Original subtitles

I love you. Oh, you know what?

I'm feeling kinda wild.

Let's stop here, let's stop.

Come on. Seriously?

Start unzipping your pants, I'm serious.

Oh my god. Wait,

I never realized this was somebody's driveway.

Where are we? Hurry up!

What if somebody's here?

They're gonna call the cops.

Oh my god.

That's all right, 'cause I'm bad girl.

Oh, you are bad, aren't you?

I'm just, we've never done this before, have we?

No, not in the van.

I am gonna eat you like a hoagie.

- If you would just position... - Honey, I gotta tell you something.

- What? What? - Honey I gotta say.

What?

Eat my hog you woman.

- Okay. - Come on, oh God.

You knew this whole time?

Honey, I think we're gonna be late.

No, no, we're fine.

Well, if we didn't have to go back to the car

to get the camera and the tripod,

we would have been perfectly on time.

- Say hello Dr. Digman. - Hello.

Okay, we're doing it.

Oh, that is John's grumpy therapy face.

I'm really sorry for her.

- I apologize. - We're doing this.

Okay, let's do this, okay.

Honey, honey, honey,

could you maybe be a little less weird

about getting into it?

I mean, the camera's kind of making it awkward.

Oh, I bet Delaney would do it, right?

We're gonna bring that up again.

Or maybe you want me to do it like the women in your porn.

Let me just unzip your pants

and making my boobs pop out.

Ada, I swear to God, if this becomes 50 minutes

of you beating me up about porn again, 50 minutes of that,

I'm gonna stop trying to do this deeply uncomfortable thing

that you insist on fucking video taping.

Well, you agreed to do it, so don't make it my agenda.

I...

Okay, John, why are you here?

Don't you dare say because I made you.

I'm asking John.

Because we weren't doing so great

and we're trying to make it better.

And what is not doing so great mean?

It's hard, more than it's not hard.

Why do you think that is?

'Cause we're pretty much not honest with each other

most of the time.

Wow, that's huge.

Do you really think that?

No, no, you know, I don't know why.

Oh my God, she's getting so big.

Yeah, she looks exactly like

that dude that's your neighbor.

Ah, haha, very funny.

- I don't get it. - Nice, thanks.

I don't know.

What do you mean?

John and I are doing this thing this weekend

where we're gonna be 100% honest

with each other about everything.

- What? - Doctor's orders.

What, are you serious?

Oh god, you know what, honey, can you just kill me now?

I'll pull over and you choke me out.

You started it so.

I don't lie.

I don't lie, if anything I'm too honest

- in this relationship. - Oh yeah, okay.

Yeah, you know what?

You hate the Jeep.

You said it was okay to buy the Jeep.

You pretend to love the Jeep but deep down you, you hate it.

- I hate the Jeep. - Why do you hate the Jeep?

I love the Jeep.

Because it's a a gas guzzler

and it's this like vain attempt for you to seem cool.

And you're cool, you're cool, you don't need it.

Oh, I'm cool, that's so mature.

- Instead of just- - John, John!

What's the last big lie you told Ada?

That I wanted to come to therapy.

Whoa, welcome to the shit show.

Hey, I heard that.

All right, oh, that was a long trip, wasn't it?

Yep, we would've been here eight minutes ago.

That's exactly what it says, if you'd listened to me,

we would have been here eight minutes ago.

Literally we could save eight minutes if you just go-

- Shut up. - Shut up, Harry.

- Stop talking. - Shut your mouth.

Jesus, this is your mom's weekend house dude?

- Nobody listens to me ever. - Oh yeah.

I might've smoked a little too much.

- Nate! - Back to nature, my friends.

Hey, back to the guest bathroom, you fucking animal.

That's my mother's asparagus fern come on.

Oh shit, ah, I got my hand.

- Gonna need a wipe. - Got it?

- Got it. - You guys got it?

- You take that. - Thanks buddy.

Hey babe, you got that?

- Okay. - Babe!

- Got that? - I got it, it's fine.

I'll just carry the heaviest thing.

I've only been driving.

I gotta tell ya, your mom must've pulled so much ass here.

Oh god.

I might've been conceived here.

What are you guys talking about?

I'm on a call, Luna, okay.

- Come say hi. - Hi, Luna.

- Say hi to Stella. - Hi Luna.

- Hi! - she's gorgeous.

- We're having a moment. - It's okay.

Oh!

Okay, love you.

- Bye. - Say bye.

- Bye. - Bye, love yah.

Yeah right, okay, perfect.

John hates me.

- No, girl, no. - He does.

We lie to each other all the time.

You know about stupid little things.

Like this morning she asked me

if I wanted blueberries in my oatmeal.

No, I don't want the fucking blueberries.

There's sour little disappointments in my warm,

happy sweet oatmeal.

And I am on my reserve tank of nice guy because I spent

a chunk of my night up holding Luna's little sweaty face

as she projectile vomited into the toilet.

- I was up the same as you. - I know, I know.

I love you, I just can't, I swear.

Go away mom.

Said you were gonna cut back

and I found three Amazon boxes cut up like

into little pieces at the bottom of our recycling bin,

like a serial killer leaving a body.

You want to know the truth?

I put most of the Amazon boxes in the neighbor's trash.

Oh, that's really, that's mature.

Are you hearing, oh my god, are you hearing this?

John, Ada a big part of your marriage

is speaking up clearly in this room today

on the subject of lying.

Habitual lying, even if it's withholding truth

to save feelings erodes trust.

I'd like you two to try being honest with each other.

If you don't want blueberries, say it.

If you wanna order a yoga mat online, say it.

But say it kindly.

A weekend is a great reset.

Try going two days with no lies.

This weekend, we have plans this weekend,

can we do it next weekend?

Yeah or never.

I'm worried about us.

Yeah, I'm worried about us too.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no-

- What? - No, no.

- What? - You can't, no.

I've been dragging you to therapy for six months

and you haven't said a word

and then this afternoon

you decide you're gonna say something

and then now we're all do this whole honesty,

stupid truth thing and it's like you know what, hello,

I've been saying that we have a problem for a long time

and now that you the man decide that there is a problem,

then there is one?

No, no, no, I'm not gonna let you take this over.

I'm not taking it over.

We're on the same page finally.

I'd think you'd be happy about that.

- I'm not. - Clearly.

I just wanted this whole therapy thing

to be about you discovering how much you appreciate me.

Oh, okay, it sounds like you wanted therapy

to be him telling me that I was the problem.

Well, guess what Ada, I'm not the problem.

We are the problem not me

and you can't stand that, can you?

You are a workaholic who is only half in this marriage

and that is the problem John.

Oh, okay, that's the problem?

Well, how about this?

You are a perpetually unsatisfied

documentary filmmaker/whatever the fuck

who I can never seem to satisfy.

That is not kind, John.

And we're supposed to do this with kindness god dammit.

Oh okay, play back the tape.

Guys, do you know where the paring knife is?

