All language subtitles for Oceans 8 Eight

♪Subs explosiveskull,
corrections, resync by♪ XQ2☻♥

Good afternoon, Miss Ocean.

Hi.

As you know,
parole is a privilege.

And one of the restrictions
on any parolee,

is to avoid the company

of any person who has
a criminal record of any kind.

That would include
most of your extended family.

Yeah, that's obviously
not something I'm proud of.

Would this pose an impossible
challenge for you?

No. No.

I don't want that life.
I never wanted that life.

My brother, um...

May he rest in peace,

was a criminal.

I loved him, but
he was a conman.

It was in his blood.

- And it's not in your blood?
- No.

No, sir.

Um...

I fell for the wrong person.

It was a mistake.

But it happened.

And if I were to be released,
I would, um...

Sorry.

Wow, just saying that...

If I were to be released,

I would just want
the simple life.

I just wanna hold down a job,

make some friends,

go for a walk after work
in the fresh air

and pay my bills.

Simple life? Nice one.

- Heard about that?
- Who didn't?

I had five years
to rehearse it.

- Here's your stuff.
- Thank you.

Nice watch.

- It's my brother's.
- Left it to you?

I stole it.

It's fine, Dina.
He stole it, too.

We're still gonna get
a regular shipment next week.

You take your cut, plus
a few extra cartons, OK?

I want you to trade 'em,
not smoke 'em.

So where you going?

Well, I have 45 bucks, Dina.

I can go anywhere I want.

- Hi, I'd like to return these.
- Oh, of course.

- Do you have your receipt?
- No, but they're unopened.

- They haven't been touched.
- I really need your receipt.

They are sealed.
They are brand new.

Do you have
the credit card that you used?

This is ridiculous!
I bought these last week.

Ma'am, you can try client
services on the sixth floor.

You know what? Never mind.
I'll just keep 'em.

Jesus.

- Can I at least get a bag?
- Sure.

Thank you.

Hi, I'm checking out
of room 2814. Gary Randall.

- Did you have a pleasant stay?
- Terrific.

My name is Monica. Is there
anything else I can do for you?

Or arrange transportation?

I think we're all set.

Hi, this is Mrs. Randall.
We just checked out of room 2814.

- May I speak with
Monica, please?

- This is she.
- Hi, Monica.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Uh, we just found out
our flight was canceled.

- Oh, no!
- I know, I know.

And instead of staying in
some horrible airport hotel,

we were hoping that maybe we could
get our original room back?

Yeah, we can give you
that same room back.

That would be amazing.
Thank you so much!

Um, we're just
gonna go grab a bite.

Would it be possible
to get the maid in there now?

Yes, absolutely.

Perfect. We really appreciate it.

- It's not a problem.
- Thank you so much.

We'll see you soon.

Hi. I'm so sorry.
Can you finish up later?

I just have to get off my feet.

- Of course. - Thank you so much.
Have a great day.

- You, too.
- Bye-bye.

And he did not move in!

And he wants his money back.

And he gets his money back!

If you said no, does that mean
you didn't take the money?

What crate are you on?

15.

Listen.

You think I like you?
You think I believe you?

You think I trust anything
that you're saying?

The answer is absolutely not.
Bottom line is...

Guys, it's 9:30.

It's too much.
It's too much.

It's three fingers from the top.

Not one, it's three.

It's a rerun, April.

She slept with her cousin,
crashed the car,

baby's not his.

What's that taste like?

- Vodka.
- Vodka. Exactly.

But, I don't want vodka.
I want vodka 'and' water.

- And do you wanna know why?
- Uh, sure.

'Cause when you're drunk,
it tastes like vodka.

- Right.
- Right.

I don't care!

♪ I think that I'll keep loving you,
way past sixty-five

♪ We made a language for us two,
we don't need to describe

♪ Everytime time you call on me,
I drop what I do

♪ You are my best friend and we've
got some shit to shoot

Oh... missed you, too.

You better be in there.

I know you're there, Reuben.

You can come on out.

I was just paying my respects.

From around the corner?

What are you doing here?

They thought I'd be
the best one to talk to you.

Hm... Gotta go.

He didn't want you to do this,
Deborah.

- Do what? - Whatever it is he
wouldn't tell us you're gonna do.

- Look, Deb.
- Mm.

Sometimes, just knowing
the job will work

is satisfaction enough.

You don't actually gotta do it.

What else did he say?

- He said it was brilliant.
- Oh, OK.

And that you would probably
end up back in prison.

I'm not gonna end up
back in prison.

OK?

I gotta go.

Be careful.

You're looking sharp.

- Mmm! - Hey, hey, take it easy.
Been in the slammer.

Oh, I just thought you
changed your number.

Did you get the credit line?

- Not yet.
- Why not?

Because I don't know what it's for.

Ahhh, my God!

- Don't do that.
- Do what?

- Ahhh...
- That would be my

I've-just- been-in-jail-for-five-years-
and-my-partner-let-me-down face.

Hey, I'm not your partner.
Yet.

This is nice.

Chain-link, barb wire...

Brought you something.

Oh, um...

Can I exchange
something you stole?

Well, if you're gonna
have a problem with stealing,

you're not gonna like
the rest of this conversation.

- What, we're gonna shoplift?
- Maybe.

No, see, this is what you do.

You make me guess and then,
I'm interested.

- OK. - And then you think because
I'm interested, that I wanna do it.

Don't you wanna do things
you're interested in?

I'm interested in brain surgery.

Well, we know
that's not gonna happen.

Whatever.
You don't wanna tell me...

It's jewels.

Spectacular, great, big, blingy,

big old Liz Taylor jewels,

that are locked in a vault
50 feet underground.

How do we get them
out of the vault?

They're gonna bring 'em to us.

Oh, bugger!

Oh. Nice place.

Try heating it.

There's a room for you upstairs.

Your stuff's upstairs, too.

You know, I borrowed some shit.

Figured you weren't using it.

♪ The shame I'm holding onto

♪ The high that I desire

This long and winding road

♪ Left me alone, all alone

- So, is this your gallery?
- Yeah, one of them.

Hm. Where are the others?

Well, I'm opening one in London.
Got plans for another one in Tokyo.

We're talking about LA, but
I'm not sure that makes sense.

It's all a bit derivative
out there, you know?

So this is
the only one that exists?

Well... Physically.

Excuse me one second.

Sorry. Sorry.

Oh, my God!

I was meaning to call you.

Jesus, it's great to see you.
You look...

- Recently incarcerated?
- Wonderful.

You look wonderful.

Do you know what a shiv is?

OK, stop. Just stop.

Oh, such a nice face.

You know, inside,

you're what we call a pretty girl.

- I'll call the police.
- OK.

You know what we do
with snitches?

- He saw you?
- Oh, yeah.

Why would you
do something like that?

Closure?

Bullshit!

Jesus!

So, did you...?

No.

Just a little button.

So at first, I thought banks.
'Cause you know...

That's where they have money?

Exactly... Kinda boring.

So then I thought ten banks.

Then I realized that would be

maybe coming from an
angry place so...

- Good you realized that.
- Yes.

Then I couldn't even
hear myself think.

