All language subtitles for Benched.2018

Hmm.

Uh, sorry. Sorry! Sorry.

You, uh, you Mike?

Yeah, Michael!
You must be Donald.

don. It's never--

-it's never Donald.
-Yeah?

Uh, I hope I'm not late.

No, no way, but let's not make
a habit out of it. Okay?

Crazy day at work.
I got hung up--

-oh, none for me,
thanks. Ho!
-Huh?

You-- you--
you don't want a beer?

Sorry.

Hey!

Don't apologize, man.

If it's a problem,
it's a disease.

Half my friends--
out of the bar,
into the program.

Back to their wives,
and who are we to judge?

But can I tell you
something, Mike?

Yeah.

They're sure as hell
not as much fun.

I just don't want a beer is all.

That's what you said.

I ju-- I don't want you to think
i have a problem is all.

I'm not thinking anything.

It is, however, interesting that
you keep bringing it back up.

-I just wanna be clear.
-Got it.

But if you do have a problem,

it's not your fault.

It's a disease.

I mean, you wouldn't blame
somebody for having cancer,
would you?

-No, not me.
-So, I think it's important
that we are

understanding
and less judgmental.

I'm pretty sure
we're on the same page.

Excellent.

--Let's started.

-Okay.
-Oh! Incidentally,

you and I are going to be
spending a lot of time together.

And if I "unwind" with a beer,

you don't need
to call an intervention.

I don't have
that particular disease.

-Just so we understand
each other.
-No, not an issue.

You do whatever you want.

Well, thanking you. It's...

Terrific to get permission
from the new guy.

Mmm.

Have you ever done
a draft before, Mike?

-Uh, you mean...
-Getting new kids on the team?

My son, Jimmy, watches
all the other kids at school,

and he clues me in
who the best prospects are.

But all the kids
get on a team, right?

Well, of course, Mike.

This is all about the kids.

But... the ones
you'd like to avoid

are the ones who would
rather be in brigadoon,

if you know what I'm saying.

I just-- as long as everybody
gets a chance.

That's all I'm concerned with.

Relax.

Because your kid got one hell of
a scouting report from my kid.

-Seriously?
-Come on.

My...

Oh, my god, I'm all misty.

That's...

That is big. That is...
You don't know how--

woo-hoo!

That kid...

I tell you what there, Mike.
When we get to the draft...

Let me do the talking.
You just... observe.

-Okay.
-How about that?

Good.

Hey, you guys, make a path.
Come on.

Hey! Follow me!

Hi.

Hey, Mike!

-Yeah.
-You are unbelievable!

You left the same time as me
and you're still late.

-Sorry, don.
-Okay. Hey, uh, everybody!

Uh, this is my new
assistant coach, Mikey Johnson!

- Or Michael.
- Hey, Mike, how you doing?

Yeah. Mike's new in town,
so if you can cut him
a little slack, that'd be great.

Okay, yeah.

Everyone knows
how this works, right?

We pick the new kids
in reverse order in how
we finished last year, okay?

So, I guess that means
i pick last.

Yeah. It does.

I gotta stop winning
that championship

if I ever wanna get
a decent pick, don't I?

- Say, Pete, I...
-Yeah, don.

If memory serves,
i think your two and...

13 record entitles
you to go first.

So, you're a winner!

- You're the winner, Pete!
- How about it?

--You're still lucky.

Uh, the cardinals pick
Ralph Johnson.

Oh, that's a good pick.
That's a good pick.

-Yeah.
-Unfortunately, we, um...

Yeah, we already have
Ralph Johnson.

How do you figure that, don?

Mmm, his dad here's coaching
the pirates with me, so...

He's ours!

Actually, don--

psst. Remember our agreement.
No talking. Just watch.

But he's on our available list.

Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.

I don't make up the rules.

I just use them
to our advantage.

Kids are automatically put on
the team their dad coaches.

Why do you think
I'm with...

don, I know
I'm not supposed to talk,
but Ralph Johnson is not my son.

Yes, he is, you're a Johnson.

-No, he's another Johnson.
-Oh, give me a break.

-He's the only goddamn Johnson
in the draft.
-He's not my son!

Well, who is your son?

Frank. Frank nassiter-wise.

Nassiter-wise?

You mean-- you mean the little
hyphenate, with the glasses?

Right. He's nearsighted.

Why are you Johnson
and he's nassiter-wise?

Oh. My wife's first marriage.

Ho!

Is there a problem, don?

Yeah! Uh-huh!

Could someone help me
get the goddamn egg
off of my face, Pete?

Oh, ho-ho-ho!
Okay.

- Yeah!
-Please enjoy, fellas.

This is very young.

While don gets the egg
off his face, guys,

let's continue with the draft.

Bob, you're next.

The royals pick Timmy schmidt.

Tell me something, Mike.

Are you sure
that you want to coach?

I'm sure. I'm glad to help.

No, no. Full, full disclosure.

I make a lot of demands
on my assistant coach.

So, if this isn't going to be

as serious a commitment
as your marriage or your job,

then, then I suggest
you bow out.

Thanks, but I wanna
make a contribution.

All, all I'm saying is,

take the night. Think about it.

I've already thought about it,
don, and that's why I'm here.

Don't say anything. Kick it
around in your mental mind.

Go back and forth.
Throw it up in the air,
see where it lands.

Would you... would you at least
promise me that, Mike?

-Sorry, don.
-Would you, would you,

would you at least
rethink it for me?

I could tell you
I'm gonna rethink it,
but I'd be lying.

Okay.

First practice is
Saturday, 10:00 am.

Saturday, I think
it's supposed to rain.

We'll be...

Right back here
at the gymnasium.

You can tell a lot about a kid

the way he handles ground balls
rocketing up off the gym floor,

into his face.

Mike...

Please be on time.

Yes.

Parents.

Welcome.

I'd like to take
the opportunity right now
to invite you to leave.

This is our time.
Please be back in one hour.

Uh, coach?

Hi, I'm Timmy's mother.

Um, I'd like to stick around,
if that's okay.

Timmy has some
separation issues.

Oh my goodness.
By-- by all means,

stay as long as you like.

Thanks!
You won't even know I'm here.

Just please understand

that practice definitely
won't start until you leave.

Congratulations.

You are the luckiest
kids in town.

You're on my team.

Now, I promise you,

we are gonna work hard,

we're gonna learn a lot,
and we're gonna have fun.

How do you have fun
playing baseball?

It's one word.

Winning.

Winning is fun.

Losing stinks.
I hope that's not
new information to any of you.

And I have just one rule.

I'm in charge.

So, when I blow this whistle...

...you run to me.

If you dawdle, no problem.

Ya just won't play
the next game.

I want you to report
to the ball field

one half-hour early on game day.

And if you ask if you can
play a particular position--

"coach, could I please play
shortstop?" I guarantee you,

you will not play shortstop
for five games.

Now, I am pleased

that most of you are wearing
the equipment that we suggested.

Uh...

Phillip.

Phillip Bailey?

Good job remembering the cup.

Fyi, son,

the cup is usually worn
on the inside of your pants.

No, no! No, no, no, no, no, no!
That's, that's not appropriate!

You can do that later.

Attaboy.

Now, we all drop fly balls,
and we miss grounders,

and we make bad throws.
That's baseball.

Those are called
"physical errors."

But can anyone
tell me what it is

when we forget
how many outs there are,

or we throw to the wrong base?

Anybody?

Stupid!

Screw-ups!

No and no.

Those are called,
"mental errors." And yes,

you're gonna hear from me
when you commit mental errors.

Hey, coach don!

Hey, team!

Hey, you're looking sharp.

Oh, look who it is.
Our new assistant coach.

We'd about given up
on you there, Mike.

-I guess I'm a few minutes late.
-Eleven, but who's counting?

-This is Frankie.
-Ah, frank, why don't you,

go ahead, and get yourself
a seat up in the bleachers?

Yeah, go ahead.

Attaboy.

Aah!

You okay, bud?

Yeah, he--
we couldn't find his glasses.

Hey, coach don, I got you
a mocha latte, extra foam.