It's in the knife block and if it's not there,

it's in the drawer next to the dishwasher probably.

Okay.

Oh Jesus.

Oh, I'm fucking tired.

- Okay, my turn? - Yes.

Okay, this is embarrassing,

but when I first met you guys,

it was at that sushi place

Ah, yeah, yeah.

I felt like I knew you my whole life.

And I went home that night and cried

because you were all so nice to me.

Oh, you were so drunk that night.

Yeah.

Oh, you wanna throw up, don't you Nate?

Okay, my turn, my turn.

What am I gonna say to you guys

that's not gonna embarrass me when I'm sober?

All right, okay, I got it.

John, you totally intimidated me in college.

- What? - What?

- What? - Seriously.

You were like way too cool for school.

So distant like kind of mysterious,

like yeah, I'm John, I'm cool.

No, John was cool?

John wasn't cool, is John cool?

- No. - No?

No.

What the fuck does that mean?

No, I mean, you had like swagger,

but you were an engineering nerd.

Oh, he had that nerd swagger though.

- Yeah. - What's up?

Oh, okay, nerd swagger.

All right, fuck you, okay?

Here's my turn, here's an honesty thing.

Nate here is addicted to chaotic crazy girls

who repeatedly fucked up his life

because he's horribly insecure,

which he covers with this veneer of coolness.

Hey, that's not very nice John.

This is a nice game.

Yeah John, where the fuck did that come from?

I mean, but you know the girls you date

are a little, you know...

- Hey, last night. - Oh fuck.

Hot!

No, like borderline personality disorder.

No, no, no, no, stop.

- They are. - Stop it, guys.

This is not gonna turn into a let's fix Nate weekend.

Okay, guys, fuck you all.

And fuck you especially John, Ada.

Don't drag me into your stupid honesty bullshit.

I'm straight as Watergate over here, guys.

I'm doing my life my way, all right?

- Respect. - Respect.

I mean, I think what everyone's trying to say

is that we love you and we just want to see you happy.

And if you would date a girl that wasn't an ex model,

but was still attractive and had a good head

on her shoulder...

Her friend the, what's her name?

- Rachel, she lives by you. - No, no, no, no, no.

It's perfect.

We like Rachel.

You might have a real relationship one day.

Stop, please.

- Please stop. - No, no, no, no.

Nate, listen, you know what happens

when you date a real girl like Rachel?

She says things like "tell me about you".

I'll bet you never heard that before.

Yeah, 'cause the chaos girls that you date

are like I want to be in a relationship but like not right,

I'm trying to make a statement, but I don't know what it is.

Oh, I just, I'm not sure.

- That's good. - Okay, okay, guys.

Stop ganging up on Nate, okay?

- Stop. - Thank you, Harry.

Whose got your back?

Real girls make you dinner.

Chaos girls make you crazy.

Real girls have jobs.

Real girls have cozy apartments.

Oh, oh, here we go.

Real girls have credit scores.

Yeah and chaos girl somehow ended up

with your credit card in their wallet.

- What? - No!

- How did it get in there? - Dude!

What, that actually happened.

That happened with Ms. Brazil.

Real girls want kids.

Chaos girls are kids.

And you guys are assholes, okay?

I get it, stop please, I get it, done.

You're ruining my buzz right now.

Listen, one date, Rachel really likes you.

- One date. - And she's super cool.

I heard she's good in bed, so, boo-yah, right?

Boo-yah, who says boo-yah anymore?

I'm bringing it back.

Not worthy of bringing it back.

Babe, it's not worthy bringing it back.

Boo-yah, right, you say that's still?

No, they don't.

- Right Harry? - Nope.

All right, my turn.

Put me in coach.

- Here we go. - Watch out.

Well, I like to start off by saying

- a hardy fuck you, Harry. - What?

Because I got your back lasted about 15 seconds, bro.

And you love hearing about my shit.

Seriously, what would you do

if I did date dear boring kill me now, Rachel Stumpful.

How would you get through your days?

I mean your career, your lovely wife, your internet porn.

- Okay. - Weekend trips to Bed

Bath and Beyond do not exactly fulfill a man,

no do they, Harry?

But hey no, at least you're open about your envy.

John you're a giant pussy

because you didn't reveal a single thing about yourself.

- Boo-yah. - No, it's true.

You pivoted and started pointing out my bullshit.

- Am I right? - Imagine that.

Let's see here.

Stella, sweet, sweet Stella.

You are so sweet and far too nice to be hanging out

with this group of creatures.

But you better check your tone girl or I'm gonna cut you.

- Oh, oh. - Cut me?

Ada you forced those nature in yoga pants.

You can bitch to me all my women all you want,

but the truth is it's all your fault.

Yeah, you're my dream girl, but John scooped you up,

so my life is ruined.

What, wait a second.

- What, seriously? - I'm fucking with you guys.

Come on, someone raise on the CW cliches.

And the truth is that while I love and adore you all,

I am a different cat, I am a wild animal compared

to you dried up crusty married fuckers, all right?

I do not enjoy the million choking layers

of married bullshit that I see you guys wading

through every second of every single day.

And what I do enjoy are my bat shit, crazy hot bitches.

That's disgusting.

Okay, speaking of which I have some serious

- Hey, hey, hey, come on. - sexting to do.

- Right now. - We're hanging out.

- I have to... - Wait, wait, wait.

I'll bid you a night.

Don't do that.

No, no, I'm not gonna look at that.

- No! - Boo-yah, there it is.

Okay, bye, ah, these stairs, ah.

Did I see his ball on it?

- Yes. - Seriously though,

he is the coolest one of all of us, right?

Maybe we just want him to settle down,

so we all feel better, right?

- No. - Hey guys.

Oh, no, he's gonna bring back the dick now.

Guys, no, no, clothes off I'm back in.

So, another story, all right?

One time we're in new Orleans, right?

And we're walking down an alleyway.

All of a sudden we heard this woman

and she kinda comes out of the darkness

like, "Bet you a $100 you won't shit on my face?"

I'm tired of being mad at you.

You want some of this.

- Oh wow. - Yeah, be honest.

I mean, yeah.

I mean, I'm a little drunk, so it might be a lot of effort.

But I mean, if you're into it, I could get-

- No, I'm burned. - Okay.

I thought laid off, but it seems like Nate is having

some form of sex 24/7 I just don't want you to feel like

the old married dude.

Oh, so fuck in question would have been

a sort of preemptive duty fuck.

Well, you could have a rain fuck.

It's weird being married sometimes.

I know it's exhausting.

Hey, since we're not gonna actually have sex,

can I tell you an honesty thing about sex?

Ooh, tell me your deepest darkest secret.

So you know how we'll be in the middle of it

and you'll ask me if I want you

to put a finger in my ass and I don't respond,

so you just kind of like poke around

to see if I'm interested, I hate that.

It's the worst.

However decisive finger action game on.

All right, good night.

Okay, this whole honesty thing is not gonna turn into

you telling me a bunch of stuff you hate about me,

but never told me before, right?

