Original subtitles

All around the world,

people with different beliefs

find themselves at odds over God.

But my parents had found a way to avoid religious conflict,

even though my mom grew up Baptist

and my dad grew up Catholic.

They found a common ground in the beliefs of the commune.

Be fruitful and multiply.

'Cause we need a lot of helpers on the farm.

And because of that, they went out of their way

to raise me and my siblings in a religion-free home.

Can I go to a potluck with Rebecca tonight?

Absolutely.

What should I bring? It's at her church.

Church?!

Well, in that case, you should bring a nothing casserole.

Because you're not going.

In my household, it took two parents

to change a light bulb and also to say no to church.

♪ In the mix ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, they keep trying ♪

♪ But they can't stop us ♪

♪ 'Cause we got a love ♪

♪ That keeps rising up ♪

♪ In the mix ♪

♪ Life turns around ♪

♪ 'Round and 'round it goes ♪

♪ Ooh, it's a mixed-up world ♪ ♪ Ooh, it's a mixed-up ♪

♪ And that's for sure ♪ ♪ Mixed-up ♪

♪ In the mix ♪ ♪ Baby ♪

♪ We're gonna get by ♪

♪ We're gonna ♪ ♪ On our own, side by side ♪

♪ Love's all we need to be free ♪ ♪ Lo-o-o-ve is all ♪

♪ I got you, you got me ♪

♪ Yaaaaay us! ♪

♪ I-I-In the mix ♪

♪ Yaaaaay us! ♪

♪ I-I-In the mix-ish ♪

Wait. Why can't I go?

Because we're not a family

that believes in organized religion.

We were also a family that used to believe

in Santi being old enough to operate farm equipment.

Things change.

Bow, why the sudden

interest in church?

Hmm. Why did I want to go to church?

The Wham! breakup was the hardest.

I just want to see what church is like.

Let me tell you what it's like.

They sing songs, serve fried chicken,

and then you do it every week until you die.

I should know.

Your aunt and I grew up going to church every Sunday.

Ooh!

Every Sunday, every Wednesday night for Bible study,

every Saturday morning to make meals for the sick and shut-in.

You knew some people put they name on that list

just so they could get a free sandwich.

I can see how being forced to go somewhere

every week could turn you off from it.

Oh, no, I still go every Sunday.

This is me with God.

You don't want to see me without Him.

Look, Bow, we understand

exploring and asking questions,

and that's always okay,

but from our experience,

we've found that traditional

religion closes people's minds.

As it should!

You don't want people thinking too freely.

And the way I see it,

you can't raise good kids

without the fear of God.

It's 1986.

There's temptation all over.

You got MTV, peep shows, crack rock.

Lord, protect us from the crack rock!

That's why I sent you off to that Catholic school

so those nuns could keep you on the straight and narrow.

Ah, it didn't work. I went to live on a commune.

It did work because you're not on crack rock.

- Hm. - What if we looked at it

as kind of a cultural exchange,

like when the whole commune went to visit Mexico?

Yeah, that trip was more about

hiding Shaman Dave from the ATF.

Yeah.

Bow, I know you're curious, and we're here to help

with all of life's big questions,

but you don't need a bunch of men in robes

telling you you're going to hell if you wore denim on denim.

They said you were going to hell for that?

- Mm-hmm. - What's hell?

A place of perpetual heat and fire where nonbelievers

and Democrats go to burn for eternity.

That's why it's important to be good...

so we can all go to heaven together.

"To be good." I've seen you tip a date in quarters.

She had a bus to catch.

No, don't listen to him.

You know what our values are.

We believe in empathy, cooperation, and kindness.

It's all you need.

Yeah, Bow-Bow. We're gonna have to say no to this one.

But our beliefs still don't explain the tragedy of Chernobyl

or what's gonna happen to George Michael.

- Who? - Wham!

- Wham? - Not anymore.

- What? - You just don't understand!

There comes a time in every woman's life

when she questions the very nature of her existence.

And then she pulls the landline into the laundry room

and calls her friends.

I can't believe it, but my parents

won't let me go to church with you, Rebecca.

Oh, no! I was looking forward to it

so my dad could tell you how he knows Pee-wee Herman.

He said he met him at some movie theater they both go to.

Hold up. Your parents

won't let you go to church?

When I had chickenpox,

mine still made me go.

I ended up giving it to the whole choir.

A lady died. She's in a better place now, though.

It's crazy.

Don't they know I'm old enough to make up my own mind?

Sure, I'm 13, but construction workers have asked if I'm 16.

If I saw you driving, I'd say,

"That totally makes sense to me."