I'm not sure how you take it.

Oh, gosh, that is much
appreciated. Cheers.

-Hey.
-But seeing as we have
so very much work to do here,

I'm just gonna keep that...

Right over there.
Save it for later.

Was it that you didn't like
the mocha, or was it the latte?

Cards on the table, I just like
plain, old-fashioned,
American coffee.

-Okay.
-Now,

can anyone from last year's
squad tell me,

how many times was
former assistant coach Tony...

...late for practice?

Once. That's correct,
Timor. You see,

Tony is a police officer.

And, one time, when he was
stopping a burglary,

he got himself shot
in the groin area.

It was a sickening, bloody mess.

Tony was exactly 10 minutes late
for practice that day.

I tell you this because

if you have an excuse,

pop,

you won't hear a peep out of me.

What is your excuse,
assistant coach Mike?

The traffic was unbelievable.

Fair enough.

Cannot be helped. Unless,

- you allow enough time
to get here.

Oh, boy. I gotta take this.

Hey. Hey, Roger.

Yeah.

Assistant coach Mike is...

Helping us, by demonstrating

things that you should never do.

Like, be late or take calls.
And I know, I know,

a lot of you have
your own cell phones.

God knows what your parents
are thinking.

The fact of the matter
is that most people
shouldn't even have kids.

They can't say no, they don't
take it seriously, and,

"oh gee! Why is everybody
on dope and pregnant,
living off my tax dollars?"

My one rule is,

if I catch you chatting
on the cell phone...

Ah! Is, uh,
everything copacetic?

Yeah. I just had
to put out a fire.

Wasn't a real fire.

-It won't happen again,
coach don.
-Ha!

So, uh, I guess I should say
a few words about myself. Uh...

-My name is Michael Johnson.
-You can call him Mike, team.

Well, I prefer Michael,
but whatever.

Um, when I was your age,

I competed in a great many
curling matches.

Was that curling,
assistant coach Mike?

I spent part of my childhood
in Canada.

Oh! I'm sorry to hear that.

Which is where
curling is popular.

Now, as a 10-year-old boy,

nothing was more important
to me than curling.

But, honestly, now,
i can tell you,

I don't remember
who won and who lost.

So, listen. Now,
this is very important.

This is about the playing.

Not about the winning
or the losing.

But, having fun,
and I guarantee you,

we're gonna have a heck
of a good time here.

Say, Mike...

We, uh,

we covered fun right before
you got here. Must have been

when you were stuck in that
unbelievable traffic.

So, kids, remember,
this is all about you.

So, for example,
if you have a particular
position you wanna play,

be sure to let us know.

Thank you, Mike!
That's a terrific intro.

Fellas, dive into that bag.
Let's warm those arms up.

We're gonna have a terrific
practice. Here we go!

All right, lemme see you turn.

I wanna see that
front foot step. Nice!

Jude, you're a new kid,
but I like your style.

Casey, nice.
You got the good arm.

Oh, and my champions.

How does it feel to be
a returning champion?

It feels good!

Oh! You just made my whole day.

You're a leader, kid.
I like your style.

I'm sorry I was late, coach don.
I-- I had to work.

You keep putting your job
in front of the team, Mike.
I mean it.

Been a rough week.

My company has these
government contracts--

ooh!

My company, well...

Woo! Come on, ladies!

Oh no, no, no, no, girls.

Girls, you gotta wait
outside till 11:00.

I don't think so.
We have the gym at 10:30.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

We have the gym
from 10:00 until 11:00.

-Where's your permit?
-It's in my car.

I'm calling my dad.
He's the assistant principal.

All right.

Give us 10 minutes,
and we'll be out of here.

Line up!

Here we go, Nate.

Ready? Get down on it.

That's a short one.
And, stick with it!

Attaboy!

Right, Timor,
what do you say, kid?

Here we go.

Aah! Get down on it.
Let's go! Hustle.

Tito, returning champion.

And strongest arm.
Holy moly!

Hey, Jude, get down on it.

Get there, get there, get there.

Nicely done, Jude!

I'm proud of you. Who's up?

Come on out, son. Ready?

What do you say, Timmy?

Here we go. Make a play on that.

Okay, stick with it.

Great play! Next batter.

Jimmy! My guy.

Jimmy, show it to me.

That's what I'm talking about.
Great glove, kid.

--Nice. Who else we got?

Make it happen, kid.
Short hop-- oh!

Good play.

Rusty! Returning champion rusty.

Show me.
Let me see what you got, son.

Watch out!

Oh my gosh.

Kahil. Right in the middle.

In the face, you okay?

All right, one last one.

There you go. That's what
I'm talking about. Good feet.

Nice, kahil, nice!

Everybody get a shot?
Who have we left out?

Frankie, what do you say, pal?

It's all about you, Frankie.

Get down on it.
Oh, come on, son!

Give me some hustle.

Well, lemme tell you
something, fellas.

That was
an outstanding practice.

There was effort all around.
I'm proud of all of you.

Everybody go home,
except for you and you.

No! Not Nathan.

You. All right!

Go on, get outta here.

Hey, Mike, go ahead
and pack that equipment up
for me, will you?

Yeah.

You sure it all fits?

Well, lemme see,
it did last year
and the year before.

Hell, maybe this year'll
be different.

See, Mike, i-- i--
i have just one rule.

You must clear things
through me, before you
go shouting 'em

-to my team.
-What do you mean?

I mean, you cannot stand up
there as my assistant coach

and tell these kids
that winning doesn't matter,

because that is just bullshit.

Well...

Look at the big picture, don.

Do you really remember
every game you won
and lost as a kid?

When I was 12,
i batted 456 with 18 rbis.

We went 11 and 4
and lost the championship game,

when Billy Nathan got
picked off third with two outs
in the last inning.

I still think about that, Mike.

I...

I think about it a lot.

See,

I was coming up to bat,

and if Billy hadn't
wandered off third in some kind
of damn dream state,

I know, for a fact,
i would have driven him home,

and we'd have gone on to win.

I, I have...

Replayed that scenario
inside of my head

many times, but...

I never got the chance,

because Billy took the bat
out of my hands.

When Billy Nathan ran for
school board last year, I...

Could not find it in my heart
to vote for him.

Even though I have
every reason to believe

that he is
a good and honest man,

who made a thoughtless mistake
when he was 11 years old.

So, yes. I do...

Remember.

Well, you have
a very good memory.

There are a lot of men
who remember

these things,

Mike.

Of course, it might be different
in the world of curling, I...

Oh. You always wanna pack
the shin guards first.

Otherwise, it doesn't fit.

Hey, you want me
to put these in your car?

-No, no, no.
Why don't you go ahead
and hang onto that?

That's the arrangement
i had with old Tony last year,
and it...

God, it worked out like a charm.

Hey, you guys,
stop messing around
or you're dead meat.

Is practice over?

Yeah, you're all done.

Uh, is this special treatment
or punishment?

What does it look like to you?

Hey!

You do that one more time,

and you're taking a lap around
the entire school, ya jerkwads.

Well, I think these kids
just wanna have a little fun.

Why don't we send them home,
so they can play?

Did you happen to notice
Eric's eye twitch?

His parents just went through
a nasty split

and neither one of 'em
will leave the house.

His dad's--
oh...

His dad comes to our games

and yells about how
disappointed he is.

So, when Eric's eye twitch
gets bad,

I make him stay after practice.

Then we go out for pizza.

Then he has a sleepover
at our house.

Well, that's
a real nice thing, don.

No...

That's my job.

I'd like to drag
his idiot parents

out of the house
and beat their ass.

I mean, gimme a break.

In every marriage,
you're hanging on by a thread,

and half the time, you regret
the day you were born,

but that's no reason to quit.

Huh?

Hey, Jimmy!

One more curveball,
and I guarantee you, son,

you will find yourself
in the spring musical.

And nobody wants to be that guy,
Jimmy. Nobody.

Use your head for something
other than a hat rack,
will you please?

Uh, fellas. Let's, uh,
let's get outta here.
What do you say?

Let's, uh, hippity-hop.
Here we go.

