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1
00:00:53,888 --> 00:00:55,723
Oh, Jared.
2
00:00:57,157 --> 00:00:58,660
It's so beautiful.
3
00:00:58,693 --> 00:01:01,228
No, you're so beautiful.
4
00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:02,564
There's no one else
I'd rather spend
5
00:01:02,597 --> 00:01:04,164
the rest of my life with.
6
00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:09,336
My love, will you...
7
00:01:09,369 --> 00:01:10,972
She's not for you.
8
00:01:11,005 --> 00:01:13,440
What the hell?
9
00:01:13,473 --> 00:01:14,742
Pow!
10
00:01:16,844 --> 00:01:18,345
- Hey!
- Oh.
11
00:01:18,378 --> 00:01:19,747
That ring costs me 10 grand.
12
00:01:19,781 --> 00:01:20,748
You were robbed.
13
00:01:20,782 --> 00:01:21,783
And besides,
I've saved you
14
00:01:21,816 --> 00:01:24,117
a lot more than that.
15
00:01:24,151 --> 00:01:28,690
And as for you, honey,
you can do far better than him.
16
00:01:47,542 --> 00:01:48,543
Ah.
17
00:01:48,576 --> 00:01:49,510
Ha-ha!
18
00:01:49,544 --> 00:01:50,578
Still alive?
19
00:01:50,612 --> 00:01:51,445
Hey!
20
00:01:53,681 --> 00:01:54,716
Hey!
21
00:01:54,749 --> 00:01:57,518
Rise and shine!
22
00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:30,484
Wow!
23
00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:32,185
What a dinner.
24
00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:34,055
That's got to be
the best Italian in the city.
25
00:02:34,088 --> 00:02:36,024
I uh, kind of wanted
sushi tonight but...
26
00:02:36,057 --> 00:02:38,458
Oh, how good was the pasta,
huh, babe?
27
00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:39,393
I think the chef's from Sicily.
28
00:02:39,426 --> 00:02:40,494
Tuscany.
29
00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:41,663
And it's just so simple,
you know,
30
00:02:41,696 --> 00:02:44,932
just chicken and mushrooms,
and spinach.
31
00:02:44,966 --> 00:02:46,768
I think the recipe
was a lot more complicated
32
00:02:46,801 --> 00:02:48,002
than that but...
33
00:02:48,036 --> 00:02:49,436
Makes you wonder
why you'd ever want to eat
34
00:02:49,469 --> 00:02:50,905
anywhere else.
35
00:02:50,938 --> 00:02:52,472
We should take your parents
there next week.
36
00:02:52,507 --> 00:02:54,509
We really shouldn't.
37
00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:55,777
Spare some change.
38
00:03:00,815 --> 00:03:02,717
Very generous.
39
00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:05,620
Here, take this, too.
40
00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:06,821
The chef's from Sicily.
41
00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:07,922
Tuscany.
42
00:03:07,955 --> 00:03:10,058
Enjoy.
43
00:03:10,091 --> 00:03:14,128
Uh, could use something
to wash it down with.
44
00:03:14,162 --> 00:03:15,163
Here.
45
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,765
Take this.
46
00:03:17,799 --> 00:03:19,567
My man.
47
00:03:20,902 --> 00:03:22,469
I thought he might be hungry.
48
00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:24,072
That was sweet, Dave.
49
00:03:26,107 --> 00:03:27,709
You know, uh,
we should try to make
50
00:03:27,742 --> 00:03:29,811
some of that pasta.
51
00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:32,680
Shut up about the pasta.
52
00:03:32,714 --> 00:03:35,016
It wasn't that fucking good.
53
00:03:35,049 --> 00:03:37,284
- It wasn't?
- No.
54
00:03:39,721 --> 00:03:40,555
Yes.
55
00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:44,458
I mean, like it was
and then it wasn't,
56
00:03:44,491 --> 00:03:46,194
you know what I mean?
57
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,227
Not really.
58
00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:52,934
Um, I'm sorry
I can't do this anymore.
59
00:03:56,671 --> 00:03:58,072
Do what anymore?
60
00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:01,843
Denise, do what anymore?
61
00:04:01,876 --> 00:04:03,343
The... this.
62
00:04:03,376 --> 00:04:04,746
You.
Us.
63
00:04:04,779 --> 00:04:05,880
Like...
64
00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:07,014
Denise, what are you saying?
65
00:04:07,048 --> 00:04:10,017
I... I'm saying goodbye.
66
00:04:10,051 --> 00:04:11,519
I'm breaking up with you.
67
00:04:11,552 --> 00:04:12,385
What?
What?
68
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:15,422
- Why?
- Because I don't love you.
69
00:04:15,455 --> 00:04:16,124
Yes, you do.
70
00:04:16,157 --> 00:04:16,924
You've told me tons of times.
71
00:04:16,958 --> 00:04:18,626
Well, I... I was wrong.
72
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:20,327
But what about us
getting married
73
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:22,029
after I graduate law school
like we talked about?
74
00:04:22,063 --> 00:04:24,532
I'm sorry, Dave,
I'm just not feeling it.
75
00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:26,234
Feeling what?
76
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,635
That spark.
77
00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:30,270
You know, that magical moment
a girl's supposed to feel.
78
00:04:30,303 --> 00:04:32,405
Like, it wasn't there
from the start.
79
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:33,207
Sure, it was.
80
00:04:33,241 --> 00:04:34,441
It was very magical
when we met.
81
00:04:34,474 --> 00:04:36,544
We met at the DMV.
82
00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:37,612
I let you cut in front of me.
83
00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:38,880
Uh.
84
00:04:38,913 --> 00:04:41,182
- Nobody does that at the DMV.
- Okay.
85
00:04:41,215 --> 00:04:43,017
Just... just try to understand,
okay?
86
00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:44,852
So when I was a little girl,
I grew up watching
87
00:04:44,886 --> 00:04:47,622
all these movies
and there was always
88
00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:48,823
this magic moment.
89
00:04:48,856 --> 00:04:51,859
Belle and Beauty and the Beast
had it and...
90
00:04:51,893 --> 00:04:54,461
Oh, oh,
and Demi Moore in Ghost.
91
00:04:54,494 --> 00:04:56,998
God, even Sarah Connor
in the Terminator had it.
92
00:04:57,031 --> 00:05:01,368
I...
I just don't feel that with you.
93
00:05:04,105 --> 00:05:06,406
Oh, come on, say something.
94
00:05:06,439 --> 00:05:08,910
So you can't be in love
with someone
95
00:05:08,943 --> 00:05:11,311
unless they're a ghost,
a monster or someone
96
00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:13,915
sent back in time to protect you
from a cyborg assassin.
97
00:05:13,948 --> 00:05:15,049
Exactly.
98
00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:17,450
- Oh, you got it.
- No!
99
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,220
I don't got it at all.
100
00:05:19,253 --> 00:05:21,222
Life's not like the movies
where there's this big
101
00:05:21,255 --> 00:05:23,390
dramatic moment
with all the bells and whistles
102
00:05:23,423 --> 00:05:26,861
or getting hit by cupid's arrow
when you meet someone.
103
00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:28,563
Okay, I want there to be.
104
00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:30,097
Oh, Denise.
105
00:05:30,131 --> 00:05:31,331
Be reasonable.
106
00:05:31,364 --> 00:05:34,035
Love isn't supposed
to be reasonable.
107
00:05:34,068 --> 00:05:35,002
But I'd do anything for you.
108
00:05:35,036 --> 00:05:35,837
Would you though?
109
00:05:35,870 --> 00:05:37,104
Like would you really?
110
00:05:37,138 --> 00:05:40,241
Of course, I would.
111
00:05:40,274 --> 00:05:42,243
Uh, I'm... I'm... I'm sorry.
112
00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:47,715
Goodbye, Dave.
113
00:05:59,392 --> 00:06:03,231
She got one thing right,
pasta was good,
114
00:06:03,264 --> 00:06:05,700
but it wasn't that fucking good.
115
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,662
Aww.
116
00:06:34,695 --> 00:06:35,696
Hey! Why isn't the game on?
117
00:06:35,730 --> 00:06:36,631
Huh?
118
00:06:36,664 --> 00:06:40,034
I just called in
two large with my bookie.
119
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:43,371
Okay.
120
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:44,639
Yeah, bitch!
Come on!
121
00:06:44,672 --> 00:06:45,506
Run!
122
00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:47,675
Ooh, run!
123
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,112
Touchdown!
124
00:06:51,145 --> 00:06:53,147
Cover the spread, baby.
125
00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:54,481
That's another big win for me.
126
00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:58,252
And when I, Cousin Marissa,
a.k.a. Morris the Magnificent
127
00:06:58,286 --> 00:07:01,188
the Mo Money,
the Big Mo Pho-Wins,
128
00:07:01,222 --> 00:07:02,390
say it with me, cuz.
129
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:03,891
- I don't care!
- We all win.
130
00:07:03,925 --> 00:07:05,092
You don't care.
131
00:07:05,126 --> 00:07:06,027
What the fuck?
132
00:07:06,060 --> 00:07:07,194
What do you mean
you don't care?
133
00:07:07,228 --> 00:07:08,396
What are you looking at?
134
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:09,496
My calendar.
135
00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:12,934
It's been exactly a year
since Denise and I broke up.
136
00:07:12,967 --> 00:07:14,035
Uh, you didn't break up.
137
00:07:14,068 --> 00:07:15,703
She dumped you
in front of a homeless man.
138
00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:16,837
What?
139
00:07:16,871 --> 00:07:18,205
You have the date circled
with a little heart drawn
140
00:07:18,239 --> 00:07:19,439
- cracked in half?
- No!
141
00:07:19,472 --> 00:07:20,341
I just...
142
00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:21,876
It was a rhetorical
fucking question.
143
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:23,678
My God!
144
00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:24,779
All right!
145
00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:27,248
Oh, if I had known
this was gonna be a pity party,
146
00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:29,684
I would have brought over
a couple of bottles of wine,
147
00:07:29,717 --> 00:07:31,419
some razors and we could
have gotten drunk
148
00:07:31,484 --> 00:07:33,587
and shaved our vaginas together.