You know, 5 women in one cell.

So I got myself thrown in solitary
for a little peace and quiet,

and that's where I finally
came up with it.

- It's still a museum.
- So?

So, it's not like
robbing a liquor store.

(***)

I'm sorry,
I don't speak Ukrainian.

I said, we're not robbing
a museum.

We're robbing someone

- in a museum.
- In a museum.

Yeah, you mentioned.

Look.

- Even if this was possible...
- It is possible.

Even if it was, I mean,
we'd need, like,

20 people and half
a million dollars.

Seven.

- 7 million?
- 7 people and 20 grand.

Why do you need to do this?

'Cause it's what I'm good at.

Uh, yeah.

You know what? I have run
this thing a thousand times.

Every time I got caught,
I fixed it.

And in three years, I wasn't
getting caught anymore.

By the time I was paroled,
it was running like clockwork.

Perfectly.

And you were there with me,
every step of the way.

Oh, honey, is this a proposal?

Baby, I don't have a diamond yet.

Come on, do you really wanna
spend the rest of your life

watering down well vodka?
'Cause it's

really kind of a waste.

Come on. Take a bite.

Just take a bite.

- You're really irritating.
- Open.

That's good.

Very good.

So each year they host the
biggest party in the world.

And they always get a huge
celebrity to host.

This year, it's Daphne Kluger.

- Wow!
- Yeah.

- But she's not our mark.
- So who's the mark?

All right, who wants to go first?

Yes.

Do you know
who you're wearing?

Uh, ooh...
La Perla. It's black.

No, I mean who's dressing you?

I don't really know yet.

The designer.

I don't know yet.

But as soon as I do,

you'll be the very first
person that I tell.

Uh, next question?

- All right, we need a designer.
- Exactly!

Now a lot of these we could target,
but, Anna won't approve them.

- And Anna has to approve
every dime. - Oh.

There's a few
less-established choices,

but they're not gonna give
us the juice we need.

So...

Rose Weil.
Why do I know that name?

Well, she was big,
in the '90s.

Oh, God, all the Edwardian
collars and the ruffles?

Travesty.
But Anna still likes her.

They do Easter together
every year in Kent.

- Brits?
- Irish.

And she owes the IRS
$5 million.

It's bad.

There's a lien on her assets,
they've impounded her passport.

The bank seized her townhouse.

She sounds amazing.

Yeah. I think we got lucky.

She gambled
everything on this.

This is a flight to nowhere
without any peanuts.

Self-financed.
Credit from an Omaha bank.

Those guys over there?

The only ones who'll still
loan her money.

They look a little worried.

Yeah, who can blame them?
This is a train wreck.

Congratulations.

Who are you?

- Big fans.
- Very big.

Oh.

- That was... - Just...
- Gorgeous. - M-hm.

No, it wasn't.

It was a disaster.

I think you're being
kind of hard on yourself.

Very.

Did you read this?

It's by a blogger.

Hm.

"Rose Weil.

"Her new collection is like
taking a tour

"of your grandmother's closet.

"Just as dated, and just as musty.

"The Eskimo shove their elders out
on an ice floe. Just saying."

That's very cruel.

But it doesn't make it true.

Mm.

How did I get here?

You spent $18 million
in two years

and had two houseboats
on the Seine.

- I'm old.
- Hey,...

- you're not old.
- Mm, I'm old.

And I'm going to prison.

Then I'm going to be
really, really poor.

Not necessarily.

What if we could
make all this go away?

Even get your passport back.

How?

Dress Daphne Kluger
for the Met Ball.

Hm.

- Are you mad?
- M-hm.

No, hang on a minute.

- Are you journalists?
- Absolutely not. - God, no.

Huh!

Hm, she seems sort of tense.

Can be.

Good body. Good boobs.
Huge features.

Eyes like Bambi.

Yeah. She can take quite a lot.

Maybe we could give her...
Maybe...

Maybe we could give her this.

God, no. Not chic.
We can do better than that.

It's called the Toussaint.

Named for Jeanne Toussaint,

Cartier's director of jewelry
from '33 to '68.

It's over six pounds...

- of diamonds.
- Right.

After she died, they sold it
back to Cartier,

and they've kept it
in their vault ever since.

- They've never let it out.
- M-hm.

So then, how are we
gonna get it out?

Well, they might let it out
for her.

The theme of this year's ball
is European royalty

of which the crown jewels
are a featured element.

So, if you were to insist
on the Toussaint

on behalf of Daphne Kluger...

- Must be worth quite a lot.
- Yeah.

- These are all Russians.
- They're hackers.

Are there no hackers
who aren't Russian?

No, there's barely any
Russians who aren't hackers.

- Just keep looking, please.
- Sure.

OK.

Sorry about Danny.

Sorry about your pops.

So, what are you doing here?

I might have something for you.
A job.

You wanna run some stuff
through the store?

(No, thank you.)

A little more than that.

How long would it take you
to make 7 pieces of jewelry,

if the stones were already cut?

Probably five or six hours.

How long if I told you

you didn't have to live
with your mother anymore?

Less.

I'm never taking the F-train again!

She's in.

She is in where?

This what you talking about?
Bunch of vases?

Yeah, that's the Egyptian wing.

She's in the Met?

Security cameras.

There's a lot of 'em.

My name's Debbie.

- Nine Ball.
- What's your real name?

- Eight Ball.
- We use real names around here.

Could I talk to you for a minute?

I asked you to get me a hacker.

- She's one of the best hackers on
the East Coast. - Oh, I'm honored.

She has other clients. They don't
know her real name either.

- Sorry, "other clients"?!
Now? - Yeah.

Did you tell her what her cut was?

- Of course.
- And?

Look. She's smoking!

So, Nine Ball.

Uh, do I call you Nine Ball?
Nine?...

Or Baller.

Baller? OK. OK.

Uh-oh.

You know your footprint
is a disaster, right?

- Sorry, what?
- Your footprint.

- My footprint?
- Yes, ma'am.

If you're planning to steal shit,
you definitely gotta clean this up,

'cause right now, my little
sister could hack you.

Oh, right.
'Cause we had this guy...

Gotcha.

We'll clean that up.

- Can I ask where we're going?
- You'll see in a minute.

Right, we're going to
meet Doris Kluger...

- Daphne.
- Daphne.

Someone even more famous.

Someone who makes
Daphne Kluger jealous.

- Jealous?
- Hm.

In a minute, we're gonna stand up.
She's gonna sit down.

You'll recognize her.
Just be cool.

- Aloof.
- But kind.

- But not too kind.
- Yeah.

You're sweating.

- Yeah, look, I sweat.
- Don't.

On her left hand is a tattoo.

I want you to take it,
admire it,

but make physical contact,
and that's when we'll get it.

"It"? What's "it"?

Hi. Wow.

Oh, I know you!

Yes, I know you. I've seen you.

- I've seen you in things.
- Yeah.

- No, you're good.
- Oh, thank you.

- You're really good. Yeah.
- Thank you.

Well, I just really wanted
to say, thank you.

- Thank you?
- For helping us.

With the feline rescue project.

Penelope Stern?

Is she even old enough to go
to the Met Ball? - Apparently.