- No. - Okay, just checking.

I mean sometimes I kinda wish you were more fun

and adventurous like you used to be.

You know what I mean?

Remember that time you dressed up like a dirty sorority girl

in a Toga and you gave me that bad hand job?

Yeah, that was like a kid in two mortgages ago.

I know but I still think about it.

Yeah, you know what I think about?

Healthy snacks, play dates.

Do you wish we didn't have her, is that it?

No, Mr. Black and white that's not what I'm saying.

It's a little bit more complicated

than just I'm not as fun and adventurous as I used to be.

All right, all right.

I'm struggling, we're struggling.

I don't know if we're gonna make it out of this

and that scares the shit out of me.

- Hey. - Hey.

You got a minute?

Yeah, yeah, but only just.

God, you're beautiful.

I miss the hell out of you.

I miss you so much too.

So, guess what, I'm doing it.

Doing what?

Clearing the decks, getting rid of all the girls.

- Seriously? - Yeah.

Yeah, you said that it really bothered you

and I only wanna be with you, okay?

Hey, but a deal's a deal, all right?

It's your turn next?

I am so excited.

I can jump up and down as soon I hang up right now,

but I can't but I'm so excited.

Good, good same here.

Babe I have to go, I love you.

- Morning mama. - Hey.

No blueberries for John please turns out he hates them.

But they're so good for him.

Girl, don't even get me started.

They have antioxidants in them and everything.

Mm-hmm, oh, Stella,

are you sure you don't wanna open a restaurant?

'Cause this, oh.

Awe, I'd love to open a place.

Really, you've never told me that.

Yeah, but then I'd be married to a restaurant

instead of Harry and I choose Harry.

Yes you do.

Okay, we're eating, thank you.

Okay, we got it.

Yep, we're eating, thank you.

I love it.

- What was that look? - What look?

You just gave me a look when Stella was being all smoochy

with Harry, what was that?

Ada you're being pushy and paranoid.

No, no, we're supposed to communicate 'cause,

so can you just tell me?

All right, I wish you were more like that with me.

Oh, oh my God.

No, not all the time, it would be disgusting,

just sometimes me.

You hate me, you want me to be like this adoring little-

- No, Ada no, all right?

You don't get to just badger me into telling you

what I'm thinking and then spin it into something.

It's not just 'cause you don't like the answer, no.

- Hi Luna. - Luna, hey.

Look at you.

- Luna. - She is so cute.

Hey, Luna what's your favorite animal?

No, she's not talking to us.

- Luna. - Hey.

Is it a lion?

Yes.

- Say bye. - Goodbye.

Bye.

- Bye. - See yah.

- Oh, I want one. - What babe?

Nate dude why are we not getting fucked now?

It's noon bruh, we're slacking bruh.

We're slacking Harry.

- Let's go hit a- - Hit some blunt.

Follow me bruh.

Come on, man.

Anty up. Anty up.

Oh, way too much.

What if I had an Aunt, her name was up?

Oh Jesus.

She'd be aunty up, anty up.

Oh, Aunty up!

I told him not to take that last hit.

You can't handle the good shit, admit it.

Hey, I can't even work my hands, look at this.

I can't do it.

I have to do this thing.

That's how they do it in Vegas bro.

Is that how they do it in Vegas?

- You know what I know? - What?

We're gonna die here this weekend.

No.

This is where it ends.

You wanna go for a hike?

That's how it starts.

It ends in the wilderness.

Come on, girl.

- Wait, help me up. - We're doing great.

Help me up.

Are you sure you wanna hike?

We can't get up.

One, two, whoa.

We ain't gonna no hike.

Lately, I've been drawn to more personal lyrical work,

you know, kinda like a video artist.

I've been shooting our therapy sessions

and I think I can make an art piece out of John's faces.

Can I tell you something else, I've never told you before?

- You're gay. - AI robot.

Ugly AI robot.

Guys seriously, I hate poker.

Shut up, no, you don't you love poker.

I hate poker.

- Blasphemy. - Anty up!

No, I can't even throw.

That's how you deal?

It's like I'm throwing scorn at you.

You guys aren't being honest about poker

- though I really hate it. - Well, fuck that.

You have infected us with an unholy virus.

And I know what people say about only children and yes,

Luna is self-centered but so what,

you know who isn't, right?

I'm good, I'm good with one kid.

I want three beautiful, messy little monsters

and the ugly house in the Valley

because that's all we can afford.

Yes.

I want a minivan with spilled juice in the cup holder.

- No, you don't, girl. - I do.

No.

I wanna see Harry and a little toddler's face.

You guys, I don't really know where I am like, is just,

I wanted to tell you about the poker thing for so long.

I think I'm having like a cleansing trauma or something.

Oh my God, oh my God.

I think I need like a glass of water or something.

Or just like an epi-pen.

or just like an exorcist, I don't know.

- This is on you. - What?

No look, life isn't static, man.

You know people evolve, but Harry he's evolving.

I don't want to evolve.

Guys I wanna play poker and smoke cigars and be assholes.

Tell that stupid husband of yours to put a baby in you.

You know, he says he's still not ready.

Just stop taking the pill, stop.

Luna was an accident, accidents happen.

Don't say that to anybody ever.

I stopped taking the pill a year ago.

We had a big fight about it.

Now he wears condoms.

He really doesn't want a baby, does he?

You all right, buddy?

Oh, what do you guys text fighting now?

Oh, it's not Ada, it's my friend Delaney.

She's in town and wants to come over.

Is she hot?

You've never seen Delaney?

She a wicked hot.

She's a lesbian though.

Well, then let's invite the hot lesbian over

so she can save us from ourselves.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Ada has issues with her.

Okay, well, I have issues with you guys.

Why?

She'll be here later, I told her to bring a swimsuit.

- Oh. - You did?

- Uh-huh. - Oh no.

You just fucked up my whole weekend.

Oh, you got a few hours to break it to Ada.

- Fuck. - Go honesty.

Oh dude, you're so bad.

Oh, but it's gonna be so much fun.

Hey, you make this van look really sexy.

Do you think we've got enough beer?

- I love you. - Awe!

You pretty.

I like it when you're high.

You know what, I'm feeling kinda wild.

Let's stop here, let's stop.

- Come on. - Seriously.

Start zipping your pants, I'm serious.

Oh my God.

Wait, I never realized this was somebody's driveway.

- Where are we? - Hurry up!

What if somebody us here?

They're gonna call the cops.

Oh my God.

That's all right 'cause I'm a bad girl.

Oh, you are bad, aren't you?

I'm just, we've never done this before, have we?

No, not in the van.

I'm gonna eat you like a hoagie.

If you would just position yourself.

But listen, baby I have to tell you something seriously.

- What? - Honey, I gotta say.

What?

Eat my hog you woman.

- Okay. - Come on, oh my God.

You knew this whole time?

Look, I didn't text her, Nate texted her back, okay?