149
00:07:33,621 --> 00:07:34,789
I thought we're gonna
watch football.
150
00:07:36,357 --> 00:07:37,959
You do know what you're doing,
don't you?
151
00:07:37,992 --> 00:07:39,360
Yes! I do, Morris!
152
00:07:39,393 --> 00:07:40,594
I'm missing the girl I love.
153
00:07:40,628 --> 00:07:42,063
Not missing, clinging.
154
00:07:42,096 --> 00:07:44,332
And as far as I am concerned,
that is the kind
155
00:07:44,365 --> 00:07:46,367
of emotional behavior
that makes me wanna disown you
156
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,002
from the family
or at the very least
157
00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:49,170
punch you in the face.
158
00:07:49,203 --> 00:07:51,339
I can't help it
if I'm not over our breakup.
159
00:07:51,372 --> 00:07:53,774
Again, not break up
because she dumped you.
160
00:07:53,808 --> 00:07:54,942
What difference does it make?
161
00:07:54,976 --> 00:07:56,777
You're idealizing
the relationship
162
00:07:56,811 --> 00:07:58,846
and you are idolizing her.
163
00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:01,481
Do you think that she decided
that night to end things?
164
00:08:02,350 --> 00:08:03,217
Anytime a woman
breaks up with you,
165
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:04,986
that is months in the making.
166
00:08:05,019 --> 00:08:06,253
Years, even.
167
00:08:06,287 --> 00:08:08,789
I mean, men are just too stupid
to see it coming.
168
00:08:08,823 --> 00:08:09,757
And what do you know about it?
169
00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:11,993
I mean, your longest
relationship has lasted
170
00:08:12,026 --> 00:08:13,060
no longer than a night.
171
00:08:13,094 --> 00:08:16,030
Okay, you're exaggerating
a little bit.
172
00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:19,000
I mean, like three,
four hours tops.
173
00:08:19,033 --> 00:08:21,068
Pretty much midway through
the third orgasm
174
00:08:21,102 --> 00:08:22,069
I am calling an Uber.
175
00:08:23,504 --> 00:08:25,239
Davey, look.
176
00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:28,109
You had her, you lost her,
and now she's gone.
177
00:08:28,142 --> 00:08:29,310
Yeah?
178
00:08:29,343 --> 00:08:31,912
Besides, if you really
wanna pay Denise back,
179
00:08:31,946 --> 00:08:35,483
best and most effective way
to do that is to live
180
00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:37,585
a happily ever after
without her.
181
00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:40,021
It's not about paying her back.
182
00:08:40,054 --> 00:08:42,523
I just want her back.
183
00:08:44,358 --> 00:08:46,060
I'm never gonna find someone
as good as her again.
184
00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:47,595
Bullshit!
185
00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:49,163
The world is filled
with beautiful women.
186
00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:49,997
I should know.
187
00:08:50,031 --> 00:08:51,065
I have dated half of them.
188
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:54,168
Do you mean to tell
me that your tiny corner
189
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:56,170
of Buffalo, New York
turned out the best
190
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,638
possible girl for you?
191
00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:58,472
Your soul mate?
192
00:08:58,507 --> 00:08:59,840
I don't think it, I know it.
193
00:08:59,874 --> 00:09:03,177
All right, well, all I know
is that this is not the Dave
194
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:04,645
that I know.
195
00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:06,580
This is not the kid
whose butt I wiped,
196
00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:08,282
coddled, and kicked
while growing up
197
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:10,451
and molded into a guy
that was cool enough
198
00:09:10,484 --> 00:09:12,720
to hang out with me,
you know what I mean?
199
00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:14,955
My Dave would never have fallen
so hard
200
00:09:14,989 --> 00:09:16,791
that he couldn't get back up
again.
201
00:09:16,824 --> 00:09:17,691
What can I say?
202
00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:19,460
She's the one.
203
00:09:19,493 --> 00:09:21,028
Well, so what are you
gonna do about it?
204
00:09:21,062 --> 00:09:22,163
Hmm?
205
00:09:22,196 --> 00:09:23,030
Gonna be miserable
the rest of your life?
206
00:09:23,064 --> 00:09:26,000
I don't know.
207
00:09:28,002 --> 00:09:29,103
Give me your cell phone.
208
00:09:29,136 --> 00:09:30,171
- What?
- What?
209
00:09:30,204 --> 00:09:31,072
- What?
- Phone.
210
00:09:31,105 --> 00:09:32,541
No!
Why?
211
00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:33,974
Give it to me!
Give it to me!
212
00:09:34,008 --> 00:09:34,942
Oh my God!
213
00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:37,011
You still have this picture
on your phone?
214
00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:38,212
Wow!
215
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:39,514
When a selfie can capture
true love like this,
216
00:09:39,548 --> 00:09:40,981
you have got to take pause.
217
00:09:41,015 --> 00:09:42,116
How many likes
did this get again?
218
00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:43,150
Can I have my phone back,
please?
219
00:09:43,184 --> 00:09:44,785
Dave, this is for your own good.
220
00:09:44,819 --> 00:09:45,586
Please!
221
00:09:45,619 --> 00:09:47,254
I'm begging you,
move the fuck on!
222
00:09:47,288 --> 00:09:48,389
I can't!
Okay?
223
00:09:48,422 --> 00:09:50,958
I'm in too much pain.
224
00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:53,094
No!
225
00:09:53,127 --> 00:09:54,328
That is pain.
226
00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:55,729
Do not confuse it with misery.
227
00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:56,597
That hurt!
228
00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:58,699
Just illustrating
a crucial point.
229
00:09:58,732 --> 00:10:00,201
Pain is transitory.
230
00:10:00,234 --> 00:10:01,635
In a few minutes
you are gonna feel much better,
231
00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:04,138
but you're still
going to be miserable.
232
00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:07,408
I bet you have like
a thousand photos of Denise
233
00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:08,409
- on this phone.
- Morris!
234
00:10:08,442 --> 00:10:09,110
- Morris! No!
- Yup!
235
00:10:09,143 --> 00:10:10,811
Hey! Hey, hey!
236
00:10:13,314 --> 00:10:15,749
Morris!
237
00:10:15,783 --> 00:10:18,085
Let's just give it a second
to get a nice sear.
238
00:10:18,119 --> 00:10:20,020
Damn it, Morris!
239
00:10:20,054 --> 00:10:21,922
Ah, yes!
240
00:10:21,956 --> 00:10:24,725
Yeah, smells done to me.
241
00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:25,793
Oh.
242
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,768
Medium rare.
243
00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:35,669
Aah.
244
00:10:35,703 --> 00:10:37,138
It's all backed up on the Cloud,
anyway.
245
00:10:37,171 --> 00:10:38,239
Oh, the Cloud.
246
00:10:38,272 --> 00:10:39,740
Well, Dave,
that is beyond my reach.
247
00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:41,342
It is up to the gods now
to figure out
248
00:10:41,375 --> 00:10:43,344
what to do with you.
249
00:10:43,377 --> 00:10:45,012
Whoop!
Brrr, it's cold!
250
00:10:48,282 --> 00:10:49,450
Fuck!
251
00:10:51,185 --> 00:10:52,286
Maybe give me a break, okay?
252
00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:54,556
You know, show like
a little bit of sympathy.
253
00:10:54,589 --> 00:10:56,123
David,
you are like a brother to me
254
00:10:56,157 --> 00:10:57,458
and I would take
a bullet for you,
255
00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:59,628
but I will give you nothing
that I haven't given you before,
256
00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:01,862
which is the hard truth
and tough love.
257
00:11:01,896 --> 00:11:04,265
So what if I have hope
and I'm still holding on to it?
258
00:11:04,298 --> 00:11:05,600
You're a gambler,
you have hunches you stick with,
259
00:11:05,634 --> 00:11:06,667
kind of the same thing, right?
260
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:08,537
No, no, no, no.
I am a winning gambler.
261
00:11:08,570 --> 00:11:10,505
I don't play hunches,
I play the odds.
262
00:11:10,539 --> 00:11:12,473
I play with
statistical probability
263
00:11:12,507 --> 00:11:13,741
and scientific facts.
264
00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:16,410
Where is the evidence
that Denise wants you back, huh?
265
00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:17,678
Just because
you want her back, too?
266
00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:20,080
No. There just still has to be
a chance.
267
00:11:20,114 --> 00:11:21,616
Sure there is.
268
00:11:21,650 --> 00:11:23,784
Why don't you give her a call?
269
00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:24,952
Later.
270
00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:47,308
The least you can do
is say sorry.
271
00:11:57,284 --> 00:11:59,820
You're a real asshole, you know.
272
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,725
You should clean that up.
273
00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:06,561
You hipsters have
already done enough
274
00:12:06,595 --> 00:12:08,697
to ruin the neighborhood.
275
00:12:14,802 --> 00:12:16,303
Good morning, Mrs. Fishbaum.
276
00:12:16,337 --> 00:12:17,438
Perfect timing.
277
00:12:17,471 --> 00:12:20,341
Onion bagels
just came out of the oven.
278
00:12:20,374 --> 00:12:24,011
Do you know that poppy seed
shows up as heroin
279
00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:25,479
in your blood?
280
00:12:25,513 --> 00:12:26,914
My son's a doctor.
281
00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:28,115
He tells me these things.
282
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:29,383
That's very interesting.
283
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:32,654
I wouldn't want you
to fail a drug test, David,
284
00:12:32,687 --> 00:12:35,022
because you ate
a poppy seed bagel before.
285
00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:37,491
I appreciate the tip,
I will try to keep that in mind.
286
00:12:37,525 --> 00:12:41,228
A young man like you
must do a lot of drugs
287
00:12:41,262 --> 00:12:43,698
to still work as a bagel boy.
288
00:12:43,732 --> 00:12:45,232
As I mentioned before,
this is just
289
00:12:45,266 --> 00:12:46,568
a temporary situation
while I'm still
290
00:12:46,601 --> 00:12:47,935
in law school, Mrs. F.
291
00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:50,538
Do you know
that this coffee shop
292
00:12:50,572 --> 00:12:52,674
used to be a part
of the old neighborhood
293
00:12:52,707 --> 00:12:54,074
Jewish Community Center?
