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1
00:00:02,236 --> 00:00:03,536
[ "JINGLE BELLS" PLAYS ]
2
00:00:06,207 --> 00:00:08,577
YOU LOOK GREAT IN THAT HAT,
DARLING. VERY FESTIVE.
3
00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:11,147
[ SNICKERS ]
4
00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:12,649
I'M SORRY.
YOU DIDN'T BUY THAT, DID YOU?
5
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:13,980
[ LAUGHS ]
6
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:16,354
YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE WEARING
A GIANT, RED, WOOLLY CONDOM.
7
00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:18,654
PLEASE DO NOT WEAR THAT
TO MY CHRISTMAS PARTY.
8
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,316
HEY, I AM ADORABLE
IN THIS THING.
9
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,864
AND ALSO, I CAN'T MAKE IT
TO YOUR CHRISTMAS PARTY.
10
00:00:22,890 --> 00:00:24,160
I'M SORRY.
[ LAUGHS ]
11
00:00:24,192 --> 00:00:25,262
TERRY, PLEASE TELL ME
12
00:00:25,293 --> 00:00:27,533
THAT THIS IS ONE OF YOUR JOKES
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
13
00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:29,101
IT'S JUST,
THE LAST FEW CHRISTMASES
14
00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:30,330
HAVEN'T BEEN SO GREAT
FOR DANNY.
15
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:33,074
ANYWAY, THAT IS ALL
GOING TO CHANGE THIS YEAR.
16
00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:34,941
I AM GONNA BLOW
DANNY'S CHRISTMAS MIND.
17
00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:37,038
WE'RE GONNA DO EVERYTHING
THE WAY MY MOM DID FOR ME --
18
00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:39,841
TURKEY, CAROLS,
CHRISTMAS MOVIES.
19
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,083
YAWN!
20
00:00:41,109 --> 00:00:43,209
Umpire: STRIKE 2!
21
00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:46,014
SO, WHAT ARE YOU GETTING
YOUR MOM FOR CHRISTMAS?
22
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,516
MAYBE BANGS...?
23
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,748
WAIT. NO. THAT WOULD BE
MORE A GIFT FOR ME.
24
00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:52,153
I WANT TO GET MY MOM
THE PERFECT GIFT.
25
00:00:58,159 --> 00:01:00,029
BATTER'S OUT!
THAT'S GAME!
26
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,800
IT WAS A FOUL!
27
00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:02,959
HEY, DINGUS!
28
00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:04,596
HOW MANY TIMES
I GOT TO TELL YA?
29
00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:06,132
IF YA BUNT THE BALL
WITH TWO STRIKES ON YA
30
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:09,067
AND IT'S NOT IN PLAY,
YOU'RE OUT, YA DINGUS!
31
00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:12,613
YAY! DOUBLE DINGUS!
YAY! DOUBLE DINGUS!
32
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:15,080
HEY, HERE'S THE UPDATED
CHRISTMAS TOURNAMENT SCHED--
33
00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:16,709
SHORTS.
34
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:17,954
OH, WE'RE PLAYING
ON CHRISTMAS DAY?
35
00:01:17,978 --> 00:01:19,648
TERRIBLY INCONVENIENT,
I KNOW, BUT --
36
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,450
NO! NO, THIS IS PERFECT!
I LOVE CHRISTMAS GAMES!
37
00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:24,123
THEN OUR LITTLE
BASEBALL FAMILY
38
00:01:24,152 --> 00:01:25,792
CAN HAVE A GREAT CHRISTMAS
TOGETHER.
39
00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:27,989
WHO THE HECK PLAYS BASEBALL
ON CHRISTMAS?
40
00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:30,621
UH, LOSERS DO --
IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA.
41
00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:31,788
THEY ARE NOT LOSERS!
42
00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:32,955
YES, WE ARE.
43
00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:35,163
WE HAVEN'T SCORED A SINGLE RUN
ALL YEAR.
44
00:01:35,196 --> 00:01:37,226
FACE IT, COACH --
WE'RE A JOKE.
45
00:01:37,265 --> 00:01:40,095
YOU GUYS, I USED TO LOVE
PLAYING ON CHRISTMAS
46
00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:41,104
WHEN I WAS A KID.
47
00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:43,095
HEY, YOU GET UP,
YOU OPEN PRESENTS,
48
00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:44,567
THEN YOU GO TO THE FIELD.
49
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,805
THE CANNON WOULD COACH.
MY MOM WOULD MAKE HOT CHOCOLATE.
50
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:47,940
IT'S THE BEST!
51
00:01:47,975 --> 00:01:48,975
OR YOU COULD JUST FORFEIT
52
00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:50,279
AND GIVE THE REST OF THE LEAGUE
THE DAY OFF.
53
00:01:50,311 --> 00:01:51,781
FORFEIT!
54
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:54,012
[ ALL CHANTING "FORFEIT!" ]
55
00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:54,977
FORFEIT!
56
00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:56,975
STOP YELLING "FORFEIT"!
57
00:01:57,017 --> 00:01:58,987
COME ON, YOU GUYS.
WE ARE NOT QUITTERS.
58
00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:01,019
WHAT HAVE I BEEN SAYING
TO YOU ALL YEAR?
59
00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:03,924
DON'T LET YOU FORGET TO PAY
YOUR CELLPHONE BILL ON THE 21st?