We are in a bad place and you invited her?

I didn't invite her, Nate invited her, but you know what?

I'm glad because she has been my best friend

for a very long time and I wanna see her.

How's that for honesty?

You want honesty, John?

I don't think you can be in this marriage

without Delaney off in the distance.

Your fantasy girl while I'm schlepping Go-GURT

and pee pee leggings to keep our life together,

you're Skyping with her, why do you even Skype with her?

Why don't you talk on the phone like a normal person?

I know why because she's fucking gorgeous.

No, no, no, no.

Delaney has been my best friend since I was 10 years old.

You are my wife, my life is with you.

You ruined this.

So, is that it, that was it?

Well, get in.

Hey, hey you guys.

- Hey Delaney. - Johnny.

- Oh, bring it in. - Johnny, oh, Johnny.

- Come here you. - Oh, tricked ya!

That's fine, it's okay, it's okay.

Oh, this is...

You know, Stella, Ada my wife, Harry.

- Hey you. - Hey Harry.

And this here is Nate.

- Oh, hey. - Hey.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

You guys thank you so much

for letting me crash your special weekend,

you know, I came to LA thinking I wanted to be alone

and turns out I need to be around people and Johnny you.

You're my most special people.

Ah, come on.

Can I make you an old fashioned?

- I'm cool. - Bitter little sweet,

just like Ada.

Ah, we're having steaks later.

Oh, no thanks, I'm actually gonna juice, cleanse

and I'm letting it all go, flushing it all out.

Actually that reminds me John

the bathroom upstairs needs some toilet paper.

Okay, cool.

You know what I'd love to do?

I would love, I'd love to just go and take a dip.

- I am just sweating- - Okay, alright.

I have been up since 5:00 AM New York time, I'm exhausted.

Bananas.

Do you wanna come with me?

- Me? - Mm-hmm.

No, God, no.

I think I probably should stay here, honey.

Anyone?

Well, I'm still alive.

Yeah, okay.

Okay, well, you know where to find us.

Good to see you.

Did you wanna go honey?

- We don't wanna swim, right? - No.

Well, it's night, you know it's.

It's so good to see her though.

Yeah, she's a free spirit.

She's got a good soul.

She looks free.

God, I wanna have my way with that steak.

Well, by all means I'll step out, no judgment.

Oh, you're fun.

Can I just smell it please.

So bad for the environment and so bad for us,

- but it was delicious. - Mm-hmm.

Delaney might actually be the prettiest girl I've

ever been that close to in person.

Wow, you're so pretty.

Well, thank you that's very helpful.

- Thank you. - Well, I just wanted to know

Yeah, well, I don't know why you came for this.

Well, you know, I'm your friend.

- Yeah, really? - There's that?

Oh, Ultra Meger.

What?

No, no, no, that's Pluto, sorry.

I don't think I've ever said this out loud,

but my husband is in love

with his lesbian best friend, isn't he?

Well, when you say it out loud,

it sounds like a lifetime movie.

Based on a true story.

They don't end well.

Girl!

You know 'cause the wife always dies.

You know, I can't believe she dumped me

while I was working at her restaurant.

She broke up with me and fired me at the same time.

- God, it's awful. - Yeah.

I'm sorry, it's terrible.

Hey, you want me to go to New York and beat her up?

I will, I'll take her.

Look, I've been working out a little bit doing some yoga.

I'm pretty sure I could take a lesbian chef.

I can tell you've been working out.

Just saying.

Have you seen her?

Oh, no, oh my God.

Yeah, she's a samurai.

She would just cut me right down the middle.

Pop, oh my god.

Straight up ninja style.

Kick my ass.

Yeah, you don't wanna mess with her.

You know I came in California to sit on the beach

and just think why I keep falling in love

with people who are unavailable

and what lesson I'm supposed to be learning in all this,

you know, I have to make a change.

Now, maybe I'm just supposed to start dating men.

What, that's crazy. No way.

You think I should?

Well, it's a lot of things to consider.

I think I needed a drink.

- I'd like one too. - Okay.

- No. - Come on.

- Got you. - You dick.

- I got you. - Dude stop.

- No, look. - Fuck you.

Stop.

Get off me.

Aa aah, awe, awe, awe!

You okay?

- Am I bleeding? - Yeah.

- Awe! - Oh, yeah.

You fucker.

You should get that looked at.

You know what's wrong with our marriage?

Oh, look there's Neptune.

John says it's because we lie about little things

but it's really one big thing, he wants to be with her.

Look mama, as an objective outsider,

John loves you and Luna

and you have a wonderful life together.

If he has a lingering junior high crush

on his hot lessie BFF, who gives a shit?

I give a shit.

Don't give a shit.

I give a shit.

There's no shit and don't give a shit.

Harry thinks Delaney is hot too.

Nah, nah, nah, that's your shit don't come in my shit.

- Bombshells. - Bombshells.

Bombshells.

What's wrong with me?

I guess it's kinda funny.

Well, it's a fucking laugh riot.

Me dating guys can you imagine?

Well, I can imagine.

Oh, cheers.

- To new adventures. - Oh, namaste.

Oh, so wait, you're actually gonna date men?

I mean, I thought you didn't work with, you know, the penis.

- I don't. - Hmm, uh-huh.

You know I love women, I do.

But just they're so much work.

Yeah, that's sad, it's true.

Yeah.

I haven't been with a guy since Mr. Valani

and Carlos in high school.

Carlos the theater geek, Carlos?

Maybe I was trying to convince myself.

It was fun while it lasted.

Well, good for Carlos.

Do you ever get tired of me bitching about John?

Oh, let's see, yes.

I mean, my husband won't put a baby in me,

so on a scale of zero to divorce-

- Divorce what, don't even talk about that.

- I think about it. - Really?

No, you don't, not like really, really.

Like I love Harry with all my heart.

Yeah.

I think it's, you know,

I was never sure I would ever get married,

but I've always been sure that I want to be a mother.

I mean, my uterus is literally yelling,

"Put a baby in me!"

Is it really?

Well, girl, that's why

I mean, that's aggressive.

And if he truly doesn't want kids,

do I leave him

or stay and resent him

the rest of my life?

Jesus Stella.

Okay wait, wait, wait.

No, no, no, tell her, say,

"Your ass is like a work of art."

Like a Picasso.

- Arg! - But dude, ass all caps.

No, no dude, she doesn't need nerdy wordplay.

Why?

She needs grade eight spank talk.

I'm gonna explain.

Every sext is like a haiku, okay?

Every single letter and space matters.

Show me "Teasing you to the edge

"as you drop on my cock."

Oh, fuck that's awesome.

So econmoical, so powerful.

Uh-huh and she just arrived.

Whoa, wow, dude.

- Who is that girl? - History.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

She was great.

- Holy shit. - What?

Get that nerdy married man hard on outta here.

I'm gonna fuck her in the nose, you can't,

that's how you kill a shark.

Stop, stop, leave me alone.