Who cares
who's dressing her anyway?

Uh, I think Page Six.

I never met with Rose Weil.
You said I met with everybody.

- You said she was a relic.
- I meant iconic.

Do you want me
to set up a meeting?

Nya-nya-nya... YES.

OK.

I watched
one of her films last night.

She's actually really good.

Whatever you do, don't fawn.

Just ignore her.

Indifference, it's an aphrodisiac.

Very little eye contact.

- Rose.
- Oh.

- Daphne. Miss Kluger.
- Finally.

So, thank you so much
for meeting me so last-minute.

I am such an admirer of yours.
I have so many of your pieces.

- Really?
- Yeah.

So, this search...
It has not been easy.

And everything we've seen,
you know, it's been great.

But it's been tired
and you just seem

different.

You know, like
you're immune to judgment.

Like you're above all that.

I'm sorry, what?

What is going on?

Err...

Oh, sorry.

Um, what were you saying?

I'm trying to hire you
for the Met Ball.

Great. Thank you. My honor.

Flattered.

Wait till you see. This girl
has some of the best hands

- I've ever seen.
- Is this one sane?

Hundred percent.

All right, here's how we're playing.
Red is money, OK?

Really? Three-card Monte?

Follow the Queen,
live your dream.

But don't sleep. Don't sleep.

'Cause she might disappear,
you saw that?

It's lit, right? She came back, though.
She likes you.

All right, let's hit it.
And we're following the Queen...

And we're following the Queen...

Is this our only choice?

The turnover
in pickpockets is huge.

Where she at?
Where that bitch at?

- Where she at?
- That one.

Wanna call a lifeline
on that one?

No. That one.

All right. That one is mine.

C'mon, there's no hard feelings.

And you're a real one, you know?
You know what I mean?

Yeah, come back any time.

- Not bad.
- Yeah. I thought so.

Turkey and provolone, please.

- So, I'm lifting one necklace?
- It's a very nice necklace.

Uh, lettuce and tomato.

- And this is legit? The money?
- Hundred percent.

- OK, I'm in.
- Great.

Uh, can I get
my watch back, please?

Thank you. And hers as well.

No, I...

- Sorry.
- It's OK.

Who do we have,
who do we have?

- What about Ivy?
- No, still in jail. - Really?

- What about him?
- Well, he's a him. - So?

- I don't want a him. - And this 'cause it's
a him or because it's a "him"?

- He's not a "him", I barely know the guy.
- What's wrong with a him?

A him gets noticed,
a her gets ignored,

and for once,
we wanna be ignored.

What about Tammy?

Hey, buddy,

can you do me a favor?
Can you take that outside?

Debbie, I'm with my family.

- I told you...
- I'm outside.

- What?
- I'm in your garage.

- Deb?
- Hm?

Deb, what are you doing here?
I thought you were in jail.

Mm. I got out.

Look at all this.
Thought you retired?

I did.

Not as exciting as
hijacking trucks

that are smuggling dishwashers
from Canada, right?

Yeah, well,
I don't do that anymore.

But you were so very good at it.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

So these are all
for personal use, right?

What do you want?

Just wanna reconnect.

- Oh, yeah?
- M-hm.

- Reconnect?
- M-hm.

You're not bored out here,
are you, Tam-Tam?

No, I'm not bored
out here at all.

- Good, good.
- No.

Why would you ask that?

Because I need a fence.

Well, I told you I don't do
that anymore. I'm out.

- It's a big job.
- I don't care.

Do you want me to tell you
how big a job it is?

No. No, I really don't.

I think I'm gonna tell you
how big the job is.

- Are you kidding?
- No.

- Mommy, when's dinner ready?
- Shit!

Uh, sweetheart,
I will be right there.

I'm so sorry.
Mommy will be right there.

But I'm hungry!

I know, sweetheart, I promise,
I will be right there.

- Thanks a lot.
- She sounds sweet.

How do you explain all this
to your husband?

eBay.

OK, everybody,
let's get started.

We would like
to present to you all

with a hypothetical situation.

- How hypothetical?
- Not very, unless we screw up.

$16.5 million in each of
your bank accounts,

five weeks from now.

In three and a half weeks,

the Met will be hosting
its annual ball,

celebrating its new
costume exhibit,

and we are going to rob it.

Not the ball itself,

but a very important set
of diamonds

that will be attending the ball.

On the neck of Daphne Kluger.

Who, Rose will be dressing.

- The Toussaint?
- Very good.

Once Daphne
is inadvertently onboard,

we can then get the necklace
out of the Cartier vault,

hack the Met security system,
thank you, Nine Ball,

and infiltrate the Gala,

considered to be
one of the most exclusive...

'The' most exclusive.

'The' most exclusive
party invitation in America.

So go home,
get your affairs in order,

because tomorrow,
we begin pulling off

one of the biggest
jewelry heists in history.

- Where are you going?
- I'm going to the big city.

- How long?
- Uh, not too long, I promise.

I'll be back
before you know it.

What are you gonna do?

I am going to help my friend
Debbie with her job.

What kind of job?

- It's complicated.
- Can I come with you?

No, sweetie, this is Mommy's
very special work trip.

It is my account,
it is my money,

and the only reason
I can't access it

is because I cannot remember
the make and model

of my second cousin's
first car.

So if you could just...

I don't wanna make a withdrawal,
I would like to make a deposit.

Yes, I...

- Hey, can I?...
- Shh.

Exactly, yes. Yes, I'll hold.

What's up?

OK, I was wondering
if I can get a MetroCard,

'cause I'm skateboarding in
from Queens every day.

Can I get a MetroCard?

I-I-I don't have a MetroCard.

- You don't have a MetroCard?
- I don't have a MetroCard.

What are you, a tourist?

You're fascinating.

That's it? You're gonna just throw
me one dub for a MetroCard?

- That's it?
- How about this?

We steal $50 million,

I'll buy everybody MetroCards.
How's that?

'Kay.

- That your brother?
- M-hm.

- He's hot.
- Mm.

- You sure he's dead or...
- No.

Yes, sweetie,
Mommy is in her new job now.

Charlie, will you do me a favor?
Can you put that right there?

What, sweetheart?

Um, uh, well, Mommy...

finds very special toys,

and then she finds
new homes for them.

Yes, exactly like your turtle.
That's exactly right.

Thank you so much, Charlie,
thank you.

Sweetheart, I have to go. I just
got a brand new toy for Debbie,

and I can't wait to play with it.

Zirconium.

- I like it.
- Yeah, I bet you do.

- Unhand the man.
- Thank you very much.

Here are your very special glasses.

If Rose can pull this off,

and that is a very big if,
these glasses

will scan the real necklace

and send a digital print
back to us here.

Once we have that,

this thing will print a replica
of the necklace

in zirconium.

♪ I'm bossy

♪ I'm the bitch you love to hate

♪ I'm the chick that's
raised the stake

♪ I told young stunna he
should switch to Bape

♪ I'm back with an 808
'cause I'm bossy

♪ Uh uh... watch the beat go...

♪ Uh uh... watch the beat go...

♪ Uh uh...

- Where is it?
- These are not the Toussaint.

We thought you might
wanna see these first.