60
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:06,027
YES! THANK YOU.
61
00:02:06,059 --> 00:02:07,759
ALSO, NEVER GIVE UP, OKAY?
62
00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:11,925
WINNING -- IT TAKES HARD WORK,
GRIT, DETERMINATION.
63
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,025
NOW RAISE YOUR HAND
IF YOU'RE STILL A QUITTER.
64
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,965
DANNY, DON'T EVEN THINK
ABOUT RAISING YOUR HAND.
65
00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:19,714
WELL, LOOK AT THAT.
MAJORITY RULES, SO IT IS A FORFEIT.
66
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:20,810
[ ALL CHEERING ]
67
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:22,311
YAY!
68
00:02:22,343 --> 00:02:23,313
COME ON, YOU GUYS!
69
00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:24,484
GOOD JOB.
COME ON!
70
00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:25,982
WELL DONE.
WE'RE THE ANGLES!
71
00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:28,553
WE STICK TOGETHER!
72
00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:30,522
* I'M BACK
73
00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:33,551
-- Captions by VITAC --
74
00:02:39,059 --> 00:02:40,489
* I'M BACK
75
00:02:42,196 --> 00:02:43,456
[ TOY SANTAS GIGGLING ]
76
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,967
MOM, I'M SORRY THE TEAM VOTED
TO FORFEIT ON YOU.
77
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,299
OH, THAT'S OKAY, BUDDY.
78
00:02:47,335 --> 00:02:49,365
WE ARE STILL GOING TO HAVE
AN AMAZING CHRISTMAS.
79
00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:51,073
[ "FELIZ NAVIDAD" PLAYS ]
[ GASPS ]
80
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:53,814
THIS IS MY FAVORITE
HOLIDAY JAM!
81
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,541
* FELIZ NAVIDAD
82
00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:57,176
Both:
* BA-BA-BA-BA, BA-BA
83
00:02:57,211 --> 00:02:58,811
OKAY, LET'S TALK
CHRISTMAS MORNING.
84
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,306
SO, I AM THINKING, UH,
85
00:03:00,348 --> 00:03:02,078
"IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE"
MARATHON,
86
00:03:02,115 --> 00:03:04,845
PAJAMAS ALL DAY,
EATING COOKIE DOUGH, HUH?
87
00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:06,985
THAT'S WHAT I DID WITH MY MOM
AND CANNON WHEN I WAS A KID,
88
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,090
AND THAT IS EXACTLY
WHAT WE ARE GONNA DO, BUDDY.
89
00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:11,022
AND, OF COURSE,
OPENING PRESENTS.
90
00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:13,758
NOW, IF YOU COULD HAVE
ONE GIFT UNDER $37,
91
00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:15,004
IT WOULD BE...?
92
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,358
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
GET ME ANYTHING.
93
00:03:16,397 --> 00:03:19,027
I JUST WANT US TO HAVE
THE PERFECT FAMILY CHRISTMAS.
94
00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:19,926
YOU KNOW,
YOU'RE KIND OF OBSESSING
95
00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:21,367
OVER THE HOLIDAYS
THIS YEAR.
96
00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:22,942
HEY, I OBSESS ABOUT THINGS
THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO US.
97
00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:24,410
HO HO HO!
[ GASPS ]
98
00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:26,538
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
LIFELIKE SANTA!
99
00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:28,184
HO HO HO!
IT'S THE LAST ONE!
100
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,438
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
101
00:03:30,478 --> 00:03:33,548
WHAT?
THIS IS IMPORTANT TO US.
102
00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:37,351
[ INDISTINCT P.A. ANNOUNCEMENT ]
103
00:03:37,385 --> 00:03:40,045
[ INSECTS CHIRPING ]
104
00:03:40,087 --> 00:03:42,417
Lifelike Santa: HO HO HO!
105
00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:44,216
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
106
00:03:44,258 --> 00:03:45,558
HO HO HO!
107
00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:47,963
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
[ WHIRRING ]
108
00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:49,795
HO HO HO!
109
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:52,100
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
[ "DANCE OF THE SUGAR PLUM FAIRY" PLAYS ]
110
00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:54,402
HO HO HO! MERRY --
111
00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:55,535
[ THUD ]
112
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:57,739
[ Slowly ]
HO HO -- HO!
113
00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,571
[ Fading ] MERRY CHRISTMA--
DAD! STOP!
114
00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:01,037
* MERRY CHRISTMA-- *
I'M KILLING SOMETHING!
115
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,984
[ GASPS ]
116
00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:05,910
YOU KILLED LIFELIKE SANTA!
117
00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:08,076
W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING
CREEPING AROUND THE HOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?
118
00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:10,215
DAD, IT'S 8:15.
I WAS OUT IN THE GARAGE.
119
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,150
I FOUND SOME OF MOM'S
OLD CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS,
120
00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:13,815
AND I WANTED
TO PUT THEM UP.
121
00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:15,724
PUT THEM BACK.
IT'S NOT HAPPENING.
122
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:18,486
MY BUDDIES AND I, WE, UH,
WE DON'T DO DECORATIONS, OKAY?
123
00:04:18,526 --> 00:04:19,486
YOUR BOYS?
124
00:04:19,527 --> 00:04:21,827
UH, EARL, LOUIE,
STINKY PETE.
125
00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:23,062
OH, WOW.