Right, see you.

Roger, hi.

No, no. Mmm.

You need it first thing
Monday morning?

Just 'cause that's gonna take
most of my weekend,

and I was really hoping I could
just play a little ball with--

right.

Okay, first thing Monday.
You bet.

It's opening day
at champions field,

and, folks, it just doesn't get
any better than this.

Last year's pennant-winning
pirates kick off the season

against the much improved
cardinals.

It should be a good one.

And here's a big shout-out
to our sponsors.

Be sure to make a visit
to the snack bar,

and you'll find some brand-new
food choices that are easy
on the wallet.

Like the monster dog.

Eat four,
and the fifth one's free.

Get over here!

Now!

Hi!

Take the field.

Ah, here he is.

Man with the bag.
Right on the button,

if we were starting late.

No, no, I...

Look, I'm 10 minutes early!

You said the game
starts at noon.

You must not have gotten
my one rule:

30 minutes before game time.

Tell you what there, Mike.
Why don't you, uh, go ahead,
and give them some fungoes?

Fungoes?

If old Tony was gonna be here,
he was the...

He was the master of fungoes.

Uh, if you'd show me
where they are,

I'm happy to pass them out.

Fungo's a fly ball, Mike.

-You think you
could hit a few?
-Yeah.

Fungoes.

I'm on it!

It's fungo time!

Uh, assistant coach Mike?

You're probably going to need a,
uh, a ball. Just...

-For the full fungo experience.
-Yeah.

Holy god almighty.

Okay, who wants a fungo?

All right.

Bases, hold.

Fungoes!

This is the one.

I got it.

This is fun.

Coming left!

Oh!

Oh, god.

Uh... all right.

Anybody know who...

Take a knee.

All right, you guys.

Who's nervous?

Yeah.

Good.

That's real good.

You know what that means?

Just means you wanna do well.

Now, it's opening day.

Let's get this season off
to a great start.

I need to find out
whose car that was.

That wasn't a car, Mike.

It was, uh, it was my Van.

That was your Van?

I'm sorry. I'll pay.

-Ah, forget it.
-Please, I, I,

I don't want you resenting me
because I broke your headlight.

If I resent you,

it won't have anything to do
with my headlights.

-I'd really feel better if you,
if you let me pay.
-All right, fellas.

Here we go. Tito, one knee.

What are you doing,
sitting down?

Tito, you're playing
short because

kahil asked if he could.

Kahil, you're playing center.

I know you'd both rather
have it the other way around,

but that's my one rule.
All right, fellas.

Let's go!

-Have fun!
-Which means win!

Okay, fans. Let's play ball!

The first batter
for the cardinals is

Theodore "Teddy" Mitch Delaney.

All right, Jimmy.
Little heat on the hill.

Thread that needle, son.
Thread that needle.

Play to the best
of your abilities!

Nobody can ask
for more than that.

We're all winners
if we do our best!

Mike, don't say it like that.

Strike!

- How...

How do you want me to say it?

Play within yourself.

Play within yourself?

Sounds dirty.

It just means play your game.

Don't try to go
beyond your ability.

Ball high.

But don't we want them

to exceed what they've
already done?

I see our job as creating
a safe, nurturing atmosphere,

where the kids aren't afraid
to strive for greatness

because they're
afraid of failure.

Mike, I don't want you
yelling that from my bench.

Well, I'm not comfortable
yelling play within yourself.

Well, you don't want them
playing within someone else,
do you?

- Ball two.

All right, look alive out there,
fellas. Here we go.

All right, Phillip,
if he hits it, you hurry.

Ball three.

Small point, Mike.

We, uh...

Don't say hurry in baseball.

We say go.

But, we want them to go fast,
which means hurry--

don't say hurry, Mike.

These kids...

They're at
an impressionable age.

Okay?

Okay.

Let's go, Jimmy.

Ball four! Take your base.

Throw strikes, Jimmy!
Here we go.

Ball one.

All right, no sweat, son.

We're just playing catch.

Like in the backyard.

Strike!

Ball two.

Ball three.

Ball four! Take your base.

Zero pressure.

Just playing catch.

Groove a strike for me, son.

Throw some strikes.
Let's go, Jimmy!

Strike!

Ball one. Ball two.

Ball three. Strike two!

- Take your base.

Now batting for the cardinals,

Ralph "boom boom" Johnson.

All right, Jimmy, you got him.
Nothing to worry about.

Ball!

Can't walk him, jimbo.

Don't let him hit.

Throw strikes, Jimmy!

Oh. For the love of god.

Mike, you're killing us
right now.

What?

If that was your kid,
we'd be winning.

No!

Throw third!

He's out.

Strike.

Strike!

Strike three!

Oh! Run it out, run it out!

Woo!

Oh!

Here we go, Jude, down!

Run it out!

Down! Get down! Get down!

Attaboy! Blazing speed!

Isn't this fun?

-Go! Attaboy!
-Oh! Keep going!

-Keep going!
-He scored! You scored!
You're down!

You're down! What?
Oh, get back. Attaboy!

Now, we're playing
major league baseball!

And we're going!

Hit it! Go home!
Yeah, good hustle, good hustle!

You're going around!
Roundy round!

Woohoo! Woo!

Hey, you didn't do
anything wrong.

That had nothing to do with you.
He just hit it good.

You guys are playing great.
You guys are playing great, too.

Strike!

Can I point something out, Mike?

What are we looking at?

Mrs. Timmy.

What about her?

She wants me.

She wants you?

Did you see what she did
when I just looked at her?

She's eating...

Oh, come on, Mike.
What rock do you live under?

For the love of god.

Strike two!

Don't you understand
there's a whole fun house

out there of lonely, troubled,
desperate moms.

It's a major coaching perk.

They see a slick guy,
like me, and...

Even you parading around,

and they cannot be held
responsible for their minds
running wild.

Huh.

Man.

Oh, if I was single.

Ball high!
Take your base.

All right, last inning.
Let's hold 'em!

Uh, it's only the sixth inning,
coach.

This is ripken league, Mike.

That's all we play.

Everything I know is wrong.

All right, Jimmy.

--Come on, kid, you the man.

Yeah, come on, Jimmy!
You got it!

-You were looking at your Van,
weren't you?
-No.

-You're getting your money,
whether you want it or not.
-Stop, Mike.

I saw you looking at your Van.
I know what you're thinking.

You don't have a clue
what I'm thinking.

You were looking at your Van.

I'm not looking at my Van.

You were looking at your Van.

-I was not looking at my Van.
-Well, what were you looking at?

I don't have to tell you.

I know you don't have to tell me
because I know.

I was looking for my wife.

- Ball one.
-Okay?

I thought maybe she'd come...

Opening day.

Oh.

I guess I don't, I don't know.

Strike!

She might be on her way.
Traffic can be rough.

You're the only one,

in this town,

who ever gets in traffic.

Honest to god,
i don't even know
how you find it.

Here we go!

- He's out.
- -Oh!

How about that?

Tito, kid! Attaboy!

You are not there by mistake!

All right. Kahil,
you seeing this? Huh?

Could have been you,
but it's not.

There's no mistakes. I put
my people where they belong.

Straight up, Eric! Your ball!

That was a lucky catch, Eric.

You gotta watch the ball!

This is the season
i kick that guy's ass.

Honest to god.

All right, you guys.

Bases loaded, two away.

One more out,
we get a play at any bag,

we go home.

Coming to the plate is
Ralph "boom boom" Johnson.

don, I'm sorry he's not my kid.

Oh, it's not your fault, Mike.

Shake it off.

Shake it off.

Jimmy, you gotta pitch to him.
Got to know where to put 'em.

Come on, son!

Strike him!

Oh, dear god, no.

Easy catch, Frankie.

Easy catch, and we win, son.

Look at all the way
into your glove.

Pick it up!
Hit the cutoff man!

Frankie!

Throw it.
Throw the ball, Frankie!

Don't...
Don't hold the ball.

- Throw it!
-It's like playing catch!

Frankie, throw the ball!

-Throw it!
-See the boy waiting?

-See him?
-Get the cutoff man!