Right. What for?

There are certain logistical
problems with that necklace. We...

We wouldn't even know
how to insure it.

All right.

Yes. We were very clear on the phone.

We are only interested
in the Toussaint. - Yeah.

Well, then, that would have to
be a much longer discussion.

That necklace is valued at
over $150 million.

Well, I'm not really
a numbers person.

It would require
its own security team,

a new insurance policy...

I'm sure you'll work out
all those details.

Oh, it's not that simple.

I'm afraid the answer is no.

- No?
- No.

Look, can I be frank?

I have always loved Cartier.

I think, historically,

this has been the most
significant house in the world.

But there is whole generation
out there

who mispronounce your name.

French can be difficult.

Pas tellement. Non.

J'essaye de vous aider
monsieur. Vraiment.

Et je comprends
si vous voulez pas.

Mais les Toussaint, ca
sert pas a grande chose

enfermés dans une
chambre forte,

quand ils pourraient
aller viral--

autour du monde,

nichés dans les nichons

de Daphne Kluger.

Oui.

Stop it. Stop.

That doesn't help. Stop.

Mm.

It's too far underground.
We can't get a signal.

Very secure down here, huh?

Five feet of solid concrete.

You said you wanted
to see it in the light.

You wanted to see the
necklace in the light. - Right!

- This is light.
- No! No, no.

She means real light.
Natural light, yes.

The red carpet happens
while the sun is still out.

- Yes. No, I'm afraid that's vital.
- It's vital.

Mm. No, I must have the sun.

She must have the sun.

- How is this light, Ms. Weil?
- Um...

Yes, I think,...
Yes, we have the sun.

Much better.

Hm.

- There it is!
- All right.

Hello, sexy.

Come on, come on.

Ms. Weil. Is she OK?

- She's fine.
- Hmm.

She needs to take it in.

This is her process.

It looks really good.

- It's so clear.
- Yeah.

Come on.

No... OK... You gotta...

- No... No...
- Yep.

If you're done, Ms. Weil...

...we'd like to...

...return this to the vault.

Ms. Weil?

Ms. Weil.

Yes!

I'm done.

Sweet.

M-hm.

Oh, my God!

- Well?
- I dunno.

Well, you don't know
because this is only a muslin.

It's going to be pink,
for a start.

I know it's gonna be pink,
but I dunno

Yeah, I feel like it's the waist.
I feel, like, it's just...

And then the bottom.
I dunno about the bottom.

We can definitely
change the hem.

- It's the necklace.
- Oh, no, it's not the necklace.

It is the necklace. It's just messy.

No-no-no, it's not messy.
It's messy 'cause it's safety pins.

No, you must remember
the diamonds.

It's gonna be diamonds.

I just feel like I look huge.

Hey, Daphne, come here.
Come here. Come here.

Listen, deep breath...
Deep breath.

Listen, look.

You've got one of the greatest
necks in the world.

In fact, you've got
the only neck

that could carry
this necklace off.

With... With...

With your neck, this necklace,

you are gonna walk into
that Met Gala,

and you...

you're gonna light up the sky.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

If you like him,
you go right,

- and if you don't?
- I go left.

- Yeah, you go left. So...
- OK, that sounds easy.

- So do you like him?
- Ooh, I like him a lot.

- OK, why?
- He looks kind.

- I'm gonna swipe right.
- OK. All right. - Oh, my God!

So does that mean...

He liked you back!
He likes you, too!

What happens now?
What happens now?

- So you can message him.
- OK.

And you can say, maybe,
like, the eggplant emoji,

or maybe the girl
that does this.

♪ OK, rolling. 1, 2, 3, 4.

Excuse me.

Can you help me
with something?

- I think I'm a little lost.
- Of course, ma'am.

I feel like
I'm going in circles.

I came from Egypt
back there,

and I'm trying to get
to Oceana.

It's a little confusing.

You can go down the stairs
to your right,

or you can go back where you
came from, right down there.

It might take a little bit longer.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Here's one for your
morning commute.

Last night, political artist Banksy
made a surprise contribution to...

Our founding mothers appeared
at the Met last night.

Traffic at 15 after the hour.

Your news, all the time.

This is a major security breach.

How is this even possible?

He did it at the Tate, too.

So you're saying

the system your company
designed for our museum

does nothing to prevent
someone like Banksy...

Sir, we're a little
more focused

on keeping things in
than keeping things out.

Hey! How about an "Excuse me"?

Correct me if I'm wrong.

You and your company
are responsible

for monitoring
and safeguarding...

Hey, want me to get the trash?

- What? No.
- You sure? 'Cause...

you got a lot here, buddy.

Fine. Just hurry it up.

The museum's agreement with your
father's company is very...

- Generous.
- Specific.

Have a nice night.

The board expects
McCallister Security

to live up to the letter
of that agreement.

We'll do
a full audit of the system

and update any part of it
that needs to be changed.

- What does that mean?
- We'll go in and fix it.

- When?
- Immediately.

So, now that we've gotten them

to make changes
to their system,

we can make changes, too,
and not be detected.

Can you pull up the cameras?

They've got every inch
of this place covered.

But here is not where
we're gonna hit it.

We are gonna do it in a spot
they don't even care about.

Nine Ball.

Now it's a New York State law

that no cameras can be mounted
in a public bathroom.

- Apparently, it's a privacy violation.
- Unless you're into that.

And once we get the Toussaint,
we are gonna have to

get it out of there
without being detected,

and they're gonna go over their security
footage with a fine-tooth comb,

And anyone seen exiting
that bathroom

is gonna be a suspect.

- So...?
- So, we get a mule.

Somebody else
is gonna move it for us.

How much space do you need

outside that bathroom
to plant it on somebody?

- I dunno. 9 feet?
- And how long is it gonna take us

to build a 9 foot blind spot?

- Moving a camera?
- M-hm.

Bit by bit, 10, 12 days.

Great.

How long did it take you
to figure all this out?

Mm...

Five years, eight months,
and 12 days.

Give or take.

Cartier has hired the best
private security in the world.

Guillermo DeVita led the
pope's security for 10 years.

- And as you know, they've never
lost a pope. - Mm.

Yuri Eshel, former Mossad
and IDF Special Forces,

elite commando unit.

I'm pretty sure they're assassins.

- Well, it's a nice necklace.
- Yeah.

So you can go ahead and just
add them to your list.

- What list?
- That list.

It's not a list.

OK. Who is he?

Hey, boo.

Oh, Paul...

♪ How much is that doggie
in the window?

♪ The one with the waggly tail

You poor thing.

♪ How much is that doggie
in the window?

♪ I do hope that doggie

Look at that.

♪ is for sale

Ohhhh!

We don't even know
if it is Banksy.

It could be an imitator.

That's all you got?

Sweet!

Good afternoon, Vogue.

Thank you for coming in,
so last-minute.

Oh, of course.
Thank you for having me.

I guess you heard, we lost
one of our coordinators.

Yes, and that sounded awful.

- Chiggers.
- I know.

- What are those anyway?
- It's like a mite, I think.

It burrows into the skin
and lays its eggs inside.

And then they hatch
and they dig their way out.