294
00:12:56,844 --> 00:13:02,116
I met my husband
right at that table.
295
00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:07,622
Do you know
what I hope for, David?
296
00:13:07,656 --> 00:13:13,460
I hope I'll see him
sitting there again.
297
00:13:16,564 --> 00:13:18,499
What would you say to him?
298
00:13:18,533 --> 00:13:22,537
Oh, I love you.
299
00:13:22,570 --> 00:13:24,238
I hate you.
300
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,909
Oh, I miss you.
301
00:13:32,146 --> 00:13:33,782
- I'm horny.
- Okay.
302
00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,693
All right.
303
00:13:51,465 --> 00:13:54,703
Yeah, send an ambulance
to the corner of Grant
304
00:13:54,736 --> 00:13:58,740
and Elmwood,
there's been an accident.
305
00:14:00,841 --> 00:14:03,944
David,
have you ever met my granddaughter?
306
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:08,717
Too bad for you, David,
she's gay.
307
00:14:08,750 --> 00:14:10,851
Based on her past
relationships,
308
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:13,655
she has very low standards.
309
00:14:13,688 --> 00:14:15,790
In fact, she would have gone out
with you even though
310
00:14:15,824 --> 00:14:17,692
you just make bagels for living.
311
00:14:17,726 --> 00:14:19,960
Just a temporary situation,
Mrs. F.
312
00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:24,131
I don't do as many drugs as you,
but I do smoke marijuana
313
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:27,736
for my arthritis, my glaucoma.
314
00:14:27,769 --> 00:14:30,037
Maybe we could get
high together sometime.
315
00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:31,071
Hmm?
316
00:14:31,105 --> 00:14:34,509
On second thought,
you probably couldn't handle
317
00:14:34,542 --> 00:14:36,611
the shit I smoke.
318
00:14:36,644 --> 00:14:38,045
Mrs. Fishbaum,
I bet Snoop Dogg
319
00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:39,848
couldn't handle
the shit you smoke.
320
00:14:55,329 --> 00:14:57,931
Let's get this show on the road.
321
00:15:00,835 --> 00:15:02,637
Love!
322
00:15:04,171 --> 00:15:05,540
Fuck!
323
00:15:10,344 --> 00:15:13,447
Oh my God, I am so sorry.
324
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,482
Are you all right?
325
00:15:15,517 --> 00:15:16,917
I am now.
326
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:51,586
Hello.
327
00:15:51,619 --> 00:15:53,855
If you came here to give me
more grief, go home.
328
00:15:53,888 --> 00:15:56,190
- I don't need it.
- No.
329
00:15:56,223 --> 00:15:58,726
I came here to apologize.
330
00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:00,695
I was really rough on you
and I am sorry.
331
00:16:00,728 --> 00:16:02,797
You cremated my damn cell phone.
332
00:16:02,831 --> 00:16:04,097
Let me make amends.
333
00:16:04,131 --> 00:16:05,600
Fly to Vegas with me.
334
00:16:06,835 --> 00:16:08,335
Dude, I will take care
of everything.
335
00:16:08,368 --> 00:16:09,504
We can leave tonight.
336
00:16:09,537 --> 00:16:11,371
I can't just fly to Vegas, okay?
337
00:16:11,405 --> 00:16:13,006
Unlike you,
I have responsibilities.
338
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:15,643
Oh, come on,
I'm trying to make nice here.
339
00:16:15,677 --> 00:16:17,712
Vegas will make you forget
all about the fact
340
00:16:17,745 --> 00:16:19,814
that you don't have Denise
to fuck anymore.
341
00:16:19,848 --> 00:16:21,148
Huh?
342
00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:23,984
Oh, he is a very smooth lover.
343
00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:24,985
Yeah.
344
00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:26,788
I'm... I'm his cousin,
so I wouldn't know but...
345
00:16:26,821 --> 00:16:28,989
enjoy your latte.
346
00:16:29,022 --> 00:16:32,192
Why must you reduce everything
to its basis element?
347
00:16:32,226 --> 00:16:33,828
Mm, at its basis,
348
00:16:33,862 --> 00:16:36,497
not having sex with Denise
is what you miss the most.
349
00:16:36,531 --> 00:16:37,297
Well, it's not.
350
00:16:37,331 --> 00:16:38,298
It's much more than that.
351
00:16:38,332 --> 00:16:39,366
All right, it's her.
352
00:16:41,235 --> 00:16:44,438
Okay, you're telling me,
Denise comes walking
353
00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:47,107
through that door right now,
she says, "Dave, I'm back,
354
00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:49,577
but you can never
sleep with me again."
355
00:16:49,611 --> 00:16:50,845
You're honestly
gonna accept that?
356
00:16:50,879 --> 00:16:53,113
You cannot be that far gone?
357
00:16:53,146 --> 00:16:54,716
Can you?
358
00:16:54,749 --> 00:16:57,919
No, I'm not,
but that's not the point.
359
00:16:57,952 --> 00:17:00,153
It is the only point
that matter.
360
00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:02,590
Stay!
361
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,329
David!
362
00:17:09,363 --> 00:17:12,432
If you don't believe me,
maybe you will believe
363
00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:14,268
the magic bagel.
364
00:17:14,301 --> 00:17:16,303
Whoomp!
365
00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:17,672
Whoomp!
366
00:17:17,705 --> 00:17:21,375
The magic bagel
sees all and tells all,
367
00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:22,510
"Come boy.
368
00:17:22,544 --> 00:17:23,645
Come, come, come.
369
00:17:23,678 --> 00:17:26,814
The magic bagel
will not be denied."
370
00:17:26,848 --> 00:17:28,048
You are certifiable.
371
00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:29,951
- Okay, you looking?
- Yes, I'm looking.
372
00:17:29,984 --> 00:17:33,420
Well, now, magic bagel predicts
that you will have
373
00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:34,989
an amazing time in Vegas.
374
00:17:35,023 --> 00:17:37,190
And in fact, if you don't,
a curse will befall you
375
00:17:37,224 --> 00:17:41,228
and you might end up dead
or worse have no fun.
376
00:17:44,699 --> 00:17:46,233
Wow.
377
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:48,770
Magic bagel doesn't lie.
378
00:17:48,803 --> 00:17:52,339
Life is short, Dave,
and you only get one.
379
00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:55,442
Get on with the good times, huh?
380
00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:57,144
Ew, gross.
381
00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:11,025
Never again.
382
00:18:11,059 --> 00:18:12,760
Well, never again.
383
00:18:16,330 --> 00:18:19,299
You know, it's been a year
since Dave and I broke up.
384
00:18:19,333 --> 00:18:21,435
You mean it's been a year
since you dumped him
385
00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:23,571
in front of a homeless man?
386
00:18:23,605 --> 00:18:24,973
He was a great guy,
though.
387
00:18:25,006 --> 00:18:26,874
Yeah, a great guy
who you may think
388
00:18:26,908 --> 00:18:28,943
you would marry
and then kicked in the gut
389
00:18:28,977 --> 00:18:30,143
and ripped his heart out.
390
00:18:30,177 --> 00:18:32,714
Well, I don't understand
why he never tried
391
00:18:32,747 --> 00:18:35,115
to see me again.
392
00:18:35,148 --> 00:18:36,651
I'm just saying.
393
00:18:36,684 --> 00:18:38,352
What if I made
the wrong decision?
394
00:18:38,385 --> 00:18:41,623
What if there's something left
unfinished between me and Dave?
395
00:18:41,656 --> 00:18:42,590
Denise!
396
00:18:42,624 --> 00:18:44,659
Girl, I'm your best friend.
397
00:18:44,692 --> 00:18:47,160
I support you
a thousand percent.
398
00:18:47,194 --> 00:18:49,363
I know it's an emotional time
for you right now
399
00:18:49,396 --> 00:18:51,666
and your heart
can play tricks on you.
400
00:18:51,699 --> 00:18:55,369
But if you think
your subconscious is really
401
00:18:55,402 --> 00:19:00,541
telling you something,
maybe you should listen.
402
00:19:35,677 --> 00:19:36,911
Now pay attention.
403
00:19:36,944 --> 00:19:38,478
There are a lot of hotties here.
404
00:19:38,513 --> 00:19:41,082
Ooh, anxious to help you
mend your broken heart
405
00:19:41,115 --> 00:19:43,417
just so they can experience
the sheer joy of smashing it
406
00:19:43,450 --> 00:19:44,552
into pieces again.
407
00:19:44,585 --> 00:19:46,087
Perfect.
408
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:48,355
Can you just try to forget
about your depressing obsession
409
00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:51,291
with Denise for a little while
and have some fun?
410
00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:53,260
Fun, fun, fun!
411
00:19:53,293 --> 00:19:55,295
Remind me what's so fun
about approaching one girl
412
00:19:55,328 --> 00:19:57,364
after another,
yelling some bogus rap
413
00:19:57,397 --> 00:19:59,466
over loud music in the hopes
that she'll give me the honor
414
00:19:59,499 --> 00:20:01,736
of buying her a drink,
which she'll likely refuse,
415
00:20:01,769 --> 00:20:02,770
anyway.
416
00:20:02,804 --> 00:20:04,138
I guarantee you,
every girl in there
417
00:20:04,172 --> 00:20:05,439
will let you buy her a drink.
418
00:20:05,472 --> 00:20:07,041
Yeah?
And why is that?
419
00:20:07,075 --> 00:20:09,443
Hmm, 30 bucks each,
they will let you buy them two.
420
00:20:09,476 --> 00:20:10,945
Yeah?
Why not?
421
00:20:10,978 --> 00:20:13,081
Broke, heartbroken,
and I got to wait in line
422
00:20:13,114 --> 00:20:15,750
an hour for some place
that I don't wanna be in?
423
00:20:15,783 --> 00:20:16,784
You know what?
424
00:20:16,818 --> 00:20:17,985
You're right,
this line does suck.
425
00:20:18,019 --> 00:20:21,656
And I am far from wasted enough
not to care.