- Throw the ball, Frankie!
-Frankie, hit the cutoff man!

Throw the ball!
Oh, throw the ball!

Oh! Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Good job, boys. I know.

I know.

It's okay to cry.

We'll get 'em next time.

My one rule,

is this...

Do not ever,

ever,

hold onto the ball,

in my outfield.

Frankie, I'm talking to you.
I'm over here.

Look at coach don, Frankie,
when he's talking to you.

I don't ever want to see
anything like that

ever again.
Because whatever that was,

it wasn't baseball.

Well, excuse me, coach don,
i thought we said

we weren't gonna get on the kids
about physical errors.

Well, no, that's true, Mike.

But I think what we just
witnessed out in right field

was a whole salad bar
of mental errors.

Ah, he dropped the ball.
That's, uh,

that's a physical error.

Yes, but if he'd used two hands,
as I instructed him,

he would have caught the ball.

Hence, mental error.

Well, by that definition,
everything's a mental error,

because the mind tells
the body what to do.

Missing a ground ball
could be called a mental error.

Could be, and will be.

-So, everything's mental?
-Pretty much!

Yes! And I sure think that

holding onto the ball,
in right field,
and running around

in what looked like
a figure eight,

while the tying
and the winning runs scored,

qualifies as a big, fat,

stinking mental error!

Well, then I don't know why you
made such a big deal out of

not criticizing the kids
for physical errors

when you don't even believe
such a thing exists.

Coach don.

That's a good point, Mike.

Why don't we go ahead
and take that up at our

mandatory coaches' meeting
a little later?

Coach! Get your kids out there.

All right, you guys. Choke back
those tears, and go shake hands.

Let's go. All class,
all the time. Let's go.

Proud of you boys!

Say, Mike.

That, uh,

that equipment's not gonna
crawl into the bag
all by itself, is it?

-Oh, buddy. Tough loss, huh?
-Mm-hmm.

I'm so proud of you.
You did so well today.

Thanks, mom.

All right, well, get 'em
next time, right?

-Right.
-Right.

All right, you wanna
get some ice cream?

-Mm-hmm.
-All right, let's go.

Uh, I got it. I got it.

Well...

What's the protocol
in a thunderstorm?

Catch this.

We wait.

How long do we wait?

Till the commissioner gets here.

He's on a work release program.

The commissioner's a criminal?

That's a harsh word, Mike.

He's a good commissioner,
and nobody wants the job.

Nobody wants to be
a coach either.

Let me, uh... let me ask you
something there, Mike.

How come you wanted
to be a coach?

Just wanted to have a special
activity with my son.

There...

Are other special activities
out there, my friend.

I know. We joined Indian guides.

That sounds fun.

Not really.

We had to go
camping in the rain.

Call each other only by
our Indian names.

What, uh...
Was your Indian name?

Doesn't matter.

Come on, I wanna know.

I'm not gonna tell you.

Was it, uh...

Chief itchy itchy scrotum?

No, it wasn't, don.

Well, Mike...

Until you tell me
your real Indian name,

I'm going to have to call you,

- chief itchy itchy scrotum.

They weren't real Indian names.

They're just the name
assigned to us.

Can't believe you haven't
fixed that yet.

Why don't you let me pay
for your headlight, don?

Forget about it, Mike.

Are you ever gonna fix it?

Not while we're
on a winning streak.

You're not gonna
fix your headlight
'cause the team is winning?

Pal,

you are obviously
new to baseball.

Get that door and jump in.

Huh.

Woo!

You have an animal dead in here?

Ah, you haven't changed
your socks, have you?

Not till we lose.

Ah, you really
are superstitious.

Well, I just don't
wanna jinx the team.

You really think there's
a connection between your socks
and how the kids are playing?

Well, it's all about believing,
Mike. That's...

That's what the game's
all about.

God almighty, I never had
to defend myself with old Tony.

He just...

He just understood.

One time, we're on
a winning streak...

...he goes five weeks

without changing his t-shirt.

Five weeks.

His girlfriend gets hammered,
spills a cup of salsa on it.

He can't wear that t-shirt
to the next game.

We get bombed 8-3.
Thank you, Tony.

Well, I didn't realize you had
solid evidence to back it up.

Last year was
just unbelievable.

We go out, plot strategy,

have three or four
pitchers of beer.

Really, really think
outside the lines.

For the kids.

So, by the end of the year,
we'd be

sitting down at the end
of the bench,

and we would not say...

A word.

I'm okay not talking
if that's what you want.

Oh, hell no, Mike.
You and I don't know

each other well enough
to not talk to each other.

You talk to your wife?

Yeah, not much lately.

A cold front has
moved in the area,

probably from Canada,
thank you very much.

Well, the way you're thinking,

maybe that's a good thing
to not talk.

I don't know about you,
Mike, but...

For me, not talking to a woman's

a whole lot different than
not talking to a normal person.

I can't believe she hasn't come
to a single game yet this year!

Why hasn't she?

I don't know.
She's busy all the time.

I can't keep track
of where she goes.

But...

You gotta be supportive
of every whacked out notion
she comes up with.

The group, the job,
the volunteer,

community, multi-ethnic,
inner-city, non-denominational,

blahdity-blah-blah...

All of which, I respect.

Time goes by
and here we are.

Two guys eating
cookies in the rain.

I haven't even met your wife.
I don't even know her name.

-Barbara.
-Ha!

That... that is unbelievable.

-What, what's unbelievable?
-We're eight games
into the season,

I haven't even met babs.

Give me a break.
I tell you what!

What do you say you,
me, and babs,

we go out for--
and I know you don't like beer.

You have your reasons.
This is not a criticism.

What about babs?
What does she go for?

A little wine cooler?

That her flavor? Huh?

Is that the, the commissioner?

The guy with the thing
on his ankle?

Oh!

All right, you guys.

Now we are riding
a six-game winning streak.

Today, there is no reason
not to make it seven.

Okay?

Go pirates on three.
One, two, three.

Go pirates!

Here we go, trusty rusty.
What do you say, kid?

I like our chances here.
Let's find a way to contribute!

Say, rusty kid.

Dead on.
That's what I'm talking about!

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

Come on, kid, pick 'em up,
put 'em down!

Pick 'em up, put 'em down!

Come on, blue!

Oh! Run!

Good hustle, Jimmy!

Attaboy! Yeah, attaboy.

Way to make something happen!

Come on, let's go, Jimmy.

Come on, Jimmy.

Don't drop it, Eric.

Don't drop it, don't dro-- oh!

Hey, I got great news, Eric.

There's still time to sign up
for girls' softball.

I'm sure your mother
would love that.

Hey, everybody, that's my son.
He dropped the ball.

Way to go, son.

Stepping into the batter's box
for the royals,

bubba Glen.

Strike three, you're out!

Here we go, pirates.

Come on! You got this!

Be part of the solution, kid.

Safe!

Damn it, don't let him go!

Safe!

Hey, ump, are high school
seniors allowed to play?

Take it! Pick the ball up!
Come on, now!

Out!

Yeah! That's my son! Yeah!

- Yeah! Way to go, Timmy!

Good job! Run!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Oh, what are you looking at?

For goodness sake.

Attaboy, Timor. Attaboy.

Now pitching for the royals,

Burt shilling.

Hey, blue? One second.
Just one second.

How, uh...

How old would you say
the pitcher is?

Twelve.

Do you know he drove
to the game,

-and he hangs out
at the vfw, ump?
-Let's play ball!

Honest to god, blue,

someone should check
his birth certificate.

This is all
about the kids, blue.

It's not all about
the young adults!

He can't help his size.

All right, here we go,
Frankie kid.

Let's get a little
something going today.

Hey hey, attaboy.

That's my baseball player.

You know what I smell?

A hit, Frankie. I smell a hit.

Here we go, kid.

Stay in. Stay in.

-Ball!
-Oh, Frankie! Frankie!

You're bailing.
I want you to plant it and turn.

Right now, you're acting like
you're a little scared.

And I know you're not
'cause it's Frankie day.

He is not gonna hit you, kid.