Leave me alone.

God.

Mm-hmm, yummy, yummy, yummy.

- Hey. - Hey.

You want some ice cream?

Can't, not part of my juice cleanse,

but if you take a really big bite,

I can live vicariously through you.

Oh, you can't have any of this?

- No, not even a little... - Not even the smell or a bite.

- dip. - So, good though.

I'm dying.

- Awe! - I'm dying.

- I'm dying. - Awe!

You're so mean.

Oh, fuck, fuck fuck, I gotta a brain freeze.

Awe, serves you right?

Oh, fuck.

Hey, just coming to get some hangers,

Stella wants to make s'mores.

Oh, I'm just doing a quick load?

Okay.

It's not what everyone does comes to dinner and laundry.

- Nope. - Just weird old me.

Okay.

I got dumped last night.

Cold and out of the fucking blue,

so I just threw all my stuff in a suitcase

and got on a plane

and didn't necessarily pack all clean clothes.

I need a clean chonies so, not to do it.

- Understood. - Hey, John told me about

the whole honesty thing you guys are doing

and I think it's really cool.

He told you?

Yeah, he's really excited about it.

Really?

- What does it feel like? - Dangerous?

Why?

Because I'm starting to see things that he doesn't like

or want to hear and so is he.

And so you're his wife you get to say shit

that he doesn't wanna hear.

Let it all out, just let it out and say it.

I am incredibly intimidated by you

and I don't want to be, but the way that John looks at you,

it just makes me,

that's like the sort of thing

that you don't wanna say, you know?

Oh my God, he has been my best friend since fifth grade

and I love John but not like that.

- Yeah. - He gets me, he knows.

No, no, I think you think he gets it,

but he doesn't get it all the way so.

He's stupid because I think you're beautiful

and he would be way smarter to worry about me.

Hitting on you.

What, no. What?

I just don't think-

- I think you're beautiful. - Stop.

I mean, I'm getting fuzzy standing around you.

Oh, come on, girl come on.

Do your laundry. Goodbye.

I don't mind that

if you wanna do it again ill be down here.

♪ Everything I do, yeah, you know I do it major ♪

♪ I do it for the love and I do it for my haters ♪

♪ Touch down in your town like a radar ♪

♪ Turn up then I'm gone see you later ♪

♪ Everything I do yeah you know I do it major ♪

Do Harry, do Harry, do Harry dancing.

- No. - Do harry dancing.

No, no, no, no.

- Okay. - What?

Where's the beat, beat located.

No, I lost the beat, but I'm a commit with intensity.

That's actually not how I dance.

- Are you kidding me. - It's like a hologram Harry.

It's so true.

I'm really a good dancer clearly.

- No. - Okay, I got one.

This is great, okay.

What are you guys doing?

This is a song that we wrote in college

about something Harry did.

You're not doing the song, you're not doing the song.

- Sorry. - We have to, you ready?

Okay, I think I remember-

- Also it's not true.

♪ It's Friday night in a small college town ♪

Oh my God.

♪ Harry had too beers and then he fell down ♪

It was way more than that.

♪ We said he was a light weight ♪

♪ We said he was no man ♪

♪ But he got the last laugh when he ♪

What'd youu do, say it?

Didn't do anything.

Oh fuck you come on fuck you.

He peed in our trash can.

- Oh. - Okay.

Ready he's the chorus.

♪ Harry peed in our trash can ♪

♪ He peed in our dorm room trash can ♪

Fuck you and you.

♪ It got really stinky ♪

♪ When he took a drinky because ♪

Come on say it, say it, say it.

- ♪ Harry ♪ - I'm not singing, no.

We could be here all night.

♪ This is your no ♪

It was you that did it.

I didn't even do it.

Harry just sing the song.

♪ I peed in our trash can ♪

But I actually didn't do it. You were lying the whole time.

- Of course you did. - Fuck you guys.

- Did that happen? - 100%.

No, it didn't.

Based on true events.

- Fuck you guys. - Holy shit!

We've got a sex tape here.

- Oh my God, stop it. - Oh, no, oh my God.

- Give me my phone. - What?

That is not for public consumption.

I love her.

Is this like a thing you do?

Its not like a thing I do, but it's a beautiful thing.

I've always wondered how this works.

Okay, I got to see what this is.

- It's nothing. - That's tremendous.

That is tremendous.

No, I don't wanna let go.

- Oh my God. - Harry you all right?

No, he's all right don't touch him.

- Are you okay? - You better give it to him some space.

- You wanna wash it down? - All right, you all right.

Babe there's something in my throat.

- Oh God. - Guys I wanna say thank you

for having me here and I'm gonna head out.

Thanks for letting me crash for a little bit. I needed this.

I have to go.

No, please do not leave me with these people.

Do you need me to get you a ride or something?

I mean, you need a ride, right?

You could say, yeah.

- Are you sure? - Yeah, come on, what?

- Everybody in the shot. - Hoo-ray!!

John, Delaney, Nate.

- Don't tag me, don't tag me. - I'm tagging you I got you.

Use a filter, make me a skinny as Delaney.

You had a lot to drink girl.

How did this is all get out?

- You okay with that? - I'm good.

- All right, good night. - Good night.

I don't know what's up with Ada wanting her to stay.

That's a major policy reversal.

I don't know maybe, you know, Ada is just being nice.

Did Nate see anything or John did he say anything

because we have to do something about this, you know?

You know, can we just stop talking about them right now

because I have something very serious I wanna talk

- to you about. - Wait, what is it?

Okay, I want us

to make a sex tape.

You know, I really wanna make a statement.

I don't know what it is, you know?

No, not really.

But I think you do, I can see it in your eyes.

For my kind of people,

wrestless.

Fire in here.

Heartburn?

No, it's not a freaking heartburn.

I can get that shit checked out.

Thanks for letting her stay.

Mm-hmm.

Still mad at me?

Mm-hmm.

- You like being mad at me? - No.

I'm mad because you brought her here without asking.

I'm mad because I see what you like about her.

She's magnetic and unpredictable and attractive

but that's not me.

And I'm the person that you chose to share your life with,

so it makes me mad.

Babe, hey, can I try

and make you not mad at me?

You can try.

A little payback for today.

- Oh, okay. - Yep.

What are you gonna, oh, okay.

It's so fucking hot, huh?

No, no, no, wait.

Okay, all right.

All right, oh, yeah.

I know you like that.

You like that?

You like that don't you?

Yeah, you do, you like that girl,

fucking lone warrior.

Sweety, sweety, sweety.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, what?

Could maybe do less narrating?

Maybe could you just look at me

and let's see where it goes babe.

Okay, but I just, all right.

You want a crazy wild porn thing?

Well, yeah, kinda.

Babe, we're not porn stars. We're us.

Yeah, I know, maybe just one time,

I thought maybe it could be not about us, you know?

Just this one's for posterity.

We're in two different movies here.

Okay, wait, wait, wait, stop talking, okay?