426
00:20:21,689 --> 00:20:23,791
Yeah. All right,
I'm gonna take a walk,
427
00:20:23,825 --> 00:20:25,126
smoke some,
play a little blackjack
428
00:20:25,159 --> 00:20:27,795
while you hold
our place in line.
429
00:20:27,829 --> 00:20:29,130
Dude, if you want,
you can come with,
430
00:20:29,163 --> 00:20:30,531
we can get back
and do this later.
431
00:20:30,565 --> 00:20:31,966
Just go.
432
00:20:31,999 --> 00:20:33,266
I don't wanna prolong
this torture any longer
433
00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:33,968
than I have to.
434
00:20:34,902 --> 00:20:36,470
How are you related to me?
435
00:20:36,504 --> 00:20:37,872
Oh my God.
436
00:20:42,342 --> 00:20:43,343
You know, if it were me
trying to get over somebody,
437
00:20:43,376 --> 00:20:45,947
getting high sounds like
a pretty good start.
438
00:20:45,980 --> 00:20:48,549
I can hold your place in line.
439
00:20:48,583 --> 00:20:51,119
Thanks. Uh, I think
I'll wait it out here.
440
00:20:51,152 --> 00:20:52,086
You know, long lines
are actually why
441
00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:54,655
I sometimes go clubbing.
442
00:20:54,689 --> 00:20:56,624
- Seriously?
- Sure.
443
00:20:56,657 --> 00:20:58,358
Best place to meet somebody
isn't inside where it's nothing
444
00:20:58,391 --> 00:21:00,828
but bullshit pickup lines
from conceited jerks
445
00:21:00,862 --> 00:21:02,630
trying to act cool.
446
00:21:02,663 --> 00:21:04,031
It's out here.
447
00:21:04,065 --> 00:21:07,168
Before everyone has a chance
to put their club faces on.
448
00:21:07,201 --> 00:21:08,703
So if we were in there,
you'd think I was a jerk
449
00:21:08,736 --> 00:21:11,706
but out here,
I'm still a contender?
450
00:21:11,739 --> 00:21:13,040
I don't know yet.
451
00:21:13,074 --> 00:21:14,509
How convincing
is your club face?
452
00:21:20,081 --> 00:21:21,916
Hey, baby.
453
00:21:21,949 --> 00:21:23,551
How would you like
to have a drink with the king?
454
00:21:23,584 --> 00:21:25,318
Elvis, really?
455
00:21:25,352 --> 00:21:27,054
Are you trying to pick up
my grandmother?
456
00:21:27,088 --> 00:21:28,723
You can't say no
to Elvis in Vegas.
457
00:21:30,525 --> 00:21:31,491
Okay.
458
00:21:31,526 --> 00:21:32,459
All right.
459
00:21:34,394 --> 00:21:36,429
Okay.
460
00:21:36,463 --> 00:21:37,932
How's this?
461
00:21:41,969 --> 00:21:43,037
I couldn't help but notice you
from the moment
462
00:21:43,070 --> 00:21:45,640
I saw you outside in line.
463
00:21:45,673 --> 00:21:48,609
I think it's your smile
or maybe your eyes.
464
00:21:48,643 --> 00:21:51,913
But whatever it is,
465
00:21:51,946 --> 00:21:56,117
I'd really like
to buy you a drink.
466
00:21:56,150 --> 00:21:59,452
And who's that supposed to be?
467
00:21:59,486 --> 00:22:01,923
Just me.
468
00:22:01,956 --> 00:22:03,390
Not bad, just you.
469
00:22:04,659 --> 00:22:06,194
I'm still not letting you
buy me a drink though.
470
00:22:07,562 --> 00:22:10,598
No, again?
471
00:22:10,631 --> 00:22:11,566
That was my best shot.
472
00:22:11,599 --> 00:22:14,502
Like I said,
clubs aren't really my thing.
473
00:22:18,405 --> 00:22:21,709
I will let you buy me
a big piece of chocolate cake.
474
00:22:23,144 --> 00:22:24,212
That sounds delicious,
475
00:22:24,245 --> 00:22:27,148
but I don't think
that they serve that here.
476
00:22:27,181 --> 00:22:29,482
- They don't.
- Hmm.
477
00:22:29,517 --> 00:22:31,652
You can order it
from room service.
478
00:22:34,454 --> 00:22:35,723
Second thoughts?
479
00:22:35,756 --> 00:22:37,024
Sounds tempting.
480
00:22:37,058 --> 00:22:39,093
I mean, you're...
you're gorgeous
481
00:22:39,126 --> 00:22:43,396
but it doesn't really jibe
with my long-term plans.
482
00:22:43,430 --> 00:22:44,765
I see.
483
00:22:44,799 --> 00:22:46,433
We really can just eat cake.
484
00:22:48,336 --> 00:22:49,704
That would be okay with you?
485
00:22:49,737 --> 00:22:51,138
Definitely.
486
00:22:51,172 --> 00:22:52,240
What about your friend?
487
00:22:52,273 --> 00:22:53,674
Cousin. Morris.
Don't worry.
488
00:22:53,708 --> 00:22:56,043
She always finds something
to keep herself entertained.
489
00:22:56,077 --> 00:22:57,245
Besides,
when she sees I'm gone,
490
00:22:57,278 --> 00:22:59,479
she'll just assume I went
to the hotel to be alone.
491
00:22:59,513 --> 00:23:03,885
Well, she'll only be half
right then.
492
00:23:12,126 --> 00:23:13,661
Still can't believe
you're from Buffalo.
493
00:23:15,830 --> 00:23:18,032
Believe it or not,
it's on my birth certificate.
494
00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:24,205
You really were okay
with just eating cake, huh?
495
00:23:24,238 --> 00:23:25,773
Chocolate cake has brought me
far more pleasure
496
00:23:25,806 --> 00:23:27,407
than most men ever have.
497
00:23:35,249 --> 00:23:36,918
Maybe you're dating
the wrong men.
498
00:24:40,414 --> 00:24:41,382
Hello?
499
00:24:41,415 --> 00:24:43,351
What the hell happened
to you last night?
500
00:24:43,384 --> 00:24:45,386
I waited in that line
for like ever
501
00:24:45,419 --> 00:24:47,855
only to not find you
when I got inside.
502
00:24:47,888 --> 00:24:48,956
I never went in.
503
00:24:48,990 --> 00:24:50,091
I knew it!
504
00:24:50,124 --> 00:24:52,293
You went running to hide
in your hotel room.
505
00:24:52,326 --> 00:24:55,863
Well, serves you right
because we had a crazy time.
506
00:24:55,896 --> 00:24:57,264
Ooh!
507
00:24:57,298 --> 00:24:59,700
Those Cirque du Soleil people
really know how to party.
508
00:25:00,835 --> 00:25:02,737
Ow!
Hey, hold up, Dave.
509
00:25:04,472 --> 00:25:06,440
Au revoir, mademoiselle.
510
00:25:07,808 --> 00:25:08,976
Your Uber is on the way.
511
00:25:09,010 --> 00:25:11,946
Oh, merci mon cheri, Morris.
512
00:25:11,979 --> 00:25:13,647
I will see you later, no?
513
00:25:13,681 --> 00:25:15,082
Oh, ew, yeah.
514
00:25:15,116 --> 00:25:17,084
Oui, oui, why not?
515
00:25:17,118 --> 00:25:18,652
Hey, that Celine Dion
roleplaying thing
516
00:25:18,686 --> 00:25:19,820
we did last night, yo...
517
00:25:19,854 --> 00:25:20,755
,
518
00:25:20,788 --> 00:25:22,256
mind blowing.
519
00:25:24,859 --> 00:25:28,129
I have a newfound appreciation
for the French-Canadian culture.
520
00:25:29,430 --> 00:25:30,798
Do you wanna go
to a Celine Dion concert
521
00:25:30,831 --> 00:25:31,699
with me tonight?
522
00:25:31,732 --> 00:25:32,833
Are you still high?
523
00:25:32,867 --> 00:25:35,436
No, I don't wanna go anywhere.
524
00:25:35,469 --> 00:25:37,506
David, I didn't fly you
to Vegas so you could hide
525
00:25:37,538 --> 00:25:38,939
in your hotel room
and whack off
526
00:25:38,973 --> 00:25:40,474
to memories of Denise.
527
00:25:42,511 --> 00:25:43,911
Not that it
matters but I wasn't by myself
528
00:25:43,944 --> 00:25:45,546
last night, okay?
529
00:25:45,579 --> 00:25:47,381
Came back here with a girl
I met in line.
530
00:25:47,415 --> 00:25:48,916
Oh.
Wait, wait, wait.
531
00:25:48,949 --> 00:25:50,151
Wait. Wait, what?
532
00:25:50,184 --> 00:25:51,085
What?
533
00:25:51,118 --> 00:25:52,753
You picked up a chick in line?
534
00:25:52,787 --> 00:25:53,821
Oh my God.
535
00:25:53,854 --> 00:25:54,955
Hallelujah!
536
00:25:54,989 --> 00:25:57,058
David has risen from the dead
537
00:25:57,091 --> 00:25:58,325
and he's back in the game,
folks!
538
00:25:58,359 --> 00:26:01,228
It's an erection,
a resurrection!
539
00:26:01,262 --> 00:26:02,763
- Morris?
- Oh my God.
540
00:26:02,797 --> 00:26:03,497
Which one was it?
541
00:26:03,532 --> 00:26:04,899
I wanna guess, don't tell me.
542
00:26:04,932 --> 00:26:06,033
Hmm.
543
00:26:06,067 --> 00:26:08,369
Tall brunette, tight jeans,
red top.
544
00:26:08,402 --> 00:26:09,504
Standing right in front of us?
545
00:26:10,571 --> 00:26:12,106
Yes?
546
00:26:12,139 --> 00:26:14,642
Dude, I approve!
547
00:26:14,675 --> 00:26:16,477
And would totally take
that action.
548
00:26:16,511 --> 00:26:17,478
Her name is Stella.
549
00:26:17,512 --> 00:26:19,113
Believe it or not,
she's from Buffalo.
550
00:26:19,146 --> 00:26:22,316
And there wasn't supposed to be
any action, we just came back
551
00:26:22,349 --> 00:26:26,120
to the room to hang and talk,
but she was really nice
552
00:26:26,153 --> 00:26:28,122
and one thing led to another...