Apparently, it can last for weeks.

Well, you certainly seem qualified.

- Thank you.
- Maybe overqualified.

Well, how can anyone
be overqualified?

This is the Met 'Gayla' after all.

'Gahla'. Met Gala.

- It's Gahla?
- Gahla.

- Is it Gahla?
- Yeah. - OK.

Roger Federer again

one game away
from another championship.

The love for Federer in
this place is just incredible.

Anna.

Uh, yeah?

You have that interview
for the Met staff position.

- Do it, do it.
- OK.

You cannot be serious!

A backhand down-the-line win!

We're really short on desk space,

so you'll be down here.

This way.

- OK, so here is your desk.
- Thank you.

And Christina will get you started.

- Great, thank you so much.
- Have a good day! - Thanks!

- Excuse me.
- Yes?

Was that the bathroom
that we passed?

- Yes, just down the hall.
- Thank you.

This is unbelievable.

- That's Leo?
- 'Leo' Leo?

There's only one Leo.

- Oh, my God, Taylor Swift!
- You're so white!

Can't we just go to this?
Do we have to steal stuff?

Yes!

- Where is she?
- Table 4, 10 o'clock.

Straightest shot to the bathroom
without putting her in Siberia.

- There's a blank spot next to her.
- It's for her date.

- Who's her date?
- I dunno.

- Hi.
- Hi, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I've got

the final guest list for
the Chairman's Dinner.

Oh, great.

You have
all their arrival times?

All their arrival times, including a
few additional names at the bottom.

- Claude Becker?
- His publicist was into it.

I barely had to ask.

Looks better on me.

Hello.

- They put me next to you.
- Oh, lucky me!

Hello.

Claude Becker.

Daphne Kluger.

- Tres charmant.
- De rien.

The ego has landed.

How did you ever fall
for this schmuck?

Seriously.

Lou and I were going through
a rough patch,

and I really wanted
a big score of my own.

So he roped you in?

Mm... Not really.

What, told you the truth?

Only way to con a con, right?

B-1.

Lou and I were rigging Bingo and
running cheap cons at Roulette.

Lucky if we made $1,000
a night.

- Bingo!
- Bingo call.

So a friend of mine
set me up with this art dealer

and we worked out
a simple little hustle.

- Claude Becker?
- Right through there. - Thank you.

Hi.

- I'm Debbie.
- Claude Becker.

When somebody
got interested in a piece,

I'd pose as another buyer
and drive up the price.

Money was good and he was
great in the kitchen.

Oh, my God, it's so good!

One day

he asked me to pose
as the seller, not the buyer.

What did you do?

Well...

One signature,
half a million dollars.

He said it was simple.

I'd hand them the documents,
and they'd slide me a check.

The whole thing would take
a couple minutes, tops.

- Sorry we're late.
- Not at all. - It's OK.

- Very nice to meet you.
- It's a pleasure.

- It's a beautiful piece.
- Oh, we just love it!

He was right.
It all happened very quickly.

You have a right to an attorney.
If you cannot afford an attorney...

It wasn't my painting.
She brought the picture to me.

She had documentation,
signatures...

And you two were dating?

What?

Not saying a word.

Are you sure?

'Cause he's not being quite
as tight-lipped as you are.

Are these your signatures?

Yeah, I will testify.

I was defrauded too, right?

I'll be right outside.

Hey!

We need to talk.

You better tell me this is not
what I think this is.

What?

Claude Becker.

I didn't do that.

I'm not a croupier, OK?

Or, a tourist with a bucket
of quarters, don't con me.

You do not run a job in a job!

It's not going to matter.

We are gonna get caught.

Stop it. We're not.

Why do you do this?

Why can't you just do a job?

Why does there always
have to be an asterisk?

You frame him, I walk.

Stop.

This is just like last time.

Lou. Lou!

Lou.

He sent me to jail.

You have no idea what that's like.

Yeah, well,
he's gonna do it again.

No, he's not.

He's not.

Good. Switching cameras.

Walking towards the bathroom.

OK, you're in the blind spot.

I'm gonna keep walking.

Nothin'...

Nothin'...

OK, right there!

12 feet. Nice job!

Thank you, Nine Ball.

That easy. Don't mention it.

What's hard?

- Hey.
- Oh, hi!

Sorry, listen, I know this really
isn't any of my business.

- No, go ahead.
- It's just a little red flag here.

But this caterer doesn't have
a nutritional specialist. - OK.

And we're running at 20%
special meals.

Vegan, gluten-free,
low sodium, lactose.

It's just...
I had a client get sued.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I don't think we should wing
any of this stuff.

I think we are short
a staff person.

We need a nutritionist.

- I do know someone.
- You do?

Yeah, and she's great. She just
moved here from Australia.

Yes.

OK. Go.

Vendor, hallway, hallway,
past the auditorium.

Hallway, hallway, hallway, entry.

Hi, hi! I'm so sorry I'm late.
Traffic was horrible.

OK...

- Amita.
- Thank you.

Constance.

Nine Ball.

And Lou.

And Rose.

Thank you.

- And Debbie.
- Thank you.

Hi, I'm Daphne Kluger,

and this is your sneak peek of
this year's Costume Institute.

This is Dolce
and that's Galliano for Dior.

- And that is McQueen.
- Wow!

And who's dressing you, tomorrow?

Mmm. Rose Weil.

- Interesting.
- I know.

I kinda thought
it was an unexpected choice.

What's this over here?

So these are the crown jewels

from eight royal families
of Europe.

Which is probably why
there's a moat.

- So we can't go over there?
- No. God, no.

I wish we could. Anyway...

Uh, they are on loan to us
from Dmitri...

Very-Long-Russian-Last-Name
that I can't pronounce.

We hear those aren't the only
jewels that'll be on display.

- Who told you?
- I have sources.

Well, since the cat's
already out of the bag...

Yes, I will be wearing
a necklace

that Cartier has decided
to loan me.

It's called the Toussaint, and it
has been in a vault for 50 years.

And I'm just a little excited.

- Have you tried it on already?
- Maybe.

- How many carats is it?
- Enough.

♪ Parce que tu crois

♪ Que tu es ma faiblesse

♪ Tu me blesses

♪ Me meurtris

♪ Et te joues de moi

♪ Comme de toutes choses

♪ Et disposes

♪ De ma vie

♪ Et jour et nuit

♪ Parce que tu crois

♪ Etre ma raison d'être

♪ Tu fais naître

♪ Ma douleur

♪ Et bien malgré toi En tout cas je le pense

Hey.

- Hey.
- Hmm?

- Lipstick. What do you think?
- Oh.

Pink. Um, yeah. Barbie.

In a good way.

Thank you.

♪ Un jour peut venir

♪ Demain peut-être ou
bien dans l'avenir

- It's here.
- Right. Finally. Great.

All right.

- Oh, you haven't seen it.
- No.

- Hello.
- Hello.

♪ Tout ce que tu crois

Etre à toi sans réserve
Comme un rêve au matin

Ooh. That's a big box.

♪ Peut, brisant ta loi,

♪ Laisser tes yeux humides

♪ De l'adieu

Holy crap!

Should we, ?...