Let's do it your way.

Okay.

Oh, I love you so much Harry.

I feel like I'm gonna explode.

Oh, shit.

Did you just go soft?

What?

Let me get a glass of water real quick.

There's water right there.

I'm just gonna check on Nate, you know.

Delaney is not gonna fuck Nate.

Okay, I know.

Ada just don't be mad at me, all right?

- Oh. - Refill is over here.

Yeah, let's just top that off.

Why don't you have a girlfriend?

Because I don't want one.

- You are lying. - No.

I can tell, but yeah, it's cool.

I fucking hate love.

- To that. - To that.

- Hey guys. - Hey.

Hey, dad.

- What? - It's the pants man

and the slippers.

And the guy in the pants and slippers.

Oh, sure.

I'm just, you know, relaxing.

You want a little nip off the bottle?

I'm all right, I'm good.

- Open up. - You sure?

No, I'm good, I'm just gonna, go back to bed.

Alrighty.

Goodnight.

For my peel.

Okay, all right.

Don't stay up too late now.

This whole thing looks a little...

- Does that look straight? - Yeah.

- Goodnight. - Okay, goodnight.

- Sleep well buddy. - Okay.

Alrighty.

Did you, never-mind it's fine.

What the fuck is wrong with him?

I don't know.

Here's to John.

John's late night clementine.

May he get some help.

Oh God, it was the dumbest thing I've ever done.

So stupid, I'm sorry.

Can we just forget it ever happened?

Just take it back, could we just rewind?

Can't you just wanna be with me

instead of something in your head?

- Babe I do. - Your cock doesn't lie.

Oh, Stelli belly come on.

I want kids Harry and that's never going to change.

I mean, I try to be the most coolest

understanding wife I can be

and I love the Holy crap out of you,

but every time you put on that condom,

you are driving me away.

I need to be alone, can I be alone?

You need to go!

Harry, everything okay?

You got anyone special in here?

Awesome, ass spin class 120-

- Hey, stop it, I said don't do that.

- All right? - Jesus, dude.

Hands off my phone.

So you don't ever give names?

- No. - Ever?

Rarely.

I love this.

Hot.

You like it?

Yep, terrible.

Busted, so you do love someone special.

Is she pretty?

You're being nosy right now.

- Do you have a picture? - Stop it.

- Do you love her? - You know when to back off?

Because now is the time.

Okay.

Ada?

Ada?

Welcome freshman, you wanna be a frat boy?

Is this hazing?

- Mm-hmm. - Yeah?

- You bet. - Okay.

Wait, is this my mom's bed sheet?

Shut up pledge.

Wow, oh, it's really in there, Holy shit.

I'm taking a break from relationships,

but I'm also a very sexual being,

so what do I do with that?

Jerk of.

Yeah, but I'm all about the energy exchange, you know?

Have you ever played with energies before?

Well, it's hot, but it's also,

it's totally safe, come on.

Like you get as close as possible.

You don't touch.

Not everyone can handle it, but that's okay.

'Cause when I meet someone who's vibrating

on the same wavelength

it's fucking fireworks, man.

And why would anyone wanna live without fireworks?

You sure you're a lesbian?

Certified.

Are you feeling it?

- Yeah. - This ache is my drug.

Oh, you got game girl.

- I will give you that. - What?

No, no, stay in it. Stop talking.

You know, usually this is one where I have run,

you know, right into the end zone.

And trust me vagetarian or not,

things would get pretty damn interesting.

But you see I know what I'm doing, John doesn't.

So don't you dare go throwing this at him, you hear me?

It's an official warning.

You're literally not making any sense.

And you suck.

What's your problem.

Girls like you,

but I'm working on it.

Ah, yeah, it's,

okay, yup, small note.

Love the enthusiasm and I love the Toga thing,

but maybe dial it back 20% on the aggression.

I mean, I don't know whether to buy you flowers

or file a police report.

Small note, learn when not to give notes.

Ah.

- Oh, hell no. - What?

Awe, ouch, stop it.

What are you doing here?

Stella kicked me out.

So you sleep downstairs.

I can't sleep those stairs downstairs,

Delaney is downstairs.

Stella will kill me.

Please, let me just stay here, okay?

I'll be really quiet I promise.

You won't even know him here.

- Quite as a mouse. - Yes.

You got it Nate 'cause, aw, ouch.

Are you real?

You are not from around here, are you?

- Hawaii, the Pali coast. - Yes.

In a boat.

- No. - Oh, okay.

Whale watching?

No, I don't wanna watch whales.

What, they're beautiful.

They are but I don't wanna lok at them.

Okay, wow, all right.

All right, this is a little bit of a challenge.

I'm hungry, can you make me some breakfast?

Me, you don't wanna see that.

- I do. - It's gonna be a disaster.

You're gonna order me something then.

I want pancakes, I want blueberries, I want maple syrup.

Oh, no.

I love you.

Stella.

Oh, come here.

She left me through a text.

She shouldn't have done that.

No, no, no.

This isn't working.

I came here to support you.

She fucking lied to me.

She lied to me she said she wanted to get a house and a dog.

She lied.

Awe, honey I know you're hurt.

- Look at me. - Yeah.

- She doesn't deserve you. - Okay.

- Okay? - Mm-hmm.

Oh my God.

Ada, look who stopped by.

- Good morning. - Well, hello you.

I am not crashing your party, I promise.

It's just Delaney is going through a little bit

of a rough patch and asked me to come by for a bit.

That is so sweet of you.

Oh, do you guys have everything you need?

Do you need more towels?

No, we're good, we're good.

Oh, and did John get the barbecue to work?

He did.

- Ah, such a genius that boy. - Yeah.

Oh, she looks just like John in this picture.

Oh, Ada you have to send this to me.

Okay, yeah, sure I'll send it to you.

I didn't know you guys were so close.

Oh, Naomi saved my life.

Oh, Delaney don't be so dramatic.

No, seriously, my parents were completely checked out.

And you were really there for me.

Like a second mother?

No, like a confidant.

Awe, I got to hear all of her troubles.

Mm-hmm. She's a real saint.

Oh, I'm not a saint.

Yes, you are.

- No, I'm not. - Yes.

No, I'm not.

I bet, I bet.

Oh my gosh, she just looks like John there too,

- doesn't she? - Give me a second.

Acting like John.

She looks a little bit like me, right?

Oh, yeah, but she kinda acts like John.

Her smiling, I don't think-

- She's literally a motherfucker.

I'm having like 17 kinds of freuidian issues right now.

Do you know what it's been like to be me?

To know that she's in your head taking up space

and I'm here feeling in my gut

like there's something wrong with her,

but trying to be better for you 'cause she's not that bad.

She's okay, she's okay, but she's not okay.

She's not okay, she's a hot little monster.

She's so cute and just like John.

Mm-hmm.

Wait, do you remember, remember when we did your car?

Oh, I wanted to kill you boys.