553
00:26:28,155 --> 00:26:29,890
And yeah, yeah, yeah?
554
00:26:29,924 --> 00:26:34,628
Now, I'm so riddled with guilt,
I feel sick.
555
00:26:34,662 --> 00:26:37,264
If Denise was to ever
find out about the...
556
00:26:37,298 --> 00:26:40,267
it'd blow our shot
of getting back together.
557
00:26:40,301 --> 00:26:41,368
Hm-hmm.
558
00:26:41,402 --> 00:26:42,603
Okay, wait, wait, wait.
559
00:26:42,636 --> 00:26:45,540
Now, you are telling me
that you feel guilty,
560
00:26:45,574 --> 00:26:48,042
because you think
you betrayed Denise by being
561
00:26:48,075 --> 00:26:49,578
with someone else last night.
562
00:26:49,610 --> 00:26:50,878
Yes.
563
00:26:50,911 --> 00:26:52,780
Ohh, okay.
564
00:26:52,813 --> 00:26:54,549
You know what?
See somebody, Dave.
565
00:26:54,583 --> 00:26:56,750
See someone immediately
with a lot of fancy diplomas
566
00:26:56,784 --> 00:26:58,819
on the wall
and a very liberal approach
567
00:26:58,853 --> 00:27:00,187
to shock therapy.
568
00:27:00,221 --> 00:27:02,022
Dude, she's your ex.
569
00:27:02,056 --> 00:27:03,624
Man, your ex-girlfriend.
570
00:27:03,657 --> 00:27:05,793
Like in order
for it to be cheating,
571
00:27:05,826 --> 00:27:07,428
you have to actually be
in a relationship
572
00:27:07,461 --> 00:27:08,597
with that person.
573
00:27:08,629 --> 00:27:11,198
Like how is this concept
entirely lost on you?
574
00:27:11,232 --> 00:27:12,567
I don't expect you
to understand.
575
00:27:12,601 --> 00:27:15,035
Guilt isn't something
you're exactly familiar with.
576
00:27:15,069 --> 00:27:16,337
Hmm, all right.
577
00:27:16,370 --> 00:27:18,906
I feel guilty about
not feeling guilty,
578
00:27:18,939 --> 00:27:21,775
so, I mean, that should count
for something, right?
579
00:27:21,809 --> 00:27:24,111
Has it ever occurred to you
that while you are feeling
580
00:27:24,145 --> 00:27:27,348
so sick over betraying Denise
that she is out there
581
00:27:27,381 --> 00:27:28,749
screwing someone else?
582
00:27:28,782 --> 00:27:32,720
I don't
even want to think about that.
583
00:27:32,753 --> 00:27:34,589
Maybe you should.
584
00:27:34,623 --> 00:27:36,056
Maybe you should, Dave!
585
00:27:36,090 --> 00:27:37,458
You know.
586
00:27:37,491 --> 00:27:40,629
You think Denise took a vow
of celibacy when she left you?
587
00:27:40,661 --> 00:27:41,896
Ha-ha, no!
588
00:27:41,929 --> 00:27:44,265
Denise is right in the middle
of her,
589
00:27:44,298 --> 00:27:47,434
"I am free to fuck
whoever I want" world tour.
590
00:27:47,468 --> 00:27:48,537
I mean, you should check
her Instagram,
591
00:27:48,570 --> 00:27:50,137
because she's probably
selling T-shirts.
592
00:27:56,677 --> 00:27:59,780
I refuse to accept
that it's over for us.
593
00:28:01,715 --> 00:28:02,850
Come back later.
594
00:28:05,019 --> 00:28:06,220
I said come back later!
595
00:28:08,189 --> 00:28:09,591
I'm getting her back, Morris.
596
00:28:09,624 --> 00:28:12,126
I'm getting Denise back.
597
00:28:12,159 --> 00:28:14,161
I give up, little cousin.
598
00:28:14,195 --> 00:28:15,963
You are living on hope
and I'm afraid
599
00:28:15,996 --> 00:28:19,133
you're gonna starve to death.
600
00:28:19,166 --> 00:28:21,235
You can't make her love you,
Dave.
601
00:28:21,268 --> 00:28:22,671
No one can.
602
00:28:26,273 --> 00:28:27,676
This is a really good cake.
603
00:28:51,098 --> 00:28:52,567
Aah.
604
00:28:55,002 --> 00:28:56,203
Yo!
605
00:28:56,237 --> 00:28:57,204
Hmmm...
606
00:28:57,238 --> 00:28:59,840
You keep crawling out
of the hole.
607
00:28:59,873 --> 00:29:00,508
- Oh, okay.
- Whoop!
608
00:29:00,542 --> 00:29:02,176
- Whoop!
- Bam!
609
00:29:03,578 --> 00:29:05,246
You have been hibernating
since we came back from Vegas.
610
00:29:05,279 --> 00:29:06,380
I feel much better.
611
00:29:06,413 --> 00:29:08,115
I got a new perspective
on the situation.
612
00:29:08,148 --> 00:29:09,817
- Yeah?
- Hmmm.
613
00:29:09,850 --> 00:29:11,051
Okay, now.
614
00:29:11,085 --> 00:29:12,219
This...
615
00:29:12,253 --> 00:29:13,854
This is what I like to hear,
man.
616
00:29:13,887 --> 00:29:14,788
Okay.
617
00:29:14,822 --> 00:29:16,123
Listen, if it was something
that I said.
618
00:29:16,156 --> 00:29:17,258
- Mm-mm.
- You're welcome.
619
00:29:17,291 --> 00:29:20,294
But if not, I don't even care
because you are back.
620
00:29:20,327 --> 00:29:22,029
We got to celebrate.
621
00:29:22,062 --> 00:29:23,230
Two shots of bourbon, please.
622
00:29:23,264 --> 00:29:25,099
And thank you.
623
00:29:25,132 --> 00:29:26,934
- That a new haircut?
- No.
624
00:29:26,967 --> 00:29:29,403
Dude, isn't he cute?
625
00:29:29,436 --> 00:29:32,172
To my Cousin Dave.
626
00:29:32,206 --> 00:29:33,340
Welcome back.
627
00:29:33,374 --> 00:29:35,175
- You were sorely missed.
- Mhmm.
628
00:29:35,209 --> 00:29:36,110
- One more toast.
- Mhmm.
629
00:29:36,143 --> 00:29:37,211
To Denise.
630
00:29:37,244 --> 00:29:41,248
Who at this very moment
is right across the street.
631
00:29:41,282 --> 00:29:42,783
- Across the street?
- Yup.
632
00:29:42,816 --> 00:29:44,619
That's your new perspective?
633
00:29:44,653 --> 00:29:46,453
You just decided to stalk her?
634
00:29:46,487 --> 00:29:50,057
No, I simply am not waiting
for her to come back.
635
00:29:50,090 --> 00:29:51,091
No more waiting.
636
00:29:51,125 --> 00:29:52,226
I'm going to her.
637
00:29:52,259 --> 00:29:53,827
I called in at the florist
that she works at and said
638
00:29:53,861 --> 00:29:56,230
that she quit to go work
at Clara's Catering.
639
00:29:56,263 --> 00:29:57,565
I went over there.
640
00:29:57,599 --> 00:29:59,433
They said they're all working
at church function today.
641
00:29:59,466 --> 00:30:01,603
That church.
642
00:30:01,636 --> 00:30:04,673
So now you're gonna go
over there and just talk to her.
643
00:30:04,706 --> 00:30:06,608
- Yeah, I have to.
- Okay.
644
00:30:06,641 --> 00:30:09,243
David, there are only
a certain few things
645
00:30:09,276 --> 00:30:13,847
that people have to do in life;
shit, breathe, eat, and sleep.
646
00:30:13,881 --> 00:30:18,419
Emasculation, degradation,
uh-uh-uh-uh, humiliation,
647
00:30:18,452 --> 00:30:19,788
these are all totally voluntary.
648
00:30:19,820 --> 00:30:21,922
There's no talking me
out of this, okay?
649
00:30:21,955 --> 00:30:22,791
I have to go to her.
650
00:30:22,823 --> 00:30:24,224
I have to tell her
that I love her.
651
00:30:24,258 --> 00:30:25,326
That I would do
anything for her.
652
00:30:25,359 --> 00:30:26,695
That our love is magical.
653
00:30:26,728 --> 00:30:28,028
Magical.
654
00:30:28,062 --> 00:30:29,096
Oh, yeah.
655
00:30:29,129 --> 00:30:30,632
Can you just get some more?
656
00:30:30,665 --> 00:30:35,670
David, where did you get
this profoundly unrealistic
657
00:30:35,704 --> 00:30:38,372
vision of love, man?
658
00:30:38,405 --> 00:30:39,306
You know, a year ago,
659
00:30:39,340 --> 00:30:40,441
I would have said
the same thing.
660
00:30:40,474 --> 00:30:41,609
I expressed the same thing
to Denise the night
661
00:30:41,643 --> 00:30:42,811
that she left me.
662
00:30:42,843 --> 00:30:45,714
But she was right
and I was wrong.
663
00:30:45,747 --> 00:30:47,281
She needs that movie moment
from me.
664
00:30:47,314 --> 00:30:48,482
Mhmm.
665
00:30:48,516 --> 00:30:50,084
So, now you're gonna go
over there and see her.
666
00:30:50,117 --> 00:30:51,051
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
667
00:30:51,085 --> 00:30:52,286
Yeah!
668
00:30:52,319 --> 00:30:54,321
This grand gesture
of love that Denise cannot
669
00:30:54,355 --> 00:30:56,090
- possibly refuse.
- Yeah!
670
00:30:56,123 --> 00:30:56,890
- Yeah?
- Yeah!
671
00:30:56,924 --> 00:30:57,759
Yeah.
672
00:30:57,792 --> 00:31:00,027
Okay,
I've got news for you, Davie.
673
00:31:00,060 --> 00:31:02,262
Cupid does not exist.
674
00:31:02,296 --> 00:31:03,698
He doesn't, I'm sorry.