126
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,726
YOU STILL DO
THAT STUPID POKER GAME.
127
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,126
HEY, AND STINKY PETE?
128
00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:29,637
THE ONE WHO STOLE MY BICYCLE
AND THEN USED IT FOR DRUG MONEY?
129
00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:31,740
HEY, CHRISTMAS IS
ABOUT FORGIVENESS, RIGHT?
130
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:34,442
NO. NO. IT IS ABOUT
SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR FAMILY.
131
00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:35,835
REALLY?
132
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,176
WELL, THEN HOW COME
I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU ONE CHRISTMAS
133
00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:38,750
SINCE THE TIME
YOU MOVED OUT?
134
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:40,909
DAD, WE INVITED YOU TO SPEND
CHRISTMAS WITH US EVERY YEAR.
135
00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:42,018
YEAH, RIGHT --
THAT WAS WITH YOU, DONNY,
136
00:04:42,049 --> 00:04:44,149
AND THAT GEEK OF A HUSBAND
THAT YOU HAD THERE.
137
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:46,024
THAT'S
AN AUTOMATIC "NEVER."
138
00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:47,123
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
139
00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:48,624
YOU KNOW,
WHEN MOM WAS ALIVE,
140
00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:50,916
YOU WOKE ME UP AT 6:00 A.M.
TO OPEN PRESENTS.
141
00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:53,028
YEAH, WELL...
THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.
142
00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:56,160
YEAH, WELL, I WANT DANNY TO HAVE
A PERFECT CHRISTMAS,
143
00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:58,366
SO JUST CANCEL
YOUR LITTLE POKER NIGHT
144
00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:00,299
AND ENJOY IT
WITH YOUR FAMILY.
145
00:05:00,334 --> 00:05:02,274
I'M THE ONLY FAMILY
THAT THEY HAVE.
146
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:05,012
AND THEY WILL MISS THIS
TERRIBLY. THEY LOVE IT.
147
00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:07,138
WELL, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND IT
WITH A BUNCH OF STRANGERS.
148
00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:08,314
THEY ARE NOT STRANGERS.
149
00:05:08,342 --> 00:05:11,012
THEY'RE MY FRIENDS,
ANDARE PLAYING POKER.
150
00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:13,114
NO, WE ARE
HAVING CHRISTMAS.
151
00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:23,321
***
152
00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:24,187
[ CLUNK ]
153
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,797
REALLY, DAD?
154
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,136
YEAH, REALLY.
155
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,370
WOW.
156
00:05:38,406 --> 00:05:40,636
THIS WHOLE PERFECT-CHRISTMAS
THING IS REALLY COMING TOGETHER.
157
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:42,814
DANNY! WHY DON'T YOU COME
HELP ME DECORATE THE TREE?
158
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,483
OR YOU CAN COME OVER HERE
AND STICK YOUR ENTIRE FACE
159
00:05:45,513 --> 00:05:47,553
RIGHT UNDER
THIS CHEESE NOZZLE.
160
00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:48,521
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
161
00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:50,079
COME IN!
162
00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:52,087
[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]
163
00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:54,993
Terry Sr.:
[ Chuckling ] OH.
164
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:57,862
IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK
A LOT LIKE NOT-CHRISTMAS.
165
00:05:57,891 --> 00:06:01,231
OH, TERRY, THIS IS, UH, NOEL,
AND -- AND THIS IS NOEL.
166
00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:02,231
HI.
167
00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:03,702
THAT'S --
THAT'S THE FIRST NOEL.
168
00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:05,001
SEE, THEY'RE SISTERS.
169
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,402
WHERE SHOULD WE SET UP
OUR NORTH POLE?
170
00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:08,274
REALLY, DAD?
STRIPPERS?
171
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:09,841
THEY ARE NOT STRIPPERS.
172
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,710
THEY DANCE
JUST A LITTLE BIT.
173
00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:13,169
MM. YEAH. WELL,
GET THEM OUT OF HERE, OKAY?
174
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,236
THIS IS INSANE.
175
00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:15,384
THEY'RE GOING NOWHERE.
176
00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:16,679
WHERE SHOULD WE SET UP
OUR PING-PONG BALLS?
177
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:17,880
OH, WOW.
178
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:18,951
I CAN DO THIS
ALL DAY LONG.
179
00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:20,009
YOU KNOW WHAT, DANNY?
180
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:21,717
HOW ABOUT
WE GET OUT OF HERE
181
00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:23,049
FOR SOME HOLIDAY SPIRIT,
OKAY?
182
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:25,653
AND YOUR GRANDFATHER HERE
CAN JUST GO "SCROOGE" HIMSELF.
183
00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:31,057
HEY, LADIES.
184
00:06:33,427 --> 00:06:35,127
NO, MOM. WAIT.
NO, I WASN'T --
185
00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:36,702
HO HO HO HO!
186
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:40,200
HO HO HO HO HO!
187
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,373
MOM, I REALLY DON'T NEED
A PICTURE WITH SANTA, OKAY?
188
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:43,642
I MEAN, LOOK AROUND.
189
00:06:43,671 --> 00:06:45,541
I'M -- I'M A DINOSAUR
COMPARED TO THESE KIDS.
190
00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:47,043
OH, JUST HUMOR ME, BUDDY.
191
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:49,444
SANTA'S GOT TO FEED
THE REINDEER,
192
00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:51,977
SO WE'LL BE BACK
IN A WHILE, FOLKS.
