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Previously on The Affair...
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She seemed like the
loneliest girl in the world.
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You know, some days, I-I'm proud
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of the life that I've built.
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And then, sometimes, it just feels
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like a giant charade,
and this is all a joke
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I've been playing on myself,
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this life that I am trying to live.
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Go home to your fucking wife.
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They found her body.
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She drowned herself.
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I saw her, and she was pretty beat up.
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- She had... her head was...
- Lacerations.
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Right, all consistent with striking
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- against these rocks.
- What about Ben?
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He has an alibi. It checks out.
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What did you say to her?
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I don't know what the
fuck you're asking.
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I'm asking you what you said
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that made her want to kill herself.
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Why don't you take a look
in the fucking mirror!
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- Why didn't you do something?!
- Stop it!
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You had her in your hands,
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and you let her go. Why?
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I took a pregnancy test this morning.
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You're entering menopause, Helen.
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Don't you think I'm too
young to be in menopause?
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Don't you think I'm too young to die?
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Where you going?
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To my women's moon
circle. I invited you.
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I just had this intuition
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that you really needed some guidance.
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I fucked a married man.
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I really like his wife, so...
it was a stupid thing to do.
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I wish I had your life.
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I mean, you have a whole world
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that literally couldn't
live without you.
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I'm feeling like Vik
isn't listening to me.
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I'm feeling like I want
him to get treatment.
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What he needs you for, the one thing
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you can give him that no one else
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in the world can, is your love.
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Helen.
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I don't want you to die.
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I don't want to die, either.
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- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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_
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Hey, Cole, uh...
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do me a favor, man.
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When-when you get this, give me a call.
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I'd really like to help
with the arrangements.
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00:04:36,140 --> 00:04:37,890
Hey, man.
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You look great.
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Surprised?
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- You ready?
- Yeah.
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Let's do this.
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Okay!
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Good morning, good morning.
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So...
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00:04:52,140 --> 00:04:54,139
in a move designed
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00:04:54,140 --> 00:04:57,430
to keep you all on the
very tips of your toes,
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I read your stories from last week
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00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:02,820
in an uncharacteristically
timely fashion.
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00:05:03,850 --> 00:05:06,560
Some were very, very good,
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while others... well, all I can say is
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I hope the rest of your
classes are going well.
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00:05:11,020 --> 00:05:13,019
But before we commence,
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let me call your attention
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to our special guest.
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This gentlemen here is...
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Noah fucking Solloway.
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Noah fucking Solloway, indeed.
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The man wholly responsible
for the fact that I smoked
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Parliament Lights for nearly two decades
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because in college he made
it look so tragically cool.
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Mr. Solloway, can I just
fanboy out for a second?
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I mean, you're the reason
why I became a writer.
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00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:40,679
I'm happy to hear it.
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00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,519
I love the way you write women.
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00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:43,560
You do?
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00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,640
Alana's my favorite, like,
contemporary character.
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00:05:46,700 --> 00:05:48,300
When she gives that speech
at the end of Descent
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about feeling like a figment of
other people's imagination...
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how'd you know that?
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Yeah, seriously.
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Uh, well, to be honest,
writing character
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is all about listening to people.
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And, uh, the place I
really learned to listen
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00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:03,850
was in a seminar like this one
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00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:05,470
a million years ago,
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with Ariel sitting next to me.
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Noah has with him today
a prospective student.
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Uh, guys, this is Antony.
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Anton.
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Oh, I'm-I'm sorry.
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No, it's fine.
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You can call me Antony if you want.
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Anton is visiting from L.A.
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Where else you looking, bro?
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Um, just here, actually.
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Couple state colleges in California.
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I'm from Chicago, South Side.
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We should talk after class.
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We shall, man. That'd be cool.
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Before he entirely turns you off,
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this place isn't so bad.
It's pretty woke.
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My God, Gabby.
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What?
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00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:46,790
We have a residential college
named for a segregationist.
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And the School of Public Policy.
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Yeah, but we fought like hell
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- to get his name removed.
- We didn't win.
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- We got the mural taken down.
- Oh, the mural. What a win.
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00:06:53,340 --> 00:06:55,180
Oh, hey. I didn't see you
at the protest, Zac.
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I had rehearsal.
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It's cool, guys.
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I actually really like it here.
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Okay, so then let's get going.
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May our pens be our swords.
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Today's prompt is a quote from Whitman.
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This one's for you.
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"Do I contradict myself?
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Very well, then.
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I contradict myself.
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I am large.
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I contain multitudes."
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Write a character sketch
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of a person who has a contradiction.
129
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A paradox.
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00:07:33,150 --> 00:07:34,820
Show, don't tell.
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00:07:34,850 --> 00:07:37,270
You have 15 minutes.
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00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:40,690
Uh, can I borrow a couple
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00:07:40,750 --> 00:07:42,150
- pieces of paper?
- Mm-hmm.
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00:07:42,230 --> 00:07:44,000
Thank you.
135
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,220
How you holding up?
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00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:54,360
How's Joanie?
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00:07:56,570 --> 00:07:58,080
Yeah.
138
00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:00,730
I don't know what you tell her, either.
139
00:08:02,780 --> 00:08:04,060
Me?
140
00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:05,400
Yeah.
141
00:08:05,540 --> 00:08:07,600
Sure. No, I'd love to.
142
00:08:08,060 --> 00:08:09,420
I don't know. I'll think about it.
143
00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:11,380
Maybe something from a book she loved.
144
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,650
Yeah.
145
00:08:13,730 --> 00:08:15,420
Okay, is there anything else you need?
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I'll be there tomorrow morning.
147
00:08:18,230 --> 00:08:19,940
Uh, he's great. He's, uh...
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I think he likes it here.
149
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:23,190
Yeah.
150
00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:25,610
Will do. You, too.
151
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,270
Oh.
152
00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:32,900
- Hey, stranger.
- Hey.
153
00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:37,780
Damn, Hoffman. Leaves of Grass.
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Diving deep.
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00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:43,610
Thank you for this.
156
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:44,879
Stop. Are you kidding?
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00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:46,980
I was thrilled to hear from you.
158
00:08:47,070 --> 00:08:48,719
What's it been, 20 years?
159
00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:50,150
No. Can't be.
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00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:52,190
I was at your last book party.
161
00:08:52,270 --> 00:08:53,779
- You were?
- Yeah.
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00:08:53,780 --> 00:08:55,100
Brooklyn Heights?
163
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:58,119
The one about the
sisters, Siamese twins?
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00:08:58,120 --> 00:08:59,580
That was three books ago.
165
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:00,620
What?
166
00:09:00,650 --> 00:09:02,740
God, you were always so prolific.
167
00:09:02,780 --> 00:09:04,520
You say it as if it's a bad thing.
168
00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:05,819
It's not a bad thing.
169
00:09:05,820 --> 00:09:07,480
It's just emasculating.
170
00:09:07,570 --> 00:09:09,400
Uh, if I remember correctly,
171
00:09:09,430 --> 00:09:11,820
you're hard to emasculate.
172
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So, this is nice.
173
00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:18,190
What you're doing for this kid.
174
00:09:18,270 --> 00:09:21,480
Yeah, well, he's, you know...
he's... he's very talented.
175
00:09:21,570 --> 00:09:23,570
He just needs a... a way in.
176
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:25,100
- He's your student?
- Mm-hmm.
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00:09:25,180 --> 00:09:26,360
Where?
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00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:28,730
At a charter school in South L.A.
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00:09:28,820 --> 00:09:30,659
I didn't realize you
moved to California.
180
00:09:30,660 --> 00:09:32,500
When did that happen?
181
00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:35,979
Well, Helen's boyfriend got a
fancy job in L.A., so I...
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00:09:35,980 --> 00:09:37,860
Wait. What?
183
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:39,620
You guys split?
184
00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:42,060
- Yeah. You didn't know?
- When?
185
00:09:42,070 --> 00:09:44,780
Years ago. I mean, well,
it was in the news.
186
00:09:45,190 --> 00:09:46,730
You don't read the paper?
187
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,400
Not if I can help it.
188
00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:51,020
I read novels mostly.
Memoir, if pressed.
189
00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:53,280
You haven't changed at all.
190
00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:55,040
Wow.
191
00:09:55,940 --> 00:09:58,230
Noah and Helen.
192
00:09:58,860 --> 00:10:00,820
Requiescat in pace.
193
00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:02,480
Yeah. Thanks.
194
00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:04,860
I thought you guys were
gonna last forever.
195
00:10:04,940 --> 00:10:06,920
You were campus celebrities.
196
00:10:08,730 --> 00:10:10,070
Yeah, well...
197
00:10:10,150 --> 00:10:11,610
plans change.
198
00:10:11,690 --> 00:10:13,150
They really do.
199
00:10:13,230 --> 00:10:14,860
So, what happened?
200
00:10:14,940 --> 00:10:16,560
Was it her dad?
201
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,360
You remember him?
202
00:10:18,860 --> 00:10:21,550
I remember that she thought
she kind of thought
203
00:10:21,560 --> 00:10:23,350
she was slumming it with you
204
00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:25,430
and you thought you found
your golden goose.
205
00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:26,440
Damn, Ariel.
206
00:10:26,450 --> 00:10:28,240
You really were paying attention.
207
00:10:29,900 --> 00:10:31,730
Well, I had a crush.
208
00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:37,110
I spent most of college
waiting for an opening,
209
00:10:37,190 --> 00:10:39,760
but... it never came.
210
00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:46,480
I'd say you dodged a bullet.
211
00:10:47,820 --> 00:10:49,270
Yeah.
212
00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:51,660
Looking back, I could
have predicted that.
213
00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:54,500
I think you had the world
a little bit too much
214
00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:56,230
at your fingertips, didn't you?
215
00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:57,439
Yeah, I was a...
216
00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:59,400
I was an asshole for a long time, but...
217
00:10:59,420 --> 00:11:00,649
What about you?
218
00:11:00,650 --> 00:11:03,019
I mean, chair of the English department.
219
00:11:03,020 --> 00:11:04,360
Multiple best sellers.
220
00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:06,230
Things worked out pretty well.
221
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:08,730
I had a cancer scare last year.
222
00:11:08,820 --> 00:11:11,280
I'm fine... they cut it out... but...
223
00:11:11,940 --> 00:11:14,400
I am feeling pretty lucky these days.
224
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:16,730
I have this new boyfriend.
225
00:11:16,820 --> 00:11:18,940
He's a composer, Brazilian.
226
00:11:19,060 --> 00:11:21,480
- Hot.
- Yeah, right?
227
00:11:21,570 --> 00:11:23,000
Kids?
228
00:11:23,730 --> 00:11:25,080
No.