Let's try it on. See if it fits.
- OK.

- Can I, uh...?
- Sure.

Woop! That's heavy.

Really heavy.

Come to mama.

All right. It might be a little...

Just a tad cold. Right.

Oooh!

- Ohh!
- All right. OK.

- Ohh, wow!
- Let me see. Right.

That goes in.

Look at you!

Yep. There.

- It fits.
- Ohh!

All right.

It fits.

Right, OK. We can get it off,

and then we can try the frock.

- OK.
- Um... Hang on.

Oh!

Sorry, you cannot do it.
I have to do it.

- It requires a special magnet.
- What? - Cool.

- Uh, special magnet?
- Yes.

Oh, that's cool.

That's brilliant. Brilliant.

Amazing. Um...

Can I...

Can I just see that
again, out of interest?

- Sure.
- Thanks.

That's amazing.

Great.

Let me just see.
So how does it work?

Hilda Schneider, fashion
reporter, Der Spiegel. - No.

Hilda Schneider,
diplomatic attache? - No.

- Lufthansa asset?
- Lufthansa.

- Problem.
- With?

From Rose.

Oh, God.

Come on!

Oh, my God,
that is amazing.

And you can only do it
with a magnet?

- Only the magnet.
- Let me just see...

Stop. Play it again.

Oh, my God,
that is amazing.

And you can only do it
with a magnet?

- Only the magnet.
- Zoom in a little bit.

What, Leslie? I'm busy.

Leslie?

Hey, sis, we're in a bit of
a jam right now,

and I need your help.

So it seems like they used
a poly-magnet and a spring.

It gives you attraction
and repulsion

- in the same axis, you know?
- Not really.

Well, they're drawn together,
but don't touch,

until you rotate it,
and then they lock.

It's real dope.
I'll go get you a positive

and a negative pole in a loop.
That oughta work fine.

Ooh, you're a little genius, sis!
Thank you.

Really? She fixed it?

Really?
You just asked me that?

OK, you guys. Sound check.

- Nine Ball.
- Check.

- Debbie.
- Check.

- Constance.
- Yeah.

- Amita.
- Yep.

- Lou.
- Check.

That shit was hectic!

Got chased by a cop.

OK, so this is my sister,
everyone, Veronica.

Check it out.

Crazy.

Tight. All right I owe you one,
you little shit.

Just get me a new ID.

Go home.

What do your parents do?

OK, we are up.

- Is everybody on?
- Yes. - M-hm.

All right, ladies, half an hour.

Countdown starting, now.

OK, first:...

no need to be nervous.

The food is better, on the inside,
than most people think

and even solitary can be
kinda peaceful.

I just wanna say, thank you.

The last three weeks
have been amazing for me,

and we've all worked very hard
for this moment.

So whatever happens tonight,

I want you to remember
one thing,

you are not doing this for me.

You are not doing this
for you.

Somewhere out there,
is an 8 year old girl

lying in bed,
dreaming of being a criminal.

Let's do this for her.

Do not engage
in informal conversation

with the guests, please.

Do not have your cell phone
on you.

Please make sure your cell
phone is turned in to security

prior to the start of the event.
Very important.

Do not slouch, cross your arms,
put your hands in your pockets.

I know it's gonna be a long night.
I know you're gonna get tired.

- Hello.
- Hello. How are you?

Edward, so good to see you.
Claude Becker.

- Pleasure.
- And, of course, Rose Weil.

- You two know each other?
- Yes. - Yes.

My dear, is that the Toussaint?

I'd say you look like
a million bucks,

but it's more like 100 million.

Thank you.
It's a 150 million, actually.

What inspired you for tonight's look?

Her.

Unreal. So what makes
this such a fun night?

I mean, you never know
who you're gonna see.

It's, like, stars from all over
the planet.

Meanin' actors, people in
the fashion industry.

So coming up next,
we have Serena Williams.

- How are you?
- I'm good. How are you?

I'm good, thank you.

So you've conquered the court,
you've conquered motherhood...

- I'm trying.
- I mean, you are succeeding.

Sorry, we're a little
backed up today. Your name?

Uh, Hilda Schneider.

Oh, here it is.
Have a good night.

Danke. Es ist zu mir voll nett.

- Oh, entschuldigung!
- Eentschuldigung. Ach, maht's nichts.

- Wow, Ich liebe dein kleid!
- Danke.

Alt, aber sag es niemand.

Here, Heidi! Heidi!

Yes. Ready for tonight?

- Hi, how are you?
- Nice to see you! Fantastic.

Ready to sit.

- Hot sauce?
- Hot sauce.

- You good? - Yeah.
- I'll see you soon.

Hey, no, we're closed.

We're closed.

Come on, dude, it's right there.

Yeah, I got her.

Yeah, I see her.

We're a go.

Hi, everybody.

- Hi.
- How are you?

Hi. Good to see you.

It's so good to see you.
You look amazing.

- You too. Cheers.
- Oh, yeah, cheers.

No, no, these are real.

Thank you very much.
So kind of you.

OK, counting down.

Three,

two,

one.

Need a gluten-free and a
broiled fish for Table Eight.

Where's the vegan for table 4?

Over here.

Go, go, go!

Oh, God!

Mm.

Mm, mm, mmm...

I'm so hungry.

Mm! I haven't eaten anything
in three days.

I'm sorry.

Mm.

Am I being rude?

She's in deep.

Maybe half a bowl.

So, you're supposed to curtsy.

And they actually have a guy there
to teach you how to curtsy.

Yes, that's true.

So, anyway, I go in, I'm doing
this little knee bend.

And the Queen glares at me

- and says, that's not a curtsy.
- Really?

So now,
I am in a curtsy standoff

with the Queen of England.

And...

Are you OK?

Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine, it's...

- Do you need to go to the bathroom?
- No! I'm fine.

So, I'm in this curtsy standoff
with Queen...

And she's...

- Are you OK?
- You OK? - Do you need?...

I'm fine. Just give me
one second, hold on.

I just need to get this...

You all right?

Game on!

Damen toilette.

- Excuse me, we need to...
- Nein!

Damen toilette! Damen!

Schweine!

That's good.

OK, you're right on
the edge of the blind spot.

Hey, you all right?

You good? Oh, you poor thing.

It's OK. You'll be OK.
Breathe, breathe...

Breathe... Breathe...

Breathe.

OK, ten seconds.

Here we go.

Hey, come here.

This can't be here. You need to get
this into the kitchen right away.

- No problem.
- OK, go. Go, go.

- Coming at you, Deb.
- OK, here he comes.

Ah.

OK, my mule is out.

All my ladies still in the dark.

Dude.

- Dude?
- Yo.

- You have it?
- Have what?

Oh, I smoked it.

- What do you mean, "smoked it"?
- You know, Josh asked,

And he was like,
"Hey, do you have..."

Guys, where is he?
What's wrong?

- What's happening?
- Stalled in the hallway.

Chitchattin'.

Tammy, you gotta get
him moving now.

I'm putting the soup down,
I'm like...

Hey! Hey, what the hell
are you guys doing?

You're not getting paid
to talk.

- Let's go, come on.
- Yeah, sorry.

Here, I'll take those.
I'll take those.