193
00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:54,082
WHAT?
WHAT REINDEER?
194
00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:55,784
NUH-UH! ELF!
ELF, GET BACK --
195
00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:56,776
ELF!
196
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:57,987
MOVE.
197
00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:58,948
OH.
198
00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:01,656
[ CHUCKLES ]
HI. EXCUSE ME, UH, MR. CLAUS.
199
00:07:01,689 --> 00:07:04,389
COULD WE TROUBLE YOU FOR
JUST ONE MORE PICTURE, PLEASE?
200
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,134
[ CHUCKLES ]
IN A LITTLE BIT, HON.
201
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:08,629
I'M GOING ON MY BREAK.
I SHOULD GET SOMETHING TO EAT.
202
00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:10,802
[ CHUCKLES ]
SO SHOULD THE REINDEER.
203
00:07:10,831 --> 00:07:12,101
WHAT REINDEER?!
[ LAUGHS ]
204
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:13,572
THERE ARE NO REINDEER.
205
00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:14,841
PLEASE?
206
00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:16,268
I MEAN, WE'VE BEEN WAITING HERE
FOR OVER AN HOUR,
207
00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:18,113
AND IT WOULD --
IT WOULD JUST MEAN THE WORLD
208
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:20,408
TO THE --
THAT LITTLE BOY RIGHT THERE.
209
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,180
[ CHUCKLES ] ALL RIGHT.
[ CHUCKLES ]
210
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:23,739
REALLY?
YES.
211
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,177
OKAY. OKAY!
DANNY, YEAH! COME ON!
212
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,520
HO HO HO.
213
00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:30,949
YEAH.
OKAY, GET ON UP THERE.
214
00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:36,055
SO, WHAT WOULD YOU LI--
LIKE F--
215
00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:39,687
SANTA'S GOING DOWN.
[ GROANS ]
216
00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:40,527
OH.
217
00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:42,101
UH-OH.
218
00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,299
[ CROWD MURMURS ]
219
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:45,330
OH! OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM?
220
00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:47,095
HE SAID
HE NEEDED SOMETHING TO EAT.
221
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:48,144
HE'S A DIABETIC!
222
00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:50,938
WAY TO GO, MOM.
YOU KILLED SANTA.
223
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:54,141
***
224
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:55,814
DIDN'T YOU PARK THERE?
225
00:07:55,843 --> 00:07:56,813
OH, NO.
226
00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:58,684
OH, NO, NO, NO!
NO, NO!
227
00:07:58,712 --> 00:08:01,282
NO! NO, NO, NO, NO!
THAT'S MY CAR!
228
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:04,154
THERE ARE PRESENTS!
IN THE TRUNK!
229
00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:05,854
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
230
00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:06,986
COME IN!
231
00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:10,615
HELLO?
232
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:11,658
[ CHUCKLES ]
233
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:13,062
IF IT AIN'T
THE THREE WISE MEN --
234
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:14,533
EXCEPT
YOU'RE ALL DUMBASSES.
235
00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:15,962
THAT JOKE
NEVER GETS OLD --
236
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:18,296
UNLIKE YOU,
YOU WRINKLY OLD BASTARD!
237
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,531
GET OVER HERE!
238
00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:20,967
[ LAUGHS ]
239
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,001
WHERE ARE THE --
240
00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:23,865
HEY, BOYS!
HEY, BOYS!
241
00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:25,344
SHOULD WE GET THIS PARTY STARTED
OR WHAT?
242
00:08:26,574 --> 00:08:29,144
IN ALL SERIOUSNESS,
THANK YOU.
243
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:31,776
YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WE LOOK
FORWARD TO THIS EVERY YEAR.
244
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,177
Y--
245
00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:36,715
WHY WON'T MY PHONE
WORK?
246
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:39,920
BECAUSE YOU FORGOT
TO PAY THE BILL ON THE 21st.
247
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:41,693
RIGHT.
248
00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:44,762
RIGHT. SO, THE TOW YARD
ISN'T OPEN TILL THE 26th.
249
00:08:44,792 --> 00:08:46,232
CHRISTMAS IS
JUST DELAYED.
250
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:48,399
MOM, YOU REALLY
HAVE TO LOSE THIS IDEA
251
00:08:48,428 --> 00:08:49,698
OF A PERFECT
CHRISTMAS.
252
00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:51,330
OKAY? IT'S OBVIOUSLY
NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
253
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,604
HEY!
IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN!
254
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,344
YOU ARE GONNA HAVE
A REAL CHRISTMAS,
255
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:56,338
EVEN IF
IT KILLS ME.
256
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,769
CHRISTMAS
CAN SUCK IT.
257
00:08:57,805 --> 00:08:59,365
SIR,
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
258
00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:01,036
I'M A GIRL.
259
00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:05,350
COOL.
260
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:09,178
***
261
00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:10,446
LOUIE, ANTE UP.
262
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,115
ANTE UP,
OR I'M GONNA TELL THE GIRLS
263
00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:14,723
THAT THE STUFF ON YOUR HEAD
264
00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:16,755
IS A PREVIEW
TO WHAT'S ON YOUR BACK.
265
00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:18,030
I'M OUT OF THIS ONE.
266
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:21,898
I'M NOT GONNA SHAVE.
