said burglary may have been
perpetuated by the suspect in question.
270
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:27,986
There's a dude trying to unload some
hot copper that he snatched himself.
271
00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:30,088
Oh.
272
00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:37,661
That's what I thought he said.
273
00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:40,098
So until we apprehend
the suspect in question,
274
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:42,744
the department advises that you
refrain from all purchases of copper...
275
00:16:42,768 --> 00:16:45,436
from any person or
persons canvassing the area.
276
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:49,874
If you are approached, you're to
notify the district police immediately.
277
00:16:57,117 --> 00:16:59,550
Until this cat gets
busted, be cool on copper.
278
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:04,555
And if he hits on you,
contact your local fuzz.
279
00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:08,192
Whew.
280
00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:13,297
Did you peep the dude
that's been ripping 'em off?
281
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:21,172
Do we have a
make on the suspect.
282
00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:23,174
As far as we're
able to ascertain,
283
00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:25,221
the suspect in question
is a male Caucasian...
284
00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:28,279
with no distinguishing
physical characteristics.
285
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:40,291
He's a white dude.
286
00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:45,096
Yeah, some of my
best friends are white.
287
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,068
Well, we'll see you
later. We gotta get goin'.
288
00:17:50,136 --> 00:17:53,837
Okay, listen, anytime you're in
the neighborhood, uh, just drop in.
289
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:56,185
We can play some checkers
and stuff anytime you come by.
290
00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:59,277
You're always welcome
here. That's right.
291
00:17:59,345 --> 00:18:03,881
Say, Fred, what you got
here? Load of hot copper?
292
00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:07,585
We just covered this stuff up
because... Didn't wanna get it wet.
293
00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:11,456
It was gonna rain last night. Okay.
We gotta get goin'. Come on, partner.
294
00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:14,625
Yeah, anytime you're in
the neighborhood, drop in.
295
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:17,195
It was nice meeting
you, Officer Swanhauser.
296
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:19,330
Bye, Swanee.
297
00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:26,471
I knew I'd have a
heart attack any minute.
298
00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:30,308
Oh, I can't make it, Lamont.
It's the worst feeling I've had.
299
00:18:30,376 --> 00:18:33,144
Oh, my heart is just
thumping so hard.
300
00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:36,814
Pop, this is a ridiculous
time to have a heart attack.
301
00:18:36,882 --> 00:18:38,816
No, it ain't. Listen.
302
00:18:41,588 --> 00:18:45,389
Listen to me, would you? Now, we gotta sit
down and we gotta figure this thing out.
303
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,436
Now, we're not gonna
solve nothing by panicking.
304
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:51,195
We got to figure it out and
figure on the best thing to do.
305
00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:53,576
Then if you want to have
a heart attack, it's all right.
306
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,300
Well, the first thing we
oughta do is get rid of it.
307
00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:58,536
I know we gotta get
rid of it, but where?
308
00:18:58,605 --> 00:19:02,406
Just take it somewhere and dump
it. Somewhere nobody can find it.
309
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:06,410
The ocean! Pop, we can drive out
to the beach and dump it in the water.
310
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:09,247
I can't go to the ocean!
311
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,760
Come on, you can make
it. I ain't going to no ocean.
312
00:19:11,784 --> 00:19:14,718
You'll make it. I might go,
but I ain't gonna make it back.
313
00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:18,989
You're gonna have to drop me
off at Forest Lawn. I ain't going.
314
00:19:20,926 --> 00:19:23,827
Get in the truck.
315
00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:27,009
Listen, I'll buy you some
aspirins on the way to the beach.
316
00:19:27,033 --> 00:19:29,967
I ain't gonna make
it to the beach.
317
00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:37,107
All right. Now, we got rid of the stuff
and everything's been taken care of.
318
00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:39,243
You happy?
319
00:19:39,312 --> 00:19:42,980
Happy? I got a truckload of
copper at the bottom of the ocean,
320
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:46,717
I'm out of 40 bucks, and I'm
sitting here with my dummy son.
321
00:19:48,754 --> 00:19:53,991
I didn't know a black
man could be so happy.