229
00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:27,270
Never had time.
230
00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:28,860
Biggest regret.
231
00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:31,570
You?
232
00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:34,190
Yeah. I've got four of them.
233
00:11:34,270 --> 00:11:35,320
What?
234
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,400
Jesus, Helen, nice work.
235
00:11:39,070 --> 00:11:43,640
Yeah, I don't see too
much of them, but I try.
236
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:47,060
Did you ever remarry?
237
00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:51,360
Yeah, I did.
238
00:11:51,700 --> 00:11:52,920
Oh?
239
00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:54,780
Tell me about her.
240
00:11:54,860 --> 00:11:56,570
Well, she's, uh...
241
00:11:58,690 --> 00:12:00,680
She's dead.
242
00:12:01,070 --> 00:12:02,230
She died.
243
00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:04,060
Just a few days ago.
244
00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:06,650
Noah...
245
00:12:08,690 --> 00:12:11,180
Wh-What are you even doing here?
246
00:12:13,270 --> 00:12:16,160
Uh... what do you mean?
247
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:19,190
Uh... are you okay?
248
00:12:19,270 --> 00:12:21,190
Yeah, I'm fine. I'm...
249
00:12:21,270 --> 00:12:24,980
I mean, I'm sad, obviously, but, uh...
250
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,300
I'm fine.
251
00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:33,620
Shall we?
252
00:12:36,610 --> 00:12:39,070
Okay, guys, that's time.
253
00:12:39,150 --> 00:12:40,900
So...
254
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,980
Who wants to start us off?
255
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,610
Anton, how about you?
256
00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:53,030
You don't have to.
257
00:12:55,110 --> 00:12:56,520
Hey, I'll read.
258
00:12:58,030 --> 00:13:00,160
Yeah.
259
00:13:06,140 --> 00:13:07,360
Okay.
260
00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:09,140
Here goes.
261
00:13:11,690 --> 00:13:13,099
"You can tell he used to be
262
00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:15,600
kind of cool when he was younger.
263
00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:18,440
Something about the way
he wears his jeans.
264
00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:20,280
Or maybe it's the way he carries himself
265
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:22,110
with a certain swagger.
266
00:13:22,190 --> 00:13:23,900
Most of the teachers,
267
00:13:23,980 --> 00:13:25,780
they were there because they had to be.
268
00:13:25,860 --> 00:13:27,440
And we knew that.
269
00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:29,299
But not him.
270
00:13:29,300 --> 00:13:30,980
He was a big-time author.
271
00:13:31,070 --> 00:13:33,400
He was there because he wanted to be.
272
00:13:34,030 --> 00:13:36,320
Because he cared so much about us.
273
00:13:36,860 --> 00:13:38,660
Because he was a good man.
274
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,079
He'd wave George Orwell
around like they were peers
275
00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:45,040
and weep over Eliot.
276
00:13:45,100 --> 00:13:47,269
I had never seen anybody cry
277
00:13:47,270 --> 00:13:49,030
over a poem before.
278
00:13:49,110 --> 00:13:51,440
I wanted to be just like
him when I grew up.
279
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:54,070
So smart, so worldly.
280
00:13:55,860 --> 00:13:57,350
Wanted to have that kind of grace
281
00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,070
resting on my shoulders.
282
00:13:59,150 --> 00:14:00,700
To move through the world
283
00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:02,780
like it was a woman who belonged to me.
284
00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:05,650
We took a trip together.
285
00:14:05,730 --> 00:14:08,640
He didn't have to do it, but he offered.
286
00:14:09,420 --> 00:14:11,440
Because he believes in me.
287
00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:13,610
He believes in my future.
288
00:14:14,900 --> 00:14:16,460
Also, he's fucking my mother.
289
00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:21,230
But that doesn't matter,
because he cares.
290
00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:23,180
Look how he parts the seas
291
00:14:23,190 --> 00:14:25,700
for a boy like me to
walk right into Canaan.
292
00:14:26,620 --> 00:14:28,659
He's got kids of his own, you know.
293
00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:30,570
He never really talks about them.
294
00:14:30,650 --> 00:14:32,230
Makes you kind of wonder why.
295
00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:33,940
Nothing affects him.
296
00:14:34,030 --> 00:14:36,780
Everything seems to roll
right off of his back.
297
00:14:38,220 --> 00:14:40,220
Everything is hard for me.
298
00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:44,140
I put on a good act, but on the inside,
299
00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:47,150
I'm checking every gesture,
every facial expression.
300
00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:49,819
I stand in front of the mirror at night,
301
00:14:49,820 --> 00:14:52,480
and I practice how to smile.
302
00:14:52,980 --> 00:14:55,660
Not too much; just the right amount.
303
00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:58,799
Do you have to be white
304
00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:00,400
to move through the world like that,
305
00:15:00,570 --> 00:15:02,000
with that kind of confidence,
306
00:15:02,030 --> 00:15:03,940
or is it something else?
307
00:15:04,030 --> 00:15:06,440
Some kind of sociopathy, maybe.
308
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,610
Is there really a difference?"
309
00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:14,540
That's all I have.
310
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,110
Yo.
311
00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:38,110
Mr. Solloway.
312
00:15:39,610 --> 00:15:40,939
You okay?
313
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,610
No, I'm not okay, Anton.
314
00:15:42,690 --> 00:15:44,540
What the fuck was that?
315
00:15:44,900 --> 00:15:47,200
- What? In class?
- Yes, in class.
316
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,350
I'm busting my ass for you.
I've driven across
317
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:51,219
the entire fucking country
to bring you here,
318
00:15:51,220 --> 00:15:52,920
and all this time, that's
what you think of me?
319
00:15:52,940 --> 00:15:54,219
I thought you'd be proud.
320
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:55,520
Are you insane?
321
00:15:55,610 --> 00:15:57,110
I did well in there.
322
00:15:57,420 --> 00:15:59,080
I kicked ass, actually.
323
00:15:59,090 --> 00:16:00,200
I'm definitely getting back in.
324
00:16:00,220 --> 00:16:02,600
- And that's all you care about?
- Look, I wrote that piece
325
00:16:02,620 --> 00:16:04,086
because I knew that's what they wanted.
326
00:16:04,110 --> 00:16:05,700
And they ate that shit up.
327
00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:07,500
- What are you talking about?
- I mean, they started the class
328
00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:09,360
talking about fucking segregation.
329
00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:11,390
Okay, I heard that, and
I was like, "Okay.
330
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:13,160
I understand the role
y'all want me to play."
331
00:16:13,540 --> 00:16:14,819
Jesus Christ.
332
00:16:14,820 --> 00:16:16,860
When in Rome, right?
333
00:16:17,190 --> 00:16:18,940
You can't take people's lives, Anton.
334
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,890
You can't fucking use people
to get what you want.
335
00:16:21,900 --> 00:16:24,540
That's... that-that is fucking
sociopathic behavior.
336
00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:27,230
I thought that was
called being a writer.
337
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:28,699
Well, you don't understand
the first thing
338
00:16:28,700 --> 00:16:29,800
about being a writer.
339
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:32,400
Really?
340
00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:34,680
So, Descent, Alana,
341
00:16:34,690 --> 00:16:36,070
that wasn't about your dead wife?
342
00:16:37,070 --> 00:16:38,420
Fuck you.
343
00:16:38,460 --> 00:16:40,900
- Noah, what are you even doing here?
- I'm trying to help you.
344
00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:41,960
That's what I'm fucking doing here.
345
00:16:41,970 --> 00:16:44,400
Okay, but your wife, she just died.
346
00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:46,840
Shouldn't you be there?
347
00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:50,979
You shouldn't be here, okay?
348
00:16:50,980 --> 00:16:53,520
This is... it's weird.
349
00:16:53,730 --> 00:16:56,100
Wow, that's a hell of a
way to say thank you.
350
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,216
Look, it's late. We better
get to the airport.
351
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,099
Actually thought I'd stick
around for a couple hours,
352
00:17:06,100 --> 00:17:07,299
check out the campus some more.
353
00:17:07,300 --> 00:17:08,640
Yeah, well, I promised
your mother I'd put you
354
00:17:08,650 --> 00:17:11,230
- back on a plane, so let's go.
- Hey, look. See this?
355
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:13,020
It's called an iPhone.
356
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:15,450
Okay, it has maps and a
clock and this thing
357
00:17:15,460 --> 00:17:16,730
called the Internet.
358
00:17:16,820 --> 00:17:18,840
And I can call a cab whenever I want.
359
00:17:20,780 --> 00:17:22,900
I'm 19 years old. I'll be fine.
360
00:17:26,110 --> 00:17:27,480
You sure?
361
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:29,230
Sure.
362
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,260
You should take care of yourself.
363
00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:33,160
- It's been a long week.
- Yeah.
364
00:17:33,940 --> 00:17:36,230
I need to buy a fucking suit.
365
00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:38,700
There's got to be a Brooks
Brothers around here somewhere.
366
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:40,080
This place is like a fucking mall.
367
00:17:47,980 --> 00:17:49,740
So, you gonna go?
368
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:52,980
I might.
369
00:17:57,730 --> 00:17:59,070
Hey, Noah.
370
00:18:01,300 --> 00:18:02,420
Thank you.
371
00:18:03,100 --> 00:18:04,360
Don't mention it.
372
00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,320
Seriously.
373
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:07,860
I had fun.
374
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:13,440
Sorry about Alison.
375
00:18:15,780 --> 00:18:17,360
Yeah. Me, too.
376
00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:21,540
Me, too.
377
00:18:47,140 --> 00:18:50,100
_
378
00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:00,399
Cole?
379
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:01,920
You okay?
380
00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:04,690
Baby, we don't want to be late.
381
00:19:12,690 --> 00:19:14,760
Hey, Cole.
382
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:18,030
Can you help me with this, please?
383
00:19:23,570 --> 00:19:24,940
Thank you.
384
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:28,440
Um, I put the candles in the trunk.
385
00:19:29,650 --> 00:19:32,000
The votives Athena asked for?
386
00:19:35,940 --> 00:19:37,650
I was watching that.
387
00:19:37,730 --> 00:19:39,689
We should get you dressed.
388
00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:50,420
Want me to unpack these for you?
389
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,700
No, I'll take care of it later.
390
00:19:53,900 --> 00:19:56,070
But you've been back two days.
391
00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:01,270
Exactly. It's only been two days.
392
00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:08,570
But you're planning to unpack, right?
393
00:20:08,650 --> 00:20:10,440
I mean, eventually?
394
00:20:16,780 --> 00:20:18,780
Look, Cole, I...
395
00:20:18,860 --> 00:20:22,070
don't want to have a big
conversation right now, but...