675
00:31:03,732 --> 00:31:05,466
And if he did,
he certainly wouldn't be
676
00:31:05,499 --> 00:31:08,603
some freak pudgy guy
in a diaper running around
677
00:31:08,636 --> 00:31:10,638
bringing people together
who are destined to spend
678
00:31:10,672 --> 00:31:12,306
eternity with one another.
679
00:31:12,339 --> 00:31:13,541
I mean, think about it.
680
00:31:13,575 --> 00:31:15,610
With divorce, adultery?
681
00:31:15,643 --> 00:31:18,412
As far as I am concerned,
he is a sick sadistic loser
682
00:31:18,445 --> 00:31:19,413
with a short guy complex.
683
00:31:19,446 --> 00:31:21,281
Hmmm.
684
00:31:21,315 --> 00:31:23,083
Okay.
685
00:31:23,117 --> 00:31:23,917
Look.
686
00:31:23,951 --> 00:31:26,420
If you're really set
on doing this,
687
00:31:26,453 --> 00:31:28,322
then just do it right.
688
00:31:28,355 --> 00:31:30,357
Talk to her,
lay it all on the line,
689
00:31:30,391 --> 00:31:35,663
but whatever happens,
you got to live with it, yeah?
690
00:31:35,697 --> 00:31:36,897
Jesus Christ.
691
00:31:36,930 --> 00:31:38,098
Okay.
692
00:31:38,132 --> 00:31:43,103
Darling, will you please,
please keep the drinks coming.
693
00:31:43,137 --> 00:31:45,272
Thank you.
694
00:31:46,306 --> 00:31:48,576
Well, if the booze
doesn't give you
695
00:31:48,610 --> 00:31:50,911
a little liquid courage,
then maybe you'll get lucky
696
00:31:50,944 --> 00:31:53,046
and pass out drunk
before you make it to the door.
697
00:32:03,457 --> 00:32:04,859
Here's to happy endings!
698
00:32:08,095 --> 00:32:09,163
So you live around here?
699
00:32:16,403 --> 00:32:18,873
Are you trying to pick me up?
700
00:32:18,907 --> 00:32:20,207
What?
701
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:21,341
No, no.
702
00:32:21,375 --> 00:32:22,777
Of course not.
703
00:32:22,811 --> 00:32:25,045
Why do you wanna know
where I live?
704
00:32:25,078 --> 00:32:26,848
You wanna come around
and have a barbeque
705
00:32:26,881 --> 00:32:28,616
- or something?
- Trying to make conversation.
706
00:32:28,650 --> 00:32:29,818
Try harder.
707
00:32:29,851 --> 00:32:31,318
Sorry?
708
00:32:31,351 --> 00:32:32,821
Why are you sorry?
709
00:32:32,854 --> 00:32:36,056
Sorry about my attempt
to make conversation?
710
00:32:36,089 --> 00:32:39,661
Why should you be concerned
whether I find your conversation
711
00:32:39,694 --> 00:32:40,829
interesting or not?
712
00:32:40,862 --> 00:32:41,763
I'm not.
713
00:32:43,363 --> 00:32:44,231
Do I know you?
714
00:32:44,264 --> 00:32:46,033
Do you think you know me?
715
00:32:46,066 --> 00:32:47,201
No, but...
716
00:32:47,234 --> 00:32:48,969
Then you probably don't.
717
00:32:55,242 --> 00:32:57,377
Don't you have to do
something somewhere?
718
00:32:57,411 --> 00:32:59,046
Ah...
719
00:32:59,079 --> 00:33:00,147
Oh!
720
00:33:00,180 --> 00:33:01,048
Yeah.
721
00:33:01,081 --> 00:33:03,551
Then go do it.
722
00:33:03,585 --> 00:33:05,085
Yeah.
723
00:33:46,528 --> 00:33:47,629
Excuse me.
724
00:33:47,662 --> 00:33:49,797
I'm looking for Denise,
Denise Rubino?
725
00:33:49,831 --> 00:33:51,533
Someone said
she was working here today?
726
00:33:51,566 --> 00:33:53,033
Not today she isn't.
727
00:33:55,068 --> 00:33:57,304
Hey, I just said
she wasn't working today.
728
00:33:57,337 --> 00:33:59,507
I didn't say she wasn't here.
729
00:33:59,541 --> 00:34:02,476
Be careful,
this place is a maze.
730
00:34:02,510 --> 00:34:04,378
You may not find your way back.
731
00:34:15,122 --> 00:34:16,791
Well, was I right?
732
00:34:16,824 --> 00:34:18,726
She looks like a fairy tale.
733
00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:19,561
Aw.
734
00:34:24,331 --> 00:34:27,434
Oh shit!
735
00:34:27,467 --> 00:34:28,703
What was that?
736
00:34:34,542 --> 00:34:36,209
David?
737
00:34:36,243 --> 00:34:37,745
David Steinbeck.
738
00:34:37,779 --> 00:34:39,013
Oh God.
739
00:34:39,047 --> 00:34:40,213
Oh, boy.
740
00:34:40,247 --> 00:34:41,049
Dave?
741
00:34:42,717 --> 00:34:43,651
Excuse me.
742
00:34:43,685 --> 00:34:44,752
How long has he been like this?
743
00:34:44,786 --> 00:34:48,121
About half hour, 45 minutes?
744
00:34:48,155 --> 00:34:50,625
Maybe he's autistic
or something.
745
00:34:50,658 --> 00:34:52,259
PTSD.
746
00:34:52,292 --> 00:34:54,729
My uncle looked just like that
when he came back from Nam.
747
00:34:54,762 --> 00:34:56,463
When you're finished
diagnosing the patient,
748
00:34:56,496 --> 00:34:57,899
can I have another one?
749
00:34:57,932 --> 00:34:59,466
- Hmm.
- Hey.
750
00:34:59,499 --> 00:35:00,467
Hi, it's me Morris.
751
00:35:00,500 --> 00:35:02,436
Try to remember why you left me
the voicemail?
752
00:35:02,469 --> 00:35:04,939
All I could make out
was some grunting and something
753
00:35:04,973 --> 00:35:06,440
about fucking Faye Dunaway.
754
00:35:06,473 --> 00:35:07,909
Denise's fucking wedding day.
755
00:35:07,942 --> 00:35:08,843
What?
Come again?
756
00:35:08,876 --> 00:35:12,412
Denise's fucking wedding day!
757
00:35:12,446 --> 00:35:14,882
Oh.
758
00:35:14,916 --> 00:35:16,884
I mean, that does sound
like fucking Faye Dunaway.
759
00:35:18,285 --> 00:35:19,453
She's getting married.
760
00:35:19,486 --> 00:35:22,724
Morris, she's getting married
in just a couple of hours.
761
00:35:22,757 --> 00:35:24,792
What did she
say when she saw you?
762
00:35:24,826 --> 00:35:26,861
She didn't see me, I ran away.
763
00:35:26,894 --> 00:35:28,763
Yeah, play hard to get, that's...
764
00:35:28,796 --> 00:35:31,298
Well, listen, Dave.
765
00:35:31,331 --> 00:35:32,800
I know this won't
make sense right now
766
00:35:32,834 --> 00:35:34,836
and it might not make sense
for a very long time
767
00:35:34,869 --> 00:35:36,704
but I promise,
this is the best thing
768
00:35:36,738 --> 00:35:39,139
that could ever happened to you.
769
00:35:39,172 --> 00:35:41,241
My soul mate is getting married
and you think
770
00:35:41,274 --> 00:35:43,544
that this the best thing
that could ever happen to me?
771
00:35:43,578 --> 00:35:44,712
Yeah, I absolutely do.
772
00:35:44,746 --> 00:35:46,446
- And you wanna know why?
- No!
773
00:35:48,783 --> 00:35:51,886
Why is she marrying
someone else?
774
00:35:51,919 --> 00:35:54,889
This is just a stab
in the dark, but,
775
00:35:54,922 --> 00:35:56,824
I mean, maybe she is in love
with the guy.
776
00:35:56,858 --> 00:35:59,493
Oh, no, no.
777
00:36:01,896 --> 00:36:03,163
All right, you know what?
Let's go.
778
00:36:03,196 --> 00:36:04,799
We got to get you
at least a 100 feet away
779
00:36:04,832 --> 00:36:06,134
from wherever Denise
is getting married.
780
00:36:06,166 --> 00:36:07,434
- All right.
- Come on.
781
00:36:07,467 --> 00:36:08,603
You have to help me
to the men's room first.
782
00:36:08,636 --> 00:36:09,704
I'mma throw up.
783
00:36:09,737 --> 00:36:10,938
Okay, we can do that.
784
00:36:10,972 --> 00:36:12,573
We can do that.
785
00:36:12,607 --> 00:36:14,042
Here we go.
Come on.
786
00:36:14,075 --> 00:36:14,809
Oh, boy.
787
00:36:14,842 --> 00:36:16,544
Come on.
788
00:36:16,577 --> 00:36:17,845
Okay.
789
00:36:17,879 --> 00:36:18,846
There we go.
790
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:20,014
There we go.
791
00:36:25,252 --> 00:36:28,221
Well, ain't it just
nice to have someone to lean on
792
00:36:28,255 --> 00:36:29,857
in time of need.
793
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:34,629
Weren't you just sitting down
at the bar?
794
00:36:34,662 --> 00:36:36,030
You're the piss monitor?
795
00:36:36,064 --> 00:36:37,031
No.
796
00:36:37,065 --> 00:36:40,034
I just... I didn't see you
get up or walk by.
797
00:36:40,068 --> 00:36:41,903
I'm the fucking invisible man.
798
00:36:41,936 --> 00:36:43,538
Now, can I get past you
to my drink, please
799
00:36:43,571 --> 00:36:46,941
or do I have to wait
until he pukes on my kicks?
800
00:36:50,545 --> 00:36:53,313
- Excuse me.
- Okay.
801
00:36:53,346 --> 00:36:54,448
Okay.
802
00:36:54,481 --> 00:36:55,616
There you go.
803
00:36:55,650 --> 00:36:57,118
Oh.
Oh, boy.