I GOT NOBODY TO IMPRESS NO MORE.
267
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:23,259
AND WHAT ABOUT YOU,
CANNON?
268
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:25,966
YOU DAUGHTER STILL UP IN
MICHIGAN WITH THAT DEADBEAT?
269
00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:28,299
UM...NO,
SHE'S GOT HER OWN LIFE NOW.
270
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:29,695
YEAH,
I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
271
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:32,467
MY SON'S DOWN IN FLORIDA.
WE HAVEN'T TALKED IN YEARS.
272
00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:33,535
I'LL TELL YOU, THOUGH,
273
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,313
THEY SHOULDN'T ALLOW HIM
TO CARRY A GUN.
274
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:38,013
YEAH, THIS IS FUN.
275
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:46,086
SERIOUSLY...
I GOT NOTHIN'.
276
00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:48,189
AT LEAST
WE GOT EACH OTHER.
277
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:50,219
YEAH.
278
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:52,057
[ BOTTLES CLINK ]
279
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:55,932
* JUST LIKE CHRISTMAS
280
00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:57,773
* JUST LIKE CHRISTMAS
281
00:09:57,798 --> 00:10:00,068
OH! TERRY!
TERRY, DARLING!
282
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,170
THERE YOU ARE.
WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?
283
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:04,172
WELL, YOU SEE, THERE WERE
STRIPPERS AT OUR HOUSE,
284
00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:05,974
MOM MIGHT HAVE
KILLED SANTA,
285
00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:07,106
THEY TOWED OUR CAR,
AND --
286
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:09,080
AND A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE.
FABULOUS, DARLING.
287
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,239
WHY DON'T YOU GO
AND JOIN MICHAEL
288
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,477
OVER BY THE GINGERBREAD STATION
WITH THE OTHERS?
289
00:10:12,512 --> 00:10:14,352
ALL RIGHT.
JUST 'ROUND THERE.
290
00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:16,821
OH, LULU.
HMM?
291
00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:19,920
YOUR HOUSE IS SO...
FESTIVE AND...
292
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:21,093
PERFECT.
293
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,291
WELL, OF COURSE IT IS,
DARLING. IT'S MOI.
294
00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:25,633
I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE
WOULD HAVE DONE IF YOU HADN'T TAKEN US IN.
295
00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:27,129
OH, GOOD GOD, TERRY.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
296
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,000
WELL, THIS CHRISTMAS
HAS BEEN A DISASTER SO FAR.
297
00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:31,129
BUT HERE -- HERE IS WHERE
IT'S GONNA TURN ALL AROUND.
298
00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:33,034
I REALLY WANT IT TO.
IT HAS TO.
299
00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:34,966
IT BETTER, BECAUSE, LULU,
I AM HANGING ON BY A THREAD,
300
00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:36,702
AND I CANNOT AFFORD
A THERAPIST.
301
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:40,436
CHRISTMAS IS TOMORROW,
302
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,443
AND I STILL HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT TO GET MY MOM.
303
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,635
I'M TOTALLY SCREWED.
304
00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:46,178
I HAVE THREE KIDNEYS.
305
00:10:46,213 --> 00:10:48,083
OKAY.
THANK YOU FOR THAT.
306
00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:52,717
I JUST WANT TO GIVE HER
THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS GIFT.
307
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,526
WHAT? THE HEADS
ARE THE BEST PART.
308
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:07,532
* CHRIST THE SAVIOR IS
309
00:11:07,567 --> 00:11:09,967
* BO-O-O-O-O-O-O-...
310
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,573
GREAT. GREAT.
311
00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:14,305
* ...O-O-RN-UH!
312
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:15,811
[ LAUGHS ]
[ SCATTERED CLAPPING ]
313
00:11:15,843 --> 00:11:17,183
WONDERFUL. WONDERFUL.
THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH.
314
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:18,580
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
315
00:11:18,611 --> 00:11:20,211
THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
THANK YOU, DICK!
316
00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:23,017
WHO KNEW THE MAN
WITH THE HEART OF A DEVIL
317
00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:25,020
COULD SING LIKE A....
318
00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:26,022
ANGEL?
319
00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:28,363
THANK YOU.
DICK. WHO'S NEXT?
320
00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:30,088
VERY EXCITING, HMM?
321
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:31,363
OH, IT'S TERRY!
322
00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:33,761
[ APPLAUSE ]
COME UP HERE, TERRY. GREAT.
323
00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:36,234
LET'S HEAR IT FOR TERRY,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
324
00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:37,603
YOU GO FOR IT, DARLING.
THANK YOU.
325
00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:38,600
COME ON.
OFF YOU GO.
326
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:40,101
YEP. [ CLEARS THROAT ]
327
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:41,173
[ "DECK THE HALLS" PLAYS ]
328
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,941
[ SIGHS ] UH, OK--
OH. UH...
329
00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:44,740
YEAH, UM,
THIS ISN'T THE RIGHT SONG.
330
00:11:44,772 --> 00:11:47,942
I REQUESTED "FELIZ NAVIDAD."
[ CHUCKLES ]
331
00:11:47,975 --> 00:11:49,005
WE DON'T HAVE IT.
332
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:51,182
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T --
[ SIGHS ]
333
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,551
THAT'S, LIKE, THE BEST BLIND
CHRISTMAS SONG OF ALL TIME.