Stay in there.
Listen to coach don.

He is not gonna hit you.
Here we go.

- Time!
-Oh!

Oh! Dear god.

You okay?
You all right, buddy?
Come on.

All right, pal.

You okay, buddy?

All right. Way to use your head.

Attaboy, attaboy.

Way to tough it out.

That slight ringing sensation
you have in your ear,

that's perfectly natural
right now.

Here's the situation.

I got one away.
You are my tying run, okay?

If that ball's in the ground,

I want you to hippity-hop
to the barbershop.

You understand? All right, good.

All right, kahil.
Get that elbow up!

Frankie, one, two, three,
look at me.

What do we say?
We get what we get...

And we don't fret.

That's right.
If you need to cry,

I want you to wait till the end
of the inning. You understand?

-Mm-hmm.
-All right, kid.

Gimme two steps.
One, two. There you go.

Here we go!

Run, Frankie, run!

Don't watch the ball!
It's gonna drop!

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

-Oh, Frankie!
-Oh! Oh!

Frankie, get back!

C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon!
C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! Back!

Frankie, get back! Get back!
Get back! Get back!

Don't get doubled up!
Get down! Get down!

Get down! Get down!

- Ugh!
- -Ball game!

Oh!

Gah!

Good game, everybody.

My fault.

Okay?

My fault.

Gah!

Line up. Shake hands.

Here we go.

Hey, quick question, don.

Was that a physical error
or a mental error?

Well, I guess since you weren't
out on the field,
it couldn't be a physical error.

So it must have been a mental.

Shut up, Mike.

I exercised poor judgment
and I let down the team.

Oh, come on, it's our first loss
since opening day.

Everybody played great.

Except you.
You didn't even play!

What the hell is wrong with you?

I'm just trying to be a pal.
Cheer you up.

Well, stop it.

What kind of man are you,
losing doesn't bother you?

Tell me... tell me something.

-Why are you here?
-What?

Making fun of me.

Making fun of the game
of baseball.

I am not making fun.

I, I am just--
I'm thrilled to be here.

To be a part of this.

I was the kid
who never got picked.

Ended up watching
from the sidelines.

I don't want Frankie to be
the kid who never gets picked.

That's why I'm here.

I hope this is a rich
and fulfilling experience,

for the both of you.

You know,
you don't own baseball, don.

Let me and my kid have
a little piece of it, okay?

You seen the other shin guard?

God, I do everything
around here.

And not for nothing, but...

Who else brought snacks
this year?

Answer. Nobody.

Well, I didn't know you were
bringing all the snacks.

Well, now you do.

Snacks are an integral part of
these kids' baseball experience.

Let me ask you something there,
Mike. How come...

You never bring snacks?

I mean, I accept that
you are damn sure

not gonna come up with
any brilliant game strategies,

but how about a little word
across the pillow to babs

that just
the littlest contribution

-would be very
greatly appreciated.
-Her name's Barbara.

If she doesn't want to come
to a single game
all season, fine.

I don't judge someone's

lack of interest
in their own kid. But...

Oh my goodness, at least
she could go to a grocery store,

and maybe pick up some crap

and show the kids
we really care.

My wife's dead, don.

What?

Barbara, my wife.

She's dead.

What are you talking about?
When did this happen?

Oh, year ago.

Babs is dead,

and I didn't even
get to meet her.

I'll bring snacks
to the next game.

I didn't know I was supposed to.

Oh now, Jesus Christ, Mikey!

And don't call me Mikey!

Or Mike.

My name's Michael.

All right?
Is that too much to ask?

Well, why couldn't you
tell me about your wife?

'Cause I didn't wanna
tell you about my wife!

I just wanted to be
the assistant coach!

Oh, I see.
So, I can just ramble on,

like some kind of
five-star asshole

about how she should
bring snacks,

and maybe we should, we should
go out for wine coolers.

It's okay.

Yeah, it's okay for you!
I feel like a jerk!

Listen, Mike, Mikey...

Michael!

If you keep it all bottled up
in this ball of stress,

it is going to build
and it is going to build,

- and then one day...

...it's going to explode,

and it will kill you.

That's none of my business.

I don't judge.
The real question is,

how am I supposed to know
who the guy is sitting
next to me on the bench?

-I told you.
-It only took you eight games.

About the only time
i don't think about her
is when I'm here.

And I'm tired, don.

I need a break.

Where's frank's father?

Nepal.

Nepal? The--

the one in Nepal?

That's the one.

Been on a pilgrimage
for seven years.

Man...

I'd like to go on
a damn pilgrimage.

Where do I sign up
for my pilgrimage?

So, I'm Frankie's dad.

Well, that's good.

- He's a smart kid.

Why do you say that though?

I mean, he's never picked up
a drill on the first try.

He doesn't even know
what a cutoff man is. Still.

I, I don't know.

Maybe it's the glasses
or the way he always
walks around.

I, I, I don't know.
He just seems like a smart--

wh-- wh-- why is everything
such a big mystery with you?

Your dead wife.
Your kid's father.

Your real Indian name.

-Where is Frankie?
-Just...

Oh, he's already in the car.

You can do this, Jimmy.

Attaboy! Here we go!

Complete game, Jimmy.
Complete game.

What do you say, kid?

Strike!

Got your back, Jimmy!

He's out!

Got it!

He gone!

Tito!

Attaboy!

Come on, tito. Come on, tito.
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon.

Oh! Stay down, stay down.

Nice hustle! Come on,
you kidding?

Way to hustle, kid!

Come on, Eric!

Come on, Eric kid!

--Attaboy!

- Nice hit!
- -Woo!

- Go, get there, get there!
- -Run it out!

You got it, you got it!

Attaboy! Attaboy! Attaboy!

- Attaboy!
- -Woo!

Come on, Jimmy!

-Strike!
-Attaboy!

Attaboy, Jimmy.
You're pitching a gem here.

You never looked better.
You're throwing aspirin.

It's blue smoke out there, baby.

Strike two!

Oh my goodness gracious.

Jimmy's just
an unbelievable talent.

I've never been
prouder of you, Jimmy.

You have never looked better!

Come on, son, here we go!

Shut 'er down!

You strike him out, Jimmy!

- Got him!

Way to go, pirates.

Great win.

Bring it in, fellas.
Bring it in, fellas.

Go pirates on three.
One, two, three.

Go pirates!

Yeah!

All right, line up
and shake hands!

Hey, buddy.

What's on your mind?

Well...

I was thinking.

There's only maybe
three kids on our team

who can make it
to the majors someday.

Jimmy,

Eric,

and Timor.

You-- you think
I'll ever get a hit?

All I know is
you get better every day, champ.

Yeah?

Wanna play some catch?

-Sure.
-Here.

Let's practice.

Here you go.

Boom!

Nice.

--Whoa, did you hear that?

-Yeah, it was like a...
-Pepper.

I see.

Try this guy on for size.

Oop! Well.

That was a tricky bounce,
but try to get your glove

all the way down
on those ground balls, frank.

-Okay?
-Got it.

Throw home!

Oh!

Aah!

Out!

I'm really sorry, dad.

Lookit, uh...

I'm not gonna put
any pressure on you.

But before you open that door,
i just want you to think.

I want you to go ahead
and think about all the things

that I've told you.

This is for the rest
of your life.

Pick me up at 7:30?

Yeah.

Nice work, nice work.

Woo!

Good catch, good catch!

Woo!

Well, hello, coach don.

About to give up on you.

My one rule on tardiness.

Everyone can be late once.

All right, fellas, today...

Today we're gonna give more
of you guys a chance to pitch.

How does that sound?

Yeah!

Where's Jimmy?

Jimmy won't be with us anymore.

-Is he okay?
-Some, uh...

Some of you have heard
the rumors at school. Sadly...

They're all true.

My Jimmy has...

Gone and gotten himself
a part in brigadoon.

Apparently, he feels his skills
are best used in service

to the American musical theater.

Now,

there is a proud tradition
in baseball...

Of rising above tragedy.

Which is just exactly what
i wanna see you guys do.

And let's go out
and win another championship.