804
00:36:59,020 --> 00:37:00,588
Hold your ponytail.
805
00:37:03,457 --> 00:37:04,324
Yup.
806
00:37:04,357 --> 00:37:06,961
Try not to fall in
when you bend over.
807
00:37:11,099 --> 00:37:13,034
Somebody forget to flush.
808
00:37:13,067 --> 00:37:14,068
Let's get out of here.
809
00:37:14,102 --> 00:37:15,335
I thought you want to throw up.
810
00:37:15,368 --> 00:37:17,672
I'm fine.
Let's get out of here.
811
00:37:17,705 --> 00:37:18,573
I thought you had to throw up.
812
00:37:18,606 --> 00:37:19,707
I'm fine.
Let's go, now!
813
00:37:19,741 --> 00:37:20,942
Whoa, whoa.
What did you see?
814
00:37:20,975 --> 00:37:22,375
What's in the stall, man?
815
00:37:28,750 --> 00:37:29,650
Oh, God!
816
00:37:29,684 --> 00:37:32,854
Who the hell is that?
817
00:37:32,887 --> 00:37:33,888
Why is he wearing a tuxedo?
818
00:37:33,921 --> 00:37:35,156
I... I don't know!
Okay?
819
00:37:35,189 --> 00:37:36,624
Let's just go before the same
thing happens to us!
820
00:37:36,657 --> 00:37:37,859
Who would do that to us?
821
00:37:37,892 --> 00:37:39,392
Jesus, who would do that to him?
822
00:37:39,426 --> 00:37:40,862
You're the gambler but my money
is on the crazy
823
00:37:40,895 --> 00:37:42,329
English fucker at the bar!
824
00:37:42,362 --> 00:37:43,698
The guy who came out
as we were coming in.
825
00:37:43,731 --> 00:37:44,832
No way.
826
00:37:44,866 --> 00:37:48,569
But I bet you're right.
827
00:37:48,603 --> 00:37:49,436
What?
828
00:37:51,005 --> 00:37:52,206
Would you come?
829
00:37:57,344 --> 00:37:58,579
Okay, but why would
he still be sitting out there
830
00:37:58,613 --> 00:38:00,081
if nothing happened?
831
00:38:00,114 --> 00:38:01,314
Wait, what if we're wrong?
832
00:38:01,348 --> 00:38:03,217
What if he just had
to go to bathroom
833
00:38:03,251 --> 00:38:05,153
and doesn't even know anything
about the other guy in here.
834
00:38:05,186 --> 00:38:06,419
Do you really wanna stay
and find out?
835
00:38:06,453 --> 00:38:09,824
What? We can't just walk
right out past him now.
836
00:38:09,857 --> 00:38:11,058
If he did do it,
then he will assume
837
00:38:11,092 --> 00:38:11,993
that we saw something.
838
00:38:12,026 --> 00:38:13,528
Shit, he's coming.
839
00:38:13,561 --> 00:38:14,494
Go, go!
840
00:38:14,529 --> 00:38:15,630
He's coming.
841
00:38:16,864 --> 00:38:17,965
Oh, okay.
842
00:38:17,999 --> 00:38:18,866
Let's find...
843
00:38:18,900 --> 00:38:20,433
Window!
Window now!
844
00:38:20,467 --> 00:38:21,769
Houdini couldn't escape
through that.
845
00:38:21,803 --> 00:38:23,504
Okay. But maybe if we're lucky,
he will think that we did.
846
00:38:23,538 --> 00:38:24,906
Goddamnit!
847
00:38:24,939 --> 00:38:26,373
Hide in there.
848
00:38:26,406 --> 00:38:28,075
Whoo!
Okay.
849
00:38:28,109 --> 00:38:28,943
We need weapons.
850
00:38:28,976 --> 00:38:30,477
Yeah.
851
00:38:30,511 --> 00:38:31,746
Ha-ha!
852
00:38:31,779 --> 00:38:32,947
Why do you get the plunger?
What the hell am I gonna use?
853
00:38:32,980 --> 00:38:34,081
The power of your love
for Denise.
854
00:38:34,115 --> 00:38:35,016
I don't give a shit.
855
00:38:35,049 --> 00:38:36,483
Oh, shit,
he's gonna see our feet.
856
00:38:36,517 --> 00:38:37,885
Get up!
Get up.
857
00:38:37,919 --> 00:38:38,953
Oh, shit.
858
00:38:38,986 --> 00:38:40,521
I don't wanna die like this,
stuck in a...
859
00:38:40,555 --> 00:38:42,824
a dirty bathroom stall
of a dive bar with you.
860
00:38:42,857 --> 00:38:45,092
Shhh.
Shut, shh.
861
00:38:58,806 --> 00:39:00,808
Oh, my.
862
00:39:00,842 --> 00:39:05,279
Those two must have escaped out
of this narrow little window.
863
00:39:05,313 --> 00:39:07,480
I guess I better leave now.
864
00:39:07,515 --> 00:39:11,484
But first,
I'll use the bathroom.
865
00:39:11,519 --> 00:39:12,520
This stall is taken.
866
00:39:14,622 --> 00:39:15,957
Yah!
867
00:39:37,912 --> 00:39:40,114
De toilet.
868
00:39:40,147 --> 00:39:41,349
The toilet!
869
00:39:41,381 --> 00:39:42,783
- What does it mean?
- It just seemed...
870
00:39:42,817 --> 00:39:45,186
Get the fuck out of that toilet!
871
00:39:48,556 --> 00:39:50,324
Please, don't kill us.
872
00:39:50,358 --> 00:39:51,659
Why would I want to kill you?
873
00:39:51,692 --> 00:39:52,994
Ah, well, I've...
874
00:39:53,027 --> 00:39:54,362
All right, listen, mister.
875
00:39:54,394 --> 00:39:55,495
Mister?
876
00:39:55,529 --> 00:39:57,164
- Archie.
- Okay.
877
00:39:57,198 --> 00:39:58,933
- Archie.
- Okay, Archie.
878
00:39:58,966 --> 00:40:00,368
- Archie.
- Archie.
879
00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:04,639
The guy in the stall,
you didn't, did you?
880
00:40:04,672 --> 00:40:06,807
Yes, I did.
881
00:40:06,841 --> 00:40:08,142
- Why?
- For you, Dave.
882
00:40:08,175 --> 00:40:09,409
For me?
What are you talking about?
883
00:40:09,442 --> 00:40:10,711
I don't even know who that is.
884
00:40:10,745 --> 00:40:12,246
You don't know who that is?
885
00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:15,082
He is absolutely pivotal
to your future happiness
886
00:40:15,116 --> 00:40:16,784
and you don't know who he is.
887
00:40:19,220 --> 00:40:20,788
I'm terribly sorry, sir.
888
00:40:20,821 --> 00:40:21,789
Sir, we're cleaning here.
889
00:40:21,822 --> 00:40:22,990
I got to go!
890
00:40:23,024 --> 00:40:24,959
We've all got to go
sometimes, sir.
891
00:40:24,992 --> 00:40:27,094
You probably sooner than most.
892
00:40:29,764 --> 00:40:31,198
Right.
893
00:40:31,232 --> 00:40:32,199
Now, where was I?
894
00:40:32,233 --> 00:40:33,200
The... the...
the guy in the stall.
895
00:40:33,234 --> 00:40:34,335
Ah, yes, yes, yes!
896
00:40:34,368 --> 00:40:36,337
The guy in the stall.
897
00:40:36,370 --> 00:40:37,838
Right.
898
00:40:37,872 --> 00:40:40,041
Meet Henry.
899
00:40:40,074 --> 00:40:42,143
- Henry Cherkis.
- Henry Cherkis?
900
00:40:42,176 --> 00:40:43,443
Who the hell is Henry Cherkis?
901
00:40:43,476 --> 00:40:46,580
Henry Cherkis as in
Mr. and Mrs. Henry Cherkis
902
00:40:46,614 --> 00:40:48,215
or more specifically,
903
00:40:48,249 --> 00:40:52,920
Mr. and Mrs. Henry
and Denise Cherkis.
904
00:40:52,954 --> 00:40:54,121
Holy shit!
905
00:40:54,155 --> 00:40:56,557
Holy shit!
906
00:40:56,590 --> 00:40:58,225
Uh...
907
00:40:58,259 --> 00:41:00,027
This is the guy
that Denise is marrying?
908
00:41:00,061 --> 00:41:01,762
Yep, in about three hours' time.
909
00:41:01,796 --> 00:41:02,730
Mind you,
I think you're a lot
910
00:41:02,763 --> 00:41:03,831
cuter than him.
911
00:41:03,864 --> 00:41:06,067
Okay, that explains the tux.
912
00:41:06,100 --> 00:41:07,435
It doesn't explain
why you beat him,
913
00:41:07,467 --> 00:41:09,370
tied him up,
and brought him here.
914
00:41:09,403 --> 00:41:12,373
Well, of course, it does,
so that she wouldn't marry him.
915
00:41:12,406 --> 00:41:13,741
I mean, how are you going
to get her back
916
00:41:13,774 --> 00:41:15,609
if she gets married?
917
00:41:15,643 --> 00:41:17,912
- I still don't understand.
- What?
918
00:41:17,945 --> 00:41:19,814
This isn't brain surgery.
919
00:41:19,847 --> 00:41:23,684
Look, you cannot have
a marriage if the groom
920
00:41:23,718 --> 00:41:25,052
is not there.
921
00:41:25,086 --> 00:41:26,387
- Am I right?
- Yeah, uh, yeah.
922
00:41:26,420 --> 00:41:29,223
I think I see
what you're trying to do here.
923
00:41:29,256 --> 00:41:32,360
So you see, Dave,
this is your great opportunity.
924
00:41:32,393 --> 00:41:34,895
You are going to have a chance
to do something
925
00:41:34,929 --> 00:41:38,532
that very few men in life
ever get the chance to do.
926
00:41:38,566 --> 00:41:41,869
You have a chance
of bringing back the one
927
00:41:41,902 --> 00:41:45,172
that got away and taking her
on the very day that she's due
928
00:41:45,206 --> 00:41:48,309
to get married to somebody else.