396
00:20:22,150 --> 00:20:24,250
I need to know your plans,
397
00:20:24,260 --> 00:20:27,360
- what to tell Joanie.
- I have no idea what to tell Joanie.
398
00:20:27,570 --> 00:20:29,140
That her mother just killed herself?
399
00:20:29,150 --> 00:20:30,270
Should I start with that?
400
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:41,480
I just need a second, please.
401
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:47,030
Please, I just need to get dressed,
402
00:20:47,110 --> 00:20:48,730
and I need to bury Alison,
403
00:20:48,820 --> 00:20:51,320
and then we can talk for
as long as you like.
404
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:53,280
We can talk all night if you want.
405
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,110
Okay?
406
00:20:56,190 --> 00:20:59,100
Yeah. Yeah.
407
00:21:06,980 --> 00:21:09,600
♪ This land is your land ♪
408
00:21:09,620 --> 00:21:11,880
♪ This land is my land ♪
409
00:21:11,900 --> 00:21:14,270
♪ From California ♪
410
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:17,200
- ♪ To the New York island ♪
- Wait, baby, where are you going?
411
00:21:17,780 --> 00:21:18,980
To the church.
412
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:21,360
No, Athena moved the
service to the beach.
413
00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:24,820
Why didn't you tell me?
414
00:21:24,900 --> 00:21:26,360
I did.
415
00:21:46,690 --> 00:21:49,100
♪ This land is your land ♪
416
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:51,610
♪ This land is my land ♪
417
00:21:51,690 --> 00:21:53,960
♪ From California ♪
418
00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:56,440
♪ To the New York island ♪
419
00:21:56,520 --> 00:22:01,040
♪ From the Redwood Forest
to the Gulf Stream waters ♪
420
00:22:21,110 --> 00:22:22,320
Nice turnout, huh?
421
00:22:28,780 --> 00:22:31,520
It's a fucking clown car.
422
00:22:49,120 --> 00:22:51,080
... traditional mourning color in China.
423
00:22:51,110 --> 00:22:53,650
You know, purity, which I think
is more important than...
424
00:22:53,660 --> 00:22:54,860
What the fuck, Athena?
425
00:22:58,980 --> 00:23:00,280
Cole.
426
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:03,679
Thank you for being here, Cole.
427
00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:05,230
Where else would I be?
428
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:08,860
Alison's at peace now.
429
00:23:08,940 --> 00:23:09,980
Don't you think?
430
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:11,000
What is that?
431
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:14,360
That's our Alison.
432
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:16,860
I told you I wanted to bury her.
433
00:23:16,940 --> 00:23:19,610
I understand that's
what you wanted, Cole,
434
00:23:19,690 --> 00:23:21,900
but this is what she would have wanted.
435
00:23:21,980 --> 00:23:23,570
A beaching ceremony.
436
00:23:23,650 --> 00:23:25,320
After the service,
437
00:23:25,330 --> 00:23:27,850
everyone will get a little
bit of Alison's ashes
438
00:23:27,860 --> 00:23:31,120
to bury in the sand,
and then we meditate,
439
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:34,060
we sing, we celebrate,
440
00:23:34,100 --> 00:23:37,400
as we wait for the tide to rise
441
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:40,040
and wash her back into the sea.
442
00:23:42,610 --> 00:23:45,140
Doesn't that sound like something
Alison would have loved?
443
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:47,400
She would have hated this.
444
00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:50,120
Alison hated the ocean.
445
00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:52,120
And we agreed that she
was going to be buried
446
00:23:52,150 --> 00:23:53,880
in my family's plot next to Gabriel.
447
00:23:53,900 --> 00:23:55,950
But, Cole, sweetheart,
why would we bury her
448
00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:57,819
with your family? She's my daughter.
449
00:23:57,820 --> 00:23:59,520
She's my wife.
450
00:24:08,230 --> 00:24:09,820
I'm sorry for your loss.
451
00:24:09,900 --> 00:24:13,380
My darling, I'm sorry for your loss.
452
00:24:14,360 --> 00:24:16,050
Okay, we should get started.
453
00:24:16,060 --> 00:24:17,780
Let's get started, everyone.
454
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:29,730
Thank you all for coming.
455
00:24:30,820 --> 00:24:32,480
Oh, my darlings.
456
00:24:32,570 --> 00:24:36,070
I haven't prepared a eulogy.
457
00:24:37,230 --> 00:24:39,219
I don't, um, believe
458
00:24:39,220 --> 00:24:42,380
that memorials should be
dictatorships with one voice.
459
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:46,070
How can I speak to the Alison you knew
460
00:24:46,150 --> 00:24:47,860
when she was with you?
461
00:24:47,940 --> 00:24:49,610
To you?
462
00:24:49,690 --> 00:24:51,470
You all deserve
463
00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:53,730
a chance to say good-bye
in your own way.
464
00:24:54,300 --> 00:24:56,219
And so...
465
00:24:57,440 --> 00:25:00,339
before we, um, distribute ashes
466
00:25:00,340 --> 00:25:02,040
for the beaching ceremony,
467
00:25:02,230 --> 00:25:03,780
we'll pass her around
468
00:25:03,860 --> 00:25:05,940
and hold her one last time.
469
00:25:06,030 --> 00:25:08,270
And when she comes to you...
470
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:13,080
... you hold her close to
your heart and say good-bye.
471
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,220
I'll begin.
472
00:25:15,940 --> 00:25:17,800
If I can.
473
00:25:28,580 --> 00:25:30,540
Oh, my baby.
474
00:25:30,650 --> 00:25:32,690
I remember...
475
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:35,720
God, one time when you were little,
476
00:25:35,820 --> 00:25:38,079
you brought home a...
477
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:39,939
a lizard tail.
478
00:25:39,940 --> 00:25:41,600
Just the tail.
479
00:25:41,860 --> 00:25:43,659
You learned about regeneration
480
00:25:43,660 --> 00:25:45,269
in school, and you were sure
481
00:25:45,270 --> 00:25:49,140
that life could work backwards.
482
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:52,400
That this tail could
regenerate the beast.
483
00:25:56,580 --> 00:26:01,820
Oh, I wish I could
regenerate you now, my girl.
484
00:26:04,610 --> 00:26:06,240
But...
485
00:26:07,230 --> 00:26:08,800
I know that's selfish.
486
00:26:08,820 --> 00:26:12,190
That... that would stop my pain.
487
00:26:12,270 --> 00:26:15,560
You, my darling,
488
00:26:16,260 --> 00:26:20,360
who had so much pain in your short life,
489
00:26:22,620 --> 00:26:25,020
you're finally at peace.
490
00:26:35,270 --> 00:26:37,650
Oh, Jesus, this is difficult.
491
00:26:45,780 --> 00:26:47,360
Alison, you were magic.
492
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:49,690
You were light. You...
493
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:54,070
You made me believe that anything
494
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:56,320
and everything is possible.
495
00:26:57,650 --> 00:26:59,360
You were wild.
496
00:27:01,140 --> 00:27:04,020
You were brave. You...
497
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:08,650
You took nothing for granted.
498
00:27:10,500 --> 00:27:13,400
And you made me see the
world with new eyes.
499
00:27:13,900 --> 00:27:15,640
With wonder.
500
00:27:17,100 --> 00:27:20,060
Where does that spirit go now?
501
00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:21,730
I don't understand.
502
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:29,480
How could you of all people be gone?
503
00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:33,880
You were, uh...
504
00:27:34,570 --> 00:27:38,190
You were so empathetic,
505
00:27:38,270 --> 00:27:41,400
so concerned with the
suffering of others,
506
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:43,520
including me.
507
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:17,110
Cole.
508
00:29:35,650 --> 00:29:38,340
So, what's the plan here?
509
00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:40,270
There is no plan.
510
00:29:43,900 --> 00:29:46,820
Funerals bring out the worst in people.
511
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:53,340
Alison's gone, Cole.
512
00:29:54,420 --> 00:29:57,070
It doesn't matter where she's buried.
513
00:29:57,150 --> 00:30:00,650
So, why not just let
Athena have her moment
514
00:30:00,730 --> 00:30:03,470
as chief mourner so we can all go home
515
00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:05,730
to a more private grief?
516
00:30:07,650 --> 00:30:09,420
No.
517
00:30:10,900 --> 00:30:12,760
You're not the only one who loved her.
518
00:30:13,380 --> 00:30:15,200
Don't I know it.
519
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:21,180
Look, Cole...
520
00:30:24,860 --> 00:30:26,500
I know you're in pain.
521
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:29,950
And you may not want to
hear this right now,
522
00:30:29,980 --> 00:30:31,440
but so are the rest of us.
523
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:33,570
We're all reeling.
524
00:30:35,110 --> 00:30:36,940
And that ceremony, it...
525
00:30:38,730 --> 00:30:40,659
It meant a great deal to Athena,
526
00:30:40,660 --> 00:30:42,730
who is her mother.
527
00:30:42,820 --> 00:30:45,030
You know...
528
00:30:45,110 --> 00:30:47,690
if she was still my wife,
529
00:30:47,780 --> 00:30:50,439
I would have got to choose
what happened to the body,
530
00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:52,260
and nobody would've questioned it.
531
00:30:59,570 --> 00:31:01,700
I'm sorry.
532
00:31:02,980 --> 00:31:05,270
Why'd you do it?
533
00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:06,900
Why her?
534
00:31:11,730 --> 00:31:13,940
I was unhappy.
535
00:31:15,730 --> 00:31:18,200
Did she make you happy?
536
00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:29,070
She made me happy.
537
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:05,030
How many times you think we've had sex?
538
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:09,360
I have no fucking idea.
539
00:32:11,690 --> 00:32:13,610
Ten thousand?
540
00:32:16,260 --> 00:32:17,860
Yeah.
541
00:32:19,190 --> 00:32:20,820
Yeah, maybe.
542
00:32:46,070 --> 00:32:48,230
What about you?
543
00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:51,400
Just hold my hand.
544
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:04,190
Oh. Did I scare you?
545
00:33:05,730 --> 00:33:07,320
No.
546
00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:10,560
No.
547
00:33:15,270 --> 00:33:17,460
Athena sent you?
548
00:33:18,110 --> 00:33:19,659
She must really be getting desperate.
549
00:33:19,660 --> 00:33:20,940
Athena didn't send me.
550
00:33:20,950 --> 00:33:22,740
I brought you something to eat.
551
00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:24,900
And I thought you might
be a little cold.
552
00:33:24,980 --> 00:33:26,019
Yeah.
553
00:33:30,820 --> 00:33:33,140
Chicken salad from the memorial.