334
00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:55,180
MY MOM AND I WOULD CRANK IT UP
ON THE RADIO
335
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,945
AND SING IT
AT THE TOP OF OUR LUNGS.
336
00:11:56,984 --> 00:11:58,354
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO TELL YOU.
337
00:11:58,385 --> 00:11:59,945
GO FIND YOUR MOM.
SING IT WITH HER.
338
00:11:59,987 --> 00:12:01,787
MY MOM IS DEAD.
339
00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:04,216
OH, HERE WE GO.
340
00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:05,627
[ MUSIC SLOWS, STOPS ]
341
00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:07,258
[ CHUCKLES ]
342
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:08,934
WELL, THIS IS JUST PERFECT.
343
00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:12,032
I HAVE NO FELIZ LEFT
344
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,225
AND ZERO NAVIDAD.
345
00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:15,937
OH, BOY.
346
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:17,909
THIS HAS BEEN BUILDING EVER
SINCE SHE ALMOST KILLED SANTA.
347
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:22,038
I AM OBSESSED
WITH A HOLIDAY THAT HATES ME.
348
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,805
WE ARE SWORN ENEMIES.
WE'RE LIKE KIRK AND KHAN.
349
00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:24,914
Man: NERD!
350
00:12:24,945 --> 00:12:26,075
HEY! HEY!
351
00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:27,653
MY DAD...
352
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:30,150
WHO WOULD RATHER SPEND CHRISTMAS
WITH STRIPPERS
353
00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:33,053
THAN HIS OWN DAUGHTER,
MADE ME WATCH "STAR TREK," OKAY?
354
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:37,756
I AM OBSESSED WITH HAVING
THE PERFECT FAMILY CHRISTMAS.
355
00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:40,491
I AM OBSESSED
WITH REBUILDING A RELATIONSHIP
356
00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:42,057
WITH MY STUPID FATHER.
357
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:45,095
I AM OBSESSED
WITH COACHING A BASEBALL TEAM
358
00:12:45,132 --> 00:12:47,132
THAT DOESN'T WANT
TO PLAY BASEBALL.
359
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:49,467
YOU KNOW THOSE -- THOSE KIDS?
DO YOU SEE ALL THOSE KIDS?
360
00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:53,772
YEAH, THEY ALL HAVE
THE RIGHT ATTITUDE -- QUITTING!
361
00:12:53,807 --> 00:12:56,477
SO SIMPLE. SO EASY.
362
00:12:56,509 --> 00:12:58,749
SO WHAT I SHOULD HAVE BEEN
DOING.
363
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,478
SO, YOU KNOW WHAT, TEAM?
364
00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:04,153
I AM ON BOARD
WITH THE "I CAN'T DO" ATTITUDE.
365
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:05,594
OKAY? YEAH.
366
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,348
THERE.
SO LET'S ALL QUIT.
367
00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:10,687
HOW'S THAT?
LET'S ALL QUIT.
368
00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:14,263
LET'S FORFEIT CHRISTMAS.
369
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,104
PEACE.
[ MICROPHONE THUDS, FEEDBACK ]
370
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,869
[ CLAPS ]
371
00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:20,069
[ PEOPLE MURMURING ]
372
00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:24,769
I-I FINALLY KNOW WHAT TO GET
MY MOM FOR CHRISTMAS.
373
00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:31,637
Michael:
FLAWLESS BED HEAD.
374
00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:33,548
Danny:
MOM. WAKE UP.
375
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:35,050
[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]
376
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,151
WHAT'S GOING ON?
377
00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:40,816
WE'RE NOT QUITTERS.
OKAY?
378
00:13:40,854 --> 00:13:42,064
AND NEITHER ARE YOU.
379
00:13:42,089 --> 00:13:46,189
WE'RE GONNA PLAY TODAY,
AND WE'RE GONNA WIN FOR YOU.
380
00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:47,026
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
381
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:49,130
[ CHUCKLES SOFTLY ]
382
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,162
OH, WOW.
383
00:13:51,198 --> 00:13:53,968
YOU ARE THE BEST, BUDDY.
384
00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:55,071
I LOVE YOU.
385
00:13:56,103 --> 00:13:58,143
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
386
00:13:58,171 --> 00:13:59,871
BUT...
PLEASE BRUSH YOUR TEETH.
387
00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:01,207
OH!
388
00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:03,409
SORRY.
389
00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:04,983
[ Muffled ] OKAY!
WE ARE GONNA CRUSH THEM TODAY!
390
00:14:05,012 --> 00:14:06,082
I CAN FEEL IT!
391
00:14:06,113 --> 00:14:07,653
YEAH!
YEAH!YEAH! YEAH!
392
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,620
***
393
00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:14,745
PHONE,
TEXT MR. THE CANNON.
394
00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:19,755
RAISE.
395
00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:21,692
LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY'S
HOOKING UP WITH A BROAD
396
00:14:21,728 --> 00:14:23,428
OF BABY-MAKING AGE.
397
00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:26,203
SPILL IT, CANNON.
WHO YOU BUNKING WITH?
398
00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:28,673
MY DAUGHTER AND HER SON.
399
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,241
THEY --
THEY MOVED IN HERE.
400
00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:33,040
SO...LET'S JUST PLAY CARDS,
ALL RIGHT?
401
00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:35,383
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US?
WHY AREN'T THEY HERE?
