All language subtitles for Getting Naked A Burlesque Story-2018

Ladies and gentlemen,

you ready to see
some burlesque?

Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready to see this girl?

Come on, let me hear it!

Give it up for Gal Friday!

♪ I went down

♪ To Saint James infirmary

♪ See my baby there

♪ She was stretched out
On a long white table ♪

♪ And she was
Just lying on there ♪

I am from Tennessee.

For a lot of Southern families,

it's really big that girls
get married or have a family.

That's not my lifestyle.

Let's hear it for Gal Friday!

Everyone can do it.

Everyone can perform burlesque
if they really want to.

You need to get a costume,
you need to get a gimmick,

and you need to get up onstage
and have the balls to do it.

I was asked, I believe,
in 1996 or 1997,

by Catherine Hourihan,

she said, "Will you do
a burlesque number for me?"

And I had no idea
what it was.

She said,
"It's a short dance

that either begins or ends naked
to music."

You know, at that time
you could fit

all of the burlesque performers
in New York City in two cabs.

I remember when it was still
just like me,

Scotty the Blue Bunny,
Dirty Martini,

Velocity Chyaldd, Tigger,

and World Famous Bob,
and just like a handful

of the first wave
of what we considered to be

the initial waves of
the burlesque revival movement
in New York City.

Experimental artists that were
just absolutely whack-a-doodle

and inspiring and think outside any concept of any shape.

Think outside the triangle.

When I started doing burlesque,

nobody knew what the word
"burlesque" was.

I didn't even care what
the word "burlesque" meant.

But then it sort of like
snowballed.

You know, there's that
second wave

Then there's the third wave.
Then there's the fourth wave.

And then Christina Aguilera
and Cher.

And then there's
the seventh wave.

Burlesque is an evolving term,

which includes an aesthetic
of sparkles and eyelashes

and high heels
and fancy dresses and nudity.

And femininity.

And comedy.

It's also now becoming
more and more a lifestyle.

But burlesque has always been,
and I believe will always be,

the lowest of the low
entertainment.

Because, really,
who are we?

Just some stripper
from New York City.

I always knew
I wanted to live here.

Even when I was young
and had no concept

of what it really meant.

I felt really weird
where I was from.

I don't know,
it just never felt like

the right fit back there.

My mother always said I was an
old woman born in a tiny body.

And from the very beginning, a smartass who talked too much,

and just a little too wise

for such a small person.

And she has great stories
of where I would,

even as a 7-year-old,

just be breaking the balls
of all of her friends.

And she said, you would make them feel bad about themselves.

My mother was
a construction worker.

Sometimes for fun she would
take me on site with her,

and I always liked that time
with her.

Now she is a motorcycle
mechanic.

My father is a contractor
and does like electric work

and stuff like that, but I did not grow up with him.

He left when I was a baby.

But we've always had a good,
friendly relationship.

He knows what I do.
He doesn't care.

When you're in a family
where your mom is a biker,

a Harley mechanic,
and an all-around tough broad

who does her own thing as well
it's like,

what are they going to say?

I have been a professional
burlesque performer

for about six years.

I've got it good.

I live in New York
and I'm able

to maybe sometimes
barely scrape by,

but I'm still able
to support myself.

Gal Friday!

Gal Friday!

It's Gal Friday!

There have been months where
I struggled to make my rent.

But, you know, that's the life
of a classic stripper.

Minnie Tonka
and Darlinda Just Darlinda,

10 years ago

did a number that you are going
to see in just a couple minutes.

That's right, they're going
to be performing

their very first number
from 2004 for us tonight,

which I think
is incredible.

So, ladies and gentlemen,
please join me

in welcoming to the stage,
the Schlep Sisters.

In Yiddish, "schlep" is like,

oh, you're kind of
a sloppy person,

or like, you know, oh, you got
to schlep that big bag.

So it's like,
it's a funny word.

And it doesn't necessarily
have like a sexy connotation.

♪ Turn left, turn right
Hold tight ♪

♪ Lift your feet
Heart will follow ♪

♪ Lift your voice
Fill the hollow ♪

♪ Spread your wings
Like the swallow ♪

♪ Spread your wings like
The swallow ♪

♪ Fly away
Greet the day ♪

♪ Dance, dance
Everybody dance ♪

Our Hava Nagila act
was our first act ever.

We came out in granny panties.

We had these suitcases
just full of random clothes.

And then we just
put them on.

We did a reverse strip,
because I didn't want to strip.

I was intimidated, yeah.

At the time, that's when, like,
kind of gay marriage

was starting to get into the
news, and we were like, oh...

-As we developed that act.
-As we developed that act, yeah.

And we were like oh, well,
Hava Nagila is a wedding song,

so why don't we be
two brides?

How does
the Schlep Sisters' style

differ from your individual
styles and routines?

I mean, I tend to do,
like, really weird things.

Pull things out
of my pussy, and...

You know, it's like things
like that are, like,

the Schlep Sisters
would never do, you know?

-And I would never do.

And, yeah, she would never do,
yeah, yeah.

Before I got into burlesque,

I was really on this very deep
Jewish journey.

I got my master's
in Jewish Education.

In graduate school I felt very,
very out of place.

It was very stifling
and conservative for me.

I didn't kind of fit
the typical mold

of someone who would go to
a Jewish theological seminary.