554
00:33:33,570 --> 00:33:34,940
I'm not hungry.
555
00:33:35,030 --> 00:33:37,270
I know, but you have to eat something.
556
00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:49,760
How are you feeling?
557
00:33:53,190 --> 00:33:55,720
I feel terrible.
558
00:33:56,100 --> 00:33:58,070
I know, honey.
559
00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:01,740
It takes time.
560
00:34:02,650 --> 00:34:04,540
How did you do it?
561
00:34:05,900 --> 00:34:08,440
When Dad died, how did you move on?
562
00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:10,200
Did I?
563
00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:13,720
I'm glad you think so.
564
00:34:13,940 --> 00:34:16,100
I always hoped for you and your brothers
565
00:34:16,110 --> 00:34:17,739
that I was strong
566
00:34:17,740 --> 00:34:20,440
and that you felt safe.
567
00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:22,900
Because inside... phew.
568
00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:28,660
After he killed himself,
I broke five watch bands
569
00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:30,320
in the span of two weeks.
570
00:34:32,940 --> 00:34:35,940
I was always pulling at them.
571
00:34:37,110 --> 00:34:38,920
Yanking at my wrists,
572
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:41,940
trying to figure out what
to do with all my anger.
573
00:34:44,780 --> 00:34:47,420
It takes time.
574
00:34:49,030 --> 00:34:51,120
I was coming back for her.
575
00:34:58,190 --> 00:35:00,320
I drove across the entire country
576
00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:03,030
to come and get her, but I was too late.
577
00:35:09,070 --> 00:35:11,980
I am always too late.
578
00:35:14,460 --> 00:35:15,860
Oh, baby.
579
00:35:15,870 --> 00:35:17,610
It isn't your fault.
580
00:35:17,690 --> 00:35:20,260
None of this was.
581
00:35:20,900 --> 00:35:23,820
I don't understand what I'm
supposed to do with this.
582
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:28,000
I don't think I can carry it.
583
00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:29,860
- You can.
- What if I can't?
584
00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:32,900
- I know you can.
- But what if I can't?
585
00:35:32,980 --> 00:35:34,570
Dad couldn't.
586
00:35:36,980 --> 00:35:38,840
And I get it now.
587
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:42,900
Oh, I mean, to just go to sleep,
588
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:46,520
to... to never wake up in pain again.
589
00:35:46,540 --> 00:35:47,940
I know. Here's the thing.
590
00:35:48,030 --> 00:35:49,980
You're not like your dad.
591
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:52,960
You're not a Lockhart. You're a McGinty.
592
00:35:53,700 --> 00:35:55,360
You're like me.
593
00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:58,190
You're a survivor. You're a fighter.
594
00:35:58,270 --> 00:36:01,020
You told me I am exactly like Dad.
595
00:36:01,270 --> 00:36:03,599
Well, if I did, then I was wrong.
596
00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:05,770
- No, but...
- Sweetie, there are people
597
00:36:05,780 --> 00:36:07,440
in the world like your father.
598
00:36:07,460 --> 00:36:08,660
Like Alison.
599
00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:11,570
Magical, special people.
600
00:36:12,180 --> 00:36:14,480
And we love them for
their sensitive souls,
601
00:36:14,500 --> 00:36:17,110
and we love them for
burning so brightly.
602
00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:22,260
But I think I always
knew your father was...
603
00:36:23,150 --> 00:36:24,860
ephemeral,
604
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:26,400
even before he...
605
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:28,780
I mean, that's why I
sent him to California.
606
00:36:28,860 --> 00:36:32,070
That's why I let him have Nan.
607
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:35,299
'Cause I-I knew somehow, deep inside,
608
00:36:35,300 --> 00:36:37,610
I couldn't keep him forever.
609
00:36:37,690 --> 00:36:41,400
He wasn't solid, like you and me.
610
00:36:42,860 --> 00:36:45,110
He was made of too much air.
611
00:36:46,230 --> 00:36:48,230
So you knew about Nan.
612
00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:55,060
Then you sent me out
there to... find her?
613
00:36:56,030 --> 00:36:57,880
- Why?
- I don't know, Cole.
614
00:36:57,900 --> 00:37:02,020
I think I wanted you
to see that life is...
615
00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:05,320
God, I... it's messy, honey.
616
00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:07,459
And you've had more mess,
617
00:37:07,460 --> 00:37:09,649
more tragedy in your life
618
00:37:09,650 --> 00:37:11,400
than most people.
619
00:37:12,520 --> 00:37:14,900
And your answer, like mine,
620
00:37:14,980 --> 00:37:16,839
is to try and take control,
621
00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:19,220
and sometimes you just can't.
622
00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:22,440
And I want to tell you
that the worst of it
623
00:37:22,470 --> 00:37:24,460
is just behind you and that it's...
624
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:26,940
it's all gonna get
better from here on out.
625
00:37:27,030 --> 00:37:28,940
And I hope it does.
626
00:37:29,980 --> 00:37:33,040
Baby, it might not, and...
627
00:37:33,980 --> 00:37:35,730
All I've ever wanted,
628
00:37:35,820 --> 00:37:38,400
all that I wish for you,
629
00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:41,860
is for you to know you're strong
630
00:37:41,940 --> 00:37:44,440
and you can survive.
631
00:37:45,100 --> 00:37:47,220
So you can be the shelter for Joanie
632
00:37:47,230 --> 00:37:49,610
the way I tried to shelter you.
633
00:38:00,940 --> 00:38:03,890
Oh, not everyone gets to grow old, Cole,
634
00:38:03,900 --> 00:38:05,300
but if I had to bet...
635
00:38:07,610 --> 00:38:09,690
I would say that you will.
636
00:38:13,980 --> 00:38:16,210
And the sooner that you understand that
637
00:38:16,220 --> 00:38:19,570
as the great, radical gift it is,
638
00:38:19,650 --> 00:38:24,150
the sooner that you start
to think of what you have
639
00:38:24,170 --> 00:38:26,080
instead of what you've lost...
640
00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:31,520
... the happier you and your
little girl are gonna be.
641
00:39:01,820 --> 00:39:03,940
Is Joanie asleep?
642
00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:08,120
Yep.
643
00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:12,800
Thank you.
644
00:39:13,980 --> 00:39:16,270
I love her.
645
00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:19,190
I know you do.
646
00:39:25,270 --> 00:39:27,900
Whatever happened to
those hardship papers?
647
00:39:28,030 --> 00:39:29,320
I think we should get 'em filed.
648
00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:33,440
It's too late.
649
00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:36,610
No, we're done.
650
00:39:39,110 --> 00:39:40,660
Luisa, I'm sorry.
651
00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:42,610
Cole, just listen to me for once.
652
00:39:42,690 --> 00:39:44,650
We're done.
653
00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:50,340
I know we're done.
654
00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:52,980
And I'm sorry for
everything that I said.
655
00:39:53,900 --> 00:39:56,360
And I'm sorry for the
things that I've done.
656
00:39:56,980 --> 00:39:59,020
You deserve better than that.
657
00:39:59,730 --> 00:40:02,610
We don't have to split up.
658
00:40:02,690 --> 00:40:04,440
We can stay married.
659
00:40:04,520 --> 00:40:06,600
At least on paper.
660
00:40:07,270 --> 00:40:10,040
And we'll make you
Joanie's legal guardian,
661
00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:13,020
and we'll finally get
you your citizenship.
662
00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:25,320
What are we gonna tell Joanie?
663
00:40:27,980 --> 00:40:29,940
Right now I think I...
664
00:40:31,420 --> 00:40:34,320
I'd just like to take
her on a little trip.
665
00:40:36,260 --> 00:40:39,960
Just the two of us, to...
666
00:40:40,690 --> 00:40:43,520
get away from here for a little while.
667
00:40:46,220 --> 00:40:48,050
When she gets back, she's gonna need
668
00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:49,980
all the love she can get.
669
00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:53,460
And she needs you, Luisa.
670
00:41:05,190 --> 00:41:07,150
What does that mean?
671
00:41:13,190 --> 00:41:16,040
You know what? I think we should...
672
00:41:16,820 --> 00:41:19,320
we should go to bed tonight, and, uh...
673
00:41:20,570 --> 00:41:23,000
I'll help Joanie pack tomorrow.
674
00:41:32,900 --> 00:41:34,680
When we get to our vacation,
675
00:41:34,700 --> 00:41:36,380
will Mommy be there?
676
00:41:37,780 --> 00:41:40,500
Nope. Just gonna be you and me, kiddo.
677
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:43,300
Where is Mommy?
678
00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:48,110
Some people think that when you die
679
00:41:48,190 --> 00:41:49,820
your soul goes up to Heaven.
680
00:41:49,860 --> 00:41:51,899
And some people think
681
00:41:51,900 --> 00:41:54,150
that you get to come back
as a different person
682
00:41:54,230 --> 00:41:55,840
or even an animal.
683
00:41:56,720 --> 00:41:58,399
But what about you?
684
00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:00,240
Where do you think Mommy is?
685
00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:06,610
I wish I knew, kiddo.
686
00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:12,980
But I do know that she
will always be here.
687
00:42:13,070 --> 00:42:14,820
And whenever you miss her,
688
00:42:14,900 --> 00:42:16,980
all we have to do is think about her
689
00:42:17,070 --> 00:42:18,470
and remember her, and that way,
690
00:42:18,480 --> 00:42:20,260
she will always be with us.
691
00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:35,380
♪ As I went walking ♪
692
00:42:35,690 --> 00:42:38,570
♪ That ribbon of highway ♪
693
00:42:38,650 --> 00:42:41,400
♪ I saw above me ♪
694
00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:44,030
♪ That endless skyway ♪
695
00:42:44,110 --> 00:42:47,180
♪ I saw below me ♪
696
00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:50,900
♪ That golden valley ♪
697
00:42:50,980 --> 00:42:55,150
♪ This land was made for you and me ♪
698
00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:28,600
_
699
00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:31,640
_
700
00:43:52,190 --> 00:43:54,070
I'll send in Dr. Woo.
701
00:43:54,150 --> 00:43:55,730
Thank you.
702
00:44:15,120 --> 00:44:16,620
Helen.
703
00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:17,800
Hmm?
704
00:44:17,900 --> 00:44:19,439
You're hurting me.
705
00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:20,650
Oh.
706
00:44:20,730 --> 00:44:22,230
Sorry.
707
00:44:29,420 --> 00:44:31,780
This place is kind of a mess, huh?
708
00:44:35,820 --> 00:44:37,860
How do you feel?
709
00:44:39,190 --> 00:44:41,420
I'm cold.
710
00:44:47,820 --> 00:44:49,520
I got you.