- What do you say? Let's go
loosen up those arms! Come on!
-Yeah!

Lemme see who wants to pitch!

Great.

-Got you! Didn't I?
-Oh! Geez Louise!

Bullshit! I knew it was you,
Tony! Come on.

Don't arrest me, officer!
I didn't do anything wrong!

Yeah, right, I am so sure.

What's happening?
What, do you have a date?

No, I...

I have to go to parents' night.

Pfft! Loser.

Doesn't Linda do that?

Well, she has the flu.
Or... she says she has the flu.

So, she's at home
while you're off to school?

Yes.

-Just doesn't seem right.
-Tell me about it.

Hey, uh...

You wanna grab a beer later?

- I gotta work, pal.
-Ah...

-See you around.
-All right.

Fair enough.

You okay, coach?

Oh. Yeah, I, I just...

Yeah, you look like you
don't wanna go to school.

Ten-minute classes
and I still get bored.

I was just wondering if you
were gonna keep coaching.

What do you mean,
because of Jimmy?

Sure.

I can't let my guys down, right?

That's great.

Because you're doing
a wonderful job with these kids.

Thank you.

Now, lemme tell you
something about your Timmy.

That's a pretty special kid.

Honest.

I guarantee you...

He is gonna get a hit
one of these games.

I guarantee you.

Well, maybe we'll
have some classes together.

What?

Oh my god.

What was that?

What do you say, Timmy Tim?

Tic-tack-toe! Timmy's my guy!
We say Timmy! Here we go, kid!

-Ball!
-Nothing but strikes, Timmy!

Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy,
Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, timski!

Here we go!

You're really on the Timmy
bandwagon today.

Little thing called
quid pro quo.

What's that?

Me and Mrs. Timmy.

Parents' night.

My wife had the flu,

and Mr. Timmy is...

Living in the city
with a yoga instructor. Yeah.

Right.

So, we went ahead
and hunkered down in her Subaru,

in the very darkest part
of the parking lot.

Here we go, Timmy kid!
What do you say?

Ball two!

So, what happened?

What do you think happened?

don, you're married.

Your point is...?

You shouldn't be
doing that stuff.

What, you think
i don't know that?

I'm only human,
and so is Mrs. Timmy.

You know,
i can't help but think

that if my wife took
better care of herself,

she wouldn't have
gotten the flu,

and she wouldn't have put me in
that position with Mrs. Timmy.

Ball four!

Hey, blue, timeout!

You could totally
take me out, coach.

I'm not gonna do that,
Timmy, and I'll tell you why.

'Cause I know for a fact,
if you bear down right now,

you can get us
out of this inning.

And I'm never wrong
about that stuff.

Now, you are a madman.
You are a beast.

-Who's the beast inside you?
-Lewis.

Lewis. Hey, Lewis,
tell me you're a beast.

-I'm a beast. A beast.
-You're a beast. You're a beast.

-I'm a beast. I'm a beast!
-Beast!

-You're gonna pitch
like a beast!
-Yeah!

You're a beast! Go get them!
Come on, Lewis!

All right, come on, timbo!

What do you say, kid?
Just throw to the mitt.

Let your teammates do the work.

Here we go, kid, all about you!

How, uh...

How'd you know
Mr. Timmy lives in the city?

She told me.

She hangs out.

Helps me put equipment
in the car sometimes.

Well, you are in sweet shape,
my friend.

You got a desperate divorc�e,

hanging on by a thread,

and a dead wife?

Which is just

money in the bank.

You are living my dream.
You are.

You really are.

All right, you guys!
Show some character!

Life's about character!
Here we go!

Strike!

--Hi, Roger.

Michael, from now on,

you need to tell me
if you're leaving early.

I did. I told you I had
baseball practice

and that I'd be coming in
early in the morning
to make up the time.

I got a lot on my plate,
buddy boy.

You need to make it
crystal clear.

I understand.

I'll, uh, I'll send a memo
next time, okay? Bye.

Asshole!

Michael?

Hi, Roger. Sorry, this guy
just cut me off. Asshole!

- Yeah, you!

Ugh!

Uh, anything else
i can help you with?

-We'll talk in the morning.
-Okay!

- Bye!

No, sorry. I'm... sorry.

I am so proud of you guys.

Granted,

you're not the most talented
players I've ever seen.

You drop fly balls.

You throw wild. You strike out.

And I don't recall seeing
a team at any level that cries

as much as you do.

But... you played
your hearts out,

and you made the playoffs.

-Nice going.
-Yeah.

Every team makes
the playoffs though, right?

Technically, that's true,
Michael,

but let's not detract
from what these young men
have accomplished.

Incidentally,
you're in violation of our

first rule about
getting here on time.

-I let you know
24 hours in advance--
-no, you didn't,

but we'll take that up at our
coaches' meeting after practice.

Now, how do we succeed

in the playoffs? Answer.

By winning games.
And how do we win games?

Answer. By scoring more runs
than the other team.

Which is why we are instituting

a new and exciting strategy,

for the playoffs.

Pirates, bring it in.

This strategy is so secret,

I don't even want you to
tell your parents about it.

Can you be trusted?

Yes, sir.

As you were.

This...

Is our new signal.

As soon as you get on base,
you look at me.

If you see that my hat
is turned around like this,

when you get to the next base,

you slide and pretend
that you injured your leg.

Hold onto it. Yell.

Squirt a few tears.
That shouldn't be a stretch
for most of you.

And why do I want you
to do this?

So that I can take you out,

and put a faster runner in,

and maybe score a run

that we wouldn't
have gotten otherwise.

This is a very special strategy,

for our slower runners.

Rusty, you would be
a top candidate.

And if lightning should strike,

and Frankie, you happen
to find yourself on base,

I want you to go ahead
and clean your glasses off

and take a look at my hat.

This isn't a strategy.
This is cheating.

I have no problem if you stopped
talking right now, Michael.

If we can't find
a way to win fair and square,
i, for one, would rather lose.

You cannot stand in front of
people in their formative years,

and say that you would,
"rather lose."

-I would rather lose than cheat.
-Oh, please don't,

please don't waste our time
quoting from the handbook
of curling.

This is baseball.

This is wrong.

One, two, three, look at me.

All right, pirates.
We're gonna start the practice

by taking a nice long lap
around the field.

I have decided to move up

our coaches' meeting
to a little earlier.

Here we go. Let's go.

Hustle!

We lost our best player.

I feel responsible
that it's my kid,

who's putting on makeup
and prancing around in tights,

instead of whiffing guys
with his fastball.

I'm trying to make up
for that loss.

Just let 'em play.

-You ever read
the rulebook, Michael?
-No.

Well, let me tell you something.

My strategy is fully sanctioned
by the ripken rulebook.

An injured baserunner
may be replaced--

but they're not
actually injured!

-They're acting injured!
-Acting?

Is that a shot at my Jimmy?

What? No! No,
it's a shot at you!

For being so obsessed
with winning

that you're gonna teach
these kids to cheat.

I'm warning you.

You have been no help all year.

I have done everything.

Snacks, schedules, fungoes.

Oh! You're still mad
about the headlight!

The only reason you offered
to pay for my headlight

was to show that
you were the guy with
the high dollar value

-and I was the jerk with a Van!
-That is so wrong.

Always on the phone,

making calls that are so much
more important than the kids.

I, I talk on the phone to Roger,

my boss, who's 24,
loves to boss me around.

I used to have an okay job,

before they busted me down
for missing too much work.

Tardy? Stuck in that
unbelievable traffic?

I missed a lot of days
when my wife was sick.

Oh, you just cannot wait to play
that trump card, can you?

The reason why I was late today
was 'cause I had to make sure

Roger's desk got here on time.

Does that sound like
a big shot job to you?

All you had to do was call.

I did call! I called Linda!
Your wife.

Nice try, but she was
at book club last night,
and it ran late.

They got in an argument
about the Da Vinci code.

She was not even home
until 11:30.

I called at 7:30.

You tell her
you were gonna be late?

Well, I tried, but she said
she was on the other line
and would get back to me.