322
00:19:55,928 --> 00:20:00,831
Now listen to me. I got us into
this thing, but I also got us out of it.
323
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:04,635
And that is because
I am cool. Oh.
324
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:08,306
Now, if there's one thing
that I want you to learn, Pop,
325
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:10,408
it's to be cool like me.
326
00:20:10,476 --> 00:20:14,945
That's something you haven't
learned. Nothing upsets me because I...
327
00:20:15,014 --> 00:20:16,947
am cool.
328
00:20:19,519 --> 00:20:23,287
Get the door. I can't get
the door. You go. You go.
329
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,727
Oh, it's Mr. Kelly.
Come on in, Mr. Kelly.
330
00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:32,796
Hey, Pop, it's Mr. Kelly.
How you feeing, Mr. Kelly?
331
00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:41,672
I just come over to
borrow a pail of water.
332
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:43,741
What's the matter?
You out of water?
333
00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:46,677
I don't know what it is, but
none of my taps is working.
334
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:48,912
Hey, I'll get you some.
335
00:20:48,981 --> 00:20:53,117
Funny. You never miss the
water till the well runs dry.
336
00:20:53,185 --> 00:20:57,154
Oh, he's a darlin' boy. Where
would you be without him?
337
00:20:57,223 --> 00:20:59,201
I don't know where I'd
be without him, Kelly,
338
00:20:59,225 --> 00:21:02,727
but I know where I
almost was with him.
339
00:21:05,831 --> 00:21:08,110
That's funny. We ain't
got no water either.
340
00:21:08,134 --> 00:21:09,500
Huh? No foolin'.
341
00:21:09,569 --> 00:21:11,780
I'm gonna go down to the
basement and check the pipes.
342
00:21:11,804 --> 00:21:15,406
You know what I bet it is? I'll
bet you it's a busted water main.
343
00:21:15,475 --> 00:21:18,409
I bet you nobody in the
whole block's got any water.
344
00:21:18,478 --> 00:21:20,878
I bet you're right. Oh, boy.
345
00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:23,914
Fred, I'll be in big trouble
if I don't have any water.
346
00:21:23,983 --> 00:21:28,819
Why, Kelly? Well, you see, I
gotta soak my gums in saltwater.
347
00:21:28,888 --> 00:21:32,290
I didn't do it today, and
now they're getting tender.
348
00:21:32,358 --> 00:21:35,159
Let me see, Kelly.
349
00:21:35,227 --> 00:21:37,762
Oh, they do look tender, Kelly.
350
00:21:37,830 --> 00:21:42,500
You're gonna have to eat
mush. You have to mash it.
351
00:21:44,870 --> 00:21:47,471
Yeah, and strain it...
352
00:21:47,540 --> 00:21:49,580
and suck it through a straw.
353
00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:54,244
Well, son, you find
out what's wrong?
354
00:21:54,314 --> 00:21:56,347
Find out the
trouble? What is it?
355
00:21:57,717 --> 00:22:00,785
Now I know where that
guy got all that copper from.
356
00:22:00,853 --> 00:22:02,853
Huh? All our pipes, Pop.
357
00:22:02,922 --> 00:22:05,656
He ripped out all our pipes.
All our plumbing is gone.
358
00:22:05,725 --> 00:22:08,992
You mean the copper we dumped
down the bottom of the ocean?
359
00:22:09,061 --> 00:22:12,330
Those are our pipes?
360
00:22:12,398 --> 00:22:15,399
And he pulled out our pipes
and pulled Kelly's pipes out?
361
00:22:15,468 --> 00:22:18,046
That's what he was doing down at
Dave's Diner while we were waiting.
362
00:22:18,070 --> 00:22:21,505
Taking our pipes
out. You big dummy!
363
00:22:23,108 --> 00:22:27,445
"Don't worry, Pop. I'm cool.
364
00:22:27,513 --> 00:22:32,316
Just learn to be cool
like me. I'm cool."
365
00:22:32,385 --> 00:22:35,753
You big dummy. You're
not even a cool dummy.
366
00:22:37,590 --> 00:22:42,159
You're just a big, ordinary,
plain dummy, dummy.