Well, you're missing out, Rainbow.

Don't listen to what heavy-metal music

is telling you because church is really fun.

It looks like it. Everyone dresses up like

it's school picture day.

Sounds like you need to show your mom and dad

you have options.

Remember, Drew Barrymore divorced her parents.

They don't hold all the cards.

Yeah, you're too old to let your parents pick out

your clothes and where you go when you die.

You guys are right. They can't tell me what to do.

If I want to go to church, then I'm gonna go to church.

And, by the way, this one-of-a-kind sweater

was made by an old woman on the commune.

It's real donkey.

Do you believe any of the stuff Aunt Dee-Dee

and Grandad were talking about?

I'm into the heaven idea.

I'm built for that place.

Yeah, but we have to be good to get into heaven.

I tell people I change my underwear every day.

I've been living a lie.

Wait!

Lying is a sin?!

Maybe we could train for heck!

We need to get used to hot stuff.

Most kids sneak into the movies,

but I was gonna sneak into Rebecca's church.

Hey, guys. I'm going to bed.

Well, it's kind of early. You feeling okay?

I'm just really tuckered out

after a long day of obeying my parents.

Okay, well, we'll come say good night later.

No! That's why I'm here, so you don't have to do that.

So, how about I give you guys hugs now,

and this will be the last time we see each other till tomorrow.

Good night!

Are you kidding?

- We can see you. - Where were you going?

- Out. - Oh! Hmm. "Out." Huh.

Well...

Young lady!

I can't believe you'd leave the house dressed like that.

You were going to church, weren't you?

Fine. You caught me.

I was going to church, and I picked my own clothes.

Rainbow, we talked about this.

This is something that I really want to explore.

You said religion is close-minded,

but you guys are the ones being close-minded.

She's right.

If this means so much to her, why don't we just take her?

She'll probably get a taste of it and walk away like we did.

Fine.

But if she starts to make friends

and sing along, I'm faking a seizure.

Oh, yeah. That's gotten us out of trouble in the past.

Like our honeymoon road trip through the South.

That was a bad call by us.

And you still owe me a honeymoon.

Why do you keep doing this?

Oh. Sorry. I guess I was... sleepwalking.

I'm really glad she's so bad at this.

Finally, some people with some style!

With the clothes, the hats, and the excitement,

this felt like an event.

When people say, "That took me to church,"

they must have been talking about this place.

Thanks for bringing me today.

I can't wait to sit in a pew.

Ah. She really needs to experience more things.

- Uh-huh. - Oh, hey, Sheila!

Come meet my family. That's right.

I saved six souls today.

And how's your nephew?

Is he still backsliding?

Oh, my God. This place has not changed in 20 years.

Oh, don't say that.

We have air-conditioning now because of the building fund.

Well, it don't work,

but that's why we have the air-conditioning fund.

I can't believe I'm back at Hope Baptist.

I feel like I'm gonna burst into flames

as soon as I walk through the door.

Well, babe, I know it's hard,

but this will get religion out of Rainbow's system.

It's like when you catch a kid smoking,

you're supposed to make them smoke the entire carton

so they can't even look at another cigarette.

Yeah. We're gonna make Rainbow smoke this whole church.

- Smoke it! - Yeah.

What's with all the pictures of Rick James?

That's Jesus.

First, you guys take basketball.

Now you're gonna try to take Jesus?

Jesus is a stone-cold brother.

No, Jesus is White.

That's why he turned water into wine, not Henny.

Johan! I grabbed these from the coat room.

These will make us really hot.

Ooh, this one's got car keys!

A Datsun!

These coats will be good for heck training.

But isn't stealing a sin?

We're going there anyway.

We might as well get ready for it.

Okay, might as well get this over with.

- Hopefully we'll be done by brunch. - Ahh.

Okay.

Oh, thank God this is over.

Oh, it's not over. This is Black church halftime.

There's two more quarters of this.

There's more?

Right. If there's one thing us Catholics have

over you Baptists, we get you in, we get you out.

Yeah, it costs a little more,

but you're paying to have the rest of your Sunday.

I can't wait to go back in.

When the reverend said to turn to our neighbors

and tell them we loved them, I got goosebumps.

- Ooh! - And when those women

were jumping and shaking with neuromyotonia...

Uh, neuro-who-say-what-now?

Okay. Neuromyotonia is a form

of peripheral nerve hyperexcitability.

Dr. Johnson just had to flex on ya.

Oh, you talkin' about those ladies

- that caught the Holy Ghost? - Yeah, I think so.