-Did she?
-Well, what happened was,
she got back on my line,

-obviously thinking she'd
switched over to the other line.
-Why do you think that?

Because she said, "I'll meet you
at the usual place!"

Who was she talking to?

I don't know!

She was on her line,
i was on my line.

-It was all rolled up.
-Oh no, no...

What name did she use?

-She didn't use a name.
-Yes, she did!

don... eh-- the kids!

Run. Go ahead, all the way
to field d. Let's go!

Now you!

Hey, I don't wanna fight.
Are we gonna fight?

Of course not, pal.

-Hey!
-Take off the mask.

-No. No!
-Tell me what Linda said.

What if--
what if I don't?

-Then I'll kill you.
But we are not gonna fight.
-don, no!

Jesus! Ah!

don!

I thought you said
we weren't gonna fight.

Well, don't fight back
and we won't be fighting.

-What did she say?
-Help...

-Come on!
-...Me.

What did she say?

She said I'll meet you
at the usual place,

tb.

-Tb?
-I think so...

Huh?

Tony barone?

Huh? Oh, come on.

Tony barone?

Hey, don.

Maybe there's some kind
of explanation.

-Of course there is.
-Well, there you go!

What do you think it is?

Either they're planning
a surprise party for me

or my best friend
is banging my wife.

Boy, wouldn't it be great
if it's a surprise party.

Hey, everybody.

So, coach don had
to leave early.

So, I guess that
makes me the coach.

I know that was a long run.
It's pretty hot out here.

So, if any of you
are feeling faint,
feel free to sit down.

All right.
Every single one of you.

Well, when you're
feeling better,

we're gonna have
batting practice.

Uh, first one to touch
home plate bats first.

All right, everybody.

Everybody look alive!

Nice. Get in front of it!

Way to knock it down.

Oh, Eric! You're a stud.

Oh! Is he gonna make it?

Yes, he is!

Look at my pirates!

What an arm.

Second base!

There it is!

Woo, out!

One more.

Oh!

Oh! Everybody, give him a hand.
You see how fast he was?

Pirates! Give yourselves a hand!

Hey, don.

Is it okay I just
dropped by like this?

I guess it'll have to be.

I heard you were
living out here,

and I didn't know any other way
to get in touch--

oh, don't get any ideas,
Michael. This...

This is all just temporary.

I just thought
you might like to know

how we did on
our first playoff game.

Score's tied. Last inning.

Rusty's on first.

Hoo!

I'm so nervous,
i turn my hat around backwards,

without even thinking about it.

Eh!

Oh, my leg!

Wha--

oh, my leg!
I think I broke my leg!

Oh!

Oh, my leg!

Uh... you okay?

-Think I broke my leg!
Ah! Oh my gosh!
-You okay? You okay?

Ah! Ah! I can see the light!

Oh.

Here, let me get you.
Can you walk on it?

-I don't think--
-here. Put your hand...

Ready? Okay.

Hey, coach!
Let's get a runner in there.

-Uh... Timor! Take second!
-Oh! My leg...

- Yeah! Run, run, run, run, run.

I put Timor in.

He steals third,

steals home,

and we win.

So, in other words,
my substitute runner strategy

worked, huh?

By accident. Yeah.

That's not totally bad, Michael.

That's not totally bad.

Listen, don, if there's
anything I can do...

If you wanna take a shower.

Spend the night in a house.

Thanks. But...

Me and Linda,
we're gonna work it out.

Really?

Wow, okay!

Yeah.

Yeah.

We all screw up, right?

And there have been times,

when I've done things
with people, women people,

that, technically,
i should not have.

The point is,

we have to learn to forgive
each other and ourselves.

So, that we don't let a few
mistakes ruin our lives.

So...

We're gonna give it
another shot.

Oh boy, am I glad to hear that.

Listen, I haven't
run it by her yet.

Sounds pretty good, doesn't it?

Absolutely.

Very good.

Good luck.

Thanks. You too.

I hope you win
that championship.

Well, win or lose,

it's been a great season.

That's the key.

That's the key.

No pressure.

Play it like it's
just another game.

Well, what do you think?

Would you talk to me
on the street?

-Mm?
-Mm?

I think I look pretty good.

If you marry Timmy's mom,

will I have to share my room
with Timmy?

Oh, buddy.

We're-- we're just
going on a date.

So, you're not getting married?

No! No.

I mean, I don't know.

So, you might get married?

I, I, I'm just hoping
to make it through dinner.

Because I'm okay with
sharing my room with Timmy.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

Love you.

-Go get some ice cream.
-Okay.

God almighty!

That was so great!

You were so great! Oh!

You kicked ass in there, Jimmy.

I've never been
more proud of you.

Was this better than when
i beat the cubs last year?

Not better, son.

It was different.

Mom said it was okay
if we went for ice cream.

Yeah.

We could...

We could do spoons.

- We could do that.

Oh, this was really fun,
Michael.

Yeah, me, too.

- I mean, it-- I had,
i had fun, too.

This was fun.

Well...

-Good night.
-Okay.

Yeah. Good night.

See you.

Uh, Carolyn.

-See you again.
-Yeah.

-Okay.
-Love it.

-Bye.
-You look beautiful.

I mean, you do look beautiful.

-Thank you.
-I'm gonna go now.

You coming in?

No, that's... that's okay.

I'll see you tomorrow.

- Bye, dad.

I love you, pal.

Love you, too.

I'm really glad you came today.

Me too.

Play ball!

Here we go, folks.
The championship game.

Featuring last year's
pennant-winning pirates,

facing the streaking cardinals.

All right, guys. No pressure.

We're just gonna play this
like it's any other game.

Really, rusty?

Most important game
of the season,

you can't get here on time?

There's a long line at the ihop!

Uh-huh.

All right,
so we're the home team,

that means we bat first.

- And that--
-no.

That we means we bat second.

And we're gonna
give it our all.

We win, you guys get
a really big trophy.

If we lose, we get

slightly smaller trophy.

- So, let's get out there.

All right.

Strike!

All strikes, kahil! Let's go!

I got your back, man! Come on!

Throw some strikes! I'm ready!

Come on!

All right, let's go!

-Hey, Mike.
-Hey.

-Brought some, uh,
some snacks for the guys.
-Why thanks, don.

Coming to the plate
is Ralph "boom boom" Johnson.

So, uh, you sticking around?

No! No, no, no, I got...

I got stuff I gotta do.

Let's go!

Strike!

Yeah, so I...

Went to that brigadoon thing
last night, or,

or whatever you call it.
And I tell you what, it...

Jimmy would have won easy
if they were keeping score.

Well, boy,
we sure could use him.

Yeah.

-Hey, you wanna
coach first base?
-What?

Yeah.

If you need me. Y--

yeah, sure thing.

Ball!

Eh-- all right!
Look alive out there, boys.

Look alive!

Little heat on the hill, kahil.

I got a confession to make, don.

I really wanna win.

Come on, now,
you're in the championship.

You're a winner already.

No, no. I mean,
i really wanna win.

I haven't changed my underwear
since class started.

--Look at that.

You are turning into a real
baseball man there, Mike.

That's in, that's in!

Hit the cutoff man! Yeah!

Back, back, back!

Thataway!

Let's go! Let's go!

You go, pirates!

Way to hold him,
way to hold him!

Boy, I'd like to adopt that kid.

Nobody'd ever beat us.

You, uh...

You go out and talk to kahil
for just a, a second or two?

Oh, yeah! Right, thanks.
Uh, blue? Timeout!

Uh... uh...

Uh...

I, I, I'd be more than glad
to hold onto that for you.

-Yeah!
-Yeah. Great. Go talk to kahil.

Get him straightened out.
Here we go, pirates!

-Hey, coach.
-You okay?

My nose hurts.

-Your nose?
-My brother kicked me
last night.

It wasn't a accident,
but I get yelled at.

You wanna stay in?

If I'd a kicked him,
it would have been like,

"no Xbox for a week." It sucks.

Yeah. Try to focus on the game.
Okay, kahil?

- All right.
-All right!

- Let's see some heat!

Oh, oh, oh! don, no, no!