Thanks.

Bathroom break.
Bathroom break!

That was intense.

What?

I don't know. It could've
fallen off in there.

It could've fallen off
back there. I'm not sure.

I was just barfing
my guts out.

I was back at the table
the whole time.

- Seal the exits.
- What?

No. Do we have to make such a
big deal about this? Come on.

- You better lock it up.
- Oh, come on!

- We need to clear the room.
- You can't do that.

We need to do a full sweep.

We can't.

Do you know who's here?

You just lost $150 million.

What would you do if it was
a Rembrandt missing, hm?

Dinner will resume shortly,
I promise.

Thank you so much
for your understanding.

Just walk towards the stairs.

Sealin' the exits.

Gentlemen, we're working
in teams of two.

We start at the perimeter
and work our way in.

Once you've been scanned,
please go directly to the exit.

There will be someone there
that will show you where to go.

Do you know
what's going on here?

An item seems to have been lost.
They're looking for it now.

- Do you know what they lost?
- Diamonds.

Lots of diamonds.

- Diamonds? Really?
- Look, look,...

sir, I really just need to go
to the bathroom.

OK, shit's blowing up.

Police coming, Cartier coming.

A bunch of news people coming.

Yeah.

Yeah, they're doing it.
They're about halfway through.

Was there anything you
did or anyone you talked to

between your table
and the bathroom?

I was rather preoccupied
at the time,

in case you didn't notice.

Amita, there's a guy
in the kitchen.

Just give it
a few more minutes.

We don't have a few minutes.

Oh, shit!

He's right there.

- Tammy, how close are you now?
- By the moat.

Tammy, pull it out of the water.

Just plunk it in the water.
Just pull it out, right now!

Found it!

It was in the water. Must've fallen off
while you were running.

May I?

- We got it back.
- OK.

I'll come back down.

Constance, you good.

Whoa, sick!

Uh-uh!
There's glue, there's glue!

- Feeling better?
- I do now.

Couple scotches, please.

Entschuldigung.
Entschuldigung.
Viel Glück.

♪ You keep saying
you got something for me

♪ Something you call love,
but confess

♪ You've been a'messin' where you
shouldn't 've been a'messin'

♪ And now someone else
is getting all your best

♪ These boots are made for walking,

♪ And that's just what they'll do

♪ One of these days these boots
are gonna walk all over you

♪ These boots are made for walking,

♪ And that's just what they'll do

♪ One of these days these boots
are gonna walk all over you

Dear God!

Thank you. Oh.

Very nice.

First of all, I'm not a member
of law enforcement.

I work with
the insurance carrier.

Which means I'm either looking for fraud
or I'm looking for the real necklace.

Beyond that,
I couldn't care less.

I'm afraid you won't find
either here.

Well, we'll see about that,
Monsieur...

- Monsieur?
- Delarue-Broussard.

OK... Lawrence, when
did you last see

what you believe to be
the authentic item?

When it left here
for the Met Gala.

When did you know
this was a fake?

The moment it was returned.

And you two.

You had your eyes on the necklace
the entire evening?

Apart from when Miss Kluger had her
unfortunate incident in the public toilet.

That's correct.

Did you accompany her inside?

It's a women's bathroom.

It's a very big necklace.

There is only one entrance
in and out.

We were stationed at the door.

Did you check the plumbing?

- No.
- I did.

OK, keep going forward.

Squeaky clean, so to speak.

Whoever stole this necklace

managed to get out
without being detected.

Which means we're looking
for someone very smart.

Gentlemen.

I've seen a thoroughbred racehorse
thrown into a tree shredder.

People will go to great lengths
to defraud an insurance carrier.

There! What's this?

I'm saying
that's not a blind spot.

- What do you call that then?
- The bathroom.

- I don't see a bathroom.
- That's...

Because it's in the blind spot.

What can someone steal
from a bathroom anyway?

I dunno, toiletries,

mints, hand towels,

a six-pound diamond necklace,
apparently.

- Now, who's this?
- A busboy?

- Do you know him?
- How would I know a busboy?

- Aren't we posh?
- I mean...

I don't know everyone who goes
in and out of the museum.

Why do you care about a busboy?

He's the only person who moves
in and out of the blind spot

during the period in question.

Could you please
stop calling it a blind spot?

Fine.

The bathroom door
that we can't see

because of your unique
camera placement.

This is the most sophisticated
museum security in the world.

Every piece of art is recorded
from multiple angles.

We just don't happen to
keep art in the bathroom.

I'm not a critic, Kyle.

I'm an insurance investigator.

I didn't wanna do it, but,
Eric's all, like, "Come on!"

I'm, like, "Dude, I don't do that
anymore."

And he's, like, "Everyone's out
on the loading dock!"

I know it was really stupid.

I know I'm an asshole, but...

it wasn't even my weed.

- I'm sorry, what?
- It wasn't my weed!

Do you want me to pee
in a cup or something?

No, that won't be necessary.

- Are you sure? I really don't mind.
- I'm positive.

They put the necklace on me.

Then I walked the red carpet.

Then I saw the exhibit.

Then I ate my soup.

Then I hurled my guts out.

Then the necklace was gone.

And then everybody freaked out.

And then they found it again,
I thought.

But, no?

This gentleman.

- Claude Becker.
- M-hm?

He was my date.

Was there ever a time
you two were alone,

while you were wearing
the necklace?

No.

Anyone present with you
in the bathroom?

My head was in a toilet bowl.

How 'bout after?

A lot of people.

Do you know this woman?

- No.
- Debbie Ocean, convicted felon.

Her brother, Danny Ocean,
more convicted felon.

She was present on
the night of the incident.

Did she steal the necklace?

Apparently not, she's
the only one with an alibi.

Smiling at the camera
the entire time.

Ooh! So?...

So, I have five innocent people
who seem to be suspects,

and someone who should be
a suspect but isn't.

I have cameras

covering every inch
of the museum,

except for the loo,

where $150 million was stolen
from that neck, your neck.

- Interesting case.
- Mm.

Some days, I love my job.

I love my job, too.

You guys are fucked.

Nice place.

It must be a bitch to heat.

Excuse me, you are trespassing!

No. We asked her to come.

You asked her to come?

Oh.

We realized, a few days ago,
that Miss Kluger...

Was not a total fricking idiot.

Might have gotten a sense
of what we were doing.

You've got one of the greatest
necks in the world.

First of all, if there's one thing
I know, it's bad acting.

In fact, you've got the
only neck that could

carry this necklace off.

And I almost never throw up.

Even when I'm really wasted.

It was in the water.

It must've fallen off
while you were running.

And, last but not least,

I never forget a face.

Debbie Ocean.

Yeah. Yeah. So...

Seems to me,
eight shares of 150 million

is better than seven shares
of nothing, right?

Chilly!

Hi, Daph, welcome to the team.

Let's not all high-five
at once.

Plus, I am the one
who is saving your asses

from insurance fraud.

- What?
- Insurance fraud?

- I was gonna get to that.
- When?

It seems that they've assigned
an insurance investigator...

Who's about to look up
your ass with a flashlight.

- Who?
- Oh, this little Columbo dude,

everything but the trench coat.
Totally on to you.