711
00:44:54,690 --> 00:44:56,180
- How's that?
- Thank you.
712
00:44:56,190 --> 00:44:57,610
Mm-hmm.
713
00:44:59,150 --> 00:45:00,780
I love you.
714
00:45:11,030 --> 00:45:12,420
Hey.
715
00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:14,190
Good news, Vik.
716
00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:16,190
- The cholecystitis has subsided.
- Oh.
717
00:45:16,270 --> 00:45:18,520
Morning, Doc.
718
00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:21,020
- Helen, can you, uh... ?
- Yeah.
719
00:45:21,900 --> 00:45:24,600
The ultrasound of your right
720
00:45:24,620 --> 00:45:26,519
confirms what the lab results indicate.
721
00:45:26,520 --> 00:45:28,930
Your leukocyte count and
your bilirubin levels
722
00:45:28,940 --> 00:45:30,760
have come significantly down.
723
00:45:30,780 --> 00:45:32,450
Your amylase and your lipase levels
724
00:45:32,460 --> 00:45:33,700
have normalized, too.
725
00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:35,610
Oh. Wow.
726
00:45:35,690 --> 00:45:36,780
What does that mean?
727
00:45:36,820 --> 00:45:38,400
Well, it means he got lucky.
728
00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:40,480
We caught the cholecystitis quickly.
729
00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:42,920
So I can go home.
730
00:45:42,960 --> 00:45:45,900
I want to keep you here
for another day or two,
731
00:45:45,920 --> 00:45:47,990
but if you're not febrile in 24 hours,
732
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:49,650
I'll send you home on Friday.
733
00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:52,900
Thanks, Doc.
734
00:45:53,780 --> 00:45:55,560
Uh, but listen.
735
00:45:55,580 --> 00:45:58,560
Now that this current crisis is averted,
736
00:45:59,180 --> 00:46:01,650
I want to talk to you
again about treatment.
737
00:46:02,420 --> 00:46:04,270
If you continue to go untreated,
738
00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:06,270
I guarantee you
739
00:46:06,300 --> 00:46:09,160
you will be back here with
something much worse.
740
00:46:09,940 --> 00:46:12,150
Thrombophlebitis.
741
00:46:12,230 --> 00:46:14,150
Perforated stomach lining.
742
00:46:14,230 --> 00:46:16,800
S-Something that you just
cannot bounce back from.
743
00:46:16,820 --> 00:46:18,939
- You're metastatic.
- I know that.
744
00:46:18,940 --> 00:46:20,820
Right, so you would also know
745
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:23,350
that we typically like to
treat metastatic patients
746
00:46:23,360 --> 00:46:24,420
very aggressively.
747
00:46:25,160 --> 00:46:27,580
I'm past surgery, Kristina.
748
00:46:28,460 --> 00:46:29,740
That's not an option for me.
749
00:46:29,750 --> 00:46:32,150
Chemo could shrink this tumor.
750
00:46:32,420 --> 00:46:34,780
And how much time would
that actually buy me?
751
00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:36,440
Conservatively, six to nine months.
752
00:46:36,470 --> 00:46:38,520
And here's the thing.
753
00:46:38,660 --> 00:46:42,360
Treatment will improve
your quality of life.
754
00:46:43,880 --> 00:46:45,320
Look, Vik.
755
00:46:46,690 --> 00:46:49,460
I have seen this before.
756
00:46:49,690 --> 00:46:51,320
There's a reason they say
757
00:46:51,340 --> 00:46:53,730
that doctors make the worst patients.
758
00:46:54,860 --> 00:46:57,010
We all have God complexes.
759
00:46:57,020 --> 00:46:58,300
And when we get sick,
760
00:46:58,320 --> 00:47:00,030
we're fucking pissed.
761
00:47:00,380 --> 00:47:02,640
I understand that.
762
00:47:03,570 --> 00:47:04,699
But you know what?
763
00:47:04,700 --> 00:47:07,050
You obviously have someone in your life
764
00:47:07,080 --> 00:47:09,299
that loves you very much,
765
00:47:09,300 --> 00:47:10,800
and they want you to stick around,
766
00:47:10,820 --> 00:47:12,699
so forgive me for what I'm about to say,
767
00:47:12,700 --> 00:47:14,140
but I've known you for, what,
768
00:47:14,150 --> 00:47:15,440
almost 20 years?
769
00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:17,960
You're being an asshole.
770
00:47:21,900 --> 00:47:24,600
This is exactly why we
broke up, Kristina.
771
00:47:25,420 --> 00:47:27,110
You've got a potty mouth.
772
00:47:30,980 --> 00:47:32,940
Why don't you two talk it over?
773
00:47:33,500 --> 00:47:35,150
It was nice to see you again, Helen.
774
00:47:35,160 --> 00:47:37,030
Nice to see you, Kristina.
775
00:47:43,610 --> 00:47:45,640
Why did you two break up?
776
00:47:47,940 --> 00:47:49,480
She matched in L.A.
777
00:47:49,570 --> 00:47:51,620
I matched in New York.
778
00:47:52,920 --> 00:47:54,240
We were 26.
779
00:47:54,300 --> 00:47:56,040
We thought we had all
the time in the world.
780
00:47:59,820 --> 00:48:02,280
She was wonderful, though.
781
00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:04,980
She still is.
782
00:48:07,940 --> 00:48:11,180
I mean, I think she had to...
783
00:48:12,720 --> 00:48:14,020
go out of her way to treat you.
784
00:48:14,030 --> 00:48:16,110
She had to move a lot of stuff around.
785
00:48:16,190 --> 00:48:17,940
Yeah.
786
00:48:23,140 --> 00:48:25,980
So, do you want to talk
about, uh... all that?
787
00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:31,650
Can we do it later?
788
00:48:31,730 --> 00:48:33,110
When I come home?
789
00:48:33,190 --> 00:48:34,360
Sure.
790
00:48:35,860 --> 00:48:37,610
That's fine. No problem.
791
00:48:37,690 --> 00:48:39,649
Your parents are on
their way over anyway.
792
00:48:39,650 --> 00:48:41,860
I was gonna run home and just, um,
793
00:48:41,940 --> 00:48:43,400
take a shower, change my clothes.
794
00:48:43,480 --> 00:48:44,780
Yeah, you should.
795
00:48:44,860 --> 00:48:46,820
- I'll be fine.
- Okay.
796
00:48:49,230 --> 00:48:51,360
- Helen.
- Yeah.
797
00:48:55,650 --> 00:48:57,980
I hate putting you through this.
798
00:48:58,600 --> 00:49:01,820
I never wanted to be a burden on anyone.
799
00:49:01,900 --> 00:49:03,780
Stop.
800
00:49:18,610 --> 00:49:20,350
- Hi.
- Hi. How is he?
801
00:49:20,380 --> 00:49:21,879
He's better. Uh, he's better.
802
00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:25,119
Apparently, the infection
in his gallbladder's, um...
803
00:49:25,120 --> 00:49:26,420
receding? Is that the word?
804
00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:28,780
His gallbladder? I-I thought this was
805
00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:30,149
- cancer of the pancreas.
- It is.
806
00:49:30,150 --> 00:49:32,050
But apparently, the
tumor in the pancreas
807
00:49:32,070 --> 00:49:33,550
is putting pressure on the gallbladder,
808
00:49:33,560 --> 00:49:36,280
and there's been some
kind of bi... bile buildup.
809
00:49:36,300 --> 00:49:39,649
I don't really understand,
but you could ask, um,
810
00:49:39,650 --> 00:49:41,729
his doctor when she gets here,
811
00:49:41,730 --> 00:49:43,350
Kristina Woo. I think you know her.
812
00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:44,360
What?
813
00:49:44,440 --> 00:49:47,020
Kristina is here to take care of him?
814
00:49:47,060 --> 00:49:49,380
- Who?
- Kristina, Abdul.
815
00:49:49,480 --> 00:49:51,470
Little Kristina from Stanford.
816
00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:52,780
Oh, his girlfriend?
817
00:49:52,860 --> 00:49:54,920
Well, ex-girlfriend, but yeah.
818
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:56,310
Oh, praise Heaven.
819
00:49:56,320 --> 00:49:58,360
Well, I've also been taking care of him,
820
00:49:58,440 --> 00:49:59,980
- you know...
- Kristina will help him.
821
00:50:00,070 --> 00:50:02,300
Yes, she will get him
the medicine he needs.
822
00:50:02,320 --> 00:50:04,480
She got a perfect score
on her medical boards.
823
00:50:04,490 --> 00:50:06,980
Absolutely perfect. Not one mistake.
824
00:50:07,070 --> 00:50:09,680
Well, it was perfect.
825
00:50:09,940 --> 00:50:11,860
Okay. Well, I have to go
home 'cause I still have
826
00:50:11,880 --> 00:50:14,179
some vomit on me from when...
827
00:50:14,180 --> 00:50:15,719
Never mind. I'm just gonna...
828
00:50:15,720 --> 00:50:17,020
I'll see you this evening.
829
00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:19,940
You should go and take
care of yourself, Helen.
830
00:50:20,160 --> 00:50:21,560
You look tired.
831
00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:32,020
Surprise!
832
00:50:32,270 --> 00:50:34,720
Whitney. Whitney.
833
00:50:34,740 --> 00:50:36,480
- Hi!
- Hi.
834
00:50:36,500 --> 00:50:37,920
Hey there, Colin.
835
00:50:39,360 --> 00:50:40,650
What are you doing here?
836
00:50:40,730 --> 00:50:42,560
We came to surprise you.
837
00:50:42,780 --> 00:50:45,360
Oh, that's nice. What about school?
838
00:50:45,440 --> 00:50:46,780
It's Thanksgiving.
839
00:50:49,650 --> 00:50:50,900
Is it?
840
00:50:51,980 --> 00:50:53,680
Oh, God. Yeah, of course.
841
00:50:53,700 --> 00:50:54,820
It's November.
842
00:50:56,150 --> 00:50:58,270
- Right.
- So, where is everybody?
843
00:50:58,330 --> 00:51:01,480
Um, your brother and
sister are with your dad,
844
00:51:01,570 --> 00:51:04,219
and, uh, Martin went to
the Cape with Mariah.
845
00:51:04,220 --> 00:51:05,690
No, he didn't.
846
00:51:06,160 --> 00:51:07,320
They broke up.
847
00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:08,860
- They did?
- Mm-hmm.
848
00:51:08,940 --> 00:51:10,280
- When?
- Last week.
849
00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:12,380
He's coming, too. He'll
be here in a few days.
850
00:51:12,760 --> 00:51:14,860
Hey, I'm so happy that we get
851
00:51:14,880 --> 00:51:17,020
to spend Thanksgiving together,
all four of us again.