-What are you doing?
-You're a winner, Mike.

-You're a winner.
-Wait, wait.

No, no, no, no! Thi--
this is my job.

Hey, your boss is not your boss.

-Who's your boss?
-Oh...

I know I'm supposed to say me,

but I don't think that's
actually true in this case.

- Are you the boss?

-Are you the boss?
-Okay.

I do this,

for you, Mike.

Oh!

--Oh!

- Now, we can concentrate
on baseball!

- All right.
- -Woo!

Take that Roger, you jerk!

-Attaboy!
-Who's the boss, now?

That feels good, doesn't it?

That feels good.

-Hey, talk it up out there!
-Yes, indeed.

-I can't hear you!
-Yes, indeed!

You got this kahil.

C'mon, we're gonna win this one!

-Strike him out!
-Come on, kahil! You can do it!

Let's go, kahil! Throw some
strikes! Let's go!

Now, we got a little
round ball going.

Oh, pop up! Pop up!

No, no, no! No play, Eric!
No play!

Out!

Atta kid, atta kid!

-You see that!?
-Why don't you tell your son
he made a great play?

Hey, ed! I'm talking to you!

Yeah, it was a good play.

No, you're louder than that
when he screws up.
I don't think he heard you.

Why don't you go sit down, don?

I just wanna hear you say,
"Eric, you made a great play."

-Why don't you mind
your own business? Yeah?
-This is my business!

-We need you, don.
-I am not done
with you yet, pal.

-That's terrific. All right.
-I am not done with you.

Strike!

Strike two!

And three!

Take two! Take two! Take two!

Here we go, tito!
Hustle, hustle, hustle!

Feet, feet, feet, that a boy!

Nice! Come on, tito!

Oh!

Throw it to home!

- Safe!
- -Oh!

Good throw! Good throw!

Woo! Woo!

Get him, get him, get him!

You know who's looking good?

Yeah. Eric.
Having the game of his life.

Mrs. Timmy.

Well, same outfit she had on
at parents' night.

Plus she just smiled at me.

I'm thinking of
taking a run at that
now that I'm living in my Van.

Yeah, women can't resist that.

- Strike two!

You think, uh...

You think that
she would go out with me?

Well, actually,

we've kind of been
seeing each other.

You?

And Mrs. Timmy?

- Carolyn.

Carolyn!

Must be serious
if you know her first name.

That's good.

That's good. I'm, I'm...

Happy for you.

-Really, don?
-Yeah.

After all, you spent some time
with her in a Subaru.

Ah...

Never actually happened.

-Uh-oh.
-What?

Bases loaded. Look who's up.

Now batting for the cardinals

is Ralph "boom boom" Johnson.

That's two outs!

Play at any base.

Bear down, get this last one.
Come on, boys.

C'mon, we're gonna
win this one!

C'mon, kahil, you can do this!

Strike him out!

You got it, Frankie!
It's all yours!

Oh, dear god.

Please, let him catch this ball.

Please, let him catch this ball.

Just once.

Let him know what it feels like

to have the ball
stay in his glove.

Let him have this one memory
for the rest of his life.

The night the ball fell into
his glove and stayed there.

Check your stats, god.

He's 12 years old.

His first and last year
at ripken league.

No team for my boy next year.

This is it.

This is a small request.

Last year, I asked you
to let my wife live,

and yeah, that was a big one.

And I'm sure you had
your reasons for what happened.

Which I try to respect,
but I'll never understand.

But, this should be
a no-brainer.

Bases are loaded.

Frankie's already
struck out three times,

plus a ball got by him,
went all the way to the fence.

Bad hop, not his fault.

One more example of your
peculiar sense of humor,

which has caused so much
hilarity through the ages.

I need to feel hope.

I wanna know there's
a purpose for all this.

For the dropped fly balls

and the endless hours
in the hospital waiting room.

I don't need much.

Just a quick thumbs up
from the home office.

Just once,

I need this boy
to catch this ball.

Please.

Ah! Ha-ha-ha!

Nice catch, Frankie! Huh?

Nice catch, kid! Attaboy!

Holy cow!

Woo! Good job, Frankie!

--Oh my god.

Nice catch, Frankie.

Nice catch, Frankie.

Frankie! Frankie! Frankie!

Proud of you.

Frankie! Frankie! Frankie!
Frankie! Frankie! Frankie!

-Strike!
-All right, Phillip,

if you like it, drive it.

If it's bad, just let it go by!

You're up there to hit, pal.
You're up there to hit.

Walk's just as good
as a hit, Phillip.

Got a full count on the batter.

- Ball four. All right, kid.
Take your base.
-Come on down.

See? Good eye!
Good eye! Atta kid.

Good eye.
Walk's as good as a hit.

It's the bottom of the sixth.

Two outs,
cardinals lead by one run.

-Woo!
-Up to bat for the pirates,

Timmy Clark.

A very important point.

If the ball's on the ground,

I want you going,
you understand?

I want you going.

When you get around third
you look at coach Mike,

he'll tell you
what to do. Okay?

That's key. Look at coach Mike.

Take your primary.

Hey, Timmy!

Hit away. Just hit away.

- Oh!

Go, go, go, go, Phillip! Go!

Go, Phillip, go! Go!

You can catch base!

Keep it coming! Keep it coming!

-Go, Timmy, go! Go!
-Hurry, hurry!

All right, pirates.

I know that didn't turn out
the way we were hoping.

But I am so proud of
each and every one of you.

You taught me a lot this season.

I think you played
the game of your lives.

Thank you for teaching me
to be a better coach.

I'll never forget this season.

I hope you don't either.
All right!

Get out there and shake hands
with the other team,

'cause they played great, too.

Good game. Good game. Good game.
Good game. Good game. Good game.

Guess I shouldn't
have sent Phillip home.

Ah, he'd have made it easy
if he didn't trip.

All season long, he's been
resistant to double-knotting.

-I don't know why.
-Hey, uh...

Did you see what happened
after Phillip was out?

No.

He just went down
to the end of the bench,

and he sat there,

all alone.

And then,

Timor went down with him.

And then Eric.

And then Frankie.

What did they say?

Didn't say anything.

They were just there.

They were a team.

Ah, I love this team.

Me too.

Uh...

Good game, coach.

Yeah, thanks.

Hey, Mike!

Would it be okay
if Frankie came to our house?

I can grab a pizza,
and you can pick him up later.

Yeah. Okay.

Okay.

Right! You guys ready?

Okay.

So, you around next week, don?

Find a good place to park.

Why?

I'll give you a call.

Why?

We get together.

Why?

I don't know.
Get a pizza or something.

Do whatever people do
when they get together.

I'm gonna say something here,
Mike.

Okay.

There is no reason

for us to get together.

See...

I don't really consider you

a friend,
and I think, if you're honest,

you will find that

you don't really consider me
a friend either.

Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?

Oh, please, Mike...

I'm asking you to be honest.

And that's a hard thing.

So, I shouldn't call you?

I thought we were getting
to be friends.

I thought Tony was my friend.

See, Mike...

There comes a time for
every man who lives in his Van,

when he wants to know the truth.

And the truth is...

That you and I could never be...

Friends.

I guess if I'm being honest...

There were plenty of times
i dreaded coming here

because I knew
it meant seeing you.

I didn't know what to say.

See?

Isn't that better?

Isn't that better than
some bullshit friendship

where you gotta fake stuff like
caring about another person?

I mean, it's a pretty big thing.

We can tell each other
the truth.

I never knew not being friends
could offer so much.

Oh, damn.

I...

Oh.

I forgot to give out the snacks.

Snacks are an integral part
of the baseball experience.

Well, I just figured,

it's the last game.

Guys should have the best.

So, I, uh...

I broke into the house
last night,

and I cooked these up myself.

Well, that's a positive step.

You and Linda spending
some time together.

Whether she knew it or not.

Felt nice being back.

I, uh...

Sat in all my favorite chairs.

Well...

When I got to the Van,

I threw a hammer at the house.

How come?

Right there, handy,
in the front seat.

Well, these things take time.

Yeah.