Please welcome to the stage,

from New York City,
Minnie Tonka!

So, I was really, really excited
and intrigued to try burlesque.

But I was very,
very scared

to do the strip tease
alone on stage.

And Darlinda was always really
pushing me to, you know,

be more naked
and be more naked.

♪ Shut your mouth

♪ Shut your mouth

♪ Shut your mouth

I think about that sometimes,

when I think about how I just
fully didn't get it, in a way.

You know, it took me years
to fully get

and understand burlesque.

Or maybe an animal
that you like?

Or that you're
curious about.

The past few years I've started to teach burlesque.

If you were a snake,
for example,

you want to, like, slither
your way to get to that sun.

Or you-- you see a rat
that you want to eat.

I wanted to create a class
to give people the space

to explore what burlesque
means to them.

What are some reasons
for doing burlesque?

If you're exposed to different
body types, you will find--

you will find
your mindset changing,

and you'll start
thinking, like,

wow, this type of body that I
never see is actually beautiful,

because you're just being
exposed to it more and more.

Burlesque is an opportunity
to be a statement, an assertion.

I am enough, I am okay,
I am going to share it.

If you don't want it,
that's fine, but here it is.

Yeah.

Here it is.

Yeah.

The fact that we have
a sexuality

and we can display this
without shame.

And, you know, display,
like, whatever kind of freak

you've got inside.

I don't know if there
was a specific moment

that told me this is what
I'm going to be doing.

Just lots of little steps.

This is from the time that
I took my grandma's scarves

out of her drawer and tied them
around me into a costume.

But I know that
I had these, like,

just kind of secret dreams.

I would go up to my room
and play dress-up and, like,

pretend I was a princess.

Like, way later than...
than I should admit.

I've had issues
with social anxiety.

I guess I got boobs early,
and a little bit of teasing.

I felt that if I showed cleavage
I was slutty.

[ambulance siren wailing
distantly]

My first performance,
I was intensely nervous.

I remember being
in the dressing room

with all these other
performers.

The dressing room
at the Slipper Room

was covered
in glittery graffiti.

All these performers' names
who I had seen.

And being back there

where all these other
performers had been...

was intimidating
and exciting.

But I remember kind of the
moment I stepped on stage...

Hazel Honeysuckle...

...and heard applause
and saw the audience...

it was kind of like
a homecoming.

You know, I've been present
for a lot of conversations

that go something like this:

"Oh, she gets hired
because she flirts."

"She gets hired because
she's real pretty,

but she can't dance,"
you know.

Telling me that I'm not really
that good.

-Hi, Minnie. Sorry.
-Hi, it's okay.

-Hi, Hazel.
-Hi-- ooh.

How are you? Thanks for coming.

We're both wearing
white G-strings.

Yes. Yes.

I see.

Bean bag masturbation.
What is that?

Ladies and gentlemen,

get yourselves ready
for the Wiggle Room.

I don't doubt that if I had
a different body,

there's a very good chance
I would not have gotten

a lot of the work,
or the same amount of work

that I have gotten.

That's left me
with something to prove.

Here she is now, the lovely,

the talented, my ex-wife,
Hazel Honeysuckle!

♪ Honey dear, want you near

♪ Just turn out the lights
And then come over here ♪

♪ Nestle close up to my side

I don't want to be a success

based on just being pretty.

I want to be worth it
as an artist.

♪ I never knew that life could
Ever be so sweet ♪

♪ Till I met you

♪ Some time ago

♪ But now you know

♪ I love you so

Hazel Honeysuckle,
everybody!

I have a massive
shoe collection.

So we have all manner
of Lucite,

boots, thigh-highs,
lesser used stripper heels.

And my Golden Pasty Award
for Best Booty.

This is going to be an issue.

All various shades of red

falls for all of my different
redhead moments.

When I first started
performing,

I remember thinking
that I would have to

kind of change my personality
for this character.

That I would be much quieter
and more ladylike

with that look
of that classic pin-up.

That shit just flew out
the window so fast.

Your real personality is just
going to eventually come out.

And my real personality
is pretty tomboy-ish.

And, you know,
sarcastic

and sometimes a little
bit aggressive.

So, you know, you can try
to hold those things down,

but eventually
they come out anyway.

And I found that it actually,

I think, makes
my performance better.

You know, there's only so many dance moves you can do.

I tend to do mostly classic burlesque, I would say.

A lot of bumps and grinds,

and a lot of booty moves
and ass-shaking.

Certain venues or, you know,
producers have expectations.

They'll even tell you,
you know,

this is more
of a classic show.

Please bring
classic numbers.

But I want to have
my flavor in it too.

I don't want to just go
out there and be like,

"I'm a princess."

Because I'm really not.

I can't even fake it.

Yeah!

Here we go,
let's try it again.

That's good.
Try one more again.

To some people maybe I am
a one-trick pony.

I mean, there might
be people out there

who automatically assume
she only does classic.

You don't want to get
in that rut where it's like,

that is what Gal Friday does.

I want to perform something
out of my comfort zone.

I just want to do
something different.

And I know it seems silly,

but I'm a little bit
afraid to fail,

and I don't like that.

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to the Slipper Room
show, Glitter Gutter.