852
00:51:17,080 --> 00:51:18,460
And I was thinking,
853
00:51:18,620 --> 00:51:20,730
what if we invited Dad this year?
854
00:51:21,180 --> 00:51:23,420
Do you think Vik would mind?
855
00:51:25,940 --> 00:51:28,640
Mom, are you okay?
856
00:51:29,400 --> 00:51:30,940
I'm just really happy to have you home.
857
00:51:30,950 --> 00:51:32,260
- That's all.
- Oh, my God.
858
00:51:32,320 --> 00:51:33,840
Mom, come on. Don't cry.
859
00:51:33,850 --> 00:51:35,800
I told Colin you are a total ball-buster
860
00:51:35,820 --> 00:51:37,730
and that's why I'm so fucked up.
861
00:51:37,820 --> 00:51:39,730
Now he's gonna think I'm lying.
862
00:51:39,820 --> 00:51:41,800
It's nice to see you
again, Mrs. Solloway.
863
00:51:42,910 --> 00:51:44,480
It's nice to see you, Colin.
864
00:51:44,570 --> 00:51:46,140
Are you guys hungry?
865
00:51:46,150 --> 00:51:48,470
Do you want something to eat?
866
00:51:48,480 --> 00:51:49,626
I'll make you an omelet or something.
867
00:51:49,650 --> 00:51:50,970
Mom, we're vegans.
868
00:51:50,980 --> 00:51:52,620
Fuck. Right.
869
00:51:52,700 --> 00:51:53,800
I keep forgetting.
870
00:51:53,960 --> 00:51:55,920
So, what does that
mean? I have to pick up
871
00:51:55,960 --> 00:51:56,980
almond milk or... ?
872
00:51:57,070 --> 00:51:59,460
Yeah, don't worry. We'll make our own.
873
00:52:00,660 --> 00:52:02,720
You'll make your own almond milk?
874
00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:04,120
Totally. We stopped at Whole Foods
875
00:52:04,130 --> 00:52:05,360
and got some stuff already.
876
00:52:07,110 --> 00:52:09,190
Well, that's one less
thing to worry about.
877
00:52:09,270 --> 00:52:11,020
Uh, you guys, the place is yours.
878
00:52:11,080 --> 00:52:12,870
Colin, there's a really nice pool there
879
00:52:12,900 --> 00:52:16,100
- if you want to take a swim.
- This place is sick, Mrs. Solloway.
880
00:52:16,140 --> 00:52:17,860
Thanks. I like it, too.
881
00:52:19,540 --> 00:52:21,400
So, uh, is it just us tonight?
882
00:52:21,420 --> 00:52:23,020
Are Trevor and Stacey coming?
883
00:52:23,040 --> 00:52:26,019
I was thinking of making
saag paneer for Vik.
884
00:52:26,020 --> 00:52:27,879
I'm taking this Indian cooking course,
885
00:52:27,880 --> 00:52:28,940
and I'm kind of good.
886
00:52:28,990 --> 00:52:30,570
No, she's really good.
887
00:52:30,650 --> 00:52:31,920
Yeah, I am.
888
00:52:31,980 --> 00:52:34,540
Hashtag "humble brag." I'm really good.
889
00:52:36,270 --> 00:52:38,330
Actually, Vik's not
gonna be here tonight.
890
00:52:38,340 --> 00:52:39,820
He's in the hospital.
891
00:52:39,900 --> 00:52:41,850
Come on, tell him to beg off early.
892
00:52:41,860 --> 00:52:43,560
I'm only here for a couple days.
893
00:52:43,580 --> 00:52:45,300
Tell him, like, punt the surgery.
894
00:52:45,340 --> 00:52:46,800
Is Vik a surgeon?
895
00:52:46,940 --> 00:52:48,119
You didn't tell me that.
896
00:52:48,120 --> 00:52:50,440
Yeah, he is. He's,
like, a super-surgeon.
897
00:52:51,380 --> 00:52:53,800
Whit, actually, he's
not at the hospital.
898
00:52:53,840 --> 00:52:55,610
He's in the hospital.
899
00:52:55,690 --> 00:52:57,190
Uh, he's sick.
900
00:52:57,820 --> 00:52:59,400
What? What do you mean?
901
00:52:59,420 --> 00:53:00,440
I'm sorry.
902
00:53:00,520 --> 00:53:02,219
I should have told you.
I meant to tell you.
903
00:53:02,220 --> 00:53:03,640
You should have told me what?
904
00:53:05,730 --> 00:53:07,680
Vik has cancer.
905
00:53:09,650 --> 00:53:10,940
What?
906
00:53:11,860 --> 00:53:13,820
It's stage four.
907
00:53:18,730 --> 00:53:23,360
S-So... is he...
908
00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:24,880
is he gonna... ?
909
00:53:24,920 --> 00:53:25,920
Yeah.
910
00:53:26,000 --> 00:53:27,560
No.
911
00:53:27,620 --> 00:53:28,620
- Yeah.
- No.
912
00:53:28,630 --> 00:53:29,630
Look, I'm sorry.
913
00:53:29,640 --> 00:53:31,559
I really didn't want you
to find out this way.
914
00:53:31,560 --> 00:53:33,400
I-I-I wanted to call you a while ago,
915
00:53:33,410 --> 00:53:35,040
but you just seemed so happy,
916
00:53:35,100 --> 00:53:37,706
- and I didn't want to ruin that.
- What the fuck is wrong with you?
917
00:53:37,730 --> 00:53:39,990
- With me?
- This is why Trevor and Stacey
918
00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:41,030
have been such zombies
919
00:53:41,040 --> 00:53:42,680
when I've talked to them on the phone.
920
00:53:42,700 --> 00:53:46,150
God, Helen, you are so
fucking irresponsible.
921
00:53:46,160 --> 00:53:47,880
- Whitney.
- Just once,
922
00:53:47,920 --> 00:53:49,460
one time, I'd like to come home
923
00:53:49,520 --> 00:53:51,320
to some fucking normalcy for a change.
924
00:53:51,330 --> 00:53:53,040
I have my shit together.
925
00:53:53,080 --> 00:53:54,100
Why can't you?
926
00:53:54,110 --> 00:53:56,900
Can you please...
927
00:53:57,400 --> 00:53:59,480
this time...
928
00:53:59,570 --> 00:54:00,960
just not?
929
00:54:01,080 --> 00:54:02,820
Not what?
930
00:54:02,900 --> 00:54:04,780
Be a bitch.
931
00:54:04,860 --> 00:54:06,250
I'm really sorry that this
932
00:54:06,270 --> 00:54:08,079
isn't the reality that you thought
933
00:54:08,080 --> 00:54:10,270
you were walking into at
this particular moment,
934
00:54:10,280 --> 00:54:12,070
but that's... this is what's going on.
935
00:54:12,100 --> 00:54:14,020
This is what is going on.
936
00:54:14,060 --> 00:54:15,570
Did you just call me a bitch?
937
00:54:15,580 --> 00:54:17,036
Hello.
938
00:54:17,060 --> 00:54:18,570
- Oh...
- Anyone home?
939
00:54:18,700 --> 00:54:19,950
Hi, Sierra.
940
00:54:20,030 --> 00:54:21,450
- Hi.
- How are you?
941
00:54:21,530 --> 00:54:24,280
I'm good. Um, oh, my God.
942
00:54:24,370 --> 00:54:25,479
Is this your daughter?
943
00:54:25,480 --> 00:54:27,980
Um, yes, this is my
daughter and her boyfriend,
944
00:54:27,990 --> 00:54:30,760
and this is my friend, Sierra.
945
00:54:30,860 --> 00:54:32,450
- Hey.
- Hi.
946
00:54:32,470 --> 00:54:34,720
Oh, my God. It's so great
to finally meet you.
947
00:54:34,740 --> 00:54:37,160
Mom, can we not do this right now?
948
00:54:37,240 --> 00:54:39,740
- Do what?
- Meet someone.
949
00:54:39,750 --> 00:54:41,280
I-I need to talk to you.
950
00:54:41,340 --> 00:54:43,180
Is this a bad time? I can come back.
951
00:54:43,490 --> 00:54:45,370
Why don't you just give me
a moment with my friend,
952
00:54:45,380 --> 00:54:46,380
and you guys can go fuck in
953
00:54:46,390 --> 00:54:47,750
the spare guest room or something.
954
00:54:47,830 --> 00:54:50,780
God, this is so fucking typical, Helen.
955
00:54:50,790 --> 00:54:52,280
Can you please stop calling me Helen?
956
00:54:52,290 --> 00:54:54,240
You never change, do you?
957
00:54:57,700 --> 00:55:00,680
Sorry about that, Mrs. Solloway.
958
00:55:00,720 --> 00:55:02,200
She's, um...
959
00:55:02,280 --> 00:55:04,180
just started a new birth control,
960
00:55:04,190 --> 00:55:08,020
and it's making her,
you know, kind of mad.
961
00:55:08,490 --> 00:55:10,280
It's fine, Colin. I'm used to it.
962
00:55:11,960 --> 00:55:14,460
Wow. She is a force.
963
00:55:14,620 --> 00:55:16,280
Yeah. That she is.
964
00:55:17,950 --> 00:55:20,240
I brought this for you.
965
00:55:20,320 --> 00:55:22,780
It's called a white butterfly.
966
00:55:23,440 --> 00:55:24,830
What's the occasion?
967
00:55:24,910 --> 00:55:26,100
No occasion.
968
00:55:26,140 --> 00:55:27,539
I've just been thinking about
969
00:55:27,540 --> 00:55:29,620
how blessed I am to have you in my life.
970
00:55:32,100 --> 00:55:33,439
Are you okay? You look tired.
971
00:55:33,440 --> 00:55:34,870
No, I'm fine.
972
00:55:37,780 --> 00:55:39,500
I, um...
973
00:55:40,500 --> 00:55:41,850
I-I can't stop thinking about
974
00:55:41,860 --> 00:55:43,540
what happened between us in the desert.
975
00:55:43,570 --> 00:55:44,870
Yeah.
976
00:55:44,900 --> 00:55:47,110
- Um...
- Have you been avoiding me?
977
00:55:47,120 --> 00:55:48,139
No.
978
00:55:48,140 --> 00:55:50,080
No, no, that's not it at all.
979
00:55:51,240 --> 00:55:52,280
Okay.
980
00:55:52,420 --> 00:55:55,620
Um, good, because I-I have
something to tell you.
981
00:55:56,020 --> 00:55:57,920
Yeah, can it wait?
982
00:55:57,980 --> 00:56:00,720
Uh, no, not... not really.