367
00:22:53,038 --> 00:22:55,706
Hello, is this the Ace
Plumbing Company?
368
00:22:55,775 --> 00:22:57,708
Yeah, this is Fred Sanford.
369
00:22:57,777 --> 00:23:03,280
Sanford. That's
S-A-N-F-O-R-D period, speakin'.
370
00:23:03,349 --> 00:23:07,785
Yeah, I wonder if you people could
come over and do a little plumbing job.
371
00:23:07,854 --> 00:23:09,887
Yeah.
372
00:23:09,955 --> 00:23:12,990
We ain't got any water.
373
00:23:13,058 --> 00:23:15,058
Yeah, I know we
ain't got any water.
374
00:23:15,127 --> 00:23:17,961
We ain't got any pipes.
375
00:23:18,030 --> 00:23:20,698
Okay, listen...
What are you doing?
376
00:23:20,767 --> 00:23:24,535
I'm calling the plumbing company.
Would you put that phone down?
377
00:23:24,604 --> 00:23:27,026
I bought all that used
pipe, and I told you,
378
00:23:27,050 --> 00:23:29,273
I'm gonna take care
of this whole thing.
379
00:23:29,341 --> 00:23:32,621
Well, you don't know nothing
about plumbing. You ain't no plumber.
380
00:23:32,645 --> 00:23:34,606
Are you kidding?
There's nothing to it. All
381
00:23:34,630 --> 00:23:36,614
I do is just join all
that pipe together...
382
00:23:36,682 --> 00:23:38,916
hook it to the main
valve, turn on the switch.
383
00:23:38,984 --> 00:23:42,553
And zap... water. Now even
an idiot would know that.
384
00:23:42,622 --> 00:23:45,423
Well, in that case,
maybe you could do it.
385
00:23:47,693 --> 00:23:50,294
All right, then you
do it, you're so smart.
386
00:23:50,362 --> 00:23:52,508
You know I can't lift that
wrench. You know my arthritis.
387
00:23:52,532 --> 00:23:55,265
You can't do nothin' but talk.
Everything around here, I do.
388
00:23:55,334 --> 00:23:57,513
Are you kidding? Who you
think keeps this place clean?
389
00:23:57,537 --> 00:24:00,270
I don't want to discuss it. I don't
want to discuss it. Listen to me.
390
00:24:00,339 --> 00:24:02,640
Now, I got the faucet
turned on in the kitchen.
391
00:24:02,708 --> 00:24:05,476
Now, I want you to come
over here and stand here...
392
00:24:05,545 --> 00:24:07,989
and tell me when the
water comes on, all right?
393
00:24:08,013 --> 00:24:09,980
All right.
394
00:24:12,117 --> 00:24:14,452
And stay away from that phone!
395
00:24:18,390 --> 00:24:20,324
Pop, can you hear me?
396
00:24:20,392 --> 00:24:22,827
Huh? Can you hear me?
397
00:24:22,895 --> 00:24:26,263
Huh? Can you hear me?
398
00:24:26,332 --> 00:24:29,132
Where are you? I'm right here!
399
00:24:32,137 --> 00:24:35,272
Right here? Yeah!
400
00:24:35,341 --> 00:24:39,042
I can hear you.
Okay. Is the water on?
401
00:24:39,111 --> 00:24:41,979
Wait a minute. I'll go look.
402
00:24:42,047 --> 00:24:44,482
What?
403
00:24:44,550 --> 00:24:46,750
I said I'll go and
see if the water's on!
404
00:24:46,819 --> 00:24:48,953
Okay!
405
00:24:49,021 --> 00:24:52,490
What? I said okay!
406
00:24:52,558 --> 00:24:56,994
What'd you say? I said okay!
407
00:24:59,198 --> 00:25:03,033
Is the water on? Huh?
408
00:25:03,102 --> 00:25:07,571
What? Is the water running now?
409
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:09,673
Is it running...
410
00:25:12,311 --> 00:25:16,413
Yeah, it's running
now, you dummy!
411
00:25:27,393 --> 00:25:31,829
Sanford and Son is recorded on
tape before a live studio audience.
35067
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