Now please welcome your host
for the evening,

a man flying on
an altitude of talent

beyond human imagining,

Mr. Mel Frye.

Yeah!

How we doin'
How are you?

And the rest of you,
how are you guys doing?

I went to the doctor today.

Comes in with this little
clipboard and he says,

"Mel, you have to stop
masturbating."

I said, "Why, doc? Why do I have
to stop masturbating?

I mean, that's ridiculous."

And he said, "Because I'm trying
to examine you."

It's the Glitter Gutter,
ladies and gentlemen.

It's the Glitter Gutter.

When I first opened
the Slipper Room downtown,

it was very much
an artistic center.

You know, a lot of small
experimental theaters

run by people who were
interested in art,

and supporting the arts.

They're all gone now.

We're the last
of the theaters

on the Lower East Side.

I think that New York
is much more money-oriented

than it is arts-oriented.

One of the things, I think,
that makes the Slipper Room

kind of unique is that
it is run by people

who are in it as an art project
first and foremost.

One of the things
that really cemented it

as the Slipper Room style

was that you have a host
who's a comedian

who's playing a character,

you know who's doing like
an old-style variety show,

like the kind of thing
you might have seen,

you know,
on 1950s television.

Yeah!

We book variety shows,

and I consider the burlesque
side of it

to be strip tease.

And not just
any strip tease.

There's a distinction
between the stripper

and the burlesque dancer.

Burlesque itself as an art form is, you know,

hundreds of years older
than strip tease.

And it's political parody.

It's holding a mirror up
to our society and saying,

look how ridiculous this is.

It forces people to think about how repressed their lives are.

We get a lot of really square
people come in here,

and they see these people
who are on stage

who are completely free.

And it's in a direct line
from you know, Warhol's Factory.

Like what, you know, came out
of New York in the '60s.

There are still a fair amount
of people who come to New York

because they're attracted
to that.

'Cause they know about that.

And if they find us,
then they have a home.

Four, five, six, seven, eight.

Every year, Darlinda and I

create a new act.

And this year we debut
our act Schlep-A-Con.

As we're working on it,
we're evolving.

Every few months we had
friends come in

and help us just tighten it up
even more.

And, of course, our costumes
are from Garo Sparo.

Whoo!

-I think it's funny.

I mean, people like camel toe.

The costumes are so showbiz.

And, hot damn,
it's major camel toe.

-It's-- I mean--
-The most camel toe ever.

It's--
More camel toe

than any other Schlep act.

We applied to

the Burlesque
Hall of Fame this year,

for Best Small Group.

They call the Burlesque Hall of Fame the Oscars of burlesque.

The pageant is valuable,

because people from all over
the world come,

and then they want to

book you because
they've seen your act.

It's like a showcase

of stuff from
all over the world.

The first time I went to the
Burlesque Hall of Fame was 2009,

and we competed
with Party In My Pants.

♪ There's a party in my pants

♪ And everybody's coming

And then we
competed again in 2011.

When we performed, I literally
like went out of my body

and, like,
saw us on stage.

-It was like...
-It was so scary.

This will be
our third time competing.

We haven't won yet, and we
really want to win this year.

For most girls,
the Burlesque Hall of Fame,

it's a weekend
about networking

and the big competition
where they announce

the new Queen of Burlesque
for the year.

But it's actually
an opportunity

to pay respect to the actual
legends who did it themselves.

These were women
who were rebels.

I was looking
through a magazine

and saw a picture
of Josephine Baker

in her banana skirt.

And I read about her life.
and I just was so captivated

with this woman
who I just thought

was gorgeous and statuesque.

And the more I found out
about her,

the more enchanted I was
with her story,

because she grew up poor.

Very, very poor.

And the odds... she was
a black woman in the '20s

who became this sensation
in Paris,

and was the only woman to speak at the March on Washington,

and then was also a spy
for the French Resistance.

I said, "I want to be
this woman

and I want to do a tribute
to her one day."

I came across the problem
of people not seeing me

as a glamorous woman,

or only wanting to see
the sort of savage persona.

I've had producers tell me,

"You should only do
an African-themed act."

Or they want me to be
a voodoo priestess.

But not a glamorous one.

You know, a really dark
voodoo priestess.

And I just find it fascinating
that people can't see

a black woman
as this glamorous being.

Ladies and gentlemen,

it's my pleasure to bring
to the stage

Miss Perle Noire.

People go to burlesque shows
to escape,

to have a good time,
to laugh.

But burlesque makes people
feel certain things,

and sometimes
they don't like it.

Sometimes people are turned on,
and it bothers them.

Women being turned on
by another woman,

and it... they get really
discombobulated.

They can't understand
what's happening.

Men being turned on by a woman
who isn't their ideal body.

You know,
maybe his wife is blonde,

but he's turned on
by the black performer.

Or he's turned on by the
performer that's 200 pounds.

You know, I'm a performer

who is not going to be
on the cover ofMaxim.

I like my body. Um...

You can call it
a bunch of different things.

I'm curvy.

I don't fit into
regular-sized clothing.

What I do is mostly
straight strip tease.

So I get up,
and I do sexy.

And I do it sincerely,
and I do it 100%,

and I do it
for that audience.

I'm here.
This is what I have.

You can like it
or you can not like it.

I like it.
I think it looks good.

I want to show it to you.
I'm doing it.