983
00:56:01,370 --> 00:56:04,200
It's just that, uh, Vik
is in the hospital.
984
00:56:04,220 --> 00:56:05,900
Wh-Why?
985
00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:08,659
Because he has cancer and
he's not treating it,
986
00:56:08,660 --> 00:56:10,109
so the tumor won't stop growing,
987
00:56:10,110 --> 00:56:11,679
and now it's pressing
against his gallbladder,
988
00:56:11,680 --> 00:56:13,399
which, of course, is infected
989
00:56:13,400 --> 00:56:14,699
because why can't anything
990
00:56:14,700 --> 00:56:18,540
ever be just okay for
one fucking minute?
991
00:56:20,410 --> 00:56:22,470
Helen, I'm... I'm so sorry.
992
00:56:25,990 --> 00:56:27,640
It's his mom.
993
00:56:28,750 --> 00:56:30,030
Hello, Priya.
994
00:56:31,800 --> 00:56:34,050
What? I don't... No, you're
gonna have to slow down.
995
00:56:34,080 --> 00:56:36,120
I don't understand what you're saying.
996
00:56:38,200 --> 00:56:39,860
Septic?
997
00:56:40,320 --> 00:56:42,080
Are you sure?
998
00:56:42,870 --> 00:56:44,650
Okay. Yes, all right, I'm on my way.
999
00:56:44,660 --> 00:56:45,999
Yes, no, I'm leaving now.
1000
00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:47,200
Now.
1001
00:56:47,280 --> 00:56:48,520
Is everything okay?
1002
00:56:48,530 --> 00:56:49,870
Uh, no.
1003
00:56:52,620 --> 00:56:54,080
I have to go.
1004
00:56:54,580 --> 00:56:56,030
Well, let me drive you.
1005
00:56:56,040 --> 00:56:57,320
No, I'm okay.
1006
00:56:57,410 --> 00:56:59,280
Helen...
1007
00:56:59,370 --> 00:57:00,910
please let me help you.
1008
00:57:00,990 --> 00:57:02,640
I-I want to help you.
1009
00:57:06,180 --> 00:57:08,620
Sierra, you know what
happened in the desert,
1010
00:57:08,700 --> 00:57:10,699
that was a one-time
thing with us, right?
1011
00:57:10,700 --> 00:57:13,079
- I'm with Vik. I-I can't just be...
- Yes.
1012
00:57:13,080 --> 00:57:14,830
I know.
1013
00:57:16,740 --> 00:57:18,410
Where are your keys?
1014
00:57:21,160 --> 00:57:22,760
I'm driving.
1015
00:57:47,400 --> 00:57:49,659
Hi. Can I help you?
1016
00:57:49,660 --> 00:57:51,580
Uh, there's already two
visitors, so you can't
1017
00:57:51,600 --> 00:57:53,216
- go in right now.
- What's going on in there?
1018
00:57:53,240 --> 00:57:54,840
- I'm sorry, who are you?
- I'm...
1019
00:57:54,850 --> 00:57:57,040
- And where are your visitor passes?
- Mine is right...
1020
00:57:57,120 --> 00:57:58,759
Fuck, mine, it must have slipped off.
1021
00:57:58,760 --> 00:58:00,320
- You both need passes.
- I need to go in there.
1022
00:58:00,330 --> 00:58:01,400
His mother just called me.
1023
00:58:01,420 --> 00:58:02,420
I'm sorry, but if you're not
1024
00:58:02,430 --> 00:58:05,060
- immediate family, you cannot go in.
- I am. I'm his wife.
1025
00:58:05,100 --> 00:58:06,100
Great.
1026
00:58:06,120 --> 00:58:07,740
So then go to the front desk,
1027
00:58:07,750 --> 00:58:10,030
where your name is surely on
the list, and get a pass.
1028
00:58:10,040 --> 00:58:11,139
Maybe I can go to the desk
1029
00:58:11,140 --> 00:58:12,619
and get passes for both of us,
1030
00:58:12,620 --> 00:58:14,376
- and then she can go in right now.
- Who are you?
1031
00:58:14,400 --> 00:58:16,580
- I'm her friend.
- You're not related to him?
1032
00:58:16,700 --> 00:58:18,640
- No, not exactly.
- Then you need to go.
1033
00:58:18,650 --> 00:58:19,980
Yeah, maybe you should just go, okay?
1034
00:58:19,990 --> 00:58:22,400
Okay, but I... I would just like...
1035
00:58:24,450 --> 00:58:26,620
Are you sick?
1036
00:58:26,700 --> 00:58:29,340
This guy's already septic.
Are you trying to kill him?
1037
00:58:29,350 --> 00:58:30,679
I was here an hour ago,
1038
00:58:30,680 --> 00:58:32,320
and he was fine. What happened?
1039
00:58:32,490 --> 00:58:34,420
His immune system is
hanging on by a thread.
1040
00:58:34,430 --> 00:58:35,740
- If you have the slightest cold...
- I'm not sick.
1041
00:58:35,750 --> 00:58:37,460
Well, you shouldn't even
be in this hallway.
1042
00:58:37,480 --> 00:58:38,480
If you both don't leave,
1043
00:58:38,490 --> 00:58:41,260
- I'm gonna have to call security.
- I'm not sick. I'm pregnant.
1044
00:58:44,240 --> 00:58:45,560
You're pregnant?
1045
00:58:45,910 --> 00:58:48,760
Yes, that's what I was
trying to tell you.
1046
00:58:51,530 --> 00:58:53,680
Why are you trying to tell me?
1047
00:59:07,580 --> 00:59:09,660
I'm so sorry.
1048
00:59:11,080 --> 00:59:12,880
What?
1049
00:59:14,120 --> 00:59:15,940
It was an accident.
1050
00:59:16,000 --> 00:59:17,410
It was one time,
1051
00:59:17,490 --> 00:59:19,020
and it didn't mean anything.
1052
00:59:19,040 --> 00:59:21,540
I don't, like, love him or anything.
1053
00:59:21,550 --> 00:59:23,670
I mean, if there's anyone
I love, it's-it's you.
1054
00:59:23,680 --> 00:59:24,680
Is this some kind of joke?
1055
00:59:24,681 --> 00:59:25,990
- I know this is a shock.
- Is that why you bought me
1056
00:59:26,000 --> 00:59:28,120
- that fucking orchid?
- It was a shock to me, too.
1057
00:59:28,370 --> 00:59:30,200
And I know that this is such bad timing,
1058
00:59:30,210 --> 00:59:32,340
but, Helen, I-I... I want to keep it.
1059
00:59:32,740 --> 00:59:34,300
I want to be a mother.
1060
00:59:34,530 --> 00:59:36,199
Everything you said to me in the desert,
1061
00:59:36,200 --> 00:59:38,059
it resonated so deeply with me.
1062
00:59:38,060 --> 00:59:39,426
And it's like you said to me what I've
1063
00:59:39,450 --> 00:59:41,170
been waiting to hear my
whole life, and I...
1064
01:00:18,280 --> 01:00:19,740
Oh, God.
1065
01:00:21,080 --> 01:00:22,680
You sound so old.
1066
01:00:22,690 --> 01:00:24,990
You didn't used to groan
when you sat down.
1067
01:00:25,000 --> 01:00:26,530
Why are we sitting down here?
1068
01:00:26,540 --> 01:00:28,570
There's a perfectly
good bench over there.
1069
01:00:28,660 --> 01:00:30,680
I wanted to be low to the ground.
1070
01:00:33,570 --> 01:00:34,990
Do you want one?
1071
01:00:35,080 --> 01:00:36,160
Got one for you.
1072
01:00:36,240 --> 01:00:37,640
No, thanks.
1073
01:00:38,580 --> 01:00:39,720
What happened?
1074
01:00:40,240 --> 01:00:42,040
Where are the kids?
1075
01:00:42,160 --> 01:00:43,740
I dropped them at your place.
1076
01:00:43,830 --> 01:00:45,230
With Whitney and the new boyfriend.
1077
01:00:45,240 --> 01:00:47,080
Oh, yeah. He seems nice enough.
1078
01:00:47,140 --> 01:00:49,370
Yeah, he's okay.
1079
01:00:49,450 --> 01:00:51,120
She's exactly the same.
1080
01:00:51,200 --> 01:00:52,780
Yeah.
1081
01:00:53,830 --> 01:00:55,280
What did we do wrong there?
1082
01:00:55,490 --> 01:00:58,000
Helen, she's a kid.
1083
01:01:00,870 --> 01:01:03,460
We were already married by
the time we were her age.
1084
01:01:03,700 --> 01:01:05,780
Yeah, well, we were kids, too.
1085
01:01:08,410 --> 01:01:10,140
Vik okay?
1086
01:01:12,100 --> 01:01:13,780
No.
1087
01:01:15,530 --> 01:01:17,830
Vik is going to die.
1088
01:01:19,240 --> 01:01:20,580
I'm so sorry.
1089
01:01:20,830 --> 01:01:22,530
Yep.
1090
01:01:22,620 --> 01:01:23,860
Me, too.
1091
01:01:26,220 --> 01:01:28,780
I'm really, really sorry.
1092
01:01:34,330 --> 01:01:36,220
Did you ever meet our neighbor, Sierra?
1093
01:01:37,240 --> 01:01:39,640
- Don't think so, no.
- Well, she's pregnant.
1094
01:01:39,740 --> 01:01:41,340
- That's nice for her.
- With Vik's baby.
1095
01:01:44,030 --> 01:01:45,180
What?
1096
01:01:47,990 --> 01:01:49,370
Oh, God.
1097
01:01:49,450 --> 01:01:51,080
Helen.
1098
01:01:51,700 --> 01:01:54,399
Look, Vik's not in his
right mind now, you know?
1099
01:01:54,400 --> 01:01:56,216
Look, it's already... I don't
care. I really don't care.
1100
01:01:56,240 --> 01:01:58,030
Look, I fucked her, too.
1101
01:01:59,700 --> 01:02:01,280
Really?
1102
01:02:06,060 --> 01:02:07,450
What, and I missed it?
1103
01:02:12,830 --> 01:02:14,030
Eh.
1104
01:02:15,200 --> 01:02:17,490
I just can't go back up there.
1105
01:02:17,500 --> 01:02:19,700
I can't face him like this.
1106
01:02:19,780 --> 01:02:21,150
Well, you're pissed with him, right?
1107
01:02:21,160 --> 01:02:23,320
No, that's not why I can't face him.
1108
01:02:28,990 --> 01:02:30,990
I don't know if I love him.
1109
01:02:32,870 --> 01:02:34,550
I mean, the way I'm supposed to.
1110
01:02:34,570 --> 01:02:35,830
You know...