- Have you ever caught it? - I sure have.

Every time the collection plate comes around,

I catch it right on out the door.

- Hey-hey! - Collection plate?

Our plan isn't working because your church isn't scary at all.

We need fire and brimstone

and a nun with a tooth in her nose.

If we leave now, we can make the late mass.

Well, actually, I... I wouldn't mind staying.

Staying? Why?

I felt something in there.

I'm kind of surprised I'm saying this,

but I'm enjoying myself.

I don't know if it's the music

or if I didn't have enough breakfast, but...

I kind of want to stay.

Okay.

But if you want to leave, that's okay.

Praise Rick James!

Come on, Paul. That's our way out.

Okay, uh, uh, we'll talk when you get home.

Okay.

Oh. So, they leavin'?

Yeah.

Ain't God good?

Hey, Sheila!

You got a run in your panty hose.

Mm-hmm!

I brought you a piece of Sister Jones' pie.

Denise stole like five other kinds if you don't like apple.

Don't think you can make me forget

about what happened with some God pie.

Did she get any rhubarb?

Yeah. And pumpkin, too.

- Really? - At a Black church? No.

That's right.

So, are we gonna talk about what happened back there?

I mean, you said you felt something in church?

Look, it's not like I planned for this.

But being back in a place where I spent so much time as a kid,

listening to messages of love and hope and community,

now through an adult's ears,

something stirred in me, you know?

Are you a church person now?

Are you gonna go every Sunday?

Are you gonna start tithing?

Are there sexy things

that we're not gonna be able to do anymore?

You don't have to worry.

This is just something I need to do right now.

What does this mean for us as a family?

I'm not gonna force anyone to go,

but maybe Rainbow and I can start.

Is this the worst thing in the world?

No.

There are worse things.

Like the Spanish Inquisition,

the Salem Witch Trials, the Crusades.

Hmm. What did they all have in common?

Don't make me feel bad about this.

A lot of the values and beliefs we had at the commune,

I found first in church.

I'm gonna go change clothes.

I might choose church, too, Dad.

I found $50 in all those coat pockets.

Wait a minute.

Are you wearing all of your sweaters?

- Yep! - Aren't you hot?

Yep!

You guys were right. Church is amazing!

The place was so welcoming. The music was incredible.

And everyone clapped on the two and the four.

I know which parent's church you went to.

And the message really helped.

There was this beautiful verse about walking through

the shadow of the valley of death, but not being afraid.

It made me feel so much better about Wham! breaking up.

Where is that in the Bible?

How would we know? Nobody actually reads the Bible.

Yeah, it's like a textbook.

Would you read your history book?

Yes?

Church isn't like school.

There's no reason to do extra credit.

Yeah, it's not like there's a better heaven.

So you're telling me you guys go to church,

but you don't actually read the book it's all based on?

- Nope. - No.

That's what the pastor is paid for.

And they must be paid pretty well

because mine drives a Corvette.

What?

They were no help.

If I wanted to learn about God,

I guess I had to read the book myself.

"In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth."

Oh. Pretty good so far.

Okay, everybody! Dig in!

Bless us, oh, Lord, for these thy gifts

which we are about to receive.

Bless the food that is before us, the home around us,

and the love between us.

Amen.

Why didn't you say grace, Dad?

Well, because, until five minutes ago,

we weren't a family who said grace.

We were a family who asked each other

how we changed the world today.

I swerved off the road to save a chipmunk's life.

Anybody else do anything?

I said a prayer for Santamonica's soul.

Well, that's great.

But I'm asking more about how you changed the world,

not how you outsourced it to some man on a cloud.

Paul, our kids are praying for each other.

Doesn't seem like something to shut down.

Let them explore.

Speaking of exploring,

I've been reading the Bible, and I have some questions.

- Hmm. - Like, when Nebuchadnezzar

threw the three kids into the furnace, why didn't they burn?

Sounds like they've been training for heck.

Oh! By the way, we're out of hot sauce.

The kids didn't burn because God protected them.

Oh, so, God takes care of kids?

Well, not all of them.

Did you get to the part about Elisha and the bears?

No? Oh.

So, there was this sensitive bald man named Elisha.

Now, he's just out minding his own business, being bald,

when some kids yelled, "Hey, Baldy, get out of here!"

Uh, there is no way that's in the Bible.

Oh, no. It is.

So, then, Mr. Baldy curses the kids,

and God sends bears to maul 42 children.

So now we're not allowed to make fun of bald people?!

Can you run faster than bears?

Uh, kids, not everything in the Bible is literal.

Some parts are just stories.