So John and I and some friends,

we all picked up her tiny little Mercedes

and we set it down sideways in the driveway.

- Ha ha. - She was so mad.

- Yeah, I was mad. - Sorry.

- Still mad. - Mom!

- Oh. - Oh shit,

hide the pot everybody.

Oh, no I found it.

She brought it!

What are you doing here?

I just wanted to come by and check on Delaney.

Oh, how are you doing today kiddo, you all right?

She just needs a little moral support.

Who would like one?

- Ah. - Come on.

Can you feed that to me?

Yeah, wasn't you on a cleanse?

You're the best, it will be good for you.

I didn't do it.

Best croissant I've ever had.

Arg, what happened to my beautiful fountain?

I need to get the gardener back here.

You're getting older.

Yeah, I am.

I'm glad that you're here.

I'm getting married again.

- What? - Yeah.

- John didn't say anything? - Well, I haven't told John.

- His name is Dan. - Mm-hmm.

He's a real estate developer.

He's divorced, he has two kids

and we've been dating about a year.

Why are you doing this?

You don't need to do this, Robert almost ruined your life.

I wanna be happy, actually happy.

I deserve that.

I want, I want a real relationship again.

And I want you to have that.

With someone I can curl up with at night.

I want someone who will discuss homeowner's insurance

who might surprise me with the trip to Tuscany.

I want those things.

You can't keep your hands off of me,

but you're leaving me?

No, I'll still be here for you.

Oh, fuck you Naomi.

Have fun with your tired old man in fucking Tuscany.

- Bye. - Bye Mom, bye.

- Thank you. - Bye Naomi.

It's good to see her.

- You claim bags or what? - Let's get the bags.

- Oh. - Nice.

Here we go, spicy.

- Oh, that was terrible. - Easy there.

Ah, oh, hit the board at that time.

- Watch this. - You guys suck.

Yo, so what happened last night?

How did a Stella kick your ass out?

I don't really wanna talk about it.

It's all right we respect that.

Yeah, man, we totally respect that.

Your privacy is important to us.

- Okay. It's just- - No, don't talk about it.

You don't wanna talk about it, don't talk about it.

I don't really wanna get into it, you know?

Yeah, just, yeah.

Okay, let's just say that I'm struggling

with some body image issues.

Well, dude, I mean, you could always do more cardio.

I mean, you're never gonna be shredded, but, you know.

No, not my body, her body.

- Okay, well. - My body

When I first started hanging out with Stella,

she was this big girl, I was like,

yeah, I can't hang out with her for awhile, you know,

get a drink, eat some pizza,

fuck around a little bit, right?

I mean, I didn't think it was gonna go anywhere.

And then I fell for her.

Well, but this whole time I was thinking, you know,

she'll lose the weight one day, you know?

And what, here we are five years later

and she really wants a baby

and I'm afraid

if we don't have one

that I'm gonna lose her.

And I just know though if we started having kids,

it's like boom, perma-fat.

And then what, I'm that fat guy with the fat wife

and I don't think I can handle that, you know?

Listen, just take this in.

You are a schlubby geek, all right?

- No, stop. - No, listen, no, no.

While your wife is definitely curvy, she's hot.

Yeah, dude fat girl hot.

Yeah, come on, put a baby in her already, Jesus!

You're lucky someone of that caliber wants to mate

with you, snore-a-saurus.

- Yeah. - I don't snore.

I mean, I can objectify chubby girls too.

And I can't believe I'm gonna say this,

I've been staring at her boobs for years.

- You have? - Yeah, oh hell yeah.

Of course, I mean, I hope I'm not crossing the line here

but I've been thinking about hitting that since

you guys started dating hypothetically, hypothetically.

I would hit that so hard hypothetically of course,

- but so hard. - Yeah, seriously.

You guys are assholes.

Dude, if I was married to her,

I would be worshiping that ass.

Just bending it over the sink.

- Yeah, yeah. - Laying in all sorts of pipe.

Yeah, for me, it's all about eating at the Y,

you know what I'm saying?

I'd be like, "Hey Stella, pack your lunch

'cause I'm down here for a while."

Fuck you, fuck you guys

that's my wife we're talking about here.

All right.

- Fuck you. - Hypothetical.

Yeah, totes.

Yeah, I mean, Nate and I may have discussed

on many drunken occasions what we'd do to her.

Yeah, meat slapper.

I just let her sit on my face for like an hour.

Just straight up hour.

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

Work the speed bag.

Fuck you guys that's my wife.

I'd do a puppet show just with her booby.

Just paint them up like little frogs.

I hate you guys.

- I haven't heard that one. - You guys are assholes.

Daily motor boats but that's a given, right?

- Hey, fuck you. - Okay.

But, but thank you.

All right now go your wife.

Get up right now, get up before I do.

Seriously, 'cause I'm half mast right now,

just talking about it.

Fuck you.

I'm married so it's all fucking dead.

Yeah.

You guys are gonna pick up her by three, right?

Yeah, we're gonna be there by three.

Luna, Luna, Luna.

Look at your mama, look your mama, look at, okay.

You want me to help you with that?

I'll get that.

Shit, all right, got it.

What'd you do, steal a whole set of towels.

No.

Stella I'm sorry about last night.

You're so beautiful.

When I look at your face, I just melt.

When I stare at your tits, I get so hard.

When I look in your eyes, I'm home.

- I love you Stella. - I love you too.

- I love you. - I love you.

Wait.

I know I asked for more eye contact.

- Yeah. - Maybe a little too much.

Oh, thank God, it's totally awkward.

Didn't work at all, okay.

Oh wait, wait, I think I packed the condoms.

No, no condoms.

I'ma knock you up wifey.

- Is that good with you? - Hella good.

Hey, I was looking for you.

I need your help with something.

- Let's do it. - Come on.

It's actually just right there.

If you wanna grab that end here.

Yeah, and take it where?

Just hang on one second.

Just because I shot something super interesting today.

Look at that.

Are you a voyeur or what?

I'm a voyeur that's where you're going with this?

You're kissing my mother-in-law.

Yeah, but you were videotaping it.

You're much more interesting than I thought.

Okay, don't even start that shit with me.

Wow, you're not nearly as pretty when you're judging me.

I'm not judging you.

Yeah, you're judging me.

Nobody gave a about me except for John and Naomi.

They're the only people in the world that cared about me.

So you had an affair with your best friend's mother

because she was nice to you?

It was much more than that.

- Really? - I was 19.

John was away at college

and I had just broken up with my girlfriend.

Naomi was a wreck, she was going through her divorce

and I lived at her house

and we talked and we became close and

I fell in love with her.

And she freaked and I kept pushing it,

but eventually it became this loving,

open healing thing,

but now that's over too.

She's 25 years older than you.

So, what if I was hooking up with a rich older man,

would you be as shocked?

It's Luna's grandma.

- So it's just a woman. - It's creepy.

Wow!

What?

I really thought you'd be more understanding.

You thought I would be understanding?