I don't go out to be political,

but when people see me
get on stage,

it's inherently political.

It's easier for people
if fat ladies are funny.

You know, it's easier for
people if you do your thing,

and it's cute,
and it's sanitized,

and it's not meant
to be sexy,

and it's not supposed
to be dirty,

and it's not supposed
to be erotic.

People come up to me
after my show and say, like,

"When are you
performing again?

"My wife looks like you,
and she's so beautiful,

"and I love her, and she won't
let me see her naked,

"and I need her to come here
so she can see

what I see
when I look at her."

You know, like people
say those things to me,

so I know that what I do
has that effect on people,

and I think, well...

what would it mean
if I were like...

if I were really thin?

Like, would my work
still be political?

Give it up for Jezebel Express,
ladies and gentlemen!

I worked in an office.

Regular 9-to-5 job.

It wasn't what I had ever
set out to do.

It just ended up being a job
I fell into,

And I stayed
because it was easy.

I told my boss
that I was quitting.

I said,
"I'm putting in my notice.

I'm going to become a full-time burlesque performer."

I always try to be supportive
of anything she wants to do.

But I was a little bit nervous.

Cognitively, it took a second
to get used to the idea

that my wife wanted
to perform naked

for rooms full of strangers.

Hazel and I met

on the very first day
of college.

In addition to being pretty,

one of the first things
that attracted me to Hazel

was that I came
into her dorm room

and she had brought
a Super Nintendo to college.

So she had this, like,
retro gaming thing,

and then she mopped
the floor with me

when we played
"Dr. Mario,"

which had never happened
in my life before.

And to this day,
I can't touch her.

This is my newest costume.

It's a Beholder,

which is a monster from
the Dungeons & Dragons universe.

It has eyeballs.

It also has this bra
that blinks.

And voilà.

Pretty good, right?

I learned to use a sewing
machine from my mother.

But I never had
any actual training.

I love making costumes,

create something
that you can hold up

and show people and say, look,
I did this.

She really hit
the ground running.

One day my wife had never been
on a stage before,

two days later she had shows
booked out

for the end
of the month.

Since getting into burlesque,

I've really come out
of my shell, to use a cliché.

And maybe I went
a little overboard.

I didn't really understand

what burlesque was.

You know, I learned a lot,
and I had to learn quickly.

Because she fell in love
with it.

♪ I've got my man

♪ In his Wrangler jeans

I've got my man ♪

♪ Bull-riding machine

♪ He's on the road

♪ Away from me

Now I work four to six
nights a week,

and I'm fully supported
by my burlesque income.

I'm established now
but I'm--

you know, I'm not really
a veteran performer,

so I still kind of see myself
as one of the newbies

trying to gain the respect
of the veteran performers.

♪ Yeah, yeah, he loves me

♪ I'm his rodeo queen

My hair has always been
such a part of my identity.

It was sort of that thing where I thought it's who I was,

or people kind of expected
a certain look for me.

And then one day I was like,
fuck that,

I'm just going
to cut my hair.

I was so tired of just being
about my hair.

My hair was my saving grace.

The face could be just
fucked up, and it's like,

but look at that hair.

And then I just
took that away.

I think these will be okay.

If they're too long
they hit.

As small as it might be,

the thought is that people
are not necessarily

going to take you seriously
because you don't look like,

to them, what the idea
of a burlesque performer is.

There are some girls
who are really adept

at sewing and designing,

and so they can make
their own stuff.

And then there are others,
like myself,

where we might have
this concept

and we'll design it and,
you know,

draw it out
and have this idea,

and then take it to someone

who knows what the fuck
they're doing.

I just got this one made.

I was hoping to debut it

at the New York
Burlesque Festival.

But that is actually
coming down the pike.

Every year I'm so honored
to be a part of it.

When I first started,
I applied and got in.

I remember then how much
it meant to me for,

as a first-year performer
getting into a festival,

you know, and the first one
I'd applied to.

And so it just really holds that special place in my heart.

The actual costume itself
is pretty much ready,

but I don't know
if the act is ready.

♪ Schlep-A-Con
Schlep-A-- Schlep-A-Con ♪

Running man.

We looked at a video of it, and feedback from other people,

like, yeah,
it's a great act,

but it's just like
all your other acts.

You do this, you do this,
and we just...

just kind of recycled
a lot of our old moves.

And so we were just, like,
let's try to rework it.

Basically, we decided to make
it a little bit more comical.

Like, oh, we're trying to do
like '80s hip-hop moves.

Which is comical
in its creation,

because, like,
we don't know any.

Down, down, down, down,

down, down, down,

down, down.

When we do this, we're not going
to be touching hands.

-Just to note.
-Mm-hmm.

No, see, it's just
like, down.

Seven, eight...

That's after.

Because we take off
our pants.

Boom, boom.

Do you want
some coconut water?

Yeah. It's good.

-Okay.

I would absolutely love

to perform at Burlesque
Hall of Fame Weekend.

It would definitely
be amazing

to perform on that
humungous stage

for all of... for all of these
people that I admire.

It's a huge deal
to come to Vegas.

You know, because people are coming from all over the world.

And they get a lot
of applications.

Five, six, seven, eight.