Oh, okay, well, what about the stories where

you're supposed to obey your husband...

or where women, every month, are unclean?

Is that true? Is all of that stuff in there?

Why are you telling her this?

Babe, what are you getting upset about?

This is what you wanted. I mean, things were working,

but it seems like you'd rather fight about

whether the kids believe in a magic book

or something not insane.

Stop! I was just looking for some answers.

But if I knew it was gonna cause all of this,

I wouldn't have brought it up.

Y'all need to stop sparing the rod on her.

Oh, hey, babe.

I, uh... I washed the dishes.

They were wet,

but now they're super dry.

I see what you're doing.

Trying to win me over, which would usually work.

You know I like it when you talk chores.

I'm trying to say that I'm sorry I lost it at dinner,

but I just don't get it.

I understand you don't get it,

but you telling me what to believe

is exactly what we hate about organized religion.

Yeah, you're right.

You know I didn't have the best experience in church.

I don't know, I just felt so much guilt growing up, for everything.

I-I never wanted our kids to feel that way.

I don't either,

but that's not how it is for everyone.

Yeah. I know.

But still, it's... it's... it's why our plan, you know,

the us being on the same page... why it was so important to me.

It was important to me, too.

You know, if I'm being completely honest,

I think maybe I walked away from my church for us.

But I never really let it go.

So now what? Hmm?

When the kids ask us, "How did we all get here?

What happens to us after we die?"

What... What do we... What do we tell them?

Honestly, I don't know.

But we'll figure it out. Mm.

Right. And no matter how hard this gets,

we keep doing sexy things.

Oh. Okay.

Uh, what are you guys doing?

Me and Santamonica are training for H-E-double hockey sticks.

But I'm gonna walk on the hot coals first

because she says I'm so much better at it.

And you agree with me, don't you?

Okay, weirdos.

You two are not going to he... mm, H-E-double hockey sticks.

Really?! How do you know?

All right, I'm just gonna give it to you straight.

You were born on a commune.

We don't even know when your real birthdays are.

And despite all odds...

and don't tell anybody that I said this...

but...

you guys are good kids.

What'd you say?

I said...

you guys are good kids.

I-I still can't hear you.

I'm not saying it again.

You either heard it or you missed it.

So, uh, where'd you get gas, anyway?

I siphoned it from your Ferrari.

Great parenting.

What's going on in here?

I'm looking for answers since Mom and Dad

don't know what they're talking about.

You just now realizing that?

There are so many different ideas in all these books.

Do you know anything about... Rastafarianism?

No, I do not.

But ask me again when you're in college.

I just wish I knew the right answer.

Oh, well, this isn't a math test.

You can't know the answer. You just started your journey.

But you're so sure about your faith.

Oh. I wasn't always this sure.

It took me years of exploring.

Baby, it's a different path for everyone.

You just have to find a version of faith that works for you.

For me, it was having faith

that God accepts me and all my flaws.

That, and picking outfits I can wear Saturday night to the club

that also work on Sunday morning.

So I can kind of create

my own path out of all these things?

Absolutely.

All right. Tell me about this Jah.

Okay.

She kind of did our job for us.

Mm. Not to say I told you so,

but I did kind of pray for this.

Mom and Dad thought they had to be all-in or all-out,

but just like so many other things when it came to us,

they found they could meet in the middle.

All right, first we say grace,

and then we can each share how we changed the world today.

Really?

I want to thank Jesus,

Mother Earth, Vishnu, Buddha, L. Ron Hubbard...

It would be several more years

- before I found a religion that worked for me. - ...Rajneesh, Durga, Apollo...

But at the time,

- I thought I should cover all my bases. - ...David Koresh, Hercules.

Thank you, Lord, for this food, family,

and fashion.

I'll go next.

Heavenly Father,

we want to thank you...

What?

You really expect me to wait while six other people

say grace before I eat?

A-All right, let's dig in.

Grandad was right.

It wasn't the best system,

but even that was part of our journey.

- Give it here! It's mine! - No, it's mine!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on in here?

There's only one chocolate chip cookie left,

and Santi thinks it's hers... when it's clearly mine!

- No, it isn't! - I said hands off.

Do you guys know the story of King Solomon?

Well, he had a problem.

Two women both claimed to be the mother of a baby.

So King Solomon was like, "Bring the baby to me.

I'll split it and you can each have half."

Oh, you're saying we could split the cookie and each have half.

I would if I was King Solomon,

but I'm Aunt Dee-Dee.

So this cookie is mine.

That'll teach you to make so much noise.

Wow...

I gotta read this book.