- Yeah. - You know what I understand

that you have zero boundaries

and you have a pathological need to plug into my husband

to prop your life up and guess what, that ends now.

No texting, no Skyping, no nothing.

And if you don't, I'll show this to my husband.

- Go ahead. - Yeah?

I don't care.

Oh, I think you do care.

'Cause if not, you would have told him a long time ago.

I know you think I'm this sweet wifey, mother, girl,

but I will fuck your up in a minute.

- If you don't take a - No wonder he hates you.

step back, girl.

He don't hate me.

- Mm-hmm. - Yeah?

Yeah, no wonder he does.

He loves you, but he hates you.

He tries to think of all kinds of different ways

to escape, but he just stays half miserable.

- Guess what? - Hmm?

That's marriage.

We're getting a minivan.

Yeah.

Hey.

Hey D.

- You okay? - No.

I fucked up really bad.

It's gonna be okay D.

You're gonna be okay.

Ah! Ah!

Fuck you.

Maybe you just need a little break, right?

I mean, that's totally cool, we can do that.

That's fine, you can come back.

Nate, this was always headed towards

- the end of the cliff, right? - No.

We always said that.

No, this is not a cliff, okay, this is just the beginning.

Alright, we said we were gonna really try you and me, right?

We're gonna really try it.

I can't, I can't Nathan.

I tried, but I just can't do it.

I'm like wedged in two.

- I'm sorry. - Don't be.

I love you.

Love you.

Bye.

Fuck.

Why does it always start off so amazing in the beginning

and then turned to shit.

What's wrong with me John?

What's wrong with me?

Nothing, D you're a great really.

It's just, you know,

maybe sometimes your choices are a little-

- I think I give too much of myself.

You know, when I'm in it I'm so in it, you know?

Maybe I need to learn to hold back

and figure out how to stop making the people I love hate me.

Nate, what's wrong?

Ah, fuck, she,

she said she couldn't do it anymore.

Natey, I'm so sorry.

Did you love her?

Yeah.

Why didn't you ever bring her around?

Ankle monitor, camel toe?

- Married. - Ouch.

You know life is just one repeated loop of nut punches.

Yep.

Why does everyone leave me?

I don't leave.

I love you Johnny.

Wait.

No, no, no.

What's going through your mind John?

- Hey. - Hey.

When I come home at night,

I usually just sit in the driveway

for about 10 minutes looking at my phone

'cause I don't wanna go in.

Unfortunately Mr. Goodson it is

an aggressive form of prostate cancer.

That sucks I'm sorry.

Don't worry babe, we got this.

You, Mister, are a freaking idiot.

Thanks, look D we got,

this is not, we can't.

I know you want this John,

so let's give it a shot.

I love Ada.

I love Luna.

I love my life, D.

But you said you were miserable.

And I love it.

It's gray scale.

I don't know, it's time to go.

Turn down the hot water heater.

Put away the pool stuff.

You are wet.

Yeah, just horsing around and being an idiot.

Jesus Christ, Naomi.

- I don't snore. - No, it was literally,

they were souhnds that I've never heard before.

That's not true, I don't snore.

- Horrific. - Babe tell him I don't snore.

- Like liquid and just- - I'm don't snore.

Did Delaney leave?

I wanted to say goodbye.

Oh shit, I totally forgot to pack the PlayStation.

Let me get that.

You know you're literally glowing right now.

I'm serious, you're literally giving off light.

I had a wonderful time.

What do you wanna call our kid?

How about Zula.

I think we should call our kid Bob.

We're not calling our kid Bob.

Just Bob not even Robert, not Robert.

Why don't you text me Rachel Stumfold's number.

Humpfold.

- Rachel Humpfold's number. - No.

Why not?

No, because you'll get my hopes up

and then you'll disappoint me

and I'm really happy right now, so no.

Is it here?

Thank you.

Stop it.

I cleaned the fridge, you were right,

we got too much food.

What are you looking at?

I have to show you something and you may not like it.

That sounds scary.

This is how I make sense of the world.

There's something in here that doesn't make any sense.

Okay, well.

You infuriate me, you know that?

And I love you

more than you could ever wrap your stupid head around.

Were you watching our therapy videos?

Maybe.

- Just a thought here Ada. - What?

Kindness is key.

You know what, forget it.

It's just it's not fun right now

and I'm not happy where we are.

And I don't think this whole honesty thing

is making anything better.

I wasn't horsing around,

I jumped in the pool because Delaney kissed me.

What, what?

Hey, aah!

Look, I didn't initiate it.

But you kissed her?

She kissed me.

You kissed her back?

Honestly, I have thought about kissing Delaney Danton

since I was 10 years old.

Hands up.

In my mind if it ever happened,

it was gonna be like infinite perfection,

but it wasn't, it was just, it was terrifying and gross.

You have the right to remain silent.

But not barfed gross, but, you know,

risking everything gross.

It was bullshit that I let go on far too long

and I don't know why.

Listen, what I do know

is that you are the most important,

beautiful, most exasperating,

best thing in my life.

And I love the shit out of you.

A real love, messy love like I wanna kill you love.

Not in a bad way.

I wanna kill you because you show me who I am.

Don't cry about it.

I have to tell you something too.

What is it?

I think I'm gonna be a video artist.

I don't really know what that is

and I'm sure there's no money in it, but great.

Don't. You kissed Delaney.

Okay.

- She kissed me. - Shut up.

All right, I'm just saying.

10-25, suspect captured?

What the?

10-15, suspect in custody

- Holy shit! - Are you kidding me.

Ah, what do we do, what should we do Ada?

How about nothing.

Should I call my mom, I'm gonna call my mom.

Should I call my mom?

Why don't you just let her get in that police car

and ride out of our lives then call your mother.

Okay.

Let's go.

So that whole Delaney situation,

pretty much ridiculous.

- Yeah. - Yep.

You're gonna be okay.

See you next week.

We have 30 more minutes.

Motor boat, scoter boat all day long.

Give me that, give the phone.

You guys stop it, you guys.

Hey, do I have to turn the van around or what?

He started it, he started it.

Please God, get me to the airport,

I cannot stand to see your faces any longer.

♪ Winter falls a blanket calls, I let you down ♪

♪ Been a little lonely since we left the big city ♪

♪ For the sleepy old town ♪

♪ We sit and stare separate ♪

♪ But they're thinking you need me now ♪

♪ You got your eyes looking down ♪

♪ But you're good at facing facts, hoping I'll come around ♪

♪ Oooh, oooh, oooh ♪

♪ But I don't know how ♪

♪ You say my name I turn away from the little things ♪

♪ They say that everyone has changed they all look the same ♪

♪ They haven't changed ♪

♪ I turn around and all I see are clouds ♪

♪ But the in-laws tell me how it's all without you tunneling ♪

♪ They say settle down boy, settle down boy ♪

♪ Settle down boy ♪

♪ They say lighten up boy, lighten up boy ♪

♪ Listen up boy ♪