♪ Bumblebee, bumblebee
Bumblebee ♪

Chin down.
♪ Bumblebee

♪ Bumblebee, bumblebee
Bumblebee, bumblebee ♪

Excellent. Let's do
a couple of lions.

Do you remember those?

Super-super-super
scrunch that face, Hazel,

and then open really wide.

Ah.

One more,
super-super-super...

I'm very nervous
about singing.

It's...

like, it's a scary thing
to get up and--

to get up in front
of people and sing.

It's much scarier
than getting naked on stage.

All right,
so here we go.

Boobs.

♪ You've gotta have boobs

♪ If you want to impress
Tycoons and rubes ♪

-Good!
-♪ You need boobs

♪ To fill out a sweater

♪ You'll get two
But three might be better ♪

That's one in the back
for dancing.

I think one of the things
that separates Hazel

is her continuing drive

to better herself
as an artist as a total,

and not just
as a really pretty girl.

Like, I honestly
don't even think

that Hazel looks at herself
and is like,

Oh, my God, I'm so hot.

Like, there's a lot
of other girls who are, like,

as hot as her that are just,
like, super cunty.

And Hazel just isn't.

♪ Even a cow has to show
Her udders ♪

-Good. And keep it going.
-♪ You got to have boobs

♪ B-O-O-B-S

Okay, now this one's a little
bit crisper, right?

I want to sing to prove
that I can do it.

I want to sing so that
I can show people

that I can get up there
and do a lot more

to entertain people than,
you know, smile and get naked.

♪ Make a man stand right up
And take his hat off ♪

Yes, much better.
You hear that?

Because you say--

♪ Ha

It gives you a chance
to hit that.

But once you get to that O--

♪ Hat off

That's it. One more time,
so I know it's not a fluke.

Are you coming out in a bra?

I'm coming out, and this is it.

This is the costume.
Like the only things
that I take off

are going to be bra
and gloves,

bra and skirt,
and potentially this thing.

Okay, gloves.

I mean, the idea really,

I think, is spinning the records
on my boobs.

Yeah. That's like
the pièce de résistance.

Yeah. So, like, this is more
just like, hey, hello.

-I'm covered in something '80s.
-Yeah.

I mean, '80s was all about,

like, the high waist
and it's cute to have, like,

that little midriff section,

so you're not showing, like,
too much skin.

But, Sarah, we should take her
bust, waist, hips and length.

There's certain
unique challenges

when you're working
with a burlesque client

rather than another client,

just because, of course,
you have to think

of the mechanics
of the outfit.

The mechanics of how
it relates to the act,

the mechanics of how
it's going to come off.

So there's no, like,
bumps in the road.

That thing has
to snap off quickly,

that zipper has
to come off smoothly.

It's got to be beautiful
as it's coming off as well,

the inside and the outside,

because everybody is looking
at everything.

Now, I'm going to leave
my finger there,

so see if you can comfortably
unzip yourself.

So...
-Yeah.

Yeah.

Burlesque is such an exciting
thing to work on,

because you're constantly
working on something

that is meant
to transform

from one state to another,
and to fool the audience.

And it's always
such a huge challenge

to have that burlesquer
come out on stage,

and have the audience
not size her up and be like,

okay, that's coming off first
and that's coming off second.

Close your eyes
and open your hand.

-Yay!

It's a down payment.

When I first
started out in 2004,

you know, at that time
it just was this place

where you could just
really experiment.

Back then,
everyone was so individual,

what they were creating
in burlesque,

that if someone
was wearing a panel skirt,

if someone like ever wore that, no one would do that,

because that was like,
oh, they're doing that.

Okay, cool, then I'm going
to go and, you know, whatever.

No one is burlesque
was skinny then.

It seems that there is
a trend that,

since burlesque has become
mainstream,

that restaurants
and more upscale bars

are interested in having
this sort of entertainment.

Throughout history,
burlesque has been a source of,

like, lowbrow entertainment.

It's cheap, you know,
accessible.

Anyone can come. Like, people
used to bring their wives.

It was like, you know, my mom
even saw a burlesque show,

like, when she was a kid
with her dad,

because he went to go
see a jazz band.

However, people are kind of
glomming onto it,

you know, trying
to make it highbrow,

or trying to make it

only for people with money,

or only for people who want
to look at skinny people,

or one body type.

And the people that are kind of buying into that,

it's not coming from a place
of soul or heart.

I do, very much.

Today, I signed a contract

to perform in Atlantic City
this summer.

I'm going to be doing shows
once a week

at the Borgata Casino.

I never thought that I would be in this situation:

more work than I need, and being in demand as a performer.

It's like a dream come true,

except that I never actually
had this dream,

because I didn't know
that it was a possibility.

Even a couple years ago,
I would say

I'm not going to be performing
all the time.

I'm just going to be performing for fun.

But now I'm performing
all the time,

and I travel, and...

the casino
really spoils me.

Quite frankly,

burlesque does not
pay the bills,

and my rent
is really expensive.

And so I, um...

I need to figure
something else out

in terms of my income.

But the thought of going back
to a full-time day job right now

is like...

just makes me feel, like, awful.

We are--
Totally down.

Some people just don't
like the city.

No, and I understand that.

-Yeah.
-I guess it's like

they're in an awkward,
unfortunate position,

because they're right next
to New York.

I mean, and you know
that I'm not New York-centric.