- His name is John Frazier.
- You know him?

Yes. He busted my father
twice and my brother once.

- He's family.
- All right. Lest we forget,

this entire enterprise
was to keep me out of jail.

Hey, no one's going to jail.

- Are you sure?
- We expected this.

- We prepared for this.
- Yup, that's clear.

We will not be the prime suspects.

OK, well then who will be
the prime suspect?

Well, there's a few.
We've got the security guys,

we've got the busboys...

The shady guy who put you away.

Wow!

The boyfriend.

Yup. They were gonna
be looking for somebody.

Just had to make sure
it wasn't one of us.

It's nice.

Thanks.

That is amazing!
The precision...

Right? It's always the
attention to detail

and the little grace notes that
really make something sing.

Why are you doing this?

Uh...

I don't have that many close
female friendships.

And book clubs are the worst.
So I just thought, y'know,...

this could be
something fun to share.

You're becoming a criminal
because you're lonely?

Who isn't sometimes, right?

Are you an only child?

Midsummer Night's Dream in Miami?

It's Shakespeare!

She did summer stock at Williamstown,

plus a bunch of off-Broadway.

What about this one?
She looks good.

Let's see. Regional theater,

but she trained at Juilliard.

It's really a magnificent piece.
This was your mother's?

Left to me after her passing.

A Swedish prince gave it to her

in exchange for her deflowering.

Are they worth something?

Yes, they're worth quite a lot.

"Take these," my mother said.
"Now, go."

It was moonlight,...

and then he said,

"I'd give you every star in that sky."

I'm sorry.

It must be difficult for you.

- Claude Becker?
- Yeah.

- John Frazier. - Hi.
- SPD Insurance.

How are you?

So, Claude...

Like Jean-Claude Van Damme.

- Isn't it?
- What do you want?

Here are some photographs
of you with Miss Kluger.

Now, as you can see, there
are many photographs

where your hand is on
the back of her neck.

I don't really remember
where my hands were.

Ah... to be you!

Right?

Problem is, the necklace
has been stolen

and a fake has been put
in its place.

Right now, you're the person
with the greatest opportunity...

Why would I wanna steal
a necklace?

That's what
I keep asking myself.

Why would this guy,

who's got everything,

--two of these--

why would that guy wanna
steal a necklace?

And what was your answer?

Maybe he doesn't have
everything.

I think we're done here.

- Just a theory. - Really?
- A shot in the dark. - We're done!

I'm probably wrong.

It's a beautiful piece, and
I want you to have it. I just...

I can't go any lower.
Just hold on one second.

Hello?

- Oh, hey!
- Hi.

What're you doing right now?

Hello, John.

Hello, Debbie. You look well.

- How long's it been?
- A few years.

- Minus good behavior.
- Right. Yeah.

Thank you for calling.
I was gonna call you.

- Yeah, I didn't do it.
- Of course not.

You were just on camera
20 feet away

while the jewels were being nicked.
It's a coincidence.

No. That's a solid alibi.

What is it? Is it genetic?

Are the whole family
like this?

Except for my aunt Ida.

- Librarian?
- Mm. Homemaker.

Right, I'm gonna make this easy
for you. I don't want you.

I just want the necklace.

I don't care.
I'll say I found it in a cab.

How about some of it?

- How much?
- Hypothetically, 10%.

And where's
the hypothetical rest?

Oh, I don't know. Literally.

Oh, God. This is exhausting!

I mean, when they said
come over, I was like... Ugh.

You know, with the jet lag,
the time difference,

Arsenal are in the Cup Final
this weekend,

but, now I'm here, it's bloody interesting.
- Yeah?

So it's not just profit,
it's revenge.

It's a twofer.

He frames you, you frame him, scores
are settled, I'm just the courier,

all is right with the world,
it's brilliant.

Just trying to help out
an old friend.

You know, one day, you are
gonna have to let this go?

And one day, I will.

Let's just say,
for argument's sake,

that I do know where there's
a part of that necklace.

Can you get a search warrant?

I'd need probable cause.

Well, we may or may not be
working on that right now.

Do you wanna play a game?

What kind of game?

A card game.

- Uh-huh.
- Uh-huh?

- Uh-huh?
- Yes, yes!

I'll be right back.

Where are you going?

Wait.

Where are you?

I'll be right there.

You have no idea how this
came to be in your possession?

No.

But you were Ms. Kluger's date

the night
these necklaces were switched.

Yes, I was.

Does that strike you
as a rather large coincidence?

Including a 33.18, D color,
internally flawless diamond...

Are you familiar
with a company called

Becker Holdings, LLC?

Of course.

Well, it seems
four sweet old ladies,

who apparently don't exist,

have recently transferred some
very large sums of money

into Becker Holdings, LLC.

Do you know how that might
have happened, Mr. Becker?

I think
I need to talk to my lawyer.

I think you do.

- To our dear friend Carl...
- Claude.

Claude Becker. May he rest
in peace in prison.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Love you, love you, love you.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

I have a question.

So...

It's good
that he went to jail,

and, 'cause it's great
that we didn't,

but, if you only sold
the jewels for 85 million,

how does it work out
that we get 16 apiece?

Do you wanna?

You thought we were just
gonna steal one necklace?

What do you think we are,
a bunch of pussies?

See, while everyone
was worried

about what was happening
around your neck...

And you were
hurling your guts out...

Thanks for that, by the way.

It was amazing.

That was really impressive.

That was really nice, actually.

The place
kinda went on lockdown.

The kitchen
was cleared out, too.

And while everyone
was watching the entrance,

we thought we'd check out
the exhibit.

Because why would you
just steal one necklace,

when you could steal more?

- Holy shit!
- Holy shit!

- That's a lot.
- Yeah.

We didn't just print
the Toussaint from that thing.

We printed a lot of jewels.

Felt like I was
working at Kinko's.

Meanwhile,

I decided to visit
an old friend.

Ni hao, ma?

Amazon sells
these 20-foot selfie sticks.

All they saw
was a quick, little blur.

- Ke yi, ma?
- Ke yi.

It was a temporary
exhibit and they built

this metal grid
to hang the dresses from.

We just decided to suspend Yen
from that as well.

What if somebody came in?

Oh. Somebody did.

I'm sorry, ma'am,
you can't be here.

We're clearing this whole area.

Ma'am.

Calm down.

We're OK.

Stealing the necklace
was great,

but without that diversion,

without clearing out
the exhibit...

We wouldn't have been
able to grab these.

These,

which bring your cuts to
$38,300,000 each.

- Huh?
- Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I know.
It's so beautiful.

Sweetie, I know,
but you can't put gum

in your sister's hair.

I don't care if she tried
to put it in your nose first.

What's up, YouTube?
It's your girl!

Check out my new crib.

I'm on the co-op board.

- Cut!
- That's a cut!

- Cut, cut, cut!
- That's a cut!

Resetting back to one.

Uh, just, you know...
Smoother.

A little bit of space, please.
It was perfect.

I just need it faster
and more damaged.

All right? Great.

It's not that hard!

You would've loved it.

♪Subs explosiveskull,
corrections, resync by♪ XQ2☻♥