1111
01:02:35,910 --> 01:02:37,340
I love him enough.
1112
01:02:39,530 --> 01:02:41,360
What does that mean?
1113
01:02:45,030 --> 01:02:47,160
Not the way I loved you.
1114
01:02:53,910 --> 01:02:55,910
Helen, we were...
1115
01:02:57,490 --> 01:02:59,540
We were young.
1116
01:03:01,280 --> 01:03:03,700
We hadn't fucked up yet.
1117
01:03:03,780 --> 01:03:06,419
It's just so much easier to feel
1118
01:03:06,420 --> 01:03:09,410
deeply for someone when there's no...
1119
01:03:09,960 --> 01:03:11,320
defenses or...
1120
01:03:11,410 --> 01:03:13,240
Baggage?
1121
01:03:14,450 --> 01:03:16,280
Well, yeah.
1122
01:03:21,780 --> 01:03:23,560
God, poor Alison.
1123
01:03:28,620 --> 01:03:30,480
How was her funeral?
1124
01:03:32,120 --> 01:03:33,950
Ah, it was awful.
1125
01:03:35,570 --> 01:03:37,450
Right.
1126
01:03:37,530 --> 01:03:41,140
No, they, uh... her
mother had her cremated,
1127
01:03:41,160 --> 01:03:42,490
so the ceremony was on the beach,
1128
01:03:42,570 --> 01:03:45,950
and Cole grabbed the urn
and ran away with it.
1129
01:03:46,030 --> 01:03:48,120
- Are you fucking kidding me?
- No.
1130
01:03:48,700 --> 01:03:50,220
Oh, my God.
1131
01:03:50,830 --> 01:03:52,989
Everybody's so fucking crazy.
1132
01:03:52,990 --> 01:03:54,410
Yeah.
1133
01:04:01,370 --> 01:04:03,300
I miss her, you know. I...
1134
01:04:05,900 --> 01:04:08,580
Can't stop thinking about how much I...
1135
01:04:09,160 --> 01:04:11,570
failed her and...
1136
01:04:13,660 --> 01:04:15,660
... how badly I fucked up.
1137
01:04:27,500 --> 01:04:30,200
You know, what happened
to her wasn't your fault.
1138
01:04:30,280 --> 01:04:31,530
You think?
1139
01:04:31,620 --> 01:04:32,940
No, I'm sure.
1140
01:04:41,740 --> 01:04:44,400
How's Vik holding up?
1141
01:04:45,830 --> 01:04:47,490
He's not good.
1142
01:04:47,570 --> 01:04:49,030
I mean, it's like...
1143
01:04:50,680 --> 01:04:53,150
It's like the light has
gone out of his eyes.
1144
01:04:53,160 --> 01:04:56,080
Like somebody just drew curtains.
1145
01:04:56,160 --> 01:04:57,780
I've never seen anything like it.
1146
01:04:57,870 --> 01:04:59,640
Why doesn't he get any treatment?
1147
01:04:59,650 --> 01:05:01,030
I don't know. I...
1148
01:05:01,050 --> 01:05:02,640
You know, he doesn't think it'll work.
1149
01:05:02,650 --> 01:05:03,990
The doctors say it might work.
1150
01:05:04,080 --> 01:05:05,190
Maybe I should have tried harder.
1151
01:05:05,200 --> 01:05:06,449
I don't know. I don't know.
1152
01:05:06,450 --> 01:05:08,280
I just... I don't... I don't know.
1153
01:05:12,320 --> 01:05:14,240
Can I tell you something awful?
1154
01:05:15,060 --> 01:05:16,200
What?
1155
01:05:19,570 --> 01:05:21,120
I used Vik...
1156
01:05:22,530 --> 01:05:24,700
to get over you.
1157
01:05:32,720 --> 01:05:34,550
I mean, I was so afraid to be alone,
1158
01:05:34,560 --> 01:05:36,080
and he just breezed into my life,
1159
01:05:36,090 --> 01:05:37,960
and it was so easy.
1160
01:05:38,020 --> 01:05:39,780
He didn't ask anything of me.
1161
01:05:39,870 --> 01:05:41,320
He took care of himself.
1162
01:05:41,570 --> 01:05:42,860
He helped me with the kids.
1163
01:05:42,940 --> 01:05:44,990
Everything was so much easier,
1164
01:05:45,080 --> 01:05:46,860
and I did not want to let go of that,
1165
01:05:46,900 --> 01:05:52,120
and now I feel like I wasted
the last years of his life,
1166
01:05:52,180 --> 01:05:54,300
because he could have met
someone who loved him,
1167
01:05:54,320 --> 01:05:55,640
who really loved him,
1168
01:05:55,700 --> 01:05:57,820
who could have brought
her whole self to him,
1169
01:05:57,880 --> 01:06:00,030
not some kind of fucking broken...
1170
01:06:00,120 --> 01:06:01,750
Stop, okay? Seriously, stop.
1171
01:06:01,760 --> 01:06:03,840
That's enough.
1172
01:06:04,240 --> 01:06:06,870
You are a lot of things,
Helen. You are...
1173
01:06:08,120 --> 01:06:11,110
... neurotic and-and overbearing,
1174
01:06:11,120 --> 01:06:12,410
and you're snobby,
1175
01:06:12,420 --> 01:06:14,260
and you're judgmental
1176
01:06:14,270 --> 01:06:15,830
- and-and superior, but...
- Are you gonna stop?
1177
01:06:15,850 --> 01:06:19,200
But you... you are not broken.
1178
01:06:19,700 --> 01:06:22,780
I don't know anyone
who's tougher than you.
1179
01:06:26,570 --> 01:06:28,850
That might be the nicest thing
you've ever said to me.
1180
01:06:28,870 --> 01:06:30,740
Yeah, well, I mean it.
1181
01:06:30,830 --> 01:06:32,580
And I know you love Vik.
1182
01:06:32,600 --> 01:06:35,119
I-I've been watching you both for
1183
01:06:35,120 --> 01:06:36,489
however many years.
1184
01:06:36,490 --> 01:06:38,700
You love each other.
1185
01:06:39,360 --> 01:06:41,139
Maybe it's not the same
as it was with us,
1186
01:06:41,140 --> 01:06:42,220
but who gives a fuck?
1187
01:06:42,240 --> 01:06:43,720
Where is it written that love
1188
01:06:43,740 --> 01:06:45,830
should be exactly the same every time?
1189
01:06:48,320 --> 01:06:49,780
And now he's dying,
1190
01:06:49,820 --> 01:06:52,380
and there's nothing you can do about it.
1191
01:06:53,120 --> 01:06:55,120
And I know that that is terrifying.
1192
01:06:56,830 --> 01:06:59,740
I know that's the worst
feeling in the whole world.
1193
01:07:02,740 --> 01:07:04,570
But I gotta say, I...
1194
01:07:04,660 --> 01:07:07,450
if there's one person I
would want to be with
1195
01:07:07,530 --> 01:07:09,120
when I die,
1196
01:07:10,370 --> 01:07:12,940
if there's one person
who would make me feel,
1197
01:07:13,180 --> 01:07:16,980
no matter what, that I was safe and...
1198
01:07:17,990 --> 01:07:19,880
that I was loved,
1199
01:07:21,370 --> 01:07:22,780
it'd be you.
1200
01:07:31,200 --> 01:07:32,919
Okay, that really is the nicest thing
1201
01:07:32,920 --> 01:07:34,570
you've ever said to me.
1202
01:07:34,840 --> 01:07:36,700
Helen.
1203
01:07:36,780 --> 01:07:39,280
We are so fucking lucky to be alive.
1204
01:07:41,450 --> 01:07:44,960
I-I think about this all
the time these days.
1205
01:07:45,020 --> 01:07:47,560
We are just so fucking
lucky to be alive.
1206
01:08:31,370 --> 01:08:33,950
That was scary.
1207
01:08:34,030 --> 01:08:35,870
Yeah, it was.
1208
01:08:39,800 --> 01:08:44,460
I didn't realize how
painful it would get.
1209
01:09:01,120 --> 01:09:03,720
I have to say something to you.
1210
01:09:10,530 --> 01:09:12,600
I'm so sorry.
1211
01:09:14,830 --> 01:09:17,120
For what?
1212
01:09:19,780 --> 01:09:21,870
I should have listened to you.
1213
01:09:25,240 --> 01:09:27,520
I should have gotten treatment.
1214
01:09:28,080 --> 01:09:30,120
I'm sorry.
1215
01:09:31,910 --> 01:09:33,620
I'm so sorry.
1216
01:09:33,650 --> 01:09:35,620
Stop.
1217
01:09:35,700 --> 01:09:37,490
We...
1218
01:09:38,700 --> 01:09:40,560
We did the best we could.
1219
01:09:48,780 --> 01:09:50,450
I've seen death.
1220
01:09:53,080 --> 01:09:55,490
I always knew it was coming. I...
1221
01:09:57,910 --> 01:10:00,320
I thought I knew what it was.
1222
01:10:03,320 --> 01:10:06,120
But when it finally
happens to you, you...
1223
01:10:06,580 --> 01:10:08,040
you're not ready.
1224
01:10:08,280 --> 01:10:10,410
You're not dead. You're still here.
1225
01:10:11,990 --> 01:10:14,200
I'm by myself now.
1226
01:10:17,530 --> 01:10:19,279
I'm on the other side.
1227
01:10:19,280 --> 01:10:21,080
Don't say that.
1228
01:10:21,160 --> 01:10:23,030
You're alive.
1229
01:10:23,380 --> 01:10:25,030
And I miss you.
1230
01:10:27,870 --> 01:10:29,540
I just...
1231
01:10:29,900 --> 01:10:32,990
I just want to be back, where you are.
1232
01:10:34,200 --> 01:10:35,530
With you.
1233
01:10:36,780 --> 01:10:38,200
And the kids.
1234
01:10:40,530 --> 01:10:42,370
I don't want to do this.
1235
01:10:47,990 --> 01:10:50,260
I don't want to go.
1236
01:10:51,570 --> 01:10:53,610
I want... more days.
1237
01:10:53,620 --> 01:10:55,410
I want more life.
1238
01:11:10,080 --> 01:11:11,740
I love you.
1239
01:11:15,320 --> 01:11:16,910
I love you.
1240
01:11:20,570 --> 01:11:22,370
I love you.
1241
01:11:25,950 --> 01:11:27,570
I love you.
1242
01:11:54,620 --> 01:11:56,570
Tell him now.
1243
01:11:56,660 --> 01:11:58,220
What?
1244
01:11:59,200 --> 01:12:00,940
He's awake. Tell him.
1245
01:14:20,860 --> 01:14:24,100
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