Take a right,
take a right.

Whoo-hoo!

-Let's do Newark!
-Let's do Newark!

Hi.

Good to see you.

Hi.

-Good.

It is really dank more than
normal back here, down here.

-Uh-huh.

Is that-- that's bad.

Mold is bad.

And we're here.

-Yeah.

Oh, Lord.

Okay.

Let's do this shit.

We will play some music,

and you guys are going
to show them

lots and lots of love,
lots and lots of joy.

Let them know that you're having
a great time.

And then you get
to see the goods, you dig?

The magic of burlesque.

And the power of boobies.
Salut.

Doing burlesque full-time is...

is hard work.

You know, working every night,
practicing and rehearsing.

It's a lot of fun, but I don't
want to see myself

working in little bars
several years down the road.

I got it, thank you.

Oy. Okay.

As the New York Burlesque
Festival was coming up,

I was so nervous
for this act.

I was all stressed out about it because I was like,

is this going to work,
or is this boring?

I'm not doing that much.

I was really scared.

For me, I'm not that quick
to make a new act.

It's very costly and,
you know,

sometimes it's just like
the inspiration

to do that
just isn't there.

I could go-go in this.

-Oh, yeah.

When you first
start performing,

you're excited.

So you're just
pumping out,

and you're coming up with all
these ideas,

and you're going fucking nuts.

And everything feels fresh.

Well, after a while things
aren't gonna be fresh anymore.

Please welcome to the stage
Gal Friday!

So now you have to start
asking yourself, you know,

"What am I getting out of this? What are they getting
out of this?"

Everybody goes through moments when they don't feel confident.

You know, it's hard.

Especially when you're a naked
lady on stage, you know,

there's a lot of things
going through your head.

Am I pretty enough?

Is my body good enough?
And all that crap.

But once you're onstage,

your job is to entertain
your audience.

Just go in, and it's a job,
and you're like, zoom.

As the years go by,

I wish I also had something
else that I could do.

There's only so far I think
I can go with this,

but I don't, at this point
in my life,

really have that many
other options.

I went to school
for theater.

Might as well shoot yourself
in the foot.

That's actually why
I moved here to New York.

I wanted to be
a part of that.

I just wasn't cut out
for the hustle of it.

The cutthroat nature of it,
it just wasn't for me.

And then there's the guilt
that goes with it,

because you move here and
everybody back home is going,

"So, what are you doing now?"

And it's like,
I'm waiting tables.

You feel like a big fucking
loser and a disappointment.

All the things your mom
ever said to you,

like, this is a pipe dream.

You know, what are you doing
with yourself?

Right now I'm going through a
lot of transitions in my life.

I was diagnosed
with seronegative arthritis,

which is a version of rheumatoid
arthritis, in 2000.

I was in remission
for 10 years,

and then it came back.

It's very complex.

Like I look healthy
and I look like, good.

But I don't always feel good
and I'm not fully healthy.

Maybe we can
run through our new number

just on the stage
with, like, our phones.

Okay.

My body was so bad,

it was so--
I could barely move.

My range of motion and my flexibility is very limited,

because my knees are in so much
pain and they're so stiff.

For shows, usually
adrenaline kicks in,

but that's not healthy
to live on adrenaline,

and to perform
on adrenaline.

If we could just play
Scott's intro,

and then we'll play
your opening number, okay?

I see the changes in Minnie.

She has some days
that are really hard,

and it can be
really frustrating for me,

because it's like, oh, well,
we can't go down on the floor,

you know, or we can't do this
or we can't do this.

You know, sometimes I feel like,
how are we gonna get any better

if you can't do
this thing?

We have another
East Village legend.

She is considered the one-woman riot of burlesque.

Let's give it up
for Minnie Tonka.

Minnie Tonka!

I've been so selective in what
energy I'm going to put out.

But at the same time
it's been this balance.

Like, oh, I don't want people
to forget about me, you know?

So it's like,
I have to keep this persona

of, like, Minnie Tonka,
whoo-hoo!

It's been this massive,

just emotional and physical
journey and change.

I think my perspective
on everything

is changing right now.

Hello, motherfuckers!

And welcome to the 12th annual
New York Burlesque Festival.

He's thinking, is it a man or
a woman, is it a man or a woman?

Sir, the answer is no.

It's been going great.

We're on Day 3 today.

We are at the
Saturday Spectacular

in B.B. King's
in Times Square.

This is kind of our
crème de la crme of performers.

Murray Hill hosts tonight.

And then we feature
basically the best in burlesque

from around the world.

This is for all the ladies

who think living
in New York City is glamorous.

I got really sick.

Like I had a panic attack
just before.

This might be something
that the audience might not

like it or get it.

If an act is weird,
sometimes if people

are uncomfortable
or if it's weird-looking,

if people are uncomfortable
they'll laugh.

I was afraid, like, if one
person started laughing,

that I would fall
into that thing

of treating it
like a joke.

But I didn't want
to make fun of myself.

Ladies and gentlemen,

our next performer, she's doing
a brand-new number.

That's right, and if you
don't know burlesque,

know that no one ever says that
or does that.

She's doing
a brand-new number.

Ladies and gentlemen,
it's not Monday,

it's not Tuesday,
it's not Wednesday,

it's not Thursday.