402
00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:37,948
LOOK, FOR YEARS, THEY WANTED
NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.
403
00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:40,408
I MEAN, NOW THEY JUST
WALTZ IN HERE AND MAKE DEMANDS.
404
00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:42,047
THIS IS OUR TRADITION
RIGHT HERE.
405
00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:43,222
WE PLAY CARDS,
406
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:46,050
WE DRINK A LITTLE BEER,
WE HAVE FUN WITH THE NOELS.
407
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:47,116
THAT'S WHAT WE DO.
408
00:14:47,154 --> 00:14:50,064
BECAUSE WE GOT NOTHING ELSE,
YOU JACKASS!
409
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:52,560
THE REASON
OUR CHRISTMAS TRADITION WAS BORN
410
00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:54,862
WAS BECAUSE
EVERYONE WE WERE RELATED TO
411
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:57,434
WAS EITHER DEAD
OR DIDN'T WANT US AROUND.
412
00:14:57,464 --> 00:14:59,034
THE ONLY REASON
WE'RE ALL HERE
413
00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:01,396
IS BECAUSE
WE AIN'T GOT NOBODY.
414
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:04,104
YOU GOT SOMEBODY --
TWO SOMEBODIES.
415
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,437
[ CELLPHONE VIBRATING ]
416
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:18,820
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE THE, UH,
SMARTEST DUMBASSES I KNOW.
417
00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:20,051
ANYWAY, I FOLD.
418
00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:21,047
WHERE YOU GOING?
419
00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:22,988
WE GOT A GAME.
420
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:30,762
MOM.
421
00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:32,067
HMM?
422
00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:34,929
I'M SORRY THIS IS
SUCH A CRAPPY CHRISTMAS PRESENT.
423
00:15:34,968 --> 00:15:38,268
ARE YOU KIDDING?
THIS IS THE BEST GIFT EVER.
424
00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:40,305
IT'S CHRISTMAS
WITH MY GANG.
425
00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:42,340
IT DOESN'T MATTER
IF WE WIN.
426
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:45,245
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS
YOU DIDN'T QUIT.
427
00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:47,478
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU,
BUDDY.
428
00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:53,094
ALL RIGHT, GUYS.
429
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:54,020
GUYS!
430
00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:56,024
LOOK, WE'RE DOWN BY 21.
431
00:15:56,056 --> 00:15:58,486
WE SUCK AT THIS SPORT,
ALL RIGHT?
432
00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:02,195
WE'RE PROBABLY NOT GONNA
WIN THIS GAME OR ANY GAME EVER.
433
00:16:02,229 --> 00:16:03,529
BUT YOU KNOW
WHAT WE CAN DO?
434
00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:05,973
WE CAN SCORE A RUN,
ALL RIGHT?
435
00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:07,499
LET'S NOT GO DOWN
IN HISTORY
436
00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:10,274
AS THE WORST TEAM
IN THIS LEAGUE, OKAY?
437
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:13,273
LET'S SCORE ONE RUN
THIS CHRISTMAS FOR US --
438
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,036
FOR MY MOM, ALL RIGHT?
439
00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:16,535
[ SLAPS MITT ]
NOW, LET'S DO THIS!
440
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:17,636
COME ON!
441
00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:18,647
YEAH!
YEAH!YEAH! YEAH!
442
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:20,008
ALL RIGHT, HANDS IN.
443
00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:22,177
"ANGLES" ON...
444
00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:27,723
YEAH!
445
00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:29,164
"ANGLES" ON ME!
446
00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:30,319
All: "ANGLES" ON THREE!
447
00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:33,827
ONE, TWO, THREE, ANGLES!
448
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:35,030
[ ALL CHEERING ]
449
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,498
YOU KNOW, YOUR MOM --
450
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:43,804
I MEAN, SHE LOVED THIS HOLIDAY,
UH, MORE THAN ANY OTHER ONE.
451
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:46,406
I MEAN, SHE'D START
PLANNING CHRISTMAS IN JULY,
452
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:48,209
AND IT DROVE ME
UP A FREAKING WALL.
453
00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:50,311
YEAH, SHE WAS
ALWAYS WOUND A LITTLE TIGHT.
454
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:53,183
YEAH. WELL...
YOU GOT THAT FROM HER.
455
00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:54,553
[ Scoffing ] YEAH.
456
00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:57,021
YEAH, THAT'S WHERE
I GOT IT FROM.
457
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:59,650
SEE, UH...
THE HOLIDAYS --
458
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:02,416
THEY REALLY GOT KIND OF HARD
FOR ME AFTER SHE PASSED,
459
00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:05,885
AND EVEN MORE...
WHEN YOU LEFT.
460
00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:08,155
AND, UH, THESE GUYS --
THEY, UH...
461
00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:09,925
THEY HELPED ME OUT,
YOU KNOW?
462
00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:14,202
SO, ALL THIS TIME, I THOUGHT
I WAS KEEPING THEM ALIVE,
463
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:16,944
BUT IN FACT...
464
00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:19,209
THEY WERE KEEPING ME ALIVE
UNTIL YOU SHOWED UP.
465
00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:24,283
AND SO, UH...
I GUESS, IF YOU TAKE IT,
466
00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:27,051
UH, THAT'D HAVE TO BE
YOUR JOB NOW.
467
00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:30,145
YEAH, I'LL TAKE IT.