929
00:41:48,342 --> 00:41:50,444
Wow!
Isn't that exciting?
930
00:41:50,478 --> 00:41:52,780
Hey!
I think it's exciting!
931
00:41:52,813 --> 00:41:54,548
Wow.
Right?
932
00:41:54,582 --> 00:41:55,316
Oh.
933
00:41:55,349 --> 00:41:57,885
Excuse me, one moment.
934
00:41:57,918 --> 00:41:58,919
Ooh.
935
00:41:58,953 --> 00:42:00,488
Okay, I...
I still don't understand
936
00:42:00,521 --> 00:42:02,123
how you know about me
and Denise.
937
00:42:02,156 --> 00:42:03,357
Come on, Dave.
938
00:42:03,391 --> 00:42:06,060
For God's sake, man.
939
00:42:06,093 --> 00:42:07,328
Look!
940
00:42:07,361 --> 00:42:11,665
Why does it matter
if how I know what I know, hey?
941
00:42:11,699 --> 00:42:12,666
Of course, it matters.
942
00:42:12,700 --> 00:42:14,435
You nearly beat someone
to death on my behalf
943
00:42:14,468 --> 00:42:16,404
and I don't even know
who you are or why you did it.
944
00:42:16,437 --> 00:42:19,940
On the first point,
I did not beat him to death,
945
00:42:19,974 --> 00:42:21,510
I merely rendered
him unconscious.
946
00:42:21,542 --> 00:42:23,577
Secondly, you know my name!
947
00:42:23,611 --> 00:42:25,312
And thirdly,
you know what I want to do.
948
00:42:25,346 --> 00:42:28,149
Now, any more information
is totally superfluous.
949
00:42:28,182 --> 00:42:29,850
Look, I don't want
any part of this, okay?
950
00:42:29,884 --> 00:42:34,655
So just let us go
and get that guy in there.
951
00:42:34,688 --> 00:42:35,322
Henry, Henry.
952
00:42:35,356 --> 00:42:36,490
- Henry.
- Yeah.
953
00:42:36,525 --> 00:42:39,827
Some help and I...
we'll uh, just uh, you know,
954
00:42:39,860 --> 00:42:40,728
forget we ever saw this.
955
00:42:40,761 --> 00:42:45,132
Oh, I... unfortunately,
I don't think
956
00:42:45,166 --> 00:42:47,234
we're ever gonna forget this.
957
00:42:47,268 --> 00:42:50,404
You know,
you're really worrying me
958
00:42:50,438 --> 00:42:53,307
because right at the moment,
I... I... I'm...
959
00:42:53,340 --> 00:42:55,776
I confess I'm surprised
by your response.
960
00:42:55,810 --> 00:42:57,044
Surprised?
961
00:42:57,078 --> 00:42:59,046
You expect me to bring
the gasoline to torch his body?
962
00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:00,448
Whoa, whoa, okay.
963
00:43:00,481 --> 00:43:03,150
Archie,
not that Dave is not grateful
964
00:43:03,184 --> 00:43:05,486
and this isn't a tremendous
gesture of...
965
00:43:05,520 --> 00:43:06,887
of support on your part,
966
00:43:06,921 --> 00:43:08,189
but what I think
Dave is saying...
967
00:43:08,222 --> 00:43:10,825
I don't give a fuck
what Dave thinks
968
00:43:10,858 --> 00:43:13,661
he's trying to say.
969
00:43:13,694 --> 00:43:16,097
Nor do I appreciate
any assistance from somebody
970
00:43:16,130 --> 00:43:17,898
who has to rely
on a complete stranger
971
00:43:17,932 --> 00:43:20,968
to do the job that she should
have done herself
972
00:43:21,001 --> 00:43:22,703
for her best friend.
973
00:43:22,736 --> 00:43:26,607
You expected me
to kidnap the groom?
974
00:43:26,640 --> 00:43:28,142
Oh.
Was I supposed to do that?
975
00:43:28,175 --> 00:43:29,310
No!
No!
976
00:43:29,343 --> 00:43:30,377
Of course, not!
This guy is insane.
977
00:43:30,411 --> 00:43:31,045
I would do...
I would do anything for you!
978
00:43:31,078 --> 00:43:32,179
Stop! Stop! Stop!
979
00:43:32,213 --> 00:43:33,114
All right, all right, all right.
980
00:43:34,115 --> 00:43:35,584
Let's just...
981
00:43:35,616 --> 00:43:36,817
I don't want any part of this.
982
00:43:36,851 --> 00:43:37,685
Part of this?
983
00:43:37,718 --> 00:43:40,921
Oh, Dave,
you're the whole of this.
984
00:43:40,955 --> 00:43:41,922
Bullshit!
985
00:43:43,724 --> 00:43:46,827
Okay. I didn't do this,
you did.
986
00:43:46,861 --> 00:43:48,563
Let's get out of here.
I'm calling the cops.
987
00:43:48,597 --> 00:43:49,897
Okay.
988
00:43:49,930 --> 00:43:50,931
You go call the cops.
989
00:43:50,965 --> 00:43:54,168
And in the meantime,
I'm gonna drown Henry here
990
00:43:54,201 --> 00:43:55,504
in the toilet.
991
00:43:56,871 --> 00:44:01,675
By the time the cops get here,
poor Henry is going to be dead.
992
00:44:02,710 --> 00:44:04,812
And then you're gonna have
a little dilemma,
993
00:44:04,845 --> 00:44:08,315
aren't you,
because I'm going to tell them
994
00:44:08,349 --> 00:44:11,752
that I saw you dragging him
into the toilet.
995
00:44:11,785 --> 00:44:16,558
And you,
the demented, obsessive,
996
00:44:16,591 --> 00:44:22,096
possessive ex-boyfriend
of the divine and lovely Denise
997
00:44:22,129 --> 00:44:27,768
is going to have to explain
how her husband-to-be
998
00:44:27,801 --> 00:44:32,873
ended up dead meeting you
on the very morning
999
00:44:32,907 --> 00:44:35,242
of their marriage.
1000
00:44:35,276 --> 00:44:37,077
- We are fucked.
- How can we be fucked, okay?
1001
00:44:38,078 --> 00:44:39,180
This is all his doing.
1002
00:44:39,213 --> 00:44:40,214
We didn't do any of this.
1003
00:44:40,247 --> 00:44:41,415
I know that and you know that,
1004
00:44:41,448 --> 00:44:46,253
but even I would believe
his story over ours.
1005
00:44:46,287 --> 00:44:47,589
Why are you doing this to me?
1006
00:44:47,622 --> 00:44:50,991
All's fair in love and war.
1007
00:44:51,025 --> 00:44:53,227
And you want to know why?
1008
00:44:53,260 --> 00:44:54,862
There's not much difference
between the two.
1009
00:44:54,895 --> 00:44:56,397
What the hell
does that even mean?
1010
00:44:56,430 --> 00:45:00,000
What it means is this,
you do whatever you can,
1011
00:45:00,034 --> 00:45:06,106
whenever you can,
however you can in order to win.
1012
00:45:06,140 --> 00:45:08,309
True that.
1013
00:45:08,342 --> 00:45:10,612
Every gambler is looking
for a competitive edge.
1014
00:45:10,645 --> 00:45:11,546
And what's your edge?
1015
00:45:11,580 --> 00:45:13,280
Let me show you your edge.
1016
00:45:13,314 --> 00:45:14,616
This is Henry here.
1017
00:45:14,649 --> 00:45:18,252
Henry here is your main rival
for Denise's affections.
1018
00:45:18,285 --> 00:45:19,887
And as we can see...
1019
00:45:21,822 --> 00:45:25,059
Henry here is in no position
to fight you over her.
1020
00:45:25,092 --> 00:45:26,060
Am I right, Henry?
1021
00:45:26,093 --> 00:45:27,728
Am I right?
1022
00:45:27,761 --> 00:45:28,996
Okay.
1023
00:45:29,029 --> 00:45:30,064
Good boy.
1024
00:45:30,097 --> 00:45:31,198
Nice job.
1025
00:45:31,232 --> 00:45:32,534
Nice job.
1026
00:45:32,567 --> 00:45:37,871
So instead of hanging around
and bitching and moaning,
1027
00:45:37,905 --> 00:45:39,873
why don't you take
this opportunity
1028
00:45:39,907 --> 00:45:42,644
that presents itself
and get back the girl
1029
00:45:42,677 --> 00:45:44,579
you claimed
that you are in love with?
1030
00:45:44,613 --> 00:45:45,779
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1031
00:45:45,813 --> 00:45:47,381
I'm sure the kidnapping
and beating of her fiancé
1032
00:45:47,414 --> 00:45:49,183
is exactly the thing
that's gonna convince her
1033
00:45:49,216 --> 00:45:52,152
that she should be with me.
1034
00:45:52,186 --> 00:45:56,290
It is a little romantic.
1035
00:45:56,323 --> 00:45:57,559
What?
1036
00:45:57,592 --> 00:45:59,393
Shakespearean, really,
even if you think about it.
1037
00:45:59,426 --> 00:46:00,562
Stop talking, Morris.
1038
00:46:00,595 --> 00:46:03,998
A guy willing to go
to this extreme to win back
1039
00:46:04,031 --> 00:46:04,765
the woman that he loves.
1040
00:46:04,798 --> 00:46:07,901
Oh, fantastic attitude, Morris!
1041
00:46:07,935 --> 00:46:08,902
Huh, thank you!
1042
00:46:08,936 --> 00:46:09,738
Whoa!
1043
00:46:09,770 --> 00:46:10,572
Archie.
1044
00:46:10,605 --> 00:46:12,139
Yeah.
1045
00:46:12,172 --> 00:46:13,974
Come on.
1046
00:46:14,008 --> 00:46:15,776
We're talking about assault
and kidnapping here.
1047
00:46:15,809 --> 00:46:18,580
Are you saying that you do not
want Denise back?
1048
00:46:18,613 --> 00:46:19,581
Of cour... I do... I...
1049
00:46:19,614 --> 00:46:20,781
Because you said
you'd do anything
1050
00:46:20,814 --> 00:46:22,517
- to get her back.
- I would, I...
72250
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