Right now it's Gal Friday!

When I was up there,

everything just
sort of clicked.

And then it just all
came out of me,

and it was such a great,
honest moment.

And I was throwing
my all into it.

It was that thing of, like,

feeling, like,
sexually repressed.

Until the hood came off.

And then it was just
like an orgasm.

Let's hear it for her,
everybody: Gal Friday!

After the New York
Burlesque Festival,

I was surprised at how much
it ripped from me.

Everything I wanted it to be
kind of exploded out.

You know, like, it was just enough out of my comfort zone,

but still had aspects
of who I am as a performer.

Like, I just performed it,
and it felt really good,

and it felt real,
and it felt from the heart.

And I think it's a rare thing
to hit on something

that felt really honest,
but also felt right.

I'm feeling really excited,
and nervous and, you know,

it's like, the pressure's on,
you know?

Mom Just Mom?

Who else could it be?

You're on camera.

I was just getting
interviewed.

Hi.

My God, you look
beautiful.

Oh, my God,
she's not joking.

No, you're... yeah.

When did you find out Darlinda
was a burlesque performer?

Well, at birth.

The day she was born,

I was in the hospital room,
okay?

And she must have been
three hours old,

and she had
eye contact.

And I have witnesses.

Fifteen people came
to visit me that day.

And she literally looked around
the room in everybody's eyes,

and they remember
that day.

It was very freaky, yes.

So she had stage presence
at birth.

What are your feelings
about the Schlep Sisters?

They're funny.

But they're also--
they're very--

they're cute in a way.

They're adorable.

Do you have any jitters

about them going on
in competitions?

They'll win.

They'll win.

You heard it here.

Yeah!

I got this for, like,
$9 from China on eBay.

And with-- plus shipping,
it was like 14 bucks.

Is this hot or what?

It's amazing.

So anyway, you guys--

you need to take a photo
of me in the hallway.

How are you feeling?

Well, obviously,
I'm filled with pride.

Oh, I want to cry.

Well, every time
I see you perform,

it brings me back
to that moment

when you were figure skating
the very first time

and you competed,
you were like four years old.

When I see you out there
bringing joy to everybody

and joy to yourself,
there is such pride.

So I want you to know that.

We're just, like, really, really
grateful and really excited.

You know, just, like,
being here

is so much more

than just getting
the opportunity to compete.

I just feel like it's, you know,

this validation
from the universe

that, like, you know,
I'm healing.

And the stage
is really slippery,

so I'm nervous about that!

-I'm so sorry you told me that.
-Yeah, I know.

-You're going to flip.

-I know.
-Yeah. You're going to flip.

Thank you for being here.

Of course.

I'm very nervous.

I'm excited.

I've performed for an audience, you know,

for an audience this size
before plenty of times,

but never an audience
full of my peers.

Mostly I just want to feel
like I deserve to be up there.

I feel immensely proud
of my wife,

and sometimes I feel like even
she doesn't fully get

how proud of her I am,
or what a big deal it is,

what she's done.

Five years ago she worked
a day job, Internet support.

There's nothing wrong with that,
but it's not show business,

it's not the type
of rarified skill set

that now she's doing,

and being acknowledged
by more and more people.

Please welcome,
from New York City,

the delicate flower,

Hazel Honeysuckle.

♪ You've got to have boobs

♪ If you want to impress

♪ Tycoons and rubes

♪ You need boobs

♪ To fill out a sweater

♪ You'll get two
But three might be better ♪

Oh, that's one in the back
for dancing.

♪ Boobs always give thrills

♪ Two fried eggs
Will surely grab him ♪

♪ Like grapefruits will

Oh, they're both
breakfast foods.

♪ But listen, folks

♪ What sets them all
A-whirling ♪

♪ Is a bare pair of tits
With tassels twirling ♪

♪ You've got to have boobs

♪ B-O-O-B-S

Do you think it's easy
to write songs like this?

Lots of research.

♪ Just think if all us girls
Had boobies with fluoridation ♪

♪ We could take the cavities out
Of the whole damn nation ♪

♪ A nibble a day
Keeps the dentist away ♪

Even drag queens
love big titties.

This would go over great
at the goat farm.

♪ Pasties are a boob's

♪ Best friend

Friends and lovers,

keep it going
for Hazel Honeysuckle!

I felt, like, oh, my gosh,

we're in this show with all
these amazing people and, like--

I just felt like they looked
amazing on that big stage.

I was like, wow, they're really
talented and I just, you know,

it's like they're flexible and
I'm like, wow, and here I am.

Picking each other up.

Yes, throwing
each other in the air.

No matter the outcome,

I feel like it's such a positive
thing that we're doing.

I feel like we're both
in such like great places,

like emotionally
and physically.

And, like, whatever happens,
I just feel so good about it.

Like, I feel like we're gonna
fucking rock that stage.

People are going to be like,
"what the fuck?"

Yay, we can run.

-I don't know.

We do have
that cartwheel.

I feel confident.

Yeah. Yeah, me too.

Yeah.

Okay, I can feel the camel toe.

Yeah, I have
major camel toe.

Are you guys ready
for the Tournament of Tease?

Our first category,
as always, is...

-Small Groups.

But our next performers tonight
are showbiz sisters,

and have been
for 12 years!