468
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,420
OKAY, LET GO.
MAKE SURE NO ONE SEES US.
469
00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:38,186
Umpire: STRIKE TWO!
470
00:17:38,225 --> 00:17:41,425
***
471
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:49,367
YA NEVER BUNT WITH TWO STRIKES,
YA DINGUS.
472
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:51,802
OH, YEAH? WATCH THIS.
473
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:58,875
[ Distorted ] N-O-O-O-O-O!
* MERRY CHRISTMAS, I DON'T WANNA FIGHT TONIGHT *
474
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:01,651
* MERRY CHRISTMAS,
I DON'T WANNA FIGHT TONIGHT *
475
00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:03,051
* MERRY CHRISTMAS
476
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:04,952
[ Distorted ] RU-U-U-N!
* I DON'T WANNA FIGHT TONIGHT
477
00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:06,524
* WITH YOU
478
00:18:07,954 --> 00:18:09,164
GO-O-O-O!
479
00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:11,619
* WHERE IS SANTA
AND HIS SLEIGH? *
480
00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:14,828
* AND TELL ME,
WHY IS IT ALWAYS THIS WAY? *
481
00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:16,561
* WHERE IS RUDOLPH?
482
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,096
* WHERE IS BLITZEN, BABY?
483
00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:19,131
* MERRY CHRISTMAS
484
00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:21,566
* MERRY, MERRY,
MERRY CHRISTMAS *
485
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:24,171
* ALL THE CHILDREN
ARE TUCKED IN THEIR BEDS *
486
00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:27,974
* SUGAR PLUM FAIRIES
DANCING IN THEIR HEADS *
487
00:18:28,007 --> 00:18:29,307
* SNOWBALL FIGHTING
488
00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:30,942
* IT'S SO EXCITING, BABY
489
00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:31,977
* MERRY CHRISTMAS
490
00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:34,011
* I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT TONIGHT
WITH *
491
00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:35,106
* MERRY CHRISTMAS
492
00:18:35,148 --> 00:18:37,178
* I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT TONIGHT
WITH *
493
00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:38,447
* MERRY CHRISTMAS
494
00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:43,955
* I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT TONIGHT
WITH YOU *
495
00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:45,090
SAFE!
496
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,834
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
497
00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:49,855
WHOO! OH, MY GOSH!
498
00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:51,026
[ ALL CHEERING ]
499
00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:52,333
Terry Sr.:
HEY, HEY, HEY!
500
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:55,170
COACH! WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE
OF AN INNING!
501
00:18:55,202 --> 00:18:57,342
SHUT UP!
502
00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:59,370
ALL RIGHT!
THAT'S BALLGAME!
503
00:18:59,406 --> 00:19:01,966
Boy: YEAH!
504
00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:03,008
TERRY, TERRY.
505
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:04,012
LET IT FLY, DICK.
506
00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:05,043
NOTHING YOU CAN SAY
507
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:06,277
COULD POSSIBLY
RUIN THIS MOMENT FOR ME.
508
00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:08,013
NO, LOOK,
I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU
509
00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:09,177
I THINK IT'S GREAT
510
00:19:09,216 --> 00:19:10,616
YOU'RE TEACHING THESE KIDS
TO NEVER QUIT.
511
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,120
OH.
512
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:13,151
THANKS.
513
00:19:13,186 --> 00:19:14,486
YOU'RE WELCOME.
514
00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:17,191
AND, UM, ALSO, I-I PICKED UP
YOUR CAR AT THE IMPOUND.
515
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:19,990
I OWN THE LOT, TOO,
SO...
516
00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:22,996
THE PRESENTS
ARE STILL INSIDE.
517
00:19:24,531 --> 00:19:26,971
SO...
518
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:28,699
MERRY CHRISTMAS,
TERRY.
519
00:19:31,070 --> 00:19:32,000
HEY, GOOD-LOOKING.
520
00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:33,968
HEY.
WHAT?
521
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:38,136
THIS IS THE MOST IMPERFECTLY
PERFECT CHRISTMAS EVER.
522
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,347
[ LAUGHS ]
523
00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:41,179
[ "JINGLE BELLS" PLAYS ]
524
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:48,888
***
525
00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:50,261
WELL...
526
00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:54,060
IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S, UH,
JUST ME AND YOU, SHORT STUFF.
527
00:19:55,262 --> 00:19:56,432
I THINK YOU'RE BLUFFING.
528
00:19:58,465 --> 00:20:00,325
BLUFF THIS, POPS.
529
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:01,627
I'M ALL-IN.
530
00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:05,195
AND, UH, LOOKS LIKE
YOU DON'T HAVE THE CANES
531
00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:07,438
OR THE CHESTNUTS
TO COVER IT.
532
00:20:07,474 --> 00:20:09,214
WELL, THEN...
533
00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:12,407
AND, UH, HOW ABOUT
THE DISHES FOR A MONTH?
534
00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:16,217
HOW ABOUT TWO MONTHS?
535
00:20:21,153 --> 00:20:22,153
DEAL.
536
00:20:25,992 --> 00:20:26,962
BOOM!
537
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:28,363
[ GASPS ]
538
00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:30,125
ACES AND 8s.
FULL BOAT.
539
00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:31,162
SEND IT!
540
00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:35,369
AND TO ALL...A GOOD NIGHT.
541
00:20:35,419 --> 00:20:39,969
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