So please welcome to the stage,
the Schlep Sisters!

♪ Schlep-A-Con
Schlep-A-- Schlep-A-Con ♪

♪ Schlep-A-Con is
A Schlep Sisters convention ♪

♪ It's fakata to think what
They do for the attention ♪

♪ Darlinda spins around like
A gorgeous living dreidel ♪

♪ While Minnie claps her hands
She's such a shaina maidel ♪

♪ Everybody say shalom
To the Schlep Sisters ♪

-♪ Oh, yeah
-♪ Ooh, watch them dance
Just look at them go ♪

♪ When they start to move
Get ready for a show ♪

♪ A little nervous?
Don't know what to do? ♪

♪ Just order some schnapps
Like one or two ♪

♪ But leave a nice tip

♪ You don't want to be
A schnorrer ♪

♪ Oy gevalt
That's a really sexy aura ♪

♪ Baby, come join
The party now ♪

♪ Well, I'm so happy
To see you ♪

♪ Well, you know
It's a good time now ♪

♪ Singing Hava Nagila

-♪ I feel warm
-♪ I feel warm

♪ Feel my tush

♪ You give me
Such a burning bush ♪

♪ If I can't have you
I'll break down ♪

♪ Diving on the ground

♪ I said, oy

-♪ Baby
-♪ Baby

♪ "Jewish" that you could
Be me ♪

♪ I said, oy

♪ Baby

♪ I knew Jewish
It said see you there ♪

♪ I said, oy

♪ Baby

♪ Well, I loved you
Shlemiel ♪

♪ Schlep, Schlep, Schlep
Schlep-A-- Schlep-A-Con ♪

♪ Oy

Did you notice,
I wasn't doing my full...?

I think we just need
to just accept it.

What an
incredible show this was.

Now whatever happens
from this point on,

I think you will
all remember

that this bunch
of human beings

gave you
an amazing show.

And the Best Small Group
goes to...

2 to Fly!

So...

Darlinda and I feel so good
about our performance.

I'm going to cry.

Like, we had so much fun

and we fucking rocked it.

And...

like, we got off that stage and
we were so excited and happy,

and I feel like

even though we didn't come home with the trophy,

we totally won.

We won on so many levels.

We totally won.

Red bean.

Red bean, yuzu,

Nutella.

-Coconut.
-Coconut.

I messaged him first

-on OkCupid.
Yeah.

I saw that he liked the movie
Pooty Tang.

Oh, you likePooty Tang.

If you liked
The Last Dragon,

I might pop out a kid
right now.

And of course I loved
The Last Dragon.

And he's like, "I saw it in
the theater like three times."

And I was, like, wet as fuck,
so it was on.

I said, "I work at night,
I'm a performer."

When I mentioned I did
burlesque, he was like,

"Oh, that's what
I actually figured."

Do you know how hard it is
to find a normal picture,

when all your pictures of you
titties and, like, eyebrows.

It was so hard for me
to find a picture

where I didn't have eyebrows,
like, thickly drawn on,

you know, and four inches
of makeup.

I was like, oh, I work a lot
at the Slipper Room,

which he had been to.

To me I was like, what is
a better way to show someone

what I do than to be, like,
this is my house.

It's Friday night.

It's gals' night.

Please come up close.
Make good friends with her.

I went with a friend of mine
to see her perform

at the Slipper Room.

And I got butt naked.
Matt puts his dick on my head.

And then I sat on his face.

Then we went to IHOP.
Oh, yeah.

Then we went to IHOP at,
like, 4:00 in the morning.

It was romance.

It was definitely like
the most interesting date

I had had in
a very long time.

During the first date,

we had like long periods
of not talking.

But it didn't feel like I was
searching out for things to say.

It was just like, oh, now we're
having a moment of silence.

It's just like, I can be me.

You know, it's nice that
I don't have to be on.

I don't always
have to be Gal Friday.

Where do you see yourself
as a burlesque performer

as you continue
on this journey?

With burlesque becoming
so much more mainstream,

you get a lot of shows
of sparkly women in costumes

and not a lot of substance
behind it.

And I'm one of those girls
in the sparkly costumes.

I'm a little
pretty princess.

And that's what I like to put
onstage, because that's me.

And the thing is, it has to be
part of your personality,

what you put onstage.

When I get to do burlesque,
I can be sexy,

I can be stupid.

I can be gorgeous,
or ugly, or funny.

I can do anything I want

when I get out
onstage.

And that's kind of magical.

I made the decision
to change my life,

focus on me, to put myself
and my healing first.

But I didn't know what to do,

so I ended up getting this
awesome part-time job.

Just administration work
for a synagogue.

Let's get this horah started

with the Schlep Sisters!

This partnership,
the Schlep Sisters,

is like the longest
partnership that I've ever had.

To quote Viva La Fever,
burlesque legend,

"Congratulations on your
first 10 years."

And that was super inspiring
when she said that.

We didn't even
look at it that way.

We were like,
our first 10 years.

-Yeah.
-Wow.

Know what I think
we're gonna need?

What?
-Is even more coffee.

More coffee?

The espresso.
I'm burning through it.

Okay, I will pick some up.

-Thank you.
-I'm taking the rent also.

Oh, thanks.

Love you.

Bye, I love you.

Tits, check.

Legs, check.

Vagina, check.